Don’t settle, ladies. Focus and surround yourselves with people who love you, love yourselves, do what you love and meditate. The rest will happen naturally sooner or later. Much love!
My boyfriend told me I was old fashion.😡 I told him yes I have standards, morals, old fashion values, have expectations of chivalry from a man. He better open that door for me he would be kicked to the curb.! He called me the next morning saying he wanted me to be his wife. I told him 6 months ... i need time. You set the standard from the get go. There is no better time to do it , don't wait until he has trampled all over your heart and wondering what went wrong... Lol Men want to make you happy in a loving, genuine way. If he isn't a stand up man boot him.
I dated a guy who had terrible table manners and ate like a caveman. It was terribly embarressing. Otherwise, he was great. This was a deal breaker for me. Or I could take a chance and say something. So, we had a chat about it. I told him in the nicest way possible that there was something bothering me and could we please talk about it. I said in a few sentences, "I noticed ........"......When I finished, he said, "That's it? Oh, gee, I had no idea. My mother never taught us anything specific. I thought when you wanted to talk about something, I thought you were going to break up with me. Ok, I can work on these things." Life went on and we were together for 5 years.
Telling men how to treat women- this is a good example of how to repel quality guys and giving unwanted advice. Bc u won’t have tell a quality guy how to treat women and it will just piss them off. A guy who treats a woman badly will not hear your bullshit anyway.
@@karlnerger2449 I said mutual respect Karl. A Man that treats a Woman badly most likely never had any respect for Women period otherwise he'd never consider what she said BULLSHIT. Good grief what's wrong with you anyway ?. Respect goes both ways Karl. Are you just trying to pick a silly argument with me or what Dude ? Grow up.
I believe boundaries are not there for us to have a specific reaction. Everyone is free to choose their action. They are there so that we can take care of ourselves. It may seem like someone is "punishing" us, but in fact they only show there is no place for them in our lives. That's my opinion.
Have love, confidence and acceptance for yourself. You will then naturally have boundaries. Next show love, acceptance and gratitude to others. Live in the moment thankful for it. Let the small stuff go.
Here's a tip, ladies: thorough background checks and STD/HIV screen. Please do both before you consider getting serious/sleeping with a partner. Meet family and friends. Investigate his social media.
TheMabes69. Oh yah. check the guy out before serious or sex. Preferred but.. dbl edge sword. Stop him, & you in moments of passion & ask for credentials. LOL! That changes the romance for sure!
I want to make sure I remember this: B = Boundaries (not about what the other person needs to do or not to; more about what I’m going to do if the person does X) A = Acceptance G = Gratitude
My problem is not attracting men. That's the easy part. The problem is that I literally can't find a single man I'm willing to put any of these great tips to use on. 🤣🤣
I have been married 40 yrs to my husband, you are completely RIGHT... JUST except ... you Will know what your relationship becomes, by excepting each other... no one is even near perfect....most people give up, instead of seeing the bigger picture... you grow, and life becomes clearer. Finding someone to love this long, is a beautiful thing... .
Mat, I used your advise and had the most amazing reaction from him. He said something which made me very angry and just took my trust away. But instead of criticizing him or being angry at him , I turned the table . I told him, that I feel very uncomfortable and hurt, if anybody would say or do this to me. I did not mentioned his name or the situation in detail. And he run with it. He apologized and said he would never intentionally hurt my feelings, and please to always tell him if he hurt me. I said thank you I appreciate that than switched to a different subject. He was the most attentive and caring man and we had a great evening. Thank you for this Mat a great advise I will use going forward
Jason, I just wanted to say that this is one of my favorite videos that you have made. My parents have been married about 35 years. My mom has been encouraging me through much of my adult life to use these tools when interacting with others. I work in Special Education with students who have highly negative behaviors. Using these techniques have made a major impact on their lives and I see them blossom more and more everyday. I also want to thank you for posting your videos! Much of my life, I have struggled with a low self confidence and not feeling worthy of a high quality man. While watching your videos, I have realized that who I am as a person and the values that I have been raised with, are exactly what you teach. It has been incredibly uplifting and doing so many positive things for my self worth! I am not gonna lie, I kind of have an addiction. Again, thank you for having such a major impact on my positive self growth! Keep up the amazing work!!!
Some guys simply “ don’t know” and you will find them changing their ways right after. No one is perfect and complete. Also another helpful tip is look at how they treat their mothers 😏
Just came across this video. It's more than advise for women but sage advise for healthy human interaction. Definitely one of the best video I've ever watched on this subject hands down. Well played.
I believe In not stressing it so MUCH. IT WILL happen naturally . No need to worry so much about validation from outer sources of people , Respect Yourself and 0 % Tolerance for disrespect. Let any one know to back off if they are Disrespecting your Self - Image .. it's all Cool .
Outstanding! Yes! This is what I would want from him. Set boundaries, accept me for who I am and show gratitude for the good things I do. None of us is perfect and all of us want our partners to accept us and love us for who we are without sacrificing their own beliefs and the reverse is true. Do not accept abusive or destructive behavior or to be treated in a way that devalues you, but also do not expect someone else to settle for any less either. Thanks for the video.
Great video Jason! Complaining is definitely a massive turn off! And so is criticizing... it's been found to be one of the most destructive ways to interact in a relationship, whether it's a man or woman doing it.
If the only way for someone to be alpha is to criticize someone, then they most likely struggle with insecurity. Truly confident, secure women don't need to criticize others because they have strong boundaries. In my opinion, people who study "How to be alpha" are typically the ones who need to fake confidence and only achieve it by trying to "dominate" others.
If you want to criticize and have a discussion, I'm all for it. If you want to be personally insulting without being able to discuss your criticism openly, then I have no choice but to block you from commenting.
I have always said and lived by ....treat others how you would like to be treated , also it truly starts by being confident and loving who you truly are before you can love someone else . I wish all those men and women that are wanting to find there life partner to love , respect and cherish and have them love , respect and cherish you . I wish you all everything your hearts desires and so much more. Always be your true self ♡ Hugs from a French Canadian women from Quebec , Canada .
@@maxhouse2409 Why don't you just communicate what is on your mind? Otherwise, you will forever be walking in your life. No one is perfect and neither are you.
Thank you for this. I didn’t realize giving advice was criticism since I get so much of it from my mother. I accepted advice as someone trying to be helpful, not fully realizing why I feel like shit. I am going to be more conscious about not giving unsolicited advice to others.
I am a married woman-this is still very helpful for husband and wife relationship. My husband is certainly one of the men described. These insights are golden nuggets!
NO COMPLAINING, CRITICISM OR ADVICE. Let them go if they don't meet your standards! B.A.G. = Boundaries, Acceptance, Gratitude. Boundaries - Focus on your actions. For example, if you do this again, then I will do that. Accept them as they are or let them go if you can't. Love and acceptance are the most desired attributes on the planet. Gratitude - Look for the good in them. Appreciate their special qualities. Praise will build them up and help them grow as a person.
I have found that almost ALL advice is coming from a place of manipulation or wanting someone else to change, no matter how well meaning. I used to do it. Tolerance is the opposite of love, not hate, in relationships. Accept someone as they are or don't and move on (this includes friends and family, btw). Love yourself and others unconditionally and it's all good. 😉 Thanks for the content. ❤️
While I do agree with most of this video, I have to say that it's necessary to speak up sometimes. I will definitely criticize my husband if he has done something and hurt my feelings because it could have been something he didn't even realise would upset me. It's unrealistic to expect to find a partner who will never upset us. I'd rather let him know in a gentle manner so that he can learn where I'm at emotionally. Holding everything inside is not healthy at all. And I expect the same from him, I want to know if I've done anything to hurt him so that I can understand and take the opportunity to make the situation right. Everyone is different and we all deserve the chance to apologise and realise what we've done. If a man can out his ego aside long enough to reflect on himself that is a high quality man in my opinion. I refuse to be with a guy who has too much pride and ego to accept he's been an ass from time to time. Nobody is perfect. By the logic of this video I'd constantly be holding my tongue and dying inside just to save his ego, or I'd be alone forever because that man you describe doesn't exist. I feel like what you're referring to is belittling. Belittling his habits and thoughts, now that is a no no and just plain bitchy. However, communication regarding boundaries is extremely important! One I will continue to do with my husband, it brings us closer if done in a loving gentle way.
I agree...holding him accountable is important. But I think the criticism he means here is criticizing the man himself...the way he dresses, how much he makes, etc... of course boundaries need to be respected in any great relationship.
Very important to make it clear what your boundaries are in the relationship. The man needs to do so as well. Don't stay in a relationship that doesn't make you happy. Let them be them and you be you. If it isn't working after you have made an effort, leave. They deserve to be in a better relationship as much as you. Respect who you're with, appreciate and enjoy them or find someone else. Be good to yourself and your partner. I had a happy marriage for 32 years. that ended when he passed away. Now 4 yrs later a new man is in my life and by practicing Respect, Love and Humor things are going very well. Enjoy your life ladies, if you are unable to do so with who you're with, try and fix it and if you can't move on
Good grief! Men are not children,, women give each other advice all the time. Most of us don't get upset or feel less bcoz of it. We either take the advice or don't take it, then just get on with our day. Yeah, we're not that fragile :-/
Testing said theory: Native, I think you're displaying arrogance by judging men, assuming you know what's best and telling them what they should do. If you want to really help someone, seek first to understand rather than trying to be understood.
@@jasonsilveryt - what I'm judging is your theory that men are fragile, delicate people that can't take even constructive criticism. You also ignored my point that most women don't have this problem. I grew up with 6 brothers, and I have 2 sons and 6 grandsons so I know men real well actually. I don't judge ALL of them, I just know how many are. The men in my family are very cool, smart and funny, and they don't pout when stuff is pointed out to them. Edit: fixing grammar and stuff. Thanks for replying btw :-)
yes, but women get into a lot of drama because of this precise behavior. We criticize everything and everyone way too much and don't look into ourselves anymore. Someone's wearing high heels, how shocking, or did you see what that b'tch just do, or you should just ignore this and that or get yourself another man. and the favourite - i told you so! We are expect critics without real life experience of the same subject we criticize. Also, men don't think or act in the same way women are used to. What we find normal, might be irritating for a man and visa versa.
If someone male or female cannot accept a bit of help, then they are a child. After my divorce, I saw how evil one man could be. I listen very carefully to what men say. They will tell you who and what they are. I will not argue with them, I accept their storylines, and move on. No, need to argue with them when they tell you what they are. Furthermore, it is not all about men. If the man cannot come to the table with good manners, not being a drunk, not being a user, being kind and caring, just being a decent humane being, then I don't bother. I am a kind soft heart loving beautiful caring sweet wonderful professionally gift with high moral standards. If the man does not possess qualities as mine, I move on. Life is to short to change who I am and diminish my strong personality, and driven nature to have a man. He will need to be strong, I am a force and positive, but you can take it to the bank, if I tell a man he is a Richard Cranium, he is.
This is the reason why when men say they want a woman who is honest, independent Andy strong, I never believe them. Their egos are so fragile they don’t know how to handle all of that. And yes, not all men, for the whiny ones.
I kind of refuse with some of this. If there is something I've learned with EQ in friendship, relationships co workers etc is that if you want someone to change something you believe is disrespectful or harmful is first, highlight the good qualities they have and THEN give them constructive criticism about what they are doing hurtful. Whoever can't take an honest word from a close friend then their ego is too inflated and you have to be humble and don't complain about it.
Amazingly explained. Thank you. One question - men, when told a problem, tend to offer advice. To them it's often the only reason why someone would tell their problem to someone. Doesn't it mean they would expect the same in return? Why advice giving hits their ego if they believe it's the best course of action? 😊
Holy heck ... and just as I was about to click off, Jason says " ... and before you click off ... "! I have truly learnt quite a bit from this video, especially the advice giving. It's what people come to me for as a profession, so I am prone to do this in my personal life too. Now I will be FAR more conscious! Thanks, Jason!
*A guys point of view* 1:00 I totally LOVE your point of view on what is a quality man. "Someone that is seeking a life long committed relationship" 3:55 They say if you want to build someones self esteem you should notice all the good things that they do and occasionally praise them for the good that they are doing. By doing this you can almost guarantee that the person will repeat the good behavior 5:00 Your 100% a women should set boundaries on how a guy should treat her, and know what her standards are! This goes both analogy could be applied to both sexes. If they don't meet the criteria you have set then don't move forward with a relationship
I will "accept" the normal faults of a guy who is good for me. But if his personality clashes with mine and he is toxic, I'm not accepting sh**. I'm walking out.
I like Jason. I can feel his sincerity ..that he indeed speaks from the heart. Amongst all coaches, for me he’s the most authentic. I simply can relate to him.... His views and beliefs are exactly what I believe in.
Fatal insults by hubby 1) Your ideas are "half assed" 2) I realize I didn't marry a "rocket scientist"! 3) It may be our anniversary, but we can't have sex, why should I stay home, you'll be here when I get back? (We had a 4 week old baby) I stayed another 23 yrs because I wanted our son to have a home with parents. Divorce was inevitable.
Wow this is so sad. I’m sorry you waited so long but at least you tried to do what you thought at the time was best for you and your family . But still so sad 😭
Omg, reading this made me cringe. I would have walked out the door after his first condescending comment. I would rather be alone, than to have some one try and DESTROY me....becaause that is what he was trying to do. I'm happy you got out of it. I just wished you left earlier.
Great advise. I love living my life beside another. He's an adult and can make his own choices. I will choose someone who's a great partner. If I see that he's not for me I will never get involved. Don't collect red flags! I'm not interested in changing him or mothering him. I'm interested in living my best life and doing what I love. I'm happy if you're doing your life and what you love. That's 2 mature people living their best lives, side by side. Of course as women, we mother, we take care, we feed, make a home beautiful etc. That's who we are. He's going to provide and protect because that's him living his best self.
As a high quality man, I'd say that I am first and foremost looking for a woman who is able to be my "business partner" - the one who will want to grow with me each and every day, the one who has respect and empathy towards people and the one who isn't into relationship just for the money, status and all sorts of things (basically searching for a "trophy man"). Majority of women are superficial, unable to commit and are generally irresponsible. They haven't matured yet and this is a huge turnoff. I don't care if you got 10/10 looks, if you aren't acting like an adult I won't commit. Looks is easy, but character is hard to develop.
does that also include to write off & kick quality Good guys to the curb to date superficial Bad boys for naïve thrill , like it or not your guilty of the same flaws due to insecurities to settle for less instead someone as an MATURE equal . My self respect doesn't tolerate childish games for social status . Relationships is a 50/50 GIVE & TAKE commitment ALL or nothing Karma " What goes around comes around "
Im thinking we maybe just need to focus more on drawing the line in the sand. A for accepting people and all the vices an flaws, b for boarder line in sand... The types of behavior i shall not tolerate and will walk away from. 😊 Smile at a stranger today and brighten their day.
And when a man, starts correcting you for little things you say right after or soon after he's just met you? , just to seem to prove HE is right, or to let you know he's 'such a man', RED FLAG!* don't talk to him anymore....it'll only get worse.
Let us do ourselves a favour of getting our matches.If someone is terrible, don't tolerate them,let them get a terrible person as a mate so that they can teach each other valuable lessons.Good people should get good people to enjoy life with.
I just lost my friend .I asked him why me .he said i never judged him .I knew him for five yrs .We are both sick .I made it through the sickness he did not .So we leaned on each other .Its is hard when your sick to find people that understand .and live it .We had each other .If he would say something neg i would look for a posative .If he did something that he knew i didnt agree on .I would not say a word .he would correct it himself ..Which i found odd .He changed for me and himself .I would not ask him .The last four mnths of his life I had to stand back some .It was hard but. I did it .I pulled back .He turned around and made me so proud of him .I talked to him the night befor he died .he was a good man .I am thankful I knew him .I am also thankful he is out of pain .He has moved on .you get knowhere fast putting people down .You can watch a man change by encouragment.
Also he never said men don't nag. This channel has a specific audience target, so why would he talk about how men need to change when there are channels out there FOR MEN. Let go of the defensiveness.
Mystique Lou the problem with complaining is that you prove to yourself and the other that you are immature. A high quality person just doesn't interact with people who complain. Nagging is a very poor substitute for taking personal responsibility and owning your life. It drains energy and that's why relationships go downhill when energy is taken and not given.
No, people need help! A woman cannot do ALL THE HOUSEWORK, HERSELF AND HIM!! HE IS SUPPOSED TO PROVIDE AND PROTECT AND MAKE HER HAPPY! That isn't nagging, nagging is a NEED for her for him to STOP BEING SELFISH AND LAZY and do what she asks him to do asap! It's common sense and common courtesy/decency and respect! That is how relationships work!
My Dad gave me the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People'' in 1976, when I was 14 years old. It made such an impact on my life. I still have the one he gave me and I purchased a new copy in 2016. When you mentioned it in this video I knew I was in the right place. I am a perfectionist and am Mastery Driven. So here's to you and let's go....
Wow...im impressed. I'm 63 and you have summed this concept better than I could ever imagined.. when I was in my twenties, I was young, pretty, full of openness, kindness, and a downright great catch. However, I remember going through the same thing that you describe women doing to men, I had men who wanted to do just little alterations to me that would make shape me more into the perfect woman they wanted. I never put it into the concrete words you just did. But , the feeling I got from them was exactly what you are describing. I felt like I just was not good enough the way I was, but if I made some small changes, that they of course suggested, I would be closer to the woman they were looking for. You are so right. If you are not good enough for a person and they don't like you as you are, it is insulting to suggest changes a person could make to be a better you. This is the same from the male or female perspective.
That's a great point Jason, that you made about letting him go so he looks at his behavior and realises he may need to change. I really like your advice.
Thank you for this video. I have watched a lot of your videos and they give such good advice. I have noticed the world these days is very individualistic- people expect things to go only their way, to speak their mind no matter the consequences, not many people want to compromise or learn a way to get along. Some people may see staying quiet and compromising as being oppressed, but this way of thinking is just about satisfying egos. It took me til I was 35 years old to realise that In relationships, there is no place for ego - there is only place for understanding, respect, tolerance and love. The couple have to find a way together to be happy and not focus on the little battles, the little disagreements. Being in a long term, happy and respectful relationship is the war which has to be constantly worked at to win.
How about making sure you don’t fall for a worldly man. To me a high quality man begins and ends with how much he loves and pursues Jesus Christ. Scripture is all we need to know what type of man we need. Notwithstanding, all us women need to remember that the mission isn’t marriage, becoming more like Jesus is.
Yes, the Jesus card is the biggest red flag. If he really tries to be your christian man but doesn't know anything about the bible... Player! Or if he tries to control you into submission he is creepy. Run Fast! We are told in the bible that the man should be the spiritual head of the household. If he can't teach you anything, you are unequally yoked. If he prays with you and for you, says grace.... He answers to a higher power, better look into him a little closer.
Yep, like my 'Christian' ex who also loved many prostitutes. But don't fear, all is not lost, he married another Christian woman who supports her sons drug addiction. Fabulous bunch those Christian men who soothe their conscience in a church on a Sunday whilst screwing everyone up the other 6 days. Hey, but Jesus right? I really hope you wake before it's too late. I met more narcicists in the church than in any other walk of life.
This is awesome! I mean, this can actually be applied not only to men but to relationships in general. Boundaries, acceptance and gratitute is how you actually want to live your life and have the same people in your life! Thank you!
Imagine if our parents treated us in this way to not criticize & if we treated are children this way & did not criticize ... how much more love we could share together this way :-)
Was a great video. Some solid advice. Only one part that I am not entirely sure about, which is the advice part. I consider myself to be a high quality woman in the sense that I have enough love for myself that it would not insult me in the least if my partner offered me some advice from time to time as long it was done with respect and obviously a place of love and good intention. So truly makes me wonder if he is truly quality man if is ego is so fragile that his partner could not give him a little unwarranted advice, from time to time, without it offended him. Typically, high value people have their ego's in check and enough humility to admit that there may in fact be another way/perspective to do/view something. Not convinced but still a great video. Thank you.
I UNDERSTAND what he is saying and alot of ppl are misinterpreting the message. He isn't saying be a doormat he is saying don't make frivolous complaints. And doing SO is counterproductive and it will induce the man with a frail ego to withdraw or simply not make the change u requested. Personally if I find a person ANNOYING complaining ISN'T enough. I'm an Aries so we like to eliminate things or ppl we DON'T like out of our lives lol simple as that SORRY but it's true. And DON'T ask what if it's a spouse BECAUSE my STATEMENT ANSWERED that. How can an annoying person who isn't allowed to be apart of my life be MY spouse (rhetorical) lol👍😇💘
I appreciate you for taking the time and interest to explain these concepts in such clear detail. It shows you have a talent and passion for deep, reciprocal love in relationships. You're a gem....a sparkly gem! Your name should be Diamond! 😁
Oh yes! I did that, it was so wrong of me and I couldn't come back from it. Was sorry but couldn't come back! One thing though, our communication was good and when he told me how he felt and why he was mean to me I could have died there, I felt so bad. I thought I was helping but in reality I was trying to change him and all I end up doing was putting him down, push him away, and create a barrier. Now! I'm understanding a little bit more about men and their needs, and wants. Thank you very much for taking the time, effort, and patients in sharing your life experience with us. I could never hold on to a man and now I see why, I have to first work on me. Thank you very much again.
I have a partner who treated me during our 1st year of dating exactly the way I treated myself: Disrespectfully & sarcastically, as well as punishing me as I was a self-punisher and was completely disgusted with myself. Your teachings finally sunk in, and I broke up with him while I learned to love and resoect and value __me__. It took 6 months to reset my paradigm, then boundaries formly in place, gratitude strengthened by practice in focusing on the things I liked about __me__ first, then him. Boundaries had been set and kept firmly while I got used to being behind the red velvet rope... And for two additional months after getting back with him I allowed no sexual intimacy but instead focused on personal intimacy so that we got to know each other (and we found huge depths of "liking" from "sexual fasting" that we're like two different people as we relate to each other now... Two happy, satisfied, fulfilled/fulfilling partners! I might add that my guy's a Confirmed Bachelor in his 60s so the miracle apparently doesn't have an upper age limit. Lol! Thanks again!
I was in a relationship where the guy was so happy that i took him for who he is, I was taken aback. and on the inside I was like: who else would I take someone as? however the relationship didn't work and I was so confused by that. it wasn't until I talk about it with a psycologist that I realised why it didn't work was because: he did not see himself as good enough, or even accepted who he, himself is. and that is so werry sad :(. anyways acceptiong someone fully is beautifull you see their perfections and inperfections, they are all human around you
Thanks for that video! I really needed some help about complaining and criticizing... I know it's bad, I know it makes people feel bad and angry at us, I know it's not a loving and respectful way to behave, but I was raised by an abusive mother that spent her time criticizing me and complaining about me, about my father, anything that didn't go HER way. So I consciously chose to never do this to the person I love, but I don't know better. Your video gave me some tips on how to make sure I'm not like her, which would be the absolute worst nightmare for me. Thank you
How do you not criticize or complain if a guy never has time for you, doesn't listen when you repeatedly ask for something, breaks his promises, lies, makes you feel as you are not a priority, stonewalls and refuses direct, honest communication, hides you from his friends and family, and chats with young girls while hiding it from you? In hindsight I should have just left.
The Key is OPEN MINDED RELATIONSHIP... WE MUST BE A MOTIVATOR AND INFLUENCER TO EACH OTHER IN ANY CONDITION IN A POSITIVE VIBE ... THATS THE MEANING OF BEING COMPLETED AN INCOMPLETE FOR EVERYONE GENUINELY.
Actually men hating alpha type women always prefer dogs over cats. Cats are the epitome of a feminine animal and the alpha women can't stand that. Plus it's easier for them to boss a dog around if there is no man to boss around. So it would make more sense to say have fun with your vibrator and your pit bull. (Feminists also don't like small dogs. Too girly for them. They need a macho dog like a pit bull or rottweiler)
Ladies, you haven't set the red velvet rope up and conducted your life with personal boundaries that should not be crossed. All these examples I'm reading stem from not standing up for your own integrity which is what he's telling us to do. Talk about what is ok and not ok for you. He can do what he likes but if he values you in his life, you say if x happens, I cannot in good conscience do Y any more with you. Very simple. You keep your integrity, he doesn't feel criticized or rejected. You are simply giving him information about yourself and your needs, expectations, desires. He still has free will whether or not to act on the knowledge you've shared. If he doesn't act on it...you've got a decision to make girlfriend.
A high quality man appreciate critisism as a valuable information, and hear complaining with full compassion, even if he doesnt agree, and wont do what the other one desire. that’s where a quality man starts....
I love that perspective Adrienne. I imagine the kind of woman he is attracted to would also have the level of self-awareness that wouldn't resort to criticizing others as a tactic to get what she wants.
Three years ago... Sigh. Thank you for defining what a boundary is. Seems simple and obvious, but I really needed it set out the way you did. I wanted acceptance so badly that I had few boundaries. I believe that comes directly from childhood abandonment. I couldn't have boundaries because my whole family fell apart and I was left alone, with an alcoholic parent. The fallout has lasted a lifetime. Damn! And I've always been a complainer... Critical. I'm learning. Being born again has helped more than anything. Jesus will never leave me, and He will always love me.
Abraham Hicks says gratitude puts you in a lower position than the other person. Express appreciation, because it is not lower, not higher. It puts you both on the same level and the person wants appreciation more than gratitude. “I appreciate you when you ……………..”. “I appreciate……………… about you”. It encourages more of the appreciated behavior.
BAG is applicable to all kinds of relationships. This idea just come in time.. I have had tension with my mum recently and this idea is gonna be very helpful for mending our relationship .Thanks for your video :)
I have experienced a man who criticized..and then he gets me hurt..sits back and seems to ENJOY watching me be upset and hurt..he remains calm. Seemed like he did this for his purposes.
my husband complains and criticizes me everyday, he said i am lucky he gives me a little attention because no man would do it, mind you i am very slender and men pay so much attention to me it is overwhelming
Boundaries, Acceptance, and Gratitude. You are absolutely correct in what you speak. I never heard it said in such a simplistic profounding manner. Truly this a revelation. I will strive to practice this in my God given every day. Thank you for your in depth research, experience, knowledge, and wisdom. May God continue to bless you and your family.
So no matter how much a person's or man's behavior has profoundly and continually hurt him, everyone around him, his future, success, happiness, and you; you shouldn't correct the behavior. Even if you've constantly loved, served, and praised him? Proverbs says that anyone who rebukes correction is a fool.
auhseylij J only they can correct their behaviour sadly that's where the boundaries come in if they keep facing the consciences of that then hopefully eventually they will look at themselves and try to improve
initially yes But if you fall in Love you become less objective ,,that's why if three little flags or one big red flag starts waving I can walk without regret knowing I am avoiding a disaster
Acceptance is that "This is what it is and its not going to change" whether it can change or not. If I accept that this is what it is, I look at it clearly instead of making up what it can be or what I want it to be. Then if I accept it as it is I can say to myself "Can I live with this as it is or not? Then I stay accepting what is or I leave accepting what is. But I dont stay and make us both miserable because I have not really looked it squarely in the face and come to terms, I am still thinking or acting in ways to manipulate it to change. Or If I accept that it is what I am clearly seeing and that is not what I want then I leave and give us both the opportunity to be happy with a person who is being other than that thing that I see and cannot be happy with. I find someone who naturally is being what I can be grateful for. One person will be grateful for the very thing someone else complains about. Be real about your own values.
I know that the advice that you are giving is not new...but I do admire your positive energy, your astute observations, and your ability to convey otherwise complicated issues in a "down to earth" easily understandible fashion.
LOL. My wife will certainly tell you that i'm a high quality man for her...however I'm definitely not a high quality man for all women. It all depends on what you're looking for.
Intrigued by the concept of a boundary as a personal action in response to someone's action. Been doing a lot of consent work as of late, and I love the notion of empowering people to take action to end harm, and not having the boundary be seen as attempting to control the other. I would also like my "boundary" (or the request to have a particular action not occur to me) be able to stand on its own, perhaps with the inherent reaction (how it makes me feel), without having to spell out my chosen action in response, unless need be. "I prefer not to be criticized." Escalated to "I prefer not to be criticized, it kind of turns me off." Escalated to "I prefer not to be criticized, it kind of turns me off, and if this will be a regular occurrence I doubt I will be interested in any future dates." Helpful to have the whole thing in mind, and be ready to act on your convictions to honor your boundaries, but I think I would find it hard to come out of the gate with "If you continue to criticize me, I doubt I will be interested in any future dates." Can you name the unwanted action, without it being seen as criticism? Name the harm it does, without it being a turn off? Some how set the boundary by naming your intended action to end the harm without it being seen as a criticism/threat or manipulation in and of itself? And most importantly, did I turn you off? :)
I actually feel the video is relative & good for both sexes. Bc Men can also be critical (bc of their lack of confidence: i.e. covert Narcissist). So U may want to re- Title this vid. As u really talk about towards the end, men with women too.
I only coach ambitious women, which is why I titled it this way. I do agree that often the principles I discuss are effective on all people, regardless of their sex.
Well, as a women, I hate when people give advice as well (except some very experienced people, who I consider as authorities). I especially hate when men do it, as if they know better
Hi , I am guilty of this, he says I have killed his spirit-by calling him a cheater,liar and good for nothing trash. I admit I am wrong and should have just walked away than lower myself to this. Thank you for this video.
I actually had to say goodbye to a guy of the LDS religion who judged me for watching Supernatural in spite of my being LDS as well, and he also judged my lifestyle for being hard of hearing. Those things were huge turn offs, it really depressed me because I talked to him for 3-4 months, everything was going well, and then this happens. So, you should make a video about guys not criticizing women.
Don’t settle, ladies. Focus and surround yourselves with people who love you, love yourselves, do what you love and meditate. The rest will happen naturally sooner or later. Much love!
exactly!!!
ArtByEdna. so true
Thanks for this!
💛💛🌹
Great advice, thank you!!!
When a man shows you who he is, believe him.
Nice quote!
That was from Maya Angelou
Donna McCann. I love that
What about psychopaths and liars?
Donna McCann 👍
My boyfriend told me I was old fashion.😡 I told him yes I have standards, morals, old fashion values, have expectations of chivalry from a man. He better open that door for me he would be kicked to the curb.! He called me the next morning saying he wanted me to be his wife. I told him 6 months ... i need time. You set the standard from the get go. There is no better time to do it , don't wait until he has trampled all over your heart and wondering what went wrong... Lol Men want to make you happy in a loving, genuine way. If he isn't a stand up man boot him.
Love this!
I dated a guy who had terrible table manners and ate like a caveman. It was terribly embarressing. Otherwise, he was great. This was a deal breaker for me. Or I could take a chance and say something. So, we had a chat about it. I told him in the nicest way possible that there was something bothering me and could we please talk about it. I said in a few sentences, "I noticed ........"......When I finished, he said, "That's it? Oh, gee, I had no idea. My mother never taught us anything specific. I thought when you wanted to talk about something, I thought you were going to break up with me. Ok, I can work on these things." Life went on and we were together for 5 years.
That is a good man then, not all accepts any criticism and he really loves you
Ger R 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Lucky you that he was willing to work on his table manners.
Great1
U were.... What happened
You've got to have mutual respect for each other. Life's sweeter when you treat your woman right.
Amen. And here endeth the lesson
@@jobtsnicnicholas3840 😂😂
Life's sweeter when you treat your man right.
Telling men how to treat women- this is a good example of how to repel quality guys and giving unwanted advice. Bc u won’t have tell a quality guy how to treat women and it will just piss them off. A guy who treats a woman badly will not hear your bullshit anyway.
@@karlnerger2449 I said mutual respect Karl. A Man that treats a Woman badly most likely never had any respect for Women period otherwise he'd never consider what she said BULLSHIT.
Good grief what's wrong with you anyway ?. Respect goes both ways Karl. Are you just trying to pick a silly argument with me or what Dude ? Grow up.
True love is friendship on fire.
Stacy Lamb once my current wife asked me what I thought love was. I said it was the same as best friends with sexual attraction on top.
Stacy Lamb so true so very true
Stacy Lamb I love that
Songs dflam
I dont know if you learned this, heard this or invented it...If it is the last - you deserve Nobel!
And they say women are difficult...!
that's true I'm one of them。
Lol
Right right 🤔 Men play more games than a bitch! But he said-he tested his wife while they where dating!
some people, instead of learning to respect other people's boundaries, they revenge ''punish'' those who want healthy boundaries
True.
Sooooo true!!
I believe boundaries are not there for us to have a specific reaction. Everyone is free to choose their action. They are there so that we can take care of ourselves. It may seem like someone is "punishing" us, but in fact they only show there is no place for them in our lives. That's my opinion.
There is the saying: "Convince a man against his will, and he will remain of the same opinion still". By David Mainse
Great quote Bernice!
If he's not open to my opinions then it's no different than being with a 5 year old...imo
Have love, confidence and acceptance for yourself. You will then naturally have boundaries. Next show love, acceptance and gratitude to others. Live in the moment thankful for it. Let the small stuff go.
Mary Beth Procaccini,You look cute 🌹🌹🌷
Beautifully said Mary Beth.
You really get it! Touche’
Here's a tip, ladies: thorough background checks and STD/HIV screen. Please do both before you consider getting serious/sleeping with a partner. Meet family and friends. Investigate his social media.
TheMabes69. Oh yah. check the guy out before serious or sex. Preferred but.. dbl edge sword. Stop him, & you in moments of passion & ask for credentials. LOL! That changes the romance for sure!
Dee Johnson-Ewing
Better safe than sorry. There are some std's unpreventable by condoms.
TheMabes69 I don't use social media that regulary, seems like ur way of thinking is wrong.
no, it is right.
How do you do a background check? Don’t you need to know his social security number to do that?
I want to make sure I remember this:
B = Boundaries (not about what the other person needs to do or not to; more about what I’m going to do if the person does X)
A = Acceptance
G = Gratitude
My problem is not attracting men. That's the easy part. The problem is that I literally can't find a single man I'm willing to put any of these great tips to use on. 🤣🤣
,🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Stop looking and he'll come
Krystal 1 year ago, how are you now? 😁
You mean “ a good looking, tall man named Chad or Tyrone”. Check the friend zone where you put all the good guys.
😂😂
You attract what you are. I always see SO MANY women say there’s not quality men out there. Have you looked in the mirror to see the quality you are?
Exactly. My way of saying the same is: "You reap what you sow"
nice one
Cass Ann its just that simple but people never look in the mirror
Careful, they're going to kick you out of the sisterhood for such radical ideas!
EXACTLY! Negative people suck each other in.
There are plenty of women (such as myself) who completely are put off by women who are constantly criticizing others and complain a lot, too.
Or the ones that thrive on drama
truth and truer I wont put up or out ,,,,when in doubt detour route LOL Time waits for no one after ,,,,men a paws
Your life must be perfect then. Go girl!
Micromanaging too!! @Leah Johnson
I have been married 40 yrs to my husband, you are completely RIGHT... JUST except ... you Will know what your relationship becomes, by excepting each other... no one is even near perfect....most people give up, instead of seeing the bigger picture... you grow, and life becomes clearer.
Finding someone to love this long, is a beautiful thing...
.
Marcia mellow,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
Being a high value woman is a lifetime lesson. Thank you very much for this.
Mat, I used your advise and had the most amazing reaction from him. He said something which made me very angry and just took my trust away. But instead of criticizing him or being angry at him , I turned the table . I told him, that I feel very uncomfortable and hurt, if anybody would say or do this to me. I did not mentioned his name or the situation in detail. And he run with it. He apologized and said he would never intentionally hurt my feelings, and please to always tell him if he hurt me. I said thank you I appreciate that than switched to a different subject. He was the most attentive and caring man and we had a great evening. Thank you for this Mat a great advise I will use going forward
Jason, I just wanted to say that this is one of my favorite videos that you have made. My parents have been married about 35 years. My mom has been encouraging me through much of my adult life to use these tools when interacting with others. I work in Special Education with students who have highly negative behaviors. Using these techniques have made a major impact on their lives and I see them blossom more and more everyday.
I also want to thank you for posting your videos! Much of my life, I have struggled with a low self confidence and not feeling worthy of a high quality man. While watching your videos, I have realized that who I am as a person and the values that I have been raised with, are exactly what you teach. It has been incredibly uplifting and doing so many positive things for my self worth! I am not gonna lie, I kind of have an addiction. Again, thank you for having such a major impact on my positive self growth! Keep up the amazing work!!!
This is excellent ! Boundaries, Acceptance, Gratitude .
Glad you liked it!
Some guys simply “ don’t know” and you will find them changing their ways right after. No one is perfect and complete. Also another helpful tip is look at how they treat their mothers 😏
Just came across this video. It's more than advise for women but sage advise for healthy human interaction. Definitely one of the best video I've ever watched on this subject hands down. Well played.
Thanks Tres! I agree :)
I believe In not stressing it so MUCH. IT WILL happen naturally . No need to worry so much about validation from outer sources of people , Respect Yourself and 0 % Tolerance for disrespect. Let any one know to back off if they are Disrespecting your Self - Image .. it's all Cool .
Outstanding! Yes! This is what I would want from him. Set boundaries, accept me for who I am and show gratitude for the good things I do. None of us is perfect and all of us want our partners to accept us and love us for who we are without sacrificing their own beliefs and the reverse is true. Do not accept abusive or destructive behavior or to be treated in a way that devalues you, but also do not expect someone else to settle for any less either.
Thanks for the video.
Great video Jason! Complaining is definitely a massive turn off! And so is criticizing... it's been found to be one of the most destructive ways to interact in a relationship, whether it's a man or woman doing it.
Thank you Matthew!
If the only way for someone to be alpha is to criticize someone, then they most likely struggle with insecurity. Truly confident, secure women don't need to criticize others because they have strong boundaries.
In my opinion, people who study "How to be alpha" are typically the ones who need to fake confidence and only achieve it by trying to "dominate" others.
If you want to criticize and have a discussion, I'm all for it. If you want to be personally insulting without being able to discuss your criticism openly, then I have no choice but to block you from commenting.
I have always said and lived by ....treat others how you would like to be treated , also it truly starts by being confident and loving who you truly are before you can love someone else . I wish all those men and women that are wanting to find there life partner to love , respect and cherish and have them love , respect and cherish you . I wish you all everything your hearts desires and so much more. Always be your true self ♡ Hugs from a French Canadian women from Quebec , Canada .
Same with parenting.
Sometimes constructive criticism works. I told my "friend" that "WHY did he never ask me how my day was?" he became much more attentive.
Very good advice!!!!!!! You are absolutely right. Too many women try to fix their boyfriends instead of letting them go. Good video. Thank you.❤️👍
Thanks Tandem!
Dont criticize. Backfires
Let him.go!
I needed to learn that right now!
Dont coddle!
Dont teach!
Say 0. Dont interact
He wont change from criticism @
As long as it's not a deal breaker, I do really well at loving and accepting a person right where they're at in life 👍
I find it really hard to give all the praise people need. If you give into it, it becomes a full time job. Fragile egos are an endless pit.
i dont want change any one , how,ever i will walk if i,m not happy
That's why many guys are walking away.....
@@maxhouse2409 Why don't you just communicate what is on your mind? Otherwise, you will forever be walking in your life. No one is perfect and neither are you.
Thank you for this. I didn’t realize giving advice was criticism since I get so much of it from my mother. I accepted advice as someone trying to be helpful, not fully realizing why I feel like shit. I am going to be more conscious about not giving unsolicited advice to others.
Same here, I want to help too much lol
I am a married woman-this is still very helpful for husband and wife relationship. My husband is certainly one of the men described. These insights are golden nuggets!
It's great to hear that.
NO COMPLAINING, CRITICISM OR ADVICE. Let them go if they don't meet your standards!
B.A.G. = Boundaries, Acceptance, Gratitude.
Boundaries - Focus on your actions. For example, if you do this again, then I will do that.
Accept them as they are or let them go if you can't. Love and acceptance are the most desired attributes on the planet.
Gratitude - Look for the good in them. Appreciate their special qualities. Praise will build them up and help them grow as a person.
I have found that almost ALL advice is coming from a place of manipulation or wanting someone else to change, no matter how well meaning. I used to do it. Tolerance is the opposite of love, not hate, in relationships. Accept someone as they are or don't and move on (this includes friends and family, btw). Love yourself and others unconditionally and it's all good. 😉 Thanks for the content. ❤️
briasativa,You look cute 🌷🌹
While I do agree with most of this video, I have to say that it's necessary to speak up sometimes. I will definitely criticize my husband if he has done something and hurt my feelings because it could have been something he didn't even realise would upset me. It's unrealistic to expect to find a partner who will never upset us.
I'd rather let him know in a gentle manner so that he can learn where I'm at emotionally. Holding everything inside is not healthy at all. And I expect the same from him, I want to know if I've done anything to hurt him so that I can understand and take the opportunity to make the situation right.
Everyone is different and we all deserve the chance to apologise and realise what we've done.
If a man can out his ego aside long enough to reflect on himself that is a high quality man in my opinion.
I refuse to be with a guy who has too much pride and ego to accept he's been an ass from time to time. Nobody is perfect.
By the logic of this video I'd constantly be holding my tongue and dying inside just to save his ego, or I'd be alone forever because that man you describe doesn't exist.
I feel like what you're referring to is belittling. Belittling his habits and thoughts, now that is a no no and just plain bitchy.
However, communication regarding boundaries is extremely important! One I will continue to do with my husband, it brings us closer if done in a loving gentle way.
I agree...holding him accountable is important. But I think the criticism he means here is criticizing the man himself...the way he dresses, how much he makes, etc... of course boundaries need to be respected in any great relationship.
I couldn't have said it better, Xana!
Very important to make it clear what your boundaries are in the relationship. The man needs to do so as well. Don't stay in a relationship that doesn't make you happy. Let them be them and you be you. If it isn't working after you have made an effort, leave. They deserve to be in a better relationship as much as you. Respect who you're with, appreciate and enjoy them or find someone else. Be good to yourself and your partner. I had a happy marriage for 32 years. that ended when he passed away. Now 4 yrs later a new man is in my life and by practicing Respect, Love and Humor things are going very well. Enjoy your life ladies, if you are unable to do so with who you're with, try and fix it and if you can't move on
accepting people (men) including their flaws,, please note that it should only be applied when dealing with good men ☺️
Good grief! Men are not children,, women give each other advice all the time. Most of us don't get upset or feel less bcoz of it.
We either take the advice or don't take it, then just get on with our day. Yeah, we're not that fragile :-/
Testing said theory: Native, I think you're displaying arrogance by judging men, assuming you know what's best and telling them what they should do. If you want to really help someone, seek first to understand rather than trying to be understood.
@@jasonsilveryt - what I'm judging is your theory that men are fragile, delicate people that can't take even constructive criticism.
You also ignored my point that most women don't have this problem.
I grew up with 6 brothers, and I have 2 sons and 6 grandsons so I know men real well actually. I don't judge ALL of them, I just know how many are.
The men in my family are very cool, smart and funny, and they don't pout when stuff is pointed out to them.
Edit: fixing grammar and stuff. Thanks for replying btw :-)
yes, but women get into a lot of drama because of this precise behavior. We criticize everything and everyone way too much and don't look into ourselves anymore. Someone's wearing high heels, how shocking, or did you see what that b'tch just do, or you should just ignore this and that or get yourself another man. and the favourite - i told you so! We are expect critics without real life experience of the same subject we criticize. Also, men don't think or act in the same way women are used to. What we find normal, might be irritating for a man and visa versa.
If someone male or female cannot accept a bit of help, then they are a child.
After my divorce, I saw how evil one man could be.
I listen very carefully to what men say. They will tell you who and what they are. I will not argue with them, I accept their storylines, and move on. No, need to argue with them when they tell you what they are.
Furthermore, it is not all about men. If the man cannot come to the table with good manners, not being a drunk, not being a user, being kind and caring, just being a decent humane being, then I don't bother. I am a kind soft heart loving beautiful caring sweet wonderful professionally gift with high moral standards. If the man does not possess qualities as mine, I move on. Life is to short to change who I am and diminish my strong personality, and driven nature to have a man. He will need to be strong, I am a force and positive, but you can take it to the bank, if I tell a man he is a Richard Cranium, he is.
This is the reason why when men say they want a woman who is honest, independent Andy strong, I never believe them. Their egos are so fragile they don’t know how to handle all of that. And yes, not all men, for the whiny ones.
I kind of refuse with some of this. If there is something I've learned with EQ in friendship, relationships co workers etc is that if you want someone to change something you believe is disrespectful or harmful is first, highlight the good qualities they have and THEN give them constructive criticism about what they are doing hurtful. Whoever can't take an honest word from a close friend then their ego is too inflated and you have to be humble and don't complain about it.
Amazingly explained. Thank you. One question - men, when told a problem, tend to offer advice. To them it's often the only reason why someone would tell their problem to someone. Doesn't it mean they would expect the same in return? Why advice giving hits their ego if they believe it's the best course of action? 😊
I was constantly criticized in my last relationship it was very negative and it made me feel hopeless. No more, I am done with that.
June Brezgis,You got a lovely smile 😊!!
Holy heck ... and just as I was about to click off, Jason says " ... and before you click off ... "! I have truly learnt quite a bit from this video, especially the advice giving. It's what people come to me for as a profession, so I am prone to do this in my personal life too. Now I will be FAR more conscious! Thanks, Jason!
*A guys point of view*
1:00 I totally LOVE your point of view on what is a quality man. "Someone that is seeking a life long committed relationship"
3:55 They say if you want to build someones self esteem you should notice all the good things that they do and occasionally praise them for the good that they are doing. By doing this you can almost guarantee that the person will repeat the good behavior
5:00 Your 100% a women should set boundaries on how a guy should treat her, and know what her standards are! This goes both analogy could be applied to both sexes. If they don't meet the criteria you have set then don't move forward with a relationship
I will "accept" the normal faults of a guy who is good for me. But if his personality clashes with mine and he is toxic, I'm not accepting sh**. I'm walking out.
eliminating Immoral, unethical, or illegal relationships s probably a good idea.
I like Jason. I can feel his sincerity ..that he indeed speaks from the heart. Amongst all coaches, for me he’s the most authentic. I simply can relate to him.... His views and beliefs are exactly what I believe in.
Thank you for this! This applies to ALL healthy relationships 😊 not just dating
Fatal insults by hubby 1) Your ideas are "half assed" 2) I realize I didn't marry a "rocket scientist"! 3) It may be our anniversary, but we can't have sex, why should I stay home, you'll be here when I get back? (We had a 4 week old baby) I stayed another 23 yrs because I wanted our son to have a home with parents. Divorce was inevitable.
Sounds oh so familiar. Happy you moved on. All the best to you
23 years too long
Wow this is so sad. I’m sorry you waited so long but at least you tried to do what you thought at the time was best for you and your family . But still so sad 😭
Omg, reading this made me cringe. I would have walked out the door after his first condescending comment. I would rather be alone, than to have some one try and DESTROY me....becaause that is what he was trying to do. I'm happy you got out of it. I just wished you left earlier.
Great advise. I love living my life beside another. He's an adult and can make his own choices. I will choose someone who's a great partner. If I see that he's not for me I will never get involved. Don't collect red flags! I'm not interested in changing him or mothering him. I'm interested in living my best life and doing what I love. I'm happy if you're doing your life and what you love. That's 2 mature people living their best lives, side by side. Of course as women, we mother, we take care, we feed, make a home beautiful etc. That's who we are. He's going to provide and protect because that's him living his best self.
As a high quality man, I'd say that I am first and foremost looking for a woman who is able to be my "business partner" - the one who will want to grow with me each and every day, the one who has respect and empathy towards people and the one who isn't into relationship just for the money, status and all sorts of things (basically searching for a "trophy man"). Majority of women are superficial, unable to commit and are generally irresponsible. They haven't matured yet and this is a huge turnoff. I don't care if you got 10/10 looks, if you aren't acting like an adult I won't commit. Looks is easy, but character is hard to develop.
You mention growing with you. Why did you leave out growing with her? Maturity is a 2 way street.
majority of men will lie to get sex, and waste woman's time leading her on - way to generalize about women, Get RoasTed.
does that also include to write off & kick quality Good guys to the curb to date superficial
Bad boys for naïve thrill , like it or not your guilty of the same flaws due to insecurities to settle for less instead someone as an MATURE equal . My self respect doesn't tolerate childish games for social status . Relationships is a 50/50 GIVE & TAKE commitment
ALL or nothing
Karma " What goes around comes around "
Im thinking we maybe just need to focus more on drawing the line in the sand. A for accepting people and all the vices an flaws, b for boarder line in sand... The types of behavior i shall not tolerate and will walk away from. 😊 Smile at a stranger today and brighten their day.
Is that an official advert? 😊
And when a man, starts correcting you for little things you say right after or soon after he's just met you? , just to seem to prove HE is right, or to let you know he's 'such a man', RED FLAG!* don't talk to him anymore....it'll only get worse.
Let us do ourselves a favour of getting our matches.If someone is terrible, don't tolerate them,let them get a terrible person as a mate so that they can teach each other valuable lessons.Good people should get good people to enjoy life with.
I just lost my friend .I asked him why me .he said i never judged him .I knew him for five yrs .We are both sick .I made it through the sickness he did not .So we leaned on each other .Its is hard when your sick to find people that understand .and live it .We had each other .If he would say something neg i would look for a posative .If he did something that he knew i didnt agree on .I would not say a word .he would correct it himself ..Which i found odd .He changed for me and himself .I would not ask him .The last four mnths of his life I had to stand back some .It was hard but. I did it .I pulled back .He turned around and made me so proud of him .I talked to him the night befor he died .he was a good man .I am thankful I knew him .I am also thankful he is out of pain .He has moved on .you get knowhere fast putting people down .You can watch a man change by encouragment.
Hugs 💕
Beautiful
I'm very sorry for you lost.
Much love and hugs 💜❤
How do you know he is out of his pain? People like to say things they hear.
Never complain....must be the middle ages
Know guys that NAG more than women
I never said you can't complain. If you want to complain, have at it!
Also he never said men don't nag. This channel has a specific audience target, so why would he talk about how men need to change when there are channels out there FOR MEN. Let go of the defensiveness.
Mystique Lou the problem with complaining is that you prove to yourself and the other that you are immature. A high quality person just doesn't interact with people who complain. Nagging is a very poor substitute for taking personal responsibility and owning your life. It drains energy and that's why relationships go downhill when energy is taken and not given.
No, people need help! A woman cannot do ALL THE HOUSEWORK, HERSELF AND HIM!! HE IS SUPPOSED TO PROVIDE AND PROTECT AND MAKE HER HAPPY! That isn't nagging, nagging is a NEED for her for him to STOP BEING SELFISH AND LAZY and do what she asks him to do asap! It's common sense and common courtesy/decency and respect! That is how relationships work!
+Mystique Lou Only the ones who raised by single mothers and implements her nature into the relationship.
My Dad gave me the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People'' in 1976, when I was 14 years old. It made such an impact on my life. I still have the one he gave me and I purchased a new copy in 2016. When you mentioned it in this video I knew I was in the right place. I am a perfectionist and am Mastery Driven. So here's to you and let's go....
Wow...im impressed. I'm 63 and you have summed this concept better than I could ever imagined.. when I was in my twenties, I was young, pretty, full of openness, kindness, and a downright great catch. However, I remember going through the same thing that you describe women doing to men, I had men who wanted to do just little alterations to me that would make shape me more into the perfect woman they wanted. I never put it into the concrete words you just did. But , the feeling I got from them was exactly what you are describing. I felt like I just was not good enough the way I was, but if I made some small changes, that they of course suggested, I would be closer to the woman they were looking for. You are so right. If you are not good enough for a person and they don't like you as you are, it is insulting to suggest changes a person could make to be a better you. This is the same from the male or female perspective.
Thanks for commenting!
Thank you for sharing :)
wow
Boundaries, Acceptance and Gratitude.
Recipe for success with anyone.
Thank you for your training. 🥳
That's a great point Jason, that you made about letting him go so he looks at his behavior and realises he may need to change. I really like your advice.
Thank you for this video. I have watched a lot of your videos and they give such good advice. I have noticed the world these days is very individualistic- people expect things to go only their way, to speak their mind no matter the consequences, not many people want to compromise or learn a way to get along. Some people may see staying quiet and compromising as being oppressed, but this way of thinking is just about satisfying egos. It took me til I was 35 years old to realise that In relationships, there is no place for ego - there is only place for understanding, respect, tolerance and love. The couple have to find a way together to be happy and not focus on the little battles, the little disagreements. Being in a long term, happy and respectful relationship is the war which has to be constantly worked at to win.
Don't bother fixing / teaching man to be better.. You think you are being nice and thoughtful, but you will be ended up being "the bad person"
This is really helpful! Thanks 🙏
My sister in law taught my brother to put his shoes where they belong.
@@estherthomas76 lol
And you will be replaced and someone else will benefit from your efforts
Very true
How about making sure you don’t fall for a worldly man. To me a high quality man begins and ends with how much he loves and pursues Jesus Christ. Scripture is all we need to know what type of man we need. Notwithstanding, all us women need to remember that the mission isn’t marriage, becoming more like Jesus is.
Yes, the Jesus card is the biggest red flag. If he really tries to be your christian man but doesn't know anything about the bible... Player! Or if he tries to control you into submission he is creepy. Run Fast! We are told in the bible that the man should be the spiritual head of the household. If he can't teach you anything, you are unequally yoked. If he prays with you and for you, says grace.... He answers to a higher power, better look into him a little closer.
Yep, like my 'Christian' ex who also loved many prostitutes. But don't fear, all is not lost, he married another Christian woman who supports her sons drug addiction. Fabulous bunch those Christian men who soothe their conscience in a church on a Sunday whilst screwing everyone up the other 6 days. Hey, but Jesus right? I really hope you wake before it's too late. I met more narcicists in the church than in any other walk of life.
+davidsirmons: Your bigotry is showing.
Loved your comment! Amen!
asolis1982 Amen to that.
This is awesome! I mean, this can actually be applied not only to men but to relationships in general. Boundaries, acceptance and gratitute is how you actually want to live your life and have the same people in your life!
Thank you!
Imagine if our parents treated us in this way to not criticize & if we treated are children this way & did not criticize ... how much more love we could share together this way :-)
Was a great video. Some solid advice. Only one part that I am not entirely sure about, which is the advice part. I consider myself to be a high quality woman in the sense that I have enough love for myself that it would not insult me in the least if my partner offered me some advice from time to time as long it was done with respect and obviously a place of love and good intention. So truly makes me wonder if he is truly quality man if is ego is so fragile that his partner could not give him a little unwarranted advice, from time to time, without it offended him. Typically, high value people have their ego's in check and enough humility to admit that there may in fact be another way/perspective to do/view something. Not convinced but still a great video. Thank you.
I UNDERSTAND what he is saying and alot of ppl are misinterpreting the message. He isn't saying be a doormat he is saying don't make frivolous complaints. And doing SO is counterproductive and it will induce the man with a frail ego to withdraw or simply not make the change u requested.
Personally if I find a person ANNOYING complaining ISN'T enough. I'm an Aries so we like to eliminate things or ppl we DON'T like out of our lives lol simple as that SORRY but it's true. And DON'T ask what if it's a spouse BECAUSE my STATEMENT ANSWERED that. How can an annoying person who isn't allowed to be apart of my life be MY spouse (rhetorical) lol👍😇💘
I appreciate you for taking the time and interest to explain these concepts in such clear detail. It shows you have a talent and passion for deep, reciprocal love in relationships. You're a gem....a sparkly gem! Your name should be Diamond! 😁
Oh yes! I did that, it was so wrong of me and I couldn't come back from it. Was sorry but couldn't come back! One thing though, our communication was good and when he told me how he felt and why he was mean to me I could have died there, I felt so bad. I thought I was helping but in reality I was trying to change him and all I end up doing was putting him down, push him away, and create a barrier. Now! I'm understanding a little bit more about men and their needs, and wants. Thank you very much for taking the time, effort, and patients in sharing your life experience with us. I could never hold on to a man and now I see why, I have to first work on me. Thank you very much again.
I have a partner who treated me during our 1st year of dating exactly the way I treated myself: Disrespectfully & sarcastically, as well as punishing me as I was a self-punisher and was completely disgusted with myself. Your teachings finally sunk in, and I broke up with him while I learned to love and resoect and value __me__. It took 6 months to reset my paradigm, then boundaries formly in place, gratitude strengthened by practice in focusing on the things I liked about __me__ first, then him.
Boundaries had been set and kept firmly while I got used to being behind the red velvet rope... And for two additional months after getting back with him I allowed no sexual intimacy but instead focused on personal intimacy so that we got to know each other (and we found huge depths of "liking" from "sexual fasting" that we're like two different people as we relate to each other now... Two happy, satisfied, fulfilled/fulfilling partners! I might add that my guy's a Confirmed Bachelor in his 60s so the miracle apparently doesn't have an upper age limit. Lol! Thanks again!
I was in a relationship where the guy was so happy that i took him for who he is, I was taken aback. and on the inside I was like: who else would I take someone as?
however the relationship didn't work and I was so confused by that.
it wasn't until I talk about it with a psycologist that I realised why it didn't work was because: he did not see himself as good enough, or even accepted who he, himself is. and that is so werry sad :(.
anyways acceptiong someone fully is beautifull you see their perfections and inperfections, they are all human around you
Thanks for that video! I really needed some help about complaining and criticizing... I know it's bad, I know it makes people feel bad and angry at us, I know it's not a loving and respectful way to behave, but I was raised by an abusive mother that spent her time criticizing me and complaining about me, about my father, anything that didn't go HER way.
So I consciously chose to never do this to the person I love, but I don't know better.
Your video gave me some tips on how to make sure I'm not like her, which would be the absolute worst nightmare for me.
Thank you
Being critical is part of living.... improvements begin with objective criticism.....lifelong learning is 👌🏾thanks
How do you not criticize or complain if a guy never has time for you, doesn't listen when you repeatedly ask for something, breaks his promises, lies, makes you feel as you are not a priority, stonewalls and refuses direct, honest communication, hides you from his friends and family, and chats with young girls while hiding it from you?
In hindsight I should have just left.
How many red flags did you ignore in the beginning?
The Key is OPEN MINDED RELATIONSHIP... WE MUST BE A MOTIVATOR AND INFLUENCER TO EACH OTHER IN ANY CONDITION IN A POSITIVE VIBE ... THATS THE MEANING OF BEING COMPLETED AN INCOMPLETE FOR EVERYONE GENUINELY.
Oh screw this. I'll be me. If they don't like it they can exit 😆😆
Did you listen to the video? I'm not telling you to be inauthentic. :)
maureen B so how is that working for you?
Actually men hating alpha type women always prefer dogs over cats. Cats are the epitome of a feminine animal and the alpha women can't stand that. Plus it's easier for them to boss a dog around if there is no man to boss around. So it would make more sense to say have fun with your vibrator and your pit bull. (Feminists also don't like small dogs. Too girly for them. They need a macho dog like a pit bull or rottweiler)
Ladies, you haven't set the red velvet rope up and conducted your life with personal boundaries that should not be crossed. All these examples I'm reading stem from not standing up for your own integrity which is what he's telling us to do. Talk about what is ok and not ok for you. He can do what he likes but if he values you in his life, you say if x happens, I cannot in good conscience do Y any more with you. Very simple. You keep your integrity, he doesn't feel criticized or rejected. You are simply giving him information about yourself and your needs, expectations, desires. He still has free will whether or not to act on the knowledge you've shared. If he doesn't act on it...you've got a decision to make girlfriend.
Well said Marcia!
A high quality man appreciate critisism as a valuable information, and hear complaining with full compassion, even if he doesnt agree, and wont do what the other one desire.
that’s where a quality man starts....
I love that perspective Adrienne. I imagine the kind of woman he is attracted to would also have the level of self-awareness that wouldn't resort to criticizing others as a tactic to get what she wants.
This is a fantastic video! I think you’re the best dating coach out there.
Thanks for the kind words Mel! You hit my love language. :)
-Jason
Three years ago... Sigh.
Thank you for defining what a boundary is. Seems simple and obvious, but I really needed it set out the way you did. I wanted acceptance so badly that I had few boundaries. I believe that comes directly from childhood abandonment. I couldn't have boundaries because my whole family fell apart and I was left alone, with an alcoholic parent. The fallout has lasted a lifetime. Damn!
And I've always been a complainer... Critical. I'm learning. Being born again has helped more than anything. Jesus will never leave me, and He will always love me.
Love how these ideas can be applied to all people & all types of relationships, romantic or even family based too.
Abraham Hicks says gratitude puts you in a lower position than the other person. Express appreciation, because it is not lower, not higher.
It puts you both on the same level and the person wants appreciation more than gratitude.
“I appreciate you when you ……………..”. “I appreciate……………… about you”. It encourages more of the appreciated behavior.
BAG is applicable to all kinds of relationships. This idea just come in time.. I have had tension with my mum recently and this idea is gonna be very helpful for mending our relationship .Thanks for your video :)
Absolutely agree! It is helpful for all relationships.
Excellent tips! Wish I’d seen this years ago… it’s so easy to think “we’re helping”, and not recognize it’s hurting the relationship ….
This advice is beyond valuable thank you So Much for bringing awareness over this matter.
Sonia Indigo,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!
I have experienced a man who criticized..and then he gets me hurt..sits back and seems to ENJOY watching me be upset and hurt..he remains calm. Seemed like he did this for his purposes.
my husband complains and criticizes me everyday, he said i am lucky he gives me a little attention because no man would do it, mind you i am very slender and men pay so much attention to me it is overwhelming
His insecurity of the attention you get has him trying to knock you down a peg. Mental/emotional abuse.
Omg! Dump his fuckin arse😡
Ellen get out if you haven't! I just got out of a 12 year marriage that has totally messed me up by his words. It is not worth it.
ellen davis oh my gosh have you left him yet darl? You deserve soooo much better!!!!
This is abuse. I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
Boundaries, Acceptance, and Gratitude. You are absolutely correct in what you speak. I never heard it said in such a simplistic profounding manner. Truly this a revelation. I will strive to practice this in my God given every day. Thank you for your in depth research, experience, knowledge, and wisdom. May God continue to bless you and your family.
So no matter how much a person's or man's behavior has profoundly and continually hurt him, everyone around him, his future, success, happiness, and you; you shouldn't correct the behavior. Even if you've constantly loved, served, and praised him? Proverbs says that anyone who rebukes correction is a fool.
auhseylij J only they can correct their behaviour sadly that's where the boundaries come in if they keep facing the consciences of that then hopefully eventually they will look at themselves and try to improve
Shall we talk about your behavior?
It's time you women be given the time to figure it out, without a man.
initially yes But if you fall in Love you become less objective ,,that's why if three little flags or one big red flag starts waving I can walk without regret knowing I am avoiding a disaster
Acceptance is that "This is what it is and its not going to change" whether it can change or not. If I accept that this is what it is, I look at it clearly instead of making up what it can be or what I want it to be. Then if I accept it as it is I can say to myself "Can I live with this as it is or not? Then I stay accepting what is or I leave accepting what is. But I dont stay and make us both miserable because I have not really looked it squarely in the face and come to terms, I am still thinking or acting in ways to manipulate it to change. Or If I accept that it is what I am clearly seeing and that is not what I want then I leave and give us both the opportunity to be happy with a person who is being other than that thing that I see and cannot be happy with. I find someone who naturally is being what I can be grateful for. One person will be grateful for the very thing someone else complains about. Be real about your own values.
Not sure why this showed up in my feed but there are some good points here.
Thanks Jasmine!
This is a recipe for ending up alone. Either keep your mouth shut about everything or walk away without explanation.
Jason, this is one of the best videos I've seen on relationship coaching. Thank-you, so much💕
I know that the advice that you are giving is not new...but I do admire your positive energy, your astute observations, and your ability to convey otherwise complicated issues in a "down to earth" easily understandible fashion.
"what is a high quality man?" 1:00 with the hand gesture i thought he was going to say "well I'M a high quality man"😂😂😂
LOL. My wife will certainly tell you that i'm a high quality man for her...however I'm definitely not a high quality man for all women. It all depends on what you're looking for.
Intrigued by the concept of a boundary as a personal action in response to someone's action. Been doing a lot of consent work as of late, and I love the notion of empowering people to take action to end harm, and not having the boundary be seen as attempting to control the other. I would also like my "boundary" (or the request to have a particular action not occur to me) be able to stand on its own, perhaps with the inherent reaction (how it makes me feel), without having to spell out my chosen action in response, unless need be. "I prefer not to be criticized." Escalated to "I prefer not to be criticized, it kind of turns me off." Escalated to "I prefer not to be criticized, it kind of turns me off, and if this will be a regular occurrence I doubt I will be interested in any future dates." Helpful to have the whole thing in mind, and be ready to act on your convictions to honor your boundaries, but I think I would find it hard to come out of the gate with "If you continue to criticize me, I doubt I will be interested in any future dates."
Can you name the unwanted action, without it being seen as criticism? Name the harm it does, without it being a turn off? Some how set the boundary by naming your intended action to end the harm without it being seen as a criticism/threat or manipulation in and of itself? And most importantly, did I turn you off? :)
I actually feel the video is relative & good for both sexes. Bc Men can also be critical (bc of their lack of confidence: i.e. covert Narcissist).
So U may want to re- Title this vid. As u really talk about towards the end, men with women too.
I only coach ambitious women, which is why I titled it this way. I do agree that often the principles I discuss are effective on all people, regardless of their sex.
Well, as a women, I hate when people give advice as well (except some very experienced people, who I consider as authorities). I especially hate when men do it, as if they know better
Yeah! There's a long list of turn offs high quality women have for those who think they are HIGH QUALITY MEN..
Key word is think when it comes to males who think they're the better kind of man.
Best comment
@@janbadinski7126 lol kind of like the over rated Alpha wannabe = conceited phony act
Hi , I am guilty of this, he says I have killed his spirit-by calling him a cheater,liar and good for nothing trash. I admit I am wrong and should have just walked away than lower myself to this. Thank you for this video.
Good stuff! I especially love the definition of 'boundaries'.
I actually had to say goodbye to a guy of the LDS religion who judged me for watching Supernatural in spite of my being LDS as well, and he also judged my lifestyle for being hard of hearing. Those things were huge turn offs, it really depressed me because I talked to him for 3-4 months, everything was going well, and then this happens. So, you should make a video about guys not criticizing women.
Ana Baird,You are beautiful 🌹🌹,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!