Это видео недоступно.
Сожалеем об этом.
Our Need for Connection
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 18 май 2021
- A common symptom of mental unwellness is the desire to isolate ourselves from others. Yet far from marking us out as abnormal or repellant, our suffering is an opportunity to connect with the countless others who feel just as lost as we do.
Enjoying our RUclips videos? Get full access to all our audio content, videos, and thousands of thought-provoking articles, conversation cards and more with The School of Life Subscription: t.ly/_e-u-
Be more mindful, present and inspired. Get the best of The School of Life delivered straight to your inbox: t.ly/SiS8a
FURTHER READING
You can read more on this and other subjects here: bit.ly/3ylnu8f
“One of the cruellest aspects of mental illness is that it strips us of any ability to believe that other people might be suffering in the way we are. We aren’t being wilfully egocentric or arrogant; we are condemned by our illness to a feeling that we are uniquely pitiful, uniquely unacceptable, uniquely awful. The central legacy of mental illness, and a major contributor to our suicidal impulses, is a feeling of exceptionalism.”
MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE
Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist:
bit.ly/TSOLrela...
SOCIAL MEDIA
Feel free to follow us at the links below:
Facebook: / theschooloflifelondon
X: / theschooloflife
Instagram: / theschooloflifelondon
CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Alexandra Sasha Balan
www.behance.ne...
Sound Design: Volkan Kiziltug, www.VolkanKiziltug.com
Title animation produced in collaboration with
Vale Productions
www.valeproduc...
Join the discussion in the comments below. If you enjoy our films and want a say on what ones we make you can now become a channel member here: ruclips.net/channel/UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBogjoin
For mental health support see: www.theschooloflife.com/for-individuals/therapy/
Mental illness is unacceptable in functioning society, a tortured character not of his own making, various states of dejection involved, reach out and share your burden, your absence from the community, get involved or perish, isolated from the rest of a humanity as a result🚩✅💲
If you feel like you need another person then you are Goddamned pathetic and that is the truth.
The paradoxical tragedy of life is that we are alone...yet we are all alone together.
It sounds dark but beautiful
... “But I don’t wanna see those tears again. You know Jesus drives an Astrovan.”…
For the record, I’m not religious
Please leave me alone.
But still together... We can't live separately..
😣😣😣
I feel uniquely unified with fellow suffering souls through this youtube channel. Thank you for your meaningful work and for this platform.
You are not alone. Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.
There is also a school of life app for sharing and connecting with others who also find school of life helpful too! Just a heads up if you want to chat with people more
Sending you lots of love 💞💞💞
@@Slamagotchi But only on iOS? I couldn't find one in Android.
well-worded and very true
Right now, there are people all over the world who are just like you. They're either lonely, they're missing somebody, they're depressed, they're hurt, they're scarred from the past, they're having personal issues no one knows about, they have secrets you wouldn't believe. They wish, they dream and they hope. And right now, they are sitting there reading these words, and I'm writing this for you so you don't feel alone anymore. Always remember, don't be depressed about the past, don't worry about the future, and just focus on today. If today's not so great don't worry! Tomorrow's a new chance. If you are reading this, be sure to share this around to make others feel better. Have a nice day :)
Thank you...your words are like a blanket of comfort...you must be a pretty special person if you can make a random human feel comforted without even knowing them...stay safe and well...and you too...don’t forget you’re not alone... 😇🙏🏼❤️
@@rebeccac1447 thank you so much for your words ✌🏽✨❤️ This message circles around RUclips so it was not mine originally! I just thought this video would be a place where they would be appreciated 😊 feel free to spread the word 😉
Thank you for your kind words ❤️
@@rishikart10 glad it helped 🙏🏽✌🏽✨❤️
This is why it's so vital that we destigmatize mental illness and raise awareness. Isolation and loneliness exacerbate our stressors and symptoms and worsen, and may even spiral, our suffering.
... Actually, the Psychopaths in government who control peaceful people by force and fear, need to be severely stigmatized.
@@joedavis4150 Who in the government controls peaceful people through force and fear?
Connections are very hard to form. I haven't had a friend in about 20-30 years.
too much awareness already. Everyone loves to diagnose people.
@@eduardochavacano i have no clue what this is in response to.
Positive social interaction was such a vital part of our ancestors life and the need for it is deeply encoded in our DNA
I feel like people constantly saying we need social interaction and that it's a huge part of life are actually the biggest part of the problem.
There's nothing wrong with living the life of a recluse if it makes you happy. Stop trying to tell people that this is a negative lifestyle when that's just your own interpretation of how to live.
@@notgate2624 seclusion is perfectly fine and great if you are in a state where you can enjoy it - most people need a lot of social interactions til then though
@@notgate2624 I agree, especially when you end up having superficial and unfulfilling interactions just for the sake of it
@@notgate2624 it is a negative lifestyle. There’s a difference between living in solace, & living as a recluse. choosing to avoid social interaction shuts off the valve of any progressive psychological performance because only your perception of what your reality is is the right one. It’s an unintentional bias. it’s not about doing what makes you happy. Being socialized has its physical & mental benefits. There’s been plenty of studies on mammals & the significant defects it causes to baby chimps when isolated.
Introverts and extroverts charge themselves differently. I'm ok with one on one but crowds cause me to get anxiety and feels overwhelming. I think it has something to do with energy and how we handle it personally.
To be deeply listened to, understood, and truly accepted by a group of people is such a wonderful comfort. Most people these days only want to talk about themselves and not care to ask how you're feeling in return. It's rare to find people who truly care, but I'm glad I've found a friend on the internet, a fellow hsp, who reached out and wanted to deepen the friendship which first started out as replying to each other on youtube comments. We should really cherish and strengthen the spark of connection we have with anyone, because that's so rare. Highly-sensitive people and empaths need a way to find each other and get to know one another personally. Channels like the school of life, and their initiatives help with that.
I feel the same. Talking is a skill we tend to excel in, but listening, truly listening when someone is sharing their depths seems very difficult for most people to do... I think listening is the key, people might speak more if they felt truly heard, truly accepted
@@mEatToLive yeah, I agree. skills on how to be sensitive aren’t taught to us, but they teach us public speaking and the like. We aren’t taught the basic, crucial things which make us human since “being sensitive” doesn’t sound nice on a resumé. Schools should really be updated, they’re still teaching us industrial-age stuff.
@@louera My opinion, for all its worth, is that we are taught to be silent and we are shown that listening patiently isn’t what our role models do...
I once listened to an audio where the speaker said, “The average child in the average school (in the U.S.) … asks 6 questions per month, total, sitting in those classes... The average teacher asks 50 to 100 questions, per hour... I ask the student a question, I give the average student one second to answer it & if you don’t answer it, I’ll give you another question & I’ll give you half a second after that, on average. And if you don’t get it, I go on [to someone else].”
He goes on to say that a 3 or 4 year old naturally asks hundreds of questions a day. But when they get to school, “they realise answers & fast answers & right answers are the things that matter.” And at the end of this speech he says something along the lines of, ‘now that you’re out of school, you can fix yourself by learning to ask questions again.’
Asking questions is a crucial step to listening. If people aren’t game to ask a question for fear of being condemned & if we won’t say what we’re thinking for fear of thinking/speaking ‘wrong’, how can we ever understand & accept each other & our selves. We’re taught not to trust ourselves & we’re taught not to listen. And this isn’t just kids woefully giving up on themselves, there’s actually a whole lot of programming going on in the brain & some of the structures will change, some of it is permanent damage. That doesn’t mean we can’t recover from our education, our brains are pretty versatile, but we shouldn’t have to fix what should never have been broken. Imagine the capacity of an unrefrained & encouraged child mind...
As far as I’m concerned, we’ve been taught to close up. If we get something wrong in school, we feel condemned, we’re taught that it’s not ok to be wrong & it’s not ok to be curious, basically it’s not ok to be ourselves. And then there’s the literal bullshit they teach us...
Our education system is misguided & it teaches us more of the same. I’d dearly love to see it change in my lifetime, I would rather that my grandchildren didn’t have to be ‘put through that wringer’. In the meantime, I’ll just keep trying to encourage curiosity. Curiosity is akin to wonder, & I often wonder what it would be like if people could learn to open up... again
I think so. And I also get to know people, talk about themselves, more and more.
Sometimes it seems, this poeple were not able to learn - caus of the failure by the parents, but also by excessive media consumption meanwhile we all don't learn to ask... .
Now i want a fellow HSP empath friend 😭
I always wish i could meet people who write comments like this irl, youtune videos like these are full of people who are more conscious, insinghtful and understanding, but it seems impossible, irl people around me aren't compassionate and understanding of my struggles at all, never once have i received an ounce of love from my parents and family, only dismissiveness and anger and blame
I’d like to suggest a different solution to the loneliness bounded by depression, anxiety, or other illnesses. Instead of connecting with someone who is suffering like you, find somebody who has gone through a similar experience but won the battle. If you are always with another depressed, you will continue to live in that emotional state, but if you are with someone who fought his way out of that emotion into a more empowering one, you’ll learn how he escaped that depression.
Couldn’t agree with this more.
Sounds like a good idea.
I would add that my own experience of building close connections with fellow sufferers and learning to mock our sufferings and our tormentors (real and imagined) in the safety of our own space has really worked wonders for our little group.
you are damn right. Better to be alone than hang out with someone who has gone crazy. But is not even aware.
@@amanullahkariapper2503 same, me and my bestfriend had the same experiences and i was really thankful we were able to help each other out and make each other feel less alone
@@eduardochavacano that's right, the key is "But is not even aware" - perfect rule for deciding which side of the boundary they fall.
" I am a highly sensitive individual. I don't just listen to your words. I listen to the use of your words, your tone, your body movements, your eyes, your subtle facial expressions. I can interpet your silences, I can hear everything you don't say in your words." This is how I feel at times; hyper vigilant. It's hard to get I to sync with someone else who understands this.
Where's the quote from?
@@justintime7577 Pintrest
As an HSP I get it
I feel the exact same way, and over time it is only becoming more extreme for me :( people really don't understand me, which makes me feel alone and insecure and ashamed about myself because they judge me when they don't even actually know me and understand md, it's like no one in this world can or wants to really see ME, i always have to put on a mask and fake my personality but even then people think i'm weird and i can't get the love and connection i'm seeking and never had in my life, and the most difficult thing is, i truly have no idea who i am, i try to be myself, but what is that self, how can i be myself when i don't even know who i am. And this is really distressing and makes me feel really lost
@@badidea6034 You need to love yourself before others can love and understand you for who you truly are. Engaging in activities that you like to do, builds confidence. 💚
"We are deeply flawed, but so fortunately is everyone else. Our errors and ugly sides don't cast us out from humanity, they are what join us to it and renders us all the more hungry for and deserving of love"
- The School of Life
Great quote, I remember hearing it in some previous episode. Do you remember which was? Thanks!
@@juanmaflyer it's from The Best Chat Up Lines
"Watching the video is simply not enough. By adding the text below it, I serve my sinister masters while sabotaging public discourse. This afternoon, it is my home to make out with a chimpanzee."
-Nico Joshua
@@solomonreal1977 bruh
@@nicojoshuas I wanted attention :((
COVID Lockdown helped me to understand that I wasn't alone in my suffering. I'm not sure how this helped but it was instrumental; I'm coming out of lockdown with a much better outlook.
I cannot believe the timing of this video. I got the notification as I was texting someone about how they've been failing to communicate their struggles, how it's killing our relationship (and ourselves), how social media makes me feel more isolated from them than ever.
My own personal struggles are not to share here, but thank you for the reminder that listening and being listened to the most gratifying way out. I hope that my friend comes around. I hope that all of them do. I hope you do, too.
Facebook seems so shallow. Theres nothing deep about it, no real connection. When I log on I can feel my vibration dropping.
@@erinsuzy613 log off. Go join a group (in an area of interest) at your local neighbourhood house - similar interests can connect people more easily, or invite your elderly neighbour over for tea. It just takes one first step to start connecting. 💕 Take the leap. Good luck!
This basically why people pay therapists. i realized that, while in therapy, a lot of what is helpful is that fact that someone is there willing to listen. of course theres expertise as well but that alone is helpful.
Listening not being judgmental
Too bad in my place going to see a therapist is so hard, it’s almost unavailable.
I am willing to listen, and for free
They are paid to listen. That doesn't solve the problem. People need kindred spirits of similar ability in real life, not a paid technician-listener who dispense scientifically correct expertise founded on the erroneous assumption that all humans fundamentally need the same thing, deep down. They don't. If we say "all humans need love" this might fly on face value but this is because the statement is left vague on purpose. If we dig deeper, we realize love means very different things for different people, therefore it is not enough to say "all people need love."
What kind? One can only benefit from love offered by someone who understands love in the same way we do. Otherwise, it falls flat. Love, like all other generalized human needs, is not a homogeneous concept.
When I was depressed, it was not helpful to hear that I was not alone. Great, I thought, thousands of other souls stand before me in line: equally miserabel, equally lonely. All I needed was someone who would listen to me instead of trying to comfort me by saying my situation was far from unique.
I would stop communicating at that
point and engage in more suicidal thoughts. So be careful to push somebody too soon in an imaginairy group of equally depressed people.
What you said didn't make any sense.
@@lucasoliveiradejesusjesus6193 it made perfect sense to me.
@@lucasoliveiradejesusjesus6193 it made sense to me too. I had the exact same situation.
it made perfect sense
Yes happened to me too, at first it was comforting but slowly the world started seeming like a awful place, full of misery and depression
When I was depressed i thought that I have no friends even tho I had alot of them. The problem was me I didnt open up, and I pushed away people form me. And NOW I bearly have any friends 😂, and its hard to make new ones.
Same
Saaamee
I can relate
the hardest thing about loneliness is that it's social failure (or feels very much like it) - and it's hard to reach out, since feeling lonely is a strangely shameful thing to admit.
Not really, you can tell people that you feel lonely and they would not judge you coz everybody is lonely in a way. Give a break to your assumptions and stop caring about what others think of you it's not important.
Yes
@@karlel9663 This is true but it also depends on your social circle. People you know in real life may be busy and occupied with their own lives and see you as annoying or a “negative Nancy”. It’s harder for people who don’t have understanding people around them to express that they’re lonely because they’re taught that loneliness is a sign of weakness and they should just learn to occupy their time.
@@bloodshotview if you irritate them by saying it again and again of course ppl will think xou are suffering from some kind of disease. Just say it once and see what happens, otherwise if the person finds it like you described he's not worth to follow for further friendship.. go find others
If you are watching this, whatever you are going through, always remember you are not alone, better days will come.
Everyone need it
❤️
I don’t have problems connecting with others because I see everyone as an extension of myself. We are not different, just conditioned to believe so, listen to others and you will always learn something new.
I like this mindset
A wise man once said to me “love is grand but divorce is 100 grand”
Living A Life Of Abundance-- You made me laugh, thank you .I have been having a bad day at work.
🤣🤣👌
Boy, I see you on every channel these days
@David Monreeuz Don’t be jaded. There are many benefits to a long term relationship, at its best. I get how today’s society may be set up for shorter relationships though.
@David Monreeuz
You're giving up on the best type of relationship that humans can have if you do that. If you are going into a relationship thinking it will fail, that will contribute to it's failure. If you're too scared to be vulnerable, then you are missing out on the flip side of positive emotions. There is nothing more rich and validating of you as a person than letting your deepest depths be known and accepted by another and likewise.
I'm speaking to the part of you that is currently afraid to long for more. Become best friends before dating and the chance that the relationship fails will be far less. Most people start their relationships by banging, thus they have a foundation of sand, which crumbles at any disagreement or surprise.
We as humans need a sense of belonging to thrive. But it has to be with the right people.
But the truth is to find someone that can really share feelings is a very hard task.
No, it’s easy, because we all have burdens are not different at all.
@@kerynl.sanchez9891 Not really, the “feelings” , point of view and life experience can be very different from one another.
especially when you are someone can only relate to people from another continent and culture.
@@kerynl.sanchez9891 It depends on what kind of person you are. If you are part of the vast middle in ability and neurology, it's easy. If you are a highly complex person, it's not. People's burdens are in fact highly different. It's a lot more than saying " we all want to be loved." Love means different things for different people. Getting people of a highly different cut to commiserate about love or other fundamental human needs or even try to offer it to each other, is a disaster waiting to happen. Internal differences overpower superficial human oneness/sameness.
@@eduardochavacano Neurology trumps Sociology, but you need compatibility in both. Psychological, social, cultural, etc. Relationships thrive on similarities of all sorts, not on differences. Hence "irreconcilable differences." Avoid.
How is the timing always so right?!
Love your videos! I wish more people were more open to the content spoken about on your channel and in real world locations!
Be kind anyway.
Kind hearts do have power.
Extremely strong to pick up some broken heart pieces.
Thank you for this video. Sending a lot of strength and healing to everyone here.💙
And to you ❤️
Seems you got more to share...I need more
I feel like social media has skewed everyone's perspectives on what authentic connection is. We're always seeing the best sides of people with what they post, giving the facade that those people are truly the "best." We then begin to get self-conscious and bombard ourselves with criticism: "Am I on par with these people?" "Is there something I need to change to be as loved as them?" "Should I showcase my life as consistently as them?"
The reality is, we don't need to change much or anything at all. I'm a very self-critical person and these days I've been very anxious of other people's perception of me. Some of it is just overthinking, but the majority is the lack of connection I feel with those around me. Social media pressures me to follow certain steps to be "accepted" in society. If I don't keep up with certain trends, I feel alienated. I have a friend who's constantly checking her phone, not making eye contact with me, while talking. It seems as if connections have dumbed down into screens. Barriers that won't let emotions pass by.
Of course, social media has allowed a lot of people to connect without meeting each other in real life. People are more open to be vulnerable. I guess everything is just so simplified that we forget to introduce ourselves to other people, and let them introduce themselves to us. An example is modern dating, we give strangers the burden of meeting our expectations when they never had the chance to talk to us yet. Online dating apps is scrolling, tapping, and swiping through pictures and bios of strangers. And the intentions for dating today can be kinda harsh lmao 👁💧👄💧👁 but that's another essay.
*Nods* Pros and cons when it comes to the Internet and social media. It can be used well, but it can also be used unproductively. I think this comes don't to the fact that we're still figuring out what it should be for and how it should best be utilized. If I were to give my opinion, I would say that social media and the Internet can at times be a means to supplement human social interaction especially over long distances, but they are no replacement for in-person interaction and connections.
Let's reveal our problems and oppression here
Starting with myself I am stuck
I miss nature and trees but don't make the effort to get out(we live in Iraq parks aren't available so I might have to drive 10km to get to see nature and fields) the same thing with stars I want to see them more but be sad when I can't because of the light pollution in the city
I am lonely I don't reach out to friends as often as I should
I am gay and closeted nobody knows
I keep putting off my studying
I don't make effort to exercise
I have been a victim for a while and I need to take responsibility and encourage you all to do as well😊😍
Now my turn, I am feeling isolated lately, I am shy and I really want to make friends... since the beginning of the year I tried to get out of my comfort zone, but it's being difficult now because of school and it led me to isolate myself. I feel like I shouldn't feel sad for that, but I'm growing up and I really want to find my tribe. I spent most of my teenage years alone and made me feel so depressed, I struggled to find my career path and I think if I had people of my age would be less painful. I don't know why but this is a pertinent thing in my life, and I decided to look for what I want now and act.
I don't want to be a victim of my past anymore, I am hopeful and I will get through it.
Sending warm energies to you, we will get through it :)
@@natashamatos4823
I feel you
Sometimes I look to the social people and feel [inferior] to them
My teenage years resonate with yours
Maybe my ego was in the way of making friends as I felt [superior] to everyone
With this, I think I need to heal from the inside first and start to act and commit to it thank you for opening-up 😇🤝
We will get better and help others in the way🙌💘
smile more be friendly as if they are already your friends
And just don't think if they like you or not often they think the same
Be nice and friendly and act on that
they will be friendly back as well
that might help💝have a good day💖💖
I hope it feels like you lifted a burden off your shoulders by sharing.
@@natashamatos4823 sometimes things don’t go as planned. And we need to redirect our path before our path redirects itself (when that happens it usually is not good)
I have the capacity to do anything. when given enough time and discipline. but the real reason to why I stop at any real progress is because of why should I? I am enticed to the idea of self destruction that I sabotage my relationships from my family, friends, and an old flame.
Is this just what I'm gonna pine over for a couple of weeks then pine over a new jig?
the thought of "I can and I will" somehow cripples me. and now confusion and self loathing gets the best of me. This is how it gets to me. Ruined by the vibe i bring, serving myself.
The picture is like a visual representation of the situation during the pandemic right now. We all go to something relatet but we can't kompfort each other in ways that are needed. And so we are all alone together. We can face time, but are alone in our room.
There's an irony to it. We need to try to push to the opposite of what our bodies are telling us to do, because that is what we may actually need. The body doesn't know this because it views loneliness as a "danger" so we go into fight or flight mode, when in fact instead of running away from people, we need to try and reach out and connect. It's something I've observed, something I've struggled with as well since I can be a recluse at times. The last year has made everything much more difficult as well. Still, there has to be a way.
Also, I think what many people need is simply to be heard, without judgment. Shared empathy from people that understand, or people patient enough to try and understand. Humans are not that different, although everyone's story is different there is a fair share of overlap as well. But we have to be kind to ourselves as well, patient also. Building healthy bonds with others requires one to build a healthy bond with themselves concurrently and that takes time.
The thing is I'm used to my loneliness even tho sometimes I feel the urge to connect with someone . I end up fighting alone and I love myself more ❤️
This is a real test of Self Love...the dreaded words we hate to see but know we need.
I'm lonely. I don't battle against it. I try and manage my feelings with a mixed bag of tools such as self reflection, meditation, and keeping my mind active. I also try to connect with others whenever opportunity allows but making deep connections is not easy
Deep connection with people seems to be old fashion in such a superficial world. It is so sad the reality.
We can't live without being connected to others mentally and physically .. it's apart of our human being
Thanks for this video. This is especially important during the current state the world is in which enables isolation and depression more than ever.
being as always a sociable,ambiverted,dynamic,kind child,who grew up in friendly support,now can say,that self-isolation,misunderstanding,deprivation is like a mental 'n emotional coma,it's coldness and huge regression,a decrease in the energy of life-horrible ! plz,taking care of each other,guys,do not lose connection-this is the word to lose touch with our own soul ... so much needed here,everyone
This was interesting. My only issue was using the word "cure" in regard to mental illness. "get better" is more appopriate.
"Our best friends might've died 100 years ago or live on other continents they still chat with us through Art."
-The School of Life
The fact while even you're talking to someone, your mind keeps blabbering some statements which reminds you what a burden you're to other people actually makes it harder to interact. That feeling has originated from people not feeling right about my emotional nature and abandoning me, and I'm aware about this... I just need good music, good people, and precisely some good food.
0:40 all those faces turning into hammers is the most accurate depiction of my social anxiety that I’ve seen in a while
All my life, I never knew what I was seeking for until a year or two ago(I'm 40 this year, 2021). I seek for connection. But this world has made us so calloused...so many wounded children in adult bodies 🥺🥺🥺🥺. It's worse when seeking for connections like soulmates
You are so right
i have learned to help build myself up make my illness work out for me it might have taken half my life 💯 i am now helping others well also there no need for shame on this i am proud how far i have come 🙏🏻❤️💯🙌
My brothers you don’t become the king by chasing after the queen, The queen comes naturally as a by product of you being the king. Chase the crown not the cheeks.
Bro just chill tf out! This video is about people dealing with loneliness and lack of social interaction. Not chasing girls and all that. Your making comments like this everywhere. Just stop. We get it but it has nothing to do with this video
*My goal is to build a life I don't need a vacation from!! I hope you will achieve your goals!!*
True. I don't like "small talk."
Sameme
You know what is the most special thing about School of Life? It is when you are in the midst of a worse emotional turmoil, SOL comes with a magic wand and solves all of it. and you wonder, how SOL comes to the rescue with the most apt video / philosophy which is the exact need of the hour!! SOL how do u just get to know our emotions so very well??
The pandemic has worsened this dilemma to an unbearable extent for most people. Thank you for sharing this with the world during these dark times.
The animation feels so bittersweet and wonderful, I don't even know how else to describe it.
I don’t know. I don’t think it’s that we need to talk to each other. People often confide in me the things that are crushing them inside. I’m a safe harbour, I listen when they express their pain... But when I tentatively express anything about my depths, they wait for a pause & will launch right back into something else themselves. I’m easy to talk to because I listen, I’m not that easy to hear though, like a tree falling silently in a forest full of deaf apathetic people. Everyone thinks I’m strong, that’s what I express to them. But I’m not & I’m lonely for someone to listen, gently. People connect to me, attach themselves even, but I keep my self apart from them, I’m not willing to speak if they’re not willing to listen. And so I avoid people as much as possible. I have my pain, I gain their pain & then I suffer the pain of what it reiterates to me. I am a convenient thing to be used, a tool, but otherwise ‘I’ feel I am unimportant to them and therefore, not safe. Talking is one thing, but truly listening, with the heart & an open mind... people talk all the time. It’s deeply listening we need to cultivate, at least that’s my life experience. Learn to truly listen, learn to gently lance a wound, learn to be ok with the crap that comes out... listen & lessen
I hear you. I experience the same thing.
This is a big part of the reason why I don’t have friends now. I low key prefer it this way but then I wonder if it’s healthy for me to feel like this.
The reality is that some people are too caught up with their problems to be willing and able to listen to someone else. Is that a fair excuse? Not really, but it's easy to see why it happens so much. Some people may do this unintentionally, while others are plain selfish and don't really care about others and their problems. You have to accept that people are like that sometimes, and also understand that just because you're willing to listen, it doesn't mean they will necessarily truly listen to you in turn. Everyone needs someone to listen to them from time to time, that's not unreasonable. But if you do decide to keep listening to others, don't do it with the expectation that the courtesy will be returned to you. Do it because you can, because you want to. Have a nice day!
@@kmc1994 I often wonder the same, I don’t feel ‘safe’ around people, which is to say I feel better alone. Is this good for my mind though? Sometimes yes, because I get plenty of uninterrupted time for self reflection & reflecting on the nature of humans & the nature of nature & the nature of the universe... it’s all very entertaining at times. But I often wonder if it’s healthy. There’s definitely an urge to be with people, but in the end, I’d just rather not. It’s very conflicting...
@@kayskreed Thank you 🙂 you’re very right. I do it because I want to & not because I expect people to listen to me in turn. But I keep finding myself seeking for someone like me, & to be absolutely honest I get a little disappointed... not at the individual but at my lack of finding a two way connection. I don’t know how else to explain it & I know it’s irrational & nonsensical, I just hope that one day I’ll find someone who feels like a safe & calm harbour. When I hear people blaming others for their feelings, or worse, their actions, I feel that I am not safe with them. I listen & I try to encourage them to hear themselves, but I also give up on them being a someone for me. I do realise this isn’t the best attitude & I’m trying to change the way I feel about my interactions. I know that this comes from a place of expectation & I’m trying to let it go. I know what I need to do but can’t seem to manage it, it’s very frustrating
Online groups, discord, group therapy, talk to friends, talk to family or even strangers, try everything and you will find people who get where you're at! You are NEVER alone.
What is discord?
Eh. This isn’t everyone’s experience. Not everyone has the right friends and it’s hard to find the right therapist and/or therapy group depending on your area and resources. Sometimes people really are alone.
Good job with this video.
It's true,
We need one another when the going gets tough.
Lean on me is a song that comes to mind.
If you're reading this, God bless you.
For there is a reason why you are here.
Peace.
it's so weird how soothing it is to hear that there are similar people out there... i love this video.
Human beings have this desire, a longing to belong, that they are cared for, that they are loved unconditionally. And to satisfy this desire, they look for all the places they can receive it. Some find it in their family, some in their jobs, hobbies, relationships etc. And when these needs are not met, they become depressed.
And this is inevitable since the longing/desire cannot be satisfied completely by these things or people since all of them are temporary.
This is where faith comes into picture.
When you have faith, you know that there is someone out there, a powerful being, who created you, brought you into existence, takes care of you, and looks after you so much so to the point of never taking His eyes away from you. Not even for a moment.
When you know that this is your God, your creator, your maker, the most merciful. You know you're at home. After all, “The only one who can truly satisfy your heart is the one who created it”.
“Truly, in the heart there is a void that cannot be removed except with the company of God; and in it there is a sadness that cannot be removed except with the happiness of knowing God and being true to Him; and in it there is an emptiness that cannot be filled except with love for Him and turning to Him and always remembering Him; and if a person were given the entire world and what is in it, it would never fill that emptiness.”
Almighty God says:
"Truly in the remembrance of Allah(God) that hearts find peace"
Qur'an 13:28
He also says:
"He is with you wherever you are"
Qur'an 57:4
When you believe in this, you are at peace at all times. You feel you're taken care of, you're loved unconditionally, so you become happy & satisfied even though you're in the middle of the storm.
Our purpose in life is to recognize our creator, the Almighty God. So find out the truth of your existence today and seek the Almighty God. For if you seek Him, you will surely find Him. start with Islam, the true religion of Almighty God. Peace.
This was phrased in a particularly depressing way and made a lot of particularly damning statements that could drive the brain to greater depression. I thought it would be inspiring. It didn't feel like it was about healthy connection but rather about lamenting.
This is why I want to become a writer. I want to create something that'll make others feel seen, understood and connected - spoken to in a unique language. The same way my own favorite novels did.
This video really describes the feeling of isolation, like the world turned its back on us, it makes you lose your confidence, question your sanity, becomes harder and harder to move out of that situation.
The solution is not the connection outside but the connection within, with self! It's the starting point to understand self and all our unhealthy patterns that stem from our childhood wounds. It will be scary, but the ideal solution is to slowly dig deeper, go within and understanding self having faith in any super power we believe. I may be wrong but these are the things I learnt from my experiences and helped me go past this stage. Please ignore my comment if it doesn't make any sense.
I wish there was a place like this where adults could meet regularly. I am having hard time after college, I rarely meet people of my age and making friends is nearly impossible. I wish there was a platform outside work and school, where you could just meet people and heal together
Good luck connecting with anyone nowadays.
Your voice is amazing. It calms my mind.
Wow, you've explained mental illness in such a way, I get it. It's sad, I've experienced this without knowing what I was experiencing. All I knew was that I needed to communicate, to socialise. Small steps....
Was on as 3 month antibiotic regiment. Seems the antibiotic promoted feelings of sadness and emptiness. 3 months of a very unfamiliar feeling
Make no mistake, I am grateful for those feelings, as brief as they were.
I learned a great deal about life, relationships and myself. Mental illness is no joke. Be kind, patient and supportive. Be humble and grateful
Why is it so hard to find people who are vulnerable yet wanna live their lives? Why cant people just accept the fact that failure is just a part of life? Why cant the meaning of life be trying to be present for yourself and better you everyday? Why can't people just embrace the vulnerability? Why cant people have a growth mindset? Why cant people just say hey it’s so fucking okay to make mistakes and as long as you're trying to be a better you and living by minding your own business, you’re winning at life regardless the achievement?
I need people like these.
Their description about the painting at 1:28 is extremely profound and powerful. This is amazing.
Anxiety causes disconnect from other people. It is important to work on your lifestyle, food, exercise, nature, animals, good sleep, talking openly about your struggles and eventually you will feel like you can again feel the true connection with people who are good for you as well.
Just brilliant. Love this. I hope this reaches more people.
I haven't even been this early to class😳
What I found the most depressing thing about today is that we no longer have to go out and socialize with others. We work from home and shop online. This sucks :(
Add the pandemic to the mix. Yes, it's a bunch of things.
I've suffered HORRIBLY from Severe, Clinic, Major Depressive Disorder most of my life. I've connected with others the same as me over the years, but it makes no difference whatsoever to providing relief to the illness!
The most important connection is the one within.
Trope. That's not connection. That's self-awareness and self-respect, if anything, but people can't live on that only. They also need to connect with someone else who can "see" and "understand" them. That's connection. Dwelling on the self and imagining relationships with self is neurotic.
@@roses6564 It's both and it works for me. When I lack that inner connection, external relationships are unhealthy for me.
@@toomuchinformation One more time: that's not connection. That is self-awareness and self-esteem if anything, and yes - these are needed to ave good relationships. But you don't "connect" with yourself. People, stop and think before you repeat psycho-babble gibberish.
@@roses6564 One more time: it is for me. That is my lived experience. I know what it feels like and how it manifests itself in my life. You are not me. You are not in my body, so stop being so damn condescending. A random stranger telling me about myself. That's a God complex right there.
Connect your self to one you see. Dive into a visual sea. To find, the fruit of a language of Love divine.
This is exactly what I've been dealing with but the problem with me is this isn't how I wanna solve it. I always make sure to remember there are other people who feel the way I do or worse but I don't really want to share and discuss my pains with anyone else anymore, I just want to get rid of it and fix it. Talking about it and connecting to others is but a temporary solution to make me feel better for a moment but it doesn't really make it go away and at the end of the day, we'll all get back to our own lives and go through sleepless nights alone.
Profound Truth ... I can completely relate to this content!
The last few years I thought I didn’t need anyone but Covid made me reconsider that mindset. Hard
Yes, we all are Alone in this world...We should depend on ourselves but we are all Alone together...There are 7 billion people in the world...We are surrounded by human beings...This is why we can't live in Isolation...We all need connection to be able to remain stable...Human Beings ARE social Creatures, believe it or not! We all deserve to be Loved...And we deserve good friends who are here for us and whom we can express ourselves when we need someone to talk to...
Every time I watch this I cry
I did try to reach out for a fellow soul, who was very hurt needed some help just like mine (pretty much exactly the same). She kept distance, didn't accept any help, just was there everyday to talk and maybe even sometimes voice her problems, she hid her trueself and I was going insane over not being able to insane this one person. The first and only person who was exactly like me, suffered like me, we found each other, she helped me but I wasn't able to help her.
I didn’t realize what I’m going through , until watching this. I used to be social, but now I don’t even like going out for walks. I feel alone
i swear this channel reads my mind. ive been struggling believing this and realize i just need a real true friend but its so difficult to know how to start
Same here.. buddy
I was in a group such as this mentioned. I feel a little loss of that connection after the pandemic. I keep evaluating if I'll want to join back. Let's see. It is a remarkable experience. To open up, not feel judged, practice non judgment to other's stories. It's growth all around.
“You can either experience the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The choice is yours.” Sharing some love from small RUclipsr 🤍
I always love the way how deep and authentically people we got see here
Jackal 7...6..0-6...1...8-6...6...7..9- Text
Would be expecting from you
7...6..0-6...1...8-6...6...7..9- Text
I have tried to talk to people to solve or share my personal situations. But these people always say that those are my problems and that I should solve them alone, I really needed company, but I have not had it, And now I live in a New city, away from my family and my friends.
Ohhh I got similar stuffs to...we could talk about it
This was so on point. I have no words to describe it.
I feel like the only person who understands me is my therapist, all other people I know are always judging, criticising, complaining, or not wanting to hear suffering. I feel like most people never listen.
Man I guess I need to start a round with people that dont know each other but can tell one another all the struggles that brings them pain.
I will first start with one random person in Berlin.
Let´s see how it plays out and if the group grows over time
the painting is beautiful yet so sad to look at
There is no comfort revealing in the fact that millions suffer undiagnosed with mental illness. Iv been through many groups and all it proved to me is that there is a mental health epidemic no one is doing anything about and this was 9 years ago. There is no shortage of people you can meet and have conversation with like those you meet in group. Those who are dealing with very sever trauma and hardships are thrown in with those having mild breakdowns at most places. I am to understand that those with serious trauma need more then a group session or two and those suffering from milder mental illness get to understand they are not alone but have always had a hard time finding anything positive out of knowing people are suffering in the same way.
I really adore The School Of Life and this woman's voice is just so... i do not how to describe it but i feel like i can listen to her all the time. She sounds so tranquil and compassionate. I wonder who is she and how does he achieve this.
The content is also beautiful. The animation, the sounds and the script...
I do not how to apreciate The School of Life but "thank you so much"
I am isolated by choice and fight depression. Unfortunately, I don’t like most people. (Probably because I don’t like myself?) So forcing myself to socialize seems very unpleasant. Yet I know it would help. I want to find a way to like people or at least empathize with them.
This is all news to me. When depressed I can't enjoy things, I don't assume others arent experiencing it at all, I am well aware that many people are depressed, instead I assume others can't enjoy my presence, which is true, non depressed people often require recoprocation of emotion in order to feel secure and I can't do that when depressed because of flatness and when not I am a little non affect as it is so the difference isn't easily identifiable for others, for them it instead looks like non interest in them in particular. I find it to be non depressed people that can't imagine someone having am entirely different experience of what's going on. Without reciprocation a non depressed person assumes there is a negative thought being held by the depressed person when for me it actually feels more like a lack of thought if anything.
Now that I am out of my deepest sorrows I will ever face, I pulled myself out when it clicked what the ideal world is because I guess I never bothered to think of it. But now that I chase that ideal world, I’m no longer relatable to many. Who else has read state and revolution at my age. Who else just has this will to self overcome. Who else shares the same religious ideas as me. Who else can explain such economically left ideas ranging from authoritarian to the most libertarian. While before I felt off because of nihilistic ideas, I now feel ill because of a factual alienation that I have. I am not alone, but I might as well be. Maybe I can one day go out and meet people like me, or at least introduce my ideas(I have converted a few but only in one area of thought because it’s the only thing I can explain but none are ever going to come in contact with me mostly random internet people). What am I to do? Who am I to talk to about my mental thoughts. Who have I got but myself. My parents offer no help in removing alienation. They think cooking is to hard and unrealistic for me to get into. So far I regularly cook pizza, and other simple foods from scratch, yet they consistently think and express negative thoughts on my abilities of new things. They have negative voices when I wanted to but like a $15 embroidery kit. They expressed extremely negative thought when I said I wanted to get into blacksmithing. Where am I to go? Even those who sometimes mention what I think, would hate my guts. Ok so long story short I want willful sharing of all, yet that’s unrealistic. And the one person I know that activists themselves with the same word, would hate all other thoughts I have(and none should be bad thoughts). I know of few people my age that think philosophy:(
That last bit made me cry, Thank you
This is another School of Life video which I like and which I think needs a content warning in the description, because the discussion of suicide could trigger some people, and all the description offers is that mental illness will be discussed, which isn't precise enough
Those five souls in the painting can easily be replaced by five souls sitting together with their 5 cell phones.
What a boomer
Either way, they are staying alone in their isolation as opposed to turning towards each other and looking for commonalities
might've needed this.
... In a way, this is due to Dominator culture, which makes us all afraid. We need more partnership culture.
I never thought of it like that. Thank you!
It will be okay. I shall have happiness. I shall have peace. I am overcoming my anxiety.
I wish Alain would read texts for these videos again. Not trying to make vids without him seem less valuable, but he simply has more appealing voice and intonations for this kind of content.
The self-awareness that these videos bring to us is one of the most extraordinary things there are in this sea of crap that is social medias in general. Besides, if u liked that kind of friendship, I'd advise you to search for the concept of Philia, from Greek. Nevertheless, don't let urself fall in the pit of mental illness alone. Company, and I should say, good company, makes the difference!
XO from Brazil
The human being so complex and terribly floored. Fighting self existing
School of life really outdid themselves here. Sensational!
Solitude is the only truth. There is no point to avoidance but there’s no point in seeking connections with other people either. Accept what is. Listen to your own mind. Don’t act on it but don’t reject or fight those voices. They’re an aspect of yourself. See everything. Feel the defeat and pain and disaster. Surrender to what is because otherwise, you’re only dragging your feet