That was my dad’s favorite saying. Although he would say it when I was too slow at grabbing the last snack or if he ate all the popcorn but it taught me a great lesson in life
He wasn't afraid of not being good enough, he was afraid she wasn't good enough. He was holding out for the possibility of better. When better didn't come along for a whole year, and someone else snagged her, he decided he wanted her.
If she didn't start dating the best friend, this guy would still be stringing her along. He was fine treating her like like a backup option, but now that he is alone, she is The One 🙄
But he never strung her along. They were just continuously in proximity of each other with neither taking any action. Not as if he was giving her a small bite here and there keeping her around waiting for the full meal
@@Poopiepies ok… she declared it and he didn’t do anything. How did he string her along? This comment it’s just another woman promoting the victim mentality
I hope this girl has truly moved on and doesn't still like the 1st caller. He basically was like, "nah I'm not interested right now, but good to know you think I'm the one for you. Please wait around while I sow my wild oats, so I can live my life with confidence knowing you're on a back burner pining for me". I think he was turned on by the idea that he could live his life knowing this girl would be waiting in the wings while he searched around waiting for someone potentially better to come along. Now he's disappointed and jealous. He got exactly what he deserved.
And good on her for finding a good man! I don’t think women should be the one more in love in the relationship anyways, especially if kids are involved. Women are socially conditioned to put everyone first. Men aren’t. So a man’s really gotta be in love to put his woman first… if she ever gives that caller a chance again, she’ll have to stroke his ego for the rest of her life while not getting much support in return
@@TipTheScales27 You are woefully wrong. In what world you live and you think like that, so distanced from reality? It is fact emerging from overwhelming evidence from the "relationship/marriage" market that it makes for far more stable relationships when the woman wants the man more than the man wants the woman, and this is even more true in marriages. The problem with all you young women is that most of you date the very same extremely small pool of hyper-attractive guys who of course don't think they are in relationship with you as much as you think you are with them, and hence will go on "cheat" you - they don't even cheat you when they have not even gave you "relationship status" (and yes, most of the times it is this case rather than the opposite). Open your eyes and see around you and you will find out that in actual, real relationships and especially in marriage, if the man loves the woman more than the woman loves the man the marriage invariably ends in divorce. If a woman loves her man less than him her, she automatically puts him in an inferior position and when she does that, it is over for the relationship. It may take some time but it is over, first the sex will go down, the communication as well, and the more the husband will try, the more pathetic the woman will see him being, and eventually she will either cheat and move out or just move out straight. If a man loves his wife more than she does him, it is very similar to him earning less than her (the latter causes divorce at a staggerring %, some note it to be as high as 90%). Women are not at all socially conditioned to put everyone first, perhaps you are still living in the 19th century or something. Women of the current generation today are easily the most selfish, self-centered humans of any sex, to have ever worked the earth - and no this is no black pill misogynistic statement, I am saying this with "lament", sad as it is, this is the reality. I could bring you countless examples such as women producing less than 20% of our economies and being responsible for nearly 80% of the spending (the very reason why the market bends to women currently.... they have figured this out long time ago). And it was like that even in the past - remember the Age of Discovery, what products those sailors were trying to bring from above sailing those ultra dangerous traderoutes fighting pirates and barbarians and cannibals? Sugar, Porcelain, Silk.... for whom was all that? Men could not live without porcelain and silk maybe? LOL!
@annt7384 It is, but the good thing we do is continue to live our lives and move on. Being mentally healthy about it. We call it the way it is and move on. Leave em the dust.
This happened to me. He probably didn’t want her and thought nobody would too. He probably liked the idea that someone he didn’t want wanted him and secretly hoped she would be obsessed with him forever. My advice to the girl: don’t look back. Be thankful for what you have and enjoy it. It was incredibly bold of you to tell him that you had feelings for him. Don’t let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t want you.
@@CBEEBLE Also, don't let a man break up with you more than once. Once they hit the door, close it behind them and make plans for your life without them in it.
@@littleme3597 well if you believe what he says, it wasn’t about her being good enough, it was about him being good enough. But yes, I agree she dodged a bullet. He’s a coward who couldn’t man up and speak his feelings, even after a year
@@janawild4582We don’t. At least one reason why is that he specifically stated that who was before listening to doc (with a chuckle😑) has changed him... The doc gave him a convenient out by leading; he snatched it up like a roach. And conveniently like every other moral less ham, he’s now the fragile victim.
Dude she was waiting for you! Which is kind of creepy because you were acting totally unavailable to her - and so she respected that and gave your your space and moved on, probably heartbroken. Or mad. With your best friend. And now that she's taken you want her? No. You only want what you can't have. She deserves better. A guy who goes for her because she's worth it and he knows it and he's not gonna let his insecurity get in the way of the potential for an amazing future with her. I'm glad she got so lucky with a guy who appreciates her and isn't afraid to care about her. That's your loss.
I was in a situation similar to the first caller, but in the girl's position, except I stuck around longer than I should have. The friend I had feelings for felt like I was beneath him in terms of dating, but got off on me being available. Eventually, I got over it and never looked back, and now I'm married to a wonderful man. Kudos to the girl for getting over it and moving on. His loss.
Finally, I thought I was the only stupid one. Hopefully, I will get the happy and lifelong relationship, too. I remember feeling a ton of guilt having to move on from someone I had dedicated so much of my heart and time to, but it had to be done.
I was in the girl’s situation as well and like eight years later I heard the guy was still telling his friends that he was an idiot and I was the one that got away. I was equally flattered and infuriated. What a waste of everyone’s time. Let’s all just use our words people 🤣
Yes, me too! I started dating the bestfriend a year after not talking to the other guy. We became coworkers and went on dates. Then I found out he was close to a guy I used to go out with. It was the bwst decision of my life. Married now and has been together for a decade.
Man hit the jackpot by having a woman (and a good woman judging by his description) tell him she likes him and wants to be with him and the dude still fumbled?! Unreal. Life is too short and so much of what’s out there is overrated. If you find a good woman who wants to be with you and you can build a future together, stop playing games!
Maybe he dodged the bullet. Women who purposefully date a guy's best friend, to rub it on his face; tells a lot about her and her limits and psychopathy.
@@MineMeMineMeMineMeyou are making an unfounded accusation. Maybe she actually likes his friend. This happens. Sometimes you end up liking someone who you never thought you would like. This guy missed out due to his own choices.
First caller said "afraid" and "worried" many times. I don't think the dating is the problem because most young men take the slightest hope with the girl they like as a sign to chase her hard because time is short for all things. He was okay to waste his time and her time and thought she would still be around. He learned a valuable lesson: All is fair in love and war. Next time, value every opportunity you get.
“You’re a really good guy, but you’re a really good guy at arm’s length” - WOW. I needed this line today. Sums up a situation I’m dealing with perfectly!
@@randybobandy9828not just friendzone, but theres 'nice' people out there that will actually have the power to wreck your life. Ive had objectively good people hurt me before so i put them at arms length
This is the price you pay for being indecisive. Also professing your love to her now is completely out of the question, that’s your best friend’s girl. Become a better man, get you a better life.
This is the type of friend that will sabotage your relationship the first chance he gets. He will “be there for her” the moment she has issues in her relationship.
The dude wasn't scared of anything. It's not like that. He was just being arrogant and enjoying the ego stroke. He thought he could play her. That's all it goes down to.
Bottom line, don't go after someone else's girlfriend/boyfriend. Period. You had your chance and you passed. Maybe they will break up and you'll have a chance again? I dunno. But it is slimy to try to steal someone who is in a relationship (especially in a relationship with your friend).
To his credit, he only looked down on her because he thought she was crazy for having any interest in him. This mentality smacks of low self-esteem. Or he could have been lying through his teeth and wasn't impressed that she was chasing him instead of the other way around. Most guys like the chase and aren't as interested in someone chasing them unless they just want to use them that night. Either way, if he had truly liked her enough, nothing would have stopped him from saying yes. When it comes down to it, he just wasn't that into her and I'm glad she found someone else who was.
@@GameChanger597 I don't know if I believe his stated reason why he looked down on her. I think he looked down on her either because she asked him out, like you mentioned, or because he thought she wasn't attractive enough and he could do better. IMO that's why he hesitated when Dr. John asked him what held him back. I think he's just upset now because his one-person fan club has gotten over him and moved on. I'm glad she let him go and found someone who truly appreciated her.
1st caller is a NIGHTMARE and immature. Sounds like she dodged a bullet. The guy sounds like a squirrelly 14 year-old, not 24. By not dating her, he gets to create a fantasy of what could be and could have been that reality could never live up to.
In Europe or in Czechia she wants to have grandparents close by to babysit the children... Grandmas are very popular, and granparents... and its cheaper than som emaid. Having maid isnt as popular as in US , because we have smaller houses, or smaller households. smaller or bigger too.
This one hit me. My Mom died 3 years ago and my double life living dad decided not to show up at the end. I was the one who had to make the call for my Mom. I didn’t realize that’s where this anger had come from. Thank you for this. Something just changed in me when I heard this young man and what he went through with his Mom.
He looked down on her for liking him! He has HUGE ISSUES 🚩🚩🚩🚩 This is the person who wants what they can’t have, then once they get a person attached to them, they turn on them and treat them like garbage
It's happened too much for me. Every time I broke up with a guy for no intimacy, attention, or respect for months and suddenly they love me and would do anything to get me back within 3 months I gave up on them. Also dating friends I have known for a while. They don't like me when I'm interested and only infatuated when I move on.
He took her availability for granted. As simple as that. He needs to gradually remove himself from their lives because he will not be rooting for their success as a couple. He'll be waiting in the wings for their downfall. This is a brewing love triangle. Things will get ugly if he sticks around.
You were afraid? You snooze you lose. I once heard a relationship coach that the “potential ONE” only comes around every 3-5 years so from now on don't let fear hold you back!
The first caller is hilarious. Ladies this is why you never talk a guy into being in a relationship with you. If that girl would’ve pushed this guy into a relationship with her, she would’ve pushed him all the way into marriage, they would’ve had kids, and he would’ve been exactly like this through the whole marriage, not appreciating her at all until she got sick of not being appreciated and left him. Then he’d be crying and screaming and wanting her back, just like an Eminem song 😆😆😆🤣 good one Dr. John.
I wouldn’t tell the roommate. It’s just a case of wanting what you don’t have. You didn’t want her when she wanted you now she seems more attractive in someone else’s arms.
He's scared he's going to be alone forever so now he's backtracking; earlier, he thought he could do better....and then, he realized he's not finding better so now he's regretting taking what he could have had. I've made the same mistake before regretting overlooking someone who in retrospect was everything I was looking for but now realize that even if we'd gotten together, I'm unsure we would have lasted because the attraction from my side was never there/enough.
If he has feelings and they're happy, he should stay away. Especially when he says "he looked down on her" when she wanted him. Bothering her now with his change of heart when she's moved on is not good. That being said, if they broke up, by all means he should tell her then. Not now. Its too late now. Unless he's trying to break them up which doesn't make him a nice person. And he's with someone else too. Is he afraid to be alone? That's not love.
I think the important message with the first caller who had feelings for his best friend’s girl is “get good at doing hard things” that’s a sound lesson for life in general 👍
Rejection is God's way of protecting us. I hope she realizes how blessed she is for being rejected by him. I hope, I really hope the girl doesn't waste another thought on him. He needs to work himself, he would always be waiting for someone better to come along.
Ugh that first caller needs a hard sit down with his father. She had the courage to bare her feelings and heart, he shoots her down and she tries to wait to see if he'll come around, he literally wastes over a year of her life and then is upset shes dating someone else she was likely in close proximity to. You lost out dude. Leave the poor girl alone and let them be happy and keep your mouth shut you've already done enough. These are the same men who settle on a woman because theyre afraid to be alone will toy with you for 5 years and still not propose and then will only marry you when you threaten to leave and then they end up figuring out they dont even really love you and end up cheating on you. Get real dude.
Yessssss they don't want something until someone else wants it and then once it's unavailable they want to pine over it. Kind of silly and they call us the emotional ones.
The first guy needs to to deal with his own issues. The girl and his friend aren't at fault at all. He needs to fix his own insecurities and be happy for the other two, move on and find someone new.
Your responses to this particular issue were spot on, Dr. John. The woman was not his to sit on a shelf until he figured it out. She knew what she wanted and there is no such thing as "the only one." Good advice.
Caller No 1/Dan: that girl should run like hell if caller tries to cut in now. 13:20 minute mark "I...almost looked down on her" says it all. He only started to consider her AFTER this male buddy was already in. Aesop's fable "dog in a manger" 100%. This guy is just a booby prize.
I feel the doctor is telling the first guy things only because that happened to him and his wife but I think it's totally wrong, he had the chance he lost it now leave them alone. If not it's like any guy 5 years later going up to a woman and saying I still love you and she's married with kids just don't do it. Leave couples alone that you're in a relationship don't try and break them up because you think that you are in love with them that's just not right
Hi there, I agree with U, and I question if this guy is a real Dr, he said there isn’t a 1. Then he talks about his wife & the life to come after a 1/4 of his life with her! the roommate is cool; man up little boy good lesson God is showing U to mold u into a real man! Good lesson @25 instead of 55yrs when it’s too late to really appreciate a good woman that god put in your life✌️🦋
In my opinion He’s constructing this narrative to hide the fact that he didn’t want her cause he thought he could do better but need her as a last resort in case he had to settle. He just doesn’t want to say that he considers her his property to manipulate how ever he wants instead of a human being that he rejected.
Women never want to believe a theory that is true and mean…most people who reject you usually don’t think you look attractive or that something is wrong with you that they can get from someone else…he knows he doesn’t care that he isn’t “good enough”…people don’t really even think like that unless someone they want doesn’t want them back…
My husband sped the day w me at the hospital since 5am , I had my surgery today. Was one of the worst day ever for me. He was tired but present there to support me all the way ❤
The risk part of this call is healing me. Everything is a risk. But to know that the results are worth the risk is amazing. For the longest, I was taught that “the one” exists. And so, I essentially messed up my 20’s by dating from that perspective. I’m much more relaxed now that I’m working on acknowledging that, but there’s a level of self-trust that’s compromised when you reflect on your decisions. Risk. Self-trust. This episode gives me so much to sit with. ❤
I feel strongly that he wants what he can’t have. He really doesn’t love her. He gave her his answer by his lack of action. Girl. Move on with who is man enough to commit. He’s not ready for a serious relationship
Nope. He had ample opportunity to be with her and chose not to do it. His loss. She decided she was tired of waiting around for him, especially if she agreed to go out with his roommate/friend (after telling everyone she doesn't want to date anyone else). He doesn't get to go storming into their relationship like the Kool-Aid man. He has to mourn the loss and move on...and probably will learn he needs to move out and find new friends to hang out with, because he won't be cool hanging with the two of them anymore. Harsh as that sounds, it's the choices we make in life.
No he isn't, the guy didn't want this girl until she was taken. Even when he "decided" that she's good enough for him, his decision was so weak he didn't do anything for a month and probably wouldn't do anything for many months if his friend didn't start dating her. Think of yourself and when you really want something: you can't think of anything else and you go for it with all your might.
Guy's shouldn't talk about it lol, it's pathetic. This is "elementary school crush" type stuff, real men with experience know there are plenty out there, move on and don't pedestal girls like this. He was never even with her to begin with, he created a fantasy relationship in his head, they might've been a horrible match once they got to know each other
@@cashway0420 The key is to talk about it with the right people. Obviously, he shouldn’t talk about it with someone like you, but with someone like John, that’s perfectly acceptable because he’s capable enough to help him find the right direction. The biggest issue is a lot of men do not know who to talk to. And the best we can do for them is point them in the right direction of who to talk to you.
@@jared3235women will never understand the mental issues men deal with when it comes to maturing, he sounds young, probably hadn’t had much success with women, and was afraid that because he wasn’t perfect the relationship couldn’t work…it’s lesson for him to learn, nothing more
If she’s happy leave her be!! The only thing that matters is if she’s happy keep it moving you’ll find someone else. I honestly don’t think he truly wants her, he wants what he can’t no longer have. He sounds like if she gives him a chance he is going to hurt her. He does not sound confident in this.
He only wants her because she’s move on. She was there the entire time and he didn’t want her now that someone else is with her he’s upset. Move on buddy… you had your chance.
Maybe she’s not who he really wants. Maybe it’s the losing out that has him turning back. I think move on, grow, wait it out. If she becomes free you can pursue her and SEE if there’s anything there. The pressure to make something work (if it doesn’t) if you break them up will be too great.
Hi there, my thoughts exactly! I questioned whether this is a real Dr giving advice! Yours & mine make better sense plus why hurt the roommate if he’s such a great guy! Man up little boy; life is pain this is just Gods way of showing you how you’ll be someone (1) & not coward down to the feeling ! U had the courage to love & this takes guts✌️🦋
Hi there, my thoughts exactly! I questioned whether this is a real Dr giving advice! Yours & mine make better sense plus why hurt the roommate if he’s such a great guy! Man up little boy; life is pain this is just Gods way of showing you how you’ll be someone (1) & not coward down to the feeling ! U had the courage to love & this takes guts✌️🦋
Some people definitely have a lot of awfulness going on beneath the surface. I've had a few men who I'd known for a long time, including my father, drop bombshells on me that showed a lot about who they actually are. You never really know someone. Now, when men allude to "not being good enough," I believe them.
Duuuuude - don't drag her down with your wishy washy ways. One minute you want her the next you don't, then you do... Let her enjoy the man who's all in for her now. Please. For her sake. So you stop yanking her chain. Because as soon as she breaks it off with him to be with you (or worse - cheats on him with you)... You won't want her anymore. I worry that you just want the power play / ego stroke of breaking her happiness, or his. But I'm jaded. I learned in college what it was like to trifle with boy toys. The bells, whistles fizzle out...over time. The one's who say they're in and then ditch out. . Guy, you got time. Stop letting your mouth write checks your soul can't cash. Don't rush the most valuable and important relationships in your life. But don't yank them around either or treat them like they're on your leash. Ick.
I have no sympathy for this guy. People will wait and see if they can get someone “better” until they realize they can’t and use you as a plan C back up plan. Naaahhh dog! You messed up and you had your dang chance. Can’t stand people like this.
I feel for him. I understand why he wouldn't move forward at first, but unfortunately, this is a possible result. You lose out. Keep growing, and learning to feel comfortable in your own skin. Whether you end up with her or someone else, you need to do it for yourself.
..Relationships are hard, But I've figured out that there's always a way to fix things when there's a problem. Five years back, my wife and I were on the brink of divorce because of issues in our marriage, but we found a way to fix them. It was hard, but we made it through.
I genuinely want to find happiness too. I'm in a relationship, and even though we're apart at the moment, I can't imagine my life without her; my love for her is big. I really want her to return, and I'm fully committed to making it happen. We've tried different ways, like therapy, to mend things.
Moving away from someone you hold close is invariably tough, but in my particular situation, I was supported by a spiritual counselor who prevented the unraveling of my marriage. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
Your advice is valued. I'll promptly look her up online. Thank you. I'm optimistic that pursuing this method will also lead to favorable outcomes for me; I deeply yearn for her.
This ain’t hard to figure out Guy needs to move on. This girl was ready to be his wife but basically she wasn’t good enough but was good enough to be the last resort. Now he’s about ready to move in on his best friends girl. Very selfish individual hope she tells him to hit the road.
If this guy really wanted to be with the girl, he would be the one with her now. He's immature and should still play the field until he knows what he wants.
Is the woman featured in the first call supposed to pine for him forever? She is a real live human being. She deserves reciprocation in love. This is an opportunity for him to mature, grow and be honest with himself.
I was in the first caller's shoes in my mid 20s. It sounds like he has some levelling up to do, but there are valuable lessons to learn from his experience. Rejecting an opportunity for fear of failure only guarantees the result.
2nd story- I used to hate our house. It was built in 1901, it had a lot of problems, a super fixer upper. My husband bought it right b4 we got engaged. It didnt feel like my home. Now 5 years later, I love it. We've worked hard to fix it up together even though it still needs more work. We've looked at other houses but now I'm attached. It would take a very special house to get me to move now
That woman was looking at everything all the wrong way. She’s only seeing that which is lost and not that anything new or better could be added. And given how much she kept trying to talk over John, I don’t believe for a second she ever did the whole “this is how I feel, how do you feel?” and then just sat and listened without interrupting. I mean it’s obvious why John said write it all on a letter and have him respond the same.
losing my mom at 20 was soo freaking hard and arguably the worst fking time for it to happen..felt like my world ended just as it was beginning.. life was just getting soo good when everything came crashing down
Speaking from my own experiences…if I was open to dating someone, I would absolutely not start something with his friend. Even if it was someone that I was initially into, once I’d started a romantic relationship with his friend, that would have meant that door was closed. I know some women don’t care about getting in the middle of friendships, but that’s never been me
If they dated, I would agree with you. But she liked him and he said no. As far as she knows, the feeling was unrequited, so she moved on. If he wasn't interested in her (at least what he conveyed to her), I don't see why his friend (or anyone else in the friend group) would be off limits. As far as she's concerned, the door to dating is closed with the caller. The only one who's trying to keep that door open is the caller. That's not her problem.
I loved how you helped Gary. He finally told you the root of his trouble and that was making the decision to let his mom go on the ventilator. My dad relied on me too much when he could not handle it when my mom was dying on hospice. I was in my twenties as well. It wasn't fair but I've forgiven my dad and forgiven my mom for leaving me so young. It wasn't her fault! I pray for each person as you are led to say what you say. It's a wonderful gift you have to help guide people through the hard things in life. ❤
Huh??? So you’re saying he should tell another man that he likes HIS girlfriend??? That’s not skill, that’s just inappropriate. She’s not a watch you can borrow because you like it. She’s a person. The honorable thing to do would be just suck it up and don’t make that mistake again. It’s disrespectful to do anything about those feelings now.
It’s a great move in my opinion, because then the couple will be aware that he’s an issue and they need to remove him from their lives. Self sabotage at its finest 😅
He’s going to do what he’s been doing for a year+ - nothing. And he’s going to have a pity party about it. If he surprises me and asks her, I hope for her sake that she says no.
1:31 my husband wrote lyrics recently but this was last week. Valentine's day is a Hallmark holiday. Buy me some tulips on a random day, strawberries and some rose. I don't want anything because Hallmark told you to do it. Show up every day in other ways, helping with the kids, cleaning, cooking or taking the kids out so I can just relax for an hour. Means more than this fake holiday.
He sounds immature. So she expressed her interest and you felt she was low value because she shared her feelings?? He sounds insecure or arrogant. Either way, he sounds like he’d be an emotionally draining person to date. Good for her for moving on to someone who had no hesitation about her value. And, I don’t think it is good advice to tell the guy to talk to his roommate. I think he needs to take the “L”. Consider this an early life lesson about relationships.
My thoughts exactly, I questioned whether this was a real Dr! No no bueno the roommate is cool. Plus I thought he said there is No to (the1) then he talks about his life to B with his wife, I’m confused 🥴. Own up to loosing a good woman! Chuck it up to 1 of life’s lessons little boy; now U R on your way to manning up, it’s Gods way to mold you into a real man(good lesson @ a good age& not at 55! Too old to value a real good woman✌️🦋
I feel like it a classic case of one person chasing the other and then once that person stops chasing then the other one realizes or thinks that they like the other person when really they like the chase
I don’t agree that the first caller should tell his friend that he has feelings for the friend’s girlfriend. He missed that train. He needs to hold that.
Ladies, NEVER shoot your shot. ONLY deal with men who shoot their shot with you. 1st... It protects you from men with crippling insecurities that can't be vulnerable enough to function in relationships. 2. It ensures that he is interested in you.
There's always that one person in the group who just wants to coast. Then when everyone else starts moving on to the next phases, that person gets thrown for a loop.
What kind of advice is this??? Destroy someone else relationship for your own gain?? The dude missed his turn. If she leaves the other guy for him how could he trust she won’t leave him for someone “better”
Ive been the girl from the first caller. Waited 7 months then I met a wonderful guy who was fully available. And I married that wonderful guy. We've now been married for 12 yrs! The other guy messaged me repeatedly for years trying to get me back but my husband was too amazing for me to ever go back.
Yeah that was my ex-husband should've never married him in the first place or even stayed with him for a year after we started seeing eachother, it was totally wrong from pretty much the get go!!!!!
Dr. John when you told Gary from Cleveland that you were proud of him it brought tears to my eyes, but joy to my heart. Thank you for the wisdom with love you shared with him. I received it as a gift, too. Thank you.
He looks down at people who love him because he feels “how could their standards be so low to be interested in me?” It’s low self esteem. The worst kind because you isolate yourself, and miss opportunities to be happy with someone. Then you wake up, years later alone. This is a cautionary tale.
This guy went from "Nah she's easy, I don't want her.." to "OMG she isn't into me anymore, what is wrong with me, I need her now" he sounds really bloody immature!! I'm a man and more expect this behaviour from a woman. We get told we like to chase but most men I know, do not! Though this guy clearly does.
Didn't want her when he could have her. Soon as someone wants her , he wants her.
Exactly what I thought. She wasn’t good enough until someone else wanted her 🙄
Jackson 5 wrote a song about that, right?
Yes! And just obviously he can’t make a decision, so she’s better off already.
A classic. He needs to grow up.
Just like toddlers with a toy from the floor.
A wise man once told me "If you snooze, you lose" 🤷♂
I wise man once said nothung!
😂😂
That was my dad’s favorite saying. Although he would say it when I was too slow at grabbing the last snack or if he ate all the popcorn but it taught me a great lesson in life
My husband’s one is that there is the quick and the hungry . This guy will starve !
Ah yes, I believe that was the famous philosopher R.V. Winkle
He wasn't afraid of not being good enough, he was afraid she wasn't good enough. He was holding out for the possibility of better. When better didn't come along for a whole year, and someone else snagged her, he decided he wanted her.
That’s true and deep down it hurts a lot
Ding ding ding!!
YEP! Here it is.
Exactly!
Presumptuous little thing aren't you
If she didn't start dating the best friend, this guy would still be stringing her along. He was fine treating her like like a backup option, but now that he is alone, she is The One 🙄
It's like a dog with a bone.
exactly
But he never strung her along. They were just continuously in proximity of each other with neither taking any action. Not as if he was giving her a small bite here and there keeping her around waiting for the full meal
@@TheBlindArcher.you could argue that her verbalizing that she was done dating and waiting on him to be ready was a pretty big aaction/ declaration
@@Poopiepies ok… she declared it and he didn’t do anything. How did he string her along? This comment it’s just another woman promoting the victim mentality
I hope this girl has truly moved on and doesn't still like the 1st caller. He basically was like, "nah I'm not interested right now, but good to know you think I'm the one for you. Please wait around while I sow my wild oats, so I can live my life with confidence knowing you're on a back burner pining for me". I think he was turned on by the idea that he could live his life knowing this girl would be waiting in the wings while he searched around waiting for someone potentially better to come along. Now he's disappointed and jealous. He got exactly what he deserved.
Exactly
Agree!
Wish John would’ve called him out for this more honestly
@@HPTechHelp yeah me too
Couldn’t have said it better
This poor woman stated her feelings for her close friend, laid it all on the line, and he did absolutely nothing.
And good on her for finding a good man! I don’t think women should be the one more in love in the relationship anyways, especially if kids are involved. Women are socially conditioned to put everyone first. Men aren’t. So a man’s really gotta be in love to put his woman first… if she ever gives that caller a chance again, she’ll have to stroke his ego for the rest of her life while not getting much support in return
@@TipTheScales27 You are woefully wrong. In what world you live and you think like that, so distanced from reality? It is fact emerging from overwhelming evidence from the "relationship/marriage" market that it makes for far more stable relationships when the woman wants the man more than the man wants the woman, and this is even more true in marriages. The problem with all you young women is that most of you date the very same extremely small pool of hyper-attractive guys who of course don't think they are in relationship with you as much as you think you are with them, and hence will go on "cheat" you - they don't even cheat you when they have not even gave you "relationship status" (and yes, most of the times it is this case rather than the opposite). Open your eyes and see around you and you will find out that in actual, real relationships and especially in marriage, if the man loves the woman more than the woman loves the man the marriage invariably ends in divorce. If a woman loves her man less than him her, she automatically puts him in an inferior position and when she does that, it is over for the relationship. It may take some time but it is over, first the sex will go down, the communication as well, and the more the husband will try, the more pathetic the woman will see him being, and eventually she will either cheat and move out or just move out straight. If a man loves his wife more than she does him, it is very similar to him earning less than her (the latter causes divorce at a staggerring %, some note it to be as high as 90%).
Women are not at all socially conditioned to put everyone first, perhaps you are still living in the 19th century or something. Women of the current generation today are easily the most selfish, self-centered humans of any sex, to have ever worked the earth - and no this is no black pill misogynistic statement, I am saying this with "lament", sad as it is, this is the reality. I could bring you countless examples such as women producing less than 20% of our economies and being responsible for nearly 80% of the spending (the very reason why the market bends to women currently.... they have figured this out long time ago). And it was like that even in the past - remember the Age of Discovery, what products those sailors were trying to bring from above sailing those ultra dangerous traderoutes fighting pirates and barbarians and cannibals? Sugar, Porcelain, Silk.... for whom was all that? Men could not live without porcelain and silk maybe? LOL!
Agree and he blew it off as he was thinken he would and deserved better. Gee, I feel so bad and hurt for her. I have been there.
@@Prometheuspredator oh yeah, we’ve all been there. It’s tough letting go.
@annt7384 It is, but the good thing we do is continue to live our lives and move on. Being mentally healthy about it. We call it the way it is and move on. Leave em the dust.
This happened to me. He probably didn’t want her and thought nobody would too. He probably liked the idea that someone he didn’t want wanted him and secretly hoped she would be obsessed with him forever. My advice to the girl: don’t look back. Be thankful for what you have and enjoy it. It was incredibly bold of you to tell him that you had feelings for him. Don’t let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t want you.
@@user-qp2qe5gf9b 💯
Girl, yes!
Yup
That’s a very powerful statement. “Don’t let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t want you.”
@@CBEEBLE Also, don't let a man break up with you more than once. Once they hit the door, close it behind them and make plans for your life without them in it.
He should leave them alone.
If she did leave her new boyfriend, he then would decide he doesn't want her.
If she left her bf for him, she'd be a flake, so nobody wins either way.
If she leaves her BF for him, she’ll leave him for the next guy.
No trust there.
Shady lady.
Yeah I didn't think this advice was so good...
@@BugsyBologna She hasn’t done anything like that all except in your mind. Not at all a shady lady.
The girl dodged a bullet by not getting with the first caller.
Yes, she will NEVER be good enough for him..
@@littleme3597 well if you believe what he says, it wasn’t about her being good enough, it was about him being good enough. But yes, I agree she dodged a bullet. He’s a coward who couldn’t man up and speak his feelings, even after a year
@@janawild4582We don’t. At least one reason why is that he specifically stated that who was before listening to doc (with a chuckle😑) has changed him...
The doc gave him a convenient out by leading; he snatched it up like a roach. And conveniently like every other moral less ham, he’s now the fragile victim.
Dude she was waiting for you!
Which is kind of creepy because you were acting totally unavailable to her - and so she respected that and gave your your space and moved on, probably heartbroken. Or mad.
With your best friend.
And now that she's taken you want her?
No.
You only want what you can't have.
She deserves better. A guy who goes for her because she's worth it and he knows it and he's not gonna let his insecurity get in the way of the potential for an amazing future with her.
I'm glad she got so lucky with a guy who appreciates her and isn't afraid to care about her.
That's your loss.
Wow soooo true. I couldn’t have said better myself.
Delony held back on that
I say leave it be. She had the courage to tell you she liked you, so she deserves someone who has the courage to do the same for her - your roommate.
I was in a situation similar to the first caller, but in the girl's position, except I stuck around longer than I should have. The friend I had feelings for felt like I was beneath him in terms of dating, but got off on me being available. Eventually, I got over it and never looked back, and now I'm married to a wonderful man. Kudos to the girl for getting over it and moving on. His loss.
Forgot her kudos to you for realizing and going for what you want and not messing around 😊
Love this for both of you 🥰 First caller sounded massively egotistical!
Finally, I thought I was the only stupid one. Hopefully, I will get the happy and lifelong relationship, too.
I remember feeling a ton of guilt having to move on from someone I had dedicated so much of my heart and time to, but it had to be done.
I was in the girl’s situation as well and like eight years later I heard the guy was still telling his friends that he was an idiot and I was the one that got away. I was equally flattered and infuriated. What a waste of everyone’s time. Let’s all just use our words people 🤣
Yes, me too! I started dating the bestfriend a year after not talking to the other guy. We became coworkers and went on dates. Then I found out he was close to a guy I used to go out with. It was the bwst decision of my life. Married now and has been together for a decade.
Man hit the jackpot by having a woman (and a good woman judging by his description) tell him she likes him and wants to be with him and the dude still fumbled?! Unreal. Life is too short and so much of what’s out there is overrated. If you find a good woman who wants to be with you and you can build a future together, stop playing games!
💯
What you said is very true. But I have a feeling she only seems like “the one” to him because someone else has her now.
First caller is a drama queen. Hope that girl moved on and dodges that bullet.
Maybe he dodged the bullet. Women who purposefully date a guy's best friend, to rub it on his face; tells a lot about her and her limits and psychopathy.
@@MineMeMineMeMineMe no, she should have waited for him her whole life while he was dilly dallying.
@@MineMeMineMeMineMeyou are making an unfounded accusation. Maybe she actually likes his friend. This happens. Sometimes you end up liking someone who you never thought you would like. This guy missed out due to his own choices.
@@MineMeMineMeMineMe 🙄
Totally
First caller said "afraid" and "worried" many times. I don't think the dating is the problem because most young men take the slightest hope with the girl they like as a sign to chase her hard because time is short for all things. He was okay to waste his time and her time and thought she would still be around. He learned a valuable lesson: All is fair in love and war. Next time, value every opportunity you get.
“You’re a really good guy, but you’re a really good guy at arm’s length” - WOW. I needed this line today. Sums up a situation I’m dealing with perfectly!
Do you want to friendzone him....
@@randybobandy9828not just friendzone, but theres 'nice' people out there that will actually have the power to wreck your life. Ive had objectively good people hurt me before so i put them at arms length
@@lizxu322 people who want to date you shouldn't even be your friend because they are always just waiting for a chance to date you
This is the price you pay for being indecisive. Also professing your love to her now is completely out of the question, that’s your best friend’s girl. Become a better man, get you a better life.
He should also move out. Cut your losses, dude, and start over… spine erect… or pine forever.
Well said dear
And she probably chose the day his best friend to get back at him they're both f****** high schoolers
This is the type of friend that will sabotage your relationship the first chance he gets. He will “be there for her” the moment she has issues in her relationship.
Sounds like that’s the man John is. Bizarre 😮
@@RoseWater20Exactly what I was thinking 😬
@@RoseWater20😂
What he's going to do is tell her he really likes her, to put doubt in her mind
Yup, and then when he realizes that she's still available for him, he will go back to giving her the cold shoulder.
The dude wasn't scared of anything. It's not like that. He was just being arrogant and enjoying the ego stroke.
He thought he could play her. That's all it goes down to.
I agree . He is a mean person who was not afraid . He wants to white ant their relationship.
She probably doesn’t want him now!
I’d say, learn to live with it. Move out.
That's wut I think
he didn’t say if he had been with “other ladies” for a night or two during that year… I bet he was, and she saw it so decided to move on.
A good friend will have to step aside. You had your turn, you have to move on. Time to grow up.
Bottom line, don't go after someone else's girlfriend/boyfriend. Period. You had your chance and you passed. Maybe they will break up and you'll have a chance again? I dunno. But it is slimy to try to steal someone who is in a relationship (especially in a relationship with your friend).
Yeah, but if they break up he won't want her anyway. He only wants her because she no longer wants him.
@@kristin123aFACTS!
a person like that I could and would NEVER get with. He sounds so manipulative
The first caller just upset that his friend got the girl that he looked down on, it’s hard to feel bad for this clown
To his credit, he only looked down on her because he thought she was crazy for having any interest in him. This mentality smacks of low self-esteem. Or he could have been lying through his teeth and wasn't impressed that she was chasing him instead of the other way around. Most guys like the chase and aren't as interested in someone chasing them unless they just want to use them that night. Either way, if he had truly liked her enough, nothing would have stopped him from saying yes. When it comes down to it, he just wasn't that into her and I'm glad she found someone else who was.
@@GameChanger597 I don't know if I believe his stated reason why he looked down on her. I think he looked down on her either because she asked him out, like you mentioned, or because he thought she wasn't attractive enough and he could do better. IMO that's why he hesitated when Dr. John asked him what held him back. I think he's just upset now because his one-person fan club has gotten over him and moved on. I'm glad she let him go and found someone who truly appreciated her.
for real
@@GameChanger597 stop making excuses,he's just saying that to get sympathy
Seems the first caller didn’t realize she was “the one” until she was with someone else…
It often goes down like that...life lesson right there
Men just remember this, “there are men you can trust with your life, and men you can trust with your wife.”
I’m a woman and I like this one 😂
Very true 🎯
😂😂😂
1st caller is a NIGHTMARE and immature. Sounds like she dodged a bullet. The guy sounds like a squirrelly 14 year-old, not 24. By not dating her, he gets to create a fantasy of what could be and could have been that reality could never live up to.
Who said he’s 24? We’re you listening?
'Squirrelly 17 year old' good description.
@@hillarybillary21were you? Because he outright said it lmao
squirrelly 14 year old!...I almost wet my self laughing, brilliant.....thanks from the UK
Delony’s incredible patience and determination to keep the conversation on track with the second caller… 🏆
She is hard to follow . I do not understand her total lack of communication with her husband .
She would rather talk than listen
In Europe or in Czechia she wants to have grandparents close by to babysit the children...
Grandmas are very popular, and granparents... and its cheaper than som emaid. Having maid isnt as popular as in US , because we have smaller houses,
or smaller households. smaller or bigger too.
AND to treat the first like he's not a clown.
This one hit me.
My Mom died 3 years ago and my double life living dad decided not to show up at the end. I was the one who had to make the call for my Mom. I didn’t realize that’s where this anger had come from.
Thank you for this. Something just changed in me when I heard this young man and what he went through with his Mom.
A whole year went by and she found someone else and he’s crying about it
He isn’t worth it lol
He had a whole year to make up his mind! That's a long time!
What a sad and empty individual that guy is… appropriating someone he doesn’t even want 😡
He’s too immature. He missed the bus. Should not get in the way.
He looked down on her for liking him! He has HUGE ISSUES 🚩🚩🚩🚩
This is the person who wants what they can’t have, then once they get a person attached to them, they turn on them and treat them like garbage
I agree
It's happened too much for me. Every time I broke up with a guy for no intimacy, attention, or respect for months and suddenly they love me and would do anything to get me back within 3 months I gave up on them.
Also dating friends I have known for a while. They don't like me when I'm interested and only infatuated when I move on.
Can you explain for your point of view why some people are like that?
Yeah, that didn’t make sense to me. “Looking down on her for liking him”? What does that even mean?!! 🤔
@@vsmith6109the only time they behave properly if you have one foot out the door. If I have one foot out, the other one will soon follow.
He took her availability for granted. As simple as that. He needs to gradually remove himself from their lives because he will not be rooting for their success as a couple. He'll be waiting in the wings for their downfall. This is a brewing love triangle. Things will get ugly if he sticks around.
I agree.
A woman will only wait so long.
Don’t let fear rob you of someone great.
"I wish that I had Jessie's girl"
First thing that popped into my head! 😂
Mine too!
haha
Where can I find a woman like that 🎶🎵
Same lol
This guy is not ready ..he needs to build up his character and confidence
He lost his backup plan. ☹️
Exactly
for real
Well said.
EXACTLY
i am so glad she is dating his best friend. this guy is terrible
You were afraid? You snooze you lose.
I once heard a relationship coach that the “potential ONE” only comes around every 3-5 years so from now on don't let fear hold you back!
The first caller is hilarious. Ladies this is why you never talk a guy into being in a relationship with you. If that girl would’ve pushed this guy into a relationship with her, she would’ve pushed him all the way into marriage, they would’ve had kids, and he would’ve been exactly like this through the whole marriage, not appreciating her at all until she got sick of not being appreciated and left him. Then he’d be crying and screaming and wanting her back, just like an Eminem song 😆😆😆🤣 good one Dr. John.
And she'd miss out on the man who actually wanted a life with her.
@@jullietmburu9672 Well said 🙌💖
Oh I did that. 😢
and then he would say she "blindsided him" 😂
@jullietmburu9672 ok clown 🤡
I wouldn’t tell the roommate. It’s just a case of wanting what you don’t have. You didn’t want her when she wanted you now she seems more attractive in someone else’s arms.
He's scared he's going to be alone forever so now he's backtracking; earlier, he thought he could do better....and then, he realized he's not finding better so now he's regretting taking what he could have had.
I've made the same mistake before regretting overlooking someone who in retrospect was everything I was looking for but now realize that even if we'd gotten together, I'm unsure we would have lasted because the attraction from my side was never there/enough.
If he has feelings and they're happy, he should stay away. Especially when he says "he looked down on her" when she wanted him. Bothering her now with his change of heart when she's moved on is not good. That being said, if they broke up, by all means he should tell her then. Not now. Its too late now. Unless he's trying to break them up which doesn't make him a nice person. And he's with someone else too. Is he afraid to be alone? That's not love.
I think the important message with the first caller who had feelings for his best friend’s girl is “get good at doing hard things” that’s a sound lesson for life in general 👍
Rejection is God's way of protecting us. I hope she realizes how blessed she is for being rejected by him. I hope, I really hope the girl doesn't waste another thought on him. He needs to work himself, he would always be waiting for someone better to come along.
FACTS
Then why does god let people marry abusive people?
@@gregzgurl2004 Because they ignore red flags 9/10 and marry them anyways.
Because he gives everyone free will!!!
@@neiscigod does not do that, what about the people that killed their family?? You can’t see a red flag by god or always.
Ugh that first caller needs a hard sit down with his father. She had the courage to bare her feelings and heart, he shoots her down and she tries to wait to see if he'll come around, he literally wastes over a year of her life and then is upset shes dating someone else she was likely in close proximity to. You lost out dude. Leave the poor girl alone and let them be happy and keep your mouth shut you've already done enough. These are the same men who settle on a woman because theyre afraid to be alone will toy with you for 5 years and still not propose and then will only marry you when you threaten to leave and then they end up figuring out they dont even really love you and end up cheating on you. Get real dude.
So many young men want what they can’t have. I’m surprised John didn’t bring that up.
Yessssss they don't want something until someone else wants it and then once it's unavailable they want to pine over it. Kind of silly and they call us the emotional ones.
The first guy needs to to deal with his own issues. The girl and his friend aren't at fault at all. He needs to fix his own insecurities and be happy for the other two, move on and find someone new.
He's 25...not a teenager...25. He's gotta grow up. His loss. He doesn't want her therefore no one else can have her is his way of thinking.
Their decision making doesn’t develop until 26 years old. He learned a lesson
TWENTY FREAKING FIIIIIIVE
But when we girls/women say that men mature slowly we are mean or 'woke'.🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
yep and that mindset is DANGEROUS
Your responses to this particular issue were spot on, Dr. John. The woman was not his to sit on a shelf until he figured it out. She knew what she wanted and there is no such thing as "the only one." Good advice.
Caller No 1/Dan: that girl should run like hell if caller tries to cut in now. 13:20 minute mark "I...almost looked down on her" says it all. He only started to consider her AFTER this male buddy was already in. Aesop's fable "dog in a manger" 100%. This guy is just a booby prize.
I didn't catch that the first time, yeah he's crazy
All I'm saying is, if I had the first caller's problem and that is all what was making my life a bit stressful, life would be pretty awesome lol.
I feel the doctor is telling the first guy things only because that happened to him and his wife but I think it's totally wrong, he had the chance he lost it now leave them alone. If not it's like any guy 5 years later going up to a woman and saying I still love you and she's married with kids just don't do it. Leave couples alone that you're in a relationship don't try and break them up because you think that you are in love with them that's just not right
Hi there, I agree with U, and I question if this guy is a real Dr, he said there isn’t a 1. Then he talks about his wife & the life to come after a 1/4 of his life with her! the roommate is cool; man up little boy good lesson God is showing U to mold u into a real man! Good lesson @25 instead of 55yrs when it’s too late to really appreciate a good woman that god put in your life✌️🦋
First caller hates himself and needs therapy before going into a relationship.
So true, he was already putting all his insecurities on her and didn’t even realize it
In my opinion He’s constructing this narrative to hide the fact that he didn’t want her cause he thought he could do better but need her as a last resort in case he had to settle. He just doesn’t want to say that he considers her his property to manipulate how ever he wants instead of a human being that he rejected.
@@eliascastillo1641 No. Don't believe that theory.
Women never want to believe a theory that is true and mean…most people who reject you usually don’t think you look attractive or that something is wrong with you that they can get from someone else…he knows he doesn’t care that he isn’t “good enough”…people don’t really even think like that unless someone they want doesn’t want them back…
Nope , he loves himself and despises others .
My husband sped the day w me at the hospital since 5am , I had my surgery today. Was one of the worst day ever for me. He was tired but present there to support me all the way ❤
The risk part of this call is healing me. Everything is a risk. But to know that the results are worth the risk is amazing. For the longest, I was taught that “the one” exists. And so, I essentially messed up my 20’s by dating from that perspective. I’m much more relaxed now that I’m working on acknowledging that, but there’s a level of self-trust that’s compromised when you reflect on your decisions. Risk. Self-trust. This episode gives me so much to sit with. ❤
I feel strongly that he wants what he can’t have. He really doesn’t love her. He gave her his answer by his lack of action. Girl. Move on with who is man enough to commit. He’s not ready for a serious relationship
Nope. He had ample opportunity to be with her and chose not to do it. His loss. She decided she was tired of waiting around for him, especially if she agreed to go out with his roommate/friend (after telling everyone she doesn't want to date anyone else). He doesn't get to go storming into their relationship like the Kool-Aid man. He has to mourn the loss and move on...and probably will learn he needs to move out and find new friends to hang out with, because he won't be cool hanging with the two of them anymore. Harsh as that sounds, it's the choices we make in life.
I credit him for calling. A lot of guys feel this way but are too afraid to talk about it with anyone. Let alone a radio host.
John is spot on.
No he isn't, the guy didn't want this girl until she was taken. Even when he "decided" that she's good enough for him, his decision was so weak he didn't do anything for a month and probably wouldn't do anything for many months if his friend didn't start dating her. Think of yourself and when you really want something: you can't think of anything else and you go for it with all your might.
Guy's shouldn't talk about it lol, it's pathetic. This is "elementary school crush" type stuff, real men with experience know there are plenty out there, move on and don't pedestal girls like this. He was never even with her to begin with, he created a fantasy relationship in his head, they might've been a horrible match once they got to know each other
@@cashway0420 The key is to talk about it with the right people. Obviously, he shouldn’t talk about it with someone like you, but with someone like John, that’s perfectly acceptable because he’s capable enough to help him find the right direction.
The biggest issue is a lot of men do not know who to talk to. And the best we can do for them is point them in the right direction of who to talk to you.
@@anyagee9467 it’s so much deeper than that.
@@jared3235women will never understand the mental issues men deal with when it comes to maturing, he sounds young, probably hadn’t had much success with women, and was afraid that because he wasn’t perfect the relationship couldn’t work…it’s lesson for him to learn, nothing more
If she’s happy leave her be!! The only thing that matters is if she’s happy keep it moving you’ll find someone else. I honestly don’t think he truly wants her, he wants what he can’t no longer have. He sounds like if she gives him a chance he is going to hurt her. He does not sound confident in this.
He only wants her because she’s move on. She was there the entire time and he didn’t want her now that someone else is with her he’s upset. Move on buddy… you had your chance.
Every relationship is a risk - so 100% TRUE!!
Maybe she’s not who he really wants. Maybe it’s the losing out that has him turning back. I think move on, grow, wait it out. If she becomes free you can pursue her and SEE if there’s anything there. The pressure to make something work (if it doesn’t) if you break them up will be too great.
Hi there, my thoughts exactly! I questioned whether this is a real Dr giving advice! Yours & mine make better sense plus why hurt the roommate if he’s such a great guy! Man up little boy; life is pain this is just Gods way of showing you how you’ll be someone (1) & not coward down to the feeling ! U had the courage to love & this takes guts✌️🦋
Hi there, my thoughts exactly! I questioned whether this is a real Dr giving advice! Yours & mine make better sense plus why hurt the roommate if he’s such a great guy! Man up little boy; life is pain this is just Gods way of showing you how you’ll be someone (1) & not coward down to the feeling ! U had the courage to love & this takes guts✌️🦋
To 1st caller: Man, you had your chance. Don't stand in her way.
the last story really hits home.. i totally checked out after losing my mom she was the only person I ever wanted to talk to..
Dude is afraid that the people he loves and respects most will find out how awful he really is. (Which is obviously just his own feeling)
Hmm, interesting thought.
So true. He has experienced rejection sometime in his early life.
This guy doesn't have surety on himself. He feels inferior.
If he really felt that way he would be happy for the girl and his friend. Instead sounds like he’s gonna try to steal his friends girl.
Some people definitely have a lot of awfulness going on beneath the surface. I've had a few men who I'd known for a long time, including my father, drop bombshells on me that showed a lot about who they actually are. You never really know someone. Now, when men allude to "not being good enough," I believe them.
The gift is the men watching your show and showing their wife that they are watching your show
Duuuuude - don't drag her down with your wishy washy ways. One minute you want her the next you don't, then you do...
Let her enjoy the man who's all in for her now. Please. For her sake.
So you stop yanking her chain.
Because as soon as she breaks it off with him to be with you (or worse - cheats on him with you)...
You won't want her anymore.
I worry that you just want the power play / ego stroke of breaking her happiness, or his.
But I'm jaded. I learned in college what it was like to trifle with boy toys. The bells, whistles fizzle out...over time. The one's who say they're in and then ditch out. .
Guy, you got time.
Stop letting your mouth write checks your soul can't cash.
Don't rush the most valuable and important relationships in your life.
But don't yank them around either or treat them like they're on your leash. Ick.
I have no sympathy for this guy. People will wait and see if they can get someone “better” until they realize they can’t and use you as a plan C back up plan. Naaahhh dog! You messed up and you had your dang chance. Can’t stand people like this.
“Haven’t you ever listened to any Eminem song? You only get one shot!” 😂
I feel for him. I understand why he wouldn't move forward at first, but unfortunately, this is a possible result. You lose out. Keep growing, and learning to feel comfortable in your own skin. Whether you end up with her or someone else, you need to do it for yourself.
..Relationships are hard, But I've figured out that there's always a way to fix things when there's a problem. Five years back, my wife and I were on the brink of divorce because of issues in our marriage, but we found a way to fix them. It was hard, but we made it through.
I genuinely want to find happiness too. I'm in a relationship, and even though we're apart at the moment, I can't imagine my life without her; my love for her is big. I really want her to return, and I'm fully committed to making it happen. We've tried different ways, like therapy, to mend things.
Moving away from someone you hold close is invariably tough, but in my particular situation, I was supported by a spiritual counselor who prevented the unraveling of my marriage. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
Your advice is valued. I'll promptly look her up online. Thank you. I'm optimistic that pursuing this method will also lead to favorable outcomes for me; I deeply yearn for her.
You are Welcome
This ain’t hard to figure out Guy needs to move on. This girl was ready to be his wife but basically she wasn’t good enough but was good enough to be the last resort. Now he’s about ready to move in on his best friends girl. Very selfish individual hope she tells him to hit the road.
If this guy really wanted to be with the girl, he would be the one with her now. He's immature and should still play the field until he knows what he wants.
Is the woman featured in the first call supposed to pine for him forever? She is a real live human being. She deserves reciprocation in love. This is an opportunity for him to mature, grow and be honest with himself.
First caller thinks hes in the Notebook 😂
I was in the first caller's shoes in my mid 20s. It sounds like he has some levelling up to do, but there are valuable lessons to learn from his experience. Rejecting an opportunity for fear of failure only guarantees the result.
And he also needs to realize this may just be another move she made to get him to ask her out.
@@gutenbirdhopefully she’s not as immature as him
2nd story- I used to hate our house. It was built in 1901, it had a lot of problems, a super fixer upper. My husband bought it right b4 we got engaged. It didnt feel like my home. Now 5 years later, I love it. We've worked hard to fix it up together even though it still needs more work. We've looked at other houses but now I'm attached. It would take a very special house to get me to move now
That woman was looking at everything all the wrong way. She’s only seeing that which is lost and not that anything new or better could be added. And given how much she kept trying to talk over John, I don’t believe for a second she ever did the whole “this is how I feel, how do you feel?” and then just sat and listened without interrupting. I mean it’s obvious why John said write it all on a letter and have him respond the same.
losing my mom at 20 was soo freaking hard and arguably the worst fking time for it to happen..felt like my world ended just as it was beginning.. life was just getting soo good when everything came crashing down
Speaking from my own experiences…if I was open to dating someone, I would absolutely not start something with his friend. Even if it was someone that I was initially into, once I’d started a romantic relationship with his friend, that would have meant that door was closed. I know some women don’t care about getting in the middle of friendships, but that’s never been me
Men don’t care as much.
My guess is her feelings about him changed and she doesn't care about the door being closed.
It would be different if they dated but since he turned her down I don't really see an issue with it and it was literally a year and a half later.
If they dated, I would agree with you. But she liked him and he said no. As far as she knows, the feeling was unrequited, so she moved on. If he wasn't interested in her (at least what he conveyed to her), I don't see why his friend (or anyone else in the friend group) would be off limits. As far as she's concerned, the door to dating is closed with the caller. The only one who's trying to keep that door open is the caller. That's not her problem.
They never dated. What was she supposed to do, pine into spinsterhood? She has moved on. Dont get into other people's relationship.
I loved how you helped Gary.
He finally told you the root of his trouble and that was making the decision to let his mom go on the ventilator.
My dad relied on me too much when he could not handle it when my mom was dying on hospice. I was in my twenties as well. It wasn't fair but I've forgiven my dad and forgiven my mom for leaving me so young. It wasn't her fault!
I pray for each person as you are led to say what you say. It's a wonderful gift you have to help guide people through the hard things in life. ❤
Huh??? So you’re saying he should tell another man that he likes HIS girlfriend??? That’s not skill, that’s just inappropriate. She’s not a watch you can borrow because you like it. She’s a person. The honorable thing to do would be just suck it up and don’t make that mistake again. It’s disrespectful to do anything about those feelings now.
It’s a great move in my opinion, because then the couple will be aware that he’s an issue and they need to remove him from their lives. Self sabotage at its finest 😅
He’s going to do what he’s been doing for a year+ - nothing. And he’s going to have a pity party about it. If he surprises me and asks her, I hope for her sake that she says no.
Wow - your advice Dr. John to the 2nd caller gave me goosebumps!!! SUCH GREAT ADVICE!!!
1:31 my husband wrote lyrics recently but this was last week. Valentine's day is a Hallmark holiday. Buy me some tulips on a random day, strawberries and some rose. I don't want anything because Hallmark told you to do it. Show up every day in other ways, helping with the kids, cleaning, cooking or taking the kids out so I can just relax for an hour. Means more than this fake holiday.
He sounds immature. So she expressed her interest and you felt she was low value because she shared her feelings?? He sounds insecure or arrogant. Either way, he sounds like he’d be an emotionally draining person to date. Good for her for moving on to someone who had no hesitation about her value.
And, I don’t think it is good advice to tell the guy to talk to his roommate. I think he needs to take the “L”. Consider this an early life lesson about relationships.
My thoughts exactly, I questioned whether this was a real Dr! No no bueno the roommate is cool. Plus I thought he said there is No to (the1) then he talks about his life to B with his wife, I’m confused 🥴. Own up to loosing a good woman! Chuck it up to 1 of life’s lessons little boy; now U R on your way to manning up, it’s Gods way to mold you into a real man(good lesson @ a good age& not at 55! Too old to value a real good woman✌️🦋
1st call- that’s happened to me. They always come back when you move on lmao
I feel like it a classic case of one person chasing the other and then once that person stops chasing then the other one realizes or thinks that they like the other person when really they like the chase
Thankful the last caller spoke with you. He needed that. I could hear the pain in his voice. Prayers for him! 🙏🏻❤️
I don’t agree that the first caller should tell his friend that he has feelings for the friend’s girlfriend. He missed that train. He needs to hold that.
Agreed 👍🏼
Ladies, NEVER shoot your shot. ONLY deal with men who shoot their shot with you.
1st... It protects you from men with crippling insecurities that can't be vulnerable enough to function in relationships.
2. It ensures that he is interested in you.
Ur right I need hoes lol
There's always that one person in the group who just wants to coast. Then when everyone else starts moving on to the next phases, that person gets thrown for a loop.
Sooo wrong.
The only reason some people want a person, is because someone else actually saw their worth!
Bad advice.
Leave her alone.
What kind of advice is this??? Destroy someone else relationship for your own gain?? The dude missed his turn. If she leaves the other guy for him how could he trust she won’t leave him for someone “better”
Ive been the girl from the first caller. Waited 7 months then I met a wonderful guy who was fully available. And I married that wonderful guy. We've now been married for 12 yrs! The other guy messaged me repeatedly for years trying to get me back but my husband was too amazing for me to ever go back.
There is nothing more desirable than something you can't have!!!!
Yeah that was my ex-husband should've never married him in the first place or even stayed with him for a year after we started seeing eachother, it was totally wrong from pretty much the get go!!!!!
Happy that Dr John is being recognised internationally ❤ Great work as always
Watch him all the time from South Africa ❤️
The first guy is terminally confused and NOT ready for any kind of relationship. IJS. 🙄
Dr. John when you told Gary from Cleveland that you were proud of him it brought tears to my eyes, but joy to my heart. Thank you for the wisdom with love you shared with him. I received it as a gift, too. Thank you.
A handmade card is 1 million times better than any card you could ever buy! XO💋
He looks down at people who love him because he feels “how could their standards be so low to be interested in me?”
It’s low self esteem. The worst kind because you isolate yourself, and miss opportunities to be happy with someone. Then you wake up, years later alone. This is a cautionary tale.
This guy went from "Nah she's easy, I don't want her.." to "OMG she isn't into me anymore, what is wrong with me, I need her now" he sounds really bloody immature!! I'm a man and more expect this behaviour from a woman.
We get told we like to chase but most men I know, do not! Though this guy clearly does.