What if Aging Parents Refuse to Plan? | 4 Reasons Aging Parents Refuse to Plan
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- Опубликовано: 15 сен 2024
- What if aging parents refuse to plan? Learn 4 reasons why people don't plan until reality strikes and change is unavoidable so that you can choose differently and have greater control over your life, health, and happiness. The first reason is that aging parents and their caregivers may not know what they are planning for.
In this video, caregiving expert Pamela D Wilson shares stories of persons needing a plan who may not have known how to plan. She also shares suggestions for how to have conversations with elderly parents about planning.
Worry about aging parent problems can be a significant distraction for caregivers. Reasons for why do aging parents refuse help can increase the stress of caring for elderly parents at home.
The reasons people don't plan for health or caregiving events include:
* A lack of experience with family caregiving or managing health problems and navigating the healthcare system
* They have no children and no family members who might help or be involved. For this reason, solo agers need a solid plan for their care as they age.
* Being independent and wanting control over life. While this can be a very positive aspect, it can also prevent one from being able to receive care when needed.
* Older adults have memory loss that has progressed to a point where they can't manage their day-to-day lives and cannot realize the importance of making a plan.
Background information about why people refuse to plan
00:00
00:59 Why aging parents refuse help
02:25 People don't know what they are planning for
03:06 No experience with aging problems or health
04:06 Pamela's story as a caregiver
07:06 Aging parents, single adults, or solo agers lack information and experience
08:40 John's story married no children, no siblings to help
12:02 Parents live at a distance, so they make no plans because children are not nearby
12:58 Independent people who want to make their own decisions and don't want to be told what to do
Stories and examples of situations that benefit from a plan
15:30 Frequent visits to the emergency room can cause problems with individuals who refuse to plan or follow up with their care. Learn about mandatory reporting rules.
17:45 How to understand and gain empathy for previously independent people with work histories who want control of their lives
20:13 People with memory loss who cannot understand that they have memory problems, so they are unable to plan and eventually may need a family guardian
22:28 Lack of understanding by people with memory loss of their vulnerabilities and the role of power of attorney or a guardian
24:03 Client with memory loss wandering through a parking lot on a hot day, lost and unable to return home
25:14 Dad with memory loss drove 500 miles away from home and was lost
25:52 Parents refuse to plan because of a child living in the basement who cannot take care of him or herself
How to have discussions with aging parents about refusing to plan:
26:50 Reasons to make a plan based on the information you have today and trusting someone to care for you. How to have these discussions in families.
30:18 Undiagnosed memory loss can result in challenges with planning due to uncertainty
Learn about Pamela D Wilson, her background, and her experience: pameladwilson....
For more caregiving, aging, and elder care tips, visit Pamela's website at www.PamelaDWilson.com
Schedule a 1:1 Consultation with Pamela pameladwilson....
Request to Join Pamela's Online Caregiver Support Group on Facebook / thecaregivingtrap
Are you caring for aging parents or yourself? This is the link to the program Pamela mentions in this video about care planning. Learn the details of caring for loved ones in Pamela's Online Caregiver Support Program, "Support Caring for Aging Parents." pameladwilson....
Are you trying to figure out the responsibilities of being an agent under legal power of attorney? Do you realize it’s time to complete your documents and you are unsure who to appoint as a power of attorney agent?
Pamela's online caregiver webinar program, Power of Attorney, offers the details and information caregivers and those appointing an agent must know. pameladwilson....
Are you wondering if you should be a guardian for a loved one? Do you understand the legal responsibilities of being a guardian? Learn about the guardianship process in Pamela's online caregiver education program, How to Get Guardianship pameladwilson....
Invite Pamela to speak to your company or group. Learn more and download a copy of her speaker's kit here: pameladwilson....
20 years ago, I asked my parents to move from NJ to CO so I could take care of them as they aged. They were in their 70' at the time, and didn't want to leave the home they had always lived in. Year after year I nudged them to consider the future, and how someday they would need me... but they always chose their house over their future. Now they are in their 90's and they call me crying all the time, because life is so hard. I can't just jump on a plane and fly across the country every time they need help - I am so angry with them!!! Thank you for your wonderful content - and for letting me rant. 💔
Thank you for watching and sharing your story. I understand your frustration. It sounds like they are facing the consequences of their decisions - which we all will if we don't plan.
Same my dad is 81 and lives in California and I live in new jersey
I spent 20 years trying to plan, but they would not. Now, I am burnt out and they expect me to step in ...by giving up everything to deal with their crisis. Hmmm?
@@heartsonghealingspace Yes... that sounds familiar. I'm so sorry you are going through this - parents don't have the right to expect you to solve the problems they created.
@@heartsonghealingspace That is a choice you have to make. You can stay on your own "plan" or become part of their failure to plan.
Oh my Word!!! I am exhausted with my 90 yr old Mother being hard headed and impossible... After professional diagnosis NO MORE DRIVING...she refuses to listen 🙈🙈🙈
This is actually easier than you think. Send her diagnosis to the DMV and have her driver's license revoked. Most states have a form that a physician can also fill out to revoke a license. Also send it to her car insurance company. Then sell the car.
Thank you for this.
I'm headed into a lot of changes with my parents right now and I've just found your content.
Much appreciated.
You are so welcome!
This is not all on the parent. I started planning when my last was in middle school. My husband was not on board declutterring. My kids moved out and left their stuff behind, they refused to take or come help me sell it. I worked solo for years behind the 8 ball. In the mean time my parents died, I was divorced ( after 37 years of marriage) went through bankruptcy and struggling to survive. Now at 70, I am still playing catch up. Just done. When I die the stranger can trash whats left.
Thank you for sharing your story to help others who come across this video. You are right that planning for the future is an individual process and a marital or family process. It's difficult being the only one who wants to think about and plan for the future. It sounds like your family life has been challenging. I hope that you are finding satisfaction in being able to move ahead at your own pace. .
Quick question - how would you navigate the conversation with someone exhibiting the need for care, but the person refuses to believe there's an issue and therefore refuses to plan, even despite a diagnosis (one they refuse to believe). They don't see any problems, but they are burning things on the stove, making unsafe decisions, and more. It might even be at the point where they are unable to understand due to the brain disease, but they're sharp enough to dismiss the conversation and refuse to plan.
It's probably time for a cognitive assessment and a determination of "capacity" the ability to evaluate and make good decisions. Although I'm guessing the individual will not want to do this. You might be able to have the doctor order the evaluation based on the information you are sharing with me. The evaluation would include memory testing, seeing a neurologist and potentially a neuropsychologist. The doctor would then have to write a letter stating that the person cannot make decisions. If there is no POA document then you're probably on your way to guardianship. Here's information about that. pameladwilson.com/how-to-get-guardianship-of-a-parent-obtain-legal-guardianship-online-course-pamela-d-wilson/
thank you for your help, I'll look into the link you sent. @@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert
I wish I had found this 20 yrs ago. My parents live across the country from me, and I begged and begged for years for them to move close to me. I knew exactly what would happen as they aged. And sure enough, they are in their 90’s, live in a VERY rural area, and can do nothing for themselves. I have had to give up my life for more than a year (so far). I am so angry with them for their selfish choices. I am just so blessed to have a wonderful and understanding husband. Everything else I have had to give up because of their selfishness. And after they do pass, I have a huge mess to deal with. They live on a very small farm and all that goes with it. Have I mentioned that I’m angry?
Thank you for sharing. I can certainly understand why you are angry. You are fortunate to have an understanding husband, count that as one blessing and do your best to work through the rest. Sending you positive thoughts!
So sorry for your loss
Thank you for watching and commenting.
You are such a blessing! Thank you!!!!!
Thank you for watching and commenting. So appreciated.
Great video thank you
Glad it was helpful!
Pamela your videos & all you do is sn absolute essential service. I'm so grateful to have found you as I navigate caregiving for my elderly terminal ill 88 yr old mom with no help from family or friends. I'm the only one involved & it's too hard for me to do alone. Do you have resources links for Canadians. We are in Ontario. Thank you God bless.
Thank you so much for the positive comments. I appreciate them. I have a free caregiver program on my website in webinar/video format you can access. This is the link: pameladwilson.com/support-caring-for-elderly-parents-overwhelmed-caregiver-support-online-course/ I will also give you a link to a couple of Canadian caregiver organizations you can contact. I have not worked with them so I don't know how helpful they might be. ontariocaregiver.ca/help/helpline/ and www.carerscanada.ca/organizations-supporting-caregivers/
So very helpful. Thank you
You are so welcome!
My mother in-law requested that she die at home ! Not so simple! Six trips to the emergency room , calls and trips to her home at all times of day and night . She should have had full time care. She sent her mother straight into a nursing home.
Wanting to die at home and making plans to die at home, which means going on hospice and not calling 911 are two very different things that most people don't understand.
You couldn’t use the word hospice around her, it was a really bad way to go. And it was in the ICU anyway.
@@bluesdirt6555 I'm so sorry this was so challenging for you and your family.
Hi Pamela, thanks for this! What is your healthcare background and/or degree in? Amazing that you could help John like you did.
Hi - Thank you. My degrees are in organizational management and business, MS, BS plus certifications as a national guardian and a senior advisor plus 20 years of 1:1 patient and healthcare navigation experience with an in home care agency and a care management/fiduciary agency and 5 years as an educator. Plus board and volunteer positions in the healthcare industry over a 20 year period..
@@PamelaDWilsonCaregivingExpert wow, what a valuable combination. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
@@jayterra2060 You are most welcome.
Very helpful.
Thank you!
Thanks ❤
You're welcome 😊
Sounds like your parents were immature and narcissistic. They didn't deal with reality and thought you were there. Really? Wtf.
Not sure who you are addressing this statement to? I had amazing parents who I loved very much.
🎉❤😊❤🎉
Thank you for watching and commenting.
Pravers
Thank you for your comments.