Story #2 - Regardless of whether or not OP was in the right in reporting this incident, it’s clear that this teacher takes pleasure in humiliating students in front of the whole class. I find that the more alarming issue.
Yes, yes. I was bullied by a teacher and it literally destroyed my self-esteem. It took decades to unravel. Now that school's over I wonder if the teacher would even be disciplined for something that happened the past year.
I'd be pissed as a parent. That teacher didn't feel they could bully the parent, so they went after the easier target, a kid. I'm pissed and it's not even my child.
Story four: I think giving the restaurant some constructive feedback on the policy would be a really reasonable thing to do. Wanting to get the waiter fired for following policy is utterly unreasonable. Agree that OP’s dad is killing it! Well done to that man 👏👏👏👏
I think the policy would/should be more like offering the bottle of wine, not just putting it on the table and leaving it. Bad policy. However, the waiter being like, "Well, that's policy," after the second time being told, "No, we don't want that," and being told why, raises a red flag on my end. Even if it is policy, the waiter should have the common sense to just take the bottle away with a note or explanation to management saying they don't want the bottle at the table. Then, management can confirm with the table and offer, say, a seltzer water or a pitcher of tea or lemonade in place of the wine. I can see both sides, but honestly, I think the waiter should have just taken the bottle away after being told no the second time.
Story #1 - This one’s just funny. It’s so obvious that Kara did all this just to make herself look good, not because she genuinely cared about OP. If she had really cared about him, she would have done more research, and also not stormed out of the room crying.
This! It’s crazy to plan a whole intervention just from seeing someone go into the bathroom with a syringe ONCE and not even ask those close to the person about it. Syringes are not used exclusively for drugs, in fact most of the time they are not.
If a person doesn't want to tell you about their problem it's their business not yours. This Kara person needs to realize that. This guy doesn't have to tell her about it if he didn't want to.
The thing is, she didn’t even ask properly. Yes she asked in an accusatory and prying way, but if she had expressed that she was genuinely concerned and caring, OP might have also responded differently. Of course OP is under no obligation to talk about his medical history, but if someone is genuinely caring the person is also much more likely to say enough to put the enquirer’s mind at ease.
Apple #2, as a parent, I would not have reported to someone else. I would have gone directly to the teacher and express that my child did NOT want me to be there but I have a responsibility to help her when treated unfairly especially by a teacher.
@@whatismylifeanymore maybe not at first. I have actually been through something similar. Upon addressing the issue more students came forward about having similar incidents. Things ended well. Also, we have to show children not to just let things go. Picking your battles is an important lesson for kids to learn.
I have a real problem with the Apple #4 waiter. If the waiter was telling the truth and it actually *is* management's [poorly thought-out] policy to leave unwanted bottles of wine on tables, when the guest indicated they were leaving because of it, the waiter definitely should have reversed course, removed the wine, and apologized. There are those who do not consume alcohol for numerous reasons and actually would find this behavior insulting; therefore, this guest would be well within their rights to give the establishment a scathingly negative review on social media.
@@eileenmcdonald1599it’s important to remember that alcoholism affects the whole family and not just in the way of the kids being hurt by the parents drinking or choices made while being drunk, it also affects the kids, spouses etc and often they are codependent and may not realize this. I say this as someone with 29 years sober, as the adult child of recovering alcoholics and the spouse of a recovering alcoholic. She wasn’t just bitching, but having an emotional reaction to her father being forced to be around alcohol. And yes truthfully he’d probably be fine. But she was trying to be helpful and regardless, the establishment should’ve complied with the reasonable request, even if they didn’t know the why, but especially after they did. The restaurant/waiter is 100% in the wrong.
I think the bottle of wine at every table is a boy to get more profits from selling alcohol without them asking. Just put a bottle on the table and add it to the bill, charge them for it even if they don't open it or take a drop.
Story 3: I was a stay at home. I worked the same hours as my wife, even though she was the person bringing in the money. I still worked those same hours because even though my job was unpaid, it was still work. And guess what: after the workday was over there was still work to do after hours. My wife worked overtime sometimes, so that means I worked overtime the same time. After both our workdays were over we had the exact same amount of time, so other chores that needed to be done were done by both of us. She would often take the extra, because my job also included middle of the night childcare. That is how its done. Also, my wife considered that i earned 50% of her salary, because I was doing an important job and deserved payment. Husband should look into hiring an au pair, and pay his wife that amount. It's not cheap. They need to sit down and talk, that is certain. Neither are acting like adults, assuming that the reasoning for her need for help was never included in the chore redistribution.
She is probably frustrated because her work is 24/7 and he gets off work and gets to relax. Yes, he has chores but those probably don't take very long. I get the wife's frustration but does the wife have free time during the day that the husband wouldn't have when he's working all day. I don't know but as Rebecca said they need to communicate. Maybe the wife's got too much on her plate maybe with volunteering or taking the kids to practices, etc. Hopefully, they discuss this before it tears apart their marriage.
@@janejones7638you clearly haven’t kept up with yard work and maintenance on a house. It takes up every weekend and sometimes after work. They should switch rolls for a bit and see how it works out. I think she would be singing a different song after working outside the home, lawn and home maintenance and THEN be expected to help out with housework on top of that.
@@Tinker876 Maybe you live on a big property? We didn't have a big yard, so my Mom used a push mower. She did the lawn because my father had major back issues. He did the cooking. We didn't have enough money to hire a teen to do the job. But my mom was a feminist, she didn't mind doing the job.
@@janejones7638that may be true but it may also not be true. We do not know how many hours OP works and how tiring that job is. We don’t know how much the wife needs to do, if she also volunteers, if the children have a lot of activities or special needs that also require a lot of time and attention . There is no way to know if one spouse is actually doing a lot more or not.
I agree with you about the teacher 1000%. I had a sixth grade P.E. Coach who bullied me and killed my self-confidence. She brought up that I was the fattest in class and weighed more than she did. She said that it was no surprised that I'm so slow at running because I'm so fat. I started dieting that year, I was 11 years old. I was 5'3" and 120 lbs., I was a woman where most of the other girls in class hadn't started their periods (which I didn't think of until I was much older). I also know now that I was within the weight range for my height even by the guidelines of the past. I don't know if she was a cruel person or if she was trying to show me "tough love". The daughter's teacher sounds as if she was bullying the kids by making them perform when they weren't ready. Then she says that they weren't good enough to make the program and lastly, she berates the daughter for speaking about her issues with you. There should be no secrets from the parents regarding how teachers teach or treat them. I'm not saying the daughter will end up like me, but you never know how a young girl will internalize this issue.
Also to add to this, being angry at a child for telling their parents about something that happened or how they feel is completely unacceptable from a teacher. Children should never be encouraged to not tell their parents something. That is typical talk of someone who is being abusive.
I feel like in 🍎 story number 4, based solely on what was stated in the story, the waiter was either young or recently hired...I know that when one starts a new job, it's very difficult to go against policy where a seasoned individual is comfortable bending a few rules in certain cases.
For apple #3, I felt better going crab apple. I though we could call it a *cast* because that's what a group of crabs is called! Idk I just thought it would be cute haha
I agree. I think he was trying to find a way to get these extra chores done but also felt that he didn’t have enough time to get them done. She shouldn’t have tried to just put more work on him but she may have felt like she was doing most of the chores. They should have just had a conversation. That seems to be the issue in so many stories 😑
@@corgi7108 For me, it isn't the hiring of the cleaner that is the problem. It's the use of 'household' money to do so instead of using his own 'fun money'. Or, at the very least, not talking to his wife and getting an 'okay' before doing so. For so many AITA type stories, I just wanna scream "just talk to each other!!!" at them, LOL!
Story 3: She's bratty, he's petty. Story 4: I think the waiter is a good apple; point, blank, period. Even if they went back and forth, some establishments, especially fancy ones, have VERY strict rules that you can quickly get fired for breaking. MY version of the benefit of the doubt is that either A) This restaurant is exceptionally strict about their reputation and will fire anyone to kep it. Or B) it's a new employee that doesn't know what they can get away with and was given the "Boot Camp" orientation where they exaggerated how easy it is to be fired.
Story #4: how hilarious would it be, if in a couple months, someone found a story that said "my manager wanted me to leave wine at every table, no matter what. So I did this, and got them fired." And it turned out this was the customer side of a malicious compliance story. 😂
Story #2 For context, I'm a teacher and a parent of three children who have gone through the school system in Australia. In my experience as a parent, I learned the hard way that what a child comes home from school and tells you is from their pov and not always entirely accurate. As a parent, protective outrage can be a destructive thing and it is more constructive to go to the school and get the other side of the story from the teacher and/or TA. As a teacher, I've had parents coming into my classroom in a state of protective outrage about things that have not happened at all as the student has reported at home. This mother would have perhaps gained a better perspective if she had gone to speak with the teacher about the situation. Then her response to the situation would come from a more informed understanding of what happened.
I think there’s an important issue in story #4 that you’re missing. I’m saying OP is a bad apple, for calling to get the waiter fired (not an issue to complain the policy but yes if trying to get the waiter fired) but also for their actions in the restaurant. Their father was in the bathroom. They’ve been sober for years, he has control over his old problem. They lied to him when they explained why they were leaving. The dad has been left in the dark. If there was a problem with the wine on the table, they should have asked to speak with a manager at the restaurant. Again with your point, don’t try to get the waiter fired, just explain that you said no to the wine and don’t want it on the table. What grinds my gears is that OP is babying their dad. Explain to your dad what happened because he is perfectly capable and can handle himself. He’s made the decision to be sober this long, I don’t think he will all of a sudden break that in front of his kid because someone left a bottle of wine on the table.
For the 4th story, I would definitely freeze a bit as a waiter if that truly was a policy. I'm autistic, so I tend to be a rigid rule follower, but I also don't want to upset people and cause confrontation. That's just a bad policy imo if it's a thing
The wine policy story. I would not them to charge me for the wine if they left it on our table and we didn't drink it. It feels like a forced drink issue that I wouldn't trust. If the waitstaff refused to take away the wine, I would ask for a supervisor to have them take it away. I would not make a scene but do this all quietly. O would not get the waitstaff fired for a poicy. But if not a policy, then the staff need to be told otherwise
The question for the last one is are they a bad apple if they complained about the waiter and got them fired? Yes 100% bad apple. If the question was if I complained about a policy then no good apple. Anyone who is trying to get someone fired for following policy is a bad apple. And there is intent there because it’s mentioned more than once.
Story 4, yes there are restaurants that require wine bottles at tables. Usually very high society, country club type deals. Been to a few of those working in the horse industry when clients invite us out. These types of restaurants have patrons that can smell the poor on you 😂
From Google: No, cats are not mutts, but they are sometimes called moggies, which is the feline equivalent of "mutt". Mixed breed cats, also known as moggies, can be a mix of two purebred cats, a purebred and domestic cat, or two domestic cats. They can have almost any coat color or pattern, coat length, and body size.
I've had cats of questionable lineage for as long as I can remember... I've never heard anyone ever actually use that word. Did Google AI pull that from some random blog post written by a crazy cat lady in 2002‽ 🤣
I also got one of those "I'm concerned about xyz" things that was actually just them starting drama recently! Some people have been cyberbullying one of my closest friends on Twitter and when I made a public announcement that I would not stop being friends with them for stupid reasons people have been dming me telling me I'm weird for staying friends with them.
If someone takes the time out of their day to dm you and tell you you're weird for being friends w someone... they're the weird one!😂😂 I cldnt ever imagine doing that to someone... crazy...
For the restaurant story I'm pretty sure they don't do that for legal reasons because if you are in recovery and they give it to you and you fall off the wagon at the restaurant and drive home getting into an accident they are legally liable so I think either the waiter is lying or the owners a complete moron
What confuses me is, what would the waiter GAIN from lying?? nothing good thats for sure. A trick to see if someone is lying, is to look to see if they have a reason to lie, and I don't see one that would leave to anything good.
@@1adrock12 I just think that waiter might be newer and probably just wanted to know in that situation and was told by someone else that. I doubt the man was malicious, it sounds like he was confused
@@whatismylifeanymoreupselling is a reason for lying for lyers. Unfortunately there are people who have trouble telling the truth about anything. It is a disorder that takes therapy and years of practice to overcome. Salespeople are often adept at lying and waiters are a type of salesperson. Think of the old fashioned car salesman persona. The old saying, never trust a car salesman comes from this. Now this is not necessarily true today as many policies and rules have changed. Ok now I am blabbering, but some people do just lie. Sorry for going on😟
Story two: poor kid. That’s not how I’d expect a teacher to respond to a child. Teachers need to encourage and build up their students. Agree that teacher is bad apple. OP had good intentions but why ask if kid wants you to complain if you aren’t going to listen to what they want. I agree with Rebecca about the issue of not reporting to avoid conflict; it’s not setting a good model for adult life. I’m leaning crab apple for OP for not listening to the choice.
For the last story with the wine, what happens if there’s kids at the table? I suppose if there are kids it’s up to the parents, but if it’s a younger couple on a date that’s not old enough to drink, would the policy change?
I looked like I was 21 at age 13. It was at a wedding and I was offered champagne by someone who didn't know me. He was so embarrassed when he found out my age.
On story number four, I reached out to several of my friends who either worked, or currently work, in the food service industry. (2 upper mid-range steakhouses, a French cafe, and a upscale Chinese place) all of them said that this was a very weird policy, if it actually exists. Two of them said though that it might be a thing the owner is doing to try and push wine. One of them remind me though, at least in texas, the TABC means you can't have alcohol containers out when there are underage people at the table. So I'm currently leaning that there are one of three possibilities here 1) like she said, the waiter is trying to put wine on the table to get a bigger bill, and therefore a bigger tip 2) the waiter is just being lazy 3) the waiter misunderstood the policy, and it's actually something like, "wine must be *presented* at every table," not "wine must be left in every table"
In the second story, I think the mom should have asked and respected the kids choice but also taken that as a teaching opportunity. If the kid said she didn't want to report it (which whe did), expand on that a little and teach her that she shouldn't be scared to report things because of potential backlash.
Apple number three the husband is 100% dealing some petty revenge right here. He doesn't want to be an equitable partner when it comes to the care tasks in his home and he's throwing a fit about it and then penalizing his wife for asking him to do more by cutting her down financially. That is gross man child behavior! His wife expressed that the system is not working for her and even had a real list ready of what tasks he could do to help make your partnership more equal and he didn't even want to do that. He didn't hear her out , he didn't discuss it, he just took the list and hired somebody else to do it - using money that they hadn't agreed upon spending - to get back at his wife for asking him to participate more in the housework. That is seriously entitled, misogynistic behavior! I'm also super uncomfortable with Rebekah implying that this is somehow the wife's fault based on how she handled the conversation with him. First of all we're only hearing this from his perspective so we don't know what kind of bias is in there and whether or not this is an accurate portrayal of how she approached him. Regardless why is it all the wife's responsibility to initiate a responsible conversation? He also has the responsibility of discussing it with her and he didn't - he didn't engage in any dialog, he didn't ask any questions - he just asked for a list and that's what she gave him! And then rather than taking the list and actually helping her and being an equitable partner and helping to take things off her plate and create a more equal environment in their home, he just took it personally and then decided to punish his wife for it by financially abusing her! Which is just sick behavior!!! Men are not entitled to women's unpaid labor in the home! And especially if they have children who are growing and changing, the needs and tasks associated with taking care of those children are going to constantly change and become more demanding! The husband needs to realize that whatever system they put in place at the beginning was only temporary, based on specific needs and circumstances, and as those change the system - and his PARTICIPATION IN IT - will need to change as well to meet new needs!!! As one of my favorite RUclipsrs - She is a Paige turner - says "bringing home a paycheck does not excuse you from participating in your home!" This guy needs to get over himself and step up and actually help his partner rather than running around with this misogynistic, entitled behavior.
OP did ask to look at all the chores that need to happens and rediscuss the division, not just for him and the wife but also the 2 teenage children. The wife also did not seem to be open to that. She made a list of additional chores for the husband but also didn’t discuss it with him. If the system is not working for her, completely fair to say something, but just making a list of additional chores for the husband is not correct either. Both of them need to actually have a conversation about what chores need to happen, what other responsibilities people have (the wife is not working but she may volunteer, need to drive the children to many activities, care another family member or even be on a health journey or other thing that is important in her life) and how both of them feel. I am not a fan of how either of them acted, because it sounds like there is no real conversation or willingness to take the other person’s needs into account. They are not acting like partners who are committed to working together and being mutually supportive.
This was a good one! I got pretty much the same ratings too. The second story I feel is more on the good apple side for me. Yes she talked to the principle anyways but I kinda feel like I would have done the same. I would ask my child but then feel like no, if something isn't done, this bully in teacher form would probably do much more. So I can see where mom was coming from.
I have procreate. I will make you a bad batch icon and an apple pie icon. I can also make a crab cake icon for when everyone is a crab apple. Just tell me where to send the files.
I wonder if the interaction with the waiter would have been different if the term the OP used was different. I'm a recovering addict, and people who are not familiar with the different terms might get "clean" and "in recovery" confused or think they're interchangeable. "Sober" to the waiter probably meant something different than what it did to the OP and his father. It Although it might put them off guard, but usually people would give a second thought when someone says they're in rcovery.
Just want you to know I really appreciate what you said about addiction being a disease. I'm an alcoholic/addict in recovery and I still carry shame about it even though I'm doing great now. You just reminded me I should have no shame about my journey. Thanks girly❤
Story 4: the age isn’t mentioned, you’re adding things. Plus the writer says they don’t want the person fired but thought it might happen if they report but felt it necessary to report anyway. Good apple! 🍏
I have been sober for eight years. Story number four is absolutely infuriating. Nowadays, I would be perfectly fine sitting around an open bottle of wine, but early in sobriety? Absolutely not. My friend and I went to a dance performance in Philadelphia and I smelled somebody’s drink from three rows away and started getting anxious. If it’s that restaurant policy to put wine on every single table, they could be doing that to somebody who is early in sobriety and is struggling. It’s highly insensitive to force alcohol on someone’s table if they don’t request it. I can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened had this happened to me early on, because it would not have been good.
For the fourth story it's not reporting the waiter. It's reporting a policy. Explain that just "bringing" wine is problematic. Explain why it made a person uncomfortable.
Story #2: the parent was in the correct here. The teacher is bullying their students. That teacher needs gone and it’s a teaching moment for the daughter. The mom can sympathize with her daughter but should explain why we report these type of situations. It also worries me that the husband is sympathizing with the teacher and trying to protect them when the teacher is abusing his daughter by bullying her and their other students. I understand why you went crab apple but I think mom is the good apple here. Daughter is a minor and it’s the parents job to protect them. When daughter is 18 and adult that is when you as parent start the change to listening ear and not fixer/protector. That’s the thing this wasn’t a fixing thing this was a protecting thing.
4.) I will not be getting fired off of me not using policy. Complaining about the employee doing they're job is dumb in my personal opinion. The policy is extremely stupid and should change (no duh). My recommendation for bad batch is a poison apple and good batch a golden apple from like Greek mythology or something.
My take on the cleaning service one is; if the husband want to hire a cleaning service to cover his chores it should come out of his spending money not the household budget. Especially if everyone else in the house still has to do their chores. The only person his "compromise" benefits is himself, bad apple.
Apple number one is a good apple. All the way. If he doesn’t want to explain his situation to his cousin he doesn’t have to. That’s his own business. The fact the cousin literally did all those things is just plain stupid. Apple #1 is the good apple.
@@MaggieFox45 I understand that the daughter wished her not to say anything, however, the daughter is a child, and the teacher is an adult so therefore needs to be handled by an adult. No one wishes to make their child’s life more difficult but as a mother if an adult (i.e. their teacher) is bullying them, especially in front of the class, it is my duty to step in. If this teacher is doing it to her daughter and her friends than she is more than likely doing it and have done this to other students. I also work in education, there is in no way, shape or form that this would be tolerated at my school.
@@MaggieFox45 You’re acting as if the mother did it maliciously. In a serious situation a parent/adult has to make the right decision regardless of a child’s (especially an elementary aged child) wishes. Want vs need here. And seriously…. “Bully the teacher back”?? 🤦🏼♀️ Yeah, that would do nothing but cause more harm because the teacher has already proven to not care about the child’s well-being.
@@kimberlynemcek3692Ok, that’s fair. I still don’t agree with you, but I respect your opinion. Agree to disagree. Personally, I feel that respecting a child’s wishes is extremely important. I think that if the Mom REALLY needed to report it, which she did, she should’ve told her child the final decision, and explain why. The kid deserves a good explanation.
@@MaggieFox45the response to being bullied isn’t to teach the child to be a bully herself. It also isn’t likely to be positive for the child as the teacher has a position of authority and supposed care over them, thus being able to make the child’s life even more miserable if she “acts out”. I completely agree that respecting the child’s wishes is important though. I think the mom should apologise to the child for asking what she wants but then not respecting it, but also explain why she did so. I think it will help the daughter understand that the mom didn’t just not care about her opinion, but that as a parent her duty is to protect her child and sometimes that means making unpopular decisions.
Apple 4: I am a former alcoholic, but am also on medications that alcohol interacts with. This is gross policy, but also think he should have handled it better.
The last story-totally agree, bad policy and weird that the staff was not briefed on possible situations where exceptions could be made. Restaurants accommodate changes due to allergies all the time so not sure why removing the wine was such a big deal.
Story #4 - OP is a Karen. And why are we assuming that this would get the waiter fired? The waiter sounds like someone who just wanted to do his job and follow restaurant policy; it’s not his responsibility to know OP’s dad’s backstory. OP can talk to the manager instead, but even so, I doubt the manager will care that much. OP had main character syndrome.
Yes and no like I get why she was angry and I get how she reacted like she's just trying to protect her dad but I wouldn't fire the waiter cause they are just doing what told
Story #1-The fact that she staged this intervention based on some serious assumptions aside...how are you gonna hold an intervention and storm out when the person you're trying to help reacts poorly? No one has ever been happy about an intervention, so if laughter is the reaction and you say "I'm done trying to help you" and storm out...what would she have done if OP actually had a drug problem and resisited with verbal aggression or defensiveness? You can't plan that kind of thing and expect the person to be like "Okay, you're right. I'll change right now!" In a single conversation. You gotta be prepared to meet with resistance.
I have only seen a situation where they leave the wine on the table in Europe but then again if asked to remove it they do, I have also been to restaurants that just have a wine bottle waiting at each table for the guests, but it can be removed.
Ok now im thinking the policy one, like yes they should have exeptions like they said but im assuming its a tricky policy where u say u don't want it but they leave it there Just in case to tease u n get u to spend more money on the wine but like thats also not very sanitary to leave the bottle there n use it later
"Yes, non-purebred cats are sometimes called mutts, but they are more commonly referred to as mixed breed cats. The term "moggy" is another name for a mixed breed cat or a cat that doesn't have a pedigree."
@@purpleclaws202 if you are fired for following policy, get it in writing, take that to a lawyer, easy win. Most companies are smart enough not to screw with something like that. Though I am positive you can find PLENTY of idiots who are stupid enough to do it regardless.
@jacobkleinsasser5658 typical 🙄 sueing like a typical American. Girl how about yall just leave it alone. I don't understand why people LIKE YOU want to feel so important
For the waiter one, I would 100% call the restaurant and complain about said policy. Do not give your name. If this is their policy it needs to be known and I would post reviews anonymously to let others know. You could title it “Not a sober friendly establishment” then explain. I do not drink, ok RARELY if ever, and this would bother me greatly. Now I am that person who would just stand up, pick up the bottle and place it on another table along with the wine goblets, but that is me. I do not mess with peoples sobriety. As I have heard the saying if you run with dogs you get fleas, well the drink is a flea and I do not want an infestation. Ok done.
Story #1: I have this same issue, the syringe is different than what is used to inject, its a dropper. If the person is a minor, I'd tell their parents. Eitherway, I'd apologize to Cara saying, "I'm sorry that your ease dropping led to you being embarrassed." Story #2: I'd reach out to the principal. The teacher is 100% in the wrong, just because of how the student took the way the teacher reacted to the wanting to take the skit out of the program. Story #3: I understand what the OP is doing. If anything the wife is expecting more than the OP can do. If the wife can't keep up with her chores, then maybe a cleaning service would be a good thing. But they should've discussed it. Story #4: The OP should've asked for the manager. There are, or should be, policies in place about this. OP should call to complain about the policy, not about the waiter. If i was in the waiter's place, I would've grabbed the manager.
The wine & server.. Yes the server was pushing to keep it on the table the son/daughter was telling the waiter more than 2xs to take the wine .... if it's placed on the table but they say no thanks, it should b ok for the server to remove it & explain to his higher ups that it was places on table but declined by customers.
Story 1: Yeah, I agree Good apple. That cousin was stepping over the line way too much. Story 2: That one I'll have to come back and update it as I'm not sure as of right now. Story 3: (Be back to edit because I forgot lol) Story 4: I think calling the restaurant is a good idea and explaining to them your side of the story. And to explain that you didn't want the wine on the table. (Maybe not wanting the guy fired is a good idea as it could be policy of the restaurant/cooperate)
As for the husband and wife.. Did he want her to remain home with the children. He seems very controlling. He needs a wake up call. He really should learn the actual amount it takes to care for a house and children . wonder what he would think if that bill.
Whatever you do. Do not mention the servers name because most likely it’s the owner/manager that’s pushing for every table to have wine to boost sales. The servers most likely have tried to bring up the points of people not wanting them on the table but get doo doo from the bosses
Story 2: it felt like she was saying that her emotions mattered more than her daughters. The daughter was upset about the whole situation but clearly it was a temporary emotion and she was going to get over it in the next day. I still vote crab apple but it gave me those vibes. Also why is the last guy treating his dad like a child. If his dad is able to control his alcohol consumption why are you protecting it? Policy is definitely terrible hut not the waiter fault. He kinda acted like a child
I've been to a few fancy Italian restaurants with family and most place wine at the table and some even allow you to bring your own and have it chilled next to the table. I feel like the waiter was either new or doing their best not to get fired. There are so many situations on social where someone goes after an employee and gets them fired when they were just following policy. Handling a situation like that can ruin lives. I think the angry and complaint needs to be focused on the policy and contacting the owner or a manager of a restaurant. Don't take it out on the waiter who is probably a teen trying to keep their job. Usually if you explain the situation to the owner or manager they can work on fixing the situation and maybe changing the policy. In that moment if she had asked for a manager or owner they might have resolved the situation on the spot. I would give the waiter good apple and suggest that the girl call the restaurant and talk to the owner or manager.
Apple #1: It's so weird hearing about this Cara; I have a very good friend named Cara, and she is one of the sweetest people I've ever known. She would NEVER in a million years EVER gossip or jump to conclusions about things so quickly, and she would do her own "investigation" privately exactly the way you described, Rebecca. If she felt like she should get involved, she would, but only if it was obvious something was off about someone. It's just interesting that people can either live up to their name or live it down, and we end up with something like a "Karen" or a "Mary Sue," and so on.
With #4 i think with the way the question was initially asked it was more that she was worried about her reporting the issue with the policy "might" get the server fired. Not that she was going to specifically try to get the waiter fired. That's at least how I understood it from the initial wording.
Story #3: Somehow it got glossed over that the wife is a SAHM with kids in school who do their own chores. The rest of the chores were divided up evenly until SHE decided that didn't work for her anymore. Exactly what is she doing all day that she can't do probably 30% of the entire home's chores? That's why he just decided to hire a housekeeper. I'd suggest getting a camera or two as well because there's no excuse for the SAHP of pre-teens not keeping the house clean. That should be the bare min. Should he have discussed it with her? Yeah. Should she have just handed him a list of her chores she was mysteriously too busy to do? Nope. Did he do it to maybe prod her (a lot of people hate outsiders in their house) to doing the bare min. for a SAHP? Yep. But they've got real problems beyond apples unless she's all of a sudden taken on a few volunteer gigs he left out. Story #4: She should absolutely call the manager and yell about the policy because that's insane. I'm a klutz so putting a wine bottle at the end of a table is a good way to have it bust on the floor. And for any sober people, that's just rude to do. I wouldn't escalate it to the waiter unless it's clear from the manager that the waiter had gone rogue and was doing it to inflate bills which inflates his tip. Going after the waiter directly is a bad apple move. Going to the manager with the concern is good apple unless you're incredibly rude about it.
Agreed on story 3. Unless the teenagers have additional care needs, a lot of activities that require mom follow up or there is another reason why the workload of the wife is suddenly too much, or doesn’t make sense. I also think the husband / OP asking to redistribute all chores is fair as the teenagers are maybe able to do more (for example if their share of chores didn’t increase as they aged) or if is possible to organise chores according to preference (not always possible but for example I do not like cooking, my partner does, but I do not mind cleaning the kitchen after, which my partner isn’t most fond of). The fact that the wife just handed OP a list of additional chores is not cool at all. And having a cleaner is totally worth it if it means nobody gets stressed about chores and there are less arguments in the household.
Story 2: Id go Bad Apple but its...its real close...cause like...its the whole not respecting her daughters choices. Support her at home...assure her she did nothing wrong...there are ways to support someone without letting those 'seeds' take root like you said...totally valid concern...but forcing your child into conflict is going to have the same result if they arent prepared for...both have the potential to make a child grow up severely conflict avoidant. So like I said...Bad Apple...but like...only by a hair...
story 4, it sounds like the owner is trying to upsell an expensive bottle of wine, if they leave the bottle they charge the table, and if no one drank from it, they can set the bottle on the next table to make even more money.
4th story: I waited tables at the Olive Garden for over six years. I received a compliment from a table of obviously underage girls because I didn't take the wine bottle I was supposed to bring to the table. I told the manager this, and she said I should've taken it anyway. Yes, because I want to encourage minors to drink alcohol. Smh What if an ABC agent saw that and interpreted my actions as trying to give minors alcohol?
Story 2: The fact that the teacher berated the daughter for telling her parents about what happened at school is a huge red flag. An adult, especially a teacher, should never encourage a child to not tell their parents something that happened or how they feel. Children should never be encouraged to keep things hidden from their parents. That is a tactic of someone who is being abusive and it is really dangerous. Teachers should actively encourage children to tell their parents / caregivers about anything bothering them, that they are upset about something and generally not to feel like they need to keep secrets from the adults who care for them.
#1: She definitely seems like the kind of person who could suffer from Munchausen by Proxy. You know what I mean? Creating a problem (in their head or actually creating one) in order to gain attention and sympathy from others while pretending to be helping the "person with the problem." I have no sympathy for her. I know people just like her, and they have little to no close friends or family around them because of the stuff they have put others through. OP is Good Apple. #2: It's extremely bothersome to me that the teacher was basically like, "How dare you tell YOUR PARENTS about the bullying I'm inflicting on you!" I do agree that giving the choice then just doing whatever she wanted anyway is not cool, but the teacher deserved it. The teacher also, like you said, needs to be reported again for the result of the first report. That's not right. She's a bully and needs to be stopped. Also, the husband may be right about kids not wanting solutions, but still, this is a child being emotionally abused by their teacher. The teacher needs to be held accountable. I'm going to go Good Apple. I'm sorry, but she still did the right thing. #3: As a SaHM, I can definitely tell the wife is overwhelmed. Personally, I would have the kids take on more chores, especially during the summer. Dad works. He's gone a big chunk of the day. Between traveling to work, work and lunch time and then traveling back home, that's gotta be at least 10 hours he's not home. During the summer, there's no school. The kids are home more. They are also old enough to take on household chores, not just cleaning up after themselves. Anyway, with the way things went, everybody is Crabby. I won't say Bad Batch because the wife is valid in being overwhelmed while the husband is valid in not wanting to add to his agreed upon chores. So, communicate better, ya Crabbies. #4: I don't think the waiter should be fired, but maybe a discussion with the manager who will then have a discussion with the wait staff is in order. There are plenty of reasons why this is a weird policy. It opens the restaurant up to legal action in various forms. So, I don't think that's the actual policy. Whether it is or not, discussions do need to be had by OP and the manager and then the manager and staff. It would be a Bad Apple thing to get the waiter fired, but definitely call the place.
So I just had my first ever house cleaning. I expected to pay like mechanic/hour rates 60-100/hour. Nope!! 1/2 that. So as this being house upkeep and it’s much higher valuation. I think that’s a wicked bargain for doing something I don’t do.
The sole breadwinner vs home maker argument bothers me. Maybe it’s because I’m a man and I grew up in a house like that where my stepdad worked 60+ hours a week and my mom was supposed to be the one to do all the household chores (not including outside work or home maintenance) and he still had to pick up her slack fairly often. I’m sorry but if roles are agreed upon and there’s a sole breadwinner and a home maker, the person not making the money should step up some. I know people argue about kids but what is that person doing while the kids are gone and chores are done because most household chores don’t take all day and don’t need to be done everyday, I say this while both my SO and I work 50+ hours a week and I do most of the chores. If it’s too much for the home maker to do, then I think they should start to provide by also having an income. Again, grew up in a house like this and I do most of the chores in my house while also working full time.
I do agree with you that if the division of tasks is agreed, both parties should do their part of the “deal”. We do not know how much the wife has to do (might also volunteer, care for relatives, or other responsibilities) but it is a bit strange that now that the children are teens she is complaining about it being too much. If they had small children who do not go to school or need constant attention, I’d understand it more, but not only are the children older but they also seem to do chores. OP had chores, the 2 children have chores, so it’s not that the wife is doing everything and OP just comes home and sits with his feet on the sofa in front of the TV. I also don’t like that OP asked to then re-discuss the whole list of chores and division, but the wife didn’t want to. The wife is allowed to express that she has too much to do, but OP is also allowed to want to talk about it and not just accept being handed a new list of chores.
Story #2 - Regardless of whether or not OP was in the right in reporting this incident, it’s clear that this teacher takes pleasure in humiliating students in front of the whole class. I find that the more alarming issue.
Yes, yes. I was bullied by a teacher and it literally destroyed my self-esteem. It took decades to unravel. Now that school's over I wonder if the teacher would even be disciplined for something that happened the past year.
She bullied a child and then retaliated. Like yikes.
@fallenhero3130 Yeah. At first I assumed the teacher meant well and just wasn't thinking, but she was being a bully. Poor kids. :(
I'd be pissed as a parent. That teacher didn't feel they could bully the parent, so they went after the easier target, a kid. I'm pissed and it's not even my child.
Like the teacher saying the kid can't talk to her parent is not ok
Story four: I think giving the restaurant some constructive feedback on the policy would be a really reasonable thing to do.
Wanting to get the waiter fired for following policy is utterly unreasonable.
Agree that OP’s dad is killing it! Well done to that man 👏👏👏👏
I think the policy would/should be more like offering the bottle of wine, not just putting it on the table and leaving it. Bad policy.
However, the waiter being like, "Well, that's policy," after the second time being told, "No, we don't want that," and being told why, raises a red flag on my end. Even if it is policy, the waiter should have the common sense to just take the bottle away with a note or explanation to management saying they don't want the bottle at the table. Then, management can confirm with the table and offer, say, a seltzer water or a pitcher of tea or lemonade in place of the wine.
I can see both sides, but honestly, I think the waiter should have just taken the bottle away after being told no the second time.
Story #1 - This one’s just funny. It’s so obvious that Kara did all this just to make herself look good, not because she genuinely cared about OP. If she had really cared about him, she would have done more research, and also not stormed out of the room crying.
This! It’s crazy to plan a whole intervention just from seeing someone go into the bathroom with a syringe ONCE and not even ask those close to the person about it. Syringes are not used exclusively for drugs, in fact most of the time they are not.
If a person doesn't want to tell you about their problem it's their business not yours. This Kara person needs to realize that. This guy doesn't have to tell her about it if he didn't want to.
You should have said Kara (Oops i mean Karen)
@@Yummy_Good_FoodThe guy's cousin's name is Kara.
The thing is, she didn’t even ask properly. Yes she asked in an accusatory and prying way, but if she had expressed that she was genuinely concerned and caring, OP might have also responded differently. Of course OP is under no obligation to talk about his medical history, but if someone is genuinely caring the person is also much more likely to say enough to put the enquirer’s mind at ease.
Kara has the cartoon superhero theme song which goes, "Here I am, to save the day!" Even if no one needs saving.
Mighty Mouse.
She's the kind that creates chaos so that she can go in and save the day. I don't know superhero's that well, is there one that applies here?
Jim Carrey: "Here she comes to wreck the day!"
@@janejones7638 the MO of Syndrome, the supervillain in The Incredibles, is this!
Apple #2, as a parent, I would not have reported to someone else. I would have gone directly to the teacher and express that my child did NOT want me to be there but I have a responsibility to help her when treated unfairly especially by a teacher.
As a child, we seen what happened when they went to a higher up, do you honestly think going to the teacher would make it any better?
@@whatismylifeanymore maybe not at first. I have actually been through something similar. Upon addressing the issue more students came forward about having similar incidents. Things ended well. Also, we have to show children not to just let things go. Picking your battles is an important lesson for kids to learn.
I have a real problem with the Apple #4 waiter. If the waiter was telling the truth and it actually *is* management's [poorly thought-out] policy to leave unwanted bottles of wine on tables, when the guest indicated they were leaving because of it, the waiter definitely should have reversed course, removed the wine, and apologized. There are those who do not consume alcohol for numerous reasons and actually would find this behavior insulting; therefore, this guest would be well within their rights to give the establishment a scathingly negative review on social media.
Right?! Like how many religions are there that the followers don’t drink, LDS (Mormons), Muslims, Buddhist, etc
The other one bitching could have spoken with the manager to discuss the issue. Or have more faith in the father
@@eileenmcdonald1599it’s important to remember that alcoholism affects the whole family and not just in the way of the kids being hurt by the parents drinking or choices made while being drunk, it also affects the kids, spouses etc and often they are codependent and may not realize this. I say this as someone with 29 years sober, as the adult child of recovering alcoholics and the spouse of a recovering alcoholic. She wasn’t just bitching, but having an emotional reaction to her father being forced to be around alcohol. And yes truthfully he’d probably be fine. But she was trying to be helpful and regardless, the establishment should’ve complied with the reasonable request, even if they didn’t know the why, but especially after they did. The restaurant/waiter is 100% in the wrong.
I think the bottle of wine at every table is a boy to get more profits from selling alcohol without them asking. Just put a bottle on the table and add it to the bill, charge them for it even if they don't open it or take a drop.
It's the apple video! I was starting to get concerned that something was not well.
Me too!
Same!
Yes, also I look forward to the end of Tuesday because it means an apple video. I love hearing her opinions on the apples.
Same!
Same!!!!
Story 3: I was a stay at home. I worked the same hours as my wife, even though she was the person bringing in the money. I still worked those same hours because even though my job was unpaid, it was still work. And guess what: after the workday was over there was still work to do after hours. My wife worked overtime sometimes, so that means I worked overtime the same time. After both our workdays were over we had the exact same amount of time, so other chores that needed to be done were done by both of us. She would often take the extra, because my job also included middle of the night childcare.
That is how its done. Also, my wife considered that i earned 50% of her salary, because I was doing an important job and deserved payment.
Husband should look into hiring an au pair, and pay his wife that amount. It's not cheap.
They need to sit down and talk, that is certain. Neither are acting like adults, assuming that the reasoning for her need for help was never included in the chore redistribution.
The cleaning thing? Two wrongs don't make a right and one arbitrary decision doesn't justify another.
She is probably frustrated because her work is 24/7 and he gets off work and gets to relax. Yes, he has chores but those probably don't take very long. I get the wife's frustration but does the wife have free time during the day that the husband wouldn't have when he's working all day. I don't know but as Rebecca said they need to communicate. Maybe the wife's got too much on her plate maybe with volunteering or taking the kids to practices, etc. Hopefully, they discuss this before it tears apart their marriage.
@@janejones7638you clearly haven’t kept up with yard work and maintenance on a house. It takes up every weekend and sometimes after work. They should switch rolls for a bit and see how it works out. I think she would be singing a different song after working outside the home, lawn and home maintenance and THEN be expected to help out with housework on top of that.
@@Tinker876 Maybe you live on a big property? We didn't have a big yard, so my Mom used a push mower. She did the lawn because my father had major back issues. He did the cooking. We didn't have enough money to hire a teen to do the job. But my mom was a feminist, she didn't mind doing the job.
@@janejones7638that may be true but it may also not be true. We do not know how many hours OP works and how tiring that job is. We don’t know how much the wife needs to do, if she also volunteers, if the children have a lot of activities or special needs that also require a lot of time and attention . There is no way to know if one spouse is actually doing a lot more or not.
I agree with you about the teacher 1000%. I had a sixth grade P.E. Coach who bullied me and killed my self-confidence. She brought up that I was the fattest in class and weighed more than she did. She said that it was no surprised that I'm so slow at running because I'm so fat. I started dieting that year, I was 11 years old. I was 5'3" and 120 lbs., I was a woman where most of the other girls in class hadn't started their periods (which I didn't think of until I was much older). I also know now that I was within the weight range for my height even by the guidelines of the past. I don't know if she was a cruel person or if she was trying to show me "tough love". The daughter's teacher sounds as if she was bullying the kids by making them perform when they weren't ready. Then she says that they weren't good enough to make the program and lastly, she berates the daughter for speaking about her issues with you. There should be no secrets from the parents regarding how teachers teach or treat them. I'm not saying the daughter will end up like me, but you never know how a young girl will internalize this issue.
Also to add to this, being angry at a child for telling their parents about something that happened or how they feel is completely unacceptable from a teacher. Children should never be encouraged to not tell their parents something. That is typical talk of someone who is being abusive.
I feel like in 🍎 story number 4, based solely on what was stated in the story, the waiter was either young or recently hired...I know that when one starts a new job, it's very difficult to go against policy where a seasoned individual is comfortable bending a few rules in certain cases.
For apple #3, I felt better going crab apple. I though we could call it a *cast* because that's what a group of crabs is called! Idk I just thought it would be cute haha
I agree. I think he was trying to find a way to get these extra chores done but also felt that he didn’t have enough time to get them done. She shouldn’t have tried to just put more work on him but she may have felt like she was doing most of the chores. They should have just had a conversation. That seems to be the issue in so many stories 😑
@@corgi7108 For me, it isn't the hiring of the cleaner that is the problem. It's the use of 'household' money to do so instead of using his own 'fun money'. Or, at the very least, not talking to his wife and getting an 'okay' before doing so.
For so many AITA type stories, I just wanna scream "just talk to each other!!!" at them, LOL!
@@alyj6398I totally agree! Just having a conversation would solve so many of these problems!
Story 3: She's bratty, he's petty.
Story 4: I think the waiter is a good apple; point, blank, period. Even if they went back and forth, some establishments, especially fancy ones, have VERY strict rules that you can quickly get fired for breaking. MY version of the benefit of the doubt is that either
A) This restaurant is exceptionally strict about their reputation and will fire anyone to kep it.
Or
B) it's a new employee that doesn't know what they can get away with and was given the "Boot Camp" orientation where they exaggerated how easy it is to be fired.
Story #4: how hilarious would it be, if in a couple months, someone found a story that said "my manager wanted me to leave wine at every table, no matter what. So I did this, and got them fired." And it turned out this was the customer side of a malicious compliance story. 😂
Story #2 For context, I'm a teacher and a parent of three children who have gone through the school system in Australia. In my experience as a parent, I learned the hard way that what a child comes home from school and tells you is from their pov and not always entirely accurate. As a parent, protective outrage can be a destructive thing and it is more constructive to go to the school and get the other side of the story from the teacher and/or TA. As a teacher, I've had parents coming into my classroom in a state of protective outrage about things that have not happened at all as the student has reported at home. This mother would have perhaps gained a better perspective if she had gone to speak with the teacher about the situation. Then her response to the situation would come from a more informed understanding of what happened.
I think there’s an important issue in story #4 that you’re missing. I’m saying OP is a bad apple, for calling to get the waiter fired (not an issue to complain the policy but yes if trying to get the waiter fired) but also for their actions in the restaurant.
Their father was in the bathroom. They’ve been sober for years, he has control over his old problem. They lied to him when they explained why they were leaving. The dad has been left in the dark.
If there was a problem with the wine on the table, they should have asked to speak with a manager at the restaurant. Again with your point, don’t try to get the waiter fired, just explain that you said no to the wine and don’t want it on the table. What grinds my gears is that OP is babying their dad. Explain to your dad what happened because he is perfectly capable and can handle himself. He’s made the decision to be sober this long, I don’t think he will all of a sudden break that in front of his kid because someone left a bottle of wine on the table.
She didn’t technically do it yet, she just asked if she should
@@SlayingSuperNerdX I’m talking about the stuff she already did
For the 4th story, I would definitely freeze a bit as a waiter if that truly was a policy. I'm autistic, so I tend to be a rigid rule follower, but I also don't want to upset people and cause confrontation. That's just a bad policy imo if it's a thing
The wine policy story. I would not them to charge me for the wine if they left it on our table and we didn't drink it. It feels like a forced drink issue that I wouldn't trust. If the waitstaff refused to take away the wine, I would ask for a supervisor to have them take it away. I would not make a scene but do this all quietly. O would not get the waitstaff fired for a poicy. But if not a policy, then the staff need to be told otherwise
The question for the last one is are they a bad apple if they complained about the waiter and got them fired? Yes 100% bad apple. If the question was if I complained about a policy then no good apple. Anyone who is trying to get someone fired for following policy is a bad apple. And there is intent there because it’s mentioned more than once.
Story 4, yes there are restaurants that require wine bottles at tables. Usually very high society, country club type deals. Been to a few of those working in the horse industry when clients invite us out. These types of restaurants have patrons that can smell the poor on you 😂
From Google:
No, cats are not mutts, but they are sometimes called moggies, which is the feline equivalent of "mutt". Mixed breed cats, also known as moggies, can be a mix of two purebred cats, a purebred and domestic cat, or two domestic cats. They can have almost any coat color or pattern, coat length, and body size.
I've had cats of questionable lineage for as long as I can remember... I've never heard anyone ever actually use that word.
Did Google AI pull that from some random blog post written by a crazy cat lady in 2002‽ 🤣
@@merklingassoc why does that sound so cute 🥺
I also got one of those "I'm concerned about xyz" things that was actually just them starting drama recently! Some people have been cyberbullying one of my closest friends on Twitter and when I made a public announcement that I would not stop being friends with them for stupid reasons people have been dming me telling me I'm weird for staying friends with them.
If someone takes the time out of their day to dm you and tell you you're weird for being friends w someone... they're the weird one!😂😂 I cldnt ever imagine doing that to someone... crazy...
For the restaurant story I'm pretty sure they don't do that for legal reasons because if you are in recovery and they give it to you and you fall off the wagon at the restaurant and drive home getting into an accident they are legally liable so I think either the waiter is lying or the owners a complete moron
What confuses me is, what would the waiter GAIN from lying?? nothing good thats for sure. A trick to see if someone is lying, is to look to see if they have a reason to lie, and I don't see one that would leave to anything good.
@@1adrock12 I just think that waiter might be newer and probably just wanted to know in that situation and was told by someone else that. I doubt the man was malicious, it sounds like he was confused
Guess again
@@whatismylifeanymoreupselling is a reason for lying for lyers. Unfortunately there are people who have trouble telling the truth about anything. It is a disorder that takes therapy and years of practice to overcome. Salespeople are often adept at lying and waiters are a type of salesperson. Think of the old fashioned car salesman persona. The old saying, never trust a car salesman comes from this. Now this is not necessarily true today as many policies and rules have changed. Ok now I am blabbering, but some people do just lie. Sorry for going on😟
Story two: poor kid. That’s not how I’d expect a teacher to respond to a child. Teachers need to encourage and build up their students. Agree that teacher is bad apple.
OP had good intentions but why ask if kid wants you to complain if you aren’t going to listen to what they want. I agree with Rebecca about the issue of not reporting to avoid conflict; it’s not setting a good model for adult life. I’m leaning crab apple for OP for not listening to the choice.
For the last story with the wine, what happens if there’s kids at the table? I suppose if there are kids it’s up to the parents, but if it’s a younger couple on a date that’s not old enough to drink, would the policy change?
I looked like I was 21 at age 13. It was at a wedding and I was offered champagne by someone who didn't know me. He was so embarrassed when he found out my age.
That's why most places check ids
Entitled American
HAPPY BELATED APPLE PICKING DAYYYY
Story #3 - Another example of an issue that could be easily resolved if a couple just communicated better.
0:29 oooo girls mad pressed that she got torn apart in the comments last week 😂
On story number four, I reached out to several of my friends who either worked, or currently work, in the food service industry. (2 upper mid-range steakhouses, a French cafe, and a upscale Chinese place) all of them said that this was a very weird policy, if it actually exists. Two of them said though that it might be a thing the owner is doing to try and push wine. One of them remind me though, at least in texas, the TABC means you can't have alcohol containers out when there are underage people at the table. So I'm currently leaning that there are one of three possibilities here
1) like she said, the waiter is trying to put wine on the table to get a bigger bill, and therefore a bigger tip
2) the waiter is just being lazy
3) the waiter misunderstood the policy, and it's actually something like, "wine must be *presented* at every table," not "wine must be left in every table"
I’m thinking #3 might be the case and the waiter is fairly new.
Story 4: Sounds like either a crapy owner or a seriously confused waiter.
Hope there isn't a curse this week 😂
😂😂
The bad batch icon could be an apple with a worm in it
In the second story, I think the mom should have asked and respected the kids choice but also taken that as a teaching opportunity. If the kid said she didn't want to report it (which whe did), expand on that a little and teach her that she shouldn't be scared to report things because of potential backlash.
Apple number three the husband is 100% dealing some petty revenge right here. He doesn't want to be an equitable partner when it comes to the care tasks in his home and he's throwing a fit about it and then penalizing his wife for asking him to do more by cutting her down financially. That is gross man child behavior! His wife expressed that the system is not working for her and even had a real list ready of what tasks he could do to help make your partnership more equal and he didn't even want to do that. He didn't hear her out , he didn't discuss it, he just took the list and hired somebody else to do it - using money that they hadn't agreed upon spending - to get back at his wife for asking him to participate more in the housework. That is seriously entitled, misogynistic behavior!
I'm also super uncomfortable with Rebekah implying that this is somehow the wife's fault based on how she handled the conversation with him. First of all we're only hearing this from his perspective so we don't know what kind of bias is in there and whether or not this is an accurate portrayal of how she approached him. Regardless why is it all the wife's responsibility to initiate a responsible conversation? He also has the responsibility of discussing it with her and he didn't - he didn't engage in any dialog, he didn't ask any questions - he just asked for a list and that's what she gave him! And then rather than taking the list and actually helping her and being an equitable partner and helping to take things off her plate and create a more equal environment in their home, he just took it personally and then decided to punish his wife for it by financially abusing her! Which is just sick behavior!!!
Men are not entitled to women's unpaid labor in the home!
And especially if they have children who are growing and changing, the needs and tasks associated with taking care of those children are going to constantly change and become more demanding! The husband needs to realize that whatever system they put in place at the beginning was only temporary, based on specific needs and circumstances, and as those change the system - and his PARTICIPATION IN IT - will need to change as well to meet new needs!!!
As one of my favorite RUclipsrs - She is a Paige turner - says "bringing home a paycheck does not excuse you from participating in your home!" This guy needs to get over himself and step up and actually help his partner rather than running around with this misogynistic, entitled behavior.
OP did ask to look at all the chores that need to happens and rediscuss the division, not just for him and the wife but also the 2 teenage children. The wife also did not seem to be open to that. She made a list of additional chores for the husband but also didn’t discuss it with him. If the system is not working for her, completely fair to say something, but just making a list of additional chores for the husband is not correct either. Both of them need to actually have a conversation about what chores need to happen, what other responsibilities people have (the wife is not working but she may volunteer, need to drive the children to many activities, care another family member or even be on a health journey or other thing that is important in her life) and how both of them feel. I am not a fan of how either of them acted, because it sounds like there is no real conversation or willingness to take the other person’s needs into account. They are not acting like partners who are committed to working together and being mutually supportive.
Apple picking day! Glad everything's okay ❤ 🍎
This was a good one! I got pretty much the same ratings too. The second story I feel is more on the good apple side for me. Yes she talked to the principle anyways but I kinda feel like I would have done the same. I would ask my child but then feel like no, if something isn't done, this bully in teacher form would probably do much more. So I can see where mom was coming from.
The apple icons look different
Urgh yeah the shadows are weird
@@Me3TV_MUSIC agreed
I kind of prefer it this way
That's happens on cruises. They have wine at your table but you can move it to another table close by
I have procreate. I will make you a bad batch icon and an apple pie icon. I can also make a crab cake icon for when everyone is a crab apple. Just tell me where to send the files.
You should be able to find business emails either in the video description or in the description of the channel
I wonder if the interaction with the waiter would have been different if the term the OP used was different. I'm a recovering addict, and people who are not familiar with the different terms might get "clean" and "in recovery" confused or think they're interchangeable. "Sober" to the waiter probably meant something different than what it did to the OP and his father. It Although it might put them off guard, but usually people would give a second thought when someone says they're in rcovery.
I am so proud of the Dad because 10 years sober is a long hard time
Your bad batch icon should be the same bad apple icon with 2 tails. The second one could go off to the right of the apple.
Just want you to know I really appreciate what you said about addiction being a disease. I'm an alcoholic/addict in recovery and I still carry shame about it even though I'm doing great now. You just reminded me I should have no shame about my journey. Thanks girly❤
Bad apple time
Story 4: the age isn’t mentioned, you’re adding things. Plus the writer says they don’t want the person fired but thought it might happen if they report but felt it necessary to report anyway. Good apple! 🍏
I have been sober for eight years. Story number four is absolutely infuriating. Nowadays, I would be perfectly fine sitting around an open bottle of wine, but early in sobriety? Absolutely not. My friend and I went to a dance performance in Philadelphia and I smelled somebody’s drink from three rows away and started getting anxious.
If it’s that restaurant policy to put wine on every single table, they could be doing that to somebody who is early in sobriety and is struggling. It’s highly insensitive to force alcohol on someone’s table if they don’t request it. I can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened had this happened to me early on, because it would not have been good.
For the fourth story it's not reporting the waiter. It's reporting a policy. Explain that just "bringing" wine is problematic. Explain why it made a person uncomfortable.
Story #2: the parent was in the correct here. The teacher is bullying their students. That teacher needs gone and it’s a teaching moment for the daughter. The mom can sympathize with her daughter but should explain why we report these type of situations. It also worries me that the husband is sympathizing with the teacher and trying to protect them when the teacher is abusing his daughter by bullying her and their other students. I understand why you went crab apple but I think mom is the good apple here. Daughter is a minor and it’s the parents job to protect them. When daughter is 18 and adult that is when you as parent start the change to listening ear and not fixer/protector. That’s the thing this wasn’t a fixing thing this was a protecting thing.
she’s alive!!
4.) I will not be getting fired off of me not using policy. Complaining about the employee doing they're job is dumb in my personal opinion. The policy is extremely stupid and should change (no duh). My recommendation for bad batch is a poison apple and good batch a golden apple from like Greek mythology or something.
My take on the cleaning service one is; if the husband want to hire a cleaning service to cover his chores it should come out of his spending money not the household budget. Especially if everyone else in the house still has to do their chores. The only person his "compromise" benefits is himself, bad apple.
Apple number one is a good apple. All the way. If he doesn’t want to explain his situation to his cousin he doesn’t have to. That’s his own business. The fact the cousin literally did all those things is just plain stupid. Apple #1 is the good apple.
Second story: Good Apple- The teacher needs to be report for everything! She’s bulllying her students and that unacceptable!
She didn’t respect her daughter’s wishes though
@@MaggieFox45 I understand that the daughter wished her not to say anything, however, the daughter is a child, and the teacher is an adult so therefore needs to be handled by an adult. No one wishes to make their child’s life more difficult but as a mother if an adult (i.e. their teacher) is bullying them, especially in front of the class, it is my duty to step in. If this teacher is doing it to her daughter and her friends than she is more than likely doing it and have done this to other students. I also work in education, there is in no way, shape or form that this would be tolerated at my school.
@@MaggieFox45 You’re acting as if the mother did it maliciously. In a serious situation a parent/adult has to make the right decision regardless of a child’s (especially an elementary aged child) wishes. Want vs need here. And seriously…. “Bully the teacher back”??
🤦🏼♀️ Yeah, that would do nothing but cause more harm because the teacher has already proven to not care about the child’s well-being.
@@kimberlynemcek3692Ok, that’s fair. I still don’t agree with you, but I respect your opinion. Agree to disagree. Personally, I feel that respecting a child’s wishes is extremely important. I think that if the Mom REALLY needed to report it, which she did, she should’ve told her child the final decision, and explain why. The kid deserves a good explanation.
@@MaggieFox45the response to being bullied isn’t to teach the child to be a bully herself. It also isn’t likely to be positive for the child as the teacher has a position of authority and supposed care over them, thus being able to make the child’s life even more miserable if she “acts out”.
I completely agree that respecting the child’s wishes is important though. I think the mom should apologise to the child for asking what she wants but then not respecting it, but also explain why she did so. I think it will help the daughter understand that the mom didn’t just not care about her opinion, but that as a parent her duty is to protect her child and sometimes that means making unpopular decisions.
Apple 4: I am a former alcoholic, but am also on medications that alcohol interacts with. This is gross policy, but also think he should have handled it better.
The last story-totally agree, bad policy and weird that the staff was not briefed on possible situations where exceptions could be made. Restaurants accommodate changes due to allergies all the time so not sure why removing the wine was such a big deal.
Story #4 - OP is a Karen. And why are we assuming that this would get the waiter fired? The waiter sounds like someone who just wanted to do his job and follow restaurant policy; it’s not his responsibility to know OP’s dad’s backstory. OP can talk to the manager instead, but even so, I doubt the manager will care that much. OP had main character syndrome.
Yes and no like I get why she was angry and I get how she reacted like she's just trying to protect her dad but I wouldn't fire the waiter cause they are just doing what told
Karah reminds me of more than a quarter of the people in my small town😅😂
Story #1-The fact that she staged this intervention based on some serious assumptions aside...how are you gonna hold an intervention and storm out when the person you're trying to help reacts poorly? No one has ever been happy about an intervention, so if laughter is the reaction and you say "I'm done trying to help you" and storm out...what would she have done if OP actually had a drug problem and resisited with verbal aggression or defensiveness? You can't plan that kind of thing and expect the person to be like "Okay, you're right. I'll change right now!" In a single conversation. You gotta be prepared to meet with resistance.
I have only seen a situation where they leave the wine on the table in Europe but then again if asked to remove it they do, I have also been to restaurants that just have a wine bottle waiting at each table for the guests, but it can be removed.
Not if the boss tells them no to push wine sales
For story 4, 100 percent agree! That is a VERY weird policy! I'm not a fan!
Lol the customer is not special.
Ok now im thinking the policy one, like yes they should have exeptions like they said but im assuming its a tricky policy where u say u don't want it but they leave it there Just in case to tease u n get u to spend more money on the wine but like thats also not very sanitary to leave the bottle there n use it later
Yall be comenting 2 seconds after she posts
Everyone wants to be first ig
Yes!
Ofc
"Yes, non-purebred cats are sometimes called mutts, but they are more commonly referred to as mixed breed cats. The term "moggy" is another name for a mixed breed cat or a cat that doesn't have a pedigree."
4th story. If it was actually policy, the waiter wouldn't be fired. You can't fire someone for follow policy.
Haha youre new huh?
@@purpleclaws202 if you are fired for following policy, get it in writing, take that to a lawyer, easy win. Most companies are smart enough not to screw with something like that. Though I am positive you can find PLENTY of idiots who are stupid enough to do it regardless.
@jacobkleinsasser5658 typical 🙄 sueing like a typical American. Girl how about yall just leave it alone. I don't understand why people LIKE YOU want to feel so important
For the waiter one, I would 100% call the restaurant and complain about said policy. Do not give your name. If this is their policy it needs to be known and I would post reviews anonymously to let others know. You could title it “Not a sober friendly establishment” then explain. I do not drink, ok RARELY if ever, and this would bother me greatly. Now I am that person who would just stand up, pick up the bottle and place it on another table along with the wine goblets, but that is me. I do not mess with peoples sobriety. As I have heard the saying if you run with dogs you get fleas, well the drink is a flea and I do not want an infestation. Ok done.
Story #1: I have this same issue, the syringe is different than what is used to inject, its a dropper. If the person is a minor, I'd tell their parents. Eitherway, I'd apologize to Cara saying, "I'm sorry that your ease dropping led to you being embarrassed."
Story #2: I'd reach out to the principal. The teacher is 100% in the wrong, just because of how the student took the way the teacher reacted to the wanting to take the skit out of the program.
Story #3: I understand what the OP is doing. If anything the wife is expecting more than the OP can do. If the wife can't keep up with her chores, then maybe a cleaning service would be a good thing. But they should've discussed it.
Story #4: The OP should've asked for the manager. There are, or should be, policies in place about this. OP should call to complain about the policy, not about the waiter. If i was in the waiter's place, I would've grabbed the manager.
The wine & server..
Yes the server was pushing to keep it on the table the son/daughter was telling the waiter more than 2xs to take the wine .... if it's placed on the table but they say no thanks, it should b ok for the server to remove it & explain to his higher ups that it was places on table but declined by customers.
Story 1: Yeah, I agree Good apple. That cousin was stepping over the line way too much.
Story 2: That one I'll have to come back and update it as I'm not sure as of right now.
Story 3: (Be back to edit because I forgot lol)
Story 4: I think calling the restaurant is a good idea and explaining to them your side of the story. And to explain that you didn't want the wine on the table. (Maybe not wanting the guy fired is a good idea as it could be policy of the restaurant/cooperate)
God the last one is soooo American why are you all so entitled
As for the husband and wife.. Did he want her to remain home with the children. He seems very controlling. He needs a wake up call. He really should learn the actual amount it takes to care for a house and children . wonder what he would think if that bill.
Omg.... on the second video:
"I was mad so-"
Me: proceeds to have an add about homeschool
Lol a mixed breed cat is called a Moggy!
Whatever you do. Do not mention the servers name because most likely it’s the owner/manager that’s pushing for every table to have wine to boost sales. The servers most likely have tried to bring up the points of people not wanting them on the table but get doo doo from the bosses
Nothing to do with the stories, just want to say how relatable you are with the two mismatch socks 😅
How you really changed my mind on Story 4, also you’re friends with Mollie Burke? That’s so cool!
Story 2: it felt like she was saying that her emotions mattered more than her daughters. The daughter was upset about the whole situation but clearly it was a temporary emotion and she was going to get over it in the next day. I still vote crab apple but it gave me those vibes. Also why is the last guy treating his dad like a child. If his dad is able to control his alcohol consumption why are you protecting it? Policy is definitely terrible hut not the waiter fault. He kinda acted like a child
Dude! I also live in NC and go to ruckus trivia on Wednesdays, i also go on Tuesdays.
I've been to a few fancy Italian restaurants with family and most place wine at the table and some even allow you to bring your own and have it chilled next to the table. I feel like the waiter was either new or doing their best not to get fired. There are so many situations on social where someone goes after an employee and gets them fired when they were just following policy. Handling a situation like that can ruin lives. I think the angry and complaint needs to be focused on the policy and contacting the owner or a manager of a restaurant. Don't take it out on the waiter who is probably a teen trying to keep their job. Usually if you explain the situation to the owner or manager they can work on fixing the situation and maybe changing the policy. In that moment if she had asked for a manager or owner they might have resolved the situation on the spot. I would give the waiter good apple and suggest that the girl call the restaurant and talk to the owner or manager.
Rebecca: posts AITBA late
Me: “SHE CAN’T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS😭”
My editor has been out of town 🥲
@@Rebecca.Rogers sad apple 🍎
@@giothed00dsame
@@giothed00dlol😂😂
Story 1- good apple story 2- good apple story 3- bad apple story 4- good apple
Apple #1: It's so weird hearing about this Cara; I have a very good friend named Cara, and she is one of the sweetest people I've ever known. She would NEVER in a million years EVER gossip or jump to conclusions about things so quickly, and she would do her own "investigation" privately exactly the way you described, Rebecca. If she felt like she should get involved, she would, but only if it was obvious something was off about someone. It's just interesting that people can either live up to their name or live it down, and we end up with something like a "Karen" or a "Mary Sue," and so on.
You can't get a waiter fired for following policy that's the whole point in policies like yes it's a dumb policy but it's not the waiters fault
With #4 i think with the way the question was initially asked it was more that she was worried about her reporting the issue with the policy "might" get the server fired. Not that she was going to specifically try to get the waiter fired. That's at least how I understood it from the initial wording.
Do you ever “revisit the apple orchard” and get updates to some of the bad/good apple stories you talk about?
Last story: Girl. You maybe overeeacted just a bit. You're not wrong about wanting the wine gone but my goodness, you really went from 0-100 fast.
Story #3: Somehow it got glossed over that the wife is a SAHM with kids in school who do their own chores. The rest of the chores were divided up evenly until SHE decided that didn't work for her anymore. Exactly what is she doing all day that she can't do probably 30% of the entire home's chores? That's why he just decided to hire a housekeeper. I'd suggest getting a camera or two as well because there's no excuse for the SAHP of pre-teens not keeping the house clean. That should be the bare min. Should he have discussed it with her? Yeah. Should she have just handed him a list of her chores she was mysteriously too busy to do? Nope. Did he do it to maybe prod her (a lot of people hate outsiders in their house) to doing the bare min. for a SAHP? Yep. But they've got real problems beyond apples unless she's all of a sudden taken on a few volunteer gigs he left out.
Story #4: She should absolutely call the manager and yell about the policy because that's insane. I'm a klutz so putting a wine bottle at the end of a table is a good way to have it bust on the floor. And for any sober people, that's just rude to do. I wouldn't escalate it to the waiter unless it's clear from the manager that the waiter had gone rogue and was doing it to inflate bills which inflates his tip. Going after the waiter directly is a bad apple move. Going to the manager with the concern is good apple unless you're incredibly rude about it.
Agreed on story 3. Unless the teenagers have additional care needs, a lot of activities that require mom follow up or there is another reason why the workload of the wife is suddenly too much, or doesn’t make sense. I also think the husband / OP asking to redistribute all chores is fair as the teenagers are maybe able to do more (for example if their share of chores didn’t increase as they aged) or if is possible to organise chores according to preference (not always possible but for example I do not like cooking, my partner does, but I do not mind cleaning the kitchen after, which my partner isn’t most fond of). The fact that the wife just handed OP a list of additional chores is not cool at all.
And having a cleaner is totally worth it if it means nobody gets stressed about chores and there are less arguments in the household.
Story 2: Id go Bad Apple but its...its real close...cause like...its the whole not respecting her daughters choices. Support her at home...assure her she did nothing wrong...there are ways to support someone without letting those 'seeds' take root like you said...totally valid concern...but forcing your child into conflict is going to have the same result if they arent prepared for...both have the potential to make a child grow up severely conflict avoidant. So like I said...Bad Apple...but like...only by a hair...
story 4, it sounds like the owner is trying to upsell an expensive bottle of wine, if they leave the bottle they charge the table, and if no one drank from it, they can set the bottle on the next table to make even more money.
Yes...cats can be considered mutts too!!😂 🐈 😻 🐈⬛️ 😺 🐱 😸
Wine on the table policy-I would have immediately asked to speak to the manager. No way I would tolerate that situation.
4th story: I waited tables at the Olive Garden for over six years. I received a compliment from a table of obviously underage girls because I didn't take the wine bottle I was supposed to bring to the table. I told the manager this, and she said I should've taken it anyway.
Yes, because I want to encourage minors to drink alcohol. Smh What if an ABC agent saw that and interpreted my actions as trying to give minors alcohol?
i’m listening to this while roller skating
Story 2: The fact that the teacher berated the daughter for telling her parents about what happened at school is a huge red flag. An adult, especially a teacher, should never encourage a child to not tell their parents something that happened or how they feel. Children should never be encouraged to keep things hidden from their parents. That is a tactic of someone who is being abusive and it is really dangerous. Teachers should actively encourage children to tell their parents / caregivers about anything bothering them, that they are upset about something and generally not to feel like they need to keep secrets from the adults who care for them.
#1: She definitely seems like the kind of person who could suffer from Munchausen by Proxy. You know what I mean? Creating a problem (in their head or actually creating one) in order to gain attention and sympathy from others while pretending to be helping the "person with the problem." I have no sympathy for her. I know people just like her, and they have little to no close friends or family around them because of the stuff they have put others through. OP is Good Apple.
#2: It's extremely bothersome to me that the teacher was basically like, "How dare you tell YOUR PARENTS about the bullying I'm inflicting on you!" I do agree that giving the choice then just doing whatever she wanted anyway is not cool, but the teacher deserved it. The teacher also, like you said, needs to be reported again for the result of the first report. That's not right. She's a bully and needs to be stopped. Also, the husband may be right about kids not wanting solutions, but still, this is a child being emotionally abused by their teacher. The teacher needs to be held accountable. I'm going to go Good Apple. I'm sorry, but she still did the right thing.
#3: As a SaHM, I can definitely tell the wife is overwhelmed. Personally, I would have the kids take on more chores, especially during the summer. Dad works. He's gone a big chunk of the day. Between traveling to work, work and lunch time and then traveling back home, that's gotta be at least 10 hours he's not home. During the summer, there's no school. The kids are home more. They are also old enough to take on household chores, not just cleaning up after themselves. Anyway, with the way things went, everybody is Crabby. I won't say Bad Batch because the wife is valid in being overwhelmed while the husband is valid in not wanting to add to his agreed upon chores. So, communicate better, ya Crabbies.
#4: I don't think the waiter should be fired, but maybe a discussion with the manager who will then have a discussion with the wait staff is in order. There are plenty of reasons why this is a weird policy. It opens the restaurant up to legal action in various forms. So, I don't think that's the actual policy. Whether it is or not, discussions do need to be had by OP and the manager and then the manager and staff. It would be a Bad Apple thing to get the waiter fired, but definitely call the place.
Yes apple picking day on my birthday
How does a person going to the bathroom with a bulb syringe in their hand translate into drug abuse?
So I just had my first ever house cleaning. I expected to pay like mechanic/hour rates 60-100/hour. Nope!! 1/2 that. So as this being house upkeep and it’s much higher valuation. I think that’s a wicked bargain for doing something I don’t do.
Story one: good apple. No one is entitled to your personal, medical info. The cousin should be embarrassed by their behaviour.
The sole breadwinner vs home maker argument bothers me. Maybe it’s because I’m a man and I grew up in a house like that where my stepdad worked 60+ hours a week and my mom was supposed to be the one to do all the household chores (not including outside work or home maintenance) and he still had to pick up her slack fairly often. I’m sorry but if roles are agreed upon and there’s a sole breadwinner and a home maker, the person not making the money should step up some. I know people argue about kids but what is that person doing while the kids are gone and chores are done because most household chores don’t take all day and don’t need to be done everyday, I say this while both my SO and I work 50+ hours a week and I do most of the chores. If it’s too much for the home maker to do, then I think they should start to provide by also having an income. Again, grew up in a house like this and I do most of the chores in my house while also working full time.
I do agree with you that if the division of tasks is agreed, both parties should do their part of the “deal”. We do not know how much the wife has to do (might also volunteer, care for relatives, or other responsibilities) but it is a bit strange that now that the children are teens she is complaining about it being too much. If they had small children who do not go to school or need constant attention, I’d understand it more, but not only are the children older but they also seem to do chores. OP had chores, the 2 children have chores, so it’s not that the wife is doing everything and OP just comes home and sits with his feet on the sofa in front of the TV. I also don’t like that OP asked to then re-discuss the whole list of chores and division, but the wife didn’t want to. The wife is allowed to express that she has too much to do, but OP is also allowed to want to talk about it and not just accept being handed a new list of chores.
@@s.a.4358 totally agree. If it becomes too much, that person needs to sit down and agree with the other person about changes.