Two “Ugh” Traits Central To Narcissists
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- Опубликовано: 10 июн 2024
- Here are two traits that are central to narcissism that will make you go, "Ugh!"
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his RUclips channel, his videos have received more than 115 million views.
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#selfcentered #selfish #narcissism #narcissist #narcissisticmindgames #anger #angry #relationships #relationship #toxic #toxicrelationships
You explain narcissism with a simple elegance. I've watched you many times and you always have insightful, clear and accurate analysis of such people. Thank you!
You are so welcome
...I call it the ick factor:
Interrupting
Judging
Overly negative
Complaining
Gossiping-rumors, speculation
Boasting
Lying
Teasing
Bullying
Offensive statements/jokes
What about just being mean spirited and a real bully.
I dont see shame and fear.
I see haughty, demons, and scornful.
Entitled snd egotistical
You are pointing out the obvious for those of us that have studied this. All of us have a degree of negatives… It's whether we allow us negatives space to create behaviors… Let's just call a Spectrum from 0 to 100 where 100 is super narcissist. However, as you know there are some that have no empathy, seem to be soulless and enjoy hurting others.
You nailed it charlotte! They don't grow out of it as they get older, they get WORSE! Everything is theirs and you are just a tool for them.
All to mask their hollow sense of self actually. Not that I pity them!
@@gigidayz6936 behaviors are outward actions and reactions that The Bar who we are gives permission for. This is not a on or off yes or no type situation. These behaviors are spectrum behaviors usually triggered from inner pain. A person that becomes neurotic or highly sensitive to what hurts them from the past usually end up blind spots and don't realize that they're being asses. That their behaviors are causing them to become the bully like the bully that mistreated them. And severe cases this is diagnosable in the bee class of personalities. But most people will be little narcissist in a strong argument. look up the cluster if you're interested in the five top personality types where narcissistic tendencies are strong. Then you can look up one of those personalities. On the big ones is borderline personality disorder, or another one is antisocial personality disorder where antisocial does not mean I don't wanna talk to you, it means rule breaker, it is the coldest and evilest of all of them often they will not act out in narcissistic words but they will punish you seeing you have pain causing your physical harm.
@@user-xc3kw9qm7ethese are the counter balance add on perspectives I like. 0-100 and where we all are on that spectrum on a moment to moment basis. The extreme toxics we are here to discuss seem to have ripped off the spectrum brakes and are only pissed they can't go faster to the 100 mark
They have no compassion or soul at all
I plan out told the narcissist that they were shallow and walked away. They did not have much to say.
My mother is literally bringing up and asking about men they knew, like she is thinking plan B. No shame.
Your ministry on RUclips is one of the things that has helped me get healthy after being raised by a covert narcissist. I found your channel and for the first time felt like someone saw me and understood what I had gone through for 35 years. I am so grateful to you. You made the difference in my life. ❤
Please know how much I appreciate this comment. Glad to be on the journey with you!
True. The narcisist’s selfishness and inability to regulate emotions make it impossible to sustain any kind of relationship. It’s pathetic to watch - grown up adults who behave like dysregulated toddlers screaming- me, me, me only me!! Nobody else matters! Unbelievable but true.
That's a whole 💯 FACZT 😮😮
I agree. Its best to stay away from narcs.
Yes. These 2 traits are common to overt and covert narcissists.
Cannot give them an opening at all
being a victim and brilliant all in the same phrase! Maddening!!!!
The term "qualities" implies something good. There's NOTHING good about a Narcissist! When I see those "characteristics or flaws", I RUN!
Don't play the cards the N deals. Get fresh deck..
True!
Well said!
Yes!!
First description describes my former boss. Second description describes my former immediate supervisor. The Toxic Twins. I resigned 3 years ago. Best decision I've ever made! Since then, my replacements have each resigned after less than a year. Now they've hired #4. Just one day of dealing with people like that seems like an eternity!!
Thank you Dr Carter I like ugh as to WTF. I don't have my words back as yet though I'm getting there. Gaslighting makes me go ugh.
Thank you, Dr Carter. ❤
Thank you Dr Carter
Very helpful to me
God Bless you
2 THESSALONIANS 2--(11).... Therefore God sends upon them a misleading influence, a working of error and a strong delusion to make them believe what is false.....
This honestly sounds more like a political leader, you know, Donald John Trump. I don't know if he cannot make up his mind or he's just saying one thing out of one side of his mouth and another out of the other side of his mouth.
While it may be important (to the Narcissistic individual) that their "must" list is to be rigidly observed by anyone they seek supply from, let me give you a higher priority "must" list - WE MUST be Authentic. WE MUST use discernment. WE MUST have and use Empathy. WE MUST not allow ourselves to be further subjugated by the "musts" of these hollow humans. Learn Healthy, Get Healthy and Stay Healthy!!
You make sense, Bara.
Narcissist can’t do it without us
Even in the beginning, I sensed shame in him. So many childish characteristics . If we just talked about him getting a dog, he held it over my head as if I promised it to an 8 year old
20 years divorced this year! The ol' narc is out there somewhere, watch out!
Me going UGH 😏!
When he get like this l feel so unsettling l feel my chest so heavy
They absolutely double down on the contempt and nastiness as soon as their shame and insecurity starts to show. I have seen this so SO many times in the narcs in my life.
This is so true
They are creating a new reality, for everybody.
Truest thing said 💯
I'm still trying to shake the It doesn't matter; I don't matter feelings.
You continue to help me navigate the narcissist that i love. Thank you!!
It's a religion. It's the default religion. The mindlessness
Thank you 💯
They're so 2 faced!! They cause physical pain by their stressing us, if we let them!!!
Thank you so much, Dr. Carter! You're a wonderful teacher.
Glad you think so!
Been listening a long time. Helpful beyond words.
Pleased!
Had a boyfriend literally tell me that it was his way or the highway. I moved out abruptly shortly thereafter. He tracked me down and asked me why I dumped him, and I said well you said "my way or the highway", so I chose the highway. I needed a partner, not a master.
@@lynnebucher6537 Good one!!
Love the word "recalibrate".. Allows one to sit on the steering wheel of one's life
Love Dr Carter. Highly recommend him.
Thank you.
Dysregulation I've learned elsewhere is caused by being shamed for having normal emotional responses
Something I learned really hopeful recently and I'm not a biblical person but on the recalibration process don't toss your pearls before swine an the reasoning goes something like yeah don't waste your time on someone who doesn't appreciate it or can't recognize it
You got that from the Bible.
@@brendarewan7441 yeah but I'm only interested in Objectivity
Don't waste your time on people if they don't respect it is a far cry from kill people for picking up sticks on the Saturday
What if nobody enabled narcissists? After their mother or other caregiver who was the primary problem in infancy, lack of supply would quickly put paid to that mommy’s boy (also any girls 🤦♀️) the moral of this story as always is that behind every adult abuser is a man or woman, not just a target but also a complicit source of supply 👩 go gray rock plz if you can’t go no contact yet!
TRUTH 💯👏👏👏👏
I’m so tickled by the way you pronounce “UGH”😂😂. I’ve learned so much by watching your channel. Thank you☺️
You are so welcome!
People with Complex PTSD who become disregulated can become this way too...Just a little extra info. Love your videos Les! ❤😊
She would interrupt me constantly, and tell me to stop interrupting her. It was crazy I couldn't believe it just complete denial of reality.
I would tell her I'm not interrupting I'm interjecting. I'm trying to have a conversation with you, but we have to talk and listen. She had no interest in anything I talked about even if it was about her she only wanted to talk about what she wanted to talk about she was very young and I just assumed it's because she's young it took me a while to figure out, she was a narcissist she's very clever she's either insane or genius. I'm not sure which, but she definitely is a witch. I thought I had a curse put on me at first wasn't sure what was going on.
Very very helpful. Might I add that they talk over you. As if to say I know what you are going to say, I’ve heard it before and what you have to say doesn’t matter.
My husband and I were mentally and verbally abused by our evil narcissistic demon of an adult daughter, for years. It got so bad that the stress cause an emotional breakdown for my husband, One day he started crying uncontrollably with him gasping for air ( this is a guy that never cried because of his upbringing of men don't cry ) He was asking what he did wrong on raising her to be so evil then he collapsed and took his last breath 4 years and 7 months ago. She always had anger issues since she was a teen but we chopped it up as just being a teen and hormons since she seemed to be a very well rounded person overall. We noticed the changes in her as she got older and thought she was bipolar. But it was too late for us to get her help because she was over 18. She wouldn't amit that she has mental problems and get help. By the time I learned about narcissism, it was too late. The trauma damage was already done. In those horrible years of walking on eggshells she had us under her control because she was kicked out of her ex husband's home for stepping out on him and the trauma she caused. She ended back with us because she was homeless and 3 months pregnant with another's man child. So of course we took her in. She was lying from the start, telling us her marriage failed because he was abusing her physically. I know different now. We tried to help her, going through her pregnancy and the birth, then she couldn't handle being a mother. She wouldn't do what a mother should do and we ended up raising our grandson until he was 6 years old, She hunted down for a new supply because my husband became disabled and we couldn't give her a free ride anymore. She had to start paying her own way. That pissed her off and it really got bad. We ended up homeless with her stalking us and still messing with our heads. Then my husband died. She destroyed me beyond repair. I have been abandoned by everyone,... She made sure of that.. I went no contact but it is slowly killing me from the inside out. I can't have a relationship with my grandson. I can't function anymore. I'm the one that is at fault somehow. And you know what.. I'm starting to believe I must be. I'm just a failure and a lost cause.. I'm so tired of trying. I quit...
1. Take your life back, First if you can't do it where you're at move! 2. quit blaming or giving weight to things that cause you to devalue life. There's always a fresh start. Find an interest, take a psychology class, or take an English class like poetry or something. Use your college, be involved be social. 3. Reinvent yourself and forget about what didn't work. It's time to stand tall, screw what wrong. I used to think that parents could cause all problems with kids, but I know better I've seen good parents with evil grown-up children. I've seen the whole lifespan up until the daughter was in her 30s.
True!
I'm all that matters and I'm going to punish you for questioning that.
They need enablers. Just like Jezebel needed King Ahab
True
I never took notice at the beginning
But now I understand very creepy
When a person has only grown up with an overbearing narcissistic mother and an ansent father who had other children but he never got to know his only daughter because her mother did not like the childs dad at all and who never allowed their daughter to have a normal childhood and was always told that they were nieve and wouldn't allow them to date and now being older is in a relationship with a narcissistic man . How can I have a normal life and have ha0piness and love without constantly self doubting myself or always looking over my shoulder because I always feel as if I'm being judged by my male friend he complains about the way I wear my hair sometimes or my shoes being old I watch and listen to your videos and they have helped me a lot. I feel that at times Im losing my mind sometimes, Help please.
These 3 people are like that towards my brother when he has done nothing wrong to them they have been using him as their target for a long time) they would harass him) they are rascist towards him😢
He is still trying to manipulate his moving out. I'm just stopping any communication. He is not just going away.
No trust no empathy 🎉🎉🎉🎉woke ❤up
Outbusrt when they get bore. At first I thought my ex has bipolar. No peace of mind at all
Yes major insecurities
Many of these videos, especially the Shorts, oversimplify these characteristics and present them as if they are just *blanket* qualities of a Narcissist.
There is actually a fine line between a Codependent and a Narcissist, as well as a person who struggles with CPTSD and is not a Narcissist, but are dialed in due to the mental / emotional issues they have to be a prime target of narcissistic abuse.
I have experiences of violence from narcissistic men .. I left!!!
Here in California we like your Texas accent
You are correct I went through it for nine months it’s a site to see a 50-year-old women throw a tantrum like a five-year-old
so happy I’m out
Thanks for your comments!!
Some people call that autism or having ADHA.
Some traits overlap
The incessant interrupting and the audacity for her to tell me if you're gonna start spewing nonsense malarkey I'm not going to listen let's have these conversations go around my place
Is this a covert dig directed at me via the means of pillaging and ransacking my thoughts from my own head where I have a right to privacy as far as man is concerned from thousands of miles away and even across an ocean? If so, you’ve got issues you need to address and I Hope you repent to Jesus and stop just saying things - like saying whatever, anything, everything…
If someone starts spewing “malarkey” I’m not going to listen either. 😂
My sister!!!!! Urghhhh
100% 👍
They love to make and watch the world burn
Help me fix him.30 years
YUP!
I always thought there was something wrong with my ex narcs family so I asked RUclips a ? And you came up it all made sense I left him in 2018 after being with for 23yrs and it all made sense we had 2 kids and my oldest was the golden child my youngest was treated like shit sadly my oldest son is a chip off the old dad block he’s mum was an absolute demon and his dad was a pedo I found that out in 2014 his step sister was my best friend and she told me everything just fell into place like a perfect Tetris game sadly she died in 2017 of cancer these people are truly evil would not wish them on anyone
Extreme paranoia.
You just described the entire trans "community"
Well that makes sense biblically
Don't forget aggressive and violent tendencies
I would like to know if the mani met was a narcissist 😊
Narcissists disgust me
But Doc, there are so many of them..😢. Most figures I’ve read are 15 to 25% of the population but from an introverts perspective I’d wager it’s more likely 75 to 85%. Empathy seems to be a trait that most people can ignore when it suits their privilege. ✌️
In general, every person can be selfish and controlling. It's part of the human condition. Some people do a good job of containing it (I put it at about 20%) while the rest jump onto the narcissism spectrum. Some at the 30-40% level, 65% level, or 90% level.
i hate demon narcs
What if it's your CHIL?????
👌👌
That’s sounds like 45
I'm not tolerating disrespecting your elders for power and control and especially offensive of Truth and Jesus Mary Joseph, ignorance of righteousness and justice. Why would anyone degrade and insult a human being even if they think it makes them feel better, the only problem is they influence evil doing and increases wickedness. Stop, drop and pray 🙏🔥❤️
DR. C, IS DR. GUS OKAY?
He's getting older...10, but he's holding up ok.
Freud also thought women are narcs by default… or was it something else you wanted to say? ;-)
Freud had issues.
@@SurvivingNarcissism 💯
Trump 😊