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This is a great point. Taking someone on as a friend is a gamble, and in a world where self-interest is king, it is difficult to justify that gamble sometimes
@@s1lliMaybe not every insecurity- just be honest about your flaws - don’t try to hide them & own them. If they’re the kinds of flaws that might burden others, be clear that you’re working to improve & want feedback - and mean it!
I never had a close friend that I could count on. My college chums were kind of close but drifted away as they all got married, divorced, married, divorced and I remained single for a long time. I'm 68 and happily alone in my retirement. My experience with people is that they're so disappointing. People are friends because they need something from you. I have been burned many times in one way relationships which I thought were friendships but were not.
@@mayasol5571having a child just so that your bloodline can continue isn't necessarily a good reason to have a child. Honestly, a lot of people who have kids probably shouldn't have them, because all they do is stuff like continue cycles of generational trauma.
I’ve had similar experiences but not with everyone. In some cases that started out with me helping the other person or visa versa, it evolved into a genuine friendship once the transactional part was past.
This is the least abrasive unsolicited advice ever lol I have been devouring your videos, you are very humble and honest about your biases. I feel very lucky to have a few very good friends, and keeping them has been worth any hardship or effort, every time.
I found your channel a few days ago while looking Camus up. The way you express your ideas and articulate is so captivating and makes one really invested in what you say. Keep it up! 🤝 Funnily enough, friendships are a topic that keeps me up lately and I find myself searching for more 'meaningful' friendships. I think it's so important to have people in life who give you the 'tough love' you need to be a better version of yourself.
I usually don't leave a comment, but your words of wisdom have brought some clarity to my thoughts on genuine friendship which I'm struggling to have. I just recently found your channel as I was looking for videos on absurdism and this is the second video I have watched from you. So far you expressed your ideas in such a way a Filipino Anglophone like me can understand. Thank you.
its weird to see another filipino here, our culture is too social i was like aint no way there's someone like me in this country. hope we find the genuine friendship were longing to have
@@aiyankocake8697 There will always be a number of introverts and loners who are in need of a genuine friendship in every country. It just so happens that the world is being influenced by the extrovert ideal around a century or so ago. Many friendships have turned superficial. I hope everyone of us gets to have at least one virtuous friend we can talk to and spend our time with. We all need it.
I want to add that it can be tricky when it comes to showing your more vulnerable self to others (to make friends) and the context of where and how you are doing it! First of all, the on and off switch for showing true self/vulnerability isn't a well-developed muscle among the majority of the population, so it may be hard to know on what or how to show it... of course, doing work on oneself will certain help with developing this muscle. Context can muddle up attempts at friendship. Being around people consistently (such as school or work) can give a very convincing illusion that there is a friendship/community. Not to mention other forms of social settings (like a grocery store, or a party, etc.) sometimes might look like a place/oppotunity to make friends but it doesn't mean everyone is on the same page. Then there is the people in the room RECEIVING your true self... people might not know what to do if you suddenly show your vulnerability because maybe they might not have a deep connection to theirs, so you put your heart out on the table but you might be met with silence or even backlash (for many, many different reasons). The desire to show vulnerability/true self part could also possibly be a mask of over-sharing as a desperate attempt to grapple at connections and relationships, and different people will react differently to that. Some people will reward the connection, some might feel confuse and some might feel repulsed... it all depends on the other person's personal history with relationships. So the point I want to make is that, putting yourself out there to make friends is always a worthy risk. Even if your effort isn't met with the reaction you were hoping for, hopefully you can still walk away with some worthy reflection of self and others. Hopefully the experiences will help you discern better each time if this/these are the humans you even want to develop a friendship with.
I think you are absolutely right! These are all excellent additions and I do think there is a big material hurdle for a lot of people of there just not being enough community around for them to make good friends.
That comment about meaning well hit home to me because that is a philosophy i try to influenve my interactions with people. Even criminals, i think, should have good will bestowed upon them. A wish and behaviour towards them which is healing if possible. Not that you have to allow youself to be abused, but that you dont desire anyone's downfall, but rather their healing. I just feel its a healthier way of relating.
Thank you! And I think there is a lot of wisdom in my approach. I am working on a long video about the Philosophy of Resentment at the moment and I want to pay a lot of attention to how much it harms the resenter, just as much as the resented
Idk I feel like I always the person who reaches out first or texted first and ask to hang out. If I stop, nobody will bother to reach out to me. It just makes me feel like all those friendships are just them taking pity on me or they just don’t care enough about me anymore. I started questioning if I tried too hard, or I texted too much which made me seem desperate. Over time I just accept that, people comes and go in my life. True Lifelong friendships nowadays are a diamond in a ruff. 😢
I've always been very closed, mostly due to being bullied or complimented way too much. I do not like much of either but in general when I was being bullied I sort of toughned up better than when all those compliments rained in and smoothed me out to become a horrible being. It had the unfortunate cost of turning me into a very paranoid and even more closed person. People that reached out first with nothing else but basic polite manners stood out for me. I always wished to emulate the bevahior and I'm getting better at doing it, with mixed results so far(better than no results at all). Getting rid of trauma and expectations has helped a lot, but I still struggle to provide something for the relationship. Surprisingly, I feel that a lot of people can't even offer that blank paper to write the relationship on without all their trauma being released in a sudden manner, which I take as a step in the right direction. I perceive how horrible I was when I see it, they have been conditioned to think in one way and that's it, and I'm running from these people.
I personally stopped believing in friendship a long time ago partly because I believe it’s a pie in the sky dream but mainly because I myself am pretty messed up and not by my personal conscious choosing either. So when you know that you and sometimes the circumstances that seem to follow you also without your own choosing are so messed up then you’d not want to endanger someone else with that. It’s a little like some disease or flu that you’ve got that you don’t want to infect someone else with albeit people of this day and society would hardly be friends anyway as time is short where every second is ticking us towards our inevitable grave so we’ve got a lot to accomplish anyway before the countdown without others slowing you down. I believe the best friends that a man or woman could have are books because they teach you so much knowledge and entertain you and it’s a race to accomplish so much before your time runs out
Keeping to the theme of the video, those greeks accomplished at lot and that must have also been due to their friendships, not despite them. There is enough time for everything in life, and even more today for most people due to the increased lifespans.
Now, one thing I often see in these discussions is assumptions of definitions. Types of friends are mentioned in Aristotle's interpretation, but how did he capture his friends in the first place? What is a friend? Is it by duration of time together? Is it by mutual interests? How isn't that just an acquaintance? How do you attract attention without dangling some part of your self out like bait, to be snapped off or ignored (and which one is worse? What if you weren't even worth taking advantage of)? You mention doing all that introspection work, being something lovable, others say get interests, get hobbies, be happy being you first. The funny thing about getting hobbies you have to do on your own, because there's no one to do them with, is that you end up doing them alone. No one was interested when you started and no one is interested now. But you have a hobby and you feel good about yourself, and no one's interested in that either. So you change yourself and learn about other people's hobbies to join their hobby (you can't expect everyone else to reach out to you first), and no one wants that either. It's a pinching trap with no escape. In the end, there isn't anyone for you but you.
Your oratory skills put me in the novice category,your pronunciation,enunciation ,diction,intonation and cadence is absolutely stupendous,I surmise it surpasses that of Gaius Julius Caesar,Demosthenes or Pericles any hints and tips how you do it?
Thank you youtube for recommending this gem of a channel. I also resonate strongly with your last point, I'm trying my best to genuinely wish good for people. Thankyou for showing that many people struggle with such issue.
A lot of this though is collage guff. Two quotes for your consideration: "Never ever get so close to anybody or anything that you cant walk away from in 30 seconds when you feel the heat" De Nero in Heat. "In God we trust" It's my closest friend.It never questions me,or try to change or alter me,or even question why I may need it. It's the words stamped on every U.S.doller. Finally from Dr Cooper Clarke- "A friend in need is a friend in debt". So...be careful in this world. ....forget all this college boy crackerbarrel philosophy ....just look after yourselves as no one else will. Happy New Year!
The be quite honest, I don't feel I ever had the chance to NOT be lonely. Almost no one ever invited me to parties, or to do anything at all. I thought they hated me but that is not the case, I'm just irrelevant. I cannot fix it without feedback so I guess I'll had to deal with it on my own and eat the pain. I suspect it is some form of mild autism I have. It sucks.
I think you have to try and approach people, but I know it sounds easier as it is. I myself am in a pretty similiar situation, where I feel like I don't have a chance to not be lonely, because noone cares about me. I also can't really open up to my family so that sucks to, but I think what we both should try, is to actively go and talk to someone. If you try, you could write it down here and we could boost each other up. (I also suspect to be on the spectrum, but I can't get a diagnosis, because my parents don't let me and I alone am not allowed to do something like that alone, because i'm not 18 yet.)
Thank you for this video, I feel like this has come at a very good time in my life, and I'll try to take its message to heart. I really appreciate your work with philosophy, especially this one, the one about Camus and absurdism, and the one about Nietzsche and amor fati; you're really great at explaining the theories in a well rounded way. Thanks for your work!
Another great video! As usually a bit fast for me but hey, RUclips has a solution for that ;) The three type of friends really hit the nail on the head and are very helpful for me right now
Hey bro. I think youd be interested is an article called "The history of male friendship" by the Art of Manliness. Its the first google pop up. It shows how men historically deeply viewed friendship compared to todays shallowness
Oh man your voice is so melodious. If I could, I would ask for your hand in marriage, for that reason alone. And also you speak beautifully, because everything you say jars me back to reality and makes me think.
At the end of the day, EVERY single human relationship (whether it'd be friendship, romance, business) is transactional. I will take this opinion with me to the grave. I am 100% positive in this world view, and nothing can change my mind. The only human relationship that may not fall into this category is the relationship between "mother and child," that is seen as unconditional love. But every other relationship is based off exchanging some sort of value. In the adult world, you must have value (humor, attraction, status, money, ability to be a potential business partner, something at least, etc.). No adult will be friends with another just for the sake of "being friends." And even if those friendships start, it'll die off once one party loses value.
Thanks for taking the time to write such a thoughtful and considered comment! This really made me think I take your point but also must respectfully disagree. You yourself have already identified an exception to this rule so there is doubt about its universality. I think it is true that you can render every human relationship in terms of transactions (a la Game Theory) but that does not imply that they are transactional, merely that they can be modeled as such. There is of course a trivial sense in which someone can say all action is self-motivated and all relationships are transactional (by extending the definition of “benefit to self” to include those emotional needs that contain ostensibly altruistic content (e.g., the desire to help an old lady cross the road etc.)). But this essentially legislates altruism out of existence by stretching the definition of “self-interest” to breaking point. I suppose my overall thoughts is that it is possible every relationship is transactional, but it is by no means obvious. And I have a feeling that examining the definition of “transaction” here may reveal it to have been stretched quite a bit from its usual meaning. For instance, is there room to accommodate the possibility of admiring someone’s good humour for its own sake (as one might a comedian who you don’t personally find funny), or is that barred by definition? If it is barred by definition then the idea that “friendship is transactional” has been made a simple logical tautology. There is nothing inherently wrong with this but it is a much stronger claim. One then has to say that it is impossible/self-contradictory for there to be non-transactional friendships, at which point nothing substantial has been said, and we are just trading empty definitions across a table. However, if you mean the more substantial point that people are only in friendships for what they get out of them, then that is a fair argument to make. I still disagree but here on empirical grounds that I have simply observed people go through considerably personal expense to care for others, even when they get nothing out of it. I have known elderly couples where one cares for the other through infirmity and death, knowing their partner will never recover, and no further benefit to themselves could be gained through the relationship. It is fair to point out that such situations are rare, but to say they do not exist I think is a very strong empirical claim to make, and requires one to show that there is not even one example of it. And given you have already identified an exception, I can’t think this is what you mean either. I imagine that deep down we share the same position, which is that caring for other people for their own sake is a rare and precious thing. That it is difficult to find and even more difficult to hang onto. And that one may go there entire lives without encountering a single example of it in the wild. Nonetheless this is a very different claim to saying that it does not (or even more extreme (yet somehow more trivial)) cannot exist. Either way I must thank you deeply for your comment as it really got my brain working!
Anyone who said that they were looking out for my best interests wound up being full of shit, and never meant a thing they said. Fakers. False. Tricksy... Do I double down? Do I ignore my past experience? Is it all absurd and lacking? Will ignoring this pain in my chest make it better, or worse? I will say that my heart hurts. It hurts for anyone that refuses to look in the mirror. You need to look. You need to see. Look at yourself. Look at yourself, and you will come to realize the world around you. It is beautiful. Green, blue, white and grey, and everything in between. Some things are worth keeping to yourself. Some things cannot be hidden. Are you and I doomed to be cunts from here on out? I think we can be better. I want to be better.
you are not wrong. However 😅. As a 40 yr. It is much harder to "make" friends or bother to reach out to those you had in the past due to work other. At your age, it is super "easy" to say. Again, you are not wrong, but age is a huge factor.
Your point about your personal transformation is admirable, but to me, being grateful for everything and everyone just sounds like toxic positivity. What do I do with negative thoughts about people and things that routinely come up? Wishing them well just seems to make me more angry and resistant.
I mean, I’m not saying I’m grateful for everything and everyone. But certainly I make an effort to be grateful. Though as with all things - try it out. If it doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t work for you. I am not so arrogant as to presume that I have the answer to the ultimate question of “how to live life” because I think people are too different and individual for there to be such a singular answer. What is toxic positivity for one is adequate positivity to another, and what is too pessimistic for some is a satisfying amount of pessimism for others. Nietzsche will make some despair and make some rejoice. I cover a lot of philosophers who say a lot of different things because I think different approaches help different people. As I say in my channel description: take what works for you and leave the rest.
So should we end our relation with friends of utility and pleasure because we couldn't care for them deep in heart or should we just set boundaries between each other and think of them as a person we know rather then a friend
Hey great content, I was wondering what you studied in college? Was it philosophy? If you got this far, what is your name haha. Letting people know your name would also help grow your channel I believe
Hey bro. I think youd be interested is an article called "The history of male friendship" by the Art of Manliness. Its the first google pop up. It shows how men historically deeply viewed friendship compared to todays shallowness. Id live to hear what you think about it
My brothers this is a wake up call. Do not have a wife/girlfriend of utility if a woman is simply allowing you to buy her time it’s not something you need.
Not to be pessimistic, but this type of friendship that you speak of; “a friendship of virtue” simply does not exist in our society in this day, and age. Now with that being said I find the most common meaningful bonds we develop are a hybrid of a friend of pleasure, and virtue. As a Muslim I always search for god fearing people to befriend, because I know they are obligated by Allah to be a good person, a person of virtue, and if not they’re not suitable to befriend. For me.
That’s fair! I (perhaps overly optimistically) think that true friendship is possible, but rare. And to be fair, Aristotle says it was rare in ancient Athens too
It amazes me when you say something real and true the modern person views it as “pessimistic “ what you said is 100% true. The modern society has zero morals so who is going to be virtuous to you?
definitely, keep your videos coming, I discovered this channel and I love it. Great videos with truly deep insights. I would appreciate a video about Kant and his ideas.@@unsolicitedadvice9198
If you want to work with an experienced study coach teaching maths, philosophy, and study skills then book your session at josephfolleytutoring@gmail.com. Previous clients include students at the University of Cambridge and the LSE.
Sign up to my email list: forms.gle/YYfaCaiQw9r6YfkN7
Keep up the quality thought provoking content
It's hard to find true friends when everyone is trying to be the best at everything.
This is a great point. Taking someone on as a friend is a gamble, and in a world where self-interest is king, it is difficult to justify that gamble sometimes
Just be someone’s true friend then
@@wrestlexwrestlingshorts661 Be the best at it.
@@wrestlexwrestlingshorts661 I'm trying
@@brendantaylor2623lol
Friendship begins in the rare moment where both parties finally reveal that they are not Okay.
Vulnerability creates friendships not perfection
Well said!
more times than not revealing your insecurities is a really bad move
@@s1lliMaybe not every insecurity- just be honest about your flaws - don’t try to hide them & own them. If they’re the kinds of flaws that might burden others, be clear that you’re working to improve & want feedback - and mean it!
I never had a close friend that I could count on. My college chums were kind of close but drifted away as they all got married, divorced, married, divorced and I remained single for a long time. I'm 68 and happily alone in my retirement. My experience with people is that they're so disappointing. People are friends because they need something from you. I have been burned many times in one way relationships which I thought were friendships but were not.
Don't you feel lonely or afraid that your bloodline ends with you?
@@mayasol5571having a child just so that your bloodline can continue isn't necessarily a good reason to have a child. Honestly, a lot of people who have kids probably shouldn't have them, because all they do is stuff like continue cycles of generational trauma.
I’ve had similar experiences but not with everyone. In some cases that started out with me helping the other person or visa versa, it evolved into a genuine friendship once the transactional part was past.
This is the least abrasive unsolicited advice ever lol I have been devouring your videos, you are very humble and honest about your biases. I feel very lucky to have a few very good friends, and keeping them has been worth any hardship or effort, every time.
This is good lesson of not only the friends we shall seek but how we shall be towards our friends
Thank you! Glad you liked it
I found your channel a few days ago while looking Camus up. The way you express your ideas and articulate is so captivating and makes one really invested in what you say. Keep it up! 🤝 Funnily enough, friendships are a topic that keeps me up lately and I find myself searching for more 'meaningful' friendships. I think it's so important to have people in life who give you the 'tough love' you need to be a better version of yourself.
Thank you! And friends are truly something worth investing in
So glad the algorithm led me to your channel . I appreciate your content and all the time you put into it . Thank you ! 🙏
Thank you! I am really glad you are enjoying the videos
I usually don't leave a comment, but your words of wisdom have brought some clarity to my thoughts on genuine friendship which I'm struggling to have. I just recently found your channel as I was looking for videos on absurdism and this is the second video I have watched from you. So far you expressed your ideas in such a way a Filipino Anglophone like me can understand. Thank you.
its weird to see another filipino here, our culture is too social i was like aint no way there's someone like me in this country. hope we find the genuine friendship were longing to have
@@aiyankocake8697 There will always be a number of introverts and loners who are in need of a genuine friendship in every country. It just so happens that the world is being influenced by the extrovert ideal around a century or so ago. Many friendships have turned superficial. I hope everyone of us gets to have at least one virtuous friend we can talk to and spend our time with. We all need it.
I want to add that it can be tricky when it comes to showing your more vulnerable self to others (to make friends) and the context of where and how you are doing it!
First of all, the on and off switch for showing true self/vulnerability isn't a well-developed muscle among the majority of the population, so it may be hard to know on what or how to show it... of course, doing work on oneself will certain help with developing this muscle.
Context can muddle up attempts at friendship. Being around people consistently (such as school or work) can give a very convincing illusion that there is a friendship/community. Not to mention other forms of social settings (like a grocery store, or a party, etc.) sometimes might look like a place/oppotunity to make friends but it doesn't mean everyone is on the same page.
Then there is the people in the room RECEIVING your true self... people might not know what to do if you suddenly show your vulnerability because maybe they might not have a deep connection to theirs, so you put your heart out on the table but you might be met with silence or even backlash (for many, many different reasons).
The desire to show vulnerability/true self part could also possibly be a mask of over-sharing as a desperate attempt to grapple at connections and relationships, and different people will react differently to that. Some people will reward the connection, some might feel confuse and some might feel repulsed... it all depends on the other person's personal history with relationships.
So the point I want to make is that, putting yourself out there to make friends is always a worthy risk. Even if your effort isn't met with the reaction you were hoping for, hopefully you can still walk away with some worthy reflection of self and others. Hopefully the experiences will help you discern better each time if this/these are the humans you even want to develop a friendship with.
I think you are absolutely right! These are all excellent additions and I do think there is a big material hurdle for a lot of people of there just not being enough community around for them to make good friends.
That comment about meaning well hit home to me because that is a philosophy i try to influenve my interactions with people. Even criminals, i think, should have good will bestowed upon them. A wish and behaviour towards them which is healing if possible. Not that you have to allow youself to be abused, but that you dont desire anyone's downfall, but rather their healing. I just feel its a healthier way of relating.
Thank you! And I think there is a lot of wisdom in my approach. I am working on a long video about the Philosophy of Resentment at the moment and I want to pay a lot of attention to how much it harms the resenter, just as much as the resented
@@unsolicitedadvice9198 yes!
This channel deserves way more subscribers than it's getting for the amount of views and quality content.
Thank you! They may come in time
Idk I feel like I always the person who reaches out first or texted first and ask to hang out. If I stop, nobody will bother to reach out to me. It just makes me feel like all those friendships are just them taking pity on me or they just don’t care enough about me anymore. I started questioning if I tried too hard, or I texted too much which made me seem desperate. Over time I just accept that, people comes and go in my life. True Lifelong friendships nowadays are a diamond in a ruff. 😢
I've always been very closed, mostly due to being bullied or complimented way too much. I do not like much of either but in general when I was being bullied I sort of toughned up better than when all those compliments rained in and smoothed me out to become a horrible being. It had the unfortunate cost of turning me into a very paranoid and even more closed person.
People that reached out first with nothing else but basic polite manners stood out for me. I always wished to emulate the bevahior and I'm getting better at doing it, with mixed results so far(better than no results at all).
Getting rid of trauma and expectations has helped a lot, but I still struggle to provide something for the relationship. Surprisingly, I feel that a lot of people can't even offer that blank paper to write the relationship on without all their trauma being released in a sudden manner, which I take as a step in the right direction. I perceive how horrible I was when I see it, they have been conditioned to think in one way and that's it, and I'm running from these people.
I personally stopped believing in friendship a long time ago partly because I believe it’s a pie in the sky dream but mainly because I myself am pretty messed up and not by my personal conscious choosing either. So when you know that you and sometimes the circumstances that seem to follow you also without your own choosing are so messed up then you’d not want to endanger someone else with that. It’s a little like some disease or flu that you’ve got that you don’t want to infect someone else with albeit people of this day and society would hardly be friends anyway as time is short where every second is ticking us towards our inevitable grave so we’ve got a lot to accomplish anyway before the countdown without others slowing you down. I believe the best friends that a man or woman could have are books because they teach you so much knowledge and entertain you and it’s a race to accomplish so much before your time runs out
Keeping to the theme of the video, those greeks accomplished at lot and that must have also been due to their friendships, not despite them. There is enough time for everything in life, and even more today for most people due to the increased lifespans.
Now, one thing I often see in these discussions is assumptions of definitions. Types of friends are mentioned in Aristotle's interpretation, but how did he capture his friends in the first place?
What is a friend?
Is it by duration of time together?
Is it by mutual interests? How isn't that just an acquaintance?
How do you attract attention without dangling some part of your self out like bait, to be snapped off or ignored (and which one is worse? What if you weren't even worth taking advantage of)?
You mention doing all that introspection work, being something lovable, others say get interests, get hobbies, be happy being you first.
The funny thing about getting hobbies you have to do on your own, because there's no one to do them with, is that you end up doing them alone. No one was interested when you started and no one is interested now.
But you have a hobby and you feel good about yourself, and no one's interested in that either.
So you change yourself and learn about other people's hobbies to join their hobby (you can't expect everyone else to reach out to you first), and no one wants that either.
It's a pinching trap with no escape. In the end, there isn't anyone for you but you.
Your oratory skills put me in the novice category,your pronunciation,enunciation ,diction,intonation and cadence is absolutely stupendous,I surmise it surpasses that of Gaius Julius Caesar,Demosthenes or Pericles any hints and tips how you do it?
IKR? I'm not bad, but I am not even close.
It's easier to open Instagram or RUclips then msg a friend tk hang out all the while feeling like you are a intruding on their life.
you were a friend to me your helping me have true compassion for my friends and other people
Thank you youtube for recommending this gem of a channel. I also resonate strongly with your last point, I'm trying my best to genuinely wish good for people. Thankyou for showing that many people struggle with such issue.
Thank you! And we are constantly told that another’s success is your failure, so it is understandable that it is difficult to wish well on others
Hi, if you have time, can please suggest some methods or article or anything to refer to do about this issue?
A lot of this though is collage guff.
Two quotes for your consideration:
"Never ever get so close to anybody or anything that you cant walk away from in 30 seconds when you feel the heat"
De Nero in Heat.
"In God we trust"
It's my closest friend.It never questions me,or try to change or alter me,or even question why I may need it.
It's the words stamped on every U.S.doller.
Finally from Dr Cooper Clarke-
"A friend in need is a friend in debt".
So...be careful in this world.
....forget all this college boy crackerbarrel philosophy
....just look after yourselves as no one else will.
Happy New Year!
You speak with wisdom, youre one of the young people that is wise and smart, i respect you highly.
Thank you! Those are very kind words
Found your channel recently and I love the way that you explain things ! So succinct yet in interesting detail!! :)
Great stuff, man! I usually never react to any videos, but I'm really enjoying this philosophical journey so far.
Thank you! I’m glad you are liking the videos
Progressive Tech has made us more isolated then ever.
The be quite honest, I don't feel I ever had the chance to NOT be lonely. Almost no one ever invited me to parties, or to do anything at all. I thought they hated me but that is not the case, I'm just irrelevant. I cannot fix it without feedback so I guess I'll had to deal with it on my own and eat the pain. I suspect it is some form of mild autism I have. It sucks.
I think you have to try and approach people, but I know it sounds easier as it is. I myself am in a pretty similiar situation, where I feel like I don't have a chance to not be lonely, because noone cares about me. I also can't really open up to my family so that sucks to, but I think what we both should try, is to actively go and talk to someone. If you try, you could write it down here and we could boost each other up. (I also suspect to be on the spectrum, but I can't get a diagnosis, because my parents don't let me and I alone am not allowed to do something like that alone, because i'm not 18 yet.)
Internet didn't make people closer it made them more apart, and the best way to have a good "friend" would be if you have a friend for a roomate...
idk what led me to your channel but i am really grateful
Another mfing banger. Love these honest and self reflective... IDK what these are but they're awesome.
Thanks! I spend a lot of time thinking about each one, so I’m glad it’s coming across
Thank you for this video, I feel like this has come at a very good time in my life, and I'll try to take its message to heart. I really appreciate your work with philosophy, especially this one, the one about Camus and absurdism, and the one about Nietzsche and amor fati; you're really great at explaining the theories in a well rounded way. Thanks for your work!
Thank you for watching! And I’m glad the videos are helping you
Thank you. Have a good one bud
Another great video! As usually a bit fast for me but hey, RUclips has a solution for that ;)
The three type of friends really hit the nail on the head and are very helpful for me right now
Your Nan sounds very wise ❤
Hey bro. I think youd be interested is an article called "The history of male friendship" by the Art of Manliness. Its the first google pop up. It shows how men historically deeply viewed friendship compared to todays shallowness
This Channel holds more potential ❤
Oh man your voice is so melodious. If I could, I would ask for your hand in marriage, for that reason alone. And also you speak beautifully, because everything you say jars me back to reality and makes me think.
Thank you for your kind words
I have no friends of virtue
I don't think that posting here will help fix that.
At the end of the day, EVERY single human relationship (whether it'd be friendship, romance, business) is transactional. I will take this opinion with me to the grave. I am 100% positive in this world view, and nothing can change my mind. The only human relationship that may not fall into this category is the relationship between "mother and child," that is seen as unconditional love. But every other relationship is based off exchanging some sort of value. In the adult world, you must have value (humor, attraction, status, money, ability to be a potential business partner, something at least, etc.). No adult will be friends with another just for the sake of "being friends." And even if those friendships start, it'll die off once one party loses value.
Thanks for taking the time to write such a thoughtful and considered comment! This really made me think
I take your point but also must respectfully disagree. You yourself have already identified an exception to this rule so there is doubt about its universality. I think it is true that you can render every human relationship in terms of transactions (a la Game Theory) but that does not imply that they are transactional, merely that they can be modeled as such.
There is of course a trivial sense in which someone can say all action is self-motivated and all relationships are transactional (by extending the definition of “benefit to self” to include those emotional needs that contain ostensibly altruistic content (e.g., the desire to help an old lady cross the road etc.)). But this essentially legislates altruism out of existence by stretching the definition of “self-interest” to breaking point.
I suppose my overall thoughts is that it is possible every relationship is transactional, but it is by no means obvious. And I have a feeling that examining the definition of “transaction” here may reveal it to have been stretched quite a bit from its usual meaning. For instance, is there room to accommodate the possibility of admiring someone’s good humour for its own sake (as one might a comedian who you don’t personally find funny), or is that barred by definition? If it is barred by definition then the idea that “friendship is transactional” has been made a simple logical tautology. There is nothing inherently wrong with this but it is a much stronger claim. One then has to say that it is impossible/self-contradictory for there to be non-transactional friendships, at which point nothing substantial has been said, and we are just trading empty definitions across a table.
However, if you mean the more substantial point that people are only in friendships for what they get out of them, then that is a fair argument to make. I still disagree but here on empirical grounds that I have simply observed people go through considerably personal expense to care for others, even when they get nothing out of it. I have known elderly couples where one cares for the other through infirmity and death, knowing their partner will never recover, and no further benefit to themselves could be gained through the relationship. It is fair to point out that such situations are rare, but to say they do not exist I think is a very strong empirical claim to make, and requires one to show that there is not even one example of it. And given you have already identified an exception, I can’t think this is what you mean either.
I imagine that deep down we share the same position, which is that caring for other people for their own sake is a rare and precious thing. That it is difficult to find and even more difficult to hang onto. And that one may go there entire lives without encountering a single example of it in the wild. Nonetheless this is a very different claim to saying that it does not (or even more extreme (yet somehow more trivial)) cannot exist.
Either way I must thank you deeply for your comment as it really got my brain working!
Anyone who said that they were looking out for my best interests wound up being full of shit, and never meant a thing they said. Fakers. False. Tricksy... Do I double down? Do I ignore my past experience? Is it all absurd and lacking? Will ignoring this pain in my chest make it better, or worse? I will say that my heart hurts. It hurts for anyone that refuses to look in the mirror. You need to look. You need to see. Look at yourself. Look at yourself, and you will come to realize the world around you. It is beautiful. Green, blue, white and grey, and everything in between. Some things are worth keeping to yourself. Some things cannot be hidden. Are you and I doomed to be cunts from here on out?
I think we can be better.
I want to be better.
Great channel, cant wait to see where you take it!
Thank you!
you are not wrong. However 😅. As a 40 yr. It is much harder to "make" friends or bother to reach out to those you had in the past due to work other. At your age, it is super "easy" to say. Again, you are not wrong, but age is a huge factor.
Excellent again, thanks 😄 And Aristotle is so good
Thank you! And Aristotle is such a genius
I have three close friends. They totally accept me for who I am ❤
I wish people well also, to a point 😉
Thank you, I needed to hear that
Thank you for watching!
I like your videos. They are very interesting. And you are very articulate.
Thank you! That is very kind of you to say
I have it on good authority from an Internet celebrity that I'm lonely because I'm fat and gay.
Thanks for the wisdom
Your point about your personal transformation is admirable, but to me, being grateful for everything and everyone just sounds like toxic positivity.
What do I do with negative thoughts about people and things that routinely come up? Wishing them well just seems to make me more angry and resistant.
I mean, I’m not saying I’m grateful for everything and everyone. But certainly I make an effort to be grateful.
Though as with all things - try it out. If it doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t work for you. I am not so arrogant as to presume that I have the answer to the ultimate question of “how to live life” because I think people are too different and individual for there to be such a singular answer. What is toxic positivity for one is adequate positivity to another, and what is too pessimistic for some is a satisfying amount of pessimism for others. Nietzsche will make some despair and make some rejoice. I cover a lot of philosophers who say a lot of different things because I think different approaches help different people.
As I say in my channel description: take what works for you and leave the rest.
So should we end our relation with friends of utility and pleasure because we couldn't care for them deep in heart or should we just set boundaries between each other and think of them as a person we know rather then a friend
Frankenstein was a superior scientist and he confused that with being a superior person.
That’s a really good point
Wasnt it Diogenes that showed Ari what a real freind was..?
I honestly hate this world and just wanna party and play music every day. Friendship and love are soooo painful
😂 till this day i can't find any trustworthy friends.. So what will i do? 🧐
Thank you🎉
hi! do you happen to have a substack or a blog of any sort?
Yo let's connect and possibly brother! Would love to do a podcast with you
2:49 you're quoting Immanuel Kant
Haha! It’s a common thread through both of their philosophies
Underground man origin story
Hey great content, I was wondering what you studied in college? Was it philosophy? If you got this far, what is your name haha. Letting people know your name would also help grow your channel I believe
Hey bro. I think youd be interested is an article called "The history of male friendship" by the Art of Manliness. Its the first google pop up. It shows how men historically deeply viewed friendship compared to todays shallowness. Id live to hear what you think about it
Thank you
Thank you for watching
My brothers this is a wake up call. Do not have a wife/girlfriend of utility if a woman is simply allowing you to buy her time it’s not something you need.
can we become friends? I live in essex, work in london, im 27
on the real where do you find friends
I want to be your friend too.
But I'm not
Is this karaoke?
Haha! You can sing along if you like
😊
Not to be pessimistic, but this type of friendship that you speak of; “a friendship of virtue” simply does not exist in our society in this day, and age. Now with that being said I find the most common meaningful bonds we develop are a hybrid of a friend of pleasure, and virtue. As a Muslim I always search for god fearing people to befriend, because I know they are obligated by Allah to be a good person, a person of virtue, and if not they’re not suitable to befriend. For me.
That’s fair! I (perhaps overly optimistically) think that true friendship is possible, but rare. And to be fair, Aristotle says it was rare in ancient Athens too
It amazes me when you say something real and true the modern person views it as “pessimistic “ what you said is 100% true. The modern society has zero morals so who is going to be virtuous to you?
@@James_36 Sadly this is the reality we are living in. May Allah help us.
nice haircut
Haha! Thank you. It is a bit short for my liking but I’ll grow into it
definitely, keep your videos coming, I discovered this channel and I love it. Great videos with truly deep insights. I would appreciate a video about Kant and his ideas.@@unsolicitedadvice9198
God is the only true friend
What are friends? Looooooooooooooollllll 😂😂😂
Dugh! People are so stress of looking good because of their fear lf the wrath of god. 😂 My real friends know me deeply and will help me be my best.