When the narcissist contacts you out of the blue
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- Опубликовано: 18 сен 2024
- A narcissist's need for validation and control often drives them to initiate contact with others. Their insatiable desire for admiration and affirmation compels them to reach out to individuals who they believe can provide the attention and admiration they crave. Additionally, narcissists thrive on manipulation and may contact others to maintain a sense of power and superiority. By engaging in communication, they can assert dominance, manipulate emotions, and fuel their own inflated self-image.
Moreover, narcissists may contact individuals as a means of securing a narcissistic supply - the attention, admiration, and reactions they receive from others. The act of reaching out allows them to extract the emotional resources they require to bolster their fragile self-esteem. Ultimately, the narcissist's contacts are driven by a complex interplay of their insecurities, need for control, and insatiable thirst for external validation. Understanding these dynamics is crucial for those dealing with narcissistic individuals to establish boundaries and protect their own well-being.
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When they contact you, act like they never existed. Don't reply. Remember how they treated you? Yea, ofc you do! The perfect revenge is to NEVER REPLY! Keep moving forward in life, and don't stop. You have reached a level of peace w/o them. Continue life w/o them and never open that door with them ever again. Godspeed. 🙏❤ Love your videos Anoushka! ❤🇺🇸
I did that, somewhat, yesterday, and the results were very, very interesting. She kind of limped away, which tells me that she didn’t get the supply that she wanted from me.
@@peterknyk1942 Keep going king, you got this! You don't need that negativity!💪
@@Jay_Z. thank you, Jay, Z! Anytime any of us gives each other encouragement it is special! You did that! Thank you!
I wish i stayed in no contact when he messaged me again. I should have kept him blocked. They really do come back to discard you if you're unaware or in denial that they're highly narcissistic.
@basicinfo2022 You can't and won't change that. Just reset, but this time, DO NOT give in! No matter how much you want to. You are just projecting what you saw were the good times. You have to realize it was all a lie! It isn't easy in the beginning, but I promise you it gets better with time. You aren't alone. It has been almost 9 months for me since I shut that door. Do I still think about her? Yes. DO I want to be with her or think about her? No. Keep your head up. You got this! God bless. 🙂🙌
They get bored. You're just their merry-go-round. Stay away.
Hamster wheel I just jumped off. I know revenge is coming soon
If anyone goes back....to these individuals.... "shame on you..."
Lol don't shame the victim who is in a trauma bond and addicted to the hot and cold cycle.
STAY STRONG, STAY NO CONTACT AND LOVE YOURSELF!!!!!
It’s exhausting, rude and intrusive! It’s never to say hello, or find out how to find out how things are going! It’s always about nonsense or some selfishly motivated “inquisition” that is entirely about her egos need for misguided satisfaction….🤯
I don't even want her to sincerely ask me how I am.
I feel that our relationship was based on lies.🤬
Same. The whole darn thing was a lie.
DITTO
The contacts outta the blue are so obvious...If I wasn't important enough before you walked away, then I'm not that important now....Go back under the rock you slithered out from
She sent her flying monkey my way after I blocked her a few months prior. Fast forward a month later, I end up unblocking her since she was pushing reconnecting with me rather hard. I answered the Hoover, and let me tell you, that was THE biggest mistake I could’ve made at the time. She did the “wound, soothe” cycle almost immediately. The mask was completely off and what I experienced was terrifying on a soul level. No joke. I then dumped my number entirely a week or so later and now have a new number going forward. DO NOT allow these people to come back into your lives, whatsoever. They will try to completely destroy you until there’s nothing left.
I had the same experience..... Left the narc and moved to a different apartment, and then 3 months later because I still have stuff in storage at the older apartment I got a call from a friend who still lived there saying that the narcissist had my stuff and wanted to give it back..... He had stolen it out of my storage unit there.... I did make the mistake of going to get my stuff..... And I did make the mistake of thinking I could talk like a rational human being to another human...... Didn't happen.😂 It was the weirdest conversation that I had with a narc to date.... The crazy making the gaslighting the projecting the deflecting all of it all at once..,ugh.
Please explain the "wound, soothe" cycle. First time I've read this.
I honestly want no parts of any of them. The idea of even attempting to hover is repulsive and sickening. They can get someone else to do it.
Exactly . They think they can just walk in and out of people's lives at their will like them own everyone of us . Very repulsive.
To a narc, the relationship never really ends. They are just putting people "on hold" while doing whatever they want to do. A discard is 99% of the time never permanent. Hoovering happens when people of the past shows up on their radar. Their main incentive is to keep everyone under control. Doesn't matter if it's a thing of the past, or thing of the present. I say thing, because they view people as objects. Healthy individuals understand that the past belongs to the past.
Actually, I don't want to hear from them. And any memory of the good times, is fully over shadowed by the times they treated me with disrespect, put downs, telling me what I was allowed to say and not say, triangulating me with other men past / present and future. And dicarding me worse than you would do to an animal....no, if you got the real treatment from a narcissist, you don't want them back, ever.
I know this person well. Once the no contact, her pride won’t let her hoover
Yep. The prideful ones dont hoover.
They don’t, they send flying monkeys to keep track of you lol. You must cut out all of those people too to be totally freed of them.
I changed my phone number and blocked him on all social media. After everything I've researched about narcissism, sociopathy, and psychopathy, I no longer exist for him to speak to!!! I now help others and share knowledge & experience! Thank you for your channel!! I share this too!!
I want no part of him. I will not respond. I had feelings for him. He had no feelings for me and my children. My mother was a narcissist. I learned well. I was the scapegoat growing up. I found another and we married. So sad. 23 years later, many hours of abuse and 5 daughters later I have made my own life. I am alone, but it is much better this way. I do not want another soulless person in my life. I am not stupid. I have a university degree. Got my high school diploma after he was kicked out of the house. He went on with another phony relationship. I feel sorrow for her to be living that way. He has made my life hell by manipulating my child. The think he is perfect. Now I am in their lives again I am waiting for the other shoe to drop and it will. I go on living my life. I cannot make my girls see what is coming. It is so sad.
I really wish I could stop thinking about him. It's been 4 mo no contact, but I can't stop thinking of him.
It will get better the longer you go trust me. I'm almost a year in on no contact.
Keep busy busy until you meet someone that deserves your time and affection.
It's very hard when it's your 13 year old child reaching out! Tugs at the heartstrings.
Poisoned his mind by a toxic mother!
Very very difficult 😢
Narcs never provide fulfillment nor closure in a relationship …. however they will WASTE your time and good years tho.
Yes you are wright 😁 just been contact by a narcissist with a message “ I know you don’t care but this is important for me” 🤣. I did not reply so the messages became darker And after denying tried with personal “sweet” talk. It proofs that follow you and others to understand what is happening 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
She says ... " Your my brother in Christ" good grief she has zero scruples ! I gotta be firmly set on the no contact , talk about challenging, I feel like a wimp !
After 14 years of being with now my late husband....I never knew him. It's weird to say that but I told my best friend that all along.
Anoushka , You are a Gem, Take Care 🎉
The last man I dated introduced me to narcissism! After 12 years he contacted me, I was surprised. He forgot how he treated me and expected me be friendly and glad to hear from him. I didn’t entertain any kind of conversation with him and asked him not to contact me again. I couldn’t get off the phone quick enough and he was the one surprised. He needed something from me and I was not prepared to find out what he wanted.
Great work, Anoushka. Thanks a million 🎉
Hi Anoushka. This is one of your best ever. NC FREE - Great Channel!
PS Anoushka! Your “circle challenge” is challenging, indeed! 😌
The only way he could get in contact with me is in person. If he should text I will not text back. I still wonder how I would feel if he did come around. But he never would. He wants me to be the one who contacts him. But I won't. I want him to leave me alone.
He wants you 2 contact first just a matter of power/superiority...
My first narcissist did the hoover and it went horribly wrong for her. I had no idea what was happening .I had no idea what a narcissist was. In fact I blew it big time. It was at a Kryia meditation retreat after I'd been dumped. I was very confused. My whole world was shattered in many ways. As the retreat was over and we just got out of bed. I came down from the hoover and meditation induced dopamine high eniugh to start thinking. I simply asked her about what she had done with the boyfriend she had dropped me for and had obviously cheated on me with. A full blown mask collapse issued. She in a voice that sounded like it came from a five year old and very weak, said "I guess I'll go back to him"!! I looked at her and those lost eyes and said "You know you're mentally Ill don't you?". That was the last time I saw her over 45 years ago. It haunts me that after several more love bombed victims she married a guy who sounds like a good decent, hard working guy. There are hints from friends that she has used him badly and really screwed up his life. God help him! And I managed to find two more narcissist before I started to figure myself out. Man did I ever ignore red flags !
I had to have a few, very, very hard cycles with the narcissist, to finaly get to the point, that my actual closure is freedom.
From his energy, from his voice always inside my head.
Guys, there is no such thing as closure from a narcissist.
That's why it's so hard, that's why we let ourselves for being hoovered, cause we're lookin for "why"
Appreciate this post... very timely for me. The 8:27 mark succinctly reminded me of the reality.
I compare the way she treated me to having a firearm pulled on you during a honeymoon; once that occurs, you can never believe it won't happen again. No Contact is critical to your personal peace.
My lady hasn’t contacted me in 2 years to talk. I’m very close to her adult sons but we don’t speak of her at all. I don’t follow her or look at her pages. Sadly when I see a woman that’s similar hits me in the guts. A beautiful BJJ and Yoga instructor. Sweet voice and very intelligent. Also turned me into a wreck with 10 years of games. Wish I could say I never want to see her again. I’ll never contact her again. Have not in 2 years. I think she’s forgot me. She’s in Rio and I’m in NYC but I would have walked to brasil if she had said the right words and I trusted her
Y O U A R E GR E A T ! ! !
a loving video - thank you :)
Really good one. ❤
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Ignore. They are either bored at the time or want something. Or THEY WANTED TO END IT not you. Mine accused me of deceiving him. Dont listen to any of this. Stay away it can only make things worse for you. Its difficult if you cared but dont believe it or you will only hurt yourself. Move on...
Nej tak ikke for mig, jeg skal ikke der ind i tågen igen jeg har været I helvedet det var forfærdeligt ,så nej tak. Ka du ha en vidunderlig aften 😉
I know she will never take ownership of the things she said. The TRUTH will never come out of those lips but it was it is. I have no expectations from her just to be cordial being we do live in same area. If we never get back to where we were I'm OK with that. Its been almost 5 months and my life has been fine without her. So I can take it or leave it. At least this time I know when it's time to check out and hit the road jack lol! 😂
she contacted me to greet during holidays then i just replied with merry christmas weeks passed she asked me what was my new yrs resolution and so i did reply very simple then i found out that day during her response that her dad passed away and doesnt know what to look frwd for the new yr. exchange of msgs happened and the hoovering with something like she remembered me with a band that we always talk about on the movie she watched. she even texted "i'm not that bad for not asking how are you right"?.. hahaha crazy individual i was in a third party with this girl at that time. not sure if they are still together with the guy coz she changed her photo in IG with a solo picture. may godbless her and the family.
I really miss him .... its been a month of no contact but I do I really miss him.
I only ever hear from him when he needs money
He wants me to fix the mess he’s created. I can’t fix it. It is a problem he created. And the fraud during the pandemic. I can’t fix it. He’s got to fix it himself. He called to say call the bank. I was like dude it’s not my account, you have to call. You have to do it.
One day they may find someone who actually likes the way they get treated? That would be ideal. Extremely unlikely though. 😁
They will find that button and push until that someone eventually becomes undone. i.e. let them catch ‘em cheating, etc.
Yeah my narc friend recently reached out to me and invited me to meet up with her at a restaurant so I went but really nervous...I guess u could say curiosity killed the cat i wanted to see if we COULD be friends again... why? Not sure. I mean I did at one time really care about her but funny thing is when I met up with her it was a Lil strange at first but I could already feel that things probably will never go back to what they once were unfortunately 😢
Literally just hit me up rn, just seeing her name has got me stressed tf out. I’m not gonna reply back and I have no interest to.
Play a game let here see you and then make here feel you dont care just like them
How can I be helpful without draining myself?
I'd really hard for me to turn my head to suffering. I know i can't drain myself ,but is there anything I can do?
Baby girl❤🤩😍
What if they owe you money?
@@TheChosenOne2222 So sad that they can't fulfill their promises.