Depersonalization Disorder: A Mental Health Nurse's Experience
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- Опубликовано: 3 июл 2024
- 02:12 Depersonalization Disorder in childhood
04:16 DPDR comes back
06:14 A Medical Student with Depersonalization
09:23 "Chronic" Depersonalization
13:38 Doctors Not Knowing DPDR
20:39 "Like I'd Lost my Soul"
25:51 Getting DPDR in the 2000s
29:04 Having No Plan for Recovery
31:30 Wishing DPDR was Something Else
40:00 DPDR at Work
46:14 Tinnitus Similarities
52:40 Interpretations of Dissociation
54:25 Awareness of DPDR in the Medical Community
59:42 "We do things we think are helpful"
1:01:14 How Paul's DPDR Recovery Started
1:06:22 Going to the Gym
1:10:30 Having moments of DPDR is fine!
1:13:39 What if DPDPR Comes Back?
1:17:46 Dealing With So Many Symptoms
1:22:23 Ketamine and Weed
1:31:14 Jetlag
1:37:06 The value of "I know what you're going through"
1:38:29 Advice for people with DPDPR
Paul Molyneux is a community mental health nurse working in the North West of England who has been qualified for over 13 years.
Paul experienced episodes of DPDR when he was younger but these were short lived and not problematic. But when he started training to become a nurse in 2007 he experienced chronic Derealisation. This lasted for around two years and was an extremely distressing experience. Paul remembers being terrified that he’d be ‘stuck’ that way forever.
Thankfully, in 2009 Paul managed to completely recover. And since then, he's become fascinated by how the disorder manifests itself and is an advocate for the cognitive behavioural model of depersonalization / derealization disorder.
Check out my website and DPDR recovery program at:
www.dpmanual.com/
Connect with me!
/ depersonalizationmanual
/ dpmanual
Disclaimer: Please note that the medical information contained within this video is not intended as a substitute for consultation with a professional physician and is not a recommendation of specific therapies
It was really great to talk Shaun and thank you so much for the opportunity to tell my story.
I think it’s so important that we begin to normalise the possibility of recovery from DPDR. Your interviews with people who have recovered are a real step in the right direction towards this.
Thanks again! 🙏
It was such a pleasure to speak with you Paul, thank you for sharing your experience and insight!👏
Im even scared to start your manual because I’m scared that if i try everything you say and do I still have dp and that I will never recover
Could I talk with you please?
@@PedroSchmith Hi Pedro, I’ve just followed you on Twitter. Would you be able to follow me back so I can DM you. Thanks!
Hi Paul ur story is so inspiring to all the fellow dpdr sufferers can I ask how will recovery feel like will I be able to know if I am recovered it feels like the world v seems normal and the pane of glass has lifted but I still have that feeling in mind questioning myself if am recovered or not and those dpdr thoughts are on my mind constantly
Depersonalisation is all about stress and anxiety. If you say I don’t have any problem to stress about try to solve your childhood problems. Speak with the person that broke your heart maybe. You have to accept or destroy some of your problems in your mind. Nothing is wrong about your brain organically and depersonalisation won’t turn into schizophrenia. Feel free to speak with me Shan love you
Sorry im 14 and i live in england i have started to feel weird and everything i have searched up its not callming me down i think i need help through this its been goin on for 2 months
@@SLICKMKAY what r u feeling?
r u recovered?
I can relate to so many of the feelings these guys experienced. My biggest issue was being hyper aware of myself, like being stuck in my head overthinking everything, compared to ‘before’ when I was just getting on with my life. All I wanted was to just drop overthinking and stop being so hyper aware, just to get back to my life as it was before. Years of obsessing that there was something wrong with my mental health - it was torture. But I truly believe it was just DP. I find it frightening that I went from such a chilled laid back guy, to having such anxious, obsessive, deep thoughts about life out of nowhere! Over time I’ve learnt to deal with it so much better and I’m in a much better place.
I love these videos Shaun, I really believe clips like this have helped me recover, rather than still obsessing what could be wrong with me!
Thanks for your comment Dave and I'm delighted that the videos have been so useful! 😊
I could have written this! I’m glad you are feeling much better now 🙏🏻
I am feeling Dp/dr from 2 months including existential thoughts but now i am recovering bcz i know it is just anxiety that drove me insane😅.....but remember it is just brain illusion.... everything will be fine just believe in process
Are you fully recovered bro ?
I've had derealization for 23 years. Ice cold showers have been a game changer is terms of managing my anxiety. Since discovering how effective ice cold water is to keep myself regulated, these last 2 years have been incredible. I don't ruminate anymore. I'm just at peace. This inner peace is something I never had for the first 36 years of my life. It's like I got out of 'jail'.... I'm still derealized. And now that I am way more calm, I do feel tired a lot all times of the day. With derealization I used to only feel tired if I was sitting in a classroom for a prolongered period of time (or anytime I had to sit an focus on something that wasn't stimulating)... and I mean, I'd feel like just zonking out. Now it just feels as if my body is playing catch up on over 2 decades of running on fight or flight. I'm not anxious... but I am just tiiiiiiiiiired. Yet optimistic... and relaxed.
Thanks for your comment and I'm very glad to hear you're feeling better! 😊 And that's a great suggestion -- for the last few years I've been taking cold showers as part of my morning routine too, they're such a great way of starting the day!
Interesting, depersonalisation-derealisation disorder is associated fronto-limbic dysfunction; that is to say, an overactive prefrontal cortex having inhibitory effect on the limbic system (our emotional brain, associated with the fight or flight response). This can lead to numbness and life lacking any emotional colouring. Rather than calming you down, I'm wondering if the ice cold showers 'woke' you up (i.e. turned off the freeze response and turned on the fight or flight response). Cognitively, I also wonder if being in such an ice cold environment simply draws your attention away from the DPDR, in the same way intense exercise did for me. It's obviously difficult to say, however I'm so very pleased you've found something that has helped you so much.
Take care,
Paul
This feeling of having lost connection to your soul or spirit, and this loss of connection that you discuss here is the loss of MEANING. And this loss of meaning is what causes me such despair and hopelessness. And then I see that despair and hopelessness everywhere. Isn’t this clinical depression, too? It sure feels like it.
I had my first experience with D/R from a cannabis trip around 1996. A and E doctor had no clue. Family and friends had no clue. Counsellor had no clue. Just tried to get on with life as best I could. Was fairly successful. Then D/R kicked in again in 2006 and didn't go away. And still hasn't. As you guys said, only online forums, not useful. GP didn't understand. Series of therapists didn't understand and had no time to consider the existential questions that have plagued me. I'm in CAT therapy now and really hope i can get somewhere better this time.
I wish people could SEE this problem I feel like I’m losing memories of who I am and no vision for the scary future! Driving work friends all is meaningless and hopeless 😞 it’s been 10 years!!! I’m scared I’ll be homeless or in a mental institution if I can’t recognize my image in the mirror! Or keep friendships due to my numbing mental fog 😭 I’m 34 and missing my life!! But thanks for posting …
So relate to this guy. I work in the nhs and with really poorly people and this is all so relatable.
Thanks Becci, very glad you enjoyed the interview 😊
This was indeed a very interesting video. Just shows that we are all human and even those with medical expertise also do experience the symptoms which they treat people for. You are amazing for the work you are doing and spreading awareness of this condition and its nature, which in turn helps people understand it and get over it. I'm doing some fine progress myself, although slow but it's progress anyway :) You are amazing Shaun, thank you for all the help you've given me and all kinds of people around the world! Wishing you the best!
Thanks for your comment Edward, glad you enjoyed the video and I'm very happy to hear you're doing so well! 😊
Km
For anyone struggling- stop searching condition, buy this manual if possible and start your recovery.
Once you understand how funny and not dangerous this condition is, it wont bother you. Like Shaun tells, DP is like a school bully- if you are afraid of it, think about it, asking it to stop bullying you, it will bully you even more… once you say let it be, bully me if you want ,im strong, im enough , DP will find you not interested in it and go away.
And i know its scary, but its scary only becouse you told your mind to look on it like a scary thing. I told myself before some time, that id rather have some more serious illness than this condition. My God, this is not illness but just a bus station where you either stay for long time thinking about journey , or take that Bus to free life the moment bus comes. Its my and your choice what we think and do! Happy ‘recovery’ everyone!
Thanks for your comment and I'm delighted to hear you're doing so well! 😊
Love love love this , thank you both ❤
Glad you enjoyed it Trish 😊❤
I grew up in a super dysfunctional environment and I can relate to this guys early experiences so much! The funny thing is when I was a kid it wasn't scary to me. It wasn't until I was an adult and started questioning everything that I started to wig out. Combine that with a bad drug experience and all the sudden "normal" became a psychotic break (in my mind).
Thanks for your comment and I'm so glad to hear the video was relatable! 😊
So glad to have found this video. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.
I'm so glad you found the video helpful.
Take care,
Paul
This was incredibly helpful and comforting. Thank you to both of you.
So glad it was helpful 😊
I wish more people could see this. This was incredible. Thank you fellas!
Thanks Hunter, glad you enjoyed it! 😊
I’m so glad you liked it, Hunter! 😊👍
Great interview, I was engaged from beginning to end. Thank you both for serving as pillars of hope to the rest of the dpdr community. This condition definitely does not get the awareness it deserves, so it’s great to see it broken down in depth, the way it was in this video 💯
Thanks Kyle, glad you enjoyed it! 😊
Brilliant interview. Paul , coming from a medical background brings even more clarity to describing DP/ DR.
Thank you for your kind words Deirdre 😊
I am from Brasil and you are helping me a lot! I am really greatful! Sorry for my english ❤❤❤❤❤
Happy to help! 😊❤
Thanks to Paul for sharing his Depersonalization recovery story! 👏 And you can find out more about my book The DP Manual here 👉👉www.dpmanual.com/purchase/
I've had a remarkably similar experience on many fronts. Almost recovered, often found myself sabotaging recovery because feeling connection/reality actually also somehow became anxiety-inducing in a very scary paradox. Anyone relate?
I feel like my soul is gone too and looking at myself in the mirror i feel not present, like i am gone in my eyes.
Don’t worry, feelings like that are super common with DPDR. I know they can be frustrating but they will fade away and stop as you recover 😊 www.dpmanual.com/about/do-i-have-depersonalization-disorder/
Difficult to describe but I 1st get an almost pleasant tickling sensation inside my Brain. Which then quickly can turn to a feeling of fatique or a want for imediate sleep. Then down my body into limbs and can then develope into DP/DR etc. I can actually feel certain triggers in Real-time. Loud surprizing noize, Confrontation, watching some1 else in a difficult circumstance (movie or real life) or even very detached things like when you Guys are merely describing some challanging moments here. I can sense a little twig as certain negative words are spoken. Great discussion though. Thanks
It is really true that when the anxiety goes away the dpdr starts fading, it started 12 months ago for me and have managed to sort most of my anxiety and the dpdr is fading
Yes that's right, DPDR is an anxiety-based condition so when your anxiety reduces the symptoms of DPDR will too 😊 www.dpmanual.com/articles/what-does-depersonalization-recovery-feel-like/
@@Dpmanualhey buddy I've tried other programs yours looks a little different is there any way to speak with??
hi shaun,sometimes i obsess with food,like oh i feel more dissociated maybe is due to this food or i'ts just my mind thinking about the symptoms,what do you think about it? i'm confused
Thank you for this testimony! It is very helpful to have the perspective of a mental health nurse and it is very insightful to learn why there is not much research on DPDR and why there is lack of awareness in the medical community. Shaun, could you share the name of the UK researcher you mentioned in the interview?
Glad it was helpful 😊 His name is Anthony David, I interviewed him for this article:
psyche.co/guides/how-to-cope-with-experiencing-feelings-of-unreality
@@Dpmanual thanks! I've just read your article, really valuable to read about DPDR from someone with lived experience and countless testimonies from other folks, with the data and evidence from researchers 🤍
What about Anna Ciaunica? I have come across her work and her interest in DPDR. I have watched some of her interviews and talks on YT. I didn't know about any other researcher on DPDR. I will look for Anthony David's work. I hope their work brings the so needed awareness to the scientific and medical community. Glad you interviewed them.
Could you interview Anna Ciaunica for your YT channel? That would be amazing! I find her work really inspiring: ruclips.net/video/BOMY7ah0SFo/видео.htmlfeature=shared
Thanks for your work Shaun!
Who else fear people they feel like monsters or aliens, and I fear because of that to be in a mental hospital lonely because I fear people
❤
I cant lie, hearing that people have had this for years is the part that makes me want to not get help. I had my first chronic depersonalization attack a few months ago. I'm in a constant state of fear and all I hear is YEARS to get over it. the self awareness is there, I just cant handle it anymore.
Read this carefully Shane, I think you'll find it very useful 😊www.dpmanual.com/articles/how-long-does-depersonalization-last/
@@Dpmanual thank you as i got to 27:00 you guys started taking about the fear being amplified by the unknowingness of the duration of the dpdr. My main issue is I feel like I was the worst candidate having Asperger’s.
@@Dpmanual my one question is have you considered the fixes to algorithms? i feel like the other day when i finally relaxed i got on TikTok or RUclips and it’s all philosophical rabbit holes and questioning our existence. It’s definitely necessary to make new accounts or click not interested right? I have a thought obsession problem that doesn’t mix well with the constant algorithmic reminders, on top of my own brain. Hope this wasn’t too long to reply to, and again thank you for your time.
I can’t stop thinking about dpr tho and when I don’t think about it I don’t feel it. It’s not even like a tress about dpr when I think about .
i keep getting feelings of deja vu and scared of death but it doesn’t make sense
Don’t worry Owen, feelings of Deja Vu are super common with DPDR. I know they can be frustrating but they will fade away and stop as you recover 😊 www.dpmanual.com/about/do-i-have-depersonalization-disorder/
Interesting :)
Very! 😊😊
Hi Shaun, I was wondering if you could give your thoughts on DP/DR as related to existential OCD? I’m having a hard time trying to discern which of these things I’m struggling with, or if they’re essentially the same here. Thank you so much for all that you do!
Hi Sarah, just thinking about your question, I certainly believe the two can be intertwined.
On the one hand, the experience of DP/DR can bring about obsessional existential thinking as we try to search for a cause for why we are having dissociative experiences. This is what I mentioned in the interview.
On the other hand, I can easily see how it could be the other way round for some people. Thinking obsessively about abstract, philosophical topics with questions that are inherently unanswerable may bring about dissociative experiences.
Whatever the case, I think there might be some use in exploring something called ‘radical acceptance’.
Essentially, if a problem cannot be solved (such as trying to answer questions about time, the meaning of life, etc) then trying to solve it (e.g. endlessly searching the internet for answers) will only cause further distress and may bring about symptoms of mental illness for some people.
In this case acceptance of reality AS IT IS may be a solution, for a least then we are not fighting.
All the best,
Paul
@@paulmolyneux9503 thank you so much, Paul! I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. I’ve watched a lot of these recovery videos since I started experiencing DP/DR a little over a month ago, and I related the most to your experience (mainly because I’m a psychology student & have a strong understanding of what’s happening to me, but still am struggling with it). The way you’ve conceptualized things here has really helped. Thank you again!
@@sarahdiluzio8364 I’m glad you found it helpful Sarah and all the best with your studies 👍
@@sarahdiluzio8364how are you now Sarah?💙🙏
Shaun. Do you think you could get a DP researcher on your show?
Yes I'd love that! 😊 I'm trying to keep the range of interviews as open as possible, so watch this space!
what i find interesting is that tom yorks method to cope with panic attacks is to repeat aloud, 'im not here, this isnt happening' which stuns me as this would, for me and an individual suffering from DPDR would most likely make it 10x worse.
You said you were completely healed, did it start again?
@@araiq7005 yes and no, it is nowhere near as bad and its how it used to be. I was just in a bad mental state and scared myself into believing i had it again. I do have anxiety however and this comment is more so directed at a anxiety/panic attack.
@@iiiiiiiiiiiiiii8129 I'm sorry it's bad as before, you have a constant feeling? Triggered panic attacks for me too
@@araiq7005 it’s not as bad as before no, thankfully😁 but i sometimes can’t watch or read certain content as it triggers a panic attack. This is typically any content which touches on bad drug experiences. I.e shrooms, salvia etc
@@iiiiiiiiiiiiiii8129 Do you believe in full recovery
Can you please do a video on sleeping with chronic depersonalisation. Does Sleep feel unreal too 😢
Don’t worry, issues with sleeping and dreaming are very common with DPDR and all anxiety-based conditions. 😊 I know it can be frustrating but they are temporary and harmless and will fade away and stop as your recovery continues: www.dpmanual.com/articles/why-does-depersonalization-affect-sleep-and-dreams/
@paulmolyneux9503
You spoke about patients with schizophrenia or bipolar. How do i distinguish between psychosis and dpdr? My son is 26.
Would he benefit from dpdr "work" if it is psychosis?
Also do you have any idea on why viruses trigger dpdr? I’ve had it off and on since 2020 but been told it’s related to a migraine disorder. But viruses trigger it much worse.
Hi Becci! 😊 So remember that DP and DR are symptoms of anxiety. At times of physical sickness / infection, you will naturally feel more anxiety, due to your body's stress response, disruption to your normal routine, etc. So when your anxiety levels ramp up, the symptoms of anxiety (DP/DR) can naturally increase with it. But they will also reduce and fade as you recuperate. Check out this article for more info: www.dpmanual.com/articles/what-causes-depersonalization-disorder/
Hey Becci I had long covid and what I think is dpdr. Been getting better, what's your story? I'm trying to figure out if the same thing happens to others which would explain how I've been feeling.
Hi. I m from Turkey. I've had this DP and DR for 14 years. I am very tired. please help me. what should i do to get better? And sorry my English is not very good.
Hey Elif, thanks for your comment 😊 I know DPDR can be scary but just remember that it’s a natural reaction to stress and anxiety, and people experience it all the time. The National Institute on Mental Illness estimates that up to 75% of people experience at least one depersonalization / derealization episode in their lives. It's part of your brain's natural defence mechanism and usually it only lasts a few seconds or minutes at a time. It's only when it's focused on as a separate problem (feeling like you're going crazy / in a dream etc) that it can turn into a feedback loop with the anxiety that caused it in the first place. But no matter what caused it or how long you've had it, you can always switch it off completely by stopping that anxious feedback loop. Make sure to carefully read through all the articles and info on my website at www.dpmanual.com
And if you would like to speak to a medical professional please don't hesitate to do so. I would recommend finding an anxiety specialist if possible as they will likely be more familiar with DPDR 👍
hi Elif. i suffer from dpd/dpr for a very long time as well. 16 years. there are certain breathing techniques and binaural beats that help me a lot. add me on insta if you please.
Ok. So I was diagnosed with TLE... and one of the side effects IS derealization and or depersonalization. If I do have this condition, TLE, can I still be cured of this dpdr?
Is the cure really to not think about it for a while? I've had it for 17 years. I was only fully cured from this 1 time. It was amazing. I was fully in my body and present. 100%.
I went to bed, woke up, and I was right back at Square 1.
How to cure anxiety? In your videos you talk about anxiety causing these symptoms dpdr, muscle tension etc., you said instead of focusing or worrying about these symptoms we just need to fix our anxiety after that all the symptoms will fade away. But how can I cure my anxiety? Please help me with this anxiety cure.
Head over to my website at www.dpmanual.com, there’s tons of info and tips on DPDR / anxiety recovery there 😊
And if you would like to speak to a medical professional please don't hesitate to do so. I would recommend finding an anxiety specialist if possible as they will likely be more familiar with DPDR.
@Depersonalization Manual Thank you for replying 🙂
@@SaurabhSharma-yy7hc Happy to help 😊
why i feel like i alienated with my head. why my head scared my?
Is there a possibility of having dp back stronger while recovering from one dp?
Hi, I can say that in 2011, several years after my initial recovery a close family member died right at the same time I was starting a job. As a result, the DPDR returned and it was far ‘stronger’ than my initial episode in 2007. It was awful, however I didn’t become as distressed by it. I knew it wasn’t permanent as I’d beaten it before. Eventually, it just went as my stress level reduced.
@Ksenia Rasputin same here
how do i know if i recovered? i still feel it but not as much
You forget it. You get rid of the anxious thought-patterns and thoughts about DP. I recommend the manual, it really helps you.
Read this carefully, I think you'll find it useful 😊www.dpmanual.com/articles/what-does-depersonalization-recovery-feel-like/
Its been 3 years for me and still havent found a way. Antidepressant is the only thing that keeps me going a little bit
I dont feel my anxiety anymore, now im just numb. But my brain stings all fhe time, its the same feeling as being high on the weed. It's been half a year with no signs of this leaving. 24/7 constant Im starting to think theres some people who retain lifelong physical effects from this is it came from weed :(
Read this Kristen, I think you'll find it very useful 😊 www.dpmanual.com/articles/depersonalization-without-anxiety/
@@Dpmanual yeah that all makes sense, but nowhere in there does it talk about my brain sensation, so I'm not sure if ignoring that in particular will really change that particular symptom
@@kristenlangdon4229What is your brain sensation?
Why are bright lights and colourful rooms such as shopping centers, chemists ect triggers for this condition?
Hi Tyler, read this, I think you'll find it very useful 😊 www.dpmanual.com/articles/does-depersonalization-affect-vision/
@@Dpmanual omg thank you so much what a relief!! ,may I ask did you always have a slight pressure headache or ache In your head
@@MrHorizonblue Yes that's very common with anxiety-based conditions too 😊Read this: www.dpmanual.com/articles/depersonalization-exhaustion-and-muscle-pain/
And if you would like to speak to a medical professional please don't hesitate to do so. I would recommend finding an anxiety specialist if possible as they will likely be more familiar with DPDR.
@@Dpmanual oh my God you have made me cry... I am so happy I found you thank you so much, did you find symptoms were worse if you were hungover
@@Dpmanual I honestly thought that I am losing my mind
I think I have a syndrome hyperthymesia
Has anyone tried ketamine assisted psychotherapy to stop the anxiety loop? The medication Aripiprazole has been helping me
How much has it improved?
Do you feel yourself?
@@wantedbynight165 how?
@@Lightmaster44 Yes I feel more like myself. There have been medical studies performed with aripiprazole helping with dpdr
Just bear in mind that, as far as I can tell, the evidence that aripiprazole may be beneficial for DP/DR is from case studies rather than RCTs. One case study was on three patients, but they also had depression or OCD. The other one was a case report of one patient. Also, in my experience people can become terribly agitated with this medication, at least on commencement and I wonder if this might make DP/DR worse.
So no one gets suicide thoughts due to dp!?
yes every day I miss the old me but I’m exercising now and it’s getting a lil better
We are living in hell 😢 i think i buy that book now its 2 years no change 😢
Don't worry, it doesn't matter what caused it, how long it’s lasted, or whether it’s been 24/7 or episodic, you can always switch DPDR off completely by stopping the anxiety that's causing it 😊 Read this carefully: www.dpmanual.com/articles/how-long-does-depersonalization-last/
i keep getting feelings of deja vu and scared of death but it doesn’t make sense
I thinks that’s normal with dpdr
Don’t worry Owen, feelings of Deja Vu are super common with DPDR. I know they can be frustrating but they will fade away and stop as you recover 😊 www.dpmanual.com/about/do-i-have-depersonalization-disorder/
That's where I am at the moment,but I must say it has gotten so much better from when I first got dpdr last September