Yup, had exactly the same thought. The weird emotional distance that basically limited their interaction with her to dinnetime small talk and the normal expected childhood financial assistance, then turning around on a dime to happily support the nephew when a bit of trouble started brewing in that regard. The way OP phrases the whole thing has bits that make her side seem a bit selfish and entitled, tbh, but i'm thining that's probably a product of how she's been 'brought up', if that's even the word for what's been described here.
I understand wanting to help the cousin but you don’t forget your own kid and not pay for their college. Just excuses to me. OP has the right to be upset.
Given how downright emotionally abusive and neglectful they've been to OP her whole life, while obviously still being capable of being loving to their nephew, I can't help to think there's more to this than meets the eye. OP might not even be both her parents' bio child. Maybe she is the result of cheating or something, and even though they decided to keep her they ended up despising her because of it because she's a constant reminder of the infidelity.
The fact that the parents asked the cousin to block OP so she wouldn't find out about the funding shows just how wrong they knew they were and how vile they were. NTA. The parents' words after being disowned are just excuses, gaslighting and blame-shifting from two pieces of human filth who are salty about being forced to face the consequences of their actions.
I think it's probably gender issue. OP's parents must've wanted a boy but couldn't afford to have another kid for the sake of their career so they settled for OP and didn't had another kid. They had a nephew, so they probably decided to shower him with their money instead of OP.
I think it both with possible maybe explanation of them plus the brother being misogynistic idiots due favoring the male cousin over OP being female, but even if remove the misogyny reason - That was straight up stupid & hateful of the 2 parents for how they treated OP all her life and purposely told her not seek help from grandparents because they both knew they the grandparents would definitely help her if she asked. And the text they send to OP after she spoke to the grandparents and the grandparents effective so done with their 2 sons over what happened that they left entire inheritance to OP, pretty much guarantee there will be no reconciliation like ever.
If OPs dad had connections in a bank then why didn't he put the cousin in touch with them and instead pay for OPs college? The parents sound like AHs who don't deserve to be called parents. Wishing OP all the luck and regarding her grandparents it sounds like they were looking for a excuse to cut the others out of the will and to give it all to OP so she shouldn't worry about what they are doing
OP has the better credit score with her 2 well off parents which is also why she could fair better to pay off student loans, even with OP's parents vouching for cousin with banker friend can't just ignore the cousin coming from a broken family and give them low interest loan and would not be able to pay for that bank loan or student loans, credit score is super important when it comes to loans and the parents probably figured their family including their daughter could easily sustain low interest rates from having good credit score but the cousin would be buried with high interest rates and bring the whole family down that's why the parents decided to pay for that education out of pocket which comes at 0% interest
@@jetkirby Thing is that they never told this to OP the first time, they hid the fact that they were helping her cousin at all. From what I understand from the post, the dad only brought up the banker friend as a method of reconciliation and meaning that it was not actually apart of the original plan. They were in fact just going to leave OP hanging, providing no support, leaving her to figure stuff out on her own. They were never once ever upfront with her about anything.
@@petharaguruge2023 the parents are definitely at fault for not discussing their thoughts and ideas and plans with their daughter, I don't believe they were just going to leave her hanging though they just thought they could orchestrate her life without involving her, part of that orchestration was saddling her with the burden they thought she could handle without asking her
@@jetkirby I hope your right, I just can’t understand what was going on in OP’s parents’s head? Like why did they think this was a good idea. My own parents were always upfront with what kind of support they could provide with my college education, 2 years in advance before my graduation, so we could come up with a plan together. Their plan just seems utterly bizarre to me.
@@jetkirby either way they still prioritized OPs cousin over her, they didn't tell OP to pick a cheaper college they let him go to the expensive collage of his choice while telling OP she needed to go to a cheaper college who doesn't have the reputation of her chosen college. In all honesty this post seems like they didn't want to help OP cos she was female and things would of been different if she was a son instead of a daughter (much more common than people assume). They are more than happy to make OP get into debt before she has even started her career yet can't see the cousin in debt, still think they are piss poor parents and that what the grandparents did was right.
The fact that they tried to hide their actions tells you that they absolutely KNEW what they were doing was fucked up and inconsiderate. Imagine prioritizing your nephew over your own child after years of emotionally neglecting them and then thinking you can make amends by giving them the short end of the stick.
She probably got hate as it sounds like rich people problems, but it's very childish and shows a lack of comprehension of the replies to think just because you had money its fine if your parents never loved you. And OPs situation her parents money was the only source of support or interest from her parents, so of course she's hurt that her very well off parents didn't pay for her education or help her in any way. They chose work over being parents and denied their only daughter the one thing good about choosing work over home, money, to help their nephew/uncle who could have easily gotten help from the grandparents. And it really shows a lack of care and foresight these workaholics didn't even set up a college fund in the 18 years they had. Where is all their money anyways? Were they partying it away when leaving OP alone? Anyone saying she needs to learn the value of money you may be right, but that's the parents responsibility and this isn't the time or place for it. If they were never going to pay for it they should have told her when she was a freshman in HS so she could work or get a scholarship. Last minute after encouraging her to apply to expensive schools is far too late.
It's weird how so many people on reddit can't seem to grasp that children who are financially well off can still be abused and neglected by their parents, and that the parents' money won't make up for the abuse. Children need caring parents who love them more than they need their money. There's so much jealousy on reddit against those who are well off that they seem to think that it's ok if a child of rich parents is emotionally abused and neglected. And then to top it off in the end it turns out that OP couldn't even count on them for the one thing they were providing, and had promised: her college education. Of course she's right to be hurt and lash out at them. They're nasty people and even worse parents.
I still believe that the parents were shit parents but the fact remains that she is extremely privileged and lucky to not only get into an exclusive school but also have it completely paid for, hell just getting tuition for a local state school completely paid for by the parents shows how incredibly lucky she is in life. Not trying to excuse her parents but the way she worded things erks people who had to scrimp, save, sacrifice, and fight to get a college education. Or thoes of us that had to work and go to a community college because we couldn't afford to attend a 4 year university. OP has a headstart over the vast majority of people. Thats not a bad thing, but she dosent seem to realize this
Except they were willing to pay. Just not for her top school. It was not they were never gonna pay. it was they were not gonna pay for the most expensive choice. And th
Why do I get the feeling that when Op actually becomes a micro biologist and gets way more money then the parents uncle and cousin make combined they are gonna come crawling back demanding Op pay them.
calling it now, OP's dad is gonna have a hissy fit when he finds out he's not the one to walk OP down the asile in her possible future wedding, "what do you mean grandpa is walking you?!?! i'm your father do as i say, ME ME ME ME ME ME"
The parents' actions also strongly suggest that they resent OP for being born a girl, that they always wanted a son instead of a daughter, and their nephew became the son they wished they'd had. This reminded me of another story in this channel where OP's wife cheated on him and his mother took the cheating wife's side because she was the daughter the mother always wanted.
Stories like this really pisses me off I hate when parents trying to play parents to other people's kids instead of Their Own like where is the logic in that
Yup. This is why I can't help but to think that maybe OP is the result of an affair and her parents both ended up despising her for it, because she is a constant reminder of the cheating. The parents are obviously both capable of loving and being generous and caring, as proven by their treatment of their nephew, so it's not like they're just emotionally cold and dead people incapable of kindness. They just chose to never extend that love and kindness to OP. Why?
My best guess is he wants a bragging rights of being a self made man but at the same time he doesnt't want to loose cushiness of big fat inheritance in not too distant future.
100% parents wanted a son but had a daughter instead. this is why they iced her out the entire childhood but were ready to drop everything for the cousin instead
Yeah just wait until the kids wise up and start asking them if the cousin is their real child instead of them? And why not adopt them instead of him/her? Lol
The fact that OP said she didn't even her cousin on FB because they werent close sugest that there paren'ts probably also weren't close to him either. So it sounds like they just did it to come across as the good guys considering the cousin made a post praising them for it on FB.
My guess is, OP's parent wanted a boy. That'd explain both why they neglected OP and why they imediately took the first chance they got to help to cousin as the son they never had.
No seriously what did people expect when she said she only sees her parents as a source of money, I would too if they treated me like that for 17 years
Yeah how dare she expect from the people whose only way ever to show they cared about her was taking care of her financial need to take care of one of the most important financial need of her life ?
Reminds me of that one story where the dad paid for his nephew’s college but not OP and it later came out in updates that the reason was because the dad cheated and the nephew was secretly his kid and it ended up tearing the family apart
The parents refused to tell her why they weren't going to pay for her college when they told her they wouldn't pay. They just said "they'd no broke." So them telling her she should have talked to them first before going to her grandparents is bs... because she literally did and they mentioned nothing about the cousin until they were cut off
I hope there's someone in this girls life that'll tell her she's not being spoiled or greedy for wanting love and attention from her parents and that what they did was neglect which is a form of abuse. The way its written it feels like the abuse has become so normalized that she doesn't even recognize it
As a person who lives in a country with free education, the loans that I hear from people in the US are insane to me. Like at what age will you be able to live free from those debts? Is it a forever thing? NTA, they're insane.
i feel like she did good by skipping the "talk to parents" step after finding up and going straight to the grandparents step. at that point, the parents had already showed their entire hand really. they werent going to pay and they were hiding the reason behind it, had she confronted them about it first they would have simply had more time to do damage control. and probably get their way in the end.
Yeah, why should she have talked to her parents about it when she found out they didn't bother talking to her to explain it in the first place. Going to Grandparents was 100% the correct call.
I feel sorry that OP feels like she's wrong and q brat for wanting to be loved and not neglected by her parents. Neglect is a type of abuse and can really damage a child :(
Funny how the father and brother don't want their parents/OP's grandparents' money to resolve stuff BUT have the audacity to be upset in getting cut off from their parents' entire inheritance all because they wouldn't use nor asked said parents / grandparents' to pay for the cousin's college education, while OP basically asked after telling what happened and winded up with everything. Not helping the situation is both OP's parents and grandparents each have respective favorite golden child - too bad for OP's parents that picked the cousin while OP is the golden child of the grandparents. That's some irony and forever going to be screwed karma the OP's parents, the uncle & cousin brought upon themselves regarding the OP and the grandparents.
I hope that op changes her mind about one day share whatever money her grandparents leave her with her father and uncle. Inheritance is not a right, it's a privilege, and she needs to remember that the grandparents have that choice and chose not to so she's doing is respecting their wishes and keep the money. or depending on how much maybe she can start a scholarship in her grandparents name with part of that money, or donate to a cause they believe in.
Tbh, the first thing I thought is that they wanted a boy. It's so obvious it's almost funny.... They don't deserve to be parents ofc, but if they wanted a boy so badly, they should've adopted one instead of going for the 50/50 and taking it out on the innocent kid ... but I don't wish that kind of parents to anyone tbh, maybe the boy would've been treated better but would probably become a spoiled brat like the cousin, so no kids would've been better. The people on the internet say this constantly, but if you're not ready to take responsibility for the kid beyond the bare minimum, which does not even make you a decent parent btw, without any conditions, then refrain from having children YOU are the one owing your child bc YOU are the who decided to give birth to them, not the other way around
I like how they paid for the tantrum child so he wouldn't run away and that ironically led to her 'running away' Its not just about money. Its important to remember that emotional people ~usually~ don't have the best way of stating things. Its a choice to invest in another child's future over their own daughter AND lie (by omission) to her about it. Actions speak louder than words, and these actions communicate quite clearly that their daughter is worth less than the nephew is. Failure of her own parents by landslide and failure on her uncle as well. As a parent of three, your life ~should~ change after you first child. From the moment I held my first child, I knew my life was worth less than their own, that my ultimate goal was to ensure that I should perish before they do. Whether that means career sacrifices, hobby sacrifices, it doesn't matter.
And when Op starts doing well for themselves in life and in their career....the parents will show up to take all the credit...hell they'll probably show up at the graduation.
If OP's parents really wanted her to ''discuss it'' they should have told her the truth in the first place. The fact they lied right in the beginning annuled any arguments they had. So yeah why should OP be the one seeking them for a talk when they as parents and adults weren't able to do the same? it is not like OP lied to the grandparents like they did to her.
NTA He literally has the same options as you. But your parents told you they couldn't afford it. That's a lie. you've got every right to be upset. As far as the inheritance, it's your grandparents' choice. They've probably needed a choice to justify leaving you everything. A parent knows their own childrens lacking in areas bc we raised them.
Sorry, not sorry, but if you have the means to support your child and choose not to, you're a bad parent. Also, if you're calling op an entitled brat for her being upset about being cast aside by her own parents, you need to look beneath the surface.
This is also how I feel, I think she's actually more hurt about her parents choosing her cousin (who they aren't that close to) over her. Her parents providing her a good education (even initially telling her to pick whatever school she wanted) was the only sign off love she had ever gotten from them and that disapeared just like that. She was willing to repay her parents when they said they need the money for their retirement and was willing to work to help her grandparents pay for her education. So it sounds to me like it wasn't all about the money.
@AVDB95 i agree, but their is also the perspective of her anger at her parents' lack of integrity. They made a huge promise but then broke it and lied to her. It could be that she really just wants what's rightfully hers (which it was rightfully hers, they promised after all) she does reiterate the point that she's over her parents' emotional unavailability and only see them as cash cows.
Uncle loosing his job and ex wife getting remarried is their own situation not her parents situation. The grandparents that changed their will is their own business not OPs. I also understand how op grew up. My parents were the same. Working but not having an emotional relationship. They were just there to provide me a roof. My sister choose to do life differently and got herself into trouble and they helped her and did more for her financially. Me on the other hand didn’t get anything that she did even though I chose a better life path. I do not hold resentment anymore and still talk to them. They admitted to me they do like me now as an adult but didn’t like me while living with them growing up. It is what it is….. sadly
Not a single thing the parents did added up with their perspective. If they were just helping family... why didn't they say that? Why did they go out of their way to hide it from OP, even having the cousin block her so she didn't find out? Nah, that's horse crap, the math ain't mathing.
It probably would have been easier for the cousin to get financial aid...his family couldn't afford it. The parents only came back because they wanted their inheritance back. Enjoy college
lol i remember looking into college loans when i was at the end of highschool to find out my parents made too much money for me to qualify for assistance. I told them about it and they just said I should have gotten better grades for a scholarship. My dads version of the bank favor was getting me a construction job instead of school. I will say to their credit, they didnt have any money. It would have broken them at that point in their lives. They were very frugal and into long term investing. Their idea of parental support was to try and leave as much in their wills as possible. A little unconventional these days but I get it.
Parents at least could have told her the real reason, so she would know what’s going on. The other option might be to take loans for both of them, and then to help both of them with paying half of each. But no, parents preferred do appear as generous in public instead of solve the problem.
That's the thing, they knew it was wrong. As much as they were sht parents, they knew deep down that they were making a huge fck up so they tried keeping it on the down low
NTA. Especially the part about not talking to your parents before running to your grandparents. My mother isn’t an amazing person and I run to my grandmother for help all the time because she is the only person my mother will listen to.
This absolutely sounds like OP isn't getting the full story; wonder what grandma and grandpa did that the parents would literally set OP's future on fire rather than ask them for help? That kind of bitter stubbornness has to have seriously deep roots and the idea that their kids hated them for starting a successful business is just ludicrous, it has to have been more than "they didn't get as many luxuries for awhile". OP probably shouldn't div for answers, though, nothing she finds would improve her situation and might cost her dearly now.
My parents are both school teachers (dads retired military but used GI bill on his education and my older sisters). They still found a way to pay for my college and my little brothers college and still have enough to retire because both me and my brother promised to pay half of it back and the other half we didn’t have to because we got good grades. Bad parents honestly
Their own child end up fleeing away from home while they were so concern trying to avoid someone else's kid to run away. 😂😂 Those parents don't how to address priorities...
Wow there are some really resentful people in comments "OP is an AH cause how dare she expect what her parents promised & are easily capable of financially providing" Yeah it sucks most people have to take out loans or go to cheaper colleges But you know what also sucks? Not having parents, not having running water, not having child labour laws etc
Op tried discussing going to school with her caregivers several time, in which they could have brought the cousin topic up. Not saying it would be right then, just pointing out their hypocrisy
We have a proverb here in our hometown that says "Keep your own household in check before worrying about others". It's sheer hypocrisy to fund your nephew's education while compromising your own daughter's.
It's amazing how many of these stories would be solved by the most basic adult conversation. "Your uncle lost his job and we want to help your cousin with college. We want to split the college money we had saved for you and if you want to go to your a school we are going to need to talk about loans to make up a difference."
To people who think calling the parents "source of money" is too harsh, I'm sorry, did that bruise your feelings? Then lets call them "human ATM". What's the difference between iphone and android? One is overpriced. What's the difference between human atm and parents? One got love.
At the end of the day the parents could have sat her down and explained things to her. They could have also asked the nephew to move closer to home too or ask either to defer for a year.
@@MrArielKParents are much better options than banks. If you ever needed a loan and dealt with them you wish your parents had the money and you could borrow from them. No interest and would probably give you time to pay it back. That way you don't have to kill yourself and risk burn out and dropping out.
@@cww2490 67% of American university students took out loan, it’s hard buts it’s an option contrary to a lot of countries. OP has to option to get a full ride to a university that isn’t her dream or she can get a loan, on top of she being very confident that she can lend a good job. OP wants to have the cake and eat it to
@@MrArielK im sorry if im asking a loan on a back not only i pay the loan but also the interest% i guess if i ask my wealthy parents they arent gonna charge me a damn interest for a loan, further more thats the only thing the have given her, in her life and with no talks before they just dropped a bobm a few weeks months before college starts so there wasnt any time to start working and getting enought x:
@@MrArielK first, she already said that like why wouldn’t they do it when they have a high paying job and she know they can pay for it. Second, she said that she already search ‘what if’ she choose the student loan and will be drowning in debts like others plus she offer for them to pay and then she’ll pay them back later, maybe to avoid the growing interest etc. And to find out that your parents is unwilling to do it for you but do it for your cousin and (probably) make him to block you so you won’t see the post? Geez I don’t know
No, they don't resent the grandparents because they started their own business and not able to get things their "friends got", they wanted the luxury of laughing in people's faces and saying "I got this, it's the brand new model...oh, where's yours? Loser!!!"
It isn’t messed up, they care about someone else’s kid more than Op, their actual daughter. If anything Op has a right to be mad because they’re literally choosing their Nephew education over Ops.
First of all, I have the feeling that the parents are lying Because the way they behaved towards our writers, I don't have the feeling that they are the people who are telling the truth
First and foremost: these parents suck. Forgetting your child for the husband’s brother’s son is ridiculous. The OP’s anger is warranted. THAT SAID: mom and dad are not obligated to spend their money on their child’s education past high school, according to the law in the US. It amazes me how many of these writers, if they are real, do not look into scholarships or grants or donations UNTIL mom and dad say they have nothing for them. Even if mom and dad were willing to empty their accounts, the child should be exploring ways to lessen the burden, including some sort of job while they are in school. To me, some of these writers come across as entitled.
OP’s parents suck, but like… what’s so bad about student debt? Millions of people have to take out student loans because we don’t have any other options. I agree that her parents should’ve covered it, but the way she talks about loans rubs me the wrong way
A couple where I live found out their teenage son is gay and kicked him out of the house a few years ago, so his grandparents took him in. I do wonder how people turn out so different from their parents sometimes.
My thoughts on the story started off “yes, asshole.” If the cousins school was the same amount or less, understandable they wanted to take over because they felt bad about their situation. As soon as the education became more, was a less guaranteed major, and only got upset their money was taken from the will, absolutely not the asshole.
Why didnt he do that bank contact to his golden child cousin for a loan? They have 4 parents to help loan payments with so called major that has low success rate to make that much money to pay back.( think of struggling art majors that live in major cities. )
why can't HE take a college loan, if he is dead set on going into that college of his dream make him take a loan. from what I can see they sponsor him because he is a boy.
I think the parents wanted a boy instead of a girl
Most likely, yes.
Yup, had exactly the same thought. The weird emotional distance that basically limited their interaction with her to dinnetime small talk and the normal expected childhood financial assistance, then turning around on a dime to happily support the nephew when a bit of trouble started brewing in that regard.
The way OP phrases the whole thing has bits that make her side seem a bit selfish and entitled, tbh, but i'm thining that's probably a product of how she's been 'brought up', if that's even the word for what's been described here.
I think you hit the nail on the head. Why aren't the parents mad at the dad he is the reason she's a girl.
@smokinggnu6584 as soon as I heard about OP's father and uncle's "brotherhood," I suspected that that's the reason why OP's parents did this to her
I agree
I understand wanting to help the cousin but you don’t forget your own kid and not pay for their college. Just excuses to me. OP has the right to be upset.
They probably help the cousin because he is a boy and the parents had a daughter, op.
Given how downright emotionally abusive and neglectful they've been to OP her whole life, while obviously still being capable of being loving to their nephew, I can't help to think there's more to this than meets the eye. OP might not even be both her parents' bio child. Maybe she is the result of cheating or something, and even though they decided to keep her they ended up despising her because of it because she's a constant reminder of the infidelity.
@@mannydcbiancoI was thinking along the lines that maybe the cousin was their real child that they let get adopted into the uncle's family. 😂
Literally the immigration crisis
@@justisolated5621 what the f*ck does this have to do with anything?
The fact that the parents asked the cousin to block OP so she wouldn't find out about the funding shows just how wrong they knew they were and how vile they were.
NTA. The parents' words after being disowned are just excuses, gaslighting and blame-shifting from two pieces of human filth who are salty about being forced to face the consequences of their actions.
i agree with this. they fucked OP over with no semblance of an apology.
Based.
The cousin was bluffing he's a spoiled brat he ain't gonna run away, so it's either op's parents are stupid, or they really just hate their own kid
I think it's probably gender issue. OP's parents must've wanted a boy but couldn't afford to have another kid for the sake of their career so they settled for OP and didn't had another kid. They had a nephew, so they probably decided to shower him with their money instead of OP.
I think it both with possible maybe explanation of them plus the brother being misogynistic idiots due favoring the male cousin over OP being female, but even if remove the misogyny reason - That was straight up stupid & hateful of the 2 parents for how they treated OP all her life and purposely told her not seek help from grandparents because they both knew they the grandparents would definitely help her if she asked. And the text they send to OP after she spoke to the grandparents and the grandparents effective so done with their 2 sons over what happened that they left entire inheritance to OP, pretty much guarantee there will be no reconciliation like ever.
@@polarbear2080 I didn't even think of misogyny good point
Both
He is an art major student. This is just him performing the art of deception and manipulation.
If OPs dad had connections in a bank then why didn't he put the cousin in touch with them and instead pay for OPs college? The parents sound like AHs who don't deserve to be called parents. Wishing OP all the luck and regarding her grandparents it sounds like they were looking for a excuse to cut the others out of the will and to give it all to OP so she shouldn't worry about what they are doing
OP has the better credit score with her 2 well off parents which is also why she could fair better to pay off student loans, even with OP's parents vouching for cousin with banker friend can't just ignore the cousin coming from a broken family and give them low interest loan and would not be able to pay for that bank loan or student loans, credit score is super important when it comes to loans and the parents probably figured their family including their daughter could easily sustain low interest rates from having good credit score but the cousin would be buried with high interest rates and bring the whole family down that's why the parents decided to pay for that education out of pocket which comes at 0% interest
@@jetkirby Thing is that they never told this to OP the first time, they hid the fact that they were helping her cousin at all. From what I understand from the post, the dad only brought up the banker friend as a method of reconciliation and meaning that it was not actually apart of the original plan. They were in fact just going to leave OP hanging, providing no support, leaving her to figure stuff out on her own. They were never once ever upfront with her about anything.
@@petharaguruge2023 the parents are definitely at fault for not discussing their thoughts and ideas and plans with their daughter, I don't believe they were just going to leave her hanging though they just thought they could orchestrate her life without involving her, part of that orchestration was saddling her with the burden they thought she could handle without asking her
@@jetkirby I hope your right, I just can’t understand what was going on in OP’s parents’s head? Like why did they think this was a good idea. My own parents were always upfront with what kind of support they could provide with my college education, 2 years in advance before my graduation, so we could come up with a plan together. Their plan just seems utterly bizarre to me.
@@jetkirby either way they still prioritized OPs cousin over her, they didn't tell OP to pick a cheaper college they let him go to the expensive collage of his choice while telling OP she needed to go to a cheaper college who doesn't have the reputation of her chosen college. In all honesty this post seems like they didn't want to help OP cos she was female and things would of been different if she was a son instead of a daughter (much more common than people assume). They are more than happy to make OP get into debt before she has even started her career yet can't see the cousin in debt, still think they are piss poor parents and that what the grandparents did was right.
The fact that they tried to hide their actions tells you that they absolutely KNEW what they were doing was fucked up and inconsiderate. Imagine prioritizing your nephew over your own child after years of emotionally neglecting them and then thinking you can make amends by giving them the short end of the stick.
She probably got hate as it sounds like rich people problems, but it's very childish and shows a lack of comprehension of the replies to think just because you had money its fine if your parents never loved you. And OPs situation her parents money was the only source of support or interest from her parents, so of course she's hurt that her very well off parents didn't pay for her education or help her in any way.
They chose work over being parents and denied their only daughter the one thing good about choosing work over home, money, to help their nephew/uncle who could have easily gotten help from the grandparents. And it really shows a lack of care and foresight these workaholics didn't even set up a college fund in the 18 years they had. Where is all their money anyways? Were they partying it away when leaving OP alone?
Anyone saying she needs to learn the value of money you may be right, but that's the parents responsibility and this isn't the time or place for it. If they were never going to pay for it they should have told her when she was a freshman in HS so she could work or get a scholarship. Last minute after encouraging her to apply to expensive schools is far too late.
It's weird how so many people on reddit can't seem to grasp that children who are financially well off can still be abused and neglected by their parents, and that the parents' money won't make up for the abuse. Children need caring parents who love them more than they need their money. There's so much jealousy on reddit against those who are well off that they seem to think that it's ok if a child of rich parents is emotionally abused and neglected. And then to top it off in the end it turns out that OP couldn't even count on them for the one thing they were providing, and had promised: her college education. Of course she's right to be hurt and lash out at them. They're nasty people and even worse parents.
This
I still believe that the parents were shit parents but the fact remains that she is extremely privileged and lucky to not only get into an exclusive school but also have it completely paid for, hell just getting tuition for a local state school completely paid for by the parents shows how incredibly lucky she is in life. Not trying to excuse her parents but the way she worded things erks people who had to scrimp, save, sacrifice, and fight to get a college education. Or thoes of us that had to work and go to a community college because we couldn't afford to attend a 4 year university. OP has a headstart over the vast majority of people. Thats not a bad thing, but she dosent seem to realize this
Except they were willing to pay. Just not for her top school.
It was not they were never gonna pay. it was they were not gonna pay for the most expensive choice.
And th
Why do I get the feeling that when Op actually becomes a micro biologist and gets way more money then the parents uncle and cousin make combined they are gonna come crawling back demanding Op pay them.
We're gonna be impatiently waiting for that story 😂😂😂
calling it now, OP's dad is gonna have a hissy fit when he finds out he's not the one to walk OP down the asile in her possible future wedding, "what do you mean grandpa is walking you?!?! i'm your father do as i say, ME ME ME ME ME ME"
The parents' actions also strongly suggest that they resent OP for being born a girl, that they always wanted a son instead of a daughter, and their nephew became the son they wished they'd had.
This reminded me of another story in this channel where OP's wife cheated on him and his mother took the cheating wife's side because she was the daughter the mother always wanted.
Exactly what I was thinking
Stories like this really pisses me off I hate when parents trying to play parents to other people's kids instead of Their Own like where is the logic in that
Yup. This is why I can't help but to think that maybe OP is the result of an affair and her parents both ended up despising her for it, because she is a constant reminder of the cheating. The parents are obviously both capable of loving and being generous and caring, as proven by their treatment of their nephew, so it's not like they're just emotionally cold and dead people incapable of kindness. They just chose to never extend that love and kindness to OP. Why?
my father prefers his nephews over his daughters too, cozz according to him sons are real genetic carrier of the family
If the dad is too proud to take money from his parents then why does he care if hes cut from their will?
My best guess is he wants a bragging rights of being a self made man but at the same time he doesnt't want to loose cushiness of big fat inheritance in not too distant future.
100% parents wanted a son but had a daughter instead. this is why they iced her out the entire childhood but were ready to drop everything for the cousin instead
I just don't get parents like this. Parents that does favoritism and choose other people's kids deserves jail time!!
Yeah just wait until the kids wise up and start asking them if the cousin is their real child instead of them? And why not adopt them instead of him/her? Lol
The fact that OP said she didn't even her cousin on FB because they werent close sugest that there paren'ts probably also weren't close to him either. So it sounds like they just did it to come across as the good guys considering the cousin made a post praising them for it on FB.
My guess is, OP's parent wanted a boy. That'd explain both why they neglected OP and why they imediately took the first chance they got to help to cousin as the son they never had.
No seriously what did people expect when she said she only sees her parents as a source of money, I would too if they treated me like that for 17 years
Yeah how dare she expect from the people whose only way ever to show they cared about her was taking care of her financial need to take care of one of the most important financial need of her life ?
Reminds me of that one story where the dad paid for his nephew’s college but not OP and it later came out in updates that the reason was because the dad cheated and the nephew was secretly his kid and it ended up tearing the family apart
That one seriously had me going "what?!"
The parents refused to tell her why they weren't going to pay for her college when they told her they wouldn't pay. They just said "they'd no broke." So them telling her she should have talked to them first before going to her grandparents is bs... because she literally did and they mentioned nothing about the cousin until they were cut off
I hope there's someone in this girls life that'll tell her she's not being spoiled or greedy for wanting love and attention from her parents and that what they did was neglect which is a form of abuse. The way its written it feels like the abuse has become so normalized that she doesn't even recognize it
As a person who lives in a country with free education, the loans that I hear from people in the US are insane to me. Like at what age will you be able to live free from those debts? Is it a forever thing?
NTA, they're insane.
Most of the time people aren’t able to pay back the loans for *years* afterwards if not decades
i feel like she did good by skipping the "talk to parents" step after finding up and going straight to the grandparents step. at that point, the parents had already showed their entire hand really. they werent going to pay and they were hiding the reason behind it, had she confronted them about it first they would have simply had more time to do damage control. and probably get their way in the end.
Yeah, why should she have talked to her parents about it when she found out they didn't bother talking to her to explain it in the first place. Going to Grandparents was 100% the correct call.
I feel sorry that OP feels like she's wrong and q brat for wanting to be loved and not neglected by her parents.
Neglect is a type of abuse and can really damage a child :(
Funny how the father and brother don't want their parents/OP's grandparents' money to resolve stuff BUT have the audacity to be upset in getting cut off from their parents' entire inheritance all because they wouldn't use nor asked said parents / grandparents' to pay for the cousin's college education, while OP basically asked after telling what happened and winded up with everything. Not helping the situation is both OP's parents and grandparents each have respective favorite golden child - too bad for OP's parents that picked the cousin while OP is the golden child of the grandparents.
That's some irony and forever going to be screwed karma the OP's parents, the uncle & cousin brought upon themselves regarding the OP and the grandparents.
Also apparently it's not bad for the cousin to need help from family but OP shouldn't accept help from her grandparents.
I’m happy that Op had found out the truth before it was too late.
I hope that op changes her mind about one day share whatever money her grandparents leave her with her father and uncle. Inheritance is not a right, it's a privilege, and she needs to remember that the grandparents have that choice and chose not to so she's doing is respecting their wishes and keep the money. or depending on how much maybe she can start a scholarship in her grandparents name with part of that money, or donate to a cause they believe in.
Life long quote. Every child deserves parents but not all parents deserve a child
Tbh, the first thing I thought is that they wanted a boy. It's so obvious it's almost funny.... They don't deserve to be parents ofc, but if they wanted a boy so badly, they should've adopted one instead of going for the 50/50 and taking it out on the innocent kid ... but I don't wish that kind of parents to anyone tbh, maybe the boy would've been treated better but would probably become a spoiled brat like the cousin, so no kids would've been better. The people on the internet say this constantly, but if you're not ready to take responsibility for the kid beyond the bare minimum, which does not even make you a decent parent btw, without any conditions, then refrain from having children
YOU are the one owing your child bc YOU are the who decided to give birth to them, not the other way around
I like how they paid for the tantrum child so he wouldn't run away and that ironically led to her 'running away'
Its not just about money. Its important to remember that emotional people ~usually~ don't have the best way of stating things. Its a choice to invest in another child's future over their own daughter AND lie (by omission) to her about it. Actions speak louder than words, and these actions communicate quite clearly that their daughter is worth less than the nephew is.
Failure of her own parents by landslide and failure on her uncle as well. As a parent of three, your life ~should~ change after you first child. From the moment I held my first child, I knew my life was worth less than their own, that my ultimate goal was to ensure that I should perish before they do. Whether that means career sacrifices, hobby sacrifices, it doesn't matter.
And when Op starts doing well for themselves in life and in their career....the parents will show up to take all the credit...hell they'll probably show up at the graduation.
If OP's parents really wanted her to ''discuss it'' they should have told her the truth in the first place. The fact they lied right in the beginning annuled any arguments they had. So yeah why should OP be the one seeking them for a talk when they as parents and adults weren't able to do the same? it is not like OP lied to the grandparents like they did to her.
"Put him in contact with a good banker" and how the hell is that going to help its still a loan 😂
NTA He literally has the same options as you. But your parents told you they couldn't afford it. That's a lie. you've got every right to be upset. As far as the inheritance, it's your grandparents' choice. They've probably needed a choice to justify leaving you everything. A parent knows their own childrens lacking in areas bc we raised them.
OP's friend is the MVP
Sorry, not sorry, but if you have the means to support your child and choose not to, you're a bad parent. Also, if you're calling op an entitled brat for her being upset about being cast aside by her own parents, you need to look beneath the surface.
This is also how I feel, I think she's actually more hurt about her parents choosing her cousin (who they aren't that close to) over her. Her parents providing her a good education (even initially telling her to pick whatever school she wanted) was the only sign off love she had ever gotten from them and that disapeared just like that.
She was willing to repay her parents when they said they need the money for their retirement and was willing to work to help her grandparents pay for her education. So it sounds to me like it wasn't all about the money.
@AVDB95 i agree, but their is also the perspective of her anger at her parents' lack of integrity. They made a huge promise but then broke it and lied to her. It could be that she really just wants what's rightfully hers (which it was rightfully hers, they promised after all) she does reiterate the point that she's over her parents' emotional unavailability and only see them as cash cows.
“I m making this right, I’m paying for none of your college, we should have gotten you a loan from the start!”
Just seems like they prefer a son over a daughter
8:00 no, that doesn't sound petty. That sounds like a child's desperate cry for attention.
Uncle loosing his job and ex wife getting remarried is their own situation not her parents situation. The grandparents that changed their will is their own business not OPs. I also understand how op grew up. My parents were the same. Working but not having an emotional relationship. They were just there to provide me a roof. My sister choose to do life differently and got herself into trouble and they helped her and did more for her financially. Me on the other hand didn’t get anything that she did even though I chose a better life path. I do not hold resentment anymore and still talk to them. They admitted to me they do like me now as an adult but didn’t like me while living with them growing up. It is what it is….. sadly
Not a single thing the parents did added up with their perspective. If they were just helping family... why didn't they say that? Why did they go out of their way to hide it from OP, even having the cousin block her so she didn't find out? Nah, that's horse crap, the math ain't mathing.
It probably would have been easier for the cousin to get financial aid...his family couldn't afford it. The parents only came back because they wanted their inheritance back. Enjoy college
lol i remember looking into college loans when i was at the end of highschool to find out my parents made too much money for me to qualify for assistance. I told them about it and they just said I should have gotten better grades for a scholarship. My dads version of the bank favor was getting me a construction job instead of school.
I will say to their credit, they didnt have any money. It would have broken them at that point in their lives. They were very frugal and into long term investing. Their idea of parental support was to try and leave as much in their wills as possible. A little unconventional these days but I get it.
Wonder if the situation is the same if she was a son. Sounds like they were disappointed she’s a girl.
Parents at least could have told her the real reason, so she would know what’s going on.
The other option might be to take loans for both of them, and then to help both of them with paying half of each. But no, parents preferred do appear as generous in public instead of solve the problem.
That's the thing, they knew it was wrong. As much as they were sht parents, they knew deep down that they were making a huge fck up so they tried keeping it on the down low
NTA. Especially the part about not talking to your parents before running to your grandparents. My mother isn’t an amazing person and I run to my grandmother for help all the time because she is the only person my mother will listen to.
This absolutely sounds like OP isn't getting the full story; wonder what grandma and grandpa did that the parents would literally set OP's future on fire rather than ask them for help? That kind of bitter stubbornness has to have seriously deep roots and the idea that their kids hated them for starting a successful business is just ludicrous, it has to have been more than "they didn't get as many luxuries for awhile". OP probably shouldn't div for answers, though, nothing she finds would improve her situation and might cost her dearly now.
My parents are both school teachers (dads retired military but used GI bill on his education and my older sisters). They still found a way to pay for my college and my little brothers college and still have enough to retire because both me and my brother promised to pay half of it back and the other half we didn’t have to because we got good grades. Bad parents honestly
I hope that OP can work in the family business in some capacity and make it soar even higher
I think they are just trying to cover up the shit they did.
The entitlement of this girl is amazing, I can't believe the comments about this story.
There was another one on here where it came out that the cousin was actually a half-brother because the one parent had an affair.
Their own child end up fleeing away from home while they were so concern trying to avoid someone else's kid to run away. 😂😂 Those parents don't how to address priorities...
Dont mind taking the inheritance though. Both boys were spoilt. Tough rocks you lose not only your inheritance and your daughter
Toxic parents.😢
You are right for leaving
Wow there are some really resentful people in comments
"OP is an AH cause how dare she expect what her parents promised & are easily capable of financially providing"
Yeah it sucks most people have to take out loans or go to cheaper colleges
But you know what also sucks? Not having parents, not having running water, not having child labour laws etc
Op tried discussing going to school with her caregivers several time, in which they could have brought the cousin topic up. Not saying it would be right then, just pointing out their hypocrisy
We have a proverb here in our hometown that says "Keep your own household in check before worrying about others".
It's sheer hypocrisy to fund your nephew's education while compromising your own daughter's.
It's amazing how many of these stories would be solved by the most basic adult conversation. "Your uncle lost his job and we want to help your cousin with college. We want to split the college money we had saved for you and if you want to go to your a school we are going to need to talk about loans to make up a difference."
Sponsor someone going into art? Smh. Pathetic
To people who think calling the parents "source of money" is too harsh, I'm sorry, did that bruise your feelings? Then lets call them "human ATM". What's the difference between iphone and android? One is overpriced. What's the difference between human atm and parents? One got love.
They’re throwing all that money away for an art major? Good luck
At the end of the day the parents could have sat her down and explained things to her.
They could have also asked the nephew to move closer to home too or ask either to defer for a year.
Dam sure they're misogynistic people.
They wanted a boy didn't they
The parents have decided that they’re going to give the business to the boy when the time comes, so they have to invest in him.
you would never catch me doing that to my children
look after your kid 1st then worry about everyone else
“Why didn’t you discuss this with us?” Said after days of arguing over it.
OP shouldn’t feel bad about throwing shade at art majors less than 10% of them aren’t useless people
Hell no. Actions have consequences
So it's ok for their daughter get loans but their nephew can't? That's BS.
Why the cousin didn’t ask the grandparents?
Why op was so against getting a loan if she was willing to pay parents back?
@@MrArielKParents are much better options than banks. If you ever needed a loan and dealt with them you wish your parents had the money and you could borrow from them. No interest and would probably give you time to pay it back. That way you don't have to kill yourself and risk burn out and dropping out.
@@cww2490 67% of American university students took out loan, it’s hard buts it’s an option contrary to a lot of countries. OP has to option to get a full ride to a university that isn’t her dream or she can get a loan, on top of she being very confident that she can lend a good job. OP wants to have the cake and eat it to
@@MrArielK im sorry if im asking a loan on a back not only i pay the loan but also the interest% i guess if i ask my wealthy parents they arent gonna charge me a damn interest for a loan, further more thats the only thing the have given her, in her life and with no talks before they just dropped a bobm a few weeks months before college starts so there wasnt any time to start working and getting enought x:
@@MrArielK first, she already said that like why wouldn’t they do it when they have a high paying job and she know they can pay for it. Second, she said that she already search ‘what if’ she choose the student loan and will be drowning in debts like others plus she offer for them to pay and then she’ll pay them back later, maybe to avoid the growing interest etc.
And to find out that your parents is unwilling to do it for you but do it for your cousin and (probably) make him to block you so you won’t see the post? Geez I don’t know
Why couldn't the parents just split 50/50?
No, they don't resent the grandparents because they started their own business and not able to get things their "friends got", they wanted the luxury of laughing in people's faces and saying "I got this, it's the brand new model...oh, where's yours? Loser!!!"
Those grandparents chose their piece of that blown up family
Stories like this make my parents look a lot less shitty
so bratty! If you want a higher education, you pay for it! It's not your parents job to pay for all your education
Some people are just so unkind to their children
It isn’t messed up, they care about someone else’s kid more than Op, their actual daughter. If anything Op has a right to be mad because they’re literally choosing their Nephew education over Ops.
First of all, I have the feeling that the parents are lying Because the way they behaved towards our writers, I don't have the feeling that they are the people who are telling the truth
Collage fund that was rightfully mine? Wtf is wrong with the op. The entitlement is mind-blowing
First and foremost: these parents suck. Forgetting your child for the husband’s brother’s son is ridiculous. The OP’s anger is warranted.
THAT SAID: mom and dad are not obligated to spend their money on their child’s education past high school, according to the law in the US. It amazes me how many of these writers, if they are real, do not look into scholarships or grants or donations UNTIL mom and dad say they have nothing for them. Even if mom and dad were willing to empty their accounts, the child should be exploring ways to lessen the burden, including some sort of job while they are in school. To me, some of these writers come across as entitled.
I never understood why people want to go a specific college when there's cheaper ones that teach the same major?
Don't want to take money from parents, but gets mad they got cut off from the inheritance, what?
OP’s parents suck, but like… what’s so bad about student debt? Millions of people have to take out student loans because we don’t have any other options. I agree that her parents should’ve covered it, but the way she talks about loans rubs me the wrong way
Gurl time all the money, and then when you have it flaunt it to your parents and cousins
A couple where I live found out their teenage son is gay and kicked him out of the house a few years ago, so his grandparents took him in. I do wonder how people turn out so different from their parents sometimes.
The cousin probably has no talent at drawing in the first place and is going to waste her parents' money.
My thoughts on the story started off “yes, asshole.” If the cousins school was the same amount or less, understandable they wanted to take over because they felt bad about their situation. As soon as the education became more, was a less guaranteed major, and only got upset their money was taken from the will, absolutely not the asshole.
Rich people problems. I can't relate. Finding it hard to empathize too
Hold up if op parents didn't have enough money to pay for op tuition how would they have enough to go with legal action against op grandparents?
Because they were *lying*
After two months?! Once a week at least! People are so neglectful about their grands and family overall in the west
I feel like it's fake but if it's Genuinely true then it is Concerning for West
Why didnt he do that bank contact to his golden child cousin for a loan? They have 4 parents to help loan payments with so called major that has low success rate to make that much money to pay back.( think of struggling art majors that live in major cities. )
My kid first than others. Plus they could just put him on less expensive college so both could go
The cousin is actually op’s dad’s child I remember this story he had an affair
Golden child got op parents under there skin
why can't HE take a college loan, if he is dead set on going into that college of his dream make him take a loan.
from what I can see they sponsor him because he is a boy.
just another entitled kid
What is the name of this on reddit?
you know this whole thing could work if you actually TALKED with your child and negotiated instead of this cloak and dagger agenst her
You are not intaitald to the hard earned money of your parents, it's there disition
But the cousins is op's dad's real son