Carolyn Rodriguez, MD, PhD, explains why people with hoarding disorder (HD) hang on to objects. Learn more about Hoarding Disorder at hoarding.iocdf...
I came here to find a solution to my mom’s hoarding issues and found everyone in the comments suffering from the exact same issue with their moms mostly, I don’t feel alone in this anymore thank you everyone this was a quick therapy 😂
In my case it is my father who has this problem, apart from a narcissistic disorder as well. I live in Spain and population is slowly starting to realize about this problem. I wish you all the best. 🙋🏻♀️By the way about the narcissistic abuse I find very useful the videos of Dr. Ramani who lives in Los Angeles. Good luck. Search for advice in order not to have your life affected by the problem. 🙋🏻♀️🙏💐🇪🇦🇪🇦
My mom has a hoarding issue and always has . I’m 25 and the second oldest of seven children . I have no idea how to help her but is has negatively influenced all of our lives significantly. She knows it’s a problem but refuses to work on it or get help .
Yup. My mother loves to hoard. I got very upset yesterday that I had to storm out of my house and go to the library to do homework. I can’t work productively with cluster around the house
I also feel that poverty plays a role in developing hoarding tendencies. I come from a family of hoarders and I myself was a hoarder and and in some respects still hoard to some extent. I feel that it derives from the need to acquire resources when one doesn’t really have the wealth to just go out and buy what we need when we need it. We feel like we need to keep everything that we could possibly use in the future because we may not have the resources to acquire the item in the future when we would need it. I have noticed that over time as my income level has increased my tendency towards hoarding has decreased significantly because now the space things take up out way their potential future value.
I absolutely agree. Growing up poor and the loss of what few treasures that were obtained, doesn't help. People can't take those things away from adults. It's sad.
Severe finances definitely can be a major factor. You can't afford to buy something new and what if you need this item later? Everything is expensive from clothes to housing items to tools, etc I also think it's anxiety-related and often related to some kind of loss in a person's life.
I've heard the poverty excuse but I don't buy it, they used to say that because some people grew up in the great depression they became hoarders, to me it's just an excuse among many others that hoarders dream up for their behavior, I'm not trying to be mean but I personally know a hoarder for over forty years now and he didn't come from poverty, his father was a hoarder he's a hoarder now his son is a hoarder, people will go into serious debt because of hoarding behaviors, it is solely a mental disorder rooted in OCD, she hardly scratched the surface here.
Hoarders are eternal optimists. No matter how unlikely it might be, a hoarder is fully convinced that one day they'll have the time, energy, creativity, or necessity to use every single item they've held onto.
For me it's the opposite. I hold onto what I can because I *know* I will have everything I need and everything I care about wrenched from me again and I won't be able to do anything about it, so I need to hold on while I still can.
@@-MakeItGood- Yes. This delusion runs through a hoarders life as if it is an optimism. But acknowledging this would be a kind of death for them. More of a death than becoming homeless. I have never gotten past "taking their side, giving them their optimism, and letting them play out their hand." Yes it is a kind of cop out but it's the best I can do.
It’s a never ending bottomless pit that can never be filled because the need is not material but emotional. Each item, regardless of its significance, was a shot of dopamine and in that moment was a relief. When you ask a hoarder to get rid of stuff, you are asking them to surrender their methods of coping and that makes them extremely vulnerable.
This describes my wife exactly. She saves paper bags, egg cartons, toilet paper rolls, etc. always telling me "I have a plan" - but nothing ever materializes, it just accumulates. This is probably the most cogent description of this problem I've heard.
@@MiMi-ch8zr I know a solution but it's gross. Before I give the solution, a little context. Hoarding is a mental illness, a disorder. All mental disorders that are in the cluster of personality disorders are tied together by a waining circadian rhythm. A waining circadian rhythm is due to low levels of melatonin synthesis. Either not enough sleep or a problem with the creation process of melatonin. Women suffer more than men because women produce less melatonin and this accelerates with age as opposed to men which have a steadily decrease in comparison. The solution is simple: male semen. Male semen is packed full of melatonin. The mental health benefits of male semen for women has been well documented. If you can as a male, spend time in the sun🌞 and share your seed with your wife.
@@starquant Get off your high horse. My wife has done this since way before I met her. Her issues don't stem from me or how I treat her they are part of how she chooses to react to life based on earlier experiences. Yes, she seeks some way to control her environment, that's fairly obvious. Great insight, Einstein. How about posting something helpful?
@@kandi_canel.5730 I realized it's based on earlier experiences she had in life and there is a fear of loss mixed in there. She's improved somewhat but there's a ways to go.
This is a thing im really ashamed of, because people can be so mean instead of showing love 😢 So, im gonna say it. I'm.. I'm a hoarder.. And I've finally asked for help ❤
God bless you… I came here because my aunt is a hoarder and she’s the most beautiful wonderful giving person in the world. I wish I could fix everything for her 😔.
So am I, but I found other people to be the issue, one, they don't like it, two, when they need something they come to me, I change peoples lives for the better all the time.
I have a hoarding issue that I've struggled with for years, maybe I can help some of you understand why the people you love struggle with this horrible disorder. My hoarding comes from loss and It's painful to even talk about but I want to overcome it so I will attempt to explain. When I was 18 and just had my son my Mom died suddenly and My whole family fell apart after the first year without my Mom we were evicted from our house they gave us 3 days, to move and I had nowhere to go with my son who was 10 months. I was left alone with the responsibility of packing up all My Mom's things and all of our things with nowhere to put them. There was no storage at that time and long story short it was traumatic. I had to decide what was worth keeping and what to throw away or give to my neighbors. I managed to save the things that meant the most to my Mom and managed to keep them for years I even shipped them to Hawaii from California when I moved here. Something happened and I had everything in storage here and there was a bookkeeping mistake and someone wrote down I owed $400 when It was only $40 I owed ,they auction off my storage without my knowledge and I lost all my things, my kid's things, and my Mom and Dads pictures and personal family things that meant so much to me. I felt as if someone I loved had died all over again. I lost everything and when I started over again I noticed it was hard to throw anything away , weird things like envelopes and stupid things. Later I lost everything again and I started over and still find it almost impossible to get rid of things I don't need or want. I've been working with my therapist doing a new therapy called "brain spotting " I believe it's working and I will continue doing it. I believe when you face a loss that is really painful your subconscious remembers and if associated with the pain of losing someone with the pain of losing things it will prevent you from letting go of anything. It's a very difficult thing to deal with and it's just as hard on the people who love the person suffering from this disorder. If possible try to get your loved one to try Brain spotting with a therapist. It's new, it's proven to work and it's shockingly easy to do. From what I understand It rewires your brain to process the trauma of the loss associated with the root cause of hoarding. You use it for all kinds of trauma and PTSD. ALOHA 🙏💖🧘♀️🕊🌎
You are heard and seen. Sudden loss is the common factor I've noticed with hoarders. The trauma makes you want to hold on to memories, and people who haven't lost anything of value don't get that part. I'm getting that from what you have written and just want to let you know that things can settle out and be put in order-you just have to decide it. Rarely will people understand. Find an outlet for your habit of collecting and make it something that helps the healing of others. Collect medical supplies and donate them or take what's valuable to you but not necessary and along your journey hand those items to people who impact you deeply...you will find more joy in giving and not see it as "throwing away." Most dont value sentimental things bc they have not connected with people empathetically so items are nothing to them-don't see your gift as a curse. Keep loving and connecting, and do your best to be healthy while doing so.
I can assure you it is not a disorder. What you have done were normal reactions to loss and it is a part of grieving. We are all hoarders, some are more than others. The different is the rich hoard things that appreciate in value over time, while the average person hoard things that decrease in value over time. The secret is quality over quantity. Hoarding is fine until some of the hoarded items being seen as having no value. My mum is a hoarder who could not stand an empty room. She is compelled to fill it up with things. She cares not whether the items will depreciate in value over time. She collected various free newspaper and empty containers and put them into boxes. My brother is a different type of hoarder. He is a minimalist. He hoards space and fresh air. As far as my brother is concerns, the space between the 4 walls and the fresh air in the room is more important than the objects in it. My father gone even further, he doesn't like materials possession. He doesn't want to own anything. He doesn't want a wallet. He doesn't want to know the future. He is a spiritual seeker. Lucky mum was a very good business woman so we escaped poverty. .
Wow thank you ladies for commenting about this stuff because I'm currently sitting here waiting for my boyfriend to leave so that I can go hide the stuff that I got from a yard sale that I wasn't supposed to get cuz I'm supposed to stop getting stuff "that I don't need" .. yeah my boyfriend's had it with me getting stuff I don't need and having too much clutter and Im finally coming to the conclusion that I am truly a hoarder and I need to stop doing this.. so what did I do I searched how to get over hoarding and this was the first video that came up but I appreciate the way you guys are talking about it in not such a negative light .. I've had a hard time with hoarding somewhat my whole life but it just recently got bad when my mom passed away unexpectedly and I'm not handling the grief well at all what's my problem is is that cuz my boyfriend doesn't want me to do it I almost feel like I want to do it just because he says no which I know is pretty dysfunctional.. but he's right in that we don't have room for this stuff we live with a roommate and I have a shed I can put stuff in but my sheds pretty much full so I don't know what I'm thinking.. but he's so negative about it he makes it seem like I'm just a bad person and that anything I bring extra is absolutely unnecessary .. but like I said again it's nice to hear that it's not the end of the world and that I'm not this bad person for it and that there's hope I'd like to try that technique that the first comment was talking about in fact I'm going to look into that right now ..
Thank you all for your comments, it had given me hope. I too am here because my husband has had it with me and my hoarding. I’m trying to understand whenever I try to get rid of things I feel so lost. I think I need to go to therapy. The brain spotting sounds very helpful and promising.
Thank you for sharing information on brainspotting. I'm 73 & feel like I've tried everything. I've been able to stop accumulating in the last five years, yet I'm still struggling to let things go so I'm a level 1 hoarder. It has impacted my relationships & made me miserable. Anyone who meets me away from my house would not guess I have a problem.
I have been accused of hoarding foodstuff but I cannot ever forget being painfully hungry at age 10 and having to queue up for over 2 hours for one potato in Berlin in 1946
My mother was 9 when the war started (she is from Schlesien). Her problem with hoarding stemmed from fear of lack. Although we eventually immigrated to the USA (and me returning back to Germany in the 70's) and she had her own small business, she could not part with things. I moved her to Spain where I currently live and bought her the house across from me...larger than the one she had. She shipped literally rubbish.-..receipts from the 60's, hundreds of IBM #2 pencils, several sets of dinnerware taken over by her after aged friends died, appliances she KNEW she could not use here in Europe due to different voltage etc etc. When I moved her into my house and became her full time carer, it took me a full YEAR to clear out the crap she had. I would say 80% of her 'stuff' was unused, untouched for 20 years or more. Thousands of photos never looked at again, packing boxes of albums still in their boxes. I dreaded going over to visit her, the house was claustrophically cluttered...too much for me. For myself, I frequently get rid of or pass on things to the charity shop. I keep on top of my 'stuff '...I own them, they do not own me as was the case of my mother.
@@misottovoce I’m not that bad. It’s really only foodstuff,dried fruits and vegetable powders,specialty flours for my baking. And I have quite a lot of clothes, that’s all.
@@helenndow1101 Good for you! At 73 now, I am having an honest look at trying to create a seasonal colour palate that I can coordinate more with less clothes. I have too many summer clothes that no longer 'work well' together...and things I purchased because of the colour but not of good quality. Trying to get out of the fast fashion trend. Charity shop will be seeing more of me soon!
Tell that to my mother, and she will tell you 10 excuses in quick succession, before she creates a verbal dispute over it. Watching her had made me realize anything you own or even plan on owning, always ends up owning you.
I'm in the process of moving my hoarder mom's things to a new house, trying to get rid (selling, donating or trashing) of the useless stuff while at it, that's exactly what happens every time, with every different object! I think I gotta take her on a several weeks vacation away from here to get anything done here while she's away...
sjhit you own ends up owning you there is a price and it gets paid by others.....feel for you ed people dont get it ....when its so bad you cant bring someone to your family home ....
so why need more of them? I guess failing point is then person hoarding, as emotions etc are not stable and thus always need something new. is it related to shopping addiction? ie getting and the joy of finding something is much greater than actually having it.
@@Georgia-VicI never trust anyone who likes animals more than people for this very reason. A confident and well adjusted person can handle being wrong sometimes.
I feel like this is a bit of an oversimplification. The people I've known who could disappear under what they call "clutter" seem to almost index their memories by the objects they own. It's as if they can't remember things unless they have something in their hand that is associated with the event And hence throwing things out to them seems to feel like they are throwing out the memories themselves. I feel like we need to understand how the brain actually stores and indexes memories in the hoarder mind to grasp why they act like throwing out an object is as if they were throwing a part of themselves into the trash. It goes beyond "oh, this plastic cup makes me feel happy about remembering that day at the beach" and into "if I throw this cup away, that pleasant day at the beach will literally be wiped from my life."
This is insightful. I actually have a memory issue, in that I genuinely don't remember most of what I've done in the past, even all those great memories of things your kids do while growing up. You may be pinpointing some of the reason I hang onto reminders. It's not the whole problem, of course, but I also tend to take a zillion photos. All reminders of what went on that I'd otherwise legitimately forget.
You make some very important points. I think that the linking of memories to objects and the fear of losing the memory if the object is disposed of is very perceptive. There’s also the attachment of emotions to the object too; it’s important to recognise that if the object is disposed of, the person in question believes that they will be unable to relive the associated emotion. Also, in my experience hoarding is often associated with deep loss, for example the death of a significant other or close family and friends. It’s clear that Hoarding Disorder is a complex and multifaceted condition, and unfortunately it is poorly understood.
I saw about a condition where people cannot picture things in their mins eye, they’ll imagination always shows blank space. They know intellectually what objects looked like but cannot picture them.i wonder if this can sometimes be connected to hoarding. My daughter is a hoarder and definitely associates objects with memories
I practice Swedish death cleaning. Once a year I go through everything I own and I look at it and think “if I was to die today is this some thing I would want my family to have to deal with”.
That's an awesome thing to do... Unless your family is hoarders, in which case, you'll end up keeping everything because so-and-so may want it! 🙄 I fear my mother is just the opposite; she'd take your concept to the extreme, and get rid of things that are valuable or that one of us would cherish! Meanwhile, I'm trying to get her to let one of us know where all pertinent paperwork will be when my parents are gone. Wills, deeds, bank accounts, car titles, etc. None of us have a clue..
I do estate sales. I wish everyone did this. The kids don’t want it, and they really don’t want to sell their parents stuff. The things we see.........
...interesting..I do something very similar...but...with the Mexican muerto passion!!! ...once you practice this routine of surrendering..it becomes a healthy close friend to one’s spirit💜
I bought a campervan & got rid of everything that wasn't gonna be useful. I got rid of baby toys, childhood games, high school, yearbooks clothes that were too big extra shoes and once I got rolling and let go of any emotional attachment it was really easy just to start throwing stuff out. it was ridiculous hanging onto so much stuff for so long. When you realize it's just stuff, it's easy to get rid of.
"Don't throw anything away! Everything has value, We might need it someday." BUT...when you need it: 1. you can't find it. 2. It's filthy. 3. Deteriorated by weather. 4. Has NO value anymore.
Yess, its always like that with me and for some reason when i dont need it anymore i find it, but i still dont throw it away because i might need it again
Many, if not most of our parents were raised by parents who survived the recession of the 1930s. Learned to hang onto things because even if you wouldn't need it, somebody might and you scrimp and save what you can. It's not that crazy, it's human nature. Letting go of things demands us to face our emotional past and that is the hard part.
My father turned 18 in 1929, and he had children very late in life. The Great Depression of the 1930s scarred him and he passed along the hard lessons he learned. The most important thing was to never waste food. So I'm a 66 year old man who cans, dries, and ferments to preserve precious food. I have hoarding tendencies but I fight them. When my brother died, I had to clean out the family home and he was a terrible hoarder. Sorry to go on, but the phrase "recession of the 1930s" sort of triggered me.
@@Matt-nj I am terribly sorry my friend. I hope the trigger wasn't upsetting. My mother was born one of 13 children and though she came along in the 50s, she is identical to her mother, my grandmother,in that everything is kept, if it is on sale, she buys multiple and homemade jam and bread was a constant staple in our home growing up. I cannot express my gratitude to both of you who replied. It is lovely to say the least and we indeed come from a very unique era and will witness another yet 🧡🙏💛 Thank you again for the wonderful input and sharing stories of who we are. Far apart yet connected 🙂
Something she didn’t mention is simply procrastination and lack of time and energy. True, I’m rather a hoarder, I guess. I could get rid of quite a few things, but it’s a lot of work. I’m not as young and not as healthy as I used to be, so putting in the work to go through lots and lots of things in order to sort out what I can get rid of and what needs to be kept takes a lot of time and energy. It’s so easy to every day put it off until tomorrow. “I’ll go through that box over there later this week”, I tell myself. Meanwhile my apartment gets a little bit more out of control. It’s also not as if I have nothing else that has to be done.
I've told myself this, too (& there's definitely truth in it), but I'm prepping for a move to a new house. That forces me to pack up despite my age - and with each thing I pack, I can decide to keep or get rid of the items. Not nearly enough is getting tossed, and this was the perfect opportunity.
@@jvallas I understand. Moving is a huge task, but it gives you an excellent opportunity, forcing you to get rid of things you don’t need or are unlikely to use. Good luck!
@@odietamo9376 thanks for your good wishes. Well, apart from the cleanup of the old place that I'm doing currently, the move's done. Though it was hard not to resent it🥴, the lads who moved me did me the supreme favor of talking me into dumping a lot more than I ever would have on my own. And they were gentle and not condescending about it. I still have way too much, but they've given me the incentive to do way more. I would so like to live in comfort in my new place. Stuff everywhere is not comfort.
If you personally struggle with hoarding, in a particular area (such as clothes or craft items for me), I have been practicing the therapy where you go to the store (for one specific item) and you don't buy anything just because you feel you "have to." Instead of talking myself into it or buying on impulse, I told myself all the reasons NOT to buy it....one of which is I am in the middle of decluttering. I am proud to say I have gone in three stores recently and come out with nothing, not giving into that urge to buy something because I "have to." If they don't have what I came for, I work on not buying something else just because then it's like a wasted trip to the store. Online shopping is the real problem, because then I can find the exact item I want and it's must harder to say "No." Two other things that I have found affective is: 1) Start an IN and an OUT list (I keep it side by side in a stenographers notebook). IN is for what you bring in (not like mail or groceries), and OUT is what you get rid of. This way, you can try to make sure you are sending more out than you are bringing in, or at least, you are keeping it even....for everything I bring in, did something go out? Doesn't have to be big in size to be considered a "big" item you get rid of. Might just be something that was kicking around from pillar to post that you use occasionally, or might use some day.... Or might be something with strong sentimental value but you decide the memory of that event or that person is more valuble. 2) Write out your goals in life (one of mine is to live in house beautiful -- as in neat and clean -- hehehe.....), and then anything that doesn't fit those goals has to go. I REALLY need to do this again. I do understand that to a true hoarder his or her goal is to use EVERYTHING they have...to fix it, revamp it, sell it, gift it, create with it....on and on. Or maybe their goal is to shut people out, build walls of protection around themselves or fill the void with stuff......so, for them, I'm sure it's much harder. But, if you just trend toward hoarder tendencies, this can really help. When push come to shove, it's the old: What would you grab if there was a fire? Probably your loved ones would be about it. If you put it in that light, WHY do we have all this stuff? Anyway, sorry for long posts, but writing some of this out, is some of my therapy. I DO NOT want to live in a full on hoard, and I have stuff with no place to put it, so I am working on paring down..... Thanks for listening, if you read this far, and maybe this will help some of you to declutter as well.
@@user-vx2yo4dm6h That is awesome advice. I quit doing some of the things that I mentioned here so I need to get back to doing them. I had to borrow too much out of savings to cover rent because I bought a lot of things last month. So this month I have to set aside all of the rent money before I am allowed to buy things I think I need for my household.
It all seems like a coping mechanism. A fear of missing out or of abandonment. They’re afraid of losing things or losing people, so they hold on as tight as they possibly can.
If its true what I read in a previous post, building walls to keep people out is a sure way to hate the people 'just trying to help' by exposing you to everyone for everything. I feel it also helps to understand why some clean housed people seem to have such empty souls. It might also not be just a fear but not having skills to cope with abandonment or loss. You fear things you do not know so there may be some truth. It seems that the worn out approaches don't work no matter how often they are tried so why cant the cleaner upper give them up either? Why don't we all just hold hands and take three steps backwards and look for an effective solution to a complicated situation.
the reason a hoarder wants to keep things is they know they will regret parting with it and spend a lifetime regretting it which leads to anxiety I know because I am there
What would be the worst thing that would happen if you threw away an item you later needed? You'd have to go out and replace it, perhaps with an inferior item (or even a superior one). You'd have to pay for it, which is an inconvenience, but the space you'd save having gotten rid of it would pay for itself. The mental anguish seeing the object languishing, unused, and the mental uncertainty/anxiety you would have around it (get rid of it/keep it), surely isn't worth the small cost of buying a new one later? Not trying to be rude, just understand. Do you value space less perhaps (i.e. I really value having 'space' or just places without anything in them; empty corridors, bare tables, carpet-less floors)?
You are spot on! Another phenomenon I have noticed while watching TV programs about this topic is that these people have a psychosocial need that is not being met. They could have suffered the loss of a loved one through death or divorce. I have a hoarding disorder myself. I have had trouble all my life with socialization. I always felt controlled by other people while having little control over anything myself. Inanimate objects do not leave you, you have control over them, they outlive people etc.
I have this problem too... it is related to how hard is to get out of house (some sort of agoraphobia)... so getting something is both reminder and dopamine boost to get passed that horrible step to get to something outside of house. But need to be careful not to emphasize attachment to objects as then life gets worse and worse over time.... + living in past as each one reminds of something all the time, making huge mental burden.
My Grandparents raised me.They were born in the early 1920's.My Grandpa saved tools,nuts,bolts, screws,nails and washers. He always fixed things and hardly ever threw anything away.My Grandma saved and refused plastic bags, jars and containers, bread ties,rubber bands, clothes and everything else. We only tossed things in the trash that weren't able to be reused or repaired.I am almost 55 and I still have a "collecting" personality lol. They grew up in a time where food, tools and clothing was scarce.I don't. I make excuses for hoarding like: "Oh this is useful, all kinds of things can be done with it, if I don't find a use for it, then it will be wasted and I am a careless person!"...all the while, it is only just an empty container.I have been known to wash out a soup can just so that I can make a "change jar" from it!🙀 I am learning that the world doesn't end if I throw something in the trash. Slowly my apartment is getting bigger and there are less fall hazards!
Great job clearing the apartment. You are doing excellent and you seem VERY aware and on purpose, which I feel is our purpose in life. ( to raise the level of these qualities in ourselves ). I look at clearing through things as spiritual practice in this regard, so I also feel you are raising the level of contiousness on the planet as you do YOUR work. Nameste! ;-)
I noticed that once a hoarder comes into possession of something, it becomes part of their identity. Like a new body part. And any space that they have control of is like inside their skin. And that is why forcibly removing it from them feels to them like having surgery without any anesthetic. It's very visceral, and they truly feel pain. But it's not always pain from past trauma. They have had some kind of brain damage or brain disorder. It's not intentional. It can start in childhood, but it doesn't get diagnosed until later on when they are old enough to have space of their own that they can control, and have easier ability to acquire things. There is some kind of visual problem they have that needs to be researched. They can't visualize spaces very well, they don't know what can fit where. They can't locate things right in front of them. For them, out of sight is out of mind. So as a new layer is added to a pile, the old layer disappears to them. So they can't find anything, and end up buying/bringing in another one. The walls close in, and all they notice is the edges of things. There is this phenomenon that occurs when you loose a limb, that is called phantom limb. The missing limb still feels like it's there. It can feel pain. If you put a mirror to reflect the existing limb so it looks like the missing limb is still there, it can resolve this. I think this brain mechanism is a miswiring that happens in some people, so that any loss feels like a lost body part. Their identity is completely wrapped up in their body, and their body identity is completely confused with their sense of ownership of things they acquire. It's the complete literalization of identity and the literal interpretation of the abstract concept of what it means to own or be in control of something. I think that if more research gets done, they might find a link to Autism, which can be caused by brain damage, and faulty mirror neurons. And Autistics are very literal, have trouble with executive function, often have attention deficit, and OCD, and social anxiety. They often relate better to objects than people. They misunderstand people, and people misunderstand them, because even though they have emotions, they are unable to express them well, and are unable to manage their emotions. I think that those people who seem to begin hoarding after a traumatic event, a huge loss, might have some hoarding tendencies that they were able to manage and overcome somehow, but after the trauma, couldn't. I think a serious loss can cause brain dysfunction, just like a mild traumatic brain injury. People have died of a broken heart. It's even a syndrome. It's like an electrical circuit that gets blown. One hoarder had lost a young child and a father and a brother. But this only made the hoarding much worse. He didn't handle grief well. But he had been hoarding since childhood. And of his four other siblings, he was the only hoarder. As he got lonely, but mistrusted attachments to people, he spent more and more of his time shopping, and searching out treasures, because he had trouble making plans, and being organized enough to keep them. I formulated these ideas while helping several hoarders clean out, one of which was an Autistic adult. And from parenting an Autistic adult, (who is not a hoarder.)
I'm an autistic hoarder & child of autistic hoarder parents and I agree about the connection, and about your conclusions about identity and how attached we can become to things. One thing though, I have really good spatial memory. And this is backed up by a hoarding disorder expert whose book I read, who said that hoarders sometimes _think_ they have poor spatial memory because they can't find things, but really it's just too much stuff - and usually disorganised - so it's asking too much of your memory.
You should make a RUclips video - this is extremely valuable information that has been put together by someone - you! - with hands-on experience, and wise, educated insight.
For many mums, hoarding is not a disorder but rather a coping mechanism for something deeper. Sentimental value is the main reason. Usefulness is the second reason. Another reason that is not often mention is mental trauma such as being neglected, not being loved, feeling empty inside, etc. As a coping mechanism, they try to fill their space with objects to feel less empty.
I truly feel sorry for you. My mom’s boyfriend lives with her. He is a hoarder. It causes immense stress in her life and ours too. It effects my family visiting her. We feel very stressed when there. It makes me mad that he is cluttering up my mom’s house. But she is the only one who can do something about it. 🥾
I'm a hoarder, I don't hoard trash, I have shoes, perfumes, stuffed animals, cosmetics, my house is messy and I get overwhelmed because I have too many things for my space, I recently been diagnosed with ADHD, so naturally I tend to procrastinate, lose teack of time and have organizational challenges, it's easier for me to stop buying things that are not needed but hard for me to let go of the things I have, because I like them, they are not trash, they are expensive, etc, I can rationalize keeping my items.
I think another reason for hoarding is when people collect objects to sell online, but never get around to it. They can't discard the objects, as it's like throwing money away. I have thrown away some things because I didn't understand what they were and it turned out I needed them. They were a missing part of something I had in my house. Or I threw out something I thought I didn't need and then a few weeks or months later, I did need one of those and had to go and buy one!
My ex suffers from this. Was difficult to deal with. We had other reasons for our divorce, but this was a big piece. Difficult to overcome. I wish everyone strength.
I’m a “level one” hoarder. I don’t hoard trash, my house isn’t “messy” but it is cluttered and I have almost no space to put anything without my house becoming messy. Not having space causes more anxiety, and what do I do when I have anxiety? I buy more things. It’s a constant cycle. I have OCD, severe anxiety, and I suffered childhood sexual abuse. Part of my hoarding comes from wanting control over my things since I didn’t have control over my trauma as a child, another part is I can’t throw my things away out of fear of needing them or regret, and the last part is the more things I buy the more I feel I am filing a void. (That never actually becomes full.) I hoard mainly clothes, beauty products, shoes, and some other random things. Actually, last year, I took a huge step and when we moved out of our apartment I left behind a whole closet full of clothes without even looking through them. I was proud of myself, but to this day I still think about them. And over the year I’ve accumulated so much more than I left behind. I have a huge attachment to my clothes the most, I still have pajama pants from 4th grade, I’m 23 now and they haven’t fit me since 6th grade.
Oh honey we need to be friends. You are me. Mine is also clothes. It doesn't make it any easier when I have so many thrift shops that are constantly selling nice clothes for a dollar. Another problem is fabric. I save old clothes because I'm going to revamp them which I often do and don't really even need. I am just creative and I like to see what I can make out of something. I don't think it stems from my childhood but I do think it's carried over from a past life or something where I didn't have enough.
Interesting, you partially describe my sister who is a sentimental hoarder. She has clothes from the 80's! It's weird because she is clean but she will absolutely not part with her old clothes
The fact that you have no space tells me you’re well past a level one hoarder. I’m sorry this is something you are dealing with and good on you for trying to do better ❤
My mom is a hoarder. Somehow my dad was convinced to buy a new house, but no surprise, she hoards in the new house too. My dad is now a hoarder too. It's never-ending. Hoarders just love stuff.
My older sister and mother were hoarders and we, as children, suffered. Our home was so cluttered no friends were invited over, no birthday parties with friends and it felt oppressive to have no order. It's sad, isolating disease and despite my efforts , they won't talk about it or take turns to be hostessing for our family on holidays.
One reason I heard that resonated with me was the idea of potential in the hoarded items, that they represent ideas and projects that hoarders hope will come to fruition if they ever use the items.
a 2 min video... left out lots.. my hoarding started when my kids left home.. people do it to fill a void, an emptiness, loneliness but dont realize that creating a mountain/wall of stuff wont solve that emptiness .. it wont fix lonely. It is a distraction from all of that. Some of us thrive on being overwhelmed.. makes you feel like you always have something to do.. I have dehoarded my life mostly, still more to go, but the emptiness, loneliness is still there.. it wont go away.. now with this isolation and distancing going on its even harder
@@sheen9769 I didn't go thru the typical therapy .. I have found that doesn't work with me, the last time I had traditional therapy it was really harmful to me. This therapy tho.. self initiated via watching ALL the hoarders shows...bing watching.. and then when my mother became terminally ill and it was apparent she would not come home.. I was the designated person to clean out my parents house.. and put it on the market.. it was 2 weeks of my life where I learned about my Mother and myself.. I didn't know why I could not go stay at her house when I visited.. I had to go stay in a hotel.. I had 6 kids so that meant renting two rooms, adjoining.. so it was an expensive endeavor to visit her.. she had two rooms in her house.. that she had hoarded, packed full.. of magazines, empty boxes.. and lots of stuff.. she had 100s of purses, many brand new, at least 1000 shirts.. I gave most of it to the local charity shops.. and the van loads of magazines to recycling … they paid me like $18 for a van load.. many were never even opened, still pristine in their plastic wraps.. it seemed so sad.. I knew why I could not spend the night there with my kids.. her stuff was more important.. . When I came home, I started de-hoarding my own mess.. and now.. years later.. I have nothing on the floors, counters or furniture.. and I am still "sifting" , giving away things..I have a trunkload of stuff to take away tomorrow.. its taken me a very long time.. but I didn't want one of those rollaways and people pilfering thru my possessions, it is VERY traumatizing to have that happen
@AL Smith it also takes money.. and when you are on a low income health plan, choices are limited.. you cant just hop from therapist to therapist.. and sometimes as in my case, you dont know that the therapist is your enemy until you are in knee deep.. in my case, she worked against me, which was very painful.. without going into full details.. I didnt expect what she did.. it shocked me, took me a long time to get over it and I wont go again, oh hell no.. I go and talk about my life, my problems, deepest issues, and she wasnt really too concerned about me at all.. I didnt get help tho I went faithfully for a year, once a week.. I kept hoping that it would help me but it never did.. I would just go in, air all my weekly woes and leave, I didnt get the help I needed, why take a chance again?
Trash/mess hoarder here. I can relate to this so much. It does open our eyes when we have to go through the hoarded belongings of a dead relative. I've cleaned up a hoarded house before, my ex's Mom, and thankfully she gave us permission to throw away what we didn't think would be useful. I didn't realize I was a hoarder at that time. I didn't realize I was a hoarder when I had to go stay with a family member due to the furnace being fixed, and her home made me supremely uncomfortable because it was so clean. It felt unnaturally clean and unlivable. I didn't realize I was a hoarder when I would stay with various friends over the years who kept their living spaces full of trash and mess, and felt at home. I didn't realize I was a hoarder when I was a little girl, and Mom would say I had to at least clear a path in my room before I went to bed, and the time when Mom said "where's the path?" and I showed her little places where I could step between my toys and said that was the path. I didn't realize until going through my deceased stepfather's hoarded tools, trying to understand why he would have kept *so many* rusty, unusable, dangerous things and thought it was okay. I realized that actually, I *could* relate, because of my own difficulties with surrounding myself with trash and mess. It was because I myself felt like trash, and this manifested in the way I neglected myself. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve food, even when I'm hungry. My stepdad was relentlessly verbally abusive, he would look for things to nitpick me about, and I don't miss him. It felt like torture, it went on for years. Before he died, he said that his head was a constant turmoil of thoughts, and that was why he yelled so much, or would go off by himself so he didn't yell. His belongings... were disturbing. I've never seen so many rusty saw blades mixed with rusty nails and rusty screwdrivers and rusty wrenches and rusty everything in my life. I'm lucky I didn't cut myself going through his things. This, coupled with watching episodes of hoarding shows, has been so eye-opening. It's not just his stuff I've been going through, but my deceased grandparents' things as well. We have a collection of table saws. We have a collection of doorknobs. We have a collection of ceiling fans. My Mom found a bird's nest in a box packed with a collection of Reader's Digest magazines. "What if we need it?" has been frightfully replaced with "what if we don't need it? What if it sits there and rots and collects cobwebs and filth until we're all dead, and someone else has to throw it away, like all this stuff here, and wonder what was wrong with us to have so much broken, useless stuff?" It's a trauma response. Going through the Flashbacks in 2018, metaphorically speaking, I thought it was dirt I'd swept under the rug, but when the rug was pulled up it turned out to be more like broken glass and razorblades underneath; stuff that felt too painful to pick up and throw away. Going through this hoard has been exactly like that. We knew it was tools, we didn't know those tools included rusty saw blades and rusty razor blades. We knew there was a lot of stuff in the basement, we didn't know the extent of it though. My entire family, it seems, has been traumatized. But I think there are valuable lessons here. How else would we be able to understand this, unless we'd lived it? Personally, I wouldn't want to understand it if I hadn't gone through it myself. We are doing a massive clean-out, my rooms are clean, and things are looking up.
@@jenius9164 Thankyou for this! I have experienced "inheriting" tons of stuff.. I have things from my Mom, Dad, Uncle, Aunt, and Grandparents... all mine! I have a family history of useless stuff.. I gave away my Mom's vintage dolls.. some were broken.. I felt bad, but then now, I dont miss them at all.. they were just always in the closet.. I am continuously sifting.. and in doing so, each time I let go of stuff I feel happier, lighter.. and I am careful not to do a refill.. I had so much fun at auctions.. people all standing around, for a day, auctioneers jokes and people laughing, and all trying to be winning the same stuff! Its a high when you win your bid... a load of "stuff" that someone else wanted.. so that combined with all the inherited stuff , it was tons.. now, I have nothing on the floors. I have given away 30,000 books.. I loved them so much.. I felt joy in being surrounded by all these books! I became a bookseller on ebay and amazon, I would mail out a backseat in my car full of books nearly daily.. I listed them, and spent my days pouring through them, sometimes just trying to find one book would take hours.. but I was so happy when I finally would find it.. what a fine distraction from that empty nest. I had 6 kids.. and lots of foster kids.. in and out of the house.. but now, nothing except quiet, solitude.. I have doggies and kitties am very careful not to get more of those.. animal hoarders are the worse! its been a long lesson for me.. hoarders show helps me a lot. I feel compassion for the hoarders... as I know what they feel about having their stuff thrown away, pilfered through by strangers.. I had to deal with it if I didnt want that to happen.. I am on the last frontier, my closet.. its quite hoarded.. its supposed to be a "walk in " closet, but it is a crawl in closet now.. its been a place I can throw stuff and shut the door.. am dealing with it now..
My husband is a hoarder. He will got to garage sales and pick up something we don't need or have any use for. He will say, "I may need it in the future" when it NEVER materializes!!!. Its a horrible disease! Embarrassing too!! I can't have friends over anymore cuz of his sickness :( Its a lonely and sad life!
I'm sorry. :( My mom buys a lot of stuff too. Her family are hoarders. She is borderline. She has a hard time 'passing up a good deal'. My Dad had bad habits for decades as well. It's like a perfect storm. Then when the health problems begin, it's hard to do normal upkeep and it gets worse as the years go on. Things don't get fixed. I have a memory of a wind storm blowing one of the shutters off my parent's house and my mom telling my Dad to get it back up. Weeks went by and I remember them fighting about the shutter. That was 30 years ago and my Dad never put the damn shutter back on the house. WHY? Projects never got finished. Always these amazing ideas that were celebrated, but nothing. :( Interestingly this is now what my husband and I fight about. Projects that don't get done. Buying more stuff that we don't have places to go. I think my husband is borderline hoarder too, but he blames that the house is too small. We are moving, so we'll see if he changes now that he'll have his own workshop in the basement that he can trash as he wants. I want a clean dining room and living room without stuff all over the floor. We'll see...I'm not holding my breath. Thanks for letting me vent. It is hard.
Idea - maybe you can go out with your husband and do something he enjoys - speak his love language - and listen. There is a reason you married him. What was it? What were you doing? Can you do those things again? It's easy to point fingers in general (humanity likes to do this) - my husband doesn't understand me (we both speak english), and it's all my fault. Funny thing is, that even a broken clock is right twice a day, but never anyone else close to him. So I understand spousal frustration. I'd just encourage you to meet friends out and about; enjoy the time together, away from the house, and do that for a while. See what happens next. Best wishes to you.
Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal" -Jesus Christ
I'm dealing with a friend right now who is choosing his hoard over his physical health. He recently had a ruptured bowel. He was given a less than 10% chance of surviving the surgery to repair it. He made it, but his recovery has been slow. He was in terrible physical condition before this happened, and he has only deteriorated since. He went from the hospital to a nursing home. When his insurance stopped paying for the nursing home, he was discharged. I took him home and that is when I saw his level 5 hoard (I hadn't been to his house in years prior to this). Within two days he was back in the hospital, and was then sent back to the nursing home. Insurance again stopped paying, and he was sent home. I did everything I could to make his place tenable, but it is not safe for him to be there, as his house is full from floor to ceiling, with only a small path leading to his bedroom. I'm worried that there will be an avalanche and that he will be buried alive (or that he'll fall and not be able to get up, and will lay there until he dies). Anyway, one day after coming home the second time, he was back in the hospital and will be heading to the nursing home again. They want him to go into assisted living, but since he is on social security, it will mean giving up his home to pay for his care. He is bound and determined to come back home and says he will go through all his stuff as soon as he "feels better". The thing is, he is never going to get better. He'll die in that house and I will be left to clean it out (in which case all of the stuff that he doesn't want thrown out will in fact be thrown out anyway). It's like he would rather hang onto his hoard than have a shot at a decent life. I care about him, but it's sad, and it is very, very draining.
I have a friend almost that bad. Whole rooms unusable. The estate sale guy I hired to liquidate Mom's house said he does a lot of hoarder houses. Something to think about for your future task.
You are a good friend!. I have a brother with this disorder and it breaks my heart. I go see him every year in hopes that I can at least get him to have a fire plan and keep a path open from front to back door in case of fire, has a fire extinguisher and smoke alarm. I stay a while and tell him I appreciate him "making room" for me and MY safety and focus on my concern for HIS safety. I am trying to research as much as I can so that I don't trigger him, but believe me, in the past I've made every major mistake! My biggest fear is he will need an ambulance at some point and then the authorities will be called and the place condemned with him becoming homeless . Each year I make a LITTLE progress but there is a long ways to go. Don't give up on him, but remember that without professional help, 95% of them go back to hoarding or even make it worse. Savor every small step and bless you for not giving up
I used to have hoarding problems... 5 yrs ago... but I was able to let go of it the moment I realized I have ptsd and depression. I threw away like 5-6 sacks of unnecessary objects such as rocks, broken appliances, boxes, etc. 😅😅😅
I am a borderline hoarder. I feel sick just saying it. I'm bothered that useful objects are thrown in the trash. It kills me when someone throws something out without asking me first. It's hard to say keep when someone's telling you it isn't worth anything and it's garbage. I've had to pass up so much help because people don't abide by my mentality. It feels good when I get rid of stuff. But I've also gone back in the garbage to pull stuff out. Mostly they say it's useless and I legit have a use for it. This is a hard one.
@@sherrygonzales3434 avoidance. I have one friend who helps on my level. My boyfriend stopped helping because I saw value in my things. Yeah, he tossed a bond and a birth certificate. Yes, it's my fault I didn't put it away. I'm admitting my faults to get help. One. One person. Not even family. But hey, it is doable. You'll know when the right time comes.
Try to create a social group using social medias. Memebers of the group would give away things they no longer need but still have good values. They meet and swap things every 6 months or yearly. This should fulfil 2 needs: the need to hoard and the need to help others. If the group have items that none of them wanted but still have value, they donate those as Charity to the local community.
I know what you mean about stuff getting thrown out. My mom threw away a glass that had been given to me by a neighbor. They gave me that glass as a gift for watching their cat and their home when they went on vacations. There were two glasses, but one recently (allegedly) broke. I wasn’t told about it and only found out after trash day. It still pisses me off because I wasn’t told. About six months ago, my dad did the same thing with another of my glasses, not the same set of drinking glasses. This one was a glass we’d had for decades, with little leaves imprinted in the glass. It hadn’t chipped or anything, but a crack had appeared deep within the glass itself. No leaks, and since the glass was only used for water, never anything too cold and never anything hot, it was never a problem. Not until he finally saw it and threw it away. I should’ve retired it and used it to hold my paintbrushes, but I never thought he was going to throw it away. It had held that crack for a couple of years before he saw it and threw it out. It still bugs me. ☹️
I have a mother, husband and grandchild with this disorder. i can't believe my grandchild, age 12 has it. Also, after traumas in my 30's i started hoarding things and buying in erratic patterns. Then, of course, i have to mention my son. He is a hoarder. began early with him too, before his teens. I have a brother, sister who are OCD. I have a grandchild with ADD. I have a brother, nephew and grandchild with autism. Some days i'm just flat out sad.
The three reasons she gives for wanting to keep things do not explain the extreme inability to let go of anything, the need to hold on to things long after they're no longer useful. Before you can change a behavior you need to understand clearly what it does for you, what needs you're trying to meet.
My cousin was a hoarder. He saved newspapers even though had a subscription and could look at it online. But it wasn't just newspapers but books as well. At one point he was threatened with eviction and had to clean up his apartment. He was on probation for several years and as soon as it ended, the newspapers started piling up again. That's when I realized that he had issues that needed to be addressed. It was really sad because he neglected his health. He slept on a mattress that looked worse than any that I slept on in camp back in the 70's. His toothbrushes were disgusting and I offered to replace them but he waved me off. He was like a lot of people that you see on the hoarding shows. If you asked him about his stuff, he would make it seem like it was your problem and not his. He died five years ago and he had a brother who I suspect has the same issues but knows enough to keep people out of his apartment.
You literally in one sentence analyzed my entire mom's side of the family. 1:40 This isn't just in hoarding, but in projects too. Nothing ever gets done. Broken things are never fixed. It's terrible to those around you to have all of these ideas, but not actually do them. I think if your partner is someone who has issues in another complimentary area, the combo is a perfect storm. I see the devastating effects hoarding has. It isolates you. No one can visit or come over to your house. It destroys their spouse, children, pets etc
I have given into partner pressure to get rid of items I felt connected to, and almost without exception those objects went on to have considerable financial value. Sometimes I bought them again at many multiples of what I originally sold them for. My late uncle would never throw anything away. He had clothes going back to the 1930s, kept his kid's toys and listened to music on an old valve radio. Although he never earned a big wage, he was always comfortable and shaped his life as he wanted to live it. There are different kinds of hoarding.
I'm an artist and I use that title to justify my desire to collect things. I'm not sure if I am a hoarder, but I get fixated on having lots of useless things around. I love empty containers of every size and configuration. From tiny pill boxes, small bottles, mint tins,....then more designer ones that held watch bands, or even clear plastic egg holders. Going on to all sorts of well made cardboard boxes. My artist friends seem to have this same affliction. Some collect tiny things,...buttons, tiny found toys, colorful beach plastics and glass. I find I feel anxious in houses that aren't filled with much stuff. I house sat for a couple,....they didn't have a single photo under a magnet on their refrigerator door. No photos on desks or pinned to a cork board. They had only a couple of framed pictures, and they weren't even hung up, but were leaning against a wall, at the floor level. I wondered if they never fully moved in or were getting ready to move away. Neither was true,.they are still around. Early on I began collecting specific things,....salt and pepper shakers. Ones that represented modern architecture and world fairs, ones that resembled larger things,....like a vacuum cleaner or a washing machine. Go to any flea market and cast your eyes on tons of stuff, people collect to a level of insanity. Match books, bottle caps, shoe horns, cigarette lighters, swizzle sticks, paper weights,....etc, etc. I guess I do have some order,....things I collected are organized, I have specific shelving for each thing. So there is a lot of glass shelving, and curio cabinets. The art I used make came from assembling rusty metal I found in junkyards. I loved going to junkyards, and seeing the chaotic piles of twisted metal and assorted rusting junk. Sometimes collecting the right things pays off. Some of my sculptures were made with found, plumbing, copper pipes. To make the sculptures I needed to collect a lot of copper pipe. I had quite a stock pile of it. Then before I could turn it into a sculpture, I had "a real life" plumbing emergency. Some pipes burst after freezing, one bitter winter day. I called my plumber, and he found I had all the pipe he needed to make the repairs, in my "copper pipe hoard", collection. For the win!
Few years ago, when i found out im a hoarder person because of a singaporean youtuber making fun of herself being a hoarder i asked "what's a hoarder" then a lightning strucked me, i am a hoader, all of the things in these video said was to accurate. When i found out few years ago that im a hoarder, i cried so bad because of frustrations on why cant i let go things that are unecessary but it feels necessary to have? My mom is always angry at me when i hoard back then, but i explained the situation she still mad when i hoard and she helps me get rid of things, well there are times that i hoard but im always stopping myself by saying "No, no we're not doing that anymore, stop it, you wont need it" just sharing the pain i felt growing up and not knowing how bad my situation is.
im not the "im gonna hold on to this in case it comes in handy" one, im the "IF I DONT TAKE THIS HOME I'LL NEVER SEE IT AGAIN, AND ILL BE DEPPRESSED!!!" one.
I don't usually read comments because there's so much hate online but this is the most helpful comment section I've ever read. I can relate to so many of you regarding how I experience my hoarding situation and motives...
My father is a hoarder, he rages, shouts and have tantrums like a 3 year old(I'm not exaggerating, he really has tantrums exactly like a 3 year old), whenever we touch or even move his stuff. He's severely mentally ill but that doesn't excuse him for his behavior. He's been like this for 30+ years and never had the will to change and be responsible despite being a father of three. He also quit his job decades ago and does nothing around the house but watch tv. When we move his stuff, he says he'll kick everybody out of the house because my grandparents(my dad's parents) who owned our family house died and let him inherit the house. Giving him reign over there.
@@annesmith6582 I live in the Philippines where there are street children. He has a huge paranoia of street children and a burning hatred of them. One time a street child selling food was just passing by. The street child was probably 8 years old. He opened the car door banging the child, throwing him to the ground with the food he was selling and leaving him in pain. He wanted to hurt the child. My dad's lucky he lives in a third world country otherwise he would be in jail for assault on a helpless child. My point still stands, your mental illness does not excuse your behaviour and actions.
@@lcarpenter1906 No, he laid in pain and my dad drove us off. Mom, and I was so shocked by the whole ordeal we couldn't talk and dad would often threaten to do something bad when he was on the wheel so we couldn't say anything. I was 5 when it happened.
Thank you. I set out to organize, then get hit with "analysis paralysis", not kniwingvwhere to start. I get overwhelmed. I always have a "donate" bag going
1. Throw out obvious trash. All the way to the trash can. Don't leave full bags around. 2. Put like with like - all clothes together, all books together, etc. 3. Pull out obvious donations while doing this and keep donations separate from everything else. 4. Put items in correct rooms: kitchen stuff in kitchen, etc. 5. Keep dumping trash and pulling out donations and keep emptying the house of these. This is the beginning only. But it's important to get used to sorting correctly and getting unused, unneeded items out of the space.
@@michellefarris3961 What you wrote is SO succinct and SO true 🎯🥰🙌 Also schedule 4 x 15 minute decluttering and sorting sessions per day minimum REGARDLESS ….and (schedule) take all cleaned usable saleable things to charity once or twice a week……get them out of the house….then value that meter of empty space you created….then value what you do have… for example, after you have given 25 jackets to charity…you will really value the four jackets you have kept….Rome was not built in a day…..nor is a hoard…..slow and steady…..do it alone…….decluttering and donating….take photos every month of your progress …over a year or two……lastly only bring in food and toilet paper…..if acquisition is not stopped……you will never get control…
I actually worked out a system for collecting "odds and ends" - little discardable things that might be useful for something someday. I have a small container (slightly smaller than a shoebox) for them, and I can keep whatever fits in there. If it fills up, I have to toss something before I put something else in. Just knowing I have a place to put things makes me more inclined to toss things out. "Is this really potentially useful enough to take up space in my odds & ends box...?" Lots of times, the answer is "no," and I can toss it without regret. :)
That's the tricky part for someone with hoarder tendencies but who isn't a full on hoarder. Problem is, I like to craft (tie dye, T-shirt painting, paper crafts, ribbon creations). I don't dare take on a new craft because I have only so much space. I ask myself: Do I need this? But I have to keep things to do my crafts. Then, I add to the stuff I already have (like a new color of dye or a new white clothing item to dye). I also love decorating at the holidays and for the various seasons, so I have a lot of that kind of stuff or I craft stuff to decorate with. Finding what to keep (what projects will I really do and finish and will I really decorate with that?) and what to throw away is the hard part. I started an IN list and OUT list. Under IN was everything coming IN to my apartment. OUT was for what I sent away or threw away. The idea was more was supposed to be going out than coming in. It was my goal to throw away one "big" item each day. It might not be big in size, but it might be big in my attachment to it or that feeling "I can use that or I will wear that....." (I also have the too many clothes syndrome.) I don't keep up on the lists like I should. The lists were to show that I was making a conscious effort to get rid of things and declutter and make more space. Reminds me, I need to get back to doing that. Any hints on the best way to determine "This is truly useful and worth keeping" as opposed to just hanging on to it because I "might" use it or need it some day? I found that writing out: What are your goals in life? really helped in the past. If it didn't help with achieving said goals, it had to go. And I was allowed to keep ONE collection (I had many).
I lost it when you said toilet paper rolls I swear to god this video it’s like she knew exactly who my mother is has more seashells than the beach itself and is obsessed with making things out of toilet paper rolls 😂
I think hoarding disorder comes about as well because people don’t know who they are. There’s confusion about what you’re aligned to in life. Like when helping a friend downsize I asked her of she’s ever used this glass bead maker, she said “No, but it’s because I don’t have enough room.” So she couldn’t see how the stuff was stopping her from fulfilling who she might be and perpetuating that stunted view of herself, because her place was so packed she couldn’t move in there. She couldn’t get the experience of her objects and so they were in a holding pattern. So the problem seems to compound.
AL Smith Thank you. I’ve thought a lot about this and I think it might be a good idea for hoarders to go out and have some meaningful experiences outside of their mess so that they can start to view themselves through a different lens, for lack of a better term. Then maybe they can get a better idea of what they’re aligned to at present and start letting go of all that stuff that doesn’t resonate with them anymore. Maybe a sense of fulfillment in some meaningful pursuit might put them in a frame of mind that getting rid of things wouldn’t be just a sense of loss but a sense of realignment with who they’ve become. I wonder if that would help.
@@dj8350 Fantastic insight! If you have close friends or family you like to do things with it could be even more helpful. Pick up a hobby or sport then see all the things in your life you don't need perhaps. Little more difficult if a loner as you are trapped in your own mind.
Y’all nailed for me. 100% self defeating cycle. I now game my system by organizing (small)piles in the way so that I’m forced to expel the junk. But I had to start a clean slate somewhere and work out from there. What helps me the most(with simplifying surroundings and making it HYGIENIC) is viewing my space from other folks lenses. IE ask my self “what would child services say about my mess?”. Once I start having clear, open space, the things which are out of place really stand out. I don’t beat myself up about any of this. “You do you”, you are who you want to be, make a change if you want to, or not. You are still you, and that’s good enough, with mountains of squalor or without.
Absolutely true! My aunt had every room in her house stacked with boxes up to the ceiling of what she called “keepsakes”. Everything she had was from family members & friends. She passed away never seeing her keepsakes for many years because she had them packed away in all of those boxes. Thank you for this excellent video!
Lots of interesting and helpful comments. I am a mild hoarder. Typical scenario of trauma that started it. I have a friend who is an expert “finder” of treasures and has a huge problem due to the space it occupies. Tragically, his stuff has interfered with his relationship with his wife and children. That valuation and perception (and then acting upon the realization and getting rid of stuff) is so distorted. I always think about what would I save from my house in the event of fire. The answer is always only my pets and maybe a laptop. The rest could burn, and the loss would not be tragic. I need to move towards the removal of the unimportant.
There’s a lot more to it, than what this video covers. Like the execution of plans for objects. There often comes the frustration and even anger, of not getting around to doing these things, because the reality is that the things we do list in life, is to keep the trains running, essentially. That we’re handling the everyday of making meals, washing clothes, going to work. Everyone is satisfied with, to a different level. Some have relinquished enough of their life, quite comfortably, to know that the only thing they will ever do, is to eat, go to work and maybe sleep. For others, who enjoy the less pedestrian, this is enraging. Some will call it being ungrateful. But everyone has a different perspective and comfort level. Another issue is accommodating the space you have. While it’s understandable that you want to have a clean and functioning household, not everyone wishes to be defined by their space. While it is true that many will hoard, even if they own a mansion, there are many who just need maybe a couple more rooms, perhaps, one to work on a hobby in. Perhaps a garage. But, as people are living in and working for even smaller spaces, a living space can ho from home to what feels like a stall, with the absolute, bare necessities. One of the difficult to navigate expectations also, is that we have a market that is literally flooded with goods. Whether it’s quality or garbage, you can find almost anything you want and you can probably afford it, if you buy it with credit. We address hoarding, much the same as we do eating. We’re expected to eat whatever we want, yet never gain weight and, certainly not be fat. Except for minimalists, the same applies. Buy whatever you want, yet have a clean, tidy, well-managed, minimalist looking home. That it should actually not appear lived in and look more like a furniture show room, with just a couple of pieces in it. It is quite an unreal expectation. One of the issues we have also are personal care and household products. Whether it’s shampoo, lotions, paint, cleaners, I don’t know that people are willing yo use them as single use items, throwing away the remainder, particularly as prices go up. So, the can of paint you used to spray a small object, may be hard for a person to dispose of. One thing I’ve noticed about myself is that I like things mid en plas. This means “in place”, basically and it can go as far as even buying shoes. I do not want to have a need for a pair of shoes, race around shopping and paying money, for something I won’t like. So, I’ll buy something now, that I actually do like and don’t mind spending hard -earned money for, instead. However, this causes there to be too many of an item and , in reference to not having time to do more than the more pedestrian tasks, may never be used. I work as a creative, for a corporation. Whether I work for a corporation or not? I am still a creative. This causes me to have a number of creative items in my 1 bedroom apartment, which was more meant for a couple, who likes to come home from work, eat dinner, watch TV and go to sleep. Not for a person with printers, scanners, and computers. The spaces that we live in, have traditionally lived in, we’re not designed for this unless you happen to be a homeowner, with enough space to do so. Most living spaces, particularly when they are small and getting even smaller, are meant for survival, not thriving and creativity. Ultimately though, I do realize that the sight of what is hoarded, can cause a great deal of stress, not just because you cannot have visitors and things are not in order, nor perhaps sanitary, but it can actually become a stressful reminder of what will never be. This is a painful reality, that I’ve never heard spoken of. But, a hoarder can have constant conflict between what they hope to accomplish and what others, who have become quite a bit more satisfied with far less, might want to pry away from them. Another side effect of this is having people come in to help you, but commenting on what nice things you actually have, that they’ll “take off your hands” for themselves. If you’d like to enrage a hoarder and have them throw you out, this right here, is the ticket. There are a few things attached to hoarding. Everything from sentimentality, to future hope to indecision, to Diogenes Syndrome to depression to narcissism. It is complex and difficult to dismantle. Ultimately, even when a hoarded space is cleared, my guess is that it will repeat itself, as it is about the resident and not the space, for them. Lastly, I think introversion may play a part. I’ve noticed that, often, people who are more people-oriented, want to ensure they have a welcoming space for people to enter. This is not so for introverts so much and definitely not for hoarders. For them, they (and that includes me), prefer items that people design, manufacture and make, rather than people themselves. They will not design or keep their place, for the comfort of outsiders, who are often seen as an intrusion, who’ve decided, on their own, that they are welcome. Speaking for myself, it could be because there have been better experiences to be had, enjoying my own company, my own pets and working alone, than there have been with people. There is more stress, than energy to be gained, unlike with extroverts, who are all about people. It is sad, but unfortunately true. We all go through this life differently.
You nailed the bottom line, which I need to use every time I hear a person of judgment tell me what I should be doing: "We all go through this life differently."
@@jvallas gee, didn’t realize my comment was so lengthy. Sorry. But, yes, I think it’s part of the human condition. I’m in the process of inheriting my mother’s hoarded home - I think, which will give me more space, than the 1 bedroom apartment I’ve always lived in? Since I moved out of my mother’s home 33 years ago. A friend saw me coming in with shopping bags the other day and she said, “What are you buying now?” Never mind that I went to 5 Below and bought some things that were necessities and that I really don’t go to stores anymore. But, although I kept my mouth shut, the first thought that came to mind, was that she told me she’d spent $200/mo, for 12 years, to store her deceased mother’s items. That’s almost $30K and counting. So, I think everyone goes through this life differently and what seems normal to one person, is insane to another. Me, I’m currently setting up a laptop, specifically to list my mother’s hoard and get it out of her house. After all, if you keep spending like crazy, once you get to be of a certain age, you’ll surely have nothing, at some point, without any recovery in sight.
@@privateprivate8366 Thank you for elaborating in such a well written fashion. I feel like you nailed it more than the video. I hope you are having good fortune with your selling. Best wishes to you.
One of the biggest things for me which also brings a sense of closure is that everything will be burned up when the world ends anyways. Even the things I’m most attached to, it’s okay. I don’t need to keep a shirt because I wore it on my first day of high school and I don’t need to keep shirts I can’t fit into as a collector’s item. I’ve got a big pile of clothes (a lot of them with tags) that’ll probably fill 4 trash bags. I’m working on decluttering because I won’t have a lot of room for stuff after I move out and I don’t need to pay for a storage unit, especially for things that aren’t as valuable like my family history stuff.
I dont know if this disorder is hereditary, but im almost 100% sure my grandma used to have that. While i don’t have it to a same extent, i feel like i got some symptoms. I, for sure, have more difficultly parting with my stuff: giving away my childhood cloths/toys(which ofc i never use or think about on regular basis), tossing away accessories i wore only for a week or so, selling/gifting books ive never read or planned to read ever, even something that is pure garbage. And sometimes these thoughts preoccupy and stress me out and if part of my flesh was lost with the item.
Nothing to be ashamed of. It's a real disorder. You have admitted that you need help. That's something to be proud of. I did and am so glad I am trying my best to move forward, albeit very slowly. Remember this didn't happen overnight so it will take a long time to learn how to manage the disorder.
The hypocrisy of hoarding is that hoarders see immense value in objects yet do little or absolutely nothing to safeguard or preserve this perceived value, letting their stuff degrade and rot in cluttered, random, filthy piles. Horders are always victims, yet blind to the blight their illness imposes on family and neighbours. My late uncle was a severe hoarder.
Owned a boutique moving company for a decade and 8% of my business was with provincial govt. clients that had what we call "multiple barriers" and issues. I always thought hoarding was and is a kind of WEALTH. There is a tipping point where a forced move, or change in lifestyle, or medical issue, makes the accumulated "wealth" an overwhelming problem.
My problem is my dad. And he doesn't necessarily hoard sentimental things, he will pick things up off the street and bring them into the home, and it's everyday. He will buy things he already has many of. But essentially he's just always bringing trash in from the street and hoarding them.They pile on high and he always says he will use them but never does.
Something I would like to say is, please do not ever just go getting rid of a 'hoarders' things, some people with think they're doing them a favour, they're seriously not and will cause lots of problems for that person.
This is the problem I had with the one and only show about a hoarder that I watched. The client was pretty much bullied into "realizing" all the stuff that had to go, and all I saw was the pain it was inflicting. What seemed reasonable to the "helpers" evinced such a different feeling in the "victim."
I totally understand the artist aspect! My mom was an amazing woman who did it all and she’d start projects but never complete them. So when she passed a few months ago we started cleaning out her home. OMG! Mom left us with quite a dilemma and we are still trying to get her house emptied out to sell. There are only three of us working on it three days a week so it’s anticipated to take at least another month!
It is refreshing to hear someone give credit to 'savers' rather than immediately casting them as damaged goods. There are benign reasons for being conservative with resources, while still recognizing it can get out of control. That kind of balanced approach is rather rare.
My parents and some family are hoarders, they hoard food, and objects. we are not rich so that may be the root of it, or also just using hoarding as some kind of coping mechanism. I think for my parents they use hoarding as a coping mechanism, mainly my dad copes by buying materialist things. That he will only use once and never again. I know for a fact he’s suffering from some mental illness, that he is refusing to treat. my parents believe that object or whatever will be used someday, 5 years later it’s left untouched. As their child it’s pitiful to witness, and also it affect me mentally because I live with them. I am doing the best I can by cleaning up bit by bit to help with their issue.. although they continue to hoard. it’s crazy because I don’t even think they think this is an issue
Fourth: they remind you to consider something, ie keeping parenting books to remind you to parent consciously, or vitamins out to take them. Fifth: because you have an executive processing disorder like ADD and it takes a hurculean effort to process things out which is used for now necessary tasks like work or feeding yourself.
Described me to a T, but with 1 thing left out. Depression. And I'm not speaking only of myself. I am NOT any type of therapist, but I feel I've been blessed enough to notice certain things. And 1 thing I THINK is going on in recent years is that more & More people are depressed, many not even realizing it. And I don't mean the spots of depression most people will go through. I mean "Depression". And it can vary as to what degree. At any rate, when I finally realized I was suffering from Depression (& I also realized it had been going on for Years, and getting worse & worse), I also finally realized how I became a hoarder (I hadn't been most of my life. Closer to being a 'Minimalist'!). I was in search of joy. Joy! Things would bring me Joy! Especially if it was something "of value", and free!, sitting out on a curb. Wouldn't pass one of those up without getting out and looking through all of it, or at least most of it, depending on size/weight... And happy doing so! (Sometimes absolutely giddy! :) & I Never leave a mess). Or in a thrift store and I find this 'Treasure'. Plus at a great price?! Yeah!!! Or there was this tool that would come in handy/wish I had it when I did whatever, And, its on Sale?! And, for only...?! (I still thank God that I'm not one of those 'Big Ticket$$$' hoarders 🙏). But like any other type of "Addiction", my joyous time, my 'high' time started getting shorter & shorter. Of course that meant I had to have more and more. To shorten this... Am I still hoarding? Am I still a hoarder? Yes. But I can drive by most 'Curb Alerts' with maybe just stopping to see if there's something on the outside that I can see, Without getting out. And I'm hardly in any thrift stores anymore, & if I am, I can now usually leave empty handed whereas before there was no way. Before, I would find Something that would make me smile, even if it was a forced smile. ); And, until I get all this 'Stuff' out of my house, And, storageS... Regardless. I've come a LOOONG way. How? Not a thing wrong with therapy. I may try to find one myself. Probably will. But what I also hadn't realized is that I had gotten away from God (Apologies to those of you who are saying, 'I read all of this to read this?!' Yep. :). I still lived a Christian life, but I no longer studied His Word, and if I prayed 3 times a month, that was probably about it. I'm not 'cured', just healing. I no longer detest the sound of birds singing in the morning, no longer turn my back on the sunlight coming through the curtains... I now don't just stay in bed all day. I eat more often... I'm sincerely hopes this helps someone.
Personally, this is a useful brief overview of the problem, I perhaps hoard a few things. I hate to see large bags I acquire shopping go to waste, but I’ve taken to folding them up.
Every person I've known that was a hoarder always used the things they kept as a way to fill a void. They lost a loved one, and needed something to take their place. At least that was the way it seemed to me.
Hoarding behavior I believe is stored in our brain if we grow up experiencing poverty and hunger ; it is a way that child PTSD manifest itself in adulthood.
I don't know why I collected things like cups with sayings, t-shirts with sayings, purses, pens. But I prayed about it and let me tell you, it's over. I'm throwing out things left and right and some of these things are brand new, never used, but I don't care. I'll put it out on the sidewalk for people to take or I will call the junk people to come and get it as they donate the things. I'm so thankful for the answered prayers and I feel so free, woo hoo!!! I had too many of everything, clothes, shoes, kitchen items like crock pots, air fryers, convection ovens (countertop) blenders, fans, really just anything and everything. Much is still in boxes that I have for ten years in some cases and never even opened the boxes. It's ridiculous but it's over now and it feels so good. I wish you all the best in your efforts to be free or free your loved ones. I don't really care why I did it....just glad it's over.
It is so freeing, isn't it? One feels lighter. When I cleared out my mother's house, it took nearly a year mostly while she was living there until the dementia became more problematic. Now she is living with me, aged 93. It was such a relief to dump so much rubbish (recipts from the 60's etc, hundreds of pencils etc etc). I regularily pass things on or donate. I feel good and also do not regret just throwing stuff away. Good on you!
Don't be ashamed, you have realised it's a problem try and find a therapist who has dealt with hoarding. Get out all your demons of the past and get on top of it (your inner troubles and hoarding) I was married to a hoarder and it is horrible as the whole family gets isolated from friends and family because everyone is embarrassed about the mess and that builds resentment and in my case divorce. Once the mess/clutter is gone it's like a weight has lifted and you can enjoy life. Good luck.
Right there with you! Not sure how to proceed, either. Were you able to talk with someone and, if so, did it help? I am seriously considering this before it ruins my life.
Hoarding everything is a natural thing for some. During wars, people had allmost nothing and you can not imagine how difficult your life becomes. Everything is valuable when you are poor ( even for generations ), because of war ( also poor ) or losing everything and start again. People have an instinct of preservation and hoarding gives them the feeling, that whatever happens, i have it in my home, just in case. Some people just collect things, they might need 1 day. Believe me... Sometimes it is a real blessing. You ask someone if they have this or that and jep...here they have it! Some hoard things for later. For their children, grandchildren... Some hoard, because of emotional reasons, because a lot of items are from their loved ones, parents, grandparents, children and so on. Some hoard, because they like to collect things they like and yes, it can go out of hands. Some hoard, because they think, one day there is a great depression and want to have stuff to 'exchange' for something else. Some hoard, because they like certain things that reminds them of other ERA'S, where they feel 'belonging'. Some are hoarding so much, because it gives them a reward in their brain and they have no other positive things to attach on and feel a certain emotional connection what they lack in a himan, so they turn to objects. Some people make the mistake to even see something as hoarding, but it is rather a person who is suffering from brain decline/damage/brain infection/inflamation and they seem not to function. I hope, people will one day let go of putting people under pressure to be this or that. People should let people live, like they want, need, wish...and not judging so much. Put downs...Pointing fingers at someone. Most people do not understand much anyway, why people are the way they are and do what they do. Why is it even a disorder? Humans have so much the urge 'to find a disorder or see all kind of disorders' to put people in a box. Let live and live yourself. Warning! Only marry someone, who has a certain way of living, that maches yours, so you do not get insane by their characters, behaviors, home interiors, jobs, want and needs/wishes/urges. Seeck someone who loves you and vice versa and where you both feel at ease with eachother. If you can live with a hoarder of a certain kind, just accept it. Some hoarders are very messy, chaotic inside, with no strategic way to put everything neat and clean. That is more of a huge problem to live with and i would see it as someone with a bigger problem, than just a hoarder! Some homes are even dangerous, if a fire breaks out! I have seen pretty messy hoarders too. But i have seen a hoarder, who had a house like a museum! Good luck to all of you and i hope you clean up your home, making it a home, a cosy home to relax and function, with a hoarding DNA genetic code or not.❤ Kind regards from Belgium.
My mother was a child when WW2 started in Germany. I agree with most of what you wrote. In addition to the clutter and hoarding my mother had and the overwhelm, she seldom put something away. Everything was 'put down' but never away.
@@annesmith6582 I think, you are also right on this. Hoarding is a very broad topic and very complex. Each individual has its own story, why they hoard. Maybe they know the why's or maybe not or maybe partially. Kind regards🌸
I control it pretty well for my husband and frugality’s sake, but I feel that a lot of objects are special, cuteness and coolness factors are stronger in my mind, and almost have the sense that these things are like people with personalities, especially rocks, shells, or natural things, but also little things around the house, extra cloth scraps, shoelaces, decorative boxes, miniatures, pens and pencils and especially markers, cool kitchen gadgets. Any tiny and unique or a seemingly cool thing to whip out when you need it, and I want it. My house is full of rocks I’ve collected
I am the same way. I have lots of small objects that are hard to part with because they seem special in some way. I love rocks, I started picking them up and collecting them when I was very small. I don't have a huge collection of rocks in particular, I just have a wide variety of small items, both natural objects and things I have found in thrift stores.
i know i am a hoarder, but am too lazy to act upon it. i self diagnosed, so this might not be the case, but i relate to the whole video, and also relate to nearly all of these comments.
But this doesn't address the people who save broken/no longer functioning objects. They may have old moldy appliances and broken furniture in the garage. There's no plan to get rid of them or refurbish even if it were possible. It appears to be an issue of control. Years ago my predecessor in a laboratory had saved in the very backs of drawers every piece of lab ware that had broken over the years he was there. My experience is that they are holding onto things very often for sense of control. I also knew someone who was given a flat of gorgeous peaches. He didn't eat peaches and didn't want to give them to friends who did. So he let them slowly rot on his counter until so moldy they had to be tossed out. He controlled the fate of the peaches in a negative way.
The answer is simple, memories are built on emotion. Having a physical object to help you remember something pleasing in your life when the rest of the world seems out of control, helps keep people grounded. I still have a box of maps 30 years old from my travels in the states, or schoolwork that my kids have done, but for some people, they have nothing else in their life to focus on in the real world, that they need to keep coming back to these memories.
Me it is the fear of spending money. When growing up being told that spending money is bad for the economy. My mom use to tell me as a kid that spending money was what caused the great depression the 1920's. I was often told to hold onto things because there maybe no more of where that comes from. I worked at low paying jobs and money was always kind of tight.
A true hoarder places the same value on a week old newspaper and a ten thousand dollar insurance check. Both in the same pile and saved. The can not see that a car that stopped running years ago and is rusting into the ground with a tree growing out of it just needs fixing when he gets around to it. It’s a very difficult thing to grow up under a hoarder. It gets worse cleaning up after they die.
My grandma is living in a camper in the dead of a Midwest winter with her adult son even though she owns three properties in the city. She is also renting two storage units. Everything is hoarded even the woodlands without water or power where she is living now has been turned into a giant dumpster. It’s so depressing. She’s a very idealistic and traumatized woman and I love her so much.
A friend had gone into bankruptcy, lost his house, couldn't pay for his storage unit. He lost everything. The storage company was supposed to call his family if this ever happened so they could pick up his stuff and save it for him. They didn't call but sold it instead. It was so devastating for him because they sold family heirlooms, pictures, etc. Anyway, long story short, my friend became homeless for awhile and when he finally got back on his feet, he started hoarding . I totally understand why. After losing everything, it's crystal clear that he does this now. He's trying to clear the clutter after 7 yrs of collecting . It's a slow process. We encourage him by saying that it took him that long to gather all this stuff so it will take time to get rid of it. When he tells us that he got rid of something, we give him a pat on the back and say that he's doing what he can and to be proud of himself,. Baby steps.
I'm in the middle of a de-hoarding project at my mom's house. Her hoarding isn't nearly as bad as others but its getting bad. Its annoying and so frustrating. This is a great video and am pleased to read all the comments.
At the start I have other reasons for hoarding:- 1. I can trust and rely on the things that I have to keep me company and not do bad things to me unlike other people 2. I want to have more things than other people - so in theory the more things I have the richer I am and then I am better off than someone who has nothing. Life is really hard. It can also be if you are rejected ignored or abandoned by other people and then things become what you rely on. That seems to be how it works in my case. Also maybe I place hope in those things that one day I will use them to make money or to sell them for money - as money is God in our western material society. We have no group mutual interest in helping each other - it is more every man for himself or every woman and man for themselves. That is the problem with our western society. I think I have also the executive dysfunction a bit so I cant work out which things are worth keeping and which will not be worth selling etc as I am not thinking about the process of selling things and how hard it is to sell things second hand.
I'd add it can be really hard to trust someone who comes in with aggression and meanness, even if what they are trying to do is "help." I disagree with your sentiment that its every man/ woman for themself in my heart, but the evidence seems so true. Maybe it's time for new friends and surrounding ourselves with higher thinking people.
the reason i hang on to things is so when I need something in the future, i don't have to go to the store and buy it ( i hate leaving the house and I hate wasting money). And yeah, "that could be used for something" is my mantra. I'm a master repurposer. But I am very organized and clean. And if I need a doohickey - i guarantee I already have one!
It's pretty surreal but am just now discovering I've had this, was ignorant of it, or in denial. I live off-grid in a camp/house I made myself, I dumpster dive for most things I use, and while I've seen many fellow hippies do this and keep exemplary order, neat camps and everything organized, my camp is ac complete mess. I do have many plans, and have taken action on some of them, learned to work different materials (wood, metal, some textile) but the math and hours just don't add up. There's probably enough materials in my camp to work on for months and years without running out, and every time I go out to get food for myself or my 3 cats, there's the potential to find more. I suspect hoarding (at least in my case) must have something to do with a lack of overview, clear planning of both space and time (activities) or unrealistic estimates as to how long things might take, what can reasonably be done per unit of time. Some type of nearly delusional optimism about what's possible. If anybody can share some good videos that might help with getting a handle on things, strategies that work, anything effective, I'm open :)
In Marie Kondo's book "the magic of tyding up" there are some different reasons of attaching and unable to throw away stuff: because something doesnt have a place in your life yet. So it is uncategorised and cannot be tidied up. It represents unfinished business.
Exaggerated emotions seem to be at the bottom of hoarding. I never hoarded but in the past sometimes found it too hard to toss but didn't know why. It was a brain malfunction. The culprit for me was caffeine. It's too stimulating for my brain, I discovered. Even decaf. When i kicked the coffee & tea habit I saw things differently, was less emotional, & tossed more easily. Caffeine is a socially acceptable drug that can have draw-backs. I also know a hoarder who is acutely sentimental & sees nothing negative with any of it. Lol! Such will die that way. My friend drinks a lot of caffeine & won't stop. Lol! I reminded my friend that if a home is too cluttered, a home health care worker can refuse to go in there. My friend's hoarding, at least in the bedroom, improved after that.
when i cut out caffeine i am like a different person. decaf also. as i posted above, there are multiple hoarders in my family and also OCD, ADD and autism. There's definitely some brain connections and misfiring going on--also anxiety. Sadly, two narcissists also, at least overt ones....
I think I'm a first level hoarder. My problem is paperwork. I just can't seem to get rid of it. Old mail, files, notes, drawings, receipts... it is just stacked up and overwhelming my space. I keep telling myself that one of these days I'm going to sit down and go through and toss out/file/shred this stuff. But I never get to it. Yeah, I'm busy with work (have my own engineering business) but that is really no excuse.
I came here to find a solution to my mom’s hoarding issues and found everyone in the comments suffering from the exact same issue with their moms mostly, I don’t feel alone in this anymore thank you everyone this was a quick therapy 😂
In my case it is my father who has this problem, apart from a narcissistic disorder as well. I live in Spain and population is slowly starting to realize about this problem. I wish you all the best. 🙋🏻♀️By the way about the narcissistic abuse I find very useful the videos of Dr. Ramani who lives in Los Angeles. Good luck. Search for advice in order not to have your life affected by the problem. 🙋🏻♀️🙏💐🇪🇦🇪🇦
My mom has a hoarding issue and always has . I’m 25 and the second oldest of seven children . I have no idea how to help her but is has negatively influenced all of our lives significantly. She knows it’s a problem but refuses to work on it or get help .
I'm here for the same answers. It's all the same.
Same i’m here to see what’s up with my mom Her house is sad I can’t go visit
Yup. My mother loves to hoard. I got very upset yesterday that I had to storm out of my house and go to the library to do homework. I can’t work productively with cluster around the house
I also feel that poverty plays a role in developing hoarding tendencies. I come from a family of hoarders and I myself was a hoarder and and in some respects still hoard to some extent. I feel that it derives from the need to acquire resources when one doesn’t really have the wealth to just go out and buy what we need when we need it. We feel like we need to keep everything that we could possibly use in the future because we may not have the resources to acquire the item in the future when we would need it. I have noticed that over time as my income level has increased my tendency towards hoarding has decreased significantly because now the space things take up out way their potential future value.
* outweigh
I absolutely agree. Growing up poor and the loss of what few treasures that were obtained, doesn't help. People can't take those things away from adults. It's sad.
Severe finances definitely can be a major factor. You can't afford to buy something new and what if you need this item later? Everything is expensive from clothes to housing items to tools, etc I also think it's anxiety-related and often related to some kind of loss in a person's life.
Bingo
I've heard the poverty excuse but I don't buy it, they used to say that because some people grew up in the great depression they became hoarders, to me it's just an excuse among many others that hoarders dream up for their behavior, I'm not trying to be mean but I personally know a hoarder for over forty years now and he didn't come from poverty, his father was a hoarder he's a hoarder now his son is a hoarder, people will go into serious debt because of hoarding behaviors, it is solely a mental disorder rooted in OCD, she hardly scratched the surface here.
Hoarders are eternal optimists. No matter how unlikely it might be, a hoarder is fully convinced that one day they'll have the time, energy, creativity, or necessity to use every single item they've held onto.
I’m not an optimist. I’m a realist and I like having as much as I need when I need it. I keep my options open.
For me it's the opposite. I hold onto what I can because I *know* I will have everything I need and everything I care about wrenched from me again and I won't be able to do anything about it, so I need to hold on while I still can.
It’s delusional and that’s not optimistic
@@-MakeItGood- Yes. This delusion runs through a hoarders life as if it is an optimism. But acknowledging this would be a kind of death for them. More of a death than becoming homeless. I have never gotten past "taking their side, giving them their optimism, and letting them play out their hand." Yes it is a kind of cop out but it's the best I can do.
Many hoarders are vulnerable narcissists who live to control their world.
It’s a never ending bottomless pit that can never be filled because the need is not material but emotional. Each item, regardless of its significance, was a shot of dopamine and in that moment was a relief. When you ask a hoarder to get rid of stuff, you are asking them to surrender their methods of coping and that makes them extremely vulnerable.
Right on!
At its most severe, it's like asking someone to give up an arm, or a child.
Thank you! Thank you for explaining the honest truth!
This describes my wife exactly. She saves paper bags, egg cartons, toilet paper rolls, etc. always telling me "I have a plan" - but nothing ever materializes, it just accumulates. This is probably the most cogent description of this problem I've heard.
Have u found any solutions to this situation?
@@MiMi-ch8zr I know a solution but it's gross.
Before I give the solution, a little context. Hoarding is a mental illness, a disorder. All mental disorders that are in the cluster of personality disorders are tied together by a waining circadian rhythm.
A waining circadian rhythm is due to low levels of melatonin synthesis. Either not enough sleep or a problem with the creation process of melatonin.
Women suffer more than men because women produce less melatonin and this accelerates with age as opposed to men which have a steadily decrease in comparison.
The solution is simple: male semen. Male semen is packed full of melatonin. The mental health benefits of male semen for women has been well documented. If you can as a male, spend time in the sun🌞 and share your seed with your wife.
I totally understand believe me!!! My husband is the same way. Its embarrassing!! Can't have friends over. Lonely and sad.
@@starquant Get off your high horse. My wife has done this since way before I met her. Her issues don't stem from me or how I treat her they are part of how she chooses to react to life based on earlier experiences. Yes, she seeks some way to control her environment, that's fairly obvious. Great insight, Einstein. How about posting something helpful?
@@kandi_canel.5730 I realized it's based on earlier experiences she had in life and there is a fear of loss mixed in there. She's improved somewhat but there's a ways to go.
This is a thing im really ashamed of, because people can be so mean instead of showing love 😢
So, im gonna say it.
I'm.. I'm a hoarder..
And I've finally asked for help ❤
I'm proud of you and I wish you all the best in your journey ahead. Stay strong!
God bless you… I came here because my aunt is a hoarder and she’s the most beautiful wonderful giving person in the world. I wish I could fix everything for her 😔.
Your hoarding is hiding very deep emotional scars, I know, my mom is also. Address them with professional help, not a de hoarder person but medical
Hey! There you go! And you’re alright… and human. 😌♥️👍🏽
So am I, but I found other people to be the issue, one, they don't like it, two, when they need something they come to me, I change peoples lives for the better all the time.
I have a hoarding issue that I've struggled with for years, maybe I can help some of you understand why the people you love struggle with this horrible disorder. My hoarding comes from loss and It's painful to even talk about but I want to overcome it so I will attempt to explain. When I was 18 and just had my son my Mom died suddenly and My whole family fell apart after the first year without my Mom we were evicted from our house they gave us 3 days, to move and I had nowhere to go with my son who was 10 months. I was left alone with the responsibility of packing up all My Mom's things and all of our things with nowhere to put them. There was no storage at that time and long story short it was traumatic. I had to decide what was worth keeping and what to throw away or give to my neighbors. I managed to save the things that meant the most to my Mom and managed to keep them for years I even shipped them to Hawaii from California when I moved here. Something happened and I had everything in storage here and there was a bookkeeping mistake and someone wrote down I owed $400 when It was only $40 I owed ,they auction off my storage without my knowledge and I lost all my things, my kid's things, and my Mom and Dads pictures and personal family things that meant so much to me. I felt as if someone I loved had died all over again. I lost everything and when I started over again I noticed it was hard to throw anything away , weird things like envelopes and stupid things. Later I lost everything again and I started over and still find it almost impossible to get rid of things I don't need or want. I've been working with my therapist doing a new therapy called "brain spotting " I believe it's working and I will continue doing it. I believe when you face a loss that is really painful your subconscious remembers and if associated with the pain of losing someone with the pain of losing things it will prevent you from letting go of anything. It's a very difficult thing to deal with and it's just as hard on the people who love the person suffering from this disorder. If possible try to get your loved one to try Brain spotting with a therapist. It's new, it's proven to work and it's shockingly easy to do. From what I understand It rewires your brain to process the trauma of the loss associated with the root cause of hoarding. You use it for all kinds of trauma and PTSD. ALOHA 🙏💖🧘♀️🕊🌎
You are heard and seen. Sudden loss is the common factor I've noticed with hoarders. The trauma makes you want to hold on to memories, and people who haven't lost anything of value don't get that part. I'm getting that from what you have written and just want to let you know that things can settle out and be put in order-you just have to decide it. Rarely will people understand. Find an outlet for your habit of collecting and make it something that helps the healing of others. Collect medical supplies and donate them or take what's valuable to you but not necessary and along your journey hand those items to people who impact you deeply...you will find more joy in giving and not see it as "throwing away." Most dont value sentimental things bc they have not connected with people empathetically so items are nothing to them-don't see your gift as a curse. Keep loving and connecting, and do your best to be healthy while doing so.
I can assure you it is not a disorder. What you have done were normal reactions to loss and it is a part of grieving.
We are all hoarders, some are more than others.
The different is the rich hoard things that appreciate in value over time, while the average person hoard things that decrease in value over time. The secret is quality over quantity.
Hoarding is fine until some of the hoarded items being seen as having no value.
My mum is a hoarder who could not stand an empty room. She is compelled to fill it up with things. She cares not whether the items will depreciate in value over time. She collected various free newspaper and empty containers and put them into boxes.
My brother is a different type of hoarder. He is a minimalist. He hoards space and fresh air.
As far as my brother is concerns, the space between the 4 walls and the fresh air in the room is more important than the objects in it.
My father gone even further, he doesn't like materials possession. He doesn't want to own anything. He doesn't want a wallet. He doesn't want to know the future. He is a spiritual seeker.
Lucky mum was a very good business woman so we escaped poverty.
.
Wow thank you ladies for commenting about this stuff because I'm currently sitting here waiting for my boyfriend to leave so that I can go hide the stuff that I got from a yard sale that I wasn't supposed to get cuz I'm supposed to stop getting stuff "that I don't need" .. yeah my boyfriend's had it with me getting stuff I don't need and having too much clutter and Im finally coming to the conclusion that I am truly a hoarder and I need to stop doing this.. so what did I do I searched how to get over hoarding and this was the first video that came up but I appreciate the way you guys are talking about it in not such a negative light .. I've had a hard time with hoarding somewhat my whole life but it just recently got bad when my mom passed away unexpectedly and I'm not handling the grief well at all what's my problem is is that cuz my boyfriend doesn't want me to do it I almost feel like I want to do it just because he says no which I know is pretty dysfunctional.. but he's right in that we don't have room for this stuff we live with a roommate and I have a shed I can put stuff in but my sheds pretty much full so I don't know what I'm thinking.. but he's so negative about it he makes it seem like I'm just a bad person and that anything I bring extra is absolutely unnecessary .. but like I said again it's nice to hear that it's not the end of the world and that I'm not this bad person for it and that there's hope I'd like to try that technique that the first comment was talking about in fact I'm going to look into that right now ..
Thank you all for your comments, it had given me hope. I too am here because my husband has had it with me and my hoarding. I’m trying to understand whenever I try to get rid of things I feel so lost. I think I need to go to therapy. The brain spotting sounds very helpful and promising.
Thank you for sharing information on brainspotting. I'm 73 & feel like I've tried everything. I've been able to stop accumulating in the last five years, yet I'm still struggling to let things go so I'm a level 1 hoarder. It has impacted my relationships & made me miserable. Anyone who meets me away from my house would not guess I have a problem.
I have been accused of hoarding foodstuff but I cannot ever forget being painfully hungry at age 10 and having to queue up for over 2 hours for one potato in Berlin in 1946
My mother was 9 when the war started (she is from Schlesien). Her problem with hoarding stemmed from fear of lack. Although we eventually immigrated to the USA (and me returning back to Germany in the 70's) and she had her own small business, she could not part with things. I moved her to Spain where I currently live and bought her the house across from me...larger than the one she had. She shipped literally rubbish.-..receipts from the 60's, hundreds of IBM #2 pencils, several sets of dinnerware taken over by her after aged friends died, appliances she KNEW she could not use here in Europe due to different voltage etc etc. When I moved her into my house and became her full time carer, it took me a full YEAR to clear out the crap she had. I would say 80% of her 'stuff' was unused, untouched for 20 years or more. Thousands of photos never looked at again, packing boxes of albums still in their boxes. I dreaded going over to visit her, the house was claustrophically cluttered...too much for me. For myself, I frequently get rid of or pass on things to the charity shop. I keep on top of my 'stuff '...I own them, they do not own me as was the case of my mother.
@@misottovoce I’m not that bad. It’s really only foodstuff,dried fruits and vegetable powders,specialty flours for my baking. And I have quite a lot of clothes, that’s all.
@@helenndow1101 Good for you! At 73 now, I am having an honest look at trying to create a seasonal colour palate that I can coordinate more with less clothes. I have too many summer clothes that no longer 'work well' together...and things I purchased because of the colour but not of good quality. Trying to get out of the fast fashion trend. Charity shop will be seeing more of me soon!
@@misottovoce your mother was very lucky to have you.
@@Dbb27 Thank you for your kind words ☺
Tell that to my mother, and she will tell you 10 excuses in quick succession, before she creates a verbal dispute over it. Watching her had made me realize anything you own or even plan on owning, always ends up owning you.
That’s scary bro, my mom has this same issue too. It’s become difficult to live with her at times because of it
Yes
I'm in the process of moving my hoarder mom's things to a new house, trying to get rid (selling, donating or trashing) of the useless stuff while at it, that's exactly what happens every time, with every different object! I think I gotta take her on a several weeks vacation away from here to get anything done here while she's away...
sjhit you own ends up owning you there is a price and it gets paid by others.....feel for you ed people dont get it ....when its so bad you cant bring someone to your family home ....
A trick: watch series on Flixzone. Me and my gf have been using them for watching loads of movies these days.
Because becoming attached to an object is usually more reliable than attachments to people. Objects do not betray, gossip, judge, sabotage, etc.
I have never thought about that, but you are exactly right!
so why need more of them? I guess failing point is then person hoarding, as emotions etc are not stable and thus always need something new. is it related to shopping addiction? ie getting and the joy of finding something is much greater than actually having it.
That’s a GOOD insight 😦
Yep, that's one reason that people collect dogs and cats.They cannot complain and they have to be subservient to a domineering person!
@@Georgia-VicI never trust anyone who likes animals more than people for this very reason. A confident and well adjusted person can handle being wrong sometimes.
I feel like this is a bit of an oversimplification. The people I've known who could disappear under what they call "clutter" seem to almost index their memories by the objects they own. It's as if they can't remember things unless they have something in their hand that is associated with the event And hence throwing things out to them seems to feel like they are throwing out the memories themselves. I feel like we need to understand how the brain actually stores and indexes memories in the hoarder mind to grasp why they act like throwing out an object is as if they were throwing a part of themselves into the trash. It goes beyond "oh, this plastic cup makes me feel happy about remembering that day at the beach" and into "if I throw this cup away, that pleasant day at the beach will literally be wiped from my life."
This is insightful. I actually have a memory issue, in that I genuinely don't remember most of what I've done in the past, even all those great memories of things your kids do while growing up. You may be pinpointing some of the reason I hang onto reminders. It's not the whole problem, of course, but I also tend to take a zillion photos. All reminders of what went on that I'd otherwise legitimately forget.
You make some very important points. I think that the linking of memories to objects and the fear of losing the memory if the object is disposed of is very perceptive. There’s also the attachment of emotions to the object too; it’s important to recognise that if the object is disposed of, the person in question believes that they will be unable to relive the associated emotion. Also, in my experience hoarding is often associated with deep loss, for example the death of a significant other or close family and friends. It’s clear that Hoarding Disorder is a complex and multifaceted condition, and unfortunately it is poorly understood.
I saw about a condition where people cannot picture things in their mins eye, they’ll imagination always shows blank space. They know intellectually what objects looked like but cannot picture them.i wonder if this can sometimes be connected to hoarding. My daughter is a hoarder and definitely associates objects with memories
I practice Swedish death cleaning. Once a year I go through everything I own and I look at it and think “if I was to die today is this some thing I would want my family to have to deal with”.
That's an awesome thing to do... Unless your family is hoarders, in which case, you'll end up keeping everything because so-and-so may want it! 🙄 I fear my mother is just the opposite; she'd take your concept to the extreme, and get rid of things that are valuable or that one of us would cherish! Meanwhile, I'm trying to get her to let one of us know where all pertinent paperwork will be when my parents are gone. Wills, deeds, bank accounts, car titles, etc. None of us have a clue..
So do I! Been doing it for 3 years now.
I do estate sales. I wish everyone did this. The kids don’t want it, and they really don’t want to sell their parents stuff. The things we see.........
...interesting..I do something very similar...but...with the Mexican muerto passion!!!
...once you practice this routine of surrendering..it becomes a healthy close friend to one’s spirit💜
I bought a campervan & got rid of everything that wasn't gonna be useful. I got rid of baby toys, childhood games, high school, yearbooks clothes that were too big extra shoes and once I got rolling and let go of any emotional attachment it was really easy just to start throwing stuff out. it was ridiculous hanging onto so much stuff for so long. When you realize it's just stuff, it's easy to get rid of.
"Don't throw anything away! Everything has value, We might need it someday."
BUT...when you need it: 1. you can't find it. 2. It's filthy. 3. Deteriorated by weather. 4. Has NO value anymore.
@jamesschan9634
How true!
Yess, its always like that with me and for some reason when i dont need it anymore i find it, but i still dont throw it away because i might need it again
@@Goldy709 I live with a hoarder, and if we ever have to move it's going to cost us plenty to clean up all the junk.
Many, if not most of our parents were raised by parents who survived the recession of the 1930s. Learned to hang onto things because even if you wouldn't need it, somebody might and you scrimp and save what you can. It's not that crazy, it's human nature. Letting go of things demands us to face our emotional past and that is the hard part.
My father turned 18 in 1929, and he had children very late in life. The Great Depression of the 1930s scarred him and he passed along the hard lessons he learned. The most important thing was to never waste food. So I'm a 66 year old man who cans, dries, and ferments to preserve precious food. I have hoarding tendencies but I fight them. When my brother died, I had to clean out the family home and he was a terrible hoarder. Sorry to go on, but the phrase "recession of the 1930s" sort of triggered me.
@@Matt-nj I am terribly sorry my friend. I hope the trigger wasn't upsetting.
My mother was born one of 13 children and though she came along in the 50s, she is identical to her mother, my grandmother,in that everything is kept, if it is on sale, she buys multiple and homemade jam and bread was a constant staple in our home growing up.
I cannot express my gratitude to both of you who replied. It is lovely to say the least and we indeed come from a very unique era and will witness another yet 🧡🙏💛
Thank you again for the wonderful input and sharing stories of who we are. Far apart yet connected 🙂
@@smuirhead3107 We do share a common experience. I hope it was not too traumatic, mine sadly was.
Yes I think it’s uniquely concentrated in the boomer generation
@@Matt-njcleaning out a home like that is a lesson about leaving your family with such a mess. Going through that this year
Something she didn’t mention is simply procrastination and lack of time and energy. True, I’m rather a hoarder, I guess. I could get rid of quite a few things, but it’s a lot of work. I’m not as young and not as healthy as I used to be, so putting in the work to go through lots and lots of things in order to sort out what I can get rid of and what needs to be kept takes a lot of time and energy. It’s so easy to every day put it off until tomorrow. “I’ll go through that box over there later this week”, I tell myself. Meanwhile my apartment gets a little bit more out of control. It’s also not as if I have nothing else that has to be done.
I've told myself this, too (& there's definitely truth in it), but I'm prepping for a move to a new house. That forces me to pack up despite my age - and with each thing I pack, I can decide to keep or get rid of the items. Not nearly enough is getting tossed, and this was the perfect opportunity.
@@jvallas I understand. Moving is a huge task, but it gives you an excellent opportunity, forcing you to get rid of things you don’t need or are unlikely to use. Good luck!
@@odietamo9376 thanks for your good wishes. Well, apart from the cleanup of the old place that I'm doing currently, the move's done. Though it was hard not to resent it🥴, the lads who moved me did me the supreme favor of talking me into dumping a lot more than I ever would have on my own. And they were gentle and not condescending about it. I still have way too much, but they've given me the incentive to do way more. I would so like to live in comfort in my new place. Stuff everywhere is not comfort.
For us hoarders, procrastination is always planned out so that when the time comes to throw it away, we already have a patent excuse for keeping it!
That’s me. 😢
If you personally struggle with hoarding, in a particular area (such as clothes or craft items for me), I have been practicing the therapy where you go to the store (for one specific item) and you don't buy anything just because you feel you "have to." Instead of talking myself into it or buying on impulse, I told myself all the reasons NOT to buy it....one of which is I am in the middle of decluttering. I am proud to say I have gone in three stores recently and come out with nothing, not giving into that urge to buy something because I "have to." If they don't have what I came for, I work on not buying something else just because then it's like a wasted trip to the store. Online shopping is the real problem, because then I can find the exact item I want and it's must harder to say "No."
Two other things that I have found affective is:
1) Start an IN and an OUT list (I keep it side by side in a stenographers notebook). IN is for what you bring in (not like mail or groceries), and OUT is what you get rid of. This way, you can try to make sure you are sending more out than you are bringing in, or at least, you are keeping it even....for everything I bring in, did something go out? Doesn't have to be big in size to be considered a "big" item you get rid of. Might just be something that was kicking around from pillar to post that you use occasionally, or might use some day.... Or might be something with strong sentimental value but you decide the memory of that event or that person is more valuble.
2) Write out your goals in life (one of mine is to live in house beautiful -- as in neat and clean -- hehehe.....), and then anything that doesn't fit those goals has to go. I REALLY need to do this again. I do understand that to a true hoarder his or her goal is to use EVERYTHING they have...to fix it, revamp it, sell it, gift it, create with it....on and on. Or maybe their goal is to shut people out, build walls of protection around themselves or fill the void with stuff......so, for them, I'm sure it's much harder. But, if you just trend toward hoarder tendencies, this can really help.
When push come to shove, it's the old: What would you grab if there was a fire? Probably your loved ones would be about it. If you put it in that light, WHY do we have all this stuff?
Anyway, sorry for long posts, but writing some of this out, is some of my therapy. I DO NOT want to live in a full on hoard, and I have stuff with no place to put it, so I am working on paring down..... Thanks for listening, if you read this far, and maybe this will help some of you to declutter as well.
nice
Thank you this was very helpful
Thank you
@@user-vx2yo4dm6h That is awesome advice. I quit doing some of the things that I mentioned here so I need to get back to doing them. I had to borrow too much out of savings to cover rent because I bought a lot of things last month. So this month I have to set aside all of the rent money before I am allowed to buy things I think I need for my household.
Do not apologize for the length of your post. This is one of the more informed ones I've read.
It all seems like a coping mechanism. A fear of missing out or of abandonment. They’re afraid of losing things or losing people, so they hold on as tight as they possibly can.
It's not always because of that.
No, a lot of times it is due to severe trauma.
If its true what I read in a previous post, building walls to keep people out is a sure way to hate the people 'just trying to help' by exposing you to everyone for everything. I feel it also helps to understand why some clean housed people seem to have such empty souls.
It might also not be just a fear but not having skills to cope with abandonment or loss. You fear things you do not know so there may be some truth. It seems that the worn out approaches don't work no matter how often they are tried so why cant the cleaner upper give them up either? Why don't we all just hold hands and take three steps backwards and look for an effective solution to a complicated situation.
Yes, very accurate. It often stems from sudden loss or fear of loss.
Thank You For The Information I'm With Out Hope With It I'm Very Worry About It
My parents will literally fish things out of the garbage and defend its usefulness. Every time I try to confront them about it, they deny it.
I have been that 'mad' neighbour going out to the bin taking things out before they come to empty it. Hard to explain.
Same with my dad
Our son...just unhoarded him again.
the reason a hoarder wants to keep things is they know they will regret parting with it and spend a lifetime regretting it which leads to anxiety I know because I am there
I hope you get help with your external and internal turmoil.
What would be the worst thing that would happen if you threw away an item you later needed? You'd have to go out and replace it, perhaps with an inferior item (or even a superior one). You'd have to pay for it, which is an inconvenience, but the space you'd save having gotten rid of it would pay for itself. The mental anguish seeing the object languishing, unused, and the mental uncertainty/anxiety you would have around it (get rid of it/keep it), surely isn't worth the small cost of buying a new one later? Not trying to be rude, just understand. Do you value space less perhaps (i.e. I really value having 'space' or just places without anything in them; empty corridors, bare tables, carpet-less floors)?
@@skullsaintdead you have no idea what you are talking about
@@terry4144 Well, yes, that's why I asked. That's why I'm confused.
@@skullsaintdead not everything is replaceable
You are spot on! Another phenomenon I have noticed while watching TV programs about this topic is that these people have a psychosocial need that is not being met. They could have suffered the loss of a loved one through death or divorce. I have a hoarding disorder myself. I have had trouble all my life with socialization. I always felt controlled by other people while having little control over anything myself. Inanimate objects do not leave you, you have control over them, they outlive people etc.
That is a very interesting point! Thank you for sharing it.
I have this problem too... it is related to how hard is to get out of house (some sort of agoraphobia)... so getting something is both reminder and dopamine boost to get passed that horrible step to get to something outside of house. But need to be careful not to emphasize attachment to objects as then life gets worse and worse over time.... + living in past as each one reminds of something all the time, making huge mental burden.
My Grandparents raised me.They were born in the early 1920's.My Grandpa saved tools,nuts,bolts, screws,nails and washers. He always fixed things and hardly ever threw anything away.My Grandma saved and refused plastic bags, jars and containers, bread ties,rubber bands, clothes and everything else. We only tossed things in the trash that weren't able to be reused or repaired.I am almost 55 and I still have a "collecting" personality lol. They grew up in a time where food, tools and clothing was scarce.I don't. I make excuses for hoarding like: "Oh this is useful, all kinds of things can be done with it, if I don't find a use for it, then it will be wasted and I am a careless person!"...all the while, it is only just an empty container.I have been known to wash out a soup can just so that I can make a "change jar" from it!🙀 I am learning that the world doesn't end if I throw something in the trash. Slowly my apartment is getting bigger and there are less fall hazards!
I think we were separated at birth!😂🤣
A helpful video!
Great job clearing the apartment. You are doing excellent and you seem VERY aware and on purpose, which I feel is our purpose in life. ( to raise the level of these qualities in ourselves ). I look at clearing through things as spiritual practice in this regard, so I also feel you are raising the level of contiousness on the planet as you do YOUR work. Nameste! ;-)
I noticed that once a hoarder comes into possession of something, it becomes part of their identity. Like a new body part. And any space that they have control of is like inside their skin. And that is why forcibly removing it from them feels to them like having surgery without any anesthetic. It's very visceral, and they truly feel pain. But it's not always pain from past trauma. They have had some kind of brain damage or brain disorder. It's not intentional. It can start in childhood, but it doesn't get diagnosed until later on when they are old enough to have space of their own that they can control, and have easier ability to acquire things.
There is some kind of visual problem they have that needs to be researched. They can't visualize spaces very well, they don't know what can fit where. They can't locate things right in front of them. For them, out of sight is out of mind. So as a new layer is added to a pile, the old layer disappears to them. So they can't find anything, and end up buying/bringing in another one. The walls close in, and all they notice is the edges of things.
There is this phenomenon that occurs when you loose a limb, that is called phantom limb. The missing limb still feels like it's there. It can feel pain. If you put a mirror to reflect the existing limb so it looks like the missing limb is still there, it can resolve this. I think this brain mechanism is a miswiring that happens in some people, so that any loss feels like a lost body part. Their identity is completely wrapped up in their body, and their body identity is completely confused with their sense of ownership of things they acquire. It's the complete literalization of identity and the literal interpretation of the abstract concept of what it means to own or be in control of something. I think that if more research gets done, they might find a link to Autism, which can be caused by brain damage, and faulty mirror neurons. And Autistics are very literal, have trouble with executive function, often have attention deficit, and OCD, and social anxiety. They often relate better to objects than people. They misunderstand people, and people misunderstand them, because even though they have emotions, they are unable to express them well, and are unable to manage their emotions.
I think that those people who seem to begin hoarding after a traumatic event, a huge loss, might have some hoarding tendencies that they were able to manage and overcome somehow, but after the trauma, couldn't. I think a serious loss can cause brain dysfunction, just like a mild traumatic brain injury. People have died of a broken heart. It's even a syndrome. It's like an electrical circuit that gets blown.
One hoarder had lost a young child and a father and a brother. But this only made the hoarding much worse. He didn't handle grief well. But he had been hoarding since childhood. And of his four other siblings, he was the only hoarder. As he got lonely, but mistrusted attachments to people, he spent more and more of his time shopping, and searching out treasures, because he had trouble making plans, and being organized enough to keep them.
I formulated these ideas while helping several hoarders clean out, one of which was an Autistic adult. And from parenting an Autistic adult, (who is not a hoarder.)
This rings SO true for me, every word
Really what causes it is they have been either physically or mentally gaped open, and they are trying to fill that gaping void through hoarding trash.
I can 100% relate to this. Thanks for the detailed explanation
I'm an autistic hoarder & child of autistic hoarder parents and I agree about the connection, and about your conclusions about identity and how attached we can become to things.
One thing though, I have really good spatial memory. And this is backed up by a hoarding disorder expert whose book I read, who said that hoarders sometimes _think_ they have poor spatial memory because they can't find things, but really it's just too much stuff - and usually disorganised - so it's asking too much of your memory.
You should make a RUclips video - this is extremely valuable information that has been put together by someone - you! - with hands-on experience, and wise, educated insight.
For many mums, hoarding is not a disorder but rather a coping mechanism for something deeper.
Sentimental value is the main reason. Usefulness is the second reason.
Another reason that is not often mention is mental trauma such as being neglected, not being loved, feeling empty inside, etc. As a coping mechanism, they try to fill their space with objects to feel less empty.
❤❤😢
My ex-wife is a hoarder, I left when there was no room left for me in the house. It's a terrible disorder to live with.
I truly feel sorry for you. My mom’s boyfriend lives with her. He is a hoarder. It causes immense stress in her life and ours too. It effects my family visiting her. We feel very stressed when there. It makes me mad that he is cluttering up my mom’s house. But she is the only one who can do something about it. 🥾
I'm a hoarder, I don't hoard trash, I have shoes, perfumes, stuffed animals, cosmetics, my house is messy and I get overwhelmed because I have too many things for my space, I recently been diagnosed with ADHD, so naturally I tend to procrastinate, lose teack of time and have organizational challenges, it's easier for me to stop buying things that are not needed but hard for me to let go of the things I have, because I like them, they are not trash, they are expensive, etc, I can rationalize keeping my items.
How old are you?
Think temporary no buys or low buys help, use up the perfumes, do hobbies from stash etc
I think another reason for hoarding is when people collect objects to sell online, but never get around to it. They can't discard the objects, as it's like throwing money away. I have thrown away some things because I didn't understand what they were and it turned out I needed them. They were a missing part of something I had in my house. Or I threw out something I thought I didn't need and then a few weeks or months later, I did need one of those and had to go and buy one!
I found that, to a person, the people I met who collected loads of things have good intentions and kind hearts.
My ex suffers from this. Was difficult to deal with. We had other reasons for our divorce, but this was a big piece. Difficult to overcome. I wish everyone strength.
I’m a “level one” hoarder. I don’t hoard trash, my house isn’t “messy” but it is cluttered and I have almost no space to put anything without my house becoming messy. Not having space causes more anxiety, and what do I do when I have anxiety? I buy more things. It’s a constant cycle. I have OCD, severe anxiety, and I suffered childhood sexual abuse. Part of my hoarding comes from wanting control over my things since I didn’t have control over my trauma as a child, another part is I can’t throw my things away out of fear of needing them or regret, and the last part is the more things I buy the more I feel I am filing a void. (That never actually becomes full.) I hoard mainly clothes, beauty products, shoes, and some other random things. Actually, last year, I took a huge step and when we moved out of our apartment I left behind a whole closet full of clothes without even looking through them. I was proud of myself, but to this day I still think about them. And over the year I’ve accumulated so much more than I left behind. I have a huge attachment to my clothes the most, I still have pajama pants from 4th grade, I’m 23 now and they haven’t fit me since 6th grade.
You're definitely on the right track to "recovery". Wishing you all the best.
Oh honey we need to be friends. You are me. Mine is also clothes. It doesn't make it any easier when I have so many thrift shops that are constantly selling nice clothes for a dollar. Another problem is fabric. I save old clothes because I'm going to revamp them which I often do and don't really even need. I am just creative and I like to see what I can make out of something. I don't think it stems from my childhood but I do think it's carried over from a past life or something where I didn't have enough.
Interesting, you partially describe my sister who is a sentimental hoarder. She has clothes from the 80's!
It's weird because she is clean but she will absolutely not part with her old clothes
@@triggabun exactly how I am!
The fact that you have no space tells me you’re well past a level one hoarder. I’m sorry this is something you are dealing with and good on you for trying to do better ❤
My mom is a hoarder. Somehow my dad was convinced to buy a new house, but no surprise, she hoards in the new house too. My dad is now a hoarder too. It's never-ending. Hoarders just love stuff.
My older sister and mother were hoarders and we, as children, suffered. Our home was so cluttered no friends were invited over, no birthday parties with friends and it felt oppressive to have no order. It's sad, isolating disease and despite my efforts , they won't talk about it or take turns to be hostessing for our family on holidays.
I was raised the same way. I craved friendship so much as a child.
One reason I heard that resonated with me was the idea of potential in the hoarded items, that they represent ideas and projects that hoarders hope will come to fruition if they ever use the items.
a 2 min video... left out lots.. my hoarding started when my kids left home.. people do it to fill a void, an emptiness, loneliness but dont realize that creating a mountain/wall of stuff wont solve that emptiness .. it wont fix lonely. It is a distraction from all of that. Some of us thrive on being overwhelmed.. makes you feel like you always have something to do.. I have dehoarded my life mostly, still more to go, but the emptiness, loneliness is still there.. it wont go away.. now with this isolation and distancing going on its even harder
Did you go through therapy?
@@sheen9769 I didn't go thru the typical therapy .. I have found that doesn't work with me, the last time I had traditional therapy it was really harmful to me. This therapy tho.. self initiated via watching ALL the hoarders shows...bing watching.. and then when my mother became terminally ill and it was apparent she would not come home.. I was the designated person to clean out my parents house.. and put it on the market.. it was 2 weeks of my life where I learned about my Mother and myself.. I didn't know why I could not go stay at her house when I visited.. I had to go stay in a hotel.. I had 6 kids so that meant renting two rooms, adjoining.. so it was an expensive endeavor to visit her.. she had two rooms in her house.. that she had hoarded, packed full.. of magazines, empty boxes.. and lots of stuff.. she had 100s of purses, many brand new, at least 1000 shirts.. I gave most of it to the local charity shops.. and the van loads of magazines to recycling … they paid me like $18 for a van load.. many were never even opened, still pristine in their plastic wraps.. it seemed so sad.. I knew why I could not spend the night there with my kids.. her stuff was more important.. . When I came home, I started de-hoarding my own mess.. and now.. years later.. I have nothing on the floors, counters or furniture.. and I am still "sifting" , giving away things..I have a trunkload of stuff to take away tomorrow.. its taken me a very long time.. but I didn't want one of those rollaways and people pilfering thru my possessions, it is VERY traumatizing to have that happen
@AL Smith it also takes money.. and when you are on a low income health plan, choices are limited.. you cant just hop from therapist to therapist.. and sometimes as in my case, you dont know that the therapist is your enemy until you are in knee deep.. in my case, she worked against me, which was very painful.. without going into full details.. I didnt expect what she did.. it shocked me, took me a long time to get over it and I wont go again, oh hell no.. I go and talk about my life, my problems, deepest issues, and she wasnt really too concerned about me at all.. I didnt get help tho I went faithfully for a year, once a week.. I kept hoping that it would help me but it never did.. I would just go in, air all my weekly woes and leave, I didnt get the help I needed, why take a chance again?
Trash/mess hoarder here. I can relate to this so much. It does open our eyes when we have to go through the hoarded belongings of a dead relative. I've cleaned up a hoarded house before, my ex's Mom, and thankfully she gave us permission to throw away what we didn't think would be useful. I didn't realize I was a hoarder at that time. I didn't realize I was a hoarder when I had to go stay with a family member due to the furnace being fixed, and her home made me supremely uncomfortable because it was so clean. It felt unnaturally clean and unlivable. I didn't realize I was a hoarder when I would stay with various friends over the years who kept their living spaces full of trash and mess, and felt at home. I didn't realize I was a hoarder when I was a little girl, and Mom would say I had to at least clear a path in my room before I went to bed, and the time when Mom said "where's the path?" and I showed her little places where I could step between my toys and said that was the path. I didn't realize until going through my deceased stepfather's hoarded tools, trying to understand why he would have kept *so many* rusty, unusable, dangerous things and thought it was okay. I realized that actually, I *could* relate, because of my own difficulties with surrounding myself with trash and mess. It was because I myself felt like trash, and this manifested in the way I neglected myself. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve food, even when I'm hungry. My stepdad was relentlessly verbally abusive, he would look for things to nitpick me about, and I don't miss him. It felt like torture, it went on for years. Before he died, he said that his head was a constant turmoil of thoughts, and that was why he yelled so much, or would go off by himself so he didn't yell. His belongings... were disturbing. I've never seen so many rusty saw blades mixed with rusty nails and rusty screwdrivers and rusty wrenches and rusty everything in my life. I'm lucky I didn't cut myself going through his things. This, coupled with watching episodes of hoarding shows, has been so eye-opening. It's not just his stuff I've been going through, but my deceased grandparents' things as well. We have a collection of table saws. We have a collection of doorknobs. We have a collection of ceiling fans. My Mom found a bird's nest in a box packed with a collection of Reader's Digest magazines. "What if we need it?" has been frightfully replaced with "what if we don't need it? What if it sits there and rots and collects cobwebs and filth until we're all dead, and someone else has to throw it away, like all this stuff here, and wonder what was wrong with us to have so much broken, useless stuff?" It's a trauma response. Going through the Flashbacks in 2018, metaphorically speaking, I thought it was dirt I'd swept under the rug, but when the rug was pulled up it turned out to be more like broken glass and razorblades underneath; stuff that felt too painful to pick up and throw away. Going through this hoard has been exactly like that. We knew it was tools, we didn't know those tools included rusty saw blades and rusty razor blades. We knew there was a lot of stuff in the basement, we didn't know the extent of it though. My entire family, it seems, has been traumatized. But I think there are valuable lessons here. How else would we be able to understand this, unless we'd lived it? Personally, I wouldn't want to understand it if I hadn't gone through it myself. We are doing a massive clean-out, my rooms are clean, and things are looking up.
@@jenius9164 Thankyou for this! I have experienced "inheriting" tons of stuff.. I have things from my Mom, Dad, Uncle, Aunt, and Grandparents... all mine! I have a family history of useless stuff.. I gave away my Mom's vintage dolls.. some were broken.. I felt bad, but then now, I dont miss them at all.. they were just always in the closet.. I am continuously sifting.. and in doing so, each time I let go of stuff I feel happier, lighter.. and I am careful not to do a refill.. I had so much fun at auctions.. people all standing around, for a day, auctioneers jokes and people laughing, and all trying to be winning the same stuff! Its a high when you win your bid... a load of "stuff" that someone else wanted.. so that combined with all the inherited stuff , it was tons.. now, I have nothing on the floors. I have given away 30,000 books.. I loved them so much.. I felt joy in being surrounded by all these books! I became a bookseller on ebay and amazon, I would mail out a backseat in my car full of books nearly daily.. I listed them, and spent my days pouring through them, sometimes just trying to find one book would take hours..
but I was so happy when I finally would find it.. what a fine distraction from that empty nest. I had 6 kids.. and lots of foster kids.. in and out of the house.. but now, nothing except quiet, solitude.. I have doggies and kitties am very careful not to get more of those.. animal hoarders are the worse! its been a long lesson for me.. hoarders show helps me a lot. I feel compassion for the hoarders... as I know what they feel about having their stuff thrown away, pilfered through by strangers.. I had to deal with it if I didnt want that to happen.. I am on the last frontier, my closet.. its quite hoarded.. its supposed to be a "walk in " closet, but it is a crawl in closet now.. its been a place I can throw stuff and shut the door.. am dealing with it now..
My husband is a hoarder. He will got to garage sales and pick up something we don't need or have any use for. He will say, "I may need it in the future" when it NEVER materializes!!!. Its a horrible disease! Embarrassing too!! I can't have friends over anymore cuz of his sickness :( Its a lonely and sad life!
I'm sorry. :( My mom buys a lot of stuff too. Her family are hoarders. She is borderline. She has a hard time 'passing up a good deal'. My Dad had bad habits for decades as well. It's like a perfect storm. Then when the health problems begin, it's hard to do normal upkeep and it gets worse as the years go on. Things don't get fixed. I have a memory of a wind storm blowing one of the shutters off my parent's house and my mom telling my Dad to get it back up. Weeks went by and I remember them fighting about the shutter. That was 30 years ago and my Dad never put the damn shutter back on the house. WHY? Projects never got finished. Always these amazing ideas that were celebrated, but nothing. :( Interestingly this is now what my husband and I fight about. Projects that don't get done. Buying more stuff that we don't have places to go. I think my husband is borderline hoarder too, but he blames that the house is too small. We are moving, so we'll see if he changes now that he'll have his own workshop in the basement that he can trash as he wants. I want a clean dining room and living room without stuff all over the floor. We'll see...I'm not holding my breath. Thanks for letting me vent. It is hard.
Idea - maybe you can go out with your husband and do something he enjoys - speak his love language - and listen. There is a reason you married him. What was it? What were you doing? Can you do those things again?
It's easy to point fingers in general (humanity likes to do this) - my husband doesn't understand me (we both speak english), and it's all my fault. Funny thing is, that even a broken clock is right twice a day, but never anyone else close to him. So I understand spousal frustration. I'd just encourage you to meet friends out and about; enjoy the time together, away from the house, and do that for a while. See what happens next.
Best wishes to you.
Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal" -Jesus Christ
I'm dealing with a friend right now who is choosing his hoard over his physical health. He recently had a ruptured bowel. He was given a less than 10% chance of surviving the surgery to repair it. He made it, but his recovery has been slow. He was in terrible physical condition before this happened, and he has only deteriorated since. He went from the hospital to a nursing home. When his insurance stopped paying for the nursing home, he was discharged. I took him home and that is when I saw his level 5 hoard (I hadn't been to his house in years prior to this). Within two days he was back in the hospital, and was then sent back to the nursing home. Insurance again stopped paying, and he was sent home. I did everything I could to make his place tenable, but it is not safe for him to be there, as his house is full from floor to ceiling, with only a small path leading to his bedroom. I'm worried that there will be an avalanche and that he will be buried alive (or that he'll fall and not be able to get up, and will lay there until he dies). Anyway, one day after coming home the second time, he was back in the hospital and will be heading to the nursing home again. They want him to go into assisted living, but since he is on social security, it will mean giving up his home to pay for his care. He is bound and determined to come back home and says he will go through all his stuff as soon as he "feels better". The thing is, he is never going to get better. He'll die in that house and I will be left to clean it out (in which case all of the stuff that he doesn't want thrown out will in fact be thrown out anyway). It's like he would rather hang onto his hoard than have a shot at a decent life. I care about him, but it's sad, and it is very, very draining.
I have a friend almost that bad. Whole rooms unusable. The estate sale guy I hired to liquidate Mom's house said he does a lot of hoarder houses. Something to think about for your future task.
You are a good friend!. I have a brother with this disorder and it breaks my heart. I go see him every year in hopes that I can at least get him to have a fire plan and keep a path open from front to back door in case of fire, has a fire extinguisher and smoke alarm. I stay a while and tell him I appreciate him "making room" for me and MY safety and focus on my concern for HIS safety. I am trying to research as much as I can so that I don't trigger him, but believe me, in the past I've made every major mistake! My biggest fear is he will need an ambulance at some point and then the authorities will be called and the place condemned with him becoming homeless . Each year I make a LITTLE progress but there is a long ways to go. Don't give up on him, but remember that without professional help, 95% of them go back to hoarding or even make it worse. Savor every small step and bless you for not giving up
I used to have hoarding problems... 5 yrs ago... but I was able to let go of it the moment I realized I have ptsd and depression. I threw away like 5-6 sacks of unnecessary objects such as rocks, broken appliances, boxes, etc. 😅😅😅
I am a borderline hoarder. I feel sick just saying it.
I'm bothered that useful objects are thrown in the trash. It kills me when someone throws something out without asking me first. It's hard to say keep when someone's telling you it isn't worth anything and it's garbage. I've had to pass up so much help because people don't abide by my mentality. It feels good when I get rid of stuff. But I've also gone back in the garbage to pull stuff out. Mostly they say it's useless and I legit have a use for it. This is a hard one.
Wow I'm having a lot of the same feelings .. are you seeing a therapist or anything or how are you handling it
@@sherrygonzales3434 avoidance. I have one friend who helps on my level. My boyfriend stopped helping because I saw value in my things. Yeah, he tossed a bond and a birth certificate. Yes, it's my fault I didn't put it away. I'm admitting my faults to get help. One. One person. Not even family.
But hey, it is doable. You'll know when the right time comes.
Try to create a social group using social medias. Memebers of the group would give away things they no longer need but still have good values.
They meet and swap things every 6 months or yearly.
This should fulfil 2 needs: the need to hoard and the need to help others.
If the group have items that none of them wanted but still have value, they donate those as Charity to the local community.
I know what you mean about stuff getting thrown out. My mom threw away a glass that had been given to me by a neighbor. They gave me that glass as a gift for watching their cat and their home when they went on vacations. There were two glasses, but one recently (allegedly) broke. I wasn’t told about it and only found out after trash day. It still pisses me off because I wasn’t told. About six months ago, my dad did the same thing with another of my glasses, not the same set of drinking glasses. This one was a glass we’d had for decades, with little leaves imprinted in the glass. It hadn’t chipped or anything, but a crack had appeared deep within the glass itself. No leaks, and since the glass was only used for water, never anything too cold and never anything hot, it was never a problem. Not until he finally saw it and threw it away. I should’ve retired it and used it to hold my paintbrushes, but I never thought he was going to throw it away. It had held that crack for a couple of years before he saw it and threw it out. It still bugs me. ☹️
@eciesz listen to your word "killing yourself" 💔
I have a mother, husband and grandchild with this disorder. i can't believe my grandchild, age 12 has it. Also, after traumas in my 30's i started hoarding things and buying in erratic patterns. Then, of course, i have to mention my son. He is a hoarder. began early with him too, before his teens. I have a brother, sister who are OCD. I have a grandchild with ADD. I have a brother, nephew and grandchild with autism. Some days i'm just flat out sad.
Brooke, I really feel you 🙌🥰🎯
It can be generational..needs prayer to break off
The three reasons she gives for wanting to keep things do not explain the extreme inability to let go of anything, the need to hold on to things long after they're no longer useful. Before you can change a behavior you need to understand clearly what it does for you, what needs you're trying to meet.
My cousin was a hoarder. He saved newspapers even though had a subscription and could look at it online. But it wasn't just newspapers but books as well. At one point he was threatened with eviction and had to clean up his apartment. He was on probation for several years and as soon as it ended, the newspapers started piling up again. That's when I realized that he had issues that needed to be addressed.
It was really sad because he neglected his health. He slept on a mattress that looked worse than any that I slept on in camp back in the 70's. His toothbrushes were disgusting and I offered to replace them but he waved me off.
He was like a lot of people that you see on the hoarding shows. If you asked him about his stuff, he would make it seem like it was your problem and not his.
He died five years ago and he had a brother who I suspect has the same issues but knows enough to keep people out of his apartment.
Life is hard but harder for some.
You literally in one sentence analyzed my entire mom's side of the family. 1:40 This isn't just in hoarding, but in projects too. Nothing ever gets done. Broken things are never fixed. It's terrible to those around you to have all of these ideas, but not actually do them. I think if your partner is someone who has issues in another complimentary area, the combo is a perfect storm. I see the devastating effects hoarding has. It isolates you. No one can visit or come over to your house. It destroys their spouse, children, pets etc
Memory
Attachment
Pretty
Usefulness
Waste conserve resources
I'll remember PAM WU (pretty, attachment, memory, waste, useful)
I am going to break the hoarding cycle in my family. I have faith in me.
I have given into partner pressure to get rid of items I felt connected to, and almost without exception those objects went on to have considerable financial value. Sometimes I bought them again at many multiples of what I originally sold them for. My late uncle would never throw anything away. He had clothes going back to the 1930s, kept his kid's toys and listened to music on an old valve radio. Although he never earned a big wage, he was always comfortable and shaped his life as he wanted to live it. There are different kinds of hoarding.
Ikr❤❤❤❤
I'm an artist and I use that title to justify my desire to collect things. I'm not sure if I am a hoarder, but I get fixated on having lots of useless things around. I love empty containers of every size and configuration. From tiny pill boxes, small bottles, mint tins,....then more designer ones that held watch bands, or even clear plastic egg holders. Going on to all sorts of well made cardboard boxes. My artist friends seem to have this same affliction. Some collect tiny things,...buttons, tiny found toys, colorful beach plastics and glass. I find I feel anxious in houses that aren't filled with much stuff. I house sat for a couple,....they didn't have a single photo under a magnet on their refrigerator door. No photos on desks or pinned to a cork board. They had only a couple of framed pictures, and they weren't even hung up, but were leaning against a wall, at the floor level. I wondered if they never fully moved in or were getting ready to move away. Neither was true,.they are still around. Early on I began collecting specific things,....salt and pepper shakers. Ones that represented modern architecture and world fairs, ones that resembled larger things,....like a vacuum cleaner or a washing machine. Go to any flea market and cast your eyes on tons of stuff, people collect to a level of insanity. Match books, bottle caps, shoe horns, cigarette lighters, swizzle sticks, paper weights,....etc, etc. I guess I do have some order,....things I collected are organized, I have specific shelving for each thing. So there is a lot of glass shelving, and curio cabinets. The art I used make came from assembling rusty metal I found in junkyards. I loved going to junkyards, and seeing the chaotic piles of twisted metal and assorted rusting junk. Sometimes collecting the right things pays off. Some of my sculptures were made with found, plumbing, copper pipes. To make the sculptures I needed to collect a lot of copper pipe. I had quite a stock pile of it. Then before I could turn it into a sculpture, I had "a real life" plumbing emergency. Some pipes burst after freezing, one bitter winter day. I called my plumber, and he found I had all the pipe he needed to make the repairs, in my "copper pipe hoard", collection. For the win!
Few years ago, when i found out im a hoarder person because of a singaporean youtuber making fun of herself being a hoarder i asked "what's a hoarder" then a lightning strucked me, i am a hoader, all of the things in these video said was to accurate. When i found out few years ago that im a hoarder, i cried so bad because of frustrations on why cant i let go things that are unecessary but it feels necessary to have? My mom is always angry at me when i hoard back then, but i explained the situation she still mad when i hoard and she helps me get rid of things, well there are times that i hoard but im always stopping myself by saying "No, no we're not doing that anymore, stop it, you wont need it" just sharing the pain i felt growing up and not knowing how bad my situation is.
im not the "im gonna hold on to this in case it comes in handy" one, im the "IF I DONT TAKE THIS HOME I'LL NEVER SEE IT AGAIN, AND ILL BE DEPPRESSED!!!" one.
This doesn't touch the issue. My mother bought a storage shed to store beauty magazines she never read. 20 yrs of them. It's beyond insane!!!
I don't usually read comments because there's so much hate online but this is the most helpful comment section I've ever read. I can relate to so many of you regarding how I experience my hoarding situation and motives...
Very positive spin and pointed out good characteristics on hoarding disorder. Need more professionals like her in mental health.
My father is a hoarder, he rages, shouts and have tantrums like a 3 year old(I'm not exaggerating, he really has tantrums exactly like a 3 year old), whenever we touch or even move his stuff. He's severely mentally ill but that doesn't excuse him for his behavior. He's been like this for 30+ years and never had the will to change and be responsible despite being a father of three. He also quit his job decades ago and does nothing around the house but watch tv. When we move his stuff, he says he'll kick everybody out of the house because my grandparents(my dad's parents) who owned our family house died and let him inherit the house. Giving him reign over there.
@@annesmith6582 I live in the Philippines where there are street children. He has a huge paranoia of street children and a burning hatred of them. One time a street child selling food was just passing by. The street child was probably 8 years old. He opened the car door banging the child, throwing him to the ground with the food he was selling and leaving him in pain. He wanted to hurt the child. My dad's lucky he lives in a third world country otherwise he would be in jail for assault on a helpless child. My point still stands, your mental illness does not excuse your behaviour and actions.
Was the child ok?
@@lcarpenter1906 No, he laid in pain and my dad drove us off. Mom, and I was so shocked by the whole ordeal we couldn't talk and dad would often threaten to do something bad when he was on the wheel so we couldn't say anything. I was 5 when it happened.
@@marcuscarana9240 oh wow ok
Thank you. I set out to organize, then get hit with "analysis paralysis", not kniwingvwhere to start. I get overwhelmed. I always have a "donate" bag going
1. Throw out obvious trash. All the way to the trash can. Don't leave full bags around.
2. Put like with like - all clothes together, all books together, etc.
3. Pull out obvious donations while doing this and keep donations separate from everything else.
4. Put items in correct rooms: kitchen stuff in kitchen, etc.
5. Keep dumping trash and pulling out donations and keep emptying the house of these.
This is the beginning only. But it's important to get used to sorting correctly and getting unused, unneeded items out of the space.
@@michellefarris3961 What you wrote is SO succinct and SO true 🎯🥰🙌 Also schedule 4 x 15 minute decluttering and sorting sessions per day minimum REGARDLESS ….and (schedule) take all cleaned usable saleable things to charity once or twice a week……get them out of the house….then value that meter of empty space you created….then value what you do have… for example, after you have given 25 jackets to charity…you will really value the four jackets you have kept….Rome was not built in a day…..nor is a hoard…..slow and steady…..do it alone…….decluttering and donating….take photos every month of your progress …over a year or two……lastly only bring in food and toilet paper…..if acquisition is not stopped……you will never get control…
I actually worked out a system for collecting "odds and ends" - little discardable things that might be useful for something someday. I have a small container (slightly smaller than a shoebox) for them, and I can keep whatever fits in there. If it fills up, I have to toss something before I put something else in. Just knowing I have a place to put things makes me more inclined to toss things out. "Is this really potentially useful enough to take up space in my odds & ends box...?" Lots of times, the answer is "no," and I can toss it without regret. :)
That's the tricky part for someone with hoarder tendencies but who isn't a full on hoarder. Problem is, I like to craft (tie dye, T-shirt painting, paper crafts, ribbon creations). I don't dare take on a new craft because I have only so much space. I ask myself: Do I need this? But I have to keep things to do my crafts. Then, I add to the stuff I already have (like a new color of dye or a new white clothing item to dye). I also love decorating at the holidays and for the various seasons, so I have a lot of that kind of stuff or I craft stuff to decorate with. Finding what to keep (what projects will I really do and finish and will I really decorate with that?) and what to throw away is the hard part.
I started an IN list and OUT list. Under IN was everything coming IN to my apartment. OUT was for what I sent away or threw away. The idea was more was supposed to be going out than coming in. It was my goal to throw away one "big" item each day. It might not be big in size, but it might be big in my attachment to it or that feeling "I can use that or I will wear that....." (I also have the too many clothes syndrome.) I don't keep up on the lists like I should. The lists were to show that I was making a conscious effort to get rid of things and declutter and make more space. Reminds me, I need to get back to doing that.
Any hints on the best way to determine "This is truly useful and worth keeping" as opposed to just hanging on to it because I "might" use it or need it some day? I found that writing out: What are your goals in life? really helped in the past. If it didn't help with achieving said goals, it had to go. And I was allowed to keep ONE collection (I had many).
Not sure I put this under the comment I meant to, so sorry if it seems unrelated to this post.
I lost it when you said toilet paper rolls I swear to god this video it’s like she knew exactly who my mother is has more seashells than the beach itself and is obsessed with making things out of toilet paper rolls 😂
I think hoarding disorder comes about as well because people don’t know who they are. There’s confusion about what you’re aligned to in life. Like when helping a friend downsize I asked her of she’s ever used this glass bead maker, she said “No, but it’s because I don’t have enough room.” So she couldn’t see how the stuff was stopping her from fulfilling who she might be and perpetuating that stunted view of herself, because her place was so packed she couldn’t move in there. She couldn’t get the experience of her objects and so they were in a holding pattern. So the problem seems to compound.
AL Smith
Thank you.
I’ve thought a lot about this and I think it might be a good idea for hoarders to go out and have some meaningful experiences outside of their mess so that they can start to view themselves through a different lens, for lack of a better term. Then maybe they can get a better idea of what they’re aligned to at present and start letting go of all that stuff that doesn’t resonate with them anymore. Maybe a sense of fulfillment in some meaningful pursuit might put them in a frame of mind that getting rid of things wouldn’t be just a sense of loss but a sense of realignment with who they’ve become. I wonder if that would help.
@@dj8350 Fantastic insight! If you have close friends or family you like to do things with it could be even more helpful. Pick up a hobby or sport then see all the things in your life you don't need perhaps. Little more difficult if a loner as you are trapped in your own mind.
Y’all nailed for me. 100% self defeating cycle. I now game my system by organizing (small)piles in the way so that I’m forced to expel the junk. But I had to start a clean slate somewhere and work out from there. What helps me the most(with simplifying surroundings and making it HYGIENIC) is viewing my space from other folks lenses. IE ask my self “what would child services say about my mess?”. Once I start having clear, open space, the things which are out of place really stand out. I don’t beat myself up about any of this. “You do you”, you are who you want to be, make a change if you want to, or not. You are still you, and that’s good enough, with mountains of squalor or without.
Absolutely true! My aunt had every room in her house stacked with boxes up to the ceiling of what she called “keepsakes”. Everything she had was from family members & friends. She passed away never seeing her keepsakes for many years because she had them packed away in all of those boxes. Thank you for this excellent video!
For those who grew up in the depression hoarding is done because they are afraid they will end up like it was. It's really more of a cptsd issue
Lots of interesting and helpful comments. I am a mild hoarder. Typical scenario of trauma that started it. I have a friend who is an expert “finder” of treasures and has a huge problem due to the space it occupies. Tragically, his stuff has interfered with his relationship with his wife and children. That valuation and perception (and then acting upon the realization and getting rid of stuff) is so distorted. I always think about what would I save from my house in the event of fire. The answer is always only my pets and maybe a laptop. The rest could burn, and the loss would not be tragic. I need to move towards the removal of the unimportant.
There’s a lot more to it, than what this video covers.
Like the execution of plans for objects. There often comes the frustration and even anger, of not getting around to doing these things, because the reality is that the things we do list in life, is to keep the trains running, essentially. That we’re handling the everyday of making meals, washing clothes, going to work. Everyone is satisfied with, to a different level. Some have relinquished enough of their life, quite comfortably, to know that the only thing they will ever do, is to eat, go to work and maybe sleep. For others, who enjoy the less pedestrian, this is enraging. Some will call it being ungrateful. But everyone has a different perspective and comfort level.
Another issue is accommodating the space you have. While it’s understandable that you want to have a clean and functioning household, not everyone wishes to be defined by their space. While it is true that many will hoard, even if they own a mansion, there are many who just need maybe a couple more rooms, perhaps, one to work on a hobby in. Perhaps a garage. But, as people are living in and working for even smaller spaces, a living space can ho from home to what feels like a stall, with the absolute, bare necessities.
One of the difficult to navigate expectations also, is that we have a market that is literally flooded with goods. Whether it’s quality or garbage, you can find almost anything you want and you can probably afford it, if you buy it with credit. We address hoarding, much the same as we do eating. We’re expected to eat whatever we want, yet never gain weight and, certainly not be fat. Except for minimalists, the same applies. Buy whatever you want, yet have a clean, tidy, well-managed, minimalist looking home. That it should actually not appear lived in and look more like a furniture show room, with just a couple of pieces in it. It is quite an unreal expectation.
One of the issues we have also are personal care and household products. Whether it’s shampoo, lotions, paint, cleaners, I don’t know that people are willing yo use them as single use items, throwing away the remainder, particularly as prices go up. So, the can of paint you used to spray a small object, may be hard for a person to dispose of.
One thing I’ve noticed about myself is that I like things mid en plas. This means “in place”, basically and it can go as far as even buying shoes. I do not want to have a need for a pair of shoes, race around shopping and paying money, for something I won’t like. So, I’ll buy something now, that I actually do like and don’t mind spending hard -earned money for, instead. However, this causes there to be too many of an item and , in reference to not having time to do more than the more pedestrian tasks, may never be used.
I work as a creative, for a corporation. Whether I work for a corporation or not? I am still a creative. This causes me to have a number of creative items in my 1 bedroom apartment, which was more meant for a couple, who likes to come home from work, eat dinner, watch TV and go to sleep. Not for a person with printers, scanners, and computers. The spaces that we live in, have traditionally lived in, we’re not designed for this unless you happen to be a homeowner, with enough space to do so. Most living spaces, particularly when they are small and getting even smaller, are meant for survival, not thriving and creativity.
Ultimately though, I do realize that the sight of what is hoarded, can cause a great deal of stress, not just because you cannot have visitors and things are not in order, nor perhaps sanitary, but it can actually become a stressful reminder of what will never be. This is a painful reality, that I’ve never heard spoken of. But, a hoarder can have constant conflict between what they hope to accomplish and what others, who have become quite a bit more satisfied with far less, might want to pry away from them.
Another side effect of this is having people come in to help you, but commenting on what nice things you actually have, that they’ll “take off your hands” for themselves. If you’d like to enrage a hoarder and have them throw you out, this right here, is the ticket.
There are a few things attached to hoarding. Everything from sentimentality, to future hope to indecision, to Diogenes Syndrome to depression to narcissism. It is complex and difficult to dismantle. Ultimately, even when a hoarded space is cleared, my guess is that it will repeat itself, as it is about the resident and not the space, for them.
Lastly, I think introversion may play a part. I’ve noticed that, often, people who are more people-oriented, want to ensure they have a welcoming space for people to enter. This is not so for introverts so much and definitely not for hoarders. For them, they (and that includes me), prefer items that people design, manufacture and make, rather than people themselves. They will not design or keep their place, for the comfort of outsiders, who are often seen as an intrusion, who’ve decided, on their own, that they are welcome. Speaking for myself, it could be because there have been better experiences to be had, enjoying my own company, my own pets and working alone, than there have been with people. There is more stress, than energy to be gained, unlike with extroverts, who are all about people. It is sad, but unfortunately true. We all go through this life differently.
You nailed the bottom line, which I need to use every time I hear a person of judgment tell me what I should be doing: "We all go through this life differently."
@@jvallas gee, didn’t realize my comment was so lengthy. Sorry.
But, yes, I think it’s part of the human condition. I’m in the process of inheriting my mother’s hoarded home - I think, which will give me more space, than the 1 bedroom apartment I’ve always lived in? Since I moved out of my mother’s home 33 years ago. A friend saw me coming in with shopping bags the other day and she said, “What are you buying now?” Never mind that I went to 5 Below and bought some things that were necessities and that I really don’t go to stores anymore. But, although I kept my mouth shut, the first thought that came to mind, was that she told me she’d spent $200/mo, for 12 years, to store her deceased mother’s items. That’s almost $30K and counting. So, I think everyone goes through this life differently and what seems normal to one person, is insane to another. Me, I’m currently setting up a laptop, specifically to list my mother’s hoard and get it out of her house. After all, if you keep spending like crazy, once you get to be of a certain age, you’ll surely have nothing, at some point, without any recovery in sight.
@@privateprivate8366 Thank you for elaborating in such a well written fashion. I feel like you nailed it more than the video. I hope you are having good fortune with your selling. Best wishes to you.
One of the biggest things for me which also brings a sense of closure is that everything will be burned up when the world ends anyways. Even the things I’m most attached to, it’s okay. I don’t need to keep a shirt because I wore it on my first day of high school and I don’t need to keep shirts I can’t fit into as a collector’s item. I’ve got a big pile of clothes (a lot of them with tags) that’ll probably fill 4 trash bags. I’m working on decluttering because I won’t have a lot of room for stuff after I move out and I don’t need to pay for a storage unit, especially for things that aren’t as valuable like my family history stuff.
I dont know if this disorder is hereditary, but im almost 100% sure my grandma used to have that. While i don’t have it to a same extent, i feel like i got some symptoms. I, for sure, have more difficultly parting with my stuff: giving away my childhood cloths/toys(which ofc i never use or think about on regular basis), tossing away accessories i wore only for a week or so, selling/gifting books ive never read or planned to read ever, even something that is pure garbage.
And sometimes these thoughts preoccupy and stress me out and if part of my flesh was lost with the item.
I think it is hereditary.
It is
Nothing to be ashamed of. It's a real disorder. You have admitted that you need help. That's something to be proud of. I did and am so glad I am trying my best to move forward, albeit very slowly. Remember this didn't happen overnight so it will take a long time to learn how to manage the disorder.
The hypocrisy of hoarding is that hoarders see immense value in objects yet do little or absolutely nothing to safeguard or preserve this perceived value, letting their stuff degrade and rot in cluttered, random, filthy piles. Horders are always victims, yet blind to the blight their illness imposes on family and neighbours. My late uncle was a severe hoarder.
Owned a boutique moving company for a decade and 8% of my business was with provincial govt. clients that had what we call "multiple barriers" and issues. I always thought hoarding was and is a kind of WEALTH. There is a tipping point where a forced move, or change in lifestyle, or medical issue, makes the accumulated "wealth" an overwhelming problem.
My problem is my dad. And he doesn't necessarily hoard sentimental things, he will pick things up off the street and bring them into the home, and it's everyday. He will buy things he already has many of. But essentially he's just always bringing trash in from the street and hoarding them.They pile on high and he always says he will use them but never does.
This video doesn't even scratch the surface of hoarding disorder or other OCDs
Something I would like to say is, please do not ever just go getting rid of a 'hoarders' things, some people with think they're doing them a favour, they're seriously not and will cause lots of problems for that person.
This is the problem I had with the one and only show about a hoarder that I watched. The client was pretty much bullied into "realizing" all the stuff that had to go, and all I saw was the pain it was inflicting. What seemed reasonable to the "helpers" evinced such a different feeling in the "victim."
I totally understand the artist aspect! My mom was an amazing woman who did it all and she’d start projects but never complete them. So when she passed a few months ago we started cleaning out her home. OMG! Mom left us with quite a dilemma and we are still trying to get her house emptied out to sell. There are only three of us working on it three days a week so it’s anticipated to take at least another month!
Was watching a hoarders show and was really curious how people like that thought. This really helped. Thanks!
I really enjoyed this video, I'm going to keep it open in browser just in case I might like to look at it over the next fifty or so years.
It is refreshing to hear someone give credit to 'savers' rather than immediately casting them as damaged goods. There are benign reasons for being conservative with resources, while still recognizing it can get out of control. That kind of balanced approach is rather rare.
My parents and some family are hoarders, they hoard food, and objects. we are not rich so that may be the root of it, or also just using hoarding as some kind of coping mechanism.
I think for my parents they use hoarding as a coping mechanism, mainly my dad copes by buying materialist things. That he will only use once and never again. I know for a fact he’s suffering from some mental illness, that he is refusing to treat. my parents believe that object or whatever will be used someday, 5 years later it’s left untouched. As their child it’s pitiful to witness, and also it affect me mentally because I live with them. I am doing the best I can by cleaning up bit by bit to help with their issue.. although they continue to hoard. it’s crazy because I don’t even think they think this is an issue
Hoarding involves fear and high anxiety, and choice making. Maybe medication side effects could add to that?
Fourth: they remind you to consider something, ie keeping parenting books to remind you to parent consciously, or vitamins out to take them. Fifth: because you have an executive processing disorder like ADD and it takes a hurculean effort to process things out which is used for now necessary tasks like work or feeding yourself.
I got ADD and have so much trouble keeping things clean and organised.
@@dubbula it's easier when you have a very very small amount of things. Then you don't need to organize
@@monikabennett yea but I like hobbies and things :/
Life is all about choices. I like hobbies and things, too. I like having the mental space and time to do then more than having n + 2 extra hobbies
@@monikabennett truth
It’s not just OCD that causes hoarding.
Described me to a T, but with 1 thing left out. Depression. And I'm not speaking only of myself. I am NOT any type of therapist, but I feel I've been blessed enough to notice certain things. And 1 thing I THINK is going on in recent years is that more & More people are depressed, many not even realizing it. And I don't mean the spots of depression most people will go through. I mean "Depression". And it can vary as to what degree.
At any rate, when I finally realized I was suffering from Depression (& I also realized it had been going on for Years, and getting worse & worse), I also finally realized how I became a hoarder (I hadn't been most of my life. Closer to being a 'Minimalist'!). I was in search of joy. Joy! Things would bring me Joy! Especially if it was something "of value", and free!, sitting out on a curb. Wouldn't pass one of those up without getting out and looking through all of it, or at least most of it, depending on size/weight... And happy doing so! (Sometimes absolutely giddy! :) & I Never leave a mess). Or in a thrift store and I find this 'Treasure'. Plus at a great price?! Yeah!!! Or there was this tool that would come in handy/wish I had it when I did whatever, And, its on Sale?! And, for only...?! (I still thank God that I'm not one of those 'Big Ticket$$$' hoarders 🙏).
But like any other type of "Addiction", my joyous time, my 'high' time started getting shorter & shorter. Of course that meant I had to have more and more.
To shorten this... Am I still hoarding? Am I still a hoarder? Yes. But I can drive by most 'Curb Alerts' with maybe just stopping to see if there's something on the outside that I can see, Without getting out. And I'm hardly in any thrift stores anymore, & if I am, I can now usually leave empty handed whereas before there was no way. Before, I would find Something that would make me smile, even if it was a forced smile. ); And, until I get all this 'Stuff' out of my house, And, storageS... Regardless. I've come a LOOONG way. How?
Not a thing wrong with therapy. I may try to find one myself. Probably will. But what I also hadn't realized is that I had gotten away from God (Apologies to those of you who are saying, 'I read all of this to read this?!' Yep. :). I still lived a Christian life, but I no longer studied His Word, and if I prayed 3 times a month, that was probably about it. I'm not 'cured', just healing. I no longer detest the sound of birds singing in the morning, no longer turn my back on the sunlight coming through the curtains... I now don't just stay in bed all day. I eat more often...
I'm sincerely hopes this helps someone.
Personally, this is a useful brief overview of the problem, I perhaps hoard a few things. I hate to see large bags I acquire shopping go to waste, but I’ve taken to folding them up.
Every person I've known that was a hoarder always used the things they kept as a way to fill a void. They lost a loved one, and needed something to take their place. At least that was the way it seemed to me.
Just like me 😢
My mom is a huge hoarder and says she will “donate” the item but never will
Hoarding behavior I believe is stored in our brain if we grow up experiencing poverty and hunger ; it is a way that child PTSD manifest itself in adulthood.
Individuals with hoarding disorder feel the involuntary need to keep stuff or pile height in empty spaces where a love ones use to be in the house
I don't know why I collected things like cups with sayings, t-shirts with sayings, purses, pens. But I prayed about it and let me tell you, it's over. I'm throwing out things left and right and some of these things are brand new, never used, but I don't care. I'll put it out on the sidewalk for people to take or I will call the junk people to come and get it as they donate the things. I'm so thankful for the answered prayers and I feel so free, woo hoo!!! I had too many of everything, clothes, shoes, kitchen items like crock pots, air fryers, convection ovens (countertop) blenders, fans, really just anything and everything. Much is still in boxes that I have for ten years in some cases and never even opened the boxes. It's ridiculous but it's over now and it feels so good. I wish you all the best in your efforts to be free or free your loved ones. I don't really care why I did it....just glad it's over.
It is so freeing, isn't it? One feels lighter. When I cleared out my mother's house, it took nearly a year mostly while she was living there until the dementia became more problematic. Now she is living with me, aged 93. It was such a relief to dump so much rubbish (recipts from the 60's etc, hundreds of pencils etc etc). I regularily pass things on or donate. I feel good and also do not regret just throwing stuff away. Good on you!
Thank you!@@misottovoce
How do you talk about it in therapy? I want to throw this shit away but it's hard. And I dont know why. I feel so ashamed.
Don't be ashamed, you have realised it's a problem try and find a therapist who has dealt with hoarding. Get out all your demons of the past and get on top of it (your inner troubles and hoarding) I was married to a hoarder and it is horrible as the whole family gets isolated from friends and family because everyone is embarrassed about the mess and that builds resentment and in my case divorce. Once the mess/clutter is gone it's like a weight has lifted and you can enjoy life. Good luck.
Right there with you! Not sure how to proceed, either. Were you able to talk with someone and, if so, did it help? I am seriously considering this before it ruins my life.
It's terrible
Hoarding everything is a natural thing for some.
During wars, people had allmost nothing and you can not imagine how difficult your life becomes.
Everything is valuable when you are poor ( even for generations ), because of war ( also poor ) or losing everything and start again.
People have an instinct of preservation and hoarding gives them the feeling, that whatever happens, i have it in my home, just in case.
Some people just collect things, they might need 1 day.
Believe me...
Sometimes it is a real blessing.
You ask someone if they have this or that and jep...here they have it!
Some hoard things for later. For their children, grandchildren...
Some hoard, because of emotional reasons, because a lot of items are from their loved ones, parents, grandparents, children and so on.
Some hoard, because they like to collect things they like and yes, it can go out of hands.
Some hoard, because they think, one day there is a great depression and want to have stuff to 'exchange' for something else.
Some hoard, because they like certain things that reminds them of other ERA'S, where they feel 'belonging'.
Some are hoarding so much, because it gives them a reward in their brain and they have no other positive things to attach on and feel a certain emotional connection what they lack in a himan, so they turn to objects.
Some people make the mistake to even see something as hoarding, but it is rather a person who is suffering from brain decline/damage/brain infection/inflamation and they seem not to function.
I hope, people will one day let go of putting people under pressure to be this or that.
People should let people live, like they want, need, wish...and not judging so much. Put downs...Pointing fingers at someone.
Most people do not understand much anyway, why people are the way they are and do what they do.
Why is it even a disorder?
Humans have so much the urge 'to find a disorder or see all kind of disorders' to put people in a box.
Let live and live yourself.
Warning!
Only marry someone, who has a certain way of living, that maches yours, so you do not get insane by their characters, behaviors, home interiors, jobs, want and needs/wishes/urges.
Seeck someone who loves you and vice versa and where you both feel at ease with eachother.
If you can live with a hoarder of a certain kind, just accept it.
Some hoarders are very messy, chaotic inside, with no strategic way to put everything neat and clean. That is more of a huge problem to live with and i would see it as someone with a bigger problem, than just a hoarder!
Some homes are even dangerous, if a fire breaks out!
I have seen pretty messy hoarders too.
But i have seen a hoarder, who had a house like a museum!
Good luck to all of you and i hope you clean up your home, making it a home, a cosy home to relax and function, with a hoarding DNA genetic code or not.❤
Kind regards from Belgium.
My mother was a child when WW2 started in Germany. I agree with most of what you wrote. In addition to the clutter and hoarding my mother had and the overwhelm, she seldom put something away. Everything was 'put down' but never away.
@@annesmith6582
I think, you are also right on this.
Hoarding is a very broad topic and very complex. Each individual has its own story, why they hoard. Maybe they know the why's or maybe not or maybe partially.
Kind regards🌸
May God bless you for understanding ❤❤❤❤😢
I control it pretty well for my husband and frugality’s sake, but I feel that a lot of objects are special, cuteness and coolness factors are stronger in my mind, and almost have the sense that these things are like people with personalities, especially rocks, shells, or natural things, but also little things around the house, extra cloth scraps, shoelaces, decorative boxes, miniatures, pens and pencils and especially markers, cool kitchen gadgets. Any tiny and unique or a seemingly cool thing to whip out when you need it, and I want it. My house is full of rocks I’ve collected
I am the same way. I have lots of small objects that are hard to part with because they seem special in some way. I love rocks, I started picking them up and collecting them when I was very small. I don't have a huge collection of rocks in particular, I just have a wide variety of small items, both natural objects and things I have found in thrift stores.
i know i am a hoarder, but am too lazy to act upon it. i self diagnosed, so this might not be the case, but i relate to the whole video, and also relate to nearly all of these comments.
But this doesn't address the people who save broken/no longer functioning objects. They may have old moldy appliances and broken furniture in the garage. There's no plan to get rid of them or refurbish even if it were possible. It appears to be an issue of control. Years ago my predecessor in a laboratory had saved in the very backs of drawers every piece of lab ware that had broken over the years he was there. My experience is that they are holding onto things very often for sense of control. I also knew someone who was given a flat of gorgeous peaches. He didn't eat peaches and didn't want to give them to friends who did. So he let them slowly rot on his counter until so moldy they had to be tossed out. He controlled the fate of the peaches in a negative way.
The answer is simple, memories are built on emotion. Having a physical object to help you remember something pleasing in your life when the rest of the world seems out of control, helps keep people grounded. I still have a box of maps 30 years old from my travels in the states, or schoolwork that my kids have done, but for some people, they have nothing else in their life to focus on in the real world, that they need to keep coming back to these memories.
Me it is the fear of spending money. When growing up being told that spending money is bad for the economy. My mom use to tell me as a kid that spending money was what caused the great depression the 1920's. I was often told to hold onto things because there maybe no more of where that comes from. I worked at low paying jobs and money was always kind of tight.
A true hoarder places the same value on a week old newspaper and a ten thousand dollar insurance check. Both in the same pile and saved. The can not see that a car that stopped running years ago and is rusting into the ground with a tree growing out of it just needs fixing when he gets around to it. It’s a very difficult thing to grow up under a hoarder. It gets worse cleaning up after they die.
It plays along side OCD and anxiety. They're buggers.
My grandma is living in a camper in the dead of a Midwest winter with her adult son even though she owns three properties in the city. She is also renting two storage units. Everything is hoarded even the woodlands without water or power where she is living now has been turned into a giant dumpster. It’s so depressing. She’s a very idealistic and traumatized woman and I love her so much.
A friend had gone into bankruptcy, lost his house, couldn't pay for his storage unit. He lost everything. The storage company was supposed to call his family if this ever happened so they could pick up his stuff and save it for him.
They didn't call but sold it instead. It was so devastating for him because they sold family heirlooms, pictures, etc.
Anyway, long story short, my friend became homeless for awhile and when he finally got back on his feet, he started hoarding . I totally understand why.
After losing everything, it's crystal clear that he does this now. He's trying to clear the clutter after 7 yrs of collecting .
It's a slow process. We encourage him by saying that it took him that long to gather all this stuff so it will take time to get rid of it. When he tells us that he got rid of something, we give him a pat on the back and say that he's doing what he can and to be proud of himself,. Baby steps.
I'm in the middle of a de-hoarding project at my mom's house. Her hoarding isn't nearly as bad as others but its getting bad. Its annoying and so frustrating.
This is a great video and am pleased to read all the comments.
At the start I have other reasons for hoarding:- 1. I can trust and rely on the things that I have to keep me company and not do bad things to me unlike other people 2. I want to have more things than other people - so in theory the more things I have the richer I am and then I am better off than someone who has nothing. Life is really hard. It can also be if you are rejected ignored or abandoned by other people and then things become what you rely on. That seems to be how it works in my case. Also maybe I place hope in those things that one day I will use them to make money or to sell them for money - as money is God in our western material society. We have no group mutual interest in helping each other - it is more every man for himself or every woman and man for themselves. That is the problem with our western society. I think I have also the executive dysfunction a bit so I cant work out which things are worth keeping and which will not be worth selling etc as I am not thinking about the process of selling things and how hard it is to sell things second hand.
I'd add it can be really hard to trust someone who comes in with aggression and meanness, even if what they are trying to do is "help." I disagree with your sentiment that its every man/ woman for themself in my heart, but the evidence seems so true. Maybe it's time for new friends and surrounding ourselves with higher thinking people.
the reason i hang on to things is so when I need something in the future, i don't have to go to the store and buy it ( i hate leaving the house and I hate wasting money). And yeah, "that could be used for something" is my mantra. I'm a master repurposer. But I am very organized and clean. And if I need a doohickey - i guarantee I already have one!
It's pretty surreal but am just now discovering I've had this, was ignorant of it, or in denial. I live off-grid in a camp/house I made myself, I dumpster dive for most things I use, and while I've seen many fellow hippies do this and keep exemplary order, neat camps and everything organized, my camp is ac complete mess. I do have many plans, and have taken action on some of them, learned to work different materials (wood, metal, some textile) but the math and hours just don't add up. There's probably enough materials in my camp to work on for months and years without running out, and every time I go out to get food for myself or my 3 cats, there's the potential to find more.
I suspect hoarding (at least in my case) must have something to do with a lack of overview, clear planning of both space and time (activities) or unrealistic estimates as to how long things might take, what can reasonably be done per unit of time. Some type of nearly delusional optimism about what's possible.
If anybody can share some good videos that might help with getting a handle on things, strategies that work, anything effective, I'm open :)
ADHD maybe? I'd suggest watching ADHD organizing tips.
In Marie Kondo's book "the magic of tyding up" there are some different reasons of attaching and unable to throw away stuff: because something doesnt have a place in your life yet. So it is uncategorised and cannot be tidied up. It represents unfinished business.
Exaggerated emotions seem to be at the bottom of hoarding. I never hoarded but in the past sometimes found it too hard to toss but didn't know why. It was a brain malfunction. The culprit for me was caffeine. It's too stimulating for my brain, I discovered. Even decaf.
When i kicked the coffee & tea habit I saw things differently, was less emotional, & tossed more easily. Caffeine is a socially acceptable drug that can have draw-backs.
I also know a hoarder who is acutely sentimental & sees nothing negative with any of it. Lol! Such will die that way. My friend drinks a lot of caffeine & won't stop. Lol! I reminded my friend that if a home is too cluttered, a home health care worker can refuse to go in there. My friend's hoarding, at least in the bedroom, improved after that.
when i cut out caffeine i am like a different person. decaf also. as i posted above, there are multiple hoarders in my family and also OCD, ADD and autism. There's definitely some brain connections and misfiring going on--also anxiety. Sadly, two narcissists also, at least overt ones....
I think I'm a first level hoarder. My problem is paperwork. I just can't seem to get rid of it. Old mail, files, notes, drawings, receipts... it is just stacked up and overwhelming my space. I keep telling myself that one of these days I'm going to sit down and go through and toss out/file/shred this stuff. But I never get to it. Yeah, I'm busy with work (have my own engineering business) but that is really no excuse.