Castles are Designed to Kill You
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- Опубликовано: 1 окт 2024
- Huge thanks to @shadiversity for his help with today's video!
There's a lot of whimsy involved when we remember old castles, but behind it is mostly MURDER. Everything about a castle has killing you in mind.
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Their design to kill only makes them more fantastic and whimsical, not less.
In a way yes but it’s ironic how castles are looked at as something glorious when back in those days they would’ve been looked at in a similar way we look at fighter jets
But how did he not mention gatehouses
Yes, there is a beauty in death not many understand.
@@jyessiterriaynt1131 p
@@B20C0 true
“I have the high ground.”
-“I’m left handed.”
“Oh shi-“
Basically left handed people were gods from what I’m hearing 😏
Im getting princess bride vibes
@@Yellowbuzz-ug6of finally im special
@@hyxl3r254 needs
@@hyxl3r254 too .
Let's go invade some castles, my left handed friend!
THE FACT THAT THEY MADE THE STAIRS UNEVEN IS SO PETTY
but also kinda genius
They did this in regular staircases too to combat witches. It was believed that witches couldn't understand offset stairs so they would fall and die. Killed a lot of old women that were then accused of being witches.
@@Jack-kx5rf having a uterus alone would make you a witch in medieval times 💀
Now we have broads who need attention saying (with a straight face) that they are actually witches lol.
@@MattH-wg7ou men can and are witches too, and its not typically some hocus pocus stuff where we think we'll set fire to something with our minds, its, spicy psychology,
meditation and rituals for self care, and intention for like, focusing on what we want to happen and acting towards that happening. "I want to have a better financial situation, so im gonna sit down and focus on what I need to do to do that and then do those things."
I'd much rather have people that practice self care in a way that works for them than some judgy jerk on the internet so, yeah have a lovely day... any witches wanna hang out?
@@athena1491 I thought that what you describe was just being a healthy well adjusted human being? Why is that being a witch?
More specifically: it's designed to keep the people on the inside safe and people on the outside dead
Unless it’s Houska Castle, in which case it’s the exact opposite.
Oh really? No way!
Or Ferniehurst castle in Scotland!
@@awkwardsilence4427
How so? I need details!
@@cdhmcclelland
You too! Details! (Please.)
Little Fact, Left handed swordsmen were paid more than there right handed colleagues because they can fight up spiral staircases.
True - and it's amusing to imagine mercenary commanders recruiting, training, and developing lefthanders, like minor league baseball GMs:
GM 1: Sirrah, my Dunkirk double-A siege squad shall storm the Tower of Witches next month, yet we sorely lack two strong setup men. Tell me, who canst thou offer me?
GM 2: Good sir, I can spare yon veteran sword master -- oh, thou knowest him? Good... And for thy second man, behold! My newest prospect: this broad-armed, thick-skinned, _left-handed_ lad, whom I approached whilst he was robbing a group of--
GM 1: Oh, a southpaw, eh? Very useful indeed, when clearing out towers with clock-wise staircases! Is't good with a kite shield? Fine... how's his footwork?
GM 2: He's a mountain boy, so sure-footed, even on blood-soaked stumble-steps. And my good sir, wait till you see his dickoff move! I tell you, his high-pitched victims never see it coming!
GM 1: I must have him. Wilt thou take three big halberd-men, and that far-sighted scorpion-aiming bloke?
GM 2: Dost thou insult me, with thy trio of busted camp-followers and that squinty, slothful, scorpion-snapping sod! On the other hand... [sighs] I'll bite, _if_ you throw in that big blind trebuchet-cranker -- that huge bastard with his eyes gouged out, but arms like windlasses? Add him to the rest, by God, and thou shalt have my young southpaw to anchor thy five-man witching rotation.
GM 1: Done! And I can't wait to see his dickoff move. It sounds fun, it does!
@@donweatherwax9318 I need more of this xD
This is not just because of the staircases. Left handed people have a lot of advantages in many fighting sports, especially with swords. Right handers are used and trained against right handers. Its difficult for them to fight against someone with the sword at same side. On the opposite, the lefthander is used to fight against righthanders.
@@wildeast66 One would have to be made left-handed by his parents, who would have had foreseen the baby would or had to become a swordsman....because other than that it doesn't offer much advantages in life to be left-handed.
Hahaha, left handed people rule. 💖
Bringing Shad in just to talk about machicolations was absolutely the best move
I love both those channels. Im always excited when a RUclipsr collaborates with a similar channel.
Probably cut out 2 hours from Shad talking to fit in the video. 😇
@@goodyKoeln 🤣😂
I knew it was coming
Would've been disappointing otherwise lol
First thought:
"Castles and no Shad?"
*Shad pops up*
"There he is."
machicolations MACHICOLATIONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNS!!!!!
WAIT WHAT!? Okay I was about to click off now I gotta watch it.
@@EricDMMiller what does pronouncing a word slightly differently from how most people would have to do with comprehension of subject matter? Especially for an antiquated word that no one today would pronounce the same as people would have at the time when it was regularly referred to. I had a computer science teacher that pronounced Java with the first 'a' like 'apple' so I guess that means everything he taught me about the singleton design pattern was invalid
@@EricDMMiller that hasn't been my experience. He just seems to me like a guy who's passionate about certain things in medieval history and relays things he's learned and ideas he has about it. I'd be interested to know the things he's apparently getting horribly wrong if you could provide specific examples. I will say I specifically looked into the controversy about the arrow on the right side stuff and found the opposition to his claim/speculation pretty weak.
@@EricDMMiller >PragerU
There it is. So which of his videos got you so butthurt?
"Meanwhile when I build a castle in minecraft":
How many blindspots do you want:
"Yes"
There's also the issue that you're only one dude in Minecraft... And you're never going to really be defending against an attacking army... Or have anyone to assist you. Part of why I grew disillusioned with Minecraft was that no matter how pretty I made something, it never had a purpose.
Just build a castle like i do.. two cobblestone above each other, torch ontop.
It's usually enough for the night.
@@Archris17 a hundred players servers
@@Archris17 actually you can now they added a new mob faction called Illagers that if you attack them WILL invade the next village you go to with a whole a army of dudes wizards archers calvary and all.
made the building villages system so much more satisfying cause as you said they now actually had a purpose to DEFEND the village which now has diverse jobs and usefull resources.
In fairness, what constitutes an effective castle in minecraft is actually usually something made of obsidian. I am not too familiar with optimal shapes though, so you'd have to ask the 2b2t guys on that. Some of the closest things to spawn to actually survive any real length of time are apparently obsidian structures that were used in the server's various wars.
When someone randomly assures you that they aren't a supervillain 🤔
Press *X* to doubt.
also Kyle * releases a cognitohazard onto the internet*
First time here, kid?
he did recently acquired radioactive material..., hm
X
Castle videos: *Exist*
Shadiversity: Now you're speaking my language.
Well, well, well...
It’s not a RUclips video without Just Some Guy without a Mustache, or Just Some Guy with a Mustache
MACHICOLATIONS!!!
Just Some Guy without a Mustache WHY THE HELL ARE YOU EVERYWHERE DUDE???
And you follow Shad too...
"you know what one of my favorite castle death traps are?"
me: *removes headphones*
Clever... this isn't your first torney, is it?
Castles are deathtraps too Just let Them starve
Yup. The second I knew Shad was involved with a video about castles I knew we were gonna get a headphone busting battlecry.
All good and fun but what about dragons?
@@cherrydragon3120 they've been defeated rightly by the ultimate weapon. Pommels!
Well, as a lefty, now I know that if I were to live in medieval times, I'd be much better at sieging than defending any given castle
same!
well we were kinda considered spawns of satan back then for that
Same here!
@@ycy2428 warlords didn’t really care about that tho
I'm ambidextrous so I can do both
Original thought was “shad would want to see this”. Then I saw shad nodded and thought “machicolations”
I may have screamed it.
MACHICOLATIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONS!!!!!!!
I came here to talk about machivolations.
Alas, late but might join as well.
I was thinking about him yelling that literally since the first shot that showed them
But What about Dragons?
"I remember when imperial walls and towers made me feel safe."
If you're not attacking them they should.
@@charlesholliday9594 Damn Imperial. Ulfric Stormcloak will reign as true High King of Skyrim!
I wonder whether vilod is still making that mead with juniper berries mixed in
Oh good, you’re finally awake...
THIS NEEDS MORE ATTENTION LMAOO
Me, upon seeing a castle/medieval episode from a RUclipsr: "I wonder if Shad will show up in this episode."
My thought exactly
SAME! I saw this and was straight up, out loud, "If Kyle doesn't have a Shad cameo screaming MACHICOLATIONS then i am going to be sad"
Me too
@@thelairofthereaper4619 We can now all be happy.
Matriculations!!!!!!!
“I’m not a supervillian” yet you made Roko’s basilisk okay, but I’m happy to work for you
That was my immediate thought exactly. Always happy to find another twisted mind.
I don't worry bout roko. With how my generation is going. I will be dead by the time we get there. We are still fighting over colours basically. Mhmhm red and blue. And if i am wrong well ok. Consequentialist philosophy. And if everybody thought like this roko might not exist at all. But the prisoners dilemma comes into play as well. There is a lot of factors. But roko might not know because by this philosophy he wont exist by my death.
He didn't make Roko's basilisk, he only spread its concept. It's not like it's the worst thought experiment there is about "do this or else you'll suffer" out there. In a way, Pascal's wager is one such thought experiment 🤔.
I was tempted to watch that video, but I read the comments, without spoiling much, and desist. You can't "unknown" what you know (well, you could technically have amnesia). As Cipher said in "The Matrix", 'ignorance is bliss'.
-"Tristan why did you build these stairs is such a strange manner?"
-"To stabby stabby murder murder downwards."
Well, why didn't you just say so in the first place.
To make stair stabs easier, of course!
So this is where the high grounds advantage started?
Fun fact: water filled moats didn't have alligators, they were just how all of the castles residents disposed of their waste, mainly piss and fecal matter. This worked well as a defense mechanic for castles, because most people are hesitant to go through water filled with sewage waste and hurt their morale. Water filled moats also were a good deterrent because anyone going through was much more likely to develop an illness and die. Thus the myth was started.
Who needs moat monsters when you have moat biomes!
Also made it more difficult to get ladders and other climbing devices to the walls. If you added a draw bridge it also highly difficulted direct attack to the door.
another fun fact, most castles didn't have moats since they were build on hills to defend the castle more easily. Only on flat land they needed another kind of defense since they did not have the high ground. But even than it was very well considered if a moat was necessary since it was a huge cost in money and labor force to not just build a castle bit to dig up a moat that would actually be useful as a defense. 🤓 xD
@@dojando6003 so you're telling me obi-wan had it right this whole time? I always thought that high ground jive was just a bunch of mumbo jumbo
@@zinn7733 The power of the high ground has no equal
Me: Waits for Kyle to say "Machicolations!"
Kyle: *Gets Shad to do it*
Me: *Happy surprised Pikachu face*
He said crenelations, I'm with you, bro xD Kyle should've said it, it's fun!!
And then he opted for murder holes.
I was in a castle tour in germany a few years back, and one of the things they told us about was the holes in the ceiling of the tunnel the main entrance was in, which would be used for arrows obviously, but also a lot of boiling oil or wax to be poured onto attackers when they breach the gate. I'm guessing boiling oil was also used in the murder hole looking over the walls
The oil tossing is actually a myth. It was too expensive at the time to chuck oil, so they'd throw boiling animal fat instead
I thought boiling oil was a debunked myth? Too expensive, time consuming and unmaneuverable in a siege to be viable? Maybe just pots of boiling water?
They rarely dumped boiled oil. They would however dump hot water or sand on you.
Murder holes are actually another kind of trap, not part of machiculations.
A murder hole is typically what they put in an enclosed space between two gates, They would keep the first gate open and the second closed to lure in the enemy soldiers. Then they close the first gate and in the ceiling there would be a hole (this is the murder hole) where they would sometimes poor down burning liquids (don't forget tree pitch, which was comparatively easier to obtain than oil or wax), but more often just heavy rocks and arrows and some nasty words to boot.
@@nextlifeonearth Damn enemy defenders and their harsh language... (shakes fist)
“You have all the room to stabby stabby downwards.”-Kyle 2020
"stabby stabby, murder murder"
“Sweet, sweet, fleshy flesh.”
“I’m not a Super Villain”. I’m not so sure I believe him?
"murder maximization"
This is probably the episode with the most Kyle supervillanic lines.
Stabby Stabby MURDER MURDER
Kyle I think you made a misstep. Right after Shad finished explaining machicolations you called them murder holes, which are very different things. See castle gatehouses usually have 2 gates, so that if attackers get through one gate they have to immediately get through a second. (Same philosophy as the outer walls and killing fields) Murder holes are holes in the ceiling between those two gates where defenders could pour hot oil, or tar down on attackers while they try and breach the second gate. Another sick death trap for sure, but different from machicolations.
Tar and oil were far too expensive for that purpose, however boiling water did the trick just fine
@@gliesegliese1411 Also heated sand
@@dahobdahob If high enough a large rock would even do the trick. Don't even need to heat them and they can be reused next time.
Another common tactic was to shoot arrows through them, oil was too expensive to waste
During the fourteenth century the British dropped frag grenades and napalm.
Anyone else hearing a distant cry of "MachicolatioooooonnnsssAHH!!", or is it just me?
Note to self, watch entire video before making jokes... Still Kyle and Shad in a video about castles :-)
@@santiagofaiella1255 And swords ;-)
Let's see if Shadfacts shows up
@@santiagofaiella1255 Versatile enough you could imagine it being invented in Switzerland :-)
@@santiagofaiella1255 Oh that made me laugh, ouch my face :-)
The Shad legion has arrived I see..
The moment you said “crennelation “ in the intro. I thought “man I hope Shad comes on to scream “MACHICOLATIONS!”
I was not disappointed.
Kyle: So for my next video I want to cover castl-
Shadiverisity: *heavy breathing*
M A C H I C O L A T I O N S
But what about dragons?
"machiculation?"
Rollo Chairbreaker he did mention dragons
@MisterTwister too soon... much too soon (hardcore Shad fans will know what I mean)
Nobody:
Shadiversity viewers: MACHICHOLATIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNSSAAAAHHhhh
Hi :D
Yep
Cute axlotl.
What would have been icing on the cake would be Jazza running up with his Machickyulashuuuns shirt.
@@Maninawig Yessss!
Did somebody say MACHICOLATIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONZAH!
Kyle: makes a video about castles
Shad: did somebody say... MACHICOLATIONS!!!
Kyle: makes a video about enrolling in college
Shad: did shumone shay…
MACHICHICHACHINS!!!
Don't forget about castles in other cultures! In Japan the castles had a lot of steps for example that went up to the castle. Like the steps you explained to be so random to make you trip, but in a way bigger scale, leading up to the castle itself!
England and Japan both have their share of nasty hills where you could funnel enemies into awkward spots because the other sides are just too hard to climb. Certainly not every stronghold had that advantage, but those who could find it, used it.
Shad: Explains Machicolations and what they are and what they are called.
Kyle: IMMEDIATELY refers to them as Murder Holes
Shad: Shakes head sadly.
Especially since a Murder Hole is a completely different part of the defence
Murder holes are the "fancy windows" or slits in the stone walls. You will see them on most saxon churches for some reason.
@@georgedavey1339 Murder holes are completely different part of defense - they are holes in the ceiling that defenders use to shoot attackers that got past exterior defenses and are now inside the keep/tower.
@@NaoyaYami dude im from England we have a rich history of castles and keeps. We know what murder holes are.
@@georgedavey1339 You being from England doesn't mean anything, really.
God do I love seeing how Shad has grown into the public consciousness, at least as far as RUclips is concerned. This man almost singlehandedly challenged and changed (from my perspective) the word of archery when he reasonably questioned and then experimented with shooting an arrow (specifically three finger draw, Mediterranean style) on the outside of the bow rather than the inside based on evidence from Medieval artwork and logical deduction, which in modern times was deemed IMPOSSIBLE or at the very least too dangerous and inaccurate to even be worth attempting.
I know what u did there :D
Oh god, I can hear the sounds of angry archer keyboard warriors on their way over already.
@@venoltar Let them. More people that we can show the Shad way!
@@SixofQueens The Chad way
MACHICOLATIONS!
*sees Kyle made a video about castles*
Shadiversity will either hate or love this
*sees Shad is the guest to talk about machicolations*
Nice
MACHICOLASHUUUUUNNNNNSSSAHH!
@@kaelanirevyruun1676 but what about dragons?
@@loganricherson Touche
When I went to England (I'm from texas) I was REALLY surprised by how smart their castle creation was. I almost died on the steps, you can't fit two people side by side on most staircases, (I'm also 6'6" [198cm]) the little porthole thingies at the top of castles are so freaking small i thought I was going to get stuck, so the odds of a man with a sword and board and all that armor making it through would REALLY suck, and it would funnel them into a single file. Brilliant guys, really really brilliant. (Also, those spiral staircases made me motion sick...)
I was going to comment on how we spent quite a while poking holes in each other, first with sticks, then with sticks made of better stuff and devices to fire pointy sticks.
There was then going to be a comment of the evolution of the defences we came up with to counter those using combinations of earth, wood, and stone, but I was interrupted by the realisation that a firearm is just an advanced way of launching the pointy part of a metal stick at someone.
So I forgot about the castle part, but I'm sure it was going to be good. Probably not worth the two year wait though, sorry.
Seriously though, I found your comment about the width of the stair cases very interesting. I've been annoyed by them myself on various school trips while trying to walk up them with someone while talking to them.
It never even occurred to me at the time that there would be a very deliberate reason for this, nice observation.
Tbf though it would've been A LOT easier for the people living back then. The average male height in medieval Europe was like 5'7(170cm).
@@Nick-ij5nt I used to love seeing the doorways of old buildings, almost comically small.
@@shaggybaggums But now it's the opposite lol. All the doors where I live are like 7ft tall even though people that tall are like 0.00001% of the population.
Shad was screaming in my head "machicolations!!!" before he showed up. Awesome suprise colab!
Yea at the start of the video i thought, "oh he's just begging for a response video from Shad isn't he?"
🤣😂🤣 a couple of my fav tubers right here, it's a good friday.
In your head? He was screaming it in our heart.
Kyle: “...I’m not a villain”
Me: Nope, just store brand Aquaman.
Let's just hope Amber Bedshitter isn't around to beat him up!
Hahahaha 😂😂😂
Store brand Chris Hemsworth
There's NO WAY he's not basing his look on Chris Hemsworth.
@@erikbarrett85 look, Chris Hemsworth forgot to hit the jump button in time and got nailed by a goomba, now he needs to get the mushroom so he can power back up, BACK OFF!
"I'm NOT a supervillian!" Kyle nearly every episode.
How's that line from Hamlet go? "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
Nice profile pic
lol
The staircase going to the right has always been my favorite about castles. I learned that at a young age and feel in love with that.
It's also just a myth. No idea why Kyle presents it like a fact.
First of all: These types of stairs are VERY RARE in castles. Most don't even have them. Also the amount of these stairs that go clockwise or counterclockwise is 50/50. So why did they not just build all clockwise if they are so "effective"?
There are even more things that disproof this.
Sorry to burst your bubble and yes, i am fun at parties.
Anyone watching Shadiversity:
*laughs in machicolations*
Edit: commented before i saw Shad was in the episode. My 2 favourite creators doing a collab? Awesome!
MACHICOLATION!!!
SAMEEE
As soon as I saw it was a video about castles, my first thought was, "Huh, I wonder if he talked to Shad."
Yep, he sure did.
Exactly what I thought, than my brain went straight to Sam o’ Nella.
Its like one of those kids play grounds courses at Mc Donalds.
Now I just realized Anime/Manga/Web Novel their Castles are all trash. EZ to breach.
heheheh Right on the begining I thought to myself "we should call Shad here".... and then... "
Machicolations!!!!!"
damn, I am 10 mins late for commenting about Shadiversity :D
I was about to ask what about dragons?
I nodded off while watching and I woke up and saw Shad and I was like "why is Shad here and where did Kyle go?"
Same. From the beginning of the episode all I could hear in my head is Shad screaming "Machicolations!"
Aria : "Yeah! Metal Rules!"
We'll she's an advanced AI so she can't be wrong.
The question is, what kind rules the most? Heavy, Extreme, Thrash, Power, Black, Doom, Death, Sludge, Progressive...
@@gingermcgingin1733 all of thee above 🎸
Has Aria been hanging out with Aletheia?
Well definitely not doom...that’s for sure..heavy,thrash,power, hardcore for sure. But no, definitely not doom..definitely not..
Ginger McGingin don’t worry...if he was a supervillain、he wouldn’t have said he wasnt
3:54 Ever since I learned about Arrow Slits, every time I play a game I look for such things to shoot through. It opens a whole world of fun.
wait till you learn about murder holes
@@madtechnocrat9234 Just googled it. Yikes.
You don't deserve oxygen
“Dragons dying over the age of 45”
Those poor babies
Is that in dragon years, though?
So that's why there are no more....
@@salvadortoscano2534 dragons mature quick in a lot of lore they can reach full adulthood anywhere from 3-10 years and after that a lot of them are either immortal or can live for centuries to millennium
i think there was meant to be a comma between dragons and dying
@@CorvusCorone68 well yeah, but this way it is comedic gold.
A couple of correction for you Kyle.
1. Star Forts were invented in the era of gun powder so no archers. Just rifleman and cannons. Also, Star Forts are, as the name implies, forts, not castles. Though they are interesting to talk about.
2. Those merlons where too short. They would be as tall as a standing soldier. If you had to croutch (as you were) then they are not realistic or historically accurate. Since seiges would last for days to months (and in a few cases years) try squating for any prolonged period and you will find you can't. Hence, merlons had to be as tall as the soldiers they were ment to protect, or else they provided no protection. (See Shadiversity's merlons for what propery proprtioned merlons should look like)
3. Murder holes refered specifically to the holes inside the gate houses from which arrows, rocks spears, burning hot oils etc., would have access to attackers stuck inside the gate house. They did not refer to the machicolations.
4. This is more of an omission, but you left out how the gate houses were built to be murder factories. Castles didn't have one big door that you opened to go through to enter the castle courtyard (no matter how much hollywood wants you to believe this). They had 2 sets of doors (or gates), so the gate house would protrude out from the wall, with a door on the outside and one on the inside. Between the two doors would be the kill box where attackers would get trapped until they could break through the inner door. One castle I visited had the floor of the gate house slope down after the outer door, until about half way through the gate house, then it sloped up and angled sharply to the left about 30-40 degrees until you got to the inner gate/door. This was to prevent an attacker from being able to use a battering ram on both doors.
Me: comes to comments section to make a couple corrections.
Torfinn: I got this.
@@bradeki2997 thanks!
A very nice comment although I will have to correct you on a tiny misconsption
Burning oil was seldomly used for that
They usually poured boiling water or hot sand (it's very effective and unlike the oil variant - cheap)
@@zerberus_ms good catch. Thanks!
I love the kill box between the gates. I was wondering if he would talk about it.
"I'm not a supervillian", exactly what a supervillian would say...
Jay Berkovitz he really wants to emphasize his non supervillaininess so much it makes me begin to wonder.
Megamind would disagree
I Mean... He Has a Giant Evil Science Lair, he has Armies of Minions, he has an enslaved Sentient AI Running the place, he Has Access to several Doomsday weapons, he has a Mad Science lab, he has a Genetic Aberration Zoo, Deathtrap defenses.... If it Walks like a Duck, Quacks like a Duck, Looks like a Duck....
KG Motte look I mean yes he has looked into faster than light guillotines and tricked many into gazing at the basilisk but I mean when you come down to it who hasn’t?
@@cliffordsherman7702 Hhmmhhmm Hhmm hmm....
*Quietly Adds Your Name to a list of Potential Super-Villains to Look into for future Employment as a Lackey*
I like to think that a thousand years from now, AA towers and such will be seen similarly made cute by pop culture
I'd like to see someone make bullets cute in the next thousand years....
We're already halfway there!
@@bjboss1119 Bullet Bill
@@bjboss1119 Skippy from Cyberpunk 2077.
I still feels whimsy and wonder when visiting a castle, however it is precisely because they are absolute meat blenders.
normal people: wow look at the walls!
Shadiversity viewers: Machicolations!!!
Yes
LOL came here to say this
MAAAAACHIIICOOOOLAAAAATIONNNNNNNNNSSSSSS!!!!!!!
My first thought when this popped up in my feed, is he summoning Shad?
Never knew the real name for murder-holes until now.
Rimworld player: Write that down WRITE THAT DOWN
How many wacrimes have you committed?
@@rashout3707 too many
@@rashout3707 yes
About 15....ish
@@rashout3707 All
"I'm not a super villain"
- Kyle Hill, super villain, 2021
Yeah, just an everyday villain.
Castles: COME AT ME BRO!
Attacking Army: Nah lets just surround it and starve them out.
Good Crusader or use siege walls :D
Surrender? Hah! We can hold these walls until we die of old age.
Don't forget launching turds into the walls
The Siege of Storm's End?
@@quin2910 more like plague infected corpses
**Trebuchet would like to know your location.**
*r/trebuchetmemes wants to know your location*
Tunneling worked way better
Trebuchet, a wonderful mechanism, asks too many personal questions though
*Angry AOE trebuchet noises*
Yeah, about that...in real life there isn't a game balance rule prohibiting trebuchets from being mounted on the castle itself. Or cannons. Or giant cannons that didn't even need to be moved.
Thats really cool you got Shad on here.
another cool detail: the reason why castle towers are round is that attackers figured out you can really wreck any square building by digging underneath the corners. by having round towers at the corners you're depriving your enemy of any weak points to dig under
"Castles are engineered to kill you."
Wow, don't say, it's almost like they were made to help you defend against attackers
A solid defensive position. Duh.
The best defense is a good defense
@@SirTomFoolery Unless the Castle Builder chose a poor spot for said Castle, then it's a good defensive position in a bad spot.
I'm your 200th like. Pay me.
I was expecting a explanation of how dangerous they were to the owners themselves
As soon, as I saw the title I just went like "You don't say?"
And when I envision a castle, I picture MACHICOOLATIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONS
(unexpected, but very welcome crossover)
Chad would be very proud of you, but what about Dragons?
Shad: Machinations
Kyle: The murder holes Shad just explained.
Shad: ...
col...machicolations. Machinations are plots or schemes which may include machicolations.
Machicolations are technically a form of murder hole, being developed out of the murder holes in ceilings, likely from the holes in churches.
The archer slits that Kyle explained previously are also murder holes. Any engineered gap to allow defenders to assault the attackers with little fear of retribution fall under the category of murder holes.
I’d love a second part to this with more info on other ways they’d defend a castle. Like how they would also use that trap entrance to pour searing hot oil or pitch onto attackers
Hot oil, tar or pitch is a myth. Boiling water is more likely. Oil and such is way too expensive, today still, to just waste on throwing on attackers.
Oh and just plain big rocks, dont forget about those, they are cheap and dangerous!
@@somesillydude you might be surprised at how much oil modern militaries use on attackers. More than one way to "throw." Fuel, material processing, paint, trade sanctions...and that's all just petroleum. Don't have to go back that many years to when napalm was popular for a while, still modern times. One's army has to eat between battles, too.
@@somesillydudeAn F15 or a millitary grade heli are way more expensive than some litres of oil and you still see them being thrown around like paper planes during wars, because wars don't happen every week. Similarly, castles weren't being sieged on a daily basis, they could very easily afford to stack up on some oil between sieges
I was like "When is he going to talk about Machicolations?"
Then Shad came
At first I thought you were joking. Then Shad came.
4:50 I foresee a *_MACHICOLATIOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSS_* coming
5:08 *_MACHICOLATIOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSS_*
Called it XD (also Shad, wooooooo!!!!)
i know, my happiest moment lol
Video: a castle is mentioned
Shad: It's free real estate
This is actually _why_ I love casltes. I love the idea of living in a location that is intelligently designed and constructed to murder intruders!
Arrowslits in French is called "Meurtrière" its literally means murdering
@Zacharie Boivin Aaaactually, meurtrière is the feminine of murderer
@john Mullholand murder holes are something different, actually.
@john Mullholand 👌
@Zacharie Boivin murdering (infinitive) = tuer in french
Nice
Before I saw the description I was thinking "Man I wonder if he talked to shad about this."
*MACHICOLATIONS!!!!!!!*
"I'm not a villain."
Um, I've seen you on the Command Zone. Don't lie.
And then, if you made it all the way past everything to get into the castle, you would meet the princess, which is possibly the most deadly death trap inside every castle.
because she will make u siege another castle
dont mind my comment from 7 months later
"Dragons dying under the age of 45"
aw, poor dragons :c
What is the average dragon lifespan?
I thought dragons were immortal
I thought the "dying under the age of 45" was in reference to us humans, and separate from the dragons part that just happened to be right before it in the list.
@@gqsmooth1969 Varies, but usually at least a few hundred years. At 45 years, they're basically infants.
@@13KuriMaster ye that was the joke @Space did haha
“Stabby stabby murder murder downwards” needs a t-shirt
People when castle existed must have been: *everywhere I go, I see a trap*
I think more likely, most people just didn't think of them in their every day life.. Although there were probably still those who didn't tarry when walking under murder holes and such. :)
much like the internet today...
Visiting thailand like
RenegadeMastah ohh so that what trap nation means
I'm a BEE Hah! I wish!
I literally was thinking to myself "geez if he keeps talking about castles, he's going to summon Shad.."
The best siege:
"Let me in!"
"No."
"Okay then"
"Let me in! This castle is mine!"
"No!"
"I'll come in by force, ya daft bastard! I've got an army with horses and ladders and trebuchets and battering rams"
"I have rocks and buckets of really hot sand that we can drop on you and autumn is coming, your men wanna get home to harvest their crops."
"God damn it Gary! You're such an asshole! Fine! Keep your bloody pile of rubble. I'm coming back next year, you know!"
that's monty python and the holy grail summarized
I feel like castles being "whimsical" is a very American thing.
Imagine a certain fast food chain is to blame here...
Not our fault that we Americans are capable of having independent thoughts.
@@oliverdawes917 Are you hating White-Castle?! do you know what Harold and Kumar had to go through for those burgers.
Probably because they don't exist here lol. I don't think a fast food chain makes it whimsical either.
I think it's more so because of stories and pop culture. Majority of people probably don't care that the architecture is specific for their jobs as castles either.
I was thinking this as watching it. But then, I've had school trips and stuff to castles since I was in Junior school. Any Americans here able to tell me - do you study the middle ages at all in history class? Or just start from the discovery/founding of USA?
Before the vid starts: duh...it's designed to be defended against overwhelming forces. Unlike total war warhammer
Edit: also don't forget gatehouses, murder holes, inward facing archery slits...
Yes yes, just give to ratling gunners!
And what about hot oil spouts, and bolder dropping trap doors over your head.
alphagt62 There is actually little evidence of the use of “boiling oil”. Oil and/or pitch was used against rams and siege towers, but it would have been too valuable to use against troops (plus setting people on fire inside a building with at least some wooden parts is really bad). Hot sand or boiling water is generally accepted as the most likely stuff to be dumped on attackers.
“Remember being outside and around stuff” hearing that I laughed because it was funny. Then I realized how messed up it is to laugh at being in a pandemic. What a wild life I get to enjoy 😅
As a fan of both Shad and Kyle I could not be happier at this collab, especially the MACHICOLATIONS!!!!! part
And I thought I receive the castle notification from Shadiversity...
Now I just realized Anime/Manga/Web Novel their Castles are all trash. EZ to breach.
@@davidgumazon context. The Japanese ones shown in Japanese creations are usually accurate and thus in turn hard to breach with their period technology. They usually did less research in Western castles and just took the asthetic instead. Some exceptions exists, like Vinland Saga is pretty period accurate.
Fun fact: Caernarfon castle is so well designed for defence that in 1403 only 37 archers successfully defended it against the forces of Owain Glyndŵr.
That is a fun fact!
@cak01vej QAll I can find is that it was successfully defended by Royalists against three Parliamentarian sieges. I don't have the time or resources to dig deeper than that. I find it impressive nonetheless, as the castle was in a state of unrepair at the time, with only one tower and a gate still having their roofs.
@cak01vej Castles are designed to be defended against a large army, with very few people. If they don't come with siege weapons, like catapults, 37 Archers could easily defend a castle agains hundreds of soldiers.
Armys in the european middle ages were rather small. 15k Soldiers are rather unlikely ;)
I can't find much info about the siege itself but I found numerous mentions that Owain Glyndŵr "Almost managed to capture it".
Mycernius Also look into the siege of Corfe Castle during the English Civil War. In 1643, Initially only 5 soldiers defended the castle but the garrison was reinforced to 80. They faced 500 to 600 parliamentarians and were able to hold out for six weeks until releaved. They only lost two casualties compared to over 100 attackers.
It is amazing that castles ever fell. A testament to the siege tools and tactics
Most of them fell, because they weren't made of fancy well-engineered stonework. Most castles were wood and other common building materials that rarely last centuries. Some have walls of hand-placed rocks somewhat still standing to show us where they used to be.
Rarely by being stormed, but by being starved out.
5:09
Me: *MACHICOLATIONS*
Neighbour: Hello 911, there's a madman nextdoor screaming
Any other non-Shadiversity fan: What kind of sword is that?
Shad fans: HoHo, you simple pleb...
yeah so... what kind of sword is that xD
They may take our lifes, but they will never Take our MACHICULATIONS
@@dojando6003 If you're actually curious, it's a "longsword". Yes, I know, anticlimactic.
someone's gonna say is soo...
( *Deep Breath* )
MACHICOLATIONS!!!!
I also did that! 😎
MACHICOLATIOOOOOOONS
MAACHICOOLATIOOOONZZZZ
But what about dragons?
Damn, beat me to it.
Awww....Aria with that little "metal" yell is everything i needed right now.
Do all my favorite RUclipsrs randomly know each other? Is that a thing?
Jeorg (the slingshot channel) sent both Shad and Tod ( Tod's worksip) an instant Legolas to test, and Tod knows Matt Easton (scholagladitoeia)
Chad Falardeau
Tank u chad
I'm just waiting for the lock picking lawyer to show up...
Vsause Michal here
Chad Falardeau Actually, Tod then built a medieval version of the Instant Legolas and sent it to Shad to test. :)
2:38 "Yea, metal rules" made me very happy.
Heavy Metal will never die!
Me: *sees thumbnail* "Oh, a new Shadiversity vid... wait a minute..."
My reaction was similar. "Oh, Kyle has a new... wait, why is Kyle doing a Shadiversity-style video?" Not that I minded, this was a fun video and I really enjoyed seeing Shad unexpectedly guest in the video as well.
Exactly
The star shaped town at min 2:22 is now called Palmanova (Italy), very sweet place
4:17 - "These crown-like elements allowed defenders to expose as little of themselves as possible (phrasing)." Gotta love an Archer reference when talking about archers. I love it!
"Something, something ...Danger Zone!"
everyone: why is kyle learning about defenses, because he needs to protect his evil base from the government because he's evil
me: maybe kyle is vampire?
Ah a fellow fan of fact freind i see
Sam Reddig Much respect, such Karl, all facts!!
"Curse of Kyle"
Actually the term murder holes refers to a whole different castle feature that is very much separate from machicolations. I watched Shad's videos on castles.
Would that be like what the chinese used. Like dropin bombs through them
@@AlechiaTheWitch murder holes were larger holes on the ceiling usually in or in passages between guard gates. attacker would breach a gate and funnel into a cramped passageway, and then encounter another gate. the ceiling would have grates that were removed and boiling oil, fire, poisons etc would be poured in
Kyle: "Castle designs evolved further with the help of legendaries like *Michelangelo"*
Me: Nah, Michelangelo probably was more concerned about* partying and eating pizzas* than anything else.
fun fact: when michelangelo wrote a letter to the Borgias asking to be hired by them he emphasized his engineering knowledge rather than his artistic skills, he considered himself an engineer and an expert in war machines before anything else
@@moss933 or he just though an engineer might be more appreciated and therefore more likely to be hired?
Killing field???
Don't be put off by the name Timmy, it's not really a field...
Floor.
Me: Castles are designed to withstand and protect.
Not-a-supervillain: Castles are designed TO KILL!
Shad: MATICI-
Still-not-a-supervillain: Murder holes!
Withstand and protect.... how do you think they did that against armies of people? They killed them....
Murder holes is a thing. It's what I was taught in history class, though murder holes I thought were usually in the gatehouses between layers of portcullis. Burning oil would be poured down them onto the soldiers trying to break through the layers of portcullis and doors.
@@lmaoroflcopter ...which you were told absolutely correct, but it was not just burning oil, it was all kinds of hurting stuff, from stones over boiling water to... well... whatever was at hand. And you are also right, it is not the same thing as a MATICI..... whatever the name of these things are =)
@@lmaoroflcopter Using oil in this way would be very wastefull; hot water, hot sand, (hot?) rocks or hot lime were better options.
@@janb.3600 would they? They'd be alternative options but better? That's a bit subjective and assuming by "hot oil" I didn't mean "hot fat" which is after all... A grease/oil and easily obtained from livestock.
Appreciate the input tho but ultimately I only said what I was taught, I didn't come here for an additional follow up history lesson 20 years on.
"Castles are pretty, and whimsical nowadays"
And right handed.
But I am left handed! I bypass your devious traps, history!
If time travel ever excists and i would storm a castle i want you on my team for the spiral stairs
@@gibbonplays6111 Up I go to die first!
But how many of them will I bamboozle before then?
@@maverickjsmith8795 i have faith that you will take out at least a handful if not more, if not we are screwed
@@gibbonplays6111 That's the spirit! Onward, for glory, for victory!
As do I!!!
One of my favorite is the spiral stairs are designed to allow right handed attackers in the high ground to have advantages over attacking fighters.
As soon as I saw a video about castles, in my head I heard "MACHICOLATIONS!"
Imagine my satisfaction when Shad showed up.
Of course you're not a Supervillain.
You lack the...
What's the word...
"PRESENTATION"
Mega Mind references are the best.
Kyle’s hastily said ”I’m not a supervillain”-oath sounds less and less true every time there’s a new video. I’m calling it now: he’s actually Thór who’s actually Loki in disguise.
If you need to clarify that you're not a supervillain....you might just be one
On people Kyle tells us in every video that he is not a super villain just to remind us of the fact that he is not a super villain, because he is NOT a super villain....... 😏😈
It's weird that he gets the scale wrong in his video representation of crenelations. They are cover, and do not stop at the knee. The merlons are head height, and the crenels between them are waist or chest height.
Or even higher. The crenellations were cut deep enough to allow fairly close shots at comfortable angles without leaning over. The machicolations' holes were also covered by wooden lids to prevent arrows or bolts from being fired up. The lids were removed only for the purpose of clearing the base of a wall, then replaced again.
I squealed like a schoolgirl when I heard "Incomming transmission from Shad." Oh my. Gold.
"Not a supervillain"
Yeah sure, that is exactly what a supervillain would say
I love being British, we have castles everywhere and required learning in schools.
However, you missed out something important to do with the tower shape. Circular towers were an offensive move! If any archer took a shot at the arrow slits and missed, the circular tower would deflect the arrow back in to the attackers at a random angle unlike a square tower where the angle is predictable.
Attacking Archers could kill their own men
Also the defenders could throw things on the death holes
Like stones, burning wood or even dead allies
Miqdaad Indori Try shooting an arrow at a rock, it’ll deflect.
@Miqdaad Indori arrows are not that different in technicality with bullets. Arrows ricochet, it's breakage creates shrapnels, etc. In fact you can basically use the term "Shot Trap" (term in modern tanks) on plate armors because shooting plate won't penetrate it but the arrow could ricochet upward and hit the wearer's neck.
Actually, it was more about maximising strength under artillery bombardment. Even prior to the development of cannon, it was recognised that taking a big heavy flying projectile (like, say, a 90kg rock thrown from a trebuchet over 200m away) in a direct hit perpendicular to a wall was a Bad Thing. If it hit at an angle, it was more likely to glance off and do little/no damage. So they wanted to maximise the chances of any projectile hitting at an angle (the same logic also lead to the ravelins on later star forts, as well as the minimising of dead zones that Kyle mentioned in the video, plus funneling the attacking force into specific paths leading to the killing fields). The thing is, the most vulnerable part of a wall is the corner, and the sharper the angle formed by the corner, the more vulnerable it is. The result is a period when square towers kept getting more and more sides added, flattening the angles of the corners and increasing the effective curvature, until they effectively became circular.
ala5530 The corners were also very easy to undermine with sappers allowing the tower to be collapsed.
What's neat about the spiral staircase design is you can simulate the effect easily. In Dark Souls there's a black knight atop a spiral stair case, usually you'll end up being forced down the stairs because the top doesn't have much space and you don't want thrown off to your death. However you'll quickly realize any swinging weapon with reach longer than a dagger hits the stairs and beam on the right while the black knight has full freedom to swing. It's actually a pretty common strategy to draw the knight down to the bottom of the tower then enter the tower first so you have the defenders advantage. The knight's swing also gets stopped by walls so it also can't swing at you when you do this. Clearly From Soft understood this cool fact about these stairs when they put this in the level!