Does this explain the problems in your life?
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- Опубликовано: 18 дек 2023
- Everyone in life faces problems of different sizes and specifics. They show up throughout our entire life, and it's easy to get into obsessive thinking or become overly focused on our past mistakes or problems. Sometimes we can get stuck in obsessive thoughts about issues in our life, and we can focus too much on our problems -- trying to figure out how to solve them, what we could have done differently, or why the problem exists. While it's great to look at our problems or issues in life, we can get to a place where we spend so much time thinking about them that we start living our life fully in the problem. You may feel like you have too many problems in your life, find yourself obsessing over past mistakes, or thinking my life is so hard. When is it too much when it comes to focusing on your problems, and what you can do instead? Am I making my life harder? Am I the problem? I'll provide some mental health and life tips on how to find more freedom in your daily life and shift to the solution.
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Focusing on the problem is really killing me inside. Even though there's always a solution, sometimes, I'm always afraid of the results will be.
Wowwwwww
Yup , I have become my dysfunction . Now what ?
🎯
Totally!! The results can feel so unknown that we just stay in our problems.. you can try a CBT technique called playing it out. Where you consider the best case, worse case, and most likely case. That can help us see what potential results there could be and help us move through the fear. xooxox
@@Katimorton got it! Thank you.
The great animator Chuck Jones was a guest instructor at a life-drawing session once, and a student asked him what to do when confronted with the notorious problem of the model's knee pointed straight at you- famously hard to draw. Chuck said "Get up and move! Find a better angle!" Sometimes the problem is all in how you choose to view it.
I’ve always been the person people vent to. I stopped giving advice years ago when I realised that people are just going to do what they want anyway. I like your explanation that they have to come to the conclusion themselves when they are ready. My issue is that I’m not comfortable talking about my problems. And when I get sick of listening to other people’s issues because I have my own, I become distant and the other person can’t figure out why.
So relatable! I've always been that person too, and several years ago I finally realized that people aren't asking "what should I do?" - they're actually asking "do you approve of what I'm going to do?" No matter my response, they will do what they want to do anyway. It certainly helps me retain more of my emotional energy in all of these sorts of conversation, because I know they aren't wanting to hear me , they just want me to listen and keep my mouth shut.
I relate so much to that. 😳
Back in my late teens and early 20s I had a pattern of thinking that I was a problem to those around me and that I was socially unworthy of anyone’s acceptance and found myself trying to figure out what it could be about me that is causing people not to gravitate towards me, which led me to be extra vigilant of how I came across in the presence of people and now at age 32 while I still have such patterns of thinking, I have become better about not worrying too much about how I come across and have learned to be more spontaneous.
No matter what you’ve been through. No matter what has been done to you by others. At the end of it all you are the only one who can stand up and take responsibility for where you are, who you are, and what you have done. Personally, I have had horrible things done to me and experienced traumas that make it hard for other people to identify with or sometimes even understand, what I’ve been through. (literally the most common response I get to sharing parts of my story is “I can’t identify with any of that” or ”I have no frame of reference for that type of pain”) I am the only one responsible for where I am and my circumstances. I’m also the only one able to change them. There’s no excuses, although there is one hell of a story, no one is willing, nor can they, take responsibility for me but me. That’s how you stand up against the rising of the tide.
I overthink issues and am a people pleaser, and have PTSD from my past. But my therapist has been helping me.
I am so glad you have a good therapist who is helpful!! xoxo
SO TRUE! My therapist has asked me "do you have depression and anxiety or do you DO depression and anxiety?" Not to dismiss the very real genetic components of mental illness, but through this question I realized how much of a self-fulfilling prophecy I was creating. I like to be the person with mental health challenges. I need to ask myself why I do that all the time.
Problems never go away. There is no happily ever after. That is fantasy thinking. Instead of wanting to be happy, for the sake of problems going away, ask yourself what problems are you willing to tolerate in life? Once you find that, find what problems you don't currently have. I know I'm never going to get rid of my anxiety entirely, but I'm willing to have it bc it makes me more observant, introspective, and creative. I can tolerate it bc I have been. You're alot stronger than you think.
Yes! So much so! I'm an introvert so after I leave a conversation I feel disconnected and disgusting because I didn't feel like I was being myself but I was? It so weird.
“See how often the simple solution eludes us.” Words to consider a lot of the time. It’s not ALWAYS a good idea to decide something isn’t a problem, but sometimes rethinking the problem and possible solutions is worthwhile. Maybe there’s another path?
So important. I could write a book in response, but I’ll just say after several years of necessary therapy and growth as a person, I’ve gotten good at distinguishing between things I need to analyze about myself and things I just don’t. Example: I really like buying used things and clothes. I could worry that I don’t think I DESERVE new things, but the truth is that I just like shopping and using used stuff. It’s fun. When I NEED a new thing and can afford it, I usually just buy it. Thx for this video. So good. 💙
That’s a good question, I think it depends on the problem itself.
Agreed. xoxo
Self-centeredness is caused by fear. Fear of getting hurt or doing something wrong which could cause someone to hurt us. It all starts here. The coping mechanisms are about protecting ourselves, surviving. So we are still in survival mode. A way of doing things we adopted as very small children. We are looking at the world through the eyes of a very small defenseless child. All children know parents are there to love and take care of them. When that doesn't happen the child blames herself. She knows deep down she is unworthy, defective, and unlovable. Usually there is outside reinforcement of that thought. To survive she must adapt herself to her environment. Make herself pleasant and useful. Become a perfectionist so as not to displease and risk getting hurt.
Honestly my life was better before I focussed intensely for 3-4 years on understanding the narcissistic family system I came from, and my apparent neurodiversity. And I'm only just getting started on the "what do you do about it" chapter. Back when my life was better, I was 20kg overweight, drinking almost every night, smoking, and sleeping very badly. I was also employed. Currently I have the best physical, mental (and dental!) health of my life, but I will be spending Christmas alone, I have no job, and I am about to run out of money. Life was honestly more comfortable when I had no boundaries, and didn't say "no". Riddle me that!
I think i know what you mean ... when it is all bottled up, and you just 'endure' it, you find a way to just carry on. once you start healing, you feel all the problems and get overwhelmed.
I have been 'going through it' for maybe 9 months now, since finally working out that I am autistic ... also now discovered that I am alexithymic due to my 'less than ideal' childhood. I am amazed that I still have a job as my job performance has dropped off a cliff.
@@Touay. My story is exactly the same as yours, my life has actually got so much worse since I started therapy, prior to therapy I was a gym addict that was my coping method. My job performance has absolutely gone down the pan since starting therapy. I think the biggest issue with therapy is there is no structure, there should be mandatory monthly reviews to see if the client is progressing or regressing, my therapist suggested that I visited escorts too which has ruined me financially.
@@user-kt5ij2sj8t sorry to hear of your difficulties .... i don't know what to suggest, but i'm shocked your therapist suggested escorts!!
Stay strong on Christmas. You are so loved ❤️. Merry (early) Christmas.
@@user-kt5ij2sj8tthat's a coaching tool. See what your therapist says about it
There is a difference of making our problem not a problem VS making other's problem about us not a problem. It's respect.
Yup. I feel this. I need this connection but I'll self-sabatoge and think there's a problem where there isn't socially. Now, the moments when it all clicks? Yeah, I realize how much I missed having those friendships.
I think you nailed it with the people pleasing and wanting to be liked. I carry a lot of this on my back and dissolving it slowly but surely. This desire to be liked causes the back of my mind to want to get into a relationship, one that's idealized, and where I'm being showered with attention. That's such a destructive way of existence, plus I don't even want a relationship now (because this wouldn't be healthy for either side). All of that just as a pathetic proof for my brain that I'm being liked. That's placing so much into someone else's hands they'd break sooner or later. I hope to finally be able to break out of this way of thinking and be able to be me without the constant looking out for somebody that would shower me with their attention and praise.
I have a hypothesis that being diagnosed with a mental illness or more than one mental illness in childhood or adolescence increases the length of one's treatment before they no longer qualify for that illness or even before the symptoms decrease in severity. I was diagnosed with panic disorder when I was 13 or 14. Then depression and agoraphobia when I was 14-15. Generalized anxiety came next, and social anxiety, and persistent depression, OCD, ADHD, and BPD. I experienced psychosis at one point, too.
Over time I managed to overcome the panic disorder and agoraphobia. But the rest have remained and only increased in severity. I've been in and out of the hospital, on countless meds, did TMS, and seen more therapists than I care to remember. A lot of the therapy I received was unhelpful.
At the same time, I was internalizing my diagnoses and they became my identity. I'm 28 now and still terrified to change anything. I'm scared of more false promises and misplaced optimism by therapists and other professionals. I'm terrified of relapsing since that was the theme back when I was much younger: improve for a couple months, relapse. Improve a few months later, relapse. And so on and so forth.
After a while, I pretty much gave up entirely. When I was 19ish I had my then-boyfriend and a friend of his tell me that I didn't even want to be happy. I was horrified they would even say such a thing, but in the years following, I realized they were partially right. I've been torn in two different directions for years now: sadness and anxiety and isolation being part of my identity and the desire to retain all of that, and the innate biological desire for connection and happiness. Most of my intellectual self, my consciousness, I suppose, or my ego, favors the former part. Staying sad. Staying miserable.
At this point, I have no idea what I'm going to do. I'm in DBT right now but have no interest in using skills except in serious emergencies---like, I'm-about-to-hurt-myself type stuff. I don't have a happy ending for anyone reading this far unfortunately. I'm terrified of recovery because I don't want to be "normal". I don't want to work. I don't want to connect with people. I don't want to be a "happy person". I don't want to take risks. In every sense of the word, I'm done. It's mostly my innate survival mechanisms keeping me alive, and the desire to spare my family guilt. I don't even care that much about my friends lol. I'm not super close to any of them so if I die, they'll just have to cope. This is how badly mental illness has destroyed my life.
My difficulty is alexithymia ... I don't understand what upsets me and i tie myself in knots trying to work it out... Currently paying for some very expensive* therapy to try and resolve things! *the joys of trying to find someone with expertise in Autism, PTSD and childhood emotional neglect/abuse.
I feel you! I benefited from somatic therapy to learn nervous system responses. I needed to be better regulated before I could decouple the emotions. Polyvagal theory videos are super friendly for your budget if you can’t go to somatic therapy. Also, with alexithymia, have you ever thought that maybe the standard wheel of emotions was made by a neurotypical? I feel that may be true. 🤔
Only someone who has been through similar abuse and healed and turned their hand to assisting others can ever hope to understand and ensure you are safe from re-traumatization by well-meaning but clueless therapists.
Love the way you said, don’t internalise your diagnosis. You are not BPD/schizophrenic/…, you are so and so with a disorder.
I find it hard to get a balance of what you are talking here. Some days I feel like I’m so dramatic and over focused on my stuff when I see others who are much worse off. And so I just throw all my thoughts out and count them as ridiculous. Then on other days I feel like I actually AM that emotional disaster person who has hurt her kids and has got to pick up the broken pieces. And then I just want to pack up and run….
Where I live therapy is a tricky issue. Lot of stigma plus from experience the therapists have got a very surface base knowledge or experience with personality disorders.
But - I keep watching your channel and others 😊, thanks a lot Kati for your valuable content.
It can be hard to remember not to make our diagnosis who we are.. and BPD can especially be tricky because we feel everything so intensely. I am so glad my content has been helpful!! xoxo
Thank you so much for this video!!
I am on a quest expsresing explicit thankfulness to any youtubers who helped me process throught my extremely hard mental helath yourney of this year. You are one of best youtubers challengeing my rationalizing ass into accepting feelings matter, and I should dive deeper into that part of my personality. You helped me immensly in accepting my emotions. Hugh shout out to you. Keep up the good work Kati. Great channel. Take care.
One of the biggest problems I have is an inability to slow down. I graduated from high school in 2011, but that school damaged me heavily. I struggled with the fast pace of the school system and couldnt keep up, but my stepmom always made me feel like I wasnt trying hard enough. I know this isnt a problem for everyone. That was obvious by my brothers and sisters, but it was a problem for me that broke me to this day.
Thank you so much for all your videos they are so heartfelt and authentic I very much appreciate your hard work on this channel it makes a difference in my experience
Yes was going to do a video on this but glad to have found you did it because it is literally one of the things that we see in leadership too. The failure to respond appropriately and the inability to act…getting stuck on the problem!!! We need more info around this, thank you!
I was scared to watch this. Wasn't sure if I was in an emotional state able to hear that I'm the problem. But something was standing out to me so I forced myself to click on it. Got an answer to something I'm working on with the whole intellectualization thing. I already took some notes, but could watch this a few more times. Best video of yours I've seen, and I rank it somewhere in the top 5 most helpful videos I've seen on RUclips. Great stuff, thank you.
Very well said! Thanks for sharing, this was very insightful.
As my mom used to say
"It takes a problem to kill a problem"
I'm so emotional watching this. The whole thing resonated so hard. THANK YOU for making this. I really don't have the words to express the A-ha moment I am having, how you just unlocked something in me that I really think might help me make significant life changes for the better. Thank you so much Kati. ❤❤❤❤❤
Wisdom is more precious than gold!
Hope you're feeling better Kati.
For me, the only consistency in my life is people who cancel on me (especially last minute) and other bad things.
You are just so damn relatable! Thank you! You keep it simple; you’re a lot like me. I appreciate you and your expertise!
Expectation is the thief of joy! Cheers!
Hello lady,
Thanks for the upload, you deserve to be happier, it's frustrating but in the end it's your life, enjoyyy
You're awesome Kati
For me, i feel like I don’t have any control and then when unfortunate things happen, I just get frustrated and let it get to me. I want control but life sadly doesn’t work that way
My Dearest Kati,
I hope you read this. I have been following you since 2017 and you helped me a lot with my life. First of all thank you so much for that!
I neednto make a negative comment about this video tho. This zoom in and zoom out shootings make me feel dizy. Please don’t do that. I want to keep watching you but it is making it so hard for me. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Our parents, narcissistic step brothers,their friends ,class mates,our friends,relatives,society is our major problems 😊
Hi Kati! Thanks for creating these videos on YT. whenever I get sad, lonely or emotional I always go to your channel and watch some of your videos because theyre not only relatable but also they're honest and genuine. ❤ Youre a God sent. 🙌
Aww I am so glad I can be there when you need!!! xoxo
She's goddess sent, and not religious!🫀💞
Yesterday I can't go sleep it was 2pm when I went aslleep. Overthinking comes again but I almost thinked this going in good way.
Regards for everybody
Katiiiiiiiiiiii🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Great content, you always hit the dot of where I can use sum awareness
Aww yay!!! So glad I could help :) xoxo
Thank you Kati
Even though I have dignosed with Bipolar disorder I and BPD I have not taken any session since September 2018 even when my best friend passed away such I forgat my illnese.
Thanks so much. Those were excellent examples. I think it's both me and not. I'm looking to improve and assume trade-iff!
Considering the circumstances currently going through with family member, focusing on the individuals problems not only ruins that persons life, but many others associated with that member of the family.
My therapist latches on quick to the easy/low hanging fruit solutions. It has been really helpful to help me sift through “normal” issues and “CPTSD” issues. That’s a simplification, but I’m very grateful for it.
Yes.
As a senior who has gone though talk therapy and self analysis for years and is done with those things, I must say that the very focus of modern, abnormal psychology, is part of the problem. It focuses us on the idea of separate selfhood as if we are not conditioned, sociopolitical beings. We are, in fact. Problems never seem to stem from society, they all point back to this lone individual, you, even though we are all always reacting to the greater environment and all its signals...
My wonderful therapist has told me all along:: I need to heal me, SHE IS JUST MY PERSONAL GPS- guiding me.. very intuitive & I NEVER WANTED ANYONE TO HEAL ME, it’s my job to make my life happy/ grateful/ compassionate..etc…🎉
Nice sweater. Looks good on Kati.
Kati Morton.this video is so relatable to me and triggering too I'm always getting caught up in my problems often get lost in my identity also as i try to resolve the things iv done and been though i am always left overthinking everything leaving me feeling emotional ❤❤❤
I'm finding that I need to check my expectations when I feel trapped. Good enough is full victory more often than I expect!
I always please my parents & family members all the time, even if i dont feel right with certain stuff, and then later i jst become super depressed😢😢
Sometimes, I don't want a solution? An interesting viewpoint that required some introspection on my part.
Think positive ❤ Be Kind 24/7 but it's hard to be consistent like if you can score your basketball points down the stretch to take over games and win it's ying yang hard.
I've internalized the negative feedback as a kid told I should put others first and be humble, but in a way that was more 'think less about yourself, self sacrifice is noble, and pride and being happy about yourself and what you do is arrogance' kind of way. The result of internalizing that is that I don't do anything unless it's for somebody else, even self care. And anything that I do that others tell me I should value, I don't, because I did it, it can't have been that good if a nobody with no value can do it.
It has elements of this videos topic mix in there too, where I recently had somebody offer to buy a single photo of mine for my monthly food budget worth of pay, It's one of 100s of photos I took while homeless living out of my car traveling across country... And I don't think of them as art because I didn't struggle to make them from scratch like I would with a painting or sculpture. I'm not a photographer, I just have 100s of pretty pictures I took all over the US with a thrift store camera. lol. Real art is something you make from ingredient with lots of time and effort and complicated techniques... but if I can do something it can't be complicated or involve much effort because I'm not better than anyone at anything, anyone could do the things I do, so they are not worth anything.
What you see is unique to you. If one of your images resonates with another person who values it enough to pay for it, congratulations. The equipment was the right choice for what you were doing. An imperfect interesting image is always better than a perfect boring one.
Art is about seeing yourself in something that is not you. It is instant soul connection. Your image made someone feel connected to something, and they valued that, and want to reward you for the value your photo - which didn't feel like work to make but produced the effect anyway - brought to them. A bigger question: why do you believe that only struggle can bring value? What if your ikigai is found in ease?
I think our egos really want to maintain status quo and it struggles to compromise. Anything from interpersonal to personal matters.
I do not appreciate AA saying I'm an alcoholic. I use I experience alcoholism. Good video Katie
Our brain is kind of an enemy I believe. It is geared to remain always in a comfort zone. That's the main problem. All the rest that always come up in our life are in orbit with this fact. It needs practice to be able to evolve and overcome bad toxic situations in our life. We have to use our brain to be our servant. For whatever nightmare we live, in our daily life, it is wise to face it with our soul and not our mind. Our mind is one our soul's instruments and nothing more. The key, in general, is to be right with your consciousness. All starts from there. And then deal with whatever bad issue. And when we reach at a point where we are in position to observe our feelings, that's an indication we're in a good path. Always a good and appropriate therapist may be a life saver. It may be like an angel whispering in your ears and save your life.
It took me many years to realize I am the problem. ✌🐺
I didn’t have to deal with having a connection with someone because I didn’t like it in the first place I don’t need to socialize as much as other people and I don’t need validation from no one in the end I know who I am and I’m confident of myself
I have had a chaotic life for the past couple of years. I was simultaneously dumped and made homeless. They say that humans are a social species and that humans need acceptance from their fellow humans. I have never felt part of society, or like a valued partner in my past marriage, I am a stranger to my biological family. I'm rapidly approaching a change in myself but I'm not entirely sure of what I'm changing into. I think these and similar things to death without ever finding a solution because I don't know the root of it. I think I would rather be alone in the world now. I don't want anyone to see me or speak to me. People act like it is snobbery but I don't ignore them, I think it would be better for me to be negative space, like a human outline containing nothing but the blackest void.
When something like this came up in a session, I would often ask my client to do something totally impossible, like paint the moon purple. When they said it was impossible, then I'd say "Well, you're not pleasing me now." They would then have to relate this to their own situation and how sometimes others would use emotional blackmail to manipulate them.
I am the pained one. Stuck in the wall awaiting someone to open me and yell out my frustrations for me. Squirt me with the windex and squeak me clean. I am the pained one.
Ultimately, you have control over your state of mind and what you dwell on. Consciously exercising this option only strengthens your resolve when issues come up that you want to let go of. You are in control.
Hi Dr. Kati. Im a 17 year old guy. this year i had multiple depressive episodes. But the one im going through right now seems unbearable. My grades have dropped significantly as I shifted from my home city for sake of studies and to live with my dad. I don't know why I feel that I'm a failure and whatever things I do, either be it Journaling or Hitting the gym, nothing seems to be working. I feel that I waste everybody's time. My dad said yesterday that He doesn't like the way I look and talk. he said that I talk about airplanes without doing any work for buying the tickets. he also said to me that he can sense that Im not gonna make it to anywhere in my life. And I also think that Im a pretty big burden on them. I have achieved nothing in life. My eyes, teeth and intestines are defective, what I've done is to waste my parents' money to become a worthless person. I've also been suicidal for a few days now. There is a freight rail line near to my house. every time i see it, idea of suicide comes into my mind. Idk what to do
Depression sucks and no wise words brush it away like that. I' ll try it anyway.
1. Who is to judge a persons worth? By which right they should do so? Noone has the right to label you "worthless" (including you 😉) . You might be useless to someone, but you are not a tool, so it's not your destination to be used.
2. Hormones suck as well. For a silver lining: You have made it through most of puberty. If you can hold on only a little longer, chances are the pain lightens. A big part of what we think is our identity turns out to be body chemistry, luckily.
3. If all the feeling souls choose to leave, only the sharks survive. There are others like you out there. With your experience you can make them feel less alone.
About the "seek professional help" Thing you know already, right?
Wish you luck!
Hi honey, I'm really sorry you're going through this but as an older wiser person who has been through the exact same depressive episodes, shitty relationship with parents and suicidal thoughts, all I can say to you is to take it day by day. It does get better. At first set small goals that you know you can achieve even if they seem unimportant to you, I guarantee you that as you progress you will feel better and more confident in yourself because you will feel proud that you've accomplished something. Even the smallest things matter. Nobody is a waste of air or money, don't get sucked into what people or your parents say. Also try to find something that brings you joy, it will put a little spark back into your numbness. For me it was listening to songs that made me feel more alive and eating something I really craved. It can be whatever makes life a little better for you. I hope you'll read this and be a little more forgiving to yourself, nobody knows who they are or where they're going at 17... just give yourself time to figure it out. Take it easy.
I’m so sorry... This made me so sad to read. 😥 I know some of what you are describing but other parts of it I cannot imagine… I’m glad that you were brave enough to write this comment and ask for help. Please try to reach out to a therapist or someone who can help you
I need some validation. To start off, I’m 26 years old, I’m totally blind, autistic and have CPTSD. I’ve been feeling the urge to limit myself. For example, I do certain mannerisms that are caused by my blindness and autism, and I show my emotions a lot, which I’m embarrassed and ashamed of showing my emotions. Because I know that I’m strong and capable, so I reject my emotions to prove to the world that I’m strong and capable. I also have been trying to limit myself from touching and exploring everything, rocking, running into things, using my senssory items. Even though the rocking and touching everything and using my sensory items make me happy. I feel like I need to limit myself from doing them because they’re not normal for society. I’ve stopped doubting myself, but now I need to know if I should keep on limiting and restricting myself to prove things, or if I should just not limit myself.
How are you today,???
@@vigneshiyer4334 I’m doing ok I guess. My music therapy appointment got canceled today. But it was for legit reasons.
@@siennaprice1351You are not alone.
Would limiting your bowel movements prove your capability? Nope. Your emotions are equally essential. HOW you choose to present in public is separate from the fact that you feel, and have needs. Whether masking is ever healthy is a question for another day!
@@ldmatheson I see where you’re coming from. I’ve just had people in my past limit me from doing certain things that help my blindness and autism because in there minds, it’s not socially normal. Like touching everything, using stress items, rocking back and forth, and stuff like that. I wasn’t allowed to run into things without either getting laughed at or shamed.
As I try to resolve the stupid things I do or have done, I wind up overthinking it all. I also have found I get impatient if I have to wait for a resolution that is out of my hands. Oh...and I cant stand being called "Babe". Baby is fine, just not Babe...
Great content & the pesentation is even better.
Little or no smile on your ____face tells volumes of your innnet... struggling with something serious.
Can you share it plz....?
Great content, but the stepped camera zooming is so distracting that I have to keep my eyes closed and just listen. Thanks for all that you do, Kati! 💙🤗
@katimorton I’m trying to deal with an emotionally immature mother whom I’m pretty sure wishes that their children could be someone else and they avoid hearing the feelings of others this is why I’m asking if reparenting and inner child work could be for any age and not only for the child you. What if that younger you was 21, can inner child work happen here too even if the age of 21 is not a child?
Absolutely! I'd rather spend an hour with some outlaw types than 5 min with a lot of people around here.
Hi Kati
I could really relate to this. I am a people pleaser and always want to be liked.
I have a question - Im seeing a therapist on the betterhelp platform and in always apologising to my therapist for how i respond or react. She understands thats who i am and does not get annoyed. Could this be due to people pleasing?
Repetition compulsion is actually the easiest path and humans largely choose the easiest path...it is hardwired into our brains.
My intellectualization is tied to me not liking to feel my feelings. I'm getting much better at this, though.
My brother-in-law doesn't want a steady job, because he thinks he's too good for some jobs, my sister can't keep asking my parents for help
I've begun to realize how my perfectionism bogs down my life. See a gift that i want to buy, but dont really like the price? I will wait until its on sale or spend x hours looking for a better deal... But my time is finite, and it would be so much easier to just buy the thing and move on. I'm so used to this, if i confront this mentality, i think "its too easy". Apparently I need to struggle in order to make the gift mean more, not to the recipient but to me. Completely silly!
Well... Shit... ,😅
Not the lying or dating stuff, but everything else 😅 time to get to work on myself again I guess
A video on how to better deal with it would be lovely 😅
👏🏼🙌🏼💖
Maybe there is nothing wrong with anyone! Maybe we are exactly who we were meant to be and our perception of ourselves is a construct of the mind from the influences of what we experienced as a child!
Hi Kati.
I feel hurt by people actually hurting me on purpose (emotionally) so moving on from that hurt makes it feel as though I'm not justified or I'm dismissing what I went through. It does feel like a part of who I am. So how do I set that aside?
people pleasing and trying to fit in more... urge to explain myself a lot to people so they don´t judge me too harsh, just some of the big issues I have to work on 😏
4:26 i have this problems are like part of my identity, how can i fix this???
Could the vagal nerve play a part in emotional eating. If it plays a part in soothing babies I can't imagine that it goes away as an adult. As someone who has used food my whole life to sooth myself this intrigues me.
I realized years ago if everyone I meet before noon is a jerk, perhaps I AM the problem.
God i just i can reach to a therapist here in my country but finding one is expensive.
Am a people pleaser.. I have lost 6 love ones in five years ...and I have one problem i cant speak out about here.i need help please 😢
I know I wanna earn my worth by overworking. I know I have no people in my life that expect me to work so much, especially since I am a mom of a six month old, still breastfeeding/pumping and we can't afford childcare.
Do you live in Canada
I totally love Amtrak. Because as a terrorist, there are no preconceived notions of who you are or who you should be... And Amtrak is, excuse the expression, the perfect vehicle for such freedom.
Mind me asking you something? Why is it at times, do I tell myself, I hate myself? I tell myself I am an awful person. I am a rotten friend. Worse comes to worse, I tell myself what cyber bullies called me years ago, which was that I was a dumb mongo clown because they believe I was lying about not having Down syndrome. Yet later on I got diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. Of coarse sometimes it makes me feel better calling myself all of these awful things, but I wonder, am I the only one who does this?
Bro I literally just had a conversation with my therapist about this tonight 😂
"The Office" perspective... Consider practice makes prefect. There is no "Spamylon tower"(rapport source info). However, some suggest SPAM comes with a church key.
I definitely am the problem
I've saved multiple relationships when people have come to me for advice--my thing is that I AUTOMATICALLY look for the easy solution...but I also call out who is 'preventing the easy solution'. For example, a friend and her husband were having problems where he was becoming really shitty and hen-pecking around household cleaning. I was like "...get a fucking maid. You make multiple 6 figures, why don't you just get a maid?". So that led to the solution, but the bigger convo was WHY weren't they both seeing that? That's when you get into the nitty gritty.
Is life this complicated?
hey you should put up a tw that you're not talking about any disorders that don't work that way like autism,, that kind of stuff, some people DO need to talk about their "disorder" like they are themselves because it's true and our mental health improves when we call our needs our needs and our wants our wants and us us. instead of forever defining our needs as something foreign to us and ourselves as a worse version of someone that doesn't exist, maybe it's just because autism isn't meant to be a disorder like how being trans and gay isn't one, but either way my ptsd will never heal if people don't stop discriminating me and treating me badly because i can never let my guard down and i will never find a therapist who understands i'm done being not good enough, if i'm miserable then that's other's people fault, i am strong enough and no matter how strong i wll get no human being can be truly okay dealing with what i have to deal with and therapists need to stop being such cowards that they are too afraid to say it's okay to stop blaming yourself that you can do more and blame yourself less but then it just spirals back to that being my fault because if only i blamed myself less then i would be less miserable so really this is all my fault again and "discrimination won't stop anytime soon" but they are too cowardly to actually join me in fighting for my rights and they'll turn it around on me saying if i fight for them and it doesn't make me happy then that's my fault too
Every human on this planet has problems. U almost have to look at them as opportunities or something, and tell yourself the truth that even if it's that bad, it's probably not that bad. If it is "THAT BAD" then either you'll find a way through it or not, but at least trying to find a solution is a big deal. Can't control the fucking universe either, so, there it is.
Love the cavemen the monkey and Lucy are my family hello it's a fact.❤.
It makes me think
Me and my ex went to a tuxedo party
I was so nervous trying to fit in and not making n total ass af my self I forgot to enjoy it but then something funny happened I saw this lady she notice a ather lady have the same dress on as her she says to her man o my goodness that lady have the same dress on as me I feel so embarrassed get me out of here
And it makes me think after the party I was trying so hard to fit in al I have to do was be my self I make my self a promise that day I will never trying to be someone I am not if they don't like me ore the person how I am it's they lost iam how I am only me not someone else...
I have read a few of your comments I’m sorry you were treated that way you are a beautiful person and deserve only the best life has to offer
I hope you let love back in one day because you have learned how to spot the evil ones and hopefully a positive person comes in your life and you let them in your heart
And if not than that’s okay too you don’t have to be with someone
I’m not too wise or anything I just wanted you to know I believe in you and you are so worth it! I hope the best for you and your daughter
I won't say Kati is a babe. But she is.