Ok I need to address all the beautiful souls here writing such insightful, thoughtful and kindhearted messages. I have issues yes, and I know I need and will work through them. 40 years and most of it doing my own thing and exercising modeled behavior from a single mom who did her best. I have much to learn and with a patient partner, prayer and awesome digital friends, I have a safe space to do just that. Literally floored by how positive you’re all being…Im not easy to live with and neither is Max 😂🙏🏾
Hey Maya, pray PEACE over saga when she gets like that especially at night. Command every disturbing force to leave her in Jesus' name. In the middle of Psalms 127--which is all about the blessing of a household and children btw!--it states that God gives rest/sleep to those he loves. Obviously the Lord loves your family and peace is your portion. 💕
Maya, I think it fair to say that many of us do understand and wish nothing but love for you and Max. We care much about you. One thing about film, videos, photos, etc., It has seems to catch a person's feelings through facial expressions without us being aware. Here's is an example. When you turn right side to look at Max when he's speaking, your eyes and jawline gets very tight and your beautiful face shows disagreement and disinterest... Maybe you guys should take a different approach to how you film your lives, so the obvious isn't so obvious to us!!
Hello Max and Maya. I have been married for 34 years (I am AA from NY, my husband is from Italy). I too was older than my husband when we got married (32 and 23). In the beginning of our marriage I was one of those who would walk away after an argument, and always trying to figure out my exit strategy. My very young husband was very wise, beyond me, and would not let me get away with that kind of thinking...we were going to talk and work it out until...! After children, his take was that we came first, the children came second. Of course this might seem totally contrary to a parent's way of thinking, but it is absolutely the healthiest approach for any couple and family. If the couple don't have a strong relationship and foundation, then the child has nothing solid on which to stand. That is the gift you give to your child. Namaste
So True!!!! That's why God's order is Marriage first then the children. Not to neglect the children but not allowing them to take priority over your spouse. Children are precious and a gift but they are also born into sin and they are innately selfish and want everything to be about them if you allow it.
Make sure you let your daughter see how you negotiate to work things out. Arguments will arise as you have mentioned but allowing your children to see you resolve them teaches them that difficulties will come but it doesn't mean the end of the world. They will learn that it's ok and necessary to work through situations instead of breaking up the family. Thank you for sharing real life in addition to RUclips life. God bless you both. Stay strong and stay together❤
Yes, what was important to us when my husband and I argued is that our son understood that people who love each other are imperfect, but honor God and the commitment enough to work it out. Don't be afraid to argue in front of her. She needs to know that conflict happens and trust that she will be able to work through it and grow also. Blessings to you. I continue to pray for healing within you and Max individually and as a couple.
Something to remember is: the patience and grace you give a child, is the patience and grace we should give to our partner and every being on this earth. We are always learning and healing. ❤
I grew up in a two parent household and my parents did everything they could to make sure I never saw them fight. While I see why they did this, it’s actually affected me negatively in my romantic relationship. I am unable to deal with conflict, I struggle understanding that it’s a necessary part of any relationship. I wish I saw them fight but more importantly I wish I saw them resolve those conflicts so that I wouldn’t run away at any and every sign of conflict. It’s made it very difficult to relate with others and grow deeper connection. I also am quick to please people to avoid conflict.
This is an interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing. Those that grew up seeing it blame our lack of conflict resolution in relationships on it. I guess it is about how you process your experiences and choosing to equip yourself with the right tools.
I think what Maya may be experiencing (in terms of the nitpicking) is also what happens when we're not used to being (romantically) loved in a certain way, or in a way that feels new or foreign to us. It can take a minute for our nervous system to catch up because there is no history or frame of reference to contextualize these 'new' experiences of love. Subconsciously and/or consciously it can feel scary, overwhelming, or like some part of us is being threatened, which can cause us to act out in ways that are not conducive to us fully accepting and receiving and that love. Deep down we can sometimes feel unworthy, undeserving or as though we don't have enough to give. Maya, give yourself grace and hang in there!! And maybe challenge yourself to surrender to this process of unfolding. ALSO: Not at all saying that Max is without any faults or doesn't perpetuate any of the conflict in their relationship. I'm sure he does as we all do lol. Just sharing this from what I observed with Maya because I can relate. Thank you both so much for sharing and being so transparent. Know that it is helping many!
First off, I’m loving all the color in this video. Secondly, thank you for your vulnerability because we don’t deserve it, but we learn from it. Lastly, mirroring literally changed my marriage because me and my husband had learned very different communication styles growing up and it helped us to really listen and understand each other for the first time and has saved us from countless arguments. ❤
Would love to see you two in front of an older couple in their 70's or older married for a long time having a candid conversation about how to maneuver through life's struggles/ hardships and come out winning together. ❤ Also kneel together to pray together to stay together. Sending love to you both from Monterey California ❤😊.
M & M... The fact that you're both aware of how you each were impacted by your upbringing and conscious willingness of not wanting to pass this along to Saga says alot!!! Be patient and kind with yourselves. ❤
One thing I've always appreciated about Maya (and Shan- fellow Canadian youtubers) is how vulnerable and authentic you are to us, your viewers. Thank you Maya and Max for sharing and being so open❤
Hi Maya and Max, this was a breath of fresh air seeing this video. The transparency is so good for young couples to see to help everyone realize having a family is not easy. When Michelle Obama recently spoke about how she didn’t like her husband (President Obama) someone who seems like the perfect man for 10years. I immediately knew she was referencing the years with two young kids. Because me and my husband of 13years now have two young kids and we almost separated during the pandemic. We were married for 8yrs before having kids and of course things weren’t perfect but the extreme emotions and life changes that having children brings into the situation, ain’t nothing that can prepare you. No book, no advice, nothing! In my experience the first 5yrs of having a child are the hardest for relationships because everything seems to be out of your control no matter how hard you try and plan. Be gentle with yourselves, you’re not going to be perfect (no one is).
I am single (no relationship or kids) but I really appreciate you sharing your parenting experiences. You guys are imparting so much wisdom! Thank you for being open and humble enough to remind us all that 'to err is human, to forgive divine'. Love you guys! You both are strong and can weather any storm with God in the middle of it!
I come from a 2-parent household. My parents split when I was 14. It was the best decision ever made. Them not living together no longer subjected me and my siblings to constant tension anymore. But you guys communicate so beautifully because you two reflect on the problem together. You'll work things out.
Adore the transparency from you guys, honestly. As a young (unmarried, childfree) chrisitian woman, THIS is the kind of content I need to help me to be better prepared for what a loving marriage REALLY looks like. Seeing the love between you even in the most difficult times is inspiring. This is helping way more people than you realise, and I pray you both continue to share as you overcome obstacles. God bless you both and thank you again for sharing with us🥺❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing!!! Families struggle🤷🏽♀️but what Saga needs to see is how you come back together! Do NOT fake the funk and pretend!! Show that mom and dad talked it out, and we move on as a unit! That’s what I wish I could have seen growing up! Thank you all for your bravery in sharing this!!❤❤❤❤
This is why it’s so important to have a partner that is self aware, willing to learn, and willing to seek help. I was so happy to hear Maya say that Max went and found the therapist for you both get some practical communication tools. Because there are so many people unconsciously choosing to stay stagnant in their self development and their relationship because they have too much pride and they want to be “right.” And they fear change and think doing “the work” is scary and not worth the time and effort. And I love the way you both support each other with the touch of a hand, a pause, or a look. It’s really beautiful to watch.
I have a totally different perspective. My mom and dad divorced when I was an infant, and then my mom moved to another country so I was raised by my mother. When I was 24, I went on vacation with my mom and my dad lived in the same country. We all decided to get together so my dad could greet my mother. My mom and dad did not see each other since I was maybe 12, so this was the first time in a long time they would be in the same room together. It was an absolute disaster. So much passive aggressiveness and drama. They were both talking badly about each other to me, and when I would defend one parent from the other, they’d get upset with me. It was just drama and a huge mental stress on me. I remember thinking, if this is difficult at 24, imagine what my life would’ve been like if I had to deal with that mess growing up. I’m grateful I was only raised by one parent in a country where the other didn’t live. My childhood was peaceful. What I experienced when my mom and dad met up was the complete opposite. Phew! Grateful.
I can relate to this a lot. Whoever of my parent I was spending time with I would side with the one absent. It’s such a limbo. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏻💕 / Max
I needed this! My husband and I have son same age at Maya and we are arguing sooo bad everyday and I’ve been trying to figure out if this normal or sustainable. My mom been married 4 times, when it gets tough she bounces so that’s the model I have my husband the same. We both are committed to giving our son a healthy two parent home but it’s hard work we weren’t fully prepared for. we’re working through it, I know it’s just a tough phase. I spent 35 years single and doing me, now I have a very opinionated man clocking my every move, a toddler swinging from boob all freaking day, and no one could have prepared me for all the freaking housework. It’ll get better Maya, wish I was speaking from experience but I know we all need to adjust, acquiesce to each other, put god first, the family above ourself and we’ll be alright.
16:38 remember to work on your selves as individuals and on the marriage relationship. You owe it to yourself, each other and you child/ children. Modeling fair fights and evolving the consciousness of a happy marriage is doable and it takes work. It's important that she sees you both working it through so she knows respectful boundaries for herself and her future family as well. 😊
Watching just the first couple of minutes just thank you for your transparency and being open and vulnerable. Also I am obsessed with both your colourful outfits! 🩵🤍☁️
I noticed when Max was crying Maya did not comfort him... When Maya started talking about her dad and started crying Max comforted her. Very interesting observation. Max is definitely very protective. Both of you guys are intentional...I believe you will be okay.
I noticed that as well but I also think Maya knows her man. I don’t think it’s a protectiveness one over the other. I would think she knew if she offered comfort in that moment it would make his upset worse. Like say when I cry when someone hugs me I bawl ha-ha. You can see in Maya’s eyes she was tearing up hearing Max and seeing his upset and her way of calming him was to take control of the direction and hold ownership to both of them for that moment. She protected Max with her words than physical action. 🤍
I noticed that too but what Maya did do was take over speaking so he could compose himself and so she gave him support and space in that way. Such a great couple and a great talk!
Yes, it is interesting!! I've noticed for sometime now in many videos that Maya seems frustrated and uptight. Her facial expressions towards Max... (especially when he's speaking), she has this out of love look on her face or this please stop talking look). I genuinely love this couple, but they don't have the energy and feelings they once had!! Did they move too fast??
The same grace u show to Saga as a baby extend the same grace to each other as a newer husband & wife. U all r still learning how to be a unit. The fact that u all r willing to look back to see what may cause the triggers is a good step in the right direction and now all just have to continue to pray for wisdom about how to interact when difficult moments come. Maybe u guys could watch a marital sermon together as well.
This is so relatable & normal in relationships. So glad y’all took the time to be transparent about it because social media can have you thinking couples never argue or that their arguments are different from everyone else’s. My biggest learning from 17yrs. of marriage is that when you are in an otherwise healthy relationship worth fighting through the difficult/challenging times, you stay and you fight. So many couples give up too soon. Time helps you learn, grow, heal, love deeper & prosper.
One thing that stood out in this video was when Maya did not offer any comfort to Max when he started to get emotional, even an arm on the back would have shown some support for his feelings. Maya it could be helpful to practice being more supportive when Max is sharing difficult emotions, sometimes we as women think our feelings are the only ones that matter. We can come into relationships very selfish but with self-reflection can learn to be better. Most woman think "I am the prize", I have been with my husband for 15 years and I used to think like that, well guess what he is also the prize, and its important to value each other equally. I think you both are being hard on yourselves. Marriage is rarely as picture-perfect as the world might make it seem - that's where we get caught up thinking oh this isn't how it's supposed to be when your life will look different in many phases. There will be challenging times but remember this during disagreements, it is not you vs. him,it is you both vs the problem at hand. Get to the root of what the real problem is, usually what we think the problem is - it is not. Dig a little deeper and you might be surprised at what you find.
Watching this for then first time after a huge fight with my husband in front of our 5 month old and I can’t thank you enough for sharing. It’s such a helpful candid and gentle reminder that this ish is hard, being a first time parent is hard but we are all trying our best. You have such a lovely community here as well and the video and all of the comments really has helped me take a deep breath and a sigh of relief that I’m not alone and that there is light on the other side and with patience and grace I can get there. It means the world. 🙏🏾❤️.
I think comparing people like that is very condescending. Especially because you don't know them at all. This video is about them fighting and a fight takes two people participating in it.
So many amazing comments here and I just want to echo that the fact you KNOW you need to do better is such a huge step. My husband and I argue in front of our kids sometimes (we have a small house LOL) but we make sure they see us work through it, and work it out as well. They see us hug, kiss, laugh and we talk through it with them too. "I raised my voice at Papa and that may have been hard to hear." I grew up in a very screamy household and it was NEVER discussed. I'm trying to break the cycle. Thanks for being so candid and vulnerable. You are not alone.
😢 this made me tear up too Maya and Max. There are no perfect parents and no perfect children just perfect moments. It's a quote that I saw recently that gives me so much comfort. Arguments with my partner is just old traumas we both had as children that keep resurfacing. And that we still have to deal with as adults. We love our children so much we worry so much that we don't want them to see this shadow side of us or become the worst of us. It's hard! My oldest is 10 years old and already getting the temperament of a pre-teen. It's beautiful at the same time because I love that my kids come to me enough to trust me and not judge them. Only advice I have is that you both have moments of laugh and comfort together. And that sometimes just being next to them with a hug is just enough to give comfort. Maya and Max you both are doing a great job as parents! Just know that you are doing great :). 💖💗
Growing up in a 2-parent household, my parents started arguing in front of us (or loud enough for us to hear) when we moved into a bigger house and I changed elementary school. Needless to say, I went to my friends, convinced that my parents were about to divorce. And they actually came really close to do so but by God's grace they got help and started working on their respective childhood trauma. They still argue every once in a while but now my siblings and I know that they are a unit and that they will survive the argument and come back stronger. ☺️
Hi! Thank you guys so much for your vulnerability😊. It will help so many couples you do not even know the half. Also so proud of your faith journey Maya, remember God is gracious❤️. I just have one word of advice that many people in my Christian community stand by when it comes to relationships and marriage. This is… it is always you two against the problem/issue at hand. Never you guys against each other, which I think you guys subconsciously know. As a married couple, you guys are on 1 team, and the issue is the opponent. The goal is to unify together as 1 in tackling the disagreement w/God. It also helpful to pray together before the talks to invite God in helping the convo. Nevertheless, you guys are doing an amazing job and God is with you both☺️ Breaking generational curses is hard but God IS there with you in it all. Keep praying into it and take this back to God for He knows all (not me). Much love❤️!! Matthew 18:20, Romans 14:19 🤍
Being short tempered shows lack of emotional intelligence and can be scary. It’s hard to hear I love you when you feel hurt. It’s like putting a bandage over a big wound. Guys please take your time. Max might need to work more on his end in self control maybe work outside the home. Maybe consider moving to the city now that you guys have a home. Different scenery and schedules ect get back to the things you both enjoyed as individuals while working on your bigger goal. We love you. You both are city people get into work outside your channel and be around other people or careers just so you can appreciate what you already have. ♥️
WOW, thank you so much for sharing this. So comforting to see others, who seemingly have their ish together have these real life parent struggles too. I also met my younger husband in Mexico and truly had a burning love for him that i thought could never be shook, until our daughter was born 😂. Boy; did that ever change. Someone who i NEVER could imagine being without, i couldnt stand. We also came from single mothers and witnessed pleeently of bad fights between them. This was also my worst nightmare and i can relate to max in needing that affirmation, insecure anxious type of attachment. Honestly it all built up so much, i couldnt stand my husband and had so many things causing my anxiety and his depression till i finally LET GO. I didnt care what happened or if we ended up being together or what he did, then somehow, everything changed once i got to that point. I stopped anxiously tiptoeing around him and wanting to “FIX” everything and talk everything through. Not everything needs to be addressed. Honestly as odd as that sounds. Especially after you have probably talked and discussed each others ears off by that point lol. No more is need to be said. Walk away. Dont feed into your partners emotions. Just because your partner is in a bad mood, doesn’t mean its your responsibility to find out what it is or make it better (i feel like this is for Max). This is the shadow work we need to do that i learned was my hyper vigilance. Honestly my husband getting back to work OUTside of our home was a game changer. I do love him; but in a different way now. I always longed for what we once were, but it will never be again, you either dont make it or meet each other back as you are now, as new people, parents, and a new relationship. Blessings xo
For a person who grew up in a toxic household and who experienced family violence at home at a very young age. I too, do my best with my partner to avoid fighting in front of our daughter. We are not perfect, and I thank God for placing my partner in my life for these very moments. Parenthood is not easy, when you fail the best you can do is apologize when you are in the wrong and pray to just do better. I am so happy to see that many of our children in this generation are being raised in homes where parents are intentional about what they do around them. It will get better. Many blessings to you both.
It’s really important that you two aren’t too hard on yourself for aruging in front of your daughter conflict is a human thing and it’s important she sees how to resolve conflict in a healthy way 🧡
I know arguments can feel tough but they're a part of life. My parents never argued in front of my sister and I and were married for almost 30 years, but as kids we knew there was tension but we never saw it and I think honestly it would have been valuable to see them argue if it meant that they would make up in front of us too. Because I notice now as an adult that I have a fear of confrontation and conflict because I've never seen resolution. I think maybe if you catch yourself arguing in front of Saga you can at least ensure that you make up in front of her as well. Honestly when I was a kid I wished my parents would have just split up but now as an adult I'm glad they didn't. Though my parents got divorced it's clear that so many of their differences just came down from not being able to communicate, because they're both still single and have so much in common. Had they been able to find common ground they would both be happier now without a doubt. I think barring a serious transgression it could best to see it through. Book Recommendations: Nonviolent Communication - Marshall Rosenberg Feeling Good Together - Dr. David D. Burns How to Be an Adult in Love - David Richo
I’ve watched your channel shameless maya since high school. You’ve inspired me, taught me how to do my hair and low key been an example of a woman and now mom that I’ve never had! Even in my relationship I’m experiencing similar growing pains. I’ve been reading “The Dance of Anger” by Harriet Lerner and it has helped a lot in understanding a woman’s anger. I know some of these comment are gonna be full of opinions and observations. But Maya you’re an amazing role model for your daughter and young girls like me! Keep growing keep moving! ❤
I appreciate you sharing your stories. I have never been more invested in a couple on RUclips… Ever. Praying for all good things for all of you. You asked what would be best about growing up in a home where there are two parents, but they fight all the time. I am now 60 years old and unmarried without children. It made such an effect on me that out of four of us kids, only one of us has kids. One took his life, and the three of us dont talk anymore. Parents that stay together but fight or use emotional warfare on each other and the kids, is just as detrimental. I am happy and chose a life of a flight attendant so I may travel light in my heart, but perhaps I’m afraid to open my heart, because I fear what I saw growing up Sending you lots of love from the states ❤
I noticed when Maya went to America she was almost a different person. Happier and lighter. I notice tension between them a lot but I hope therapy or having the hard conversations with honesty will help them to open to up. Sending hugs.
This is my favorite channel. Can’t believe I didn’t know about it until recently! I am cheering for you guys and praying for you both! So so grateful for you!
Thank you Maya and Max, I'm not in a relationship nor do I have kids yet. Still, conversations like these are so vital and impactful. It's so easy to leave and more or less that has been the trend. However, more and more people are now recommitting to making their relationships work and turning to God for strength. That is very special and I'm so glad that you two have God and Love in your union. Many blessings.
I'm sure you saw this comment a lot since I saw at least one but make sure they see a resolution to these arguments/disagreements. Your child might repeat the same habits we tend to have and that they will assume conflict is super negative and wrong. It's part of life and we have to teach them how to work through it. It's probably more traumatic for the child to see the argument and then all is 100% ok after. Talk to them after and explain that when we love each other and care deeply for others, no one is the same so these moments will come up. You guys are doing so amazing from what I can see!!!!
This is beautiful and so honest. Thank you for sharing the real stuff! Just because two people are married and/or have a child together, doesn’t mean the work ends. In many ways it deepens big time! I admire you for being real about the work you’re doing. What makes it possible is that you’re BOTH showing up. My parents had a horrible relationship and I always wished they’d split. But my mom was passive and took all the abuse that my dad got away with. You two seem to have a healthy foundation and emotional communication. Beautiful. Cheering you on.
My oh my...what a mirror! If not just for me, for all in rshps...love the honesty!...how lucky if you get a partner who can get this emotionally vulnerable and be present as it's happening...many don't get this, many get the regret type of partner~`i should have listened more, talked less, respected your opinion more etc...´. It's refreshing to see ppl handling ish* as it happens...because such is life! Thanks for showing this option is out there somewhere! P.s....love that you said 'when we went through postpartum'...because what affects you at that time will def affect an active partner in the rshp around you. And am with you on saying 'I love you before you leave!'
Thank you both for being sincerely vulnerable, this conversation is necessary. To all the incredible comments below, I have gained so much insight and will apply some of these personally, thank you. We've been married for 22 years and in that time, we have had our fair share of arguing in front of our kids. We both agreed that we are cause and we are responsible for our own thoughts and feelings. I make myself happy, I also make myself angry, and sad. It comes from me. When there is upset, we choose to enquire. We dive deep individually before coming back to each other to share our insights. Be gentle. Nothing is absolute. Before declaring to us, be sure yourself. An exchange is never about the other person. Take care.
You two definitely know that it's never good to stay together for your child.Both of you deserve to be happy and sometimes it can mean being apart is when your happiness comes.
I grew up in a two parent household that was an “ideal” home on the outside, but extremely toxic from the inside. I think some of the small arguments didn’t affect me as a child, but when they started getting very disrespectful and extreme consistently is when it became harmful esp without any repair or awareness of how it affected me and my sister as children. They never addressed it, consoled us, and tried to belittle it and our feelings regarding it plus seeing my mother just accept it and become defeated was the worst. I wish they would’ve just been honest with us and validated our feeling in the process. What you both are doing presently and working towards as a family is nothing like that so you are already a step ahead and it will only get better as you both grow in this journey and continue to be mindful and aware of ways to navigate those moments of conflict and how it can affect your daughter. I’d say always put into consideration of how by doing so you are also teaching Saga how to handle conflict too. With what’s appropriate/not appropriate and she will appreciate the way you both are going about it later in life. Conflict is normal, but the way it’s handled and repaired is the make or break situation. Give yourself some grace as you learn and grow, and the best part is she’s still so young so the more you work on it, the better it’ll be and when she’s older and can grasp things more, it won’t feel so harsh or extreme. Though it may not feel like that now, please know you are steps ahead and doing better than so many. You are doing the right things.
I LOVE THIS CONVERSATION! Thank you both so much for the vulnerability. 🙏🏾 My partner and I just got married in April. I already have 5 year old twin boys from my previous marriage, and neither of us have had good examples. Lots of brokenness and tramua in our upbringing. We were on a horrible path in regards to handling conflict and been vulnerable. But some therapy as well as knowing our sons are depending on us to model for them, really turned things around. Learning to show more gratitude for each other consistently. To take some space like you guys do now. We are truly happy together giving this truly our best. I pray the same to continue for you guys!
I absolutely love how transparent you two are because I honestly believe this would save so many relationships if people would actually express the realness of what it means to be intentional in a partnership! 🙏🏼♥️
I totally get divorce, I come from a single parent household but I think there’s something so valuable about modelling what healthy, long-term partnership looks like because it’s not always perfect. There are trials and tribulations but there’s also so much beauty in it too. I can tell you’re both doing your best and being super intentional as parents, which I admire so much.
Hi Max and Maya, I have followed you channel since the begining as well as Maya’s from ages ago. I admire you bith for having these conversations in front of the world and I know it has it’s disadvantages but it also let’s people know that struggle in life is real and normal. The most important thing I feel you two are doing is reflecting and adapting and learning and changing. I wanted to say something about the arguing in front of Saga. I feel that while disrespect and offensive language and behavior are unacceptable, having regular, respectful disagreements in front if your child is not necessarily a bad thing when there is healthy conversations and conflict resolutions. In my opinion, letting children be aware that relationships require work and compromise is extremely important. Havibg this ideal of a relationship where it is all love and butterflies is not realistic expectation for their future relationships. I am a child if divorced parents and I thank god I was never exposed to constant fighting. But being in a relationship for 20 years and having a 6 and 9 year old I can tell you that while we dont make it a habit to argue in front of them, it is inevitable and the key and most important aspect in my opinion is for them to know and understand that while mommy and daddy have disagreements and may be angry at each other, they will resolve them in a respectful manner and be ok and solid in the end. The few times that we have had arguments in front of them we have made sure that they also see us resolving the conflict and being affectionate by giving a hug and kiss to each other letting them know that we are solid despite disagreeing sometimes. Anyway, such a ling comment. Love you and the family you have created!!!
I follow, love and being inspired by this women for years , I think 8 years and plus. But me tell you that even your mariage Inspire me. I believe in God but I don’t trust any man. I’m doing good without a man , enjoying my daughter. If one day Gid decide I need a man in my life and send me one, I want him to be able to be this open and understanding and knows how to communicate. The way you guys handle your relationship, from what you’re saying and putting on camera, it’s exactly how I live but I never found that person to share this with. May the lord bless your marriage to stay together, learn and continue to grow together. Love you guys, like for real, you’re such an inspiration for a lot of us.
14:37 The ideal is only to stay together IF, as you said Mya, both folks are willing to work on themselves (not just say they will) AND both are willing to stand by each other while the other works on themselves. Some may say they'll stand w you while you work through every problem except physical violence, like that's the line in the sand. Some may say I'll work through this and this and THIS but not THAT.. cuz that's triggering for them. There is no right, there is no wrong. It takes a lot to work on yourself in a relationship and it takes a lot to stand by someone as they work on themselves (while not letting it negatively you or the relationship). So everyone needs to do what's best for them and their relationship, there's no one size fits all. It's so exciting to see a couple thats really trying to be introspective and work on themselves for their relationship and their child. 🎉🎉🎉 Kudos to yall 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Also, Saga's screaming is developmentally appropriate. She is fully aware of herself as a seperate person from you and exploring (and flexing) her will. Kids are very much aware of the fact that we get to run the show, and from their understanding its not fair. For things that are hard for her like car rides, you might try visual aides that list out her day so she know what to expect. (My kid hates bed time so she would pull the bed time stcker off the chart and throw it away 😂)
When I tell you that our baby girl at 7 months is the same way; robust laugh, very vocal, expressive, sweet and just a ball of pure joy! We have to do all we can to be the best parents for her because she, as well as all other children deserve that ♥️ To love and respect each other is the best way to honor that ♥️🙏🏽
This was so beautiful and refreshing. I've been married for four years and it's no easy feat. I'm so happy that both of you are doing the work together for yourself and your daughter. May God continue to bless your union.
I reccomend Ritual, a workshop based therapy for couples and individuals. You can choose what Path you want to do - communication building, trauma healing etc. - and work on that one Path for 4 weeks. You can cancel after 2 weeks and get your $$ back as well. You meet with your therapist for anywhere between 20-45 minutes each week or every other week and during the week you work on your workshop tasks and reflection aka homework! I really liked it 😊
It's really a big thing to talk openly about arguments in a relationship/marriage. To break the taboo and normalize these times of disagreement. Only then people can work through things and see the reasoning behind the arguments and move on, together. Process and learn. 🙏
Thank you for the vulnerability and sharing with this virtual world that not everything is perfect. Talking openly about our journeys and traumas is only way we will get to be better people. Also shout out to Max for his sensitivity as a man.
Hey Max and Maya, Growing up in a two-parent household, there was a lot of infidelity and lying that shed light on the flaws in my parents communication. They never argued in front of us; however, you could still feel the tension between the two. Later on, as I became a teenager and entered my adult years, I began to see arguments between my parents. What I have learned from my parents arguments is how shitty their communication is. I noticed a pattern in my mom's behavior: she bites her tongue and does not say what is on her mind. What I noticed about my dad is that he feels like he is always right. Therefore, the issue here is a lack of listening and being heard. From that experience, I believe hiding or keeping one’s child away from hearing an adult's arguments is not always a good thing. Children are a lot smarter than you think, and as much as you try to hide the truth from them, they most likely already know about what is going on. For instance, as much as my parents thought, we didn’t know about my dad‘s cheating and lies as kids in elementary school, and all the way through high school, trust and believe we knew. Now, I’m not saying that a child has to hear every detail of the situation, but if the parents are going to argue, no matter how big or how little it is, try your best to communicate healthily. When communicating and arguing, it is so important for you as a parent to value yourself enough to know when something is not good for you. Do not hang onto any partner, marriage, or relationship that is tearing you apart for the sake of the children. Therefore, growing up knowing that your parents are happy and healthy within themselves is so much better than knowing that they are secretly crumbling inside.
With that being said, arguing in front of your child is OK; that is a part of life, normal, and natural. From my experience, hiding arguments is like parents trying to paint themselves as if they live in a picture-perfect world, when the truth is, the world’s not like that at all. In my opinion, this gives children a false sense of reality.
So wonderful to see the two of you be vulnerable in the public when you really don’t have to be. Thanks for sharing your ups and downs and reminding us that parenthood as it’s challenges but with self aware awareness, teamwork and lots of love you can pull through the difficult stages.❤love u guys
You guys are doing great! Your honesty and vulnerability moved me. May the Living God reveal to you both a Heavenly perspective that would keep you on the course of True Love. In Jesus name, I pray - Amen. ❤ Blessings
Max and Maya…thank you soooo much for sharing so transparently with us. I have been married 10 years and I am grateful to God for blessing my marriage. It’s not always easy but my hubby and I are determined to work on ourselves and put God first.
It's great when we know our weaknesses and God gives us the strength to change them for the better. Communication is the strength of a strong marriage and know that parenting doesn't have a handbook we are not perfect just be the best of you. You re stronger than you think. I see the love and respect you have for one another and that says a lot. You're couple of 2023 in my book.
I loved this I watched the new one before this one and the recap made me come here thank you for sharing the recap great job being vulnerable because there is true relate ability in just wanting to do better
I really, really wish my parents got divorced. Them staying in a miserable and toxic marriage for 40+yrs messed us all up. Younger generation are better though and most are willing to do the work. You are dealing with it the right way give yourself some grace and forgive yourselves. 💕
Healthy conflict, resolve, & negotiation need to be modeled for kids! Y’all are doing amazing as parents! I love how honest y’all are. & that integrity and honesty and self awareness and ability to reflect will cause Saga to be such an amazing human! 🤍
Honestly, this was so beautiful. I am not married but I hope to be one day. I am inspired by your vulnerability and your willingness to press into the discomfort with each other. God bless your family and may you all abound in love for each other.
Well said, future travels and future disagreements will be resolved in a constructive manner. Because you guys recognize what’s needed to move forward with Love. You guys are great parents , we are not designed to be perfect but ever revolving and growing.
Hi Maya and Max. This was a very relatable video. My partner and I watched it together. We are both from South Africa and we recently moved to China. And we related to your struggles. The advise we have is not to over judge yourselves. You are human. God bless you guys ❤
Oddly I do not think the issue is you guys being in conflict. Conflict is a part of life, one of the most powerful and useful things for Saga to witness is how you resolve conflict. Also, it is not easy and there are big emotions but, finding the tools that work best for your relationship and family is going to be a beautiful gift you give ti your daughter. Seeing you guys work thru it will let her know she doesn't need to be afraid of conflict because she's seen Max and Maya work thru it. The tricky part will be unpacking your personal traumas with yourselves, then doubling back to resolve relationship frustrations. I think it's worth the time energy and effort because the self evolution and behavioral modeling for your daughter will be a great tradeoff. Anyway peace and blessings as you make your way in your joruney/process. And remember to take breaks as needed, this is life changing work if you decide to undertake this endeavor. ✌🏾💜🙏🏾💜✌🏾
I can so relate! We’re 18 months in and finally getting couples therapy because bringing a kid into the picture while both having demanding jobs is just more than we can handle on our own. We want to be able to put our marriage first. Love that you guys are sharing your journey!
Maya & Max, what a great topic to speak about! Being humans, we've all experienced this doing our lives. The trick is to learn how not to argue in front of our children. Easier said than done! No, parents should stay together because of children, if they are consistently arguing, fighting & marriage is not working. Beings from divorce parents, I can tell you how devastating this was for me and my siblings . Being adults today, (all of us with our own families)we are still affected & will never be the same. My parents didn't have the tools & means (as we do today) to seek help. And even if they. did, they could not afford help. To be honest, it was a blessing for me when they separate . We all just wanted peace & quiet in the home. Today, as a mom of 2 & grandmother of 6,( it doesn't make a difference how old you become) I can still remember the sadness I felt ( along with my siblings) that we went thru from my parents. You both have seeked help & have tools to help. That's the 1st start & just being consistent ! People think that even as babies , toddlers & young children, they will not remember the arguing & fighting. Trust me, they will. Thanks for sharing! Blessed Sunday!
Oh my God guys. You are both so beautiful and so is this 😌. Bless you both! Praying for your love to always be strong for eachother.. thanks for sharing this beautiful truth.. my heart 🫠 ❤️ lots of love to you all.
It’s so sad to hear you express your feelings about not wanting to expose your daughter to arguments… Mostly because y’all are babies too, we all are still growing and learning just like children … Y’all don’t deserve that either, y’all are just as precious as your daughter 💖💖💖
Maya don’t beat your self up, keep focused on Christ and His word to do the heart change in your heart and marriage ❤ Pray together , get into the word together and cry out to your king & creator to give you eyes to see and hear wisdom! Tools and the fruits of the spirit that God can supply us 💖♥️🙏🥰 You guys are not alone 😊
This was very helpful to me in my relationship and with our daughter right now. You helped me sit with the feelings of guilt and shame about the topic of arguing around my daughter and transmute it into strategy and thinking of healing steps. We both want to do and be better for her, and this was a hard week. This video was perfectly timed, thank you for the vulnerability
Maya and Max I been here before. I married so young we have three amazing beautiful children 23 years of marriage. All of this will get better. Just stay strong, communicate, communicate! Such a huge thing. Seal help and be gentle with yourself. You guys are doing an amazing job as parents. Saga is sponge and will absorb everything!!! You got this ❤
I grew up in a two-parent home, and I wish they had gotten divorced. We lived in a loveless house, bossiness, seeing others feel small and become a shell of themself, all for the sake of sticking it out. I've been married for 13 years, and it's a struggle to keep God first and not bring all my trauma from various childhood traumas into my life or the life of my children. I stay in the Word, pray, and communicate the root cause of my feelings and not the triggers. A lot of it comes from feeling unsafe and overlooked, and so you can imagine there are a million triggers with just those two roots alone. While my hubby's come from foster care. So, keep yielding to growth, pushing together, and giving each other the space & time to grow feeling loved and supported. Saga will follow. Much love and prayer for your family. It's possible. Believe that no matter what you've seen, it's possible. Here are some great books that changed my life "Broken Children, Grown Up Pain" and "Bondage Breaker" "No More Perfect Marriage" "No More Perfect Parenting" "Confronting without Conflict" Good starters :) but I'm a bookworm, LOL
I came from a 2 parent household but my parents fought over money all the time. I think they genuinely cared for each other, it's just they let their egos get in the way. Y'all don't need to be perfect parents, you just need to be present parents and you are. Saga knows where her safe place is. You're doing your best and that's all that matters.
I really appreciate you being honest. Marital conflict is normal, but it feels so abstract because most people are not vunerable enough to be honest about it. And kids, God love them, definitely make the intensity of whatever conflict so much more heavy. I will say, I think it good and healthy to see some disagreement between their parents and even more importantly see how things are resolved. So many of us come from “broken families” as you both did and have witnessed some really gnarly situations with our parents so its easy to draw a line and say, absolutely no arguments in front of our kids, but I feel like that could potentially be robbing them of the same that we have been deprived of, which is communicating thought that argument. Obviously some discussion are just off limits for our little people, but also adding things like safe words and stepping away can help to draw a line in the sand when. Just my thought a wife and mom of two young kids.
Love yall. Yall are doing a great job. 1 tip. Have you ever read the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman. Fantastic resource. 2 tip. Individual counseling to talk about childhood trauma 3 tip. Get some ear plugs and noise cancelling headphones. Saga gonna wail but you dont have to hear it! 😂 sensory overload affects parents too!
This is such a touching video. I wish the two of you so much joy and happiness. Funny thing: when the video got to Saga's crying: my two toy poodles started to howl! The youngest one stood stark still and gave me this look, like, 'what the heck is happening. Help that baby. ROFL .. . I think you two have the ingredients to make this work. Be a little kind to yourselves. This is a lifelong job -- I love that Michelle Obama said she half spoke to Pres. Obama for the first ten years. ROFL.... I get what she meant. So give yourselves GRACE!!!
Ok I need to address all the beautiful souls here writing such insightful, thoughtful and kindhearted messages. I have issues yes, and I know I need and will work through them. 40 years and most of it doing my own thing and exercising modeled behavior from a single mom who did her best. I have much to learn and with a patient partner, prayer and awesome digital friends, I have a safe space to do just that. Literally floored by how positive you’re all being…Im not easy to live with and neither is Max 😂🙏🏾
🤗🥺🤭 love and hugs for the family
Y’all being transparent is helping us transform through conversation, honesty and overall healing ♥️
Everyone has issues Maya. Your fine. Acknowledge and grow and improve and you continually do that on your own. You guys got this
Hey Maya, pray PEACE over saga when she gets like that especially at night. Command every disturbing force to leave her in Jesus' name. In the middle of Psalms 127--which is all about the blessing of a household and children btw!--it states that God gives rest/sleep to those he loves. Obviously the Lord loves your family and peace is your portion. 💕
Maya,
I think it fair to say that many of us do understand and wish nothing but love for you and Max. We care much about you. One thing about film, videos, photos, etc., It has seems to catch a person's feelings through facial expressions without us being aware. Here's is an example. When you turn right side to look at Max when he's speaking, your eyes and jawline gets very tight and your beautiful face shows disagreement and disinterest... Maybe you guys should take a different approach to how you film your lives, so the obvious isn't so obvious to us!!
Hello Max and Maya. I have been married for 34 years (I am AA from NY, my husband is from Italy). I too was older than my husband when we got married (32 and 23). In the beginning of our marriage I was one of those who would walk away after an argument, and always trying to figure out my exit strategy. My very young husband was very wise, beyond me, and would not let me get away with that kind of thinking...we were going to talk and work it out until...! After children, his take was that we came first, the children came second. Of course this might seem totally contrary to a parent's way of thinking, but it is absolutely the healthiest approach for any couple and family. If the couple don't have a strong relationship and foundation, then the child has nothing solid on which to stand. That is the gift you give to your child. Namaste
Great advice!
So True!!!! That's why God's order is Marriage first then the children. Not to neglect the children but not allowing them to take priority over your spouse. Children are precious and a gift but they are also born into sin and they are innately selfish and want everything to be about them if you allow it.
same girl, im 33 husband 27 and he is far wiser than my years, I realised before him i was getting away with murder!
This is an advice i will keep dearly in my heart ❤
Make sure you let your daughter see how you negotiate to work things out. Arguments will arise as you have mentioned but allowing your children to see you resolve them teaches them that difficulties will come but it doesn't mean the end of the world. They will learn that it's ok and necessary to work through situations instead of breaking up the family. Thank you for sharing real life in addition to RUclips life. God bless you both. Stay strong and stay together❤
Yes, what was important to us when my husband and I argued is that our son understood that people who love each other are imperfect, but honor God and the commitment enough to work it out. Don't be afraid to argue in front of her. She needs to know that conflict happens and trust that she will be able to work through it and grow also. Blessings to you. I continue to pray for healing within you and Max individually and as a couple.
Something to remember is: the patience and grace you give a child, is the patience and grace we should give to our partner and every being on this earth. We are always learning and healing. ❤
This is absolutely true…Thank you for writing this
Thank you for posting this comment. So true.
Amen to this, absolutely true.
I grew up in a two parent household and my parents did everything they could to make sure I never saw them fight. While I see why they did this, it’s actually affected me negatively in my romantic relationship. I am unable to deal with conflict, I struggle understanding that it’s a necessary part of any relationship. I wish I saw them fight but more importantly I wish I saw them resolve those conflicts so that I wouldn’t run away at any and every sign of conflict. It’s made it very difficult to relate with others and grow deeper connection. I also am quick to please people to avoid conflict.
thank you for sharing this. I see this in some people I care about.
This is an interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing. Those that grew up seeing it blame our lack of conflict resolution in relationships on it. I guess it is about how you process your experiences and choosing to equip yourself with the right tools.
I think what Maya may be experiencing (in terms of the nitpicking) is also what happens when we're not used to being (romantically) loved in a certain way, or in a way that feels new or foreign to us. It can take a minute for our nervous system to catch up because there is no history or frame of reference to contextualize these 'new' experiences of love. Subconsciously and/or consciously it can feel scary, overwhelming, or like some part of us is being threatened, which can cause us to act out in ways that are not conducive to us fully accepting and receiving and that love. Deep down we can sometimes feel unworthy, undeserving or as though we don't have enough to give. Maya, give yourself grace and hang in there!! And maybe challenge yourself to surrender to this process of unfolding. ALSO: Not at all saying that Max is without any faults or doesn't perpetuate any of the conflict in their relationship. I'm sure he does as we all do lol. Just sharing this from what I observed with Maya because I can relate. Thank you both so much for sharing and being so transparent. Know that it is helping many!
First off, I’m loving all the color in this video. Secondly, thank you for your vulnerability because we don’t deserve it, but we learn from it. Lastly, mirroring literally changed my marriage because me and my husband had learned very different communication styles growing up and it helped us to really listen and understand each other for the first time and has saved us from countless arguments. ❤
Thank you for watching 🙏🏽🙏🏻 yes mirroring was revolutionary to us. So happy it worked for you and your husband 💕
Would love to see you two in front of an older couple in their 70's or older married for a long time having a candid conversation about how to maneuver through life's struggles/ hardships and come out winning together. ❤ Also kneel together to pray together to stay together. Sending love to you both from Monterey California ❤😊.
oh my goodness YES! What an amazing idea, that would be wonderful to watch. Truly 🥲🫶🏾
Love this ❤ Christ needs to be the anchor 🙌 I know I need Him in my life & marriage. On my knees 🙏♥️
That would be amazing!!!
M & M...
The fact that you're both aware of how you each were impacted by your upbringing and conscious willingness of not wanting to pass this along to Saga says alot!!!
Be patient and kind with yourselves. ❤
Yes, I remember when I was young, my parents always arguing. It crushes a child's soul.
It truly does and should be taken seriously 💕
One thing I've always appreciated about Maya (and Shan- fellow Canadian youtubers) is how vulnerable and authentic you are to us, your viewers. Thank you Maya and Max for sharing and being so open❤
I 1000% agree. I found Shan through Maya and I love how open they both are and how their viewers are not just "fans" but also family 😊
@@tatyana2957 it's probably why they have enjoyed longevity and success on youtube
Hi Maya and Max, this was a breath of fresh air seeing this video. The transparency is so good for young couples to see to help everyone realize having a family is not easy. When Michelle Obama recently spoke about how she didn’t like her husband (President Obama) someone who seems like the perfect man for 10years. I immediately knew she was referencing the years with two young kids. Because me and my husband of 13years now have two young kids and we almost separated during the pandemic. We were married for 8yrs before having kids and of course things weren’t perfect but the extreme emotions and life changes that having children brings into the situation, ain’t nothing that can prepare you. No book, no advice, nothing! In my experience the first 5yrs of having a child are the hardest for relationships because everything seems to be out of your control no matter how hard you try and plan. Be gentle with yourselves, you’re not going to be perfect (no one is).
It’s where we’re currently at but not where we plan to stay. Thank you for sharing your insight. We truly appreciate it ✨🙏🏾
I am single (no relationship or kids) but I really appreciate you sharing your parenting experiences. You guys are imparting so much wisdom! Thank you for being open and humble enough to remind us all that 'to err is human, to forgive divine'. Love you guys! You both are strong and can weather any storm with God in the middle of it!
I come from a 2-parent household. My parents split when I was 14. It was the best decision ever made. Them not living together no longer subjected me and my siblings to constant tension anymore. But you guys communicate so beautifully because you two reflect on the problem together. You'll work things out.
Adore the transparency from you guys, honestly. As a young (unmarried, childfree) chrisitian woman, THIS is the kind of content I need to help me to be better prepared for what a loving marriage REALLY looks like. Seeing the love between you even in the most difficult times is inspiring. This is helping way more people than you realise, and I pray you both continue to share as you overcome obstacles. God bless you both and thank you again for sharing with us🥺❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing!!! Families struggle🤷🏽♀️but what Saga needs to see is how you come back together! Do NOT fake the funk and pretend!! Show that mom and dad talked it out, and we move on as a unit! That’s what I wish I could have seen growing up! Thank you all for your bravery in sharing this!!❤❤❤❤
This is why it’s so important to have a partner that is self aware, willing to learn, and willing to seek help. I was so happy to hear Maya say that Max went and found the therapist for you both get some practical communication tools. Because there are so many people unconsciously choosing to stay stagnant in their self development and their relationship because they have too much pride and they want to be “right.” And they fear change and think doing “the work” is scary and not worth the time and effort. And I love the way you both support each other with the touch of a hand, a pause, or a look. It’s really beautiful to watch.
I have a totally different perspective. My mom and dad divorced when I was an infant, and then my mom moved to another country so I was raised by my mother. When I was 24, I went on vacation with my mom and my dad lived in the same country. We all decided to get together so my dad could greet my mother. My mom and dad did not see each other since I was maybe 12, so this was the first time in a long time they would be in the same room together. It was an absolute disaster. So much passive aggressiveness and drama. They were both talking badly about each other to me, and when I would defend one parent from the other, they’d get upset with me. It was just drama and a huge mental stress on me. I remember thinking, if this is difficult at 24, imagine what my life would’ve been like if I had to deal with that mess growing up. I’m grateful I was only raised by one parent in a country where the other didn’t live. My childhood was peaceful. What I experienced when my mom and dad met up was the complete opposite. Phew! Grateful.
I can relate to this a lot. Whoever of my parent I was spending time with I would side with the one absent. It’s such a limbo. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏻💕 / Max
I needed this! My husband and I have son same age at Maya and we are arguing sooo bad everyday and I’ve been trying to figure out if this normal or sustainable. My mom been married 4 times, when it gets tough she bounces so that’s the model I have my husband the same. We both are committed to giving our son a healthy two parent home but it’s hard work we weren’t fully prepared for. we’re working through it, I know it’s just a tough phase. I spent 35 years single and doing me, now I have a very opinionated man clocking my every move, a toddler swinging from boob all freaking day, and no one could have prepared me for all the freaking housework. It’ll get better Maya, wish I was speaking from experience but I know we all need to adjust, acquiesce to each other, put god first, the family above ourself and we’ll be alright.
16:38 remember to work on your selves as individuals and on the marriage relationship. You owe it to yourself, each other and you child/ children. Modeling fair fights and evolving the consciousness of a happy marriage is doable and it takes work. It's important that she sees you both working it through so she knows respectful boundaries for herself and her future family as well. 😊
Watching just the first couple of minutes just thank you for your transparency and being open and vulnerable. Also I am obsessed with both your colourful outfits! 🩵🤍☁️
I noticed when Max was crying Maya did not comfort him... When Maya started talking about her dad and started crying Max comforted her. Very interesting observation. Max is definitely very protective. Both of you guys are intentional...I believe you will be okay.
I noticed that as well but I also think Maya knows her man. I don’t think it’s a protectiveness one over the other. I would think she knew if she offered comfort in that moment it would make his upset worse. Like say when I cry when someone hugs me I bawl ha-ha. You can see in Maya’s eyes she was tearing up hearing Max and seeing his upset and her way of calming him was to take control of the direction and hold ownership to both of them for that moment. She protected Max with her words than physical action. 🤍
People are different. If I'm crying, I don't want anyone in my face or touching/comforting me.
I noticed that too but what Maya did do was take over speaking so he could compose himself and so she gave him support and space in that way. Such a great couple and a great talk!
Yes, it is interesting!! I've noticed for sometime now in many videos that Maya seems frustrated and uptight. Her facial expressions towards Max... (especially when he's speaking), she has this out of love look on her face or this please stop talking look). I genuinely love this couple, but they don't have the energy and feelings they once had!!
Did they move too fast??
It’s because she sees him as weak and doesn’t respect him.
The same grace u show to Saga as a baby extend the same grace to each other as a newer husband & wife. U all r still learning how to be a unit. The fact that u all r willing to look back to see what may cause the triggers is a good step in the right direction and now all just have to continue to pray for wisdom about how to interact when difficult moments come. Maybe u guys could watch a marital sermon together as well.
This is so relatable & normal in relationships. So glad y’all took the time to be transparent about it because social media can have you thinking couples never argue or that their arguments are different from everyone else’s. My biggest learning from 17yrs. of marriage is that when you are in an otherwise healthy relationship worth fighting through the difficult/challenging times, you stay and you fight. So many couples give up too soon. Time helps you learn, grow, heal, love deeper & prosper.
One thing that stood out in this video was when Maya did not offer any comfort to Max when he started to get emotional, even an arm on the back would have shown some support for his feelings. Maya it could be helpful to practice being more supportive when Max is sharing difficult emotions, sometimes we as women think our feelings are the only ones that matter. We can come into relationships very selfish but with self-reflection can learn to be better. Most woman think "I am the prize", I have been with my husband for 15 years and I used to think like that, well guess what he is also the prize, and its important to value each other equally. I think you both are being hard on yourselves. Marriage is rarely as picture-perfect as the world might make it seem - that's where we get caught up thinking oh this isn't how it's supposed to be when your life will look different in many phases. There will be challenging times but remember this during disagreements, it is not you vs. him,it is you both vs the problem at hand. Get to the root of what the real problem is, usually what we think the problem is - it is not. Dig a little deeper and you might be surprised at what you find.
Watching this for then first time after a huge fight with my husband in front of our 5 month old and I can’t thank you enough for sharing. It’s such a helpful candid and gentle reminder that this ish is hard, being a first time parent is hard but we are all trying our best. You have such a lovely community here as well and the video and all of the comments really has helped me take a deep breath and a sigh of relief that I’m not alone and that there is light on the other side and with patience and grace I can get there. It means the world. 🙏🏾❤️.
13:44 major key: back to the bible and prayer. Keep God at the top of it all, and you will both find peace together.
6:12, Maya's face/reaction speaks volumes. Max is definitely the more emotionally mature of the two, even though he is years younger.
I think comparing people like that is very condescending. Especially because you don't know them at all. This video is about them fighting and a fight takes two people participating in it.
@@jenniferhergert4447 You called it, hun; that being "condescending", which Maya was the only one partaking in that encounter at that time.
Listen guys, the first few years of marriage for every couple are damn hard. Maya, kneel and call upon the Lord. He will see you through it all.
thank you for sharing.
Sleep deprivation is awful, and definitely makes it hard to be our best self.
That convo felt raw and authentic, thank you for letting us in!
The emotional intelligence is beautiful between you, thanks for sharing 💜
Thank you so much 💕💕
So many amazing comments here and I just want to echo that the fact you KNOW you need to do better is such a huge step. My husband and I argue in front of our kids sometimes (we have a small house LOL) but we make sure they see us work through it, and work it out as well. They see us hug, kiss, laugh and we talk through it with them too. "I raised my voice at Papa and that may have been hard to hear." I grew up in a very screamy household and it was NEVER discussed. I'm trying to break the cycle. Thanks for being so candid and vulnerable. You are not alone.
Y’all’s outfits are ADORABLE! So fun! I love the colors
😢 this made me tear up too Maya and Max. There are no perfect parents and no perfect children just perfect moments. It's a quote that I saw recently that gives me so much comfort. Arguments with my partner is just old traumas we both had as children that keep resurfacing. And that we still have to deal with as adults. We love our children so much we worry so much that we don't want them to see this shadow side of us or become the worst of us. It's hard! My oldest is 10 years old and already getting the temperament of a pre-teen. It's beautiful at the same time because I love that my kids come to me enough to trust me and not judge them. Only advice I have is that you both have moments of laugh and comfort together. And that sometimes just being next to them with a hug is just enough to give comfort. Maya and Max you both are doing a great job as parents! Just know that you are doing great :). 💖💗
Thank you so much for this 💕💕
Growing up in a 2-parent household, my parents started arguing in front of us (or loud enough for us to hear) when we moved into a bigger house and I changed elementary school. Needless to say, I went to my friends, convinced that my parents were about to divorce. And they actually came really close to do so but by God's grace they got help and started working on their respective childhood trauma. They still argue every once in a while but now my siblings and I know that they are a unit and that they will survive the argument and come back stronger. ☺️
I love you guys. Coming from a broken home myself, I sometimes don’t think it’s possible to be in a healthy relationship. You guys give me hope 🖖🏼
Hi! Thank you guys so much for your vulnerability😊. It will help so many couples you do not even know the half. Also so proud of your faith journey Maya, remember God is gracious❤️. I just have one word of advice that many people in my Christian community stand by when it comes to relationships and marriage. This is… it is always you two against the problem/issue at hand. Never you guys against each other, which I think you guys subconsciously know. As a married couple, you guys are on 1 team, and the issue is the opponent. The goal is to unify together as 1 in tackling the disagreement w/God. It also helpful to pray together before the talks to invite God in helping the convo. Nevertheless, you guys are doing an amazing job and God is with you both☺️ Breaking generational curses is hard but God IS there with you in it all. Keep praying into it and take this back to God for He knows all (not me). Much love❤️!! Matthew 18:20, Romans 14:19 🤍
Being short tempered shows lack of emotional intelligence and can be scary. It’s hard to hear I love you when you feel hurt. It’s like putting a bandage over a big wound. Guys please take your time. Max might need to work more on his end in self control maybe work outside the home. Maybe consider moving to the city now that you guys have a home. Different scenery and schedules ect get back to the things you both enjoyed as individuals while working on your bigger goal. We love you. You both are city people get into work outside your channel and be around other people or careers just so you can appreciate what you already have. ♥️
WOW, thank you so much for sharing this. So comforting to see others, who seemingly have their ish together have these real life parent struggles too. I also met my younger husband in Mexico and truly had a burning love for him that i thought could never be shook, until our daughter was born 😂. Boy; did that ever change. Someone who i NEVER could imagine being without, i couldnt stand. We also came from single mothers and witnessed pleeently of bad fights between them. This was also my worst nightmare and i can relate to max in needing that affirmation, insecure anxious type of attachment. Honestly it all built up so much, i couldnt stand my husband and had so many things causing my anxiety and his depression till i finally LET GO. I didnt care what happened or if we ended up being together or what he did, then somehow, everything changed once i got to that point. I stopped anxiously tiptoeing around him and wanting to “FIX” everything and talk everything through. Not everything needs to be addressed. Honestly as odd as that sounds. Especially after you have probably talked and discussed each others ears off by that point lol. No more is need to be said. Walk away. Dont feed into your partners emotions. Just because your partner is in a bad mood, doesn’t mean its your responsibility to find out what it is or make it better (i feel like this is for Max). This is the shadow work we need to do that i learned was my hyper vigilance. Honestly my husband getting back to work OUTside of our home was a game changer. I do love him; but in a different way now. I always longed for what we once were, but it will never be again, you either dont make it or meet each other back as you are now, as new people, parents, and a new relationship. Blessings xo
For a person who grew up in a toxic household and who experienced family violence at home at a very young age. I too, do my best with my partner to avoid fighting in front of our daughter. We are not perfect, and I thank God for placing my partner in my life for these very moments. Parenthood is not easy, when you fail the best you can do is apologize when you are in the wrong and pray to just do better. I am so happy to see that many of our children in this generation are being raised in homes where parents are intentional
about what they do around them. It will get better. Many blessings to you both.
It’s really important that you two aren’t too hard on yourself for aruging in front of your daughter conflict is a human thing and it’s important she sees how to resolve conflict in a healthy way 🧡
I know arguments can feel tough but they're a part of life. My parents never argued in front of my sister and I and were married for almost 30 years, but as kids we knew there was tension but we never saw it and I think honestly it would have been valuable to see them argue if it meant that they would make up in front of us too. Because I notice now as an adult that I have a fear of confrontation and conflict because I've never seen resolution. I think maybe if you catch yourself arguing in front of Saga you can at least ensure that you make up in front of her as well.
Honestly when I was a kid I wished my parents would have just split up but now as an adult I'm glad they didn't. Though my parents got divorced it's clear that so many of their differences just came down from not being able to communicate, because they're both still single and have so much in common. Had they been able to find common ground they would both be happier now without a doubt. I think barring a serious transgression it could best to see it through.
Book Recommendations:
Nonviolent Communication - Marshall Rosenberg
Feeling Good Together - Dr. David D. Burns
How to Be an Adult in Love - David Richo
Thank you for being so transparent it really helps us in learning from you guys, I love you and pray for you
I’ve watched your channel shameless maya since high school. You’ve inspired me, taught me how to do my hair and low key been an example of a woman and now mom that I’ve never had! Even in my relationship I’m experiencing similar growing pains. I’ve been reading “The Dance of Anger” by Harriet Lerner and it has helped a lot in understanding a woman’s anger.
I know some of these comment are gonna be full of opinions and observations. But Maya you’re an amazing role model for your daughter and young girls like me! Keep growing keep moving! ❤
I appreciate you sharing your stories. I have never been more invested in a couple on RUclips… Ever. Praying for all good things for all of you. You asked what would be best about growing up in a home where there are two parents, but they fight all the time. I am now 60 years old and unmarried without children. It made such an effect on me that out of four of us kids, only one of us has kids. One took his life, and the three of us dont talk anymore. Parents that stay together but fight or use emotional warfare on each other and the kids, is just as detrimental.
I am happy and chose a life of a flight attendant so I may travel light in my heart, but perhaps I’m afraid to open my heart, because I fear what I saw growing up
Sending you lots of love from the states ❤
I noticed when Maya went to America she was almost a different person. Happier and lighter. I notice tension between them a lot but I hope therapy or having the hard conversations with honesty will help them to open to
up. Sending hugs.
This is my favorite channel. Can’t believe I didn’t know about it until recently! I am cheering for you guys and praying for you both! So so grateful for you!
Thank you Maya and Max, I'm not in a relationship nor do I have kids yet. Still, conversations like these are so vital and impactful. It's so easy to leave and more or less that has been the trend. However, more and more people are now recommitting to making their relationships work and turning to God for strength. That is very special and I'm so glad that you two have God and Love in your union. Many blessings.
I'm sure you saw this comment a lot since I saw at least one but make sure they see a resolution to these arguments/disagreements. Your child might repeat the same habits we tend to have and that they will assume conflict is super negative and wrong. It's part of life and we have to teach them how to work through it. It's probably more traumatic for the child to see the argument and then all is 100% ok after. Talk to them after and explain that when we love each other and care deeply for others, no one is the same so these moments will come up. You guys are doing so amazing from what I can see!!!!
This is beautiful and so honest. Thank you for sharing the real stuff! Just because two people are married and/or have a child together, doesn’t mean the work ends. In many ways it deepens big time! I admire you for being real about the work you’re doing. What makes it possible is that you’re BOTH showing up. My parents had a horrible relationship and I always wished they’d split. But my mom was passive and took all the abuse that my dad got away with. You two seem to have a healthy foundation and emotional communication. Beautiful. Cheering you on.
My oh my...what a mirror! If not just for me, for all in rshps...love the honesty!...how lucky if you get a partner who can get this emotionally vulnerable and be present as it's happening...many don't get this, many get the regret type of partner~`i should have listened more, talked less, respected your opinion more etc...´. It's refreshing to see ppl handling ish* as it happens...because such is life! Thanks for showing this option is out there somewhere! P.s....love that you said 'when we went through postpartum'...because what affects you at that time will def affect an active partner in the rshp around you. And am with you on saying 'I love you before you leave!'
Thank you both for being sincerely vulnerable, this conversation is necessary. To all the incredible comments below, I have gained so much insight and will apply some of these personally, thank you. We've been married for 22 years and in that time, we have had our fair share of arguing in front of our kids. We both agreed that we are cause and we are responsible for our own thoughts and feelings. I make myself happy, I also make myself angry, and sad. It comes from me. When there is upset, we choose to enquire. We dive deep individually before coming back to each other to share our insights. Be gentle. Nothing is absolute. Before declaring to us, be sure yourself. An exchange is never about the other person. Take care.
You two definitely know that it's never good to stay together for your child.Both of you deserve to be happy and sometimes it can mean being apart is when your happiness comes.
I grew up in a two parent household that was an “ideal” home on the outside, but extremely toxic from the inside. I think some of the small arguments didn’t affect me as a child, but when they started getting very disrespectful and extreme consistently is when it became harmful esp without any repair or awareness of how it affected me and my sister as children. They never addressed it, consoled us, and tried to belittle it and our feelings regarding it plus seeing my mother just accept it and become defeated was the worst. I wish they would’ve just been honest with us and validated our feeling in the process.
What you both are doing presently and working towards as a family is nothing like that so you are already a step ahead and it will only get better as you both grow in this journey and continue to be mindful and aware of ways to navigate those moments of conflict and how it can affect your daughter. I’d say always put into consideration of how by doing so you are also teaching Saga how to handle conflict too. With what’s appropriate/not appropriate and she will appreciate the way you both are going about it later in life. Conflict is normal, but the way it’s handled and repaired is the make or break situation.
Give yourself some grace as you learn and grow, and the best part is she’s still so young so the more you work on it, the better it’ll be and when she’s older and can grasp things more, it won’t feel so harsh or extreme. Though it may not feel like that now, please know you are steps ahead and doing better than so many. You are doing the right things.
I LOVE THIS CONVERSATION! Thank you both so much for the vulnerability. 🙏🏾
My partner and I just got married in April. I already have 5 year old twin boys from my previous marriage, and neither of us have had good examples. Lots of brokenness and tramua in our upbringing. We were on a horrible path in regards to handling conflict and been vulnerable. But some therapy as well as knowing our sons are depending on us to model for them, really turned things around. Learning to show more gratitude for each other consistently. To take some space like you guys do now. We are truly happy together giving this truly our best. I pray the same to continue for you guys!
I absolutely love how transparent you two are because I honestly believe this would save so many relationships if people would actually express the realness of what it means to be intentional in a partnership! 🙏🏼♥️
Looking into attachment styles is really helpful when looking at issues you’re facing in your relationship
What a beautiful example of humility and accountability. God bless you Max and Maya and little Saga. Y'all got me in tears over here!
I totally get divorce, I come from a single parent household but I think there’s something so valuable about modelling what healthy, long-term partnership looks like because it’s not always perfect. There are trials and tribulations but there’s also so much beauty in it too. I can tell you’re both doing your best and being super intentional as parents, which I admire so much.
Hi Max and Maya, I have followed you channel since the begining as well as Maya’s from ages ago. I admire you bith for having these conversations in front of the world and I know it has it’s disadvantages but it also let’s people know that struggle in life is real and normal. The most important thing I feel you two are doing is reflecting and adapting and learning and changing. I wanted to say something about the arguing in front of Saga. I feel that while disrespect and offensive language and behavior are unacceptable, having regular, respectful disagreements in front if your child is not necessarily a bad thing when there is healthy conversations and conflict resolutions. In my opinion, letting children be aware that relationships require work and compromise is extremely important. Havibg this ideal of a relationship where it is all love and butterflies is not realistic expectation for their future relationships. I am a child if divorced parents and I thank god I was never exposed to constant fighting. But being in a relationship for 20 years and having a 6 and 9 year old I can tell you that while we dont make it a habit to argue in front of them, it is inevitable and the key and most important aspect in my opinion is for them to know and understand that while mommy and daddy have disagreements and may be angry at each other, they will resolve them in a respectful manner and be ok and solid in the end. The few times that we have had arguments in front of them we have made sure that they also see us resolving the conflict and being affectionate by giving a hug and kiss to each other letting them know that we are solid despite disagreeing sometimes. Anyway, such a ling comment. Love you and the family you have created!!!
I follow, love and being inspired by this women for years , I think 8 years and plus. But me tell you that even your mariage Inspire me. I believe in God but I don’t trust any man. I’m doing good without a man , enjoying my daughter. If one day Gid decide I need a man in my life and send me one, I want him to be able to be this open and understanding and knows how to communicate. The way you guys handle your relationship, from what you’re saying and putting on camera, it’s exactly how I live but I never found that person to share this with. May the lord bless your marriage to stay together, learn and continue to grow together. Love you guys, like for real, you’re such an inspiration for a lot of us.
14:37 The ideal is only to stay together IF, as you said Mya, both folks are willing to work on themselves (not just say they will) AND both are willing to stand by each other while the other works on themselves. Some may say they'll stand w you while you work through every problem except physical violence, like that's the line in the sand. Some may say I'll work through this and this and THIS but not THAT.. cuz that's triggering for them. There is no right, there is no wrong. It takes a lot to work on yourself in a relationship and it takes a lot to stand by someone as they work on themselves (while not letting it negatively you or the relationship). So everyone needs to do what's best for them and their relationship, there's no one size fits all. It's so exciting to see a couple thats really trying to be introspective and work on themselves for their relationship and their child. 🎉🎉🎉 Kudos to yall 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Also, Saga's screaming is developmentally appropriate. She is fully aware of herself as a seperate person from you and exploring (and flexing) her will. Kids are very much aware of the fact that we get to run the show, and from their understanding its not fair.
For things that are hard for her like car rides, you might try visual aides that list out her day so she know what to expect. (My kid hates bed time so she would pull the bed time stcker off the chart and throw it away
😂)
toddlerhood!😩
When I tell you that our baby girl at 7 months is the same way; robust laugh, very vocal, expressive, sweet and just a ball of pure joy! We have to do all we can to be the best parents for her because she, as well as all other children deserve that ♥️ To love and respect each other is the best way to honor that ♥️🙏🏽
Love and respect 💕
@@MaxMayaLiving ✌🏽❤️ thank you
This was so beautiful and refreshing. I've been married for four years and it's no easy feat. I'm so happy that both of you are doing the work together for yourself and your daughter. May God continue to bless your union.
I reccomend Ritual, a workshop based therapy for couples and individuals. You can choose what Path you want to do - communication building, trauma healing etc. - and work on that one Path for 4 weeks.
You can cancel after 2 weeks and get your $$ back as well.
You meet with your therapist for anywhere between 20-45 minutes each week or every other week and during the week you work on your workshop tasks and reflection aka homework!
I really liked it 😊
It's really a big thing to talk openly about arguments in a relationship/marriage. To break the taboo and normalize these times of disagreement. Only then people can work through things and see the reasoning behind the arguments and move on, together. Process and learn. 🙏
Thank you for the vulnerability and sharing with this virtual world that not everything is perfect. Talking openly about our journeys and traumas is only way we will get to be better people. Also shout out to Max for his sensitivity as a man.
Hey Max and Maya,
Growing up in a two-parent household, there was a lot of infidelity and lying that shed light on the flaws in my parents communication. They never argued in front of us; however, you could still feel the tension between the two. Later on, as I became a teenager and entered my adult years, I began to see arguments between my parents.
What I have learned from my parents arguments is how shitty their communication is. I noticed a pattern in my mom's behavior: she bites her tongue and does not say what is on her mind. What I noticed about my dad is that he feels like he is always right. Therefore, the issue here is a lack of listening and being heard.
From that experience, I believe hiding or keeping one’s child away from hearing an adult's arguments is not always a good thing. Children are a lot smarter than you think, and as much as you try to hide the truth from them, they most likely already know about what is going on. For instance, as much as my parents thought, we didn’t know about my dad‘s cheating and lies as kids in elementary school, and all the way through high school, trust and believe we knew.
Now, I’m not saying that a child has to hear every detail of the situation, but if the parents are going to argue, no matter how big or how little it is, try your best to communicate healthily. When communicating and arguing, it is so important for you as a parent to value yourself enough to know when something is not good for you. Do not hang onto any partner, marriage, or relationship that is tearing you apart for the sake of the children.
Therefore, growing up knowing that your parents are happy and healthy within themselves is so much better than knowing that they are secretly crumbling inside.
With that being said, arguing in front of your child is OK; that is a part of life, normal, and natural. From my experience, hiding arguments is like parents trying to paint themselves as if they live in a picture-perfect world, when the truth is, the world’s not like that at all. In my opinion, this gives children a false sense of reality.
Oh, and allow your children to see that y’all can work things out, come to resolutions, and agree to disagree type shit
So wonderful to see the two of you be vulnerable in the public when you really don’t have to be. Thanks for sharing your ups and downs and reminding us that parenthood as it’s challenges but with self aware awareness, teamwork and lots of love you can pull through the difficult stages.❤love u guys
You guys are doing great! Your honesty and vulnerability moved me. May the Living God reveal to you both a Heavenly perspective that would keep you on the course of True Love. In Jesus name, I pray - Amen. ❤ Blessings
Max and Maya…thank you soooo much for sharing so transparently with us. I have been married 10 years and I am grateful to God for blessing my marriage. It’s not always easy but my hubby and I are determined to work on ourselves and put God first.
It's great when we know our weaknesses and God gives us the strength to change them for the better. Communication is the strength of a strong marriage and know that parenting doesn't have a handbook we are not perfect just be the best of you. You re stronger than you think. I see the love and respect you have for one another and that says a lot. You're couple of 2023 in my book.
I loved this I watched the new one before this one and the recap made me come here thank you for sharing the recap great job being vulnerable because there is true relate ability in just wanting to do better
I really, really wish my parents got divorced. Them staying in a miserable and toxic marriage for 40+yrs messed us all up.
Younger generation are better though and most are willing to do the work.
You are dealing with it the right way give yourself some grace and forgive yourselves. 💕
Healthy conflict, resolve, & negotiation need to be modeled for kids!
Y’all are doing amazing as parents! I love how honest y’all are. & that integrity and honesty and self awareness and ability to reflect will cause Saga to be such an amazing human! 🤍
Honestly, this was so beautiful. I am not married but I hope to be one day. I am inspired by your vulnerability and your willingness to press into the discomfort with each other. God bless your family and may you all abound in love for each other.
Well said, future travels and future disagreements will be resolved in a constructive manner. Because you guys recognize what’s needed to move forward with Love. You guys are great parents , we are not designed to be perfect but ever revolving and growing.
I love both your hats, sweater and shirt btw Maya&Max! 😍👑👑💜💜
Hi Maya and Max. This was a very relatable video. My partner and I watched it together. We are both from South Africa and we recently moved to China. And we related to your struggles. The advise we have is not to over judge yourselves. You are human. God bless you guys ❤
It makes us happy that you and your partner watched this. Thank you for the tip. Sending blessings to china 🙏🏻🙏🏽
Oddly I do not think the issue is you guys being in conflict. Conflict is a part of life, one of the most powerful and useful things for Saga to witness is how you resolve conflict. Also, it is not easy and there are big emotions but, finding the tools that work best for your relationship and family is going to be a beautiful gift you give ti your daughter. Seeing you guys work thru it will let her know she doesn't need to be afraid of conflict because she's seen Max and Maya work thru it. The tricky part will be unpacking your personal traumas with yourselves, then doubling back to resolve relationship frustrations. I think it's worth the time energy and effort because the self evolution and behavioral modeling for your daughter will be a great tradeoff. Anyway peace and blessings as you make your way in your joruney/process. And remember to take breaks as needed, this is life changing work if you decide to undertake this endeavor. ✌🏾💜🙏🏾💜✌🏾
Wow thank you for this. Very powerful.
I smiled with tears in my eyes, Love like this exists ❤
I can so relate! We’re 18 months in and finally getting couples therapy because bringing a kid into the picture while both having demanding jobs is just more than we can handle on our own. We want to be able to put our marriage first. Love that you guys are sharing your journey!
Maya & Max, what a great topic to speak about! Being humans, we've all experienced this doing our lives. The trick is to learn how not to argue in front of our children. Easier said than done! No, parents should stay together because of children, if they are consistently arguing, fighting & marriage is not working. Beings from divorce parents, I can tell you how devastating this was for me and my siblings . Being adults today, (all of us with our own families)we are still affected & will never be the same. My parents didn't have the tools & means (as we do today) to seek help. And even if they. did, they could not afford help. To be honest, it was a blessing for me when they separate . We all just wanted peace & quiet in the home. Today, as a mom of 2 & grandmother of 6,( it doesn't make a difference how old you become) I can still remember the sadness I felt ( along with my siblings) that we went thru from my parents. You both have seeked help & have tools to help. That's the 1st start & just being consistent ! People think that even as babies , toddlers & young children, they will not remember the arguing & fighting. Trust me, they will. Thanks for sharing! Blessed Sunday!
Oh my God guys. You are both so beautiful and so is this 😌. Bless you both! Praying for your love to always be strong for eachother.. thanks for sharing this beautiful truth.. my heart 🫠 ❤️ lots of love to you all.
It’s so sad to hear you express your feelings about not wanting to expose your daughter to arguments… Mostly because y’all are babies too, we all are still growing and learning just like children … Y’all don’t deserve that either, y’all are just as precious as your daughter 💖💖💖
Really hi-lights that taking care of you IS taking care of others ❤
Ugh. I love y'all so freaking much. Tfs with us!
Sending you all tons of love. God cover, keep and sustain you all. 💗💗
Maya don’t beat your self up, keep focused on Christ and His word to do the heart change in your heart and marriage ❤
Pray together , get into the word together and cry out to your king & creator to give you eyes to see and hear wisdom! Tools and the fruits of the spirit that God can supply us 💖♥️🙏🥰
You guys are not alone 😊
It's amazing how you guys can still talk about this. That's very healthy
This was very helpful to me in my relationship and with our daughter right now. You helped me sit with the feelings of guilt and shame about the topic of arguing around my daughter and transmute it into strategy and thinking of healing steps. We both want to do and be better for her, and this was a hard week. This video was perfectly timed, thank you for the vulnerability
Maya and Max I been here before. I married so young we have three amazing beautiful children 23 years of marriage. All of this will get better. Just stay strong, communicate, communicate! Such a huge thing. Seal help and be gentle with yourself. You guys are doing an amazing job as parents. Saga is sponge and will absorb everything!!! You got this ❤
Maya needs to work on reducing her masculine energy, and Max needs to work on increasing his masculine energy.
I like this type of honesty! ❤❤
Me too! I appreciate the vulnerability ♥
I grew up in a two-parent home, and I wish they had gotten divorced. We lived in a loveless house, bossiness, seeing others feel small and become a shell of themself, all for the sake of sticking it out. I've been married for 13 years, and it's a struggle to keep God first and not bring all my trauma from various childhood traumas into my life or the life of my children. I stay in the Word, pray, and communicate the root cause of my feelings and not the triggers. A lot of it comes from feeling unsafe and overlooked, and so you can imagine there are a million triggers with just those two roots alone. While my hubby's come from foster care. So, keep yielding to growth, pushing together, and giving each other the space & time to grow feeling loved and supported. Saga will follow. Much love and prayer for your family. It's possible. Believe that no matter what you've seen, it's possible.
Here are some great books that changed my life "Broken Children, Grown Up Pain" and "Bondage Breaker" "No More Perfect Marriage" "No More Perfect Parenting" "Confronting without Conflict" Good starters :) but I'm a bookworm, LOL
I came from a 2 parent household but my parents fought over money all the time. I think they genuinely cared for each other, it's just they let their egos get in the way.
Y'all don't need to be perfect parents, you just need to be present parents and you are.
Saga knows where her safe place is. You're doing your best and that's all that matters.
I really appreciate you being honest. Marital conflict is normal, but it feels so abstract because most people are not vunerable enough to be honest about it. And kids, God love them, definitely make the intensity of whatever conflict so much more heavy.
I will say, I think it good and healthy to see some disagreement between their parents and even more importantly see how things are resolved. So many of us come from “broken families” as you both did and have witnessed some really gnarly situations with our parents so its easy to draw a line and say, absolutely no arguments in front of our kids, but I feel like that could potentially be robbing them of the same that we have been deprived of, which is communicating thought that argument. Obviously some discussion are just off limits for our little people, but also adding things like safe words and stepping away can help to draw a line in the sand when.
Just my thought a wife and mom of two young kids.
Love yall. Yall are doing a great job.
1 tip. Have you ever read the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman. Fantastic resource.
2 tip. Individual counseling to talk about childhood trauma
3 tip. Get some ear plugs and noise cancelling headphones. Saga gonna wail but you dont have to hear it! 😂 sensory overload affects parents too!
Thank you for sharing 🙏🏾💕
Loop ear plugs are great! And you can still hear some for emergencies.
This is such a touching video. I wish the two of you so much joy and happiness. Funny thing: when the video got to Saga's crying: my two toy poodles started to howl! The youngest one stood stark still and gave me this look, like, 'what the heck is happening. Help that baby. ROFL .. . I think you two have the ingredients to make this work. Be a little kind to yourselves. This is a lifelong job -- I love that Michelle Obama said she half spoke to Pres. Obama for the first ten years. ROFL.... I get what she meant. So give yourselves GRACE!!!