1. Learn to contain your ego - 3:11 2. Embrace humility - 3:52 3: Recognize what seems reasonable to the other - 4:52 4. Stay open-minded - 5:40 5. Learn to think creatively - 6:24 6. Approach others with plenty of patience - 7:05 7. Stay curious about others - 7:44 8. Minimize inclination to complain or criticize - 8:08 9. Maximize willingness to expand views about life - 8:25 Even when people are being contrary, you can still slow down and try to know life from that person's perspective 9:06
Very helpful & even tempered insightful perspective that DOES encourage interactions to be one of peacemaking without gross boundary violations. Elephant Logic: an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure! Each & every step DOES have eternal impacts. How we conduct ourselves in daily interactions DOES have a ripple effect on people beyond the person of immediate engagement. God Almighty IS watching….. 2 Corinthians 5:10 King James Version 10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad. i try my best to keep my eyes upon Jesus so as to be pleasing unto Him✝️ in Each & Every interaction. He✝️ DOES pay attention to the small details. God Bless you with much love ❤️ in Christ Jesus forevermore 🙏 Amen 🙏
I like it dignity, respect and civility.....I am a empath and what u spoke on is so true in not judging the other but to truly hear THEM, their heart....thank you
This was absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this DR Les, You're absolutely beautiful, Peace, love, Respect to you, Gus and everyone, Thank you universe 🌷😍👽🐶♘☘🐎🕊🌹😊🌌🌈💚❤💜💛💙😃🌝👁🐉🌲
Nice to be able to feel what someone may be going through. Both positive and negative. That is a true friend. Including treating them with respect and care.
Living with a narcissistic roommate and it has brought out a lot of anger in me due to the sheer frustration. After this person leaves in a month this chapter in our lives will close, so I bought your book and workbook on anger to help me explore and gain tools to help handle these situations in the future and to gain skills to help navigate and understand myself and to get a healthy perspective of them. I really like your videos and they are not negative and condemning, and help to see things in a different light. Thank you🤗
Congratulations to your new channel and thank you, Dr. Carter, for this beautiful lecture. Once you were half way through the presentation, it dawned on me, empathy is in essence the will to love, the will to accept the uniqueness and specialness of others, the will to see the humanness of others, and the understanding that not one person on this earth would be able to survive all on his own, that we as humans need other humans. If all people on this earth would practice empathy, our world wouldn't be in the terrible state it is now. We're not saints and in some circumstances find it most difficult to love the other person, but we can try. No, we needn't let others disrespect and abuse us, but we can maintain our dignity and humanity, walk away and love from afar the ones too toxic to be around. I used to have a letter exchange with an inmate on death row, he accepted being put to death and after being imprisoned for 25 years, 20 of them on death row in isolation, he even welcomed the lethal injection. But it was so very, very sad, that this actually beautiful person in a split second of his late youth saw no alternative than to kill someone. I'm in no way condoning what he did, murder is absolutely not excusable, but with a little different circumstance this man's life would've took another path.
With ADHD, it's hard to learn, but I am trying, here are my notes on: Developing Empathy I want to go into your experiences with you. Feel it and perceive it with you, and experience it from your vantage point. Here are nine adjustments in our mindset that might help us accomplish this level of empathy and tune into the other's feelings, perceptions, and needs in such a way that says: "I'm in there with you." ① Learn to contain our own personal Ego ② Embrace humility, Be Courteous, Kind, Serving, Appreciative ③ Seek to recognize what might be reasonable to the other ④ Stay open-minded, as opposed to being agenda driven ⑤ Think creatively (In other words, think outside of your agenda driven Box) ⑥ Approach others with plenty of patience, talk about their feeling and issues, try to get to know them ⑦ Stay curious about them, what makes that person tick, what is it about their backstory, and life experiences that might have shaped them into the person they have become ⑧ Minimize the inclination toward complaining or criticizing ⑨ Maximize willingness to expand own views about how life in general plays out Let's be willing to coordinate in the mists of our differences
I believe most children are gifted with empathy, an openness to relate and learn. I experienced abuse and high impact head injuries that I feel also contributed to a more profound sense of empathy towards others. Through my life time I would consciously absorb others pain being that I instinctively knew that I could carry their burdens and pain to get them through their abuse and difficulty. It was draining, to say the least and depressing as well as painful to the extremes at times that compounded the pain I felt as well. As time went on my own burdens were compacting and it was debilitating. This is when I had to heal and gain control over my own struggles. I had to learn to not absorb others pain like I was doing and just be in thought and prayer for those individuals that I witnessed suffering so that I can make room for creating concepts and preventive ideas to heal others through education, sharing experiences and teachings. As well as how to seek help, share feelings and safeguard yourself through your own healing process.
Haven’t even finished the video yet but the part about the choir swaying together naturally, moved by the spirit - is so touching. I was a Young American and I got to witness moments like this even in rehearsals when we were lucky enough... I get this. Music can touch the “home” inside the heart of each of us, and when it does in unison all together, a beautiful miracle has taken place that can’t be undone or sullied by even human descriptors if it. Cherish this.
Yep, over the years I have had to learn to accept and even embrace how my husband operates. We have been married 48 years and our marriage gets better all the time because we have learned to enjoy one another's personality traits.
This is wonderful, Dr. Carter (your anagram too). So glad you started this channel too, looks like it will be about life tools, perhaps. This video is just what I needed today. Would love to pass it on to my narc husband but I'm sure he'll point out to me how much I need this video so I could be more empathetic to him. LOL! ;-) It's easy to become a bit bitter and closed at times when a narc is in your life. This video is a good reminder of how to bring out the good side of our humanness in our interactions with others. Thank you!
It's a true testament to how valuable your dedication, wisdom and contributions are to so many, Dr. Les, seeing your subscribers go from double digits this morning to 1.3 thousand in one day. Welcome to your fresh, new, home. Thank you for being you. Heart hugs to you (and Gus too). ♡
What I dont like about me when I encounter a narcissist is being blah ...like nobody is around or even talking. Its a hard adjustment for me because I always think why are they doing what they are doing to the point where I thought I have a mental problem and that person is leading me to my own self doudt and self emotional destructction. In my 30 years of existence only now that Ive encounter such and its serious and Im still coping up... thanks to Dr. Carters videos coz Im learning a lot.
Thanks for taking t he time to post videos to this channel. Working on being a better person is tough but there were a lot of good pointers here. I found it time well spent especially since RUclips lets me watch videos at double speed.
In all of your spare time I'd like to hear what you know about stopping catastrophizing, controlling temper and combating phobias such as the telephone and mail. The telephone has got to be a rare one in this day and age but I've always hated them and the sight of them made me break into a sweat during high school.
You’re so very appreciated Dr. Carter! Thank you for doing what you love and sharing it with the world! Wishing you and yours much happiness and joy on this Blessed Day 🐣
thank you so much doctor carter not because of you i don't open my eyes and not found my true love. Thank you so much your big help in my life And my future life and mission
Thank you. This is helpful to me as I pursue a new relationship after losing my husband to cancer. I am literally starting over after a long marriage & need all the help I can get. Thank you Dr Carter.
@Dr C, I wish you success and good luck in this new journey. I began to subscribe very recently to your videos. But how helpful you've been to me. Thank you. It's not an easy task to change behaviors when your 60 years old. Some habbits are hard to break. But just understanding what is happening around me and knowing that I'm not going crazy, has helped me a lot to stay focused and determined to understand those around me and myself. Thank you very much. I would just like to ask one favor. Please bring Gus when you can? I have a dog, that I feel is my "soul doctor". She helps me stay calm and relax when times are hard. Gus makes me feel the same. 😊🐶
Thank you for these excellent videos. I have been strongly impacted by narcissism in my life, and the survival approach to dealing with it has been, and is, a very great help. And now my own narcissism - especially my lack of empathy and pervasive controlling behaviors - are coming clearly into view. This is necessary, I know. And I am grateful that the presentations make it possible for me to see these things. I can't begin to work on things that I'm not aware of. Thank you for everything.
I had been hoping to find a video like this. I've been to a multitude of family therapists, but none ever discussed how to build empathy in the relationship.
I'm so glad that there's somebody else asking for Gus. 😊😊😊 Maybe you could talk about the importance of pets helping us deal with difficult moments. I'm sure you'll be a great manager for Gus.
All my life I have been a Highly Sensitive Person, a real "empath" till I was 55 years old. Then I had a life threatening accident from which I came out shocked but okay miraculously. Then I lost all sensitivity and empathy. It's a new experience for me and I'm not sure it's a negative thing... I forgot. I'm the 377th subscriber. Remember me when you will hit the 100K mark :-) Congratulations and long live your channel !
Didier I can only wish... I was in a car wreck and was badly injured physically and sustained a brain trauma, and it heightened my sensitivity. Wishing you well in your new you.
I had two parents that taught me how to have empathy and communicate. In 2.5 yrs I have realized My NARC still is holding onto his past. I have also realized he still remains in his childhood. Therapy is his answer but he has to be the one to realize this. Although I have suggested it numerous times he replies with "You need it". I have recently began seeing a Therapist for my Sanity. I need and want my peaceful life back. I'm preparing myself to be alone again and take care of myself.
I AM an empath. I DO think empathically. What you are saying is in an ideal situation of open communication. What happens when the narc won't listen, doesn't want to hear, won't reciprocate, shuts me down and tells me that I don't know what I'm talking about? I Flight and Freeze. I won't Fight, it is simply not in me. If these other people WOULD tell me what's on their mind, what their thots are, what their perception of the situation is to them, but they don't. They just tell me I'm wrong and refuse to discuss things. I AM patient, I AM curious, I DO want to hear their perspective. But THEIR minds are made up. I AM open to change and seeing all points of view. I want to sway with the choir but the music stops when I try to sway with them. I may not agree but I do have empathy and want to hear their side. So, once again, I let it go and let them walk away.
I feel like I used to be a better person...or I know I'm the same person, however being around my narc mil, and my Husband who acts like her in a few ways but mostly is like her minion..has left me feeling anxious, depressed, unsure of who I am and at times, hopeless. I realize I need to take my life back. Thanks for this video. :)
I too am looking for the knowledge of this issue. I'm sorry you're hurting. My problem is letting go of her. It's hard to be honorable but I try. I am helping her with taking care of a small garden. It's small and new ground in North East Mississippi is rocky in places, especially on a hill. Each stone was a small piece of the past in my mind today. I hope my own way to deal with this works. In 39 years she's tried to have flowers, but they always died. I hope she don't get angry at herself and gripe because she brought all the stuff in to put up.
I always thought that I was empathetic, I hv been overly empathetic in the past and folks just tend to walk all over you. However, I do understand what you are saying about being open and curious abt what makes the other person tick. As long as they don't mean me any harm I can try harder. Thanks.
Great video again, but this one needs more detail I think. However, now I know why it's so difficult to connect with others and also why nobody in this world seems to be connected with anyone else.
Some Narcissists have absolutely no empathy unless it benefited themselves.... That’s what I found ... That anything that benefited them was OK ,that they (the Narcs) could spin on a dime and change their views to anything that benefited them .. period....
I was raised by my parents with the same wisdom, that you are giving people here, but they must follow your directions or continue to suffer or murdered. Nasty evil demons are in all relationships, but no one can ride your back, unless you bend over. Treat evil demons like crap in the middle of the road, for the sun and wind will destroy them aka karma. Thank you for trying to educated these hard heads, that will get soft behinds. stupidity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results.
My problem is that I feel so deeply that it stresses me out to be so empathetic. How can I be empathetic and not get overwhelmed with the emotions of others?
You are right, DRC, but how can i protect myself from people who take advantage of my willingness to cooperate? Most people respond well to kindness, but some people look down on kind people or even exploit the openness. I know that kindness is the right way, but i got hurt a lot on my way.
Hello Doc. Working on some good things. And I'd like to share. . . I've been taking notes for a while now, actively on things I'd like to work on to remember. And focusing on greener pastures. Or more importantly my green pastures (on things I want in life) is a main focus. As I can go for days, on what others are doing to so called stop me. Or effect me. Now my experience is that there Are types that will actively try to stop you and effect your life. But it's mostly what they do as whole. And I'm learning that. As soon as I leave the room. More than likely they are doing the same types of things to others and probably themselves first n foremost. -For years I have known my bro in law. Since I was 16 maybe. He's 19 years older than me. So seeing eye to eye has never been the case. And honestly for most of the time. I thought I Had a problem. Not him. Now of course I have worked on myself. And issues are issues. Everybody has them. But my learning here has guided me to Not take in what this man is giving me. As far as self value and worth goes. I will sit on the couch and he is just a stiff. No feedback. On many occasions. And is just kind of a cold guy. Depth wise. Makes cracks. Plays aloof and funny. There are good qualities and the family story goes much deeper. But I Am seeing more the packaging of who he is. In conjunction with who I am growing into. And what I like to engage with. I sense a tension in him. As I have gotten older. More recently. And their is a real shakiness with him just by me professing or expressing any sort of achievement of accomplishment. . . Reminds me of my father. And his narcissistic ways. And also I have met His father a few times. And their interaction sort of mirrors his with my own. In a sense. I feel a tension with the guy. As he did have a nervous breakdown a few years back, where we thought he was mentally gone. A quick dismissal story and it's as if nothing has happened. But he's been much more combative since. My thing is, I'm learning not to filter my worth as a human being thru them anymore. Meaning my family. . . I don't have many friends. YET. And it is another pillar that I am totally working on. But my sense of self value and worth does not go thru them individually or as a whole. If I'm feeling good and want to interact. And someone or all at times, are feeling sketchy or scary with me for expressing calmness within my own life and skin. I want to continue on my forward track. . . It's still a work in progress as I have learned to concede to them and give my feelings towards their comfort level. But I am learning to self full fill and feel strong within my own way. And that of which has nothing to do with putting them down at all. . . But the world is still the world. And I am also learning how to self protect. Also in a physical sense as well. Which I'm working on my body language. That has been uncomfortable for a long long time. To be openly free within my body. I'm training and walking a lot. And health is on my mind pretty much everyday. Again and now. As I trained when younger. But for years I was in a holding pattern of just learn. Didn't really think of anything solid. Just learn and go along sort of. Test Everything. I'm different now. Even if I've had success then. It might be able to help me. The experience I have. In fact I know it can.. Now I'd like to make much more solid choices in friends, women, things in life. Instead of just going kitchen sink and being open while talking to everyone. It's something I can do, yes, and driving ride share I have tested it on a lot of people. The talking. But being more selective. I think is valuble too. Also thinking of another job. The ride sharing has effected me physically where I want to expand my communication to Not just sitting and driving. My interacting with people. I'd like to turn it up a notch and further my life. As a whole. And also I want to find a job in my career path I've worked on for 6 1/2 years. . . . The only money I've ever earned, outside of my father, has been a low paying Home Depot job. That came with a good ranking. And a ride share job that has been hit and miss since I started. . . That's it when it comes to money, Towards taking care of myself. Even at 34, with the dependency my parents instilled. And are still trying to keep it intact. Or re-engage it. As my father is trying to so called find me. I am having thoughts of Making it out of here. And pursuing my dreams. . . I made a promise to myself some months ago in August to work on myself. And I've done a lot of internal work. And the external work is definitely more focused now. And only gets I was going to say scarier. But I see Joy Excitement and Exploration. . . It was challenging interacting with my bro in law today. And middle sis is always up for action. Persecution that is. But the oldest married to him is becoming sort of a friend. And I also wish to find interesting people separate from them. Not to dump them off. But a dream would be to have a great group of friends. Where booze and hanging, doing nothing like the old friends I had isn't part of the equation. Where I can have a beer and be comfortable. And not have to drink 12 just to calm my nerves. Peope I can feel safe with . . . I have work to do in making new friends. . . Side note... My father uses booze to calm his nerves. And I don't like it anymore. I had four beers yesterday and today. And after I ate I stopped. Also having one an hour and drinking water too. The responsibility of drinking is on my concise. And I've had anxiety since puberty. That I can remember. Probably my whole life. . . Alcohol makes me anxious. And learning how to feel comfortable without it would be a huge huge boon for me as a man. At least in social gatherings. When working my focus is usually on the job. So a lot to cover. Only scratching the surface. I really want to push this physical thing. As I know I can do better and feel more physically comfortable the more I get out there. And maybe a few sober hangouts. The subjects I'm working on now. I have never been this honest before with my self. In my life. For me popping these lids open. And making sure I focus on my journey and pushing the limits of what I can do. I definitely don't want to stop. -Also I've been off social media for weeks now. . . It's a better view, the climb upward Not being on there everyday. . . Thank You as always. For the place to share. . .
Pretty sure I don’t have NPD but I could relate about big egos. I think some people’s opinion are dumb and I often tell that person it is. It rarely if ever persuades.
Please Dr talk about anxiety AND how to control it. Sometimes I know I'm feeling and about to say something that is going to ruin a relationship but I cant contain myself, a part of me know that what Im doing Is wrong and even knowing I keep doing that, it's like I can't control myself and I'm already 38. This brought me a lot of problems, destroyed my 20 marriege, we wroke UP and Im do it with my child now. I feel so bad person because of this. I hace rage too , sometimes I can control it but inside it kills me. What can I do? I can't afford a terapist
Dear Dr. Les Carter: Not to bring trouble here, but I recommend you hear Choir! Choir! Choir! with lead Talking Head frontman David Byrne, covering « HEROES » by David Bowie. They taught the backups to a random public and the sound is astounding! Your wife might like that. I’m hoping to replicate the approach with FreedomMusic.
He seems like a really kind man, reminded me of Santa Clause :p. I don't know if I lack empathy but I am on the autism spectrum. I will try to ground myself in those ideas and see if there is any change in my communication skills :) wish me luck
At the age of seven, I was diagnosed with conduct disorder odd ADHD and intermittent explosive disorder. I am 17 now, and I really have no feeling of empathy towards people and I really want to fix that because I have a girlfriend I think I love now.
I beleave that others, just like me, do their best at any moment and if it seam like you would have done things differently it is because you have a different background them mine. If you would have my past, my traumas, and my point of view, you would do things exactly the way I do them. If you do differently it is because you have seen different things than I did. Who are we to say who is wrong, we have the past that we have and we cannot change it, we just can deal with it and try to undo the damage done.
To Live with Dignity, Respect, Civility by definition is something I hope and pray upon which we can all agree....but how do we change things to reach those noble goals? Why is it that statistics show children wearing uniforms tend to behave better? Why is it that adults formally dressed in formal surroundings tend to behave more civilly? I believe we need to bring back education in "people" skills. Education in ETIQUETTE . It's that simple. Good Manners translate to BEHAVING yourself. RESPECTING someone else's viewpoint, opinion and experience, just as YOU would hope THEY respect yours. Good manners are the oil that greases the wheels of social interaction! Want others to respect you? Try respecting them. Borrowing the words from a famous "old" 1955 song...Let There Be Peace On Earth...and LET IT BEGIN WITH ME. Treat others the way YOU wish THEY would treat you.
Last year, a crazy pair of "pastors" made up a new sin- the "sin of empathy". It was so shocking to me. They led many astray. It just showed how far some corners of American Evangelicalism have fallen.
Try telling the one that's void of this. I cannot get over how it's not obtained in an individual. But I just know this type what a weird thing to realize that this person is NOT fully intact and they walk amongst all of us. This person can't shed a tear if they wanted to.
1. Learn to contain your ego - 3:11
2. Embrace humility - 3:52
3: Recognize what seems reasonable to the other - 4:52
4. Stay open-minded - 5:40
5. Learn to think creatively - 6:24
6. Approach others with plenty of patience - 7:05
7. Stay curious about others - 7:44
8. Minimize inclination to complain or criticize - 8:08
9. Maximize willingness to expand views about life - 8:25
Even when people are being contrary, you can still slow down and try to know life from that person's perspective 9:06
You are good at helping me to remember how to be a better person for myself, for others and for the planet. Thank you so much. You're good medicine.
Very helpful & even tempered insightful perspective that DOES encourage interactions to be one of peacemaking without gross boundary violations.
Elephant Logic: an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure! Each & every step DOES have eternal impacts. How we conduct ourselves in daily interactions DOES have a ripple effect on people beyond the person of immediate engagement.
God Almighty IS watching…..
2 Corinthians 5:10
King James Version
10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.
i try my best to keep my eyes upon Jesus so as to be pleasing unto Him✝️ in Each & Every interaction.
He✝️ DOES pay attention to the small details.
God Bless you with much love ❤️ in Christ Jesus forevermore 🙏 Amen 🙏
I like it dignity, respect and civility.....I am a empath and what u spoke on is so true in not judging the other but to truly hear THEM, their heart....thank you
Having to much empathy has it's downfalls.
This was absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this DR Les, You're absolutely beautiful, Peace, love, Respect to you, Gus and everyone, Thank you universe 🌷😍👽🐶♘☘🐎🕊🌹😊🌌🌈💚❤💜💛💙😃🌝👁🐉🌲
Dignity, Respect, Civility. And, many deep breaths.
Exactly
Yeah deep breaths to huffing and puffing away from them
Thanks Dr Carter. God bless you and your family.
Nice to be able to feel what someone may be going through.
Both positive and negative. That is a true friend. Including treating them with respect and care.
Living with a narcissistic roommate and it has brought out a lot of anger in me due to the sheer frustration. After this person leaves in a month this chapter in our lives will close, so I bought your book and workbook on anger to help me explore and gain tools to help handle these situations in the future and to gain skills to help navigate and understand myself and to get a healthy perspective of them. I really like your videos and they are not negative and condemning, and help to see things in a different light. Thank you🤗
Congratulations to your new channel and thank you, Dr. Carter, for this beautiful lecture. Once you were half way through the presentation, it dawned on me, empathy is in essence the will to love, the will to accept the uniqueness and specialness of others, the will to see the humanness of others, and the understanding that not one person on this earth would be able to survive all on his own, that we as humans need other humans. If all people on this earth would practice empathy, our world wouldn't be in the terrible state it is now.
We're not saints and in some circumstances find it most difficult to love the other person, but we can try. No, we needn't let others disrespect and abuse us, but we can maintain our dignity and humanity, walk away and love from afar the ones too toxic to be around.
I used to have a letter exchange with an inmate on death row, he accepted being put to death and after being imprisoned for 25 years, 20 of them on death row in isolation, he even welcomed the lethal injection. But it was so very, very sad, that this actually beautiful person in a split second of his late youth saw no alternative than to kill someone. I'm in no way condoning what he did, murder is absolutely not excusable, but with a little different circumstance this man's life would've took another path.
You embody the best of an empath! Thanks for sharing these words. Well stated. Dr. C
Thank you my guy! The sincerity and the insight are so so so appreciated!
Thank you so much. I love your videos. Very helpful. I love your tone of voice. It's very calming.
With ADHD, it's hard to learn, but I am trying, here are my notes on:
Developing Empathy
I want to go into your experiences with you. Feel it and perceive it with you, and experience it from your vantage point.
Here are nine adjustments in our mindset that might help us accomplish this level of empathy and tune into the other's feelings, perceptions, and needs in such a way that says: "I'm in there with you."
① Learn to contain our own personal Ego
② Embrace humility, Be Courteous, Kind, Serving, Appreciative
③ Seek to recognize what might be reasonable to the other
④ Stay open-minded, as opposed to being agenda driven
⑤ Think creatively (In other words, think outside of your agenda driven Box)
⑥ Approach others with plenty of patience, talk about their feeling and issues, try to get to know them
⑦ Stay curious about them, what makes that person tick, what is it about their backstory, and life experiences that might have shaped them into the person they have become
⑧ Minimize the inclination toward complaining or criticizing
⑨ Maximize willingness to expand own views about how life in general plays out
Let's be willing to coordinate in the mists of our differences
Thank you very much for taking the time to type all this out. It helped me.
I'm so thankful for you and these videos that you put out.
Excellent Channel, I'm glad I found this one.
I'm glad you found us too. Stick around, more will be uploaded in the weeks ahead. Dr. C
Thank you for your helpful and insightful videos.
Man Dr. C... your videos have helped me so much in the past few months. Thanks again!
I believe most children are gifted with empathy, an openness to relate and learn. I experienced abuse and high impact head injuries that I feel also contributed to a more profound sense of empathy towards others. Through my life time I would consciously absorb others pain being that I instinctively knew that I could carry their burdens and pain to get them through their abuse and difficulty. It was draining, to say the least and depressing as well as painful to the extremes at times that compounded the pain I felt as well. As time went on my own burdens were compacting and it was debilitating. This is when I had to heal and gain control over my own struggles. I had to learn to not absorb others pain like I was doing and just be in thought and prayer for those individuals that I witnessed suffering so that I can make room for creating concepts and preventive ideas to heal others through education, sharing experiences and teachings. As well as how to seek help, share feelings and safeguard yourself through your own healing process.
I did all of these things, just to be used and tossed...there needs to be a balance of give and take. Loved hearing about the Choir !!!
Such a calming and warm spirit
Dignity respect and civility... great goals to strive for daily!
Excellent ~ thank you, Dr. Carter!
Haven’t even finished the video yet but the part about the choir swaying together naturally, moved by the spirit - is so touching. I was a Young American and I got to witness moments like this even in rehearsals when we were lucky enough... I get this. Music can touch the “home” inside the heart of each of us, and when it does in unison all together, a beautiful miracle has taken place that can’t be undone or sullied by even human descriptors if it. Cherish this.
Yep, over the years I have had to learn to accept and even embrace how my husband operates. We have been married 48 years and our marriage gets better all the time because we have learned to enjoy one another's personality traits.
This is wonderful, Dr. Carter (your anagram too). So glad you started this channel too, looks like it will be about life tools, perhaps. This video is just what I needed today. Would love to pass it on to my narc husband but I'm sure he'll point out to me how much I need this video so I could be more empathetic to him. LOL! ;-) It's easy to become a bit bitter and closed at times when a narc is in your life. This video is a good reminder of how to bring out the good side of our humanness in our interactions with others. Thank you!
Just subscribed--you have helped me so much on the Surviving Narcissism channel. Excited for the new content!
So pleased! Dr. C
A terrific video, I will work to achieve these with my husband.
It's a true testament to how valuable your dedication, wisdom and contributions are to so many, Dr. Les, seeing your subscribers go from double digits this morning to 1.3 thousand in one day.
Welcome to your fresh, new, home. Thank you for being you. Heart hugs to you (and Gus too). ♡
You're so kind. And Gus is right here next to me so I'll pass along your regards. Dr. C
I’ve been in a choir. “Harmony of the spirit”. Indeed. That’s beautiful.
Then you know exactly what I was talking about. Dr. C
Thanks for the helpfulness! 🙏🏻💕
Thank you so much for your knowledge and sharing what you know to help others. I also enjoy your other channel. Keep up the great work.
Wow. What a blessing right on time! 😳😊
What I dont like about me when I encounter a narcissist is being blah ...like nobody is around or even talking. Its a hard adjustment for me because I always think why are they doing what they are doing to the point where I thought I have a mental problem and that person is leading me to my own self doudt and self emotional destructction. In my 30 years of existence only now that Ive encounter such and its serious and Im still coping up... thanks to Dr. Carters videos coz Im learning a lot.
So pleased! Dr. C
I get so much out of your videos Dr. C. Now with your new channel I will learn even more. Thank you!
Thanks for taking t he time to post videos to this channel. Working on being a better person is tough but there were a lot of good pointers here. I found it time well spent especially since RUclips lets me watch videos at double speed.
Good concepts of what empathy is made of and what it looks like. Thanks again Dr. Carter.
"God has another Plan" Babbie Mason. so absolutely inspiring for an empath.
She's an excellent musician. Dr. C
In all of your spare time I'd like to hear what you know about stopping catastrophizing, controlling temper and combating phobias such as the telephone and mail. The telephone has got to be a rare one in this day and age but I've always hated them and the sight of them made me break into a sweat during high school.
Thank you so much for sharing with us. So appreciated. You have helped me so much. Thanks for reaching out to others!
These are so helpful!! Thanks a lot!
Your videos bring hope. Thank you 🙌🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Loving your new channel , thank you Dr!!!
You’re so very appreciated Dr. Carter! Thank you for doing what you love and sharing it with the world! Wishing you and yours much happiness and joy on this Blessed Day 🐣
Thank you. I genuinely enjoy this, and yes, this has been a good day. Dr. C
Love this!! Thank you Doc!!!
Amazing story of Empathy.
thank you so much doctor carter not because of you i don't open my eyes and not found my true love. Thank you so much your big help in my life And my future life and mission
Thank you. This is helpful to me as I pursue a new relationship after losing my husband to cancer. I am literally starting over after a long marriage & need all the help I can get. Thank you Dr Carter.
Good luck as you move forward! Dr. C
@Dr C, I wish you success and good luck in this new journey. I began to subscribe very recently to your videos. But how helpful you've been to me. Thank you. It's not an easy task to change behaviors when your 60 years old. Some habbits are hard to break. But just understanding what is happening around me and knowing that I'm not going crazy, has helped me a lot to stay focused and determined to understand those around me and myself. Thank you very much. I would just like to ask one favor. Please bring Gus when you can? I have a dog, that I feel is my "soul doctor". She helps me stay calm and relax when times are hard. Gus makes me feel the same. 😊🐶
It's never too late to adjust! And Gus will be along for the ride from time to time. Dr. C
I have to learn how not to respond too quickly and just step away and take a deep breath.
Each man’s joy is joy to me, each man’s grief is my own-
Weep with those who weep, rejoice with those who rejoice-
Thank you for these excellent videos. I have been strongly impacted by narcissism in my life, and the survival approach to dealing with it has been, and is, a very great help. And now my own narcissism - especially my lack of empathy and pervasive controlling behaviors - are coming clearly into view. This is necessary, I know. And I am grateful that the presentations make it possible for me to see these things. I can't begin to work on things that I'm not aware of. Thank you for everything.
I had been hoping to find a video like this. I've been to a multitude of family therapists, but none ever discussed how to build empathy in the relationship.
Thank you, Dr. Carter!
Thank you! Look forward to more.
Thanks for the tips. We all lose much by not entering into one another's feelings.
I love the intro music ..
This is a keeper... thank you..
Thanks a lot for your work, I am sure is helping a lot of people in pain and sufering, just like is doing for me
I'm so happy to be able to be here at the beginning of this new (ad)venture. Wishing you all the best as you launch your new channel, Dr. C.!
You're kind. Thanks! Dr. C
Thank you!
I hope Gus will be a part of this channel 😊😊😊
Gus is asking that we get a channel called, Gus, The Real Dog Whisperer. I'm thinking about it since I would be his manager. Dr. C
I'm so glad that there's somebody else asking for Gus. 😊😊😊 Maybe you could talk about the importance of pets helping us deal with difficult moments. I'm sure you'll be a great manager for Gus.
He's supper adorable...
THANK YOU!!!!! 🙏🏽❤️🙏🏽❤️🙏🏽
Great content and refreshing perspective! More please💪🏼🙏🏻👍🏻⭐️
Thanks, and many more are on the way. I truly enjoy doing this. Dr. C
All my life I have been a Highly Sensitive Person, a real "empath" till I was 55 years old. Then I had a life threatening accident from which I came out shocked but okay miraculously. Then I lost all sensitivity and empathy. It's a new experience for me and I'm not sure it's a negative thing...
I forgot. I'm the 377th subscriber. Remember me when you will hit the 100K mark :-)
Congratulations and long live your channel !
Didier I can only wish... I was in a car wreck and was badly injured physically and sustained a brain trauma, and it heightened my sensitivity. Wishing you well in your new you.
I had two parents that taught me how to have empathy and communicate. In 2.5 yrs I have realized My NARC still is holding onto his past. I have also realized he still remains in his childhood. Therapy is his answer but he has to be the one to realize this. Although I have suggested it numerous times he replies with "You need it". I have recently began seeing a Therapist for my Sanity. I need and want my peaceful life back. I'm preparing myself to be alone again and take care of myself.
I AM an empath. I DO think empathically. What you are saying is in an ideal situation of open communication. What happens when the narc won't listen, doesn't want to hear, won't reciprocate, shuts me down and tells me that I don't know what I'm talking about? I Flight and Freeze. I won't Fight, it is simply not in me. If these other people WOULD tell me what's on their mind, what their thots are, what their perception of the situation is to them, but they don't. They just tell me I'm wrong and refuse to discuss things. I AM patient, I AM curious, I DO want to hear their perspective. But THEIR minds are made up. I AM open to change and seeing all points of view. I want to sway with the choir but the music stops when I try to sway with them. I may not agree but I do have empathy and want to hear their side. So, once again, I let it go and let them walk away.
Apply your good skills with someone who can appreciate them. The narcissist is what he is. Healthy people would gladly welcome your presence. Dr. C
I feel like I used to be a better person...or I know I'm the same person, however being around my narc mil, and my Husband who
acts like her in a few ways but mostly is like her minion..has left me feeling anxious, depressed, unsure of who I am and at times, hopeless. I realize I need to take my life back. Thanks for this video. :)
I'm hoping you can reclaim that better person! Dr. C
I too am looking for the knowledge of this issue. I'm sorry you're hurting. My problem is letting go of her. It's hard to be honorable but I try. I am helping her with taking care of a small garden. It's small and new ground in North East Mississippi is rocky in places, especially on a hill. Each stone was a small piece of the past in my mind today. I hope my own way to deal with this works. In 39 years she's tried to have flowers, but they always died. I hope she don't get angry at herself and gripe because she brought all the stuff in to put up.
I love your intro music Dr C 💖
It's a new touch, glad you like it! Dr. C
Thank you...
Really helpful video,thankyou for gems
Thank you❤️
I always thought that I was empathetic, I hv been overly empathetic in the past and folks just tend to walk all over you. However, I do understand what you are saying about being open and curious abt what makes the other person tick. As long as they don't mean me any harm I can try harder. Thanks.
Thank you- bravo! 👏
Great Video Sir
Great video again, but this one needs more detail I think.
However, now I know why it's so difficult to connect with others and also why nobody in this world seems to be connected with anyone else.
Some Narcissists have absolutely no empathy unless it benefited themselves.... That’s what I found ... That anything that benefited them was OK ,that they (the Narcs) could spin on a dime and change their views to anything that benefited them .. period....
You're right, which is why I'm wanting to build up a community of healthy people who know the much better path to take! Dr. C
@@DrLesCarter Thank you and Carver! I feel so alone at times. This is such a wonderful community! A Better Path.
I was raised by my parents with the same wisdom, that you are giving people here, but they must follow your directions or continue to suffer or murdered. Nasty evil demons are in all relationships, but no one can ride your back, unless you bend over.
Treat evil demons like crap in the middle of the road, for the sun and wind will destroy them aka karma.
Thank you for trying to educated these hard heads, that will get soft behinds. stupidity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results.
Excellent
My problem is that I feel so deeply that it stresses me out to be so empathetic. How can I be empathetic and not get overwhelmed with the emotions of others?
👍🏻🆒💟 beautiful, ultimate empathy. Thank you Dr. Carter.
So, as if you don't know, "The Battle is not yours, it's the Lord's" Yolanda Adams. It's the most perfect vocal that you'll ever hear. Thank you.
You are right, DRC, but how can i protect myself from people who take advantage of my willingness to cooperate?
Most people respond well to kindness, but some people look down on kind people or even exploit the openness.
I know that kindness is the right way, but i got hurt a lot on my way.
Dignity, Respect, Civility...and Boundaries! Dr. C
Hello Doc. Working on some good things. And I'd like to share. . .
I've been taking notes for a while now, actively on things I'd like to work on to remember. And focusing on greener pastures. Or more importantly my green pastures (on things I want in life) is a main focus. As I can go for days, on what others are doing to so called stop me. Or effect me.
Now my experience is that there Are types that will actively try to stop you and effect your life. But it's mostly what they do as whole. And I'm learning that. As soon as I leave the room. More than likely they are doing the same types of things to others and probably themselves first n foremost.
-For years I have known my bro in law. Since I was 16 maybe. He's 19 years older than me. So seeing eye to eye has never been the case. And honestly for most of the time. I thought I Had a problem. Not him. Now of course I have worked on myself. And issues are issues. Everybody has them. But my learning here has guided me to Not take in what this man is giving me. As far as self value and worth goes. I will sit on the couch and he is just a stiff. No feedback. On many occasions. And is just kind of a cold guy. Depth wise. Makes cracks. Plays aloof and funny. There are good qualities and the family story goes much deeper. But I Am seeing more the packaging of who he is. In conjunction with who I am growing into. And what I like to engage with. I sense a tension in him. As I have gotten older. More recently. And their is a real shakiness with him just by me professing or expressing any sort of achievement of accomplishment. . . Reminds me of my father. And his narcissistic ways. And also I have met His father a few times. And their interaction sort of mirrors his with my own. In a sense.
I feel a tension with the guy. As he did have a nervous breakdown a few years back, where we thought he was mentally gone. A quick dismissal story and it's as if nothing has happened. But he's been much more combative since.
My thing is, I'm learning not to filter my worth as a human being thru them anymore. Meaning my family. . . I don't have many friends. YET. And it is another pillar that I am totally working on. But my sense of self value and worth does not go thru them individually or as a whole. If I'm feeling good and want to interact. And someone or all at times, are feeling sketchy or scary with me for expressing calmness within my own life and skin. I want to continue on my forward track. . . It's still a work in progress as I have learned to concede to them and give my feelings towards their comfort level. But I am learning to self full fill and feel strong within my own way. And that of which has nothing to do with putting them down at all. . . But the world is still the world. And I am also learning how to self protect. Also in a physical sense as well. Which I'm working on my body language. That has been uncomfortable for a long long time. To be openly free within my body.
I'm training and walking a lot. And health is on my mind pretty much everyday. Again and now. As I trained when younger. But for years I was in a holding pattern of just learn. Didn't really think of anything solid. Just learn and go along sort of. Test Everything. I'm different now. Even if I've had success then. It might be able to help me. The experience I have. In fact I know it can.. Now I'd like to make much more solid choices in friends, women, things in life. Instead of just going kitchen sink and being open while talking to everyone. It's something I can do, yes, and driving ride share I have tested it on a lot of people. The talking. But being more selective. I think is valuble too.
Also thinking of another job. The ride sharing has effected me physically where I want to expand my communication to Not just sitting and driving. My interacting with people. I'd like to turn it up a notch and further my life. As a whole. And also I want to find a job in my career path I've worked on for 6 1/2 years. . . . The only money I've ever earned, outside of my father, has been a low paying Home Depot job. That came with a good ranking. And a ride share job that has been hit and miss since I started. . . That's it when it comes to money, Towards taking care of myself.
Even at 34, with the dependency my parents instilled. And are still trying to keep it intact. Or re-engage it. As my father is trying to so called find me. I am having thoughts of Making it out of here. And pursuing my dreams. . . I made a promise to myself some months ago in August to work on myself. And I've done a lot of internal work. And the external work is definitely more focused now. And only gets I was going to say scarier. But I see Joy Excitement and Exploration. . .
It was challenging interacting with my bro in law today. And middle sis is always up for action. Persecution that is. But the oldest married to him is becoming sort of a friend. And I also wish to find interesting people separate from them. Not to dump them off. But a dream would be to have a great group of friends. Where booze and hanging, doing nothing like the old friends I had isn't part of the equation. Where I can have a beer and be comfortable. And not have to drink 12 just to calm my nerves. Peope I can feel safe with . . . I have work to do in making new friends. . .
Side note... My father uses booze to calm his nerves. And I don't like it anymore. I had four beers yesterday and today. And after I ate I stopped. Also having one an hour and drinking water too. The responsibility of drinking is on my concise.
And I've had anxiety since puberty. That I can remember. Probably my whole life. . . Alcohol makes me anxious. And learning how to feel comfortable without it would be a huge huge boon for me as a man. At least in social gatherings. When working my focus is usually on the job.
So a lot to cover. Only scratching the surface. I really want to push this physical thing. As I know I can do better and feel more physically comfortable the more I get out there. And maybe a few sober hangouts. The subjects I'm working on now. I have never been this honest before with my self. In my life.
For me popping these lids open. And making sure I focus on my journey and pushing the limits of what I can do. I definitely don't want to stop.
-Also I've been off social media for weeks now. . . It's a better view, the climb upward Not being on there everyday. . .
Thank You as always. For the place to share. . .
Thanks J R. Lots to unpack there. I'll be uploading videos on anxiety in the not so distant future, so stay tuned. Thanks so much for sharing. Dr. C
@@DrLesCarter Thank you, look forward to it. .
Pretty sure I don’t have NPD but I could relate about big egos. I think some people’s opinion are dumb and I often tell that person it is. It rarely if ever persuades.
Please Dr talk about anxiety AND how to control it. Sometimes I know I'm feeling and about to say something that is going to ruin a relationship but I cant contain myself, a part of me know that what Im doing Is wrong and even knowing I keep doing that, it's like I can't control myself and I'm already 38. This brought me a lot of problems, destroyed my 20 marriege, we wroke UP and Im do it with my child now. I feel so bad person because of this. I hace rage too , sometimes I can control it but inside it kills me. What can I do? I can't afford a terapist
Yes, that is high on my list. You'll see something about it soon. Dr. C
@@DrLesCarter so glad and honor you answered me, thank you so much!
Dear Dr. Les Carter: Not to bring trouble here, but I recommend you hear Choir! Choir! Choir! with lead Talking Head frontman David Byrne, covering « HEROES » by David Bowie. They taught the backups to a random public and the sound is astounding! Your wife might like that. I’m hoping to replicate the approach with FreedomMusic.
i’m taking notes here & this is the first time i’ve ever commented on a video. No wait, i commented on one once before..
I'll check it out. Thanks. Dr. C
Of one accord....
I am getting Fred Rogers vibes here.
He seems like a really kind man, reminded me of Santa Clause :p. I don't know if I lack empathy but I am on the autism spectrum. I will try to ground myself in those ideas and see if there is any change in my communication skills :) wish me luck
At the age of seven, I was diagnosed with conduct disorder odd ADHD and intermittent explosive disorder. I am 17 now, and I really have no feeling of empathy towards people and I really want to fix that because I have a girlfriend I think I love now.
I beleave that others, just like me, do their best at any moment and if it seam like you would have done things differently it is because you have a different background them mine. If you would have my past, my traumas, and my point of view, you would do things exactly the way I do them. If you do differently it is because you have seen different things than I did. Who are we to say who is wrong, we have the past that we have and we cannot change it, we just can deal with it and try to undo the damage done.
Hi Mona! Just saw your post on the other channel, so obviously you found your way to this one too. Welcome aboard, and thanks for your comments. Dr. C
To Live with Dignity, Respect, Civility by definition is something I hope and pray upon which we can all agree....but how do we change things to reach those noble goals?
Why is it that statistics show children wearing uniforms tend to behave better? Why is it that adults formally dressed in formal surroundings tend to behave more civilly?
I believe we need to bring back education in "people" skills. Education in ETIQUETTE . It's that simple. Good Manners translate to BEHAVING yourself. RESPECTING someone else's viewpoint, opinion and experience, just as YOU would hope THEY respect yours. Good manners are the oil that greases the wheels of social interaction! Want others to respect you? Try respecting them. Borrowing the words from a famous "old" 1955 song...Let There Be Peace On Earth...and LET IT BEGIN WITH ME. Treat others the way YOU wish THEY would treat you.
May I ask you to advise the Non-Theist as to how to deal and endure? I feel that you would like to help everyone. Thank you.
Last year, a crazy pair of "pastors" made up a new sin- the "sin of empathy". It was so shocking to me. They led many astray. It just showed how far some corners of American Evangelicalism have fallen.
Try telling the one that's void of this. I cannot get over how it's not obtained in an individual. But I just know this type what a weird thing to realize that this person is NOT fully intact and they walk amongst all of us. This person can't shed a tear if they wanted to.
I get why Doc says "match pitch" often. I had a couple of choral conducting classes in College.
Can a wounded child with repressed feelings learn to have more empathy?
@@maggiemae9099 Thank you for your response. I know it's not easy but it gives me hope.
What if someone has the OXTR gene mutation ? (Less empathy particularly when under stress )
Beats the culture of self-referential respectability.
Easy to say hard to do
3:15
Thank You💝