I wish I could ask this question: How do you know who needs to change? Why didn't the lady with the passive husband need to change instead of him? Bc she started counseling first?
Anytime there's a marriage dynamic - typically both need to change. Those talked about in the video are the ones who fail to see or look at themselves at all and that's very unhealthy. The people on the opposite side are willing to look at themselves and probably take on too much blame from the "blamers" than they even should. But because they can look at themselves, that's why he made the video. Unsafe people rarely look at themselves so they are unlikely to even watch a video like this. Thanks for the comment!
I was on board with the talk until this segment (4b), this portion seems like it's just fuel for the fire of busybodies. I feel like I'm getting a mixed message from The talk: don't control other people, but then try to control other people.
You’ll always have permission to control how people treat you, your person. Sometimes, time to change, and codevelop in a marriage, is better. most times it turns into 1 person dominating the other person in the relationship, aka toxic control person.
I'm really thrown off especially by the part where you say to be vague like you have this general issue and that use that to get somebody to change. It seems like you would want to be specific with somebody if there's a problem in the relationship. Maybe not legalistic but specific. So many Christians like to point out generalized problems they have with other people but it's really just their own ego rubbing against another person. In 12 steps we would call this giving somebody else their inventory-- like only you can read their heart. I've had people do that to me and it's very hurtful. I've done it to other people and it was very hurtful to them.
I wish I could ask this question:
How do you know who needs to change? Why didn't the lady with the passive husband need to change instead of him? Bc she started counseling first?
Anytime there's a marriage dynamic - typically both need to change. Those talked about in the video are the ones who fail to see or look at themselves at all and that's very unhealthy.
The people on the opposite side are willing to look at themselves and probably take on too much blame from the "blamers" than they even should. But because they can look at themselves, that's why he made the video.
Unsafe people rarely look at themselves so they are unlikely to even watch a video like this. Thanks for the comment!
@@faithchannel1013 I feel like I'm both people at the same time. Hopefully when I find a counselor they'll be familiar with this wording.
I was on board with the talk until this segment (4b), this portion seems like it's just fuel for the fire of busybodies. I feel like I'm getting a mixed message from The talk: don't control other people, but then try to control other people.
You’ll always have permission to control how people treat you, your person. Sometimes, time to change, and codevelop in a marriage, is better.
most times it turns into 1 person dominating the other person in the relationship, aka toxic control person.
I'm really thrown off especially by the part where you say to be vague like you have this general issue and that use that to get somebody to change. It seems like you would want to be specific with somebody if there's a problem in the relationship. Maybe not legalistic but specific. So many Christians like to point out generalized problems they have with other people but it's really just their own ego rubbing against another person. In 12 steps we would call this giving somebody else their inventory-- like only you can read their heart. I've had people do that to me and it's very hurtful. I've done it to other people and it was very hurtful to them.