Making friends as an adult is especially difficult because you don't have the benefit of institutions like school, university, or even, in my case (as I work remotely), workplace bringing you together. Intentional effort is essential. There is some vulnerability in putting yourself out there like that, I believe it takes courage to build relationships as you get older.
Not for me I’m homeschooled and as frog said, I could be friends with neighbours but I don’t have any cuz I live on big land. I’m sad 😭 I want friends 😭
@@unforgettxxle well, then that person wasn't your real friend which is unfortunate. you're not alone though, i go through the same sh*t, it's just life although it sucks like hell, it's just how it is.
Couldn't agree more. You've worded this perfectly. I've been through all of these things within last 3 years or so and only in recent months many aspects of my life started improving drastically as I started questioning my own thoughts and coming to same conclusions as you've mentioned. Remember how not that long ago I lived with this negative perception of people around me and what happened to me multiple times was that I was just shocked by how simply and nicely complete strangers acted towards me while I was pretty much getting ready to fight them. One thing that I've realized is that the way I choose to see others is to a certain extend a reflection of the way I choose to see myself. The more I have questioned my feelings and "hunted down" the negative ones, the more effective I am when it comes to dealing with negative situations and thoughts in the future. And as I've become much more positive person, learning to love and accept myself, my surroundings and others, people just started entering my life on their own. The key really is to not care and enjoy yourself no matter what you're doing. What sometimes occurred to me was that I felt shitty and had no idea why at the moment. And what helps me in such situation is telling myself "You have nothing to regret, nothing to be sorry about, nothing to fear" meaning every single word of it. Cuz really the thing is that no matter what happened to you in the past and what you did. At that time, at that very moment of your life you simply did the best you thought, the best you knew. You cannot blame your past self for not knowing what you know now. And you cannot blame your present self for the past. What you can do is tell yourself that you live now and you wanna enjoy and live your life, not suffer through it. Got a little passionate here xD. if someone reads this whole thing all best to you.
What you posted sounds like some of the most mature and well thought out conclusions in regards to the inner self , I will think about your approach to your own self reflection as I have trouble trusting Anyone and I think there is a good chance that you know what you are talking about.
Yeah the thing with trust is tricky. What I found working for me the best when it comes to basically make myself believe that: -this dude I'm talking to right now isn't about to pull whatever random shit my brain was capable of making up on me - there is no reason why everyone I text would think "Shit, it's him again..." the second they notice that I sent a message, just like there is no reason why I should feel like a creep for posting something that I find funny no matter what and how many reactions it gets - I have no reason to automatically assume that whatever talk is going on nearby has to be about me and it just has to be negative cuz it's about me ...and so on... It's all really about being able to catch yourself in the moment when thinking this way, telling yourself to stop, and then being realistic, slowly taking a step back in your head and telling yourself that there is no reason to think this way cuz: - I don't have any actual proof of that this person has any issue with me - they have no reason unless I give them one - people simply talk everywhere and all the time, there is no reason it has to be about me - I don't give a tiniest f*ck what anyone thinks, if someone has any issue they can go to hell, I ain't gonna bother with what whoever MIGHT think of whatever I do, wear, look like,... I do what I do and wear what I wear cuz that's the way I like it and I am the only one who has any say in the way I live - Last and most important, I wanna feel good, I think of good stuff or nothing, I'm not gonna bother myself with negative shit, cuz it's only gonna make me feel shitty and I don't want that, not anymore ! When it comes to stuff like the texting thing I mentioned above. It's a lot about being able to stand your ground against the self criticism. But also it's crucial to be realistic with expectations. Simply not expecting some specific response and falling into assumptions when the expectation does not become reality. And simply understanding that "Yeah I sent a message, my part of the communication is done, the response is up to the person at the other side, I don't know and care what they are thinking of what I sent and how I sent it, until they reply I'm done with texting to them and I'm gonna do some other shit, cuz my life isn't all about waiting for a reply...got my own shit to do, they've got their life to live, I've got one of my own as well." And that'd be it for the Essay No.2
Really loved your comment we need to stop thinking all the time our Minds are truly dangerous and they are the main reason as to why we don't do things and think negatively,we just need to do things and not always expect a reward or outcome(,Specially for depressed people that are always numb)recognize the thoughts and accept them as thoughts keep doing what you want to do
I want friends that will help me grow. Friends I can go to the gym with, work on RUclips videos with, build businesses, go to church with, etc... Hopefully this year I can make some of those friends.
I went to community college and it was hard to make friends because everybody had different schedules and there were more older adults than people my age. Also the hardest part about making friends is that you have to have something to talk about all the time and that’s the problem with me. I never have enough stuff to talk about. I would bring up a topic and that’s about it.
It's pretty easy to find common ground. Like ask them what they like to talk about. Or give a hypothetical situation. I remember there's a youtuber who is known for asking extremely innovative questions. Like ask your friend what they would do if they were born in say 1700s, or if they aren't a history person, ask them what would a 100M$ mean to them. Try it out. Have a great one
That "let your guard down a little" quote is exactly what I've been waiting to hear for the last few months after coming home from the military. Life was so good there because actual face-to-face interaction with all my newly made friends was the main means of socialization there and not the internet, which really shapes the way you see people. I used the internet less than an hour a day, and it had a really positive effect on my psyche. There were other reasons for that too, like for example having a really good diet and a lot of exercise and living with your friends 24/7. I was so much more satisfied with life and had so much deeper connections with other people. Connections that I haven't had since being a kid. And all that has changed back to pretentiousness and cynicism after coming back home. Thank you, it's time to get off the internet and make friends.
when you touched on the self help "guru's" preaching we should only hang out with highly successful, better than we are, high achievers, etc. ... totally hit home for me. I was quite literally miserable because i was cutting out amazing people or making them feel badly about themselves because they weren't chasing "more" out of life. It was such a toxic and twisted mindset I had from a slight addiction to self-help EVERYTHING. thank you so much for this video
Most self help gurus are frauds. I'm not saying that all of them are intentionally trying to deceive people but there is no such thing as a universal method for success, every person is different and some things might work well for others and not for someone else. The key to life is also not to fall for the official version of success, which was created by capitalists in order to sell more of their products. Find something you are passionate about and earn a living doing it, it's the only real way to be happy.
Too real. Those self help gurus definitely only want to be friends with successful people thus they aren’t real and genuine. I hate people with that kind of mindset.
My husband is a loner. All of his friendships are one sided. He never initiates, never makes plans, never calls or texts ppl first/texts back for days. He’s started doing this with me too, and it’s slowly eaten away and made me not social too. This has been a real struggle for me 😭😭😭
@@animeguy2372 Hey, I felt the same way some months ago. I started liking a girl for the first time and I didn't act on it becausd I thought that I would just be annoying and waste her time. I had low self esteem. Check if you have it and investigate a lot to help win it. I can help you if you need too, you aren't annoying and don't worry about searching help in others.
There’s probably reasons why he’s like that help him out I’m the same way and trust me I don’t want to be this way and I’m trying my best to change it my gf has helped me a lot by always showing me support
Don't assume and don't take things personally! Friends are everywhere. In your community - in your home - in your hobbies - at your work. Put effort in creating a positive mindset!
Honestly...friends are few and far between. A true friend is rarer than gold and it's a term I hold dear. Acquaintances often get referred to as friends but a friend is the one you can call on at anytime for anything and they reciprocate your effort into them. Those are not everywhere.
I don't think most people are fake, but rather see things from a perspective that most people don't relate to, and thus have difficulty empathizing with and relating to other people. I don't focus on the negative or the positive, but rather the sincere personality of the person I'm talking to. I struggle because I'm so different from other people on a level that is difficult to explain
I kinda get this...a tip I read is that, we should stop saying "I'm so different and is hard finding people like me", change your mindset. There are a lot interesting people out there, we should be open to people and trust that good friends are going to come naturally.
Absolute fact more often than not people are are happy to be talked to, it's amazing even people who seem mean and scary to approach seem friendly once you talk to them. Well said
I truly believe friends are our anchor in life at times. I'm currently experiencing heartbreak after being dumped by a guy I was talking to for months, so I decided to leave social media for a while. Haven't made contact with any of my friends since. I feel lonely but I know I'm just gonna feel more alone if I use social media again.
I understand exactly what mean and what your experiencing. But do note this, you need to find the right people in order not to feel "more alone". Trust me, being with the "right" people wont make you feel any of the alone stuff. I am still talking to my old highschool friends even though we are in different countries now.. its just the 5 of us but we talk everyday and give snippets to each other of our present life and advice on matters we might be struggling with. Its nice exposing yourself to a group of people who are pushing you, celebrating your little victories, and acknowledging your problems.
@@helpbtsisinmydreams5977 I agree. And thanks for sharing your advice. I'm in a different country than mu friends too so I can't hang out with them in person that's why social media is my only way of talking to them. I started slowly easing my way back and reaching out to them and thank god they understand. You don't need a lot of friends, just good friends who will stick with you through tough times.
@@DoneBefour It really does, doesn't it? Although I'd be lying if I say there aren't times where I miss talking to my friends even just through instagram. But I know if I went online I won't be able to stop myself from contacting the guy again lol so when I'm urged on re-downloading the app, I divert my attention to other stuff and it passes overtime so that helps.
@@catslay1253 yea I totally understand but your friends will just text you if that’s the case you know? And yes idk about you but I’m a huge health nut and working out helps out alot
This speaks directly into my soul. Im 27 and 100% at that point. Lately i was so lonely, that i really often thought about, that it might be better, if i was not on this world anymore. I really want to change myself and started training again. And right now, like magic, videos like yours fly directly into my eyes and hit me directly into the heart. Im thankfull that people like u do this and inspire people to get happy again. I subscribed u and will watch more of youre videos. With best regards, Max.
Jake Hill - We Die Too, listen to it. Fuck suicide. Workout for yourself, buddy. Don't forget stretching and mobility work. Also just go and talk to people. Do it.
I've been on a youtube poll once that was about how trustworthy you are. The majority of people said that they don't trust anyone right away. It honestly appalled me that that many people were like that. We don't live inside of some anime where there's villains around literally every corner, we live on a planet called Earth where most people just wanna make friends and have a good time just like you.
I think that a crap ton of people say that because they like to feel smart. Saying that they don’t trust people feels cooler and more “experienced” than saying that they DO trust people, because the latter feels more innocent and inexperienced. It’s so cliche honestly lmao.
You shouldn't be too trusting right away Its one thing to be positive open friendly but there are bad people never share deep secrets that can't be use against or place yourself in dangerous situations. while just getting to know someone, people need to earn your trust sharing to much up front can make others lose respect. boundaries are important you open up as things go along.
It depends on the level of trust. Do I trust someone that I've met straight away to not take my phone or wallet if I were to purposely leave them in the room while I go somewhere? Absolutely not. Do I trust someone not to attempt to kill me the second they lay their eyes on me? Relatively speaking, yes. Most people wouldn't do that. There's levels to trust.
I had many friends for most of my life. Left most due to them backstabbing me or other trust issues. But frankly, I simply value my solidarity over investing energy into this concept of friendship as it doesn’t bring much to me personally. I don’t mind spending time with others but I don’t prioritise that in my current lifestyle. I’m too focused on my grind!!!
It starts with finding a good work-life balance. I can remember having a job working with people that were so toxic and when I'd go home I'd be completely withdrawn from the world. A friend would call and I'd be thinking like "what the hell do they want!?" Then over time you stop getting those calls and at first it's a relief until you realize it's a problem. That's kinda where I'm at now. I have a good job now that's stress free with lots of free time but no one to really spend it with.
After work, you set up dates or go to clubs (ex language exchange, hiking group), or religious / spiritual activities like group meditation at a Buddhist temple, feeding the poor, or educating youth through church. If you have technical interests, search for meetups related to them. Also expand your network professionally.
....very simplistic approach. In my opinion very few people are really bad and really good, and the vast majority are in the middle, they often give the impression to be one or the other and are really neither.... I do believe very few people are sincere to themselves and others.... and humans will jump on the opportunity to gain something from others..... Yes, there are those noble and altruistic souls that are nothing by goodness, but they are very rare to find....
I feel like I keep getting caught up in non reciprocal painful cycle of friendships and caring more than the other person while watching them care more about other people. I just want to find people I'm compatible with and where the reciprocity is genuine 💗
i think it's so easy to fall into this trap too. i consider myself such a loving and accepting person, but have even fallen into the trap of blaming everyone else at times in my life. great video - also love that Sneako quote too.
It's like how a previous video of yours talks about that we are lonelier than ever and this is a good solution to that video. I hope more people will go out and meet more people too. I have a bit of social anxiety, but it's so nice to hang out and have coffee or do something fun with someone and not just alone.
I like this one. Definitely realized I've had my guard up all the time with everyone I meet and that is preventing me from creating those close friendships.
I realize the moment I stopped acting like how I wanted to be seen as, I loose myself lil bit, I got to be more positive person and attract more positive people. The vibes is something people will pick up on. Making friends is not about learning and concentrating on how to please others, its about us being a good friend to ourselves first and thus people will definitely begin to befriend us. Thanks Cole for your awesome video!
I have been feeling isolated from classmates in school (no close friends). In most of my early childhood, I was rarely praised but compared to people who are better than me. So I grow up never feeling good enough and having to outdo others in order to not feel worthless. Low self-esteem and wanting to give up on my life causes my kindness to fade.
At this point at 30 it makes little sense to make real friends, TBQH, if I did not make them at college or school. If I survived on my own and went this far, what's the point? They were not there when I needed them the most, and to be honest I was not there for them either. I just want to be in peace and not care about it.
I know all of this. People won’t eat me if I talk to them. The problem is that I lived my life in a way I wasn’t bothering anyone and in return didn’t want to be bothered by anyone too. Distrust kills conversations. Change is possible, it’s draining your energy but it’s worth it.
I realized finding friends become challenging when you get into business life and realized that I missed so many opportunities to make some real friends back in college, high school, school days. Wish I see this video sooner.
Most “friendships” have a sub/dom relationship. The friendship I seek is one of mutual respect, both being competent, independent individuals. Berserk with griffith and guts is a good example of how I see most “friendships”. Self esteem should not be a zero sum game.
I've been in one of those friendships before. I was the shy, quiet one who "learned" from her and followed in her footsteps. She was the outgoing, more "experienced" leader who saw me as teachable. Except pretty much everyone liked me more. And she would get notably jealous, sometimes trying to "justify" it with backhanded compliments. She once even put her hands on me.
"People will come and go, but real ones will stay" Damn that hits hard when i remember this words said by someone i lost, Thanks for reminding me, I'll try my best to find those who stays in me 😔
Being neurodivergent makes things challenging. As soon as neurotypical people 'clock' me as different, they either infantilize me, ignore me, or are rude in the hopes that I'll show myself out. Its disappointing but I'm not bitter about it.
I completely forgot your name and after a LONG time you finally popped up in my recommended again. I just want to take this moment to thank you. At the end of 2021 I watched some of your videos because I was really needing it tbh. You really helped me a lot in those harder times and now I’m doing way better. So thank you. I really appreciate it
I can see myself perfectly as the type 1 in the video… I can relate to a lot of things you say in your videos, Cole. Unfortunately I’m still dealing with a lot of anxiety and shyness, but hopefully I can beat it someday. Thanks for your videos!
Exactly on point!!!!! most of the times we are so fed up with ego and unrealistic expectations; we just forget to see that the other person is human too those same mistakes ( mostly illusion of mistake as per us) can be made by us too...and we just don't want to see what's wrong inside us and all those online stuffs we use just to satisfy our ego! Possitive out look; consistent interaction and be more vulnerable that's all is needed to make friends and effort is obviously the big deal to maintain it❤ll After years of putting blame to others I finally have learnt it...looking forward to make some more friends and maintain it 🤞🏻
I'm glad this video came in a really good time. I was disappointed today because I had set up to go cycling with a friend of mine and he couldn't go so I was having these negative thoughts about people, friends and relationships mentioned
I used to be so eager about making friends not really caring too much about what other people thought. Now I find myself becoming reserved slinking back at social interaction and purposefully exiling myself even though I know how much I crave social attention. I recently tried being a little bit more outgoing I joined sports teams clubs trying to talk to people only to get ignored . I tend to talk kind of quietly in mumbles and not being able to get my words out right or loud enough and I’m working on talking louder but it’s still kinda A work in progress. I’m autistic so eliminating the disruptive stimming behaviors will be hard but I can work on it.
Great video! The self-improvement community needs to focus more on self-healing and having the correct mindset while on the self-improvement journey and this video does a REALLY great job on explaining how having the right mindset can change everything
People don't suck just now, they always did, and as much as others around me suck, I suck too. Truth is that humanity is a pile of shit. If we're all shit shouldn't we all try to be less shit? Be the change you wish for.
It's almost impossibile to quickly get the "perfect group of friends full of talents and the right charismas" if you're not the main one having them. As you said, we must develop the right attitude towards life in order to get high quality people in our life.
“ We all secretly wanna believe and be spoon-fed false ideas like humanity is doomed and people suck now because it gives us the excuse to not do the difficult inner work required to start challenging and destroying our false beliefs that will then open us up to start developing healthy relationships. “ Just best❤️
Great video. I’ve had a lot of those same feelings you described. Towards other people. Doing self work and taking a day at a time. I changed how I see people. Everyone has a story. And I’m eager to hear it. People are beautiful in their own way.
In your example about #1 and #2 wanting to make friends with someone and they cancel in the last moment, I’d think like person #1-they were fake, didn’t like me, somethings wrong w me etc. I’m trying to breakaway from being person #1. Except I destroyed an already established friendship. Recently I did exactly what this vid is about. I destroyed a 6 year friendship in 6 minutes, because I convinced myself she didn’t really give a damn about our friendship, or me, and that our entire friendship was a con, and that everything about her was fake, and that she had just been lying to me for the last 6 years, that I wasn’t as important as she would always tell me. This all happened because she didn’t call back when she said she would-I know CRAZY. I have a long history of friends and relationships actually crapping on me, letting me down, lying, manipulating, cheating, using me, discarding etc. So my massive reaction had more to do with my past, and the pain and trauma trapped in me, than her not calling back. She actually called 3 times that day crying, because her life was falling apart. So I made sure to support her over the phone. The final call was at 3am my time, 930pm her time(we lived in different countries at the time), which woke me up. I didn’t care that it was 3am, my best friend needed me.The 3am call cut out, so she sent a voice message that she would call after cooking noodles, which should take 10-15 minutes. 430am came and she still hadn’t called back. All hell broke loose within me. I felt mad, confused, pissed, I’m here waiting for her and where is she?, probably doing something more important to her like scrolling on FB or Insta??(which was going through my mind). I text her “I’m going to sleep”. She immediately tried to call. I missed it. She called again, suddenly in that conversation I became the most toxic I have ever been towards anyone. That morning at 430am was the ending of our friendship, and I had no idea that was gonna be the last time we spoke. I literally ripped into her like she was scum of the earth, like she was the embodiment of all the past people that had hurt me, and not my BF who I Love. I accused her of being a liar and manipulator, and did something I’d never ever done, I called her the C word. I had no idea where all this had come from. It was my past coming up and destroying my present through me. It was what I would learn later was trauma becoming active within this important relationship. I put myself into therapy, did 5 sessions, and know now that I need to heal from my past, so this never happens again. I realise in those last moments I was looking at her through my pain, and super imposing past betrayals/let downs onto her. I’m not a horrible person, but that thing I became towards her is something I never ever want to be ever again. I never lose it ever. 6 year Friendship, destroyed in 6 minutes. Today As I’ve looked back over what happened, I realise that I had trust issues towards her right from the beginning, I was hyper cautious, and part of me wouldn’t let myself just believe in her. This was all due to my past, long before she came along. I always told myself she was just using me, she was fake, she was untrustworthy, but how??? She had never actually done anything wrong to me, but there was plenty my trauma brain was taking as evidence of why I can’t trust her. I’m on a path to healing now. I hope somehow this story helps someone.
Thank you very much, really needed this. I am very eager to make friends but I don’t know where to begin and I have this f*** phobia whenever I have an interaction with other that they won’t like me or they would find me boring.
Haven’t watched the vid yet but my main tip is authenticity, if you aren’t unapologetically yourself the people you attract don’t like you, they like that version to put out there but anyways i can tell this video is gonna be great
DUDE, what a video i truly believe that all you said is what i always wanted to say out loud in my therapy, but i never could put that feelings into words, and this is awesome to know what truly was pushing me back those type of dysfunctional beliefs
I've taken a break from social media for the 2nd time time. I only allowed myself youtube. The thing I've learned about this is that, it's hard to make friends when you're older. I mean with everyone having the same mindset thinking everyone is fake and out to get them.. How is it easy to make conversion with people when no one trusts anyone? I think real friends would understand that we are all dealing with something, and if we ever wanted to talk to someone we could call eachother and hangout or whatever and just have fun together. As well as be there for them if they need you, I've lost friends to overdoses, suicides, murders, moving, and just growing apart. Any friends that I do have I make sure they know I care about them, I can't be everywhere and I'm dealing with my own issues I'm trying to work out. They understand that, and they are always there when I call. What I don't understand is why we all can't stay friends and improve our lives.. as if we are trying to tear eachother down or something.. I don't know where everyone started to believe everyone wants to tear eachother down. But the world got toxic as hell, I just wish we could all get along.. unfortunately it doesn't seem like that will happen
I try my ass off to make friends in real life and online. I try talking to people, try inviting people to go do fun things and even getting people to respond is almost impossible.
The fact that these people you meet in real life are more friendly and open than on the Internet proves the opposite point: people are fake. Better distance yourself from people who act super friendly in real life and endlessly rant online.
MAN I DIDN'T EVEN START THE VIDEO, BUT THE MOMENT I SAW THE THUMBNAIL I GASPED AND SPAMMED THE VIDEO UNTIL IT LOADS CUZ MAN THAT IS THE MOST ACCURATE THING I EVER SAW THAT'S LITTERLY ME
I don't want to make this into a long sob story left on a comment. I just want to say that the last 8 months have been the hardest so far in my 29 years of existence. Not only have your videos helped but they have been able to reprogram my outlook on mostly everything and everyone around me. Thank you for your inspirational work and everything you do for us.
Thank you. I've spent a lot of time trying to help others, but have never been able (or perhaps willing) to understand what my own issues were. Hearing it coming from someone else will help me overcome it
@@Nesggy some friends are good and bad too , I have a friend and he is too good but suddenly he smoked and told me come and smoke with me bro and I said sorry bro I hate smoking then I leaved him
everything you said, literally i needed to hear that. you are so right! thank you for this video! there's so much to unlearn in this life i feel as we grow older.
Cole! Thank you!!!! I just noticed the University of Vermont tee shirt on that one woman who’s quote you highlighted. It’s relevant to me as i’m looking to pursue Veterinary degrees at UVM. I’m in the massachusetts area. It amazes me that you’re more local than I imagined. Happy to know you are exactly who you are. You are impacting many lives Cole. Thank you. Kat
Exactly what I needed, the internet feeds tricks me into a mindset that everyone around me are not the people worth hanging out with, this is so helpful! Thx cole
I really liked this video! It’s honest! I have a lot of anxiety around people and it’s partly why I don’t have people around me. I’m tired of crying about it, I want change, not that it’ll happen over night but I’m working on it.
I'm 26 now and I haven't had friends since I was in elementary. I can't really see myself ever having friends again tbh lol. I just didn't really try in middle school or high school.
I think this was quite insightful. For me, my struggle is that I get endlessly stuck in small talk zone. I have many friends, but its more like friendly acquantances, friends for a reason, mainly being in the same church connect group or homeschool co-op. But I struggle to successfully met up with people and really create more on an inner circle with people who I regularly text or whatever.
There are lonely people everywhere, but in America it's become so prevalent because of the digital world sucking everyone's attention, with people more concerned with likes and comments than real life interactions, also because of suburbs, going everywhere in your car, overconsumption and the entertainment industry. Young Americans seem more interested in looking/sounding cool, building their personal brand and starting a RUclips channel to market themselves as a product than with looking up from their phones and interacting with the real world.
Perfect timing for this video i really needed this i remember most days recently i had girls who would approach me but i still kind of felt empty in some way due to the number of rejection i had with most girls in the past I'll have to admit i still have this negative believe that no girls are willing to spend time with me like me it's still stuck in my mind i seriously need to get rid of it by all means necessary thanks Cole much appreciation to you
Watching your vids is really helping me to to heal a lot. You're right, I need to go outside more and interact with more people in the real world and get off the internet.
I have no friends, no network and no connections. 😭 Make a long story short: people these days aren't interested in making friends unless they want something from me and scamming me. So I'm forced to use social media to communicate so as not to get my time wasted or I care for small talk
yea guys honestly I feel like working on becoming your best self helps a lot and of course people at work are hard to befriend /trust and social media friends aren't real but psuedo . Be your best self and when your ready to take that journey then start looking.
I want to be that person who is always down to do anything with anyone, but it is hard when you feel lonely and want to cut everyone off because, obviously they don't care. 🤣 Such funny reasoning, but seriously, bitterness is not good soil for relationships to grow.
the best way to change how we are is by making small steps in the right direction, it make us stay true to ourself but also others, i think trying to go against our own nature to interact with people is what make us not human. if your someone that is calm, try to accept this and build around it a lifestyle that suits you. as someone who has no friends, the low quantity of interaction i had with different people was super positive without realizing it my self, stuff like " you're very kind for someone of your age" or like "very cute", because i got bullied at school i had a really bad vision about the person at my ages, but now days when i try to see what was wrong before, it was not the people, but the enviromment i was to express myself. now days, i am very curious to know why people are doing some bad behaviors, I WANT TO KNOW THE STORY this person is hidding, which each day reinforced my empathy and positive thought and mindset. ho and also as said in the video, sleep is like the ultimate pylon that can make everything great or bad, personnally my ideal sleep time is 9 hours. when you see life in this perspective, you feel you are your own freedom, the most important tips my dad gives me before everything is to have friends, more important than work, now days i understand why.
I have given up on asking people to do things. You get tiered of getting excuses, no shows and them promises that they want to do it a different date but that day never comes.
Honestly I just want friends that lift me up and overall make me a better person dosnt matter what gender, color, weight or beliefs. Sadly i haven't really found someone like that yet. Hopefully this year will be different.
Meetup worked for me. Finally hung out with a few people outside of the events. I just don't talk about my nerdy stuff much... I let out the side of me that likes interpersonal relationships and drama 😉 and made some female friends... just like high school.
I am person 1. My verbally abusive and sometime physically abusive father became out of the picture before I went into 7th grade. I struggled with a slow processing learning disability when I was in K-12. I have had some teachers that have not helped me with my learning situation by being impatient for I not understanding information being taught. On top of that, I was shy, I had depression, I had anxiety, and I was a lone wolf in school. I was the kid in K-12 that sat alone at the lunch table doing homework, while those that were popular would look at me across the cafeteria whispering to each other as they looked at me. There were a couple of people that I thought were worthy to be a friend because I would have small talk with these people. However, I would see potential people to befriend with be people that I clearly saw were sassy, bitc***y, fake, disrespectful, and had poor morals. Everyone made me angry, especially in high school. Since as far as I can remember my dad being a dead beat , I have had implosive anger build up for years and years. In addition, I have been a homebody. With all that being said, I have never had the experience of being with a group of people my age having fun, going out and about, traveling together, and what not. I am 23 now. In the past couple of years, I have gotten out of my shell trying to put myself out there by going to stores a lot, going to parks a lot, and having small talk with people at the grocery store that I encounter a lot. Plus, I got 3 more semesters left until I graduate college. Anyway, sometimes I like being alone and other times not. I do not know I guess I am a work in progress trying to figure myself out.
Thanks for watching everyone.
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Taking magnesium isn’t that what the first sovereign emperor of china did and he went crazy? Is this a different type of magnesium?
If I life in Europe I can get it?
I lost interest and you lost credibility @ 5:01 when you started promoting stuff
Making friends as an adult is especially difficult because you don't have the benefit of institutions like school, university, or even, in my case (as I work remotely), workplace bringing you together. Intentional effort is essential. There is some vulnerability in putting yourself out there like that, I believe it takes courage to build relationships as you get older.
I guess the best way is to be friends with your neighbors
@@cedar4539 "Good enough" all we need, as long as the frandship is genuine.
@@frog6054 Sometimes haha
Not for me I’m homeschooled and as frog said, I could be friends with neighbours but I don’t have any cuz I live on big land. I’m sad 😭 I want friends 😭
@@user-cb4sg3cq9g
I be your friend
“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”
preach bro
But mine walked out when i was at my worst sadly😶🙃
Then I'm just waiting for the real ones because I'm done with fake
I'm such a 0 friender
@@unforgettxxle well, then that person wasn't your real friend which is unfortunate. you're not alone though, i go through the same sh*t, it's just life although it sucks like hell, it's just how it is.
Couldn't agree more. You've worded this perfectly.
I've been through all of these things within last 3 years or so and only in recent months many aspects of my life started improving drastically as I started questioning my own thoughts and coming to same conclusions as you've mentioned.
Remember how not that long ago I lived with this negative perception of people around me and what happened to me multiple times was that I was just shocked by how simply and nicely complete strangers acted towards me while I was pretty much getting ready to fight them.
One thing that I've realized is that the way I choose to see others is to a certain extend a reflection of the way I choose to see myself.
The more I have questioned my feelings and "hunted down" the negative ones, the more effective I am when it comes to dealing with negative situations and thoughts in the future.
And as I've become much more positive person, learning to love and accept myself, my surroundings and others, people just started entering my life on their own. The key really is to not care and enjoy yourself no matter what you're doing.
What sometimes occurred to me was that I felt shitty and had no idea why at the moment. And what helps me in such situation is telling myself "You have nothing to regret, nothing to be sorry about, nothing to fear" meaning every single word of it.
Cuz really the thing is that no matter what happened to you in the past and what you did. At that time, at that very moment of your life you simply did the best you thought, the best you knew. You cannot blame your past self for not knowing what you know now. And you cannot blame your present self for the past. What you can do is tell yourself that you live now and you wanna enjoy and live your life, not suffer through it.
Got a little passionate here xD. if someone reads this whole thing all best to you.
This is the point in which I hope everyone struggling with this can get to. Really well said Jack, and well done
Appreciate u homeboy🤝
What you posted sounds like some of the most mature and well thought out conclusions in regards to the inner self , I will think about your approach to your own self reflection as I have trouble trusting Anyone and I think there is a good chance that you know what you are talking about.
Yeah the thing with trust is tricky.
What I found working for me the best when it comes to basically make myself believe that:
-this dude I'm talking to right now isn't about to pull whatever random shit my brain was capable of making up on me
- there is no reason why everyone I text would think "Shit, it's him again..." the second they notice that I sent a message, just like there is no reason why I should feel like a creep for posting something that I find funny no matter what and how many reactions it gets
- I have no reason to automatically assume that whatever talk is going on nearby has to be about me and it just has to be negative cuz it's about me
...and so on...
It's all really about being able to catch yourself in the moment when thinking this way, telling yourself to stop, and then being realistic, slowly taking a step back in your head and telling yourself that there is no reason to think this way cuz:
- I don't have any actual proof of that this person has any issue with me
- they have no reason unless I give them one
- people simply talk everywhere and all the time, there is no reason it has to be about me
- I don't give a tiniest f*ck what anyone thinks, if someone has any issue they can go to hell, I ain't gonna bother with what whoever MIGHT think of whatever I do, wear, look like,... I do what I do and wear what I wear cuz that's the way I like it and I am the only one who has any say in the way I live
- Last and most important, I wanna feel good, I think of good stuff or nothing, I'm not gonna bother myself with negative shit, cuz it's only gonna make me feel shitty and I don't want that, not anymore !
When it comes to stuff like the texting thing I mentioned above.
It's a lot about being able to stand your ground against the self criticism.
But also it's crucial to be realistic with expectations. Simply not expecting some specific response and falling into assumptions when the expectation does not become reality.
And simply understanding that "Yeah I sent a message, my part of the communication is done, the response is up to the person at the other side, I don't know and care what they are thinking of what I sent and how I sent it, until they reply I'm done with texting to them and I'm gonna do some other shit, cuz my life isn't all about waiting for a reply...got my own shit to do, they've got their life to live, I've got one of my own as well."
And that'd be it for the Essay No.2
Really loved your comment we need to stop thinking all the time our Minds are truly dangerous and they are the main reason as to why we don't do things and think negatively,we just need to do things and not always expect a reward or outcome(,Specially for depressed people that are always numb)recognize the thoughts and accept them as thoughts keep doing what you want to do
I want friends that will help me grow.
Friends I can go to the gym with, work on RUclips videos with, build businesses, go to church with, etc...
Hopefully this year I can make some of those friends.
yo let’s be friends
@@Temzzo bet
I g those friends are dead for me, or so far till am old and grey
Yo bro I also have same goal let's be friends 🤝🏻
@@manmeet90 do any of you live in Phoenix Arizona
I went to community college and it was hard to make friends because everybody had different schedules and there were more older adults than people my age. Also the hardest part about making friends is that you have to have something to talk about all the time and that’s the problem with me. I never have enough stuff to talk about. I would bring up a topic and that’s about it.
Are you my spirt animal?
i have the same! like i like listening to people but i can never think of something to reply in the conversation 😭💀
@@edmin1013 me too, did u fix that problem?
It's pretty easy to find common ground. Like ask them what they like to talk about. Or give a hypothetical situation. I remember there's a youtuber who is known for asking extremely innovative questions. Like ask your friend what they would do if they were born in say 1700s, or if they aren't a history person, ask them what would a 100M$ mean to them. Try it out. Have a great one
Maybe talk about that? Sometimes just sharing where we’re at can build a good friendship.
That "let your guard down a little" quote is exactly what I've been waiting to hear for the last few months after coming home from the military. Life was so good there because actual face-to-face interaction with all my newly made friends was the main means of socialization there and not the internet, which really shapes the way you see people. I used the internet less than an hour a day, and it had a really positive effect on my psyche. There were other reasons for that too, like for example having a really good diet and a lot of exercise and living with your friends 24/7. I was so much more satisfied with life and had so much deeper connections with other people. Connections that I haven't had since being a kid. And all that has changed back to pretentiousness and cynicism after coming back home. Thank you, it's time to get off the internet and make friends.
Get out there man… You got this 🤙🏾💯💪🏾📈⚡️
damn, it hit not far from home to me
I'm 16 and I'm not supposed to walk around town
i dont know how to get started on that aaaa
@@upbestsalt1551
How aren't you supposed to? Detention center, prison or something?
when you touched on the self help "guru's" preaching we should only hang out with highly successful, better than we are, high achievers, etc. ... totally hit home for me. I was quite literally miserable because i was cutting out amazing people or making them feel badly about themselves because they weren't chasing "more" out of life. It was such a toxic and twisted mindset I had from a slight addiction to self-help EVERYTHING. thank you so much for this video
Most self help gurus are frauds. I'm not saying that all of them are intentionally trying to deceive people but there is no such thing as a universal method for success, every person is different and some things might work well for others and not for someone else. The key to life is also not to fall for the official version of success, which was created by capitalists in order to sell more of their products. Find something you are passionate about and earn a living doing it, it's the only real way to be happy.
this is real as fuck, wish I had seen this
Hlo my friends
real
Too real. Those self help gurus definitely only want to be friends with successful people thus they aren’t real and genuine. I hate people with that kind of mindset.
My husband is a loner. All of his friendships are one sided. He never initiates, never makes plans, never calls or texts ppl first/texts back for days. He’s started doing this with me too, and it’s slowly eaten away and made me not social too. This has been a real struggle for me 😭😭😭
I do this bc I don’t like the thought of begging for attention and being annoying. I hate it but it’s a defense mechanism
@@animeguy2372 Hey, I felt the same way some months ago. I started liking a girl for the first time and I didn't act on it becausd I thought that I would just be annoying and waste her time. I had low self esteem. Check if you have it and investigate a lot to help win it. I can help you if you need too, you aren't annoying and don't worry about searching help in others.
There’s probably reasons why he’s like that help him out I’m the same way and trust me I don’t want to be this way and I’m trying my best to change it my gf has helped me a lot by always showing me support
@@animeguy2372 same :(
I have this problem except I'm the one who only puts in the effort
Yup, making friends requires mindfulness and letting go of past assumptions about people.
Even if they make assumptions about them?
Don't assume and don't take things personally! Friends are everywhere. In your community - in your home - in your hobbies - at your work. Put effort in creating a positive mindset!
Honestly...friends are few and far between. A true friend is rarer than gold and it's a term I hold dear. Acquaintances often get referred to as friends but a friend is the one you can call on at anytime for anything and they reciprocate your effort into them. Those are not everywhere.
@@JT-gm4fk yes 100% but this video talked more about acquaintances - at least my interpretation. Friends is just a keyword to get views lol
What do you know? To make friends, you only have two options. You dominate or you suck up. You can only have a friendship when two people are unequal.
I'll try! Life at home really sucks right now, so my mindset is not so great, but hopefully when I get there I'll be more happier
@@Gatozparty what are you studying?
I don't think most people are fake, but rather see things from a perspective that most people don't relate to, and thus have difficulty empathizing with and relating to other people. I don't focus on the negative or the positive, but rather the sincere personality of the person I'm talking to. I struggle because I'm so different from other people on a level that is difficult to explain
I kinda get this...a tip I read is that, we should stop saying "I'm so different and is hard finding people like me", change your mindset. There are a lot interesting people out there, we should be open to people and trust that good friends are going to come naturally.
@@-blackcherry3918Either you click with a person or you don't... Simple as that
Absolute fact more often than not people are are happy to be talked to, it's amazing even people who seem mean and scary to approach seem friendly once you talk to them. Well said
@@desireeadjei9033
What do you mean?
The initial comment was about approaching random people outside.
I truly believe friends are our anchor in life at times. I'm currently experiencing heartbreak after being dumped by a guy I was talking to for months, so I decided to leave social media for a while. Haven't made contact with any of my friends since. I feel lonely but I know I'm just gonna feel more alone if I use social media again.
I understand exactly what mean and what your experiencing.
But do note this, you need to find the right people in order not to feel "more alone". Trust me, being with the "right" people wont make you feel any of the alone stuff.
I am still talking to my old highschool friends even though we are in different countries now.. its just the 5 of us but we talk everyday and give snippets to each other of our present life and advice on matters we might be struggling with.
Its nice exposing yourself to a group of people who are pushing you, celebrating your little victories, and acknowledging your problems.
@@helpbtsisinmydreams5977 I agree. And thanks for sharing your advice. I'm in a different country than mu friends too so I can't hang out with them in person that's why social media is my only way of talking to them. I started slowly easing my way back and reaching out to them and thank god they understand. You don't need a lot of friends, just good friends who will stick with you through tough times.
I’m going through this exact same things being off social media is such a freeing experience , at least for awhile it really does help
@@DoneBefour It really does, doesn't it? Although I'd be lying if I say there aren't times where I miss talking to my friends even just through instagram. But I know if I went online I won't be able to stop myself from contacting the guy again lol so when I'm urged on re-downloading the app, I divert my attention to other stuff and it passes overtime so that helps.
@@catslay1253 yea I totally understand but your friends will just text you if that’s the case you know? And yes idk about you but I’m a huge health nut and working out helps out alot
This speaks directly into my soul. Im 27 and 100% at that point. Lately i was so lonely, that i really often thought about, that it might be better, if i was not on this world anymore. I really want to change myself and started training again. And right now, like magic, videos like yours fly directly into my eyes and hit me directly into the heart. Im thankfull that people like u do this and inspire people to get happy again. I subscribed u and will watch more of youre videos. With best regards, Max.
Jake Hill - We Die Too, listen to it. Fuck suicide.
Workout for yourself, buddy. Don't forget stretching and mobility work.
Also just go and talk to people. Do it.
You already want to kill yourself.
So do it. Kill your old self and become a better you BROTHER! When you hit rock bottom, only way is up
I've been on a youtube poll once that was about how trustworthy you are. The majority of people said that they don't trust anyone right away. It honestly appalled me that that many people were like that. We don't live inside of some anime where there's villains around literally every corner, we live on a planet called Earth where most people just wanna make friends and have a good time just like you.
I think that a crap ton of people say that because they like to feel smart. Saying that they don’t trust people feels cooler and more “experienced” than saying that they DO trust people, because the latter feels more innocent and inexperienced. It’s so cliche honestly lmao.
@@jadedjimmy Yeah lmao. Everyone just wants to feel like L from death note.
You shouldn't be too trusting right away Its one thing to be positive open friendly but there are bad people never share deep secrets that can't be use against or place yourself in dangerous situations. while just getting to know someone, people need to earn your trust sharing to much up front can make others lose respect. boundaries are important you open up as things go along.
It depends on the level of trust. Do I trust someone that I've met straight away to not take my phone or wallet if I were to purposely leave them in the room while I go somewhere? Absolutely not. Do I trust someone not to attempt to kill me the second they lay their eyes on me? Relatively speaking, yes. Most people wouldn't do that. There's levels to trust.
Sadly alot of people been hurt by someone or alot of them so it can be hard to trust people
I had many friends for most of my life. Left most due to them backstabbing me or other trust issues. But frankly, I simply value my solidarity over investing energy into this concept of friendship as it doesn’t bring much to me personally. I don’t mind spending time with others but I don’t prioritise that in my current lifestyle. I’m too focused on my grind!!!
So true!
It starts with finding a good work-life balance. I can remember having a job working with people that were so toxic and when I'd go home I'd be completely withdrawn from the world. A friend would call and I'd be thinking like "what the hell do they want!?" Then over time you stop getting those calls and at first it's a relief until you realize it's a problem. That's kinda where I'm at now. I have a good job now that's stress free with lots of free time but no one to really spend it with.
Call a friend, make plans to hang out
I'm in the same boat
After work, you set up dates or go to clubs (ex language exchange, hiking group), or religious / spiritual activities like group meditation at a Buddhist temple, feeding the poor, or educating youth through church. If you have technical interests, search for meetups related to them. Also expand your network professionally.
Genuine connection is out there but you must seek it
....very simplistic approach. In my opinion very few people are really bad and really good, and the vast majority are in the middle, they often give the impression to be one or the other and are really neither.... I do believe very few people are sincere to themselves and others.... and humans will jump on the opportunity to gain something from others..... Yes, there are those noble and altruistic souls that are nothing by goodness, but they are very rare to find....
I feel like I keep getting caught up in non reciprocal painful cycle of friendships and caring more than the other person while watching them care more about other people. I just want to find people I'm compatible with and where the reciprocity is genuine 💗
Two things you dont have to find : true love and true friend
SAMEEE BRO, glad I'm not the only one going through this
We are here together
@@jigar2238 care to explain?? how can u even be happy with neither??
@@iiCounted-op5jx i still don't have described above lol. I just do my work and it makes me happy 🌞☕
i think it's so easy to fall into this trap too. i consider myself such a loving and accepting person, but have even fallen into the trap of blaming everyone else at times in my life. great video - also love that Sneako quote too.
It's like how a previous video of yours talks about that we are lonelier than ever and this is a good solution to that video. I hope more people will go out and meet more people too. I have a bit of social anxiety, but it's so nice to hang out and have coffee or do something fun with someone and not just alone.
I removed the toxic people from my life and found no one remaining.
the amount of warmth this video gives >>
It feels like nobody has time for friends anymore and people ghost you
I hate that
I like this one. Definitely realized I've had my guard up all the time with everyone I meet and that is preventing me from creating those close friendships.
I realize the moment I stopped acting like how I wanted to be seen as, I loose myself lil bit, I got to be more positive person and attract more positive people. The vibes is something people will pick up on. Making friends is not about learning and concentrating on how to please others, its about us being a good friend to ourselves first and thus people will definitely begin to befriend us. Thanks Cole for your awesome video!
I have been feeling isolated from classmates in school (no close friends). In most of my early childhood, I was rarely praised but compared to people who are better than me. So I grow up never feeling good enough and having to outdo others in order to not feel worthless. Low self-esteem and wanting to give up on my life causes my kindness to fade.
One of the best self improvement channels out there man glad you’re here
At this point at 30 it makes little sense to make real friends, TBQH, if I did not make them at college or school.
If I survived on my own and went this far, what's the point? They were not there when I needed them the most, and to be honest I was not there for them either.
I just want to be in peace and not care about it.
I know all of this. People won’t eat me if I talk to them.
The problem is that I lived my life in a way I wasn’t bothering anyone and in return didn’t want to be bothered by anyone too. Distrust kills conversations.
Change is possible, it’s draining your energy but it’s worth it.
I realized finding friends become challenging when you get into business life and realized that I missed so many opportunities to make some real friends back in college, high school, school days. Wish I see this video sooner.
Most “friendships” have a sub/dom relationship. The friendship I seek is one of mutual respect, both being competent, independent individuals. Berserk with griffith and guts is a good example of how I see most “friendships”. Self esteem should not be a zero sum game.
I've been in one of those friendships before. I was the shy, quiet one who "learned" from her and followed in her footsteps. She was the outgoing, more "experienced" leader who saw me as teachable. Except pretty much everyone liked me more. And she would get notably jealous, sometimes trying to "justify" it with backhanded compliments. She once even put her hands on me.
Bro, needed this so much. Never made friends and was feeling so low because of it
Hope it helps
"People will come and go, but real ones will stay" Damn that hits hard when i remember this words said by someone i lost, Thanks for reminding me, I'll try my best to find those who stays in me 😔
Being neurodivergent makes things challenging. As soon as neurotypical people 'clock' me as different, they either infantilize me, ignore me, or are rude in the hopes that I'll show myself out. Its disappointing but I'm not bitter about it.
I feel the same way
I completely forgot your name and after a LONG time you finally popped up in my recommended again. I just want to take this moment to thank you. At the end of 2021 I watched some of your videos because I was really needing it tbh. You really helped me a lot in those harder times and now I’m doing way better. So thank you. I really appreciate it
That's awesome, glad youre doing better
I can see myself perfectly as the type 1 in the video… I can relate to a lot of things you say in your videos, Cole. Unfortunately I’m still dealing with a lot of anxiety and shyness, but hopefully I can beat it someday. Thanks for your videos!
Exactly on point!!!!! most of the times we are so fed up with ego and unrealistic expectations; we just forget to see that the other person is human too those same mistakes ( mostly illusion of mistake as per us) can be made by us too...and we just don't want to see what's wrong inside us and all those online stuffs we use just to satisfy our ego! Possitive out look; consistent interaction and be more vulnerable that's all is needed to make friends and effort is obviously the big deal to maintain it❤ll After years of putting blame to others I finally have learnt it...looking forward to make some more friends and maintain it 🤞🏻
I'm glad this video came in a really good time. I was disappointed today because I had set up to go cycling with a friend of mine and he couldn't go so I was having these negative thoughts about people, friends and relationships mentioned
I used to be so eager about making friends not really caring too much about what other people thought. Now I find myself becoming reserved slinking back at social interaction and purposefully exiling myself even though I know how much I crave social attention. I recently tried being a little bit more outgoing I joined sports teams clubs trying to talk to people only to get ignored . I tend to talk kind of quietly in mumbles and not being able to get my words out right or loud enough and I’m working on talking louder but it’s still kinda A work in progress. I’m autistic so eliminating the disruptive stimming behaviors will be hard but I can work on it.
Great video! The self-improvement community needs to focus more on self-healing and having the correct mindset while on the self-improvement journey and this video does a REALLY great job on explaining how having the right mindset can change everything
People don't suck just now, they always did, and as much as others around me suck, I suck too. Truth is that humanity is a pile of shit. If we're all shit shouldn't we all try to be less shit? Be the change you wish for.
Most people aren't that busy. It's about who and what people prioritize.
You are like this down to earth, chill dude, that makes me rethink my "personal development values"
Thank you my G
It's almost impossibile to quickly get the "perfect group of friends full of talents and the right charismas" if you're not the main one having them.
As you said, we must develop the right attitude towards life in order to get high quality people in our life.
This!
How do you get the right attitude
“ We all secretly wanna believe and be spoon-fed false ideas like humanity is doomed and people suck now because it gives us the excuse to not do the difficult inner work required to start challenging and destroying our false beliefs that will then open us up to start developing healthy relationships. “ Just best❤️
Relationships are always based on a dominant/ dominated basis. Be it at work, with friends or the opposite sex. That's observable reality
See the higher potential in everyone ❤
Great video. I’ve had a lot of those same feelings you described. Towards other people. Doing self work and taking a day at a time. I changed how I see people. Everyone has a story. And I’m eager to hear it. People are beautiful in their own way.
Its a certain type of person I am looking for and I know they are rare is my struggle. Great Video!
In your example about #1 and #2 wanting to make friends with someone and they cancel in the last moment, I’d think like person #1-they were fake, didn’t like me, somethings wrong w me etc.
I’m trying to breakaway from being person #1. Except I destroyed an already established friendship.
Recently I did exactly what this vid is about. I destroyed a 6 year friendship in 6 minutes, because I convinced myself she didn’t really give a damn about our friendship, or me, and that our entire friendship was a con, and that everything about her was fake, and that she had just been lying to me for the last 6 years, that I wasn’t as important as she would always tell me. This all happened because she didn’t call back when she said she would-I know CRAZY. I have a long history of friends and relationships actually crapping on me, letting me down, lying, manipulating, cheating, using me, discarding etc. So my massive reaction had more to do with my past, and the pain and trauma trapped in me, than her not calling back.
She actually called 3 times that day crying, because her life was falling apart. So I made sure to support her over the phone. The final call was at 3am my time, 930pm her time(we lived in different countries at the time), which woke me up. I didn’t care that it was 3am, my best friend needed me.The 3am call cut out, so she sent a voice message that she would call after cooking noodles, which should take 10-15 minutes. 430am came and she still hadn’t called back. All hell broke loose within me. I felt mad, confused, pissed, I’m here waiting for her and where is she?, probably doing something more important to her like scrolling on FB or Insta??(which was going through my mind). I text her “I’m going to sleep”. She immediately tried to call. I missed it. She called again, suddenly in that conversation I became the most toxic I have ever been towards anyone. That morning at 430am was the ending of our friendship, and I had no idea that was gonna be the last time we spoke. I literally ripped into her like she was scum of the earth, like she was the embodiment of all the past people that had hurt me, and not my BF who I Love. I accused her of being a liar and manipulator, and did something I’d never ever done, I called her the C word. I had no idea where all this had come from. It was my past coming up and destroying my present through me. It was what I would learn later was trauma becoming active within this important relationship.
I put myself into therapy, did 5 sessions, and know now that I need to heal from my past, so this never happens again. I realise in those last moments I was looking at her through my pain, and super imposing past betrayals/let downs onto her.
I’m not a horrible person, but that thing I became towards her is something I never ever want to be ever again. I never lose it ever.
6 year Friendship, destroyed in 6 minutes.
Today As I’ve looked back over what happened, I realise that I had trust issues towards her right from the beginning, I was hyper cautious, and part of me wouldn’t let myself just believe in her. This was all due to my past, long before she came along. I always told myself she was just using me, she was fake, she was untrustworthy, but how??? She had never actually done anything wrong to me, but there was plenty my trauma brain was taking as evidence of why I can’t trust her.
I’m on a path to healing now.
I hope somehow this story helps someone.
Thank you very much, really needed this. I am very eager to make friends but I don’t know where to begin and I have this f*** phobia whenever I have an interaction with other that they won’t like me or they would find me boring.
Haven’t watched the vid yet but my main tip is authenticity, if you aren’t unapologetically yourself the people you attract don’t like you, they like that version to put out there but anyways i can tell this video is gonna be great
DUDE, what a video i truly believe that all you said is what i always wanted to say out loud in my therapy, but i never could put that feelings into words, and this is awesome to know what truly was pushing me back those type of dysfunctional beliefs
''you are the five people you hang out with the most'' - bruhhh i dont even know five people
I've taken a break from social media for the 2nd time time. I only allowed myself youtube. The thing I've learned about this is that, it's hard to make friends when you're older. I mean with everyone having the same mindset thinking everyone is fake and out to get them.. How is it easy to make conversion with people when no one trusts anyone? I think real friends would understand that we are all dealing with something, and if we ever wanted to talk to someone we could call eachother and hangout or whatever and just have fun together. As well as be there for them if they need you, I've lost friends to overdoses, suicides, murders, moving, and just growing apart. Any friends that I do have I make sure they know I care about them, I can't be everywhere and I'm dealing with my own issues I'm trying to work out. They understand that, and they are always there when I call. What I don't understand is why we all can't stay friends and improve our lives.. as if we are trying to tear eachother down or something.. I don't know where everyone started to believe everyone wants to tear eachother down. But the world got toxic as hell, I just wish we could all get along.. unfortunately it doesn't seem like that will happen
the line : friends are good enough if you can vibe with them stuck with me... eye opening
I think there are people who don’t recognize your kindness like my classmate every time I help her she takes it for granted
I try my ass off to make friends in real life and online. I try talking to people, try inviting people to go do fun things and even getting people to respond is almost impossible.
I can relate not entirely but yeah at some points
I appreciate your work man, it's been very helpful for me this year I went through a rough patch. Keep it up boss‼️
Glad I could help Brendan!
The fact that these people you meet in real life are more friendly and open than on the Internet proves the opposite point: people are fake. Better distance yourself from people who act super friendly in real life and endlessly rant online.
Not necessarily online but behind your back
Bumble bff is the only way to make friends i can think of
That’s a solid idea, or the app meetup
Lol
Really? Let me check it out
MAN I DIDN'T EVEN START THE VIDEO, BUT THE MOMENT I SAW THE THUMBNAIL I GASPED AND SPAMMED THE VIDEO UNTIL IT LOADS CUZ MAN THAT IS THE MOST ACCURATE THING I EVER SAW THAT'S LITTERLY ME
“Suffer the pain of self-discipline or suffer the pain of self regret”
I don't want to make this into a long sob story left on a comment. I just want to say that the last 8 months have been the hardest so far in my 29 years of existence. Not only have your videos helped but they have been able to reprogram my outlook on mostly everything and everyone around me. Thank you for your inspirational work and everything you do for us.
Real friends are those who stay away for years but still got the same bond and vibe like it was before🥂
Thank you. I've spent a lot of time trying to help others, but have never been able (or perhaps willing) to understand what my own issues were. Hearing it coming from someone else will help me overcome it
You are the man cole you always bring such a balanced open minded approach to all of your videos, god bless brotha.
The real friend wants you to live in a healthy and best life
I have a "friend" like that and she disappeared out of nowhere. Waiting for her reply for more than a month.
I can't trust people anymore
@@Nesggy some friends are good and bad too , I have a friend and he is too good but suddenly he smoked and told me come and smoke with me bro and I said sorry bro I hate smoking then I leaved him
@@Nesggy can you tell me your discord
Cole this is a great video, but I needed to point it out because the new editing looks absolutely gorgeous. Great job!
haha thanks man but my editor did this one! He edits half my vids now
@@ColeHastings Leveling Up 💪
I'm so grateful for this video, hope all of you will have a great day 🙏🏻
everything you said, literally i needed to hear that. you are so right! thank you for this video! there's so much to unlearn in this life i feel as we grow older.
Cole! Thank you!!!!
I just noticed the University of Vermont tee shirt on that one woman who’s quote you highlighted. It’s relevant to me as i’m looking to pursue Veterinary degrees at UVM. I’m in the massachusetts area. It amazes me that you’re more local than I imagined. Happy to know you are exactly who you are. You are impacting many lives Cole.
Thank you.
Kat
Exactly what I needed, the internet feeds tricks me into a mindset that everyone around me are not the people worth hanging out with, this is so helpful! Thx cole
I really liked this video! It’s honest! I have a lot of anxiety around people and it’s partly why I don’t have people around me. I’m tired of crying about it, I want change, not that it’ll happen over night but I’m working on it.
I'm 26 now and I haven't had friends since I was in elementary. I can't really see myself ever having friends again tbh lol. I just didn't really try in middle school or high school.
I think this was quite insightful. For me, my struggle is that I get endlessly stuck in small talk zone. I have many friends, but its more like friendly acquantances, friends for a reason, mainly being in the same church connect group or homeschool co-op. But I struggle to successfully met up with people and really create more on an inner circle with people who I regularly text or whatever.
There are lonely people everywhere, but in America it's become so prevalent because of the digital world sucking everyone's attention, with people more concerned with likes and comments than real life interactions, also because of suburbs, going everywhere in your car, overconsumption and the entertainment industry. Young Americans seem more interested in looking/sounding cool, building their personal brand and starting a RUclips channel to market themselves as a product than with looking up from their phones and interacting with the real world.
My believe is closer to person no.1
I grew up hating myself every "friend" walked outon me and joined the bully, I got too confortable being alone but that void has never beed filled.
You’ve really helped me master my mental health thank you Cole
Much love
This man is my new therapist
My direct experience with people is that they are awful and have told me directly that no one likes me very much. ☹
When I find myself thinking like that I'm taken back by the song people are strange by The Doors.
Perfect timing for this video i really needed this i remember most days recently i had girls who would approach me but i still kind of felt empty in some way due to the number of rejection i had with most girls in the past I'll have to admit i still have this negative believe that no girls are willing to spend time with me like me it's still stuck in my mind i seriously need to get rid of it by all means necessary thanks Cole much appreciation to you
You’ve changed my life 💖🙏🏼
the ad transition was so smooth :)
Watching your vids is really helping me to to heal a lot. You're right, I need to go outside more and interact with more people in the real world and get off the internet.
I have no friends, no network and no connections. 😭 Make a long story short: people these days aren't interested in making friends unless they want something from me and scamming me. So I'm forced to use social media to communicate so as not to get my time wasted or I care for small talk
yea guys honestly I feel like working on becoming your best self helps a lot and of course people at work are hard to befriend /trust and social media friends aren't real but psuedo . Be your best self and when your ready to take that journey then start looking.
I want to be that person who is always down to do anything with anyone, but it is hard when you feel lonely and want to cut everyone off because, obviously they don't care. 🤣 Such funny reasoning, but seriously, bitterness is not good soil for relationships to grow.
the best way to change how we are is by making small steps in the right direction, it make us stay true to ourself but also others, i think trying to go against our own nature to interact with people is what make us not human.
if your someone that is calm, try to accept this and build around it a lifestyle that suits you.
as someone who has no friends, the low quantity of interaction i had with different people was super positive without realizing it my self, stuff like " you're very kind for someone of your age" or like "very cute", because i got bullied at school i had a really bad vision about the person at my ages, but now days when i try to see what was wrong before, it was not the people, but the enviromment i was to express myself.
now days, i am very curious to know why people are doing some bad behaviors, I WANT TO KNOW THE STORY this person is hidding, which each day reinforced my empathy and positive thought and mindset.
ho and also as said in the video, sleep is like the ultimate pylon that can make everything great or bad, personnally my ideal sleep time is 9 hours.
when you see life in this perspective, you feel you are your own freedom, the most important tips my dad gives me before everything is to have friends, more important than work, now days i understand why.
It's hard to make friends as an adult..people r weird nowadays...
I have given up on asking people to do things. You get tiered of getting excuses, no shows and them promises that they want to do it a different date but that day never comes.
Thank you for the insane positivity and sharing what needs to be heard!❤️
Honestly I just want friends that lift me up and overall make me a better person dosnt matter what gender, color, weight or beliefs. Sadly i haven't really found someone like that yet. Hopefully this year will be different.
Meetup worked for me. Finally hung out with a few people outside of the events. I just don't talk about my nerdy stuff much... I let out the side of me that likes interpersonal relationships and drama 😉 and made some female friends... just like high school.
Nice work
Really true bruh, I'm about to change my mindset---a guy always be anxious about having no real friend.
I am person 1. My verbally abusive and sometime physically abusive father became out of the picture before I went into 7th grade. I struggled with a slow processing learning disability when I was in K-12. I have had some teachers that have not helped me with my learning situation by being impatient for I not understanding information being taught. On top of that, I was shy, I had depression, I had anxiety, and I was a lone wolf in school. I was the kid in K-12 that sat alone at the lunch table doing homework, while those that were popular would look at me across the cafeteria whispering to each other as they looked at me. There were a couple of people that I thought were worthy to be a friend because I would have small talk with these people. However, I would see potential people to befriend with be people that I clearly saw were sassy, bitc***y, fake, disrespectful, and had poor morals. Everyone made me angry, especially in high school. Since as far as I can remember my dad being a dead beat , I have had implosive anger build up for years and years. In addition, I have been a homebody. With all that being said, I have never had the experience of being with a group of people my age having fun, going out and about, traveling together, and what not. I am 23 now. In the past couple of years, I have gotten out of my shell trying to put myself out there by going to stores a lot, going to parks a lot, and having small talk with people at the grocery store that I encounter a lot. Plus, I got 3 more semesters left until I graduate college. Anyway, sometimes I like being alone and other times not. I do not know I guess I am a work in progress trying to figure myself out.
Sorry Brandon.. Hope you're doin good ❤️