Men Should Never Put Up With This
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- Опубликовано: 3 июл 2024
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Australian Order of Psychologists should give a degree to this guy... but perhaps they are too much woke for that!
My god Alexander, I watched your vids a few years ago and you were ultra soft spoken when it came to women and it seemed to me like you were trying to find a way for both sexes to understand each other (that's how I remember it at least), at the time I found your approach to be kind and utopistic but I nonetheless hoped it would be your views (compared to mine that are ultra scientific and cynical) that would prevail.
And now I stumble upon one of your vid once again and I unfortunately see myself talking when you're talking. I'm quite saddened to have been right in my thoughts on this matter it seems.
Anyway I might be wrong but I'm under the impression that analyzing so many women and their behavior + the many broken men they leave in their trail has taken a toll on you so take care of yourself.
Just to clarify, marriage ISN'T going to make you miserable, but your wife sure as hell IS.
That sounds like a semantics game. By your logic, gay couples should be the happiest. I wonder if the statistics support that?
Not mine
Marriage isn't a thing if you don't have a partner...
So just never get married at all.
.....fukin genius
@@freeottisthat is the point
For me, the tipping point that caused me to re-evaluate my future relationship plans was the realisation that many (if not most) men who got divorced and lost everything, did very little, if anything, wrong. Most didn't cheat or abuse their spouse, they pulled their weight, went out to thankless jobs everyday, clean the house like a modern man should..... And their woman simply got bored and left. The Divorce rate for women with 6+ bodycount (which is most women) is WELL over 80%. I'm a fairly good looking, athletic, professional person, and I made the decision 5+ years ago to NEVER get married, or co-habitate. I will not have my life ruined and be another statistic like the poor bastard in this video.
Why did she get bored though? Women have needs if you know what I mean. Didn’t see you talk about that.
@@pwh5805 People get bored when all their needs have been met. I don't think your comment makes much sense.
@@pwh5805He didnt talk about it because it was a dumb comment/question! Which 'needs' are you insinuating? Why didnt you come straight out and say it, instead of hiding behind that vague term? WOMEN ARE NEVER HAPPY! The more they get, the more they 'NEED'! it is an ENDLESS cycle of servitude, and she STILL is never satisfied. Please take your dumb comments/questions to the women's videos, where they will be celebrated as strong & brave!
@@pwh5805You know men are not 24/7 entertainers? You realise your position is abusive? No of course not. You have needs.
@@pwh5805 Tiktok brain rot over here.
I was married for 28 years. The last 10 years or so was miserable. When i tried to talk things over, she said if im not happy, sell the house.. ie she is entitled to half of the assets. What really made my mind up to leave her, was when we were in a restaurant, my daughter was asking me for advice on what courses she wanted to study in Uni..( college ) Madam put her hand over my mouth, and started jabbering away in her language, cantonese. My daughter got angry with her, and said she was trying to talk to me. I just had enough at that stage. Got the separation papers through a lawyer. My daughter supported me, and i am so proud of her. I never looked back after. It cost half the assets, but it was worth it. No stress, no anxiety... never let a woman treat you like crap.
I have seen my mother hound and belittle my dad every day and as I got older it irritated me more and more. My father would come home from work and instantly be bombarded by negativity, moaning, complaining and belittling from my mum; “oh so now you’re going to have a lay down instead of helping around the house” when he’s just got home from a 5 day working week!
To this day my mum still does it and it makes me feel so anxious. I will never marry.
You should speak up!!
@@kirdref9431not going to change anything. Trust me, speaking from experience.
Put her in her place, & call him out for being a coward.
@@primeobjective5469 I have done, but nothing changes. 😔
This is exactly what happens if you give women “freedom” and don’t correct their retarded behavior.
Marriage is a terrible deal for a man. I know... i am twice dieworsed. BTW: i am stupid too😂
I hope it wasn't to the same woman both times...
hey you know what they say... third time is the charm 🤣
After a couple of divorces Rod Stewart was asked if he would marry again, he said "hell no, I'd rather find a woman I can't stand, and buy her a house."
Ditto! I tried it twice. I'm done.
Welcome to the 'Stupid Club' sir! You will see many people you know here; its a very big club! LOL
Men would probably initiate divorce more often if there wasn't such a high price to pay for it, emotionally and financially. By the time they realize their spouse is a depressing pain in the ass, it's too late, they're trapped, so, they weigh the amount of pain they will suffer staying in the marriage verses getting a divorce. Consequently, they choose to stay until she inevitably initiates it because he shuts down. For him, often times, as the old saying goes, "It's cheaper to keep her".
Most women, on the other hand, don't pay a price for divorce. In fact, they shed their responsibilities and gain cash and prizes. They are completely incentivized to take advantage of the benefits they obtain in a divorce at the expense of the man involved.
It's true
Agree and don't. Men go in expecting hardship women go in expecting the stars and moon.
Expectations are crucial. To this
Two words: Will Smith
For me, it was never the emotional or financial high price that stopped me from divorcing her. It was simply two reasons: 1) I did not want my kids to have divorced parents. 2) My wedding oath not to abandon her. She however only cared about her happiness. So she divorced me. I did pay high emotional or financial price at the divorce and my kids did seriously suffer emotional trauma. But women are too narcissistic. Funny thing is: she called me narcissistic.
@@rayrwyr That's true. There's also the aspect of men having integrity. Most men don't shirk responsibilities, and their word is their bond. Honor is important. They take the vows seriously. Breaking vows and shirking responsibility, for a man, would lead to feelings of guilt, failure and worthlessness - a type of emotional pain.
"Why not get a divorce?"
Ahhh because it's better to put up with a sexless marriage than getting financially obliterated in divorce court.
is it "it's cheaper to keep her?"
There’s no guarantee for a man that the sexless consideration will get better, but there is the knowledge that the financial situation (which, let’s be honest is often tied to a man’s ability to procure sex) will get a LOT worse.
It’s making a new problem that doesn’t really fix the existing one.
@@aria.eSadly yes.
It is more expensive so pay two houses instead of one.
Yep. They say that only more affluent men can afford to get divorced. After they are hit up financially they still have enough money to live modestly. The average man will be made a pauper by divorce and will never be able to retire
@@aria.eyes. Unless an average man can rend an uncontested divorce from his wife a normal divorce will turn him into a pauper who will never be able to retire.
The elephant in the room is the law, more often then not it encourages women to divorce their husbands because the get all the benefits, and for men it's opposite, they often stand with a wife who treats them like garbage just because they realize, if he leaves- he loses too much, and he may loose access to the kids. It's kinda differentiates between different countries, but more often then not it is the case, and today's trend is only to increase this problem.
The equity “safety net”. Only Chads have feelings and she is the judge of what’s logical
Sometimes they don’t even realise - they just ‘feel’ this way - and cannot help it. When they finally press the red button - file for the divorce - it turns out that this is a golden buzzer. Exceptions are the cases when the man is being left with some of the assets and can rebuild his life. But these are EXCEPTIONS.
Women say they reject their men in marriage because the men don’t do their love language. They usually say that this is doing more of the emotional and domestic labour. Ask the men who get told this and do everything they can to correct it? Nothing changes. It’s just a stalling tactic so she doesn’t have to constantly reject him. The fact is, she doesn’t want to be intimate with him. She is no longer attracted to him. Intimacy has left the relationship, permanently. This is proven when they have affairs within marriage. The guy they hook up with has done none of that love language nonsense. She simply wants to ride his dipstick because she is attracted to him.
The term used for the house work & othe hoops men must jump through to get intimacy is 'Chore-play'. But you are right, it never works in the long-run for the reason you described.
never was attracted.
@@parrotshootist3004the elephant in the room of many marriages.
There is no such thing as emotional labor. That is a buzzword created by women to avoid accountability for their disgusting behavior. Domestic labor is the responsibility of a wife. Men go to work. Her job is the home. Period.
Yeah, my brother was played like that by his ex wife. Weeks after the marriage his access to sex was drastically reduced and he was trying to figure out wtf happened and she kept delaying with therapy talk.
I've always, even as a kid, been disgusted by the "happy wife, happy life" attitude. I was super argumentative, and men would tell me, "Your wife wouldn't let you get away with that." or "You can't say things like that if you want to get married." I always replied that I'd rather not get married if that's what it meant. I'm in my 30's now and I still feel that way.
And good for you. My marriage is a proof that staying your ground and being actively but respectfully argumentative can work well. If anything, it makes the situation much better. If I would just let her run over me, instead of checking her unconscious women BS, it would make both of our lives worse.
The same thing with brutal honesty, because downhill starts with small dishonesties. I will not lie. If she asks me a question, I will answer it. This makes her think if she truly wants an answer before asking it. I can't remember the last time I was fished for a compliment by the "Do you think I look nice in this dress?" dishonest(leading) question.
@@MachoMastermy wife would never ask me how she looks, she knows that I only married her for her personality and that she is obsessed with me . She get treated well only because she treats me well.
Second marriage 45 years. First wife thought she could do whatever she wanted ,"NOPE"
@@themick6586
Good for you!
Men really should learn more from women, at least when it comes to prioritizing themselves, their needs and their happiness, as well as communicating it clearly from the start (e.g. by setting boundaries) and demanding respect and equality.
Bro im not far behind you, im gonna be 30 next year and i have hated the “happy wife, happy life” belief
I’ve always hated this saying. People say it so facetiously buts it’s incredibly toxic and sexist.
My wife of 40+ years takes a 'happy king, happy kingdom' approach, and funny enough, that makes her happy.
... THAT is the "Unicorn" of women: It *pleases her* to bring you Peace, & she reaps the natural, God-designed, internally-generated benefit of happiness due to serving another. (Selflessness is a virtue.)
She must be a Christ-follower; or at the very least, has embraced a Biblical position on how to achieve true joy in Life.
@@westtexastll1978 It's in her nature. A system of external control can work, but won't be as enduring as internal nature. Femininity, family, loyalty, kindness and respect all come naturally to her, versus performative.
A wife like yours was rare 40 years ago, now they are nearly extinct. Other men can have fun walking that minefield to find that "unicorn", it's not worth it to me.
"My wife of 40+ years takes a 'happy king, happy kingdom' approach, and funny enough, that makes her happy."
And I bet it doesn't even take much to make you happy.
In my case it's no nagging, don't be unreasonable, no saying one thing while meaning the opposite etc.
I don't expect my wife to do things for me, I expect her to not do things to me.
This is so true. It happened to me, but I had no idea she wasn't happy because she never once in 20 years expressed she wasn't happy. In fact, she had everyone fooled by acting happy. Then she blamed me, saying I was a bad communicator. Ironic.
When she sets the narrative, she's always the victim and the man is the bad guy. She'll destroy him to protect her precious reputation as the good wife.
yep if you aren't a mind reader you are the problem
Damn these BEACHES!!!!!! They really don't have a clue wth the hells anything means to be decent! But they sure don't have a clue what's evil as well while somehow ALWAYS choosing to do evil to the guys that actually valued and try to Respect them. They know they're not worthy of Respect or trust so they grow bitter towards us while constantly trying to claim they're worth something real in their lives. Damn most of us have been so stupid! 🤦 Fell for the oldest trick in the lost books... They're incapable of Accountability which is why they blame all of us and everything else but themselves for anything ALWAYS... They do not want peace.... They want more Problems. It all makes more sense to me now. 😓
In relationships women communicate covertly, men are very blunt and to the point. Women want men to “just get it” this means, you need to figure them out, on your own, a woman will not explain this, and if they have to, then you’ve lost her already. Women do not like lazy men, having to tell a man how to excite them, is like having the magic trick explained how it’s done before you see it.
@@deneseepaul6882 men do not like lazy whamins.... They need to cook clean and make them sandwiches on command at all times. They should accept the facts that most men are going to creep around on them whereever they can when the opportunity presents itself especially if they don't put out on demand and women should just get it and figure most guys out which isn't very hard at all since most men just tell them what they're wanting when it doesn't matter because women don't really listen anyways 😂
Have seen that with my parents, my mum is totally nice to us kids but a complete insufferable pain in the rear end to my dad. It started slowly but reached a level where I just have to leave before I throw up.
Showed me pretty nicely that women aren't worth investing into, or much effort in general. As I rather be alone then coming home to a prison where a harpy of doom is my warden.
So yeah casual stuff works, a bit flirting is fun but anything remotely serious and I am out. Anything that would/could effect my life is not wanted, i just don't have the nerve to come home from work to then fight with a bitter harpy about me not existing in a way she likes.
Speak up to your mom!!
@@kirdref9431 you cannot fight other people's "wars" while they just sit by in apathy.
Tried that, it's futile.
@@snakeplissken1754exactly. You cannot force anyone to not be a pain in The ass. Learn with their mistakes, it's better
@@kirdref9431exactly. You cannot force anyone to not be a pain in The ass. Learn with their mistakes, it's better
"Do not offer words of wisdom to haripes of doom or you might be their next casualty of war." That is not an official quote, but i think it should be.
No wife, happy life.
No wife,no tripe😂
Yep, young men are now realizing this in droves, thanks to the internet.
Amen
It kills me with everything we know and see, how men would even consider marriage. Social programming is insane...
I feel you bro... I agree.
Only stupid men that women cannot ultimately respect get married. Total divorce fodder.
Same
Marriage brings purpose in their eyes, it’s not the same anymore.
Good grief! The work required to maintain relationships with modern women is just too exhausting to deal with. Such great effort required for so little in return, with harsh consequences accompanying the high statistical likelihood of failing.
Alexander's content is getting more and more black-pilled, and I'm totally here for it.
I've seen the evolution too, sign of the times! lol
I’m here for it too bro
How is he getting more black pilled?
It's inevitable
@@ngpdreamteam2k4 he used to be more empathetic but now he's just pretty much like - women ☕
I have news for you, Alex, women don't want solutions. They want to rant to you and share into their misery. I have experienced it many times already, when my wife comes to me and cries her eyes out about something that's simply dumb. But when I try to actually solved said problem, she simply says, no, I have to listen to her. It's stupid. But yea, thats how women are.
100% that the norm! They don't want to solve, they want simply to talk it over, and let it as it was.
Also my experience! Always remember the snake in the paradise - it was who, who fell?! Adam or Eva? I think some aliens have manipulated the women, so that the human race stays in lower levels. But beware, we mens have also or quality problems. Men who sleep around and make kids without caring for them creating also low lives...
Let us strive to become quality humans! 1/3 the mens and 2/3 work for the women to achieve it!
Don’t fix it make it a fantasy or a joyride. Don’t say yes, don’t say no except when she later expects a yes or no. She won’t know til later, though. Wants and needs will change like a fart in a windstorm.
@@FloydRunner2049 Don't worry, pal. Ain't my first rodeo. I have been with this women for over a dacede and mostly things go smoothly. But let me tell you, women are always going to test your frame for weakness. And if they manage to finde one, they are going to hammer it home for the rest of your life.
its normal for women to vent about their issues with out wanting an answer right away. John Gray the author of men are from mars, women are from Venus with 30 years couples counseling experience discusses this many times. Just how women are.
However, it should be done within reason depending on the issue. over the long run there should be a fair balance of give and take, sometimes u give more for a time and then she should but a general balance is key or ideal but life happens and sometimes we need to do more at times.
Sounds like you lack discipline and authority. If you lay down the law bad behaviour ceases to exist. You do this from the start of course, otherwise it doesn’t work later. If it doesn’t work at the start you say good bye to that problem.
I was 7 years old when I realised I’ll never allow a woman to treat me like those women do in their marriage.
My mental health comes first, she either will apologise or I’m gone.
Wow, I wish I was as smart as you were about this at such a young age, would've saved me years of misery and expense with an entitled narcissist.
The fact is, most men are selfless, while most women are profoundly narcissistic. A man will sacrifice his entire life out of a sense of duty and obligation to his wife and kids, sometimes not even realizing he is doing so because in his mind and the collective consciousness of society, it is considered the norm. A woman, on the other hand, is always evaluating how much she is getting out of the situation, whether or not her male partner is increasing or diminishing her social status, and whether she has better options. I think it's a myth that men cheat on their wives; most men don't, or if they do, do so only because they are involved with a woman who berates and neglects them.
It’s a misunderstanding. The top 10% of men are more likely to cheat because they have a lot of options. The other 90% will never have an opportunity to cheat even if they wanted to.
Imagine when artificial wombs become normal And affordable?
@Wolf88888 You haven’t met most men, stop it. If men were truly selfless, this world wouldn’t be such a mess. Don’t think I’m excluding women, they’re just as bad too.
Infidelity runs between both sexes. Men and women cheat for the wrong reasons.
That happened in my first marriage. Her friend whispered into her ear, and she divorced me. Married another guy he died, wonk wonk.
😂😂😂😂....dude the end here is funny as hell. She made a mistakee divorcing you and picked a guy so bad he died on her....🤣🤣🤣
Lesbian marriage has a 78% divorce rate, heterosexual marriages is 54%, gay male marriage 18%. Since divorce rate is high with women the problem in relationships are women and not men since gay marriage has the lowest divorce rate.
I wonder how high are divorces on trans couples. and also straight (or "straight", depending on how you perceive this topic) with trans couples.
@ChrisPTY507 they will be exactly as you would predict on the basis of their biological sex.
Lesbian women don't have a man to always put the blame on. Women need to be always right, so it is a conflict of interests from the beginning.
@@ChrisPTY507for straight is 54% and trans they say about 50% so lesbians is the highest with divorce rate. Women divorce women for cheating S/A they don’t listen to each other for the same reason women they divorce men. So women seem to tolerate men more then women if they divorce is that high with lesbian marriage.
Physical abuse is also higher in lesbian couples.
i think that is the point - for women marriage is "the fairy tale ENDING". meaning they don't think they have to try anymore.
Good point yes. Fits my experience.
These are facts. I'm twice married, and once divorced. Contrary to what some people, especially some women think, men are not scared of marriage or commitment. While it may be true for small portion of men, that is the exception to the rule and not the majority. Most men would love for nothing more than to be with one woman who they genuinely love and feel that that woman loves them back. That would be a dream for the vast majority of men. Why? Because unlike women, men love idealistically while women love opportunistically. It means that when a man loves a woman, he loves her for real and for the long haul. He doesn't love her based on his feelings from moment to moment or based on what she can provide for him. The opposite is true for women. Women love men based on what that man can provide for them.
The problem with this line of thinking, is that it's very selfish and it means that women are loyal to their feelings as evidence by the 80% divorce rate initiated by women. Women believe that the marriage is all about their happiness, while us men know that marriage is a sacred thing and is a long-term, and permanent thing where our happiness is not paramount. Most men are loyal to duty, and we understand that if we get married we are not always going to be happy and based on the overwhelming evidence and experience from millions of men around us, we don't expect to be happy in a marriage because we know that everything that most likely made the relationship great and exciting for us will end once we give that woman a ring, based on previous experience.
Early on in my first marriage I was pretty miserable. Our sex life was anywhere from basic to nearly non-existent. It got to the point where I slept on the sofa by choice, and no longer felt a romantic bond with my ex-wife. She was very selfish and narcissistic, but she was also painfully out of touch with reality in lacked self-awareness so she denied that she had any problems and instead blame the world. She would comment all the time that I was no longer physically or emotionally romantic with her, while forgetting to realize that she has been distant and cold with me for years. The main thing is that, even though I was miserable and was not feeling any sort of romantic love towards or from my ex-wife, the thought of divorce never crossed my mind because I knew what I was signing up for when I agreed to marry her. I knew that the marriage was not about my happiness, and it was about our covenant with God and maintaining the family. We had a young daughter, and I made the commitment to see her all the way through to adulthood. By the seven Year Mark, my ex-wife eventually acted way out of character and had an affair with her married boss. Needless to say, it nuked the marriage, and the divorce was drawn out and ugly all because she wanted to do everything in her power to cover the sky with her hands and make sure that her infidelity would never be made available to anyone. To make sure that she got to change the language in the divorce, she weaponized my daughter against me, with the assistance of the gynocentric court system.
So, no men are not scared of marriage. All Men have a reason to be scared of marriage, because it's an extremely one-sided contract that only benefits the woman irrespective of who destroys the marriage for any reason. Men need to understand that this is probably one of the most significant contracts that they can ever sign in their life, and if they choose to sign this contract with the wrong person they can irreparably ruin their life for good. So while I am still married, and love my current wife very much, I am not brain dead. If we end up divorcing I will never get married again... No matter what. And even though I'm married and believe in the sanctity of marriage, with current divorce lawyers favoring only women, I usually suggest to men to think it out before tying the knot since they can lose everything if they choose poorly.
thank you for sharing this with us man, it helps us a lot
My mother once told me: "The best thing you can do for your children, is to love your spouse." This was an excellent presentation. Thank you, Alex.
The odds are there that your wife will not love you back. After living without affection and support for years, it will wear you down.
@@racebannon96Casey Zander explains the reasons why once you love a woman (or show it) you become dust to her.
Those oneliners are actually the opposite of what Alex is trying to explain..
@@racebannon96 No doubt about that. Terrible situation.
@@WildMidwest1 WTF has happened to humanity and the human spirit ?? Geeze.
Weddings are funerals with cake.
Domestic violence against men by entitled women has been so prevalent in society over such a long period of time, that most of society now views and accepts "Wife is always right" as comedic. It's plain and simple, Domestic Violence by women against men whether it be psychological, financial is not only acceptable in modern society, but it is joked about and rewarded.
Accurate my X got arrested with insane Domestic violence charges. She broke into my house and attacked me, even stabbed me, the judge and the DA dropped all charges to a disturbing the peace misdemeanor. If I had done the same thing I would be in prison for nearly a decade.
My parents recently celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary. They have never had the toxic dynamic where she was always right. They have a respectful division of labor, each appreciating each other for their particular strengths. I feel incredibly fortunate to have them as role models. Unfortunately, my ex wife didn't have the same values. Four years into our marriage she began seeking validation from other men (I wasn't giving her the "exciting" life she wanted). She ended up cheating on me with 4 different men (and several women).
I've been married 45 years to a woman who is obsessed with me. Sex anytime I want and sometimes when I don't, takes care of the home, does things for me that I would never ask her to do . Sets my clothes out for me, buys me presents, takes me to dinner on her dime. And pays for vacations. I do pay most of the bills , but I always expected to do so. I feel like life is in easy mode . I think the reason it works is she knows I won't put up with any crap.
The good times are over. Buckle up.
17:30
_This it's probably the most important thing you've said in this entire video. a lot of men have heard variations of the phrase if you treat a woman like a queen, she'll treat you like a subject._
_It's referencing the way women approach things with their own logic. In these circumstances you are teaching a woman what your role is and how she should treat you. If you demonstrate that you are somehow beneath her, then she will treat you as if you are, because you have effectively told her to do that._
*_This applies to your marriage as well. If you behave as if your happiness does not matter, then she will take that cue and treat you as if it does not matter if you are happy. She will do things that make you unhappy, and she will do so with the approval of her own conscious, because YOU TAUGHT HER TO._*
You cannot expect dignity and honor from women as a baseline behavior. *_No one is teaching it to them._*
Good point
Very true. We aren't even allowed to judge or criticize some toxic patterns we face from them without drawing the ire of their cult like sisterhood being summoned to protect 'the queens.' The society makes it impossible for women to learn how to be decent human beings because they're too 'sacred' to be judged.
So many women are narcissist now. My late wife wasn't on social media and had a good relationship with her father and we had a good marriage until cancer took her. My second wife was an absolute narcissist control freak. I kicked her out after a year and a half.
ADVICE: Men, find a woman who
1. Is not on social media
2. Has a good relationship with her dad.
You can usually still find these women in religious circles where people today still have a moral compass.
this right here! I always give this advice to myself and others.
The sad thing is that while these guys are struggling over how to keep the marriage alive, there’s a guy (or guys) who likely had her in her prime who don’t have to deal with any of this 😂
I talked to a guy a month ago who said he hasn't had sex with his wife in 8 years. This guy is an athlete and high earner. Last time he touched her shoulder in bed to initiate she recoiled. He sleeps on the couch now. For two or three years. He said there's no point in sharing a bed. I asked him why he doesn't leave. He said because he would stop being in his kids lives. I asked why she doesn't leave him . He said because she would have to work. He stays to participate in his kids lives. She stays for money... so she doesn't have to work.
Wow that's really sad af.
This woman will still screw up his children.
He is far kinder or detached than me.
I would have taken her on a romantic ''fishing trip'', somewhere with sharks.
Scarier than any horror movie
People only make changes when the pain of the current situation is greater than the perceived pain of making the change.
In societies where men are seen as failures when ending a marriage, and women are celebrated for being strong and independent when ending a marriage, it's easy to see who will reach that tipping point first. Hence, men fight harder to fix the marriage while women have little reason to do so.
I’m actually the opposite. Every time I got into a relationship that wasn’t making me happy I left. The women couldn’t believe it.
Met a beautiful girl not too long ago and we are both enjoying each others company. Just now am I starting to realise how toxic my past relationship was. She literally asks me why I'm being so careful with my every move. I told her I need some time to fully grasp how a healthy relationship is supposed to feel.
Getting a woman to sign a contract to ensure she loves and stays loyal to you is like getting a scorpion to sign a contract to not sting you.
Or a snake to sign a contract saying it won’t bite you
Thats the thing.. Nobody should be going into Marriage thinking it has ANYTHING to do with love. It has Nothing to do with love. Its only about asset binding, and men are 90% on the losing end of that contract. Its quite literately a "bad deal" for men to sign that.
Married or not, men need to keep on thriving themselves. Hit the gym, workout, maintain a good physique, work hard to improve the business or climb the corporate ladder to make good money, have good attitudes, practice assertiveness, learn to say No often, have strong boundaries, be a social creature.......all & all show your woman (women) that with or without you, my life will go on and it will thrive. If you don't want to be part of it, then thank you very much, it's so nice knowing you, there is the exit.
Bro that is not how you do it! That’s an old way of thinking. Fellas own your own business and be your own boss and invest in technology stocks like AI, also buy rental income and save your butt off and eliminate as much debt as possible. Most important don’t get married or have kids until you are at least 40! Lastly stay in shape! Now if you manage to do all of these things and grow your business you won’t have to chase
Women they will chase you!
This is why I no longer feel that I am behind in life anymore because my complete focus is on my ambition, purpose and vision not women. Getting married and having children isn’t a priority of mine, but a bonus if it happens naturally and unexpectedly.
It’s the gift of singleness
I agree with you on the wife part, but You should have children. They’re the best form of social security when you get old. Also, you want advocate so that the nursing homes don’t abuse you. And the best advocate are your children. So maybe atleast adopt a child.
@@ngpdreamteam2k4 I'd rather take a trip to Switzerland before ending up in a nursing home.
@@ngpdreamteam2k4take the Michael Jackson route and get surrogate.
@@Laughing_Individual well, the geneva lake area is nice (take a trip with one of the great steamers like "La Suisse" of the CGN.)
But better NOT geneva itself, visit the other side of our lake. Vevey and Lausanne are nice. Best beach is Le Bouveret. Or visit Zermatt to see the Matterhorn. I'm living close to it. Have good friends at the lake Geneva.
Cordial greetings!
Géréon
"Wife is always right" is extra hilarious because 99% of wives don't use logic EVER, thereby drastically lowering the odds of being right. Glad I never married.
Watching a woman attempt to apply logic to a situation is a pretty good time though. It's like watching a toddler put on Your shoes and jacket. It's funny, cute and nothing will come of it.
That’s the point. It’s not that they’re actually always right, but if you disagree with them they will make you pay for it in the relationship.
"Happy wife, happy life" unless she's the primary aggressor.
I as a eastern guy i can say for sure that these interviewed men are not very masculine. the roles in your confused society are vague, like your laws
I'm glad the rules in your eastern country are not confusing and you are all masculine there 🤣 I assume your economy is stronger and the happiness levels are out the roof. Saying hi from an eastern corrupt country.
Communicate what you want clearly and if they refuse to put in the work, to respect and support you, leave them. You only have 1 life. The moment my ex's tried to disrespect me, or to use emotional blackmail, I left them. All of them begged to come back. Refuse. Have standards, as Alexander said. Learn to say No.
It's better to give second chances. Everybody makes mistakes (you too) and a lot of it is unconscious. So what matters is if that person fixes their ways after being told about the issue. Relationships are all about communication; incl. about problems. And what matters is the corrections made along the way. If you are expecting people to be perfect from the beginning to know everything and to have zero need to learn anything new (why would they, if they already know everything!), then you will ALWAYS fail.
@@MachoMaster I have tried that too when I was younger. They don't care. You are treated how you allow people to treat you. The moment you give in, they ask for more and more.
@@MachoMasteronly an idiot would give a cheating woman a second chance, every time you had sex you would think of the other guy getting the milk for free while you gave up your freedom to be cheated on. HARD NO !
@@MachoMaster You actually think he didn’t try that before leaving? Have you ever even been in a relationship before? His exes had plenty of chances to fix their way but refused when they were with him. 2nd chances are given IN the relationship all the time, not after. If a person is not willing to change in the relationship, do you actually expect them to do it later?
@@JeetKuneDoBelgrade
Of course you should leave people who don't care and are not fixable. But many people care and can change for the better.
Moreover, there is 0% of people who are perfect as they are and don't require limits, reality-checks, honest feedback and improvement. All of us do.
If RUclips had Oscars, this channel should get it. It's timeless, extremely relevant and entertaining. Thanks so much, Alex!
I blame men for choosing to be with a woman that made him her last choice
As Chris Rock put it, your woman will always be angry at you because you were never her first choice.
About 6 months before my ex (13 year relationship) and I split, I flat out asked her “do I disgust you?”
She answered “yes!”
Background: she’d been having an affair.
Well it's always men's fault not theirs 🤡
You're right Alex, marriage is a duty for us. I see the 'Emotional abuse' discrepancy at the end, and I'm thinking this _should_ be higher for men but we do not perceive it as abuse because: a) Women's natural skills of gaslighting and b) The duty we feel for the woman/family. Sexless marriages, cold shoulders, disrespect, the constant uphill battles for defusing this week's drama, the number of hoops men must jump and endure, are endless. However we don't divorce them for this reason, *but* it's still happening.
We, men, gave women too much power, and now they're acting as uncontrollable spoiled brats.
My sister literally confessed to me that she can't stand it when her husband is in the house. She wants him at work 24/7 while she's at home on her phone all day.
A lot of women are like that.
Did you ask why?
@@Aladius Don't have to. We already know why. Women don't love men, they love what men provide. As long as he's making money for her to spend, why have to put up with him at all? She just wants a workhorse and walking ATM.
@@GTRNights she sounds like a real prize
Sounds like a traditional woman!
Women have an entirely different approach to things like "duty" and "honour" - they feel no shame in ditching an inconvenient responsibility, and can find a way to "justify" any lie or any broken promise.
I wasn't surprised when I got divorced by my ex-wife who wasn't happy. She blamed God and said that He wanted her to be happy and because she wasn't happy it was okay to divorce. Talk about a cultural distortion of Christian values. 😂
I married someone knowing it was going to be tough because of her behaviors and her family. I slogged through the hard times and learned I needed to get better at setting boundaries to protect my own happiness and sanity. Ultimately, setting these boundaries made our marriage phenomenally healthier and we started getting along great. Ultimately, our marriage didn't get healthier in the way she had determined it had to with her in control and able to manipulate my feelings however she wanted. If she wanted me sad I needed to be sad. If she wanted me angry I needed to be angry. By instituting healthy boundaries she no longer had control of my moods and the ability to turn herself into a victim by me saying something rash and semi-hurtful after listening to her tear me down for 30 minutes.
Once she lost that power she couldn't re-orient to this new respectful type of relationship. Her history with men all the way back to her childhood was based in this emotional manipulation tactic. Despite every part of our relationship being tangibly healthier she couldn't accept it and therefore wasn't "happy."
When the divorce papers came, I wasn't surprised, just saddened. I had trusted her commitment to Christian values despite knowing the marriage would have its challenges. Unfortunately, her commitment was flawed. I should have realized that knowing about her past relationships.
The worst part wasn't even the marriage and divorce but custody court afterward for the next 3 years. By far the biggest character test I've ever gone through in my life. Even my lawyer told me I had the "patience of a Saint." I am not an extremely patient man or vice versa but I do understand being in control through difficult situations. Anyway, I already had a disappointed outlook on how marriagable women were these days and now that's been exacerbated.
I did almost all the things he mentioned here but he's right, she was a bottomless pit. The end was inevitable.
I’m so sorry for you man.
Excellent video. It's all about compromise and respect on both sides. Happiness is usually a state of mind on how you deal with reality. There are plenty of people miserable visiting Disney and plenty of folks making a good time out of their flight being delayed 4 hours.
Charlie Kirk nailed it recently:
The groom wears black,bc it's the funeral of his ego and the irresponsible boy that he's been.
The bride wears white,cause she wants to point out the princess she thinks to deserve to be treated as. Forever.
First comes the Wedding-Ring then comes the Suffer-Ring.
Great video! I've heard this BS from women about their relationships: I'm not happy so I have to end it. Me me me... I was silent hearing that. The best thing when those women came to me crying later they want their ex back and my response was: You f... up so deal with it and if you have a bit of decency don't try to screw that mens life again.
Maybe that is why I have so few female friends 😂 Don't regret it.
My experience - one girl told me she was unhappy and wanted to split. The reason of her lack of happiness was her mother hating me and her friends being scared of me.
I said to her: Go but don't ever contact me again. 3 months later I was bombarded by her. I've blocked her phone, her on social media but still before Christmas, my Birthday etc. I get text messages from unknown phone numbers but the style of messages are hers. I keep ignoring her but the messeges keep on coming.
Hoovering 101
The more I research the topic of marriage, the clearer it becomes it's an outdated legal institution, no longer serving a legitimate function.
Originally, the marriage served as symbol of financial responsibility. Typically, It signaled the transfer of responsibility for a girl, now woman, from her father to her husband. This arrangement, this institution, existed in a time when women didn't have the right to private ownership, they could not earn a living by any reasonable means.
Later on, woman gained emancipation, which in large part meant they gained the right to private ownership, they could work for a living much like a man could. This should've meant a complete rework of how the institution worked, but it didn't happen. Men continued to have the same responsibilities as before.
Later still, in the english speaking world at least, the family laws become corrupted to the point that marriage basically became an indentured servitude contract for men. This is why we have the memes of grooms being dragged back into the marriage by the bride. It no longer contains any benefits for men, only for woman.
Indeed, family law isn't even something that exists to protect children anymore, nothing is more devastating for a child's psyche than seeing their parents go to war with each other. The US family law system is heinous, it designed in such a way as to generate as much strife as possible. Good for lawyers wallets, very bad for people, especially their children.
I can't point to the exact moment marriage become completely outdated as an institution, there is no fixed point, but it is clear today, it serves no function anymore.
What is clear, is something already being observed here in Norway(probably western europe as a whole, but not sure): People simply don't bother with getting married. The reason is that getting married doesn't mean much legally anymore, it's little more than an excuse to throw a party. What marriage previously governed, have been replaced by legal frameworks engineered to solve particular problems, without creating an avenue for abuse. For instance, in case of a divorce, we do not have an equivalent to the notion of alimony, it isn't a thing. In case of children(this is a big one), the default assumption is 50/50 custody now, which in turn means child support is rarely an issue, as the question child support is only applicable if the children is not with each parent equally. And when it's applied, we are talking relatively small fixed amounts of money anyway, these amounts being defined in law. This in turn means the massive legal dramas of the US simply don't occur, the legal system doesn't allow for it.
So in short, marriage is unimportant here, so people don't bother with it. Some might see this as sad thing, but it is the logical endpoint once female emancipation became a thing. The alternative is the toxic institution it has become in the english speaking world, the US being the prime example.
I think it was good that my parents limited my TV when I was young lol. I wanted to take care of my spouse like my Mom did my dad. He did nothing in the home since he worked 12 hours days. She never really worried about money and he never worried about the house.
I think it was in the book "No More Mr Nice Guy" where it was said that guys break up 5 times in their heads before they actually break up. It's so disheartening to see so many women just being bored or just wanting the divorce. (No fault divorce) Meanwhile, they gaslight every men saying that divorces happen because of abuse and assault.
The lack of accountability is also the reason for why so many female characters are terribly written. Characters who refuse to take accountability for their mistakes cannot learn from them, and therefore cannot have character arcs. It doesn’t matter if she’s a Mary Sue, or a Damsel in Distress: Both are static and refuse to change.
Hardly any wife loves her husband. Thats the truth.
The last graph is very interesting. Particularly that "emotional abuse" skews the most as a reason for women getting a divorce and "spouse's sexual infidelity" being (slightly) more commonly cited by men.
I'm also fairly curious about the 1% of men who divorced their wives because of _her_ porn addiction, but that's a bit beside the point
Isn’t withholding sex the same as emotional abuse? I thought it would rank higher in the list for men. I’m guessing men don’t rank it high enough to get a divorce over.
“Her porn addiction” = Only Fans
@@geraldgrogan Might be the same, but that's not how men are conditioned to see it. Lack of sex is just what happens in marriage.
Women quite often claim physical or emotional abuse in order to gain sole parental rights of children, or just as a means to try and get more from the divorce. Or as a self-justification that they can use in their social circles. I would be curious how much of that number is false.
Men are conditioned to be tough, stoic and responsible or in short to man up. Things aren't expected to be easy and so we seek to overcome and solve whatever problem. Looking back one of the things that disgust me most is the fact that whenever I finished something and decided to sit she would erupt like it's criminal to not be always serving her. And yes, she left. And has already said several times it was a poor decision and asked to get back. I disagree, it was the best decision ever.
It's not just toward women. It's towards employers, businesses etc. A local restaurant behaved like they did us a favor each time we went. Haven't been back there in years. Left a job where the boss treated me like he did me a favor by hiring me for one that paid less but treated me with respect like I'm part of the team. I don't need favor and if you think or feel like you're doing me a favor I didn't ask for the do me a favor, don't.
I didn't go into marriage expecting it to be a bad run. It turned into that a few years after. I never thought it would be a bad thing. If I had, I wouldn't have gotten married.
That’s excellent advice and distinction “her happiness is not your responsibility but it is your problem”
💯
Talk to her to resolve the issue:
Him: "What's wrong honey?"
Her: "Nothing."
Him: "You seem upset. Can I help?"
Her: "I'm fine."
Him: "Well ok, when you want to talk, I am here."
Her: "If you don't know what is wrong, I am not telling you. If you loved me you would just know."
Or:
Her: "We need to talk."
Him: "Ok, that's usually a bad sign."
Her: **nags for 2 hours**
Him: **zones out after being called an insecure man baby a million times.**
🤷♂
Lesson learned! If you do not want to be miserable for the rest of your life and loose 50% of everything you own... Stay single, why risk it?
Leave the misery to the people that are not watching / subscribed to this channel. 😉
Human kind will survive and "we" will have a peaceful life filed with the things that we like.
I understand the communication Alexander. If a man has been married for any real length of time, I assure you. He has suffered beyond imagination. He understands the threat of loss. People say women are more mentally tough. It’s a very real lie. Threat of loss destroys a man’s life. Threat of loss evens out a woman’s mind and puts her life in the right context. She works to gain security. A man is already stable because he knows he creates his own security.
It’s a dynamic. What you are saying is somewhat correct. Listening yes. Hearing, yes. Helping her fix an emotional state…no. You just can’t make it worse using your emotional state of frustration or anger or some other state.
The threat of loss must always rest in her. She actually can thrive that way and actually feel closer to you. It’s an interesting phenomena and dynamic. You must always be representative of her survival. And be that key to her survival.
There is one fact that took me a long time to truly get, understand and believe in. It’s very powerful but seems brutal to us as men because we are linear thinkers.
“A woman left to her own devices…will destroy herself.”
"So get divorced," is what people always say. In the USA, he will lose the house HE bought and paid for, lose access to his kids, and will have to give up HALF his income to an ex until she dies or remarries
It's still often worth it. All the money in the world can't buy you a new lifetime. Often men use finances as an excuse for not having the balls to walk away. But if he stays, how much of 'his' wealth does he get to spend on himself?
@@varmastiko2908 great points
Gradual collective action of American men opting out needs to hit a high
@@pneumaticFrequencyWhy American men specifically? Isn't this a worldwide problem that is mostly only absent from third world countries?
@@varmastiko2908 US marriage laws are brutal, no delay on her being able to rob you or common law in places is terrible if you ask me
The real issue you don't cover is that you CANNOT make a woman happy. You can keep trying but you cannot actually to do it as she will always find another reason to be unhappy. And, as the paradox of modern relationships have shown, the MORE you try to make her happy, the WEAKER you appear in her eyes.
He did cover that.
It's about the expectations going in. Marriage has those false perceptions that women are the prize, and men are there to serve her. I don't have one of those marriages. I am with a woman that let's me lead without a hard time. The biggest problem is men aren't making themselves the prize. You have to stand up for yourself and put your foot down. You can't break. If a woman doesn't treat you like the prize, leave her because eventually she'll leave you.
When you give someone everything they want they lose the positive stress of challenge.
She will get bored and seek stimulation elsewhere.
Make people work to have the things they want and they will likely show a greater deal of appreciation.
I've always told people that love is sacrificial at its root. Recently I shared this opinion with my sister and she fundamentally disagreed with me. Guess I should've known it's only sacrificial for the man 😅
thats why you must never go into a loveless relationship
Well most women don't and won't love most men.
They get stuck in their highest setting when they spend their youth sleeping around, and resent the "low quality" man who will commit to her and adore her, and abandon her like the high status guys.
However, beware of love bombing.
The Mentality of modern women? if he did nothing wrong and the relationship is fine, leave him anyway because you can do better. I feel so bad for men growing up in these modern times getting married and being dumped for no reason. Well she got bored and she seen someone on social media that is more attractive and makes more money. This is the mindset of modern women.
One of your best vids, Alexander. Very succinct and poignant. Perfect for any man thinking about marriage or even in one.
I relate to most of it. The crusher is: you can only be rejected for so long...
I've really never understood how all these "manly" men just become slaves for their wives today, it's so pathetic that it's no wonder the wife ends up cheating on them half the time. Are people so afraid of being alone that they really accept being completely miserable for decades instead?
Yes
Women treat their husbands badly for one and only one reason, they want to justify their cheating. When I was working as an engineer for a large corporation, for some reason the women would come to me with all their problems. I think it was because they viewed me as safe, that is, because I would keep their conversations confidential. Anyway, at the bottom of all their complaints about how terrible their husbands were to them was a simple fact, they were having an affair. I think in their mind they justified their cheating by telling another person why they were doing it, as if I was a priest taking a confession. And if was the same for every case.
Ive seen and heard these type of women, considering i had the rep as a good listener. The stories ive heard, are outlandish.
Wow! Women are dark creatures. I firmly believe without patriarchial control from strong men and patriarchial society devoid of feminin, women act as dark destructive creatures and they destroy human society. It is happening right before our eyes. Solution is obviously restoration of patriarchy. It is men's fault that men relinquished the control (after bring guilted by Feminsim) to women. Men can fix is by being the leaders again.
This “ball and chain” gave me 4 wonderful children !
But then again, I am divorced, and as a 50-year-old I’m living the best solo life.
Im just an old retired guy, but on thing I know for sure, you have to be willing to walk away. If you’re not, you’re just a slave to her manipulation. If you are, and you should always have a plan for this, you will recover your power.
Divorce laws are huge part of what keeps a lot of men in a crap relationship.
So… the key to a good marriage is a woman that can hold herself accountable. And what percentage of women hold themselves accountable?
Marriage is a failure designed to appease women and it even fails to do that.
2 or 3 percent...and declining fast
When you let people do what they WANT to do, it shows you what they'd RATHER do. Men give women that space and of course, they reveal what they really wanted the whole time. You were just the MARK in the CON. She saw your assets, she saw your weaknesses, she saw your value and she decided how to PLAY you. She used tears, iniquity, charms, tricks and favors to trick you into a legal contract and once that line was crossed, she morphed back into her original form.
there are only 2 outcomes to marriage. divorce, or remain married, and be miserable.
And this is why I'll never consider marrying again.
The first measure to fix marriage in the western world is to bring back at fault divorce. This will make people more careful of who you marry but also make divorce the end result of a failing marriage and working about fixing marital issues first.
I took the leadership role, got her to go to a therapy group for women. Turns out they were fourth wave feminist. Time together does not equate meaning, it was just the feeling that she had so other people got her to think about other feelings that are crazy ones
You will be hard pressed to find anywhere a therapist who's not a radical feminist - regardless of the therapist's sex. Some exist but they are as rare as hens teeth.
I never tolerated BS, or being in a relationship that was a drag, constant drama, no support, etc. Men should wake up indeed. But I was indeed surprised and reasoned as in 11:17 when the mother of my (our) kids so easily threw it all "to be happy".
I love Alexander Grace's videos! I learn so much from this guy. I wish I had had his videos when I was a younger man years ago.
Let me tell you a quick story about how a carefree guy like me moved to a different state in the US, and life was good for a while. However, after my first kid, things took a turn. My wife, in competition with her sister, wanted a second child. I insisted we weren't ready, but she wouldn't listen. Gradually, she started rejecting my advances, and after a few years, I no longer have feelings for her. I'm now exploring a career path that allows me to go anywhere in the world. While I'll continue to be a father and support my first child, my mind is already set, and I've mentally checked out of the relationship. The next step will be a physical departure once my finances are ready.
The reason why marriages these days don't work is exactly what you said, expectations. I also feel like the mentality of not being happy and always wanting more is something that has to do with it. Hell, even letting yourself influence or relay too much on your close female friends' "advice" causes a lot of problems. Lastly, the commitment and not being "free" if they had a lifestyle full of hookups is an important factor cause that alone says a lot about women. Society is heading or has already headed to a much worse state than the times were our parents lived in. It's disgusting
this is gold. should be mandatory viewing for everyone
This video will stop a man from considering marriage.
I don't put up with the Dadvocate! I cheer her on. She's got a whole lot of common sense.
Everything about this video are the reasons why at the age of 52, I never married and never wanted to. I watched with my own eyes many men get wrecked in marriage and I can see most men are not happy in their marriages. One reason men are not divorcing women is at 13:05 of this video. The courts wreck men in divorce. For all the younger guys reading this, don't get married guys. As MHD says, "protect yourself at all times".
Fellas always put yourself first!
18:33 the huge flaw, which invalidates that graph, is "I just wasn't happy anymore." isn't on it. I suppose if it was, there'd be a huge red spike that dwarfs all the others.
I think the fundamental error is our views on what marriage is about.
Marriage is about creating a family to raise kids.
Wish we men talk more to each other over the generations. We dont but.... perhaps it will start now. Thanks
Wow! Awesome video. Extremely clarifying. Loved it. Thanks, so much!
In my experience a woman’s happiness is often even more important than the wellbeing of her children.
Many men, and women, will stay in a cold marriage to preserve the assets. Divide them in two and both become much poorer/renters when they have paid off all their mortgage and debts. It's called an endurance marriage and I've seen these enough to know one when I see one.
Divorced with a pre-nup. I lost nothing, but if I did, I'm not going on Tiktok to cry about it. That's what women do. Put your life back together and make it better than it was before, it can be done.
This is one of your really good ones Alex👏🏻👏🏻