We all learn from experience. So being cautious after being thru bs is normal. Women who are too nice can get used and men who are too nice could get used. People wouldnt know until they have been thru things.
@@jimynutron87 Women are more emotional than men....and men tend to hurt women. If you tired of hearing the excuse maybe you should teach men to be stand up men because apparently ALOT of women say the exact same things.
@@tpoppy9303Tbf if they did go through something with men specifically they still live off of trauma somehow it's okay to stay that way and justified and therapy is never an option
@@tpoppy9303and all men I know have had bad experiences with women. Difference is most men don’t use it as an excuse to not TAKE what they want in life. Most women do the opposite. This world is filled with “Do-ers” or “Sit-ers”. Too many women do the second and cry foul when they get sub par results. Blame yourself.
I continue to see a lot of women triggered by Dwayne Wade letting Gabriel Union know he was running things in his house that he paid for and her response about going 50/50. No one ever brings up the fact that Gabriel Union thought it was okay to cheat on her ex husband because she made more money then he did. Which one is it Mrs. Wade?
Your never “wrong” for how you feel . But the way you react based on what you feel can determine whether you’re right or wrong …but no one no matter the race or gender is ever wrong for how they feel .
This panel is super well spoken and respectful, especially the girl in the 2-piece beige outfit. I think her having a son really helped her attempt to see the world from a man’s view.
34:56 the body positively conversation has a great example you all missed. 50 cent got roasted like real bad when he did the Super Bowl w/ some extra lbs. No one came to his defense or said body positivity. 50 is older has kids & doesn't need the body of his 1st album & 20s. Yet Lizzo is obese, shames other women for their size, & she's getting magazine photo shoots! She did a nude one recently w/ the title as beautiful & no one can say anything. It's mad
See the only thing about that is comprehension is subjective, communication is universal. So communication is still very much the key to a successful relationship. It's up to both to communicate and get to a point where they can comprehend and receive the message intended. Just my 2 sense and opinion bro.
@@StudentOfLife365 Comprehension is key to effective communication. You communicate all day, the other party has to understand whats being said in order to move accordingly. And I agree both are responsible to communicate, listen, and understand in order for the relationship to work.
Morals are standards of behavior and what is right and wrong, I don't think morals are opinions. Adults know right from wrong. Society has made people say, "well it's not wrong to me" but a thief is a thief whether you have food in the fridge or not, stealing is wrong. Selling drugs, doing porn is wrong. Morals are one of the things that shouldn't change throughout time
The problem is that some women are bring the work dynamic into the personal relationship. Work is work and when you get home, value your relationship and work on that without constantly reminding someone what degree you have or how much you make. Is unnecessary
Wonder how I can, see how many hours I watched on you my brothas channels❓ Because Women, to My Fellas, Young Blaxk Men, Stand on Who You are as a Man. DON'T ALLOW no woman to CHANGE You❗
I love the questions have gotten a lot better 💯✅ I like the panel but they were over talking each other that's kind of what killed it a little bit. They weren't as bad as other panels y'all have had I think they were pretty understanding but you can still hear the double standards with selective equality and other things of that nature. Great job fellas I love that y'all take the constructor criticism and do something with it💯✅‼️
Lack of self awareness if your conversating together & she making everything a argument creating toxic situations then she dont wanna respect that man self awareness but wants him to literally do everything thing under the sea for her without being told1sT
Here is what all of these 304's forgot this is high value women 1) she is a virgin 2) she is fit 3) she doesn’t party and/or rarely drinks 4) she is friendly 5) she is feminine 6) she is right with god 7) she has discipline 8) she doesn’t dress like a stripper 9) she has a great relationship with her father, and she respects him.
It’s not about the past at all at all. Send men is not just charge they become controlling. When they charge. So that’s why some fell out fell that way.
People need to be a whole person 100% and if you are in a relationship you need to share the responsibilities while you continuing to be 100% you. People need to grow up let your childhood trauma go and be an adult heal from it and be 100% you that includes healing loving yourself before you get into a relationship and expect way more from the other person then you give yourself.
I really rock with y’all and i want to work with yall a lot of the things y’all be saying be things that ive said … especially the fresh price episode lmfao till this day i think about that episode
1) Awesome panel. One of the few with a constructive conversation 2) The LOVE of Money is the root of all evil( 1 Timothy 6:10). Money has its place, it isnt in our hearts. 3) Body Positivity- its fun while we are young. Science does have a clear consensus on what is deemed healthy. While there are some(very little evidence of) misogyny in studies, even with known evidence of misogny & racism with the history gynecology and pain, medical professionals follow the science. Remember, if they are wrong, the could lose their license, career and even go to jail. 4) interdependence is ideal but criticism and compromise are necessities. No successful relationships or marriages are without it. 5) For questions on a first date, ask out of curiosity and interest, not out of judgement or like a checklist. It will create two different conversations and youll walk away with answers half the time doing one way. 6) For the next panel, ask them their ideal 5 traits in their perfect man, without mentioning money or career CHARACTER TRAITS, and then give up two. Begs the question of acceptance & realistic relationship standards.
@@bobbym1799 why you telling me to keep the same energy? Who did I slut Shame ? And what is your argument for body positivity not being equal across the board
@@truebengalsfan As a Mand I understand that there are certain double standards that we ask of women to would hear too. And I'm not saying that you did what I'm saying is. In general, we can't expect things to be fair across-the-board in one aspect. But not understand that things are not going to be fair. So this is one of those incidents I believe that it's more And women's favor I don't think there should be anybody positivity for men. I think that is a woman's thing and I think they should be allowed to have that. Men Carry a majority of The deaths and bad health when it comes to being big. So we shouldn't encourage men. However, women if they want to encourage each other. That's fine besides if you look at it. There are more men that, like big women than women. That, like big men, it is more acceptable. Because we also understand that as men, we want to be in our best shape anyway.
I don't know their ages, but they talk like 16 year old girls in a locker room. Bros need to raise their standards. They're beautiful, grown LADIES who will work and build with you, without coming off like a teenage porn star.
We need more ppl telling us the truth period but in a loving way and dig into the trauma being non judgemental... But being truly open to hear their truth.. with the help of Jesus Christ... A wise man build his foundation on a rock and a foolish man on the sand... There's a reason why they want the Bibles out your home and school and everywhere..
They don't understand. The conversation was 10 yrs ago. If u not a wife right now u not getting a ring. We will find her wherever she is. You know that
The only reason why some men are pitching "interdependence", dependence, and provision, is becasue they want to be with women who don't want to be with them.. Most healthy women are independent or capable of being independent and do not want to be dependent, they want a man that is dependable. Men who will be there when and if they need him but they don't want to need anybody becasue it puts people in a very unhealthy, dangerously vulnerable position. 9 times out of 10 men will use the fact that a woman need them or something from them to push a woman to do things they don't want or accept behavior they don't like. That's where the "I'm independent, I don't need a man" usually comes from....
You told me to keep the same energy with women being shamed for being 304 . You can slut shame men Most men done care. Men get shamed for being fat or short and nobody will care about his feelings where same is not true for women . But if woman get fat shamed that can get you canceled
Dudes are still doing the same bs. Men leaving families, men lying, cheating, men not committing, and men using women. It aint history, its the current reality. ALOT of aint shit negroes exist.
Definitely out of pocket but in my opinion most black women aren’t sexually explorative with black men. The black women that are explorative usually be with white guys.
Yeah even promiscuous black women will only do certain things or positions if they really really like you or she's drunk. A lot of black women have problems opening up sexually.
Lied was never meant to be about what you really like, i mean back in slavery women cant afford to choose who had the best sex when har to literally survive in the moment 1sT
The one in the middle mad toxic but I bet guys see the signs and still tryn wife her 🤷🏽♂️ she said pornstar is moral is a boss taking care of her family 🤦🏽♂️☠️
Non of these men and ladies on the panel of not men or ladies of God. God set the standards and anything out of that order will callaps. This is why the world is going bad. Ladies want to move like men and man want to move like ladies. The bible said in the last days this will happen. This show proves it every show they cast.
In a survival sense Men LITERALLY have no need for a woman outside of sex & children. If men could go to an egg donor and buy his own children like women can go to a sperm bank. I'm willing to bet MOST would go that route, hire a nanny and or strictly have GF/SEX workers. That gets rid of divorce and child support......
Women get offended 😂😂😂. But if you ask them, if they had no coochie how would they keep a man😂😂😂. No answer. Ask them, would a man want to deal with a dramatic woman if she had no coochie?😂😂.
F yo feelings everybody went through something Grow up and fix yoself you still here and I think that’s the first excuse people come up with when they don’t want to take responsibility
The love of money is the root of all evil...
Thank you I was about to say that…. I don’t like when people get it wrong, but it’s ok they don’t know
The love of money is the root of all kinds of evil
Facts people always misquote this scripture. It’s nothing wrong with money itself cause we have to work to sustain.
@@samuelwhite3248 There is something wrong with us tho.
Many things.
Gentlemen NEVER take women like this seriously, smash and keep it moving.
We gotta chill on the trauma excuse. We all been thru things. But that cannot be the crutch all of the time
We all learn from experience. So being cautious after being thru bs is normal. Women who are too nice can get used and men who are too nice could get used. People wouldnt know until they have been thru things.
It's an explanation, but not an excuse.
@@2020_Visi0nthey’re using it the same way
OH MY GOOSH!!!!! I say this 💩 ALL DA TIME!!!!!!! I’m sick of hearing the “trauma” excuse. Go get EFFIN HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@@jimynutron87 Women are more emotional than men....and men tend to hurt women. If you tired of hearing the excuse maybe you should teach men to be stand up men because apparently ALOT of women say the exact same things.
The issue is a lot of women live off of trauma they never experienced and don’t bother to correct the problems they actually have
MOST if not all women I know have been thru bad experiences with men....Do you know any women?
@@tpoppy9303Tbf if they did go through something with men specifically they still live off of trauma somehow it's okay to stay that way and justified and therapy is never an option
@@tpoppy9303lies
@@tpoppy9303and all men I know have had bad experiences with women. Difference is most men don’t use it as an excuse to not TAKE what they want in life. Most women do the opposite. This world is filled with “Do-ers” or “Sit-ers”. Too many women do the second and cry foul when they get sub par results. Blame yourself.
Facts
Women don't like a man taking about sex but when sex is brought up on the show they can go on and on in great detail
Hopefully we can get past thinking we can't hear one another out even if we dont 100% agree all the time.
Or agreeing to comply while exploiting each others lack of self awareness1sT
Wheeeew u got a ruff lookin crew on the couch!😮😮. All them got box cutters in their purse.😂😂😂
Switch blades n buck knives 🔪 …but these gals packin heat now, that iron in the purse and they bussin it💯💯tatts n dyed hair let u know it’s real😂😂😂😂😵😵
a King is A King without a Queen
Facts!!!
Sperm donors don't exist without the womb.
This is a great panel...
Yes, beauty in the beige/brown outfit spoke so honest and I appreciate her accountability.
I continue to see a lot of women triggered by Dwayne Wade letting Gabriel Union know he was running things in his house that he paid for and her response about going 50/50. No one ever brings up the fact that Gabriel Union thought it was okay to cheat on her ex husband because she made more money then he did. Which one is it Mrs. Wade?
Your never “wrong” for how you feel . But the way you react based on what you feel can determine whether you’re right or wrong …but no one no matter the race or gender is ever wrong for how they feel .
This panel is super well spoken and respectful, especially the girl in the 2-piece beige outfit. I think her having a son really helped her attempt to see the world from a man’s view.
Exactly we need EACH OTHER 💯💯💯👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
These might be the most levelheaded women you ever had on the show!!
BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF. ❤
34:56 the body positively conversation has a great example you all missed. 50 cent got roasted like real bad when he did the Super Bowl w/ some extra lbs. No one came to his defense or said body positivity. 50 is older has kids & doesn't need the body of his 1st album & 20s. Yet Lizzo is obese, shames other women for their size, & she's getting magazine photo shoots! She did a nude one recently w/ the title as beautiful & no one can say anything. It's mad
Lizzo body shaming to lmao
Dont forget the same news outlet shamed Keanu Reeves for being fat also praised Lizzo for her 'curves'. The same week
@MrDarkjustice30 good one & facts! Keanu, is well into his 40s w/ barely a dad bod. Pause. We live in ridiculous times 🤡🤡
Yeah I notice some women do nothing but project insecurities and live by double standards.
Gynocracy enables women
Communication is NOT the key to a successful relationship COMPREHENSION is.
See the only thing about that is comprehension is subjective, communication is universal. So communication is still very much the key to a successful relationship. It's up to both to communicate and get to a point where they can comprehend and receive the message intended.
Just my 2 sense and opinion bro.
@@StudentOfLife365 Comprehension is key to effective communication. You communicate all day, the other party has to understand whats being said in order to move accordingly. And I agree both are responsible to communicate, listen, and understand in order for the relationship to work.
True
And compromise- that’s a big one
one leads to the other, it's not mutually exclusive
A king makes a woman a queen. A queen can't make a man a king
Most people morals are set by their beliefs. If they are Christian, Muslim and etc. Then it's set by how their parents raised them!
Shawty to the left IS VALID ! She said y’all are selfish !! She is selfless 💙💙✊🏾
You guys got a good thing going!! My only gripe is that you didnt go longer!! Dhark!!
46:12 women will say a relationship isn't all about sex but the relationship can be ended by her because there isn't enough sex or not good enough
Sex is important in a relationship. Bad sex is disappointing and unsatisfying. Nobody deserves that.
@@carlajay7594 so anyone is justified to cheat or leave based off this logic
@@truebengalsfan Cheating is never okay but neither is bad sex.
@@carlajay7594 this ideology is good part of reason why black community is a dumpster fire lol
@@carlajay7594then you just leave if the sex is that bad
Sometimes the only thing that happens is talking that never leads to actions!
Morals are standards of behavior and what is right and wrong, I don't think morals are opinions. Adults know right from wrong. Society has made people say, "well it's not wrong to me" but a thief is a thief whether you have food in the fridge or not, stealing is wrong. Selling drugs, doing porn is wrong. Morals are one of the things that shouldn't change throughout time
And those who have no morals or values would respond with "that's your opinion" 😅
@@TheMatrixofMeaning 😂😂 you right about that
Are you sure about that Mr. Black Man?
@@midoriorio7806 sure about?
The problem is that some women are bring the work dynamic into the personal relationship. Work is work and when you get home, value your relationship and work on that without constantly reminding someone what degree you have or how much you make. Is unnecessary
This thumbnail is worth 1000 words
Yall needed some conservative feminine women on the panel for this one.
When I hear a woman say 'I don't need a man', I think, why should I invest my time in you then?
This show is the best show on youtube!
The day when a woman takes responsibility for the decisions she made will be epic.
Wonder how I can, see how many hours I watched on you my brothas channels❓
Because Women, to My Fellas, Young Blaxk Men,
Stand on Who You are as a Man. DON'T ALLOW no woman to CHANGE You❗
Queens in the building shout out LINg that’s the homie !
Was happy she joined us
I love the questions have gotten a lot better 💯✅
I like the panel but they were over talking each other that's kind of what killed it a little bit.
They weren't as bad as other panels y'all have had I think they were pretty understanding but you can still hear the double standards with selective equality and other things of that nature.
Great job fellas I love that y'all take the constructor criticism and do something with it💯✅‼️
Lack of self awareness if your conversating together & she making everything a argument creating toxic situations then she dont wanna respect that man self awareness but wants him to literally do everything thing under the sea for her without being told1sT
“ I studied psychology” but turned around and saying she got played. And will continue to get played 😂 bih you ain’t that intelligent 😂
Here is what all of these 304's forgot this is high value women
1) she is a virgin
2) she is fit
3) she doesn’t party and/or rarely drinks
4) she is friendly
5) she is feminine
6) she is right with god
7) she has discipline
8) she doesn’t dress like a stripper
9) she has a great relationship with her father, and she respects him.
Lmao dont come for the candy yams broo😂😂😂😂
I'ma keep it a 100 I don't know anyone making minimum wage selling drugs bra😂😂
I can’t believe they are arguing OPINIONS VS DEFINITIONS
Crazy looking couch this episode 🙅🏾♂️
It’s not about the past at all at all. Send men is not just charge they become controlling. When they charge. So that’s why some fell out fell that way.
People need to be a whole person 100% and if you are in a relationship you need to share the responsibilities while you continuing to be 100% you. People need to grow up let your childhood trauma go and be an adult heal from it and be 100% you that includes healing loving yourself before you get into a relationship and expect way more from the other person then you give yourself.
I really rock with y’all and i want to work with yall a lot of the things y’all be saying be things that ive said … especially the fresh price episode lmfao till this day i think about that episode
19:15 it is pointless at this point to try to convince a woman who believes she don't need a man that's she does just get a woman who needs one
Does a man need a woman?
@@Mental_Alchemistwell In a relationship yea . If a woman is talking that I don't need a man shit I don't take her serious
You can’t have standards without a base because what would you judge it based on. So all that it depends on how you look at it is bs
You can't! They have to be willing to do the Deep Work to improve!
1) Awesome panel. One of the few with a constructive conversation
2) The LOVE of Money is the root of all evil( 1 Timothy 6:10). Money has its place, it isnt in our hearts.
3) Body Positivity- its fun while we are young. Science does have a clear consensus on what is deemed healthy. While there are some(very little evidence of) misogyny in studies, even with known evidence of misogny & racism with the history gynecology and pain, medical professionals follow the science. Remember, if they are wrong, the could lose their license, career and even go to jail.
4) interdependence is ideal but criticism and compromise are necessities. No successful relationships or marriages are without it.
5) For questions on a first date, ask out of curiosity and interest, not out of judgement or like a checklist. It will create two different conversations and youll walk away with answers half the time doing one way.
6) For the next panel, ask them their ideal 5 traits in their perfect man, without mentioning money or career CHARACTER TRAITS, and then give up two. Begs the question of acceptance & realistic relationship standards.
Hell she mean thats what women literally been doing telling men its my house get out
Yo… I want one of them shirts with the big DRUC logo like Eli got. When y’all gonna bring those back to the store?
CAN YALL PLEASE TAG THE FULL EPISODE ON YALL CLIPS!!!!
23:30 if body positivity was equal across the board for all gender I would be in more support of it
It can't be
@@bobbym1799 it can in my opinion but most likely never will
@@truebengalsfan ok then we need to stop calling women 304s because they too should be able to sleep with many shame free. Keep that same energy
@@bobbym1799 why you telling me to keep the same energy? Who did I slut Shame ? And what is your argument for body positivity not being equal across the board
@@truebengalsfan As a Mand I understand that there are certain double standards that we ask of women to would hear too. And I'm not saying that you did what I'm saying is. In general, we can't expect things to be fair across-the-board in one aspect. But not understand that things are not going to be fair. So this is one of those incidents I believe that it's more And women's favor I don't think there should be anybody positivity for men. I think that is a woman's thing and I think they should be allowed to have that. Men
Carry a majority of The deaths and bad health when it comes to being big. So we shouldn't encourage men. However, women if they want to encourage each other. That's fine besides if you look at it. There are more men that, like big women than women. That, like big men, it is more acceptable. Because we also understand that as men, we want to be in our best shape anyway.
This was a good one!
Everything is a push 🔙 on men to blame everything on when was there mothers who raised them not to settle regardless 😢
47:00
This why you can’t feel sorry for them!
This why the single mother rate is so high in the black community. Sad🤦🏾♂️
No wives on this panel smh
Most people are not married and are single.
@@burnthrustthat’s not what no wives means but I think you know that.
What makes you say that?
@@A-Thomas 🤣🤣🤣
These women love money & sex then get upset when men treat them like they love money & sex
you understand why gabrielle wanted to go 50/50. do you also understand why she was crying about it in that interview?
I don't know their ages, but they talk like 16 year old girls in a locker room. Bros need to raise their standards. They're beautiful, grown LADIES who will work and build with you, without coming off like a teenage porn star.
DAMN STRAGGS
I think 🤑💰🤑💰 MONEY is the Root to all
We need more ppl telling us the truth period but in a loving way and dig into the trauma being non judgemental... But being truly open to hear their truth.. with the help of Jesus Christ... A wise man build his foundation on a rock and a foolish man on the sand... There's a reason why they want the Bibles out your home and school and everywhere..
They don't understand. The conversation was 10 yrs ago. If u not a wife right now u not getting a ring. We will find her wherever she is. You know that
The woman on here seem really cool
The issue of misogyny is why men can't talk.
The only reason why some men are pitching "interdependence", dependence, and provision, is becasue they want to be with women who don't want to be with them.. Most healthy women are independent or capable of being independent and do not want to be dependent, they want a man that is dependable. Men who will be there when and if they need him but they don't want to need anybody becasue it puts people in a very unhealthy, dangerously vulnerable position. 9 times out of 10 men will use the fact that a woman need them or something from them to push a woman to do things they don't want or accept behavior they don't like. That's where the "I'm independent, I don't need a man" usually comes from....
Where are these men cuz I don't know even one who's like this
You told me to keep the same energy with women being shamed for being 304 . You can slut shame men Most men done care. Men get shamed for being fat or short and nobody will care about his feelings where same is not true for women . But if woman get fat shamed that can get you canceled
I don’t think women realize that they may be receiving more opportunities than men in this feminist era… 🤷🏽♂️
19:10 u can't hold what men did historically to the man you taking to today
Dudes are still doing the same bs. Men leaving families, men lying, cheating, men not committing, and men using women. It aint history, its the current reality. ALOT of aint shit negroes exist.
Idc what u paying. U can be paying everything, this still MY house.
What now nigga😂 had me weak 💀
Independent women is the ultimate scam regardless 😢
Definitely out of pocket but in my opinion most black women aren’t sexually explorative with black men. The black women that are explorative usually be with white guys.
What you mean by that? Sexually explorative in what way with black men?
Yeah even promiscuous black women will only do certain things or positions if they really really like you or she's drunk. A lot of black women have problems opening up sexually.
Lied was never meant to be about what you really like, i mean back in slavery women cant afford to choose who had the best sex when har to literally survive in the moment 1sT
One mic y’all
(2 sec later)
3 ppl talking on the mic again
Lol
I wouldn't entertain not one of these females with this attitude. Im good
The one in the middle mad toxic but I bet guys see the signs and still tryn wife her 🤷🏽♂️ she said pornstar is moral is a boss taking care of her family 🤦🏽♂️☠️
When did I say anything about morals n pornstars? How am I toxic? Care to explain ?
That is not true. I don’t think women are more emotional. I don’t agree with that.
Woman saying man need woman and women dont need man switched up instantly like this the problem in society 😂 contradiction
They were never a power struggle in the black household.
Ladies you need to work on your past trauma and then and only then should you start dating. Don’t date and expect men to deal with your mess.
41:43 - barely will have respect being a PS lol sorry
What happened to Ace?
You gotta be good in bed but don’t be too good.
🤔
The one in the middle was just talking about she has a son now she’s talking about getting hit in the ass man
Obviously🤨
Tbh these w'men were polite on the most part.
But Folks these w'men on the panel are the examples of w'men not to choose at all
I bet you will say that about any woman you think wont give you a chance.
@@tpoppy9303😂😂😂😂. Chance to marry? Or what😂😂😂
Substitute the sugar with Honey. Raw Local organic honey. You’ll think me later
No I think men take that wrong. What we mean
Y’all fooled us with the thumbnail.
Y’all mislabeled these women. That chick wit the braids is a bunch of red flags.
What are my red flags ?
Umar jrs. SMFH
Non of these men and ladies on the panel of not men or ladies of God. God set the standards and anything out of that order will callaps. This is why the world is going bad. Ladies want to move like men and man want to move like ladies. The bible said in the last days this will happen. This show proves it every show they cast.
How many times did you hear “I feel” 😒 ughh 🙄
Stop with the trauma crutch... As we get older, we should learn lessons and get better!!!
46:00 but multiple sexual partners for women is just fine right ladies?... Yeah.
Is that a man in the middle?
Just the middle. ? Them all
Are you referring to your mother ?
I'm starting to get tired of watching these podcast. They're just having the same argument over and over. It's getting old
The level of pandering to these women is disgusting😢
soooooo you a virgin huh.
What kind of pseudo mother gets on the internet and talks trash about her child's father and her child is a young teenager?
In a survival sense Men LITERALLY have no need for a woman outside of sex & children. If men could go to an egg donor and buy his own children like women can go to a sperm bank. I'm willing to bet MOST would go that route, hire a nanny and or strictly have GF/SEX workers. That gets rid of divorce and child support......
Women get offended 😂😂😂. But if you ask them, if they had no coochie how would they keep a man😂😂😂. No answer. Ask them, would a man want to deal with a dramatic woman if she had no coochie?😂😂.
F yo feelings everybody went through something
Grow up and fix yoself you still here and I think that’s the first excuse people come up with when they don’t want to take responsibility