One way I cope with this as an adult is by saying "no" when I'm asked to do something for someone, but then doing the task anyway. It kind of gives my PDA some sense of satisfaction. It's like I'm telling it "We're going to do this thing, but not because we were told to."
My mum who passed away sadly a couple months ago but was a ADHD/Autism carer for many years with the local government. She sad her usual strategy in this situation is to give choice. "Well your mum has given you $15 to buy X, you can definitely spend it on chocolate but consider then you won't have some essentials for the week". She found personally that usually treating kids a little bit more adult and discussing the choices worked best. She was the preferred carer over many others since she understood autistic kids. At her funeral one of the parents mentioned while many others would try to stop her child during a meltdown, mum would actually listen to the parent and just give the child the space.
I watch these videos about PDA, and I kick myself. My older son obviously has this, and I just thought he was stubborn. What I wish I knew back then.... ❤
One thing my mom did that never worked was giving ultimatums or bribes for doing tasks. My mom would threaten to take take away video games for a week and I'm just like "Okay, no video games then. 🤷♀️" or she would try to bribe me with money to do them, but I would never take the bribes. For me it goes beyond just fearing a loss of automy. It's also resistance to manipulation. Eventually my mom moved to hitting me, but that didn't work either. It just made me feel like I was broken because I couldn't just make my brain do things that need to be done. Also left me with PTSD into adulthood.
Thank you ❤ What can a person with PDA do herself if she knows she needs to do something but can't do it because she knows she needs to do it? Maybe I didn't made sense so this is what I mean: there are things I need to do, but I can't manage to do them, because I know I need to do them and they are necessary. No one is demanding me to do them (not directly, thought I know there are expectations). Maybe I'm rebelling against myself, I mean, I am the one making the demands from myself, so my reaction is to do something else. So I keep postponing everything till be last minute. Some things never get done and they are a constant source of stress and anxiety. I know I would feel better by doing these things, but it doesn't work. I can't reason myself out of it. I'm stuck!!! This happens not only with important and stressful things, but some things that other people would find quite mild, like, sending Christmas cards. Every year I get a huge anxiety because I know some friends and relatives will be disappointed if I don't send them cards, but I keep postponing until it is too late, so I eventually send cards, but they arrive in January or February. I know it sounds ridiculous, but that is how it is. Any thoughts or suggestions?
@@orchidsadutchy4940 I dont know how to help but I completely understand this, i recently lost everything on my old account for something because the demand to move everything to a new account was too hard ~hugs if you like hugs~
Sometimes when I feel this way, I will include my other interests in the task, or break the task down much smaller. If there is something I need to do I will pair it with some sort of character I like or hobby I enjoy, and I will only expect myself to do 1 step of the task. Then I will see how I feel, sometimes I continue the task, sometimes I go do something else. If it is a long task I absolutely need to get done, I put on some good music or a podcast to focus on. It helps me feel less like I'm forcing myself to do it if I can enjoy the time some other way.
I need to add that anybody who sees my comment should not try to do this for another person. You will likely just make it harder for them to do themselves, you must trust them to figure it out. You may ask them how they would rather do it and give suggestions if they ask, but do not assume what will work for another person
I use visual reminders (staging) a lot. So instead of writing "Christmas cards" on my to do list, I'd put my craft paper and watercolors on my desk. These are the items I use to make Christmas cards, so when I'm looking around for something to do, I may get inspired to do them. (Finding time to idle around and do random stuff without pressure is the second important part.)
Serenity, this is great! I believe your insights,shorts, poingnant songs and other shadings would make such a healing and useful workshop for both people dealing with the specific acronyms & situations you speak of, and folks navigating something similar, but not the "same"
For me personally, im hyperaware of percieved demands, and sometimes people wording things differently like that makes my brain convinced theyre trying to trick me and tell me what to do, sometimes direct demands are easier, but i dont want either. I find if people know about my pda im more likely to be avoident because i dont need to mask, and i dont trust people or like people who give me direct demands but im more likely to try do them as a way of masking so i dont draw attention to me not doing demands (because that usually creates more demands as they say things like 'Come on! just do it! hurry up! stop being naughty!'
I feel that way sometimes as well. I think the big difference maker for me was the intent behind the words. If someone is familiar with how I feel and not rushing me, but genuinely asking me if/when we can do something, it's a lot easier for me to remind myself of the reasons I actually do care to do the thing, or let them know how much time I need to consider/work through it.
❤ Thank you very much. Your work is very important. Please continue to educate us. I wish you the very best in life. The video is funny and wise. ❤ Also good for talking with old people, suffering dementia.They experience daily a loos of autonomy. ❤ In Germany, therapists and psychiatrists in outpatient or inpatient settings, as well as nursing staff, legal guardians , experts, have extremely little knowledge about these clinical pictures. It is a shame. It is a constant fight: Patients have to pretend to have a severe depression to get a pension because of ignorance of complex clinical pictures.
✨Second!✨ haha THANK YOU for taking some time to shine some light on PDA. It means a lot. 🥺🥹 Side note- I was swaying side to side in a beautiful cloud of validation and freedom whilst watching this. Your videos / compassionate content -and willingness to be in the spotlight- are invaluable and more helpful than you could ever know. 🧡🧡🧡
I'm sure a few of us can go into detail of trigger words/phrases and the effect of them if needed. An overall unpleasant experience...infinitely worse in our minds
![KSI - Dirty [Official Visualiser]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/VoDh1h1dPUE/mqdefault.jpg)
i like this. it supports the notion of offering choices.
One way I cope with this as an adult is by saying "no" when I'm asked to do something for someone, but then doing the task anyway. It kind of gives my PDA some sense of satisfaction. It's like I'm telling it "We're going to do this thing, but not because we were told to."
I do this exact thing and most of the time it works for me.
Thank you so much for sharing these tips! It helps me a lot as I think about ways to help my nephew.
My mum who passed away sadly a couple months ago but was a ADHD/Autism carer for many years with the local government. She sad her usual strategy in this situation is to give choice. "Well your mum has given you $15 to buy X, you can definitely spend it on chocolate but consider then you won't have some essentials for the week". She found personally that usually treating kids a little bit more adult and discussing the choices worked best. She was the preferred carer over many others since she understood autistic kids. At her funeral one of the parents mentioned while many others would try to stop her child during a meltdown, mum would actually listen to the parent and just give the child the space.
I watch these videos about PDA, and I kick myself. My older son obviously has this, and I just thought he was stubborn. What I wish I knew back then.... ❤
Thank you for this video! I also appreciate the comments/input from others experiencing this. It is giving me tools to support someone I care about.
One thing my mom did that never worked was giving ultimatums or bribes for doing tasks. My mom would threaten to take take away video games for a week and I'm just like "Okay, no video games then. 🤷♀️" or she would try to bribe me with money to do them, but I would never take the bribes. For me it goes beyond just fearing a loss of automy. It's also resistance to manipulation. Eventually my mom moved to hitting me, but that didn't work either. It just made me feel like I was broken because I couldn't just make my brain do things that need to be done. Also left me with PTSD into adulthood.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
Thank you ❤ What can a person with PDA do herself if she knows she needs to do something but can't do it because she knows she needs to do it? Maybe I didn't made sense so this is what I mean: there are things I need to do, but I can't manage to do them, because I know I need to do them and they are necessary. No one is demanding me to do them (not directly, thought I know there are expectations). Maybe I'm rebelling against myself, I mean, I am the one making the demands from myself, so my reaction is to do something else. So I keep postponing everything till be last minute. Some things never get done and they are a constant source of stress and anxiety. I know I would feel better by doing these things, but it doesn't work. I can't reason myself out of it. I'm stuck!!! This happens not only with important and stressful things, but some things that other people would find quite mild, like, sending Christmas cards. Every year I get a huge anxiety because I know some friends and relatives will be disappointed if I don't send them cards, but I keep postponing until it is too late, so I eventually send cards, but they arrive in January or February. I know it sounds ridiculous, but that is how it is. Any thoughts or suggestions?
@@orchidsadutchy4940 I dont know how to help but I completely understand this, i recently lost everything on my old account for something because the demand to move everything to a new account was too hard ~hugs if you like hugs~
100 % understandable. In Germany they would simply say it is part of depression...or/and AD(H)D.
Sometimes when I feel this way, I will include my other interests in the task, or break the task down much smaller. If there is something I need to do I will pair it with some sort of character I like or hobby I enjoy, and I will only expect myself to do 1 step of the task. Then I will see how I feel, sometimes I continue the task, sometimes I go do something else.
If it is a long task I absolutely need to get done, I put on some good music or a podcast to focus on. It helps me feel less like I'm forcing myself to do it if I can enjoy the time some other way.
I need to add that anybody who sees my comment should not try to do this for another person. You will likely just make it harder for them to do themselves, you must trust them to figure it out. You may ask them how they would rather do it and give suggestions if they ask, but do not assume what will work for another person
I use visual reminders (staging) a lot. So instead of writing "Christmas cards" on my to do list, I'd put my craft paper and watercolors on my desk. These are the items I use to make Christmas cards, so when I'm looking around for something to do, I may get inspired to do them. (Finding time to idle around and do random stuff without pressure is the second important part.)
Serenity, this is great!
I believe your insights,shorts, poingnant songs and other shadings would make such a healing and useful workshop for both people dealing with the specific acronyms & situations you speak of, and folks navigating something similar, but not the "same"
Very helpful! ❤ I appreciate the advice, thank you both!
Well said.
Thank you so much.
For me personally, im hyperaware of percieved demands, and sometimes people wording things differently like that makes my brain convinced theyre trying to trick me and tell me what to do, sometimes direct demands are easier, but i dont want either. I find if people know about my pda im more likely to be avoident because i dont need to mask, and i dont trust people or like people who give me direct demands but im more likely to try do them as a way of masking so i dont draw attention to me not doing demands (because that usually creates more demands as they say things like 'Come on! just do it! hurry up! stop being naughty!'
I feel that way sometimes as well. I think the big difference maker for me was the intent behind the words. If someone is familiar with how I feel and not rushing me, but genuinely asking me if/when we can do something, it's a lot easier for me to remind myself of the reasons I actually do care to do the thing, or let them know how much time I need to consider/work through it.
Thanks for sharing! ❤
ThankYou so much for sharing❤
❤ Thank you very much. Your work is very important. Please continue to educate us. I wish you the very best in life. The video is funny and wise.
❤ Also good for talking with old people, suffering dementia.They experience daily a loos of autonomy. ❤
In Germany, therapists and psychiatrists in outpatient or inpatient settings, as well as nursing staff, legal guardians , experts, have extremely little knowledge about these clinical pictures. It is a shame. It is a constant fight: Patients have to pretend to have a severe depression to get a pension because of ignorance of complex clinical pictures.
Very very very helpful, thank you! ❤
✨Second!✨ haha
THANK YOU for taking some time to shine some light on PDA.
It means a lot. 🥺🥹
Side note- I was swaying side to side in a beautiful cloud of validation and freedom whilst watching this.
Your videos / compassionate content -and willingness to be in the spotlight- are invaluable and more helpful than you could ever know. 🧡🧡🧡
So you have this too??
Can confirm! Definitely how I approach things with my son. Sending love from across the Pond 💚
I'm sure a few of us can go into detail of trigger words/phrases and the effect of them if needed.
An overall unpleasant experience...infinitely worse in our minds