why does gen z have a problem with commitment? Is it mental health, or is there a larger conversation here? Instagram: kaytlynstewart outro music: white bat audio
Tbh I understood why she canceled on the last girl. She probably felt super unwanted and from the way she said it she most likely convinced herself that the last girl was only coming out of pity. Having 7 people cancel on you in 1 day after spending all that money and getting all the confirmation on multiple occasions. That does something to your brain. I have anxiety,adhd and autism and the absolute RSD meltdown I would have had, would have been insane. I would have most likely kept my composer and hung out with the girl but broke down after and probably would have gone off the map for a few weeks. So I understand why she canceled and was upset to such an extent.
I would’ve canceled to. I’ve had multiple experiences where I hung out with the one person who showed up just for them to talk crap about me with the people who didn’t show up. Stuff like this really does mess you up. I don’t like big group activities anymore as a result, and my trust of others is nil. I’d much rather other people plan stuff, and I just go along with it because if they genuinely want to do something to the point that they plan out an activity it means they are less likely to cancel and be interested enough to have a good time.
yeah, sure maybe you can just have one on one time like she said, but if i had that many people cancel all at once i'd just feel like shit. it might be different for me bc i do have anxiety and smthn like that would have me a wreck for days/possibly weeks, but still i'd just feel too low and probably would be a downer on the one girl who did come. people love to use anxiety as an excuse to flake on plans again and again, and i get it to a certain extent but like...what if the person you bailed on has anxiety too?? now they're sitting there feeling unwanted, and it probably took a lot for them to work up the courage to step out of their comfort zone and invite friends to hang out, but they're expected to just deal with it and not be upset. i've had a friend group act like i'm "too much" because i actually put effort into the friendship, and it just makes me sad.
Came here to say this! I wouldn't want to sour the other person's mood due to my own feelings about the situation. I think it would be a good opportunity to invite that person out and about a different time to have one on one time, since they're interested in hanging out, but while in a better headspace.
@@merulaamethyst2248 exactly like if I know the person checked in multiple times with me I don't care what happened I'm going. Unless I had like a big blow out panic attack or something insane happened I'm not canceling because I'm nervous or anxious. I know what it feels like to plan something out and check in constantly if the people are going to be canceled on at the last day. It feels terrible when that happens so I couldn't do that to anyone else.
@@jasperjazzie Yeah people nowadays aren't thinking about how the other person is going to feel if you cancel on the last day. Especially if it's the first time you hangout. I think that's my biggest beef. You canceled on the last day on the hour or a few hours before. Like don't say yes to the plan and let the person buy stuff for the hangout if you actually are that nervous on going. Like I've been seeing SO many post talking about when you get asked to hang out but don't want to say no and they keep finding out ways for you to go. Like bro just say no. It is less pain for both people if you just say no. People think no hurts more but in actuality it doesn't because feeling unsure is worse.
I ended a friendship over this. I work part time as a tour guide and my friend used to encourage me to plan big outings in our city that she hasn’t done before. Like she would say “we should see some of the art museums in the art district” and I would make a plan to see a few art museums on a day we both agreed on including paying for my own tickets and making food reservations and stuff. The day of, approx 10 minutes before I would leave my house for the outing she would cancel citing “I would just rather stay home and scroll on TikTok”. The third time she did that I texted her that I would be ending the friendship and blocked her number. This wasn’t the only bad friend trait she had. It was simply the straw that broke the camels back. I find that flaking is usually a symptom of much larger friendship issues
I only have one close friend. She’s the only one I make consistent plans with. But we are super close, to the point where we started dating recently. Communication is literally key. I’ve had to cancel on her a few times, day of, because I mentally did not have the energy to hang out. I tell her I feel bad, she say it’s fine, etc. and she’s cancelled on me. She says she feels bad, I tell her it’s fine, etc. We will spend many minutes telling each other our thoughts, making sure we both understand what the other is feeling about stuff. I would rather my girlfriend than a bunch of friends that I can’t communicate on the same deep level with. There’s only so much emotional energy I can hand out to all the people in my life, and because I just have my partner? She gets ALL of it, as she deserves.
communication IS SERIOUSLY KEY. IT SOUNDS SO DUMB BUT IT JUST IS THE KEY. My girlfriend and I have discussed MULTIPLE times in sincerity, that if one of us is feeling blue about the other considering cancelling, that we’d try to push through whatever it is and see each other despite!
It's lovely that you two are so close and honest with each other and all that, but in general an I advice I myself got from people throughout the years is that a partner should be your best friend, but not your only friend. And that's not a bad thing, it allows both of you to take space as your own people, individuals coming together in a bond, rather than both leaning solely on each other. Also, a breeding ground for codependency which kind of isolates you and/or sets you up to a exclusive state of mind. Maybe you are missing some more good people who can love you (platonically), who you can learn from and vice versa and who can be your go to if you ever have some issue with your own partner, which is normal and healthy. Not just anyone but someone who can be a part of your life in a good way. And the biggest tip I've received from my therapist is that a partner should be your cheery on top, not the basis for your happiness. Not sure if anyone wants to read this but I mean well, I swear 😭
Remembering the start of my "relapse" on anxiety when i planned to celebrate my birthday after YEARS of not doing it, i thought i was totally fine thanks to a year of therapy and meds. Then the day before the anxiety struck me like a bus and left me on bed for 4 days crying like a lil bitch lmao tbh it sucks. I also have been the one cancelling my invitations hours before the event because i literally felt ill, in the end i just told friends to like tell me but not expect much or not invite me at all, they all have been incredible because they just went with "tell me if you wanna meet someday or want to make plans!"
Also, being so affected by Covid and isolation is understandable, but the fact that I didn’t have the social skills in the first place means I’m more eager to make new friends. I find it a blessing that I had been so non-social until recently (I’m 21 years old) because we can figure out socializing together.
I had a delayed onset social anxiety and bouts of general anxiety with several panic attacks. I will tell you that it’s such a strange feeling going from an extroverted theatre kid to being embarrassed about how I’m standing in the room. Racing thoughts are so annoying. I will say medication has worked wonders for me and I hope to ween off within the year.
I am not Gen Z, but I did struggle with extreme SAD. There was a point when I started to realize how much I was missing out on and how much I would continue to miss out on if I continued like that, and I wanted to try to change myself. It was so hard and it took years to get to where I am today (I'm not perfect, but way better) and I feel for those who struggle with similar issues. But they do have to realize that at some point they are destroying themselves by continuing to remain in their comfort zones.
I didn’t know/understand social anxiety was something common with gen z. How you described it makes sense. Covid happened during formative years when people really learn how to socialize, you could have even talked about how growing up on social media impacts how gen z responds to real life events. That could be its own video tho. But gen z struggling mentally is not a surprise lol. Anyone struggling mentally nowadays is no surprise unfortunately. it’s interesting to learn more about how mental illness presents with gen z, such as canceling last minute. Another banger of a video.
I used to be a people-pleaser who would agree to plans and then cancel at the last minute. Then I realized I was hurting the people I was doing that to. Now I say, "If you need an answer now, it's 'no,' but I'll let you know if I free up time that day." That way, there's no pressure on either party, and if I do actually manage to go, it'll be a pleasant surprise
I have major anxiety and self esteem issues which has made me the biggest flake. I don't get invited anymore which hurts just as bad but it's all my doing. no one to blame but myself. i'm not gen z im a millenial.
I would say yes thinking I could and then find out I have something a little bit pressing I need to go to at the same time, it happens every time I try to just say yes to something on a whim, it sucks that happened but if it's all new people I'm sorry that's completely understandable. I only had one person at my BIRTHDAY party, literally BOTH years I did it; if my best friends couldn't make it, it's totally understandable if strangers couldn't.
unfortunately based on the "christian girl autumn" aesthetic I would think this even harder, I know it's judging based on appearance but it gives that sorority house screaming promo video I'm so sorry
i've never had friends so I didn't realise this was a thing until it happened🥲 last october my friend planned a big get together with 8 of us going to see the FNAF movie in costumes, he paid over $80 out of pocket to cover everyone's tickets and i helped him make his own costume...when the day came, him and i were the only people who showed up. only one out of 7 people to ditch had a genuine excuse, that he had a sudden call-in to work, but no one else even bothered to cancel. we waited outside in the cold up until the movie started and we had to go in
Tbh as a Zillenial with neurospiciness, it’s really hard. How do you even make friends as an adult? Where do you go and meet people that like the same things as you? I’m an introverted adult and I work 9 - 5 every day and have little to no energy to do anything after I come home. I don’t like parties and I’m sensitive to loud music and big crowds. I don’t do much social except for gaming online on the weekend and a DnD group. What do I need to do to find some close friends that I can truly rely on or hang out with?
A gen Z with autism that's really bad on the social side 😭, and I hate it sm cuz I really want friends irl , but then I can't even find the right people , and when I do start talking , barely anyone understands me and having to explain myself just shuts me down (plus the fact my mom banned me from having little to no friends as a kid)
Millennial with autism here, just know you aren't alone 💜 making friends isn't easy. Just keep being you, I promise you will find your people 💜 the less you try to camouflage and change yourself, the better. You will feel SO good when you find the friends that love you for you. You got this
Honestly as a girl with potential ADHD🥲I'm the odd one out too....🤗but don't worry I actually think you are pretty cool.🙃I would love to be your friend
Gen z with autism! I really feel that. I have a really hard time communicating and connecting with others, because I’m super awkward and hard to understand.
As a Gen z, if I'm invited somewhere and I want to go, I'm going. I hate cancelling on people because it makes me feel bad. If I don't really want to go, I will politely decline the invite. I'm not the best at social situations and I have a hard time talking to people I don't know, but I would be so happy if a stranger invited me over to make bracelets. Maybe not at their house though
Same!! I’m an older Gen Z and have pretty crippling anxiety… But I also have empathy. I try my best to show up for everyone but if there’s a day where I really can’t, I’m honest about why. I have one friend/couple that cancels everything. I’ve stopped asking them to do anything, and even when they make the plans, they cancel. They also lie every single time and it’s usually ridiculous - my favorite was being that they couldn’t come because they had to go to the Department of Motor Vehicles on a Sunday, when they’re closed, to register a new car that was never to be seen. Don’t do that to your friends.
Me too, I would love to make bracelets at a picnic or something. I get canceled on a lot, so I do the opposite. It doesn't matter how I feel that day, I'm going. There are even days where my knee pain gets really bad, and I still show up. I'm not leaving people in the dust simply because I feel like crap that day. My thing is, don't make plans if you're not going to follow through, I see this with almost all my friends. We make a plan a few days or weeks in advance, but then they would cancel last minute. When I mean last minute, I really mean last minute, I'll get a text that says: "Sorry I can't make it :(" LIKE GIRL TF YOU MEAN? I ALREADY HAVE MY SHOES ON? I spend my time getting ready just for my friends to cancel, it's ridiculous.
@@bone_dust8343 agree 100%. I used to cancel a lot. Then I started saying no. But however my friends still got mad at me, saying i never wanted to do anything (which is fake, bc i'd see them at least once a week, and i had different groups of friends). I think we live in a time with so many possibilities of going out, and we feel like everyone is always doing smth and that we should always be busy. To me the problem comes from that culture of making too many plans and feeling like we have to be busy 24/7
I have a bone to pick with the friends who say they’re coming for sure but will be a few minutes, then keep pushing it another few minutes saying that they’re on their way. Then they change to an hour late while you’re still staring out the door waiting for a reply, just for then to say “actually I’m too tired to hang out”. They are actually the worst, just pulling your hopes along, wasting your time, just because they’re too selfish to say no or want to keep you as a backup plan if their initial plans fall through. Took me a while to drop those friends after I saw more red flags.
For me, it's the people who 1) interpret "be here at 2" means "step in the shower and start planning my outfit at 2" so they're at least 30 minutes if not over an hour late 2) last minute cancel literally less than 30 minutes prior to the scheduled meetup time. Now I understand there are emergencies, but those should be once in a blue moon sort of event. Not a regular occurrence
that's infuriating like why could they not be straight with you instead and waste less of your and their own time lmfao that's such a shitty thing to do !!
Unfortunately that's my sister. She'll promise the moon in a handbasket, and always try to hype up my mom and talk about how much she wants to hang out etc... Then we're sitting outside of her apartment, calling her, knocking on the door, etc... and all we get is "I'm tired"/ "I'm sick"/"XYZ minor thing happened and..." / no response at all until we give up and get a text from her 3+hours later. Every. single. time. Several holidays. My mom's birthday, Mother's day, etc. Then she'll try to say that I don't want to hang out with her or the family because she never sees me... but its like, you never see me because you're never there *to* see me. She only lives like 10 minutes away from either of us.
@ahstiasummers5583 I have adhd time blindness but I still try my best to be predictable. I am predictably 10 to 15 mins late and I will always show up. And knowing I have time blindness, if it's a really important event, I will write it on my calendar to start 30 mins before it actually does to make sure I show up early
I feel like the “I don’t owe anyone anything” mentality is often just used to excuse being inconsiderate and self centered in relationships, especially friendships. If you’re unable to commit to an event communicate why! Even if it’s vague but it’s better than leaving people high dry
The only time I've ever heard anyone say "I don't owe this person anything" it refered to someone who was abusive towards them. I've never even heard it used in any other way. So, I'm kinda surprised people are using something so similar for a completely different reason
@@MoodyMickey oh I fully agree in that context for it to be used. Maybe it’s just me being gen z but in highschool there was a TON of using that mentality to excuse not clarifying weather or not you’d flake on an event, not confronting someone when you’ve been upset by them, ghosting people for trivial reasons without telling them, not following through on promises, etc
This! Like it's beyond hurtful and insulting people don't give me the same care and consideration when making plans as I do for them. Just say you don't want to go in the first place and stop wasting my fucking time.
@@netteloveszebras I mean, you aren't owed a text back. You can't force someone into a conversation. It's just that them not texting back breaks the give and take relationship all friendships are at least somewhat based on, and any trust you had in the friendship. I think that's how these people came to use the phrase "I don't owe anyone anything" incorrectly. They misunderstood that meant nobody owes them anything and if they don't give a little they'll never get a little in any relationship.
I also suspect that ontop of mental health making commitment difficult there’s a busyness epidemic being caused by our cost of living crisis forcing people to be constantly working or studying to the point where people’s only free time is used to rest and prepare for the next round of working or studying, I only get to see friends once or twice a month at most and I feel like I’m going crazy that we can’t just hang out on a consistent basis.
This too, my few remaining friendships (after a disappointing split with ex guy friends being too invasive) were already slowly turning abusive for me during my exhausting full time work last year, I became physically unwell from burnout and simply unable to work and afford to go out to anywhere I can meet new friends. And my thoughts and conversations became either cries for help or a new unpaid full-time job masking, because no one wants to be around such a depressed person. And yes I was going to fortnightly therapy sessions until I was priced out of them, and desperately trying to be positive.
Yeah, that's absolutely true! I want to hang out with people, but I don't have anybody to hang out with, cause everybody my age is so busy. I know I am privilleged, cause my parents pay for my apartment while I am studying and doing my internship, but it's still so sad.
I believe this is the main reason for most of us. Too burnt out to do anything. We work more mandatory hours, our schedules get changed whenever the corpos decide. Also if people have kids, a committed relationship that's all time too. Family outside of that is also time.
I dunno. The event she planned just seems so over the top and kinda sound more like a night to make content for her following more than to adtually have a really amazing time. Like yes its a cute idea but it sounds like it would take a lot of social battery to attend something like this. The reason why us Millenials went out and had so much fun whether it was clubbing, house parties, eating and hanging out etc is because nobody cared, nobody was watching or taking pictures or scrutinizing your every mood... everyone was there to be with friends, meet new people, dance, talk, have fun, eat, make memories, see ur crush (or crushes😉), get inebriated (if thats your thing)... etc etc. We went out to relax and let loose and this kinda sounds like the exact opposite but maybe thats just a generational thing.
@@doeeyes2i understand what you're saying but you're doing a whooole lot of reaching and assuming to make your logic work. This is part of the reason why these things are so hard in our generation, everyone just assumes the absolute worst about any given situation, even if it's something as simple and innocent as a charm bracelet party.
The amount of people I have poured my heart into just for them to ghost me after a few months is... insane. I pretty much have no hope left for dating at the age of 27 :/
Lots of people don’t even start dating till their late 20’s/ early 30’s, so I wouldn’t throw in the towel just yet. I felt the same as you at 27, but at 29 I’ve gotten way more matches on online dating than I did at 18-27. Which was like zero matches, but 2 dates from classmates during that entire time 😅. Just start slow and get to know people before you pour everything out cuz there are people who aren’t worth it.
I'm 21 and for some reason dudes LOVE stringing me along, expecting me to read their minds, and then find a new girlfriend behind my back like I'm stupid and won't figure that out? And I'm ace and refuse to, ya know, dance with no pants, so the psychological warfare I have experienced is fricken WILD
Why wouldn’t Gen-Z be riddled with anxiety? They grew up on social media. Their every move was scrutinized in public. How can you develop a strong sense of self with that happening?
Absolutely. I frequently describe my negative self-talk as a youtube comments section cause it mimics that dynamic in my head. I can't even journal for mental health properly cause of this nagging assumption someone will see all my thoughts eventually. It's wild.
That’s true, and it takes a LOT to get over it. My last panic attack was at a pool party where the guy that stood me up at HOCO THE YEAR AFTER COVID FINISHED WAS THERE 💀 I was never social before so for that to happen the year I enter society again is crazy but honestly I don’t panic when I see bro as much anymore so honestly it’s just gonna take time to get over it, because we kinda have to. 🗿
@@TheKaliMaliangl i journal in a code because of this. its literally not in the latin alphabet and i have all the translations memorized so i dont need a key anymore. the freedom of knowing no one else can read it. i highly recommend if you have enough spare time to learn a code/cypher
EXACTLY!! I lost my belief in people.. So whenever there's plans, I frantically attempt to contact all people involved to make sure that they are actually going to stick to it and that they are all crystal clear on the plans.. But I can only get a few people to answer usually, so it's very stressful.. It truly hurts my soul
@@LordOfElysiumI know.. But the problem I have is mainly when they don't respond.. Hence not informing me that they are cancelling.. So I believe that everything will go as planned until the time comes
I am often having second thoughts of not coming but I working on being able to overcome it. The feeling after the event is happening while I am at home is much worse. Only thing that I will let stop me from going will be only emergencies.
I feel like I'm opposite of this as an autistic gen-zer. I often do feel the need to cancel or switch my mind but I realize the other person put time into the thing so I end up going, even if I'm dissociated, overstimulated, and not enjoying myself as much. My anxiety makes me go "what if they like you less because you don't go?" and the thought terrifies me as it's SO hard to make friends, friends that actually like you as an autistic person.
Absolutely feel this as a fellow autistic gen-zer. I've started using the phrase "I'm willing to try" if I'm asked to events. It gives me an out if I don't have the energy or wherewithal to deal with attending or if I decide that I want to leave early but still says that I will try to attend. Most people won't like you less because you don't go to something. Most people understand that life gets in the way and if they understand that you're autistic, then they'll get that it comes with its own added struggles. But if it helps, try out changing the way that you agree to things. Feel free to steal "I'm willing to try". Take care of yourself and do what you can to make things easier. Hope you can find some good friends that like you for being you and reach out if you want to talk!
If I'm very close to someone, and I invite them and they don't show they can be comfortable telling me why and I'll accept it at face value. If it is someone new or that I don't know well and they flake, I just never try to invite them again and depending how they cancel (tone, timing, reason etc.) I might consider trying again one single more time. I have ADHD so I am neurodivergent, so I understand a lot of neurodivergent struggles, but I also know that if someone doesn't show up once, they probably will not again, regardless of if it is because they get overstimulated or if they're just not into me as a friend. I'd rather not put social pressure on them again, nor disappoint myself again. If someone is like, I'm canceling because I get anxiety or overstimulated in groups, instead I'll try to do 1 on 1 things with them instead of groups of 5 (the most I can handle) and try to let them pick something I know they'll like.
2 so try and see in those situations if the person doing the group stuff would be willing to do 1 on 1 of 2 on 1 stuff so you can still have a friendship with them but have a better chance of being less overstimulated.
If it's someone close to you, you can probably open up about it and if you really feel too bad to cancel ask to do a less mentally taking activity if it's possible or to meet up somewhere closer to your home, etc... I hope you can find ways to lower the toll it takes on you even if you show up (which is very nice of you but don't be afraid to say no, especially if you already knew it wasn't going to go well one or more days ahead)
SAME OMG. like it’s already hard enough to find people who actually want to hang out with me, so i make sure that i don’t cancel plans or flake bc i don’t want to ruin my chances with them. even if i really don’t want to go, i force myself because it’s so hard for me to meet new people
This is why those participation awards were important. Because they taught children the importance of just getting up and following through with something. Because when you get down to it, most of life is just about getting up and going to school, work, appointments, dates, etc, even when you don’t want to.
And the irony is that the participation trophies started because Boomers were upset that their kids weren't being recognized for how "special and unique" they were. Millennials largely didn't care about them, but Boomers were all too happy to use them as a weapon against us later in life. And yet, they can totally serve an important purpose in helping kids.
I see it both sides, but your take gave me a newness to it. The worst part is our parents generation pushing for them just to tell us we’re stupid for having them
The thing is, anxiety only grows with isolation. Your window of tolerance, how much discomfort you can handle, shrinks the less you go out of your comfort zone. What did the panini do to all of us? Furthered isolation and shrunk the window of tolerance for so many people. If you dont know how to get out of it, to slowly push yourself out of your comfort zone to slowly and safely expand, you're just going to shrink further into that comfort zone and your anxiety is going to increase more and more. Can we stop expecting all the people whos brains have literally been restructured to be okay already? We need to be talking about how to work through this stuff instead of constantly throwing round how stupid and inept and irresponsible everyone is. I appreciate you trying to shine a light on all angles of the situation, the people who feel slighted, the people who actually suck and make excuses, and the people who are still trying to recover and figure out life again.
Absolutely feel this! I definitely think that there needs to be some grace and acknowledgement that people are still trying to readjust to the world and how we are expected to interact with it but at the same time, I think that there are very small changes that can be made to help ease the burden on both sides. I know the struggle of putting together and event only for it to not pan out and the emotional toll it has. I also know the struggle of committing to attend a thing but not having the energy or wherewithal or resources to do so. It's a rough balancing act and we need a lot more kindness on all sides. As just a starting place, I find that changing up some of the ways that I speak about things can begin to help with this. Absolutely committing to attending may send me into an anxiety spiral but if I say "I will try to attend" or "I'm willing to try" then I'm able to assuage the fear and usually will still honor the full commitment! I'm sure there are a dozen other ways that we can change our language slightly to help mediate the transition back into the world and the commitments it requests from us!
While true, I think it's important to keep pushing and making it clear that the extent of people's flakiness is often unreasonable and needs to change. I'm all for helping people work through it, but we can't do that until people recognise they had a problem. And it's often on the person who gets stood up 5 times to bring it up, which comes off as accusatory and confrontational. It would be good if people could just own it and be honest.
Sort of? Not going out due to anxiety or feeling tired is one thing, but making people believe you're going out and then bailing last minute is unkind. If you don't feel like you can commit to an invite, just say "no thanks, I won't be able to make it" from the beginning. People will respect that.
Therapist here... you are absolutely correct. The good news is it works in reverse as well! Taking small steps with understanding people will also restructure your brain. The hardest part for most is simply leaving the house..... so practice leaving when you have no where to be. Or if you have a social meeting, tell the person you're only dropping by for a minute and be okay with leaving. It's OK to tell people you are struggling and most will be understanding, but you have to actually tell them. Since many others are struggling, most friends are excited to have a low stakes meetup to reconnect and rebuild up your social tolerance.
I used to be “best friends” with this girl who I had to make plans ONE MONTH in advance with to be able to see her. And whenever my monthly hangout was coming up, I’d get super excited and I’d go all out. I cleaned my whole house, made and or bought her favorite food, had her favorite shows lined up and always tried to do an activity.. almost like I was trying to entice her to want to come over more. Anyway, I can’t tell you how many times this sewer rat would cancel on me, and like 4 hours before we were supposed to hang out. I started asking myself why I was even friends with her and how she could even call me her best friend. And trust me, it’s not like this was a one sided thing. We texted all day, every day and would talk on the phone extensively for 2-3 hours, 2 times a week. It was always like I made time for her (I’m married with 2 kids) and she could never find time for me (she was always single). So moral of the story.. if someone wants to be your friend, they will.
Is it a "Gen Z" thing or a 20-something thing? As a Millennial in her 30s I had a number of acquaintances that were really that fickle when we were in college and even after. In the time since, I learned: - "No" is a complete sentence - "No" is a valid answer - Don't waste other's time if you don't like yours wasted - If you can't make it, offer a different catch up date, activity, etc if you actually care - Don't just let relationships "fizzle" or "fade". Be an adult and let them know. You will be okay. They will be okay. - Drop anyone who violates your trust more than once. They don't value you. Value yourself.
I'm a millennial, and I feel like people my age are equally as bad or worse with commitment than Gen-Z. Although I do attribute a lot of our issues with commitment to burnout. I admittedly haven't gone out much since becoming a mom, and neither have a lot of my friends. For me, going out started to feel like an extra chore; one more thing I HAD to do, and that killed any motivation I had to do it. I wanted to go out, but after doing all of the other things that weren't optional, it was just too much to ask to do one more thing, even if that thing was something fun like going out with friends.
honestly sometimes I feel like it's an over reaction and I feel bad if I don't believe it but I have had two people, cancel big plans with me, four times in a row. four times each person and it's not much but it really sets me off when they say LAST MINUTE "my parents said no" or "I forgot to do something." It feels like an excuse and I never know what's real and what isn't
sometimes people also over-commit because it makes us feel good to be agreeable and sociable, but because a part of ourselves doesn't actually want to follow-through, we kind of malfunction in the energy of the push-pull. i agree that allowing space for "i will think about it and let you know" is a very good precedent to set
I understand. I am still overcoming my depression, and a fear I have at the moment is leaving the house; I am truly trying to get over the COVID pandemic, but it has taken such a toll on my mental health. I wish the best for these people. Stay strong ❤
I'm Gen Z and I invited 3-4 people to hang-out for the day on my birthday on a Sunday. I had invited them at least a month in advance. My actual birthday was the day before, I had already had a terrible day spent at work where everything went wrong causing me to stay late, and I had made sure to complete my homework so I could have a great next day. I texted my friends to confirm our meeting time and received responses saying they were too busy with schoolwork and it just broke me. IT was something I was looking forward to for weeks especially after the crappy day I had just had. I would have totally understood if it was during midterms or finals or if I was told a few days before, but the fact they couldn't bother to let me know earlier than 12 hours before or prioritize getting their work done to spend some time together really upset me. I grew up being taught to prioritize my commitments, obviously if there are emergencies or other circumstances (including mental health) that can't be changed then that's fine. However, when a friend makes plans with me, it goes in a calendar, I schedule my schoolwork around that time, and I look forward to seeing them. One of these friends has continued to cancel plans made weeks in advance because of unfinished schoolwork.
when it’s a birthday it’s the worst 😭 same thing happened to me for my 18th birthday. i invited 3 people and 2 canceled and lied about why they couldn’t come
Same my "supposed bestfriend" (whose also family we grew up together) canceled on my 19th birthday day off like 6 hours before because he wasn't feeling it....he went to someone else's birthday and just straight up lied
as a teenager with autism and bpd, no matter how bad my mood is, if me and my friends planned a going-out time, I’m going to be arrived and ready every time. If you are a mentally ill person, you’re basically setting yourself up to more disappointment in the future if you decline every social event last minute. I’ve learned that neurotypical/mentally well people will slowly start to default not inviting you to anything, which will then lead you to spiral and think, “why don’t my friends invite me to anything?”. Make an effort to go have fun with your friends, you deserve it :)
I heard someone call it "rejection therapy" now. Even if it ends up going south, you still made the effort right? And most of the time the rejection we're anxious about never comes and it leaves you feeling good and accomplished for going out. I love your outlook on life :)
I have anxiety, autism and learning difficulties. I hate leaving my home, even to a store 10mins away. HOWEVER, you do need to leave the house to survive. There are events you HAVE to go, especially when you already PROMISED to be there. If you know you aren’t going to be there don’t sign up. I reject invitations when I know I mentally can’t e.g meet up with a group of unknown people. At least 50% of people who make last minute cancellation because of mental illness are using it as an excuse.
I agree. I also have anxiety and autism, and sometimes the thought of leaving the house can make me physically ill. But I am trying, and I expect everyone else to do so as well.
It took me to fuck this up to know my boundaries as someone who grew up masking 90% of the time. Like when you live undiagnosed you just don't know what's wrong with you. After that I could stick to such principles
I'm autistic too and I realized that. I told myself today that it takes me twice the energy it takes a normal person to survive. And it's not because I have oversrtimulation meltdowns. I experience chronic fatigue due to autism. I had it this afternoon as I had too much stimuli during the day and I felt exausted. I went to a store a bit far away, like half an hour away by bus. And realized I left my wallet home. I was debating going back home to go get it. But I decided to pay with my phone. Then I was debating going home to acquire the wallet to go to the supermarket. I decided to eat and then leave. I went to the supermarket later and came home to get ready to bake a dessert I wanted to make that takes ages. I had only made the dough and it was cooling in the fridge and I sat there on the couch contemplating life. I was so exausted and tired from the stimuli. I don't know how I managed to bake all the tarts and clean the mess I made and go take the trash out all before mom got home. I can't tell you how tired I felt. I wanted to lay in bed and sleep for 24 hours straight. The problem is I enjoy doing those things. It's not that I hate baking or going to get things. I love doing that. But it's made harder because receiving that much input from the world without a break can really mess with you. That's why I get really sleepy when I travel. Because I want to do the most every single day then get back feeling dead.
I recognise that this works for you, but it really doesn't for everyone, include pretty significant groups of people. It's well understood that we need to leave the house occasionally to be ok, but once already at a severely low point and trying to come back, we don't get to choose to take the risks of going out when we don't feel like it. It's like saying the true advice of how "we need to spend money to make money" to someone who's already in debt and barely able to afford rent. It doesn't mean going out and being bored or a little overwhelmed and preferring to be home, for way many than a lot of people would think, it means going out, and ending up crying in public, hiding in toilets if possible, forcing people who want to have a good time to instead comfort someone through a crisis. Mental health and neurodivergence compounds, and NEEDS patience and safe places to be allowed to be inconsistent. Maybe I'm extraordinarily unlucky, we are all queer, ND, working class for most of it, various of us from abusive families, but the majority of my social circles over the last 3 years including myself have all needed to be allowed to cancel last minute for wellbeing often, and have had to be accepting and empathetic of when people do. I offer a no pressure allowance to cancel last minute to anyone I meet, because I know that if I can't have something even a little like that, I become severely limited in my opportunities to socialise.
Thank you. People only ever think about themselves. They just see the people that invite them as NPCs where you can cancel the side quest at any time because you don't feel like it. I feel so glad I'm a millennial and not Gen Z because unless something is actually wrong my friends aren't going to cancel on me last minute. It really hurts people that are the organizers in their friends lives to be let down again and again by their so called "friends".
for me one of my most prominent autistic traits is my need for routine/schedule and not liking sudden change, and so it actually sends me spiralling when someone cancels plans, especially last minute. I also do struggle with social anxiety but my autism somehow trumps my anxiety when it comes to commitments lol- however I like to think I’m a very understanding person so I never get mad at someone although I might be shutting down inside💀 so what I try to teach myself is to deem some people as inherently unreliable in my mind, and then give myself a backup plan so I don’t feel as upset. For me I mentally and physically prepare for days/ weeks/ etc for any social event bcuz of my anxiety&autism together so that’s why it feels awful when things change. So I’d recommend having a backup idea to anyone who feels like me
same here,, plus people cancelling on me just makes my anxiety worse because "what if they hate me, what if everyone hates me" and then it takes me a while to get back to normal. i hate it when people act like anxiety makes it perfectly okay and you don't even get any apology, because like, for all you know the person you cancelled on has anxiety too and it made their anxiety or autism or whatever else worse. plus it's just kinda rude even if they don't have any of those things.
Yes! And it’s the same people you accommodate for that won’t accommodate you at all. And then they excuse themselves with their own mental health issues and then I’m like, can’t say anything against this but at least apologize (they usually know that I have my own struggles)
I'm assuming that you wouldn't lie to someone and agree to something that you were not prepared to commit to, or that you knew that you won't be able to commit to.
some people might not like this, but it is really important sometimes to just put anxiety aside and do things anyway, because anxiety, at least in my case, grows if you let it fester, if instead of going out you let it wash over you as you lay in bed doomscrolling while thoughts go 1000 miles an hour inside your head. one of the healthiest things i have ever done for my mental health was facing my fears. it’s a daily struggle but it’s worth it
As a fellow anxious person I totally agree! I feel like there will never be a time when I don't feel anxious when I know plans are coming up but I've gotten good at convincing myself it's excitement and that usually helps me follow through.
my friends used to cancel on me constantly less than an hour before plans so I don't even try anymore. i would never use mental health or anything of the sorts to cancel last second because it's disrespectful asf esp if someone spent time and money.
@@Demonetization_SymbolIt is, but not constantly. Not everyone has to walk around eggshells and wait for you to feel better to make plans, people have lives too.
@@Demonetization_SymbolI guess, but if someone in my life routinely canceled because of mental health, I’d simply stop spending time with them. Might not be their _fault_ , but they’re not capable of maintaining a respectful and reciprocal friendship, and don’t know their own limits. I have major depressive disorder, and I intentionally do not commit to things that I might back out of because of depression and anxiety.
My problem isn’t people showing up (unless it’s a repeated issue where you don’t show up way more than half the time), my problem lies with people not telling me at all and ghosting me! That grinds my gears so much and it’s so rude imo. I’m autistic. I understand when anxiety strikes and you just dont wanna. JUST SAY SOMETHING! Please…
It hurts the most when you make plans with someone, they cancel at the last minute, and the next day you see on their Snapchat that they’re out drinking and having fun with their friends.
I literally had a girl ghost a hangout, wouldn't text anybody back, and was posting on IG at a bar with other group of friends. I blocked her ass after that shit
Right now? People just cancel and dont even give a proper apology!!!!! Sometimes they appear days later pretending nothing happened. When you question them "you are doing too much" . People need to know this: "if you cancel every time or dont give a proper apology you are going to lose your friends. PUT ON THE EFFORT FOR THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE. One thing is mental health, other thing is not having proper communication skill set. Friendships right now are hard to come by if you lose the friends you have now, it might be harder later in life to make new ones. Right now i am 34 years old. I can positibly say all my 20s i struggled to make new friends because people are so busy and right now i can count my friendships with only one hand. Also get this, constantly cancelling and ghosting people will make people activate their protection wall against you because you are also hurting them even tho you dont want to do it. SPEAK YOUR MIND WITH THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE.
I've always been afraid of commitment but I'm kinda proud of myself today. Met with a friend and just hung out. I nearly cancelled twice because of sudden bouts of anxiety and panic but I just pushed myself to do it and it was actually nice. I hope to do more of that soon. Of course it'll be harder with larger crowds and people I'm not very close with, even the thought of it now makes me slightly anxious, but I hope I get over it soon.
I'm not Gen Z but rather Gen X and I will say, this isn't necessarily a new phenomena. We just had a different word for it: FLAKEY. However, we also didn't have any of the mental health language or reasoning behind said flakiness so I am grateful the concepts of social anxiety etc. are being explained to other generations that might judge too quickly or harshly. I too have social anxiety and I would beat myself up all the time for feeling SO VERY uncomfortable and now, I understand my behaviors so much more. I also was diagnosed with adult autism which explains SO much. Love your content and I love that you look like Siouxe and the Banshee.
Anxiety is the same chemical as excitement, and I think about that every time I feel anxious about doing something. It takes some time, but it seriously does help with social anxiety. You are what you think, and what you think becomes you. So if you're stuck thinking "I can't do this, it's going to go wrong, I'm going to embarrass myself, they'll hate me." You need to stop yourself and actively think the opposite. It feels SO stupid at first, but once you get into it, you're not even thinking about thinking that way. You will slip up. You will forget to do it, that's okay. It's a very purposeful thing at the beginning, but once you do it enough, it becomes natural. You're exercising a social muscle, and exercise takes time to take affect.
My psych professor gave us that exact advice in order to handle test anxiety. Granted it is a little silly at first but reframing it as “excited to get the test over with” rather than “anxious to do good on the test” did help
Too much time on technology and not enough having genuine connections in real life. Everyone is uncomfortable with the unknown because they are so used to a controlled sterile environment. You have to be uncomfortable sometimes to get new experiences. I’m saying this as a person with autism and severe anxiety at times, gotta keep pushing yourself not to let the anxiety win! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
i think you really made a point there ! To me the problem comes from social media and technology. If i can add on what you said, there is also an overcommitment problem and a lack of time spent doing nothing (scrolling on a phone is doing something and over occupying your brain) and then boom : you suddenly want to cancel a plan made weeks ago among 5 other plans this week bc it just gets too much.
You hit it right on the head. Especially with algorithms making things catered to us, we expect real life to always be completely catered to us without considering the fact that others exist
Im glad you bring up how the pandemic affected gen z. For us it happened in the middle of our school year and even after it got better, we had next to no idea how to make plans effeciently. We're all adults now and getting together is still kind of a nightmare
My experience with people canceling plans is a bit interesting. I am 100% okay with people canceling plans if something came up, even if I'm a little upset in the moment. However, what I really want from my friends is for them to reschedule in return. I feel like I'm always the one making plans and initiating those interactions, so it means a lot to me if my friends do the same. That doesn't really happen, though. My friends will say things like "we'll try next time" and "we should hang out sometime later" but don't take initiative to reschedule. It's more about the reciprocity, really. "I want to make plans with you, but are you willing to make plans with me?" That's what I need from my friends.
I will also add, as someone who's been in the "I've invited you to do thing, after thing, after thing... To no avail" boat: You should try to be understanding and empathetic for your friend, but on the opposite side of that coin, it is perfectly alright if distance begins to form due to their inability to pallet social situations. And if you feel frustrated, neglected, or even disrespected, those feelings *are* valid. Friendship *is* a relationship, and if they aren't healthy enough to nurture it, don't feel bad or guilty if it begins to fade away or sours.
I have anxiety. I can't drive because I think I'll die. I can't fall asleep at night if I don't check if my windows and doors are locked. I can't have interactions with new people without milling over it for up to a week afterward, trying to find anything that I did wrong or weird. That being said, if I make a plan with someone, that means I thought about it *nonstop* for *days* - I considered everything and imagined every sinario. I hate bailing on plans, I hate being late to things, and I hate disappointing someone, so when I agree on something with someone, I'm sticking to it like a lifeline. Of course, people are different. Always and forever. But, canceling at the last minute, using the same reason every time, is annoying. It makes me lose trust in a person. :(
Like, i deal with terrible anxiety, but if i tell someone i’ll be there that day at that time, i _will_ be there at that time. I get it, but like if you _think_ you might want to cancel, then BE UPFRONT AND TELL THEM!! ❤🖤 Fantastic video as always Drama Kween 🖤❤
I’ve been witnessing this everywhere. I was supposed to have a cute little thrifting day with a friend and was ready to go out but they canceled because “it was too cold out” which I understood but I hadn’t gone out all week because of work and instead of waiting for them I decided to go out by myself because I don’t trust them to show up.
I had lots of people cancel on plans I have made and it used to bother me a lot. But as I grew older I adopted the mentality that the people who cancel on me are missing out on a good time, and that the people who come are the ones that I am gonna have a blast with. You just have to save energy on other stuff to get mad over, but I completely understand why it would bother someone.
I’m Gen z and I just got diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression (and I’ve been struggling with it for years). I use to have moderately poor commitment issues. I use to either straight up say I wouldn’t go or end up cancelling last minute because I had a suffocating panic attack right after getting ready to go. Shit’s hard, I know, but you eventually get to a point to where you need to put forth the effort to find ways to cope, and be able to better yourself. It took a lot of work to get me where I am, and I still have things to work out, but I am bettering myself and have found it easier to finally hang out with friends again. It’s hard, but I know y’all can do it. I believe in all of you and hope you guys can get through this journey and be as happy as possible . ❤️
I mean, the mental health argument is kind of paradox, isn't it? Sure, you may have to cancel last minute to take care of your mental health but in the process you damage the mental health of others. Is the anxiety of people who cancel on others more important than the anxiety of people who are scared of being cancelled upon? Mental health is never and excuse, only a possible explanation. I have trust and abandonment issues. The idea of being cancelled on last minute is absolutely terrifying, that's why i never cancel last minute, always write down every appointment, class, exam, meeting, etc. I've got on my phone with many reminders and never commit to something without checking my calender first.
There's a Jewish proverb that comes to mind about all of this: "If You Are Kind to the Cruel, You Will End Up Being Cruel to the Kind" If you prioritize others, you can hurt yourself. But by prioritizing yourself, you can hurt others.
I agree with this! Anxiety is very, very different from dishonesty and selfishness. Just ask those who have anxiety but still tell their peers or group partners that they can't participate in a certain event due to many reasons. It's simple as that. People don't trust people because they choose to not tell them the truth. Why are we so afraid of telling them? It's better to be honest than making the other person feel unwanted, hurt and overthink.
@@haybale287 I don't really think that that interpretation makes much sense? I think being "kind to the cruel " means sympathising with or tolerating dangerous and bigoted people, which eventually makes you complicit to their action and changes your behaviour and mindset towards their victims. Being mindful of other people (esp loved ones) and understanding that you are, in fact, not the only mentally ill person on this planet isn't "being kind to the cruel" - it's being kind to the kind because if that's your friend they would do the same for you, too. Yes, prioritise yourself and all but do it in the way that causes the least amount of harm: Communicate ahead of time that your mental health sometimes gets in the way and it's nothing personal and don't make commitments without having a support system that is around to help you (therapist, family, online friends, etc.). Only if we all start having compassion for others will the world become a less cruel and more kind place for EVERYBODY, including you! :)
@@greyskymy exactly! I just want honesty but also certainty, if someone can't come at least then I know it's not me or even them but the circumstances that can't be changed. But going "uuuh cough cough i'm sick for the 10th time in a row sowwy can't come!" 5 minutes prior to meeting Is kinda dickhead-ish.
This EXACTLY. I have really bad social anxiety, adhd, and ptsd. I know my experience isn't like everyone's, but in my experience if I'm super anxious and scared to do an event but go anyway I end up feeling overall better!! And I always make sure to put events in my calendar and never commit without checking that I'm able to. Nothing aggravates me more than somebody who is super flaky and never finds time for others.
I’m Gen Z (almost 23) and I’ve had autism my whole life. I used to not be able to perform basic functions. Through hard work, I eventually got my driver’s license. I still have a crippling fear of leaving my house due to extreme harassment during my youth. I’ve had police officers mock me when a guy threatened to end my life in front of the cops. I never feel safe in public. Somehow, I’ve managed to have a husband and two close friends. My husband is also autistic and it makes it a bit easier for us to understand each other. We met on Bumble of all places.
As a 13 year old who basically went through a complete isolation period in 2020-2022/2023, a way to solve this problem is getting out of your comfort zone no matter how scary it will be, eliminate the bad friends out of your life. Instead of thinking you can't, be like "yk what I can and I'm gonna make some friends", we got this guys ❤️
i totally get why that girl ended up canceling even if there was one girl still willing to go. after all that rejection, i know i wouldn’t be in the mindset to host. there have been so many events my friends and i don’t want to go to but when we commit, we still follow through! even if it’s only for a little while. and sometimes we end up having a lot of fun and staying longer than we thought!
Investing time and energy into yourself, friends, love partners, or a job, will make a future feel more promising. The grass is greener where you water it.
I think selfishness has also become such a massive issue in our society too, or at least empathy Relationship sometimes (depending on variety) you also need to do things out of your comfort zone, you learn and grow from it
i'm a gen z with anxiety, depression and autism. when i started uni, i met amazing people whom i'm now proud to call my friends. in the beginning, though, it was really tough for all of us in regards to me cancelling at the last minute. they like to go out and go to parties, and i would like to try and do that just a bit more often, but every time when the day came, i got panic attacks. i was afraid that if i said that i didn't want to come from the get-go, they would think that i don't like them. so i tried desperately to force myself to go, but it just wouldn't work. in the end, i sat them down and explained myself so that they would understand that i'm not just making up excuses. one of them even confined in me and said that they always feel hurt when someone cancels on them because they've had very bad experiences with people not honouring commitments that they. gladly, we were able to talk it out, and they assured me that it's ok if i just say that i can't upfront. i got extremely lucky because i met people who, despite it being really hard at times, are willing to be understanding of my mental health
I’m gen Z and I recently developed an issue with commitment. I had a severe mental breakdown last fall so I took this semester off. I’m looking into volunteering to occupy the time. However, due to a mix of social and general anxiety, depression, and not having my meds on the wrong dosage, I’m unable to commit to anything. It sends me into a panic. Idk what it is (maybe the expectation that I’ll have to show up and talk to people?) but I’m unable to even meet up with my former roommate for a coffee. I’ve recognised that it’s a major issue and, hopefully, when I’m feeling better and my meds are sorted, I’ll be able to commit to something.
Meds aren't going to make this go away, only figuring out what it is about committing to plans will. meds only help manage the symptoms but they never be the cure for a mental health issue. What is it about making a commitment that causes you so much panic? I think you should try giving this some more though, maybe even recreate the situation mentally and examine the emotions you feel and figure them out from there.
I mean I get that people have anxiety when it comes to gatherings or they genuinely can't come bc they're busy but when I hosted my sweet 16 my sister had spent almost $500 for everything and I invited A LOT of friends and family and everyone cancelled on me and I thought it's okay bc I still had my close friend with me who I sharing my birthday party with bc she never had a proper party and she ended up getting mad bc of my disabled brother bc he was tapping on her shoulder, and remind you that isn't new to her she KNOWS that my brother is special and the fact she threw a pissy fit about it and left made me upset bc I wanted to spend that special day with her since she never got a proper party
I have so much guilt over my lack of friendship skills. I have never been one to flake or cancel, if I made a plan I’m going, even if I’m not doing well. That being said, I have fallen into a consistent pattern of having a friend, keeping in contact, hanging out regularly, and then inevitably my mental health tanks. It’s not just friends either, it’s my own family, and myself. It gets so bad I am not caring for myself, and seeing a text from a loved one feels so overwhelming I just ‘will reply later’ and then weeks pass and I feel so disconnected from everyone at that point (and like they’re reasonably disappointed in me) that most friendships just fall off. I hate this about myself. I am so lonely on a regular basis but at this point I feel like such a bad friend that there’s no point in even trying
Friends and family would likely understand if you explain it, just like you did here. You put this struggle to words very well. It helps when those close to you know the reasons behind your difficulties with staying in touch, and that you still care even when you’re not able show it as often as you’d like to. I’m sure they’re still happy to hear from you, even if you can’t do it very regularly. They might want to offer some form of support too. That being said, even if your loved ones are very loving and understanding, these issues are still tough to deal with. But it’s almost always worth the struggle to keep trying, to find ways to take care of yourself and restore dear friendships.
The first story I can relate to sooo sooooo much. I was always bullied in school but also raised to be nice and inviting the whole class for a birthday and so I did. I even rented a little party place in the village and bought very much tacos, chips, candy etcetera. My parents and I was sure most of them would come because barely no one had cancelled. However: in the end only ONE girl came and I was so sad I told her she was free to go home if she wanted. My four siblings ended up eating what I bought and we had to pay and clean for a local we didn’t got any use of. It was absolutely cruel. Also: we were extremely poor so it was really much money for us buying such quantities as well as renting this place. And the day after - in school - most of them made fun of me that I had believed anyone would come by free will. 💔
No that yapping was an important part though. You should veiw it from both sides. Like the first few times you should be totally understanding that life happens wether its mental illness or just life. But at the same time even if its a legitimate excuse to the cancelatization of plans. If its the 15th time in a row. That person probably isnt going to hit you up as often or at all, just depending on the situation. Both are valid, both can suck and both can be frustrating.
for my 18th birthday, I planned a beach day and invited all my close girlfriends as well as my boyfriend at the time and his close friends, who were also my friends. As I was setting up things with my family and my boyfriend, I kept getting texts from my friends one by one canceling last minute either because they weren’t feeling well or something came up. I got super discouraged that my all my own friends weren’t able to come but all of my boyfriend’s friends were able to make it. I was so disappointed and sad that my own friends, some of which I had known since elementary school, couldn’t make it for my 18th birthday but my boyfriend and his friends cared enough for me to come after only knowing them for about a year. I’m 24 now and I still get anxiety about making plans for my birthday because I’m scared no one will show up like that day. However, I’ve made better friends who go out of their way in order to show up for my events because I show up to theirs and I invest in our friendships through gifts and quality time so it’s definitely a two-way street!
I’m really sorry that happened to you on your birthday, but I’m glad it lead to you making better friends. People make time for things that are important to them and I’m glad you’ve found folks who value your friendship.
My friend group all have this, including myself. We all share similar traumas and mental illnesses, so we understand that it's difficult to go outside. But if they're your friends, you make compromises like hanging out one-on-one or just staying home on a call and doing something at home. Sometimes, if it's really bad, one of us will go over to help the other prepare to go out and leave the house together. It's frustrating but communication is key and I love my girlies so much for that.
People nowadays seem so much more dangerous so that can be a factor too. It’s hard to know who to trust so that also makes meeting new people difficult.
Thats actaully not true tho. You know how hard it is to get away with a crime these days? In the 70s-90's serial killers coukd get away with like dozens of victims going missing and nobody knew. That could NEVER happem today. Roads are safer, apps make things safer. Alot less drinking then back in the day.
im okay with people showing up late or cancelling but when it happens EVERY SINGLE TIME i start to feel like they just don’t care about me or respect my time. i have autism and adhd so i get it but if you’re always 2 hours late or always flaking on me but make time for others then im just gonna stop trying.
As a Gen Z with autism and anxiety it gets so hard to do things. I get so much anxiety just from making plans to sleep over at my best friend's house even though I've been there SO many times and I absolutely love and trust them. It's so bad that I can't sleep very well and it makes me physically sick to my stomach. Covid lockdown was just another summer to me because most of my "friends" never invited me to things so I was always isolated making my social skills even worse. I've managed to push past some of my anxiety to hang out with people which has helped tremendously but I still have several moments of "I can't do it"
I'm not gen z but I cancel because nobody actually want me to be there Always.. and every single invitation is a last minute thing because they remember I exist and always comes from the person they invited that is living with me reminding them I exist I cancel because every time I go nobody talk to me except out of pity and they don't invite me anymore cause I cancel. It's tough keeping the commitments if no one expects you to and you have a friend who everyone wants to be there and is going regardless with you or without but that just my situation and I think some people are like me I can't be the only introvert here cause that would be sad and hilarious
Mentle health excuse or not if I was her and that happened often enough especially like how everyone but one friend cancelled I'd be questioning the friendship and wondering what is going on I don't know about
Millennial! I am a serious hermit but I love to do things, but yeah getting out is hard sometimes. Even walking 20 minutes to my library to drop off or pick up a book is so stressful and I have to hype myself up to go. I have gone to a bunch of parties or events I really didn’t want to go to but I end up having a good time or experience. Back in college I was invited to a Halloween party and as I was getting ready, I felt more inclined to just call it quits and take a nap. I went anyway and ended up meeting my person who I hit it off with instantly. We're still together and it's been almost 16 years! It's hard still but I just try to power through doing social things.
I remember when my own bio-dad would cancel on meeting me the first time it happened I was 6 I was so excited and nervous emotions were taking over me so much I ended up puking then later found out my bio-dad canceled, now I don’t really make that many plans cause I feel like people will cancel on me, and I probably wasn’t yknow good enough for them to stick to their word, I’m sure a lot of people might have had something close maybe even the same experience and now I’m one of those people that sometimes cancel on plans or force myself to suck it up and deal with it.
As a gen z, I do struggle honouring my commitments. It's not that I dont want to hang out with them, I just cant sometimes. I really try but sometimes its just too much whether thats mental health or whatever. And it really sucks. Im sorry to see others are experiencing the other end of that cause trust me, I understand how frustrating that can be.
The part when you said you'd rather not go out than let your friends deal with your panic attack hit so hard for me. Ive said no to going out with my friend's so much just because i don't want them dealing with my constant down and sad mood. And its always the same feelings of guilt after i bail on them
Also, the first girl should have Venmo'd everyone who RSVP'd yes and cancelled for their portion of the bracelet stuff and food. It would at least drive home to the girls that cancelled that the host had prepped a LOT for them and it wasnt ~no big deal~ that they all flaked last minute.
I'm a younger millennial, and i grew up having awful commitment issues. I have mental and physical health issues that caused severe anxiety and depression, and made me sit at home out of fear most of my life. When the pandemic hit something shifted and i wanted to get out and socialize finally. I started doing concert photography, which is a huge social battery drain and a huge commitment. Having to stick to these agreed upon and approved concert shoots keeps me getting out and overcoming my fears, and even learning to manage my health in a way that prevents painful flare ups. It's been tough, but so rewarding, and i get to do the one thing that i love the most. That being said, I've also noticed that the pandemic caused the more outgoing people i knew before to become more introverted and way more flaky about commitments. It's like everyone did a 180 over the last 4ish years. Its definitely a testament to how taking action and putting in the effort to change really works, and can really help you reinvent yourself by leaving your comfort zone. So cliche i know, but it works.
i have ADHD and if i'm not sure i can keep a commitment i do not say yes. if i say yes it means i am planning that into my day. there are other reasons i might be late or forget about something but i try really hard to keep my word for things. in 2020 i had such bad anxiety about going out because i have emetaphobia and i was terrified that i would throw up somewhere and it would be so gross. and being anxious made me nauseous and i got anxious about going out so i would want to not go to things. but my mom told me if you don't go out because you feel anxious, you teach yourself to avoid things when you're anxious, and that becomes a reinforced pattern in your brain. the only way to prevent this is to just force yourself to do things even when you feel anxious. it's a tough journey but i've been getting better to the point that i do many normal human things like work and community college and cello lesson and go to shows and hang out with friends. so i feel like i'm doing pretty good.
Your mom is totally right. Forcing myself to do things is the only way it got better for me, after losing a ton of friendships. I will always be 10 mins late though :p but I will always show up.
im autistic. I need to know who’s gonna be there and when. I take days to prep for things. I HATE it when people cancel day of or god forbid an hour before. yes life happens and yes ive had to cancel too. but I hate it when people say ok to everything before checking and just pray that they’ll be free that day. I take so long to adjust to things and I cant stand being stood up. I host events every few months at my apartment for my friends, christmas, my birthday, halloween etc, I always invite around 8-10 people, every time only about 5 show up and half of them arrive 3 hours after we start, one always goes home before the late people even show up so it’s just a constant flow of people and I HATE it so much.
not only is it just commitment: they dont know how to COMMUNICATE!!!! somehow they think things wont get better when half the issue is lack of communication. if someone cancels right before the meet up, tell them that their cancelling means you will miss them because you were looking forward to it. otherwise they wont know how their cancelling will affect your relationship
exactly! I really dont like when I cancel plans due to anxiety and feeling unwell and already feeling guilty about it, and they go "bruh" or "okay whatever". Like, they could at least say "i hope you're okay, we can reschedule for another time!".
I completely see where these people are comming from, but I cant personally understand it bc my type of anxiety causes me to always do whatever I said I would do unless im completely physically unable to... and I must arrive before everyone else...
Going through this right now, Making me feel a special kind of raw anger I never feel. For context it’s a long distance friendship that has been going on for 12 years without issue, we used to call every Tuesday updating each other on our day to day lives, and then out of no where like, three years ago she starts canceling our calls, which was fine at the time cuz I knew she had massive social anxiety. Then it turned to just flat out ignoring unless it was convenient for her once every 3 months. When I expressed my hurt that it felt bad whenever she’d ignore me and all I’d like is a “Hi, how are you?” Nothing more nothing less, she’d always say that it was her social anxiety but she promises she wants to be my friend. The span between months got longer and longer no matter how hard I tried to keep in contact because she claims that she wishes to be the bestest of friends until finally I just got sick of it. I told her that if she’s not gonna put a quarter of the time I spent trying to bond as childhood friends then I’m done, and suddenly after months of nothing she has time. “I wanna be friends, it’s my social anxiety!” I just said “ I get that, but I know when I’m being treated poorly.” I even offered to work things out with her but she stated that she didn’t wanna confront whatever feelings prevent her from saying a simple hi once a while, two letters. I’d settle for two letters and she couldn’t do that. It’s fine if you have social anxiety, I understand, but at this point it’s become an excuse to throw in my face and I’d rather you just leave. It hurts to feel like I’m always waiting in the wings for someone who doesn’t even spare a second thought. Sure you can have a drained social battery, get to anxious to talk to someone, or just flat out don’t want too, but I also have feelings that she never even considered to listen too. There are other examples sure, but this one is the main one since it’s so many years to just. Throw away because you couldn’t, no, wouldn’t even say a small hello.
My advice is simple: stop prioritizing your own pain over the pain you cause others. Canceling isn't a "victimless" offense. Why do any of you think it's acceptable to shunt your social anxiety onto another innocent person? Honestly, just do the thing and get it over with. It will not kill you and the more you try, the more you can do. Yeah therapy helps put you in the right mindset, but you still have to love your friends enough to follow through with what you say. Our brains our powerful and we all have the chance to be bigger than our selves. Even the most battle scarred vets can beat this stuff and they go on to be public speakers, educators, leaders etc. You can do this!
Agreed. There have been plenty of times when I'm really not feeling up to something, but if you respect the person, it's better to push yourself and leave early if need be. But getting someone to put in all the effort of preparing something nice for you, only to not even try to keep up your end is so skeezy.
@loveratatouille I'm not playing the victim. I'm feeling sympathy for all the people I wanted to cancel on but didn't. I care about other people more than I care about the jacked-up brain of mine that's trying to attack me. It doesn't bully anymore, and the people who stuck with me are worth more to me than a fleeting moment of reluctance. I feel like I have harmed others in the past, and I regret that. That's what I mean by "victim". Maybe try caring about others' struggles for a change?
@loveratatouille ok if you want the playskool version: "use your manners if you want to keep friends". If I have to explain why/how we need to be nice to people, then why are you even watching this video?
I am someone who suffers from severe anxiety, i have a long history of depression, as a child i was never allowed to go to birthday parties and i was only allowed to socialize at school or later on via the computer Ive had such a hard time making friends. But i made myself overcome my fears, talk to those people and ive met several internet friends in person and plan to meet more. So if your reading this, I know its scary. Its worth going, its worth trying. I promise you! We can make it together!
I’ve seen this in friends before but they will want more friends (best friend) but don’t act like one and cannot put the time, effort, and emotions to make that bond. They wanna rush it but for themselves when they cannot give in reverse. Then complain they have no friends. You CAN MAKE FRIENDS. I went up to a girl in a mall as a gay twinky guy and now we are great friends. Who did that ? Me. Y’all want friends to FALL OUT OF THIN AIR. YOU HAVE TO TRY! Get out of your comfort zone.the only way to get something new is to do new things. Stop being so afraid it’s literally not that hard. And don’t cancel because of “anxiety”. Grow balls and stop people pleasing . Mature friends will understand, lil babies won’t and then you really did both of y’all a favor
Well put. People just expect everything handed to them. But human connections don't just materialize. And it's extremely selfish to expect someone else to do all the work for you while not even holding up your end of the bargain of saying no if there's a chance you won't make it.
❤🎉GIRRRLLL....😁I found your channel a few days ago....AND IVE BEEN WATCHING NONSTOP.🤗 You are sooo current and talk about most matters that we genZ(😅or just could be my hyper fixations)care about AND I LOVE IT😍.😎AND you post frequently too(which is great cause I hate waiting)😜just know I'm always up to go to yappersville...cause I LIVE there.
Tbh I understood why she canceled on the last girl. She probably felt super unwanted and from the way she said it she most likely convinced herself that the last girl was only coming out of pity. Having 7 people cancel on you in 1 day after spending all that money and getting all the confirmation on multiple occasions. That does something to your brain. I have anxiety,adhd and autism and the absolute RSD meltdown I would have had, would have been insane. I would have most likely kept my composer and hung out with the girl but broke down after and probably would have gone off the map for a few weeks. So I understand why she canceled and was upset to such an extent.
I would’ve canceled to. I’ve had multiple experiences where I hung out with the one person who showed up just for them to talk crap about me with the people who didn’t show up. Stuff like this really does mess you up. I don’t like big group activities anymore as a result, and my trust of others is nil. I’d much rather other people plan stuff, and I just go along with it because if they genuinely want to do something to the point that they plan out an activity it means they are less likely to cancel and be interested enough to have a good time.
yeah, sure maybe you can just have one on one time like she said, but if i had that many people cancel all at once i'd just feel like shit. it might be different for me bc i do have anxiety and smthn like that would have me a wreck for days/possibly weeks, but still i'd just feel too low and probably would be a downer on the one girl who did come.
people love to use anxiety as an excuse to flake on plans again and again, and i get it to a certain extent but like...what if the person you bailed on has anxiety too?? now they're sitting there feeling unwanted, and it probably took a lot for them to work up the courage to step out of their comfort zone and invite friends to hang out, but they're expected to just deal with it and not be upset. i've had a friend group act like i'm "too much" because i actually put effort into the friendship, and it just makes me sad.
Came here to say this! I wouldn't want to sour the other person's mood due to my own feelings about the situation. I think it would be a good opportunity to invite that person out and about a different time to have one on one time, since they're interested in hanging out, but while in a better headspace.
@@merulaamethyst2248 exactly like if I know the person checked in multiple times with me I don't care what happened I'm going. Unless I had like a big blow out panic attack or something insane happened I'm not canceling because I'm nervous or anxious. I know what it feels like to plan something out and check in constantly if the people are going to be canceled on at the last day. It feels terrible when that happens so I couldn't do that to anyone else.
@@jasperjazzie Yeah people nowadays aren't thinking about how the other person is going to feel if you cancel on the last day. Especially if it's the first time you hangout. I think that's my biggest beef. You canceled on the last day on the hour or a few hours before. Like don't say yes to the plan and let the person buy stuff for the hangout if you actually are that nervous on going.
Like I've been seeing SO many post talking about when you get asked to hang out but don't want to say no and they keep finding out ways for you to go. Like bro just say no. It is less pain for both people if you just say no. People think no hurts more but in actuality it doesn't because feeling unsure is worse.
I ended a friendship over this. I work part time as a tour guide and my friend used to encourage me to plan big outings in our city that she hasn’t done before. Like she would say “we should see some of the art museums in the art district” and I would make a plan to see a few art museums on a day we both agreed on including paying for my own tickets and making food reservations and stuff. The day of, approx 10 minutes before I would leave my house for the outing she would cancel citing “I would just rather stay home and scroll on TikTok”. The third time she did that I texted her that I would be ending the friendship and blocked her number. This wasn’t the only bad friend trait she had. It was simply the straw that broke the camels back. I find that flaking is usually a symptom of much larger friendship issues
"i got mental health bro"
- Gen-Z
I got labels too it's not a flex calm the f down .
@@areuarealman7269 Nobody cares about you or your labels. Get over yourself.
I only have one close friend. She’s the only one I make consistent plans with. But we are super close, to the point where we started dating recently. Communication is literally key.
I’ve had to cancel on her a few times, day of, because I mentally did not have the energy to hang out. I tell her I feel bad, she say it’s fine, etc.
and she’s cancelled on me. She says she feels bad, I tell her it’s fine, etc.
We will spend many minutes telling each other our thoughts, making sure we both understand what the other is feeling about stuff.
I would rather my girlfriend than a bunch of friends that I can’t communicate on the same deep level with. There’s only so much emotional energy I can hand out to all the people in my life, and because I just have my partner? She gets ALL of it, as she deserves.
communication IS SERIOUSLY KEY. IT SOUNDS SO DUMB BUT IT JUST IS THE KEY.
My girlfriend and I have discussed MULTIPLE times in sincerity, that if one of us is feeling blue about the other considering cancelling, that we’d try to push through whatever it is and see each other despite!
It's lovely that you two are so close and honest with each other and all that, but in general an I advice I myself got from people throughout the years is that a partner should be your best friend, but not your only friend. And that's not a bad thing, it allows both of you to take space as your own people, individuals coming together in a bond, rather than both leaning solely on each other. Also, a breeding ground for codependency which kind of isolates you and/or sets you up to a exclusive state of mind. Maybe you are missing some more good people who can love you (platonically), who you can learn from and vice versa and who can be your go to if you ever have some issue with your own partner, which is normal and healthy. Not just anyone but someone who can be a part of your life in a good way. And the biggest tip I've received from my therapist is that a partner should be your cheery on top, not the basis for your happiness. Not sure if anyone wants to read this but I mean well, I swear 😭
Remembering the start of my "relapse" on anxiety when i planned to celebrate my birthday after YEARS of not doing it, i thought i was totally fine thanks to a year of therapy and meds. Then the day before the anxiety struck me like a bus and left me on bed for 4 days crying like a lil bitch lmao tbh it sucks. I also have been the one cancelling my invitations hours before the event because i literally felt ill, in the end i just told friends to like tell me but not expect much or not invite me at all, they all have been incredible because they just went with "tell me if you wanna meet someday or want to make plans!"
Also, being so affected by Covid and isolation is understandable, but the fact that I didn’t have the social skills in the first place means I’m more eager to make new friends. I find it a blessing that I had been so non-social until recently (I’m 21 years old) because we can figure out socializing together.
I had a delayed onset social anxiety and bouts of general anxiety with several panic attacks. I will tell you that it’s such a strange feeling going from an extroverted theatre kid to being embarrassed about how I’m standing in the room. Racing thoughts are so annoying.
I will say medication has worked wonders for me and I hope to ween off within the year.
watching this as my friend cancelled our plans for today😭
I am not Gen Z, but I did struggle with extreme SAD. There was a point when I started to realize how much I was missing out on and how much I would continue to miss out on if I continued like that, and I wanted to try to change myself. It was so hard and it took years to get to where I am today (I'm not perfect, but way better) and I feel for those who struggle with similar issues. But they do have to realize that at some point they are destroying themselves by continuing to remain in their comfort zones.
I didn’t know/understand social anxiety was something common with gen z. How you described it makes sense. Covid happened during formative years when people really learn how to socialize, you could have even talked about how growing up on social media impacts how gen z responds to real life events. That could be its own video tho.
But gen z struggling mentally is not a surprise lol. Anyone struggling mentally nowadays is no surprise unfortunately.
it’s interesting to learn more about how mental illness presents with gen z, such as canceling last minute.
Another banger of a video.
I used to be a people-pleaser who would agree to plans and then cancel at the last minute. Then I realized I was hurting the people I was doing that to. Now I say, "If you need an answer now, it's 'no,' but I'll let you know if I free up time that day." That way, there's no pressure on either party, and if I do actually manage to go, it'll be a pleasant surprise
I have major anxiety and self esteem issues which has made me the biggest flake. I don't get invited anymore which hurts just as bad but it's all my doing. no one to blame but myself. i'm not gen z im a millenial.
I would say yes thinking I could and then find out I have something a little bit pressing I need to go to at the same time, it happens every time I try to just say yes to something on a whim, it sucks that happened but if it's all new people I'm sorry that's completely understandable. I only had one person at my BIRTHDAY party, literally BOTH years I did it; if my best friends couldn't make it, it's totally understandable if strangers couldn't.
Post yap clarity is insane
Im physically disabled and mentally ill so me canceling plans sounds like excuses but it really is just the fact that my body just cant sometimes
this situation is basically hw i made my best friend for life. wish she decieded to hangf out still ughhhh
ngl not even from an anxiey thing but when a strangerish messages me for a group session with a lot of randos my IMMEDIATE THOUGHT is mlm
unfortunately based on the "christian girl autumn" aesthetic I would think this even harder, I know it's judging based on appearance but it gives that sorority house screaming promo video I'm so sorry
i've never had friends so I didn't realise this was a thing until it happened🥲 last october my friend planned a big get together with 8 of us going to see the FNAF movie in costumes, he paid over $80 out of pocket to cover everyone's tickets and i helped him make his own costume...when the day came, him and i were the only people who showed up. only one out of 7 people to ditch had a genuine excuse, that he had a sudden call-in to work, but no one else even bothered to cancel. we waited outside in the cold up until the movie started and we had to go in
Tbh as a Zillenial with neurospiciness, it’s really hard.
How do you even make friends as an adult? Where do you go and meet people that like the same things as you?
I’m an introverted adult and I work 9 - 5 every day and have little to no energy to do anything after I come home. I don’t like parties and I’m sensitive to loud music and big crowds. I don’t do much social except for gaming online on the weekend and a DnD group. What do I need to do to find some close friends that I can truly rely on or hang out with?
Ok, the devil's waterfall is the sickest name for periods I've ever heard.
I call it bloody mary lol
sounds like a really fun log ride
FRR
I call mine an unwanted subscription to Satan's waterfall
It's sick & brill. 😂
The girls and I would've 100000% gone to her Charm bracelet Party 😿
Fr
I wanna make one with my friends now ! It really seems amazing !
She had me at cookies and chocolate covered strawberries.
Same😭
i’m a dude but it sounds cute 😅
A gen Z with autism that's really bad on the social side 😭, and I hate it sm cuz I really want friends irl , but then I can't even find the right people , and when I do start talking , barely anyone understands me and having to explain myself just shuts me down (plus the fact my mom banned me from having little to no friends as a kid)
Millennial with autism here, just know you aren't alone 💜 making friends isn't easy. Just keep being you, I promise you will find your people 💜 the less you try to camouflage and change yourself, the better. You will feel SO good when you find the friends that love you for you. You got this
Honestly as a girl with potential ADHD🥲I'm the odd one out too....🤗but don't worry I actually think you are pretty cool.🙃I would love to be your friend
Gen z with autism! I really feel that. I have a really hard time communicating and connecting with others, because I’m super awkward and hard to understand.
@@embracethepanda5514 >:D I'm always open to make new frens !
@@CultivationOfMayhem. 😜bet LETS DO IT
As a Gen z, if I'm invited somewhere and I want to go, I'm going. I hate cancelling on people because it makes me feel bad. If I don't really want to go, I will politely decline the invite. I'm not the best at social situations and I have a hard time talking to people I don't know, but I would be so happy if a stranger invited me over to make bracelets. Maybe not at their house though
maybe at a park pavilion or public space if i don't know them well enough
I totally feel this. Like if you suspect you don't have the energy to do something, just say no! Canceling on people is just not fun
Same!! I’m an older Gen Z and have pretty crippling anxiety… But I also have empathy. I try my best to show up for everyone but if there’s a day where I really can’t, I’m honest about why.
I have one friend/couple that cancels everything. I’ve stopped asking them to do anything, and even when they make the plans, they cancel. They also lie every single time and it’s usually ridiculous - my favorite was being that they couldn’t come because they had to go to the Department of Motor Vehicles on a Sunday, when they’re closed, to register a new car that was never to be seen. Don’t do that to your friends.
Me too, I would love to make bracelets at a picnic or something.
I get canceled on a lot, so I do the opposite. It doesn't matter how I feel that day, I'm going. There are even days where my knee pain gets really bad, and I still show up. I'm not leaving people in the dust simply because I feel like crap that day. My thing is, don't make plans if you're not going to follow through, I see this with almost all my friends. We make a plan a few days or weeks in advance, but then they would cancel last minute. When I mean last minute, I really mean last minute, I'll get a text that says: "Sorry I can't make it :("
LIKE GIRL TF YOU MEAN? I ALREADY HAVE MY SHOES ON? I spend my time getting ready just for my friends to cancel, it's ridiculous.
@@bone_dust8343 agree 100%. I used to cancel a lot. Then I started saying no. But however my friends still got mad at me, saying i never wanted to do anything (which is fake, bc i'd see them at least once a week, and i had different groups of friends). I think we live in a time with so many possibilities of going out, and we feel like everyone is always doing smth and that we should always be busy. To me the problem comes from that culture of making too many plans and feeling like we have to be busy 24/7
I have a bone to pick with the friends who say they’re coming for sure but will be a few minutes, then keep pushing it another few minutes saying that they’re on their way. Then they change to an hour late while you’re still staring out the door waiting for a reply, just for then to say “actually I’m too tired to hang out”. They are actually the worst, just pulling your hopes along, wasting your time, just because they’re too selfish to say no or want to keep you as a backup plan if their initial plans fall through. Took me a while to drop those friends after I saw more red flags.
For me, it's the people who
1) interpret "be here at 2" means "step in the shower and start planning my outfit at 2" so they're at least 30 minutes if not over an hour late
2) last minute cancel literally less than 30 minutes prior to the scheduled meetup time. Now I understand there are emergencies, but those should be once in a blue moon sort of event. Not a regular occurrence
that's infuriating like why could they not be straight with you instead and waste less of your and their own time lmfao that's such a shitty thing to do !!
Unfortunately that's my sister. She'll promise the moon in a handbasket, and always try to hype up my mom and talk about how much she wants to hang out etc...
Then we're sitting outside of her apartment, calling her, knocking on the door, etc... and all we get is "I'm tired"/ "I'm sick"/"XYZ minor thing happened and..." / no response at all until we give up and get a text from her 3+hours later.
Every. single. time. Several holidays. My mom's birthday, Mother's day, etc.
Then she'll try to say that I don't want to hang out with her or the family because she never sees me... but its like, you never see me because you're never there *to* see me.
She only lives like 10 minutes away from either of us.
@ahstiasummers5583 I have adhd time blindness but I still try my best to be predictable. I am predictably 10 to 15 mins late and I will always show up. And knowing I have time blindness, if it's a really important event, I will write it on my calendar to start 30 mins before it actually does to make sure I show up early
I think 24 hour cancellation is understandable but yeah hours or minutes before is very hard because a lot of us do make efforts
I feel like the “I don’t owe anyone anything” mentality is often just used to excuse being inconsiderate and self centered in relationships, especially friendships. If you’re unable to commit to an event communicate why! Even if it’s vague but it’s better than leaving people high dry
100% I'm not even trying to make friends because nobody owes me even a text message back anymore. I give up. Reciprocity is dead.
The only time I've ever heard anyone say "I don't owe this person anything" it refered to someone who was abusive towards them. I've never even heard it used in any other way. So, I'm kinda surprised people are using something so similar for a completely different reason
@@MoodyMickey oh I fully agree in that context for it to be used. Maybe it’s just me being gen z but in highschool there was a TON of using that mentality to excuse not clarifying weather or not you’d flake on an event, not confronting someone when you’ve been upset by them, ghosting people for trivial reasons without telling them, not following through on promises, etc
This! Like it's beyond hurtful and insulting people don't give me the same care and consideration when making plans as I do for them. Just say you don't want to go in the first place and stop wasting my fucking time.
@@netteloveszebras I mean, you aren't owed a text back. You can't force someone into a conversation.
It's just that them not texting back breaks the give and take relationship all friendships are at least somewhat based on, and any trust you had in the friendship.
I think that's how these people came to use the phrase "I don't owe anyone anything" incorrectly. They misunderstood that meant nobody owes them anything and if they don't give a little they'll never get a little in any relationship.
I also suspect that ontop of mental health making commitment difficult there’s a busyness epidemic being caused by our cost of living crisis forcing people to be constantly working or studying to the point where people’s only free time is used to rest and prepare for the next round of working or studying, I only get to see friends once or twice a month at most and I feel like I’m going crazy that we can’t just hang out on a consistent basis.
Totally agree. At least you have friends. I’m hanging.
this right here. i get 2 days off a week and im EXHAUSTED those days 😭😭
This too, my few remaining friendships (after a disappointing split with ex guy friends being too invasive) were already slowly turning abusive for me during my exhausting full time work last year, I became physically unwell from burnout and simply unable to work and afford to go out to anywhere I can meet new friends. And my thoughts and conversations became either cries for help or a new unpaid full-time job masking, because no one wants to be around such a depressed person.
And yes I was going to fortnightly therapy sessions until I was priced out of them, and desperately trying to be positive.
Yeah, that's absolutely true! I want to hang out with people, but I don't have anybody to hang out with, cause everybody my age is so busy. I know I am privilleged, cause my parents pay for my apartment while I am studying and doing my internship, but it's still so sad.
I believe this is the main reason for most of us. Too burnt out to do anything. We work more mandatory hours, our schedules get changed whenever the corpos decide. Also if people have kids, a committed relationship that's all time too. Family outside of that is also time.
I feel so bad for the first girl, she put so much into it and ended up canceling. I also feel bad for the one girl that was going to show up!
Fr I'd be like "I was the only one loyal enough to not cancel on you and you cancelled on me? We're done" 😂
I think she should have rearranged with the only girl who wanted to go. She could have ended up being a great friend
I dunno. The event she planned just seems so over the top and kinda sound more like a night to make content for her following more than to adtually have a really amazing time. Like yes its a cute idea but it sounds like it would take a lot of social battery to attend something like this. The reason why us Millenials went out and had so much fun whether it was clubbing, house parties, eating and hanging out etc is because nobody cared, nobody was watching or taking pictures or scrutinizing your every mood... everyone was there to be with friends, meet new people, dance, talk, have fun, eat, make memories, see ur crush (or crushes😉), get inebriated (if thats your thing)... etc etc. We went out to relax and let loose and this kinda sounds like the exact opposite but maybe thats just a generational thing.
@@doeeyes2 how is a bracelet making party "over the top?" Just show up, do some crafts, and if you don't want your picture taken, just tell them that.
@@doeeyes2i understand what you're saying but you're doing a whooole lot of reaching and assuming to make your logic work. This is part of the reason why these things are so hard in our generation, everyone just assumes the absolute worst about any given situation, even if it's something as simple and innocent as a charm bracelet party.
The amount of people I have poured my heart into just for them to ghost me after a few months is... insane. I pretty much have no hope left for dating at the age of 27 :/
Lots of people don’t even start dating till their late 20’s/ early 30’s, so I wouldn’t throw in the towel just yet. I felt the same as you at 27, but at 29 I’ve gotten way more matches on online dating than I did at 18-27. Which was like zero matches, but 2 dates from classmates during that entire time 😅. Just start slow and get to know people before you pour everything out cuz there are people who aren’t worth it.
Online dating is trash.
I'm 21 and for some reason dudes LOVE stringing me along, expecting me to read their minds, and then find a new girlfriend behind my back like I'm stupid and won't figure that out? And I'm ace and refuse to, ya know, dance with no pants, so the psychological warfare I have experienced is fricken WILD
ppl who ghost others and just leave them to wonder if they're the problem are the worst. my best friend is in the worst state bc of ppl like that.
BRUTAL
Why wouldn’t Gen-Z be riddled with anxiety? They grew up on social media. Their every move was scrutinized in public. How can you develop a strong sense of self with that happening?
I know we were fucked over by the internet but wow I’ve never thought of it like that- it’s damn true
Absolutely. I frequently describe my negative self-talk as a youtube comments section cause it mimics that dynamic in my head. I can't even journal for mental health properly cause of this nagging assumption someone will see all my thoughts eventually. It's wild.
That’s true, and it takes a LOT to get over it. My last panic attack was at a pool party where the guy that stood me up at HOCO THE YEAR AFTER COVID FINISHED WAS THERE 💀 I was never social before so for that to happen the year I enter society again is crazy but honestly I don’t panic when I see bro as much anymore so honestly it’s just gonna take time to get over it, because we kinda have to. 🗿
And gen alpha is probably going to have it worse.
@@TheKaliMaliangl i journal in a code because of this. its literally not in the latin alphabet and i have all the translations memorized so i dont need a key anymore. the freedom of knowing no one else can read it. i highly recommend if you have enough spare time to learn a code/cypher
as a gen z, commitment is my biggest thing! im always so eager to commit to anything or anyone, but none of my peers feel the same :(
EXACTLY!! I lost my belief in people.. So whenever there's plans, I frantically attempt to contact all people involved to make sure that they are actually going to stick to it and that they are all crystal clear on the plans.. But I can only get a few people to answer usually, so it's very stressful.. It truly hurts my soul
@@LordOfElysiumyes I feel awful, but sometimes suddenly the thought of going out with even my closest friends gets me so genuinely terrified
@@ouinelston7883why not be honest with them?
@@LordOfElysiumI know.. But the problem I have is mainly when they don't respond.. Hence not informing me that they are cancelling.. So I believe that everything will go as planned until the time comes
I am often having second thoughts of not coming but I working on being able to overcome it. The feeling after the event is happening while I am at home is much worse.
Only thing that I will let stop me from going will be only emergencies.
I feel like I'm opposite of this as an autistic gen-zer. I often do feel the need to cancel or switch my mind but I realize the other person put time into the thing so I end up going, even if I'm dissociated, overstimulated, and not enjoying myself as much. My anxiety makes me go "what if they like you less because you don't go?" and the thought terrifies me as it's SO hard to make friends, friends that actually like you as an autistic person.
Absolutely feel this as a fellow autistic gen-zer. I've started using the phrase "I'm willing to try" if I'm asked to events. It gives me an out if I don't have the energy or wherewithal to deal with attending or if I decide that I want to leave early but still says that I will try to attend.
Most people won't like you less because you don't go to something. Most people understand that life gets in the way and if they understand that you're autistic, then they'll get that it comes with its own added struggles. But if it helps, try out changing the way that you agree to things. Feel free to steal "I'm willing to try". Take care of yourself and do what you can to make things easier.
Hope you can find some good friends that like you for being you and reach out if you want to talk!
If I'm very close to someone, and I invite them and they don't show they can be comfortable telling me why and I'll accept it at face value. If it is someone new or that I don't know well and they flake, I just never try to invite them again and depending how they cancel (tone, timing, reason etc.) I might consider trying again one single more time.
I have ADHD so I am neurodivergent, so I understand a lot of neurodivergent struggles, but I also know that if someone doesn't show up once, they probably will not again, regardless of if it is because they get overstimulated or if they're just not into me as a friend. I'd rather not put social pressure on them again, nor disappoint myself again.
If someone is like, I'm canceling because I get anxiety or overstimulated in groups, instead I'll try to do 1 on 1 things with them instead of groups of 5 (the most I can handle) and try to let them pick something I know they'll like.
2 so try and see in those situations if the person doing the group stuff would be willing to do 1 on 1 of 2 on 1 stuff so you can still have a friendship with them but have a better chance of being less overstimulated.
If it's someone close to you, you can probably open up about it and if you really feel too bad to cancel ask to do a less mentally taking activity if it's possible or to meet up somewhere closer to your home, etc... I hope you can find ways to lower the toll it takes on you even if you show up (which is very nice of you but don't be afraid to say no, especially if you already knew it wasn't going to go well one or more days ahead)
SAME OMG. like it’s already hard enough to find people who actually want to hang out with me, so i make sure that i don’t cancel plans or flake bc i don’t want to ruin my chances with them. even if i really don’t want to go, i force myself because it’s so hard for me to meet new people
This is why those participation awards were important. Because they taught children the importance of just getting up and following through with something. Because when you get down to it, most of life is just about getting up and going to school, work, appointments, dates, etc, even when you don’t want to.
Omg, You're right
And the irony is that the participation trophies started because Boomers were upset that their kids weren't being recognized for how "special and unique" they were. Millennials largely didn't care about them, but Boomers were all too happy to use them as a weapon against us later in life. And yet, they can totally serve an important purpose in helping kids.
But then our parents bullied us for receiving them, so fml I guess 🤷♀️
Never thought of it like that, that’s actually an amazing take😮
100% agree
I see it both sides, but your take gave me a newness to it. The worst part is our parents generation pushing for them just to tell us we’re stupid for having them
The thing is, anxiety only grows with isolation. Your window of tolerance, how much discomfort you can handle, shrinks the less you go out of your comfort zone. What did the panini do to all of us? Furthered isolation and shrunk the window of tolerance for so many people. If you dont know how to get out of it, to slowly push yourself out of your comfort zone to slowly and safely expand, you're just going to shrink further into that comfort zone and your anxiety is going to increase more and more.
Can we stop expecting all the people whos brains have literally been restructured to be okay already? We need to be talking about how to work through this stuff instead of constantly throwing round how stupid and inept and irresponsible everyone is.
I appreciate you trying to shine a light on all angles of the situation, the people who feel slighted, the people who actually suck and make excuses, and the people who are still trying to recover and figure out life again.
Absolutely feel this!
I definitely think that there needs to be some grace and acknowledgement that people are still trying to readjust to the world and how we are expected to interact with it but at the same time, I think that there are very small changes that can be made to help ease the burden on both sides. I know the struggle of putting together and event only for it to not pan out and the emotional toll it has. I also know the struggle of committing to attend a thing but not having the energy or wherewithal or resources to do so. It's a rough balancing act and we need a lot more kindness on all sides.
As just a starting place, I find that changing up some of the ways that I speak about things can begin to help with this. Absolutely committing to attending may send me into an anxiety spiral but if I say "I will try to attend" or "I'm willing to try" then I'm able to assuage the fear and usually will still honor the full commitment!
I'm sure there are a dozen other ways that we can change our language slightly to help mediate the transition back into the world and the commitments it requests from us!
Couldn’t have said it better
While true, I think it's important to keep pushing and making it clear that the extent of people's flakiness is often unreasonable and needs to change. I'm all for helping people work through it, but we can't do that until people recognise they had a problem. And it's often on the person who gets stood up 5 times to bring it up, which comes off as accusatory and confrontational. It would be good if people could just own it and be honest.
Sort of? Not going out due to anxiety or feeling tired is one thing, but making people believe you're going out and then bailing last minute is unkind. If you don't feel like you can commit to an invite, just say "no thanks, I won't be able to make it" from the beginning. People will respect that.
Therapist here... you are absolutely correct. The good news is it works in reverse as well! Taking small steps with understanding people will also restructure your brain. The hardest part for most is simply leaving the house..... so practice leaving when you have no where to be. Or if you have a social meeting, tell the person you're only dropping by for a minute and be okay with leaving. It's OK to tell people you are struggling and most will be understanding, but you have to actually tell them. Since many others are struggling, most friends are excited to have a low stakes meetup to reconnect and rebuild up your social tolerance.
I used to be “best friends” with this girl who I had to make plans ONE MONTH in advance with to be able to see her. And whenever my monthly hangout was coming up, I’d get super excited and I’d go all out. I cleaned my whole house, made and or bought her favorite food, had her favorite shows lined up and always tried to do an activity.. almost like I was trying to entice her to want to come over more. Anyway, I can’t tell you how many times this sewer rat would cancel on me, and like 4 hours before we were supposed to hang out. I started asking myself why I was even friends with her and how she could even call me her best friend. And trust me, it’s not like this was a one sided thing. We texted all day, every day and would talk on the phone extensively for 2-3 hours, 2 times a week. It was always like I made time for her (I’m married with 2 kids) and she could never find time for me (she was always single).
So moral of the story.. if someone wants to be your friend, they will.
sewer rat 🤣
not you calling her a sewer rat lmfao 🫢
Is it a "Gen Z" thing or a 20-something thing? As a Millennial in her 30s I had a number of acquaintances that were really that fickle when we were in college and even after. In the time since, I learned:
- "No" is a complete sentence
- "No" is a valid answer
- Don't waste other's time if you don't like yours wasted
- If you can't make it, offer a different catch up date, activity, etc if you actually care
- Don't just let relationships "fizzle" or "fade". Be an adult and let them know. You will be okay. They will be okay.
- Drop anyone who violates your trust more than once. They don't value you. Value yourself.
20 somethings are also gen z
I'm a millennial, and I feel like people my age are equally as bad or worse with commitment than Gen-Z. Although I do attribute a lot of our issues with commitment to burnout. I admittedly haven't gone out much since becoming a mom, and neither have a lot of my friends. For me, going out started to feel like an extra chore; one more thing I HAD to do, and that killed any motivation I had to do it. I wanted to go out, but after doing all of the other things that weren't optional, it was just too much to ask to do one more thing, even if that thing was something fun like going out with friends.
honestly sometimes I feel like it's an over reaction and I feel bad if I don't believe it but I have had two people, cancel big plans with me, four times in a row. four times each person and it's not much but it really sets me off when they say LAST MINUTE "my parents said no" or "I forgot to do something." It feels like an excuse and I never know what's real and what isn't
Four times in a row is a clear sign that the people you’re dealing with are flakers. Don’t even invite them out anymore.
Nah agreed, those really do sound like excuses. Don't even bother yourself with them
Four time in row can not be coincidence. I am sorry that happened to you
God I hate it when this crap happens. You deserve better bro I COMPLETELY understand. So tired of the excuses 🙄
saying "my parents said no" last minute is disgusting because that's clearly a cop out to put the responsibility on someone else as well.
sometimes people also over-commit because it makes us feel good to be agreeable and sociable, but because a part of ourselves doesn't actually want to follow-through, we kind of malfunction in the energy of the push-pull. i agree that allowing space for "i will think about it and let you know" is a very good precedent to set
I understand. I am still overcoming my depression, and a fear I have at the moment is leaving the house; I am truly trying to get over the COVID pandemic, but it has taken such a toll on my mental health. I wish the best for these people. Stay strong ❤
@@LordOfElysium thank you ❤️ same to you
I'm Gen Z and I invited 3-4 people to hang-out for the day on my birthday on a Sunday. I had invited them at least a month in advance. My actual birthday was the day before, I had already had a terrible day spent at work where everything went wrong causing me to stay late, and I had made sure to complete my homework so I could have a great next day. I texted my friends to confirm our meeting time and received responses saying they were too busy with schoolwork and it just broke me. IT was something I was looking forward to for weeks especially after the crappy day I had just had. I would have totally understood if it was during midterms or finals or if I was told a few days before, but the fact they couldn't bother to let me know earlier than 12 hours before or prioritize getting their work done to spend some time together really upset me. I grew up being taught to prioritize my commitments, obviously if there are emergencies or other circumstances (including mental health) that can't be changed then that's fine. However, when a friend makes plans with me, it goes in a calendar, I schedule my schoolwork around that time, and I look forward to seeing them. One of these friends has continued to cancel plans made weeks in advance because of unfinished schoolwork.
when it’s a birthday it’s the worst 😭 same thing happened to me for my 18th birthday. i invited 3 people and 2 canceled and lied about why they couldn’t come
Same my "supposed bestfriend" (whose also family we grew up together) canceled on my 19th birthday day off like 6 hours before because he wasn't feeling it....he went to someone else's birthday and just straight up lied
as a teenager with autism and bpd, no matter how bad my mood is, if me and my friends planned a going-out time, I’m going to be arrived and ready every time. If you are a mentally ill person, you’re basically setting yourself up to more disappointment in the future if you decline every social event last minute. I’ve learned that neurotypical/mentally well people will slowly start to default not inviting you to anything, which will then lead you to spiral and think, “why don’t my friends invite me to anything?”. Make an effort to go have fun with your friends, you deserve it :)
I heard someone call it "rejection therapy" now. Even if it ends up going south, you still made the effort right? And most of the time the rejection we're anxious about never comes and it leaves you feeling good and accomplished for going out. I love your outlook on life :)
I have anxiety, autism and learning difficulties. I hate leaving my home, even to a store 10mins away. HOWEVER, you do need to leave the house to survive. There are events you HAVE to go, especially when you already PROMISED to be there. If you know you aren’t going to be there don’t sign up. I reject invitations when I know I mentally can’t e.g meet up with a group of unknown people. At least 50% of people who make last minute cancellation because of mental illness are using it as an excuse.
I agree. I also have anxiety and autism, and sometimes the thought of leaving the house can make me physically ill. But I am trying, and I expect everyone else to do so as well.
It took me to fuck this up to know my boundaries as someone who grew up masking 90% of the time. Like when you live undiagnosed you just don't know what's wrong with you. After that I could stick to such principles
I'm autistic too and I realized that. I told myself today that it takes me twice the energy it takes a normal person to survive. And it's not because I have oversrtimulation meltdowns. I experience chronic fatigue due to autism. I had it this afternoon as I had too much stimuli during the day and I felt exausted. I went to a store a bit far away, like half an hour away by bus. And realized I left my wallet home. I was debating going back home to go get it. But I decided to pay with my phone. Then I was debating going home to acquire the wallet to go to the supermarket. I decided to eat and then leave. I went to the supermarket later and came home to get ready to bake a dessert I wanted to make that takes ages. I had only made the dough and it was cooling in the fridge and I sat there on the couch contemplating life. I was so exausted and tired from the stimuli. I don't know how I managed to bake all the tarts and clean the mess I made and go take the trash out all before mom got home. I can't tell you how tired I felt. I wanted to lay in bed and sleep for 24 hours straight. The problem is I enjoy doing those things. It's not that I hate baking or going to get things. I love doing that. But it's made harder because receiving that much input from the world without a break can really mess with you. That's why I get really sleepy when I travel. Because I want to do the most every single day then get back feeling dead.
I recognise that this works for you, but it really doesn't for everyone, include pretty significant groups of people. It's well understood that we need to leave the house occasionally to be ok, but once already at a severely low point and trying to come back, we don't get to choose to take the risks of going out when we don't feel like it. It's like saying the true advice of how "we need to spend money to make money" to someone who's already in debt and barely able to afford rent.
It doesn't mean going out and being bored or a little overwhelmed and preferring to be home, for way many than a lot of people would think, it means going out, and ending up crying in public, hiding in toilets if possible, forcing people who want to have a good time to instead comfort someone through a crisis.
Mental health and neurodivergence compounds, and NEEDS patience and safe places to be allowed to be inconsistent.
Maybe I'm extraordinarily unlucky, we are all queer, ND, working class for most of it, various of us from abusive families, but the majority of my social circles over the last 3 years including myself have all needed to be allowed to cancel last minute for wellbeing often, and have had to be accepting and empathetic of when people do.
I offer a no pressure allowance to cancel last minute to anyone I meet, because I know that if I can't have something even a little like that, I become severely limited in my opportunities to socialise.
Thank you. People only ever think about themselves. They just see the people that invite them as NPCs where you can cancel the side quest at any time because you don't feel like it. I feel so glad I'm a millennial and not Gen Z because unless something is actually wrong my friends aren't going to cancel on me last minute. It really hurts people that are the organizers in their friends lives to be let down again and again by their so called "friends".
for me one of my most prominent autistic traits is my need for routine/schedule and not liking sudden change, and so it actually sends me spiralling when someone cancels plans, especially last minute. I also do struggle with social anxiety but my autism somehow trumps my anxiety when it comes to commitments lol- however I like to think I’m a very understanding person so I never get mad at someone although I might be shutting down inside💀 so what I try to teach myself is to deem some people as inherently unreliable in my mind, and then give myself a backup plan so I don’t feel as upset. For me I mentally and physically prepare for days/ weeks/ etc for any social event bcuz of my anxiety&autism together so that’s why it feels awful when things change. So I’d recommend having a backup idea to anyone who feels like me
it’s the same for me!
same here,, plus people cancelling on me just makes my anxiety worse because "what if they hate me, what if everyone hates me" and then it takes me a while to get back to normal. i hate it when people act like anxiety makes it perfectly okay and you don't even get any apology, because like, for all you know the person you cancelled on has anxiety too and it made their anxiety or autism or whatever else worse. plus it's just kinda rude even if they don't have any of those things.
You summed it up perfectly, I have had a “prepare for the worst, make sure you have a plan b-z” mentality my whole life
Yes! And it’s the same people you accommodate for that won’t accommodate you at all. And then they excuse themselves with their own mental health issues and then I’m like, can’t say anything against this but at least apologize (they usually know that I have my own struggles)
I'm assuming that you wouldn't lie to someone and agree to something that you were not prepared to commit to, or that you knew that you won't be able to commit to.
some people might not like this, but it is really important sometimes to just put anxiety aside and do things anyway, because anxiety, at least in my case, grows if you let it fester, if instead of going out you let it wash over you as you lay in bed doomscrolling while thoughts go 1000 miles an hour inside your head. one of the healthiest things i have ever done for my mental health was facing my fears. it’s a daily struggle but it’s worth it
As a fellow anxious person I totally agree! I feel like there will never be a time when I don't feel anxious when I know plans are coming up but I've gotten good at convincing myself it's excitement and that usually helps me follow through.
my friends used to cancel on me constantly less than an hour before plans so I don't even try anymore. i would never use mental health or anything of the sorts to cancel last second because it's disrespectful asf esp if someone spent time and money.
Mental health is a valid reason to cancel.
@@Demonetization_SymbolIt is, but not constantly. Not everyone has to walk around eggshells and wait for you to feel better to make plans, people have lives too.
Those are not your friends. Those are haters. Find better friends.
@@Demonetization_SymbolI guess, but if someone in my life routinely canceled because of mental health, I’d simply stop spending time with them. Might not be their _fault_ , but they’re not capable of maintaining a respectful and reciprocal friendship, and don’t know their own limits. I have major depressive disorder, and I intentionally do not commit to things that I might back out of because of depression and anxiety.
My problem isn’t people showing up (unless it’s a repeated issue where you don’t show up way more than half the time), my problem lies with people not telling me at all and ghosting me! That grinds my gears so much and it’s so rude imo.
I’m autistic. I understand when anxiety strikes and you just dont wanna. JUST SAY SOMETHING! Please…
Had a sex date who did that 3 times and was surprised I told him to fu*k off and never text again lol
It hurts the most when you make plans with someone, they cancel at the last minute, and the next day you see on their Snapchat that they’re out drinking and having fun with their friends.
I literally had a girl ghost a hangout, wouldn't text anybody back, and was posting on IG at a bar with other group of friends. I blocked her ass after that shit
Right now? People just cancel and dont even give a proper apology!!!!! Sometimes they appear days later pretending nothing happened. When you question them "you are doing too much" .
People need to know this: "if you cancel every time or dont give a proper apology you are going to lose your friends. PUT ON THE EFFORT FOR THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE. One thing is mental health, other thing is not having proper communication skill set. Friendships right now are hard to come by if you lose the friends you have now, it might be harder later in life to make new ones. Right now i am 34 years old. I can positibly say all my 20s i struggled to make new friends because people are so busy and right now i can count my friendships with only one hand.
Also get this, constantly cancelling and ghosting people will make people activate their protection wall against you because you are also hurting them even tho you dont want to do it.
SPEAK YOUR MIND WITH THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE.
I've always been afraid of commitment but I'm kinda proud of myself today. Met with a friend and just hung out. I nearly cancelled twice because of sudden bouts of anxiety and panic but I just pushed myself to do it and it was actually nice. I hope to do more of that soon. Of course it'll be harder with larger crowds and people I'm not very close with, even the thought of it now makes me slightly anxious, but I hope I get over it soon.
You’re doing great!
I'm not Gen Z but rather Gen X and I will say, this isn't necessarily a new phenomena. We just had a different word for it: FLAKEY. However, we also didn't have any of the mental health language or reasoning behind said flakiness so I am grateful the concepts of social anxiety etc. are being explained to other generations that might judge too quickly or harshly. I too have social anxiety and I would beat myself up all the time for feeling SO VERY uncomfortable and now, I understand my behaviors so much more. I also was diagnosed with adult autism which explains SO much. Love your content and I love that you look like Siouxe and the Banshee.
Anxiety is the same chemical as excitement, and I think about that every time I feel anxious about doing something. It takes some time, but it seriously does help with social anxiety. You are what you think, and what you think becomes you. So if you're stuck thinking "I can't do this, it's going to go wrong, I'm going to embarrass myself, they'll hate me." You need to stop yourself and actively think the opposite. It feels SO stupid at first, but once you get into it, you're not even thinking about thinking that way.
You will slip up. You will forget to do it, that's okay. It's a very purposeful thing at the beginning, but once you do it enough, it becomes natural.
You're exercising a social muscle, and exercise takes time to take affect.
My psych professor gave us that exact advice in order to handle test anxiety. Granted it is a little silly at first but reframing it as “excited to get the test over with” rather than “anxious to do good on the test” did help
Yes! I will sometimes even find myself being anxious over something I’m excited for because I get the feeling confused
Too much time on technology and not enough having genuine connections in real life. Everyone is uncomfortable with the unknown because they are so used to a controlled sterile environment. You have to be uncomfortable sometimes to get new experiences. I’m saying this as a person with autism and severe anxiety at times, gotta keep pushing yourself not to let the anxiety win! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
i think you really made a point there ! To me the problem comes from social media and technology. If i can add on what you said, there is also an overcommitment problem and a lack of time spent doing nothing (scrolling on a phone is doing something and over occupying your brain) and then boom : you suddenly want to cancel a plan made weeks ago among 5 other plans this week bc it just gets too much.
You hit it right on the head. Especially with algorithms making things catered to us, we expect real life to always be completely catered to us without considering the fact that others exist
For me, the guilt of canceling plans trumps the anxiety of going
Im glad you bring up how the pandemic affected gen z. For us it happened in the middle of our school year and even after it got better, we had next to no idea how to make plans effeciently. We're all adults now and getting together is still kind of a nightmare
My experience with people canceling plans is a bit interesting. I am 100% okay with people canceling plans if something came up, even if I'm a little upset in the moment. However, what I really want from my friends is for them to reschedule in return.
I feel like I'm always the one making plans and initiating those interactions, so it means a lot to me if my friends do the same. That doesn't really happen, though. My friends will say things like "we'll try next time" and "we should hang out sometime later" but don't take initiative to reschedule.
It's more about the reciprocity, really. "I want to make plans with you, but are you willing to make plans with me?" That's what I need from my friends.
I will also add, as someone who's been in the "I've invited you to do thing, after thing, after thing... To no avail" boat: You should try to be understanding and empathetic for your friend, but on the opposite side of that coin, it is perfectly alright if distance begins to form due to their inability to pallet social situations. And if you feel frustrated, neglected, or even disrespected, those feelings *are* valid. Friendship *is* a relationship, and if they aren't healthy enough to nurture it, don't feel bad or guilty if it begins to fade away or sours.
Yup. I have a friend who drifted away due to cocaine addiction. She would ignore me for weeks while posting on Instagram with her cocaine girlfriends.
I have anxiety. I can't drive because I think I'll die. I can't fall asleep at night if I don't check if my windows and doors are locked. I can't have interactions with new people without milling over it for up to a week afterward, trying to find anything that I did wrong or weird.
That being said, if I make a plan with someone, that means I thought about it *nonstop* for *days* - I considered everything and imagined every sinario. I hate bailing on plans, I hate being late to things, and I hate disappointing someone, so when I agree on something with someone, I'm sticking to it like a lifeline.
Of course, people are different. Always and forever. But, canceling at the last minute, using the same reason every time, is annoying. It makes me lose trust in a person. :(
Like, i deal with terrible anxiety, but if i tell someone i’ll be there that day at that time, i _will_ be there at that time. I get it, but like if you _think_ you might want to cancel, then BE UPFRONT AND TELL THEM!! ❤🖤 Fantastic video as always Drama Kween 🖤❤
5:48 this couldve been a bestie origin story! Girl missed out 😢
I’ve been witnessing this everywhere. I was supposed to have a cute little thrifting day with a friend and was ready to go out but they canceled because “it was too cold out” which I understood but I hadn’t gone out all week because of work and instead of waiting for them I decided to go out by myself because I don’t trust them to show up.
I had lots of people cancel on plans I have made and it used to bother me a lot. But as I grew older I adopted the mentality that the people who cancel on me are missing out on a good time, and that the people who come are the ones that I am gonna have a blast with. You just have to save energy on other stuff to get mad over, but I completely understand why it would bother someone.
I love DRAMA KWEEEN she always sees both sides to every story, but she's not afraid to say it as it is !
I’m Gen z and I just got diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression (and I’ve been struggling with it for years). I use to have moderately poor commitment issues. I use to either straight up say I wouldn’t go or end up cancelling last minute because I had a suffocating panic attack right after getting ready to go. Shit’s hard, I know, but you eventually get to a point to where you need to put forth the effort to find ways to cope, and be able to better yourself. It took a lot of work to get me where I am, and I still have things to work out, but I am bettering myself and have found it easier to finally hang out with friends again. It’s hard, but I know y’all can do it. I believe in all of you and hope you guys can get through this journey and be as happy as possible . ❤️
I mean, the mental health argument is kind of paradox, isn't it? Sure, you may have to cancel last minute to take care of your mental health but in the process you damage the mental health of others. Is the anxiety of people who cancel on others more important than the anxiety of people who are scared of being cancelled upon? Mental health is never and excuse, only a possible explanation.
I have trust and abandonment issues. The idea of being cancelled on last minute is absolutely terrifying, that's why i never cancel last minute, always write down every appointment, class, exam, meeting, etc. I've got on my phone with many reminders and never commit to something without checking my calender first.
There's a Jewish proverb that comes to mind about all of this:
"If You Are Kind to the Cruel, You Will End Up Being Cruel to the Kind"
If you prioritize others, you can hurt yourself. But by prioritizing yourself, you can hurt others.
I agree with this! Anxiety is very, very different from dishonesty and selfishness. Just ask those who have anxiety but still tell their peers or group partners that they can't participate in a certain event due to many reasons. It's simple as that. People don't trust people because they choose to not tell them the truth. Why are we so afraid of telling them? It's better to be honest than making the other person feel unwanted, hurt and overthink.
@@haybale287 I don't really think that that interpretation makes much sense? I think being "kind to the cruel " means sympathising with or tolerating dangerous and bigoted people, which eventually makes you complicit to their action and changes your behaviour and mindset towards their victims.
Being mindful of other people (esp loved ones) and understanding that you are, in fact, not the only mentally ill person on this planet isn't "being kind to the cruel" - it's being kind to the kind because if that's your friend they would do the same for you, too.
Yes, prioritise yourself and all but do it in the way that causes the least amount of harm: Communicate ahead of time that your mental health sometimes gets in the way and it's nothing personal and don't make commitments without having a support system that is around to help you (therapist, family, online friends, etc.).
Only if we all start having compassion for others will the world become a less cruel and more kind place for EVERYBODY, including you! :)
@@greyskymy exactly! I just want honesty but also certainty, if someone can't come at least then I know it's not me or even them but the circumstances that can't be changed. But going "uuuh cough cough i'm sick for the 10th time in a row sowwy can't come!" 5 minutes prior to meeting Is kinda dickhead-ish.
This EXACTLY. I have really bad social anxiety, adhd, and ptsd. I know my experience isn't like everyone's, but in my experience if I'm super anxious and scared to do an event but go anyway I end up feeling overall better!! And I always make sure to put events in my calendar and never commit without checking that I'm able to. Nothing aggravates me more than somebody who is super flaky and never finds time for others.
I’m Gen Z (almost 23) and I’ve had autism my whole life. I used to not be able to perform basic functions. Through hard work, I eventually got my driver’s license. I still have a crippling fear of leaving my house due to extreme harassment during my youth. I’ve had police officers mock me when a guy threatened to end my life in front of the cops. I never feel safe in public. Somehow, I’ve managed to have a husband and two close friends. My husband is also autistic and it makes it a bit easier for us to understand each other. We met on Bumble of all places.
As a 13 year old who basically went through a complete isolation period in 2020-2022/2023, a way to solve this problem is getting out of your comfort zone no matter how scary it will be, eliminate the bad friends out of your life. Instead of thinking you can't, be like "yk what I can and I'm gonna make some friends", we got this guys ❤️
you learned a valuable lesson faster than me. I didn't figure that out until my early twenties haha good for you!
please stop announcing your age online especially if you are still a kid
Keep that attitude ❤️
i totally get why that girl ended up canceling even if there was one girl still willing to go. after all that rejection, i know i wouldn’t be in the mindset to host. there have been so many events my friends and i don’t want to go to but when we commit, we still follow through! even if it’s only for a little while. and sometimes we end up having a lot of fun and staying longer than we thought!
when you don’t see the promise of a future, it’s impossible to commit to anything: friends, love partners, jobs, even yourself
Investing time and energy into yourself, friends, love partners, or a job, will make a future feel more promising. The grass is greener where you water it.
Cancelling sometimes is fine but if it’s constantly it’s a character flaw. Same with always being late.
I think selfishness has also become such a massive issue in our society too, or at least empathy
Relationship sometimes (depending on variety) you also need to do things out of your comfort zone, you learn and grow from it
i'm a gen z with anxiety, depression and autism. when i started uni, i met amazing people whom i'm now proud to call my friends. in the beginning, though, it was really tough for all of us in regards to me cancelling at the last minute. they like to go out and go to parties, and i would like to try and do that just a bit more often, but every time when the day came, i got panic attacks. i was afraid that if i said that i didn't want to come from the get-go, they would think that i don't like them. so i tried desperately to force myself to go, but it just wouldn't work. in the end, i sat them down and explained myself so that they would understand that i'm not just making up excuses. one of them even confined in me and said that they always feel hurt when someone cancels on them because they've had very bad experiences with people not honouring commitments that they. gladly, we were able to talk it out, and they assured me that it's ok if i just say that i can't upfront. i got extremely lucky because i met people who, despite it being really hard at times, are willing to be understanding of my mental health
I’m gen Z and I recently developed an issue with commitment. I had a severe mental breakdown last fall so I took this semester off. I’m looking into volunteering to occupy the time. However, due to a mix of social and general anxiety, depression, and not having my meds on the wrong dosage, I’m unable to commit to anything. It sends me into a panic. Idk what it is (maybe the expectation that I’ll have to show up and talk to people?) but I’m unable to even meet up with my former roommate for a coffee. I’ve recognised that it’s a major issue and, hopefully, when I’m feeling better and my meds are sorted, I’ll be able to commit to something.
Meds aren't going to make this go away, only figuring out what it is about committing to plans will. meds only help manage the symptoms but they never be the cure for a mental health issue. What is it about making a commitment that causes you so much panic? I think you should try giving this some more though, maybe even recreate the situation mentally and examine the emotions you feel and figure them out from there.
I mean I get that people have anxiety when it comes to gatherings or they genuinely can't come bc they're busy but when I hosted my sweet 16 my sister had spent almost $500 for everything and I invited A LOT of friends and family and everyone cancelled on me and I thought it's okay bc I still had my close friend with me who I sharing my birthday party with bc she never had a proper party and she ended up getting mad bc of my disabled brother bc he was tapping on her shoulder, and remind you that isn't new to her she KNOWS that my brother is special and the fact she threw a pissy fit about it and left made me upset bc I wanted to spend that special day with her since she never got a proper party
@@LordOfElysiummaybe they had it in them for a very long time and needed to rant, and that’s okay
I have so much guilt over my lack of friendship skills. I have never been one to flake or cancel, if I made a plan I’m going, even if I’m not doing well. That being said, I have fallen into a consistent pattern of having a friend, keeping in contact, hanging out regularly, and then inevitably my mental health tanks. It’s not just friends either, it’s my own family, and myself. It gets so bad I am not caring for myself, and seeing a text from a loved one feels so overwhelming I just ‘will reply later’ and then weeks pass and I feel so disconnected from everyone at that point (and like they’re reasonably disappointed in me) that most friendships just fall off. I hate this about myself. I am so lonely on a regular basis but at this point I feel like such a bad friend that there’s no point in even trying
Friends and family would likely understand if you explain it, just like you did here. You put this struggle to words very well.
It helps when those close to you know the reasons behind your difficulties with staying in touch, and that you still care even when you’re not able show it as often as you’d like to.
I’m sure they’re still happy to hear from you, even if you can’t do it very regularly. They might want to offer some form of support too.
That being said, even if your loved ones are very loving and understanding, these issues are still tough to deal with. But it’s almost always worth the struggle to keep trying, to find ways to take care of yourself and restore dear friendships.
The first story I can relate to sooo sooooo much. I was always bullied in school but also raised to be nice and inviting the whole class for a birthday and so I did. I even rented a little party place in the village and bought very much tacos, chips, candy etcetera. My parents and I was sure most of them would come because barely no one had cancelled. However: in the end only ONE girl came and I was so sad I told her she was free to go home if she wanted. My four siblings ended up eating what I bought and we had to pay and clean for a local we didn’t got any use of. It was absolutely cruel. Also: we were extremely poor so it was really much money for us buying such quantities as well as renting this place. And the day after - in school - most of them made fun of me that I had believed anyone would come by free will. 💔
That’s horrible 💔 so sorry you had to go through that :(
No that yapping was an important part though. You should veiw it from both sides. Like the first few times you should be totally understanding that life happens wether its mental illness or just life. But at the same time even if its a legitimate excuse to the cancelatization of plans. If its the 15th time in a row. That person probably isnt going to hit you up as often or at all, just depending on the situation. Both are valid, both can suck and both can be frustrating.
for my 18th birthday, I planned a beach day and invited all my close girlfriends as well as my boyfriend at the time and his close friends, who were also my friends. As I was setting up things with my family and my boyfriend, I kept getting texts from my friends one by one canceling last minute either because they weren’t feeling well or something came up. I got super discouraged that my all my own friends weren’t able to come but all of my boyfriend’s friends were able to make it. I was so disappointed and sad that my own friends, some of which I had known since elementary school, couldn’t make it for my 18th birthday but my boyfriend and his friends cared enough for me to come after only knowing them for about a year. I’m 24 now and I still get anxiety about making plans for my birthday because I’m scared no one will show up like that day. However, I’ve made better friends who go out of their way in order to show up for my events because I show up to theirs and I invest in our friendships through gifts and quality time so it’s definitely a two-way street!
I’m really sorry that happened to you on your birthday, but I’m glad it lead to you making better friends. People make time for things that are important to them and I’m glad you’ve found folks who value your friendship.
@@treceh thank you for your kind words 💗
My friend group all have this, including myself. We all share similar traumas and mental illnesses, so we understand that it's difficult to go outside. But if they're your friends, you make compromises like hanging out one-on-one or just staying home on a call and doing something at home. Sometimes, if it's really bad, one of us will go over to help the other prepare to go out and leave the house together. It's frustrating but communication is key and I love my girlies so much for that.
People nowadays seem so much more dangerous so that can be a factor too. It’s hard to know who to trust so that also makes meeting new people difficult.
Thats actaully not true tho. You know how hard it is to get away with a crime these days? In the 70s-90's serial killers coukd get away with like dozens of victims going missing and nobody knew. That could NEVER happem today. Roads are safer, apps make things safer. Alot less drinking then back in the day.
I hat canceling plans😭😭😭
I never canceled on anybody 😢
im okay with people showing up late or cancelling but when it happens EVERY SINGLE TIME i start to feel like they just don’t care about me or respect my time. i have autism and adhd so i get it but if you’re always 2 hours late or always flaking on me but make time for others then im just gonna stop trying.
Autistic and adhd, tolerance zero on that. No excuse you have your phone on you. Warn me.
As a Gen Z with autism and anxiety it gets so hard to do things. I get so much anxiety just from making plans to sleep over at my best friend's house even though I've been there SO many times and I absolutely love and trust them. It's so bad that I can't sleep very well and it makes me physically sick to my stomach. Covid lockdown was just another summer to me because most of my "friends" never invited me to things so I was always isolated making my social skills even worse. I've managed to push past some of my anxiety to hang out with people which has helped tremendously but I still have several moments of "I can't do it"
I'm not gen z but I cancel because nobody actually want me to be there
Always.. and every single invitation is a last minute thing because they remember I exist and always comes from the person they invited that is living with me reminding them I exist I cancel because every time I go nobody talk to me except out of pity and they don't invite me anymore cause I cancel.
It's tough keeping the commitments if no one expects you to and you have a friend who everyone wants to be there and is going regardless with you or without but that just my situation and I think some people are like me I can't be the only introvert here cause that would be sad and hilarious
Mentle health excuse or not if I was her and that happened often enough especially like how everyone but one friend cancelled I'd be questioning the friendship and wondering what is going on I don't know about
Millennial! I am a serious hermit but I love to do things, but yeah getting out is hard sometimes. Even walking 20 minutes to my library to drop off or pick up a book is so stressful and I have to hype myself up to go. I have gone to a bunch of parties or events I really didn’t want to go to but I end up having a good time or experience. Back in college I was invited to a Halloween party and as I was getting ready, I felt more inclined to just call it quits and take a nap. I went anyway and ended up meeting my person who I hit it off with instantly. We're still together and it's been almost 16 years! It's hard still but I just try to power through doing social things.
I remember when my own bio-dad would cancel on meeting me the first time it happened I was 6 I was so excited and nervous emotions were taking over me so much I ended up puking then later found out my bio-dad canceled, now I don’t really make that many plans cause I feel like people will cancel on me, and I probably wasn’t yknow good enough for them to stick to their word, I’m sure a lot of people might have had something close maybe even the same experience and now I’m one of those people that sometimes cancel on plans or force myself to suck it up and deal with it.
As a gen z, I do struggle honouring my commitments. It's not that I dont want to hang out with them, I just cant sometimes. I really try but sometimes its just too much whether thats mental health or whatever. And it really sucks. Im sorry to see others are experiencing the other end of that cause trust me, I understand how frustrating that can be.
The part when you said you'd rather not go out than let your friends deal with your panic attack hit so hard for me. Ive said no to going out with my friend's so much just because i don't want them dealing with my constant down and sad mood. And its always the same feelings of guilt after i bail on them
Also, the first girl should have Venmo'd everyone who RSVP'd yes and cancelled for their portion of the bracelet stuff and food. It would at least drive home to the girls that cancelled that the host had prepped a LOT for them and it wasnt ~no big deal~ that they all flaked last minute.
I used to have tea making parties and charged people a small fee. Charging a fee usually makes people show up! :)
I'm a younger millennial, and i grew up having awful commitment issues. I have mental and physical health issues that caused severe anxiety and depression, and made me sit at home out of fear most of my life. When the pandemic hit something shifted and i wanted to get out and socialize finally. I started doing concert photography, which is a huge social battery drain and a huge commitment. Having to stick to these agreed upon and approved concert shoots keeps me getting out and overcoming my fears, and even learning to manage my health in a way that prevents painful flare ups. It's been tough, but so rewarding, and i get to do the one thing that i love the most. That being said, I've also noticed that the pandemic caused the more outgoing people i knew before to become more introverted and way more flaky about commitments. It's like everyone did a 180 over the last 4ish years. Its definitely a testament to how taking action and putting in the effort to change really works, and can really help you reinvent yourself by leaving your comfort zone. So cliche i know, but it works.
i have ADHD and if i'm not sure i can keep a commitment i do not say yes. if i say yes it means i am planning that into my day. there are other reasons i might be late or forget about something but i try really hard to keep my word for things. in 2020 i had such bad anxiety about going out because i have emetaphobia and i was terrified that i would throw up somewhere and it would be so gross. and being anxious made me nauseous and i got anxious about going out so i would want to not go to things. but my mom told me if you don't go out because you feel anxious, you teach yourself to avoid things when you're anxious, and that becomes a reinforced pattern in your brain. the only way to prevent this is to just force yourself to do things even when you feel anxious. it's a tough journey but i've been getting better to the point that i do many normal human things like work and community college and cello lesson and go to shows and hang out with friends. so i feel like i'm doing pretty good.
I do the same. If i put it on my little sticky note wall I pretty much have to go.
Your mom is totally right. Forcing myself to do things is the only way it got better for me, after losing a ton of friendships. I will always be 10 mins late though :p but I will always show up.
im autistic. I need to know who’s gonna be there and when. I take days to prep for things. I HATE it when people cancel day of or god forbid an hour before. yes life happens and yes ive had to cancel too. but I hate it when people say ok to everything before checking and just pray that they’ll be free that day. I take so long to adjust to things and I cant stand being stood up.
I host events every few months at my apartment for my friends, christmas, my birthday, halloween etc, I always invite around 8-10 people, every time only about 5 show up and half of them arrive 3 hours after we start, one always goes home before the late people even show up so it’s just a constant flow of people and I HATE it so much.
not only is it just commitment: they dont know how to COMMUNICATE!!!! somehow they think things wont get better when half the issue is lack of communication. if someone cancels right before the meet up, tell them that their cancelling means you will miss them because you were looking forward to it. otherwise they wont know how their cancelling will affect your relationship
exactly! I really dont like when I cancel plans due to anxiety and feeling unwell and already feeling guilty about it, and they go "bruh" or "okay whatever". Like, they could at least say "i hope you're okay, we can reschedule for another time!".
Take a shot every time she says “honour commitments”
I completely see where these people are comming from, but I cant personally understand it bc my type of anxiety causes me to always do whatever I said I would do unless im completely physically unable to... and I must arrive before everyone else...
I don't commit to anything cuz i don't have any friends
Going through this right now, Making me feel a special kind of raw anger I never feel. For context it’s a long distance friendship that has been going on for 12 years without issue, we used to call every Tuesday updating each other on our day to day lives, and then out of no where like, three years ago she starts canceling our calls, which was fine at the time cuz I knew she had massive social anxiety. Then it turned to just flat out ignoring unless it was convenient for her once every 3 months. When I expressed my hurt that it felt bad whenever she’d ignore me and all I’d like is a “Hi, how are you?” Nothing more nothing less, she’d always say that it was her social anxiety but she promises she wants to be my friend. The span between months got longer and longer no matter how hard I tried to keep in contact because she claims that she wishes to be the bestest of friends until finally I just got sick of it. I told her that if she’s not gonna put a quarter of the time I spent trying to bond as childhood friends then I’m done, and suddenly after months of nothing she has time. “I wanna be friends, it’s my social anxiety!” I just said “ I get that, but I know when I’m being treated poorly.” I even offered to work things out with her but she stated that she didn’t wanna confront whatever feelings prevent her from saying a simple hi once a while, two letters. I’d settle for two letters and she couldn’t do that. It’s fine if you have social anxiety, I understand, but at this point it’s become an excuse to throw in my face and I’d rather you just leave. It hurts to feel like I’m always waiting in the wings for someone who doesn’t even spare a second thought. Sure you can have a drained social battery, get to anxious to talk to someone, or just flat out don’t want too, but I also have feelings that she never even considered to listen too. There are other examples sure, but this one is the main one since it’s so many years to just. Throw away because you couldn’t, no, wouldn’t even say a small hello.
My advice is simple: stop prioritizing your own pain over the pain you cause others. Canceling isn't a "victimless" offense. Why do any of you think it's acceptable to shunt your social anxiety onto another innocent person? Honestly, just do the thing and get it over with. It will not kill you and the more you try, the more you can do. Yeah therapy helps put you in the right mindset, but you still have to love your friends enough to follow through with what you say. Our brains our powerful and we all have the chance to be bigger than our selves. Even the most battle scarred vets can beat this stuff and they go on to be public speakers, educators, leaders etc. You can do this!
Agreed. There have been plenty of times when I'm really not feeling up to something, but if you respect the person, it's better to push yourself and leave early if need be. But getting someone to put in all the effort of preparing something nice for you, only to not even try to keep up your end is so skeezy.
@loveratatouille I'm not playing the victim. I'm feeling sympathy for all the people I wanted to cancel on but didn't. I care about other people more than I care about the jacked-up brain of mine that's trying to attack me. It doesn't bully anymore, and the people who stuck with me are worth more to me than a fleeting moment of reluctance. I feel like I have harmed others in the past, and I regret that. That's what I mean by "victim". Maybe try caring about others' struggles for a change?
@loveratatouille ok if you want the playskool version: "use your manners if you want to keep friends". If I have to explain why/how we need to be nice to people, then why are you even watching this video?
@@Parcha64 i don’t want to have any friends lol in my experience they’re a burden and boring. no one has anything to offer me, good luck in life tho!
I am someone who suffers from severe anxiety, i have a long history of depression, as a child i was never allowed to go to birthday parties and i was only allowed to socialize at school or later on via the computer
Ive had such a hard time making friends. But i made myself overcome my fears, talk to those people and ive met several internet friends in person and plan to meet more.
So if your reading this, I know its scary. Its worth going, its worth trying. I promise you! We can make it together!
I’ve seen this in friends before but they will want more friends (best friend) but don’t act like one and cannot put the time, effort, and emotions to make that bond. They wanna rush it but for themselves when they cannot give in reverse. Then complain they have no friends.
You CAN MAKE FRIENDS. I went up to a girl in a mall as a gay twinky guy and now we are great friends. Who did that ? Me. Y’all want friends to FALL OUT OF THIN AIR. YOU HAVE TO TRY! Get out of your comfort zone.the only way to get something new is to do new things. Stop being so afraid it’s literally not that hard.
And don’t cancel because of “anxiety”. Grow balls and stop people pleasing . Mature friends will understand, lil babies won’t and then you really did both of y’all a favor
Well put. People just expect everything handed to them. But human connections don't just materialize. And it's extremely selfish to expect someone else to do all the work for you while not even holding up your end of the bargain of saying no if there's a chance you won't make it.
That is really mean of you
❤🎉GIRRRLLL....😁I found your channel a few days ago....AND IVE BEEN WATCHING NONSTOP.🤗 You are sooo current and talk about most matters that we genZ(😅or just could be my hyper fixations)care about AND I LOVE IT😍.😎AND you post frequently too(which is great cause I hate waiting)😜just know I'm always up to go to yappersville...cause I LIVE there.