Unsolicited old lady advice. I hear you! I was once you. Waaaay back in my twenties when I felt (and was made to feel by family members) that I was being left on the shelf and so I married the first guy who asked me. Which could have been fine, but instead I spent the next 20 years trying to become someone he wanted me to be, and I was stuck in a really controlling, unhealthy, toxic and later violent relationship. However, now I’m 46 and living with someone who truly loves me just the way I am, laughs when he gets to work to find yarn off cuts where they shouldn’t be, supports me fully and wants nothing but the best for me. It’s been a long, long road, but I’m happy and fulfilled. Hang in there.
@@amazingishgrace You will too! I understand the feeling of wanting more, BUT it does work out in the end. I know you are tired of hearing all these thing but they ARE true!❤
You have no idea how much I relate to LITERALLY EVERYTHING you said. As a 25 year old “lover girl” (also ruined by romcoms and books) who has never had a boyfriend but has a career, has two sisters who are in long term relationships, and a tight knit friend group made up of 3 people who are also in long term relationships, I feel like such an outcast and a dumb hopeless romantic at this point. I have had so many mindset changing (negative) experiences on dating apps for the past 2 years that I’m slowly losing my faith in finding “the one” (and men in general) too. At this point i’m half convinced that I’m going to have to meet this person irl, but I’m also the most introverted person I know and so I’m terrified that could also simply just never happen. I’m WAY too aware of the peace I have being single (mainly since I know nothing else) and how strong and independent I know I can be, but since I’m around people with relatively happy relationships all the time, like you said, the single life doesn’t seem so great by comparison and so I’m longing for a deeper, romantic connection with someone, but only one that fits my standards (that some say are too high and others say are the bare minimum, so fk me i guess). This has to be the longest RUclips comment i’ve ever written in my life, but I want you to know this made me feel WAY less alone and I thank you for that. This is a topic that I usually only see silly, kinda relatable memes about, so hearing someone in a similar situation talk about it seriously and so openly feels so refreshing. You’ve also solidified your place as my favorite crochet/knitting content creator!
Grace, I'm rooting for you so hard!! This was my first pod episode of yours and seeing this vulnerable side of you was so nice. I hope you find your future husband and that he gets to meet your grandma. And I hope that you get everything you want and even more so. I genuinely believe you ARE GOING TO find your soulmate and it's going to be amazing. There's a reason you have that desire and want and I don't think it's for nothing. You got this girl!!🤍🤍
Honestly, none of this was embarrassing and I think having candid conversations about things like this is so important and partially lost. Sometimes people want to talk about things just to vent and share new perspectives, not always looking for comfort. I hope doing this and talking candidly really helped you process.
“No one who is meant to be in your life would leave it” thank you I really needed to hear this. sometimes another thought that helps me is thinking about the love of your life probably being as lonely as you are right now wondering what the fuck is taking you so long too lol
you got my tears as soon as you tell the story about your grandma had similar experience, grew up with her, she passed now, and im still single in my soon 30
Never apologize for giving so much grace to people, Gracie. I think your heart that is willing to see the good in men and despite the thing’s you’ve went through relationship-wise is so beautiful. I am just another stranger from the internet but I am rooting for you and your future relationship! May you find the man that is worthy of your graceful heart 💗
i think making videos that you really want to make is really important because then people can see and feel the vibe of you really enjoying yourself and not doing it beca its a job. i personally am happy to watch whatever you post
I'm 28 and also single af and at the point where i have the same perspective as you. I really thank you for your podcast. I can relate so much, it's really hard out here and also i'm tired of meeting for nothing or situationship. At this point i rather crochet and enjoy my me time rather then meet some guys that don't want to stick around and really want me in their future. It's really concerning to think about the future and also as you said, growing older and also grandma and mom that are literally waaaiting for u to marry also stresses one out because time passes and you can't force things. Like what should i do? I tried but maybe god has a plan and i'll need to simply chill what i'm doing now. So whatever comes, at least i've learned so much about myself and self growth, maybe i couldn't do it as eficient as now if i was early in a marriage or something longterm. I guess life has prepared more for me (or i'm trying to focus on these positive thoughts so i don't get crazy about a potential lonely future lol) but still, i hope some of y'all feel me and sending much love to everyone❤
hi grace! i dont listen to a lot of dating-related videos bc i lean aroace (and other sexuality stuff is reflection-in-progress LMAO) but i really appreciated you being so vulnerable in this episode because i also desire a sincere, long term partnership with someone i treasure in the same way you do. so much of what you said really resonates, even more so bc i feel like we share a lot of similarities in age/background/upbringing like having a positive view of men bc of family and then having that sort of change drastically in a negative way throughout adulthood. you’re really awesome for constantly putting yourself out there, even though you’ve had a lot of shitty dating experiences that haven’t made you feel “stronger.” i think that society tends to have very passive/nothingburger statements on romantic love because it’s easier to comfort with vague promises about the future or half-lies about how good being single is, and much harder to acknowledge the genuine loneliness that comes with having so much love to give and not being able to find your person. that feeling isn’t something you are guaranteed to solve through hard work and endless self improvement, sometimes it’s just about yuanfen (long sigh) verbalizing the specific feelings about missing out on something other people seem to have easily must have felt awkward and vulnerable, but those are super normal, honest feelings and i’m so glad i clicked on this video. i hope that you are able to meet someone who is earnest with their feelings and intentions towards you, because you seem like a really sweet and intelligent person with a lot of love to give! all the best wishes to you ♥♥♥
this was so well put! and i'm glad you could relate even tho i'm a basic straight woman LOL i believe in us finding a person worth our time and energy!! much love 💗
i am pretty aroace and i makes me really happy to read your comment and not feel alone, a lot of it also resonated with me. i'm 24 and not ready to look but have been recently realizing that i would actually want a long term partnership, just hadn't considered it because it seemed like the only real option for that was a traditional romantic relationship which is not exactly what i want. the similarities in age and ethnicity were also huge for me. i want to bring home a partner to my mom, but i don't know how much time left i have to do that (yay cancer). it's heartbreaking to feel that i should be working on it, but relationships aren't simply a goal you can accomplish. wishing the best to all of you, it is hard out there
i think i may be aro/ace, but i don’t want a partner. i often see other self-identified aro/ace people mention wanting a partner and i get a bit confused..maybe im not clear on what being aro/ace actually means because i don’t want to date so is that something else?
@@coolchameleon21 hey so this is a super valid question, and i dont have a simple answer but ill try to explain my understanding of it based on my personal experience and the aro/ace friends i've met. aromanticism and asexuality can occur on a spectrum! looking up formal definitions or seeing how people talk about it might be confusing because most people view the label very black and white, they might say asexuality is just a transitional period where someone is traumatized or too repressed about their sexual desires (that can be a struggle that someone has, ofc, but it's absolutely incorrect to say ace people are only ace because of those things). asexuality often exists under the bigger umbrella of gray asexuality, where you can have many individuals experiencing varying levels of sexual attraction to other individuals. it's also helpful to note that lack of sexual attraction has nothing to do with libido, you can have a high libido even as a gray ace, etc. similar concept of spectrum applies to aromanticism. for me i find romantic love hard to develop because i just dont see people that way unless it's under very specific conditions, and oftentimes for aro/ace people it's hard to define the difference between platonic and romantic love in comparison to cishet people who generally dont need to think about it that hard (they define romantic love's eligibility as requiring sexual attraction + anyone who is the opposite gender of them, generally speaking) tldr: i'd say you fit the "standard" definition of aro/ace if you dont want to date and dont experience any kind of attraction to other people, but there's a wide variety of aro/ace folks who may be more ambiguous on what they want such as romantic partners under certain circumstances or queerplatonic partners, etc. i think this particular identity/label also gets a lot of weird discourse surrounding it because people think it's a condition to "fix" or a label that doesnt need to exist because it "applies to everyone" (the latter of which is wholly untrue lmao), but have faith in knowing yourself and also allowing changes to happen if you see fit. we live in a society that holds romantic love on a high pedestal (and like grace said, it is true that this cannot be compensated for with platonic love if you desire a romantic partner!! it is special and different) but it is ok to wait or simply not want it at all for yourself. this is not a super cohesive response but i hope that clears up some confusion at least!
The grandma part hits so hard. Both of my grandmas passed away this year and I’m 23. I fully thought both of them would be there for my wedding/future babies. It’s very sad but thinking that they are watching over me helps with the pain. Thank you for being vulnerable I really enjoyed this video❤️
I relate to this all so much. I'm 28 and growing up I never really dreamed of weddings/babies/careers I just wanted to find love. I do not want to live life alone, it's the only thing I've ever been sure of I don't really talk about it bc when I've mentioned that I've never been in a relationship or even on a date I've been told things like I'm not missing out on anything which is not only unhelpful but also so untrue also as someone who was raised by her grandparents I relate so much to the story about your grandma. I still have my grandma but my grandpa passed a few years ago and I'd always thought that if I ever did get married he would be the one to walk me down the aisle yk? I think I would be so good at loving someone who loved me back. I just can't seem to find someone who will let me try. and as time goes on it gets harder and harder to believe that I ever will
unfortunately a lot of people will see not having any relationship experience at your age as a red flag. not saying it’s right, but that’s just the world we live in
I'm 19 and we are in very different life stages due to that but so much of what you speak of is so nice to hear? I know it's all troubling things but to see someone so much more life experienced have troubles is reassuring that I'll also be okay. I think what I mean is even if I still have troubles in 10 years like I do now (I'm very mentally ill with who knows what) I'll still be alive and doing something I love because ya know what? Grace is doing something she loves and that means I can too. All my love Grace, your content means so much to me
I completely understand your mindset about dating. I'm 36 and have entered the dating pool once again via dating apps. I totally feel you when you say that you carry the anxiety from past relationships (or situationships) and don't sleep very well etc. Every time I go on a date and it is a successful date, I am always waiting for the hat to drop, the dealbreaker to appear out of nowhere... because that has been my experience. I feel the same - I don't think I can heal on my own. I think I have to have a few relationships and learn to BE in them before I can truly learn to heal. Sabrina Zohar's podcast "Do the Work" has been helpful. I feel you, sis! Keep your head up. :)
becoming healed won't necessarily prevent you from being hurt by someone you love. we can do all the work to be secure with ourselves, but as scary as it is, being vulnerable is still a requirement. so when you give someone your heart, you might as well give them a knife too.
I have felt so lame/boring watching you travel and try new things and eat at beautiful places, but I have been married 39 years to my best friend. We have 3 grown sons and 2 granddaughters and another grandchild due this Christmas. I have always felt so grateful to have this man in my life. This honest video is so brave and I admire your candor :)
You're very wise and I think that what you're describing (simultaneously knowing that you're enjoying your single life yet still feeling that yearning for true love and a partner) is completely natural. That desire moves you forward! But I do think that if you do believe it can happen for you, it will, because then you'll look at the world through that lens and you'll see opportunities that you might miss if you are assuming it's not out there!
All I can freaking say is I HEAR AND FEEL YOU SO HARD!! I just met my partner after years of unfortunate situations and it gave me so much anxiety at first when we went from friends to dating. There were so many things I had to remind myself came from fear of the past and had nothing to do with the man I’m with now. But the ability to allow that fear to come and remind myself it’s just a judgement/decision I’m making for him based on my own anxiety and not real life has allowed this precious, fun, loving relationship to blossom. You can do it, but don’t think you have to “fix” anything about yourself before you meet the right person. They will be there for you even when you are still growing and learning.
Wow Grace, after listening to all of this I am so blown away by how bright and kind you are! You deserve so, so much and we all are rooting for you! (And trust me A LOT of people are rooting for you!) ❤❤❤❤
New relationship anxiety is so real. After spending my twenties being treated in the range of mediocre to poorly, the start of my now 2+ year relationship was full of anxiety and feeling like I didn't deserve or know how to receive healthy love. My partner has always been consistently himself (incredibly caring and respectful and also slow to answer texts because he's not attached to his phone) and so as I learned his habits and ways of existing, I learned to trust that he wasn't going to hurt me and that I am worthy of and capable of the love and care we now have for each other. Unfortunately, you're right in that the process of healing relationship trauma often has to take place in the context of a healthy relationship but I will say it's absolutely worth it AND I truly believe that the people who are meant for you will find you. Thank you for sharing so honestly about this experience, I think its so so much more common than the internet would have us believe and we all deserve to know we're not alone in it.
I love these types of videos!! As someone who doesnt relate at all, I just like to listen and crochet lol. I really hope you find someone you truly love and truly loves you!!
I'm in the same boat as you, as a 27 year old who has never been in a serious relationship. I really appreciate your vulnerability in discussing this topic, because it definitely helps me feel less alone. In a way, I'm kind of glad that I haven't been in a relationship yet because I had a ton of childhood trauma to heal from. But at the same time, I sometimes feel that something is "wrong" with me me for having never been in a relationship and worry that people will view that as a red flag. Overall though, I feel pretty happy being single and will keep on being single until I find someone who adds to my life in a positive way.
I'm 26 and I'd say I haven't ever been in a relationship, much less a serious one and its getting to the point where if I find someone that meets my standards, I feel I'll lose them because I don't know how to exist in a relationship or be healthy in one--and I don't even have any healthy relationships to use as an example.The strongest reason why I want someone is so I can be cared for sometimes, or to walk my dogs/feed them if I'm staying late at work...I can't even rely on family or siblings for that! I also have a dream to own a house, but being able to do that with just my income is basically impossible. I feel like I can't level up in life without a partner and while I could just take anyone who'd give me a ring to advance, I'm not yet willing to do that so I feel like I also have to let go of those other goals. I really feel like women have learned they deserve more in relationships so aren't getting in them easily, and a lot of men haven't realized that yet due to booty accessibility with dating apps. It will be interesting to see what dating is like in 5-10 years...
Thank you being so vulnerable with us!! You are saying thoughts that a lot of people have and it helps to know that no one is alone. You seem like such a good person and I hope the best for you!! I love your videos and your spirit!! You have a mature outlook on things that will help a lot of people out ❤
Whew, glad to have the pod back. I was in the same bout for a while in the sense that I had only been in “relationships” for 3 months at a time. The last one was a year and about 5 months, looking back on it now, I definitely didn’t need to rush into that one but I enjoyed the experiences. I did think I would be married and everything else by now, but nope. 32, with a 6 y.o and back with my parents for the time being. Enjoying this time and working on all the other areas of my life. Men have become more annoying by each passing day.
The Internet sometimes can be harmful and people have way too much envy in their body, so every time I hear someone like you, darling, feeling afraid or embarrassed about something in their personal life, I try to take their weight out of their shoulders. You are an amazing woman, sexy, unique and with an amazing style. You have nothing to worry about, sooner or later you'll find your true soulmate, so go easy on you and enjoy what's coming. I am 24 and I have been in a long distance relationship for almost 5 years without seeing each other in real life because I don't have the money and neither do him (Argentina is tough). Take care of your mental health because it's the most important thing you have, I need to remind myself that every single time I work too much or for too long (or some friend of mine has to do it for me), so be gentle with yourself 🥰💖
You really spoke to some of my fears that I think about a lot, so thank you for making this podcast - we're not alone!! Your comment about your grandma really hit close to home, both of my grandmas' health are declining and its definitely one reality that I have to grapple with. Another thing related to that is that I'm also an only child - and seeing me settled down is really something that both my parents are anxious about, so that they know I'm taken care of when they eventually leave too. I honestly don't know what we should do in this situation, but please keep talking/making podcasts about this topic just so other hopeless romantics like me can relate :)
wow wow wow wow grace. listening to this while knitting, and despite our age gap (24) I found myself really connecting with what you were saying. this podcast made me feel more than I can put into words, but I am rooting for you, genuinely!! much love and support 💜
i’m 17 and i met my first love this summer but it was right person, wrong time. i knew it was right because it all just felt so natural, and i’ve never clicked with someone so automatically that it felt like everything was just sliding into place. now i’m terrified that i’ll never find that feeling again and nothing will ever compare to him.
I didn't expect to cry during this video when you mentioned your grandma I related so hard and it made me cry keep your head up you are amazing and good things will come to you
when it comes to growing a yt channel, I think that it's more important to built a strong sense of community in order to maintain your audience. Yes, some type of videos bring more newbies but what really matters is how many of them stay to watch more. Hope my perspective is helpful to you! I'm one of your followers that reallyy enjoy the podcast and I'm happy of you for sharing your thoughts on your yt growth
as someone who's been single for 22 years and now in a long distance relationship that no one thought would work when it started, here is what I think about this: I genuinely have had the exact same questionings that you listed. I expected to meet someone (best one) in college and work from there, preferably one better than the other, and settle down before 30. However after a rather disappointing 2-month dating experience, I gave up thinking about BFs altogether and focused completely on myself. Then, I met my current bf in my last semester of college when I was about to go off for a PhD. What is different for me from you is that I almost never believed in love or romance, also don't have much inspiration from my parents (if u know u know), so I totally didn't imagine such a somewhat cliche story to unfold on me. But it did. That is someone who is not afraid to love me, to express his love, and to give me so much security when I am lacking so much. Then, getting into the real shit. Long distance is so hard. I've seen so many that didn't work; also have faced with a number of questions of "why"? And certainly asked myself that question more than I could remember. The realization I come to is the world is not flowers and rainbows. Even if you meet someone that seems fit you so much (and vice versa), there is still the high probability of you guys splitting up because of outside factors (like freaking U.S. visa). How ridiculous? I mean, after so long and so much trouble, finally I end up with this guy that are so compatible with me, and they shove this whatever random factor that i've never considered before into my face. But i've come to peace with it. After so long, I did not end, he did not end. I am peacefully doing my PhD, he is peacefully developing his career, in respective countries, and we wait for the time to be physically together, permanently. I guess my point is that you will never come to be completely satisfied with your situation. The world is always going to try to mess with you. Maybe you'll end up with Mr. Right and be the one to tell other single peeps "yours will come", maybe you'll end up alone, maybe you'll have more tortuous experiences... none will be smooth sail. It never will.
The part of your grandmother one day meeting your man resonates with me so much. My grandmother is about 67 but she's incredibly ill, she always has been and I don't know if she'll ever get to meet the guy I see as the man I'm going to marry one day. And again, it's like you said, it's something completely out of our control but I just always envisioned my grandmother being at my wedding but now she can hardly even go to the bathroom without her oxygen tank. It's a hard reality to swallow.
As someone potentially going through a divorce soon, it's refreshing to hear you talk about this stuff. I also just turned 27, and I see signs of aging. 27 hit hard, idk what happened, but I often think about how the youthful version of me was lost to this relationship, and if I find someone in the future, they won't know my grandpa who just passed away. My grandma is getting older and he wouldn't know the younger version of her that took us out to the casino together and honestly wore us out every time we visited with all the stuff she had planned. Getting older is truly a privilege though. I know this as I already see people my age passing away or already having long-term health issues. We're all in this together, and even the people who look like they've got it all together definitely don't. 😅
Grace, thank you for being so heartfelt and vulnerable. Your video made me reflect deeply about dating and the future, and I teared up more than once. I think you said a lot of things felt by many people but that they don’t often have the courage to verbalize it. I’m wishing you the best and sending lots of love. I hope you can find someone who truly cherishes the kind soul that you are.
I adore your content; they really are the peak of my day. The flow and structure of the videos, alongside your eloquent expressions, are enjoyable and a treat to listen to. Your content is also so comforting and authentic, they are the perfect escape from the scruples of day-to-day life. I genuinely hope you achieve success in both your professional and private life and that whenever you're ready, we have you back on RUclips!! Also, for future podcast ideas, I would love to know how you deal with people not close to you asking for handmade stuff. I struggle with saying no, so it would be a big help.
thank you 🫶 i literally just tell people that would take me 20 hours so no HAHAHA im lucky that people don't really ask me that! they usually ask about commissions to which i also say no 🤣🤣
I’ve watched your shorts, but this is the first time I listened to a podcast episode of yours. I feel your pain. You’re not alone. I’m 24 and I’ve been single for 5 years both by choice and not by choice. I don’t feel ready to date for the same reasons. I’m overcoming self worth issues and feeling the urge to prove myself to emotionally unavailable men. I was in two relationships in high school, but they were incredibly unhealthy and I felt so neglected, but they taught me to pour love into myself, raise my standards, and become the person I want to attract. If you’re saying those dating experiences you had didn’t make you stronger, they certainly did by teaching you to see their actions, not listen to just their words because a guy that loves you will show you and tell you that they love you not in vain. I learned that too. I love how empathetic you are towards all men and you’re not one of those women that hates all men or bashes them, but we can forgive those type of men without giving them so many chances. I’m a lover girl as well and sometimes resent other women for seamlessly relationship hopping with the right people, but I have to remember that it was because they already feel good about themselves and they aren’t so obsessed with their partners. It’s no surprise that narcissists and avoidants attract men like bees to the honey because women that are detached, don’t overextend themselves, and communicate what they want with their partner will get what they want. Please DON’T be narcissists or act avoidant by playing games. Still be a good and loving person, but don’t make them sooo important even in the commitment stage so that they don’t take us for granted or pull away. I’m trying to detach from men too and focus on myself, so I can attract the best type of love at the least expected moment. It’s annoying tho because every time I focused on myself, a lot of guys paid attention to me and asked me out and then I get obsessed with them and the cycle repeats lol. It’s hard because the butterflies and the dopamine feels so freaking cozy. Thank you for being vulnerable! I really needed to feel comforted and less alone as a single woman. ❤️😊
@@harmoniousandtranquilhannah i actually think one of the main reasons i've always been single is because i know my own worth and hold high standards for who is worth my time! i don't think it's necessarily true that people who love themselves attract love from others - men haaate a confident woman who doesn't deal with their bullshit (me) so i wouldn't assume that those who relationship hop are just more healed than you - often people like that are just very lonely and need to have someone around to feel okay. i'm glad you're so self aware though and taking the time to work on yourself. a healthy and beautiful love will find you in time!
@@amazingishgrace oh okay I got you! I assumed you were tying your worth to external circumstances by wondering whether or not you’ll have a partner your grandma will meet at a certain time. I was tying my self worth to my relationship status and gave off needy energy which repelled guys. Maybe I was in my feelings and was projecting my different reasons. It’s great that you also have high standards. I was always told that if you love yourself, then you’ll attract the love that you desire. I’m in the process of feeling good about myself before I meet someone. I believe that there are guys out there that as you said hate confident women (because they’re narcissistic and can’t control them) whereas healthy guys want a confident woman. I just meant that women who “relationship hop” are women who are able to get in a relationship with anyone they want because they don’t seek love from others even in their head and they find that love within.There are women who relationship hop because they feel like they need one, but those are the women that settle for any relationship. No matter how great we are, if we pull back our energy completely even though we want a relationship, our chances of attracting healthy men increase and we can still be loving and caring about them without giving so much of our energy away. Thank you for clarifying 🤍🤍
certain people can trigger insecurities very strongly, and usually I find this is a warning sign from your body that they are not the right person for you. this scenario happened to me a few years ago and he was giving hot and cold the whole time. it made me so extremely anxious, I finally listened to my body and cut it off also, in manifestation, it's really important to detach from the outcome and once you do so you'll usually find it comes to you!
Im usually just a casual lurker of your content on insta because youre so super frickin talented! but YT is usually background noise for me while I work, so the “come with me” vlogs that are very visual just werent my type of content. I really enjoyed just listening to you in this podcast style. I think it works for you!
Pouring that extra love into yourself will help with the anxiety that creeps in when you meet someone you like. You’re only human! It’s normal to worry about these things but I have a lot of faith that you’ll meet the love of your life to share $5 knick knacks with! As someone who is cuffed - I do miss making plans with my girls as much as I used to, so it’s the part I would encourage you to not take for granted (which you already know)!
I found you from your mesh sleeves video, and I thought you were so cool-looking and the vibes are badass. Love all your vids! Do more tutorials please for crochet
Hey! I'm new, and just came from your more recent video talking about dopamine while you crochet ❤️. I just finished cooking when I decided to watch yt while I eat. I looked for a 'crochet with me' and you popped up! I appreciate your talks as they open up my perspective toward people living different lives than me-and I love relating to you, specifically the brand of yogurt you eat! I found it funny since I bought the exact same brand just yesterday 😂. Please continue crocheting and having your ted talks. I love to listen while I crochet or eat!
i’m 26 and i’ve honestly lost all desire to be in a relationship. i was absolutely obsessed with dating in my early twenties, and it was basically my life’s mission to find a partner. over the past 2 years or so it’s like a switch flipped and i went the opposite direction. i can think of a few things that probably made me change my mind, but i also think it’s just the way i’m wired now that my brain is fully developed. it’s wild how different my mindset around relationships is now, i was absolutely boy crazy and thought i couldn’t live without a relationship for quite a few years. i’m not mad at the switch tho, i just have no interest in dating and the thought of being in a relationship one stresses me out now. i think i might be aro/ace, and i’m discovering that in my late twenties
Nah girl stop😂 minute 13 and now you're starting to make ME freak out Gotta take a break here, catch a breath and come back later😂 but am loving the insights so far
This was so well articulated and on point. Relate to everything you say. Also single at 27 and have never been in a real, committed relationship. What you said about not needing to find your person right now, but needing an answer to whether or not it will ever happen in the future is exactly what I’m struggling with as well. I’ve listed to all of your podcasts, and I think you have a real gift with breaking down these topics in a smart, thoughtful way. Hope you produce more podcasts 🥰 would love to hear your thoughts on Asian American identity and cross-racial dating as well. Sounds like you’ve focused on dating Asians but curious what you think about white guy/Asian woman relationships as a social phenomenon that’s more common nowadays
This is an amazing episode. Thank you for this. I will pray for your happiness, as well as everyone who can relate to this. I was also ruined by romcoms and a product of parents who loved each other.
omg grace! im not sure if you’ll actually read this LOL but i actually love ur pod! im soso happy u brought it back and tbh ur worries are valid, but to me, as long as u have ur amazing support system (friends and family) things will be ok! things may not be panning out as you’ve hoped, and im not gonna patronize u and say that u js have to be patient, but i will tell u to give yourself grace! heh see what i did there.. lol fr tho grace be as kind to yourself as you are to the people around you! you have so much love to give♥️
Yayayay I'm so glad we are getting more podcast eps, I love hearing more about your life and personality! It's also really refreshing to see an influencer speak honestly and makes you more relatable! ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ⭐ Ily Grace!
This is so interesting and I found everything you’ve said to be so very validating. Before I met my husband I felt ALL of this… I’m not exactly sure if I’m the one to ask for advice tho…. My marriage has NOT been easy. Not for the reasons many would think… I got married in NYC at 25, I didn’t have the dream of getting married as I never thought I’d actually have the right being gay an all…. But I definitely knew when I met my husband that I wanted to grow old with him, to protect him and care for him. I love him. But that doesn’t mean I’ve always been secure in this. There’s this old adage people would say to me, that your spouse will bring out the worse in you and the best. THIS IS SO TRUE! Hubby and I have had to grow, evolve and learn how to love in a wholistic way. To commit to each other daily and respect each other as individuals and us. I’m not about to say give up, nor will I glorify single life. But I will say deep love requires work. It is messy. It will piss you off. It will also make you ask if it’s what you truly want. . . And it’s available to you. The world is so large and filled with so many that feel exactly like you. It’s possible 😇
Despite the fact that we have wildly different personalities (you're much cooler obviously), there have been so many things that I could relate to-I too have been the sort of lover girl who romanticised everyday little things like watching a film with a partner on the sofa together or taking a weekend walk hand in hand, that sort of things, rather than more once-in-a-lifetime kind of grand gestures. I tasted the sweet romantic moments closest to those when I was 25 for the first time, came out with nothing (it was not meant to be because we literally lived in different countries) and I'm pretty sure I spent the next 6 months crying and fearing that I would never get to experience happiness like that again. I'm now in a stable relationship thanks to sheer luck - we met at a club in 2017 (everyone who heard our story was like 'I didn't know it was still possible to find a partner offline these days'). I know I'm not the kind of person who can come across as attractive on app and app-arranged date setting, so who knows I'd still be single if I hadn't decided to go to this club that day as a non-clubbing person. (As a thirtysomething, I went clubbing like 5 times in life) And the thing you said about 'things you might not be able to do as freely once you're settled down' thing hit me quite hard. The way I spend my weekend, the way I travel, things like those have changed so much, and while I'm grateful for my partner (I'm pretty unlikeable, like really) and the time we spend together, I do feel somewhat wistful towards the person I used to be when I was single and spent all evening drawing with my favourite music on, spent all weekend reading in bed or and taking a slow walk and stopping at a random bench to read some more, etc. Such alone time is something that I cannot get that often when I live with the constant presence of someone. Like you are literally one of the most attractive and interesting people I've ever seen, so I don't doubt you will meet someone who can make you loved and safe-so please enjoy your life as a content creator and one of the coolest people in NYC when you can! And sorry for dumping a whole ass essay on a stranger's video haha
ahhhh this was so needed for me. I’m literally only twenty but I’m from Utah and the dating culture stereotypes are toooooo real. I’ve only had like a long situationship when I was fifteen and I get so many questions from family mostly about why I’m not dating anyone. obviously I’d love to be in a nice relationship but there’s no one I feel like is worth my energy in my current circles and no one can understand that🥲🥲 alsooooo I’m so excited the podcast is back! I’ve been listening to old episodes while I knit and crochet and it’s so cute🫶🫶
One of the things I've said is that there is no "the one." There are "ones" out there. Everyone is compatible with multiple different people. It's just who you happen to meet. Don't worry that there is only one person in the world and you'll never find them! You will! I met my husband over okcupid and we've been together for almost six years now. He's from Egypt and back then he'd only been in America for a short time. Your man might be in another country right now and you'll meet him either in person or online. Maybe he'll slide into your dms or leave you his number on a napkin. Who knows! You've got this girl. You're gorgeous, smart, and talented. Those other men are lucky you gave them the time of day and screw them for being jerks. Keep being you and right guy WILL cross your path. Peace and love!
I'm about to turn 28 in two weeks. i have a lot of the same feelings about dating. but for me it also splills into my want for friends. I've never been able to have either one. it's all very soul crushing...
I definitely think there's something about hitting your mid to late 20s that makes you stop and evaluate where you're at and having to accept it might not be where you thought you would be is super super hard. There's a song called 'In My Mind' by Amanda Palmer that I literally cry every time I listen to it because I'm having some of those feelings myself at the moment. Anyway, all the love to you and hope you find your person (or they find you) soon
27 and single! not to trauma dump but for context, I had a bad breakup last year for a 1 year (what I thought was serious) relationship and had just never been the same girl since. Took up crocheting as a hobby in trying to re-wire my brain and mental capacity and your channel is a trove for inspirations and relatable content. i was a lover girl but now I'm just trying hard to maintain my peace and contentment that I feel its all to risky to wager it all on other people 🥲don't think I've ever been this jaded before in my whole life but maybe 27 is just that age! well wishes and prayers for your happiness, Indonesian listener🧡
WE LOVE INDO!! no i think if i had what a serious relationship and it ended i would actually disintegrate..but i believe you'll come back from it!! enjoy your peace in the meantime 💖
Love you you're really inspired me to follow my dreams and crocheting and needing at the same time so thank you so much I'm going to enjoy this episode 😍🥰
i'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and that it only leads us to where we are supposed to be. if it weren't for your past dating experience, your perspective on relationships and romance wouldnt have evolved to what it is now, whether positively or negatively. also weird analogy but i think love is like when you lose something in the house and you look for it for days and you still can't find it. then when you least expected it, it just pops up right in front of you. or i guess if you just let romance take its chance and run its course then all it did was lead you to the one eventually.
i used to believe this but atp i think some things just happen bc they happen LOL i wish romance would find you as soon as you stopped looking but i really think it just happens when it happens!
@amazingishgrace i totally agree with this. while i think the losing something in your home analogy is a really lovely one whenever things actually work out that way, i've had personal success with LTR's both while aggressively searching and while leaving it alone entirely! it really could just go any way that it wants and that's so frustrating lmao 🥲
Aww Grace! I honestly believe you will find what you're looking for! you are such an amazing and beautiful person, some men are just idiots hahaha but i truly think your person will come to you soon, in the mean time just keep being a bad B who makes awesome content and crochet pieces and keep expanding your circle, ly Grace, thanks for sharing 🥰
I've been there, but for me it was after a long relationship. Dating (even just the swiping on dating apps) was a horrible experience. Very disappointed with the fact that a lot of guys just love to play around, only want to be your friend with benefits, or want to be in an open relationship. And then there's ones who are honest about it, but also many who just drop the bomb on you after they reeled you in. Some dudes just know they are cute and don't want to settle down because they can get any girl they'd like. Eventually I fell in love with my co-worker and we have been living together ever since. It's the whole small gestures situation that you describe. So, here is my advice: give the receding hairlines a try. There are guys out there with the same experience as you, really. But maybe they too have given up on dating. But trust me, the kind and good and honest ones, they do exist!
Grace I totally feel for you and I know it’s so rough out there. I truly do believe that we eventually find what we’re searching for in this life, and if for you that is a life partner, I have no doubt you will find it. My mom always tells me that when we enter into a new relationship, we have to forget about the last one, otherwise we ruin it before it’s even started. I know it’s so hard to not be able to predict someone’s actions or how they feel about you, but if you go into it with your best shot and without being afraid, you’re gonna eventually get it (I know you don’t believe me.) I really do know it will happen for you and I can’t wait to see how happy you are when it does!! Love you and thank you for another wonderful podcast. I really hope one day you make them like an hour long, I could listen to you talk forever.
Ahh relating so hard to this right now! 28 year old Virgo over here and I can get a little stressy over being chronically single(not by choice). But you know, when the timing is right it’ll happen😊.
Oh I get the same way when liking someone (bc same! I don’t do it often) it makes me feel so intense and insecure at the same time. Like I’ll say to myself ‘yk this isn’t necessary the one, and it’s ok if they aren’t’ but I’m still imagining a life with them. It doesn’t help that ‘casual’ dating to a lot of people includes some forms of intimacy I would reserve for a relationship bc lines can get blurred so quickly. Ugh, wishing you luck bc I’m in the same boat and want to hold hope for myself! 💜
Another aroace friend here! Lacking in personal experience or desire for it, really, so I don’t know if this will help you at all, but the women in my immediate family have gotten married at 34, 42, 48, 36, and 50, and are all pretty happily married, and have been for at least a decade in all cases but two. At least three of them had a lot of trouble finding people they really liked, and I don’t think any of them dated for less than two years before getting married. Again, don’t know if it’ll help, but just wanted to provide a bit more data in regards to the “27 is still young and you have time” thing for the numbers part of your brain to chew on, and I’ve always trusted anecdotal evidence more than statistical as much as I wish the opposite lol Always enjoy the podcast episodes!
I totally hear ya. I went through that too. All my friends were married with kids, my younger siblings married with kids, I felt like it was never going to happen. I was almost 25. 30 years ago where I lived that was very old for a woman to still be single. Kind of the attitude of everyone was that if you werent married by then you never would be. Completely wrong and unhelpful attitude. It just was what it was. I had had 2 serious relationships that nearly went to marriage. One, we drifted into friendship. It was obvious marriage was not the thing for us. The other one, he was very hot and cold. Broke up with me multiple times, then always came crawling back promising me he was going to marry me. As soon as his mom approved. She didnt want him to marry me. I was mad then, but happy with her now. Smart woman. Lol. This went on far too long and I broke it off permanently. A few months later the jerk married a girl he had been seeing on the side for the last nearly year. I dodged a bullet. :) Heart-broken, distrustful, angry, I moved 300 miles away and got on with building my own future. Met a divorced man whose ex-wife had been similar. I had previously always thought no way I would marry a divorced man, but when I met him, that got chucked right out the window. Lol. We were both very broken, but venting to each other about it helped us get past it. Still took a few years to get married. But none of that hot and cold, more just cold feet. Lol. Married almost 30 years now. He is magnetic for me. From the moment I saw him. It wasnt his looks, though he is extremely attractive (women constantly tried to lure him away, still some try.) He just has something about him I am drawn to very strongly. We couldnt not see each other. He still is just as magnetic to me now. I hope that happens for you in not too long. Maybe change your parameters a little, the ones that dont matter as much. Look in a wider age range. My husband is 14 years older. My daughter's husband is 12 years older. None of us expected to find someone with such an age gap, but we did. And its wonderful. :) You are a really fun, intelligent, accomplished young lady. I hope you get the next phase you want in your life soon.
I want to preface what i'm saying with the biggest hugs imaginable and make it clear this is out of love and support for seeing someone with a big heart who wants love struggling, cos hashtag same. this isn't meant to be upsetting and honestly if you hate what im saying you can for sure delete these comment cos who am i to tell you how to go about your life y'know? but im aware for all my intentions it probably won't feel great to read some of this when you're feeling bad. i just hope maybe it can offer some perspective and things to consider at some point. going off what you've said here, i feel like a lot of what you are internally struggling with is the fact that relationships make you vulnerable, inherently, and that is terrifying. relationships make you open up and learn things about yourself that you otherwise probably wouldn't willingly do by yourself, which can be really scary and feel like losing control, and i think maybe thats a big part of what you're worried about? I get the sense you like having control - and honestly, who doesn't - and the inherent surrendering of control that a relationship brings and calls for can be really fucking scary, and for good reason! it's really terrifying to offer yourself to someone and not know how they will take it or if they'll treat you well, all you have is trust that they will and that can be dashed too many times to feel ok about, as has evidently happened to you. but i think what struck me the most was you talking about having no experience with being able to experience that trust, and describing it as if you'd never been able to live in the neighbourhood of having a stable relationship. definitely, a large part of that is that other men haven't given you the opportunity. but i wonder if maybe a desire for control, that is completely understandable and not an inherent character flaw, may also be closing off some doors to that neighbourhood as well. i could be completely wrong - but may i suggest perhaps seeing if a qualified therapist could help you tackle some of this fear? i know its very big of me to sit here and sort of armchair diagnose you and say 'go to therapy' but speaking from experience, having a professional help you navigate your internal feelings and fears about stuff relating to this can help you figure out some things that won't automatically solve the problems caused by other people, but can bring you a deeper sense of internal peace that is just nice to have. i worry that you hold yourself to a high standard and in an unfair way and don't allow yourself to accept your reality with grace and kindness to yourself, because thats another form of vulnerability that is scary but also hurts a lot. and i get how difficult that is, really i do. but i speak from experience of trying to tackle things like that in myself (7 years and counting of therapy and internal work WOO) and it has helped me, and i hope maybe it can help you. second thing: love takes work. a relationship that works is not easy and it is not easier than a relationship that doesn't. i think there is this idea that when you meet someone who makes it work it'll be easier and fall into place but thats just not true. dating is hard cos it takes work to know someone and like them and try to make it work amongst our busy lives, and a relationship that works is less 'they're perfect for each other' and more 'they decided they wanted this and are working hard for it'. that can have its own consequences because it can mean you work SO hard for a relationship you really really care about and it ultimately falls apart (been there a lot, i don't recommend polyarmoury as your first relationship), but i think its important to know that love is work and is not easy. relationships have to be an active choice, which SUCKS when someone else doesn't want it, but it means that there will never be a sense of 'we're immediately perfect for each other.' this isn't to say you should suffer through hard relationships and people that treat you badly, of course not. but please know that every relationship that is working is a result of active choices and hard work and not an automatic click that bloomed. this is probably harder to hear and not super fun but its true and i feel like people should know that love, real love, takes work and is an effort, and not a coincidence. finally, that bit about wanting to introduce someone to your grandma sounds really hard. i don't have any words for that other than i'm sorry, it sucks, and i hope you can find someone you really love and introduce to her before she passes. a close friend of mine recently lost her very old grandpa who she adored and she misses him terribly, and given your family seems so close i can imagine it must be such a hard thing to grapple with the reality that your grandma might pass soon. i wish you all the luck with that and that whatever time you do have with her is good and enjoyable for you both even if it doesn't always fulfill what you want
hahaha wow i appreciate you writing sm for a stranger! from my experience i'm actually very comfortable trusting and being vulnerable with people who have the right intentions and truly care about me, since i do think i'm securely attached at my core :) my anxiety just gets triggered by certain men i have a bad feeling about and i usually end up finding out it was for a good reason LOL i also totally recognize a relationship is hard work! i just don't even get to that point because i find so few men attractive because...they're men LMAOOO but thank you for the kind words
This is a hard conversation, but the hard things do need to be talked about. Life is NOT a race. We all die at the end of this. Having a "person" will not bring you never ending happiness. marriage is hard, its messy, and sometimes you will find yourself wanting what you didn't want anymore. You are not "old" , call yourself old when you're 65 but right now no. We aren't racing. Take your time, be picky, make sure any big changes will benefit you (or both of you) and if you are not at least 99% sure then its not fkn worth it.
OK the only thing I hear from you are alot of expectations. I am married and have been for 32 years. I did meet him at 22. I think maybe you should go do as I did. I'm from New York(brooklyn girl at heart) anyways back to the topic. I only had 2 things I will not budge on. One they couldn't have kids, two he had to have a job. I didn't care what race he was if I was attractive to him it was a go for me. Maybe just narrow your expectation and date anyone within your expectations and see where it goes. But if you hold on to the notion that you will get hurt then you aren't living in the 2000. your a catch so it must be your expectation. Just my two cents. Love ya.
i turned 23 a week ago and ive been single my whole life, partly because relationships felt like too much stress for me with my poor mental health and also because of my parents relationship. im starting to want a relationship now that im feeling more relaxed but knowing me its gonna be a loooong time until i find someone
Im only 20 rn but i live in a place where its normal for people to get married by 22 to 26 and i always thought that by 19 id definitely have someone i could tell my parents im looking forward to marry, so to find someone by 19 i started looking around at 15. Its been all these years, and i havent even approached anyone yet, or have been approached by anyone in a romantic context. In the culture i live in, its hard not to see myself as a person lacking appeal when all my friends have amazing boyfriends who they can see a future with and my older cousins are already getting married happily to the people they love . Ive missed out on teenage love and i cant see myself finding early 20s love because no one ive met until now has been someone i can see myself with. I dont have high standards, i just want a kind person whos willing to spend life with me and we both find each other pleasing to the eyes lol. Why does it seem impossible. It didn't when i was younger but now? I cant help but wonder what is wrong with me maybe . I dont think im very pretty but i know im not ugly either. I dont talk comfortably with people im not already close to,.it usually takes some pateince from the person wanting to befriend me for us to get close but im also not shy when i want to get close to someone. I dont know. Its so complicated and im scared of having to spend my life by myself. I have w great family and a whole group of friends but when theyre all busy with thier partners and thier own families what will i do.
I'm sending you good vibes and Happy thoughts so your dreams come true. I really liked your travel vlog and would love to see your trip visiting Grandma and life in China. My mother worked in China 30 years ago and only had wonderful things to say about the people. I follow two Asian crochet artist on utube and it seems like it's popular there. I wish you Happy hunting (men) and safe travels 😊
Unsolicited old lady advice. I hear you! I was once you. Waaaay back in my twenties when I felt (and was made to feel by family members) that I was being left on the shelf and so I married the first guy who asked me. Which could have been fine, but instead I spent the next 20 years trying to become someone he wanted me to be, and I was stuck in a really controlling, unhealthy, toxic and later violent relationship. However, now I’m 46 and living with someone who truly loves me just the way I am, laughs when he gets to work to find yarn off cuts where they shouldn’t be, supports me fully and wants nothing but the best for me. It’s been a long, long road, but I’m happy and fulfilled. Hang in there.
everyone's path is different!! i'm so glad you found your person eventually 💗
@@amazingishgrace You will too! I understand the feeling of wanting more, BUT it does work out in the end. I know you are tired of hearing all these thing but they ARE true!❤
You have no idea how much I relate to LITERALLY EVERYTHING you said. As a 25 year old “lover girl” (also ruined by romcoms and books) who has never had a boyfriend but has a career, has two sisters who are in long term relationships, and a tight knit friend group made up of 3 people who are also in long term relationships, I feel like such an outcast and a dumb hopeless romantic at this point. I have had so many mindset changing (negative) experiences on dating apps for the past 2 years that I’m slowly losing my faith in finding “the one” (and men in general) too. At this point i’m half convinced that I’m going to have to meet this person irl, but I’m also the most introverted person I know and so I’m terrified that could also simply just never happen. I’m WAY too aware of the peace I have being single (mainly since I know nothing else) and how strong and independent I know I can be, but since I’m around people with relatively happy relationships all the time, like you said, the single life doesn’t seem so great by comparison and so I’m longing for a deeper, romantic connection with someone, but only one that fits my standards (that some say are too high and others say are the bare minimum, so fk me i guess). This has to be the longest RUclips comment i’ve ever written in my life, but I want you to know this made me feel WAY less alone and I thank you for that. This is a topic that I usually only see silly, kinda relatable memes about, so hearing someone in a similar situation talk about it seriously and so openly feels so refreshing. You’ve also solidified your place as my favorite crochet/knitting content creator!
:')) IM SO GLAD YOU CAN RELATE! well no i'm not HAHAHA but i believe it'll
happen for us and trust me i hear you on the memes LOL
I second this as a single 37year old 😂
I third this as a single 23 year old❤
Grace, I'm rooting for you so hard!! This was my first pod episode of yours and seeing this vulnerable side of you was so nice. I hope you find your future husband and that he gets to meet your grandma. And I hope that you get everything you want and even more so. I genuinely believe you ARE GOING TO find your soulmate and it's going to be amazing. There's a reason you have that desire and want and I don't think it's for nothing. You got this girl!!🤍🤍
THANK YOU
Honestly, none of this was embarrassing and I think having candid conversations about things like this is so important and partially lost. Sometimes people want to talk about things just to vent and share new perspectives, not always looking for comfort. I hope doing this and talking candidly really helped you process.
amen...sometimes we just gotta yell into the void
Thank you so much for this comment, it’s so true!
“No one who is meant to be in your life would leave it” thank you I really needed to hear this. sometimes another thought that helps me is thinking about the love of your life probably being as lonely as you are right now wondering what the fuck is taking you so long too lol
he better be down bad waiting for my ass HAHAHA
you got my tears as soon as you tell the story about your grandma
had similar experience, grew up with her, she passed now, and im still single in my soon 30
i'm so sorry :( sending love!
Never apologize for giving so much grace to people, Gracie. I think your heart that is willing to see the good in men and despite the thing’s you’ve went through relationship-wise is so beautiful. I am just another stranger from the internet but I am rooting for you and your future relationship! May you find the man that is worthy of your graceful heart 💗
THANK YOU 💖
i think making videos that you really want to make is really important because then people can see and feel the vibe of you really enjoying yourself and not doing it beca its a job. i personally am happy to watch whatever you post
I'm 28 and also single af and at the point where i have the same perspective as you. I really thank you for your podcast. I can relate so much, it's really hard out here and also i'm tired of meeting for nothing or situationship. At this point i rather crochet and enjoy my me time rather then meet some guys that don't want to stick around and really want me in their future. It's really concerning to think about the future and also as you said, growing older and also grandma and mom that are literally waaaiting for u to marry also stresses one out because time passes and you can't force things. Like what should i do? I tried but maybe god has a plan and i'll need to simply chill what i'm doing now. So whatever comes, at least i've learned so much about myself and self growth, maybe i couldn't do it as eficient as now if i was early in a marriage or something longterm. I guess life has prepared more for me (or i'm trying to focus on these positive thoughts so i don't get crazy about a potential lonely future lol) but still, i hope some of y'all feel me and sending much love to everyone❤
hi grace! i dont listen to a lot of dating-related videos bc i lean aroace (and other sexuality stuff is reflection-in-progress LMAO) but i really appreciated you being so vulnerable in this episode because i also desire a sincere, long term partnership with someone i treasure in the same way you do. so much of what you said really resonates, even more so bc i feel like we share a lot of similarities in age/background/upbringing like having a positive view of men bc of family and then having that sort of change drastically in a negative way throughout adulthood.
you’re really awesome for constantly putting yourself out there, even though you’ve had a lot of shitty dating experiences that haven’t made you feel “stronger.” i think that society tends to have very passive/nothingburger statements on romantic love because it’s easier to comfort with vague promises about the future or half-lies about how good being single is, and much harder to acknowledge the genuine loneliness that comes with having so much love to give and not being able to find your person. that feeling isn’t something you are guaranteed to solve through hard work and endless self improvement, sometimes it’s just about yuanfen (long sigh)
verbalizing the specific feelings about missing out on something other people seem to have easily must have felt awkward and vulnerable, but those are super normal, honest feelings and i’m so glad i clicked on this video. i hope that you are able to meet someone who is earnest with their feelings and intentions towards you, because you seem like a really sweet and intelligent person with a lot of love to give! all the best wishes to you ♥♥♥
this was so well put! and i'm glad you could relate even tho i'm a basic straight woman LOL
i believe in us finding a person worth our time and energy!! much love 💗
i am pretty aroace and i makes me really happy to read your comment and not feel alone, a lot of it also resonated with me. i'm 24 and not ready to look but have been recently realizing that i would actually want a long term partnership, just hadn't considered it because it seemed like the only real option for that was a traditional romantic relationship which is not exactly what i want.
the similarities in age and ethnicity were also huge for me. i want to bring home a partner to my mom, but i don't know how much time left i have to do that (yay cancer). it's heartbreaking to feel that i should be working on it, but relationships aren't simply a goal you can accomplish. wishing the best to all of you, it is hard out there
i think i may be aro/ace, but i don’t want a partner. i often see other self-identified aro/ace people mention wanting a partner and i get a bit confused..maybe im not clear on what being aro/ace actually means because i don’t want to date so is that something else?
@@coolchameleon21 hey so this is a super valid question, and i dont have a simple answer but ill try to explain my understanding of it based on my personal experience and the aro/ace friends i've met.
aromanticism and asexuality can occur on a spectrum! looking up formal definitions or seeing how people talk about it might be confusing because most people view the label very black and white, they might say asexuality is just a transitional period where someone is traumatized or too repressed about their sexual desires (that can be a struggle that someone has, ofc, but it's absolutely incorrect to say ace people are only ace because of those things). asexuality often exists under the bigger umbrella of gray asexuality, where you can have many individuals experiencing varying levels of sexual attraction to other individuals. it's also helpful to note that lack of sexual attraction has nothing to do with libido, you can have a high libido even as a gray ace, etc.
similar concept of spectrum applies to aromanticism. for me i find romantic love hard to develop because i just dont see people that way unless it's under very specific conditions, and oftentimes for aro/ace people it's hard to define the difference between platonic and romantic love in comparison to cishet people who generally dont need to think about it that hard (they define romantic love's eligibility as requiring sexual attraction + anyone who is the opposite gender of them, generally speaking)
tldr: i'd say you fit the "standard" definition of aro/ace if you dont want to date and dont experience any kind of attraction to other people, but there's a wide variety of aro/ace folks who may be more ambiguous on what they want such as romantic partners under certain circumstances or queerplatonic partners, etc. i think this particular identity/label also gets a lot of weird discourse surrounding it because people think it's a condition to "fix" or a label that doesnt need to exist because it "applies to everyone" (the latter of which is wholly untrue lmao), but have faith in knowing yourself and also allowing changes to happen if you see fit. we live in a society that holds romantic love on a high pedestal (and like grace said, it is true that this cannot be compensated for with platonic love if you desire a romantic partner!! it is special and different) but it is ok to wait or simply not want it at all for yourself. this is not a super cohesive response but i hope that clears up some confusion at least!
The grandma part hits so hard. Both of my grandmas passed away this year and I’m 23. I fully thought both of them would be there for my wedding/future babies. It’s very sad but thinking that they are watching over me helps with the pain. Thank you for being vulnerable I really enjoyed this video❤️
I relate to this all so much. I'm 28 and growing up I never really dreamed of weddings/babies/careers I just wanted to find love. I do not want to live life alone, it's the only thing I've ever been sure of
I don't really talk about it bc when I've mentioned that I've never been in a relationship or even on a date I've been told things like I'm not missing out on anything which is not only unhelpful but also so untrue
also as someone who was raised by her grandparents I relate so much to the story about your grandma. I still have my grandma but my grandpa passed a few years ago and I'd always thought that if I ever did get married he would be the one to walk me down the aisle yk?
I think I would be so good at loving someone who loved me back. I just can't seem to find someone who will let me try. and as time goes on it gets harder and harder to believe that I ever will
unfortunately a lot of people will see not having any relationship experience at your age as a red flag. not saying it’s right, but that’s just the world we live in
Saw someone say something recently about the "mid-to-late-20s ego death" and realized I'm there too
NO LITERALLY WHY AM I IN MY FLOP ERA RN
I'm 19 and we are in very different life stages due to that but so much of what you speak of is so nice to hear? I know it's all troubling things but to see someone so much more life experienced have troubles is reassuring that I'll also be okay. I think what I mean is even if I still have troubles in 10 years like I do now (I'm very mentally ill with who knows what) I'll still be alive and doing something I love because ya know what? Grace is doing something she loves and that means I can too. All my love Grace, your content means so much to me
I completely understand your mindset about dating. I'm 36 and have entered the dating pool once again via dating apps. I totally feel you when you say that you carry the anxiety from past relationships (or situationships) and don't sleep very well etc. Every time I go on a date and it is a successful date, I am always waiting for the hat to drop, the dealbreaker to appear out of nowhere... because that has been my experience. I feel the same - I don't think I can heal on my own. I think I have to have a few relationships and learn to BE in them before I can truly learn to heal. Sabrina Zohar's podcast "Do the Work" has been helpful. I feel you, sis! Keep your head up. :)
ooh thank you for the recommendation!! i fear it's a universal experience these days....SHOULD BE ILLEGAL!
becoming healed won't necessarily prevent you from being hurt by someone you love. we can do all the work to be secure with ourselves, but as scary as it is, being vulnerable is still a requirement. so when you give someone your heart, you might as well give them a knife too.
yep. can’t have love without risk
This is sooo true
I have felt so lame/boring watching you travel and try new things and eat at beautiful places, but I have been married 39 years to my best friend. We have 3 grown sons and 2 granddaughters and another grandchild due this Christmas. I have always felt so grateful to have this man in my life. This honest video is so brave and I admire your candor :)
your life does not sound lame or boring at all! the travel may look glamorous but a beautiful family is the biggest blessing
@@amazingishgrace Thank you, Grace :)
You're very wise and I think that what you're describing (simultaneously knowing that you're enjoying your single life yet still feeling that yearning for true love and a partner) is completely natural. That desire moves you forward! But I do think that if you do believe it can happen for you, it will, because then you'll look at the world through that lens and you'll see opportunities that you might miss if you are assuming it's not out there!
so true :') i'm trying to believe!!
Oh. My. God. This was probably one of the most well spent 36 minutes of my life
All I can freaking say is I HEAR AND FEEL YOU SO HARD!! I just met my partner after years of unfortunate situations and it gave me so much anxiety at first when we went from friends to dating. There were so many things I had to remind myself came from fear of the past and had nothing to do with the man I’m with now. But the ability to allow that fear to come and remind myself it’s just a judgement/decision I’m making for him based on my own anxiety and not real life has allowed this precious, fun, loving relationship to blossom. You can do it, but don’t think you have to “fix” anything about yourself before you meet the right person. They will be there for you even when you are still growing and learning.
Wow Grace, after listening to all of this I am so blown away by how bright and kind you are! You deserve so, so much and we all are rooting for you! (And trust me A LOT of people are rooting for you!) ❤❤❤❤
THANK YOU
@@amazingishgrace No worries!!! You deserve everything you have and so so much moreeee ❤❤❤❤
Thank you for being open and vulnerable ❤
New relationship anxiety is so real. After spending my twenties being treated in the range of mediocre to poorly, the start of my now 2+ year relationship was full of anxiety and feeling like I didn't deserve or know how to receive healthy love. My partner has always been consistently himself (incredibly caring and respectful and also slow to answer texts because he's not attached to his phone) and so as I learned his habits and ways of existing, I learned to trust that he wasn't going to hurt me and that I am worthy of and capable of the love and care we now have for each other. Unfortunately, you're right in that the process of healing relationship trauma often has to take place in the context of a healthy relationship but I will say it's absolutely worth it AND I truly believe that the people who are meant for you will find you. Thank you for sharing so honestly about this experience, I think its so so much more common than the internet would have us believe and we all deserve to know we're not alone in it.
where's my early gang 🔫🔫
Here
A little later, but here😅
Hii
@@HudaRamadan4458 seconds ago
definitely me👹
I love these types of videos!! As someone who doesnt relate at all, I just like to listen and crochet lol. I really hope you find someone you truly love and truly loves you!!
I'm in the same boat as you, as a 27 year old who has never been in a serious relationship. I really appreciate your vulnerability in discussing this topic, because it definitely helps me feel less alone. In a way, I'm kind of glad that I haven't been in a relationship yet because I had a ton of childhood trauma to heal from. But at the same time, I sometimes feel that something is "wrong" with me me for having never been in a relationship and worry that people will view that as a red flag. Overall though, I feel pretty happy being single and will keep on being single until I find someone who adds to my life in a positive way.
I'm 26 and I'd say I haven't ever been in a relationship, much less a serious one and its getting to the point where if I find someone that meets my standards, I feel I'll lose them because I don't know how to exist in a relationship or be healthy in one--and I don't even have any healthy relationships to use as an example.The strongest reason why I want someone is so I can be cared for sometimes, or to walk my dogs/feed them if I'm staying late at work...I can't even rely on family or siblings for that! I also have a dream to own a house, but being able to do that with just my income is basically impossible. I feel like I can't level up in life without a partner and while I could just take anyone who'd give me a ring to advance, I'm not yet willing to do that so I feel like I also have to let go of those other goals. I really feel like women have learned they deserve more in relationships so aren't getting in them easily, and a lot of men haven't realized that yet due to booty accessibility with dating apps. It will be interesting to see what dating is like in 5-10 years...
Thank you being so vulnerable with us!! You are saying thoughts that a lot of people have and it helps to know that no one is alone. You seem like such a good person and I hope the best for you!! I love your videos and your spirit!! You have a mature outlook on things that will help a lot of people out ❤
Whew, glad to have the pod back. I was in the same bout for a while in the sense that I had only been in “relationships” for 3 months at a time. The last one was a year and about 5 months, looking back on it now, I definitely didn’t need to rush into that one but I enjoyed the experiences. I did think I would be married and everything else by now, but nope. 32, with a 6 y.o and back with my parents for the time being. Enjoying this time and working on all the other areas of my life. Men have become more annoying by each passing day.
The Internet sometimes can be harmful and people have way too much envy in their body, so every time I hear someone like you, darling, feeling afraid or embarrassed about something in their personal life, I try to take their weight out of their shoulders.
You are an amazing woman, sexy, unique and with an amazing style. You have nothing to worry about, sooner or later you'll find your true soulmate, so go easy on you and enjoy what's coming. I am 24 and I have been in a long distance relationship for almost 5 years without seeing each other in real life because I don't have the money and neither do him (Argentina is tough).
Take care of your mental health because it's the most important thing you have, I need to remind myself that every single time I work too much or for too long (or some friend of mine has to do it for me), so be gentle with yourself 🥰💖
You really spoke to some of my fears that I think about a lot, so thank you for making this podcast - we're not alone!! Your comment about your grandma really hit close to home, both of my grandmas' health are declining and its definitely one reality that I have to grapple with. Another thing related to that is that I'm also an only child - and seeing me settled down is really something that both my parents are anxious about, so that they know I'm taken care of when they eventually leave too. I honestly don't know what we should do in this situation, but please keep talking/making podcasts about this topic just so other hopeless romantics like me can relate :)
wow wow wow wow grace. listening to this while knitting, and despite our age gap (24) I found myself really connecting with what you were saying. this podcast made me feel more than I can put into words, but I am rooting for you, genuinely!! much love and support 💜
i’m 17 and i met my first love this summer but it was right person, wrong time. i knew it was right because it all just felt so natural, and i’ve never clicked with someone so automatically that it felt like everything was just sliding into place. now i’m terrified that i’ll never find that feeling again and nothing will ever compare to him.
I didn't expect to cry during this video when you mentioned your grandma I related so hard and it made me cry keep your head up you are amazing and good things will come to you
when it comes to growing a yt channel, I think that it's more important to built a strong sense of community in order to maintain your audience. Yes, some type of videos bring more newbies but what really matters is how many of them stay to watch more. Hope my perspective is helpful to you! I'm one of your followers that reallyy enjoy the podcast and I'm happy of you for sharing your thoughts on your yt growth
haha that would be my only priority if we didn't live in a caPITALIST WORLD! and i have bills to pay :D
but yes agree community is so important!
as someone who's been single for 22 years and now in a long distance relationship that no one thought would work when it started, here is what I think about this:
I genuinely have had the exact same questionings that you listed. I expected to meet someone (best one) in college and work from there, preferably one better than the other, and settle down before 30. However after a rather disappointing 2-month dating experience, I gave up thinking about BFs altogether and focused completely on myself. Then, I met my current bf in my last semester of college when I was about to go off for a PhD. What is different for me from you is that I almost never believed in love or romance, also don't have much inspiration from my parents (if u know u know), so I totally didn't imagine such a somewhat cliche story to unfold on me. But it did. That is someone who is not afraid to love me, to express his love, and to give me so much security when I am lacking so much.
Then, getting into the real shit. Long distance is so hard. I've seen so many that didn't work; also have faced with a number of questions of "why"? And certainly asked myself that question more than I could remember. The realization I come to is the world is not flowers and rainbows. Even if you meet someone that seems fit you so much (and vice versa), there is still the high probability of you guys splitting up because of outside factors (like freaking U.S. visa). How ridiculous? I mean, after so long and so much trouble, finally I end up with this guy that are so compatible with me, and they shove this whatever random factor that i've never considered before into my face. But i've come to peace with it. After so long, I did not end, he did not end. I am peacefully doing my PhD, he is peacefully developing his career, in respective countries, and we wait for the time to be physically together, permanently.
I guess my point is that you will never come to be completely satisfied with your situation. The world is always going to try to mess with you. Maybe you'll end up with Mr. Right and be the one to tell other single peeps "yours will come", maybe you'll end up alone, maybe you'll have more tortuous experiences... none will be smooth sail. It never will.
The part of your grandmother one day meeting your man resonates with me so much. My grandmother is about 67 but she's incredibly ill, she always has been and I don't know if she'll ever get to meet the guy I see as the man I'm going to marry one day. And again, it's like you said, it's something completely out of our control but I just always envisioned my grandmother being at my wedding but now she can hardly even go to the bathroom without her oxygen tank. It's a hard reality to swallow.
As someone potentially going through a divorce soon, it's refreshing to hear you talk about this stuff. I also just turned 27, and I see signs of aging. 27 hit hard, idk what happened, but I often think about how the youthful version of me was lost to this relationship, and if I find someone in the future, they won't know my grandpa who just passed away. My grandma is getting older and he wouldn't know the younger version of her that took us out to the casino together and honestly wore us out every time we visited with all the stuff she had planned. Getting older is truly a privilege though. I know this as I already see people my age passing away or already having long-term health issues. We're all in this together, and even the people who look like they've got it all together definitely don't. 😅
Grace, thank you for being so heartfelt and vulnerable. Your video made me reflect deeply about dating and the future, and I teared up more than once. I think you said a lot of things felt by many people but that they don’t often have the courage to verbalize it. I’m wishing you the best and sending lots of love. I hope you can find someone who truly cherishes the kind soul that you are.
I adore your content; they really are the peak of my day. The flow and structure of the videos, alongside your eloquent expressions, are enjoyable and a treat to listen to. Your content is also so comforting and authentic, they are the perfect escape from the scruples of day-to-day life. I genuinely hope you achieve success in both your professional and private life and that whenever you're ready, we have you back on RUclips!!
Also, for future podcast ideas, I would love to know how you deal with people not close to you asking for handmade stuff. I struggle with saying no, so it would be a big help.
thank you 🫶 i literally just tell people that would take me 20 hours so no HAHAHA
im lucky that people don't really ask me
that! they usually ask about commissions to which i also say no 🤣🤣
I’ve watched your shorts, but this is the first time I listened to a podcast episode of yours. I feel your pain. You’re not alone. I’m 24 and I’ve been single for 5 years both by choice and not by choice. I don’t feel ready to date for the same reasons. I’m overcoming self worth issues and feeling the urge to prove myself to emotionally unavailable men. I was in two relationships in high school, but they were incredibly unhealthy and I felt so neglected, but they taught me to pour love into myself, raise my standards, and become the person I want to attract. If you’re saying those dating experiences you had didn’t make you stronger, they certainly did by teaching you to see their actions, not listen to just their words because a guy that loves you will show you and tell you that they love you not in vain. I learned that too. I love how empathetic you are towards all men and you’re not one of those women that hates all men or bashes them, but we can forgive those type of men without giving them so many chances. I’m a lover girl as well and sometimes resent other women for seamlessly relationship hopping with the right people, but I have to remember that it was because they already feel good about themselves and they aren’t so obsessed with their partners. It’s no surprise that narcissists and avoidants attract men like bees to the honey because women that are detached, don’t overextend themselves, and communicate what they want with their partner will get what they want. Please DON’T be narcissists or act avoidant by playing games. Still be a good and loving person, but don’t make them sooo important even in the commitment stage so that they don’t take us for granted or pull away. I’m trying to detach from men too and focus on myself, so I can attract the best type of love at the least expected moment. It’s annoying tho because every time I focused on myself, a lot of guys paid attention to me and asked me out and then I get obsessed with them and the cycle repeats lol. It’s hard because the butterflies and the dopamine feels so freaking cozy. Thank you for being vulnerable! I really needed to feel comforted and less alone as a single woman. ❤️😊
@@harmoniousandtranquilhannah i actually think one of the main reasons i've always been single is because i know my own worth and hold high standards for who is worth my time! i don't think it's necessarily true that people who love themselves attract love from others - men haaate a confident woman who doesn't deal with their bullshit (me)
so i wouldn't assume that those who relationship hop are just more healed than you - often people like that are just very lonely and need to have someone around to feel okay. i'm glad you're so self aware though and taking the time to work on yourself. a healthy and beautiful love will find you in time!
@@amazingishgrace oh okay I got you! I assumed you were tying your worth to external circumstances by wondering whether or not you’ll have a partner your grandma will meet at a certain time. I was tying my self worth to my relationship status and gave off needy energy which repelled guys. Maybe I was in my feelings and was projecting my different reasons. It’s great that you also have high standards. I was always told that if you love yourself, then you’ll attract the love that you desire. I’m in the process of feeling good about myself before I meet someone. I believe that there are guys out there that as you said hate confident women (because they’re narcissistic and can’t control them) whereas healthy guys want a confident woman. I just meant that women who “relationship hop” are women who are able to get in a relationship with anyone they want because they don’t seek love from others even in their head and they find that love within.There are women who relationship hop because they feel like they need one, but those are the women that settle for any relationship. No matter how great we are, if we pull back our energy completely even though we want a relationship, our chances of attracting healthy men increase and we can still be loving and caring about them without giving so much of our energy away. Thank you for clarifying 🤍🤍
certain people can trigger insecurities very strongly, and usually I find this is a warning sign from your body that they are not the right person for you. this scenario happened to me a few years ago and he was giving hot and cold the whole time. it made me so extremely anxious, I finally listened to my body and cut it off
also, in manifestation, it's really important to detach from the outcome and once you do so you'll usually find it comes to you!
Im usually just a casual lurker of your content on insta because youre so super frickin talented! but YT is usually background noise for me while I work, so the “come with me” vlogs that are very visual just werent my type of content. I really enjoyed just listening to you in this podcast style. I think it works for you!
hahaa i'm the same i like don't watch youtube anymore LOL i'm glad you enjoyed :)
I am so excited for this episode ❤
hope you enjoyed!!
Pouring that extra love into yourself will help with the anxiety that creeps in when you meet someone you like. You’re only human! It’s normal to worry about these things but I have a lot of faith that you’ll meet the love of your life to share $5 knick knacks with! As someone who is cuffed - I do miss making plans with my girls as much as I used to, so it’s the part I would encourage you to not take for granted (which you already know)!
You started to make me cry at the grandma part because I can relate so hard.
I found you from your mesh sleeves video, and I thought you were so cool-looking and the vibes are badass. Love all your vids! Do more tutorials please for crochet
Hey! I'm new, and just came from your more recent video talking about dopamine while you crochet ❤️. I just finished cooking when I decided to watch yt while I eat. I looked for a 'crochet with me' and you popped up! I appreciate your talks as they open up my perspective toward people living different lives than me-and I love relating to you, specifically the brand of yogurt you eat! I found it funny since I bought the exact same brand just yesterday 😂. Please continue crocheting and having your ted talks. I love to listen while I crochet or eat!
Honestly, your crochet content is inspiring for me. A lot of crochet I find online is all the same and standard. I want to be a fairy ok 🧚
Super excited! 😽
i’m 26 and i’ve honestly lost all desire to be in a relationship. i was absolutely obsessed with dating in my early twenties, and it was basically my life’s mission to find a partner. over the past 2 years or so it’s like a switch flipped and i went the opposite direction. i can think of a few things that probably made me change my mind, but i also think it’s just the way i’m wired now that my brain is fully developed. it’s wild how different my mindset around relationships is now, i was absolutely boy crazy and thought i couldn’t live without a relationship for quite a few years. i’m not mad at the switch tho, i just have no interest in dating and the thought of being in a relationship one stresses me out now. i think i might be aro/ace, and i’m discovering that in my late twenties
Nah girl stop😂 minute 13 and now you're starting to make ME freak out
Gotta take a break here, catch a breath and come back later😂 but am loving the insights so far
HAHAHA I'M SORRY i don't want to spread the fear...
The ideal spouse is a best friend who wants to eat you out so focus on making good friends and maybe something else will happen lol
i love your crochet with me videos so much!!
This was so well articulated and on point. Relate to everything you say. Also single at 27 and have never been in a real, committed relationship. What you said about not needing to find your person right now, but needing an answer to whether or not it will ever happen in the future is exactly what I’m struggling with as well. I’ve listed to all of your podcasts, and I think you have a real gift with breaking down these topics in a smart, thoughtful way. Hope you produce more podcasts 🥰 would love to hear your thoughts on Asian American identity and cross-racial dating as well. Sounds like you’ve focused on dating Asians but curious what you think about white guy/Asian woman relationships as a social phenomenon that’s more common nowadays
Letting actions speak louder than words isn't a bad thing.
This is an amazing episode. Thank you for this. I will pray for your happiness, as well as everyone who can relate to this. I was also ruined by romcoms and a product of parents who loved each other.
omg grace! im not sure if you’ll actually read this LOL but i actually love ur pod! im soso happy u brought it back and tbh ur worries are valid, but to me, as long as u have ur amazing support system (friends and family) things will be ok! things may not be panning out as you’ve hoped, and im not gonna patronize u and say that u js have to be patient, but i will tell u to give yourself grace! heh see what i did there.. lol fr tho grace be as kind to yourself as you are to the people around you! you have so much love to give♥️
thank you :'))
Less goo my girl's girl is backkkkk ❤❤❤ waited SO LONG for this episode 😩🤌
we're soo back (are we)
Your person will come. I was in a very similar state of mind right before I met my now fiancé. Don’t stress and just trust that you will find them ❤
Yayayay I'm so glad we are getting more podcast eps, I love hearing more about your life and personality! It's also really refreshing to see an influencer speak honestly and makes you more relatable! ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ⭐ Ily Grace!
This is so interesting and I found everything you’ve said to be so very validating. Before I met my husband I felt ALL of this… I’m not exactly sure if I’m the one to ask for advice tho…. My marriage has NOT been easy. Not for the reasons many would think… I got married in NYC at 25, I didn’t have the dream of getting married as I never thought I’d actually have the right being gay an all…. But I definitely knew when I met my husband that I wanted to grow old with him, to protect him and care for him. I love him. But that doesn’t mean I’ve always been secure in this. There’s this old adage people would say to me, that your spouse will bring out the worse in you and the best.
THIS IS SO TRUE!
Hubby and I have had to grow, evolve and learn how to love in a wholistic way. To commit to each other daily and respect each other as individuals and us.
I’m not about to say give up, nor will I glorify single life. But I will say deep love requires work. It is messy. It will piss you off. It will also make you ask if it’s what you truly want. . . And it’s available to you. The world is so large and filled with so many that feel exactly like you. It’s possible 😇
Always love listening to you, you are so well spoken!💛💛
Despite the fact that we have wildly different personalities (you're much cooler obviously), there have been so many things that I could relate to-I too have been the sort of lover girl who romanticised everyday little things like watching a film with a partner on the sofa together or taking a weekend walk hand in hand, that sort of things, rather than more once-in-a-lifetime kind of grand gestures. I tasted the sweet romantic moments closest to those when I was 25 for the first time, came out with nothing (it was not meant to be because we literally lived in different countries) and I'm pretty sure I spent the next 6 months crying and fearing that I would never get to experience happiness like that again.
I'm now in a stable relationship thanks to sheer luck - we met at a club in 2017 (everyone who heard our story was like 'I didn't know it was still possible to find a partner offline these days'). I know I'm not the kind of person who can come across as attractive on app and app-arranged date setting, so who knows I'd still be single if I hadn't decided to go to this club that day as a non-clubbing person. (As a thirtysomething, I went clubbing like 5 times in life) And the thing you said about 'things you might not be able to do as freely once you're settled down' thing hit me quite hard. The way I spend my weekend, the way I travel, things like those have changed so much, and while I'm grateful for my partner (I'm pretty unlikeable, like really) and the time we spend together, I do feel somewhat wistful towards the person I used to be when I was single and spent all evening drawing with my favourite music on, spent all weekend reading in bed or and taking a slow walk and stopping at a random bench to read some more, etc. Such alone time is something that I cannot get that often when I live with the constant presence of someone.
Like you are literally one of the most attractive and interesting people I've ever seen, so I don't doubt you will meet someone who can make you loved and safe-so please enjoy your life as a content creator and one of the coolest people in NYC when you can! And sorry for dumping a whole ass essay on a stranger's video haha
ahhhh this was so needed for me. I’m literally only twenty but I’m from Utah and the dating culture stereotypes are toooooo real. I’ve only had like a long situationship when I was fifteen and I get so many questions from family mostly about why I’m not dating anyone. obviously I’d love to be in a nice relationship but there’s no one I feel like is worth my energy in my current circles and no one can understand that🥲🥲 alsooooo I’m so excited the podcast is back! I’ve been listening to old episodes while I knit and crochet and it’s so cute🫶🫶
UTAH oh girl i can only imagine hahaha wait until you find the one worth your time!! 🫶
Literally so excited to crochet while listening to this 🤭🤭
One of the things I've said is that there is no "the one." There are "ones" out there. Everyone is compatible with multiple different people. It's just who you happen to meet. Don't worry that there is only one person in the world and you'll never find them! You will! I met my husband over okcupid and we've been together for almost six years now. He's from Egypt and back then he'd only been in America for a short time. Your man might be in another country right now and you'll meet him either in person or online. Maybe he'll slide into your dms or leave you his number on a napkin. Who knows! You've got this girl. You're gorgeous, smart, and talented. Those other men are lucky you gave them the time of day and screw them for being jerks. Keep being you and right guy WILL cross your path. Peace and love!
I'm about to turn 28 in two weeks. i have a lot of the same feelings about dating. but for me it also splills into my want for friends. I've never been able to have either one. it's all very soul crushing...
3 minutes never underestimate bestie dedication.
i would never underestimate you
i love this type of video and now i have to go back and watch the others omggggg
grace ur saying everything im feeling right now too ❤ thank you so much for this 🫶🫶
hate that you're feeling this but glad you can relate
I definitely think there's something about hitting your mid to late 20s that makes you stop and evaluate where you're at and having to accept it might not be where you thought you would be is super super hard. There's a song called 'In My Mind' by Amanda Palmer that I literally cry every time I listen to it because I'm having some of those feelings myself at the moment. Anyway, all the love to you and hope you find your person (or they find you) soon
at this point i need them to find me HAHAHAHA but thank you 🫶
i felt this in my soul - another 28 y/o single girly who hasn't been in love
27 and single! not to trauma dump but for context, I had a bad breakup last year for a 1 year (what I thought was serious) relationship and had just never been the same girl since. Took up crocheting as a hobby in trying to re-wire my brain and mental capacity and your channel is a trove for inspirations and relatable content. i was a lover girl but now I'm just trying hard to maintain my peace and contentment that I feel its all to risky to wager it all on other people 🥲don't think I've ever been this jaded before in my whole life but maybe 27 is just that age!
well wishes and prayers for your happiness, Indonesian listener🧡
WE LOVE INDO!! no i think if i had what a serious relationship and it ended i would actually disintegrate..but i believe you'll come back from it!! enjoy your peace in the meantime 💖
Love you you're really inspired me to follow my dreams and crocheting and needing at the same time so thank you so much I'm going to enjoy this episode 😍🥰
i'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and that it only leads us to where we are supposed to be. if it weren't for your past dating experience, your perspective on relationships and romance wouldnt have evolved to what it is now, whether positively or negatively.
also weird analogy but i think love is like when you lose something in the house and you look for it for days and you still can't find it. then when you least expected it, it just pops up right in front of you. or i guess if you just let romance take its chance and run its course then all it did was lead you to the one eventually.
i used to believe this but atp i think some things just happen bc they happen LOL i wish romance would find you as soon as you stopped looking but i really think it just happens when it happens!
@amazingishgrace i totally agree with this. while i think the losing something in your home analogy is a really lovely one whenever things actually work out that way, i've had personal success with LTR's both while aggressively searching and while leaving it alone entirely! it really could just go any way that it wants and that's so frustrating lmao 🥲
Aww Grace! I honestly believe you will find what you're looking for! you are such an amazing and beautiful person, some men are just idiots hahaha but i truly think your person will come to you soon, in the mean time just keep being a bad B who makes awesome content and crochet pieces and keep expanding your circle, ly Grace, thanks for sharing 🥰
I've been there, but for me it was after a long relationship. Dating (even just the swiping on dating apps) was a horrible experience. Very disappointed with the fact that a lot of guys just love to play around, only want to be your friend with benefits, or want to be in an open relationship. And then there's ones who are honest about it, but also many who just drop the bomb on you after they reeled you in. Some dudes just know they are cute and don't want to settle down because they can get any girl they'd like. Eventually I fell in love with my co-worker and we have been living together ever since. It's the whole small gestures situation that you describe. So, here is my advice: give the receding hairlines a try. There are guys out there with the same experience as you, really. But maybe they too have given up on dating. But trust me, the kind and good and honest ones, they do exist!
Therapy can always help. Hang in there ❤
Grace I totally feel for you and I know it’s so rough out there. I truly do believe that we eventually find what we’re searching for in this life, and if for you that is a life partner, I have no doubt you will find it. My mom always tells me that when we enter into a new relationship, we have to forget about the last one, otherwise we ruin it before it’s even started. I know it’s so hard to not be able to predict someone’s actions or how they feel about you, but if you go into it with your best shot and without being afraid, you’re gonna eventually get it (I know you don’t believe me.) I really do know it will happen for you and I can’t wait to see how happy you are when it does!! Love you and thank you for another wonderful podcast. I really hope one day you make them like an hour long, I could listen to you talk forever.
This was actually such a sweet video
Ahh relating so hard to this right now! 28 year old Virgo over here and I can get a little stressy over being chronically single(not by choice). But you know, when the timing is right it’ll happen😊.
Oh I get the same way when liking someone (bc same! I don’t do it often) it makes me feel so intense and insecure at the same time. Like I’ll say to myself ‘yk this isn’t necessary the one, and it’s ok if they aren’t’ but I’m still imagining a life with them. It doesn’t help that ‘casual’ dating to a lot of people includes some forms of intimacy I would reserve for a relationship bc lines can get blurred so quickly. Ugh, wishing you luck bc I’m in the same boat and want to hold hope for myself! 💜
we really trying our best out here
Another aroace friend here!
Lacking in personal experience or desire for it, really, so I don’t know if this will help you at all, but the women in my immediate family have gotten married at 34, 42, 48, 36, and 50, and are all pretty happily married, and have been for at least a decade in all cases but two. At least three of them had a lot of trouble finding people they really liked, and I don’t think any of them dated for less than two years before getting married. Again, don’t know if it’ll help, but just wanted to provide a bit more data in regards to the “27 is still young and you have time” thing for the numbers part of your brain to chew on, and I’ve always trusted anecdotal evidence more than statistical as much as I wish the opposite lol
Always enjoy the podcast episodes!
I totally hear ya.
I went through that too. All my friends were married with kids, my younger siblings married with kids, I felt like it was never going to happen.
I was almost 25. 30 years ago where I lived that was very old for a woman to still be single. Kind of the attitude of everyone was that if you werent married by then you never would be. Completely wrong and unhelpful attitude. It just was what it was.
I had had 2 serious relationships that nearly went to marriage. One, we drifted into friendship. It was obvious marriage was not the thing for us.
The other one, he was very hot and cold. Broke up with me multiple times, then always came crawling back promising me he was going to marry me. As soon as his mom approved. She didnt want him to marry me. I was mad then, but happy with her now. Smart woman. Lol. This went on far too long and I broke it off permanently. A few months later the jerk married a girl he had been seeing on the side for the last nearly year. I dodged a bullet. :)
Heart-broken, distrustful, angry, I moved 300 miles away and got on with building my own future.
Met a divorced man whose ex-wife had been similar. I had previously always thought no way I would marry a divorced man, but when I met him, that got chucked right out the window. Lol.
We were both very broken, but venting to each other about it helped us get past it. Still took a few years to get married. But none of that hot and cold, more just cold feet. Lol. Married almost 30 years now.
He is magnetic for me. From the moment I saw him. It wasnt his looks, though he is extremely attractive (women constantly tried to lure him away, still some try.)
He just has something about him I am drawn to very strongly. We couldnt not see each other. He still is just as magnetic to me now.
I hope that happens for you in not too long.
Maybe change your parameters a little, the ones that dont matter as much. Look in a wider age range. My husband is 14 years older. My daughter's husband is 12 years older. None of us expected to find someone with such an age gap, but we did. And its wonderful. :)
You are a really fun, intelligent, accomplished young lady. I hope you get the next phase you want in your life soon.
omg what a journey you've been on! thank you for sharing and i'm glad you found your person!!! my time will come :)
thank you for making this! as a 26 year old virgo single girl I really relate!
🫶🫶
I think you are brave, beautiful, strong, POWERFUL AND AMAZING. 🧡
grace, always love your videos
I want to preface what i'm saying with the biggest hugs imaginable and make it clear this is out of love and support for seeing someone with a big heart who wants love struggling, cos hashtag same.
this isn't meant to be upsetting and honestly if you hate what im saying you can for sure delete these comment cos who am i to tell you how to go about your life y'know? but im aware for all my intentions it probably won't feel great to read some of this when you're feeling bad. i just hope maybe it can offer some perspective and things to consider at some point.
going off what you've said here, i feel like a lot of what you are internally struggling with is the fact that relationships make you vulnerable, inherently, and that is terrifying. relationships make you open up and learn things about yourself that you otherwise probably wouldn't willingly do by yourself, which can be really scary and feel like losing control, and i think maybe thats a big part of what you're worried about? I get the sense you like having control - and honestly, who doesn't - and the inherent surrendering of control that a relationship brings and calls for can be really fucking scary, and for good reason! it's really terrifying to offer yourself to someone and not know how they will take it or if they'll treat you well, all you have is trust that they will and that can be dashed too many times to feel ok about, as has evidently happened to you.
but i think what struck me the most was you talking about having no experience with being able to experience that trust, and describing it as if you'd never been able to live in the neighbourhood of having a stable relationship. definitely, a large part of that is that other men haven't given you the opportunity. but i wonder if maybe a desire for control, that is completely understandable and not an inherent character flaw, may also be closing off some doors to that neighbourhood as well.
i could be completely wrong - but may i suggest perhaps seeing if a qualified therapist could help you tackle some of this fear? i know its very big of me to sit here and sort of armchair diagnose you and say 'go to therapy' but speaking from experience, having a professional help you navigate your internal feelings and fears about stuff relating to this can help you figure out some things that won't automatically solve the problems caused by other people, but can bring you a deeper sense of internal peace that is just nice to have.
i worry that you hold yourself to a high standard and in an unfair way and don't allow yourself to accept your reality with grace and kindness to yourself, because thats another form of vulnerability that is scary but also hurts a lot. and i get how difficult that is, really i do. but i speak from experience of trying to tackle things like that in myself (7 years and counting of therapy and internal work WOO) and it has helped me, and i hope maybe it can help you.
second thing: love takes work. a relationship that works is not easy and it is not easier than a relationship that doesn't. i think there is this idea that when you meet someone who makes it work it'll be easier and fall into place but thats just not true. dating is hard cos it takes work to know someone and like them and try to make it work amongst our busy lives, and a relationship that works is less 'they're perfect for each other' and more 'they decided they wanted this and are working hard for it'. that can have its own consequences because it can mean you work SO hard for a relationship you really really care about and it ultimately falls apart (been there a lot, i don't recommend polyarmoury as your first relationship), but i think its important to know that love is work and is not easy. relationships have to be an active choice, which SUCKS when someone else doesn't want it, but it means that there will never be a sense of 'we're immediately perfect for each other.'
this isn't to say you should suffer through hard relationships and people that treat you badly, of course not. but please know that every relationship that is working is a result of active choices and hard work and not an automatic click that bloomed.
this is probably harder to hear and not super fun but its true and i feel like people should know that love, real love, takes work and is an effort, and not a coincidence.
finally, that bit about wanting to introduce someone to your grandma sounds really hard. i don't have any words for that other than i'm sorry, it sucks, and i hope you can find someone you really love and introduce to her before she passes. a close friend of mine recently lost her very old grandpa who she adored and she misses him terribly, and given your family seems so close i can imagine it must be such a hard thing to grapple with the reality that your grandma might pass soon. i wish you all the luck with that and that whatever time you do have with her is good and enjoyable for you both even if it doesn't always fulfill what you want
hahaha wow i appreciate you writing sm for a stranger!
from my experience i'm actually very comfortable trusting and being vulnerable with people who have the right intentions and truly care about me, since i do think i'm securely attached at my core :) my anxiety just gets triggered by certain men i have a bad feeling about and i usually end up finding out it was for a good reason LOL
i also totally recognize a relationship is hard work! i just don't even get to that point because i find so few men attractive because...they're men LMAOOO
but thank you for the kind words
2️⃣ dayzzzzzzz... 😭😫😭😫😭😫😭😫😭
This is a hard conversation, but the hard things do need to be talked about. Life is NOT a race. We all die at the end of this. Having a "person" will not bring you never ending happiness. marriage is hard, its messy, and sometimes you will find yourself wanting what you didn't want anymore. You are not "old" , call yourself old when you're 65 but right now no. We aren't racing. Take your time, be picky, make sure any big changes will benefit you (or both of you) and if you are not at least 99% sure then its not fkn worth it.
i swear your so pretty ❤❤❤❤😭😭
I had no idea you were older than me (only by 2 years tho)
always jumpscaring people with my age LOL
Love watching your videos while I crochet! 😊
literally wish i had this podcast but not me so i could listen while crocheting LOL
OK the only thing I hear from you are alot of expectations. I am married and have been for 32 years. I did meet him at 22. I think maybe you should go do as I did. I'm from New York(brooklyn girl at heart) anyways back to the topic. I only had 2 things I will not budge on. One they couldn't have kids, two he had to have a job. I didn't care what race he was if I was attractive to him it was a go for me. Maybe just narrow your expectation and date anyone within your expectations and see where it goes. But if you hold on to the notion that you will get hurt then you aren't living in the 2000. your a catch so it must be your expectation. Just my two cents. Love ya.
i turned 23 a week ago and ive been single my whole life, partly because relationships felt like too much stress for me with my poor mental health and also because of my parents relationship. im starting to want a relationship now that im feeling more relaxed but knowing me its gonna be a loooong time until i find someone
Yall spittin some facts I appreciate you
just yappin my truth
Im only 20 rn but i live in a place where its normal for people to get married by 22 to 26 and i always thought that by 19 id definitely have someone i could tell my parents im looking forward to marry, so to find someone by 19 i started looking around at 15. Its been all these years, and i havent even approached anyone yet, or have been approached by anyone in a romantic context. In the culture i live in, its hard not to see myself as a person lacking appeal when all my friends have amazing boyfriends who they can see a future with and my older cousins are already getting married happily to the people they love . Ive missed out on teenage love and i cant see myself finding early 20s love because no one ive met until now has been someone i can see myself with. I dont have high standards, i just want a kind person whos willing to spend life with me and we both find each other pleasing to the eyes lol. Why does it seem impossible. It didn't when i was younger but now? I cant help but wonder what is wrong with me maybe . I dont think im very pretty but i know im not ugly either. I dont talk comfortably with people im not already close to,.it usually takes some pateince from the person wanting to befriend me for us to get close but im also not shy when i want to get close to someone.
I dont know. Its so complicated and im scared of having to spend my life by myself. I have w great family and a whole group of friends but when theyre all busy with thier partners and thier own families what will i do.
The grandma thing is so real
like actually help me
I'm sending you good vibes and Happy thoughts so your dreams come true. I really liked your travel vlog and would love to see your trip visiting Grandma and life in China. My mother worked in China 30 years ago and only had wonderful things to say about the people. I follow two Asian crochet artist on utube and it seems like it's popular there. I wish you Happy hunting (men) and safe travels 😊