I began transitioning about 11 months ago at age 45. From the beginning of this journey, it is uncanny just how on-the-nose your videos have been to my experiences. This video is no different. My egg started to crack during covid when my job's office shut down and we began working exclusively from home. When I did come to terms that I have to transtrion, I felt a desperate need to start HRT and femminizing, beard removal, etc. as fast as possible for the exact reasons you menitoned, namely wanting to enjoy my life as a woman while I'm still young enough to enjoy it. Moving fast almost certainly put extra strain on my marriage that already had some cracks. I'm not sure if it might have been any better to go slower in the long run, but the ongoing struggle of trying to hold my homelife together has certainly been the biggest external contributor of stess in this whole process.
Dr Z, thank you for your channel. I am a 62 year old who came to the realization that I am transgender about 8 months ago. One of the things that kind of helped me realize or start researching was a conversation in a campground with an Army sergeant enjoying some R&R between duty stations. The short of it is that he was telling me about he and his buddies getting Rufee’d in Germany, basically a convo about the hazards of overseas duty. A few days later it dawned on me that I had been “Zeroxed” several times while in “A” school in the Navy, and I started drawing lines connecting dots; unwanted advances from men, being “Zeroxed” several times, my attraction to certain men, cross-dressing, etc. It didn’t seem to make sense, I never thought I had female feelings when I was younger. Then I found your channel and watched several of your videos about “discovering” that you are trans at a later age, and started being able to put things together, just two days ago my wife and I had a very open conversation about me seeking counseling to begin transitioning. I am so much calmer suddenly and my unexplained anger has subsided. Thank you for your channel and the good you are doing! Destiny
at the time my egg first cracked, i was in a very deep pit of depression. i was hiking with my parents at the time, and while walking i realized that "yup i am 100% not cis". the first people i told were my friends, and their response was just "yes" lol. they already knew :)
This is a wonderful video! My egg cracked 3 months ago and it was just like you described. Like my subconscious had been carefully collecting all the data for the last 5 decades and hid it away until I was ready. I knew something was up with my gender for a long time , but what finally cracked the egg was getting the courage to finally talk to a therapist. As soon as I got off the phone after scheduling my first appointment, it all hit me at once. Eggshell pieces everywhere!! Sometimes it feels too fast, and other times much too slow, but I think I’m proceeding at a good pace. I waited almost 2 months before coming out to my sister, and now only a few close family members know and they know I’m still slowly figuring it all out. My sister has been amazing, she told me nobody is expecting anything from me except my happiness 🥰
Foolish heart. You've wished we were one of the girls since I was 3 years old and you never listened to reason. It was March 15th of 2012. It was my once a month adventure out as Shirley the cross dresser when suddenly it hit me. I was so very happy and so very comfortable in the feminine role and felt so accepted by the people at the salon that I couldn't stand the idea of going back to being the miserable man that I was at the time. It was what I call the 6 second transition and I didn't go back. I hit the family wall like a crash car and it took about 4 months for things to settle down. It was a hard start but the years since have been the happiest of my life. My transition would've been much easier if I had seen this video back then. Thank you Dr Z. Your good advice helps us all and I refer everyone to you as the very best in your field. 🥰
Vibes. This was totally me. I socially transitioned and started hrt immediately after realizing in my fifties. I only felt comfortable in public in full makeup and breast forms like in my pic 👈. About a year in, when I tried to change my name and was starting the path to bottom surgery, I hit a wall. The first challenges just stopped me dead. Lots of anxiety. Fortunately I was part of a super supportive community of diversely gendered and presenting people that reduced the pressure to perform and present in a super femme way. I also have been working with a therapist throughout and was able to confront these issues with them and they gave me the same advice - slow down, I don't have to do everything at once. That helped so much. Side note - I stopped wearing breast forms when my own breasts came in. Even though they stopped growing at a b cup, it was so much easier and gave me so many more options, particularly in summer. That helped me slow down a bit too so I didn't hit that wall so hard.
I needed to watch it two weeks earlier 😂 I came out to everyone except my workplace (which is very homophobic and transphobic, so it's not an option), and none of my friends or relatives accepted me. It was a hard blow. But I still hitting the ground running because of my ADHD 😂
I started HRT on 15 July 2024. I believe I am transitioning at a lot slower pace than even my endocrinologist and therapist expect. I have tested different names. I am still not set on one. Socially, my social life is essentially just my work life, and the culture at where I work is very vocally anti-Trans. I am very masculine presenting still and wish I had the money and time to transition a bit faster. My gender affirming care is through Veterans Affairs, for which i am so grateful,otherwise, i wouldn't be able to afford it. Part of Project 25 is ending VA gender affirming care, so I do want to go faster, but i am a bit worried if the VA ever has to stop providing gender affirming care, my HRT will end.
Don't worry about others and their expectations. Transition at your own pace. I started taking HRT at 28... I'm 42 and I've only been full-time for a year and a half.
7:25 - I want to challenge this notion that they're moving forward as fast as possible. I'm not an expert by any means, but my experience with clients who are transgender and even in my own experience is that we spend years planning, researching, and trying to figure out who we are. When we come out, we have figured out a plan and we are just executing it. Like a chick cracking the egg, that can feel sudden to OTHER people. However, it's been a long period of incubation before we come out.
it took me 3 months of internal struggles before I ever told a soul, but once my egg-cracked, I focussed on the things I had control over finding allies and support, one things and taste of many things like gender exploration. But people tell me I overall went too fast. I had to take a break and I experienced a lot of self-doubt. Fortunately, I had so much external catastrophees to keep me occupied while I was in the "neutral zone" of hrt.
Many in my inner circle also told me I was moving too fast, though I think it might have been that it was too fast for her rather than me. In any case, it is worth keeping in mind that we don't transition in a vaccuum. This affects others and we need to be mindful of that.
I got worried for a minute, but I think I'm taking it slowly enough... I really did just sit there for a week after the crack and think about strategy... now three weeks since my egg cracked and I've just got a referral to my gender clinic, had my first laser hair removal session, and set up my name change for 7th August (I was changing anyway and I did forms for a gender-neutral name and a femme name - I've now ripped up the gender neutral one so I will be going with my femme name... but George is the diminutive of my femme name so that works fine). My best friend who witnessed my name change deed is so keen to get me on she/her and call me my femme name... but as I explained to him, until I'm presenting femme it's just going to confuse people. I've said to quite a few people "It's George, he/him until further notice, thank-you". Luckily I have an incredible therapist, and I can't imagine anyone going through this process without someone to talk to freely about it... thanks for a great video...
When my egg cracked the worst happened, besides me unaliving myself. I lost my job, I lost my home, I lost my friends, I lost my position in the congragation, I had to leave the country. Everything fell apart. Oh, and then as a homeless person I was assaulted and I had to do survival work and then my money was stolen from me. The thief was later found dead. I am pretty cynical about cis people.
Thanks for all your support and advices. I think for many of us it's not like the egg cracked but we unblocked our intuition wich has been conditioned and programmed to not see ourselves for what we truly are. Egg cracked = clearing limiting beliefs that have been infused in your subconscious and changing your perception of reality and yourself. Much love 💕💕💕
Egg cracked i think 2 months ago… im 39. Tho i crossdressed and thought about being trans since i was about 12-14.. thinking i was trans faded in and out over the many years. This last egg tho has been something else entirely. I told my environment, got into therapy, set myself up for gender affirming care, shopped until i dropped, experimenting with presenting more feminin… and people of course perceive just that: a man presenting more feminin, but still a man. It is so frustrating, but logical. I cannot be what i am not. So im slowing down now, just trying to not give a f* what people expect and giving myself time to let the dominoes fall one by one as Dr Z brilliantly put it. Im a long way from home but at least im travelling 🤷🏻♀️
Hi Dr Z , I love watching your videos. I'm 52 my egg cracked about 4 years ago. I was like I can't do everything quick enough to start with, came out with the people closest to me first. Then me and partner separated. I felt overwhelmed, now I've slowed down and going forward at my pace. Living and learning all the time. Your videos have helped me a great deal, I thankyou very much .
In the middle of hitting the breaks on hrt because I went wayyy to fast. I started a new job and my coworkers asked if I was trans, because of the vibes and the everything, I guess. I told them I was and almost immediately started using new pronouns and chose a new name. Came out to my family over the next few months and 8 months later I started hrt. I started experiencing reverse dysphoria and now my brain is terrified. Not that I’m not trans, but I feel like I didn’t go through enough questioning about things to commit to such a big change. I have a significant about of trauma that I haven’t worked through and now I’m shifting my motivation towards that so I can feel more grounded in myself moving forward. There really is no way around the slow work.
The timing of this video today was amazing. This is exactly what I needed to hear today. Are you living inside my head so well, Dr Z? Should I start charging rent? 🙂
My egg cracked just this year at the age of 31 and it's so healing to know it's ok not to hit the ground running. Being older in life it's hard knowing my 20's are behind me but it's good set up the domino effect and keep looking forward.
I went through nearly 40 years of my life saying well I'm a guy nothing I can do about it so I tried to be the masculine image that society wants especially going to beard. But I never actually felt strongly connected either way I suppress my urge to crossdressing got married and now 10 years later that suppression started to crack and I started getting such a negative feelings it wasn't until I admitted I was trans that those feelings subsided not gone but not ruling my life
Hello Dr. Z thank you so much for this video. I had my egg crack in February 2020 and started HRT in 2022. In some ways I feel like I’ve gone through my transition quite quickly up to this point but in other respects I feel that I have taken my time. Unfortunately throughout my transition I lost my partner, my home and the respect of my family. I had unstable emotions prior to my egg crack that was noticeable to other people but i could cope, after my egg crack i no longer could cope and was a mess, which was a significant problem in my relationship. After being diagnosed with gender dysphoria and being two years in to gender transition a different psychiatrist didnt diagnose me but rather noted that i have traits of borderline personality disorder. I feel like I have a weak sense of self but I do know that that sense of self is a feminine sense of self and brings me peace when I experience it, on the in between times I struggle to know who I am and feel that I’m not sure If transition is the right thing for me. This has made my entire transition process very very difficult. I chopped my hair off which i had been growing for years because of instability and instantly regretted it. I feel like i have been in gender crisis for over 4 years now and im getting really exhaused. Have you had any experience of working with trans women at the age of around 30 struggle with borderline personality disorder as a co-occurring condition. I do question though if the emotional instability and fragile sense of self is a byproduct of dysphoria and internalised transphobia rather than borderline personality disorder and im at risk of being misdiagnosed. I know you did a video briefly covering this but a much more in depth look at this i feel would be very helpful to many. Im not really getting much support in terms of my gender but more in the realms of psychiatry for the treatment of personality disorders and my concern is that i al being treated as someone with a personality disorder rather than in line with my gender dysphoria diagnosis. I feel mental health professionals where i live are inexperienced with trans people so borderline is the closest thing they have to “support me”
Hi Dr. Z, my name is Paul. I had the medicine a year and a half, but July 18 I started taking Estrdiol and Spironolactone. We have home movies, I am barely old enough to walk and I picked a pair of my mother's pumps. It started then. I know it now. I did publicly come-out at a AA meeting yesterday. I wore pink. Tonight, I go to rhe pride meeting. Thank you for explaning everything. Paula.
Dr. Z, Could the egg crack also start a questioning phase? And couldn't also be the realization of a non-binary identity, as opposed to only a binary trans endpoint? Personally me egg cracked at my father's funeral 4-1/2 years ago when I wa 61 and my cousin remarked, "I never realized how much you looked like your mother." I made a promise to myself that I would get to the bottom of why I always felt different since being a teenager. But I first had to clean out and sell my dad's house. After the painting and floors were done 3 months later, I joined a trans support group and found a therapist, who was a trans woman. I entered the process with a complete open mind. After 6 months in therapy and meeting a non-binary who started from the other side of the spectrum, I had far more in common with them than my trans sisters.
I'm AFAB nonbinary, and my personal egg crack was to realize that I'm agender. It started out as sort of a point of curiosity about the trans experience. My step sister is trans, and there's been a lot of political and media attention on the subject lately, so I set out to find out more. I personally could not understand how one could be sure that they identified strongly with the opposite gender to the one they were assigned at birth. The more I researched, the more I understood intellectually, but also the more I realized that I could not relate. Eventually I came to the conclusion that this is because I do not have an internal sense of gender. I can look back at my life and see that much of the time when I have conformed with my assigned gender it was because I was following the "rules" or was pressured into it through peer bullying and/or parental expectations. When I let go of the "rules" and made decisions about my appearance based on my own wants, I found myself to be much more comfortable with my body. My only issue now is that while my family is not unsupportive, they also haven't changed the pronouns and other language that they use for me or anything affirming like that. My mother would also be upset with me if I were to change my name, so I'm working on coming to terms with that even though I would prefer something more neutral. Although therapy is not in my budget, I do have a group of LGBTQ friends that I can visit with to talk things out. Anyways, long story short, in my experience an egg crack can indeed lead to a more nonbinary ending.
I am 42, and I just had this egg-cracking experience myself and am starting to explore my feelings and myself. But I can totally see this impulsiveness being an issue since I have ADHD and know how that is. And I also feel, of course, this need to not waste any more time, but I know things take time, and I first wrote an email to get information about psychologists in my area or in general to have a starting point. Nonetheless, I also feel this "rush" to not waste any more time. And I think it's totally understandable. Great video!!
This is my story (long comment ahead, apologies in advance): I am just over 30 years old and I have not started any form of transition. I think that on a subconscious level, I've known that this day was coming for a a long time. I've struggled with the idea of being transgender as I was raised in an extremely conservative household. I grew up not even knowing gender and sex are different or what a transgender was. My impulse to cross dress, try makeup and do other "feminine" things made me feel shame, like I was some sort of dirty pervert and an affront to god. So I did what any good christian boy does. I crammed it down deep and repressed it. But it didn't stop me from feeling terrible all the time. I moved across the country to get away from my bad relationship with my dad, read up on how to manage anxiety and depression, did talk therapy, and added as many healthy habits to my life as I could. But it did not help much. I still carried that feeling of wrongness and like I wasn't all there. My feelings are constantly muted and I feel compressed, like I'm me, but not me. All the while, the little expressions of my transgender nature kept popping up. Thoughts of wanting to have breasts, stints of cross dressing in private, reading up a bunch on transgender science and other literature related to transgenderism. But the whole time, I kept in denial. "I can't be transgender. I'm not suicidal, I function fine in every day life, and sure, I may not like what I see in the mirror, but I don't hate myself or have a visceral reaction to my male parts. Heck, even sometimes I kind of like myself." It turns out that "fine" is not all that fine. My depression and anxiety kept getting worse and I became less stable. Apathy crept into my life. I started to let myself go a bit. And then the self loathing came. "Why can't I be a normal person like everyone else? Why can't I apply myself? Why does it always feel like I'm just going through a set of motions rather than actually engaging with and truly enjoying my life?" Even through all of this I still maintained a relatively high functioning depressive. I held down jobs for a reasonable amount of time, though I was prone to throwing myself into work with little care for myself and burning out because I couldn't tell how I was feeling until it was too late. But still I made progress. I moved to more important roles and my salary went up. But I still wasn't happy and things kept getting worse. The pandemic hit and I ended up burning out once again, though this time it was more quickly as the work environment was actually incredibly toxic. I decided that I was going to go back to school I was finally going to pursue what I had wanted to pursue for years. And for a while, it was great. I excelled in my classes, I found a great part time job that paid more than enough to cover my bills, but gave me the freedom of work from home. I improved how I dressed, lost a bunch of weight and got in arguably the best shape of my life, and I got dental care to fix my bad teeth. I wasn't unattractive before, but I certainly looked much better now. Even then, the feeling started to creep back in. I started to doubt myself over the feeling of wrongness, some of the habits returned and I started to feel bad about myself again. I stopped going to school. I still wasn't getting any joy from who I saw in the mirror. It peaked in the summer of this year. I had just finished a meeting when I just broke down crying in my office. I was working alone, so no one else saw, but I knew I needed to take some time to correct what was happening. I called my boss and left for the day. My job was incredibly supportive through the whole thing. I was gone for weeks. I came back and tried to put the piece together again, but the damage was done. I was burnt out again and miserable. I quit my job and have been living off of savings for the past two months. For much of the time, I was fighting insomnia, the side effects of the antidepressants, and my general apathy. I'd sleep at odd hours and for far too many of them. I wasn't eating right. My digestive problems got worse. After about a month, I leveled out some. I switched my antidepressant, I wasn't feeling as burnt out, and I went out and started trying to fight my depression again. But even then, all of the problems I'd had for my whole life persisted despite the medication and the improvements, same as every time before that. I got fed up with it and I decided to finally acknowledge the elephant in the room. Maybe there was something deeper going on that I hadn't acknowledged. I started to reflect on the odd feelings and habits that I tried to repress. I noted that while I liked women in the sexual sense, there was a deeper feeling behind it. I didn't necessarily want to be with a woman, I wanted to be a woman. It felt weird, and I still wasn't convinced. But I decided to do my research, I started watching some RUclips content from trans creators and compared my experiences to theirs, I found Dr. Z's channel and started watching these videos from time to time. Eventually, I admitted to myself that I'm probably trans. I took advantage of a community that I'm a part of online to speak anonymously with some strangers that I knew were trans. I expressed my feelings and my experience. I was fully ready to be denied, ridiculed, or both (a cynic to the end). But instead, I was validated, they didn't say "yes, you are a woman, go transition", but they acknowledged my feelings and experiences and commended me for talking to others about it. They encouraged me to continue with my plan to see a therapist and speak with them. I felt elated. For the first time in a long time, I had energy to do things. I started to draw and do things for myself purely out of a desire for self improvement and not because I felt like I had to for appearances. I didn't feel the self loathing as deeply looking in the mirror and almost liked myself a bit again. I am a long way from fine, but it's the most improvement I've seen in years. After acknowledging and sharing with others, more repressed memories came up, bringing me more into alignment with those experiences I had seen online (though still uniquely my own). I still feel some embarrassment and shame for those actions and feelings, but I'm working through it. I'm scheduled to see a therapist. I've been giving forethought to how I will handle it if transition becomes the next step. Who will I tell when, what kind of they/them or woman I want to be. I know that I will lose some people in my life because of it and I am aware that much about my social status will change. I haven't picked out a name yet, but for now I'll just have people refer to me by my first initial if I am uncomfortable with my full name after I begin to tell others (which I will do if transition becomes the next steps after therapy). It's all still a bit scary and confusing, especially in an increasingly hostile environment toward people like myself, but I can't help but to feel hopeful for the future. It may be a scary time to be in, but I know that there are others who will support me and I will support them in return. For the first time, I feel like I might be able to one day be a person that looks at themself in the mirror and loves what they see, warts and all. Instead of having my mind preoccupied with self hate, depression, and anxiety about who I am and questioning everything about my being, I am hoping that I can focus on the things that I love and have neglected and move forward with becoming a vibrant individual that shows my passions to the world. So here I am today, posting in this comment section. Thank you to anyone who read this and stuck around to the end. I know it's a long post and as I just went with my flow of thought, it may be a bit messy in places and some details of my story are surely missing. But I hope that maybe in seeing my comment you might gain some insight and if needed, the bravery to take the next step forward on your journey, whatever direction that may be (whether you're trans or not). No matter your situation, I think that there is always a path forward that can lead you toward being a better and more accepting version of yourself. It just takes time, a bit of time, some drive, and some empathy. The path is not always linear, it's not even always forward. There will be times where you find yourself taking some steps back, but just know that it's all part of progress. The milestones you set in life must be your own and not anyone else's. Don't compare your progress to theirs and just keep your two feet on the path. Each small step forward is a victory and if you take enough, you'll be surprised at how much better you'll feel, even if you're not at your final destination. Much peace and love, and good luck on your journey.
3:16 - I wouldn't call it a gender crisis. It wasn't a crisis for me. It was a revelation! I like the egg crack analogy better. It's a rebirth. Birth can be traumatic but it can also be wonderful. Crisis sounds like it can only be trauma. Egg cracking feels like it can be both.
I think my egg cracked when I was 20. I mentioned it to a couple people in my social group. One person told me to put it away and never talk about it to anyone else I'm 56 now and slowly socially transitioning for 2 years now and been on HRT for 9 months. Believe me, there are challenges doing it this way as well. But, there is no transition, old, young, mtf, ftm, or someone in between that doesn't come with challenges to the self and "what if" will always be there to get in the way, too. I feel right now what you're saying. It's like being stuck in an ADHD executive function glitch. Thanks Dr. Z, I'm doing good but it's a long slog through deep snow.
Just looked up my bank statement when my egg finally cracked, 20th August 2018 at about 1pm. after the turmoil of dilemma knowing what I had to do rattling around in my head for many decades I bit the bullet their and then, So to celebrate ''this may seem rather weird'' I went out for the first time in day light as Me shopping, But it was not cloths or makeup shopping,🥲 I went shopping for a new living room rug and a few fem pictures to put on my walls along with some new bedding. 😀 it's been little steps up till now, little steps introducing the new me, little steps with enhancements and paperwork with name change and all the other things, and now finally on HRT. I still got the rug and all the other lovely things which reminds me every day of the Egg Crack Day nearly 6 years ago. 🥰 I'm now going to make an omelette😀
I am definitely not one of those who rushed off when my "egg cracked". There is going to be a long process on figuring out what I will do. Sadly, my early childhood was filled with trauma, abuse and neglect. Ive been seeing a trauma therapist for several years. Without this I would not have such clairity on my trans issue. But I still have many questions and need to work some things out. I will do what is best for me. I just need to figure out what that is. Its hard with two significantly powerful identities both believing they are right. The female is 100% sure I am female and mourns a lifetime of loss living as I have. And I have to agree. And the identity i was not only forced into but due to major trauma caused me to have to rebuild my identity at an early age but in line with society. My story is a little more complicated than most. But I suspect that there are a lot like me as children demanding to be the sex they know they are and were not born as, get traumatized by caregivers, friends, family, relatives, strangers, society, the world in general.
My egg just cracked a few weeks ago, at 43 years old, and so far I've been trying to take things slow. I tend to be cautious by nature anyway, so rushing it was never an option. At first I thought I was having a really weird mid-life crisis, and my first week and a half to two weeks after the egg cracked were an emotional roller coaster of alternating fear, anger, denial, and just plain confusion. Once the roller coaster pulled back into the station and I calmed down, I came out to my wife (putting her on the same emotional roller coaster I've been on) and am now just trying to figure out where to go from here.
I've been doing hrt for 5ish months, and I started pretty quickly after my egg cracked. When I came out to my family, I was pretty clear that it was a work in progress and I'm not sure where I'll wind up with it. I think that helped a lot. They have the knowledge that they need without setting up a huge expectation that causes that level of stress. I still present male, still use my birth name and all that, but I'm working on it while my body changes. Now for how to transition socially without becoming a ball of self-awareness
I knew that I would have preferred to be a woman for most of my life it was a passive ideal for me and not something to actively strive toward. Fast forward a few years and I was very depressed and not having a good life whatsoever engaging in negative behaviors to quicken my death. Then 3 days after my 26th birthday (which was a few years after I began cross dressing regularly in private) I started hormones and have stopped nicotine all together. It makes me feel better now. I was a ball of hate and angst before I started this journey. I still flashback to all of the bad things I said in the past but now I’m much more at peace.
I decided not to tell my employer. When I started developing and the changes become clearly visible, I would tell who ever asks me that I am transgender. My male name is the same as my female name "Chris" will not change. I thought about going to my boss and telling him, but decided there was no reason to do that. The job I do does not require that I wear business clothes, so I will just keep coming to work in my usual clothes. After I complete SRS, that is when I will petition for my gender and name to be updated on all of my official government records and documents.
This video might be the single most important video of yours that I have watched yet. I have realized that a lot of what I felt throughout the last 15+ years were due to a mismatch between my gender identity and my birth gender. I feel like a woman, I want to become one but I am taking tentative steps towards it. I have come out to a few of my friends, luckily they are very supportive, but it's less than a handful of people that know. I did start wearing makeup, but my current overall situation doesn't allow it to be a daily occurrence. Not yet. However, since there are going to be legal changes in Germany, I felt like I should change my name asap which would only overcomplicate my current re-training and the exams and everything. So instead, I decided I'll do voice training and this video somewhat confirms that I'm 'doing right by me' handling it this way. At times I felt like I was dragging my feet and slipping back into denial and doubt. Thank you Dr. Z
You describe perfectly how I feel at the moment. I fought for years against my female side and thought that I never could become a woman. But now that I have realized that I am a woman inside for such an long time already I can’t wait to start transitioning so that I finally can live in the body that I need to be happy for the rest of my life ☺️
The pressure and lack of reality sense from cispeople are real... Never believed I would say that. It has been an huge problem in my live, for them it's just so simple. I am not gonna lie, I'm deep frustrated and hurted with this messy kind of help from them, not doing what should be done to help me and doing what only makes everything worse, and not f understanding when I explain.
I feel rather conflicted with this video. I conditionally applaud the message. There's so many layers of complexity under it that it almost undermines the message. So first, yes, agree... don't hit the ground running .... *in an indeterminate direction* . I have also talked to some trans folks who have done this. However, I completely understand why they do it because the ground under their feet is very unstable... it is really difficult to come to the conclusion that something that has been built and cultivated for years or even decades is unstable and may even be mentally traumatic, so trying to get away from it as fast as one can is at least an understandable reaction. Offering assistance to these people who feel as if they are on shaky or even non-existent ground is very important. With that said.... I highly recommend taking actions after one has done some work to figure out which direction one *should likely* go in. Part of a gender journey is the idea that many of us really don't know if what we feel on Day 2 is going to be what we feel on Day 2000. For some of us it is. For some of us, our goals change partway through. And for some of us, we realize it's a moving target of fluidity between two possibly wildly divergent poles on a daily basis. Gender journeys are experimental and sometimes that does mean trial and error. The biggest thing I'd amend about "don't hit the ground running" in this case is to "don't hit the ground running *to commit yourself to a specific thing (or set of specific things) until you feel more assured that it is where you need to be* ." (Name is a good example. I've had a couple trans friends who decided that the new name they'd chosen for themselves really didn't suit them and are trying other names. One of my friends is looking to do another legal name change, again, which costs money. Change name yes, _legally_ change it when you feel more assured that you are comfortable and fine with it.) Another huge part of this is a communication part. When the video discusses how people around the trans person may put pressure on them, the best thing for the trans person to do is to try to be clear as to what they need from the people around them. It's one thing to say "I'm transgender" but another to then clearly offer to those friend and loved ones, "as a result, I need [this], [this], and not [this]." This will hopefully eliminate a lot of guessing and also hopefully a lot of social pressure on the trans person. And when needs change, the trans person can communicate once again. I am a person who took a bit of time to get things in order following my egg crack... it took over four years of consideration for me to finally determine that I was transgender. Then it was a couple months of kind of working through the full impact of what that meant... But after that? Yes, I hit the ground RUNNING. I found a second part-time job in a career path I love, I got myself more in shape, I put myself through six gender-affirming surgeries starting about two years after I came out and lasting for twenty months, and I found a new main job when I found out that my previous main job was discriminatory and possibly bigoted towards me. I also initiated volunteering for political causes this very summer. I suppose I might not quite meet the definition that was outlined in the video because I made sure to take a bit of a pause to figure things out first, but... well, I feel that my mental state is in a much better place than I was following my coming out and it absolutely is a result of *putting action behind my intentions* after making sure that I was comfortable with my direction.
My egg cracked almost a year ago and I still get these feelings of being in limbo with no set identity. Shortly after my egg cracked I went to las vegas to meet a group of transwomen. I wanted this to be my coming out party but instead after first night out I woke up feeling like it was a mistake. I just didn't feel it. I think you kind of explained what happened to me. Thank you.
I would add your egg cracking may also involve that you cannot ignore or repress your dysphoria anymore. You feel you have to do something about being trans. Even with that, it has taken me close to two years into my transition to completely let myself be who I know I am. I actually had a partial crack twenty-five years ago and then a full crises two years ago. After the first crack, I knew I identified as a woman and wanted a woman's body including all the parts. I remember cross dressing in my friend's apartment and feeling I want a vagina. Now, when I think back on my life there are so many experiences telling me I am trans. But, when I was growing up, transgender was not even a term and to imagine you could transition was unthinkable. I am much older, but I am lucky because working through my doubts has made me go slow in my transition. The first thing I did was to get a good gender therapist. I started HRT three after my crises and body hair removal after about a year later. I just started electrolysis, and tomorrow I am having a hair transplant. Over the last six months I have come a long way with my feminine voice working with Olivia Flanigan via Zoom. My advice - do things first that are relatively reversible or more gender neutral. My next steps are orchiectomy and possible FFS. The FFS is dependent on how far the HRT and hair transplant take me. If I were younger, GRS certainly would be in the plan. Given my age and that my genital dysphoria is not overwhelming that may not be in the cards. Also remember, as you take steps in your transition make sure you have the support you need to succeed. This includes financial resources, people around you who can care for you, and friends and family who are emotionally on board with your transition. Dr. Z hits a home run again. She is the best. We are so lucky to have her! ❤
One of my problems is I've "come out" a couple times and it was like the Universe was hitting back! Two years ago, I lived on Staten Island and was mostly out all the time, and enjoying it. But my landlord resen ted it. On was on a month to month lease and he ordered me to leave. (Officially, it was because he didn't like my three cats.) I could not find a place on Staten Island that I could afford and would accept me and my three cats. So I moved to small town PA. I am now renting a 3 bedroom house for less than my SI 1 bedroom apartment. My cats love the space. But I am far less certain about being "out." Though mostly I am. I don't see me getting hormones and surgeries. I'm 75 years old and figure God has blessed me with a reasonably healthy & robust male body: maybe I should accept that blessing and be grateful. Also, I wish to travel internationally and think that might be easier as a "normal" male person.
15:07 - I do agree about the pressure from others. That can feel overwhelming and that can feel like you want to move as fast as possible for others. Move as fast as you need. You came out of your egg for yourself. You didn't come out for anyone else.
Now I want stew. Lol To the few people who know all pf which have been supportive because I choose those who openly advicate for the Trans community, i do feel a bit of pressure. So that is completely relatable.
omggg that sounded like me word for word ,,,,,, except i didnt know i was trans ,,,, one day someone asked me and i said i dont know ive never heard of it before ,,,, so i got a therapist to try and find out ,,, she told me yes you are ,,,, so i decided to ahead a fully embrace it and got a doctor to help me start hrt ,,,,,and yes it was just as the pandemic started and yes im older so i didnt want to waste a minute ,,, i even went and got implants and i love it all
I came out being scared of coming out wish I did years ago an love it ❤now I an so relaxing like being a female, my mom gave me female hormones in her womb by taking medication for morning sickness ❤it's in brain 🧠 so enjoy it yes my egg is cracked ❤
I also think that my question of my sexuality was a hidden under life for questioning my gender because I kept thinking that I was gay that I want to be in the same sex relationship but turns out I very much attracted to women I wanted to be in a lesbian relationship still find guys attractive but nowhere near as intense
I would love to hear about the feeling of "too good to be true". I struggle to identify with my transness (I have a therapist I'm working with), but every time I masculinize or think of myself as "boy" or "man" a lot of things I thought unrelated to gender are getting better and healthier in my body and mind. How to I reconcile that feeling of "this is too perfect of a solution to so many of my problems, I must be wrong"?
I transitioned when the Harry Benjamin Protocols were in place. At the time I felt that the protocols were cumbersome, but I realize now that they were a much needed brake on my transition so that I could proceed at a slower pace.
Rushing and running as made me go from wanting to be trans-fem to being scared... but I still do want to at least do part one, improve my figure, fix up my hair, and work on my guy body, because I figure in the time I do this, it'll give me plenty of time to really think about being trans-fem. Its there.... and I dunno if I will go for it.... but right now, my thoughts are waivering as someone whos never been Gender Dysphoric, just.... really wanted to be a girl.... and I feel so stupid for this.
This is pretty interesting, I figured that I'm non binary about 2 years ago. But I didn't come out to anyone. I knew that I couldn't because of their views on trans people. So I simply saved money and made plans to move across the country to a city that I knew was very accepting. While I was waiting for that to happen I just messed around with how I dress and makeup while I was at home by myself. Then finally I was able to move and I did. Got a job that was very open to the LGBT community. Soon as I applied I checked the he/they pronouns boxes in the application. And this has been for the last 9 months that I've been living as a non binary person here. Made friends that refer to me as they them and it's really pretty cool. And I've talked to co workers about how I'm open to any pronouns I just don't like the honorifics like sir or mister. And everyone's been pretty cool about it. But all of this and I haven't even begun transitioning physically or with hormones or anything. I just occasionally will wear a shirt or a pants that's designed for women. And at home I fairly often wear like leggings and other femm clothes. Been growing out my hair for all that time as well, and it's really nice to be able to feel more and more comfortable in my skin as time goes on. Now I just need to make appointments with psychiatrist or psychologist I'm not sure which one is the right one but I'll figure it out. So that I can get advice on what's going on with myself mentally. And I know for sure now that I'm at least going to get laser hair removal and any medical assistance that I can find to help me keep my hair and stop growing facial and body hair. I'm 30 now and it hasn't been easy just waiting like this. But I just want to be sure before I do anything drastic like hrt since I won't be able to hide that from my relatives. And I definitely am not coming out to them about any of this unless it's absolutely necessary.
Egg cracked at 56, then went on a spending spree for makeup and nail polish, I must have dumped about $200 minimum on stuff that I have only just started using two years later. 😮😅
egg started to crack about 5 years ago but dident decidede to start transitioning untill a few months ago, first appointment with a trans care specialist is tomorrow :)
Hi Dr Z, I love your channel! I was definitely born in the wrong body - should have been born female!! I am definitely trans!! Living as a woman is just a dream. Oh well, too old now.
The first time my egg cracked was when I was a freshman in high school but at the time there was no information nor was there any support. The next cracks in my egg came after I had a major injury at 22 and needed to restart with a new career path and there was an article in the Sunday paper about a transgender support center.
I’m 32 and my bi-gender egg finally cracked a few days ago. I’m still recovering and processing everything, but definitely wanting to take things slow. My partner had to leave the house for a week and I was planning on binging video games and enjoying the alone time. Instead, I found I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t want to eat or move for a few days. I would turn on games and just immediately want to stop playing. Around day 3 of this I realized something was wrong with me and I didn’t know what and started introspecting. I knew something wasn’t right and this wasn’t normal. All I ever wanted to do was play video games, what was different? What started as a few tears on day 3 or 4 ended up with me laying in bed crying uncontrollably for hours as everything started making sense. I was in so much pain and was suffering for decades and I didn’t even know the root cause. I consider myself a relatively emotionally intelligent person so I still can’t believe it remained hidden from me for so long. I had suspicions of course but I was easily able to write them off and ignore them. I almost never cry except for maybe in a good movie and it really helped heal and smooth my mind, I was in so much pain. I had never cried like that in my entire life. I usually have memory problems but I was remembering things plain as day from 25+ years. All these moments started flooding back into my mind with this new context. Things I had completely forgotten. I could see myself being so depressed for so long and now I finally understood why. Things finally made sense. I finally felt like I was myself again after a lifetime of being disconnected from myself. Thinking felt easier for me. I felt lighter. I feel like I’m not as grumpy and I feel like I’m smiling more. I wish I could go into more detail and share more of my story but it’s difficult to put into words and share via comment. I live in a really bad part of the world to be any kind of trans / non-binary but I am so so so lucky to have an understanding and sympathetic partner. It’s almost as if I chose them 10 years ago knowing unconsciously that I’d be safe with them. Thank you for all your videos and everything you do. It’s been helping me so much these past few days.
I was serene but the family, parents, teacker, doctors tryed tò force me in living inside a bubble or inside an egg. Why my freedom and happines Is so paiful for family and others? Where Is the problem? Nowaday Is easy with all the info on internet but immagine the pain for a kid that must live in a jail of liars and noone can help or understand. I never been trapped in an egg but wish I could break their egg! The only problem for me was money...frankly I don't take care of what people think...I'm me, others are others. This Is It.
Hmmm, soooo any suggestions about how to back pedal if this is maybe somebody sitting at work currently completely en femme, feeling very uncomfortable about it all and regretting my choices
So I just made all these mistakes. How do I fix it? I came out to people and then starting introducing myself w my new name. Now I get nervous at the thought of being a woman and feel like I’m regressing.
Mine cracked about 11 years ago now and only now am I starting lazer and considering facial hair removal, but cause I'm genderqueer/fluid it's all very complicated
I began transitioning about 11 months ago at age 45. From the beginning of this journey, it is uncanny just how on-the-nose your videos have been to my experiences. This video is no different. My egg started to crack during covid when my job's office shut down and we began working exclusively from home. When I did come to terms that I have to transtrion, I felt a desperate need to start HRT and femminizing, beard removal, etc. as fast as possible for the exact reasons you menitoned, namely wanting to enjoy my life as a woman while I'm still young enough to enjoy it. Moving fast almost certainly put extra strain on my marriage that already had some cracks. I'm not sure if it might have been any better to go slower in the long run, but the ongoing struggle of trying to hold my homelife together has certainly been the biggest external contributor of stess in this whole process.
There are so many comments from people who are older.. and it makes me so happy. I'm not alone to know later in life.
Right. You'd think you'd have yourself figured out after your 20s, but it's not quite the case.
Dr Z, thank you for your channel. I am a 62 year old who came to the realization that I am transgender about 8 months ago. One of the things that kind of helped me realize or start researching was a conversation in a campground with an Army sergeant enjoying some R&R between duty stations. The short of it is that he was telling me about he and his buddies getting Rufee’d in Germany, basically a convo about the hazards of overseas duty. A few days later it dawned on me that I had been “Zeroxed” several times while in “A” school in the Navy, and I started drawing lines connecting dots; unwanted advances from men, being “Zeroxed” several times, my attraction to certain men, cross-dressing, etc. It didn’t seem to make sense, I never thought I had female feelings when I was younger. Then I found your channel and watched several of your videos about “discovering” that you are trans at a later age, and started being able to put things together, just two days ago my wife and I had a very open conversation about me seeking counseling to begin transitioning. I am so much calmer suddenly and my unexplained anger has subsided.
Thank you for your channel and the good you are doing!
Destiny
at the time my egg first cracked, i was in a very deep pit of depression. i was hiking with my parents at the time, and while walking i realized that "yup i am 100% not cis". the first people i told were my friends, and their response was just "yes" lol. they already knew :)
I had someone this year telling me "it’s about time you say it"
I did started hrt almost 2 years ago 🙃
That sounds extremely validating ❤
This is a wonderful video! My egg cracked 3 months ago and it was just like you described. Like my subconscious had been carefully collecting all the data for the last 5 decades and hid it away until I was ready. I knew something was up with my gender for a long time , but what finally cracked the egg was getting the courage to finally talk to a therapist. As soon as I got off the phone after scheduling my first appointment, it all hit me at once. Eggshell pieces everywhere!! Sometimes it feels too fast, and other times much too slow, but I think I’m proceeding at a good pace. I waited almost 2 months before coming out to my sister, and now only a few close family members know and they know I’m still slowly figuring it all out. My sister has been amazing, she told me nobody is expecting anything from me except my happiness 🥰
Foolish heart. You've wished we were one of the girls since I was 3 years old and you never listened to reason. It was March 15th of 2012. It was my once a month adventure out as Shirley the cross dresser when suddenly it hit me. I was so very happy and so very comfortable in the feminine role and felt so accepted by the people at the salon that I couldn't stand the idea of going back to being the miserable man that I was at the time. It was what I call the 6 second transition and I didn't go back. I hit the family wall like a crash car and it took about 4 months for things to settle down. It was a hard start but the years since have been the happiest of my life. My transition would've been much easier if I had seen this video back then. Thank you Dr Z. Your good advice helps us all and I refer everyone to you as the very best in your field. 🥰
Vibes. This was totally me. I socially transitioned and started hrt immediately after realizing in my fifties. I only felt comfortable in public in full makeup and breast forms like in my pic 👈.
About a year in, when I tried to change my name and was starting the path to bottom surgery, I hit a wall. The first challenges just stopped me dead. Lots of anxiety. Fortunately I was part of a super supportive community of diversely gendered and presenting people that reduced the pressure to perform and present in a super femme way. I also have been working with a therapist throughout and was able to confront these issues with them and they gave me the same advice - slow down, I don't have to do everything at once. That helped so much.
Side note - I stopped wearing breast forms when my own breasts came in. Even though they stopped growing at a b cup, it was so much easier and gave me so many more options, particularly in summer. That helped me slow down a bit too so I didn't hit that wall so hard.
I needed to watch it two weeks earlier 😂 I came out to everyone except my workplace (which is very homophobic and transphobic, so it's not an option), and none of my friends or relatives accepted me. It was a hard blow. But I still hitting the ground running because of my ADHD 😂
I don’t understand this “ my eggs cracked “!
I don’t have any eggs 🥚,
😊😂😂😂
I started HRT on 15 July 2024. I believe I am transitioning at a lot slower pace than even my endocrinologist and therapist expect. I have tested different names. I am still not set on one. Socially, my social life is essentially just my work life, and the culture at where I work is very vocally anti-Trans.
I am very masculine presenting still and wish I had the money and time to transition a bit faster.
My gender affirming care is through Veterans Affairs, for which i am so grateful,otherwise, i wouldn't be able to afford it. Part of Project 25 is ending VA gender affirming care, so I do want to go faster, but i am a bit worried if the VA ever has to stop providing gender affirming care, my HRT will end.
I'm not trying to be political. Vote Democrat. Democrats support us while the Repubs want us dead. Please vote. For both our sakes.
Don't worry about others and their expectations. Transition at your own pace. I started taking HRT at 28... I'm 42 and I've only been full-time for a year and a half.
I started 2023 ,
It takes time ,
2-3 yrs to notice things ,
😊
Dr. Z. Great to see you back on YT. I am a big fan and listener
7:25 - I want to challenge this notion that they're moving forward as fast as possible. I'm not an expert by any means, but my experience with clients who are transgender and even in my own experience is that we spend years planning, researching, and trying to figure out who we are. When we come out, we have figured out a plan and we are just executing it. Like a chick cracking the egg, that can feel sudden to OTHER people. However, it's been a long period of incubation before we come out.
so good to see you back ,and so pretty !💕💕
Thank you Dr Z ❤
it took me 3 months of internal struggles before I ever told a soul, but once my egg-cracked, I focussed on the things I had control over finding allies and support, one things and taste of many things like gender exploration. But people tell me I overall went too fast. I had to take a break and I experienced a lot of self-doubt. Fortunately, I had so much external catastrophees to keep me occupied while I was in the "neutral zone" of hrt.
Many in my inner circle also told me I was moving too fast, though I think it might have been that it was too fast for her rather than me. In any case, it is worth keeping in mind that we don't transition in a vaccuum. This affects others and we need to be mindful of that.
I got worried for a minute, but I think I'm taking it slowly enough... I really did just sit there for a week after the crack and think about strategy... now three weeks since my egg cracked and I've just got a referral to my gender clinic, had my first laser hair removal session, and set up my name change for 7th August (I was changing anyway and I did forms for a gender-neutral name and a femme name - I've now ripped up the gender neutral one so I will be going with my femme name... but George is the diminutive of my femme name so that works fine). My best friend who witnessed my name change deed is so keen to get me on she/her and call me my femme name... but as I explained to him, until I'm presenting femme it's just going to confuse people. I've said to quite a few people "It's George, he/him until further notice, thank-you". Luckily I have an incredible therapist, and I can't imagine anyone going through this process without someone to talk to freely about it... thanks for a great video...
When my egg cracked the worst happened, besides me unaliving myself. I lost my job, I lost my home, I lost my friends, I lost my position in the congragation, I had to leave the country. Everything fell apart. Oh, and then as a homeless person I was assaulted and I had to do survival work and then my money was stolen from me. The thief was later found dead. I am pretty cynical about cis people.
I am very sorry that happened to you.
x2...
@@asafry2873 It made me realize why trans communism is a thing.
Thanks for all your support and advices. I think for many of us it's not like the egg cracked but we unblocked our intuition wich has been conditioned and programmed to not see ourselves for what we truly are.
Egg cracked = clearing limiting beliefs that have been infused in your subconscious and changing your perception of reality and yourself. Much love 💕💕💕
Egg cracked i think 2 months ago… im 39. Tho i crossdressed and thought about being trans since i was about 12-14.. thinking i was trans faded in and out over the many years. This last egg tho has been something else entirely. I told my environment, got into therapy, set myself up for gender affirming care, shopped until i dropped, experimenting with presenting more feminin… and people of course perceive just that: a man presenting more feminin, but still a man. It is so frustrating, but logical. I cannot be what i am not. So im slowing down now, just trying to not give a f* what people expect and giving myself time to let the dominoes fall one by one as Dr Z brilliantly put it. Im a long way from home but at least im travelling 🤷🏻♀️
Hi Dr Z , I love watching your videos. I'm 52 my egg cracked about 4 years ago. I was like I can't do everything quick enough to start with, came out with the people closest to me first. Then me and partner separated. I felt overwhelmed, now I've slowed down and going forward at my pace. Living and learning all the time. Your videos have helped me a great deal, I thankyou very much .
In the middle of hitting the breaks on hrt because I went wayyy to fast. I started a new job and my coworkers asked if I was trans, because of the vibes and the everything, I guess. I told them I was and almost immediately started using new pronouns and chose a new name. Came out to my family over the next few months and 8 months later I started hrt. I started experiencing reverse dysphoria and now my brain is terrified. Not that I’m not trans, but I feel like I didn’t go through enough questioning about things to commit to such a big change. I have a significant about of trauma that I haven’t worked through and now I’m shifting my motivation towards that so I can feel more grounded in myself moving forward. There really is no way around the slow work.
The timing of this video today was amazing. This is exactly what I needed to hear today. Are you living inside my head so well, Dr Z? Should I start charging rent? 🙂
My egg cracked just this year at the age of 31 and it's so healing to know it's ok not to hit the ground running. Being older in life it's hard knowing my 20's are behind me but it's good set up the domino effect and keep looking forward.
I went through nearly 40 years of my life saying well I'm a guy nothing I can do about it so I tried to be the masculine image that society wants especially going to beard. But I never actually felt strongly connected either way I suppress my urge to crossdressing got married and now 10 years later that suppression started to crack and I started getting such a negative feelings it wasn't until I admitted I was trans that those feelings subsided not gone but not ruling my life
Hello Dr. Z thank you so much for this video. I had my egg crack in February 2020 and started HRT in 2022. In some ways I feel like I’ve gone through my transition quite quickly up to this point but in other respects I feel that I have taken my time. Unfortunately throughout my transition I lost my partner, my home and the respect of my family. I had unstable emotions prior to my egg crack that was noticeable to other people but i could cope, after my egg crack i no longer could cope and was a mess, which was a significant problem in my relationship. After being diagnosed with gender dysphoria and being two years in to gender transition a different psychiatrist didnt diagnose me but rather noted that i have traits of borderline personality disorder. I feel like I have a weak sense of self but I do know that that sense of self is a feminine sense of self and brings me peace when I experience it, on the in between times I struggle to know who I am and feel that I’m not sure If transition is the right thing for me. This has made my entire transition process very very difficult. I chopped my hair off which i had been growing for years because of instability and instantly regretted it. I feel like i have been in gender crisis for over 4 years now and im getting really exhaused. Have you had any experience of working with trans women at the age of around 30 struggle with borderline personality disorder as a co-occurring condition.
I do question though if the emotional instability and fragile sense of self is a byproduct of dysphoria and internalised transphobia rather than borderline personality disorder and im at risk of being misdiagnosed.
I know you did a video briefly covering this but a much more in depth look at this i feel would be very helpful to many.
Im not really getting much support in terms of my gender but more in the realms of psychiatry for the treatment of personality disorders and my concern is that i al being treated as someone with a personality disorder rather than in line with my gender dysphoria diagnosis. I feel mental health professionals where i live are inexperienced with trans people so borderline is the closest thing they have to “support me”
Hi Dr. Z, my name is Paul. I had the medicine a year and a half, but July 18 I started taking Estrdiol and Spironolactone. We have home movies, I am barely old enough to walk and I picked a pair of my mother's pumps. It started then. I know it now. I did publicly come-out at a AA meeting yesterday. I wore pink. Tonight, I go to rhe pride meeting. Thank you for explaning everything. Paula.
Dr. Z, Could the egg crack also start a questioning phase? And couldn't also be the realization of a non-binary identity, as opposed to only a binary trans endpoint? Personally me egg cracked at my father's funeral 4-1/2 years ago when I wa 61 and my cousin remarked, "I never realized how much you looked like your mother." I made a promise to myself that I would get to the bottom of why I always felt different since being a teenager. But I first had to clean out and sell my dad's house. After the painting and floors were done 3 months later, I joined a trans support group and found a therapist, who was a trans woman. I entered the process with a complete open mind. After 6 months in therapy and meeting a non-binary who started from the other side of the spectrum, I had far more in common with them than my trans sisters.
I'm AFAB nonbinary, and my personal egg crack was to realize that I'm agender. It started out as sort of a point of curiosity about the trans experience. My step sister is trans, and there's been a lot of political and media attention on the subject lately, so I set out to find out more. I personally could not understand how one could be sure that they identified strongly with the opposite gender to the one they were assigned at birth. The more I researched, the more I understood intellectually, but also the more I realized that I could not relate. Eventually I came to the conclusion that this is because I do not have an internal sense of gender. I can look back at my life and see that much of the time when I have conformed with my assigned gender it was because I was following the "rules" or was pressured into it through peer bullying and/or parental expectations. When I let go of the "rules" and made decisions about my appearance based on my own wants, I found myself to be much more comfortable with my body. My only issue now is that while my family is not unsupportive, they also haven't changed the pronouns and other language that they use for me or anything affirming like that. My mother would also be upset with me if I were to change my name, so I'm working on coming to terms with that even though I would prefer something more neutral. Although therapy is not in my budget, I do have a group of LGBTQ friends that I can visit with to talk things out.
Anyways, long story short, in my experience an egg crack can indeed lead to a more nonbinary ending.
I am 42, and I just had this egg-cracking experience myself and am starting to explore my feelings and myself. But I can totally see this impulsiveness being an issue since I have ADHD and know how that is. And I also feel, of course, this need to not waste any more time, but I know things take time, and I first wrote an email to get information about psychologists in my area or in general to have a starting point.
Nonetheless, I also feel this "rush" to not waste any more time. And I think it's totally understandable.
Great video!!
This is my story (long comment ahead, apologies in advance):
I am just over 30 years old and I have not started any form of transition. I think that on a subconscious level, I've known that this day was coming for a a long time. I've struggled with the idea of being transgender as I was raised in an extremely conservative household. I grew up not even knowing gender and sex are different or what a transgender was. My impulse to cross dress, try makeup and do other "feminine" things made me feel shame, like I was some sort of dirty pervert and an affront to god. So I did what any good christian boy does. I crammed it down deep and repressed it. But it didn't stop me from feeling terrible all the time. I moved across the country to get away from my bad relationship with my dad, read up on how to manage anxiety and depression, did talk therapy, and added as many healthy habits to my life as I could. But it did not help much. I still carried that feeling of wrongness and like I wasn't all there. My feelings are constantly muted and I feel compressed, like I'm me, but not me. All the while, the little expressions of my transgender nature kept popping up. Thoughts of wanting to have breasts, stints of cross dressing in private, reading up a bunch on transgender science and other literature related to transgenderism. But the whole time, I kept in denial. "I can't be transgender. I'm not suicidal, I function fine in every day life, and sure, I may not like what I see in the mirror, but I don't hate myself or have a visceral reaction to my male parts. Heck, even sometimes I kind of like myself."
It turns out that "fine" is not all that fine. My depression and anxiety kept getting worse and I became less stable. Apathy crept into my life. I started to let myself go a bit. And then the self loathing came. "Why can't I be a normal person like everyone else? Why can't I apply myself? Why does it always feel like I'm just going through a set of motions rather than actually engaging with and truly enjoying my life?" Even through all of this I still maintained a relatively high functioning depressive. I held down jobs for a reasonable amount of time, though I was prone to throwing myself into work with little care for myself and burning out because I couldn't tell how I was feeling until it was too late. But still I made progress. I moved to more important roles and my salary went up. But I still wasn't happy and things kept getting worse. The pandemic hit and I ended up burning out once again, though this time it was more quickly as the work environment was actually incredibly toxic. I decided that I was going to go back to school I was finally going to pursue what I had wanted to pursue for years. And for a while, it was great. I excelled in my classes, I found a great part time job that paid more than enough to cover my bills, but gave me the freedom of work from home. I improved how I dressed, lost a bunch of weight and got in arguably the best shape of my life, and I got dental care to fix my bad teeth. I wasn't unattractive before, but I certainly looked much better now.
Even then, the feeling started to creep back in. I started to doubt myself over the feeling of wrongness, some of the habits returned and I started to feel bad about myself again. I stopped going to school. I still wasn't getting any joy from who I saw in the mirror. It peaked in the summer of this year. I had just finished a meeting when I just broke down crying in my office. I was working alone, so no one else saw, but I knew I needed to take some time to correct what was happening. I called my boss and left for the day. My job was incredibly supportive through the whole thing. I was gone for weeks. I came back and tried to put the piece together again, but the damage was done. I was burnt out again and miserable. I quit my job and have been living off of savings for the past two months. For much of the time, I was fighting insomnia, the side effects of the antidepressants, and my general apathy. I'd sleep at odd hours and for far too many of them. I wasn't eating right. My digestive problems got worse. After about a month, I leveled out some. I switched my antidepressant, I wasn't feeling as burnt out, and I went out and started trying to fight my depression again. But even then, all of the problems I'd had for my whole life persisted despite the medication and the improvements, same as every time before that.
I got fed up with it and I decided to finally acknowledge the elephant in the room. Maybe there was something deeper going on that I hadn't acknowledged. I started to reflect on the odd feelings and habits that I tried to repress. I noted that while I liked women in the sexual sense, there was a deeper feeling behind it. I didn't necessarily want to be with a woman, I wanted to be a woman. It felt weird, and I still wasn't convinced. But I decided to do my research, I started watching some RUclips content from trans creators and compared my experiences to theirs, I found Dr. Z's channel and started watching these videos from time to time. Eventually, I admitted to myself that I'm probably trans. I took advantage of a community that I'm a part of online to speak anonymously with some strangers that I knew were trans. I expressed my feelings and my experience. I was fully ready to be denied, ridiculed, or both (a cynic to the end). But instead, I was validated, they didn't say "yes, you are a woman, go transition", but they acknowledged my feelings and experiences and commended me for talking to others about it. They encouraged me to continue with my plan to see a therapist and speak with them. I felt elated. For the first time in a long time, I had energy to do things. I started to draw and do things for myself purely out of a desire for self improvement and not because I felt like I had to for appearances. I didn't feel the self loathing as deeply looking in the mirror and almost liked myself a bit again. I am a long way from fine, but it's the most improvement I've seen in years.
After acknowledging and sharing with others, more repressed memories came up, bringing me more into alignment with those experiences I had seen online (though still uniquely my own). I still feel some embarrassment and shame for those actions and feelings, but I'm working through it. I'm scheduled to see a therapist. I've been giving forethought to how I will handle it if transition becomes the next step. Who will I tell when, what kind of they/them or woman I want to be. I know that I will lose some people in my life because of it and I am aware that much about my social status will change. I haven't picked out a name yet, but for now I'll just have people refer to me by my first initial if I am uncomfortable with my full name after I begin to tell others (which I will do if transition becomes the next steps after therapy). It's all still a bit scary and confusing, especially in an increasingly hostile environment toward people like myself, but I can't help but to feel hopeful for the future. It may be a scary time to be in, but I know that there are others who will support me and I will support them in return. For the first time, I feel like I might be able to one day be a person that looks at themself in the mirror and loves what they see, warts and all. Instead of having my mind preoccupied with self hate, depression, and anxiety about who I am and questioning everything about my being, I am hoping that I can focus on the things that I love and have neglected and move forward with becoming a vibrant individual that shows my passions to the world.
So here I am today, posting in this comment section. Thank you to anyone who read this and stuck around to the end. I know it's a long post and as I just went with my flow of thought, it may be a bit messy in places and some details of my story are surely missing. But I hope that maybe in seeing my comment you might gain some insight and if needed, the bravery to take the next step forward on your journey, whatever direction that may be (whether you're trans or not). No matter your situation, I think that there is always a path forward that can lead you toward being a better and more accepting version of yourself. It just takes time, a bit of time, some drive, and some empathy. The path is not always linear, it's not even always forward. There will be times where you find yourself taking some steps back, but just know that it's all part of progress. The milestones you set in life must be your own and not anyone else's. Don't compare your progress to theirs and just keep your two feet on the path. Each small step forward is a victory and if you take enough, you'll be surprised at how much better you'll feel, even if you're not at your final destination.
Much peace and love, and good luck on your journey.
i never herd of this term egg cracking
3:16 - I wouldn't call it a gender crisis. It wasn't a crisis for me. It was a revelation!
I like the egg crack analogy better. It's a rebirth. Birth can be traumatic but it can also be wonderful. Crisis sounds like it can only be trauma. Egg cracking feels like it can be both.
I think my egg cracked when I was 20. I mentioned it to a couple people in my social group. One person told me to put it away and never talk about it to anyone else I'm 56 now and slowly socially transitioning for 2 years now and been on HRT for 9 months. Believe me, there are challenges doing it this way as well. But, there is no transition, old, young, mtf, ftm, or someone in between that doesn't come with challenges to the self and "what if" will always be there to get in the way, too. I feel right now what you're saying. It's like being stuck in an ADHD executive function glitch.
Thanks Dr. Z, I'm doing good but it's a long slog through deep snow.
Just looked up my bank statement when my egg finally cracked, 20th August 2018 at about 1pm. after the turmoil of dilemma knowing what I had to do rattling around in my head for many decades I bit the bullet their and then, So to celebrate ''this may seem rather weird'' I went out for the first time in day light as Me shopping, But it was not cloths or makeup shopping,🥲 I went shopping for a new living room rug and a few fem pictures to put on my walls along with some new bedding. 😀 it's been little steps up till now, little steps introducing the new me, little steps with enhancements and paperwork with name change and all the other things, and now finally on HRT. I still got the rug and all the other lovely things which reminds me every day of the Egg Crack Day nearly 6 years ago. 🥰 I'm now going to make an omelette😀
I am definitely not one of those who rushed off when my "egg cracked". There is going to be a long process on figuring out what I will do. Sadly, my early childhood was filled with trauma, abuse and neglect. Ive been seeing a trauma therapist for several years. Without this I would not have such clairity on my trans issue. But I still have many questions and need to work some things out. I will do what is best for me. I just need to figure out what that is.
Its hard with two significantly powerful identities both believing they are right. The female is 100% sure I am female and mourns a lifetime of loss living as I have. And I have to agree. And the identity i was not only forced into but due to major trauma caused me to have to rebuild my identity at an early age but in line with society. My story is a little more complicated than most. But I suspect that there are a lot like me as children demanding to be the sex they know they are and were not born as, get traumatized by caregivers, friends, family, relatives, strangers, society, the world in general.
My egg just cracked a few weeks ago, at 43 years old, and so far I've been trying to take things slow. I tend to be cautious by nature anyway, so rushing it was never an option. At first I thought I was having a really weird mid-life crisis, and my first week and a half to two weeks after the egg cracked were an emotional roller coaster of alternating fear, anger, denial, and just plain confusion. Once the roller coaster pulled back into the station and I calmed down, I came out to my wife (putting her on the same emotional roller coaster I've been on) and am now just trying to figure out where to go from here.
I've been doing hrt for 5ish months, and I started pretty quickly after my egg cracked. When I came out to my family, I was pretty clear that it was a work in progress and I'm not sure where I'll wind up with it. I think that helped a lot. They have the knowledge that they need without setting up a huge expectation that causes that level of stress. I still present male, still use my birth name and all that, but I'm working on it while my body changes. Now for how to transition socially without becoming a ball of self-awareness
I knew that I would have preferred to be a woman for most of my life it was a passive ideal for me and not something to actively strive toward. Fast forward a few years and I was very depressed and not having a good life whatsoever engaging in negative behaviors to quicken my death. Then 3 days after my 26th birthday (which was a few years after I began cross dressing regularly in private) I started hormones and have stopped nicotine all together. It makes me feel better now. I was a ball of hate and angst before I started this journey. I still flashback to all of the bad things I said in the past but now I’m much more at peace.
I decided not to tell my employer. When I started developing and the changes become clearly visible, I would tell who ever asks me that I am transgender. My male name is the same as my female name "Chris" will not change.
I thought about going to my boss and telling him, but decided there was no reason to do that. The job I do does not require that I wear business clothes, so I will just keep coming to work in my usual clothes.
After I complete SRS, that is when I will petition for my gender and name to be updated on all of my official government records and documents.
This video might be the single most important video of yours that I have watched yet. I have realized that a lot of what I felt throughout the last 15+ years were due to a mismatch between my gender identity and my birth gender. I feel like a woman, I want to become one but I am taking tentative steps towards it. I have come out to a few of my friends, luckily they are very supportive, but it's less than a handful of people that know. I did start wearing makeup, but my current overall situation doesn't allow it to be a daily occurrence. Not yet. However, since there are going to be legal changes in Germany, I felt like I should change my name asap which would only overcomplicate my current re-training and the exams and everything. So instead, I decided I'll do voice training and this video somewhat confirms that I'm 'doing right by me' handling it this way. At times I felt like I was dragging my feet and slipping back into denial and doubt. Thank you Dr. Z
The domino analogy is perfect!
You describe perfectly how I feel at the moment. I fought for years against my female side and thought that I never could become a woman. But now that I have realized that I am a woman inside for such an long time already I can’t wait to start transitioning so that I finally can live in the body that I need to be happy for the rest of my life ☺️
The pressure and lack of reality sense from cispeople are real... Never believed I would say that. It has been an huge problem in my live, for them it's just so simple.
I am not gonna lie, I'm deep frustrated and hurted with this messy kind of help from them, not doing what should be done to help me and doing what only makes everything worse, and not f understanding when I explain.
It is hard for cis people to understand how we feel 😮
I feel rather conflicted with this video. I conditionally applaud the message. There's so many layers of complexity under it that it almost undermines the message.
So first, yes, agree... don't hit the ground running .... *in an indeterminate direction* .
I have also talked to some trans folks who have done this. However, I completely understand why they do it because the ground under their feet is very unstable... it is really difficult to come to the conclusion that something that has been built and cultivated for years or even decades is unstable and may even be mentally traumatic, so trying to get away from it as fast as one can is at least an understandable reaction. Offering assistance to these people who feel as if they are on shaky or even non-existent ground is very important.
With that said.... I highly recommend taking actions after one has done some work to figure out which direction one *should likely* go in. Part of a gender journey is the idea that many of us really don't know if what we feel on Day 2 is going to be what we feel on Day 2000. For some of us it is. For some of us, our goals change partway through. And for some of us, we realize it's a moving target of fluidity between two possibly wildly divergent poles on a daily basis. Gender journeys are experimental and sometimes that does mean trial and error. The biggest thing I'd amend about "don't hit the ground running" in this case is to "don't hit the ground running *to commit yourself to a specific thing (or set of specific things) until you feel more assured that it is where you need to be* ." (Name is a good example. I've had a couple trans friends who decided that the new name they'd chosen for themselves really didn't suit them and are trying other names. One of my friends is looking to do another legal name change, again, which costs money. Change name yes, _legally_ change it when you feel more assured that you are comfortable and fine with it.)
Another huge part of this is a communication part. When the video discusses how people around the trans person may put pressure on them, the best thing for the trans person to do is to try to be clear as to what they need from the people around them. It's one thing to say "I'm transgender" but another to then clearly offer to those friend and loved ones, "as a result, I need [this], [this], and not [this]." This will hopefully eliminate a lot of guessing and also hopefully a lot of social pressure on the trans person. And when needs change, the trans person can communicate once again.
I am a person who took a bit of time to get things in order following my egg crack... it took over four years of consideration for me to finally determine that I was transgender. Then it was a couple months of kind of working through the full impact of what that meant... But after that? Yes, I hit the ground RUNNING. I found a second part-time job in a career path I love, I got myself more in shape, I put myself through six gender-affirming surgeries starting about two years after I came out and lasting for twenty months, and I found a new main job when I found out that my previous main job was discriminatory and possibly bigoted towards me. I also initiated volunteering for political causes this very summer. I suppose I might not quite meet the definition that was outlined in the video because I made sure to take a bit of a pause to figure things out first, but... well, I feel that my mental state is in a much better place than I was following my coming out and it absolutely is a result of *putting action behind my intentions* after making sure that I was comfortable with my direction.
Well said Serena...
My egg cracked almost a year ago and I still get these feelings of being in limbo with no set identity. Shortly after my egg cracked I went to las vegas to meet a group of transwomen. I wanted this to be my coming out party but instead after first night out I woke up feeling like it was a mistake. I just didn't feel it. I think you kind of explained what happened to me. Thank you.
I would add your egg cracking may also involve that you cannot ignore or repress your dysphoria anymore. You feel you have to do something about being trans. Even with that, it has taken me close to two years into my transition to completely let myself be who I know I am.
I actually had a partial crack twenty-five years ago and then a full crises two years ago. After the first crack, I knew I identified as a woman and wanted a woman's body including all the parts. I remember cross dressing in my friend's apartment and feeling I want a vagina. Now, when I think back on my life there are so many experiences telling me I am trans. But, when I was growing up, transgender was not even a term and to imagine you could transition was unthinkable.
I am much older, but I am lucky because working through my doubts has made me go slow in my transition. The first thing I did was to get a good gender therapist. I started HRT three after my crises and body hair removal after about a year later. I just started electrolysis, and tomorrow I am having a hair transplant. Over the last six months I have come a long way with my feminine voice working with Olivia Flanigan via Zoom.
My advice - do things first that are relatively reversible or more gender neutral. My next steps are orchiectomy and possible FFS. The FFS is dependent on how far the HRT and hair transplant take me. If I were younger, GRS certainly would be in the plan. Given my age and that my genital dysphoria is not overwhelming that may not be in the cards.
Also remember, as you take steps in your transition make sure you have the support you need to succeed. This includes financial resources, people around you who can care for you, and friends and family who are emotionally on board with your transition.
Dr. Z hits a home run again. She is the best. We are so lucky to have her! ❤
I always learn so much from you. Thank you for sharing! 💜
2 videos this week!! Thank you Dr Z! ❤💙💛💜🧡
I plan to post 3x. Monday, Wednesday and Friday! Stay tuned.
@@DRZPHD 😊👌
One of my problems is I've "come out" a couple times and it was like the Universe was hitting back! Two years ago, I lived on Staten Island and was mostly out all the time, and enjoying it. But my landlord resen ted it. On was on a month to month lease and he ordered me to leave. (Officially, it was because he didn't like my three cats.) I could not find a place on Staten Island that I could afford and would accept me and my three cats. So I moved to small town PA. I am now renting a 3 bedroom house for less than my SI 1 bedroom apartment. My cats love the space. But I am far less certain about being "out." Though mostly I am. I don't see me getting hormones and surgeries. I'm 75 years old and figure God has blessed me with a reasonably healthy & robust male body: maybe I should accept that blessing and be grateful. Also, I wish to travel internationally and think that might be easier as a "normal" male person.
15:07 - I do agree about the pressure from others. That can feel overwhelming and that can feel like you want to move as fast as possible for others. Move as fast as you need. You came out of your egg for yourself. You didn't come out for anyone else.
Now I want stew. Lol
To the few people who know all pf which have been supportive because I choose those who openly advicate for the Trans community, i do feel a bit of pressure. So that is completely relatable.
I am so happy that you are back! ❤
omggg that sounded like me word for word ,,,,,, except i didnt know i was trans ,,,, one day someone asked me and i said i dont know ive never heard of it before ,,,, so i got a therapist to try and find out ,,, she told me yes you are ,,,, so i decided to ahead a fully embrace it and got a doctor to help me start hrt ,,,,,and yes it was just as the pandemic started and yes im older so i didnt want to waste a minute ,,, i even went and got implants and i love it all
I came out being scared of coming out wish I did years ago an love it ❤now I an so relaxing like being a female, my mom gave me female hormones in her womb by taking medication for morning sickness ❤it's in brain 🧠 so enjoy it yes my egg is cracked ❤
I also think that my question of my sexuality was a hidden under life for questioning my gender because I kept thinking that I was gay that I want to be in the same sex relationship but turns out I very much attracted to women I wanted to be in a lesbian relationship still find guys attractive but nowhere near as intense
I’m pansexual 😊
Not a gay ,
I’m a trans ⚧️,
Attracted to all ,
wanting and desiring all 😊
❤❤❤
I would love to hear about the feeling of "too good to be true". I struggle to identify with my transness (I have a therapist I'm working with), but every time I masculinize or think of myself as "boy" or "man" a lot of things I thought unrelated to gender are getting better and healthier in my body and mind.
How to I reconcile that feeling of "this is too perfect of a solution to so many of my problems, I must be wrong"?
I transitioned when the Harry Benjamin Protocols were in place. At the time I felt that the protocols were cumbersome, but I realize now that they were a much needed brake on my transition so that I could proceed at a slower pace.
Rushing and running as made me go from wanting to be trans-fem to being scared... but I still do want to at least do part one, improve my figure, fix up my hair, and work on my guy body, because I figure in the time I do this, it'll give me plenty of time to really think about being trans-fem.
Its there.... and I dunno if I will go for it.... but right now, my thoughts are waivering as someone whos never been Gender Dysphoric, just.... really wanted to be a girl.... and I feel so stupid for this.
This is pretty interesting, I figured that I'm non binary about 2 years ago. But I didn't come out to anyone. I knew that I couldn't because of their views on trans people.
So I simply saved money and made plans to move across the country to a city that I knew was very accepting.
While I was waiting for that to happen I just messed around with how I dress and makeup while I was at home by myself.
Then finally I was able to move and I did. Got a job that was very open to the LGBT community. Soon as I applied I checked the he/they pronouns boxes in the application. And this has been for the last 9 months that I've been living as a non binary person here.
Made friends that refer to me as they them and it's really pretty cool. And I've talked to co workers about how I'm open to any pronouns I just don't like the honorifics like sir or mister.
And everyone's been pretty cool about it. But all of this and I haven't even begun transitioning physically or with hormones or anything.
I just occasionally will wear a shirt or a pants that's designed for women. And at home I fairly often wear like leggings and other femm clothes.
Been growing out my hair for all that time as well, and it's really nice to be able to feel more and more comfortable in my skin as time goes on.
Now I just need to make appointments with psychiatrist or psychologist I'm not sure which one is the right one but I'll figure it out. So that I can get advice on what's going on with myself mentally.
And I know for sure now that I'm at least going to get laser hair removal and any medical assistance that I can find to help me keep my hair and stop growing facial and body hair.
I'm 30 now and it hasn't been easy just waiting like this. But I just want to be sure before I do anything drastic like hrt since I won't be able to hide that from my relatives. And I definitely am not coming out to them about any of this unless it's absolutely necessary.
Myke...
Better yet, see a Therapist specializing in Gender care...
Good luck... ❤
Egg cracked at 56, then went on a spending spree for makeup and nail polish, I must have dumped about $200 minimum on stuff that I have only just started using two years later. 😮😅
egg started to crack about 5 years ago but dident decidede to start transitioning untill a few months ago, first appointment with a trans care specialist is tomorrow :)
Hi Dr Z, I love your channel! I was definitely born in the wrong body - should have been born female!!
I am definitely trans!!
Living as a woman is just a dream.
Oh well, too old now.
The first time my egg cracked was when I was a freshman in high school but at the time there was no information nor was there any support. The next cracks in my egg came after I had a major injury at 22 and needed to restart with a new career path and there was an article in the Sunday paper about a transgender support center.
Great video
I’m 32 and my bi-gender egg finally cracked a few days ago. I’m still recovering and processing everything, but definitely wanting to take things slow.
My partner had to leave the house for a week and I was planning on binging video games and enjoying the alone time. Instead, I found I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t want to eat or move for a few days. I would turn on games and just immediately want to stop playing. Around day 3 of this I realized something was wrong with me and I didn’t know what and started introspecting. I knew something wasn’t right and this wasn’t normal. All I ever wanted to do was play video games, what was different? What started as a few tears on day 3 or 4 ended up with me laying in bed crying uncontrollably for hours as everything started making sense. I was in so much pain and was suffering for decades and I didn’t even know the root cause. I consider myself a relatively emotionally intelligent person so I still can’t believe it remained hidden from me for so long. I had suspicions of course but I was easily able to write them off and ignore them. I almost never cry except for maybe in a good movie and it really helped heal and smooth my mind, I was in so much pain. I had never cried like that in my entire life.
I usually have memory problems but I was remembering things plain as day from 25+ years. All these moments started flooding back into my mind with this new context. Things I had completely forgotten. I could see myself being so depressed for so long and now I finally understood why. Things finally made sense. I finally felt like I was myself again after a lifetime of being disconnected from myself. Thinking felt easier for me. I felt lighter. I feel like I’m not as grumpy and I feel like I’m smiling more.
I wish I could go into more detail and share more of my story but it’s difficult to put into words and share via comment. I live in a really bad part of the world to be any kind of trans / non-binary but I am so so so lucky to have an understanding and sympathetic partner. It’s almost as if I chose them 10 years ago knowing unconsciously that I’d be safe with them.
Thank you for all your videos and everything you do. It’s been helping me so much these past few days.
I wish you all the happiness you deserve... Embrace the Journey... ❤
@@Genevieve111 tysm! 💖
I was serene but the family, parents, teacker, doctors tryed tò force me in living inside a bubble or inside an egg. Why my freedom and happines Is so paiful for family and others? Where Is the problem? Nowaday Is easy with all the info on internet but immagine the pain for a kid that must live in a jail of liars and noone can help or understand. I never been trapped in an egg but wish I could break their egg! The only problem for me was money...frankly I don't take care of what people think...I'm me, others are others. This Is It.
Hmmm, soooo any suggestions about how to back pedal if this is maybe somebody sitting at work currently completely en femme, feeling very uncomfortable about it all and regretting my choices
I'm not regretting my realization of being trans or anything, just wishing I had found this video a month or two ago, lol
It did happen to me and I'm still trying to get a hold of what just happened? What do i do with the rest of my life now its four years later?
You have to deal with your real true form ,
There is no shame in who we are ,
We are beautiful
We are strong 😊
So I just made all these mistakes. How do I fix it? I came out to people and then starting introducing myself w my new name. Now I get nervous at the thought of being a woman and feel like I’m regressing.
My hen's egg cracked in the nest. Either she's telling me she's a rooster or I need to add some eggshells. There was no shock wave.
Mine cracked about 11 years ago now and only now am I starting lazer and considering facial hair removal, but cause I'm genderqueer/fluid it's all very complicated
@4:34