Effects of Narcissistic Abuse
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- Опубликовано: 13 сен 2024
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Whenever I'm having a shitty day, I listen to you for a couple of hours and I'm ready to face another day. Thank you Richard!
Exactly. Me too
That’s beautiful ❤️ glad we are finding help
So true right! When I have a moment of weakness thinking I'm mistaken about her being a covert narcissist, I watch his videos.
You are so completely ON! I'm a therapist and life coach in the Atlanta area (of Georgia, USA), and I can attest to the validity of your message. I have found that people who have been narcissistically abused really do need to work with someone who has been there themselves. I agree that if you have not been through narcissistic abuse, you cannot grasp the essential hell that one goes through -- and usually at the hands of someone who has "hooked" them through "love." Those who have been narcissistically abused need to be validated in order to wake up to the possibilities of a life free of being treated like a piece of excrement. Thank you for your work. You are lovely.
Cheers!
+Caroline Sigman ...You are so right on!! You hit the nail on the head when you said "Those who have been narcissistically abused need to be validated in order to wake up to the possibilities of a life free of being treated like a piece of excrement". Now I have words to put to the situation that happened to me. After living in an abusive relationship for 12 years, I met a nice acquaintance (that's all he was) who treated me with such respect, the first time I looked behind me to see if he was actually talking to someone else. He wasn't - he was talking to me. Over time and over brief short-lived conversations with him, my self-esteem rose as I began to realize that I WAS WORTHY of being listened to and treated with respect. It totally changed my perspective of who I was and gave me the confidence to move on with my life, without my ex.
Join the club, the abuse is sever and hard to deal with it.
Thank you, it's the worst feeling and as a victim of abuse by my ex makes me want validation. It's an awful feeling to not be understood and you begin to feel you the abused is crazy. The new set of eyes I have help but after a year I have lots of triggers and I doubt myself a lot. I'm better off in solitude its easy this way but not healthy. The fear is crippling and and nobody gets it and others blame you for staying. There's a type of addiction to the abuser after they're gone it's weird nothing feels right. Odd and it's weird thoughts you can't explain what you want to convey.
Caroline Sigman I so totally agree to! Richard is so ON! My only knowledge is my personal journey on the way back from this! Cant find a knowledgeable therapist where I live! I'm doing this on my own out of the sheer will to survive because I want to LIVE FOR ONCE!
Absolutely - unless you have been through narcistic abuse you can't understand what it is like - its so serious you can die from it!
How? How can I die from it? I really want to know because this video is so utterly dark and depressing, to know that you have to do all this work, alone (seeing as there are no CPTSD counselors in my region or any online coaches I can afford) and still come out the other side with scars, after only realizing a year ago at the age of 54 that my father is a malignant narcissist and has been abusing me (and my mother) my entire life, and I'm disabled in chronic pain, I can't take any more pain. I want to die. Don't go calling 911; I don't want to kill myself, although my father has planted that idea in my head, don't worry. But how can I just die a "natural" death from it? (I should have never been born at all; I wish my parents had never met. I feel like my whole concept of reality has truly gone dark and my whole life for 55 years thinking I grew up in a loving family has turned out to be an illusion. There should be some kind of test for narcissism, and everyone who tests positive should be forcibly sterilized and forbidden from adopting or in any way having any influence over children, just like pedophiles.)
@@mooncove 6 weeks free after 17 years spiritialy damaged. Cry out to abba father to help you john 3"3
mooncove I’m living this also. I can’t seem to be able to climb out of this pit of darkness.
I am dying slowly its killing me
@@user11mc i too am in Orlando and feel like im climbing but keep setting further down
Only who has been through the sheer nightmare of a relationship with a narcissist can understand the hell. Outsiders always think you're exaggerating and overreacting. They also don't understand that narcissists don't change in their core, that the thing doesn't have a cure.
And this happens also in workplaces, not only in personal relationships.
I am a survivor and I found it doesnt help trying to explain this to anyone who hasn’t been through it or heard of it. Most therapists seem elusive to it as you have said.
Yeah
most have o patience even listening to you, but it needs said aloud to get it out.
people scoff and tell you get over it. like poking a snail.
everyone defends the abuser as not that bad.
Wow. Self-isolation. That is so me right now.
Genevieve8002 me too
sarah120 Sarah, I have been through two marriages that have damaged me so much I never thought I would get out to feel “GREAT” or “FREE” again. It is a feeling you can’t buy or force to happen. It is when you finally realize your mind and soul together agree, we don’t owe anything to this crazy dude or his parents or his or my friends and if I did, I don’t care!
I am going to survive this deal...for myself only. Can’t you imagine feeling that good? I didn’t either until two weeks ago. I got the same feeling of freedom when I left my first husband that tortured me for years and when I drove away with my necessities and my two little children, I felt like a sister year old going on her first date! So excited!!! It will happen to you also once you don’t care anymore about what others think of you and you are willing to move on to new friends, maybe a new job and maybe find new family if necessary. You are a survivor and will live to help someone else ❤️👍
Genevieve8002 my daughters name is Genevieve and she is also in an abusive relationship, but is afraid to tell anyone and afraid of admitting it is ok to make a mistake even about who you chose to marry
Im house aressted
They studie you carefully
Make your circle small .
So its you and the narcissist
The craziest, most heartbreaking thing about all of this is I actually thought I was happy during this relationship. I have suffered years of depression and she intentionally took the one thing that helped me through it and used it to try to make herself feel superior. Something I was once extremely passionate about is now a trigger for me. I have no idea who I even am anymore
+Kelsey Thomas I know it's hell, just pure hell! It' the scariest thing I've ever been through. I had so much self doubt and guilt, when all along I was taken for a ride. I'm sorry to sound so harsh but' this creature truly deserves to burn in hell!
I totally agree. Invisible abuse is such a total suck on our lives.
+Kelsey Thomas Yes, it is all about them sucking away your identity and turning you into their personal puppet. It is as though they steal your soul - vampirically - and leech from you the ability to be a free and happy personal with hopes and dreams, to desire to and love living.
I’m feeling this way now
Avalon yes it is and the fact you can’t talk about it
That's so true! If you haven't been through it, you can't understand it. I never understood why people stayed in abusive relationships until I'd been in one.
ive been called mad, imagining things, watching scary movies, making up stories.. until i learned to stay away from people. it felt like they were helping my husband to destroy me more...
He probably badmouthed you or planted in their heads that you were crazy, a bitch, etc. My ex did this, to the point my friends/our mutual friends didn't believe him because the stories he told about me were way out there, too absurd.
Nicole Anne Collet yes he always tells stories about me and it is impossible to explain what is really happening. so i had to stay away from some friends and even family members. its so not easy when he does the same to our children too... they are always stressed and worried when with friends :(
Oh boy... If you can, try not to engage in too detail explanations to defend yourself. Simply reply that he has issues and let his own poison speak against him at one point (like what happened with my ex). As for your children, is it possible to limit their contact with their father? Otherwise, explain to them that their father has issues and doesn't say certain things to be mean, but those things shouldn't be taken seriously. If you haven't already, I strongly suggest that you read Malignant Narcissism by Sam Vaknin. Sometimes I think he can't help himself and ends up sounding a bit grandiose, but most of the time he's spot-on. My second relationship with a narcissist was a train wreck that lasted one year and took me one year and a half to recover from, and I only recovered once I understood that I had been the victim of a pathological narcissist. When I understood the dynamics of the relationship, I was able to stop blaming myself for its failure and only then move on. Good luck, my dear. xoxo
Nicole Anne Collet thank you so much dear. i have learned now how to deal with it, and my sons are learning too now. we try o stay away from him, he has his moments, one month he is in good mood, another month he can be mad, crazy,,, like totally different person. ill read the Malignant ..... thank you very much again. good luck to you too
Hasmik Gevorkian yes it's common, cut off all of them
Absolutely spot on.. I was convinced I was losing my mind after a while, or that I did something wrong to cause him to distance himself. I went over every plausible reason that could explain why he did what he did to me. I found myself feeling sorry for him instead of myself. Very rarely did I get little hints here and there that he took pleasure in my pain, watching me fall apart from the sidelines. I couldn't fathom how someone could be so cruel, so I dismissed it. He would draw me in, distance himself, make up some lies, and so on. Every single time I asked for the truth, and I was prepared for it no matter what it would have been, he'd say he loved me.. It made me feel unworthy of the truth, it made me feel worthless. This push and pull relationship went for what seemed like ages. I literally invested more time trying to put the broken pieces back together, than I did actually "being" with him, each time to no prevail. At first he didn't fit some of the more relevant traits of narcissism. He wouldn't come back after months and feed me lies. Unfortunately, being as confused as I was, still traumatized by the whole ordeal. Worse than I was, I got worse over time. He saw my desperate plea for the truth and clarity as an invitation to play some more mind games. He started to call after 20 days of the silent treatment, lie to me for a couple of days or even hours and then he'd break it, going back to the silent treatment. It was the second time that I could fit his behavior with narcissism. Even though finding out he had it brought me some peace, it also made me so hopeless, knowing he'd never change or ever hurt for what he did to me. How I could be sitting here losing my mind and he'd be getting along as if I never existed. My thoughts became scrambled, so much so I had no idea what it was I wanted anymore. I couldn't accept any good in my life, I didn't deserve it. But focusing on the bad slowly destroyed me, he still had his grip on me somehow. I tried my hardest to explain it to others, they'd assume I still loved him, and I didn't know how to respond to that nor did I know how I felt about him exactly. Did I want him to show some remorse? Did I want him to change? Do I have Stockholm syndrome/am I trauma bonding.. No idea. He'd go just long enough to where I'd start feeling just a tiny bit better, and then he'd come back and blow all of the progress I had made. Everyone kept saying to block him, to go no contact. I ignored him as best as I could, but I ended up giving in eventually. I felt so guilty, and all I could reply back with was that it's not that simple, though it should be. I think I base my self worth on him, like I need his approval. Yet, I'm tired of his games and I'm starting to become scared of him even. It's such a confusing process, it's like there's no end in sight. I've ruined myself from the inside out, as well as others because of this, and I just wish I could stop. I'm now blaming myself for being stuck as I am. I've just told him I'm sick of this back and fourth and it should come to an end. Fortunately/unfortunately he hasn't called me today, but I doubt it's because he respects that, more so he's angry at me once again.. And I'm back to suppressed my emotions, at least trying to, slowly becoming apathetic towards everything.. He's really the only one who draws any emotion out of me, and at the same time he steals my life away.. They really are monsters.. And I don't think I would have made it if it weren't for support groups, and realizing others know what I'm going through. Us victims, we really are good people, that's why they target us, they envy everything down to the emotions we have. That's what I try and tell myself when down.
Jessica Clorine I was just able to read your comments for the first time just now. You are such a great writer! You have out in words what I couldn’t because I have been so unbelievably broken from this demon. I have cried and prayed for his inhuman soul and yet never cried for my own. I am finally done. 15 years of lies cheating confusion right out of the pit of hell. God help them because we are finally saved from lies into reality again!
Jessica Clorine so basically, the narc withholds stuff from you, in order to control and hurt you?
Torture is exactly what they do! I am trapped in this abusive relationship....and i am utterly exhausted from it! Thank you for providing me with something i can relate to! It does make me feel not so alone
I'm in the same position. It warps your entire reality
+sweetcheeks20 You are not alone. These people are everywhere. Have you started working on yourself to get stronger & find way out? Best Wishes.
Richie, i found a great quote that shall likely become a sort of mantra for me... unfortunately i couldn't find who said/wrote it.
"You are *not* required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm."
can't explain how much i love this quote right now.
That was the Little Shaman.
Love it. Instantly remember it.
I love this quote too - glad I read your comment 🙌
Perpetual brain fog, like cement in my brain, I can't think, my memory is the pits, all of it feels like a blur, like I was slowly sedated, my brain feels like it can't get up, like it's too heavy top foggy, no real excitement or motivation to go do things, I go through the motions am functioning but it's pretty much on autopilot, but that spark of real passion and life goals is not there yet. Am writing everything down, reliving what I experienced and trying to put it into my perspective, which I was never allowed to express as it was always fear based. So now when I'm writing it all down and the way things actually happened, it's like a series of a-ha moments. It's unbelievable to me how someone can act like this do this to you. Did they go along their whole lives with you, trying to plot and ploy? Just thinking about it is so exhausting. I'm scrambling to find sense in it, and it wasn't a short time either - 13 years! And before that being raised by a Narc parent. It's basically one after the other. I didn't even know what Narcissism was until a few days back. Already divorced now because it took it's toll and I couldn't take it anymore. But now a year after the divorce I look at all these articles explanations signs of Narc abuse and it fits me to a T. Mine was the shy or covert Narcissist and it was so subtle so stealthy it took me distancing myself from him, after divorce, to put the pieces together to see it for what it was. And even then I'm struggling to reconcile the reality and horror of what happened. Because no one can do this to someone else, right? I'm just clutching at straws at the moment, because I have this immense thirst to learn more understand more and everything I read I'm like yes, yes this is me. This happened to me. It is a huge relief and assurance when you see others talk about similar experiences as what you went through, especially when all the time you were not allowed to express it with fear.
Cant focus or concentrate, cam barely read. Memory is shit. I feel numb and dead inside wandering around like a zombie and on red alert where the wrong things said to me sends a fiery reaction through my body and I lash out at the wrong people. I cant picture myself ever in another relationship again. I try to accept I may be alone forever because I cant conceive the day I will trust again.
Thank you for sharing. Can I ask you did it effect your libido? I am being gaslighted by a woman I've been seeing, she is very attractive and it was very passionate at the start but she is gaslighting so much I have no sexual desire at all for her or anyone else anymore.
powerful video Richard I love the honesty. I underwent narcissistic abuse so I totally agree you cannot teach someone unless you have been through it.
Johnny Berba Coaching.
Yo Johnny! Love your channel too man!
Johnny Berba Coaching this is so tru!!!! Nobody will understand you
So sorry you were attacked. Your work has changed my life.
the hardest thing for me is letting go , he has me like a zombie witch doctor and the saddest thing is that my narc is a teacher and a "pillar" of the community and has everyone fooled.. alot of people who are victims of narcissistic abuse at the hands of famous /prominent people say same.. you are struggle to convince yourself that you are NOT crazy or making this up .. sad because I know the relationship will never transform or get better 20 yrs and its like Im still at square one, but he fills the role that my narc father played to have everyone around him fooled and blind to the physical mental and emotional abuse he heaped upon me.. Ive been sober for 7mos and that helps to see my patterns but my heart and emotions are still so raw.. thank you for your videos. I learn so much
Sounds like classic covert narcissism, being a pillar of the community, conspicuously "good and decent". You are not alone and you are not crazy. He just only fires his narc-lazer at those he is in an emotionally intimate context with.
Sad because he is the most intelligent successful person I know but has broke my heart and mind everytime..I ll never stop loving him but the key now is that I love myself enough to not give him full access to wreck my life.. thanks for taking a second to respond
Hey I hope you get through all this! :) I get what you mean, with both my relationships to narcissist abusers they were the pillars of the community, and honestly right now most of my energy is going into convincing myself that I'm not crazy and making this up!
Dj Tennessee hang in there mr Dj, you can do it!
Dj Tennessee. Yes she drove me to drink when I was reeling in confusion and pain and lonliness. I wised up when I learned about narcissistic abuse and got sober too. My own mum and all the time it was her not me.
I purchased the course - it sounds like it was made for me. After 4+ years of isolation from 40 years of hard core narc-abuse from multiple parents and immediate family, then on to my own partnerships with men, I'm due for some relief. I'm deeply grateful for the validation I get from your videos - they are my saving grace. I never knew there were others out there going through what I went through until I found this channel, so no matter how rich and famous you get, just remember how profoundly you're empowering people's lives, so again, much appreciate you doing this work!
Paige with an EYE we became co dependents..the story of my life
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I just can't thank you enough for this video, I have spoken about this with friends and family. They just don't understand how hard it is to walk away, when you have doubt and guilt hanging over your head. But' when I told them about the nightmares, they pretty much stopped listening to me. So I wanna thank you so much for pointing out the nightmares, I realize that you really have to be a victim to believe and understand the dark hell that these people can put you through.
souless soul suckers. my mother always said I was so brave and strong I could dance with the devil, even as a kid. dancing? no wrestling to find myself, and shake her awake.
I am so grateful for sites like this and for the books written about being a daughter of a narcissistic mother. I am a 66 year old Christian grandmother who was raised by a psychopathic type A unbelievably self centered narcissistic mother. I could not wait to move out at the age of 18, I was the oldest, the goat, the slave, the one that was responsible for my younger brother and sister, the house cleaning, getting dinner ready, being her parent when she wanted to come home and scream, rant, and rage like an adolescent, every night, while my brother and sister were out having fun. The house was never clean of course, I was a loser, her secretary had a daught who was practically perfect. I could go on and on. I could write a book. Anyway, I worked thoughout HS spending my money and time on gifts for her trying to get her to love me while all I got was criticism from her. MY brother could do no wrong. She had lots of money but would not spend one cent in helping me
Validating and great advice/perspective as usual. Very hard to find people who understand why we need to revisit 'what happened' again and again as part of trying to find solid ground. Divorce or death of your spouse means losing the future you envisioned. Retrieving yourself from the land of smoke and mirrors means realizing your past wasn't real either.
great video. I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse from a romantic relationship and you've nailed the disorder and how victims feel.
You are so right when you say they want to break your core, being with a narcissist really leaves not knowing what is reality and whats not. Regular people will never understand at all.
While growing up my narc brother used to punch me and kick me every day, he would pick me up and throw me against a wall, he would tell me it was because I was a girl and needed to be put in my place.. One time I told my dad (mum did nothing) and he slapped him,, ONE SLAP and he never did it again... who was the stronger one? Him or me? Narcs are terrified of anyone stronger. I think I was the stronger person and he knew deep down I was stronger than him. " its a mental thing". and what is in our heads is REAL.
Narcs will try to tear you down if they see you as a threat.
I am so happy to see this today. I cannot explain how relieving it is to see a breakdown the complexity of this impact on victims and how well meaning people make it harder,
first person I have seen understand narc abuse..
I have been to so many therapists ect
they look at me like I was mad when I said I'm hear to heal from narc abuse starting from childhood.
cheers... your awesome... wrapped I found you on here..
all the best for 2017
from down under
OMG! The analogy of relating the movie Inception to a Narc is genius! How they work to get into your inner core to break or change you're reality. You're right, our "stories" don't matter. It's crazy how many of us have the same ones. Reliving them won't help. What matters is the cause. Educating ourselves & going low to no contact, depending on situation, are our only tools.
Narcissist abuse/violence is completely different to the 'average' domestic abuse.........the difference being is that a narcissist does not need to be drunk to attack or abuse.....they don't need to be in private to be verbally/physically aggressive or violent........but another huge factor is the day after when many buy a bunch of flowers and apologise till their blue in the face with some form of remorse.......the Nar wakes feeling justified and feels we owe them an apology for the way they reacted.
Wow…very powerful statement. I have been in a relationship for a long time that I thought was only verbal abusive, but have come to the realization that my spouse has narc characteristics and I am slowly becoming aware of them. Your statement is so true it hit me right to the core of my being.
i think my favorite part of this video is where you tell people who haven't been thru it to stfu & gtfo
:)
+Annihilated By Society right on.. that was great :)
+Annihilated By Society Karma will hopefully make justice!
+Nancy WaterFall k
Nancy WaterFall ,bb,,,,00000000ⁿ00 ,ppzggffggfg
amen
Being a gay male myself I want to say thank you for not defending your heterosexuality by belittling homosexuality. Great video, and I'm so sorry for what you went through. Keep up the good fight. Blessings.
That is particularly infuriating when people don't believe u when they say being dramatic as you say. Can really relate to that feeling of hopelessness does anyone here relate to prolonged punishment sentences of silent treatment by the NPD? Those are the times when I really feel no ability for passion of life
I am almost positive my soon to be ex-husband is a narcissist. I was screaming "THANK YOU!!!" at my screen while you were talking! I have yet to meet someone who has dealt with this kind of behavior. I feel incredibly alone. I left him almost 4 months ago. Two weeks later my best friend abandoned me because she couldn't understand what was going on. I have been experiencing horrible nightmares. A lot of them are where dark, mysterious creatures are chasing me. The part that kills me, the part that I just can't get my head around...I still love him so much. He treated me so horribly, and I still love him. He had more than 16 years of my life. He's really done a number on me.
We have 5 kids together. And he's barely giving me any money to take care of them while we are going through the divorce process. It's pathetic. He's using it as one more way to control me.
I agree, my husband was raised in a "normal" family, and when I tell him "look, this is what the NM will do/say next" he has said "no, that's exaggerated, they won't do/say that! that's insane!" honestly doubting, but then absolutely baffled when they do! he just can't see it because he never lived it. Thank God for him. keeping me sane! but he's starting to see it finally
You can't even talk to many others who have been narcissistically abused because of their own denial.
I tried to talk to some people.
But like you said unless someone
been abused by one. Others can
can not understand. My problem
is I had people like this abuse me
since I was little. So until now I
really did not know what was going
on or how to deal with people like
them. Thank you for your video.
This video speaks so clearly and so profoundly to the truth of the reality of narcissistic abuse. No one in my support system can fully grasp the magnitude of the evil of the narc that tried to break me. Him having NPD, BPD, and Anti-social personality disorder, I have experienced the blackest aspects of humanity and human relation. Hearing you speak these truths bombs (in this video and in others) has been a crucial and fundamental part of my healing. You have helped to validate the reality of my experience. In that vulnerable state, freshly post-narc, experiential validity is all. The impact you have had in my story is profound and I thank you.
"Fate whispers to the warrior "'You cannot withstand the storm'". The warrior whispers back "'I am the storm'".
Ooh! I am loving that quote at the end. Thank you so much for sharing! I agree, it is pure evil levied against you. "And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
I wish I could explain my families story to you. You would be shocked at the ugly truth. It's so isolating I've never had any real support in my life. It's criminal. You have no idea what it's like to be me.
thank you for this video. i've had two relationships like this, one that lasted several years and one several months. both left me a shell of who i was. to make matters worse, this all happened within the same friendship group, and as you say in the video, no one wanted to believe that their friends could be capable of doing such things, so the obvious answer was that i was the crazy one, being the common denominator. i totally lost myself and felt as though the contents of my head had been chewed up and rearranged. when i freaked out and attempted suicide, the second narc told me it was 'the worst thing that had ever happened to him', tried to turn everyone against me and oust me from our friendship circle. he emailed me earlier on this year (despite the fact that i thought i had blocked him on EVERYTHING) asking to be friends because he 'didn't want to bare a grudge any longer against someone he used to care for' and i got the blissful experience of being able to tell him how awful a person he was and how i had no interest in ever speaking to him ever again, then resolutely hit the block button. he's still out there telling everyone i'm crazy and they're believing him. it's horrible, but we move on and we rebuild, cos that's all we can do xXx
It took me years to truly realize what she had done with me, how she influenced our mutual friends and smeared my family. ALL was planned, no lose ends. These people are screenwriters and all the other people are actors in this play, if you behave accordingly to your role you get treats. If you deviate from the script you get pain, simple as that. They are your personal poison and antidote all in one making sure you don't leave them before they don't need you anymore.
You are so right. It was shocking to me to see it but I now know I am a member of a very exclusive community. Thank you, God. Pass it on, as Bill Wilson said.
So validating to hear someone talk about this so bluntly - thank you.
I'm in isolation after being severely emotionally abused throughout the holidays, like holidays aren't hard enough! You made me laugh at this horrific nightmare. Lol! I thought I'd never laugh again. I'm an artist and haven't been able to paint for a month. Everything is dark and gray. Looking forward to Seeing color again. Thank you!
Then paint the dark and grey. When I went isolation, my art turned very violent but rich and moving
yes, creativity is hard to get back. i found simple coloring, is very theraputic. it exercises the old memories of creative the abuses filled up in your brain. shunning is what cults do because it is effective. make no mistake it is torture.
26 yrs of torment, kept thinking I needed help. Now after 17 yrs of active Recovery, I see it. Thank you for your help, watching all your videos
Horrifying is the exact word that describes the realization of what you are dealing with. Firs time in my life I actually felt that way...horrified. I had let evil into my life. But thank God my inner core recognized fairly early that something wasn't true, and I was able to get out without spending more than 9 months in that hell. I seriously thank God and am so proud that I had enough strength to walk.
I still have nightmares after 13 years away from my ex husband. Something that's not often talked about is the long term effects on the body after being with an abusive person. In my case 10 years. Beyond PTSD...there are so very many other things that happen physiologically inside your body. It's difficult and long-term. I hope those of you just out of an abusive relationship will seek as much help as you could possibly find. Don't tell yourself that time will heal it...It goes so much deeper than you can wrap your mind around.
10:25 It seems to me that the narcissist, whether overt or covert, gets his own samanga or drive through removing it from the victim. They don't have the drive either but they get it in an artificial, parasitic way. The difference is that the narcissist lacks the drive because he has chosen to lack it and chosen to get it parasitically. The victim lacks it simply because it has been sucked out of him.
We may not have asked for this but please wear your scars proudly! Share your stories they help with the healing process. We are bad (in an oh so good way) because we fought! We made it out and are working continously on our healing♥ I love you all. I too am a survivor of this
You have no idea how much your videos are helping me...I am finally leaving my Narcissist husband after 10 years of torture...I am scared but teaching myself to be strong!!! Thank You...God Bless
This is an excellent summary of the subject, on par with the best I've seen. The idea that NPD people set the baseline reality for people they engulf is the core of the abuse. If they're enabled by an authoritarian culture or religion, it's a double whammy.
I've experienced an extreme case of NPD where a close family member was willing to obstruct care for emergency medical situations and go on a gaslighting campaign to prevent others from helping. I am now zero-contact and have considered the considerable emotional and financial damage they did the cost of knowing the situation was irredeemable, that I had to get out.
I'm glad this is coming to light, because people with stories like this need to be able speak up.
Oh Richard you’re so spot on. This has made more sense to me than anything I’ve heard in the past 10 years. I’ve been so close to ending my life due to years of narcissistic abuse. I use it call my ex Gollum. He started to look like him in my mind.
But people don’t get it. Even if they listened to these very wise words from you they still wouldn’t get it. I have just escaped from another Narc whom everyone thinks is so lovely. He’s a fireman. In our third month of dating, he shouted and screamed abuse at me for 2 hrs on the phone. All jealous possessive nonsense. It was horrendous. But I am so glad that I recorded it for my own use. I then listened to it again which was so good as it made me realise I wasn’t going crazy or misheard or misunderstood. He couldn’t turn and twist the words. Even listening to it again was traumatic and I can’t ever play it back anymore. It was the rantings of a madman. I took a week out and reflected on it all. . I then said No More. Instead of forgiving him and trying to fix it. And I’m glad to say I’ve wiped him off with no side effects. I am learning to get past these beasts. Thanks to the years of listening to you. You are saving lives my friend. Thank you.
I just wrote "almost". That wouldn't be the truth. I had to start over.
The truth is "Every person" I loved, gave myself to has ended up abusing me. They lied about me, denied me the truth, no matter how bad their assault on me. And they were believed.
This began early in life. I'm now 56.
I basically just breath now. I watch videos, but the truth is, at the end of each video, nothing will change.
I use to think I was a fairly decent humane being.
Maybe that was a false reality I had about myself.
Maybe the truth is I am no good.
I don't leave my bedroom anymore.
I only go out for dr appointment once a month.
I don't eat much. I'm disabled so I can't shower very often. I have no value now. I had value when they could abuse me. I had value when I made them look good.
Now I'm pretty sure
I'm nothing more than a waste of human existence.
And I don't have a dime to my name so help won't happen. My daughter(who also abuses me but I have to take it) pays for my lights and phone.
Not all the people I loved can be wrong.
Right?
I don't know how anyone can take caring and loving for another and make it ugly, I really don't. But I do know that nobody can diminish your infinite worth. You're here! You're strong as nails!!! And YOU braved the fires of hell only to try and love in this world that has been turned cruel by too many. But YOU are the all too few that adds the light, that which the dark can never hinder. My Prayers and Hope to You Friend. Please talk to your doctor about what's going on at home and request contact information on the available resources.
This describes my experience very well. Even when I realised I'd gone through a long period of narcissistic abuse I still didn't fully understand what had happened to me. Post-traumatic stress to me was something that soldiers got, I never even considered it might apply to me.. It was only when someone mentioned they had been diagnosed with PTSD that I went to check out the symptoms and realised that I was suffering from it.
Omg. 😭😭😭 I've been tortured for 10 years... trying to love a narcissist. I wasted a decade of my life. They are soulless beings. I'm learning. Thank you.
All 29 thumbs down are probably from narcissists, lol.
Donna yes, from narcissists or people who don't have a clue to the reality of this.
Richie you are my idol man!! I have been watching your videos for close to a year while working out (weight training) and finally took the courage to leave my zombie witch doctor who i was with for 6 years! I knew this was going to be painful but boy i had no idea how painful the journey was going to be! If it wasn't for your videos and also getting your course "Overcoming Narcissistic abuse" and no contact course i would have still been on the floor licking my wounds as you say sir!! In just over 2 months i feel like i have so much traction in my life and i am moving forward, its still hard and painful but so much easier to deal with! Just hearing your caring voice and knowing how much you care about people that are going through this abuse, is just such a HUGE COMFORT! Hearing from your experience of this abuse, totally made me feel so damn normal and validated that i was not the crazy one! AMAZING COURSE!! For me it was life changing and a massive game changer!! Love your work brother!!!
Agree BUT....there should be a law under the domestic violence act, that includes narcissistic abuse. Its as damaging as any other abuse! Been there. Its everywhere through out society and family members. Some we can get away from by going no contact, some we cant. Keep spreading the word is what needs to happen. Thanks for you videos.
+msmay54 At least when you cut someone's arm off they won't feel it in a few years.... This abuse lasts generations.
How can you prove a narc abused you since they are so good at getting away with it?
A diagnosis of PTSD would at least be a start. The abuse DOES cause emotional and mental damage, and manifests in all sorts of ways. Also physical abuse can certainly last a lifetime if for example the abuse scars or cripples someone. Any abuse, any effect!!
+Emily Hergott well thats good! Its getting enough people to A: believe you, or B: to witness it, then we can at least have a start on prosecuting these people. Its what they need!! No slap on the wrists either! Make it stick!!!
Rich, greetings mate from Texas. I wish the glass incident had never happened to you. But i'm glad for the strength and wisdom you gained from it. Your insight and perspective benefit me every day. Thank you. I wish many blessings be sewn in your life. Your friend accross "the pond". Peace.😊👍
Please post more videos about narcissism and abusive relationships.
Alright I will then.
Richard, I’m so pleased I discovered your channel. For 30 years I’ve not understood why I repeatedly attracted certain personality types and have been subjected to their emotional abuse. I now feel enlighten, educated and more sure of myself going forward in life. Most importantly, I do not feel alone or that there is something wrong with me. I’m very grateful for you explanations, references and insights on this very personal topic. Inspiring work thank you.
I can really relate to the self isolation (along with other things) and the PTSD symptoms. I could not talk to anyone about my abuse without breaking down, my face twitched uncontrollably, especially around my eyes and I was nervous and jumpy. Narcs are very toxic and kill their prey from the inside out.
spartanlifecoach.com/overcome-narcissistic-abuse-course/
I love your videos and I'd love to take the courses, but let me tell you why I can't. The other day (Dec 26th) was the 7th anniversary of the day my psychopath ex husband walked out on me. I'm still not healed and my life sounds similar to what you describe in the video. I am surviving, but not living. $28 for me might as well be 28 million, because I just don't have it. But still, love your videos....keep em coming.
***** YAY! My sister bought this for me! We are both victims of a Narc mom and I was married to a psychopath for 10 years....so she really does get it. Thank you to my wonderful sister and I can't wait to start the courses.
email me coach@spartanlifecoach.com
SPARTANLIFECOACH Just wanted to give a little review of the course. Thought it might be helpful. So far I love it. It provides a ton of information. I am 7 years out of my marriage, but I think this would be a great program for someone who is still very devastated and crazy over the relationship. I have been reading on similar issues for years and the course offered some insights I had never thought about before. There are exercises and meditations and I intend to go through the course thoroughly.
***** The course is really good. It is helping me a lot, helping me to understand what is happening to me and its giving me insights into how i can move forward.
You don't know how much I appreciate your videos. They are so helpful to me.
Nailed it! I've been divorced from my abusive narcissist for 5 years and have only dated once since then. I have two kids with him so I still have to deal with his abuse on a regular basis but can't get any help from law enforcement or human services! I talked to a few cops and they've all told me it seems like he's just a dick and but answering texts (which by law if it's about our kids I have to) eggs him on so, therefore, it's my fault. I now deal with extreme low self-esteem issues, social awkwardness and fear of being in a relationship and feel like there is something wrong with me because of it. My friends and family and even some strangers have told me over and over that "I'm too good of a person to be alone" or "You should be dating" etc. but I just can't get over my fear of going through this again. My ex charmed me until we were married and then it was like the flip of a switch to a person I didn't know so I'm scared I'll be "suckered" in again and then ultimately get hurt again. No one who hasn't been through this seems to understand!!
Narcissistic abuse in a marriage drove me to a heart attack. I have now escaped this toxic relationship and the now ex-wife keeps trying to get back into my life.
Educating myself about NPD has made me a survivor and able to fend off the narc'
I wish I could have you as a coach. I trust no one right now, and I am afraid I will never again.
I have gone no contact 2 years ago after 21 years of chaotic BS - I still have nightmares, no one understands. I have read that brain imaging can detect the defects in their brain -
I love this course so much. I have been listening to the audio sessions everyday and seriously it is re-aligning my thought processes for the better. Thank you so much for empowering me feel more serene and confident. This is by far the best money I have spent on therapy so far and I have tried a number of psychologists and psychiatrists. Please do more videos if you can 😊 Ewa from Sydney, Australia.
I have been there and back again. Not only in childhood from emotional deprivation and abuse, but through several torturous relationships, or, I should say, captivities, my life became a terrified pretense both inside and out. Dread and fear were the main courses. I became angry and disconsolate. In my early 60's I began waking from sleep with a profoundly horrid feeling rising from deep inside. I was desperate. I used breathing, slow and focused, especially upon waking. I prayed and searched my soul. It took months, but I learned to forgive myself for my perceived weakness. I found relief from that horror and, although emotionally scarred, began to trust myself. I feel that serious interior focus along with stopping my thoughts using meditative breathing was essential for reclaiming my basic ground.
I know that your coaching would have really helped me.. Even now, your enlightened honesty brings compassion and reconnection to my world and, I am sure, to others who are facing the pain of inflicted trauma.
I think a therapist or another person who has not been abused by a narcissist can understand the effects by listening to and understanding your experience, and on a fundamental level, that is what a therapist must do, listen profoundly to you and your experience. If they do not do this, even if they have lived through this experience themselves, find another therapist.
Thank you Richard I will buy the discipline course next. I've done the emotional literacy and this one seems like a good one to do next. Blessings to you
Richard Grannon, I NEEDED THIS VIDEO SO MUCH...VALIDATION, INFORMATIVE & HOPEFUL! Thank you for your help. 👍😎
That part about how no one who hasnt been through it will understand/believe you. Im thankful for your videos and super thankful for one true friend who understood the dept of the damage. Hugs to all going through this.
I have been glued to your videos feeling a mix of relief, confusion, stunned and more than anything, like I have a freaking answer and that I can finally "unfreeze" and get out of a basic survival mode!!! I cannot thank you enough for your bravery and honesty.
I enjoined your analogies in the video, on all explanations of the stages and effects of Narc abuse.
It's uncanny to me how so many of us say that you could be describing my story. This particular video is one of those from start to finish for me. Especially the reactions from the closest of friends when I tried to explain this thing to them. Then with my withdrawal. Your channel has been very helpful to me in helping me understand what happened, and why my personality allowed it to happen.
I'm looking forward to your course, I'm purchasing shortly. I'm tired of living in that tunnel.
Thanks brother!
Hey Spartan, I wanted to send you something I've found on the web, and believe all narsissist are aware of ,but not many nons. I was totally naive to such a thought or idea, but I,am aware of it now. Your video touches on the same topic. I ,like yourself are in that club you describe,And blame myself for being so naive. My narcsissist is also a borderline and quit possibly a psychopath. I really Dident,t have ANY relationship with her, other then to stay clear of her, and if possible not be in her company, as her shear presence and aura made me uncomfortable - this alone did not stop her from destroying my life, mentally emotionally , financially, and spiritually, not to mention 2 felony charges and restraining orders. I've had to do much studying to come to the place I,am in today. I am much wiser and smarter but a lot less happier and care free as I used to be. I would much like to do a video conference with you ,if you do them ?
Here is the article I've found on the web, not sure who wrote ( I diden,t ) and hope whoever had dosen,t mind. Thanks for the video.Borderline personality and narcissism
.......................................................
A narcissist I knew found herself taking a Basic Studies course, Speech 101, during her sixth year of college (when her mother finally forced her to graduate).
She told me that the other students (freshmen and sophomores) were naive. That they took things for granted and - well, it sounded like she was saying they thought life a piece of cake. Kinda like the American Dream: if you do your best, do things right, and play by the rules, you will succeed and live happily ever after.
So, for her first speech, she thought to wise them up by showing them that they shouldn't be so carefree. In that speech she told them that they should take nothing for granted, that no matter who you are, you can have "it all taken away." Just like that. Overnight. Your job, career, your friends and family - everything.
And through no fault of your own. No matter how good a person you are. No matter how well you do what you do.
I naturally thought she was referring to the possibility of some great catastrophe, such as war, destroying lives.
But she glossed over that and zeroed-in on what she called "everyone's deepest fear," character assassination. She said that, behind your back, anyone could spread lies about you that would completely destroy you. By doing this, that person could take away everything you had. He or she could make you a social outcast, taking even your loved ones away from you. The devastating power of the lie could put you on Skid Row, where you would end up at the bottom as a rag-picker or a bag-lady. And there was nothing you could do about it.
For, you might as well be one, because, by treating you like one, they're perceptions were relentlessly making you one.
Deep down inside, she said, everyone knows this, and that it is "everyone's deepest fear."
I had to admit that she was right. I didn't yet know that she has NPD, but now I see that she was wising me up (= worrying me) too, by telling me this.
Even those who believe in God don't claim that he enforces his rules to maintain law and order. He allows destroyers to destroy to their hearts' content. Only in the next world is supposed to get around to punishing violations of his rules (though by then it's too late, so I don't see what for ;-)
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Thank god someone else has gone through this and can put a label on it. Your videos have helped me clarify so much. Thank you.
I meet people like this all the time in this big city. They play mindgames and try to make you feel doubtful and hurt. They are so skilled they do it to strangers. You can go on the subway and they will make exaggerated move to make it look they are avoiding you because you glanced at them or because you are black. Then they watch you anticipating the hurt they caused. Their facial expressions seem very genuine but their wide eyes and body posture gives away their anticipation for causing hurt. I got tricked by one girl who would wait outside a bar until you looked at her and without hesitation she would race to the door and then right before she goes in would turn around and watch your reaction. A normal person would have just walked in. They got addicted to negative supply and they are very elaborate on how they feed. I am sure they have other tricks for all sorts of different people.
"You can go on the subway and they will make exaggerated move to make it look they are avoiding you because you glanced at them or because you are black." I hate it when people avoid me because I'm black. As a white man it's really confusing.
Seriously I had some experiences when I was living in Asia where middle aged Chinese women would exaggeratedly veer away from me in this pantomime display of fear "Oh noez! dont rape me/rob me and beat me please you big white monster, I know its what you filthy gwei-los like to do to sexy old aunties like me".
Ridiculous.
Or they would glue themselves to the other side of the lift (elevator) in my apartment complex if I got in with them, fearful eyes darting round. Then spring out in a panic fumbling with keys to get into their apartments before "the big white wolf" got them.
Yep.
Sad.
Nice to know we can lend some excitement to peoples otherwise empty lives though no?
SPARTANLIFECOACH That's unbelievable even you get this treatment. You're obviously very friendly looking. Just goes to show that it's not a color thing but a narcissist thing. I would have never figured it out if I never noticed the more obvious abusive behavior where strangers would laugh out loud at you for no reason just to get a reaction from you. When I kept seeing it was people of diverse ethnicities who were doing this I realized it wasn't a coincidence. Toronto is very unlike the rest of the country.
SPARTANLIFECOACH These things have probably happened because of their own fears, that had nothing to do with you. I'm a big bearded dude, not very friendly looking, and these things happened to me a long time ago. Then I started studying yoga, chi gong, and aikido, that focuses on the energy in your body, and how to control it. Now women block my path all the time, drop things and they play with their hair just to get my attention wherever I go, even though I'm not particularly handsome, and I wear cheap old clothes all the time.
Yes all true. Just came through a horrible relationship of just over a year with a Narcissist. Brutal. Soul crushing experience.
I live in fear every day and hes not even here right now. He is always here. I am so exhausted. He always comes back.
I totally understand, mine kept stalking me for 10yrs, I am exhausted and I aged 20yrs. I was afraid he would kill me for years. So I told one of his flying monkeys that I had his DNA and had given it to a friend and if anything happened to me to take it to the police. It worked!!!!
Then after a few months I told the flying monkey that my son's friend had been transferred to my area who is in the police force. Just to add a cherry on top. Hope this helps you.
Oh my Lord, this very informative video didn't really describe my ex-fiance who leans more towards being a sociopath, but man oh man, did it describe to the letter my ex-fiance's Father, a person who would have been my future Father-in-law. This man had done all the normal narcissistic abuse to his own family, my ex-fiance included. By the time I came into her life, which was in the early stages of 2013. She unknowingly to me was way beyond "damaged goods"! Sad part is, and something I noticed during and after the relationship, she is so desensitized by it all, she has therefore allowed herself to be fairly institutionalized in more ways than one, that her relationship with a very nasty and dark narcissistic Father is a normal one. The mind games, the control, the verbal twisting of words, the mental deceptions, the conspiracy's, the "Big Brother" issues, the previous physical abuse, possible sexual abuse, the alcoholism she was exposed to that her Father had, the morphine pill rage that she was exposed to by her Father, her Father life long "entitlement" issues, the pulling out hand guns and thrusting them into his wife's face during his morphine benders that she was exposed to growing up, this video describes that empty shell of a man to the letter! After doing my own research and watching the Life Coach, I am counting my lucky stars that I didn't marry into her family! I would have therefore been dealing with my ex-fiance who is a sociopath in training, a narcissist of a Father-in-law, and a battered wife syndrome out and supreme enabler for a Mother-in-law! Yeah, even 5 months after the breakup I still feel a bit crazy, but if I married into all that more than likely at some point it would have destroyed me!
Sounds like you made the right decision. And just in time too.
Dinky Dee
This is not about women hating. It happens to both men and women. I am severely damaged from 20 years of it. I finally almost died and someone else got me out. I stay home a lot, fight anxiety, nightmares have lessened. I am stronger but sort of numb.
Dinky Dee You do not know what you are speaking about. MGTOW is not a woman hating group. It is a phenomenon where men are checking out of marriage and relationships with women. The vast majority of women today in America and the UK are narcissistic. MGTOW teaches about female nature and what to do to not get burned. The feminist movement and the system is set up to go against men (the marriage laws and child custody) and feminism has destroyed women in our day and age. Therefore, men are going their own way like never before and are not getting married or having kids. This movement will continue to grow and it is unstoppable.
You may be an exception, but you are not the average case. Most women today want to be mothers and don't even know how to cook. They expect to be spoon fed and do nothing and when the man brings home the dough he is expected to cook dinner, to do cleaning, and to del with his wife who does not appreciate him. Women today, for the most part, are all about material wealth and who can provide for them and that men are utilities. They have been brainwashed to be the utmost shallow they can be. And blue pill men and white knights will be there for them.....until one day, most men wake up and leave the marriage institution altogether and go their own way. This is happening now. And now that men are going their own way like never before, it will be extremely hard for western women to find wealthy men who want to marry. They won't get that chunk of pie anymore and will have to provide for themselves. The jig is up for all female narcissists. Just look at Japan right now for a rough idea.
There surely are bad men out there, and they need to be held accountable by the law. However, there are also many men who were once good and have wrongly decided to become jerks because of how cold and shallow women are today. Women are like men but on steroids. Women will often make things up too...like being raped or abused. In fact, the vast majority of divorces today are initiated by women. There needs to be a restructuring to female nature.
And this has nothing to do with women having kids and needing top be supported for that time being. It ha to do with women marrying mainly so that they can buy into a mans pocket book. And because most divorces are initiated by women today and because most marriages end up in divorce, women today are mainly marrying for money via alimony and child support. And it is a fact that women today are way more narcissistic than ever. Just go on Instagram. The vast majority of half-naked selfies on there are women.
Forenamn Efternamn I agree with not getting married. Thank you for the link. I have always wanted to know the man side of things but none would talk...
Looking back in retrospect, a lot of the people throughout my life have narcissistically abused me. It's kinda blowin my mind to be honest. These patterns are so embedded within the American psyche it's frightening.
U
An ex of mine ripped off, stole, wrecked a woman's car (with her & her daughter in it), and used her credit...she did prosecute and she won. He did go to jail for a short period. Not much else. She did have some of his property (which she paid for) that she could sell or auction. The BS and heartache she went through could never be repaid. If she only listened to what quite a few people told her she would have been better off. But that statement holds true for all of us...if we only listened to our gut feelings and others concerns. Teaching/learning moment...
This applies in the workplace too.
Yes.lots of narcissistic collegues and bosses out there.but at least, that can be changed.a husband or a boyfriend too : if they're unrespectful to that point, just leave them.and don't forget to send them to Hell! !!
Vik Kramer omg.... revelation. “Why don’t you just quit.” Better the devil you know.... 🤦🏻♀️
In everything you say...very impressive. So important to know that things WILL get better...time, knowledge and therapy are your friends...thank you again...
Thank you for affirming me! That does not happen much anymore. I have become physically ill for 10 years as a result of this horrible killing of a promising spirit. Yes your right I am terrified of the world after unknowingly helping so many covert narc's. It all started with my narc. mother and recently I found out that what I called the love of my life who left me abruptly in 2010 had died in 2014 and that our 4 year relationship was a complete lie including, he had been married with 2 children and when he left me he had been cheating and married another women right after he left me. Now I am coming to terms with the fact that that was not love it was an act. A good act...And as a result of the lies of so many narc's that I have loved and trusted everyone thinks that I am crazy my support network of friend's are gone after a fantastic smear campaign. And quite frankly the Chronic pain condition I have is so intense and I am so alone that I am suicidal. Will I ever trust again? Thank you to the evil horrible people that took advantage of my kindness and left me , thank heavens, so ill and to die. Covert abuse is more dangerous then if someone were to have hit me in the face. I am 56 and after the latest aha I wonder if I will ever heal in this lifetime. Again thank you!
This is the first video I saw 8 yrs ago that explained exactly what happened in my relationship. Out of all the videos I've seen on the subject(which at this point have been numerous) this one had and still is the most impactful. To heal I think you first have to understand what happened and realize that it's not your fault. This video started my healing journey. The abuse was so damaging that it has taken years and lots of hard work.
I enjoy your style. I grew up with a Narcissistic father and was in the process of learning about it and healing from that when I met my husband. We were just friends at the time and he was incredibly supportive with my therapy and "patiently waited." until I was ready to date. I grew strong and vibrant and was so thrilled with everything I'd achieved. What I didn't realize was that in the meantime I'd invited this covert Narcissist into my life and through his "support," he was actually gathering intelligence. I thought I had great boundaries and communication but I've been living in "surreality" full of lies and manipulation for another a quarter of my life. And because he manifested his Narcissism in the complete opposite way, so covertly (thank you for that term - perfect description!), I somehow missed the signs and he is putting me through hell in trying to get free.
I'm experiencing everything you've described... It is so dead on!! It's very validating to have someone capture it so specifically (while actually managing to be a little amusing at times), especially regarding how others are handling it. I actually had a long time therapist tell me that I just "needed to stop thinking so much about the why's and move on." I'm not seeing that therapist any longer. Thank you for giving me the first real hope I've had that this too will eventually pass and eventually I can hopefully find my way back to that vibrant person who used to light up the room.
Wow, I feel for you. Love your positive attitude.
Just look for things that make you happy, and see the bad experiences as gifts that made you stronger and wiser. Good luck!☺
What a relief to see more about NPD abuse on here. And what you said about people not really understanding unless they experience it is so TRUE!!!!. I left my Narc husband after 18 years with our three sons 14, 16 & 18. It has been 4 years and one day since I left him. What people don't understand and it's so hard to explain is that there are so many levels to the abuse that they project on to the people closest to them. It makes it even harder for your family & friends to comprehend what we've been through when you're not covered in bruises and blood. No one can see where they tried to rip our souls apart. Instead of the mental abuse I wish it had been physical (it was towards the end) because at least you had something to point at and say "See what he did to me?" I hated it when I started to believe that I had bad intentions like he would manipulate me into thinking. And he would do it real slow...the manipulation. When they brainwash you slow it sticks longer when you go. It kind of breaks my heart when certain family members of mine don't think it's a problem for them to communicate with my ex in social media etc... And if you do try and explain again how awful he was to you they just stare at you with a blank face and then the more you try to convince them of how evil the Narc is the more I sound like the crazy one. My therapist for the last 3 years has been a huge help and my PTSD is so much better now and I feel that I have crossed over into the Non-victim role but I am very concerned about my oldest son, more than the other 2, who was also a victim of the narc since my son sadly was the Narc's favorite son.
I am so grateful that I found your videos and I will go through all of them. I love your attitude and sense of humor. Thank again for your Empathy!!! :-)
This is one of my personal favorite. I love metaphors- ones that I didn't think to use; I love analogies. Anything that I can use with something tangible or lifelike. Reality or not, as in movies or shows. I absolutely comprehend and agree with what is said or expressed here. It's so unfortunate that we as humans can't grasp that reality that true evil, does exist out there. And what one hasn't experienced, they will never be able to even understand it in print. This is a very bold video and I like bold.
I really have found your guidance very difficult to hear about how I have been effected, most of my life. Difficult with who and how I identified what has happened in several relationships. Some as short term as a month. Men and women. Colleagues and associates. But mostly those whom I've tried to befriend. I have really found your guidance effecting my hope to change and so happy I kept seeking more than the plateau I felt I was stuck on with my own personal growth. To crawl off out and away of what's been holding be back, when living up to my full potential. I needed more. I was always seeking my "difficulties" resolve but found same of what I've covered before. I couldn't find what I've found here in all the self help books I have read and continue to read. I appreciate you so much! I am so grateful I found you, your videos. Thank you...
Richard, you have a tremendous gift for articulating the subject of Narcissism. I think that; In itself, brings a lot of comfort to people who listen to you. The effects of narcissistic abuse is so insidious and you are right that no one outside of having experienced it can understand. Like many things that are personal to our life experiences, the analogy is that it is like a person that is or has starved, trying to explain to someone what it is like. Starving is an interesting metaphor because this is how a narcissist poisons our mind. When you become susceptible to the need of a narcissistic persons love or approval, they know you are in need of this quenching of sorts and revel in the pain and negative input they give you instead. From there it just becomes part of, or the entire program that plays in your head. It's sick. Happily, I am much much better but you have to get away from these people.
Dear Ricard:
THANK YOU for all your efforts to create this course for us. Your timing is perfect to start the New Year on a path back to health with your guidance and support. By the way, your instructions and the downloads went perfectly. I am looking forward to the weeks ahead using your course. Your video (among your many videos) verbalized so many things I am going through and in particular I have no one to express myself to including a good therapist who "gets it."
Only recently I discovered I am a victim of narcissistic abuse, which stems from being raised by a narcissistic father and siblings. Upon reflection, all my significant relationships and managers have been Narcissists. Since this awakening, I believe I suffer ptsd caused by familiar triggers (triangulation, etc.) by my family. The difference is now I know where this is coming from. I feel like all I want to do is isolate myself but I push myself to get out and socialize anyway. Well, I am off for my pet therapy … volunteering at the local dog shelter, where I need them as much as they need me. Love your beautiful dog by the way. God bless you Richard for all the good work you do. Wishing you and yours a prosperous, healthy and happy New Year.
Thank you for this...after going through what I have been with toxic family, I feel like Frodo. My saving grace, the one thing that gets me through is the love of my significant other. He's a beautiful person and being with him and doing a TON of personal work has been very healing. Keep doing what you do.
Thank you for your explanation of this. I have lived with abuse for 21 years.
Thank you so very much for being so open, honest, and encouraging. I had been through narcissistic abuse for years. Thankfully, I am no longer in that situation. I am emotionally healing and learning as much as I can about narcissists so that I do not find myself in that situation again. I am thankful for your videos on how to recognize this behavior, and all the other instructions that you provide. Your statement that if someone has not been through this experience they cannot understand (even counselors, therapists, etc.) has been true in my experience. In fact, it only greatly exacerbates your emotional distress when a therapist doesn't believe you, blames you, or doesnt understand when you try to make sense of this other person's behavior. It is validating for you to make that statement. Thank you very much. Your life experiences and guidance are extremely helpful to me. I realize that I attract narcissists. I watch your videos and take notes to refer to later. I am hopeful that some day I will be able to help others who find themselves in the same situation I was in. My narcissist husband eventually beat me. As strange as it sounds, the beating hurt far less than the emotional abuse, and it also freed me from the marriage, as it was tangible evidence that he was abusive. Today I am free, much happier, and less confused!
Yes.. tormented for sure. Only those who have been through it understand.
I went through narc abuse, more than once or twice .., and didn't have a clue what was the confusing toxic shit that was f@#*ing with my head .. to hear about it coherently spoken and explained from all angles while nodding with deep understanding - for I had to figure it out for myself and get my self out of there with barely anyone to talk to because most people would minimise or gaslight or just dismiss impatiently... - is so relieving, strengthening and reassuring.
Im badass. So is everyone else who survived.
Thank you
Thank you Richard. My two adult sons are used and brainwashed and don't know which way is up. The damage done is exstensive. They blame me for leaving the 32 year marriage and feel deeply sorry for their dad. I find that it is re-traumatizing to share, not just because most people can't understand but I have a difficult time describing what happened. He's a very successful and powerful pillar of the community. Idolized by little old ladies. I'm very grateful for this video. Thanks again!
So glad the Pizza Hut commercial (PSA Selfie Sticks), linked to your fantastic channel (I died laughing when it was a related video because of the point the commercial was making). Also, glad to see you've got a nice new camera lately. Thank you for all your videos last, but not least. They have not only helped myself, but others around me.Thank you for your unselfish acts and using your time to help others in such a volatile world.
I'm amazed at 'stumbling' onto this video, as if almost by accident. Wow! So hit the nail on the head of not being able to talk to even a psychologist that hasn't gone through it about Narcissistic Abuse. I appreciate your "Don't even be here . . . " comments. I'm on the up side of healing from trauma and PTSD. I believe as "victims" of this type of trauma, we can allow God to work through us to reach and help others recognize and heal. Thank you so much for your videos.