but let's not forget that there is still a huge difference between "being your best self" and "demonizing others". one can eat healthier and declutter their living space while simultaneously not being an asshole. in fact, "being your best self" likely includes being compassionate and empathetic and understanding. a wise individual may understand why people eat McDonald's or live in cluttered spaces, but that doesn't mean that they're required to tolerate and accept it, nor does it mean that they must insult or be cruel to people who do.
@@zaid_nt7092 Demonizing the demonizers, eh? Judging the judges? Lol. I think the message that Waldun is trying to send is "See the world as it is, and not as you want it to be." That's my interpretation
I hate most self-help books. Overall, self-help seems to focus on conforming to society’s expectations in order to succeed. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about success in art, dating, or business. It’s all the same mindset.
Life is all about living through various experiences. The good, the bad, the boring - all of it. What is a good story without a journey and appreciation of everything you’ve been through?
i think a writer gotta love imperfections imperfect people are the interesting ones if you can't enjoy studying imperfect people(the way they act and talk and develop) how are you gonna write an interesting character? and if you don't enjoy studying humans how could you read a novel or watch a movie without going insane?
On productivity-focused people being assholes- I think it’s because people who are self-centered and who want to be better than others find a way to project these desires in a socially acceptable (or even lauded) way in these communities. This is also why “holier-than-thou” types are a thing in religions. It’s all about “being better than others”, which, I would argue, is not bad in itself. There’s this beautiful idea in Mahayana Buddhism that encourages people to be enlightened buddhas-perfect beings-for the sake of all sentient beings: bodhicitta. And I think that’s what’s missing in most modern self-help narratives that are so focused on the capitalist idea that the fulfillment of our goals is the greatest happiness. Being a perfect person, a saint, a buddha, is not the end goal by itself, but how being that perfect person will help others to advance to that state also.
as a human specie we are primed for survival and ultimately what's deem as good for our well being. That's how marketters advertized their products. If one goes down that road of trying to be perfect in adherence to a doctrine, one eventually realizes the futility of it all because it could never be achieved and I meant that literally. The self system will collapse because the ego will filter only what is accepatable and if its irreconceivable, will try to 'solve' the unwanted pattern which naturally fixates the mind like a loop, endlessly ruminating in such endeavor. When one is too good in an egoic sense, one sees devilish conduct all around. When one is too good for selfless reason, one loses oneself in all respect and becoming a martyr.
I disagree that one loses oneself and becomes a “martyr” in being selfless. But bodhicitta is not selflessness per se in the sense that you mean, because it starts with the self and focuses on the self first. But the point is that you can make yourself the best you can be without having yourself as the end goal.
@@thaluthathaluth i think selflessness is akin to empathy or i miscontrued. This is not a fact I try to convey but a direct experience of mine. When you try to embody empathy which is eradicating all selfish tendencies for the good of all, you naturally loses your self by means of your own voice (your own opinion) because their pov is taking your mental space.
If we were all perfect, that would set the scene for a nice dystopia, don't you think? (It reminds me of a children's novel I read when I was younger called The Nest by Kenneth Oppel - what I got from it was that being entirely flawless is a flaw in itself).
I think the first important thing to do is to understand how the world works. History, political systems, economy, and most importantly human nature. Once you develop your own subjective mental model in the reality where you exist, it is the optimal juncture to choose what it is that you really want to do and how you want to do it. Reading self-help book is a good tool to give you an idea or to find methods to catalyse the process of achieving your goals. But because you are grounded with comprehensive perspective about the world where you operate, you're immune to arrogance, prejudice, or superiority complex. Perfection, self-improvement, blah blah blah... we're just complex emotional animals. If you don't know your nature, what you want, and who you are, reading self-help books can be confusing.
I have a friend that seems to be turning into one of these toxic self improvement people. Normally I'm all for it, but once they start making others feel inferior for not doing the same as them, it's not fun to be around them. Loved this rambling; helped me better understand my own thoughts on this subject.
I quite agree with you on this. I find the whole 'being super productive' thing a bit toxic. Being governed by the clock throughout the day, behaving like a machine programmed for getting maximum output in work or whatever, sleep productively, breathe productively, I find it really frustrating. I once tried it for few days and I felt like I lost myself and just ended up becoming a robot instead of 'becoming a better version of myself'. It was a nightmare. I don't like self help books either. I tried reading two such famous books and I found them too preachy, and repetitive and I couldn't even get halfway through them. Maybe it works for other people but definitely not for me
What is 'being super productive' defined as, though? If one can design their schedule in a way such that each action moves them towards their goals while also being sustainable instead of soul-draining, would that be 'being super productive'? Why do you feel that you lost your self through having an attention to detail?
Curiosity and making up your own mind regarding someone’s behaviour is a great perspective that I will reflect on. Around 2 years ago I found myself completely absorbed into self-help/improvement, and similarly to what you mentioned in the video, interiorly I began to demonise and judge people based on their behaviours, thus trying to make myself feel superior whilst boosting my own ego. It was definitely an ignorant behaviour that luckily I managed to grow out of. Interesting views thanks for the video.
it was Cortázar the one who said that the very substance of doing things is the tacit acknowledgement of a certain insufficiency or necessity. Being perfect would lead you to complete stillness
So exciting to see a new video from you! As always, wonderful content. You put into words what I often try to express (and fail to express) to some of these “elevated” people. THANK YOU.
I think some of the most intelligent people I’ve spoken to and listened to were open minded but strong in their beliefs and their age didn’t matter don’t down play yourself cause of your age. I love your videos keep going I think listening to different opinions and convictions make me grow as a person
But a perfect person doesn't demonize people like that though... Carl Jung was a very whole and "perfect" person. He didn't ignore anything, and didn't demonize anything. I guess your definition of perfect is different than mine. I'd say someone like the Buddha is perfect. And Buddha did the opposite of turning a blind eye or judging people. And he's got plenty of good stories. But i guess you're talking more about pseudo-perfect people, who are essentially pretending to be perfect even though there's a lot of internal turmoil, which is reasonable. There's a difference between someone who dug deep and did a lot of inner work which resulted in them seeming perfect on the outside as a side effect. And those who copy them on the outside but did none of the internal work.
I agree! RC is talking from personal experience, I believe. like he said, he was one of those people. And I think people who've gone on the self-development route have thought of this at some point. but part of self-development indeed is doing the deep work to humble yourself that we are all human and flawed and shouldn't be judged for it.
I tend to segregate myself not because I feel perfect or anything, but I live in a country where everybody thinks just in hanging out and getting drunk, and I'm more into reading and just learning stuff. When I was younger I used to think I was from another planet haha and I just made my own bubble where I can easily dismiss anyone who doesn't like to read... Thank you, I never noticed this...
For some reason hearing that everyone is flawed including myself gives me such a big feeling of relief. I think I'm being over-perfectionist these days and this video just reminded me to relax a bit more. I'd love to see the sequel of this series it feels like we're having a conversation.
Beyond this, a lot of the aspirations of self-help is avoiding things that make people happy (tasty food, lots of sleep, spending time with people instead of working), which probably contributes to the holier-than-thou attitude.
David Goggins will make me feel like a total slacker if I'm not up at 2am preparing to do my daily 100 mile speed trek to the top of a mountain top and back down again before breakfast.
Narcissists cannot allow themselves to believe they have flaws, because they have a judgemental, Eye of Sauron sense of self-judgement, which pierces them and threatens their self-esteem, and which developed as a response to something traumatic. They also inflict that Eye of Sauron level of judgement on others, also to protect their actually low self-esteem.
We all are always trying to be better than everybody, I agree with your point of view but also I think it’s important not to be better person than your friend or idk, it’s more important to be better than yourself, and keep trying to get there, and help people you love not to be like you, instead to be the better version of themselves. 👍🏻
I agree pretty much with everything, but I think that it's really hard to "Make up your own mind" because whether you want it or not, the way we think or behave is the result of everything around us.
Your so right about these "positive people " I hate them because there so passive aggressive and they cut anyone that disagrees with them out they act like they're gods but when everyone is now like them "positive person" they will then start creating new rules and repeating them like idiots
I eat big salads and exercise daily and I'm not doing it to come off as better than anyone else. I do it because if I don't I suffer from severe depression. I have to do these things I'd rather not because the alternative is worse. My motivating factor is severe pain. Why demonize a group of people (those who exercise and eat vegetables) and hold up another (McDonald's crowd) as better than? There are some incredible stories to be told in both groups of people.
I'm going to say, I was asking myself about my bitterness the past couple of weeks and I didn't know where it was coming from. Now I come to the conclusion that we are all a big chaos soup.
Someone once said “the imperfection is the perfection of the human being” and I totally agree with that. It is interesting to think that you can learn so much more when you accept yourself than when you try to be perfect.
What he describe sounds more like someone “ bluffing” or lying to themselves into thinking or feeling a certain way about something in the name of “self help”, and as he said these people end up demonising whatever goes against that image because they have the hidden desires they’re ignoring. Though I think its important here to differentiate between someone who genuinely follows something without the contradiction of these hidden desires, these people are able to follow things like he said but not demonise anything or be an A-hole because of it, but their reason for following it would be different I’d imagine.
I've struggled with this master key of an analysis. I hope I can improve myself and get better; but I lose the beauty that comes from the flaws. I'm hoping I can let that go to a significant degree. Trying to be a better person can be good, and that to me includes a healthy dose of doing things I don't like but that will (hopefully) yield better long term results. But my flaws make me who I am. Flaws can for most people be endearing. Glad to see this analysis of less emphasis on perfection, and more on human connection and expression. Great stuff as always.
There is a difference in persuing a better version of yourself and criticizing others for not alligning with that interest. Maybe is just a matter of being conscious about the fact that everybody lives under similar, but nonetheless, particular axiological structures. What I think is best is doesnt need to be the same for others.Anyone who tries to be perfect and goes around the world judging others should submit to the same goal is someone who is never going to be satsfied with anything
U remind me of my inquisitive nature again. I have made myself chocked by self-help messages and judged others according to standards of criticizingbinge smartphone users, fast-food eaters. Though they are not good, at least I could ask some WHYs. Thanks!
Many self help books are great. They provide information to guide us to be our best selves. I becomes sort of minimalist after reading about minimalism and it helps my financial aspect of my life. I also have many health issues so I've been following few RUclips channel which told me to stop eating processed food etc and it helps tremendously, in the last 5 years, I managed to lose 40kgs and I rarely get symptom from my Autoimmune disorder. I don't demonize others who chose to live the way they want to live but it's kinda pisses me off when they live the way they want but give negative impacts to others. Like one of my friend borrows my money saying she needed the money so bad, till now she couldn't pay it back and it has been several months but she keeps shopping online every few days. So I told her to become minimalist once and she's not happy. It turns out she borrows money from many people and she's still struggling to pay us back. And my sister who complain she doesn't fell well all the time, she doesn't work, doesn't work out, eat junk food and play video games all day (she's 31).If I give her advices based on my experience, would it be categorized as demonizing as well? 😅
Your friend’s habits have a negative impact on your life because you didn’t set boundaries. Next time don’t loan her money and problem solved. She keeps doing herself and you keep doing yourself
The problem is not self improvement. The problem is when a person decides that *there* self improvement is the *only* way to improve. If another person is happy being overweight, unhealthy and spends thier days watching sit-com reruns so be it. I'll choose a different path.
Coming from a person who unfortunately fell into a very bad place because of "productivity"-culture, I agree with you 100%. To add a bit to the conversation, I feel like productivity culture harms ones mental health a lot. Suddenly, little, everyday things that you took joy in before- suddenly, the happiness from just indulging yourself in whatever interests you, are filtered and organized into files that should be put in Notion pages. There is no "in the moment" when you are so self-aware that you don't let yourself enjoy the here and now. This may sound wishy washy but it's something I've learned. Sometimes letting yourself be is the best thing you can do for your own development, and productivity culture doesn't allow for much of that.
I think you're speaking about two different topics here. Wanting to improve your health by dieting and working out doesn't mean you're in the cult of a self-improvement guru. I never watch guru content because I like my current life set up. But I worked hard to get to where I am and I'm proud of it. Most people do things simply because they've never thought about why they do it. They do it because everyone else is doing it. They're on autopilot 24/7 and to be honest, I don't see anything interesting in a life like that. If I see a bunch of people doing drugs, do I join them simply out of curiosity? No, I will decide that it's not worth throwing my health away and I will move on. And, just to be frank: so-called normal people have discarded me long before I decided I wanted to improve myself. For years, I wanted to be like them and they didn't want me. Now I'm on my own and I'm not looking back.
I agree, I think the differentiation is important here, not all people following something for self important are self improvement gurus or have some secret contradicting desire they’re avoiding and bluffing themselves into thinking otherwise.
Namaste Walden, the nature of the goal of self development is how it manifests itself. If the goal is self centered - self development becomes poisonous if overdone but if it is contributive towards a greater cause - it blossoms into nobility. Back in the old days - Samurai warriors used self improvement, self development & self perfection till they took their last breath, yet they were Noble. The difference between then and now is - 1. Noble cause vs Immediate cause 2. Self Responsibility towards their society vs self centeredness. 3.Humility vs Ego Driven mind 4. Concentrated focus on goals vs distraction of mass media. .....just to name a few. 😊
When I read the title of the video, I assumed you were going to talk about how people expect to do everything perfectly in every aspect of their lives, and how this mindset put them in the position of not doing anything at all, due to high expectations in their life of how they think they should act and accomplish in life... It was such a difference when you saw it from the opposite point of view
That was my initial thought on the title as well, I thought he'll talk about the relationship between perfectionism and anxiety. How one can be in some sort of halt due to self-established expectations
the advantage of it all or not depending upon how you view it is the leveling up of human capacities. its like upping or gradual evolution through cultural influence. everyone feels like competing and the pressure of it is acutely felt through my intestinal fibers, its insaaaane. everyone has become individualized, in a sense. when you identify with the intellectual aspect or consumerism (mainstream) with all its bombardment of information tempting our senses in every respect, its never going to be enough because there is always an 'ideal' version of such. you couldnt reach it no matter. you'd always find a competitor out there.. its unwise to try to suppress it or stop. thats not how the mind works. the energy one consumes trying to put a lid on it will only lead to depression. this is i guess the challenge. how one able to adapt despite it all.
Well I’m a huge huge book nerd and yet I’m unable to go through a self-help book full like it’s always 3/4 th at max but never through it all ... it’s not to say they are all bad but I believe it can be concise and does propel the discourse of perfection and also creates a parent-child relationship where you only appreciate yourself when you get something done And it’s terribly limiting !!!!
Nice video! I think this obsession with perfection comes because we are unwilling to see and accept imperfection within ourselves. The trouble is that our definitions of perfect and imperfect are themselves imperfect. So, we tend to view one part as more valuable over the other. But what we call imperfections must be important, and that is why they are there. We just don’t know, as a global society, why they are important.
I mean circumstances are no jock and are not excuses most of the time. All those self help books and those channels forgets that we aren’t all from the same environment each one of us is living in a society a country which may not have the same opportunities . But we work with what we have to build what we don’t have inside of our environment to make it better rather than always go out and let my country or environment be worse than it was. It’s not always about yourself .
You’ve hit the nail on the head! I can’t fathom how people read these self-help books one after another and think they’ve learnt something! You’re just reading the same common sense diluted with bullshit motivational quotes
Every idealization is bad, and these people do this a lot (one of the reasons for them being shitty people). It's better to do the opposite: understand the world, "investigate", as you put it. But understanding it also means to understand that some things are not right, and some things have to change. The existence of McDonald's and Coca-Cola is a tragedy, and just because a lot of people consume their products doesn't change the fact that they harm a lot of people and the world. Fetishization of these "imperfect" things for the sake of art doesn't produce good art at all - a lot of very great artists weren't pretty much enthusiatic about these. We can't separate the production of art from the problems of the real world. And maintaining a knowledge just to ourselves, to our interests, to our creations, without thinking in intelligent ways to truly resolve the problems of the world and to improve life is, for me, not coherent with the role of an artist, of an intellectual, of a public figure, of a knowledgeable person.
Thank you for this warning I read a lot of nonfiction, mostly self-help, and I realized I might have started behaving the way you explained. Hopefully this behavior hasn’t developed to the point where it’s noticeable yet.
I know that this is off the topic But that's why i like watching BTS (or kpop in general) they are true and normal showing the both sides the perfect that got so much work in it and the chaotic, messy , flawly part as well I feel the right sense of the world and that iam not missing on smth or iam not perfect like them bc i saw how they are imperfect like me .. i think that's how celebrities should show them selves, they should give people a sense of humanity and that this all is just hard work make up and cut scenes. Thanks for ur hardwork and amazing video topics💜
I can completely relate to it. I am being an asshole. I want to be perfect. I want to be the great version of myself where noboby and no thing can touch me ..I mean things would not trigger me up . my thinking is like that ... I am productive and doing meaningful things all the time and I am not wasting time and being the best. I also criticise people who are lazy and wasting their Time and life according to me . I am always reading autobiography or some life changing movies or success stories. And have realised that finding a way to the perfect you, is not true. it just makes you more limited and you kind of ignore the reality ..you starts to live in your imaginary world and you are pressurising yourself to be something great and whatever you are doing in life is of no value because according to you its not something great. you just don't accept yourself and also others ....you try to outcompete others. I am sick of this type of thinking so I left the thought of being a perfect person and instead taking part in reality.
Agree that striving for perfection create segregation on your mind and make you believe you are in better state than others. However I'm still open to self-help/improvement readings/videos to also humbled myself to understand on their perspectives :) why not explored why it works for them and what they really wish to achieve .. maybe a same self-gratification like we "flawed" person did everyday? ;)
I think it depends on how people take the self-improvement. It both can be good or bad things. Still, you should be critical of self-help, that's not because other ppl are not doing what you expected them to do that they're wrong. We just have different stories and perspectives that make we are the way we are. Being empathetic and non-judgemental would help us to look at things in a deeper level.
I think there is a very dangerous kinda pop-culture notion floating around in the US, that: you are only lovable or deserving of love when you're perfect or virtuous, whatever that means. That's iffy as hell!
I agree with the statement of lame advertisements that are talking about self improvement and all the toxic methods that are being used by younger generations that were submited to the newest world occupationary way of thinking. All of u know what i mean by that, cause if not, u wouldn't be here, on this comment section. being curious and critically looking at the critical way of understanding other peoples lifes is a wise thing to be doing. There isnt definiton that defines what perfection IS, human created that word, and every human for itself finds something unperfect - perfect. And just, im feeling obligated to say this somewhere at least, i really do not reccomend eating at mc donalds and drinking coke. I dont say this cause its a fast food, im saying this cause this is a suspicious and uknown meat that is given in there. And colla is just... well, u already know how toxic that is for your body. So yea, dont just become sunflower and just like other sunflowers follow the sun, u should step up, make a change in thr way of thinking if it is becoming boring for u, give your eyes a chance not to let u see fake things, and give your ears premission to define words in more possibly way the words wanted to be defined, and just let your mouth let your words out. sorry if the grammar is bad, english is not my first lang. :)
a new (to me) word that has come up ... Orthorexia nervosa... an eating disorder that involves an unhealthy obsession with healthy eating. American physician Steve Bratman coined the term in 1997
If we live with the mindset the perfect is boring wouldn’t that encourage settling? Settling for who we are right now? Wouldn’t that set the ceiling for us as people before we even began for fear of being an asshole? Striving to be good but not great, certainly not perfect? Wouldn’t it set the standard at mediocre? Sorry I completely agree with what you said in the video I was just sort of wondering
I think it would be useful to clarify how you define perfect before deriving recommendations for action from that mindset. The way Waldun seems to define perfect is the sense of not having anything to improve on, or having a character that fits to an idealized image that society deems "whole", like having a kind personality, being efficient and productive, etc. I don't think having areas you can improve on leads to settling: rather, it's becoming comfortable with being flawed that ensures that one's goals are achievable. Striving to be great is not the same as striving to mediocre, it's just that it's not striving to be perfect. We are always becoming and changing into something new, and growth doesn't seem to be something mediocre.
Okay but I loved how you articulated the segregation part. Mahn I never realised that people, including me do that way too often! Thanks! Keep these episodes coming ^^
I think it helps to look at the concept of holiness. Whilst in pop culture we generally associate this with morality-and this isn't wrong per se-it means "set apart" in the judeo-christian tradition. So, sometimes in order to understand ourselves as good, we can try to attain a sort of holiness by segregating ourselves from others, so that we have someone or something to be set apart from (think: "holier than thou"). Think, for example, about the theme of not being like one's peers ("I'm not like other [insert identity group here]") in more artsy slice-of-life/coming-of-age movies, wherein this specialness-fixation is a kind of functional holiness. But in splitting ourselves from others, we also split ourselves from the parts of us that need community and thus separate internally too. (Wow, I did not mean to sound quite so pretentious; apologies). This is not the only approach (indeed, it is one that Jesus heavily criticises the Pharisees for), but it is perhaps the most intuitive.
Im someone who loooves reading fantasy books. I have been criticized for it it and honestly I don't really care all that much. I will always prefer fiction over self help. 1) self help book can be summarised into bullet points pretty easily 2) a lot of it is non advice: ✨be productive✨ ✨ visualise your goals ✨ And I'm like yeah no shit 3) fiction helps you understand and people and how their brain works. It's inspiring and I can also help change your world view. I have read a few self help books like atomic habits and subtle art of not giving a (you know what) And I didn't find then that useful or mentally stimulating. I'm gonna end this long ass comment by saying " Self help books are self help books from the author's perspective'
![Megan Thee Stallion - Bigger In Texas [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/QxTkZTLWdo4/mqdefault.jpg)
but let's not forget that there is still a huge difference between "being your best self" and "demonizing others". one can eat healthier and declutter their living space while simultaneously not being an asshole. in fact, "being your best self" likely includes being compassionate and empathetic and understanding. a wise individual may understand why people eat McDonald's or live in cluttered spaces, but that doesn't mean that they're required to tolerate and accept it, nor does it mean that they must insult or be cruel to people who do.
So true.
@@1xofficial1 :)
Yeah isn't he demonizing those people in some way?
@@zaid_nt7092 Demonizing the demonizers, eh? Judging the judges? Lol. I think the message that Waldun is trying to send is "See the world as it is, and not as you want it to be." That's my interpretation
@@wy1145
I see, thank you for the explanation
I hate most self-help books. Overall, self-help seems to focus on conforming to society’s expectations in order to succeed. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking about success in art, dating, or business. It’s all the same mindset.
They also focus on what you don’t have. 🙃
do you even Atomic Habits?
"Accept yourself..... Finding your purpose makes you 82.5% more productive."
@Franc Hohenzollern That book is the foundation for what most modern self-help books promote.
Standard always win
"Sunshine all the time makes deserts"
-Arabic proverb
let's hope there's more of these "ranty episodes" in the future
Life is all about living through various experiences. The good, the bad, the boring - all of it. What is a good story without a journey and appreciation of everything you’ve been through?
i think a writer gotta love imperfections
imperfect people are the interesting ones
if you can't enjoy studying imperfect people(the way they act and talk and develop) how are you gonna write an interesting character?
and if you don't enjoy studying humans how could you read a novel or watch a movie without going insane?
On productivity-focused people being assholes- I think it’s because people who are self-centered and who want to be better than others find a way to project these desires in a socially acceptable (or even lauded) way in these communities. This is also why “holier-than-thou” types are a thing in religions. It’s all about “being better than others”, which, I would argue, is not bad in itself. There’s this beautiful idea in Mahayana Buddhism that encourages people to be enlightened buddhas-perfect beings-for the sake of all sentient beings: bodhicitta. And I think that’s what’s missing in most modern self-help narratives that are so focused on the capitalist idea that the fulfillment of our goals is the greatest happiness. Being a perfect person, a saint, a buddha, is not the end goal by itself, but how being that perfect person will help others to advance to that state also.
+1
as a human specie we are primed for survival and ultimately what's deem as good for our well being. That's how marketters advertized their products.
If one goes down that road of trying to be perfect in adherence to a doctrine, one eventually realizes the futility of it all because it could never be achieved and I meant that literally. The self system will collapse because the ego will filter only what is accepatable and if its irreconceivable, will try to 'solve' the unwanted pattern which naturally fixates the mind like a loop, endlessly ruminating in such endeavor. When one is too good in an egoic sense, one sees devilish conduct all around. When one is too good for selfless reason, one loses oneself in all respect and becoming a martyr.
I disagree that one loses oneself and becomes a “martyr” in being selfless. But bodhicitta is not selflessness per se in the sense that you mean, because it starts with the self and focuses on the self first. But the point is that you can make yourself the best you can be without having yourself as the end goal.
@@thaluthathaluth i think selflessness is akin to empathy or i miscontrued. This is not a fact I try to convey but a direct experience of mine. When you try to embody empathy which is eradicating all selfish tendencies for the good of all, you naturally loses your self by means of your own voice (your own opinion) because their pov is taking your mental space.
I’m not a Buddhist, and I’m referring to holier than thou types in my own tradition, because that’s my experience.
If we were all perfect, that would set the scene for a nice dystopia, don't you think?
(It reminds me of a children's novel I read when I was younger called The Nest by Kenneth Oppel - what I got from it was that being entirely flawless is a flaw in itself).
Thats the premise for brave new world
@@dps3902 That's definitely one book that comes to mind!
I think the first important thing to do is to understand how the world works. History, political systems, economy, and most importantly human nature. Once you develop your own subjective mental model in the reality where you exist, it is the optimal juncture to choose what it is that you really want to do and how you want to do it. Reading self-help book is a good tool to give you an idea or to find methods to catalyse the process of achieving your goals. But because you are grounded with comprehensive perspective about the world where you operate, you're immune to arrogance, prejudice, or superiority complex. Perfection, self-improvement, blah blah blah... we're just complex emotional animals. If you don't know your nature, what you want, and who you are, reading self-help books can be confusing.
good comment
"A part of growing up is accepting that you are flawed."
Real talk sir.
I have a friend that seems to be turning into one of these toxic self improvement people. Normally I'm all for it, but once they start making others feel inferior for not doing the same as them, it's not fun to be around them. Loved this rambling; helped me better understand my own thoughts on this subject.
I quite agree with you on this. I find the whole 'being super productive' thing a bit toxic. Being governed by the clock throughout the day, behaving like a machine programmed for getting maximum output in work or whatever, sleep productively, breathe productively, I find it really frustrating. I once tried it for few days and I felt like I lost myself and just ended up becoming a robot instead of 'becoming a better version of myself'. It was a nightmare. I don't like self help books either. I tried reading two such famous books and I found them too preachy, and repetitive and I couldn't even get halfway through them. Maybe it works for other people but definitely not for me
What is 'being super productive' defined as, though? If one can design their schedule in a way such that each action moves them towards their goals while also being sustainable instead of soul-draining, would that be 'being super productive'? Why do you feel that you lost your self through having an attention to detail?
Curiosity and making up your own mind regarding someone’s behaviour is a great perspective that I will reflect on. Around 2 years ago I found myself completely absorbed into self-help/improvement, and similarly to what you mentioned in the video, interiorly I began to demonise and judge people based on their behaviours, thus trying to make myself feel superior whilst boosting my own ego. It was definitely an ignorant behaviour that luckily I managed to grow out of. Interesting views thanks for the video.
it was Cortázar the one who said that the very substance of doing things is the tacit acknowledgement of a certain insufficiency or necessity. Being perfect would lead you to complete stillness
So exciting to see a new video from you! As always, wonderful content. You put into words what I often try to express (and fail to express) to some of these “elevated” people. THANK YOU.
I think some of the most intelligent people I’ve spoken to and listened to were open minded but strong in their beliefs and their age didn’t matter don’t down play yourself cause of your age. I love your videos keep going I think listening to different opinions and convictions make me grow as a person
But a perfect person doesn't demonize people like that though... Carl Jung was a very whole and "perfect" person. He didn't ignore anything, and didn't demonize anything. I guess your definition of perfect is different than mine. I'd say someone like the Buddha is perfect. And Buddha did the opposite of turning a blind eye or judging people. And he's got plenty of good stories. But i guess you're talking more about pseudo-perfect people, who are essentially pretending to be perfect even though there's a lot of internal turmoil, which is reasonable.
There's a difference between someone who dug deep and did a lot of inner work which resulted in them seeming perfect on the outside as a side effect. And those who copy them on the outside but did none of the internal work.
Finally, some good fucking nuance.
Great! You put my thoughts into words
Lots of love 💖💖
I agree! RC is talking from personal experience, I believe. like he said, he was one of those people. And I think people who've gone on the self-development route have thought of this at some point. but part of self-development indeed is doing the deep work to humble yourself that we are all human and flawed and shouldn't be judged for it.
Bloody hell. Your thumbnail are amazing. They are PERFECT.
I tend to segregate myself not because I feel perfect or anything, but I live in a country where everybody thinks just in hanging out and getting drunk, and I'm more into reading and just learning stuff. When I was younger I used to think I was from another planet haha and I just made my own bubble where I can easily dismiss anyone who doesn't like to read... Thank you, I never noticed this...
Thank you! 💖💖💖
I needed this 🤗
For some reason hearing that everyone is flawed including myself gives me such a big feeling of relief. I think I'm being over-perfectionist these days and this video just reminded me to relax a bit more. I'd love to see the sequel of this series it feels like we're having a conversation.
This man should do just chatting live streams, I would definitely watch them!
Thank youtube for recommending this video to me . Good job and greetings from Czech Republic
Beyond this, a lot of the aspirations of self-help is avoiding things that make people happy (tasty food, lots of sleep, spending time with people instead of working), which probably contributes to the holier-than-thou attitude.
David Goggins will make me feel like a total slacker if I'm not up at 2am preparing to do my daily 100 mile speed trek to the top of a mountain top and back down again before breakfast.
I think it's a goal to shoot for, we all need goals.
Narcissists cannot allow themselves to believe they have flaws, because they have a judgemental, Eye of Sauron sense of self-judgement, which pierces them and threatens their self-esteem, and which developed as a response to something traumatic. They also inflict that Eye of Sauron level of judgement on others, also to protect their actually low self-esteem.
We all are always trying to be better than everybody, I agree with your point of view but also I think it’s important not to be better person than your friend or idk, it’s more important to be better than yourself, and keep trying to get there, and help people you love not to be like you, instead to be the better version of themselves. 👍🏻
Perfection should be illegal tbh.
Perfection doesn't exist anyways, but the strive towards it makes us as a species so successful. Don't forget that.
"Perfection is an asymptote."
My dad is a "positivity" enthusiast, and, from what I've observed, being positive means you just makes everyone else feel bad instead.
If there is no room for growth, you've not reached perfection, you've reached a depth of blinding arrogance.
Your videos are always so insightful and fantastic, this particularly inspired me to go write something immediately at 5am lmao
The self-help industry appears to exploit and monetize people's insecurities and "flaws."
I've always found something dystopian about selling happiness/fulfilment. Gives me the HEEBIE-JEEBIES.
I agree pretty much with everything, but I think that it's really hard to "Make up your own mind" because whether you want it or not, the way we think or behave is the result of everything around us.
They are tarnishing the relevance of social psychology
This is not enough. This brilliance is well needed. So for myself and the rest of the world that is interested in you. We need more.
"Waldun talking about McDonald's"
"McDonald's advertisement plays"
this dude spittin straight facts
Your so right about these "positive people " I hate them because there so passive aggressive and they cut anyone that disagrees with them out they act like they're gods but when everyone is now like them "positive person" they will then start creating new rules and repeating them like idiots
Interesting perspective!! Thanks for sharing
I eat big salads and exercise daily and I'm not doing it to come off as better than anyone else. I do it because if I don't I suffer from severe depression. I have to do these things I'd rather not because the alternative is worse. My motivating factor is severe pain. Why demonize a group of people (those who exercise and eat vegetables) and hold up another (McDonald's crowd) as better than? There are some incredible stories to be told in both groups of people.
I'm going to say, I was asking myself about my bitterness the past couple of weeks and I didn't know where it was coming from. Now I come to the conclusion that we are all a big chaos soup.
Someone once said “the imperfection is the perfection of the human being” and I totally agree with that.
It is interesting to think that you can learn so much more when you accept yourself than when you try to be perfect.
What he describe sounds more like someone “ bluffing” or lying to themselves into thinking or feeling a certain way about something in the name of “self help”, and as he said these people end up demonising whatever goes against that image because they have the hidden desires they’re ignoring. Though I think its important here to differentiate between someone who genuinely follows something without the contradiction of these hidden desires, these people are able to follow things like he said but not demonise anything or be an A-hole because of it, but their reason for following it would be different I’d imagine.
I've struggled with this master key of an analysis. I hope I can improve myself and get better; but I lose the beauty that comes from the flaws. I'm hoping I can let that go to a significant degree. Trying to be a better person can be good, and that to me includes a healthy dose of doing things I don't like but that will (hopefully) yield better long term results. But my flaws make me who I am. Flaws can for most people be endearing. Glad to see this analysis of less emphasis on perfection, and more on human connection and expression. Great stuff as always.
Got a mindvalley ad.
Who is this young, handsome, sophisticated gentleman :P?
There is a difference in persuing a better version of yourself and criticizing others for not alligning with that interest. Maybe is just a matter of being conscious about the fact that everybody lives under similar, but nonetheless, particular axiological structures. What I think is best is doesnt need to be the same for others.Anyone who tries to be perfect and goes around the world judging others should submit to the same goal is someone who is never going to be satsfied with anything
U remind me of my inquisitive nature again. I have made myself chocked by self-help messages and judged others according to standards of criticizingbinge smartphone users, fast-food eaters. Though they are not good, at least I could ask some WHYs.
Thanks!
Don't worry you'll never be an impeccable person. You'll only be perfect at being neurotic
Spot on. :)
@@RCWaldun love your videos. Thanks for sharing with us 🙂
Many self help books are great. They provide information to guide us to be our best selves. I becomes sort of minimalist after reading about minimalism and it helps my financial aspect of my life. I also have many health issues so I've been following few RUclips channel which told me to stop eating processed food etc and it helps tremendously, in the last 5 years, I managed to lose 40kgs and I rarely get symptom from my Autoimmune disorder.
I don't demonize others who chose to live the way they want to live but it's kinda pisses me off when they live the way they want but give negative impacts to others.
Like one of my friend borrows my money saying she needed the money so bad, till now she couldn't pay it back and it has been several months but she keeps shopping online every few days.
So I told her to become minimalist once and she's not happy. It turns out she borrows money from many people and she's still struggling to pay us back.
And my sister who complain she doesn't fell well all the time, she doesn't work, doesn't work out, eat junk food and play video games all day (she's 31).If I give her advices based on my experience, would it be categorized as demonizing as well? 😅
Your friend’s habits have a negative impact on your life because you didn’t set boundaries. Next time don’t loan her money and problem solved. She keeps doing herself and you keep doing yourself
omg I couldn't agree more!
The problem is not self improvement.
The problem is when a person decides that *there* self improvement is the *only* way to improve.
If another person is happy being overweight, unhealthy and spends thier days watching sit-com reruns so be it.
I'll choose a different path.
Coming from a person who unfortunately fell into a very bad place because of "productivity"-culture, I agree with you 100%.
To add a bit to the conversation, I feel like productivity culture harms ones mental health a lot. Suddenly, little, everyday things that you took joy in before- suddenly, the happiness from just indulging yourself in whatever interests you, are filtered and organized into files that should be put in Notion pages. There is no "in the moment" when you are so self-aware that you don't let yourself enjoy the here and now. This may sound wishy washy but it's something I've learned.
Sometimes letting yourself be is the best thing you can do for your own development, and productivity culture doesn't allow for much of that.
I think you're speaking about two different topics here. Wanting to improve your health by dieting and working out doesn't mean you're in the cult of a self-improvement guru. I never watch guru content because I like my current life set up. But I worked hard to get to where I am and I'm proud of it.
Most people do things simply because they've never thought about why they do it. They do it because everyone else is doing it. They're on autopilot 24/7 and to be honest, I don't see anything interesting in a life like that. If I see a bunch of people doing drugs, do I join them simply out of curiosity? No, I will decide that it's not worth throwing my health away and I will move on.
And, just to be frank: so-called normal people have discarded me long before I decided I wanted to improve myself. For years, I wanted to be like them and they didn't want me. Now I'm on my own and I'm not looking back.
I agree, I think the differentiation is important here, not all people following something for self important are self improvement gurus or have some secret contradicting desire they’re avoiding and bluffing themselves into thinking otherwise.
Namaste Walden, the nature of the goal of self development is how it manifests itself. If the goal is self centered - self development becomes poisonous if overdone but if it is contributive towards a greater cause - it blossoms into nobility. Back in the old days - Samurai warriors used self improvement, self development & self perfection till they took their last breath, yet they were Noble. The difference between then and now is -
1. Noble cause vs Immediate cause
2. Self Responsibility towards their society vs self centeredness.
3.Humility vs Ego Driven mind
4. Concentrated focus on goals vs distraction of mass media.
.....just to name a few. 😊
I really needed this video.
When I read the title of the video, I assumed you were going to talk about how people expect to do everything perfectly in every aspect of their lives, and how this mindset put them in the position of not doing anything at all, due to high expectations in their life of how they think they should act and accomplish in life... It was such a difference when you saw it from the opposite point of view
That was my initial thought on the title as well, I thought he'll talk about the relationship between perfectionism and anxiety. How one can be in some sort of halt due to self-established expectations
the advantage of it all or not depending upon how you view it is the leveling up of human capacities. its like upping or gradual evolution through cultural influence. everyone feels like competing and the pressure of it is acutely felt through my intestinal fibers, its insaaaane. everyone has become individualized, in a sense. when you identify with the intellectual aspect or consumerism (mainstream) with all its bombardment of information tempting our senses in every respect, its never going to be enough because there is always an 'ideal' version of such. you couldnt reach it no matter. you'd always find a competitor out there.. its unwise to try to suppress it or stop. thats not how the mind works. the energy one consumes trying to put a lid on it will only lead to depression. this is i guess the challenge. how one able to adapt despite it all.
And ofcourse what you shared in the video is totally relatable!
It makes me reevaluate myself. ^_^
There’s no such thing as good or bad people.. there are only happy and miserable people.
Well I’m a huge huge book nerd and yet I’m unable to go through a self-help book full like it’s always 3/4 th at max but never through it all ... it’s not to say they are all bad but I believe it can be concise and does propel the discourse of perfection and also creates a parent-child relationship where you only appreciate yourself when you get something done And it’s terribly limiting !!!!
Omg i rlly like this kind of videos pls make more 📙
Nice video! I think this obsession with perfection comes because we are unwilling to see and accept imperfection within ourselves. The trouble is that our definitions of perfect and imperfect are themselves imperfect. So, we tend to view one part as more valuable over the other. But what we call imperfections must be important, and that is why they are there. We just don’t know, as a global society, why they are important.
Insightful video
I mean circumstances are no jock and are not excuses most of the time. All those self help books and those channels forgets that we aren’t all from the same environment each one of us is living in a society a country which may not have the same opportunities . But we work with what we have to build what we don’t have inside of our environment to make it better rather than always go out and let my country or environment be worse than it was. It’s not always about yourself .
In other word, "Ego Trap"
Wow
Needed this video sir =)
Great work perfect boy
You’ve hit the nail on the head! I can’t fathom how people read these self-help books one after another and think they’ve learnt something! You’re just reading the same common sense diluted with bullshit motivational quotes
Every idealization is bad, and these people do this a lot (one of the reasons for them being shitty people). It's better to do the opposite: understand the world, "investigate", as you put it. But understanding it also means to understand that some things are not right, and some things have to change. The existence of McDonald's and Coca-Cola is a tragedy, and just because a lot of people consume their products doesn't change the fact that they harm a lot of people and the world. Fetishization of these "imperfect" things for the sake of art doesn't produce good art at all - a lot of very great artists weren't pretty much enthusiatic about these. We can't separate the production of art from the problems of the real world. And maintaining a knowledge just to ourselves, to our interests, to our creations, without thinking in intelligent ways to truly resolve the problems of the world and to improve life is, for me, not coherent with the role of an artist, of an intellectual, of a public figure, of a knowledgeable person.
Thank you for this warning
I read a lot of nonfiction, mostly self-help, and I realized I might have started behaving the way you explained. Hopefully this behavior hasn’t developed to the point where it’s noticeable yet.
I am safe
There are some lifestyles that are better. If you strive to that you can still be friendly to those who dont agree
You’re a true journalist writer storyteller. You have such a particular perspective on life and events.
He's reading the comments!
I know that this is off the topic
But that's why i like watching BTS (or kpop in general) they are true and normal showing the both sides the perfect that got so much work in it and the chaotic, messy , flawly part as well
I feel the right sense of the world and that iam not missing on smth or iam not perfect like them bc i saw how they are imperfect like me .. i think that's how celebrities should show them selves, they should give people a sense of humanity and that this all is just hard work make up and cut scenes.
Thanks for ur hardwork and amazing video topics💜
I can completely relate to it. I am being an asshole. I want to be perfect. I want to be the great version of myself where noboby and no thing can touch me ..I mean things would not trigger me up . my thinking is like that ... I am productive and doing meaningful things all the time and I am not wasting time and being the best. I also criticise people who are lazy and wasting their Time and life according to me . I am always reading autobiography or some life changing movies or success stories. And have realised that finding a way to the perfect you, is not true. it just makes you more limited and you kind of ignore the reality ..you starts to live in your imaginary world and you are pressurising yourself to be something great and whatever you are doing in life is of no value because according to you its not something great. you just don't accept yourself and also others ....you try to outcompete others. I am sick of this type of thinking so I left the thought of being a perfect person and instead taking part in reality.
I'm flawed and i love it🥳🎉
The truth believed is a lie.
"Progress not perfection"
Agree that striving for perfection create segregation on your mind and make you believe you are in better state than others.
However I'm still open to self-help/improvement readings/videos to also humbled myself to understand on their perspectives :) why not explored why it works for them and what they really wish to achieve .. maybe a same self-gratification like we "flawed" person did everyday? ;)
your channel >>>>
I think it depends on how people take the self-improvement. It both can be good or bad things.
Still, you should be critical of self-help, that's not because other ppl are not doing what you expected them to do that they're wrong. We just have different stories and perspectives that make we are the way we are.
Being empathetic and non-judgemental would help us to look at things in a deeper level.
Not sure how I felt relieved by those words
I think there is a very dangerous kinda pop-culture notion floating around in the US, that: you are only lovable or deserving of love when you're perfect or virtuous, whatever that means. That's iffy as hell!
I agree with the statement of lame advertisements that are talking about self improvement and all the toxic methods that are being used by younger generations that were submited to the newest world occupationary way of thinking. All of u know what i mean by that, cause if not, u wouldn't be here, on this comment section.
being curious and critically looking at the critical way of understanding other peoples lifes is a wise thing to be doing. There isnt definiton that defines what perfection IS, human created that word, and every human for itself finds something unperfect - perfect.
And just, im feeling obligated to say this somewhere at least, i really do not reccomend eating at mc donalds and drinking coke. I dont say this cause its a fast food, im saying this cause this is a suspicious and uknown meat that is given in there. And colla is just... well, u already know how toxic that is for your body. So yea, dont just become sunflower and just like other sunflowers follow the sun, u should step up, make a change in thr way of thinking if it is becoming boring for u, give your eyes a chance not to let u see fake things, and give your ears premission to define words in more possibly way the words wanted to be defined, and just let your mouth let your words out.
sorry if the grammar is bad, english is not my first lang.
:)
a new (to me) word that has come up ... Orthorexia nervosa... an eating disorder that involves an unhealthy obsession with healthy eating. American physician Steve Bratman coined the term in 1997
If we live with the mindset the perfect is boring wouldn’t that encourage settling? Settling for who we are right now? Wouldn’t that set the ceiling for us as people before we even began for fear of being an asshole? Striving to be good but not great, certainly not perfect? Wouldn’t it set the standard at mediocre? Sorry I completely agree with what you said in the video I was just sort of wondering
I think it would be useful to clarify how you define perfect before deriving recommendations for action from that mindset. The way Waldun seems to define perfect is the sense of not having anything to improve on, or having a character that fits to an idealized image that society deems "whole", like having a kind personality, being efficient and productive, etc. I don't think having areas you can improve on leads to settling: rather, it's becoming comfortable with being flawed that ensures that one's goals are achievable.
Striving to be great is not the same as striving to mediocre, it's just that it's not striving to be perfect. We are always becoming and changing into something new, and growth doesn't seem to be something mediocre.
I actually wake up 5 often, but pm! Does this count😅
Wait you're 20??? I am 19 and you always seemed so much older / more mature to me!
I'm 20 and he looks to be the same age as me I figured
Okay but I loved how you articulated the segregation part. Mahn I never realised that people, including me do that way too often! Thanks! Keep these episodes coming ^^
I got that ad of the self improvement girl on this vid lol
You should read 'The Metropolis and Mental Life' by Georg Simmel, I think you would like it.
Noted. :)
I think it helps to look at the concept of holiness. Whilst in pop culture we generally associate this with morality-and this isn't wrong per se-it means "set apart" in the judeo-christian tradition. So, sometimes in order to understand ourselves as good, we can try to attain a sort of holiness by segregating ourselves from others, so that we have someone or something to be set apart from (think: "holier than thou"). Think, for example, about the theme of not being like one's peers ("I'm not like other [insert identity group here]") in more artsy slice-of-life/coming-of-age movies, wherein this specialness-fixation is a kind of functional holiness. But in splitting ourselves from others, we also split ourselves from the parts of us that need community and thus separate internally too. (Wow, I did not mean to sound quite so pretentious; apologies). This is not the only approach (indeed, it is one that Jesus heavily criticises the Pharisees for), but it is perhaps the most intuitive.
I have been tortured by perfectionism
Im someone who loooves reading fantasy books. I have been criticized for it it and honestly I don't really care all that much.
I will always prefer fiction over self help.
1) self help book can be summarised into bullet points pretty easily
2) a lot of it is non advice:
✨be productive✨
✨ visualise your goals ✨
And I'm like yeah no shit
3) fiction helps you understand and people and how their brain works. It's inspiring and I can also help change your world view.
I have read a few self help books like atomic habits and subtle art of not giving a (you know what)
And I didn't find then that useful or mentally stimulating.
I'm gonna end this long ass comment by saying
" Self help books are self help books from the author's perspective'
I don't think anyone helped me with procrastination as much as Logen Ninefingers from the First Law Trilogy
Waldo's different