My dad was dying of cancer at the age of 57. At the time I was in Texas and he was in Toledo, Ohio. I got the call from my stepmother that he was not doing well so I dropped everything and drove the 12 hundred miles to go see him before he died. He was in a coma when I got there and I sat down by him on the bed, gave him a hug, and told him I loved him. He opened his eyes and turned his face towards me and looked right at me. He didn't say anything but his face showed awareness and then he closed his eyes again and went back into the coma. A few hours later he died. I am convinced that my dad waited for me to get there before he died.
Yes, my Grandmother at 92. She called her children (my dad and aunts and uncles), all of which talked or saw her almost everyday. She called each of them during the day and said she was "my cansada" (tired in spanish) and she was going home to Jesus. They all told her, "no mom, you're not going anywhere, you're healthy, etc." She got dressed, put on makeup, grabbed her purse and sat on the couch...which is how they found her. It was beautiful....God is good!
My sister did that about 2 years ago. She’d lost her mobility and freedom due to congestive heart failure and other health problems. Her husband died about 10 months previously. She had care givers and was managing but the doctor said her heart would probably give out within the year. She called me and my brother on a Friday night and told us she was going to die that weekend. She also told her caregivers. She said she’d had enough of the struggle and was going to be with John, her husband. Saturday night the hospice nurse called me to say she was actively dying. I couldn’t believe it. When I’d talked to her I thought she was just depressed and tired like she mostly was then but wasn’t having any signs of getting bad enough to pass away. She passed away at 3:00 am that Sunday morning. Finally pain free, with John, and at peace.
My mom, who had late stage multiple myeloma, and my sister planned a getaway weekend at this cabin and my mom decided she would like all her children and their spouses there. We went to this cabin with expectations of spending time relaxing, having some fun and getting some quality time together. My mom had a different idea. She watched all of us as we played this trivia game and then asked me to help her get into her nightgown. We had made the sofa up for her because all the beds were too high for her. She sat on the side of the sofa, looking at all of us and then said, "I love you all." whereupon she started gasping for air and became non-responsive. My sister-in-law put her oxygen on but two minutes later, she closed her eyes and was gone. She had a DNR, so when I went into resuscitation mode and tried to move her to the floor for CPR, my sister stopped me. I'm sure my mom knew when, where and how this would play out with us kids. God, I miss her.
Hi Julie, so here's my story. My father died suddenly at 58 from a massive heart attack. He had been sick a few months earlier with a mild bone disorder, which was not terminal. He appeared to be better and on the mend and was up and about. I visited, we talked, he joked and carried on like life was good. And then he got very serious and said something like this. My days in this world are short, and I want you to promise me that you will help take care of your mother when I'm gone. I replied that he shouldn't talk like that and that I felt he had many years remaining, especially since he was now on the mend. He died about 21 days later. So my question is, do some of us have a sense of when we are going to die? Thank you. And by the way, I think your YT shorts and videos are awesome. You've educated me on a topic many of us need to learn more about.
Yes - I've experienced MANY of these experiences. HOWEVER NOT as a HERO hospice worker. As a 1st responder 3rd generation. THANK YOU for putting yrself out here. HOSPICE WORKERS ARE REAL HEROS
My Dad was suffering from a cancer called angiosarcoma… he was in remission from a Different cancer for 9 years. When diagnosed, the doctors gave a prognosis of 2 to 6 months…two weeks before Thanksgiving he told us he had 2 weeks., 2 days before Thanksgiving he said he only had 2 days. We poo-pooed it saying there was no way he could Absolutely know, he passed away that Thanksgiving
I have had a patient say well it was a pleasure knowing you. I said hun well I will see you tomorrow. She said no my husband is here. I said to her it's ok and proceeded with her Haldol. Her husband died one year prior. She said love you and thank you for caring for me. I thought her Lewy Body was active. She passed away when I left the room to assist her daughter with medication check. She knew he was there to take her home. I am so grateful for the time l had with her and her family.
My brother had many strokes and heart attacks and was placed in a nursing home. I could not get to be there as I do not drive and he lived like a four hour drive from me. His son kept me informed of his progress. I get a call from the son telling me to come we are losing him. I managed to get a drive from a friend spent three hours with him he at this point was bed ridden not able to talk or anything. When i had to go I kissed him and told him it is ok to go.. I told his son my nephew call me but lets pray he goes peacefully. When i kissed him goodbye i seen a tear falling down his cheek/ His son called me early Tuesday morning that he passed away. I was there on the Sunday. I think that lonely tear was acknowledging that he knew I was there and he felt he could now leave peacefully. I believe he was waiting to see me before leaving this world. Thanks for the videos teaching about death.
My mother had many very painful health issues. Her last yr was particularly painful. Nothing immediately terminal, but multiple issues at once. One day she was taken to the hospital for one of her issues and I met her in the ER. She told me "I am done, I am going to pass this weekend". My brother didnt believe, but i did. I stayed with her in the hospital the entire weekend. She was still with us Monday morning and she woke up MAD she was still here. She did pass that evening.
I like your work. I was a hospice nurse for about 18 years. I think I was affective in all the hospice work I did. I did most my hospice work in Oregon where Physician Assisted Suicide was just legal. My experience is that I came on to the scene with only two patients who want to go that route, but in both cases when they realized that their physical symptoms could be managed and they were comfortable and when they understood they would be cared for by caregivers that chose to do that kind of work and that they would not become a burden, they forgot they had initially wanted to end their lives and just continued a natural peaceful death. I believe an educated nurse in pain management and symptom control who spends enough time educating the patient can resolve the need for suicide. I do however believe everyone should have the option. I think many hospice patients do not get the help they should have and do need.
My mother and father were married for 68 yrs. My mother died very soon after finding out she had cancer. My father, who wasn't at the best of health had no "real issues" except being old asked hospice to stay on for him, which they did. After a month he said that he wasn't going to be here at Christmas time (of course had everything prepared) but just wanted a few extra things done for the grandchildren. Just 5 months after my mom died my dad died at the end of November. It's hard to comprehend someone seeing that they are dying. And no he didn't do anything to cause it. He just didn't want to live without my mom. Now they are together.
yes, my grandmother had a series of small strokes but the last one left her without speech. i was with her in the hospital after dinner and kissed her cheek and said i would see her tomorrow and she shook her head no and then with one finger pointed up, and i said oh are you going to heaven tonight? and she nodded yes, and i said well on the off chance God doesn't want you yet, i will stop by in the morning. and she died about 5am. to this day i smile thinking that she was always a woman who got her way even until the last. :)
My father slept most of the time at the end of his life. He had colon cancer that was cured but went to liver then spidered. He woke up very energetic one morning. . He asked to see my friend Maggie who came and helped my Mom and I take care of him every day . We also had a Hospice nurse who came to my home. He actually woke up when my Mom , my Aunt Sue and I were trying to put a hospital bed together that we bought. He laughed at us and said we were wasting our time. I called my friend Maggie at work then she left work to come see my dad. She worked at an assisted living home so she had warned me of all the things that could happen. My mom was excited but I knew what the second wind meant. I put a smile on my face for them. We had the best day with my dad. He kept thanking us and telling us how much he loved us. How much he appreciated us. His nurse came by and she sat by his side a, he took her hand and thanked her for helping us . Then he asked her to help us "tomorrow " . She wiped away the tears and said she promised. My mother asked why all the tears, this was a happy day. We ate lunch sitting around him, laughing and talking. He said he was going to sleep and he would see us again. He did whisper a few numbers to me. "6 then 9, happy double dozen" . I said "alright? I guess I will understand that some day. He replied " Just love those numbers". My Dad passed away that evening in his sleep. Meaning behind Numbers of love, I have 6 biochildren and three step children. 6 then 9. This December I am going on Grandchildren 19 and 20 so I figure I have 4 more coming! I love them all so much! I was only 18 years old. I still miss my dad like crazy.
A friend helped me get a job working in the kitchen of a hospital. Eventually to meet my goals I transferred to a position as a nurse's aide on a med surgical oncology floor. We also took care of any hospice patients for that hospital. I learned so much from nurses like you that allowed me to excel and finish nursing school. I've had many experiences like this and I think the world is better with people like us that can make that transition easier. I now work as a nurse practitioner on a hospice team for inpatient and outpatient services.
yes my grandpa health super active at 96 one month prior to his death was showing signs of being a bit tierd than the normal. doctors checked him ran test on him . all came out just find. one evening, he was laying in the couch and his nurse sitting on a chair infornt of him conversating. my grandpa was giving thanks, happy relaxed with the nurse and the nurse watched him take his last breath. He was completly healthy no pre existing conditions. it was just time
My mother used to tell a story where her grandmother was dying at home (~1974). She stopped breathing. The family called 911 and my deceased great-grandmother was revived in a few minutes. Once awake, my great-grandmother was angry. Saying, “Why did you wake me up? I was in a beautiful place”…. Days later she died. Do you have any other stories of people who were revived and awoke angry or disappointed because they were at peace, and were revived?
Hi! I know you were specifically asking OP but I myself as an RN who works on a rather high acuity ward (and hence see my own fair share of deaths/dying) /have/ had a similar case were a patient was revived by family in the community and was terribly grumpy when she came on to ward (if I remember correctly she left into rest home care so the story varies in that aspect) that she had been put through "the trauma" (her words) of being bought back to life, and back into pain from having been what she described as "weightless in soul", she talked more about it but its rather complex and difficult to articulate without remembering her exact words and unfortunately those are the only direct quotes that stuck with me apparently.
My mother was an RN and a lady on her floor at the hospital coded "heart stopped" and the Nurses all worked on her and brought her back. The lady yelled at them. She was with her husband in heaven and didn't want to leave him. Next day, she died
My grandma chose her death day, it was my dads birthday feb 20 and she talked to him the 3days before before and said oh your birthday is in a few days and sounded really sad and let down about, she talked to him on his birthday and then passed away the 22nd...she waited until past her son's birthday to go. She knew she was going. She saw her mother and other siblings on the other side in the weeks prior. She had stopped eating. All of this is true. She sacrificed until her dying day for her kids. Selfless loving woman she was.
I'm a caregiver. I once had a lady for 4 years. I worked 24 hours shifts. Two other ladies split alternate days and weekends. On May 8th 2014 as I was leaving, she asked could I stay a longer. I had plans and told her I would see her the next day. She told me and the relief sitter that she had really enjoyed all of her "girls". The sitter cooked her favorite meal for lunch. At 8:30pm she died in her sleep. She my was 91. I think she knew it was her time. 🥲
When I was working on the acute floor of a geriatric ward there were times when a patient would see another patient come in their room and talk to them. Or we staff would see a non mobile patient walk down a Hall or room. Then we would check on the patient to find them deceased.
Thank you for your channel. I did 2 days in Hospice for nursing school and then years later was able to care for my mom for the 3 days that she had hospice. Her fight to live had exhausted her. They were my teachers in letting go. No longer a nurse due to health, I was again able to assist in my cousin's passing on hospice in June. In Home caregivers need that shoulder and reassurance, Thank you for what you do and also the importance of your channel to guide and remove the stigmas of Death. Forever following you!
OMG I have to stop watching your posts, they just make me cry. I'm so glad that wonderful people like you, wonderful nurses like you are there to help people navigate a difficult time. Recently I lost my best friend to cancer, he was mush older than me and it was all a shock. But I was able to be with him when he took his last breath and it was both sad but beautiful. I'm 2 years into my nursing degree (but COVID stuffed that up) LOL and in my 40's. You really inspire me. and you remind me what a honour it is to be with and care for someone who is dying. Please value what you do,
A month before my mom passed away, she started packing up her bedroom. She kept saying she was going to take a trip, when we asked where, she said she wasn't sure, but felt the need to pack. A month later she died of a cerebral aneurysm in her sleep.
When I worked at the nursing home in the 80's there was a couple that lived there together and I found out the husband was just living there because his wife had to be there. She was basically bedridden and had dementia and he was so full of pep and very fit and so jovial. He walked daily and went out quite a bit with family. His wife died and he moved onto my wing in a single room....still walked daily, went out with family, still smiling and jovial but missed his wife dearly. I went into his room one night to see if he needed anything before bed. He didn't need anything but thanked me for being so kind to him and told me I was always so cheerful and had a great attitude about life and he could tell I truly cared for the people who lived there...he then said..." I'm going home tonight to be with my " Margret " I'll be a happy man when that happens!!" ...I thought he was joking and I said I'll see you tomorrow, have a great sleep and sweet dreams ❤️...I did mention it to the nurse and she said " you never know, a lot of times they do choose when to go !!" And I was like...but he's the healthiest guy in here...he doesn't even belong in a nursing home!! ....I came to work the next day and they said he had passed in his sleep.....he was right...he knew it was gonna be that night.....
Thank you for this video. My Mother lives with us and she has been feeling tired and has some health issues. It hurts to see her struggle sometimes daily, she puts a smile always, but I know . We talk about everything and I said to her when she is ready, she can choose to go to God. She feels comfort in knowing this. … In the end we want our Loved ones to feel total comfort and Happy. Btw.. we are not religious. But SPIRITUAL. We know we are here as beings on Mother earth on a temporary mission to learn lessons and then go back to God, our TRUE Home. Blessings to all ✨🙏🏽🪶
There is only heaven and hell in the afterlife. The only path to heaven is to accept Jesus Christ's sacrifice on a cross. His blood cleanses our sin, for those who accept this supernatural act of love. Heaven is pure and no evil lives there. This is why we need to accept Jesus' gift so we become pure to enter the Kingdom of Father God. Hallelujah to the Lamb of God!
@@juliekongs4856 Thank you Julie 🙏🏽 Our Parents and Elders are to be cherished. Especially in this time where they are tired and longing for Home. ✨ Blessings to you.
I think that essentially just happened with my father. He was tired and not happy anymore. He was fine Thursday when I left to go out of town for work and I got a call Monday evening that his death was eminent and I should come back if at all possible. He didn’t have a heart attack, stroke, or any other of the usual reasons for death. I think he was just tired of living. He always said, “You have to leave the party while you’re still having fun.” He was rapidly losing his independence and ability to care for himself on his own. Being fiercely independent, it did not sit well with him to have to depend on other people for the necessities of life. I got back in town late Monday night, went to see him yesterday (Tuesday), and he passed several hours after I got there. It was a shock that it happened so quickly, but I’m glad it was quick and relatively painless for him.
My dearest friend's Mom requested and received euthanasia. I met this lady and her daughter who is like I said above is now my dearest friend because I volunteered in a Long Term Care Facility. Her Mom was in so much pain and was never going to get better only worse. I'm so thankful that euthanasia is available where I live. No one should have to live and die in such horrible pain should they choose not to.
You are an amazing person! I started watching your channel yesterday and already I have learned so much... Your patients should feel privileged to have you involved in their final care...I know I would be..Thanks for all you do...
My sister waited for me to come see her and say good bye when she was dying. I thought for sure she would go when I was in the room with her. I asked the hospice nurse if I should stay with her and the nurse said you never know how long they will hang on. I had a plane to catch to go back home so I kissed her and told her I would see her again in heaven and that I loved her very much. I left the room and my husband was waiting for me outside. I got in the car and we stopped to get dinner before going on to the airport. We got the call that she passed. I know without a shadow of a doubt she waited for me before passing
That happened with my brother. He had been sick (cancer) for two years, some days worse than others. But on this day, he said to our mum, 'I'm really tired. Today will be a good day to go.' And true to his word, he died that afternoon 😢
this is probably the best way to go. people who are at the end of their lives...they know, whether you believe them or not. I've seen it in my time as a nurse and a psw. this story and the music were perfect to end my night on. thank you nurse Julie for making death and dying a natural part of our lives and talking so openly about the signs so people know what to look for
We had a similar experience with my uncle. He was in ok health but getting on in years. He was almost 70 but overall was fairly healthy for a man that age. He woke up in the morning and turned to my aunt with a smile on his face, and said, Leona, today is my day! My aunt said what do you mean by that? He said today is my day to go home to God. She just sluffed it off as him being "silly" as she described it. He got up, had breakfast, and then went outside to do his favorite thing...cutting the grass on his riding lawn tractor. He came in after finishing around lunchtime. He had his lunch and then went to his chair in the living room to watch some TV and have a nap. He never woke up from his nap. He had a massive heart attack right there in his chair. He knew. Somehow, some way, he knew it was his time. That was almost 40 years ago and it still sticks with me to this day...as I approach the inevitable myself. I hope I can call my own death too. I`ll feel like at least I have some say and control over how and when I go.
In 27yrs of nursing I have seen this kind of thing far too many times to believe that people never have a choice in when they die, although clearly this isn't always the case. I have also seen people have a sense of when their time is near, with varying reactions, even sometimes when they couldn't quite tell you what was amiss - I'm talking about situations where there was no discernible change in them that we could detect as healthcare professionals. People appearing close to death will often wait for someone dear to them to visit (even when they are not conscious), then die after that person has been. On other occasions patients have waited extended periods until there was a short break in the family bedside presence. People often don't believe me, but I have seen it too many times.
My mom sort of did the same thing. My mom was very seriously ill, but no one knew why. She was actually diagnosed as having a severe mental illness, not a physical illness. But she was very, very sick. Vomiting, loss of appetite, mood changes, vision problems, and on and on. The doctors could find nothing wrong with her. But one night, after years of this, she told my step-father to tell us (her kids) that she loved us. He reacted the same way. You’ll tell them in the morning. She said she didn’t think she would. She died that night in her sleep. The autopsy turned up nothing. Her death certificate said the probable cause was suicide, which we all knew couldn’t be true. I’d be as likely to grow a third arm as she would be to commit suicide. She donated her body to a medical school. During her use as a cadaver, the medical students discovered what killed her. A tiny tumor in her brain. Once the doctors knew to look for it, they saw it on her x-rays from when she was alive. There would have been nothing they could have done about it with medicine being what it was at the time. But she knew she was going to die that night.
My mother’s sister was in the hospital (terminal cancer). One of my cousins wife was having a baby in another hospital. I remember hearing her say ; tell him it’s going to be a girl and I have to know or to be told when she is born. He has to come before three. ( that was for the next day). Baby was a girl and he came to see her before three. A few minutes after he personally told her it was a girl, she died three minutes before three. She new when she was passing. Can this be?
I love your videos. I truly wish I had found you years ago. You explain things to people so well. I've wanted to do videos on my experience with Mom who had dementia. I have one posted and I deleted the others. I look so sad in them, but it was a fantastic experience taking care of Mom. You should share when you go through something other people can learn from. My mom was head OR nurse most of her career. Numerous patients and families wrote letters praising her during her career. She loved being a nurse. ♥️ She passed 5 days before my birthday.
My mom had cancer and was in the final coma like state. The whole family came to visit and we all sat in the living room around her like a little reunion. Everyone had a chance to talk to her alone and when the last person left she made some strange noises and me and my siblings sat around her as she passed. She had waited for everyone to see her and when they left she left too.
My uncle told me the day he was going to die, 3 weeks before it happened. And he died on that day! I have had patients wait for me to return from days off to die, and I was honoured to be part of there journey. I also had one young man who was actively dying and was unresponsive who talked until 20 minutes before he died. I always believed they went to Dreamtime, he was laughing and chatting away with friends on a boat. It was simply amazing.
Sorry, I should have clarified the comment I made about waiting until family leave....on occasion, people appear to wait until they are alone to die, despite a caring family trying to remain with them so they are not alone at the end. I am glad to see your channel addressing issues & questions that so often come up for friends/family/caregivers when they lose someone.
My grandmother did that ..she was born on her birthday and passed on her birthday. She waited until everyone arrived..she was in hospice..we sung happy birthday then she passed.
I can relate to this, whilst in an induced coma due to covid 19 I recall at least 6 occasions when I made the choice to live rather than choosing to die, the final occurrence I distinctly remember stating that I wanted to go home to my wife
Hello. I know this is an old comment, I hope you are doing well now! Would you possibly feel comfortable sharing more about your experience? I am curious if you saw anything, like the “visioning” of deceased loved ones, spoke to them, or if anyone was there to ask you the question- when you stated that you wanted to return to your wife. I know this is extremely personal. I hope it’s not upsetting for me to ask - if you don’t want to share, I understand & respect your feelings. I don’t want to be invasive or insensitive. My heart has ached for all who’ve had to endure any of the terrible experiences with serious Covid. I am sorry that you & so many have had to suffer with this illness, in many ways. I can’t imagine how scary & awful it was to go through all that, AND be separated from loved ones during it. I’m so glad you were able to go back to your wife & I hope you’ve fully recovered! ❤
@@silvergirl8581 Where do I start? I could write a book on my.covid nightmares which still feel like lived experiences rather than dreams. Two common threads run through them one was of being trapped and confined the other was of avoiding getting on or desperately trying to get off trains that would take me somewhere I didn't want to go. In the worst case of feeling trapped I was trapped deep inside a US navy warship, so trapped that they couldn't get me out and a decision was made to euthanize me as they would then need to cut my body up afterwards, I remember the injection being administered with navy officials being present, it didn't work and I woke up, somehow they then found a way to get me out. I believe this came from a combination of memories of being placed in an induced coma combined with memories of our visit to Pearl Harbour where the fate of all those poor souls trapped within the ships there really moved me. The train journeys are easier to explain as I have a lifelong interest in railways, some of the trains were hauled by long scrapped locomotives that I chased around the uk in my youth others were weird and wonderful, I could have sat back relaxed and let them take me to my destination but I avoided getting on them or fought to get off them. Some of my experiences were in the USA but most were here at home in the UK. I am doing OK now and had a remarkable speedy recovery thanks to the treatment I received from or wonderful NHS, I have subsequently received treatment for PTSD and still trying to make sense on the dreams which I touched on above. My recovery was remarkable and was in hospital for 31 days, 21 of which were in an induced coma, I also had pneumonia on both lungs my wife was told to prepare for the worst on several occasions. I now live a full life, I do have some scarring on my lungs but it doesn't hold me back too much.
My great-grandad, pop, lived with his daughter nan and I spent quite alot of my childhood at her house. Now he did everything they say you shouldn’t- ate more bacon and salt and fatty foods while remaining skinny as a rake than I can even describe, had been an alcoholic, and was a chain smoker. He was a bit senile towards the end, and although we knew, even me as a small child, that he had lung cancer, he apparently had no idea until he was in the local hospital for a fall. They asked how his cancer was doing and he genuinely seemed completely dumbfounded he had lung cancer. And he’d seen his wife die of ovarian cancer decades earlier, so to him, that was that. He said ‘I’m not having cancer, I’m off’… and died with a smile on his face, truly, hours later. His cancer wasn’t advanced, but he was 96 so I guess you can choose at that age! And he did. One of my cats, Charles William (Charlie) is named after him.
My dad was an insulin dependent diabetic. He ate copious amounts of carb heavy food and lots of sweets. He chain smoked and survived three different cancers. Cancer killed his mom, sperm donor and older brother. Cancer didn’t kill him nor was he felled by a cardiac event. Dad simply decided he was tired of being in so much pain all the time. He was fine one week. A few days later he decided it was time to get a dyin. A week in hospice and dad decided he was done, period. His children and grandchildren had finished their last good byes.
Yes although my grandmother didn’t speak about leaving their was a major change in her behavior. She was always feisty but when I visited her one day in the hospital she was so happy and peaceful it took me back! She even asked me to comb her hair which she would never have done and I did. The only sign of her leaving was she said “Who is that behind you?” I looked and there was no one in sight?! I asked who was it and she said “He looked like you.” She passed peacefully that afternoon. 🙏🏽
My mother chose her time to go. I refused to leave her bedside for days but the minister and my father visited and were talking for a while and then my father asked me to go to dinner with him. I told him No a few times but then I was convinced the restaurant wasn't far from the hospital and I wouldn't be gone long. So we went to dinner and halfway through the meal we received a call from the hospital that she had passed. I was heart broken and in shock. My father said she picked her time to go when I wasn't there to save me from the pain of watching her go. She was always a woman that called her own shots...
My dad died in hospice. He waited for my sister, BIL and I to have breakfast and then 5 minutes after we finished we were in his room, he stretched out his hand to me, opened his eyes and I grabbed his hand, I said it was ok to go and that we’d be ok, I told him that I kept my promise to be there for him from the beginning to the end and I was. He said, I know mija. I love you. Then he died.
When my grandpa was dying my mom waited awhile before letting me see him. He had been on/off hospice so it wasn't a surprise. But my mom finally let me see him and that day I spent the whole day and evening with him. He passed that night holding my hand. Everyone said he waited for me he wanted to see me one last time and once he had he felt ready to go. I will never forget that. I'm so glad I had that time with him.
I was a Hospice Nurse and I was going to move out of state. My patient told me he was going to die before I left because he did not want another Hospice Nurse. Like this story he was not that close to the end. I made my last visit and was called back later that night and he passed.
I'll share below my comments I shared yesterday on another video of yours that really belongs here instead: 4 days before our father passed away, I went to visit him in the nursing home he had only been in for about 25 days. He could no longer be cared for at home, but we had no idea he was on his way out. They brought him his dinner and he barely touched it and then asked me to throw the rest away in the trash. I hadn't realized in the moment what was going on and told him not to worry, they'll take his tray away and just throw the food away. He said, "no, then they'll know I'm not eating". I had brought some of his favorite snacks he had wanted and prune juice he asked for. (Cleaning out his room later, the juice, the water were untouched, as were the snacks I brought were hidden in his drawer.) He seemed fine except when he spoke about people from church coming to visit and take him to church but he said he had to get dressed properly or have to redress. I just kind of ignored that statement. This was a Wednesday. He seemed kind of startled to see me there, saying what are you doing here, later, saying, don't you need to leave? That Friday, one of my sisters visited because she was leaving the next day for a trip to Paris she had won. He started speaking fluent French and we never knew he could speak it. Sunday morning, a nurse brought our father to the bathroom, walked him back to his bed and he sat and said I can't do this anymore, and passed instantly. This was Father's Day of 2019. 2 weeks before he was to turn 90 on the 4th of July. Our mother had passed in April 2018, and I guess he wanted to be with his bride of 68 years for his big day. They were together 70 yrs. I can't imagine being alive that long with one person, as others are long gone already. Oh, one last thing, he vowed that all his children would get his money equally no matter who did what for him, to eliminate arguments. He had told us this a few months back and we told him not to think about that, but to find ways to spend his money on himself. This was before the thought of him going into a home was even thought of. Once in the home, he vowed his children would get his and our mother's money and not the home. He passed just a day or two before all his assets would have gone to the home. My father was a slender but deep baritone voiced man who worked outdoors for a good 40 years. He was strong, far stronger than our mother because of it, but I can't imagine the strength it took to decide when it was time to go, and will it to happen like he did. Sorry for the long post, I had only intended on commenting about my father not eating. I haven't spoken about this in a few years.
My mother chose the month of February and she passed on February 24, 2020. It was not a major decline, she helped bake a cake the day before and made good bye phone calls...and passed the next day.
My granny! It was close to my grandpa's birthday. They had been married 75 years when he died. She kept asking me the date. And sure enough, when his birthday came she died. Absolutely amazing!
Thank you so much for sharing your Knowledge with the community. Both my parents, Mom at 57 and dad at 81 were on hospice care and much of what you share has been my experience. Take care beautiful soul and thanks for caring. Wishing you a Happy Holiday and New Year!
My Mom had breast, bone, liver, lung, and finally brain cancer. her breast cancer spread real bad. At work I got a call from the nursing home saying they think she has pneumonia and immediately I said "Is this THE call and I need to be there right away" and they assured it wasn't and they were just informing me of a change in her condition. Right away I thought when you get pneumonia like that you had a week left so did the math, July 4th. Then I thought Mom wouldn't "do" that to us and die on a holiday so it would be July 3rd. As soon as I thought July third it was sealed, 100% no doubt in my mind, I knew the date for sure! The countdown sucked real bad, 6 days left, then one day it was two, it sucked! But I made sure to be there every day for a long time. On July 2nd, one day before I knew she'd go and this was her last full day I was there real early. At one point the nurse dame in and said "Your brother called and he's on his way down" which sounded weird as he was working. Then my sister showed up and said "I called you but you didn't answer so I thought you'd be here. They even brought in a drink cart with snacks coffee and drinks and that never happened before but I was clueless. Apparently they called my sister and said to come because our Mom wasn't expected to survive,they couldn’t get any blood pressure reading. The nurses assumed I had gotten the message and came down but I was there because I knew anyway. My sister said "Well you were close but a day off" and I said "Not really, she'll be here until midnight at least. She died at 3:30 the following morning on July 3rd. When my sister called she said "I guess you were right after all" and I told her I wished I was wrong. Knowing was good in a way as I was able to tell everyone so they could prepare. Understandably no one thought I knew the exact date even though I did so I didn't push it any, it was so sad irregardless. Knowing someone else’s time I guess was a gift? It was a mixed blessing though, that each day passing was one closer until it was one day part was rough!
Grover F our 12 ur old son was dying of cancer - he was not conscious on a Friday before a 3day weekend - his favorite nurse was off until the following Tuesday - he did some agonal breathing on Friday pm but lived until Tuesday am and with many family members and his favorite nurse present he took his his last breath at precisely the time of his birth 12 yrs earlier
I experienced this with my ex-wife’s grandmother about 25 years ago. She was in the hospital and was told she would be released the next day. I went to visit her during my lunch time. As I was leaving I told her I would see her for Thanksgiving dinner, to which she responded she wouldn’t be there. She was 95, so thinking she was confused I explained that Thanksgiving was 19 days away and that was being released tomorrow. She took my hand, looked me in the eyes and said “I won’t be there. I’m tired and not enjoying life anymore. I’ll miss everyone, but I’m ready to go”. Thinking she was just having a bad day I left thinking I’d see her at Thanksgiving. Two days later I got a call that she wasn’t expected to make it through the day. When I arrived at the hospital there were a lot of people around her, so I stood back against the wall. When she noticed me she held out her hand to me. I walked over and took her hand and she gave me a look that I interpreted as “You get what’s happening, right?”. I gave her a “Yeah, I get it” look in response. She began talking to me as if I I was the only person in the room in spite of the fact that there were at least a dozen others in the room and I was the only person in the room who wasn’t a blood relative of hers. She continued conversing with me until the drugs they gave her kicked in and her speech became so slurred that I could no longer understand her. I held her hand until she fell asleep. She passed away within a couple of hours after that. I asked my wife later if she had told her or anyone else that she knew ahead of time that she was going to die. She hadn’t. I’ve wondered since then how she knew she was going to die and why she chose me to tell it to, especially considering her granddaughter and my marriage was on the rocks and headed for a certain divorce.
Some say there are 'soul groups' who incarnate together, playing different roles each time. If that be the case, just because you were about to divorce her granddaughter doesn't mean that grandmother might not have known you, and known you well.
❤ the stories. I am so thankful I went to see my Aunt the morning the Hospice nurse called me. They said my Aunt was showing signs of transition. I was in another state. I prayed God would keep her there until I reached her. I arrived. My Aunt was jovial. I was confused, LOL. I can laugh now. She even told me at one point that she was dying. I asked her how she knew that. She never told me. She did ask who were the people out front. Her room was to the very back of the facility. Wow!! I think she was seeing people on the other side. I can't wait to go Home!
I am 70 year old white man. I have ask for god to take me where the pain will stop. My wife my brothers mother my dad and my uncles aunts brothers have gone to meet their makers. I want to and need to move on to that leave life
Im about to turn 60 and i already dont have anyone in my life after my mom passed 8 years ago. i hope you had someone to help over the last few years. Stay safe my friend
When my grandma died in 2005, she waited until I arrived before she passed. Everyone else was already there and she held on until I could get there and hold her hand., then she passed in about 5 minutes. It was amazing.
Sorry this is so long but since you asked us to share I’m doing so. My grandma did the same thing…I wasn’t supposed to visit her that night as I had been there during the day, but I felt a need to go visit her again. The nurses all had said she was stable but declining and had about 2 months left. When I sat by her bedside she wanted me to read the Bible to her, which I did…not knowing what to read, but I don’t think she cared. I had come with my now ex husband and he was in the room also. She didn’t like him. He left to use the bathroom and her eyes followed him leaving the room. He was gone maybe 6-7 minutes. In that time he was gone she put her arm out and stared over my head with a smile on her face. I kept looking over my shoulder to see what she was looking at…nothing there. I asked her if she saw her sister and mom and dad. No response but she tried to sit up. I told her that I was going to be fine and that if she wanted to go, I would be ok. Within about 2 minutes, she drifted away. I called for the nurses and told them she had passed. They were convinced I was wrong because she was not at the stage where her body was shutting down. I was very close to my grandma and took care of her in my home for 4 years prior. To this day I feel guilty..as if my telling her that it was ok to go hastened her death. Rationally I know this is not the case but emotionally it eats at me. I had read that sometimes loved ones hang on because they are worried about leaving us and they sometimes need to know we will be ok once they are gone. Did I make a mistake in voicing what I did? Interestingly, by the time my ex returned to the room, all this had taken place. It’s as if she didn’t want him to be part of what was very personal.
Wendy Y - you did absolutely the right thing. My sister and I did that for our dear Father. The hospice nurses recommended we tell him it was ok to go if he wanted to. Once we each said that to him, he passed peacefully that night. Don’t feel any guilt - you did the right thing and it was needed…
So funny you mention this tonight! My friend in GA is waiting for her father to pass. Moved back there a few years ago and he's been in and out of hospitals with several close calls. Got a message tonight that they believe he will pass tonight. Bless his heart. Never met him, but I just love him for how much he loves his 4 daughters. They have been caring for daddy at home for a year or two. Miss my friend but I'm thankful she got to spend more time with Daddy. I pray for them every day. And I believe some folks choose when to go. My stepfather passed at the end of Labor Day weekend in 1983. I woke up to my mom and brothers having coffee. I was there to help care for the dog, who wandered from room to room looking for Harry. She was so sad. Within a few months she got cancer and I know she's with him. Weird how he waited for the holiday to end before "leaving the building."
A few weeks ago our friend who’s wife was very ill took her to the hospital for a liver transplant. When they run tests on her they brought her back to her room and Dr told them her heart wasn’t strong enough for the surgery. This was Thursday and she told her husband I’m ready to go home I’m tired. He told her that the hospital was going to let her go home Saturday morning. She passed away early that morning.
My dad was in hospice. He was fine up until a week before his death. Myself, hubby and two of my five siblings made sure dad had meals we delivered. We would stop in and visit him while he ate. Dad was in a lot of pain and had been for years. At 89 he was tired. He often said to me “ I’m tired of this shit.” Mom had died 30 years prior. The day before he went into hospice he said to me” I’m ready to go,” in hospice he was lucid off and on. In a lucid moment I said to him “ dad, it’s okay if you want to go home.” He answered “no, not yet.” Two days later he was put into coma with large doses of morphine. Once everyone said their good byes Dad left.
When I was in 5th grade our class would go to the senior center once a month to have lunch with the senior citizens. In feb or mar I was telling the woman I had been paired with about a piano song I was practicing to play for her at our May gathering where the seniors would come to our school and our class would entertain them. As I was excitedly telling her about the song I had chosen to play for her, she apologized and said she wouldn’t be able to make it. She didnt tell me why and I remember feeling disappointed and confused. 3 weeks before the event she died. She had picked out her casket a few weeks prior and had the funeral all set up. I dont remember her being ill, just elderly. She was very kind and attentive. But, somehow, she knew about her impending death enough to apologize for not being able to attend the may gathering. It was very confusing for me at the time.
My husband's grandmother and I were very close. She was a former nurse and was getting forgetful at 95. She would put a pot of water on the stove for tea then forget and burn the pot, but she knew enough to hide the pot! She told me she would never go into a nursing home. She was mobile and we had long conversations. Her daughter came from out of state and took her to tour nursing homes. That evening, I felt this strong urge to speak to her (before cell phones). My husband and I were out and couldn't find a pay phone and it was late when we got home. The next morning, we got the call that she had died. I am the only one she told that she would not go into a nursing home and I know she chose to die instead.
We think my mom waited until after Christmas Day to decline and die because she didn't want to ruin our holiday. She had congestive heart failure and was filling up with fluid that week, (was in assisted living and on hospice) but seemed ok on Christmas. The next morning, she couldn't remember how to get back to her room after breakdast, then declined the rest of the day. She passed on the 27th in the evening. It would be just like her to wait until the holiday had passed before she went.
I had a friend who received medals for rescuing people from helicopters to his aircraft carrier during the last days of the Vietnam War. He died of kidney failure just before the chaotic withdrawal from Afghanistan. He was spared reliving the experience. R. I. P. Gary
That is the first time I have ever heard of the term unaliving and I love it. I will now say that my father unalived himself instead of he committed suicide.
My father-in-law lived on the West Coast, my wife and I live in Virginia. We were in touch with my father-in-law everyday by phone. One day, my father-in-law and I were talking and I mentioned that my wife and I would like to fly out to visit him for the Holidays. My father-in- law said quite matter of factly, "I'm not going to be around at Christmas." And he wasn't. He died in October.
Decades ago, I attended church with a many who was not in his 80"s His wife had died a couple of years before this happened. He was working at the same mall I worked at and was working with a woman I had worked with years earlier. They were working the evening shift and he looked at her and said "I am tired and ready to go home". The lady thought he was saying he wanted to leave and head to his house. She laughed and said, well we have another hour before the mall closes. He said, that is not what I meant, I mean I am ready to go home to Heaven. He died that night. I believe he chose and willed himself to die that night.
My Aunt Captola( yes that’s was her name) was in her 80’s and told everyone she was going home to Jesus this particular night and she passed that night peacefully in her sleep.
Your videos give me so much comfort!! My mom was on hospice for 2 weeks...I always felt like we starved her to death because she wasn't eating or drinking, I had one terrifying thing that happened that I still don't understand....is there a way I could ask you a question? I would really appreciate it!!! My mom passed away the one night I didn't sleep on her bedroom floor, I really think she waited until I wasn't there....but something happened 2 nights before that that I can't get out of my head....😪
I work at a retirement community. One resident went to church and on the way home she said she was dying and could feel it. She shook everyone’s hand and said goodbye. She died a couple of days later.
My husband waited for his sister to come, she was coming from 500 miles away in a snowstorm. After she arrived, a few hours later he waited for me to be near. I gave him “permission” to go, and told him that we were all alright and would take care of each other. I held his head with my face next to his and he gently passed away.
My grandfather died of colon cancer. My mom (a young doctor at the time) stayed up with him for those last few days taking care of him. For hours he kept asking repeatedly what time is it? Is it 8 AM yet? My mom thought nothing of it. At 8 AM sharp he passed away. Died in her arms.
When my dad passed he was really fighting to die after a benefit we had for him. He went down hill really fast the night then the next morning he passed. Cancer sucks though I am glad he died a day that he wanted to
my Dad and I didnt have a relationship but when he was 90 he literally broke his neck i went to sit with him everyday and afternoon, in the evening my son would come and relieve me when my son got home about 11:30 pm, i told him Grandpa said goodbye to me tonight(he was loving, kind, called me his sweet baby girl)nothing he had ever said to me b4...we got the phone call 2 hrs later
One of my aunts did this last year. Said she was done, insisted on being put in a nursing facility (I think she was afraid no one would check on her for too long, if you know what I mean), died.
Can you please do a video of your experience when a person chooses to take the right to die medication? Are you aware when a patient takes the medicine? Is it a painful death? I live in California and in our State this is a legal option available to those who choose it. Thank you.
My dad was dying of cancer at the age of 57. At the time I was in Texas and he was in Toledo, Ohio. I got the call from my stepmother that he was not doing well so I dropped everything and drove the 12 hundred miles to go see him before he died. He was in a coma when I got there and I sat down by him on the bed, gave him a hug, and told him I loved him. He opened his eyes and turned his face towards me and looked right at me. He didn't say anything but his face showed awareness and then he closed his eyes again and went back into the coma. A few hours later he died. I am convinced that my dad waited for me to get there before he died.
He did.
He did! You were blessed
I believe he waited also.
My father also. He actually sat up and hugged me. He never sat up again. Two weeks later, he died. RIP dad.
Yes, my Grandmother at 92. She called her children (my dad and aunts and uncles), all of which talked or saw her almost everyday. She called each of them during the day and said she was "my cansada" (tired in spanish) and she was going home to Jesus. They all told her, "no mom, you're not going anywhere, you're healthy, etc." She got dressed, put on makeup, grabbed her purse and sat on the couch...which is how they found her. It was beautiful....God is good!
Hermoso. Beautiful. May God bless her and have Peace. Thank you for sharing. 🙏🏽🪶
Wow.So nice she wasn't scared
I love that she got herself all dressed up. That’s so sweet.
God bless her. I hope I can go out like that.
Got herself dressed up for her savior Christ. ❤️
My sister did that about 2 years ago. She’d lost her mobility and freedom due to congestive heart failure and other health problems. Her husband died about 10 months previously. She had care givers and was managing but the doctor said her heart would probably give out within the year. She called me and my brother on a Friday night and told us she was going to die that weekend. She also told her caregivers. She said she’d had enough of the struggle and was going to be with John, her husband. Saturday night the hospice nurse called me to say she was actively dying. I couldn’t believe it. When I’d talked to her I thought she was just depressed and tired like she mostly was then but wasn’t having any signs of getting bad enough to pass away. She passed away at 3:00 am that Sunday morning. Finally pain free, with John, and at peace.
My mom, who had late stage multiple myeloma, and my sister planned a getaway weekend at this cabin and my mom decided she would like all her children and their spouses there. We went to this cabin with expectations of spending time relaxing, having some fun and getting some quality time together. My mom had a different idea. She watched all of us as we played this trivia game and then asked me to help her get into her nightgown. We had made the sofa up for her because all the beds were too high for her. She sat on the side of the sofa, looking at all of us and then said, "I love you all." whereupon she started gasping for air and became non-responsive. My sister-in-law put her oxygen on but two minutes later, she closed her eyes and was gone. She had a DNR, so when I went into resuscitation mode and tried to move her to the floor for CPR, my sister stopped me. I'm sure my mom knew when, where and how this would play out with us kids. God, I miss her.
Hi Julie, so here's my story. My father died suddenly at 58 from a massive heart attack. He had been sick a few months earlier with a mild bone disorder, which was not terminal. He appeared to be better and on the mend and was up and about. I visited, we talked, he joked and carried on like life was good. And then he got very serious and said something like this. My days in this world are short, and I want you to promise me that you will help take care of your mother when I'm gone. I replied that he shouldn't talk like that and that I felt he had many years remaining, especially since he was now on the mend. He died about 21 days later. So my question is, do some of us have a sense of when we are going to die? Thank you. And by the way, I think your YT shorts and videos are awesome. You've educated me on a topic many of us need to learn more about.
These give me comfort. Death is a transition we all will face.
Thank you.
Part of the journey
Gives me peace and comfort.
They say we play a part in deciding what will happen in our lives, so I guess that might include deciding exactly when to depart.
Yes - I've experienced MANY of these experiences. HOWEVER NOT as a HERO hospice worker. As a 1st responder 3rd generation. THANK YOU for putting yrself out here. HOSPICE WORKERS ARE REAL HEROS
My Dad was suffering from a cancer called angiosarcoma… he was in remission from a
Different cancer for 9 years. When diagnosed, the doctors gave a prognosis of 2 to 6 months…two weeks before Thanksgiving he told us he had 2 weeks., 2 days before Thanksgiving he said he only had 2 days. We poo-pooed it saying there was no way he could
Absolutely know, he passed away that Thanksgiving
I have had a patient say well it was a pleasure knowing you. I said hun well I will see you tomorrow. She said no my husband is here. I said to her it's ok and proceeded with her Haldol. Her husband died one year prior. She said love you and thank you for caring for me. I thought her Lewy Body was active. She passed away when I left the room to assist her daughter with medication check. She knew he was there to take her home. I am so grateful for the time l had with her and her family.
It's called conscious dying. It is available to all of us. You're doing amazing work Julie 🥰
My brother had many strokes and heart attacks and was placed in a nursing home. I could not get to be there as I do not drive and he lived like a four hour drive from me. His son kept me informed of his progress. I get a call from the son telling me to come we are losing him. I managed to get a drive from a friend spent three hours with him he at this point was bed ridden not able to talk or anything. When i had to go I kissed him and told him it is ok to go.. I told his son my nephew call me but lets pray he goes peacefully. When i kissed him goodbye i seen a tear falling down his cheek/ His son called me early Tuesday morning that he passed away. I was there on the Sunday. I think that lonely tear was acknowledging that he knew I was there and he felt he could now leave peacefully. I believe he was waiting to see me before leaving this world. Thanks for the videos teaching about death.
My mother had many very painful health issues. Her last yr was particularly painful. Nothing immediately terminal, but multiple issues at once. One day she was taken to the hospital for one of her issues and I met her in the ER. She told me "I am done, I am going to pass this weekend". My brother didnt believe, but i did. I stayed with her in the hospital the entire weekend. She was still with us Monday morning and she woke up MAD she was still here. She did pass that evening.
I like your work. I was a hospice nurse for about 18 years. I think I was affective in all the hospice work I did. I did most my hospice work in Oregon where Physician Assisted Suicide was just legal.
My experience is that I came on to the scene with only two patients who want to go that route, but in both cases when they realized that their physical symptoms could be managed and they were comfortable and when they understood they would be cared for by caregivers that chose to do that kind of work and that they would not become a burden, they forgot they had initially wanted to end their lives and just continued a natural peaceful death.
I believe an educated nurse in pain management and symptom control who spends enough time educating the patient can resolve the need for suicide.
I do however believe everyone should have the option. I think many hospice patients do not get the help they should have and do need.
My mother and father were married for 68 yrs. My mother died very soon after finding out she had cancer. My father, who wasn't at the best of health had no "real issues" except being old asked hospice to stay on for him, which they did. After a month he said that he wasn't going to be here at Christmas time (of course had everything prepared) but just wanted a few extra things done for the grandchildren. Just 5 months after my mom died my dad died at the end of November. It's hard to comprehend someone seeing that they are dying. And no he didn't do anything to cause it. He just didn't want to live without my mom. Now they are together.
& BEYOND THANK YOU ALL for doing the HARDEST WORK for humanity & dignity EVER! 💜
yes, my grandmother had a series of small strokes but the last one left her without speech. i was with her in the hospital after dinner and kissed her cheek and said i would see her tomorrow and she shook her head no and then with one finger pointed up, and i said oh are you going to heaven tonight? and she nodded yes, and i said well on the off chance God doesn't want you yet, i will stop by in the morning. and she died about 5am. to this day i smile thinking that she was always a woman who got her way even until the last. :)
My father slept most of the time at the end of his life. He had colon cancer that was cured but went to liver then spidered. He woke up very energetic one morning. . He asked to see my friend Maggie who came and helped my Mom and I take care of him every day . We also had a Hospice nurse who came to my home. He actually woke up when my Mom , my Aunt Sue and I were trying to put a hospital bed together that we bought. He laughed at us and said we were wasting our time. I called my friend Maggie at work then she left work to come see my dad. She worked at an assisted living home so she had warned me of all the things that could happen. My mom was excited but I knew what the second wind meant. I put a smile on my face for them. We had the best day with my dad. He kept thanking us and telling us how much he loved us. How much he appreciated us. His nurse came by and she sat by his side a, he took her hand and thanked her for helping us . Then he asked her to help us "tomorrow " . She wiped away the tears and said she promised. My mother asked why all the tears, this was a happy day. We ate lunch sitting around him, laughing and talking. He said he was going to sleep and he would see us again. He did whisper a few numbers to me. "6 then 9, happy double dozen" . I said "alright? I guess I will understand that some day. He replied " Just love those numbers". My Dad passed away that evening in his sleep.
Meaning behind Numbers of love, I have 6 biochildren and three step children. 6 then 9. This December I am going on Grandchildren 19 and 20 so I figure I have 4 more coming! I love them all so much!
I was only 18 years old. I still miss my dad like crazy.
Thank you for sharing this. Hope you are ok.
I gotta tell you, after watching this channel and others like it, it gives me a sense of peace when its finally my time to go. I have no fear.
Yes
Same here.
It's this world that's the scary place, not the one we return to!
A friend helped me get a job working in the kitchen of a hospital. Eventually to meet my goals I transferred to a position as a nurse's aide on a med surgical oncology floor. We also took care of any hospice patients for that hospital. I learned so much from nurses like you that allowed me to excel and finish nursing school. I've had many experiences like this and I think the world is better with people like us that can make that transition easier. I now work as a nurse practitioner on a hospice team for inpatient and outpatient services.
yes my grandpa health super active at 96 one month prior to his death was showing signs of being a bit tierd than the normal. doctors checked him ran test on him . all came out just find. one evening, he was laying in the couch and his nurse sitting on a chair infornt of him conversating. my grandpa was giving thanks, happy relaxed with the nurse and the nurse watched him take his last breath. He was completly healthy no pre existing conditions. it was just time
My mother used to tell a story where her grandmother was dying at home (~1974). She stopped breathing. The family called 911 and my deceased great-grandmother was revived in a few minutes. Once awake, my great-grandmother was angry. Saying, “Why did you wake me up? I was in a beautiful place”…. Days later she died. Do you have any other stories of people who were revived and awoke angry or disappointed because they were at peace, and were revived?
Yes, that would be interesting.
Hi! I know you were specifically asking OP but I myself as an RN who works on a rather high acuity ward (and hence see my own fair share of deaths/dying) /have/ had a similar case were a patient was revived by family in the community and was terribly grumpy when she came on to ward (if I remember correctly she left into rest home care so the story varies in that aspect) that she had been put through "the trauma" (her words) of being bought back to life, and back into pain from having been what she described as "weightless in soul", she talked more about it but its rather complex and difficult to articulate without remembering her exact words and unfortunately those are the only direct quotes that stuck with me apparently.
My mother was an RN and a lady on her floor at the hospital coded "heart stopped" and the Nurses all worked on her and brought her back. The lady yelled at them. She was with her husband in heaven and didn't want to leave him. Next day, she died
My grandma chose her death day, it was my dads birthday feb 20 and she talked to him the 3days before before and said oh your birthday is in a few days and sounded really sad and let down about, she talked to him on his birthday and then passed away the 22nd...she waited until past her son's birthday to go. She knew she was going. She saw her mother and other siblings on the other side in the weeks prior. She had stopped eating. All of this is true. She sacrificed until her dying day for her kids. Selfless loving woman she was.
I'm a caregiver. I once had a lady for 4 years. I worked 24 hours shifts. Two other ladies split alternate days and weekends. On May 8th 2014 as I was leaving, she asked could I stay a longer. I had plans and told her I would see her the next day. She told me and the relief sitter that she had really enjoyed all of her "girls". The sitter cooked her favorite meal for lunch. At 8:30pm she died in her sleep. She my was 91. I think she knew it was her time. 🥲
I have always believed that outside of violence and unexpected events, people will die when they're ready and only when they're ready
When I was working on the acute floor of a geriatric ward there were times when a patient would see another patient come in their room and talk to them. Or we staff would see a non mobile patient walk down a Hall or room. Then we would check on the patient to find them deceased.
Thank you for your channel. I did 2 days in Hospice for nursing school and then years later was able to care for my mom for the 3 days that she had hospice. Her fight to live had exhausted her. They were my teachers in letting go. No longer a nurse due to health, I was again able to assist in my cousin's passing on hospice in June. In Home caregivers need that shoulder and reassurance, Thank you for what you do and also the importance of your channel to guide and remove the stigmas of Death. Forever following you!
OMG I have to stop watching your posts, they just make me cry. I'm so glad that wonderful people like you, wonderful nurses like you are there to help people navigate a difficult time. Recently I lost my best friend to cancer, he was mush older than me and it was all a shock. But I was able to be with him when he took his last breath and it was both sad but beautiful. I'm 2 years into my nursing degree (but COVID stuffed that up) LOL and in my 40's. You really inspire me. and you remind me what a honour it is to be with and care for someone who is dying. Please value what you do,
A month before my mom passed away, she started packing up her bedroom. She kept saying she was going to take a trip, when we asked where, she said she wasn't sure, but felt the need to pack. A month later she died of a cerebral aneurysm in her sleep.
When I worked at the nursing home in the 80's there was a couple that lived there together and I found out the husband was just living there because his wife had to be there. She was basically bedridden and had dementia and he was so full of pep and very fit and so jovial. He walked daily and went out quite a bit with family. His wife died and he moved onto my wing in a single room....still walked daily, went out with family, still smiling and jovial but missed his wife dearly.
I went into his room one night to see if he needed anything before bed. He didn't need anything but thanked me for being so kind to him and told me I was always so cheerful and had a great attitude about life and he could tell I truly cared for the people who lived there...he then said..." I'm going home tonight to be with my " Margret " I'll be a happy man when that happens!!" ...I thought he was joking and I said I'll see you tomorrow, have a great sleep and sweet dreams ❤️...I did mention it to the nurse and she said " you never know, a lot of times they do choose when to go !!" And I was like...but he's the healthiest guy in here...he doesn't even belong in a nursing home!! ....I came to work the next day and they said he had passed in his sleep.....he was right...he knew it was gonna be that night.....
Thank you for this video. My Mother lives with us and she has been feeling tired and has some health issues. It hurts to see her struggle sometimes daily, she puts a smile always, but I know .
We talk about everything and I said to her when she is ready, she can choose to go to God. She feels comfort in knowing this. … In the end we want our Loved ones to feel total comfort and Happy.
Btw.. we are not religious. But SPIRITUAL. We know we are here as beings on Mother earth on a temporary mission to learn lessons and then go back to God, our TRUE Home.
Blessings to all ✨🙏🏽🪶
There is only heaven and hell in the afterlife. The only path to heaven is to accept Jesus Christ's sacrifice on a cross. His blood cleanses our sin, for those who accept this supernatural act of love. Heaven is pure and no evil lives there. This is why we need to accept Jesus' gift so we become pure to enter the Kingdom of Father God. Hallelujah to the Lamb of God!
Blessings to you on your beautiful path with your mother. ♥️
@@juliekongs4856 Thank you Julie 🙏🏽 Our Parents and Elders are to be cherished. Especially in this time where they are tired and longing for Home. ✨ Blessings to you.
I think that essentially just happened with my father. He was tired and not happy anymore. He was fine Thursday when I left to go out of town for work and I got a call Monday evening that his death was eminent and I should come back if at all possible. He didn’t have a heart attack, stroke, or any other of the usual reasons for death. I think he was just tired of living. He always said, “You have to leave the party while you’re still having fun.” He was rapidly losing his independence and ability to care for himself on his own. Being fiercely independent, it did not sit well with him to have to depend on other people for the necessities of life.
I got back in town late Monday night, went to see him yesterday (Tuesday), and he passed several hours after I got there. It was a shock that it happened so quickly, but I’m glad it was quick and relatively painless for him.
My dearest friend's Mom requested and received euthanasia. I met this lady and her daughter who is like I said above is now my dearest friend because I volunteered in a Long Term Care Facility. Her Mom was in so much pain and was never going to get better only worse. I'm so thankful that euthanasia is available where I live. No one should have to live and die in such horrible pain should they choose not to.
You are an amazing person! I started watching your channel yesterday and already I have learned so much...
Your patients should feel privileged to have you involved in their final care...I know I would be..Thanks for all you do...
Ditto from uk brit
My sister waited for me to come see her and say good bye when she was dying. I thought for sure she would go when I was in the room with her. I asked the hospice nurse if I should stay with her and the nurse said you never know how long they will hang on. I had a plane to catch to go back home so I kissed her and told her I would see her again in heaven and that I loved her very much. I left the room and my husband was waiting for me outside. I got in the car and we stopped to get dinner before going on to the airport. We got the call that she passed. I know without a shadow of a doubt she waited for me before passing
That happened with my brother. He had been sick (cancer) for two years, some days worse than others. But on this day, he said to our mum, 'I'm really tired. Today will be a good day to go.' And true to his word, he died that afternoon 😢
this is probably the best way to go. people who are at the end of their lives...they know, whether you believe them or not. I've seen it in my time as a nurse and a psw. this story and the music were perfect to end my night on. thank you nurse Julie for making death and dying a natural part of our lives and talking so openly about the signs so people know what to look for
We had a similar experience with my uncle. He was in ok health but getting on in years. He was almost 70 but overall was fairly healthy for a man that age. He woke up in the morning and turned to my aunt with a smile on his face, and said, Leona, today is my day! My aunt said what do you mean by that? He said today is my day to go home to God. She just sluffed it off as him being "silly" as she described it. He got up, had breakfast, and then went outside to do his favorite thing...cutting the grass on his riding lawn tractor. He came in after finishing around lunchtime. He had his lunch and then went to his chair in the living room to watch some TV and have a nap. He never woke up from his nap. He had a massive heart attack right there in his chair. He knew. Somehow, some way, he knew it was his time. That was almost 40 years ago and it still sticks with me to this day...as I approach the inevitable myself. I hope I can call my own death too. I`ll feel like at least I have some say and control over how and when I go.
In 27yrs of nursing I have seen this kind of thing far too many times to believe that people never have a choice in when they die, although clearly this isn't always the case. I have also seen people have a sense of when their time is near, with varying reactions, even sometimes when they couldn't quite tell you what was amiss - I'm talking about situations where there was no discernible change in them that we could detect as healthcare professionals. People appearing close to death will often wait for someone dear to them to visit (even when they are not conscious), then die after that person has been. On other occasions patients have waited extended periods until there was a short break in the family bedside presence. People often don't believe me, but I have seen it too many times.
My mom sort of did the same thing. My mom was very seriously ill, but no one knew why. She was actually diagnosed as having a severe mental illness, not a physical illness. But she was very, very sick. Vomiting, loss of appetite, mood changes, vision problems, and on and on. The doctors could find nothing wrong with her.
But one night, after years of this, she told my step-father to tell us (her kids) that she loved us. He reacted the same way. You’ll tell them in the morning. She said she didn’t think she would.
She died that night in her sleep.
The autopsy turned up nothing. Her death certificate said the probable cause was suicide, which we all knew couldn’t be true. I’d be as likely to grow a third arm as she would be to commit suicide.
She donated her body to a medical school. During her use as a cadaver, the medical students discovered what killed her. A tiny tumor in her brain.
Once the doctors knew to look for it, they saw it on her x-rays from when she was alive. There would have been nothing they could have done about it with medicine being what it was at the time.
But she knew she was going to die that night.
My mother’s sister was in the hospital (terminal cancer). One of my cousins wife was having a baby in another hospital. I remember hearing her say ; tell him it’s going to be a girl and I have to know or to be told when she is born. He has to come before three. ( that was for the next day). Baby was a girl and he came to see her before three. A few minutes after he personally told her it was a girl, she died three minutes before three. She new when she was passing. Can this be?
I truly appreciate your videos, you very compassionately explain hospice care and the dying process.
I love your videos. I truly wish I had found you years ago. You explain things to people so well. I've wanted to do videos on my experience with Mom who had dementia. I have one posted and I deleted the others. I look so sad in them, but it was a fantastic experience taking care of Mom. You should share when you go through something other people can learn from. My mom was head OR nurse most of her career. Numerous patients and families wrote letters praising her during her career. She loved being a nurse. ♥️ She passed 5 days before my birthday.
My mom had cancer and was in the final coma like state. The whole family came to visit and we all sat in the living room around her like a little reunion. Everyone had a chance to talk to her alone and when the last person left she made some strange noises and me and my siblings sat around her as she passed. She had waited for everyone to see her and when they left she left too.
It's also very common for someone to know they are going to die even if it is not their choice.
My uncle told me the day he was going to die, 3 weeks before it happened. And he died on that day!
I have had patients wait for me to return from days off to die, and I was honoured to be part of there journey.
I also had one young man who was actively dying and was unresponsive who talked until 20 minutes before he died. I always believed they went to Dreamtime, he was laughing and chatting away with friends on a boat. It was simply amazing.
Sorry, I should have clarified the comment I made about waiting until family leave....on occasion, people appear to wait until they are alone to die, despite a caring family trying to remain with them so they are not alone at the end.
I am glad to see your channel addressing issues & questions that so often come up for friends/family/caregivers when they lose someone.
My grandmother did that ..she was born on her birthday and passed on her birthday. She waited until everyone arrived..she was in hospice..we sung happy birthday then she passed.
I can relate to this, whilst in an induced coma due to covid 19 I recall at least 6 occasions when I made the choice to live rather than choosing to die, the final occurrence I distinctly remember stating that I wanted to go home to my wife
Hello. I know this is an old comment, I hope you are doing well now! Would you possibly feel comfortable sharing more about your experience? I am curious if you saw anything, like the “visioning” of deceased loved ones, spoke to them, or if anyone was there to ask you the question- when you stated that you wanted to return to your wife.
I know this is extremely personal. I hope it’s not upsetting for me to ask - if you don’t want to share, I understand & respect your feelings. I don’t want to be invasive or insensitive.
My heart has ached for all who’ve had to endure any of the terrible experiences with serious Covid. I am sorry that you & so many have had to suffer with this illness, in many ways. I can’t imagine how scary & awful it was to go through all that, AND be separated from loved ones during it.
I’m so glad you were able to go back to your wife & I hope you’ve fully recovered! ❤
@@silvergirl8581 Where do I start? I could write a book on my.covid nightmares which still feel like lived experiences rather than dreams. Two common threads run through them one was of being trapped and confined the other was of avoiding getting on or desperately trying to get off trains that would take me somewhere I didn't want to go. In the worst case of feeling trapped I was trapped deep inside a US navy warship, so trapped that they couldn't get me out and a decision was made to euthanize me as they would then need to cut my body up afterwards, I remember the injection being administered with navy officials being present, it didn't work and I woke up, somehow they then found a way to get me out. I believe this came from a combination of memories of being placed in an induced coma combined with memories of our visit to Pearl Harbour where the fate of all those poor souls trapped within the ships there really moved me.
The train journeys are easier to explain as I have a lifelong interest in railways, some of the trains were hauled by long scrapped locomotives that I chased around the uk in my youth others were weird and wonderful, I could have sat back relaxed and let them take me to my destination but I avoided getting on them or fought to get off them. Some of my experiences were in the USA but most were here at home in the UK.
I am doing OK now and had a remarkable speedy recovery thanks to the treatment I received from or wonderful NHS, I have subsequently received treatment for PTSD and still trying to make sense on the dreams which I touched on above. My recovery was remarkable and was in hospital for 31 days, 21 of which were in an induced coma, I also had pneumonia on both lungs my wife was told to prepare for the worst on several occasions. I now live a full life, I do have some scarring on my lungs but it doesn't hold me back too much.
My great-grandad, pop, lived with his daughter nan and I spent quite alot of my childhood at her house. Now he did everything they say you shouldn’t- ate more bacon and salt and fatty foods while remaining skinny as a rake than I can even describe, had been an alcoholic, and was a chain smoker. He was a bit senile towards the end, and although we knew, even me as a small child, that he had lung cancer, he apparently had no idea until he was in the local hospital for a fall. They asked how his cancer was doing and he genuinely seemed completely dumbfounded he had lung cancer. And he’d seen his wife die of ovarian cancer decades earlier, so to him, that was that. He said ‘I’m not having cancer, I’m off’… and died with a smile on his face, truly, hours later. His cancer wasn’t advanced, but he was 96 so I guess you can choose at that age! And he did. One of my cats, Charles William (Charlie) is named after him.
Thanks
My dad was an insulin dependent diabetic. He ate copious amounts of carb heavy food and lots of sweets. He chain smoked and survived three different cancers. Cancer killed his mom, sperm donor and older brother. Cancer didn’t kill him nor was he felled by a cardiac event. Dad simply decided he was tired of being in so much pain all the time. He was fine one week. A few days later he decided it was time to get a dyin. A week in hospice and dad decided he was done, period. His children and grandchildren had finished their last good byes.
That's the sort of death we should all have. Straight to the point and on our own terms. Thanks for sharing!
@@fairyqueen56 donna, how old was your Dad?
Yes although my grandmother didn’t speak about leaving their was a major change in her behavior. She was always feisty but when I visited her one day in the hospital she was so happy and peaceful it took me back! She even asked me to comb her hair which she would never have done and I did. The only sign of her leaving was she said “Who is that behind you?” I looked and there was no one in sight?! I asked who was it and she said “He looked like you.” She passed peacefully that afternoon. 🙏🏽
Yes I believe we choose to die and go home when we are ready.
My mother chose her time to go. I refused to leave her bedside for days but the minister and my father visited and were talking for a while and then my father asked me to go to dinner with him. I told him No a few times but then I was convinced the restaurant wasn't far from the hospital and I wouldn't be gone long. So we went to dinner and halfway through the meal we received a call from the hospital that she had passed. I was heart broken and in shock. My father said she picked her time to go when I wasn't there to save me from the pain of watching her go. She was always a woman that called her own shots...
My dad died in hospice. He waited for my sister, BIL and I to have breakfast and then 5 minutes after we finished we were in his room, he stretched out his hand to me, opened his eyes and I grabbed his hand, I said it was ok to go and that we’d be ok, I told him that I kept my promise to be there for him from the beginning to the end and I was. He said, I know mija. I love you. Then he died.
When my grandpa was dying my mom waited awhile before letting me see him. He had been on/off hospice so it wasn't a surprise. But my mom finally let me see him and that day I spent the whole day and evening with him. He passed that night holding my hand. Everyone said he waited for me he wanted to see me one last time and once he had he felt ready to go. I will never forget that. I'm so glad I had that time with him.
I was a Hospice Nurse and I was going to move out of state. My patient told me he was going to die before I left because he did not want another Hospice Nurse. Like this story he was not that close to the end. I made my last visit and was called back later that night and he passed.
It's a crazy thing. I've seen this three times. It's like a final blessing really. It's less tragic.
I'll share below my comments I shared yesterday on another video of yours that really belongs here instead:
4 days before our father passed away, I went to visit him in the nursing home he had only been in for about 25 days.
He could no longer be cared for at home, but we had no idea he was on his way out.
They brought him his dinner and he barely touched it and then asked me to throw the rest away in the trash.
I hadn't realized in the moment what was going on and told him not to worry, they'll take his tray away and just throw the food away.
He said, "no, then they'll know I'm not eating". I had brought some of his favorite snacks he had wanted and prune juice he asked for.
(Cleaning out his room later, the juice, the water were untouched, as were the snacks I brought were hidden in his drawer.)
He seemed fine except when he spoke about people from church coming to visit and take him to church but he said he had to get dressed properly or have to redress. I just kind of ignored that statement. This was a Wednesday.
He seemed kind of startled to see me there, saying what are you doing here, later, saying, don't you need to leave?
That Friday, one of my sisters visited because she was leaving the next day for a trip to Paris she had won. He started speaking fluent French and we never knew he could speak it.
Sunday morning, a nurse brought our father to the bathroom, walked him back to his bed and he sat and said I can't do this anymore, and passed instantly. This was Father's Day of 2019. 2 weeks before he was to turn 90 on the 4th of July.
Our mother had passed in April 2018, and I guess he wanted to be with his bride of 68 years for his big day. They were together 70 yrs. I can't imagine being alive that long with one person, as others are long gone already.
Oh, one last thing, he vowed that all his children would get his money equally no matter who did what for him, to eliminate arguments.
He had told us this a few months back and we told him not to think about that, but to find ways to spend his money on himself. This was before the thought of him going into a home was even thought of.
Once in the home, he vowed his children would get his and our mother's money and not the home.
He passed just a day or two before all his assets would have gone to the home.
My father was a slender but deep baritone voiced man who worked outdoors for a good 40 years.
He was strong, far stronger than our mother because of it, but I can't imagine the strength it took to decide when it was time to go, and will it to happen like he did.
Sorry for the long post, I had only intended on commenting about my father not eating. I haven't spoken about this in a few years.
Thank you for sharing your story. It couldn't have been easy.
My mother chose the month of February and she passed on February 24, 2020. It was not a major decline, she helped bake a cake the day before and made good bye phone calls...and passed the next day.
Thats exactly how im going! I know it in my soul.. and me and my soul are for sure a package deal!!❤ rhank you, Julie!
My granny! It was close to my grandpa's birthday. They had been married 75 years when he died. She kept asking me the date. And sure enough, when his birthday came she died. Absolutely amazing!
Thank you so much for sharing your Knowledge with the community. Both my parents, Mom at 57 and dad at 81 were on hospice care and much of what you share has been my experience. Take care beautiful soul and thanks for caring. Wishing you a Happy Holiday and New Year!
My Mom had breast, bone, liver, lung, and finally brain cancer. her breast cancer spread real bad. At work I got a call from the nursing home saying they think she has pneumonia and immediately I said "Is this THE call and I need to be there right away" and they assured it wasn't and they were just informing me of a change in her condition. Right away I thought when you get pneumonia like that you had a week left so did the math, July 4th. Then I thought Mom wouldn't "do" that to us and die on a holiday so it would be July 3rd. As soon as I thought July third it was sealed, 100% no doubt in my mind, I knew the date for sure! The countdown sucked real bad, 6 days left, then one day it was two, it sucked! But I made sure to be there every day for a long time. On July 2nd, one day before I knew she'd go and this was her last full day I was there real early. At one point the nurse dame in and said "Your brother called and he's on his way down" which sounded weird as he was working. Then my sister showed up and said "I called you but you didn't answer so I thought you'd be here. They even brought in a drink cart with snacks coffee and drinks and that never happened before but I was clueless. Apparently they called my sister and said to come because our Mom wasn't expected to survive,they couldn’t get any blood pressure reading. The nurses assumed I had gotten the message and came down but I was there because I knew anyway. My sister said "Well you were close but a day off" and I said "Not really, she'll be here until midnight at least. She died at 3:30 the following morning on July 3rd. When my sister called she said "I guess you were right after all" and I told her I wished I was wrong. Knowing was good in a way as I was able to tell everyone so they could prepare. Understandably no one thought I knew the exact date even though I did so I didn't push it any, it was so sad irregardless. Knowing someone else’s time I guess was a gift? It was a mixed blessing though, that each day passing was one closer until it was one day part was rough!
I want to go in my sleep no matter when I go even if it's today , I think this is beautiful to finally be at peace 😍❤️
Grover F our 12 ur old son was dying of cancer - he was not conscious on a Friday before a 3day weekend - his favorite nurse was off until the following Tuesday - he did some agonal breathing on Friday pm but lived until Tuesday am and with many family members and his favorite nurse present he took his his last breath at precisely the time of his birth 12 yrs earlier
Bless you for being the hands and feet of Jesus. ❤
Thank you honey for being there I listen to you all the time and you really do well well on educating people on what's really going on
I experienced this with my ex-wife’s grandmother about 25 years ago. She was in the hospital and was told she would be released the next day. I went to visit her during my lunch time. As I was leaving I told her I would see her for Thanksgiving dinner, to which she responded she wouldn’t be there. She was 95, so thinking she was confused I explained that Thanksgiving was 19 days away and that was being released tomorrow. She took my hand, looked me in the eyes and said “I won’t be there. I’m tired and not enjoying life anymore. I’ll miss everyone, but I’m ready to go”.
Thinking she was just having a bad day I left thinking I’d see her at Thanksgiving. Two days later I got a call that she wasn’t expected to make it through the day. When I arrived at the hospital there were a lot of people around her, so I stood back against the wall.
When she noticed me she held out her hand to me. I walked over and took her hand and she gave me a look that I interpreted as “You get what’s happening, right?”. I gave her a “Yeah, I get it” look in response.
She began talking to me as if I I was the only person in the room in spite of the fact that there were at least a dozen others in the room and I was the only person in the room who wasn’t a blood relative of hers. She continued conversing with me until the drugs they gave her kicked in and her speech became so slurred that I could no longer understand her. I held her hand until she fell asleep. She passed away within a couple of hours after that.
I asked my wife later if she had told her or anyone else that she knew ahead of time that she was going to die. She hadn’t. I’ve wondered since then how she knew she was going to die and why she chose me to tell it to, especially considering her granddaughter and my marriage was on the rocks and headed for a certain divorce.
Some say there are 'soul groups' who incarnate together, playing different roles each time. If that be the case, just because you were about to divorce her granddaughter doesn't mean that grandmother might not have known you, and known you well.
Another possibility: She knew she could tell you beCAUSE you were not as close and would not automatically deny deny deny.....
❤ the stories. I am so thankful I went to see my Aunt the morning the Hospice nurse called me. They said my Aunt was showing signs of transition. I was in another state. I prayed God would keep her there until I reached her. I arrived. My Aunt was jovial. I was confused, LOL. I can laugh now. She even told me at one point that she was dying. I asked her how she knew that. She never told me. She did ask who were the people out front. Her room was to the very back of the facility. Wow!! I think she was seeing people on the other side. I can't wait to go Home!
I experienced this as a student nurse a couple of times.
This is so special! Thank you.
I am 70 year old white man. I have ask for god to take me where the pain will stop. My wife my brothers mother my dad and my uncles aunts brothers have gone to meet their makers. I want to and need to move on to that leave life
Im about to turn 60 and i already dont have anyone in my life after my mom passed 8 years ago. i hope you had someone to help over the last few years. Stay safe my friend
@@Sjrick I don't. God is all I have
@@howardwhitney2615 I dont even have God, So you are doing better than me already. Hang in there my friend !!
@@Sjrick back at you
@@Sjrick why dont you have God?
When my grandma died in 2005, she waited until I arrived before she passed. Everyone else was already there and she held on until I could get there and hold her hand., then she passed in about 5 minutes. It was amazing.
Julie,you're great..you explain the situation very accurately
Sorry this is so long but since you asked us to share I’m doing so. My grandma did the same thing…I wasn’t supposed to visit her that night as I had been there during the day, but I felt a need to go visit her again. The nurses all had said she was stable but declining and had about 2 months left. When I sat by her bedside she wanted me to read the Bible to her, which I did…not knowing what to read, but I don’t think she cared. I had come with my now ex husband and he was in the room also. She didn’t like him. He left to use the bathroom and her eyes followed him leaving the room. He was gone maybe 6-7 minutes. In that time he was gone she put her arm out and stared over my head with a smile on her face. I kept looking over my shoulder to see what she was looking at…nothing there. I asked her if she saw her sister and mom and dad. No response but she tried to sit up. I told her that I was going to be fine and that if she wanted to go, I would be ok. Within about 2 minutes, she drifted away. I called for the nurses and told them she had passed. They were convinced I was wrong because she was not at the stage where her body was shutting down. I was very close to my grandma and took care of her in my home for 4 years prior. To this day I feel guilty..as if my telling her that it was ok to go hastened her death. Rationally I know this is not the case but emotionally it eats at me.
I had read that sometimes loved ones hang on because they are worried about leaving us and they sometimes need to know we will be ok once they are gone. Did I make a mistake in voicing what I did? Interestingly, by the time my ex returned to the room, all this had taken place. It’s as if she didn’t want him to be part of what was very personal.
You didn't do anything wrong sweet girl. You gave her EXACTLY what she needed. God bless you for taking such good care of your grandma. ❤️
@@katiehenry7 ty..what a really loving comment. ❤️
Wendy Y - you did absolutely the right thing. My sister and I did that for our dear Father. The hospice nurses recommended we tell him it was ok to go if he wanted to. Once we each said that to him, he passed peacefully that night. Don’t feel any guilt - you did the right thing and it was needed…
NO mistake, whatsoever!! You gave her a gift…. Gave her permission to let go. A very, very loving gesture on your part to your beloved grandma.
@@rarespiritwendy I just lost my grandma too...she was in hospice. I hope you are doing well!
Your a wonderfull person and the people who are at the end of life are very lucky to have you care for them, matt
So funny you mention this tonight! My friend in GA is waiting for her father to pass. Moved back there a few years ago and he's been in and out of hospitals with several close calls. Got a message tonight that they believe he will pass tonight. Bless his heart. Never met him, but I just love him for how much he loves his 4 daughters. They have been caring for daddy at home for a year or two. Miss my friend but I'm thankful she got to spend more time with Daddy. I pray for them every day. And I believe some folks choose when to go. My stepfather passed at the end of Labor Day weekend in 1983. I woke up to my mom and brothers having coffee. I was there to help care for the dog, who wandered from room to room looking for Harry. She was so sad. Within a few months she got cancer and I know she's with him. Weird how he waited for the holiday to end before "leaving the building."
A few weeks ago our friend who’s wife was very ill took her to the hospital for a liver transplant. When they run tests on her they brought her back to her room and Dr told them her heart wasn’t strong enough for the surgery. This was Thursday and she told her husband I’m ready to go home I’m tired. He told her that the hospital was going to let her go home Saturday morning. She passed away early that morning.
This is true I have experienced this from a distance it gives me hope
My dad was in hospice. He was fine up until a week before his death. Myself, hubby and two of my five siblings made sure dad had meals we delivered. We would stop in and visit him while he ate. Dad was in a lot of pain and had been for years. At 89 he was tired. He often said to me “ I’m tired of this shit.” Mom had died 30 years prior. The day before he went into hospice he said to me” I’m ready to go,” in hospice he was lucid off and on. In a lucid moment I said to him “ dad, it’s okay if you want to go home.” He answered “no, not yet.” Two days later he was put into coma with large doses of morphine. Once everyone said their good byes Dad left.
When I was in 5th grade our class would go to the senior center once a month to have lunch with the senior citizens. In feb or mar I was telling the woman I had been paired with about a piano song I was practicing to play for her at our May gathering where the seniors would come to our school and our class would entertain them. As I was excitedly telling her about the song I had chosen to play for her, she apologized and said she wouldn’t be able to make it. She didnt tell me why and I remember feeling disappointed and confused.
3 weeks before the event she died. She had picked out her casket a few weeks prior and had the funeral all set up. I dont remember her being ill, just elderly. She was very kind and attentive. But, somehow, she knew about her impending death enough to apologize for not being able to attend the may gathering. It was very confusing for me at the time.
My husband's grandmother and I were very close. She was a former nurse and was getting forgetful at 95. She would put a pot of water on the stove for tea then forget and burn the pot, but she knew enough to hide the pot! She told me she would never go into a nursing home. She was mobile and we had long conversations. Her daughter came from out of state and took her to tour nursing homes. That evening, I felt this strong urge to speak to her (before cell phones). My husband and I were out and couldn't find a pay phone and it was late when we got home. The next morning, we got the call that she had died. I am the only one she told that she would not go into a nursing home and I know she chose to die instead.
We think my mom waited until after Christmas Day to decline and die because she didn't want to ruin our holiday. She had congestive heart failure and was filling up with fluid that week, (was in assisted living and on hospice) but seemed ok on Christmas. The next morning, she couldn't remember how to get back to her room after breakdast, then declined the rest of the day. She passed on the 27th in the evening. It would be just like her to wait until the holiday had passed before she went.
I had a friend who received medals for rescuing people from helicopters to his aircraft carrier during the last days of the Vietnam War. He died of kidney failure just before the chaotic withdrawal from Afghanistan. He was spared reliving the experience. R. I. P. Gary
You're a gift. Thank you 😊
From what I understand my grandmother on my mother’s
Side chose her time to go. 😇
That is the first time I have ever heard of the term unaliving and I love it. I will now say that my father unalived himself instead of he committed suicide.
My dad was in his final days of hospice when he declared, “I’ll be fine by Tuesday”. He died that day!
My father-in-law lived on the West Coast, my wife and I live in Virginia. We were in touch with my father-in-law everyday by phone. One day, my father-in-law and I were talking and I mentioned that my wife and I would like to fly out to visit him for the Holidays. My father-in- law said quite matter of factly, "I'm not going to be around at Christmas." And he wasn't. He died in October.
Thank you Julie.
Decades ago, I attended church with a many who was not in his 80"s
His wife had died a couple of years before this happened.
He was working at the same mall I worked at and was working with a woman I had worked with years earlier.
They were working the evening shift and he looked at her and said "I am tired and ready to go home". The lady thought he was saying he wanted to leave and head to his house.
She laughed and said, well we have another hour before the mall closes. He said, that is not what I meant, I mean I am ready to go home to Heaven.
He died that night. I believe he chose and willed himself to die that night.
My Aunt Captola( yes that’s was her name) was in her 80’s and told everyone she was going home to Jesus this particular night and she passed that night peacefully in her sleep.
Your videos give me so much comfort!! My mom was on hospice for 2 weeks...I always felt like we starved her to death because she wasn't eating or drinking, I had one terrifying thing that happened that I still don't understand....is there a way I could ask you a question?
I would really appreciate it!!!
My mom passed away the one night I didn't sleep on her bedroom floor, I really think she waited until I wasn't there....but something happened 2 nights before that that I can't get out of my head....😪
I work at a retirement community. One resident went to church and on the way home she said she was dying and could feel it. She shook everyone’s hand and said goodbye. She died a couple of days later.
My husband waited for his sister to come, she was coming from 500 miles away in a snowstorm. After she arrived, a few hours later he waited for me to be near. I gave him “permission” to go, and told him that we were all alright and would take care of each other. I held his head with my face next to his and he gently passed away.
My grandfather died of colon cancer. My mom (a young doctor at the time) stayed up with him for those last few days taking care of him. For hours he kept asking repeatedly what time is it? Is it 8 AM yet? My mom thought nothing of it. At 8 AM sharp he passed away. Died in her arms.
'Unaliving' - new word for me. Google explains it.
I loved hearing this story. ❤
My Grandma died on 15 March 2003, my Grandad died 15 March 2004. I don't know how he did it but I know he waited to die for that date.
When my dad passed he was really fighting to die after a benefit we had for him. He went down hill really fast the night then the next morning he passed. Cancer sucks though I am glad he died a day that he wanted to
my Dad and I didnt have a relationship but when he was 90 he literally broke his neck
i went to sit with him everyday and afternoon, in the evening my son would come and relieve me
when my son got home about 11:30 pm, i told him Grandpa said goodbye to me tonight(he was loving, kind, called me his sweet baby girl)nothing he had ever said to me b4...we got the phone call 2 hrs later
One of my aunts did this last year. Said she was done, insisted on being put in a nursing facility (I think she was afraid no one would check on her for too long, if you know what I mean), died.
Can you please do a video of your experience when a person chooses to take the right to die medication? Are you aware when a patient takes the medicine? Is it a painful death? I live in California and in our State this is a legal option available to those who choose it. Thank you.
What makes it painful