Please please understand that you cant change how ppl feel. My husband killed himself at 32 speedballing on methadone and Cocaine 16 years ago. Because his parents didnt care about him and everyone clearly knew it. Know its not you.. its bad on them. Im sure you are a good person like my husband was. Better your life and prove your dad that you are someone to be proud of. The fact that you are clean is such a massive start. Its not about proving him right but show him if he cares or not you are a good person and you deserve love, if he dont its his lose. I for one nd very proud of you for your recovery, I know its hard but stay strong. Dont be tempted and if talking about it bothers you dont talk about it much. This is your journey. When you are ok and can talk about it without temptation then talk to us.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I am a longtime recovering alcoholic/addict. One thing has become clear to me: Addiction cannot be healed but it can be managed. I was always curious about speedbaling but never did. My thing was shooting up crystal meth and I liked what it did for me, especially sexually. Rarely is this fact talked about in 12 step groups because there's such shame connected to it. There remains a lifelong psychological addiction to meth as I realized in honesty for myself. Whenever I think sex my meth addict is triggered. It is a long and winding road.
Greg Allen it was the final escalation for me. It just feels like the ultimate rush. Every time I did it, I thought there was a decent chance I would die and then just did it anyways. I think recovery rate is sub 5% for intravenous use. Thanks for reaching out and letting me know you’re struggling with it. I’m with you man
I have been struggling with shooting speedballs for years and years now... Its good to see someone get out and survive through it. My girlfriend died 3 years ago almost to the day rn, on feb 14th 2017.... idk why I'm writing this... just appreciate the video.
Hey dude still feel bad for you. I think I got over my Polysubstance dependence (weed, cocaine, 4-FMA, Benzos, ...) by destroying my mind with acid. I kinda just dont wanna tanke anything anymore since I had a horrific bad trip. I really thought I went crazy and I think I got HPPD (Hallucinugen Persisting Perception Disorder) but its getting better day by day. Though it was a horrible trip it helped me to see my life in a different way. For anyone struggling with really bad addiction who lost all hope of recovery I'd "recommend" taking acid. It may not work for you, but for me it really made my addictions go away. I have no idea how this substance did it but it did. If you are hopeless its worth a try. Edit: You still have to deal with the withdrawls ofc. But the psycholgical withdrawls were much, MUCH easier to handle than before when I tried to quit some stuff. You gotta imagine I dont even smoke weed no more and thats the smallest problem of all.
Today I've been listening to the Joe Rogan podcast with Michael Shellenberger talk about the drug addiction with the homeless. And then tonight I went down a John Belushi rabbit hole and I wound up here. Watched and was stopped in my tracks when you said how much of your issue was related to your relationship with your father. As a kid who grew up with a single mom and no dad in the home and now as the father of two girls, 14 and 10, I am once again stunned with the simple reality of how much the father in one's life plays such a primary role. I always say that literally every single bad and dysfunctional thing I did as a wayward child can be tied to not having a Dad. And now, raising two daughters in a happy marriage I see how key I am in my daughters' lives. I wish to God more people would come forward and speak this truth: DADS - you are NEEDED. Your daughters' need you. Your sons' need you. Their lives depend on it.
Thank you for sharing your experience and most of all for sharing your heart and the beauty of your being. It is devastating when we loose a person to drugs. All their contributions now gone into flames. The whole world suffers from the loss. Thankfully you are still here.
SpongeBobaFett thx man I’m baby_cappuccino_da_buddha on IG if you ever want to talk there and I share more there now. Still working on this RUclips thing. Be well
I am 38 and my dad doesn’t give a shit about me. I never did hard drugs, but I do eat my emotions. I weigh 305 lbs. and have an eating addiction. Recently, I’ve thought about taking hard drugs because I’ve taken opioids for injuries in the past and remember how great I felt. I guess I was hoping to swap my eating addiction with something else that I might be able to get help with. Dumb, I know. Anyway, Seeing this helped me feel a little less alone.
my dad is a total scum, fuck em. during quarantine i gained an insane amount of weight. addictions can take time to break, i’ve broke them, got back into them and broke them again. i’m 36 ：）
I never thought about the how opioids make you feel safe, but you’re right they do. I always overlooked that part and focused on how nice the world was.
Fernando Vasquez xannax is a doozie, I ween down to barely anything then stop. Cocaine is a weird one because coke sucks, maybe the first line is alright for 3 seconds but next thing you know it’s 4 days later and you’re still locked in a bathroom texting the dealer 4 more. Nothing compares to shooting it. Stopping is of course your decision to make. Be easy on yourself love
I’m on 15ml methadone from 80ml and a bad speedball habit on top I was suicidal and turned to heroin before I was gonna kill my self they ironically saved me but also killing me at the same time I was diagnosed with HIV before using heroin and made me wanna kill Myself I used steroids and wasn’t afraid of needles I never smoked heroin 1st hit was in a needle and was straight into speedballs we call them snowballs in uk but same thing! I can’t wait to be off this 15ml of methadone and I’m gonna write a book about my diagnosis mental health homelessness loss of job car house morals friends dying the criminal desperation it can cause and all the rest pray for me guys
Hello, thank you, it's been maybe a decade, I'd like to talk about this some more, I think it's good for us to find common ground, that's why I want to share. thx again, be well :)
I never got into hard drugs, however i do suffer from debeletating depression since i started my teens, don´t know what exactly triggered my depression which is frustrating, im 30 now and ive been taking benzos for a few years because if i dont everything becomes overwhelming and my anxiety and depression takes over, i used to blame my father too because we were never close and he used a bit of tough love when i was growing up but i do know he loves me and all my family.
Pedro Santos thank you 🙏 for sharing that, I have been there too, not even knowing what triggers it. It’s normal, the mind is built to stress. Our parents were taught by history and when you look a little closer that history is often not so nurturing. We can break the cycle. I blamed everyone except myself for the way I felt.
the real immediate danger is having too much then one drug wears off sooner than the other, causing the effects of the other to be amplified even more. Slowed breathing or tachycardia, high or low BP, seizures etc.
Man bro, this gives me some type a hope. I’m struggling with addiction right now. And that’s all I struggle with rn. And I get so frustrated cause I try to stay away but it calls me back and it’s hard to deal with but I’m trying bro.
Blurr187 -YT Hey man. I remember days when I’d say I was done and then a few days later i would either be really sick physically and then I would go back or other times when I wasn’t sick my thoughts would push me to go back. I’d that what you’re dealing with?
Yes man, that’s what it is like I just start feeling sick and automatically my head remembers how good that feels and it doesn’t get out of my head and I’m just in a horrible mood until I get it again and I know I shouldn’t but I just can’t stop man. It’s hard I stop for a week or two and then it cycles back
Blurr187 -YT I know exactly what that’s like because I cycled that way. I hate to say should or shouldn’t because I just don’t really see the guilt as helpful or even correct. You can really do as you wish, it’s your life to create. So really I think if you want to stop, if you think it’s ruining your life then when those thoughts are coming about using or you’re pissed off you have to just accept those thoughts and sit through that and if you are willing to do so then I think you will see life changing benefits.
Jamie B I understand desperation. You can accept and say I’ve gone too far and continue or you can challenge your thoughts and change. Whatever it is you can do so in peace. I would say I’d roll the dice and say you can make the change but I know you’re capable of doing what you want.
Bro great salute to you and to be honest my ex gf use to do it before too with speedballing but left later due to rehab. My prayers will always be there for people and I sometime really feel bad for such people.
lol you see those? dude honestly i’m not making fun of him, i just know if he’s really truly committed to truth he should admit he’s gay too. since he is existence
@@babycappuccinothebuddha3541 it would be much more interesting if you made videos saying that, being yourself, instead of this phony "drug addict" act. That's all I'm saying. You're weird as fuck.
@lester there were some comments on this video which i thought were you but now i don’t think it was you. did you ever comment on this video using a different name? pretty sure it was someone in my family if it wasn’t you
Just talking about it i bet he has to take a shit. You drug users out there know what im talking about. I remember that as soon as i got up with my dealer and got my coke in my hand i immediately had to go take a shit. And it got to the point that when i hadnt had any coke and i would start talking about it or thinking about it i would have to go to the bathroom so bad thst i would get massive cramps and would have to run to the bathroom. So i think those hesitations he is having i recognize what he is doing. He is trying to fight off that feeling of having to go poop.
hes talking about stuff hes read about, this whole video is a lie. he is so desperate for attention he is pretending to be an ex addict. its truly pathetic, but people do this all the time.
This guy is still trying to underplay his drug use. By saying that it was many many moons ago that he did the speedballing he is truing to say oh i was young and stupid but now im smarter and i would never do it. But look at this guy. What is he late 20s so it couldnt of been that long ago. And it definitely wasnt many many moons ago. So he is still in some form of denial.
This person is a total liar. He is seeking attention through absolutely any means possible. It's very pathetic, but everything he says in this video is a lie.
@@babycappuccinothebuddha3541 you''re not great at it....just cause a handful of people buy this one video, most people in life will know you are a liar. you should take this video down though. also that other one you made on one of your fake accounts.
John Smith i am the greatest. i had suckers for parents, over time i learned. everything i said in this video is true. you wouldn’t know, you’re nobody.
@@babycappuccinothebuddha3541 you obviously made this video for attention and have never even touched the "terrible street drug, heroin" lol. Nobody who has would call it that.
Hey! Are you still active on here or have another channel? Hoping you are clean, safe, & stable in everyday aspect of your life. I recently got out of rehab, i spent two months getting over a bad fentanyl and perc 30 addiction sniffing n intravenously. I PREY you are OKAY!!!!
Please please understand that you cant change how ppl feel. My husband killed himself at 32 speedballing on methadone and Cocaine 16 years ago. Because his parents didnt care about him and everyone clearly knew it. Know its not you.. its bad on them. Im sure you are a good person like my husband was. Better your life and prove your dad that you are someone to be proud of. The fact that you are clean is such a massive start. Its not about proving him right but show him if he cares or not you are a good person and you deserve love, if he dont its his lose. I for one nd very proud of you for your recovery, I know its hard but stay strong. Dont be tempted and if talking about it bothers you dont talk about it much. This is your journey. When you are ok and can talk about it without temptation then talk to us.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I am a longtime recovering alcoholic/addict. One thing has become clear to me: Addiction cannot be healed but it can be managed. I was always curious about speedbaling but never did. My thing was shooting up crystal meth and I liked what it did for me, especially sexually. Rarely is this fact talked about in 12 step groups because there's such shame connected to it. There remains a lifelong psychological addiction to meth as I realized in honesty for myself. Whenever I think sex my meth addict is triggered. It is a long and winding road.
Hunter Ironwood I’ve done meth several times, I heard that it releases more dopamine units in your brain than any other drug.
Hey man. I have been through the same struggle with speedballing recently. Its good to see someone who has gotten out. I don't see that often
Greg Allen it was the final escalation for me. It just feels like the ultimate rush. Every time I did it, I thought there was a decent chance I would die and then just did it anyways. I think recovery rate is sub 5% for intravenous use. Thanks for reaching out and letting me know you’re struggling with it. I’m with you man
I have been struggling with shooting speedballs for years and years now... Its good to see someone get out and survive through it. My girlfriend died 3 years ago almost to the day rn, on feb 14th 2017.... idk why I'm writing this... just appreciate the video.
I think it’s important to share and I appreciate it. I’ve lost a lot of people I love too over illicit drug use. 🙏
Hey dude still feel bad for you. I think I got over my Polysubstance dependence (weed, cocaine, 4-FMA, Benzos, ...) by destroying my mind with acid. I kinda just dont wanna tanke anything anymore since I had a horrific bad trip. I really thought I went crazy and I think I got HPPD (Hallucinugen Persisting Perception Disorder) but its getting better day by day. Though it was a horrible trip it helped me to see my life in a different way. For anyone struggling with really bad addiction who lost all hope of recovery I'd "recommend" taking acid. It may not work for you, but for me it really made my addictions go away. I have no idea how this substance did it but it did. If you are hopeless its worth a try.
Edit: You still have to deal with the withdrawls ofc. But the psycholgical withdrawls were much, MUCH easier to handle than before when I tried to quit some stuff. You gotta imagine I dont even smoke weed no more and thats the smallest problem of all.
Today I've been listening to the Joe Rogan podcast with Michael Shellenberger talk about the drug addiction with the homeless. And then tonight I went down a John Belushi rabbit hole and I wound up here. Watched and was stopped in my tracks when you said how much of your issue was related to your relationship with your father. As a kid who grew up with a single mom and no dad in the home and now as the father of two girls, 14 and 10, I am once again stunned with the simple reality of how much the father in one's life plays such a primary role. I always say that literally every single bad and dysfunctional thing I did as a wayward child can be tied to not having a Dad. And now, raising two daughters in a happy marriage I see how key I am in my daughters' lives. I wish to God more people would come forward and speak this truth: DADS - you are NEEDED. Your daughters' need you. Your sons' need you. Their lives depend on it.
Thank you for sharing your experience and most of all for sharing your heart and the beauty of your being. It is devastating when we loose a person to drugs. All their contributions now gone into flames. The whole world suffers from the loss. Thankfully you are still here.
Bro, ur touching me right now. First time watching. I used to do the same. ...crazy. no one knows how far ur addiction will take u...
Glad to see you're doing well. It really helped to hear your story
SpongeBobaFett thx man I’m baby_cappuccino_da_buddha on IG if you ever want to talk there and I share more there now. Still working on this RUclips thing. Be well
I am 38 and my dad doesn’t give a shit about me. I never did hard drugs, but I do eat my emotions. I weigh 305 lbs. and have an eating addiction.
Recently, I’ve thought about taking hard drugs because I’ve taken opioids for injuries in the past and remember how great I felt. I guess I was hoping to swap my eating addiction with something else that I might be able to get help with. Dumb, I know. Anyway, Seeing this helped me feel a little less alone.
my dad is a total scum, fuck em. during quarantine i gained an insane amount of weight. addictions can take time to break, i’ve broke them, got back into them and broke them again. i’m 36 ：）
I never thought about the how opioids make you feel safe, but you’re right they do. I always overlooked that part and focused on how nice the world was.
Gives me anxiety just thinking about doing that. Never have never will. Thanks for putting this out there
Thank you for being so honest. I can definitely relate to some of those feelings. Hope you’re doing well
my pleasure, i appreciate that garrett. i am alright, best wishes to you.
He is a liar. This video is all untrue
I been doin xanax and cocaine a lot and I need help I can't stop
Fernando Vasquez xannax is a doozie, I ween down to barely anything then stop. Cocaine is a weird one because coke sucks, maybe the first line is alright for 3 seconds but next thing you know it’s 4 days later and you’re still locked in a bathroom texting the dealer 4 more. Nothing compares to shooting it. Stopping is of course your decision to make. Be easy on yourself love
Talk to a professional instead of RUclips. Comments dawg
I’m on 15ml methadone from 80ml and a bad speedball habit on top I was suicidal and turned to heroin before I was gonna kill my self they ironically saved me but also killing me at the same time I was diagnosed with HIV before using heroin and made me wanna kill Myself I used steroids and wasn’t afraid of needles I never smoked heroin 1st hit was in a needle and was straight into speedballs we call them snowballs in uk but same thing! I can’t wait to be off this 15ml of methadone and I’m gonna write a book about my diagnosis mental health homelessness loss of job car house morals friends dying the criminal desperation it can cause and all the rest pray for me guys
Really touching. Very mature
Hello, thank you, it's been maybe a decade, I'd like to talk about this some more, I think it's good for us to find common ground, that's why I want to share. thx again, be well :)
I never got into hard drugs, however i do suffer from debeletating depression since i started my teens, don´t know what exactly triggered my depression which is frustrating, im 30 now and ive been taking benzos for a few years because if i dont everything becomes overwhelming and my anxiety and depression takes over, i used to blame my father too because we were never close and he used a bit of tough love when i was growing up but i do know he loves me and all my family.
Pedro Santos thank you 🙏 for sharing that, I have been there too, not even knowing what triggers it. It’s normal, the mind is built to stress. Our parents were taught by history and when you look a little closer that history is often not so nurturing. We can break the cycle. I blamed everyone except myself for the way I felt.
the real immediate danger is having too much then one drug wears off sooner than the other, causing the effects of the other to be amplified even more. Slowed breathing or tachycardia, high or low BP, seizures etc.
Most former addicts making these videos are extremely intelligent!
Not him, look at what he writes on my channel.
Uppers are for a good party. Tickling those opioid receptors, means you have shoved something deep down and kept it locked away.
Man bro, this gives me some type a hope. I’m struggling with addiction right now. And that’s all I struggle with rn. And I get so frustrated cause I try to stay away but it calls me back and it’s hard to deal with but I’m trying bro.
Blurr187 -YT Hey man. I remember days when I’d say I was done and then a few days later i would either be really sick physically and then I would go back or other times when I wasn’t sick my thoughts would push me to go back. I’d that what you’re dealing with?
Yes man, that’s what it is like I just start feeling sick and automatically my head remembers how good that feels and it doesn’t get out of my head and I’m just in a horrible mood until I get it again and I know I shouldn’t but I just can’t stop man. It’s hard I stop for a week or two and then it cycles back
Blurr187 -YT I know exactly what that’s like because I cycled that way. I hate to say should or shouldn’t because I just don’t really see the guilt as helpful or even correct. You can really do as you wish, it’s your life to create. So really I think if you want to stop, if you think it’s ruining your life then when those thoughts are coming about using or you’re pissed off you have to just accept those thoughts and sit through that and if you are willing to do so then I think you will see life changing benefits.
Blurr187 -YT I’m in a horrendous cycle I can’t get out.
Jamie B I understand desperation. You can accept and say I’ve gone too far and continue or you can challenge your thoughts and change. Whatever it is you can do so in peace. I would say I’d roll the dice and say you can make the change but I know you’re capable of doing what you want.
Bro great salute to you and to be honest my ex gf use to do it before too with speedballing but left later due to rehab. My prayers will always be there for people and I sometime really feel bad for such people.
This video is a lie. He was never a drug addict, he made this for attention.
@@bunnysamoYou're wrong. That's my brother, he passed away 8 months ago. And no, I'm not bullshitting. Don't talk about things you have no idea about.
That was deep
Thank u for ur story man happy ur better
Real talk! Dont give up!
You should make videos where you say the stuff youve been saying in the Actualized comments...those are hilarious
lol you see those? dude honestly i’m not making fun of him, i just know if he’s really truly committed to truth he should admit he’s gay too. since he is existence
how are you doing man?
@@babycappuccinothebuddha3541 it would be much more interesting if you made videos saying that, being yourself, instead of this phony "drug addict" act. That's all I'm saying. You're weird as fuck.
@lester there were some comments on this video which i thought were you but now i don’t think it was you. did you ever comment on this video using a different name? pretty sure it was someone in my family if it wasn’t you
Lester Retsel you’re too good 4 that bb
Just talking about it i bet he has to take a shit. You drug users out there know what im talking about. I remember that as soon as i got up with my dealer and got my coke in my hand i immediately had to go take a shit. And it got to the point that when i hadnt had any coke and i would start talking about it or thinking about it i would have to go to the bathroom so bad thst i would get massive cramps and would have to run to the bathroom. So i think those hesitations he is having i recognize what he is doing. He is trying to fight off that feeling of having to go poop.
hes talking about stuff hes read about, this whole video is a lie. he is so desperate for attention he is pretending to be an ex addict. its truly pathetic, but people do this all the time.
This guy is still trying to underplay his drug use. By saying that it was many many moons ago that he did the speedballing he is truing to say oh i was young and stupid but now im smarter and i would never do it. But look at this guy. What is he late 20s so it couldnt of been that long ago. And it definitely wasnt many many moons ago. So he is still in some form of denial.
You were right
No I’m 32 in that video baby, and it was 10 years since I touched a needle but addiction is more subtle, if I ever make content, listen to me
Perception is what it is at the given moment, we do our best, forgive or crucify me either way it’s you
You can call me baby cap
He's a joke and a garbage person, look what he writes to me in my comments
Retreat to your safe space?
Sorry not the spelling police but it's spelled
'Heroin'
Mmm I like it the way I wrote it
Thank you
You should tell the truth about why you made this.
daddy issues
please get married
sense of pappening 9:24
Where are you are you ok long time
Facebook
Jesus osho Facebook
Dying feels good unfortunately
more like Speed LOL!
Lies
Ummmm.... Ummmmm... um
This person is a total liar. He is seeking attention through absolutely any means possible. It's very pathetic, but everything he says in this video is a lie.
i am a great manipulator, this much is true
@@babycappuccinothebuddha3541 you''re not great at it....just cause a handful of people buy this one video, most people in life will know you are a liar. you should take this video down though. also that other one you made on one of your fake accounts.
John Smith i am the greatest. i had suckers for parents, over time i learned. everything i said in this video is true. you wouldn’t know, you’re nobody.
John Smith if i want to, everyone will eat out of the palm of my hand, including you my love!
@@babycappuccinothebuddha3541 you obviously made this video for attention and have never even touched the "terrible street drug, heroin" lol. Nobody who has would call it that.
Liar.
@@babycappuccinothebuddha3541 you should delete this video then. you are a sad pathetic man.
He realapsed .rip homie
Jay Crums naw cuz still here
Hey! Are you still active on here or have another channel? Hoping you are clean, safe, & stable in everyday aspect of your life. I recently got out of rehab, i spent two months getting over a bad fentanyl and perc 30 addiction sniffing n intravenously. I PREY you are OKAY!!!!
Hey. I’m in Vietnam, thank you so much.