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How Difficult Is It To Get Married In China? | ASIAN BOSS
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- Опубликовано: 2 авг 2018
- Special thanks to Grace, Aki, Rolento and Tony. Could't have made this video without your help.
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Kei: "is that (salary) a lot?"
Lady: "no" (without any hesitation)
I am cracking up 😂
King Kang Grandson Of Kong
When she said no to him I felt that
Me too..haha
@@HM-ib7ex let's admit we all felt pain in our hearts when she dropped that
We are in the same situation dude😏
After hearing these old people, I wouldn't be surprised if they were okay with their daughters being in an abusive relation as long as the man she is married to is rich
They probably are
Yeah, I doubt they care. Actually, they are closer to "selling their daughters" than marrying them off.
Oh they would care. These are typical older generation Shanghainese parents. They are very anxious about the wellbeing of their children in general, including marriage. They are also kind of blunt.
(The younger interviewees tend to be migrants from other areas of China since they interview in the busiest places in Shanghai, where the Crazy Rich migrants hang out.)
20 Dollar Gold Piece , didn’t you hear the old lady say? , “WELL mannered , MANLY “ , So it means they treat The ladies well , also my mum said that if anyone is spoiled in China , they are known as ‘stupid’ or ‘Disgrace’
@@Clytia i'm late to this but um... in the past, parents do and does *sell* their daughters to rich people.
however it don't have to be that way but still have to give some money to the parents as long as it's enough for the parents or the father to agree.
because most of the time, females don't carry much weight in their words within a Chinese family.
gender equality's much worst back than in china. because of this selling their daughter/s was a common thing, and force marriage was common back than. families would have lots of kids and the females will be sold off for goods/money and males will have 1 be family head (oldest, and this cause inner fighting within the family like you see in Chinese tv shows where they try to kill the old one or maybe i watch too much shows XD)or they would be working the lands. more males more man power
if the rich guy has his eyes on the girl. families, mostly the family head will said yes or no. he would be very willingly to let him have her for money/land/items even if those rich people are in their 40's to 60's and most of the time. the man is a polygyny meaning he has more than 1 wife
"Your house is more important than your existence!".... lol so basically no need to get a husband/wife, just buy the house
Because the housing price in Shanghai is too high... The average house in the city is close to $20,000 a square meter, while an apartment is about 90 square meters, so being able to own a house in Shanghai is really a sign of financial strength.
wah thats some prices but understandable why its that important :)
@@CamillaDrakenborg The reason is simple. The underlying lines of parents are that they need a very rich son-in-law (who can have a house in downtown Shanghai must be a very rich person). They don't care much about their children's feelings at this time. They only care about whether the daughter will marry someone with money and whether they can give them enough benefits. Their parents are very sick.
@@CamillaDrakenborg Well, besides what bismal Ken said about the caring for aging parents, they also assume the wedded partners to live in Shanghai. If you don't have a car or house in Shanghai, then they'll forever live on rent and I could see that these parents don't want to see their kids work to death trying to live on rent throughout the elderly years. Like that woman said, you only have enough money to feed yourself as in keeping your head above water. When you're 40-50+ years old and still don't have your own property or car, you're kind of predicted to be working on rent for the rest of your life. Can't retire and just work to make ends meet.
They are just trying to find good options for their daughters, who can provide good and secured life for her, but the final decision still depending on the daughter.
Kei: no money, no property, good personality (maybe?)
A girl he wants to marry: good-looking, like a model lol
He was just playing along though, but then we all want attractive partners
He's just experimenting, he's not really looking for one.
But most importantly, Kei is attractive.
tigerion tigerion stares
Need a rich widow, several looking for a stud.
Actually most Chinese young generation won’t agree with those older ones in the park, there is a HUGE generation gap between the old and young in China, since the society developed so fast in the past 40 years, the parents in the video are the generation who experienced through hunger and cultural revolution
dude, how 2 room house became 750.000 dollar there ? omg ı guess there is no job in china except shangai :D
the older generation care so much about money because they have none in the past😔😔
@@bruh2652
But they are not bad, they are the ones who have made China today's rich country. You should respect them.
@@tigeriontigerion9112 yea i know. sorry if i sounded disrespectful (?) but i didnt meant to sound like that. im just suggesting a reason why some of them are money minded. things will improve :)
the biggest gap ever.
Kei: " How important is personality?"
Chinese man: "If you have money, then you have a great personality!"
Words of wisdom LOL
Sorrow Hill indeed
Materialism is partially to blame, but another factor you need to look at is that money in China is a measure of education, intelligence, and general competency.
This may sound wise only superficially. Try being with a rich shitty person and see how you can keep up. It's going to end up being very hard emotionally and physically, affecting your overall wellbeing. Nobody REALLY wants that. Not even money is worth that.
Hahaha that's classic!
China rose from poverty and so the emphasis on material security is still paramount in daily existence. It’s about their hierarchy of needs.
“You can’t have kids if you’re 35!!”
My parents were 32&35 when they had me 😭😭😭😭
Lmfaoo what does that make me? Leftover baby? 😿😹😹
no but if women have babies too late, it's easier for the newborn to have disabilities
They can have children, it's just that the older the women is when she's pregnant, the more risks involved in the process of giving birth, both towards the mother and child. So usually they'd just say you can't have children over 30y/o to avoid women getting married and getting pregnant late
My mom had me at 35 and my dad was 40, they're still healthy and work
@@manager-nim2623 thankfully your parents had it easy. But unfortunately, it doesn't apply to most people :(
@@durianluver I wouldn't say easy, they still had many problems and health issues but they're both with healthy minds and working bodies, I'm also the youngest out of 5 btw so they were together for 10+ years before I was born
"That’s just discrimination against woman"
Preach girl
but if a man doesnt make 8000 usd a month, and owns a house in shanghai he's lost, please honey, thats myopic
@@xyzxyzuvwuvw7633 8000 a month? What the hell
@@004kim 8000 a month is near equivalent to 100k a year, which was stated in the video, a requirement for a modern marriage
@@004kim a house worth 1-2 millions of dollars btw.
if he is not a rich kid, it is impossible to get 2 millions of dollars before 30s.
@@xyzxyzuvwuvw7633 This doesn't justify discrimination against women. Besides the 'men should earn money' perception also hurts women since it leads to people shaming women who prioritise their career. But of course you would write this as a reply because people like you just hate women and feel the need to silence every woman who speak against discrimination. You're never going to silence us. :)
Just a disclaimer to everyone, the opinions in this video are indeed real, but they are only the opinions of the older generation of Shanghainese people. These older people are looking for someone to provide for their child and for themselves as they want to retire and live well. The younger generation obviously dates for love and they tend to have huge disagreements with the older generation since they are trying to control their love live. So Kei, don't feel bad, you aren't unmarriable like these old folk are saying. As someone with much experience in Shanghai, I can easily say that you would be desirable here, just not in the eyes of some middle-aged parents.
How desirable are 'Westerners' in Shanghai?
bilajoin it honestly depends. They're are a select bunch of people that think of Westerners as higher class and date them for more spice in their life while there are also those who prefer to date Chinese because of cultural similarities and being used to Chinese partners. It's really hit or miss in my opinion, but Westerners are fairly welcome, especially with the younger generation.
Charlie Liu Thanks for your info and I find that sad! My late parents were the most traditional people ever but they were not like this at all. They never pressured me or my brothers into marriage ever. They also think you can have kids later in life too so why the rush? Also I wonder what they think of divorcees and widowers? I had 2 cousins who married in their late 20s and early 30s and had one child but then divorced after only 2 years of marriage. I wonder what category they fall under? Marriage does not guarantee happiness either. I had an aunt and cousin who married at 42 and 43 and they are happily married in spite of not having kids.
Thanks for giving more information on this topic!
Trinh Nguyen I completely agree with you. Rushing into a marriage you aren't happy about is terrible. The bad thing is the older generation usually doesn't think of the failed marriage as their fault and usually blame the divorced couple rather than their own forceful and controlling ideologies. I'm no expert, but sadly I believe divorced people are equal to leftover women if not worse. They would be even less desirable if they already have a kid. So if anyone reading this is considering a marriage that they know won't work out, I recommend you reconsider and find someone who will treat you right if they do not. Money is important but not if it comes at the cost of your happiness, freedom, or pride.
"your house is more important than your existence" i mean wow.
😂
He makes a valid point
Tom Smith u r right , we don’t have racist ,only discrimination to the poor !
I am live in cave😣I am not important to society 😗$$$
I love that
The Lady : "His salary isnt high, he can only afford to pay food".
Kei reaction is priceless
😂😂😂😂😂😂
What about the looks
- Doesn't matter, he can be 90 year old, it doesn't matter.
G. O. D
I still cannot believe that is the idea from the bottom of the heart.
john smith cause he doesn’t sleep with that man
@@johnsmith-li3di As a Chinese,I can assure you that is the truth.
Hahaha money is everything for them 😂
A 90 year old can’t even get his willie up
"Money comes first. If you have money then you have a great personality" 😂😂 I can't believe he actually said that!
I think he was just irony
well, not being able to provide the wife with a stable home and family is considered shameful. It means you either don't have the abilities or you are lazy and don't work hard enough, so of course you would be considered having a bad personality.
wic wong That is such a traditional way of thinking as these days women make their own money as well so it is not just the guy who has to be the bread winner.
well, many women still want to marry into a higher socioeconomic class. The higher tier women usually find it hard to find a mate in China because of that. Having money is justice, even my parents think like that. No money no social status and no social status no women. This is very true in China and in many developing countries who previously experienced poverty. In western countries, because they have a well-developed welfare system and the housing prices are low, they don't have to care as much about socioeconomic status as the Chinese. This is actually very lucky because people in the west don't have to face as much societal pressure as other countries, and they can judge other countries based on their own values. If you live in Shanghai and realize the housing prices in central Shanghai would be more than 1m+ USD and cars are usually several times more expensive than the US, you will know how important it is to be choosy. I am a guy, but I can still relate to their parents because this is the reality of life. We don't have the moral high ground to judge their values.
wic wong I can see why you think that but honestly your perception of the West or of the US is so wrong. I am guessing you have never been overseas before. The welfare system in the US is not great like you think and the houses are even more expensive than in Shanghai. I live in the SF Bay Area, houses are way over $1 million US Dollars so $1 million is nothing. The California Bay Area is even more expensive than New York. I know Shanghai but not as expensive as New York or the SF Bay Area. I suggest you do some research or better yet come to the US or some other country outside of China to see how it truly is instead of make assumptions. I plan to come to China to teach English to see China for myself instead of just listening to stories, the news and assume things which is sadly what many people do.
“Leftover women don’t look for boyfriends, very successful” isn’t that called being independent? Lol
Basically. Old people still think women being independent is a crime for some reason.
Tony I’d say a lot of older people think when females are independent, it means they can’t find men to rely on. Tbh I hate this perception cuz it’s basically saying that women must rely on men
I wants to marry with Chinese girl help me...niso
@@zoyaprincess2746 😁😁😁please.... Market is open for you
@Orchid Wry I support the the feminism and all independent women , being independent is not a crime but just we don't have a mentality like west and don't want to create one we believe in growing family and raising atleast 1-2 children and inorder to increase our bloodline rather than living alone .
We both might disagree and that's fine bcoz we both have different perspectives but just to tell you we Asian countries have long been living under the colonized Western countries we just want to live in our own way rather than living like West and yeah today We the young generation don't believe in all these kinds of stuff but they are just trying to explain that you must have child before 35 because child born after 35 have high risks of disability and unhealthy child so they are saying to get married and have child before 35 we all saw Japan they grown quite more independent and there population is shrinking so we don't want to witness like that in our country.
Being independent is not a crime but I personally believe men and women should live together and stay healthy,men should protect each other and vice-versa
I feel like I need to be really grateful because my mom said like yesterday "your wellbeing is the most important, i don't care your future husband have lot of money or not, as long as he's responsible and taking care of you, it doesn't matter, and find someone who really loving you for who you are and still loving you on your wreck state"
She did not mean it.
Kevin Gonzalez not all mothers in law want a train wreck!
My mom wants someone decent for me too, and rather no one than loser.
She had enough of her c..p.
@@Adriann604 Could be pr else she is looking out for herself too.
well either she doesn't mean it or u are fat so go do some squat
@@messiah4951 Squats on ur face all day long😉
I am a chinese unmarried man. feel sad about these parents in that generation , not having good education, single-narrow-minded. It is too late for them to receive new knowledge, to understand diversity. What I can do is to leave them alone, let them play their own game. For the young generation, well can we just simply live our lives. I don't care about house or car...I don't even drive . why should I own a car.
Elias Wei 真正的问题在中共的体制问题。把过多的资源集中于大城市，政府垄断土地，造成的房价高企，大家都买不起房，买不起房也不是什么大不了的事情，租得起也行啊，但你租也租不起。就算租的起还是没安全感，为什么，因为法律对租客，没有保护。导致在城里结婚，必须要有自己的房子，这样才有安全感。这些父母是没有错的。中共要学学德国。
Also too much traffic...it's waste of time..I say just live your life..if somebody love you for who you are.. accept them.. else don't ..👍
Am touched by you . am in china study . and am always feel pit about this that why most of chinese boy look depressed. So sad .
Yes. What's the point of having car and drive if your county already have good public transportation.
Yeh, u dont need these materialistics bitchs as wives. Live, laugh, love
Don't go see the blind date in this park. As a Chinese, we also think those people are crazy. The old people there are really crazy. In fact, most Chinese people are married according to their own ideas, but they will also consider whether the economic status is the same. Thousands of people in a city may actually participate in this kind of activity. So this is not a common phenomenon. Many people just look at it because of curiosity. Now it is really a tourist attraction for foreigners. Listening to the answers of young people is the universal concept of the Chinese.
our generational differences are insane due to the turbulent history. lots of foreigners see the opinions of the older chinese peopleand assume we all are like that.
I love the transition between the guy in red and blue saying that 'leftover women' are often too forward and demanding as the reason they can't get married, to the woman saying they are successful and have a lot to offer but just haven't met the right person.
Japan the same but once they reach a certain point, they marry a stranger randomly and date for a bit, agreed to marry each other without love to ease pressure off from their parents/friends who already married...I find this concept very strange after I asked the women I met including my cousin, "Do you love him" they responded "No" 🤦♀️ its like they are on automatic mode...no wonder why divorce are growing more and is on the increase/rise later...
I think is very common for parents to help their children to date, in Asian countries like china, Japan, Korea, India, Vietnam etc. But I think is mostly the urge of the parents not seeing their children getting married. Since those living in the city, don't really have a strong concept of marriage in general, due to the fact that most desire that u get from marriage are easily obtain. Most feeling of love and lust are usually easily obtain in modern times. love? Find a girlfriend, sex? Prostitute or girlfriend or even sex Buddy. But these causes many issues of importance of marriage, that used to carry out in many traditions . (Like carrying on our lineage by having children) with the importance of marriage and view of family weaken by modern day view, most developed countries faces decrease in population in the develop cites or as a whole.
I'm from Singapore, a lot of my friends don't want to get married and have kids, I used to think that too. But the continues decline in birth rate. Why not have get married and have kids?
Those older generation parents lived a very tough life 30, 40 years ago. I am not surprised why they think about it that way. It took a few generations to forget about poverty. Needless to say, poverty is still a big issue in China.
yep
Ikr
I think those elders are just there to meet other elderly people and compare their children's accomplishments.
I quite like how in depth this episode was, especially with Kei putting himself in the position of the leftover men/women. Keep up the good work guys~
He was smiling when he casually said he did not fit the bill
I'm a leftover woman now in my late 20s. I let my life just pass me by, not overcoming a hard family life until too late, and just now trying to achieve my goals. I can't even think of getting married yet. Ugh. And even at 29, people are already making me feel old and it's scaring me. I feel like my life just started!
Ooh dear gawd lol, woman at 29 you are still young, I am a woman 20 years older than you, people assume I am in my late 30s. I will never feel old, all in the attitude.
There are biological factors that necessitate women to marry and bear children. It's not culture or some sort of social conditioning.
Girlie, everything is going to be alright. You know what you want and what it will get to get there.
Don't let others expectations for you define your worth!
do you still single now..
29 is quite old though. Better find a Mate quick
I’m almost 40 years old, never married. My parents live with me in Australia. They said I m married when the relatives asked my married status every time they back to China. But they never forced me to get marry, they respect my decision. However, when they have to face the big group back home, they’re trying to hide something we all trying to avoid to talk.
good paretns
As a Chinese, I think these elderly people are very honest. But it doesn't represent all chinese. We younger generation don't care it so much.
Yup. One time, I met a really hot mainland Chinese man engaged to an ugly Teochew Cambodian woman. I didn't understand what happened with these two.
I always find that people often say a lot of things as expectations but they only want someone with attractive personality
Honestly, don't you think these people are somewhat delusional in their expectations? I seriously doubt the woman at 4:45 is going to find a man to give her $30,000 and a million-dollar house for her hand in marriage, considering she isn't young or attractive. Isn't it more pragmatic for her to settle for a man in the countryside, then spend her life alone?
@@sebanderson Exactly what I am thinking, I mean she keeps requiring from her future husband, what can she offer then?
@Allen Kryie No, she says her 'future husband', not her future son-in-law.
5:57…even I am Chinese myself, i have to say that these shanghai parents are sick. Money first and 90 years old is okay....wtf feel sad for their children as their parents hav no respect to them
Honestly I think their parents are the ones who make it difficult for them to find a spouse. They may have found a good person but bcs they are not as rich as the parents' expectation, it means no wedding
Money money money is all this generation talks about. They make me sick. Even my grandparents do this to us ABCs. There is hope for the young generation.
This is absolutely not my experience in over 10 years in China. All of my friends have married Chinese girls when they didn’t have houses or cars. Those Shanghainese parents don’t seem at all representative of China as a whole. Indeed I would characterise them as leftover parents - due to their pickiness.
yeah
This is really sad.....
I will take you Kei. It doesn't matter if you have no car and no house.
Haha
He's hot!
I wants to marry with Chinese girl help me..
@@zoyaprincess2746 Forget it man!
@Ra Luna...... I real life has a house house and car.... And he is probably taken already.
This is seriously brutal. I’m glad I was born in Taiwan and my parents are super chill and care about my happiness.
All these parents are the reason why their kids are single!
Omg! As long as he has good character, hard working, responsible and has life goals, that's good enough! 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Let's meet in Shanghai soon.
That is really unfair towars older women and poorer men.
Too bad they don't look at the personality... I mean, this is what makes people.
What's the point of marrying a young beautiful women if she has a bad personality, or a rich man if he has a bad one?
She can have babies.
two words: children, stability
It's a blind dating place, you can not judge personality by a paper
Drop Of The Sea Sadly we live in materialistic world where money comes first when looking for a guy and beauty and youth comes first for women. It goes back to the saying , Men like beauty and women like talent and wealth. The tradition never ends sadly. Even if you do get married at their soul called “right” age, will you be happy and set for life? Who knows?
Hubert Eichson
Youth, children or money don't guarantee happiness. That's what people in this video struggle to understand.
My Chinese parents have given up on me. I'm a 40 years old girl, not married, and no kids. I travel the world. I lived in 35+ countries and can support myself.
Marriage, kids, mortgage, job, living in one place is like a shackle on your freedom. I can sleep late and work if I want to, and go wherever I want. It is the ultimate freedom.
My aunt was stressed to the max trying to find a husband for my cousin. My cousin finally found the "perfect" man on okcupid. Tall, educated, handsome. They had kids when she was in her mid 30's.
Hi
I am 31 this year, single, and literally everyone has been asking about my wedding when I don't even have boyfriend ..except for my father, he didnt't ask anything😂. He is soo cool!
Edit : I think I spoke too soon😅
They do not want you to die alone. You daddy do not want to hurt yo feelns.
@@kevingonzalez3673 ..Everybody dies alone eventually.
@@The_torero Not true. People in plane crashes and bus accidents go together.
@@kevingonzalez3673 ...Those people could be dying alongside strangers though, and it's not that often that a whole family or spouses die at exactly the time. The majority of the time one goes before the other.
@@The_torero Suicide pact
Kei is a broken man now, so sad.
Florian M haha the part where he is listing his income for the web dating and the lady said you don’t have a car? I was gutted.
Well, the living expense in Shanghai might surpass central New York or even London within a decade.
Also, the minimum wage in China is way lower than it's neighbor countries.
So... Trying to squeeze through the wage gap is like climbing a pole with grease on it. That's why the locals are so demanding on their children's potential partner.
Well, he's into looks. So, he is superficial as well.
@@Dirty__Dan That was hilarious
@@obdiane everybody is into looks. Nothing wrong with it. Just that some people prioritize it over everything else and some don't
What I got to see is a lot of gold digger parents. They shouldn't expect to get a rich husband for their daughters in order for them to live from their son-in-law's money. Their daughters can work as well to increase the family income and have the life of luxury that they want to have so badly.
I felt kind of heartbroken for Kei at the end of the video, even when I could tell that he really wasn't looking for a girlfriend 😂
You are right
and another thing I'd add is that it's our duty to take care of our parents when they reach old age and retirement
give them respect, emotional and financial support
And due to the single child policy they will left their fortune to you. Does that sounds fair enough?
@@sunnychen5099 Just if they had enough fortunes left thou 😂🤣
hahaha i was like wtf with that woman who said: he has to make me a co-owner of his house.... get a job b*tch LOL
I see what you're saying, but to live comfortably in shanghai is very very expensive.
I was feeling goosebumps when that old chinese man was talking.
Im thanking God that he is not my father.
Personally I was feeling the strongest culture shock I've ever felt since my first trip to India back in February '92.
5:25 "Money comes first! If you have money, then you have a great personality!" Hahahaha, I love this guy!
He's not wrong tho... Sehahah we're just broken dudes. Haha
"Super Leftovers" Oh SNAP!!! That's just cruel. :(
I laughed at that label but China has labels for everything - for example they call foreigners 'laowai' , a slang term for foreigner which can be impolite usage. But so what? Labels don't stop women from being prosperous (generally China/Asia is all about $$$) or foreigners from being 'foreign'. It's just a term so ignore it.
That’s the same in my country Nepal. Young girls (20-25) are forced to marry early and get a husband Because they say if we are old we will be ugly and no one will marry us.
Thankyou for the info Asian Boss. It’s always helpful :)
WINNER Time it’s too bad. 😐
😂same thing happened to me then i married at the age of 27 now i am father of child
it happen in Asian countries I think.. I got married when I was 27 years old.. my parent pushed my every day to get married... hahaha
I really like the honesty from this old generation. At least you don't get shocked or confused after you got married.
Id like to see you deal with asian parents i bet youd last a week at most lol.
I'm a Chinese and I ask my aunt who has a daughter why many female families want(or require) the male family to have a new house for marriage, she said I raised my daughter for already 20 years and why do I SELL my daughter to a poor guy! That statement really shocks me and also pushes much pressure to those young men like me who want to establish a new family by hard working.
The interesting thing is my parent said they will prepare a part of the money for house. So you can see the housing problem is normally faced by the whole male family not only the husband. However, I still feel worried and anxious since I'm just from a middle-class family and I hope my parents can live a happier life using THEIR money. The point is I just feel it's unfair for the male family. Moreover, I kind of think marriage is just a deal in their eyes.
This is a common problem in China, I would like to know what you guys think.
Look, I'm not chinese (I'm from Morocco) but all what I can tell you, as a woman: you have millions of women around you. Go out, have good discussions here and there and look for a girl who has the same mindset as you.
Someone who can do things gradually, save together for that down payment for your apartment and not rely on your parents.
You might not look as gorgeous as Lai Yi lol and she might not be as beautiful as Dilraba or Yang Mi but if there's mutual attraction, it will work best because you have common goals. You can also be more open into dating either older or younger women.
So loosen some of your requirements and focus on the most important thing: a minimum of mutual attraction (she's gonna be your wife, not your platonic best friend lol) and a maximum of common vision.
Good luck.
This is common problem in Asian culture, especially those with chinese blood. Mind you chinese is everywhere, not only in China.
"Your house is more important than your existence"
LOL the Chinese taking materialism to a whole new level :D
Damn, that Chinese man made my pretty traditional Chinese parents look like nothing
They ain't wrong.
our generational differences are insane due to the turbulent history. lots of foreigners see the opinions of the older chinese peopleand assume we all are like that.
@@kevinzhu6417 Very true. No two people are alike.
Yup.....I agree
Don't sigh like that, its a good thing you can't be a husband material there. You are definitely in demand elsewhere without materialistic needs
Mochi like where?
@@Billywong in France ma dude xD
Totally and there is a reason why people are miserable lives there. It's a negative feedback loop
"We don't care about love, we care about the qualifications."
This mindset is really not good. As I believe marriage is for two people who love each other for better or for worse. Argh nvm 😧
I think most women would leave husband if life is very poor or tough.
I wants to marry with Chinese girl help me..
It's the latter that is worst
I think nowadays it's better to marry someone with good, stable job and a salary that can support a family, otherwise once you both became hungry, fightings will start and the love will go away,not only in China but anywhere.
I’ve been married for 38 years, had 4 successful daughters. When we got married, I have nothing totally nothing, but I love my wife and she loves me so much. Through the years LOVE makes our relationship stronger and become a driving force to pursue our goals and to make our dream come true. Respect and love became the foundation of our children making them a better person as they grew old. My experiential theology is this
The greatest need of a man is to love and be loved not money.
Those family members are legit gold diggers.
Danny Orange imao
You are being too judgmental. All parents want the best for their children. There is nothing wrong with having high material standards and wanting your child to live the most comfortable life. If the child chooses struggle love than that their choice to make and it would be wrong for the parent to get in their way. I myself am pragmatic person marriage is about building a life together if you can not build a future with me that is financially sound than no I can not marry you. Money can not buy happiness but financial problems break-up marriages
But those families are pretty rich themselves....
@Yeshua is Lord. I don't see anything wrong with their statement. I live in the west and finance is a huge reason why people break up.
And what's wrong with parents wanting the best? BTW, in this video, they had expectations from both gender
Lol! It is called being PRACTICAL! Mind over heart. Future over present, choosy than being sorry. :))
chinese parents: we want son son son! no daughter daughter daughter!
20 years later: why are there no perfect girl for my precious boy
lol the male/female ratio in china is so disporportionate.
05:59, you can see in huge cities like Shanghai, the ratio of women to men is 90% girl to 10% boy. there are way more women than men...
I wants to marry with Chinese girl help me..
I love the guy that says if you have money, you have personality. He’s so opinionated on the subject! It’s awesome!
doesnt make any sense cause there's a higher male to female ratio in the country so there should be no "leftover" but maybe cause their too picky about status and money 👀I've seen interviews of these leftover men, and they say their girlfriends left them for an oppurtunity to chase higher class men in the city. in that case, that's their fault. the culture is too materialistic, you can't get everything you want in life.
Koala Rizo they did said money is the first thing to get soo if u have money u have big opportunity
Thats what I was thinking !! There are more men so???HOw??? when?...I need a specialized sociologist, but your remark is on point.
Koala Rizo The entire population of China doesn’t live in the same neigbourhood. Villages have more men than women and big cities have a more equal amount, so if that’s added up, you have more men than women in the entire country
Koala Rizo I totally agree that they are too traditional and materialistic. Hope they get more modern and open or else their sons and daughters and later generations will have problems finding a mate. Also marriage is not a guarantee for happiness.
PaUl cHea Very well says sadly, they are materialistic!
Not all women or men want to get married and that is ok. There are so many advantages of being single.
Maricris R. Exactly it's not everybody's life goal I don't think they should be judged for it.
Nae West It is so funny to me when I hear some people say during weddings "you complete me" You should already be a complete person before marriage.
Remember, you're looking through a western point of view. In *China* family is everything
short chubby neckbeard I'm Filipino and in the Philippines family is everything as well.
Maricris R. very true as marriage and kids does not guarantee happiness or anything. Being single has many advantages too.
Even though you don't have a car or a property, you are still the hero for us who gives us information about stuff and also you are a large hearted person💗
No wonder the divorce rate is so high, my goodness marketing your own child like they are a piece of property!!!
They should be ashamed
Somehow better than India’s arranged marriage. At least parents won’t oppose love marriage here today. You won’t get killed for marrying someone your parents don’t like
Yeah it sure is better. But they do oppose love marriages if the guy is considered poor, or the girl not up to their standards.
Junic Lee I mean, not opposing like killing...But some are still giving a very hard time...
@@juniclee3511 but you can not kill a guy because he is poor
And that
I thought the West was materialistic, damn...
bilajoin the east is realistic. 现实主义是这样说的吗？
Duan Lei
应该是Pragmatic.
bilajoin: As an Asian, I'm pretty sure that the Westerns are more sensible.
Yenny Kartika That's hard to imagine for me :p
@@FoodforThought12345678dsds professional troll has appeared, ignore this guy, dude only says huge claims that can represent all 1.4B people in China, you can't even say that for the 300M people in America, so how can you for China.
That's messed up that all the pressure is on the woman. What are men called over 30 when they're not married? I also wanted to add not everybody is mature enough or ready to be married and have children in her 20s
Nae West left over men
Nae West it's there they are "golden bachelors"
It's messed up to call women that. But it's worse for men in China because millions will be without a spouse. At least for women, they got thr pick of thr litter.
Bakkasur how ridiculous
Lin Xu why is that they are just as desirable as the women
I lived there for three years so I had this conversation daily, yet most young people completely disagree with it. Getting rid of crazy social norms is very difficult.
That society is toxic, what a horrible way of thinking!!
I am Chinese American. I would say I am largely influenced with western values but my parents (mom in particular) is still very conservative Chinese. Here are some of the backwards beliefs that drives me nuts: Money is everything. People worry how others see you. Chinese people don't actually like brand name luxury items. They just want to show off so other people do not look down on them. If you have money, people will say your fart smells good even when it is not.
A man is supposed to go to college and get a good and stable job while a woman isn't expected to do much except maybe look pretty. A man is also supposed to be tall while short stature is okay for a woman. The oldest son inherits the parents' house/fortune. A man is supposed to be 大方 which translates to being generous, not being stingy, no taking hurtful words personally, etc.
Quite hard to understand this culture as a Nordic person, honestly
@@vertie2090 Stems from the idea of survival, if your family can survive war and disasters and is rich and powerful, then it is a good family. Its a mix of past wars, poverty and social upheaval in China that causes people to have low standards for love (because its unachievable in desparate times) but high standards for material goods and power. Afterwards it becomes so ingrained that you get used to it. As well, it also carries influences from Confucian and traditional Chinese philosophies where man needs to be the breadwinner and achieve a good standing and wealth within his community through hard work while women are to be good wives. My great grandma's past husband died and she married a poor and stupid farmer who made her life hell and for my grandma too. All my grandparents except for my maternal grandma passed away from disease and likely hunger when my parents were 9 to 18 and they had to learn to fend for themselves. Likewise, most of these old folks grew up in a time when hunger actually killed you so they grew up pursuing money and wealth.
@@kaziboy264 yes, I'm sure it's pretty much exactly as you put it. This is my image as well. Just feels so alien compared to my own culture where you're seen as a good person when you contribute heavily to the community (and now even the world) instead of amassing wealth to yourself
@@vertie2090 Yea I understand, I just hope in the future more Chinese people contribute to their community and to charity too. People in China are too used to only thinking about themselves that these concepts almost seem foreign to them.
Eh, different societies, different beliefs. Honestly, I don't care much about it, but eh.
All the Shanghainese women I have encountered are pretty money driven and materialistic. I just cant make friends with them.
Yani Wang men are money driven and materialistic too. It's just that women get bashed for having the same ambitions as men.
Japanese girls are where it's at. Not all about the money and want to be loved by a good guy.
Yani Wang They want “FACE, FACE and more FACE!
@@ab6ixblindforloveismyultja641 true
How about the looks?
Doesnt matter. He can be 90 years old for all I care
This video cracked me up xD
My heart cried for Kei. He seemed so devastated in most of the interview. Since the pandemic, there had been high number of divorces. Watching this video shows us why. Money was the only factor in marriage and not any other qualities.
Lmao that one woman who was like “my husband need a house, high salary, and makes me co own the house”. She’s a leftover woman for sure 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Yong Geun Song she's a "super leftover"
She's referring to her husband's daughter, no?
She's being hypothetical.
Misunderstanding,she is just one vampire
@@lionessprowess3581I thought she was talking about her daughter, but definitely not herself-makes it even funnier as she sees the potential son in law as hers
Those parents on the market consider their children to be a tool to enable them a good retirement life.
Therefore it is all just about money in China!
This should have been mentioned. Also, most of the woman are just totally pissed of by their parents giving them so much pressure.
@toom2141 Hey, buddy, don't say like this 'Therefore it is all just about money in China!', okay? How should a handful of persons can represent China?
You are mileading the foreigners who donnot know what is really happening in china.👎.
So what is really happening in China?
+toom2141
An enlightening comment, I did not consider elderly care in my view. Thanks so much!
Luke Wang True but I think some of us have noticed a trend. The guys want youth and beauty while the girls want money.
Of course not everyone is like that but that is common theme that I have noticed.
Why would someone worth at least 700k come there...... dreaming
i can tell it is not dreaming , kinda normal for local shanghainese!! Not everyone, but a lot!
It is not dreaming, as a Chinese, I can responsibly tell you that 700k is normal in Shanghai
You'll be surprised how rich Chinese are. 700K is just the price of a decent apartment in Shanghai.
I wouldn't be looking for a girlfriend if I was worth that much. I'll buy the apartment in Shanghai, use the passive income for my own expense. Why would I want a wife? To wait for her to divorce me and take half my assets? Crazy.
@@bryanleong5939 best comment so far.
Kei: I guess I'm not a husband material here... (very deep sigh) hahaha
I have a Chinese friend who is in the midst 20 and he really was like under pressure for starting to work earning money and etc. He even was shocked when I told him that I don't look at any properties or money. If I liked the guy and liked me back would be totally enough for me because you can work on it together to make a successful life
Maram Sholeh maybe we should talk lol. Just a bit of a joke but unfortunately there is a prevailing attitude in many cultures now that wealth, property, assets, etc, are the deciding factor for women looking for men. I do somewhat understand why but I feel what is the use of all that if the guy is a jerk or emotionally immature?
enigmaticmisfit i have middle eastern background and they are almost like Chinese when it comes to this topic. So that's why i am strongly against it when someone involves money in a relationship to make it a main factor. Like you have said what will happen if he/she is a f*** jerk??? Live with the partner or decided to divorce both are stupid and negative
Maram Sholeh exactly get a good one in the first place
"Is that a lot?"
"no" dead cold lol
“ you can’t have kids if you’re 35” I was born when my mom was 40 and she still that youthful
I wants to marry with Chinese girl help me..
When I see things like this it makes me so glad to be a western woman. I was very, very career oriented when I was younger, and before that had my misspent youth lol. I got married the first time (and last) at 39 years old to a younger man I met in Korea. It's a bit unusual maybe in some ways but it makes me happy and no one else judges too much. I am free 😊
I wants to marry with Chinese girl help me..
Zoya Princess hi there I don't have any spare Chinese girls to introduce you to lol. I would say join an online dating site. I met my husband on Korean Cupid, maybe there is a Chinese Cupid website?
The disparity between the younger generation, who want to date for love, and the older generation, who want their kids to date for profit, is huge. There's a saying in China that you have to be careful of who you're marrying because marriage isn't just a union of two people, it's a union between two families, and that includes the parents on both sides.
I've seen a lot of relationships fall apart not because the couple no longer love each other, but because the parents on one or both sides don't approve of their spouse.
Hey Kei, you look good with long hair, it suits you.
I'm a true born shanghainese. Unfortunately I see this hasn't changed, and even gotten worse. This kind of transactional marriage was already typical in late 2000s, girls side demanding a house, a car, a huge amount of cash for her family. Thank God I was one of the more fortunate Shanghainese who was able to study abroad. Met my wife, a fellow chinese student and a classmate in graduate school, fell in love like normal people, without preconditions or demands. We both hated the high pressure and money driven marriage system in China, got married in the US and immigrated. True love, it's the best thing in life.
this is so sad and quite disgusting to hear a lot of parents ask money for their daughters....it is not married things, it is like buy-sell in the stall market.
"What about looks?"
"Who cares? For all i care he can be 90 years old!" hahaha
Hahaha
The last part it's sad...
Guille LC😂
RIP Kei
I am very sure he is extreme sarcastic xD
I also think Kei was being sarcastic about his qualifications too. I laughed when he said he wanted someone good looking like a model yet he doesn't have a good salary and properties. I think he's looking for reactions from the old people as to point out the purpose of this video.
what a woman really wants is someone to treat her well even when no one else is around.
what a man really wants is someone to treat him well even when no one else is around.
I started laughing like crazy when they started to fill his application and the girl double checks his answers. So cool, thanks for trying something fun there!
“Who cares about looks or personnality ?” 😂
Racha AZZOUZI that's kinda hurt
That's because most men there have neither .
Why is that so bad? Some people are simply ugly, at least you can make money through hard work.
Racha AZZOUZI haha
@Yeshua is Lord. Probably because looks fade and personalities change. The girl/guy you marry today will have different opinions or personalities 10 years later.
I want to say shanghai does not represent China. After watching it completely, I felt the parents being interviewed are more materialistic than I imagined. These are broken minds and short sighted.
"You can't have Kids After you are 35"
My Parents give birth to me at the age of 40 and 33.
Me - God, I'm a leftover baby!
35 and 40 I must be super leftover baby
46 and 42 so i think im just expired
HAHAHHA NEAR EXP DATE BABY
From watching all these Asian boss episodes I really feel like its so hard to live in these countries esp China. There's so much pressure to be perfect in every inhuman way possible.
I couldn't stop laughing at the old man's comments at 05:26: 《钱就是第一位。有钱了，性格也好了！
你没有这个房子没有这个收入。。。No － 不行！》 我想问一下，这位老头姓钱吗？
He's so entertaining. He should have his own RUclips channel.
你把视频看完整了，他是在讽刺
Is this information true? So Chinese people don't get married for love but for money or economic stability?
Of course not lol. Most of these videos are narrowly focused on a few particular groups to provide entertainment. What you see here are the narrow perceptions of the uneducated lower classes of China trying to live in a financially demanding city like Shanghai (esp. that old man going on about personality & coin etc lol). Most parents in China aren't like that in the video. And many young Chinese with a qualification can provide for themselves and don't rely on their parents; they find their own partners and live their own lives with their own circle of interest.
For some family (i.e. parents), this is true.
I volunteer as your future wife, Kei. Sometimes I squat when I pick up something I dropped off the floor. I am also poor. I speak English. Could pass as a model with Photoshop. 10/10 would marry.
I find this comment super funny.
But this must be a fake offer, because your name is Alex Jones, host of Infowars, the master of fake news. Haha.
Hahhaha this made me laugh out loud in reality 😆
Lol
I'll marry you instead. I am very handsome btw.😊
I am shamed of such marriage value
Qian Chen 绝对赞同你的观点。让老外也见识见识咱们天朝子民的婚姻观！其实这种扭曲的婚姻观也是从中国这个急功近利，金钱至上的变态老母鸡肚子里生下来的一个怪胎蛋。
我是男的但我也同意他们家长的想法，车有没有倒是不重要，房子现在没有未来也不一定会有房子，基本上就是失业就等于没地方住。更别说生孩子养孩子了，根本就养不起，在上海不现实点根本就活不下去。西方的价值观很乖，很多孩子很多都是单亲家庭长大，在学校不好好学习，出来危害社会，我家房客就结婚离婚很多回，孩子父亲根本就不负责任，孩子一堆又是单亲妈妈，你不信去读读经济学人的一篇文章就是关于这个的，你觉得西方这种价值观是好的？我觉得西方这种方式才有问题。贫困夫妻百事哀，古代就这么认为，你觉得现代人逃的了这个命运？
这里面的父母其实没有错的。在上海这种地方，你想结婚，如果没有房子的话，那简直就是一场灾难。老外他们没有这方面的考量的话，是因为，人家的，土地是一辈子的，而且房子不贵，租房往住比买房更是一个好的选择。你比如说德国，德国人就不愿意买房，他们都租房，为什么，人家租房有安全感，而且还自由。中国租房，是很变态，你随时被房东要求涨价，或者被赶出去。德国的立法，对租客保护很严格，房子质量也都很好，那问题来了，你为什么一定要买个房？所以说这还是体制问题。
Luckily my family never rush me to getting married or having a boyfriend even I now at 31 years old. 🤭 Kei San, don't worry. You are not alone. 😉
“I don’t have much”. Thanks man you made my day
This is like a bid. Who choose the better option.
"Your house is more important than your existence!"
Ouch...
Because the housing price in Shanghai is too high... The average house in the city is close to $20,000 a square meter, while an apartment is about 90 square meters, so being able to own a house in Shanghai is really a sign of financial strength.
I'm a Chinese ethnicity in Shenzhen and I have a girlfriend at the age of 32. We haven't married yet, but we have a daughter.
"we don't care about love" - how depressing
Same in India. People marry for practical reasons and later fall in love once they marry and stay together
I'd honestly never marry someone that I'm not in love with and that isn't actually in love with me. I'd be sick of it. Though I understand some marriages just happen for practical reasons.
@@thestruggler7926 in India 98 percent r for practical reasons. Only post marriage they fall in love.
I hate this too
their standards are way too high
c h r i s s y Not only high but bad and unrealistic too.
for the time being, but once they see aging, that standard will drop pretty fast, lol ;)
too high .. and also they forget about their own standart !!! if you really want to married with someone who got those standart , you need to increase your standart , like same degrees as your preference standart ...
So thankful to be born in the West...
I'm not thankful to be born in the states at all. Nobody's fun around here...
@Ahman Ahm ??? Yeah, I don't really like uptight people?
Moon Bonamour In a way, you're lucky. It's easier to make money in the west and it's easy to live a good life.
Leftover women situation is only in china like that,
not all east asian countries!!!!
It is generel for women cruel, harsh, sexist world,
sexual abbuse, women trafficking, rape, must born babys, work, educate, work like maid,left over women bla bla etc etc
@@suntree4755 Only the status of women in China is better.
In Korea, if you are 29yo woman and getting marry someone, her friends would say "why do you marry so early, are you pragnant?" People usually think proper age for marriage would be around 31~35 but up to 40, there are not much problem.(for man up to 45 i guess) i am 37 yo and nobody around me think that i am a leftover or need to hurry.
Although in America we marry without a matchmaker or parent’s choice, there are still some similarities. Rich men want beautiful young girls. Rich Women want rich men. The middle class does tend to expect a house and 2 cars. We often marry someone with the same level of education. If you are poor and didn’t finish high school you will marry another person like yourself. We also secretly tend to prefer a partner taller than us. We prefer someone roughly as attractive. Broadly speaking while you absolutely may marry anyone, we tend to marry in our own groups. Of course if you are Gorgeous, or Brilliant or Talented you have an edge. We are a little more progressive, but only by maybe 1 or 2 generations. While parents all say they just want their child to be happy, I have seen them breathe a sigh of relief when they love the choice their child brings home.
Well I guess that new law that allows parents to force their children to visit them once a year makes more sense now....
I wouldn't want to stay near those factor of pressure
How the f do they enforce a law like that? With hundreds of millions of ppl...
its ok kei we love you
I am Chinese, and I asked my mom about this.
My mom told me, that its not that the are materialistic its more that they are trying to find a man that is stable enough and able to raise a family. In Chinese culture, a lot (not all of course) after kids, would not divorce (unless in extreme circumstances). This is because they want their kids to grow up with a mom and dad. They want to find someone who is stable because obviously you would want your kids to grow up in a good environment. My mom, when I find a man, my mom would look more closer then I will.
Example of what she would look for: “Does he have responsibility?”
Because my mom thinks that one mistake can ruin the rest of my life.
Man: "If you're 35, you're too old to have babies."
Meanwhile my mum gave birth to me when she was 38. Fun fact, she gave birth to my eldest and only sibling when she was 36. So, how about that?
right?? I'm an oopsie baby and my mom had me when she was 40! My youngest sibling is almost a decade older than me lmao. I've got a cousin who became a first time mom at 45 without any complications. Meanwhile one of my friends from college is desperate to become a mom and she's on her fourth try at only 24 😭 Age has very little factor in it anymore aside from complications and medical advancements have made even that a nonissue.
So let's say I am a good looking man in my 30s-40s, earn 10.000USD per month, own a house and a car. WHY would I want to even consider marrying one of those "bargains"? I mean, if it all comes down to money and property, I should be looking at something similar with some kind of investment in mind. That video speaks volumes about certain people.
I don't like the idea of that market or whatever it is bcz marriages are becoming trades more than bonds and all of them cate about money way too much !
That's China lol
Wild and kind of turns marriage into a mandatory chore
That's just the older generation's opinions. More and more young people wouldn't think like that. Older generations are the most materialistic people in China.
sorry to break it for ya but marriage has been about trade everywhere since its invention on the dawn of civilization... the concept that marriage is about love is a very recent one in history
seonni yes but recent or not it's better if marriage if basically built on love (im not saying they should live a fairytale but at least they have to be the ones who really chose their partners and bear the consequences and therefore have experience and love stories have exsisted from the very begg of history )
"Your house is more important than your existance!!"🤣🤣🤣🤣
I love how they initially talked about a hate bias towards women, then some of the women looking for husbands had insane standards.