The Perfect College Applicant: A Musical Parody

Hello lovely people! This original song is a collaboration between two best friends who have recently experienced the tenth circle of hell that is America's college application process. We came, we suffered, and, now, we share.
You'll probably recognize both of the applicants we've exaggeratedly represented here. The well-intentioned, plucky underdog that epitomizes so many of us and....that frighteningly perfect someone we all want to throw off something tall.
Hope you have as much fun watching this as we did creating it! And thank you.
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My channel: trulyarielleigh
Juli's channel: piglatin123
(video is posted on both, by the way)
LYRICS:
(Spoken) Dear College:
I am ready I am willing
Off to join the college scene
So I'm applying for admission
For the class of '17
After months of preparation
SATs under the knife
Although your school's thousands of miles away, it is the center of my life
Now here's a bit about me:
A: I am inspired by my sister
Holding not one job but two
Since my family is broken
She pays the bills to put me through
B: I am inspired by my parents
of ethnically diverse descent
When they were called to serve our country, they just packed their bags and went
They fought for years in Vietnam
Against guns and harsh disease
And now they are wealthy veterans
with matching PhDs
My dear parents are alumni of your school they went for free
A: Mine never had the time for college, and don't have much time for me
B: Since I backstroke, jump serve, pitch and golf, on your teams, I would excel
A: I'm a member of my church choir;
I play the bottom bell.
B: I'm the popular head cheerleader, National Merit scholar too,
A: But could you still do those routines
if your face met my shoe
B: And I'm artistically inclined
been featured at the Guggenheim
A: My grandma thinks my fanfiction is totally sublime
B:I once helped a struggling kid from a life of drugs and crime
A: Shut up or I'll rip out your tongue and doom you to a life of mime
A: I play piano at school concerts, I get applause at curtain call
B: I'm a regular violinist at Carnegie Hall
A: I'm active in the Key Club, and Habitat for Humanity
B: I built an orphanage in Africa- they named it after me!
B: GPA, 4.0 (but 5.2 weighted)
SAT, 2350, I'm top-10%-rated
8 APs, and high school president for four years running
Speaking of running, I'm also captain of the track team,
My bedroom's covered with blue ribbons;
Oh, I hope that I get in!!
A: (SPOKEN) You have GOT to be kidding me.
A/B: Well, as a career, I'm not really sure what I want to do
B: But I plan to build a time machine by the time I'm 22
A: I'm always reading classic literature, I cannot get enough
B: I had lunch with J.K. Rowling and she said she loved my stuff
A: How are you real?!
B: It comes so naturally
A: You pedigree
B: Well, see, actually,
A/B: I've worked so very hard to get it right
B: I'm going to cure cancer, solve world hunger
A: I will kill you
B: Did I mention I'm 5'8'' and also part-time supermodel
A: I'm not normally violent, but my hands just itch to-
A/B: I'm sick of this whole process
I'd eat my arm for it to end
A: Interviews, recommendations
B: And auditions to attend
A/B: I hate
B: Pounds of adverts on my shelf
A: Stupid essays about myself
B: Hearing about my great potential
A: Friggin college confidential.
A/B: I am applying to your school,
Oh please dear god just/Oh I just know you'll let me in,
I've worked for four long years/my whole life
Just to take a trying chance
Oh, I would be so glad to be there
I'd do you proud, oh please just grant
Me opportunity, and I could be/will be
Your perfect applicant
Sincerely/very truly yours,
Me
LYRICS: Ariel and Juli
IDEA: Ariel
MUSIC: Juli