The Story We Tell Ourselves | Life Coaching | katyarrington
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- Опубликовано: 27 сен 2024
- It's totally possible to see things differently. Even if you can't see it yet, I hope this plants the seed for you to start practicing it.
Please write to me in the comments or katyarrington@gmail.com where you can practice seeing your past differently. You can show me how you used to or currently see it, and then you can practice finding the strength you found in these experiences. I would love to read it!
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I LOVE THE DUALITY OF THIS STORY !!!
Every video I listen or watch of yours makes me relate to you so much more! I'll definitely save these and come back to them. I've committed 2018 to taking more care of myself and really prioritising my mental health and happiness and learning how to reshape my thinking is a constant practice but I think it's starting to work. Thank you so much for taking the time to make these and be open with us! it's really inspiring 💜
Sarah yay Sarah I love that you’re going to prioritize your mental health. That’s my exact mission is to bring people to prioritizing their mental health because ya so so important so that makes me super happy. Thanks for taking the time to comment and being patient with my reply!
Beautiful
this was a great video. I found myself relating more to story one, its reassuring to hear that it doesn't always have to be that way. having perspective on things can really make that big change
Yeah for sure. I truly thought these things were facts and I was going to hate everything forever and that my parents messed me up permanently. There are other ways :)
I am lucky that the double trauma I went through as a child made my brain default to ignoring it and living the moment but this one is a real eye opener and makes me not fall into a dark place now that everything comes back. The message at the end is so sweet, makes it soo worth to buckle up and watch the video with courage!
Hey Sara! Yes you can definitely believe that you are lucky for the things you learned from the terrible experience without condoning the behavior that caused you trauma. Seeing things this way benefits us most importantly because going down the dark place really sucks and hurts ourselves. Proud of you for having courage
This was so empowering! I also had a lot of issues with my father, but this video made me realize that I can see things in a different light. You have no idea how therapeutic your videos are :D I really like your voice btw!
Heheheeh thanks Essa! Yes do it for you, because it feels so much better in our own mind and body to see things differently.
"Well it is about ten minutes long so I'll watch it before bed and comment tomorrow", I said to myself ten minutes before I wanted to hug you tight and talk a lot with you. I really have to go now and I plan on coming back to properly comment but I just had to drop by and give you the biggest virtual hug in history. You rock life.
Hahahah thanks V! *hugggsss*
Hi!
I'm a new subscriber and this was actually the first video I saw from you. First few minutes I was like... oh no, I'll unsubscribe as I finish it and then you changed my mind completely. I had few friends that are your first story type and I long tried to change them but if they don't want it, you can't do a thing for them. I know it's possible because I did it my self. All you need to do is change your mindset to positive and everything will succumb to it. Shake off the bad things and work with good you have in your life.
Hi Qupo! Yeah we have to let people be who they are. We can't control other people even if we think it'll make them happier and we never should. Everyone has a path in this life and they are free to choose theirs. I've found great peace by choosing to love everyone regardless of any factors. Thanks for your comment :)
I understand the point of this, that being grateful is a much better outlook on life, however it kind of looks like your lying to yourself about abuse so you can live with yourself, rather than acknowledging a shitty situation and moving past it.
I'm ok with you being wrong about me. I don't feel in denial, my parents weren't perfect, I can still love them, which benefits me, not them.
for me, at the moment, the right path lies somewhere in the middle between the two stories. it helps me to acknowledge the bad things that happened and the things my parents neglected to do - not to put blame on them, but to validate my experiences, to tell myself that the issues I still have from growing up are real. Because as kids we don't have much of a choice, the responsibilities lie mostly with our parents.
I still liked the approche of this video a lot, it reminded me that sometimes I need a nudge in the right direction to not get stuck in negative thinking and appreciate the good things that happen(ed) :)
Hey! Yeah totally. I mean when we're children experiencing trauma, we truly were victims because we were dependent on our parents for our survival and we truly didn't know any better. However, it's very painful for many of us who go into adulthood still believing we're victims when the trauma is over and it's such a liberating amazing empowering thing when we realize "oh shit, it's over, I can take control of my life, learn from these experiences and do much better than them." When I understood all this, I was like "the suffering ends with me" and I'm very proud of that, so in a way, I have my parents to thank for putting me in this position of strength and it doesn't mean I condone any of the shitty behaviors. Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on your experience!
Of course, I used to be there,too. I hope it didn't come off as criticism, I value the way you've portrayed your story and change of perspective here a lot! :) I just wanted to give a bit of a different view from someone who isn't quiet there yet in case it might help others, too. Realizing that I'm not a bad person for saying my parents were responsible for me when I was a child/teenager is quiet validating to me.Butof course the end goal for me is to take it further, don't get stuck on what happened in the past but rather create a better future :)
Hope you are having a great day! I'm so stocked, that your episodes come out so frequently atm! :D
Thanks for making this! I have a lot of family issues right know, and not gonna lie i did blame my parents a lot. After watchig this, i took a step back and look at my issues in a new perspective, and try to understand it from my parents point of view. Now the things that they did kind of makes sense to me, like if i was put into this situation and i have a kid i would do the things that they did.
It's my pleasure! It's ok to blame, don't judge yourself! I'm really glad this can help you take a step back. And it's ok if you looked into your parents POV where you can find understanding and empathy but decide that you will do something different as well. But I truly believe that everyone is doing the best they can and they usually have a very good reason for what they do, though it may be misled. It doesn't always mean we condone their behavior, but when we understand, we remove pain from ourselves which is a very kind thing to do for ourselves.
This is so inspiring. I used to believe my first story much more than my second. When I moved away from home, I realized how good my life is, and how much I really appreciate my family. I am forever grateful of how supportive they were of me growing up, but there are also a lot of things they did that I will never implement as a parent or spouse...or as a human being. It wasn't until I got married that I stopped thinking "my parents really messed me up" and started believing that I am in control of my life and can start over. The second story gives me a lot of power over my circumstances and also helps me build a better relationship with my family.
Hey Guminelly! Yes the 2nd story is sooo much more empowering, that I can take any of my past experiences and turn it into a strength. We can love our imperfect past without condoning the shitty behaviors. I'm definitely not going to repeat many of the behaviors too. Thank you so much for watching and taking the time to comment. I love hearing how you have done the same!
How do you change your story for the better to avoid unnecessary suffering, but at the same time deal with the truth of the bad parts that shouldn't just be swept under the rug, and might be harmful if ignored? (Maybe DM if needed)
Hey Adam! Thanks for commenting man! I ask myself what can I learn from this so that I don't repeat it and how has this experience made me stronger. When I find the answers, I almost feel grateful for my hardships. It definitely doesn't mean that I make it okay behavior because I'm not going to repeat any of it but if it empowers me, that will give me the right mindset to do better.
My Dad got pissed off at me whenever I showed signs of shyness which I think contributed a lot towards my social anxiety and led me to use alcohol for reasons I didn't like. Now, I have social anxiety to overcome and I've been doing a lot of mind work and fucking crazily enough I'm actually improving and gaining confidence, and that seriously makes me feel amazing. So I feel grateful that I had something to overcome in the first place because I proved how strong I am to myself especially since I know that my Dad was projecting his own social insecurities on me. That's what parents do, so I inherited those same insecurities as a kid but it's going to end with me now. I'm not going to pass it on. And that makes me feel super empowered and I love my past because of it. I hope that makes sense! You know I'm always available to message if you ever need to talk yo. :)
My experience has been backwards. my whole life up untill now My approach to life was like the video number 2. I decided to not let the awful childhood I had slow me down and choose to forgot how much my parents ruined my life and look forward and leave the behind all the negativity . It basically helped that I moved to another country so I kinda started to build my life free from that and chose to ignore everything that happened to me. and now since two weeks ago everything is catching up with me. I fell into this depression because I realized I never validated the feelings I had towards everything. I never told myself how much I hate my parents and basically just kept lying to myself. its inspiring to see the both sides and I hope ill be able to walk ithe fine line between these two videos sometime soon
Hi Soudabeh, thanks for sharing your comment. I'm really glad that you were able to not let an imperfect childhood slow you down and you were able to propel yourself to another country. I'd like to offer you another way to think about video 2 that may help with your sense of peace. Story 2 is not about ignoring or denying the hardships of our past. It's about acknowledging it and if it involves other people like our parents, understanding that they are human and any wrongdoing is a result of their own mind issues and has nothing to do with us. It's seeing those hardships and finding a way to love it and make us stronger and also to focus and be grateful for that was good and beautiful. I wish you the absolute best
So much admire you for your brave stance . to speak and stay positive out is the biggest achievement
Thank you very much Inam and for taking the time to leave a comment. :)
I'm confused a bit. Was the beginning of the video a post, then the middle was an update? Your dad treated you really bad when you were a little girl, your mom went out partying all the time. Then I guess as you got older, your dad started to treat you like his little angel?
I'm not complaining I'm just trying to paint myself a clear picture here.
As for me, I didn't get along too well with my dad because he's extremely selfish and never cared when we needed him too. Like he got me my first car, then about 2 years later, he told me that I owe him for that car... that hit me super hard. Still, our parents go through things and don't know how to deal with them at times and make stupid decisions without thinking about who else would be affected by their choice. They divorced while I was in elementary and it still hurts till this day because I never knew the real reason why they did.
Sorry for the long story. The glad things are better for you now though. You're very strong.
Hi Darris! Thanks so much for looking for clarification. Nope, those are the exact same stories from childhood to adulthood but the first one was when I focused only on the negative which I indulged in for 25 years of my life and the 2nd story is the exact same story but I highlighted the good aspects of my childhood up until my adulthood and the things I learned from it. We can choose to look at our past or circumstance with a different lens that benefits our own mental state without condoning the shitty behaviors of our parents. I'm definitely not saying oh what they did is ok, because I strive everyday to not repeat any of their behaviors, but to see it differently for our own sake and well-being so that we can do better.
Parents are extremely imperfect creatures and all the disappointing things they do is stemmed from their own shit that they probably inherited from their parents. Your dad asking for money from you for the car has nothing to do with you and all to do with him. He may be feeling some deep insecurity and he believes that his only way to feel better is to ask money from his son, that is a sad place to be. I feel lucky that I'm not in that headspace, which allows me to feel empathy and love for others and myself. And I do this not for the other person, but for myself, because it feels good for me to think and feel this way. It takes a lot of practice to change our thinking and it's fuckin hard. If you're not there yet, it's totally ok. It takes time. The fact that you watched videos like this or are searching for a way is a great indicator enough.
katyillustrates You're absolutely right on all aspects! Thank you Katy!
Thank you for this :)
Naxel it’s my pleasure Naxel
I love your glasses!
Hehe thanks Chris!