AITA for telling my fiance that my brother is more important than him and our upcoming wedding?
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
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AITAH: for telling my fiance that my little brother is more important than him and our upcoming wedding? + UPDATE
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The irony of a MAMA'S boy being jealous of practically a mom's boy.
This kid lost everything but his sister. And this guy is trying to drive a wedge between you two. Thank goodness you got wise to his bullshit.
James picking Matt’s birthday as the wedding date, insisting on it, then running to mommy when OP reasonably said no, showed everything about James’ character.
OP should only allow James to have supervised visits with the baby and not allow James’ mommy anywhere near the baby. She’s vindictive and will try something
Custody depends on if they go to the courts and what the courts decide. If James gets any kind of independent custody, OP can't prevent James' mother from being involved. Hopefully, OP won't need child support and James doesn't pursue custody.
I bet he brings mom to job interviews
NTA. He was trying to take over the entire wedding. Brother should come first, she's raising him. My brother became my guardian when my parents died and he always put me first. I'm so glad OP broke up with the jerk. He'd never have respected her relationship with her brother.
I know op didn't want a baby out of wedlock and im sorry that didn't work out for her. But, better to be a single mom( which she has been for the last 10yrs) than to be shackled to that selfish asshat and his toxic family. Get a lawyer and get an iron clad custody and child support agreement asap before his family tries to take your baby. Good luck op your already a great mom.
Run! His family and his opinion seems to take precedence
1st red flag to me is that OP’s significant other proposed after 3 months. That’s way too soon.
Irony is when you try to separate your fiancee from their brother and end up separating yourself from your unborn child instead.
Get the locks changed! And make sure that the ex's name is off everything, especially financial stuff.
That's the type of guy that would be jealous of his own child.
That is messed up. He lost out on being fully in his child’s life.
Oh, OP. I feel for you, girl. You look after your brother and defend him and get the hell away from this controlling asshole.
There are some pretty delusional people in this world. The OP's fiance and his family are definitely among them... 🤦🏽♀️
Thank god this happened before they got married. Tell him if he wants to man up and talk to come back alone. Good luck co-parenting. Or should we say tri parenting as his mother is going to make the next 18 years a living hell.
Run girl run like the wind
The fiancé is a controlling turd. OP thinks she needs his permission to pick a spot in the party for her brother or to even pick her own made/man of honor. Glad she’s left him. I feel bad that she has to raise a child with this doofus and his momma. He/they knew she was the brother’s guardian to begin with.
NTA i wouldnt have even let his mom in for the convo
Excuse me. 3 months!? He proposed after 3 months? Girl. No. He is already trying to take over her life as if she is his accessory as well.
OP, this was a truly sucky situation and Im glad you got out while it was easier than it will be later. You'll be a better single mother to your baby than he would’ve been a good co-parent to your brother/son and your brother will always know you had his back when it mattered most and that is what being a good parent is all about.
(Also, side note, fyi you can just say "which" with no need for "in" in front of it.)
My personal opinion is that as a parent, kids always come first. They can't care for themselves and they didn't choose to be here. She is her brother's parent now. If her fiance has an issue with it, he's not the one. How is he going to feel when she wants to put their new child before him? I couldn't imagine marrying an adult who's jealous of a child.
I'm so proud of OP! I also had to take on the responsibility of guardianship of my little sister and brother and I would never even consider putting someone I'm in a relationship with above them, especially while they were still kids and living at home. People need to understand that if you get into a relationship with someone that is the guardian of their siblings, you are essentially getting into a relationship with a single parent, not just someone that happens to live with their siblings. Would you ask a single parent to give up their kid and send them off for other family members to raise? Maybe he would, the ex is a dick, but you shouldn't because it is unreasonable! Good on you OP for standing your ground and getting out of that situation.
Whhhaaaaaaatttt dude?! This guy is so selfish and pathetic.
NTA, TOATAL MOMZILLA!!!
OP is a true legend! She has been through so much and only wanted her wee brother in their wedding. Red flags all over the place. OP be very proud of yourself,your clearly a very strong woman and your brother and your child are very lucky to have you❤
James has already planned on farming Matt off on an aunt/uncle once they get married. Has numbnuts (James) forgotten OP has full legal custody of this young man until he reaches the age of majority and should she dump him on relatives to finish raising him for those years, she could face serious legal repercussions and consequences? Not to mention the unfairness of transferring her decision to take on that responsibility onto them out of the blue. Does numbnuts (James) not realize that with OP having that legal responsibility for him also translates quite remarkably that she is also responsible for all his financial needs at home, at school, socially, etc? Just because James thinks he's got the final say in all things concerning his wedding and his marriage and his first order of business is to eliminate what he sees as his 'competition' from their household doesn't mean OP's financial status is now all in his greedy little hands: James wants her full attention, James wants all her money, James wants her focus, James wants to make all the decisions, James wants his way for all things 'wedding', James wants his mommy to always fight his battles for him and wipe his nose, James is crying like a spoiled child when he didn't get his own way when OP handed back the ring and showed them the door, but he allowed his mother to treat her like dirt and curse at her, and he didn't shut down his other family members when they interfered either: yeah, that's a real man right there (sarcasm). While the outcome of falling in love with James isn't what OP expected, she obviously has done very well raising Matt whereas James' mommy didn't raise her son very well: he's still in her apron pocket, immature, self absorbed, and a bully. OP is going to face challenges being a single mother, but she did it once before when she was younger and more naïve, and now the brother she raised appears to be an exceptional young man who seems more mature, responsible, humble and kind than James could ever dream of being. At 15, he never told OP how James (and family) have been chronically emotionally mistreating him when she's not around. What a positive influence he could be on his nephew, in addition to ensuring the baby is protected from his own selfish, cowardly father and interfering grandmother.
Glad she broke things off. Even without OP’s brother in the picture, fiancé would 100% run to mom every time they had a disagreement.
Good for you!!! That is your son/brother and he SHOULD be first AND foremost!!! ANY child should be. You need to stand your ground and walk away if you need to. This is your future husband’s way of seeing how much control he has and “how important “ he is. Both super big red flags!
Why do I get the feeling that James poked a whole in the protection or messed with it as a way to try and get control of OP.
Hindsight is 20/20 and all that, but the fiancé pushing back when OP said they couldn't have the wedding on her brother's birthday seems like it should've been all the evidence she needed that this thing wasn't gonna work out.
I’m glad she got out. Unfortunately she will still see him for custody things but such is life I guess.
OH HELL NO, NTA! Her (I suspect STBX) fiancé is pulling all kinds of nonsense to take control of EVERYTHING in OP's life, including trying to drive a wedge between OP and her brother (whom she has actually raised). I have little doubt he's been looking to even get on the deed of her house while he's at it. This is just a foreshadowing of the future with this guy, everything is to be about him and his family.
OP, why the hell did you agree to speak with them IN YOUR HOME??? A public venue (restaurant, coffee shop, cafe) would have been much better. BTW, you didn't agree to have HIS MOTHER THERE either. You should have shut the door on her. He would ALLOW you to continue to support your brother??? Again, OH HELL NO!!! I'm glad you called off the wedding. James may not be toxic, but his mother and family certainly are. My concern now is for the future. What about the baby and custody? Can you afford to be a single mom to your brother and baby without child support? Because if you can I wouldn't put his name on the birth certificate considering the poison his mother would impart to your child. And is his mother vindictive enough to fight for him having custody? I hate to say this, but I doubt that this is over just because the wedding fell through. Good luck OP, I'm afraid you're going to need it. You may want to start consulting with lawyers now.
Matt may be her brother, but he is also her son, for all intents and purposes. She has been raising him for 9 years. Asking ANYONE to forego their previous children is absolutely INSANE. She more than dodged a bullet with this one. I am always so glad when these AHs show their true colors before the wedding and save the OPs all of the trouble of having to get a divorce afterward. She will find a much better partner that will love both of her children like they are their own. Never settle for less than what you and your kids deserve.
wow sounds like james is a mommas boy and jealous of your relationship with your little brother.
Did she talk about the fiance not coming home for a few days as in he was living in her house? He only wanted her because she owned a home and it sounds like he was still living with parents. NOPE. She ignored the red flags.
I hope she gets a 50/50 custody arrangement with the courts
No, she gets full custody and he gets once a month supervised visits. It is more than he deserves
NTA (duh). Change the locks, change all your passwords (in case Mama's Boy knew or figured any out), get Mama's Boy (doesn't warrant his own name, since he's not an independent, functioning human) off any accounts, remove as beneficiary if he was, revoke health care proxy, emergency contact. Screenshot/document save all contact from Mama & fam, in case you need for restraining order, or to get full custody when child is born.
Now that the wedding is off, Mama knows an open venue & vendors where she can throw herself & MB a big ole "I won, I'm top bitch!" party. While the rest of the world knows that MB is not a prize worth having.
This might not be his mother’s doing, she might simply be an enabler.
Good job o p you dodge bullet!
I don't know why but this is the first one I listened to and thought she ain't saying the whole story or his side would be quite different. He is asshole for trying to split you and bro up. Something just seams off
Adios…
This story is a gender swap version of one that dusty told a while ago. Like it is exactly the same plot beats, Just OP was a guy and it was his daughter.
💜💙
While I think she is ultimately NTA there were moments I was on the fence.
Which moments?
God bless that woman for not aborting that child...