Womanhood & Motherhood Without a Mom
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- Опубликовано: 3 апр 2024
- Today's talk is about going through the journey, changes and transitions of womanhood and motherhood without the presence of a mother role in your life.
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Disclaimer: I am not a mental health specialist, just a Canadian gal with an old soul who likes to crack the ice on deep conversations that can foster personal growth and positive change.
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I feel so sorry for women who did not have a mom or motherly figure to teach them about their bodies. I remember my mom showing me how to clean my body parts, teaching me how to use menstrual products, value of a hot water bottle, and permission to slow down/rest. This also included teaching me about safe space, touch, and personal boundaries. The time you had with Vicky seemed so special, those walks and talks, and I remember her helping fold clothes in your vlogs. This conversation is so raw and private so thanks for sharing. You have turned your experience or lack of into extra layers of tenderness in your role as a mom, and how dang cool is that mama 🤍🎀
Shout out to all the women and girls out there who struggle with their relationships with their moms. It can be lonely, confusing, and heartbreaking. But you always have the choice to heal, move forward, and love yourself regardless. Becoming the woman you always needed in your life can be the most therapeutic and healing experience. Thank you Kalyn for your wisdom and understanding ❤️❤️❤️
I have had such a tough journey with my mother. She hurt me so very much when I was a child, in so many ways. I really struggled when I was pregnant, terrified of becoming a mother without having any guidance. But ever since I had my son, I have experienced so much healing as I changed the intergenerational experience of parenting for my bloodline. It's like reparenting yourself as you give your baby the mothering he deserves.
exactly!
Can't quite put into words how special it is that you've put your experiences into the world like this. Not having your mom while she's still alive is a different kind of painful and my heart goes out to you. It's not talked about really, despite how much it impacts every area of your life, and us stubborn girls without mums need to share our stories ❤ thanks for making space for this convo, Kalyn.
lost my mom this february to cancer and i can’t wait to sit down and listen to this. just what i was needing in my grieving process ❤
Couldn’t agree more ❤ in a similar circumstance and needed this
Me too . On valentines..
lost my mom to cancer 2 years ago on february too and I felt your pain with all my heart. I am sorry about your loss and I wish you an easy way to deal with your grieving process.
My mom passed away when I was 18 from cancer and this video meant so much to me! These are things I often think about but I feel like no one talks about. I really appreciate that you gave this topic a voice.
I was raised by my grandparents and never had a relationship with my mother. Everyone has a story 🤍
Kalyn is the mom and elder sister we all need.
It's been 10 years since I've talked to my mom. She disowned my brother and I after my brother told her that he has a mental illness. Since then, she told me to my face that I have a cold heart. I was obviously very upset about the whole situation. Now, I am a mother and what I learned is this. I don't have a cold heart, I love my child so much. She's missing out, not me. Some people are not ment to be parents for many reasons and some people are the best parents ever. If any other else is estranged from a parent or a family member remember this, it's not your fault.
Grieving a mother that is still alive is another kind of pain and not having closure is the most difficult part. But I believe we can be our own mothers and parent, nurture and love our own inner child. It's a tough process but we will get there ❤ Thank you for this video, it means a lot to see I'm not alone in this
Thank you for posting and sharing this - I have a narcissistic mother with all of the cluster B personality types , and is so dangerous and traumatic to me that I’ve had to keep her entirely out of my life - it’s so rarely spoken about the loss and the pain of them being alive and there but still feeling motherless. Turning 25 in 2 months and it’s all been coming up for me
My mom was a single mom for a lot of my life, and I'm an only child so it was really just me and her against the world. We endured a trauma when I was about 13 and she spiraled into alcoholism, and she passed away when I was 18. This video really meant more to me than I could ever say in a comment box on RUclips and I just want you to know that.
Two things that really helped me were one, the books Motherless Daughters and Dead Moms Club. Even if your mom is still alive but not a part of your life, these books are amazing for women trying to navigate the world without a mom.
Two, I found a support group specifically for women who lost their moms at young ages. It was probably the most healing thing I ever could have done. We all lost our moms at a young age but at very different ages (4, 9, 10, 18, and 21) and hearing how our experiences were simultaneously completely different and exactly the same was really an incredible and healing thing.
Thank you so much for making this video for us Kalyn. Wishing you well on your motherhood journey 🩷
Lost my mommy at 13🥺 I’m 22 now and it’s upsetting and unfair I’ve come this far without her and starting womanhood without her. And don’t feel uncomfortable with getting emotional, I was right there with you! Thank you for this talk. I personally don’t want kids without having my mom, but i know i’m open to that changing, thank you for your perspective 💞
I love this video! I also don’t have a good relationship with my mom and she’s been what I call “emotionally unavailable” most of my life. Now into adulthood I’ve recently been working through all the difficult emotions that come with what it could have been like to have a loving mother as a child and someone to rely on now. It’s an extremely difficult topic to talk about and I think you did a wonderful job addressing it! ❤
Thanks for posting! My husband and I were just talking about how lots of people assume I have a relationship with my mom and how difficult it is to try and fill that gap, teach yourself or be your own coach or find therapy or books and guided meditations etc to be the caring motherly figure you missed out on.
I've been a silent watcher for a few years now. My husband and I have been considering emigrating and the idea of having a child, with absolutely no outside support system does terrify me sometimes! Sending so much love and light to you and your precious, growing family, from South Africa. ♥
My father didn't have a close relationship with his mother (it was pretty traumatic tbh) and he is the greatest dad ever! My mom also lost her own mother to cancer pretty young so she raised me without any help either. But they are both so loving and caring! It brings me to tears how much love they were (and still are) able to give me even though they didn't have that love in the first place❤ So, to all of you who are growing more caring and understanding because of your not-so-easy past, keep going! You have so much love and light to give.
The way you're describing...tiptoeing around... the relationship with your mom...I just know it's similiar to my story. Sending you all the love, soul sister❤ We're doing it differently and we are our own motherly figures and that's that.
Church is a great place to find women willing to share their wisdom
My mom had a stroke when i was eleven and she completely changed. I help her and so does my brother, it is never the opposite except before the stroke. This helped me thank you. I know how grateful i am to have mentors in my life who picked up the slack, and i will always be grateful for calm safe space when many don't understand. Wrote a book about it, cathartic. Looking for a lit agent, hoping to publish. All my love!
this video was so validating. i used to be pretty close with my mom, up until i was about 16/17. unfortunately, she wasnt (and isnt) the greatest person and i just grew up and realized it. it didnt help that she was in waist deep in addiction. she made my most important life events suck because of her addiction. one of those events was the birth of my first child. i was 18, scared, and vulnerable and i couldnt turn to the person i wanted to the most because she was so messed up on pills. i couldnt go to her with anything, really, even before this. she made me feel like crap about my depression and anxiety, it was just an overall poor experience growing up. she's still not a great person, but i wont get into that. im not that close with her now. i see her a few times a month and i feel awkward around her. and like you said, theres that envy of seeing other people with amazing relationships with their moms. its such a sucky feeling, because i know i will never have that with my mom again. but that feeling motivates me to be a better mom to my own kids because i do not want them to feel like i did/do. thank you for this video
I’m having my first baby in June ❤ I grew without my mother. She left when I was 8. I never got clear answers as to why. My mother in law has been there for me through my pregnancy in ways I can’t even explain. I never knew how hard pregnancy could be physically and mentally. She’s taking time off of work this summer to help us with baby boy. She’s just such a blessing in my life. Even before pregnancy. It’s hard to admit that I will need her because I fancy myself Wonder Woman. But being able to relate and having her is something I didn’t know I needed. Thank you for sharing ❤ there’s a lot of us girls out here who grew up with mamas.
I’m only 15 minutes in and I feel this. My mom is the kind of mother I don’t strive to be. We’re okay now, but we’re not close. The role of wife and mother was not seen as something to be cherished when I was kid. It’s something I wanted, but my mother always seemed to be burdened by all of us. My husband and I have a son now and I’m pregnant with our second (gender unknown), and I try so so hard to be a gentle, caring, and loving mom. I try to be understanding and not snap or say mean things when I’m upset. I’m really trying to talk about feelings and show support when our son is frustrated and I just hold him and really focus on making him feel loved and validated. Growing up, I never got that support and validation. We didn’t talk about feelings. Our feelings as kids never mattered because we were young and “overreacting.” My mother in law is so so different than my own mother and I’m so grateful to have that motherly influence now as an adult. It’s never too late.
You are such a great mama, Kalyn. You are doing wonderfully. 🌸 I am a mum of 3, they are all taller than me now. Ages 10-13. Having them so close together is rough, but like you said, it won't be forever.
That story about a keychain from your mom is extremely beautiful ❤️
I wish I was as put together as you. I'm 33 and still dealing with major ptsd alot from not having a relationship with my mother and being an only child has been so extemly hard for me to find my way in life. Thank you for making me feel a little less alone though and giving me inspiration to keep going and healing.
Lost all my close relatives, mainly to cancer, including both my parents. My fertility journey was a traumatic one (to say the least). I remain childless and am partner-less. Still, it makes me happy to watch your content (have for years) as you are so open and honest about your experiences. I know you count your blessings everyday you have your baby boy and another on the way (however hard it is) and it makes me happy to see you happy as your life unfolds on your journey of motherhood, after all the difficult times you have had. All the best.
❤❤❤
I know I wrote you on insta and I don’t know if others did but thank you soooooo much for doing a video on this! I’m deep in the trenches of new motherhood without any parental support (deceased/live in other countries). My mom is alive but not a part of my life and it is soooo difficult! Do you ever get asked about her or have people prompt you to involve her? I get that a lot from acquaintances. My heart hurts for my son that he won’t have an incredible grandma to love on him. At the same time I know I am doing the right thing by establishing boundaries. I now ask myself “Would I allow my son to be treated this way?” If the answer is no then I know it isn’t ok for me to be treated this way either. By being his parent Im becoming the parent I always needed too.
raising children without a mother / not having a relationship with your own mother, it’s beyond more difficult than i could have ever imagined. it’s like as they get older, more things trigger you from the different ages you were when you were that little kid being hurt. it’s all about balance and setting boundaries as well as getting therapy to help navigate it all
For me it's hard being a mom not having my own mom. I have my MIL and can go to her for anything but I do wish my mom was here. I love how I can relate so much to you over the years watching you and growing up watching you. You are my all time favorite RUclipsr. I hope life is treating you well and congratulations on your second pregnancy. I know you'll be just fine and life is hard but we'll all get through it. ❤
This made me cry. Thanks so much for sharing your experience. 💜
I am currently 14 weeks pregnant, I had a very hard relationship with my mom growing up which resulted in a lot of severe trauma. She passed away when I was 19 and I was only just starting to grow to forgive/have some time with her in the hospital. Throughout many big stages in my life I was always hurt that I missed out on so many things that normally a daughter would have a mother for. Even up to planning a wedding and being at the wedding. I am SO grateful for my MIL for accepting me all those years ago and being a great support for me. With that said, when I met my husband I realized he was "the one", I always somewhat dreaded the day I would get pregnant because I knew it would wreck me not having that stereotypical mother/daughter relationship. I know I am not alone in this, but no matter how much I tell myself that... I still sometimes feel alone. I am so happy I am having a baby and if I have a girl especially... I will make sure that she knows and experiences that stereotypical type of mother/daughter relationship. Breaking cycles is real ladies! ❤
You are definitely not alone. I'm so sorry for your loss and experience ♥️ You're going to make an incredible mama!
thank you for this 🤍 it helps so much to hear someone going through a similar struggle as me. i always see women with a mother in their life & GIRLLLLLL the envy i feel 😅😭 anyways love youuuu you are such a wonderful mama & a light in this world ✨
My mom unexpectedly passed away 2 years ago. It’s painful knowing she won’t be here whenever my husband and I start to grow our family 💔
I lost my mom at 15, now I’m 30 with a newborn and my oh my are there so many little moments I wish I could share with her ❤ thanks for sharing
My Mum passed away when I was pregnant with my first child and he is 10 now and it is still so hard to mother without my Mum. Thinking of you. It will all work out ✨
Wow, beautiful coffee talk! Thank you so much for it. I‘m currently looking forward to becoming a mum without having a mother figure of myself.
This podcast was very healing for me and gave me a lot of food for thought. ❤
Thank you for this episode, Kalyn. I can so relate to the topic and it touched me deeply. ❤
It feels like therapy to listen to you kalyn ☕
I don’t normally comment on videos, but your video today just really sparked something within me that I haven’t felt for a long time. I similarly grew up without a mother figure in my life, nor did I really have a father figure. Without having time or space to share my story, I’ve always felt that there’s no way I could bring a child into this world or be a mother. I’ve genuinely thought that the damage my parents have caused would keep me from ever being able to start a family of my own. Now, I’m 26 years old and I’m starting to feel some of that ice thaw, and starting to essentially feel this baby fever. Or rather, a motherhood fever. I don’t know if it’s just because of us coming into spring, or because I’m in such a light space now- but I’d really like to dig more into this conversation. I also feel that I’ve almost rejected what it is to be a woman over the years, but I feel that changing and I just want to welcome it and learn more. Thank you for sharing, and I’d love for anyone to share what they enjoy and find similarly profound and meaningful. 🤍
I really appreciate you sharing your experience, because mine is very similar.
Such a vibe as always. Can definitely relate 💖💗💖💕💓 Thank you for sharing 🤯
I lost my mum when I was 19 to cancer, she was my best friend and such a role model to me. Navigating my pregnancy and the numerous questions I had without someone to turn to was so hard. Especially when they ask medical history and you just don't know 😞 I'm happy that there is a world of information now at the tip of your keyboard but sometimes those are overwhelming. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic that is often overlooked. For all those future or current mama's without one, you are loved and you're doing the best you can with what you have, you can do this !
This episode hit hard. Thank you for sharing and covering this topic. I do have a mother figure but not in a loving way. Being in therapy for a very long time now I now know that she is a narcissistic person and made me hate my body for so long... and I've grown to not really have her in my life and to distance myself and now that I am pregnant it's been even harder And my husband and I have had a very in depth conversation of what boundaries we're going to put in place. I don't think she's going to take them very well but for our own new little family and our mental health especially while settling into this new chapter of life they need to placed. it's not going to go over well but we're doing it before baby is born. So for all those people feeling the same you are not alone! 🥰
Love this video! Thank you for touching on this topic. My mom died when I was 3, so I never knew her. It didn't get hard for me until college, when other girls would turn to their moms for guidance and I started wishing I had that. Now that I am a mother, I have so much more compassion for her. How hard it must have been for her to leave both her children so early in their lives? I wish she was here, I wish I could tell her not to feel guilty about leaving, and I wish I knew her. Even though I didn't know her, I want to be the mom I always pictured she'd be.
My mom died when I was 3 too! Upon learning the family history, I kinda feel better not having my mom around. Alot of bad stuff went on in my family (all are dead now) so I feel like I "got saved" by not being a apart of my family. I wish I knew my mom to some degree though.
On the last note , the mom we wished we had is the mom we can be
Thank you this was such a great video and I relate a lot
Did you say “nap trapped”? Never heard the expression before, but I’m currently watching this with a sleeping 3 month old on top of me 😂 Lovely talk.
I lost my mum and my husband also has lost his mum. We were lucky to have my stepmom but she now overseas it is hard sometimes but in someway you find the people who help you ❤ 17 years for my mum
My mom passed away 7 years ago before I had kids, my mother in law has stepped in as the best mother figure to me, I would not have made it though the last 5 years being a new mom without her. She’s now battling an extremely rare cancer and I am so heartbroken. I feel your pain. It is so hard, and so unfair
This was PROFOUND! I really recommend people to look into anthroposophy as a belief/philosophy. It includes exactly what you described about the deep essences of experiences and it not mattering whether you are currently a mom or a child.
My mum and I had a diffuclt relationship through teenage years to now. She uses me for money when she needs some and I always give it to her because that's the only way she shows me any attention. I'm now 25 and pregnant with my first child and I need her more than ever but she never picks up the phone, never replies to messages and lives 6 hours away from me. Pregnancy is hard and I'm feeling the absense of that motherly bond now more than ever 💕
I’ve been motherless since I was 15. I was lucky growing up to have great grandpmothers but not really having a mom , especially when I became a mother and especially now dealing with perimenopause it feels harder because I don’t have guidance.
My mom’s name is the same omg idk how I couldn’t have gotten through my first pregnancy without my mom and postpartum even though we don’t have the best relationship. I’m almost 6 weeks postpartum and I just started balling my eyes out 😅dang hormones
this made me chaotically emotional. As a mom, and currently pregnant with my 2nd, not having a stable mom figure has been extremely...showing. And one thing I noticed, is you still defending your mom (not saying I know your story or trying to be unkind) when we were just little girls, who needed their moms. I see you and you are doing great.
Yes that is accurate. It's very nuanced, but regardless of the things that went and still go missing for me as a little girl and a now a grown woman, I still feel a sense of sympathy for her in the ways that I can understand she was also failed by the people meant to love her. It's a terrible cycle, but one I am very encouraged to break. Thank you for sharing, I'm sorry you can relate to any of this but I am certain you are doing great too ♥️
On our moontime (period) being only around women is from my indigenous culture.
I lost my mom 3.1.2021 💔
Thank you so much Kailyn I had to hear this I like my mom very much and I would do anything for her but her and I aren't as close as we used to be and she worked and still works all of the time. I am used to figuring everything out everything buy myself and I wish I could ask my mom a few questions about life.
I was never close to my mom either. I taught myself everything and I have really long hair that I never knew how to do. She didn't wear much makeup so I still don't know how to use it. I am so afraid to have children because I don't want to damage them. I know my mom didn't do it on purpose. I too think it was generational. I pray one day I can be a good mom and break the chain in my family. I was a "tomboy" and never had many girl friends. I hope my husband, house, and children are on their way. I did however LOVE my grandmas, and they were my biggest fans. I miss them immensely.
You are my kind of mum! Last night I had my little boy who just turned one on Friday and my two-year-old in bed with us co sleeping cause she really wanted to be with me and daddy. Five-year-old stayed in her own room all all night though, so that was a plus. 😂
you essentially learn to reparent yourself while parenting your own self