If you have to tell someone over and over again, that you are actively trying to be "just" friends with, you are part of the problem. Let's been honest a lot of people do things or try to make things happening even when all the signs are telling them to let it go. And while personal responsibility is important, I also believe that it goes both ways. Someone clearly has feelings for you, and you don't return them, the best and responsible thing to do is stay away from that person for their own good. Sadly, a lot of people don't do what's best for themselves. And while it's not necessarily your responsibility to cut yourself out someone's life because clearly, they can't handle "just" being friends. It is the best thing you can do for both you and them. Also, anyone that hangs or lets someone hang around knowing full well that person is only hanging around you in hopes of something more happening, is doing so, because it strokes their ego, because they are getting something from being around them. Notice that when he didn't have a girlfriend, he didn't mind her hanging around, but soon as he did, he distanced himself from her. And as soon as said, girlfriend was out of the picture, he was fine with hanging out with her again, until it got too uncomfortable for him. Whenever I have realized a guy liked me more than I like him, I always end things before they get bad, I don't say, let's be friends, because that's not fair to them.
Also, if anyone was wondering about the context of the falling out, OP kinda clarified in the comments: OP & the gf the friend group didn't like hosted their own event & invited the friends in question, the friends spent the entire event talking shit to the face of the gf, OP defended her & started arguing w friends, someone in the friend group escalated to being physical w gf, & OP decided the friendship ended at least until something changed which in this case was OP & the gf breaking up & OP seeking support from the friends after the breakup. I felt like the context of that situation would've given more insight to why they aren't friends to begin w outside of Ava being insane.
Omg! Could you imagine!! 😮 Hosting your partner’s friends at an event, and have them show up to talk shit about you to your face?! That gives, Toxic In-Laws at the Holiday Vibes!!!
He should’ve cut things off awhile ago with Ava. But Ava is clearly unhinged. His friends suck the most because they saw what was happening and chose to back up a stalker.
OP had no problem wanting Ava back in his life after he broke up with his g/f. I wonder if he wasn't using her for validation or to have someone desire him. Hanging out with Ava wasn't a problem until the friend group liked her and then she would be around all the time. So if he didn't want to be around her, why in the world would he start talking to her again. He had a clean break from her and reengaged with her KNOWING she had feelings for him. It really sounds like he does the "come here, now go away" bit with her.
And what if: every time he felt lonely or needed attention, he reached out to her because he knew he'd get it from her? He sais "he went along with it". What exactly is this "it"? Cuddling, kissing, holding hands? He can tell her all he wants that they are just friends, but if he does these things it will send the wrong message. What if his friends genuinely liked her and spotted how he treated her, that is why they chose her side? I'd like to talk to the friends 🤔
NTA, Ava is nutso. As someone who has been stalked and still has this person pop up sometimes, had to change his last name try and get away, this is how it starts.
I don't know you situation, and I'm not trying to minimize your experience, I'm sorry you have to go through that. But I don't think this is the same thing, did you try to be friends with this person; while knowing full well, they wanted more than friendship from you? Did you introduce them to your friend group and do stuff that might blur the line of friendship, while know knowing full well, this person wanted just that? Ava clearly has some self-esteem issues and should been wise enough to not put herself into a situation like this. She's stupid for sure, but I'm not so sure about nutso.
The comments on the original Reddit post are also horrendous?! I'm sure OP thinks they're taking crazy pills having friends like this. I feel like I can empathize with everything Candy said, when someone causes paranoia in your life & then your friend group is equally as manipulative & toxic, you will question yourself & what you're experiencing! OP needs a new life away from these people & amongst those who will validate their concerns & boundaries.
Find new friends, buddy. You have fatal attraction girl on one hand and some poop talking unsupportive friends on the other hand. Time to bail permanently.
this is a strong ESH situation. He sucks for still hanging out as “just friends” with this girl who is clearly OBSESSED with him. His friends suck for not maintaining their relationships with him because they didnt like his girlfriend. Ava sucks cause she single white females her way into his friend group 🤦🏾♀️
Ava is nuts. He needs to break away from all of them. She is absolutely manipulating both parties. He’s been emotionally manipulated by him and he is absolutely a people pleaser and just didn’t want to lose his friends. Losing friends is hard. I don’t see him as the AH at all. This leans into the mindset of men can’t be victims of women. They can be. And at this point he is. I hope he runs far away.
For this specific action Ascon-3 leaning on 2, but his friends in general from the comments he left are Ascon 1. OP may just attract bad people and not understand how to recognize the signs or cut them off when they show up, but you're also the company that you keep so aspects of their ascon nature may be present in OP that he hasn't revealed in this post. For example, I believe OP is an ascon here because just like his friends he is trying to dictate what relationships they should keep based on his own comfort. The same thing he said about his friend choosing the stalker could be applied to OP choosing his ex especially since the friend from his description is giving off romantic feelings towards OP's stalker. I'm really more curious about the situation with his ex. Was she actually a bad fit with him like the friend's said or was it the interactions with the friends that eventually made her leave even after he cut contact with them. Op needs therapy to figure out if he just got lost in a toxic swamp, if he's attracted to getting into them, or if he's a carrier of that toxicity that would drag it into any new relationships he forms.
I get the vibes that he acted interested in her got what he wanted out of her or in her so to speak and then all of a sudden decided that he doesn't like her or he's an avoiding and ran away And she had fallen for him and she might be anxious attachment He's to blame don't get involved with people if you're not ready for a relationship don't date don't have sex. Don't do anything.
ESH. Ava needs to let go of her crush. OP can't bring someone into a friend group then ask them all to not invite that person. Friends suck because if they truly cared about OP, his feelings would count for at least something. And I have a feeling the best friend may like Ava.
My take and one you're missing. There was a time when they didn't like his gf and he ditched them all. They all need to move on. I think the friends are tired of his games.
STRONGLY DISAGREE with the ESH judgement. I think Candy has the right idea, and to say he's an A-hole for allowing her to manipulate him this far sounds like victim blaming to me. Also, as a decent looking girl who took honors classes and became friends with a lot of nerd-types (not trying to be mean, but you know what im talking about -- smart kids but not very attractive or charismatic), i know it can be challenging to become friends with someone who you know harbors feelings for you. I think it's basically a "friend zone" situation. And assuming that's the case, OP isnt the AH for trying to be friends. She's the AH for acting like a friend while harboring romantic feelings. That's a fake friend.
Did Op break up with the new girlfriend due to peer pressure or where the friends concerns ligit Did the friends ever meet the new girlfriend for themselves or are they only going by what Ava said Did Ava'a interference contribute to the rocky start and untmite break up ESH
NTA !!! Perhaps I'm projecting... BUT. I'm really naive. And I always hope that I can "be friend" even someone has felling after I rejected him/her. He put some boundaries, He told her, he told his friends. THEY DIDN'T LISTEN. He needs new friends. No neutrality. You don't kown someone after 2 months ????? No way. They're shitty friend.
EOS- you ditched your friends for by your own admission was not a good relationship. Ava sounds semi scary but you should have cut off all contact forever ago knowing she was in love with you.
![Seungmin "그렇게, 천천히, 우리(As we are)" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kAzmhLHePqU/mqdefault.jpg)
He told her from the get go that they wouldn’t get together and that he doesn’t like her. He told her this over and over. He did NOT lead her on.
If you have to tell someone over and over again, that you are actively trying to be "just" friends with, you are part of the problem. Let's been honest a lot of people do things or try to make things happening even when all the signs are telling them to let it go. And while personal responsibility is important, I also believe that it goes both ways. Someone clearly has feelings for you, and you don't return them, the best and responsible thing to do is stay away from that person for their own good. Sadly, a lot of people don't do what's best for themselves. And while it's not necessarily your responsibility to cut yourself out someone's life because clearly, they can't handle "just" being friends. It is the best thing you can do for both you and them. Also, anyone that hangs or lets someone hang around knowing full well that person is only hanging around you in hopes of something more happening, is doing so, because it strokes their ego, because they are getting something from being around them. Notice that when he didn't have a girlfriend, he didn't mind her hanging around, but soon as he did, he distanced himself from her. And as soon as said, girlfriend was out of the picture, he was fine with hanging out with her again, until it got too uncomfortable for him. Whenever I have realized a guy liked me more than I like him, I always end things before they get bad, I don't say, let's be friends, because that's not fair to them.
Also, if anyone was wondering about the context of the falling out, OP kinda clarified in the comments: OP & the gf the friend group didn't like hosted their own event & invited the friends in question, the friends spent the entire event talking shit to the face of the gf, OP defended her & started arguing w friends, someone in the friend group escalated to being physical w gf, & OP decided the friendship ended at least until something changed which in this case was OP & the gf breaking up & OP seeking support from the friends after the breakup. I felt like the context of that situation would've given more insight to why they aren't friends to begin w outside of Ava being insane.
Omg! Could you imagine!! 😮 Hosting your partner’s friends at an event, and have them show up to talk shit about you to your face?! That gives, Toxic In-Laws at the Holiday Vibes!!!
Friend wants to get with Ava.... OP definitely needs new friends
That's what I said.
I got that same vibe!
How are the friends going to be "neutral" when Ava starts being all Fatal Attraction towards OP & his GF?!
He should’ve cut things off awhile ago with Ava. But Ava is clearly unhinged. His friends suck the most because they saw what was happening and chose to back up a stalker.
OP had no problem wanting Ava back in his life after he broke up with his g/f. I wonder if he wasn't using her for validation or to have someone desire him. Hanging out with Ava wasn't a problem until the friend group liked her and then she would be around all the time. So if he didn't want to be around her, why in the world would he start talking to her again. He had a clean break from her and reengaged with her KNOWING she had feelings for him. It really sounds like he does the "come here, now go away" bit with her.
And what if: every time he felt lonely or needed attention, he reached out to her because he knew he'd get it from her? He sais "he went along with it". What exactly is this "it"? Cuddling, kissing, holding hands? He can tell her all he wants that they are just friends, but if he does these things it will send the wrong message. What if his friends genuinely liked her and spotted how he treated her, that is why they chose her side? I'd like to talk to the friends 🤔
NTA, Ava is nutso. As someone who has been stalked and still has this person pop up sometimes, had to change his last name try and get away, this is how it starts.
I don't know you situation, and I'm not trying to minimize your experience, I'm sorry you have to go through that. But I don't think this is the same thing, did you try to be friends with this person; while knowing full well, they wanted more than friendship from you? Did you introduce them to your friend group and do stuff that might blur the line of friendship, while know knowing full well, this person wanted just that? Ava clearly has some self-esteem issues and should been wise enough to not put herself into a situation like this. She's stupid for sure, but I'm not so sure about nutso.
The comments on the original Reddit post are also horrendous?! I'm sure OP thinks they're taking crazy pills having friends like this. I feel like I can empathize with everything Candy said, when someone causes paranoia in your life & then your friend group is equally as manipulative & toxic, you will question yourself & what you're experiencing! OP needs a new life away from these people & amongst those who will validate their concerns & boundaries.
Find new friends, buddy. You have fatal attraction girl on one hand and some poop talking unsupportive friends on the other hand. Time to bail permanently.
this is a strong ESH situation. He sucks for still hanging out as “just friends” with this girl who is clearly OBSESSED with him. His friends suck for not maintaining their relationships with him because they didnt like his girlfriend. Ava sucks cause she single white females her way into his friend group 🤦🏾♀️
What fresh hell is this? Guy needs new friends.
Ava is nuts. He needs to break away from all of them. She is absolutely manipulating both parties. He’s been emotionally manipulated by him and he is absolutely a people pleaser and just didn’t want to lose his friends. Losing friends is hard. I don’t see him as the AH at all. This leans into the mindset of men can’t be victims of women. They can be. And at this point he is. I hope he runs far away.
They dated for just one month and all this is the outcome. I feel so bad for OP
For this specific action Ascon-3 leaning on 2, but his friends in general from the comments he left are Ascon 1. OP may just attract bad people and not understand how to recognize the signs or cut them off when they show up, but you're also the company that you keep so aspects of their ascon nature may be present in OP that he hasn't revealed in this post. For example, I believe OP is an ascon here because just like his friends he is trying to dictate what relationships they should keep based on his own comfort. The same thing he said about his friend choosing the stalker could be applied to OP choosing his ex especially since the friend from his description is giving off romantic feelings towards OP's stalker. I'm really more curious about the situation with his ex. Was she actually a bad fit with him like the friend's said or was it the interactions with the friends that eventually made her leave even after he cut contact with them. Op needs therapy to figure out if he just got lost in a toxic swamp, if he's attracted to getting into them, or if he's a carrier of that toxicity that would drag it into any new relationships he forms.
Ok - who do you guys think is in the wrong the most here? Lemme know!
I get the vibes that he acted interested in her got what he wanted out of her or in her so to speak and then all of a sudden decided that he doesn't like her or he's an avoiding and ran away
And she had fallen for him and she might be anxious attachment
He's to blame don't get involved with people if you're not ready for a relationship don't date don't have sex. Don't do anything.
restraining order
ESH.
Ava needs to let go of her crush.
OP can't bring someone into a friend group then ask them all to not invite that person.
Friends suck because if they truly cared about OP, his feelings would count for at least something.
And I have a feeling the best friend may like Ava.
💙
Might have seen this movie?
My take and one you're missing. There was a time when they didn't like his gf and he ditched them all. They all need to move on. I think the friends are tired of his games.
NTA, OP needs to new friends and get the heck out.
Switch the sex's and that would be totally creepy
STRONGLY DISAGREE with the ESH judgement. I think Candy has the right idea, and to say he's an A-hole for allowing her to manipulate him this far sounds like victim blaming to me.
Also, as a decent looking girl who took honors classes and became friends with a lot of nerd-types (not trying to be mean, but you know what im talking about -- smart kids but not very attractive or charismatic), i know it can be challenging to become friends with someone who you know harbors feelings for you.
I think it's basically a "friend zone" situation. And assuming that's the case, OP isnt the AH for trying to be friends. She's the AH for acting like a friend while harboring romantic feelings. That's a fake friend.
Did Op break up with the new girlfriend due to peer pressure or where the friends concerns ligit Did the friends ever meet the new girlfriend for themselves or are they only going by what Ava said Did Ava'a interference contribute to the rocky start and untmite break up ESH
I’m trying to understand who your actual friends are here 🤔
NTA !!! Perhaps I'm projecting... BUT. I'm really naive. And I always hope that I can "be friend" even someone has felling after I rejected him/her. He put some boundaries, He told her, he told his friends. THEY DIDN'T LISTEN. He needs new friends. No neutrality. You don't kown someone after 2 months ????? No way. They're shitty friend.
OP needs new friends and he needs to quit hanging around a girl who likes him and giving her hope. ESH. Everyone sucks
EOS- you ditched your friends for by your own admission was not a good relationship. Ava sounds semi scary but you should have cut off all contact forever ago knowing she was in love with you.