I think homeschooling provides us with the privilege of striking the perfect balance between rigor and meeting our kids where they are. I completely agree that there is a trend in homeschooling to overcorrect from the public school model and go too far in the direction of gentle and child-led and. The advantage of the public school model is that it keeps most kids moderately challenged since it is tailored for the average level. But for the kids at either end of the bell curve, they are left either feeling perpetually "behind" or completely bored and unchallenged. I think homeschooling provides a beautiful opportunity to keep kids on those outer ends of the curve challenged where they're at. It's a tailor-made education. I have 3 twice exceptional kids, so they are way ahead in some areas, and behind in other areas. Rigor for them means letting them move ahead of grade level in their strength areas...and letting them go at a slower below grade-level pace in the areas where they struggle. I am such a believer in rigor in homeschooling, but that might look more like keeping them challenged where they're at. My kids will learn from any curriculum in the areas where they excel. But I have had to try a few different curricula in the areas where they struggle to better fit their learning styles. This has made a huge difference in their willingness to be challenged in the first place where they struggle. I have picked rigorous curriculula, but I'm fine with them going through it more slowly than they "should." It's still challenging them and pushing them and giving them rigorous skills,, but going at a pace that their brains can keep up with. I am at peace with them getting there at their own pace, but there is definitely still challenge and rigor. I think at the end they will still be prepared for a college route of that is what they choose. There is absolutely value in keeping our kids challenged, but in an individualized way. They still have to learn things they may not have chosen choose on their own, and discover things they are interested in that they may not have discovered on their own. I just love that we are able to provide that kind of individualized challenge for our kids so parts of their education aren't slipping through the cracks, and they are staying challenged and learning a growth mindset at their own pace. ☺️
I am always impressed with your ability to summarize and articulate your thoughts so well! I think you make excellent points and I agree that homeschooling provides us with a wonderful opportunity to strike the perfect balance academically.
We skipped kindergarten here (so I say we unschooled, which for kindergarten to me feel like the same thing). Then for first grade we used a full Waldorf curriculum as our base and then added more and more to that as the year went on and as I learned that that just wasn’t my teaching style at all. I still think starting gently was the absolute best thing for us for kindergarten and even the first part of first grade, but I would have added a few things sooner looking back. Not we do way more than most homeschoolers I know personally and way more than many, many I see online. When you said that sometimes you don’t know that are in interested in something until you are exposed to it I was like, “YES!!” I would argue that that applies to pretty much everything! I also agree that working through hard days and frustrations is an extremely valuable. As if my son went to PS, he has sick days and there are times that as a homeschooling mom I can lessen the load because I know of extenuating circumstances that call for that. But we also work through difficulties, talking about the importance of WHY we are doing that. And I think that one of the best ways to fight boredom is to offer up a rigorous education! We studied Shakespeare in 1st and 2nd grades, including memorizing passages and reading plays in full (after studying them) and my son (and I) loved it! But again, as another mom said, rigor is a fluid thing, it doesn’t have a one-size fits all meaning. Maybe rigor means choosing a grammar or math program written with gifted kids in mind. Maybe it means taking years to learn to read, working hard all the time to overcome educational obstacles, maybe it means having long, full academic days (we do full 8-3:30 days here, with breaks for outside play, jumping around and drawing as needed, and often those things can even be educational things). I am rambling now, but this is a topic that is on my mind a lot as my opinions on this topic are different from so many other homeschooling parents out there.
I enjoy the ramblings 😃. When you think about it, my videos are really just me rambling on about a topic thats on my mind! I did Montessori with my kids when they were toddlers and tried Charlotte Mason in the early years, but quickly realized it wasn’t my teaching style at all. We’re studying Shakespeare now with my 10 and 6 yr old and they both really enjoy it. It’s something I never would have guessed that they would understand, let alone enjoy. I totally agree that rigor is a fluid thing.
This video is such a needed breath of fresh air for my homeschool mama heart. You always seem to put into words exactly what I am thinking and feeling. Thank you for being such an important voice in the homeschooling community!!! ❤
Can't love this video enough!! Thank you for saying all of this!! More people in the homeschool world need to speak up about these sort of things, especially in our current time where social media is flooded with all these gentle and aesthetic "curriculums" and methods. Keep up the good work!!
Thank you! I think especially in regards to social media, the same ideas and curriculums are always being pushed or talked about. Where is the variety? Homeschooling is so unique and different to each family, I’m often puzzled why I don’t see more of that reflected.
Yes! Totally agree! I feel like once you get through the first year of seeing your kid work through challenging things it becomes so much easier the next. Last year my son was challenged a lot (we keep it rigorous here too. Why do something he already knows how to do just to do it?). This year his attitude is so much better because he remembers what he was able to accomplish last year. I hope this helps my kids be resilient so that when cone across a challenge, they know how to go about it.
Exactly! Last year my oldest struggled, but this year she is excelling because she knows she’s fully capable and I’m here when she needs help or is struggling with a concept.
My child will say oh that's boring and I will quote Bluey's mom that boring things are still important. If I only taught the things they were interested in we'd only be doing about half of what we were doing. Kiddo has ended up really enjoying history even if we had a slow start and has retained some of the things we learned about.
You are not alone. I agree with you 100% at the end of the day they need to be prepared for the real world. Of course we can help guide them in their interests etc, but real life won’t cater to our wants and needs. That’s just not how it works.
I'm so glad you mentioned knowing how to use Office. I'm realizing that I need to add in the use of technology more in our school so my kids know how to use it. I feel like it has become a life skill along with how to do laundry lol.
It’s funny I’ve intentionally avoided screens and things online for my kids for so long. They’re definitely not tech savvy in any way, but I’ve come to understand the importance of it and like you said it’s just become a part of everyday life and basic functioning. When my oldest has a good grasp on typing, I plan on using a Microsoft Office curriculum 📈👩💻
I choose challenging curriculum for my kids while allowing them to move at a pace right for each of them. I agree with your thoughts on the gentle approach to ALL.THE.THINGS. I've chosen to implement that in our family's school day in the way I interact with my students, so that my attitude, demeanor, and interactions with all of them are gentle - meaning not harsh, not patronizing or condescending. I try to add in child-led topics where it's both easy and (mutually) beneficial.
I think you make an excellent point on having a gentle approach when it comes to interactions. The homeschool environment is greatly influenced by the educators demeanor and attitude.
I wonder if you surveyed homeschool parents would they mostly say they were meeting your given definition of “rigor”. From an outsider looking in, it seems like homeschool moms like to “pad the walls”, and for younger children especially, “gentle” is a major buzzword. On the other hand you did use the phrase “challenging curriculum”, and I think this does end up backfiring at times for those looking for “rigor”. For instance, Beast Academy/AoPs is the most challenging math curriculum that’s accessible to most American kids, public school, homeschool or other. You can use this rigorous math curriculum, but IF the child becomes dependent on the online hints and tips or on the parents to walk them through the challenges, they might actually totally miss out on the basics that the curriculum included in the median steps. Many children could actually get “behind” that level’s intended learning objectives rather than gaining those extra problem solving skills promised by the rigorous curriculum. It’s much more fruitful to have the child at an independently achievable, yet slightly frustrating level. For some, this level of challenge and frustration will be using a curriculum that looks “way too gentle” for another. I personally think it’s best not to use gentle for the sake of it being gentle, and don’t use rigorous for the sake of rigor…. A lot of people want to use gentle because they don’t want their kid to hate math. I guess the assumption is that they will hate it if they find it a little challenging during the elementary years. What is actually true is that if a high schooler finds algebra too frustrating to find any success due to a weak foundation, THEN they will REALLY hate math at the most pivotal time.
I agree with you that for some reason rigor is viewed as negative in homeschool setting. At the same time interestingly enough, I know many 5 or 6 year olds in homeschool who starts reading chapter books and do multiplication facts. I think rigor is such a subjective idea depending on the kids. We cant push kids for things that they are not ready for and we have no reason to wait if the child is ready. I also agree with you that the kids’ interest area is often what the parents often expose them to early on.
Thank you for your videos! Listening to this video and your other one about beautiful curriculum in particular were so helpful to me. One question, which I don't remember having heard you talk about (maybe you did) - a challenge I experience a lot with local homeschoolers is there is so much "unschool"/non-education that casual events are becoming judgey/hostile as my son becomes exposed to what I would consider "appropriate academic experiences" if they were in public school. These are ones which our homeschooling peers haven't begun to embark on (reading, grammar, math, science, social studies, second language, etc), and the differences in their respective academic experiences are starting to show. (I.E. if my son reads something a peer several years older cannot, or he starts informing a peer about a science thing using technical terms and the other kid hasn't done any science yet) How do you handle that/ derail the conversation so that you and your family can maintain relationships with those families? Any advice/suggestions?
I’m glad your finding my videos helpful! I think you bring up an excellent question, and I I don’t believe I have addressed it before. Is the judgement or hostility coming from other parents or your sons peers? For me finding a homeschool group was really difficult as the only ones I came across were very conservative or only allowed a specific homeschool style to be discussed. It’s the main reason I started my own Co Op. The families involved come from a wide array of ages, backgrounds, religions and homeschool styles. However we cultivate an atmosphere of respect and realize that all though we’re all different we are also connected by the decision to homeschool. There are certain curriculums or teaching styles that don’t work for my family but I would never judge another persons decision. Unfortunately I know that doesn’t seem to be the norm in the homeschooling community. What I tell my kids is that if someone is mean to you or won’t be your friend unless you agree to what they believe, than their really not your friend. I think the same is true for adults. Homeschooling is unique to each family and I think there is great knowledge and wisdom to be learned from one another, but if someone is unwilling to be respectful to you then what’s the point of trying to cultivate a relationship.
Even tears or anger isn’t a sign of a bad homeschooling/curriculum choice/harsh parenting. My children could and still can cry bitter tears when they don’t get a A-ha moment in like 5 minutes even before the task is read properly. Or if they are hungry. Or I’m distracted myself while teaching. Tens of reasons. Yes, our math curriculum is above their grade levels but do they cry because it’s not right down their alley and they are absolutely lost? No!
Excellent video. Thank you. It is so refreshing to hear your words. I am lost in a sea of unschoolers/ anti educators. It is almost swearing to admit that you plan/ put yourself out for your child's education. I absolutely love the extra time home schooling gives us with our children and that there is more time for them to pursue their interests. However, I really value systematic learning. I often hear hear parents describe their children's education (when we are discussing the reports we have to write for the authorities) and I am struck by lots of incidental learning. This is also valuable, but I feel a quick conversation about a face on a coin is general knowledge rather than an education... I am interested to know, Michelle, do you have homeschooling friends like you? I would be ostracized for expressing such sentiments. We tried organising a music class recently but the teacher won't return, even if we wanted to continue... the general consensus was that people felt uncomfortable restricting their children's noise making for the teacher to be heard or even keeping the children in the room for the whole session. It was voiced by many parents in the group that the freedom to express themselves and come and go was much more important than listening to the teacher or learning any skills. I wonder if these people need a class for such activity... I totally agree about needing opportunities to discover your interests. I had zero interest in board games, steam trains, stop motion or jigsaws before I was a mom! Times change!
I think people want to get so far away from the public school model that they completely miss some of the benefits of systematic and structured learning. I do have homeschooling friends like me. They weren’t easy to find and it’s a small group. We all come from different backgrounds, religions and homeschooling styles and all of the kids are different ages, but we all have mutual respect for one another. It’s something I couldn’t find in other homeschool groups so I cultivated it a Co Op I help start and currently oversee. The music class you describe would have been difficult for me. I very much lean into ideas like gentle parenting and appreciate the concept of teaching the whole child, but the situation you just described just sounds disrespectful. Listening when someone is speaking has nothing to do with your child’s freedom ( I do understand there are extenuating circumstances such as developmental or social disorders that would inhibit a child from being able to focus or remain quite) however other than that there is absolutely no reasons someone can’t sit and listen. That seems like a pretty basic life skill.
I read the book on your recommendation. It changed my reward system and how I approach math with my daughter. It was so helpful. Thank you
I’m glad it was helpful! It definitely was a game changer for us.
This is so good! I have been struggling to strike the balance between interesting/fun and challenge.
I think homeschooling provides us with the privilege of striking the perfect balance between rigor and meeting our kids where they are. I completely agree that there is a trend in homeschooling to overcorrect from the public school model and go too far in the direction of gentle and child-led and. The advantage of the public school model is that it keeps most kids moderately challenged since it is tailored for the average level. But for the kids at either end of the bell curve, they are left either feeling perpetually "behind" or completely bored and unchallenged. I think homeschooling provides a beautiful opportunity to keep kids on those outer ends of the curve challenged where they're at. It's a tailor-made education. I have 3 twice exceptional kids, so they are way ahead in some areas, and behind in other areas. Rigor for them means letting them move ahead of grade level in their strength areas...and letting them go at a slower below grade-level pace in the areas where they struggle. I am such a believer in rigor in homeschooling, but that might look more like keeping them challenged where they're at. My kids will learn from any curriculum in the areas where they excel. But I have had to try a few different curricula in the areas where they struggle to better fit their learning styles. This has made a huge difference in their willingness to be challenged in the first place where they struggle. I have picked rigorous curriculula, but I'm fine with them going through it more slowly than they "should." It's still challenging them and pushing them and giving them rigorous skills,, but going at a pace that their brains can keep up with. I am at peace with them getting there at their own pace, but there is definitely still challenge and rigor. I think at the end they will still be prepared for a college route of that is what they choose. There is absolutely value in keeping our kids challenged, but in an individualized way. They still have to learn things they may not have chosen choose on their own, and discover things they are interested in that they may not have discovered on their own. I just love that we are able to provide that kind of individualized challenge for our kids so parts of their education aren't slipping through the cracks, and they are staying challenged and learning a growth mindset at their own pace. ☺️
I am always impressed with your ability to summarize and articulate your thoughts so well! I think you make excellent points and I agree that homeschooling provides us with a wonderful opportunity to strike the perfect balance academically.
We skipped kindergarten here (so I say we unschooled, which for kindergarten to me feel like the same thing). Then for first grade we used a full Waldorf curriculum as our base and then added more and more to that as the year went on and as I learned that that just wasn’t my teaching style at all. I still think starting gently was the absolute best thing for us for kindergarten and even the first part of first grade, but I would have added a few things sooner looking back. Not we do way more than most homeschoolers I know personally and way more than many, many I see online. When you said that sometimes you don’t know that are in interested in something until you are exposed to it I was like, “YES!!” I would argue that that applies to pretty much everything! I also agree that working through hard days and frustrations is an extremely valuable. As if my son went to PS, he has sick days and there are times that as a homeschooling mom I can lessen the load because I know of extenuating circumstances that call for that. But we also work through difficulties, talking about the importance of WHY we are doing that. And I think that one of the best ways to fight boredom is to offer up a rigorous education! We studied Shakespeare in 1st and 2nd grades, including memorizing passages and reading plays in full (after studying them) and my son (and I) loved it! But again, as another mom said, rigor is a fluid thing, it doesn’t have a one-size fits all meaning. Maybe rigor means choosing a grammar or math program written with gifted kids in mind. Maybe it means taking years to learn to read, working hard all the time to overcome educational obstacles, maybe it means having long, full academic days (we do full 8-3:30 days here, with breaks for outside play, jumping around and drawing as needed, and often those things can even be educational things). I am rambling now, but this is a topic that is on my mind a lot as my opinions on this topic are different from so many other homeschooling parents out there.
I enjoy the ramblings 😃. When you think about it, my videos are really just me rambling on about a topic thats on my mind! I did Montessori with my kids when they were toddlers and tried Charlotte Mason in the early years, but quickly realized it wasn’t my teaching style at all. We’re studying Shakespeare now with my 10 and 6 yr old and they both really enjoy it. It’s something I never would have guessed that they would understand, let alone enjoy. I totally agree that rigor is a fluid thing.
This video is such a needed breath of fresh air for my homeschool mama heart. You always seem to put into words exactly what I am thinking and feeling. Thank you for being such an important voice in the homeschooling community!!! ❤
Thank you for your kind comment and I’m so glad my videos resonate with you ❤️
Can't love this video enough!! Thank you for saying all of this!! More people in the homeschool world need to speak up about these sort of things, especially in our current time where social media is flooded with all these gentle and aesthetic "curriculums" and methods. Keep up the good work!!
Thank you! I think especially in regards to social media, the same ideas and curriculums are always being pushed or talked about. Where is the variety? Homeschooling is so unique and different to each family, I’m often puzzled why I don’t see more of that reflected.
Yes! Totally agree! I feel like once you get through the first year of seeing your kid work through challenging things it becomes so much easier the next. Last year my son was challenged a lot (we keep it rigorous here too. Why do something he already knows how to do just to do it?). This year his attitude is so much better because he remembers what he was able to accomplish last year. I hope this helps my kids be resilient so that when cone across a challenge, they know how to go about it.
Exactly! Last year my oldest struggled, but this year she is excelling because she knows she’s fully capable and I’m here when she needs help or is struggling with a concept.
My child will say oh that's boring and I will quote Bluey's mom that boring things are still important. If I only taught the things they were interested in we'd only be doing about half of what we were doing. Kiddo has ended up really enjoying history even if we had a slow start and has retained some of the things we learned about.
I totally read you comment with the voice of Blueys mom in my head 😆Bluey has some great life lessons!
@@michellegf So many great lessons. My kid even says things like banana in the Australian way now lol.
You are not alone. I agree with you 100% at the end of the day they need to be prepared for the real world. Of course we can help guide them in their interests etc, but real life won’t cater to our wants and needs. That’s just not how it works.
I'm so glad you mentioned knowing how to use Office. I'm realizing that I need to add in the use of technology more in our school so my kids know how to use it. I feel like it has become a life skill along with how to do laundry lol.
It’s funny I’ve intentionally avoided screens and things online for my kids for so long. They’re definitely not tech savvy in any way, but I’ve come to understand the importance of it and like you said it’s just become a part of everyday life and basic functioning. When my oldest has a good grasp on typing, I plan on using a Microsoft Office curriculum 📈👩💻
I choose challenging curriculum for my kids while allowing them to move at a pace right for each of them. I agree with your thoughts on the gentle approach to ALL.THE.THINGS. I've chosen to implement that in our family's school day in the way I interact with my students, so that my attitude, demeanor, and interactions with all of them are gentle - meaning not harsh, not patronizing or condescending. I try to add in child-led topics where it's both easy and (mutually) beneficial.
I think you make an excellent point on having a gentle approach when it comes to interactions. The homeschool environment is greatly influenced by the educators demeanor and attitude.
I wonder if you surveyed homeschool parents would they mostly say they were meeting your given definition of “rigor”. From an outsider looking in, it seems like homeschool moms like to “pad the walls”, and for younger children especially, “gentle” is a major buzzword. On the other hand you did use the phrase “challenging curriculum”, and I think this does end up backfiring at times for those looking for “rigor”. For instance, Beast Academy/AoPs is the most challenging math curriculum that’s accessible to most American kids, public school, homeschool or other. You can use this rigorous math curriculum, but IF the child becomes dependent on the online hints and tips or on the parents to walk them through the challenges, they might actually totally miss out on the basics that the curriculum included in the median steps. Many children could actually get “behind” that level’s intended learning objectives rather than gaining those extra problem solving skills promised by the rigorous curriculum. It’s much more fruitful to have the child at an independently achievable, yet slightly frustrating level. For some, this level of challenge and frustration will be using a curriculum that looks “way too gentle” for another. I personally think it’s best not to use gentle for the sake of it being gentle, and don’t use rigorous for the sake of rigor…. A lot of people want to use gentle because they don’t want their kid to hate math. I guess the assumption is that they will hate it if they find it a little challenging during the elementary years. What is actually true is that if a high schooler finds algebra too frustrating to find any success due to a weak foundation, THEN they will REALLY hate math at the most pivotal time.
I think you make some really great points! Thank you for bringing them up and sharing your thoughts on this topic.
Agree!!!
I agree with you that for some reason rigor is viewed as negative in homeschool setting. At the same time interestingly enough, I know many 5 or 6 year olds in homeschool who starts reading chapter books and do multiplication facts. I think rigor is such a subjective idea depending on the kids. We cant push kids for things that they are not ready for and we have no reason to wait if the child is ready. I also agree with you that the kids’ interest area is often what the parents often expose them to early on.
I think you make an excellent point that rigor is definitely subjective to each child.
Thank you for your videos! Listening to this video and your other one about beautiful curriculum in particular were so helpful to me.
One question, which I don't remember having heard you talk about (maybe you did) - a challenge I experience a lot with local homeschoolers is there is so much "unschool"/non-education that casual events are becoming judgey/hostile as my son becomes exposed to what I would consider "appropriate academic experiences" if they were in public school. These are ones which our homeschooling peers haven't begun to embark on (reading, grammar, math, science, social studies, second language, etc), and the differences in their respective academic experiences are starting to show. (I.E. if my son reads something a peer several years older cannot, or he starts informing a peer about a science thing using technical terms and the other kid hasn't done any science yet) How do you handle that/ derail the conversation so that you and your family can maintain relationships with those families? Any advice/suggestions?
I’m glad your finding my videos helpful! I think you bring up an excellent question, and I I don’t believe I have addressed it before. Is the judgement or hostility coming from other parents or your sons peers? For me finding a homeschool group was really difficult as the only ones I came across were very conservative or only allowed a specific homeschool style to be discussed. It’s the main reason I started my own Co Op. The families involved come from a wide array of ages, backgrounds, religions and homeschool styles. However we cultivate an atmosphere of respect and realize that all though we’re all different we are also connected by the decision to homeschool. There are certain curriculums or teaching styles that don’t work for my family but I would never judge another persons decision. Unfortunately I know that doesn’t seem to be the norm in the homeschooling community. What I tell my kids is that if someone is mean to you or won’t be your friend unless you agree to what they believe, than their really not your friend. I think the same is true for adults. Homeschooling is unique to each family and I think there is great knowledge and wisdom to be learned from one another, but if someone is unwilling to be respectful to you then what’s the point of trying to cultivate a relationship.
@@michellegf Thank you for your feedback! :) That is helpful.
Even tears or anger isn’t a sign of a bad homeschooling/curriculum choice/harsh parenting. My children could and still can cry bitter tears when they don’t get a A-ha moment in like 5 minutes even before the task is read properly. Or if they are hungry. Or I’m distracted myself while teaching. Tens of reasons. Yes, our math curriculum is above their grade levels but do they cry because it’s not right down their alley and they are absolutely lost? No!
Excellent video. Thank you. It is so refreshing to hear your words. I am lost in a sea of unschoolers/ anti educators. It is almost swearing to admit that you plan/ put yourself out for your child's education. I absolutely love the extra time home schooling gives us with our children and that there is more time for them to pursue their interests. However, I really value systematic learning. I often hear hear parents describe their children's education (when we are discussing the reports we have to write for the authorities) and I am struck by lots of incidental learning. This is also valuable, but I feel a quick conversation about a face on a coin is general knowledge rather than an education...
I am interested to know, Michelle, do you have homeschooling friends like you? I would be ostracized for expressing such sentiments. We tried organising a music class recently but the teacher won't return, even if we wanted to continue... the general consensus was that people felt uncomfortable restricting their children's noise making for the teacher to be heard or even keeping the children in the room for the whole session. It was voiced by many parents in the group that the freedom to express themselves and come and go was much more important than listening to the teacher or learning any skills. I wonder if these people need a class for such activity...
I totally agree about needing opportunities to discover your interests. I had zero interest in board games, steam trains, stop motion or jigsaws before I was a mom! Times change!
I think people want to get so far away from the public school model that they completely miss some of the benefits of systematic and structured learning.
I do have homeschooling friends like me. They weren’t easy to find and it’s a small group. We all come from different backgrounds, religions and homeschooling styles and all of the kids are different ages, but we all have mutual respect for one another. It’s something I couldn’t find in other homeschool groups so I cultivated it a Co Op I help start and currently oversee.
The music class you describe would have been difficult for me. I very much lean into ideas like gentle parenting and appreciate the concept of teaching the whole child, but the situation you just described just sounds disrespectful. Listening when someone is speaking has nothing to do with your child’s freedom ( I do understand there are extenuating circumstances such as developmental or social disorders that would inhibit a child from being able to focus or remain quite) however other than that there is absolutely no reasons someone can’t sit and listen. That seems like a pretty basic life skill.
The parents dont like something so the kids don't learn it.
Good point!