death makes a philosopher of everyone

Coming off a massive still lingering flu. Been sleeping like a log and eating like a squirrel. Seems like you hit bigger setbacks when you're making bigger strides. Life, we've had this conversation already. I don't think you're very funny.
In spite of healthier judgement, today was the memorial service for my friend who killed himself. So I went anyway. Videos are from walks around the grounds the service was held and a bar some of us went to afterwards.
His girlfriend couldn't do it anymore. When she broke up with him he blew his brains out in front of her. She told me there was so much blood that had seeped into her skin that it took a long, long time to scrub it out. I don't know what to think or how to feel.
I guess sometimes it's like that with people you wish you could like more. I don't like your positives enough to tolerate your negatives. He doesn't make me laugh like you did, but he doesn't make me cry like you do. To expect people to take you at your worst otherwise they don't deserve your best is an unrealistic expectation of patience. One could argue it's a moral failing to take advantage of such kindness.
She told me his mother wouldn't let her see him in the hospital before he died. Didn't want her final image of him to be in that way. She believes had she been allowed to see him she could have made some peace within herself. Now her final image is the moment he shot himself splattering gore all over her and she's left with no peace. I don't know what to think or how to feel.
Also fuck you Nova I see you grabbing the table for leverage. No wonder I started losing out of nowhere. AND you cheat the setup EVERY time! Fucking orangutan hand having mfer.