Sexual Obsession With The Narcissist
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- Опубликовано: 6 сен 2024
- One of the most common questions people ask me in private is about the sexual obsession they have with the narcissist even after the breakup. In this video I talk about sex with narcissists, why you might find yourself obsessed with them, why it’s so hard to move past that obsession, what is real intimacy (in comparison to sex with the narc) and what you can do to help yourself release the sexual obsession.
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NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor. She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal and transform your life after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. Meredith teaches the mindsets and tactical skills to help with recovery. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. Meredith recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and relational trauma in order to help you with the complex-PTSD symptoms. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!
Sex seemed so good because we were so starved of genuine intimacy that even stale crumbs seemed like a feast.
As I think Back on it, that’s really all we had.
I’ve used that analogy as well 😔
Exactly :( well, I was desperate for human touch, didn't want sex, but he did that and he was so abusive from the first moment ... he won
Wow that’s exactly what I needed. I have been in a toxic relationship with a narcissistic. I really appreciate learning these strategies. I hope the thoughts will leave my head soon.
EXACTLY. The breadcrumbing. I was STARVING for love and attention and intimacy. When he wanted it... He knew how to woo me and control me.
Another way to know that you are in a sexual relationship with the narc is to pay attention to your body. There is always a feeling of being used, which will represent itself with endless infections: urinary, candida, etc...which is your bodies' message that someone is parasitizing on you. You will always feel that you do not feel relaxed and energized after sex which is the whole purpose of it, but mostly drained, even more tired and tensed. Since they have no deep connection, they are not empathetic with you, they do not know you and your body and it feels like a masturbation together. On a long run you start not wanting the sex at all with the narc, which he will happily use as an excuse for cheating.
omg! get out of my brain! so true...
Ouch. This hits home. I had one UTI after the other and chronic candida.
Exactly
Brilliant
I had a weird discharge...as soon as I was away from the narc no more issues. I didn't wear underwear before our relationship but after I had to in order to wear a pad for the discharge. Subconsciously, I knew. 😓
I don't miss it-- I no longer am a sex slave/blow up doll. I am a free-willed human being. Finally!
haha ms carol I think you should have pity for men who are affected like deers in the headlights. If it was my daughetrs i would kidnapp them back to sanity. Yes i think your healing will begin when the pain stops
That’s how I feel. Like sex and love will never be the same. I will never desire anyone else
I felt exactly the same way but it's the trauma bond that keeps us in that head space long after the narc has moved on. We must focus on healing and giving ourselves time
How are you now?
Its been 3 years, if u are still keeping up with this thread, has anyone been able to rekindle sexual desire in you since? I have to believe someone has! Hopefully! I totally thought id nvr find another partner with whom i enjoyed intimacy with as much. But after 3 years, might be 2 yrs, ive found someone even BETTER! Sex is intense, better, more intimate, more often...in fact, everything about the current lover is better than the last narc who entrapped me. And i appreciate him so much more prob bc ive been with 3 narcs previously. In comparison, hes pretty much perfect. Had i met him 20 years ago- i might have taken him for granted. I hope you have healed enough to attract and allow a better person to love you!
Can only be better than with a narcissist was honestly
Me too ! But then i remember i
Didnt even have control during sex !
They are the worst lovers ever. They get their supply by leaving their partner unsatisfied
Yes totally agree , covert s will say is gross and unecesary or lack of erotic intimacy when the devaluation begin.
Overt will do all to impacted your memory , but after devaluation as you explained, they will use that to make a currency of make the situationship unestastable and fuel them .
And they sometimes withdrew from sexual activity and use it for controlling, female and male narcs do that.
YOUNG WOMEN DO NOT WAIT, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. RUN.
I do not have any descendants. I blamed me for wanting intimacy ,then for wanting a baby , then for my illnesses, not matter how they say it, not matter, what they said to us, it is THEM , and Yes is US for reacting , for not knowing , for not loving ourselves enough, for believing in all the lies about their exes , for being naive,.
Please do not wait . They will leave you with nothing .
Going through this since 6 months currently and it sucks to 💀
They just were not "involved" or really there, with you. When you look into their eyes, there's nothing there - blank - empty - cold.
DoctorArt PhD - I was just thinking about this. There is no soul behind those eyes. Nothing. Just a void.
That's actually really sad.i have been lying to myself for 7 years. I thought he was really connecting with me
Yes, the eyes are empty.
I’ve noticed the blank , cold eyes on someone 😨
their actions are rote
Honestly it was the only thing I missed. Then after he cheated on me with the new supply (after he came hoovering and I gave into it and gave him another chance) we slept together again a few times, but it just didn’t feel the same anymore. I actually found it boring and didn’t feel anything towards him. But I’m glad I slept with him again (despite some regret), because I realized I was done with him for good!
I can honestly relate to that Elle. I have alot to express on this topic but after 4 years of dealing with a narcissist I learned the hard way. I can't believe I let a lowlife use me like that! But hey, he's someone else's problem and headache now! 😄😆😏🙌☝👍👊👏✌
Elle right on girl✊🏽
Wow thanks for this. i always think i crave sex with HIM but i am seeing it differently now.
I did the same ;)
Elle same.
Yes, yes, yes! Everything you said is true for me. It makes so much sense! I thought I was crazy that I kept wanting to have sex with him after the breakup. It was the only intimacy I had with him. It was the only time I felt loved by him.
The only way to freedom is learning SELF LOVE!!!
For me it was the worst sex I've ever had, and yet I never had the courage to state how unsatisfactory it was. I still regret that.
Reach out just to say the sex was bad and give examples 😂 that should knock down some of that over confidence 😂
I left my journal on the table once rating him and asking myself why I was there. Well under sex he failed miserably. He wouldn't do anything about his erection problems and wanted to use toys and play games where he wins sexual favors...he always won and when I caught him cheating, he never played again and said I cheated. Whew! I'm so glad to be away but my body feels differently even though sex wasn't good or frequent.
Same but I said it I remember her reaction 😂
They never would have listened to you anyway. Narcissist have very fragile egos so fragile you can't have your own preferences.
This is valuable information. Thank you so much. The sexual obsession is terrible. It's like a shadow cast on all other potential relationships. It's good to withdraw and have a period of celibacy.
Very true it helped for me until I ran into another who pushed the relationship & sex agenda hard. (He knew I had a sex addiction from my youth and traumas caused by others in my life) Made threats of ending his life because so much had happened in his life and feeling lonely. This was directly after my sister commited suicide and he volunteered to be emotional support and let me crash for a few months. A few months turned into a year of misery. I wanted to leave and was financially enough to at one point but he always pulled me back to staying for fear of loosing another person in my life. Tore apart everything that absence and soul searching had achieved. Just goes to show you you have to make sure they're all out your life before you can truly heal, cause these people have no soul.
@@jeansmith7269 I pray that things are better for you now.
@@ladennayoung2939 Thank you so much. It has. I'm now living all the way on the opposite side of the city from him and have been able to heal some and thrive in his absence.
This video is spot on, wow. Im breaking up with the narc that was in my life. He is sexually obsessed and i would say that was the main reason i kept coming back. The sex was very intense and i felt that i could never get any better. But youre so right, when i looked back, it was robotic and predictable. He definitely used it as a tool.
Hmmm, note your own narcissistic behavior?
You NAILED it 👏
This is the absolute key to being ADDICTED to the Narcissist. That attraction that just doesn't go away. A pure sexual obsession!
Finally over the narc and his antics.
The best way to get over it is to get under a mentally healthy partner!
This is after you have done the work on yourself of course.
I never realized that the break up cycle was him withholding sex.
Wow.
Always more to learn.
I was aware that I was sexually addicted to the narc. I recently realized(ignored it in the past) that it was years of one sided, manipulative, mind fucking and that the "relationship" was never real. I've even said exactly what you've said " It'll never be that great with anyone else" This video helped me so much! I can look back and see it was all mechanical and rehearsed the same positions and outcome. He'd be a cheating, lying asshole, Id leave him alone he'd come back like nothing happened, blame it all on me, beg for sex, I'd give in, be fucked and sometimes immediately discarded after sex until he needed his fix again after weeks or months of silent treatments. A cycle of BS ill never give in again! Thank You!
As an Empath, I was able to feel what he carries inside of him. I can’t imagine how someone could carry this weight every day in and out. Not only could I feel it but see its color, black, with no light insight. God have mercy on his soul.
So did I. During sex especially, I felt his soul inside me and I even told him that I felt all of his pain and that I would do it again one million times. Ugh...how stupid of me to say that, it's a narcissist's dream!
SGN2011 you’re not stupid, you genuinely care for him. The same way I did for the narc I knew. I would have walked through fire for him. Gosh I loved him so much. Its only after the discard could I only see what he truly was.
@@vanessaalvarado8048 Ugh, that's the problem with us empaths is that we care. I'd love to switch brains with a narc for one day and see the world through their eyes. I don't want to hate him because there's already so much hate out there. I always say that forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. I can forgive but I won't be fooled twice! :)
How I needed this video my experience with this particular covert narc was only dating/ talking to for 4 months so not long at all but my gosh I feel that so much of this video explained all the thoughts and desires I'm still experiencing now I feel so violated as she stated in the video the only time i felt connected to them was when we had sex but I felt so empty after as he would be distant, cold only wanna talk about himself and his interests. and I stated this too they would say things will get better it won't always be like this they had this family problem or this friends issue to deal with when really they just didn't give a fuck it was truly all about them and their needs and pleasure I told them I didn't like hookups and they said the same etc it got to a point where I was so frustrated I asked them one day to have sex with me i just wanted to feel that connection to them, they rejected, discarded me, ghosted me and I realised after that because I shut off the admiration and validation for them by asking for my physical/emotional in essence putting my needs 1st/ to be met it was almost like a slap in the face to them. Like how dare i ask for anything it has been the most brutal experience of my life and I can honestly say that I have been with an overt narc previously for 12 years had kids with them.
The 4 months was pure hell compared to the 12 years slowly working on myself and putting myself back together 😢 This video was a God send
With a covert it's so subtle so sinister you question and doubt your existence and reality it's truly brutal 😢
Great video, thanks! I have given this some thought and it seems like it has to do with the kinds of chemicals that are released in your body, which become addictive. It took me about 3 years to get over my narcissist! I may just be slow, but this was a really hard process. I cried every night for about a year, and even after that, the feelings kept coming back. They begin to fade over time, and now I feel nothing when I think of him, except a little sadness (that he was never who I thought he was) and anger (at having been made a fool), but even these feelings are no longer very intense.
Deborah Armstrong exactly! I used to tell her- knowing from experience, “the more our sweat mixes the more addicted I’m getting” and that sex is very dangerous. And same here it took years to get over one- who still calls just in case I relapse, but only in exchange for a newer narc- 🤦🏽♀️
I hope u get this :( the guy I was with for 4 years I started seeing less because i liked this other guy, the other guy ended up hittin on a girl in front of me which brought up a lot of trauma of my ex narc who would explain in detail about other woman, so i cut that guy off as well as my narc, a month passed the narc was blocked on everything.....so he shows up at my door, i was half asleep and answered 🤦🏼 he goes on to talk about how great we are and here I get trapped and feeling arise again.....then tells me his divorce in finally finalized and then tells me I still cant see him because he was helping another woman🤦🏼🤦🏼🤦🏼 and it made me crazy all over again.....is that narcissism....if u dont answer lol its fine I just wonder how long it's going to take to get over them
Deborah Armstrong thank god there is hope
We all move at our own pace. Happy you got out.
Am fighting to get over the sex addiction,is the only part that is hunting me now,i still want to have more sex with her,crazy.
I'm dealing with this right now and its the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. I've been sexually addicted to my narcissist since I was 16 he was my first and now 10 years later I'm still Struggling with letting go. I haven't had sex with him in over a year but still fantasize about being with him, I need desperate help. Thanks for this video it's helping me and giving me more ideas of what I can do to get over this.
This is me!! I lost my v to him since I was 13 😭😭😭
@@VriendaGanguly I was 13 too and I went back a while back. I’m now 20
I’m in the same position.
I couldn't stop nodding my head to everything you were saying!! everything was on point and so true! a sex fast is the best thing to do and NO casual sex!! and say no to what you don't want!! no more wasting your time! you did that long enough! now its about YOU!!!
thank you for this awesome video!
I believed I would never have that kind of sex again...it was absolutely amazing. But, I was wrong. Sex is great with non-Narcs and they really do enjoy pleasing me! And, yes the sex fast does work! I went 7 months. The casual sex has been the only thing that has helped me get past the pain of the Narc. I tried other things before that didnt work. This is what has worked with me. I don't want a deep relationship after having two Narc relationships.
I'm at 3 years and still not interested in sex... Dunno what's wrong with me
I hope I can say this one day
This is what the narc aims to achieve, that you’ll lose the desire to connect and be deeply intimate because they are unable to.
Hhhh
Aaaand now your body count is probably so high you're for the streets. Why do women always have to use their vaginas to lead the way through life
Sex with this narc was incredible amazing! He didn't have to ask what I wanted.. he just knew everything. I was his goddess, his peace, his life... then suddenly went cold and distant, when I confront him, he gaslighted me and finally he just ghosted me for weeks. So we spent from amazing sex to not talking at all. So cruel, so hurtfull. When I was getting better, he came back like if anything has happened! It's being very hard to stay in no contact. I still miss him, I still belive I'm never gonna have that amazing sex again. He left me ruined.
omg. very very same w what i experienced. gosh😢😢😢😢
Ditto
😢😢
Have we all been with the same man!!!
You know whose not a narcissist? Dogs! Get a cute puppy dog!
I prefer not to have sex with a dog if you don't mind....
Anne Bos hahaha. The dog would be safe. I will never have the desire again. My narc, made sure of that.
My narc did get a puppy (for unconditional adoration / supply I presume). He got rid of it seven weeks later because he couldn’t look after it...and then blamed someone else!
Hell they are not + they crap all over everything.
😂😂😂😂
I fell into this trap big time. Once you're done pleasing them they slowly discard you.
Best video ive seen I broke up with a narcissist 17 months ago and keep going back as the sex is out of this world.Bonded with him.But theres no other connection when he falls out with me and calls me nasty words puts down my confidence about my body and my job.The relationship after 3 years goes no where no future just drama.It just doesmt feel the same sex with others.Im scared it will never feel as good.Its hard to give up the amazing sex.This video really helps theres no emotional intimacy.Seeing it as power makes sense.It is all about him.Thank you for this video!
This is so dead on. I only feel emotionally attached when we have sex. And if we haven’t had sex for a few days, week, whatever...he withholds almost as if to punish me. I’m really putting all the pieces together now.
I wonder why i always atract nacs? Dealing with one narc is more than enough.. but two in a row? I was end up with PTSD.
Bettering myself now, still on progress recover from all those madness. I will be fine.
You probably hadn't completely healed yourself before that second nars came in
Soul ties effect us in so many different ways. I remember feeling like I had his handprints all over me. So used and like trash. An old toy he used and threw away. I was vulnerable with him and I was treated like a disposable object over and over. Yet I felt I only wanted him and then later wanted noone. I couldn't even think of being sexual with anyone without it sending me until a loop of depressing thoughts of being used. One time when we were having sex, I got an image of a demon in my head. I brushed it off. Looking back, I believe it was a warning. I believe he is fighting a demon and losing the battle.
Me too I really felt I have sex with the devil.
The sex fast comes naturally, sexual energy dies... grief takes over for some months because your body shuts down sensually and sexually..the break is necessary..after the break, your frame of mind is clearer and you're in a better place to connect with someone new. I didn't desire casual sex at all and had a break for almost 6 months after which my life changed, I dated again and found a much healthier relationship..💓. Wishing the best to all those healing from things they can't speak about, especially the super empaths💓
you may be kidding yourself if you think that the narc was the sick one and you are somehow a better person because u r an "empath" that is just a better sounding word than narc that we can kid ourself with, it takes 2 sick people to do this dance, the only difference is that the co-dependant has a better chance of changing the sick behaviors. Super Empath = Super people pleaser = dysfunctional, that is my take on it anyway as someone who used to use the word empath to describe myself in order to deny and elevate my own dysfunction and to even feel good about my own sick behaviors
hi meredith,for me that obsession comes from how the sex becomes conflict resolution between us. whenever there's problem, she always goes for sex and if i reject her,she will get mad. and yeah you are right,towards the end of our relation,the sex becomes very scarce. Frustating,but i couldn't help myself falling for her again and again
Good topic! Rarely covered.
For me it was the worst sex ever, but yes i was def stuck on it somehow.
Very robotic, very one sided, but always built up.
I took a couple years off from sex and masturbation. Worked very well.
Thank you for this video. It makes me realize that I have not experienced real intimacy in my life.
I felt the same when I watched this video.
I can’t thank you enough for this video. I thought there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t get that out of my head. Yes. Looking back it was robotic, thank you. I perceived this love bomb intensity was as good as it gets. After the dismissal I was obsessed with him. Now I know why that occurred within. There was such a disconnect outside of the bedroom.
Thank you for this. I've been trying and failing to pull away from my ex for the last year. I keep going back and i know im setting myself up for another silent treatment and more pain. I learned that she had narcissistic tendencies about 3 years ago but after seeing the only answer to the problem being "get out....FAST".....i put everything i had into HOPE that she wasnt this way. I couldnt handle the thought of leaving. Well, i moved out a year ago and the abuse is actually worse. I needed to hear this. I lie to myself often about how shallow and phony our relationship was, on her end, so having you put it right in front of me made it more concrete for me. Thanks again.
Six years later and it was still the best I’ve ever had. Nobody has made me feel like that since. Even my current partner, who is great otherwise. It’s even made me want to go back just for that.
6 years 🥺OMG don’t discourage me!!!
I have the same feeling😢
The narcissist turned me almost asexual...
Scorned Visionary yeah my Narc too, he turned me that too
same and then they had the nerve to say I need to use it or lose it.
Same
You are the only person on youtube I would recommend for narcissistic abuse recovery, sending you a hug back!
KuruContinuum - add Richard Grannon! Meredith and him brought me back to sanity and life!!!!
I really don't like Richard, for many reasons.
DoctorRamani channel is pretty informative too
Since emotional intimacy is purely based on brain chemistry, it isn't intimacy at all, it's addiction.
Great topic. It is one I have thought a lot about lately. My experience was somewhat different, by the end of the relationship I was so resentful when it came to sex. I was constantly pursued and could not possibly provide enough to satisfy him. Even during my pregnancy and postpartum I was pressured to be intimate at least four times a week. But the sex itself was weird and very controlling. After a while I felt like he was having sex with himself, staring in the mirror and just using my body. If I tried to take any control he would become unaroused. if I did not consent I would be punished with the silent treatment or made to feel prudish or inadequate, which was humiliating to me. There were also random periods where he would not be interested at all. Probably, he was having affairs. I will never know the truth around that and no longer care. I have not craved intimacy since we split almost two years ago. It is something I know I need to work on but it is a very interesting topic to reflect on.
My narc is sex obsessed, porn obsessed, and self obsessed. He has stopped giving me any attention at all. Soon as I start detaching or when he and his new supply are spatting (lol, soooo fucking obvious) he tries to be nice and act like I exist. Thats the only time he has, in about 2 years payed me any mind is when he wants sex. Very robotic though when we did have sex. Not even intimate, no feeling to it just blah. I can give myself climax I dont need some asshole who thinks he is gods gift to everything do it for me. No spontinuity... Ive had this issue in the past, thinking of and wanting to give him sex and Im so glad that Im so sick and tired of being sick and tired.
...they are really good at pretending to be passionate, like everything else its an act.
...i wasnt very attracted to my hubby at first. Thats crazy, ive experienced all that. First time Ive heard how common this is...
Christy McKee yes girl...i got tired of being Tired!👍 buy detachable shower head frm beauty supply store folks.I know how i like it😀..Narc assholes..smh the juice AINT WORTH THE SQUEEZE!
I am a woman and my ex withheld the sex. He knew I loves sex so that was how he "punished " me. Yet with his first wife he always wanted sex as she didn't like sex. It always confused me his bizarre behaviors and control issues.... I finally realized he is an extreme covert narcissist... I wish I had researched this years ago so I could have by passed years of pain
Thank You Meredith🌸 It is TRUE, THEY THINK They ARE the BEST at sex..,If there's no romance what's the point in being in a relationship with someone who's about their favorite subject their self these words include,,, (.... I...Me... My...&.....Mine ))!!
I really don't expect anyone to read this but I'm just brave enough to my Truth, give it a RANT.... IF BY ANY CHANCE WHEN I'M WRITING,,,,MAY SAVE A PERSON'S LIFE, to give my VEIW OF A NARC💙💦YES SELF RIGHTEOUS COVERT BLAME SHIFTING GASLIGHTING & PITTY PLOTS, FUTURE FAKING...
He was the son of a Self RIGHTEOUS
NARC PREACHER ,Ex was an only son..
He was beaten by his dad after church..
I can never let him know that I felt sorry for him, but he had to put on that mask to SURVIVE HIS CHILDHOOD~
He would Listen INTENSELY to what I loved, desired most👁️ THAT'S when he BEGAN to WITHHOLD ☠️ The main thing is that HE was INCONSISTENT FOR 2 YRS & 8 MTHS ☠️ They don't FEEL,,, don't know HOW to FEEL 👁️ !!!!
I Felt NULL & VIOD during the degrading SEXUAL ACT....HE DID JUST USE MY BODY TO MASTURBATE & ALWAYS FROM BEHIND ME, NEVER LOOK ME IN THE EYE NEVER HAD A ROMANTIC TIME, possibly 3 to 4 times while HE WAS LOVE BOMBING... He put on a BIG LOVING ACT !!!! NEVER DID IT MISSIONARY... He would FLIP ME to MY SIDE to use me..
He USED THE EXCUSE THAT HE HAS LOWER BACK PROBLEMS👽 I'VE BEEN in THERAPY FOR 8 MONTHS WAS HOSPITALIZED ONCE, NEVER HUGS... Gave short, non feeling hugs when he had a sexual urge...
I am an intelligent woman, I went to college I have common sense. I came from a narcissistic mother but never gave hugs I'm on my daddy. At 10 years old she push me back and told me that I was too big for that, to go on to bed 💦HE TRIGGERED ME & HE KNEW IT, HE KNEW MY STORY...! A N D
HE USED IT👽
WITH HOLDING A HUG TO HURT ME....I WAS 10 YEARS OLD AGAIN,,,.inside of me,,,,I am an empath I HAVE COGNITIVE DISSONANCE....
I Kept giving him 2nd, 3rd chances .
I felt sorry for him because he LOST HIS SON.. I WAS IN PAIN WITH MY KNEE ..
I NEEDED SURGERY.
I COULD BE IN ANY KINDA SEVERE PAIN FROM TIME TO TIME, NOT SEEKING ATTENTION , NEVER HAVE BEEN LIKE THAT !!!
HE USED MY KINDNESS, I was a divorced mother-of-2 grown children.. He knew I had a daughter with Cerebral Palsy and she @ 28 years, got too big for me to take care of her and it tore my body down not only looking at me.
I have always independent and loving and HE KNEW THIS !!!!
Hugs were a big issue , his AMMUNITION AGAINST ME & MY CHILDHOOD TRAUMA 💀
HE LOOK AT ME LIKE HE WAS IN ALIEN, NON EARTHLY ¿👽
WHEN IT WOULD BE MOST OBVIOUS TO ANYONE ELSE THAT I NEEDED HAS EMBRACE, A HUG.... SOME KIND OF COMPASSION¿☠️
ANYTIME OTHER THAN SEXUAL,,, HE NEVER HUGGED ME, WHEN IT WAS TRULY NEEDED, I WAS STAERVED EMOTIONALLY....
I remember the first several times needing a hug & asking him to hug me ¿ HE would have a SLIGHT SMERK ON THE OUTER CORNER OF HIS MOUTH ?👁️ HE HAD DISTAIN FOR ME... I KNEW WHAT TRUE ((((HATE))) WAS THEN💀
HE STILL WANTS TO GET BACK TOGETHER,.. WTF,
I HAVE BEEN GONE FROM HIM FOR 5 MONTHS NOT GOING BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM !!!!
HAVE NOT BEEN TO BED WITH HIM.. I AM FINISHED !!!! I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON MYSELF MY INTER CHILD ..I AM HEALING.. HE SENT ME A TEXT SAYING HOW MUCH HE KNOWS HE LOVES ((((( NOW)))) A N. D. HE'LL HUG ME
NOW 👁️
THEY ARE DEMONIC,☠️👽💀 THEY WILL KILL YOUR WILL TO LIVE ☠️
RUNNNNNN💦
Kathy this is my life. And I speak to his ex very occasionally on the phone over their shared child and she has told me when drinking and loose lipped that he was sexually obsessed with her, and how she hated it. “He bothered me every day, it was awful.” And I sat listening quietly, devastated inside. Because I adore sex and am very sexual and always have been , and he has mocked me, called me a nympho, and humiliated me. He doles it out like antidote. He is not sexually obsessed with me. Not by a long shot. For a long time I was so hurt because as shallow as it sounds I’m so much more attractive than her, and I couldn’t imagine what was wrong with me, why her, and not me. Then I began watching these videos. Whatever you want- sex, no sex- they will give you the opposite so they can control you. I went as far as getting bigger implants last year. She has huge breasts. Now so many men are noticing and appreciating them I’m so unhappy, because I don’t want anyone but him. And he could care less. I’m just some Jessica rabbit nympho. I’m a joke.
You are 100% dead right on this. The sex was amazing and I've taken him back several times because of the sex, which actually got more fantastic over time. He could sense when I was pulling away, and used sex to keep me with him. He knew that sex would calm me down when I was angry. I still can't say for sure if he loved me for real or not because we were so close and intense during sex. But he definitely dominated and controlled me with it.
I could have written your comment Honor Ali... so here's my question, how long did it take to stop taking him back? I feel like I lost all willpower to say No, like in your case it became better with time but there was never true intimacy which is what I correctly long for. He's become a worse addiction than what I imagine crack addiction must be like and I am baffled, how can an attractive, educated, emotionally stable woman get herself into this kind of relationship but more importantly how long before I am healed from this devastating experience?
ditto
Abstaining does work! Thanks for validating what I chose years ago during a breakup.
10:15 OMG!!!! Your description of "True Intimacy" gave me absolute CHILLS!!!! YES THAT IS WHAT IVE BEEN CRAVING FOR 5 YEARS AND DID NOT KNOW IT! YES!!!!
My ex was extremely submissive and I loved it
She wanted it to be extreme, spitting, slapping, name calling ect. but what it ended up doing was actually making me crave her and want her to a crazy level...She actually gained dominance over me thru submitting to me..sounds like an oxymoron but thats the way it went. To this day I miss it all so much.
Any tips to get over it?
Brother.. there are men out there who know EXACTLY what you're feeling, and I'm one of them.
It's how they ensnare you bit by bit and make you the one feeling the one without power, even though it seems impossible when she's the one being pounded in every hole and enthusiastically doing all the hottest shit and being dominated.
But there's another trick within their ways of making us weak, and that's not being able to take the thought of her doing all that with someone ELSE and I'm telling you, if she cheats, your mind and emotions will never be the same.
My wife tried the same on me but I had a few partners over my life and I knew it was not normal with the red flags she was dropping from the beginning. When she tried to bait and switch me....... I never went back. She moved into the spare bedroom expecting me to beg her back or I would sniff around her for sex but I never went back. She ended trying to entice me back into the bed but by that time I just did not trust her anymore so I never have. She started having affairs and has ended up with 3 stds now, so luckily I have missed those bullets. She is trying to replace me but at the age of 44 and 2 kids most of her relationships are her getting smashed for a month but they bore with her easily.
Thank you, Meredith. This video was especially important to me. "The performance pattern" that you point out really hits home. My narc knew it was really all she had to offer the world, and used it in every way you mentioned.
Thank you Meredith, SO MUCH! This could not have come at a better time. Goin thru this right now after an intense and painful breakup w my ex who turned out to be a covert narc/very likely psychopath/sociopath (has most of the traits). Been a nightmare and "withdrawal" has been/is VERY tough as this turned into an ADDICTION for both myself as well as him, I know. One Day at a Time. Again, thank you for making this video today...I truly needed to hear this at this point. ✌️😊
I needed to hear these words so badly, and after hearing this I feel so much better already. As if the healing process just truly began, and it feels really good. Thank you, Meredith. Finding you was a blessing!
Woah!!!! Omg thank you for putting this video up! This helped me in more ways than the narcissistic answers I was looking for. I feel a little enlightened right now and can't even put into words what I am feeling after seeing this video! Thank you thank you!
Sad that we - post trauma- have to have intimacy re-explained to us after sex with a npd. It is something I felt all along but thought "maybe if I love more" but no...and one time he even said after sex "I feel like a robot" --if I had known about npd that would've been HUGE flag. I had to learn the hard way. Thank you for reminding me I am not ruined and it was all a facade. I know if I dwell on it I will bring about an illness and stop me from moving forward. Yes, it is programming.This is so on point. He was hyper-sexual but when it came to cuddling or holding me (even and especially after asking for it), it was so forced and cold. There were many times I felt like I was dissociating during sex and imaging one of exes watching us, which was so bizarre for me. And thank you for suggesting the fast. I tried to self-help in that area and found myself bawling afterwards. Too much negative energy. Thank you for being a gift.
Ana Luisa i can relate so much specially on thr cuddling part....
Your videos have given me so much clarity. Thank you for sharing your wisdom ❤
Wow thank you so much. I can’t believe I was mistaking sex for emotional intimacy actually believing it would draw us together and create a stronger bond when the narc was just using sex as a tool for power and control, it is so clear now . The narc was never committed emotionally to our relationship, that just made my cravings for emotional intimacy more intense, which I mistook for a project to get her to love me as much as I felt that I loved her, I can now see that that, was and is impossible. I have been used as supply but it is ok, I have to accept it and forgive myself and learn from all of this. I need to be able to recognise my own needs clearly and concisely. Emotionally, financially, mentally I gave everything to that relationship and received nothing in return, I gave more than I had to give and I am suffering the consequences of that still today, but bit by bit, every day I am recovering. I am stronger, wiser. Nofap, healthy eating, exercise, cold showers and meditation are what I will be focusing on now.
micsotonbrum mine would seem to try and hypnotize me during sex. saying “who do you love, who will take care of you, who is the only one you want sex with” over and over. your post resonated with me. thanks
Excellent video! I could relate to so much of it. I'd recommend giving up porn, that completely toxic industry, for good as well.
Sven Loach "Good guy😄"
What a great video. I was I involved with a Psychopath from 22 until I was 42. I’ve recently been thinking about our sexual relationship. Yes the sex was good but the rest was disgusting. Thank you for reminding me of the big picture. No contact for years now🥰
What i realized from Narcastic is it's used like a drug, an addiction and it can even make you feel hallow afterwards. With true love it's not weaponized or used manipulatively. It's just icing on the already beautiful cake. It's connection, it adds onto the amazing bond you and your lover already share without sex.
I remember having this problem of missing the intimacy the first time we broke up when my narc discarded me. I was craving the intimacy so desperately. After 8 months broken up and apart I was, of course, hoovered back in. I generally missed him so bad during this time apart I took him back even though he treated me like garbage again after the short initial love bombing, of which I was actually starting to become aware on some level. I started realizing he was only able to love himself. I started picking up on signs he was emotionally disconnected during intimacy. I could tell it was only getting worse each time that one day I just realized I was no longer emotionally "dependant" on it. He was a horrible lover even though I had no one to compare him to and was a love-starved empath. He never kissed me, avoided making eye contact...You could tell there was no emotional connection. I only got the "fake" 5-10 min cuddles afterwards if I was lucky. So I started feeling like a used object to him and stopped initiating intimacy. I believe other forms of abuse and neglect also had a great impact on my lack of desire to be intimate with him at that point. It's been a month now since I broke up a 4 year relationship and now I don't miss the intimate part. It makes it a tiny bit easier knowing he never loved me in the first place so there's nothing to miss cause you can't really miss what you never had...and it was all a big fat lie. But at the same time that's the thing that I'm struggling most to process...
I hate that this happened to other people but I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I feel like I'm absolutely crazy.
I asked him after intimacy " if we had a connection or was this just a game" ... he said " he had no connection to me" ... things went quickly downhill from there but obviously its all my fault...
This is so spot on!!! In the beginning, I wasn't attracted to my narc-ex and she pursued me vigorously and even asked me about my fantasies and what i was looking for in a woman, and boy did she fulfil them. After she cheated on me and discarded me, I have found myself constantly thinking about the sex we had. How mind-blowing it was. I even think she is the most attractive person in the universe and before we started dating, i didn't think she was attractive at all. Every single time i think about her (which is all day long), i think that i will never have mind-blowing sex with anyone else and that i have lost the most perfect partner for me. I will keep watching this video because i must admit, i have sexual obsession with my narcissist ex. Thank you Meredith. I need to heal from this and break free!
There is more to a relationship than just mind blowing sex, my wife did the same but you soon realize they are just a one trick pony and the time spent between the sheets is very small.
Inner Integration....HOLY CRAP!!!! You are verbally telling my life, out loud...I cannot believe how many things you say in this video that are EXACTLY things I experienced, thought and felt, absolutely amazing! I will be checking out all your other videos! I just stumbled on you, looking for some sort of emotional help, answers. Thank you!!!!
Thank you for making this video! It was so helpful for me. I had no idea that I was seeking intimacy in all these situations.
Wow you are one hell of a woman your words are right on the money
Thank you so much for your explanation..
I have dealt with this prob for the past 3 years and you have finally made the penny drop for me
Thank you Thank you so much x
When you said "It wasn't real"...(I tried to re-find the spot, with no luck).... I hate to say this but I often think that's the sad truth of the majority of conventional relationships...at least here in the U.S. I often feel that there are many aspects and elements of our culture here that make truly authentic and intimate relating extremely elusive.
Spot on!!!!! Been looking for this information for some time. Listen to this video more than once, it's so true
Brilliant point, no casual sex-it it may trigger u to want to go back with the narcy...self love self love only.
Just today I was missing the kind of love we made. I almost texted him as I've been NC with him now almost 2yrs. I do not want to ruin that. I did it, I finally did it, and got away from him after 20yrs. Sex was magical and was the glue that held me to him. Sex is non existent for me and so is love.
Omg!!! This is so helpful! I couldn't figure out why I lose interest and why it didn't feel the same as it did in the beginning. At times it made me felt like I was losing connection to her which is good but also made me wonder if i was ever going to have that intimate feeling towards someone again. Thank i for explaining this. Sending love and light. Namaste.
You are spot on… I couldn’t understand why he slept in a separate room and said he feels no urge for 20 years of marriage whilst seducing others and cheating on me with random women (over 300 of them) whilst I stopped expecting anything from him…. Despite me being more prettier than his harem team …. And my family telling me that he will change one day… never changed and eventually started violently beating me for no reason when he couldn’t get his fix with his harem as he started to age…. Someone who is so shameless and blind that he thinks he is adonis and should be worshipped by every woman… someone so desperate that he would sleep with woman his mom’s age especially married ones with family and has hookers on call… now understanding nothing was wrong with me, it’s was just a power game… what a life wasted as never had anyone before or after him … and he still lingers in the shadows to ensure I live as isolated as I can and have no one to speak to….
Thank you, you really gave me better understanding of what I went through while I was married to a narcissist. I've researched narcissism to be able to heal, and it has really helped me a lot. But I've missed the part about the sexual behavior of a narcissist. My husband lived for sex, everything was about sex. Even in a ordinary conversation he referred to sex... depending on the words that where used in that conversation... Thanks to your video I have a lot more clarity about what I went through. Thank you 🙏🏻💞
100% emotionally engaged both parties, i don't even know what that feels like, l hope ill be able to experience it one day🥰🙏🏾
may you be Victorious!
My experience was the worst because he was handsome as well. He looked like my childhood fantasy. He also purposely softened and steadied his voice. A true master. This was a year ago.
This video is spot on and ironically links up with stuff i was watching earlier by vaknin and grannon talking narcs and sex.
If you are in a relationship only because of sex? the relationship it self is narcissistic, even though none of you might be narcissists.
Know this is a old video , but thank you ! This was so accurate, that was the only thing in the relationship that resembled intamacy. And yet it still left void . Also there were more times that I realized though I was present , she was more often than not connected at all just into the act . And it wasn't reciprotary. Always needed to be recieving, though acting it was for you . Like everything else with the covert narcissist , everything is fragmented ,and the pieces they don't fit together , and you don't have a complete picture . Just unanswered questions
he used to withheld sex many times. the last time until we broke up he totally refused to be intimate with me for 4 months then he moved out
I hope it does get better, bcause I don't care anymore, but I'm not the type to give up, but I don't care, at least right now, and it's been a year going no contact, but I do masturbate but I'm so furious that I'm in this sh!#, that m focusing all of my strength on getting better, I also have never had more women try to talk to me since all of this has went on, but I'm more turned off than ever before at the thought of relationships . Thanks for your warm healing and therapeutic message, much love!
This is me as well. The only sexual fantasy that really turns me on is of imagining my ex, I'm over a year out as well, I've had a couple of substance fuelled ONS, but otherwise I have avoided any possibility of intimacy with anyone. And I am not truly attracted to anyone other than her. It makes me so angry that I've been left with this yet presumably her inability to be truly intimate precludes her from getting this attached to anyone, so she can bounce from partner to partner while even if I did that, it'd feel repulsive to me.
Please tell me in the 2+ years since you posted this that things did improve?
I love how blunt and honest you are, we really do need to hear this. Thank you so much for being honest and authentic and true.
thank you so much. You really bring me alot of comfort through your words, advice and manner.
Or that word is a prude. A narc favorate.
They want you to feel insecure.
OMG. Tears just rolling down my face I experienced all of this. I need counseling seriously
You confirmed I've definitely been on the right path since being discarded. My narc experience propelled me into a spiritual awakening. And I knew abstaining was very necessary for me to heal. I did have a fling which was merely a distraction along the way & the sex was great & far more affectionate than w/ the narc😄. Except the narc did push me outside my comfort zone & I have had thoughts that I won't find another partner that could match the 'illusionary intensity'. I've been celibate approx. 5months now & the narc has contacted me for sex numerous times even though he lives w/ his new supply! I finally blocked his #. I've learned a lot about the signs/symptoms of NPD. Thank you for the great content🙏🏾
I never ever understood BDSM and how that could be enjoyable, but when you apply a Narc to it it makes perfect sense. These people are really sick in the head
shack109 I was just thinking the same thing 🤔 💭
AJ HILL ya. I was choked & hit during sex . Never saw it coming , never agreed to it . Def was easy to discard after that .
But the 'Little Shaman Living' channel, she was also specialised in addressing narcissim but viewed bdsm as being good. I did not understand how that can be the case, can anyone shed light on it, from LSL's perspective?
Hi Meredith....thank you for all your videos..you are very inspiring....
I've had opposite ends regarding sex with Narcs - - one was completely horrible and fit the textbook example of robotic, predictable, boring sex. Then there was one who was very giving, didn't withhold it, and was really good; he would say that he enjoyed pleasuring me, and it was intense. But then there was this emptiness I could sense about him outside of sex. When I would try to connect with him emotionally, there just wasn't much there. Sure, in the beginning of the relationship, he was plugged in and really seemed to be connecting, but as time went on, it was like he just gave up unless he wanted sex. And he was good at his covert manipulations too ; he was the best covert narcissist I've seen. I've come to the point where I really don't want to have sex anymore. Which is weird and sad because I feel like my sensuality, and sexuality have been amputated; I feel like less of a person now. I used to really enjoy sex, even if it was just casual. And also thinking how the patriarchal society works, I've found a lot of men behave this way. By nature, men generally speaking, are more competitive, and have less empathy than women. They've also been conditioned to follow a certain type of rule list where the sky's the limit in terms of work and play, and to have many women as conquests,as well as objectifying them is actually a symbol of strength; '' just being a man ''. It really makes me wonder if there are any men who want to intimately connect with a woman.
Dore Love same here....sigh jus seems like a world full o demons...everybody ready to have a fuckfest..no commitments..Nada. oh well
Dore Love yes and the second one you described is what I thought the video was about. I have yet to see a video on the subject of the narc being sexually obsessed with the supply and why it happens or how to deal with it.
Nonsense. There are far more female narcs out there than male, particularly the covert type
@@FuelAirSparkTime I agree. We have commericalized everything, including our moral behaviour. When is it ever ok to kill babies, when is it ever ok to dump your aging parents outside an old folks home and we want to deabte about "connections". What many folks fail to realize that the current sexual pracitice of the hook up culture is, all one night stand people are psychopathic, narcissistic, machivillian and sadistic. Using people or yourself for short term gratification is a psychopath.
i met my narc on a BDSM site. bad, bad mistake and i am paying the price now. he destroyed all my boundaries in the name of “this is how bdsm is done, you will comply” when i was just wanting to check it out and have a very casual relationship. i will find my way out but it’s been a nightmare. the sex was amazing, the best i ever had but you’re so right about him learning how to use sex to manipulate and gain power. at a certain time he wanted me monogamous to him while he slept with his 100s of harem members and let me know. my self respect was destroyed but i am getting it back quickly as i learn he’s a robot. you’re right in that he has only one bag of tricks in bed. it’s become all about power and his ego. great video. thanks. this is one of the last things (the sex) keeping me hooked on him. he says he will only be poly and i agreed as long as he was open and honest yet i discovered he was doing so much behind my back! it’s crazy because i am open to poly as long as it’s honest and he had no reason to lie to me so much-yet he did. the entire relationshit he was doing crazy things behind my back that shocked me. i admit to having been obsessed with sex with him. it’s also the only time i actually felt close to him. guess that’s false too. he really did help me sexually opening me up to feel free and uninhibited and trying new things. he introduces me to my sexuality. so i thought it would only be like that with him. i recently had sex with someone else with the same kinks i have and it was amazing too and he’s not a narc. so it opened my eyes that it wasn’t my narcissist that i need.
This is where I'm at right now. I was celibate for 11 years after coming out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist... and then I met another one. Casual sex is a trigger for me, for sure. This is a great video. Great advice. Thanx.
Yes repetitive boring sex.. but the spell/ hex/ made an artificial construct .. it was all bs.. great video.
🎯💯
Excellent video. This is spot on in every single way. Great post. Especially about manipulation and giving and withholding sex - minus the sex fast. 😂
You are such a beautiful soul Meredith
OMG, thank you for covering details on this topic. I have tears running down my face, still. You described exactly what's happened to me. Your advice is so important to me as I prepare to leave this empty relationship. I'm sharing this to a few friends.
This hit home for me 😢
So helpful. Thanks
My ex narc went from sexual fantasising, pornography, kink, perversion to zero sex. I was a total mess. It really worked to keep me low , lost, unconfident and dependent. 😢
Mine once grabbed my neck like he would choke me during sex, didn't put any pressure but that alone, eww.
He's probably seen that in porn videos. Mine did the same plus would grab a big handful of my hair and pull it.
100 percent.
They give you as intimacy but it is just cover.
My husband eventually stopped making sex with me but because I started be the one who was trying to initiate.
So as I understand he just stop seing how he can show power and control over me.
Gone through this phase ...
Real BDSM is about trust and allowing yourself to let go, not about power. But i can definitely see how it would be destructive with a narc.
Thank you, 👌✌️
The one thing I find odd is no one answers is if a Narcissist knows that they are one? Being one is explained but never if they know they are one!!!
Until today… I’ve never even heard of your channel but it was in my feed and I decided to watch it and it’s totally me. I am totally that person that seems to just be so attached to the sexual aspect of the relationship with a narcissist and my relationship with him is over and I keep finding small ways to squeeze my way back in just for sex and I know it’s wrong but I find myself not being able to stop myself… Even knowing that it isn’t real and it isn’t love and that I’m just being used… Because I swear I feel like I’m not gonna have anything better than that. This video just truly scares the shit out of me because I’ve been doing it wrong this whole time thinking that what I had with him sexually...mattered and It never did. I mean truly it never did. He is a textbook narcissist and has left me five times and cheated and lied and I’ve taken him back and a bunch of other bullshit… Verbal abuse and physical abuse and ghosting and gaslighting and all of the textbook traits of a narcissist and I will be able to stop myself for a while and then I just miss that sexual connection that I thought we had that I thought was real but was clearly was just bullshit. I don’t even know if I know what it truly is like to have undeniable peer into is he with somebody. I have always been the only one that has truly put myself out there and I’ve gotten used and take me to manager. I was totally in the whole BDSM thing and giving up control and doing what he wanted to make him happy because I thought that’s what I wanted and now I wonder. Like what was I doing? Why? What did I get out of it? Heartache? Pain? Feeling worthless? Wondering if I’m loved? It sucks thinking that there’s so many people out there that truly only give a shit about themselves and here I thought I was with somebody that gave a crap about me but when I look back on it… He never did. And he never will.
Thank you...for your valuable information.
All present and correct, whot your saying.
It's a dark place they take you, and unless you are very gifted...I.E...Able to manifest the darkness and turn it into the light then I advise you to put up strong bounderies and get the he'll out of it.
Soul Saviour. 🙏💕
It is dangerous because they can do really nasty actions( hidden ) that you would never consented also . Very destructive but the same than the betrayal with other women , so twisted, you can not even prove , but feel As another gaslight. Talking about behind you back. Thank you for your help!
What do U do when your narc husband (12 years) prefers porn over real sex with U? I've asked him to stop or at least do it somewhere else. It has really destroyed me and it sucks he isn't the one suffering I am. When i tell him ot bothers me that's when he watches it loud enough for me 2 hear the moans. I couldn't do what he does so comfortably, he has no remorse. I have confronted, he lies. He wants me hurt for some reason. How do i handle this? Im leaving as soon as I can.
What an amazing video! Thank you so much for all this wisdom! I was going nuts wanting him so much. But you are so right, sex was perfect , but if to think and be honest, really it was kind of robotic, not involved emotionally, so little kissing and etc. I felt this emptiness in him, but always run from these thoughts and didnt pay attention to this because my feelings and pleasureness were so huge that it would be enough not only for both of us, but for the entire city:)) I did not want to ruin this illusion of him being a lover, because I wanted to feel loved.... Thank you for these great advices, it is very interesting challenge. Now I really want to know this base line for me and got calm and peace🙏❤
Potentially life saving video. Just went NC with my female narcissist 8 days ago and it’s been like I’m withdrawing from a hardcore narcotic. Now that I’m able to process the relationship better it was all about sex or sex was the gateway for intimacy at least so I thought. Now that’s what I’m craving from her. Almost gave in and contacted her today but stood my ground. This video gives me more power through education. The woman I was with is very dangerous, has destroyed everyone’s life around her and if I go back I have a lot to loose. Thanks so much!
Did u ever go back?
@@seanmerch1605 unfortunately yes. We were broken up for five months and one day out of the blue she shows up at my gym where I work out. She drew me back in and I went through the whole thing again. And ironically enough I’m on day 2 of no contact with her once again. And the challenging part is you forget all the bad stuff after a certain time. And it’s just so damn hard to get away. Got much worse this time. She hit me on three different occasions, and gave me a black eye. It doesn’t get any better. Gets worse.
@@jetpilot3714did you leave her for good? How are you doing?
@@jooxumja I appreciate you asking. She has a significant substance-abuse problem. Got in legal trouble and now she is out of state at treatment. She will be gone at least a couple of months, and when she gets back will be in jail for months. I’m sorry for her troubles, but this is allowing me to at least be separated from her as I was still seeing her before she left. We are still talking on the phone, but this is giving me time to really reflect and hopefully I can figure out what has caused my obsession and draw to this woman. I’ve never been through anything like this. While I know she is terrible for me, there’s still this pull to be with her. I’m working with a therapist and so between that and a forced separation, I’m hoping to get back on track away from her permanently. It is so similar to addiction. It’s kind of all or nothing with her.
@@jetpilot3714 maybe deep down you feel like you deserve this kind of treatment and chaos? Reflect on your upbringing , perhaps there are past traumas or unresolved issues where it has caused you to find a what sounds to be , monster of a woman, to be such an attractive partner.
For me growing up with an abusive shit father, I sought out abusive shit men, and my last one ( also with massive hidden drug issues) was a horrific narcissist. He has turned my life upside down.
But when I realized I had to choose between my life and my person and my obsession with him, I ultimately chose me.
Choose yourself. Once the divide is long enough you will realize it was all a chemical imbalance ( that’s what lust and addiction to a person is)
She came to destroy you and every call, every conversation, every fuck is one step closer to doing so.
The universe is giving you the chance to set yourself free by physically getting rid of her from your path. Take this opportunity. Cut it out completely. You don’t have children with her, you have nothing but your soul that’s tied to the demon that she is. Because this is demon energy.
They are here for destruction, and if you see her and what she does in her life she destroys.