Phil you are a good man taking care of your mum and putting your own health at risk. Now it is your time. It takes time to recover. Your mum would have wanted you to be happy now. Billy
Phil I helped care for my late Mom who died from alzheimers. I could think of nothing more than my mom. She was so special. Now at 62 I'm trying to find things to do for fun. No friends.
I mentioned my lack of friends to my 40 yo kids this weekend. They suggested joining clubs and groups to find friends. Music clubs, book reading clubs, stitching or crafting groups.
My fun changed for my wife. She didn't want me to have friends and drink and go out, so I stopped it years ago. Then she got cancer, cared for her 24/7 for 2 years. We would watch TV, only time she would leave the house was for doctor appointments, and all that was my life too. I would go out to buy groceries or get prescriptions, but never to go have fun. I honestly don't know what that is. Any friends from the past have long forgotten about me and to meet new ones is too uncomfortable.
It’s hard to be in a good mood or to have fun when you’re constantly under stress-whether it’s from chronic illness (self or family), death, divorce, etc. For many caregivers and chronically ill, life is strictly about survival to the next day.
I ended up taking care of my special needs brother after my parents became ill and eventually passed. It took a toll. Eventually ended up having a PFO followed by a TIA. Soon after he wound up in a home where they take good care of him. He also goes to a day program. I forgot what the word fun meant.
Kind of weird how looking after a loved one like that for a few years has such a big impact not only while looking after them, but after they're gone too. Maybe things that were previously fun have a different meaning now? I'm not sure, I haven't worked it out yet. Friends, and even just one friend can make all the difference, true that.
Phil, all I know is what Bette Davis once famously said, "Getting old ain't for sissies." Too many issues, and, YES..life does beat you down. Yes to false friends, too. That's how I feel today. I'm very tired of living, already. 😞
Oh, but Phil, you did NOT lose your way. You were guided and stepped up admirably to fulfil a role as caregiver and son. The time you were caregiver was time set aside to learn life lessons, and to provide security and comfort to your mother. I also believe that your time and experience as caregiver was just as valuable and necessary for you as it was for your mother. It is clear that you have deep loyalty and give from the heart. That was just a chapter in your life and now you are free to move on and build on that foundation. Hope this makes sense, just my point of view.
"Friends that ront ask for anything, those are real friends..." Hell i must have a ton kf real friends, they never even call much less ask for anything. 😀
I'll never forget according to biology being rejected hits same pain sensors in your head like physical pain. Emotional pain can have the same sensation as physical pain and you need to treat it like a wound. I get into psychology and how the brain works.
Phil, in a situation where one has virtually no family or friends... how do you find someone to be the Executor of your Will? I've been struggling with this question for a while now.
Great question! I searched through this issue as well. Not sure what state you are from, but you are looking for a Professional Fiduciary, Trustee or Executor. You can start an internet search for your area and state using the terms above. A Professional Executor can be designated to locate, collect and distribute assets to beneficiaries, pay funeral expenses and handle tax matters. Lawyers and Banks also offer these services. For some it seems the better choice because a layperson (such as son, daughter or friend) may not have the professional knowledge to handles these matters. Also, if along the way you do find a personal friend you can trust they can serve as Co-trustee with whoever you hire and work with them. I'm not Phil, but I couldn't help but chime in b/c I've been there. Hope this helps to get you started. Didn't mean to intrude. Good Luck!
@@LeeC-t2w Thanks! It gets even more difficult here in Canada. My lawyer kind of looked at me sideways when I said I didn't have anyone in mind already. It's somewhat of a problem.
Phil you are a good man taking care of your mum and putting your own health at risk. Now it is your time. It takes time to recover. Your mum would have wanted you to be happy now. Billy
Reminding me of the saying.. You have friends you haven’t met yet. I enjoy your videos very much.
Phil
I helped care for my late Mom who died from alzheimers. I could think of nothing more than my mom. She was so special. Now at 62 I'm trying to find things to do for fun. No friends.
SAME HERE. 😞♥️
I mentioned my lack of friends to my 40 yo kids this weekend. They suggested joining clubs and groups to find friends. Music clubs, book reading clubs, stitching or crafting groups.
My fun changed for my wife. She didn't want me to have friends and drink and go out, so I stopped it years ago.
Then she got cancer, cared for her 24/7 for 2 years. We would watch TV, only time she would leave the house was for doctor appointments, and all that was my life too. I would go out to buy groceries or get prescriptions, but never to go have fun. I honestly don't know what that is. Any friends from the past have long forgotten about me and to meet new ones is too uncomfortable.
So very true this life is just full of misery and stress. One calamity after another. It's awful 😂
Great topic and she was blessed to have you.
Hey, I don't see Yoda in the screen shot ! Although I like the Buddha's head. Take care guys, have a good day.
Yes great insight
It’s hard to be in a good mood or to have fun when you’re constantly under stress-whether it’s from chronic illness (self or family), death, divorce, etc.
For many caregivers and chronically ill, life is strictly about survival to the next day.
Phil, you are a rare gem. You are what we Chinese call a filial son who practises filial piety.
I ended up taking care of my special needs brother after my parents became ill and eventually passed. It took a toll. Eventually ended up having a PFO followed by a TIA. Soon after he wound up in a home where they take good care of him. He also goes to a day program. I forgot what the word fun meant.
Good topic. I'm sure a lot of people are going through taking care of a loved one, and your comments are helpful and relatable.
Kind of weird how looking after a loved one like that for a few years has such a big impact not only while looking after them, but after they're gone too. Maybe things that were previously fun have a different meaning now? I'm not sure, I haven't worked it out yet. Friends, and even just one friend can make all the difference, true that.
Phil, all I know is what Bette Davis once famously said, "Getting old ain't for sissies." Too many issues, and, YES..life does beat you down. Yes to false friends, too. That's how I feel today. I'm very tired of living, already. 😞
Taking care of a loved one can be very difficult stressful And depressing. No way to put a positive spin on it
Oh, but Phil, you did NOT lose your way. You were guided and stepped up admirably to fulfil a role as caregiver and son. The time you were caregiver was time set aside to learn life lessons, and to provide security and comfort to your mother. I also believe that your time and experience as caregiver was just as valuable and necessary for you as it was for your mother. It is clear that you have deep loyalty and give from the heart. That was just a chapter in your life and now you are free to move on and build on that foundation. Hope this makes sense, just my point of view.
"Friends that ront ask for
anything, those are real
friends..."
Hell i must have a ton kf real friends, they never even call much less ask for anything. 😀
Sounds rough being a caretaker
Tough title Older & Struggling on your Own
I'll never forget according to biology being rejected hits same pain sensors in your head like physical pain. Emotional pain can have the same sensation as physical pain and you need to treat it like a wound. I get into psychology and how the brain works.
@@hatchet8209but accurate title for many
Older people get lonely
You lose connections and grow new ones
Phil, in a situation where one has virtually no family or friends... how do you find someone to be the Executor of your Will? I've been struggling with this question for a while now.
Can an attorney do it (for a fee, allocated in your will)?
Great question! I searched through this issue as well. Not sure what state you are from, but you are looking for a Professional Fiduciary, Trustee or Executor. You can start an internet search for your area and state using the terms above. A Professional Executor can be designated to locate, collect and distribute assets to beneficiaries, pay funeral expenses and handle tax matters. Lawyers and Banks also offer these services. For some it seems the better choice because a layperson (such as son, daughter or friend) may not have the professional knowledge to handles these matters. Also, if along the way you do find a personal friend you can trust they can serve as Co-trustee with whoever you hire and work with them.
I'm not Phil, but I couldn't help but chime in b/c I've been there. Hope this helps to get you started. Didn't mean to intrude. Good Luck!
@@LeeC-t2w Thanks! It gets even more difficult here in Canada. My lawyer kind of looked at me sideways when I said I didn't have anyone in mind already. It's somewhat of a problem.