The Most Efficient Way To Board A Plane | QI
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This clip is from QI Series Q, Episode 3, 'Quarrels' with Sandi Toksvig, Alan Davies, Aisling Bea, Jason Manford and Anuvab Pal.
I like how Aisling demonstrates how she'd be good in an emergency situation by giving a choking victim penicillin.
Yeah everyone knows you give them kemo (joke)
The fastest way to board an airplane is to first have all the hyper, eager, aggressive, worried, disorganized, pushy people that *normally* crowd up and try to get on and make a mess, and put them into a little corral they can't get out of: then let all the relaxed, organized, experienced passengers get on; and then fly away before the annoying passengers realize what's happened.
Oh yes! That works for me
All families with babies go into the first pile
Actually all families period. I’ve never seen a chill organised family
"That poor child is dying, and you're the last thing she sees."
That got a hard laugh out of my, good thing nobody in my house was sleeping.
CP Grey approves.
CP Grey sounds veeeery different from CGP Grey
CP Grey did a video on this that was very informative
CGP Grey you mean?
Mythbusters did a full episode on this, where they built a mock plane and have a couple hundred volunteers. Random boarding was by far the fastest according to their results as well.
For some reason, this episode never aired in the US, maybe because people would sue airlines for having to wait too long?
It did air. They didnt find random to be the fastest either. They found a faster way but the passengers found it stressful.
Yeah random wasn’t the fastest, it was window seats first and so on
I never realised airlines tried to order people. I always take RyanAir and they've done it randomly all the time I can remember. Getting off the planes is what seems to take inexplicably long to me, but I think for some people they have difficulty walking down stairs which slows the whole thing down a lot.
I remember that test, but it was too long ago I was to young, & I don't remember the result.
@@alexandercanella4479 thanks, I thought, it was something like that
When I booked my ticket once they asked me “window seat or aisle?” I said “seat please”.
Laughed out loud with that one, thanks! I reckon Ryanair would try putting people on the floor in the aisle to squeeze a buck or two more out of every flight. Surcharge for a pillow of course
🙌😂😅😂
At least the second option would have lots of leg room
@@duncandownham4726? if standing in the aisle?? 🤭😅
@@duncandownham4726 True, until the guy in front of you lies back 😄
Alan’s observations about passengers are spot on lol.
The carry-on luggage thing is probably more to do with them charging you extra for hold luggage.
@@NamelessVoice which he doesn't have to worry about
Like any other of his observations.
Southwest Airlines boards at random. Their practice of this developed from competing against much larger airlines. SW needed a faster turnaround time to maximize time which equals profits. A SW 737 often parks at a gate for less than 30 minutes according to their own historians.
But the important point here is that Southwest also doesn't assign seats. That's a big component of their randomized boarding procedure.
The most efficient way to board a plane is for the airport to hire CGP Grey as an advisor.
0:35 "A lot of bitterness in this, isn't there?"
I was going to say: How do you _really feel_ about boarding, Alan? 😅
Was anyone else waiting for that graphic of the plane to actually show the even/odd boarding system
CGPGrey has a video on the subject IIRC
ruclips.net/video/oAHbLRjF0vo/видео.html
No
I didn’t know Aisling was fluent in Spanish.
I still don't know that she's fluent in Spanish ;)
It really depends on the emergency
Aisling babbling anything at me would certainly perk me up. :)
Idk if you're being sarcastic or not, but I'll presume so
@@kurtsudheim825
Why??? And what business is it of yours???
3:00 I literally JUST watched the "International" episode where Stephen explains how incredibly difficult it would be to "guide an arbitrary passenger in" to a landing. Maybe Alan forgot :D
On manual, yes. It will very likely crash. But if nothing else is wrong, apparently most can kinda land on their own. You just need tower to talk you through pressing the right buttons
@@leexabyz Interesting. I'd assume that there would be some type of system for that at this point, but on the other hand it seems like that situation has never occured where it was needed, so no real point in trying to make it work.
I can, however, understand why there is not a system for *remote controlling* an airplane. The simple answer is Cyber Security. As soon as a critical system can be accessed and controlled from an external source, someone WILL try to hack it - for whatever reason. And since we already know that hijacking airplanes is something that has happened multiple times in the past, you can be sure that there would be immense interest in trying to do so again. And if you can do it without having to smuggle weapons on board, or more importantly, convince a human being to actually perform the task, then it's suddenly a lot cheaper and easier to just try hacking it.
Perhaps you could have some type of switch onboard that either the "very sick pilot(s)" or the intervening passenger could activate, which would enable such remote control, but I'm sure there would be other difficulties involved with that solution too...
@@DeJayHank the “very sick pilot” switch would have the same problem though, because at that point all you still have to do is convince the plane that said switch has been flipped
@@peterbutterjam97 A mechanical switch simply opens and closes a circuit. An open circuit will always be an open circuit no matter how much "hacking" you try.
@@DeJayHank Mentour Pilot has a video on how to set up a 737-800 to auto-land. The main thing he emphasizes is that, assuming you could get into cockpit, getting the radio tuned to the proper Air Traffic Control frequency is the main thing you have to remember. After that, they'd get someone to walk you through setting up the plane, but he shows us the steps. So, in theory, possible. He tells us though, in reality very unlikely!
I'd be okay with Aisling being the last thing I saw.
Aisling is one of the few comedians who still maintains her empathy while being hilarious. She is one of my favorite human beings. :)
Blows my mind people actually think she's funny.
Her thinking a person choking to death can still speak is pretty funny. If they can produce words, there is air going in and out of their larynx, therefore it is not an emergency.
Agreed.
She's lovely, isn't she? Has a wonderful aura about her too.
@@manindescript9861 Blowing your mind wouldn't cause much damage from the sounds of it, just a hollow echo.
As with so many dynamic systems, the optimal choice for efficiency is quite counter-intuitive. As I recall, the optimal way to empty a large crowd from a room is to restrict all the exits' widths to allow only a single person to fit through each path. Placing centre posts or bollards to *force* single file order speeds up the process. Making double- or triple-width exits will create a body jam at each one.
Also large crowds are well approximated as a fluid, we're literally no smarter than a leaky container when it comes to exiting buildings in a rush
Adding more lanes to roads makes traffic worse too!
@@DemstarAus As it happens, I had just written a long explanation of that in a reply to another YT video comment just a few minutes before this video dropped into my feed so I didn't feel like getting into that example again.
Wider suburban streets are much more dangerous than narrow ones too.
The planes are the wrong design. Just open up the back like the military planes. Passengers go straight to the front - fill the first row then the second, etc. Keep the side doors for emergency exits only.
@@margaretnicol3423 That's just back to front with a wider door.
Well please come on, can you take your seat?
If Aisling Bea was the last thing I saw before dying I'd be OK with it
The most important thing I learned in my travels was to never have anything in baggage claim. It takes too long, and is too expensive. Mail it later.
Also, don’t start fights with giant men.
@@amandadent2501 Oh, that was you, huh?!
@@bradleynoneofyourbizz5341 it’s a good rule of thumb. When people are angry get out of the way and let them calm down.
I always thought airlines should have an option to send baggage the day before
@@adrianscarlett they don’t?
Look don't get me wrong I love Sandi, but can we please have two or three different ending videos where she asks us to watch more? Getting repetitive and needs updating.
I used to work at the gate for a major airline, and by far, the fastest way to board a plane is randomly. My company would get hit with fines for delayed flights, and for some reason, we were running really behind once, so when it was finally time to board, we basically just had everyone pile in all willy nilly, and it was the fastest that plane had ever been boarded. I kept pushing for us to change our boarding procedure, but the higher ups weren't having it.
I know this one, I saw a CPG grey about it.
I found the fastest way to board is to wait for everyone else to board first, and wait for the final call.
Aisling is always secretly the wisest person on the show.
😶 ..just don't annoy her with it .
😶
If the "child" is choking, it won't matter what language you're speaking to her. It was funny though...
She's potentially mute, not deaf.
Airlines couldn't care less about efficient boarding. You PAY more to be able to board earlier. Simple as that.
Never understood why anyone would pay to board earlier. It isn't going to make the plane leave earlier - either you're spending that time sitting on the plane, or sitting in the lounge with your wifi and coffee.
Because most people are selfish, three "me first/get out of my way" types. Idg why it matters, whether you're sitting on the waiting seats or plane seats, the only thing that matters is getting to the destination as quickly as possible, safely. So it's in everyone's interest to load the plane quicker, so you can leave quicker, & same applies to getting off, everyone's jumping & pushing, but you still have to wait for your bags at the carousel!
@@hextree exactly, posting to book your seat maybe if your that finicky, or have an issue, medical or sick/bathroom related, but why early
The ones I laugh at are the ones who pay to board earlier, but then everyone has to get a bus to take them out to the plane. They board the _bus_ eariler, but are then stuck at the back when getting off the bus to get onto the plane so end up actually getting on the plane after everyone else.
If you have a carry on, it lets you claim a space in the overhead.
The best way to board and dis-board is to wait until all the keeners have finished pushing and shoving their way on or off, then calmly move through the now empty aisle.
You could easily board in the most efficient way if you just computerize it and show the passengers the desired order by name. But that would require airlines to actually spend money.
Awful lot of people in this comments section that watch CGP Grey, but have no idea what his name is.
I was sure this was gonna be about carpentry.
What an incredible admission! Board a plane? Carpentry? How embarrassing!
You misread it as "plane a board". :D
Wealthy, ex-working class people HATE poor people having the temerity to go on foreign holidays to affordable destinations.
I misheard it as "Dr Jason Statham", and assumed I was either dreaming or had died.
That rant at the start - just needs a bit of Watney’s Red Barrel and it would be perfect. 🤣🤣🤣
I remember that from Mythbusters
On foot. Some party blokes occasionally attempt to do it on all-fours, and those planes are always delayed...
Aisling is so hot
They should give window, centre and aisle seats different colour tickets and then board them by colour. They should also test the size of all cabin luggage, because some people really do board with giant bags and not much stopping happens at the plane door.
I HATE how long it takes to deboard from planes. It's always extremely frustrating when half of the plane is empty and the other half is waiting for one dingdong to pull their bag out from the overhead bin.
funny thing is, I fly with ryanair a lot and I've flown with aer lingus and another small now defunct airline called flybe, and we never boarded anything other than random, so I was surprised to learn that a board order is so common in other countries/airlines
Southwest Airlines has a similar system. No assigned seats but you have a group letter and number. If you are A24, you queue up when called for Group A. Then you board and choose a seat. It is very efficient. However, the seats are 3 on left and 3 on right. If you are in Group C, you often wind up in a middle seat. Not great if you are a big guy needing to sit between two other large people.
Believe you me it's much worse if you're a normal-sized person having to sit between two fat people.
Doesn't southwest refund the cost of the second seat for travelers of size?
Ryanair had toyed with organized boarding too, until they, too, figured out that random is more efficient.
They also 'toyed' with the idea of removing all the seats and replacing them with standing room only pods...
@@adrianscarlett You do realize it was never meant seriously, do you? O'Leary knows how to create publicity.
Wow I didn't realise Aisling spoke Spanish, that's impressive!
I thought it was Italian
@@jpaxonreyes you confuse it with an other emergency situation...
Gosh, I knew the British were ignorant of foreign languages, I didn't know that extended to the Irish as well.
If you want to have a fun time and there are only say six of you on a very small plane sit right at the back ........................
It does not matter what process is used because the passengers won't follow it and the boarding agents won't enforce their own rules.
Shouldn't there be subtitles? :/ Great clip otherwise!
"We're just not boarding!" Ah, Ryanair I see... :P
Personally I have never been on a plane where there was any difficulty boarding.
I let the zombie hoards fight for 20 minutes while I have another pint then I get on..
Well, if Airlines didnt charge an arm and a leg to check bags, people would do it more often. Or if we wern't worried about baggage handlers breaking into the bags and stealing shit.
Easy. The most efficient way to board a plane is to do it when it is not flying.
Well my guess was one person per row, per aisle, so I was close.
Same, but I said combined with back & front entrance doors. We were just missing the ID/even thing
Yes, random.
At this point that's the second CGP reference!
Loving it!
Sort by ticket price, high to low.
"I can't speak Spanish now, but if there was an emergency I could probably give it a go" Basically Bart Simpson but French instead of Spanish
"What kind of emergency suddenly requires Spanish?" 🤣
Penicillin also cures choking
I hope I'm never in a Spanish emergency with Aisling Bea. Good thing I don't speak Spanish, or I would be worrying about that for the rest of my life.
By using water and a towel.
I recently had a an accident and needed a cane to walk. When I went to board a plane I was given priority boarding. So if everybody had a cane, everybody could board first.
Using one of the provided doors
I find through the door is best
I believe the best way is to split the plane in half, obviously not literally before since Wagner makes some stupid joke, I mean have people enter from the front & back, & you fill the window seats first, the middle, then aisle!
Mythbusters did this too.
Go First Class.
Ummm what!?!!!! Aberdeen to Shetland.......... Got on a boat!!!!!??
Yes, there's a ferry. Takes about 14 hours.
1. stop cramming the planes so full and give everyone a reasonable amount of room.
2. Make the aisles wide enough that people can pass each other
3. Put squares on the floor of the departure lounge with seat numbers on them so the queue is in order before it gets to the plane.
By changing 1 and/or 2, the company is losing profit.
Point 3 might not always corrolate with all the different types/sizes planes that docks to that parkingspot?
Something I didn’t know I needed to hear in life until just now - a Spanish-Irish accent.
The stairs....
I don't know.
If Aisling Bea was the last thing I ever saw, I'd not be too disappointed.
Indeed, in my "list of last faces I could ever see", she'd be right down there near the bottom and, to be honest, probably the only up side - that I get to see her face, while it's all going on - in this whole dying process.
There's definitely way more people higher up on that "last faces I wouldn't want to see" list.
Norman LaMont, for example.
Couldn't the pilot be arsed setting his trim?
The left-right trim?
The center of mass of the plane must be reasonably close or it won't fly. You adjust trim to bias the controls so you don't have to keep hanging on them to stay straight, but that doesn't solve problems like "the plane is tipping backwards out of control."
The fastest way to board the plane is through the jetway. 😛
So they just watched CGP Grey?
;
0:13 you tell em Alan
the story at 2:42 ;)
On your feet…
Random is actually quicker than back to front!
Yeah, I know. I just watched a video about it.
I pick You!
I wonder if there’s an airline equivalent of Southern Rail?
It's called Ryanair.
Hi
I missed the first half of series Q when it aired. Has it been released anywhere?
ruclips.net/video/ycNUtO1zgds/видео.html
I'm sure Jason felt bad they were separated, but apparently, on flights with very few passengers, one person can throw off the weights and balances of an aircraft. I took a flight that had maybe ten people on it, and the flight crew had to move us all around the plane, assigning us specific rows and seats because the balance was thrown off.
load of shit not everyone is the same weight what do u do when a child is sat opposite a fat person lol
I love how all these kinds of videos proudly declare the airlines do it the wrong way, as if airlines haven't done heaps of research and practical experimentation into what they do. Obviously there are other factors involved that aren't accounted for in the simulations.
I mean, seriously, we hear stories like "airline saves tens of thousands of dollars removing three olives from the salad" and then think they've never looked at boarding patterns?
Budget airlines often do random boarding but many traditional airlines sell earlier boarding as a optional extra.
@@kwlkid85 Exactly, they can make money out of selling "express/premium/fast boarding" so efficiency goes out the window
@@jmcc4566 not always the case….I remember my father saying how he once flew with Aeroflot and he and all the other Asians and Blacks had to embark and disembark at the rear of the plane…..so the whole companies making money out of early boarding arrangements etc is only a recent thing….then again I guess it depends on what you classify as ‘recent’…this incident happened during the early 1980s so for me, that’s recent as I lived through that.
@@friktionrc well that's not what I think of as recent for sure
Of course they have looked at boarding patterns, but if they can make more money getting you to pay for prioritised boarding based on class then they will do that over what is more efficient.
Optimal boarding would be achieved by offering a reward if they board faster. The slow will be carried by the fast and stuffed into the overhead if needed.
If I could MARRY a voice but not negative bullshit, SHE'S THE ONE,..... yinz all know who I mean'
There is actually a better way, there is automated loading where it's done by usually like a hull transfer
Of course, the real most efficient way to board a plane is to not board a plane at all. Just take the train instead.
Not where I live it's not, unless you want to pay three times the cost of a flight and have to stand up all the way and stop 15 times every hour.
I'ts the idiots fussing about with the luggage while people are trying to get past them to their seats that are the problem. Tell anyone who has food or a book in their baggage - get it out before boarding the plane as they aren't allowed to touch them once they find their seat. No one is allowed to wear a coat on the plane - or if you insist on wearing it during boarding you get to wear it throughout the flight. If you have children - don't fly - you can't get your act together no matter what. Oh but my parents want to see our grand children - oh they don't vacation? Sure - they just took a cruise to Bermuda. So they can travel - they just can't be bothered to see your children - are you unable to divine your parents attitude towards your children - I'm going to guess it is about the same as mine. We thought if we took our baby on a red-eye they'd be able to sleep throughout the flight. Obviously you've never met A your own child, B your own child or C ever been on a flight before - for the best hope of the child, children's services will be taking them when we get back to the gate. While Alan gave it a fine go, he just doesn't have enough intolerance of the mentally challenged masses - David Mitchell would be able to do a 30 minute segment on this.
The most speediest way is to line up all the men and get them to follow Aisling's arse!
The wives will VERY quickly follow their men to ensure he never gets his hands on her,
Children get lost in this boarding tactic... but the onboard fights make for inspirational YT vids!
Edit:
I can't believe I missed the chance of saying...
It's a once in a wife time chance!