Thank you for this! I've been making myself sick deliberating my housing situation for college in the fall as a result of online classes and Covid and this is very reassuring.
I just want to thank you for your work bc it helps me so so so so much and there couldn't be a better time for this audio to happen as I've been struggling with making decisions a lot lately. I love the way you explain things, I've learned so much from you and you've helped me so much. I don't think I can express how thankful I am. So yeah, thank you once again!!
Wow Rainy, this video couldn't have come at a better time. I'm making many decisions related to university, and it just felt like every decision I made was wrong. I second-guessed myself at every turn, even though I put a lot of consideration and research into each choice. I'm still learning to be grateful for the good things my decision has led to instead of dwelling on "what if I chose the other thing", but I'm getting there! Trying hard not to beat myself up over it at every step of the way as well. What you said in the video gave me a bit of solace. Thank you so much!
I found your channel just a couple of nights ago and I've binge-listened to a lot of your audios. Thank you for doing this. P.S. I melt every time you gigle. 😻
came to this video while just hating myself and thinking how badly i messed up on everything. how every decision i made that got me here was terrible and i thought this video was going to gently talk about how to 'just make the right choices one and stop being a baby about it because you know better' but... of course it wasn't. i needed this because i didn't have anyone else to tell me this, certainly not myself.
Rainy, you are absolutely amazing! I needed someone to tell me this. My issue isn't that I go back and think, "I wish I had." I normally feel okay with decisions I've made, as I think all situations serve as a learning experience. But obviously I don't want to go through bad situations or hinderances if I can help it. I'll want to do something, but then I worry myself that doing this thing will hinder me in some way, or that my parents will oppose or think I'm irresponsible, or that I'm wasting time doing one thing when I should be doing something else. So then I usually just stick to what I know or choose the "correct" response, and never move along in areas of my life. It's my own fault, and I'm not sure why I do this to myself, especially when I so highly admire people who do take chances. Thank you for making this video and speaking so kindly. I think (?) we're around the same age so it's nice to have a peer to tell me this stuff. I also wanted to say that I really appreciate that you use your gifts to help others. You make us feel loved, and you provide a safe environment for us to be vulnerable. Please continue to share your goodness and light with others, even if it's just in your daily life. This world needs you. Sending well wishes from the US, Miss Lady P.S. I know some people roll their eyes at it, but what is your MBTI type? Could you do a video talking about your typ and how you experience the world?
The worst is knowing you're making the objectively wrong decision, consistently, but being too weak-willed to change it. I'm learning to be more forgiving with myself. But I don't know that I deserve it. After all, I _could_ change my decisions, but I just can't seem to make myself do it. I let myself lose sight of that willpower, now I can't seem to find it again. I don't feel in control. I don't think I am. This recording has helped me find comfort in my more subjective decisions, though. Very much so. I used to stress about my decisions all the time, especially when it came to making purchases---but having really heard the message of this audio, that isn't something I worry about anymore. Healthy consideration, of course, but no remorse. If only correcting my bad habits were so simple. Recognizing them is half the battle, I suppose. But it's frustrating to be cornered and seemingly powerless against your own head, worse yet due to your own mistakes. I've learned the lesson more than enough times but I just can't seem to get out of the mental quicksand I've got myself stuck in. It feels wrong to forgive myself for making decisions that are so glaringly bad. It feels wrong to forgive myself when nobody else will. Maybe things will get better, though. Someday. Even if I don't have it in me to stop myself, or even to forgive myself, I don't want to give up on myself.
The sorts of decisions you're describing are more like learned behavioural pathways, I think. They're not things we tend to consciously and deliberately decide, but sometimes we do become conscious of them. However, it's important to recognise that it isn't as easy or simple as "choose differently", though yes, sometimes we're able to. Typically those sorts of behavioural pathways are ones we've learned as a means of surviving or coping with very difficult things, and it's hard to override those survival mechanisms (even if they've become warped and are actually harming us). It's hard to override them for good reason, because they were there to help us survive and cope, so we wouldn't want to easily override that sort of stuff. However, those pathways may not adapt and adjust when we find ourselves in new situations, particularly if the situation from which those behaviours developed isn't happening anymore. We've typically followed that behavioural pathway for quite a while, so it is well-trodden and easy to walk down again, our brains default to it. It is possible to change our behaviour and habits, it is possible to develop new pathways, but it doesn't happen overnight. It takes concerted effort and repeated practice to set new habits and build alternate paths, and it is frustrating when we find ourselves not following the new ones we want to build, but that is part of the process of relearning and training ourselves to try and do things differently. It may be helpful to think of it like a pet's behaviour. Whilst they tend to be domesticated and act in the kind of ways we want, they're still descended from wild animals and they have instinctual behaviours wired into their brains, survival instincts, responses to danger or threats. When they feel threatened or unsafe, a dog barks and growls, a cat hisses and scratches, even if they actually aren't in danger. When we turn on the vacuum cleaner and the dog's instincts kick in, we tend to be compassionate and understanding when they bark and growl (even if we feel frustrated too). Recognise that changing those sorts of behaviours is hard and that you're doing it, just gradually. You're trying, you want to change, you're becoming more aware of habitual behaviours you want to change, you're becoming aware of what triggers those behaviours and how you want to do things differently. That is a huge part of the process. It isn't a single lesson to be learned, it is a path to be walked again and again, and each time you do your feet will pound the dirt into a more well-worn track, easier to walk the next time. You're changing, it isn't something that needs to happen just once.
@@rainydayaudios7754 Thank you for the thoughtful reply, Rainy. It means a lot to me. The animal instinct comparison actually makes a lot of sense. Granted, my own conscious decisions are what got me in this mess to begin with and I think that's the hardest part. Every day for 4 years now has been its own battle as a direct consequence of what I thought would be an insignificant decision. I don't want to continue putting myself through this, long days and longer nights of feeling so detached and sick; yet I feel like I have to. It's most definitely hardwired in my brain, whether by nature or whether I trained myself into this. It has to be. I have the rationality to understand it's objectively not the right choice, it never has been, and that it will only make things worse---but something in my head says the pros outweigh the cons. There are no pros. But, you're right: I am working to change, and even though I don't have much to show for it at the moment, I really am putting up one hell of a fight. I still don't know if, seeing as the start of all this was my own fault, I owe myself forgiveness or not. But either way, I am still proud that I haven't given up on myself. _Nothing_ could have prepared me for this, but 4 years in and I haven't thrown the white flag. Maybe I'm more strong-willed than I give myself credit for. Most days it feels like I have no say of my own. But, I do have days where I can dig my heels into that dirt road and say no. I didn't have any of those a couple years ago, so hey---any progress is good progress. I've been fighting the idea of seeking proper help, in fear that it would validate my sense of weakness or paint me in a bad light, but I'm becoming more open to the idea. Therapy has helped me so so much in my other areas of struggle but I haven't brought this matter up in therapy. I've been too scared of the consequences, the stigma. Though I think I'm only delaying the inevitable, because this is the one struggle I just can't tackle, and it's been too many years of pain. It's like a final boss of sorts, haha. No protagonist goes unaided, I suppose.
Receiving help will actually make you stronger, not weaker. And with time, you will learn to internalise the skills and knowledge you receive from those that help you, so you will be able to do those things yourself more frequently. I strongly recommend seeking some help, you don't need to fight this alone and you're much more likely to be able to overcome it with the aid of someone who can see things without the same biases and cognitive distortions you have, who can challenge and question and bring a new perspective to the problems you're facing. Someone who can bring in their own experiences, training and skills. They aren't going to do it for you, but they can help you, support you, coach you, teach you. It's like playing The Floor Is Lava with someone else helping you who isn't subject to the rules. They can walk around freely on the floor, helping put down some pillows or move some chairs for you. This behaviour does have some pros, it's likely addressing or trying to fill a need of yours. The past version of you who adopted this behaviour was trying to meet that need how they could, but it unfortunately had costs and side-effects that are affecting you now. You aren't really the person who made that decision, you're their descendent, and you aren't deserving of punishment or blame. Learning to forgive your past self (and absolve your current self) of the shame and guilt will likely be helpful in breaking that behaviour, especially if it is a way of trying to cope with strong/unpleasant emotions. The trick is to find a healthier, safer and more beneficial way to meet that need without having all of the downsides of the current behaviour. A therapist can help us dig into that and identify the need, and look for new ways to meet it. These videos might be helpful in processing some of that (though it's no substitute for a trained professional who can help you with the specifics of what you're going through): ruclips.net/video/3keVtnTof2g/видео.html ruclips.net/video/0mQizQJZuEc/видео.html ruclips.net/video/IgZvWiTvvAU/видео.html
@@rainydayaudios7754 This is really reassuring. You're spot on; I started out just trying to cope with hard times, I never meant for it to develop into this. That was before I had access to the help I do now, and I was just trying anything I could to numb the pain. I was still living with my parents 4 years ago and they were never the most supportive of mental health. They would always make fun of me and taunt me for my mental health struggles, and would always threaten to send me to a psych ward. That was ridiculously hard to cope with; past me was desperate. I'm in therapy now, I'm on antidepressants---both of which have had such positive impacts. I'm far from the person I was back then. I suppose I should be more gentle with myself. Thank you so so much for the thoughtful replies. I feel a lot less guilty now. 💕
This is really nice to hear. I kinda messed up with my teeth. I have an urge to always be "correct" and in order since my family never is. And so before I would brush my teeth before eating breakfast and then again at night. But once I heard I should brush them like 1 hour later after eating it was hard. I kept losing it in my schedule because of school and it was hard on me to even think about then. Tbh I tend to overthink things and really just gave up when I figured out that one of my tooths cracked and it was March then. Now it being July I'm going to have more than I wish of dentist appointments to not only fix that tooth but to help with the others. It's really scary to see and feel it all right there and for my family they see me as a scaredy cat cause as a kid it was all fine. For me before, you could never see me without a drink for incase my breathing gets weird or acid reflux, or a random panic attack. Water for me is like a saviour with all that. I'm going into highschool in August (mid) and I'm hoping that the work is done before all of that but I doubt that. I know I made the wrong decision trying to be perfect with it. I keep being told that it's all my fault (which is)and for more than just this incident and now I just feel like anything that happens is somehow my fault. Ex. My cat broke my sister's camera and now I feel like in a way it was my fault somehow. I'm just hoping to fix my teeth rn before school comes and everyone thinks I'm lucky to leave early.
![[A] Balancing Our Past, Present and Future Selves (motivation and decision making)](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/0mQizQJZuEc/mqdefault.jpg)
![[A] Balancing Our Past, Present and Future Selves (motivation and decision making)](/img/tr.png)
![[A] Be Kind To Yourself (self-worth issues)](/img/1.gif)
just hearing you say "hello my little rain clouds" just instantly boosts my mood
sitting here listening to this hungover as hell and I thought he said "you're bad at making decisions." And I was just like "rude....but fair" 😂😂
The fact that I used to listen to him for my own comfort and now I come to him so that I can comfort others…❤ truly missed this voice
Yep, as always, perfect timing!
Thank you for this! I've been making myself sick deliberating my housing situation for college in the fall as a result of online classes and Covid and this is very reassuring.
Have been questioning my gender very intensely the past few days... If signs exist, this is one. Thank you.
Your gender is valid, friend! ruclips.net/video/gxYa59eoh-8/видео.html
I just want to thank you for your work bc it helps me so so so so much and there couldn't be a better time for this audio to happen as I've been struggling with making decisions a lot lately. I love the way you explain things, I've learned so much from you and you've helped me so much. I don't think I can express how thankful I am. So yeah, thank you once again!!
Thank you so much! That means so much to me, I'm really happy to hear it.
Wow Rainy, this video couldn't have come at a better time. I'm making many decisions related to university, and it just felt like every decision I made was wrong. I second-guessed myself at every turn, even though I put a lot of consideration and research into each choice. I'm still learning to be grateful for the good things my decision has led to instead of dwelling on "what if I chose the other thing", but I'm getting there! Trying hard not to beat myself up over it at every step of the way as well. What you said in the video gave me a bit of solace. Thank you so much!
I have a lot of your videos in a mental health playlist. There’s are seriously super helpful!
How did you know-
But thank you for this, it couldn't have been at a better time :)
thank you, please come back
I found your channel just a couple of nights ago and I've binge-listened to a lot of your audios. Thank you for doing this. P.S. I melt every time you gigle. 😻
Thanks rainy i needed this :)
Please come back Rainy!
came to this video while just hating myself and thinking how badly i messed up on everything. how every decision i made that got me here was terrible and i thought this video was going to gently talk about how to 'just make the right choices one and stop being a baby about it because you know better' but... of course it wasn't. i needed this because i didn't have anyone else to tell me this, certainly not myself.
Thanks Rainy for everything. Take care! 🙏🍮💚
wow you uploaded at the right time cause I really fucking need this right now lol
I needed this. Thank you so much. ❤😊
Rainy, you are absolutely amazing! I needed someone to tell me this. My issue isn't that I go back and think, "I wish I had." I normally feel okay with decisions I've made, as I think all situations serve as a learning experience. But obviously I don't want to go through bad situations or hinderances if I can help it. I'll want to do something, but then I worry myself that doing this thing will hinder me in some way, or that my parents will oppose or think I'm irresponsible, or that I'm wasting time doing one thing when I should be doing something else. So then I usually just stick to what I know or choose the "correct" response, and never move along in areas of my life. It's my own fault, and I'm not sure why I do this to myself, especially when I so highly admire people who do take chances.
Thank you for making this video and speaking so kindly. I think (?) we're around the same age so it's nice to have a peer to tell me this stuff.
I also wanted to say that I really appreciate that you use your gifts to help others. You make us feel loved, and you provide a safe environment for us to be vulnerable. Please continue to share your goodness and light with others, even if it's just in your daily life. This world needs you.
Sending well wishes from the US,
Miss Lady
P.S. I know some people roll their eyes at it, but what is your MBTI type? Could you do a video talking about your typ and how you experience the world?
Thank you Rainy, you help me in so many ways :))
Thanks for this Rainy
its really helpful what you are doing using this platform to help people is really amazing 💖💖
Beautiful !!
Miss you :( but I hope everything is going well, and I know you’ll be back when you’re ready!
Wow this was super helpful
The worst is knowing you're making the objectively wrong decision, consistently, but being too weak-willed to change it. I'm learning to be more forgiving with myself. But I don't know that I deserve it. After all, I _could_ change my decisions, but I just can't seem to make myself do it. I let myself lose sight of that willpower, now I can't seem to find it again. I don't feel in control. I don't think I am.
This recording has helped me find comfort in my more subjective decisions, though. Very much so. I used to stress about my decisions all the time, especially when it came to making purchases---but having really heard the message of this audio, that isn't something I worry about anymore. Healthy consideration, of course, but no remorse.
If only correcting my bad habits were so simple. Recognizing them is half the battle, I suppose. But it's frustrating to be cornered and seemingly powerless against your own head, worse yet due to your own mistakes. I've learned the lesson more than enough times but I just can't seem to get out of the mental quicksand I've got myself stuck in. It feels wrong to forgive myself for making decisions that are so glaringly bad. It feels wrong to forgive myself when nobody else will.
Maybe things will get better, though. Someday. Even if I don't have it in me to stop myself, or even to forgive myself, I don't want to give up on myself.
The sorts of decisions you're describing are more like learned behavioural pathways, I think. They're not things we tend to consciously and deliberately decide, but sometimes we do become conscious of them. However, it's important to recognise that it isn't as easy or simple as "choose differently", though yes, sometimes we're able to. Typically those sorts of behavioural pathways are ones we've learned as a means of surviving or coping with very difficult things, and it's hard to override those survival mechanisms (even if they've become warped and are actually harming us). It's hard to override them for good reason, because they were there to help us survive and cope, so we wouldn't want to easily override that sort of stuff. However, those pathways may not adapt and adjust when we find ourselves in new situations, particularly if the situation from which those behaviours developed isn't happening anymore. We've typically followed that behavioural pathway for quite a while, so it is well-trodden and easy to walk down again, our brains default to it. It is possible to change our behaviour and habits, it is possible to develop new pathways, but it doesn't happen overnight. It takes concerted effort and repeated practice to set new habits and build alternate paths, and it is frustrating when we find ourselves not following the new ones we want to build, but that is part of the process of relearning and training ourselves to try and do things differently.
It may be helpful to think of it like a pet's behaviour. Whilst they tend to be domesticated and act in the kind of ways we want, they're still descended from wild animals and they have instinctual behaviours wired into their brains, survival instincts, responses to danger or threats. When they feel threatened or unsafe, a dog barks and growls, a cat hisses and scratches, even if they actually aren't in danger. When we turn on the vacuum cleaner and the dog's instincts kick in, we tend to be compassionate and understanding when they bark and growl (even if we feel frustrated too).
Recognise that changing those sorts of behaviours is hard and that you're doing it, just gradually. You're trying, you want to change, you're becoming more aware of habitual behaviours you want to change, you're becoming aware of what triggers those behaviours and how you want to do things differently. That is a huge part of the process. It isn't a single lesson to be learned, it is a path to be walked again and again, and each time you do your feet will pound the dirt into a more well-worn track, easier to walk the next time. You're changing, it isn't something that needs to happen just once.
@@rainydayaudios7754 Thank you for the thoughtful reply, Rainy. It means a lot to me.
The animal instinct comparison actually makes a lot of sense. Granted, my own conscious decisions are what got me in this mess to begin with and I think that's the hardest part. Every day for 4 years now has been its own battle as a direct consequence of what I thought would be an insignificant decision. I don't want to continue putting myself through this, long days and longer nights of feeling so detached and sick; yet I feel like I have to. It's most definitely hardwired in my brain, whether by nature or whether I trained myself into this. It has to be. I have the rationality to understand it's objectively not the right choice, it never has been, and that it will only make things worse---but something in my head says the pros outweigh the cons. There are no pros.
But, you're right: I am working to change, and even though I don't have much to show for it at the moment, I really am putting up one hell of a fight. I still don't know if, seeing as the start of all this was my own fault, I owe myself forgiveness or not. But either way, I am still proud that I haven't given up on myself. _Nothing_ could have prepared me for this, but 4 years in and I haven't thrown the white flag. Maybe I'm more strong-willed than I give myself credit for.
Most days it feels like I have no say of my own. But, I do have days where I can dig my heels into that dirt road and say no. I didn't have any of those a couple years ago, so hey---any progress is good progress. I've been fighting the idea of seeking proper help, in fear that it would validate my sense of weakness or paint me in a bad light, but I'm becoming more open to the idea. Therapy has helped me so so much in my other areas of struggle but I haven't brought this matter up in therapy. I've been too scared of the consequences, the stigma. Though I think I'm only delaying the inevitable, because this is the one struggle I just can't tackle, and it's been too many years of pain. It's like a final boss of sorts, haha. No protagonist goes unaided, I suppose.
Receiving help will actually make you stronger, not weaker. And with time, you will learn to internalise the skills and knowledge you receive from those that help you, so you will be able to do those things yourself more frequently. I strongly recommend seeking some help, you don't need to fight this alone and you're much more likely to be able to overcome it with the aid of someone who can see things without the same biases and cognitive distortions you have, who can challenge and question and bring a new perspective to the problems you're facing. Someone who can bring in their own experiences, training and skills. They aren't going to do it for you, but they can help you, support you, coach you, teach you. It's like playing The Floor Is Lava with someone else helping you who isn't subject to the rules. They can walk around freely on the floor, helping put down some pillows or move some chairs for you.
This behaviour does have some pros, it's likely addressing or trying to fill a need of yours. The past version of you who adopted this behaviour was trying to meet that need how they could, but it unfortunately had costs and side-effects that are affecting you now. You aren't really the person who made that decision, you're their descendent, and you aren't deserving of punishment or blame. Learning to forgive your past self (and absolve your current self) of the shame and guilt will likely be helpful in breaking that behaviour, especially if it is a way of trying to cope with strong/unpleasant emotions. The trick is to find a healthier, safer and more beneficial way to meet that need without having all of the downsides of the current behaviour. A therapist can help us dig into that and identify the need, and look for new ways to meet it.
These videos might be helpful in processing some of that (though it's no substitute for a trained professional who can help you with the specifics of what you're going through):
ruclips.net/video/3keVtnTof2g/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/0mQizQJZuEc/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/IgZvWiTvvAU/видео.html
@@rainydayaudios7754 This is really reassuring. You're spot on; I started out just trying to cope with hard times, I never meant for it to develop into this. That was before I had access to the help I do now, and I was just trying anything I could to numb the pain. I was still living with my parents 4 years ago and they were never the most supportive of mental health. They would always make fun of me and taunt me for my mental health struggles, and would always threaten to send me to a psych ward. That was ridiculously hard to cope with; past me was desperate. I'm in therapy now, I'm on antidepressants---both of which have had such positive impacts. I'm far from the person I was back then. I suppose I should be more gentle with myself.
Thank you so so much for the thoughtful replies. I feel a lot less guilty now. 💕
This is really nice to hear. I kinda messed up with my teeth. I have an urge to always be "correct" and in order since my family never is. And so before I would brush my teeth before eating breakfast and then again at night.
But once I heard I should brush them like 1 hour later after eating it was hard. I kept losing it in my schedule because of school and it was hard on me to even think about then.
Tbh I tend to overthink things and really just gave up when I figured out that one of my tooths cracked and it was March then.
Now it being July I'm going to have more than I wish of dentist appointments to not only fix that tooth but to help with the others.
It's really scary to see and feel it all right there and for my family they see me as a scaredy cat cause as a kid it was all fine.
For me before, you could never see me without a drink for incase my breathing gets weird or acid reflux, or a random panic attack. Water for me is like a saviour with all that.
I'm going into highschool in August (mid) and I'm hoping that the work is done before all of that but I doubt that. I know I made the wrong decision trying to be perfect with it.
I keep being told that it's all my fault (which is)and for more than just this incident and now I just feel like anything that happens is somehow my fault. Ex. My cat broke my sister's camera and now I feel like in a way it was my fault somehow.
I'm just hoping to fix my teeth rn before school comes and everyone thinks I'm lucky to leave early.
If every People meaking a list ( for exammpol ) things thay was god on
And things things thay was bad on
Ooooh
(Am I first...)