How Does an Orthodox Christian Find a Spouse?
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- Опубликовано: 30 авг 2023
- Excerpted from Lesson 8 presented on April 4, 2023: The Revelation of Jesus Christ to the Apostle & Evangelist John the Theologian, Series 3, by Fr. Peter Heers
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Развлечения
"So egotistical, so proud, so picky...." Exactly! Lord have mercy on us. Bless Father.
When the divorce rate is over 50%, you have to be picky!
Why is it high?
Because people don’t understand the nature and purpose of marriage- which is salvation not happiness.
@@marcmanolache2106Or maybe it's over 50% precisely because people are so picky.
@@OrthodoxEthosThat's not the real reason, it's people treating their own personal relationships, marriages, and their own family as running incorporated business companies who only cares about external stimulations.
I met my wife in a religious website, and our Christian Faith was #1, 14.5 years later we have 4 children, one of the best decisions we ever made 🙂
I would strongly recommend to Pray to Saint Nicholas (or other Saints) while your daughters especially are young. This was my mother’s advice. So, I did. On His feast day, I poured out my heart-, “O Saint Nicholas, you know I’m poor and have 3 daughters. It’s ONLY God who can draw 2 together. PLEASE, grant unto my daughters Orthodox husbands.” I prayed much for this henceforth. As for my sons, 2 chose to be monks and the youngest is yet in his teens. My dear mother’s advice was invaluable and I did what she said. GLORY BE TO GOD!!! The joy just continues to fill out cups.
thanks for the testimony
Some say St. Xenia of St. Petersburg also.
Being a new convert,as well as my young children, I would like my children to marry someone in the church. I pray that happens one day.
Weldome home to you and your family! That would be the absolute best for your children. May God have mercy on us.
Be fruitful and multiply!
As a single Orthodox who feels called to marriage, I really wish for these old times you describe, Father. That's always how I intuitively thought it should work, even from my Godless youth. But, God gives us all different challenges. Please pray for me, anyone who sees this comment, I could use the help.
Hello, what's your first name? I'll pray for you.
Kyrill, thank you! @@vv-ec1nh
Amen well said ! I am 19 and the topic of dating and marriage seriously weighs on me. (It's a good thing a haven't dated yet.) And this video gave me an answer and lessened the burden.
Thank you Father, this topic is very pressing for me in my life right now, im a young man, 21, have been fortunate enough to be in a good financial position, and i want to get married as soon as possible, for many reasons, but it does seem to be hard to find a young woman that desires the same, I know you've mentioned not to make it your main focus, but it is just so heavy on my heart and conscience all the time. Please pray for me! ☦🙏
I had the same problem...... It's really difficult to wait...... Btw I am an Orthodox Christian
The two examples from scripture are Isaac with Rebecca, and Tobias with Sarah. Either you send somebody to find you a wife, or you find a wife yourself. But in both these cases it was made a priority. The modernist thinking that you don’t make it a priority is not historically accurate. For example:
Canon 16(20) of Carthage
It has pleased the council to decree that care should be taken to see that Readers, upon arriving at the age of puberty, either take a wife or choose to vow celibacy and continence,
That’s how soon people were thought to be wedded off. A lot of this delaying of marriage comes from the enlightenment era philosophers like Rousseau. Who believed human institutions like religion, which includes marriage, were a detriment to human development. Instead of something that is necessary for our salvation.
Hello my friend!
It’s really pretty simple to solve this. Go to confession a lot and take communion. Be MOTIVATED. Firm. Do this every week. Now, keep speaking it out loud to your priest, simply say, “ I want to get married.” The door will open if you seek Jesus first. You’ll see!!!!!!
@@ArizonaTengu absolutely agree brother, theres alot of speak about getting married later, around 30 or so, but i find that foolish if you have the means to do so now. I want to grow with someone my own age, work out our salvation, quench the urges in the way God intended, and raise a good family. 100% agree, very good insight.
@@speaklifenow971 Thank you sister, seek the Kingdom of God and everything else will come, yes! I confess and commune weekly, pray for me to trust in the Lords timing!
This was a great video. I am 25 and just starting my journey in the orthodox faith (coming from cradle Roman Catholic upbringing) left the faith for Protestantism, and finally made my way to the True Church by the Grace of God. I live in Los Angeles and it’s SOOOOOOO extremely hard to find men who genuinely LIVE their faith. I know so many beautiful faithful women whom are just hopeless because the men here just don’t live faithfully unfortunately. How can one in a city like this navigate dating?
Write us at
team@orthodoxethos.com
And we can suggest a few good places and parishes.
Here in Florida we have the same problem, except a big one is that there is little to no single orthodox women, or at least definitely not at my church, I think there’s only 1 actually 😂
I’m a Lutheran and it’s a similar problem lol. There just aren’t many young people in conservative traditions. It’s nice that it has forced me out of my comfort zone to make friendships with a lot of great seniors, but it can feel a bit isolating.
Thank you, Father, for the lesson.
Nowadays I see so many people wanting to have girlfriends, have sex a soon as possible, etc. and then ridicule you if you don't agree with them. Now that I have decided to follow my religion more closely than ever, I now it is best to save myself until marriage. Thank you again
I met an Orthodox Christian for dinner the other night. I made it clear there would be no fornication to whomever I marry. She could not understnd that. She said, "well, what if I don't enjoy it after we get married". Lord have mercy. I shall not judge, but this mentality is extremely common. May God have mercy on us.
@@orthodox1717are you serious? Was that an OCA parish or GOARCH?
@@CadeLand011she’s Russian.
@orthodox1717 manual of our people from our O countries have not grown up with an O Ethos, due to the break that happened with communism. Some have been able to receive the OE, others are secular, worldly, while O in name & a few cultural practices around, say Nativity. You need to find a truly O young lady.
I'm a virgin too and waiting till marriage. Good luck to you.
what I'm afraid of is because I converted alone my entire family is either protestant or some vague form of deism is that a woman will see that as a downside or even a dealbreaker.
But I suppose God is merciful and will find me an understanding wife.
This is a conversation that many Priests can't or won't have with young men and women who are attempting to discern between Monastic Life and Married Life.
I have essentially given up hope regarding this. I have been told I am unfit for Monastic Life by an Abbot and I haven't been able to find a wife due to my distance from my Parish Community.
I am going to finish my schooling and then rediscern what my path should be. But unless someone gives me a serious obedience I am gonna remain single.
I notice that you are holding circumstances and other people responsible for all of these difficulties, but both of these paths require the same thing: truly striving to be holy, by deification, which is your own responsibility more than anyone else's. If you strive towards God, He will guide your ways and reward you in due time. Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added to you. Consider how long Jakob had to work towards his wife, or how long even Christ Himself had to work towards His Wife (the Church).
My now husband told me before we got together again (we dated chastely in high school for a brief time 13 years before) that we were going to be married. I accepted his telling me this and so it became the next year. That was ten years ago this year.
Thank you so much ❤
Glory to God
God bless you all Amen 🙏⛪🕯️
As a 19 year old guy in this modern social media culture, marriage would be a MIRACLE. Having no social media renders you single for life , but all the gymnastics you have to do using social media to get female attention involves so much compromising of our spiritual life that I would much rather just be lonely my whole life, bearing that cross as painful as that would be.
This is a very pessimistic view. We must place as the highest priority the love and service of God in the Orthodox Church and trust in God to provide a spouse for us who shares this same priority. Many people who learn to love prayer and the services of the Church meet spouses at church, at church conferences, at monasteries, through programs aimed at young and single people, or through recommendations from their spiritual father. It isn’t necessary to be online to find a spouse.
Lord have mercy on me a sinner. Amen.
Lord have mercy on me a sinner.
Answer:
Orthodoxy is more predisposed to creating monastics than actual married couples, and while the Catholic faith holds tightly to erroneous teaching, they do a significantly better job at not only promoting couples, they also provide better environments for that to occur in.
Pray for me and my husband Father, for us to find each other with holy haste ❤
ADDENDUM to previous post - I am compelled to say that my marriage was somewhat arrange (not by parents), base on proclamation of faith, *prayer*, and moderate attraction (at the time). I was not fully confident, but I had faith that we were sincere and that the faith would keep us together. Despite some transient difficulties, *through the grace of God*, we are together and will remain together until death do as apart.
Thank you Father 🙏
I’m 40 and still seeking my wife, and I want to have children and raise a family. Sadly, I am only coming back to my faith now at my age, having failed to find my life partner living the secular life and suffering so much loss since the Plandemic. I wish I had taken my faith (Roman Catholic) more seriously growing up. Dating outside of faith in modern times is absolutely horrible, and I wish I would’ve met my wife sooner 😔
Though, not only has my faith led me back to God, it has opened my heart to Eastern Orthodox Christianity, and I’m very seriously considering converting in the coming months. ❤️🩹☦️
Newlywed to my orthodox wife, here. All I will say is, the first step for guys is to be ready for marriage. That doesn't mean economically, socially, physically, or whatever; it means that you have enough motivation (hopefully from God) to want marriage and to sacrifice for it. That helps with the pickiness. Then, you need to find an Orthodox girl--a tricky task in most parts. I strongly suggest looking around the Inquirers class as your first stop; there are usually lots of singles there. Make a move! Say something nice! (After she's chrismated, of course.) Invite her to dinner! Whatever it takes. Second, if the Inquirers' class doesn't pan out, and you are a convert, you probably want to visit an ethnically Orthodox parish or community. This will strengthen your faith and hers, and she will have something to teach you. Also, the girls tend to keep going to church for longer in ethnic parishes, so this is a good place to find many balanced young women. Orthodox singles websites can be an okay way to make an initial introduction. (I met mine there.) But the next step is to go find or see her. You have to keep at it and want it more than you want money, sleep, or time to yourself, 'cause the chase is gonna cost you all that anyways, haha. Just go!
Which Orthodox site?
Problem is when a woman is upfront and says she's only looking for marriage then the guy thinks she's talking about marriage with him then he becomes difficult 😒
@@throughGodsgrace I wouldn't presume to give substantive advice to Orthodox women. Honestly, just put yourself out there and let them chase you. And don't be afraid to say, "I like you" or "I don't like you." Guys these days like some reassurance before they start the chase.
@@TheRomanOrthodox thanks for the kind and wise advice... God bless you.
@@throughGodsgrace I read your unedited reply. No advice can be applied universally, and all perspectives are limited. However, I will pray for you and for a change of heart in those men. How horrible!
Young people have been completely and utterly abandoned by the older generation. I don’t know a single couple who was introduced through their priest or family or older folks at church. No one is making any serious effort to help young people get married. Many Orthodox families even raise their daughters to be unmarriageable! I can't tell you how many young women I’ve met, from pious families, wasting away their youth in some ridiculous grad school only to end up being career-oriented feminists. One such woman even had the nerve to say her future husband would be a stay-at-home dad while she worked as a doctor. It’s disgusting. Add to that the significant shortage of young women to begin with and young men are left with precious little options. It’s worse of a scandal than the jurisdictional disunity. And no one is talking about it!
This is a big problem in heavy post feminist nations like the USA or UK. In my church many of the young men including myself wanted to find a spouse in our 20s. Some of us already had respectable careers and others still working on their path. What always happened in the church is that once a woman turned 18 she would go off to college and that was it for a while. Then they would return as a regular when they were older typically. There was no urgency by the parents especially the fathers to help the men of the community out. This is the result of feminism. Too many fathers play into the narrative as well. One of the priests whom retired did say that it’s a shame that young people don’t get married anymore. It is a shame that the cancer of feminism is so strong and has infiltrated orthodox communities within the nation.
My buddy had a similar situation. He managed to try to court which I’m using very loosely one of the women in the parish. She was only interested in marriage at maybe 28-29ish because of her career plans. So my friend didn’t have a chance. And he is a solid man with a good career plan which can easily provide for a family.
I’m not making an excuse for my shorting comings. But I believe our time period for us men is more challenging for lust compared to our male orthodox ancestors for so many reasons.
Sadly this seems to be the case
I tend to agree, however, i think that a women having a career is not necessarily hindering a marriage itself but more problematic in terms of having (many) children.
The priests I listened to explained that, while marriage is the only way to procreate legitimately, and that we should encourage as many children as possible, the holy mystery of marriage is first and foremost: A sacrament
It has to do with understanding another person deeply and loving them unconditionally, to TRY to understand a fraction of the love God feels for us.
Even a childless marriage could fulfill that. Marriage is still a crucial step, even for e.g. people that are infertile, and everyone living a secular life should be married.
However and I thoroughly agree with the previous commenter(s); The amount of people (women and sadly men) willing to sacrifice themselves for the sake of children is shockingly low.
I think the original commenter has a point and I have made similar experiences, however, as men, we should take accountability.
There is a reason why women and their families focus on having an education and a job, and that is because of a, in most cases justified, fear of an unsuccessful marriage.
The ideas of feminism have infiltrated the minds of a lot of young women, however, this seed would not grow in their minds if they didn’t know about or have negative experiences with men.
Furthermore, I agree with the point in the video that we all became so egotistical, so proud, so picky, which further complicates the whole situation.
I pray that everyone finds God’s will for his life, be it monastic or secular, with or without children, but most importantly; their spouse, that they can love and appreciate God’s love for us. Amen
Something I've seen in younger people that seems to really have been amplified by social media, is this desire or obsession with "maximizing" everything. They come up with this long list of "must-haves" in a potential spouse, and that filters out almost everyone. If someone does make it through that extensive filter set, as soon as the relationship encounters some difficulty, or sometimes just after some length of time has passed, the person starts thinking "I don't really like this thing or that thing about this person. Maybe there's someone out there who's better for me."
It's this desire to optimize for oneself, and to abhor any difficulty or struggle in being with someone, that is leading so many young people to be lonely. It's very sad to me.
Very good points. Thank you.
You mean young *women. Young men are like dogs at the table begging for scraps
It's really the women who are being overly selective because they have the leverage & wield tremendous granted power in the dating & marriage market. Yes, obviously men aren't perfect (as we have both separate & similar battles to face) but the overwhelming majority of young women are simply choosing anything but traditional motherhood.
@@thaimuayshoo1171What do you observe the majority of men choosing?
@@colmcille9669 American men are broken also. I just don't subscribe to the "only man bad, woman good" nonsense, especially when applied to American culture.
It's simple, American men are failing, they need to step up. Drop the drugs, put down the 2am video game controller, the red bull & cheetos.
American women are failing & they also need to step up. Drop the 2am club martinis, the Insta-vanity book, & the masters degree in Satan's Wiccan arts etc
Even harder when you are 40 😥
I'm 45, I get it. Where do you live? :p
@@orthodox1717you go boy! 🤞🏻😅
@@CR-tj4ig😆☦️
@@orthodox1717🎣🎣🎣
@@orthodox1717😆
Thats awesome!
My father health not good please prayer 🙏
Completely agree with you father.
I tend to agree with this. The number one cause of divorce these days is not knowing the person you married. Can still happen in a small religious community, but less likely.
Please prayer for manipur india 🇮🇳🙏
Id say before one even think about marriage, one must ask. Do they want to marry for salvation and martyrdom. Or did they build an idol in their mind and want an excuse for sexual acts.
Thats just my opinion. One must approach marriage PROPERLY. not through fantasies and false ideals.
Both men and women fall for this idealistic idol.
I used to fall for this idol. Now i know that i am not called to marriage. Its freeing. May those who want to marry be blessed. May those who become monks be blessed and those in other situations find peace and blessings.
Glory to God for all things.
@@quadrgaif that's your take away from my comment... Then you don't understand what I'm saying.
Nowhere did I say sexual pleasure is wrong. Nor did I say that married couples look for martyrdom deaths before they get married.
They are being martyrs for each other. They don't live for themselves but for each other.
As St Paul teaches in 1 Corinthians 7:1-7
Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
@@quadrgathen what's the issue?
In most of the West at least, there seems to be a significant problem of even knowing any eligible persons because Orthodoxy is still such a minority, especially if you don't live in a city with a significant immigrant population. The flipside is that everyone is also 3 degrees of separation from everyone else; in theory, older generations, spiritual fathers, etc should know the different singles and arrange to help them. Maybe it's just where I am, but I don't see that happening. I don't know a single Orthodox couple, whether dating or married, who was introduced by priests, monks, even older folks in the Church. When young people mention their struggles to the priests and older ones, the most common response is to seek Christ first. Which is true, but we also believe in cooperating with Christ and bearing each other's burdens. Shouldn't that include the older ones and the married ones helping even introduce people? Aside from that, go to conferences, which isn't really arranging, just putting a bunch of single Orthodox in the same area for a weekend maybe. I suppose my question is, is this an isolated example of where I am, or is this fairly widespread? And who should take the initiative to promote the more traditional way of meeting? More singles asking spiritual elders explicitly? Priests and monks? Bishops? The married folk and elders in the parishes? Some combination?
Same place as you. Since I became Orthodox in 2020 I have only met maybe 3 orthodox women near my age. There are zero in my parish and I sadly can not go traveling around to other churches. I have too many responsibilities on the farm so getting away is usually out of luck.
@SkyDavis100 I have visited 17 different parishes. In those visits, I have met 3 women who are single, Orthodox, and my age. I have met many other young men in the same predicament. But I also hear from some women, either older or priest daughters from farther away parishes, expressing their own struggle finding someone. There seems to be both single men and single women struggling here (albeit more men than women), so why aren't the traditional structures helping to connect them when they desperately need it for a minority in such a dispersed environment?
@@SkyDavis100You are going to have to travel to find someone. If it were easy, it wouldn't be worth it.
@@billcynic1815Simply put, because many of the people who are in this predicament are older and have such complicated professional and personal lives that a priest is hardly qualified to navigate. But also, if you have heard of women who are having trouble finding a man, why don't you have their numbers yet?
@claytontheroman777 The ones I have heard who have such trouble are either significantly older than me, or in a few cases relayed second-hand from forums or priests recounting their daughters' having trouble finding a guy. I confess I don't quite have the boldness to comment on the blog of a priest I've never met, serving hundreds of miles away, and asking for his daughter's contact info.
Options are scarce for men because we outnumber the eligible women in the church. I’ve become very cynical and have decided to look outside the church, as have other men I know. Seems like sociological factors determine outcomes more than the tired formula of pray about it and ask God. That’s not how this works in our contemporary social structure. Maybe you’ll get lucky. Probably not. You have to make compromises to find a companion or force yourself into a monastic situation you’re not ready for.
Dude same. It’s made me extremely cynical and made me look elsewhere. I’m so depressed and lonely
I dont know what to choose. Monasticism or marriage 😢
Well , I am Coptic orthodox Christian , and we don't have divorce except for very few reasons ,so you need to choose your wife carefully and vice versa .
Since you will spend the rest of your time with her .
All the advices I've heard about this topic are way overcomplicating it with a lot of human rationalism/will. It's actually rather simple (hard, but simple as a lot of other things in Orthodoxy): Just pray to God to send you that one person He intended for you. That way once you are together you know for certain it's the will of God and that keeps you stable during all kind of hardships which will inevitably come in marriage.
Fr. Peter has spoke of this several times. I paraphrase - Keep digging further spiritually and God will bring you someone compatible.
@@orthodox1717 good. that's the only way. everything else is just human planning and we know how that usually goes.
For many many years, you just don't find a partner. People used to marry at 18, now it's more like 28. I don’t have a spiritual father to match me with someone else
28? No way. It’s definitely over 30
It’s a dystopia to me. I’m so frustrated
I married at 38 lol
Gosh dang this may be forward, but is there are any single 20s Orthodox Christian women out there? Cause there’s like 1 in my entire church 😂
Isn't the one you are actually looking for...?
@@johnnyd2383 what kind of emoji is that😂
@@TheDreamClown Isn't it appropriate for question of mine..
@@johnnyd2383 I’m sorry I am too confused, I’m having hard time reading/understanding
I'm really not sure any of my elders have this mindset to even attempt to do this for me bevause they're so used to the american mindset. Should I mention this to them? That i would have zero problem with being arranged with someone? Or would that be overstepping myself?
Tell them, so that they may look & let you know, if they come across anyone they think is suitable. It will then be up to you to speak with the person & prayerfully determine whether he's the man for you. They suggest, you can say yes or no, after meeting & speaking with the person they suggest.
Did you decide?
I think maybe (older) Orthodox Christians are missing some key issues with regard to marriage today. At 28 I am still a single man and although I would marry and remain in the world I find with time that I have a lot of psychological barriers to do that. Yes I am egotistical, proud and perhaps picky. But unlike the older generations, in our time people live much more differentiated lives. People even in the same age group have had vastly different experiences in life so far and don't share the same simple, one-sided lifeworld as the older generations did. It's not all about the faith in itself - perhaps if we were really virtuous yes, but we are not, and we need some other, human, earthly stuff to actually feel at home with another human being.
Also, I have personally seen families in which the parents were (and are) pious but they have had such immense problems with each other as people that living with each other is barely tolerable and they are totally estranged to each other (they, however, have remained together, I would assume for reasons of faith only). This has always been a "red" or at least a "yellow" flag for me - when I have had thoughts to marry someone simply because of their piety - because I have truly seen the devastation that awaits a modern family when the human aspect of this road of martyrdom (that marriage essentially is) has not been properly addressed. Bishop Athanasios of Limassol, for example, has said numerous times that these purely "earthly" aspects of the relationship between young people wanting to be married are essential to a healthy, long-lasting and truly Orthodox marriage.
I agree with you... Liking that person and feeling connection/chemistry with them is important. It would be great and so much easier for us if we could be like our parents who had a completely different psychological profile and were ok to marry without love.... But we cannot pretend that we are and we cannot lie to ourselves. It is harder for us these days, but maybe God allows it to be this hard so that we pray very very hard for it, and if He does grant us that wish it will be an abundantly blessed one... And if he doesn't, I suppose that we will just have to carry our cross with patience. Like Job.
I've had several opportunities myself to date women who were Pious and were interested in me. However the personalities between us were so incompatible and honestly intolerable I always come back to the conclusion I would rather just look at her as my sister and friend then someone I spend the rest of my life with. My spiritual father had agreed with me when I described said relationships and he said yes it's important that you have conversations (rather than being talked AT endlessly) and you enjoy the person's company.
Mission impossible
or what about my situation... I'm already married, my wife was raised Roman Catholic. I was raised Protestant. I want to become Orthodox, she's not so sure.
Bribe her.!
What if I’m ugly and short?
My brother in Christ, it’s completely over for us
I'm 5'7 and bald, I still found a wife. With God all things are possible
Looking at the many ugly men with a wife, it's perfectly possible.
Get on no fap brother
Get that 🤑
I dated an Indian guy whose grandparents marriage had been arranged and he says they did well together. Funny enough, I thought we wanted the same things and was ready to start a family but he wanted to have a romance with his married bro, create drama, and whine about everything so I left and the next few girls dumped him too. His parents didn't like that I wasn't Indian at first then they read my blog and tried to get me to make things work. Recently googled his name, looks like someone found him an Indian woman to have children with. Bullet dodged! Dating is rough. I quit ages ago.
Advice for Ortho-brothers: Start with the scanning of the church choir...
Why does it seem the Orthodox Christian women in the west don't want to marry Orthodox Christian men in the west and prefer to try to convert a man, when there are plenty of Orthodox men already available?available
The men perhaps need to spiritually go deeper?
This is leading me deeper into cynicism UGHHHHHH
Where are orthodox available? In my country in Latinoamerica we don't have orthodox 😢
because they are still influenced by satanic western culture, sadly
They go gold digging 🤑 6 figures, 6 packs, 6 feet, 6 inches, won't settle for less 🤑
…they don’t…..
"When one is pure in spirit"... Who is pure in spirit? 🤣
All by God’s Grace
@@OrthodoxEthos so if one believes they have God's grace? Oooh.
@@OrthodoxEthos - Here is our Savior
YaH The Heavenly FATHER (Genesis 1) HIMSELF was Who they Crucified/Pierced for our sins and “HERE IS THE PROOF”
From the Ancient Egyptian Semitic:
"Yad He Vav He" is what Moshe (Moses) wrote, when Moses asked YaH His Name (Exodus 3)
Ancient Egyptian Semitic Direct Translation
Yad - "Behold The Hand"
He - "Behold the Breath"
Vav - "Behold The NAIL"
@Praise___YaH basic theology is leaving my body reading this 😂
I don't use a lable for my faith. It was built on love, forgiveness, truth, and spirit.... But orthodox seems like my crowd. I don't like the weak churches that cannot read the scriptures in entirety..... And have the spirit to lead. But with or without a mate.... I know my tru self now.
I did a lot of reaserch reading the old books from the saint fathers.. I don't have anything with marriage,,, but do you know that not one saint was declared only through marriage? They had to to something else (martyrs or confess) to be holy and the church to recognize them saints.
OK marriage promotes all the good virtues for a simple lifestyle if you are a trustworthy orthodox believer. But only that..
I think that seeking marriage is a false thing. Don't get me wrong. Marriage is a blessing and of course if two single people like each other, they should become a family. But seeking marriage when you don't have that special someone is something doomed to fail because in that case you don't want a certain person, you only want a fact, a status, a feeling which is absolutely egoistic and not spiritual
You don't, you be an incel in your parent's basement arguing about the filoque on Discord.
LOL
Go back to school please and learn proper grammar.
😂😂 just argue about theology the whole day
Let’s not laugh about that depressing lifestyle. It’s very sad and those young men need help.
@@starstray4326 Fair.
I’ve lost all hope
Same here, I'm not sure I have a single Christian friend. My generation in California all hate God and religion.
Move
Flee
Find God fearing Orthodox Christians
I was in your shoes at the age of 35. I had given up all hope of ever getting married and having a family. Then within a year I met a Godly woman who became my best friend, we married when I was 37 and now we have a beautiful family together.
Dear Father. Back in the day women were actual women, not arrogant promiscuous girls acting like a teenager at 40 y old. And men were real men.
It's almost impossible today to arrange these kind of "unions". I have tried to keep my chastity (despite sinning in thoughts) but the best an orthodox man can find today are "born again virgins" that most of the time aren't even truly repented but it's just a convenient facade after being run through in their 20s.
"It was pretty much an arranged marriage, and they were fine together..."
The number of suicides committed by housewives in India - where arranged marriages are predominant - begs the differ. I hardly think arranged marriages are a valid solution for society as a whole.
He wasn't talking about backwards India.
We are taking about Orthodox families.
Quite a strawman - India and Hindus are not the only peoples and cultures that arrange marriages. Arranged marriages do have some advantages, like:
Stability and Longevity: Arranged marriages tend to exhibit higher stability and longevity due to the careful consideration of compatibility factors by families. The commitment to the union often stems from a shared sense of duty and respect for family traditions.
Reduced Pressure on Individual Compatibility: In arranged marriages, the burden of finding a suitable partner is shifted from the individual to the family, potentially reducing stress associated with the dating and courtship process.
Stronger Support System: The involvement of families in arranged marriages can result in a stronger support system, as families often provide guidance and assistance in navigating challenges.
Contrasted with the modern western (when I say "modern" I mean primarily Anglo-American) ideas of courtship and marriage:
High Expectations: Modern marriages are often built on romantic love and personal compatibility, leading to high expectations for emotional fulfillment. If these expectations are not met, it can contribute to dissatisfaction and potential divorce.
Changing Dynamics: Evolving societal norms have led to changing gender roles and increased individualism, impacting traditional marital dynamics and requiring ongoing adaptation by couples.
Divorce Rates: The modern approach to marriage in America has resulted in relatively higher divorce rates. Couples may opt for divorce when faced with irreconcilable differences or unmet expectations.
There are pros and cons of both. I'd say that our modern, Americanized way of dating and marriage isn't working particularly well, but the shift to a culture where arranged marriages are more common are too difficult, culturally speaking. Perhaps some hybrid system where the parents have greater involvement and matchmaking authority, but without neglecting their children's feelings completely could work.
arranged marriages are a joke in any context (including Orthodox). it's literally enforcing human will at the cost of God's will and this only rarely ends up not in a total catastrophe.
@@old_gaffer how would an arranged marriage be any more human will or less God's will than an individual finding a spouse themselves?
The world you're describing doesn't exist anymore. The method which you describe will never work with any woman anywhere in the West
O ye of lil faith
@@OrthodoxEthos O me who sees the world as it is. Are we not called to exercise discernment? Respectfully, most people your age simply don't grasp how dire the situation is. And that's why when you offer young men advice, you don't talk to us where we *are*, you talk to us where you *were*. The prospects of finding a date for your average young man today are abysmal, much less a girlfriend, much less a wife, much less a God-fearing Orthodox wife. The reasons for this are varied and complex, but one of the chief reasons is that a large chunk, if not a majority, of young women today are polygynous. Hence 63% of men under 30 report being single, while only 34% of women. You're seeing a very rapid shift from monogamy to polygamy in Western societies, a direct consequence of the sexual revolution, as well as a feature, I would say, of the great apostasy. I'm at peace with the fact that God's plan for me doesn't involve a wife. That's okay, albeit frustrating at times. Surely I'm not required to spend my life chasing unicorns in order to qualify as having faith?
@@bananas1220A fair amount of men are not staying with just one woman (hence the term 'side piece' or 'side chick' and the up and coming movement that it's okay for men to cheat because they allegedly don't get emotional attachments). It's both sides doing this. Non-monogamy (including cheating, which all polyamory/polygamy/polygyny/whatever is, is not okay no matter who's doing it). It's not just guys with the issue, for us ladies it's hard to find a guy who is loyal. Loyalty is ultra rare now days, period.
@@LadyMaria I'm very drunk at the moment. But I believe you just made my point. There are a handful of guys who are getting all of the women, because the women would prefer to share the 'high value' men than to commit to someone more or less on their level. Hence the normalization of polygyny.
Loyalty is not ultra rare, darling. You're just looking for it in all the wrong places.
@@bananas1220Drunkenness is no excuse and needs to be confessed. Please don't call me darling. That's condescending.
It is ultra rare as men consume so much pornography, which is a form of cheating and not being monogamous. A lot have a philosophy as noted above that cheating physically doesn't matter as there are no attachments.
I don't know what this high value nonsense is about but many men like you complain about not getting women but rarely look inwardly at themselves to see their major flaws. Their attitude is a huge reason why they are single and will remain so. Also, many do not have jobs or can support a family yet complain about dating. Start with fixing yourself and less complaining, then maybe you'll find a woman.
I'm not looking for a man, haven't for over a decade as I'm happily married to the greatest man.
Try being 50 and very selective for high quality
Europe is heading for demographic winter and everybody is affected. If a Christian social club practises sexual, social or racial discrimination, then all the members should be excommunicated. This point is as much about the right of single Christians to meet the opposite sex as about discrimination as such.
I don’t understand your point about discrimination. What are you saying?
@@marcmanolache2106 A Christian social club could exclude women from membership, which is bad news for Single Christians. It could exclude former Jews or coloured people from membership. In all these cases a round of excommunications is in order, starting with the officers of the club.
@@david_porthouse What Christian social club are you talking about?
@@marcmanolache2106 I am simply stating a general principle about Christian social clubs and not identifying any in particular.
@@david_porthouse I still don’t understand how your comment relates to the video. This video is Fr. Heers’ advice for how Orthodox Christians can find a spouse. It’s directed towards Orthodox young people. It has nothing to do with colored people in Europe, or former Jews, or women membership, or any of the other strange things you’re talking about. This is about Orthodox Christians finding a spouse. Fr. Heers is an American priest
Only Catholic’s are Christian! Only Catholic’s go to Heaven because there’s NO division in paradise.
I’m 27 and Catechumen. I give my life for Christ. I would love to be married but there is no one my age that goes to church. Only elders and young people. Closest to me is some 17 year old girl. Rest are even younger. Maybe I’ll become a monk, lol.
Good women exist! Give us a chance :)
We traditional women exist give us a chance!
Try Melkites
@@philotheasbliss I'm not looking to submit to Rome.
@@La_Pucelle_dOrleans Are you Greek Orthodox? I admire them