Master Rui-Lie Lee - Many people are unfilial, and they don't know 孝順小故事

(English subtitles) Lectured by Daoist teacher Rui-Lie Lee (李瑞烈, 1921-2015).
Subtitles:
Let me cite a little story to you. This is a real story, but I will not mention his name. Because these people, the leading role, are still there, I'm embarrassed to say the names but only mentioned the location and nothing else.
I have an old friend, living in Keelung (north of Taipei). When he was young he worked in the mines. But working in the mines was tiring, and he fell ill with lung disease and passed away.
1:00
After he passed away, she was so determined that his wife never remarried. When he died, his two sons were still young and in elementary school. She nurtured them patiently until they grew to adulthood. After growing up, the eldest son succeeded his father and worked in the mines. The younger one is more active and proactive, striving in his own business. Later, his business expanded to the south, so he moved to Kaohsiung. Gradually, his business expanded to the south, so he moved to Kaohsiung and ran a company. Although it's not big, he had a well-off family.
2:00
He likes to preach and brag sometimes. What is he bragging about? He often said, how should we in the world be filial to our parents? He spoke proudly. Once he met me. I used to go around. In the past, going to Kaohsiung was like walking into the kitchen for me.
When I went there, he said, Sir, I like to listen to your sermon very much. I really dislike those people who are not filial to their parents. I don't associate with people who don't honor their parents. You're in no position to say that, I told him on the spot, everyone else was in a position to say that but you. Oh, sir, are you saying I am not filial? Whether you are filial or not, you know it in your heart. Sir, I won't let you go unless you tell me clearly. Why am I not filial to my parents? My father passed away when I was in childhood, so I couldn't do my filial duty.
3:00
However, my mother was at my elder brother’s house, and I send them money each month for her expenses. Sometimes, I want to bring her to Kaohsiung, but she won't, he said thus. This is due to your unfilial behavior, I said, Do you know why your mother wouldn't come? Why doesn't she come? You are not filial.
Hum, is it right? My mom is odd. The food at my brother's house is not delicious at all, and it is difficult for him to make ends meet working in the mines. I persuaded her to live here, but she escaped in just one week because she didn't get used to living here. Am I treating her bad?
I knew that the elders like to watch TV opera. In the past, there was Taiwanese opera once in the afternoon and once in the evening.
4:00
I worry that she would scramble with those kids for TV shows. I specially installed another one in her room. That is for her alone, and no one will compete with her. That is for her alone. So how bad do I treat her? Thus, you don't know the truth of filial piety. So I said you are not qualified to talk about filial piety. Do you know the reason why your mother don't come here? I asked him first. Why on earth your mother wouldn't come here? There is no reason at all, my mom is odd originally. Besides, I mail money to my brother each month. If counting the money I sent, my brother makes more money. He wanted to argue. It's useless you argue with me, I said, just ask you one thing.
5:00
When eating, have you helped your mother pick up the dishes? I ask you. Sir, is that right? Dishes are on the table, she can pick up anything she likes. Why is it so troublesome. Why is it so troublesome that I need to pick up for her? Let me ask you another word. I've been treated by you a few times. I saw that you always pick up dishes for your sons when eating.
Children are young, it's parent's obligation to pick up dishes for them. As parent, you have obligation to pick up dishes for children. As son, you don't have obligation to pick up dishes for parents? Sir, what you said doesn't make sense. That's ok, it doesn't make sense, I said, Or, let me ask you. You often go to movie with family on weekend and holiday.
6:00
Have you ever invited your mother? Sir, you have no idea, my mom's temper is odd. We ask her to watch movie, but she wants to watch opera. But my boys love watching Western Gunfights. They don't fit. So when I invited my mom she would refuse and say go on your own. It's unpleasant. Then I specially install a TV set in her room. If she likes opera, she can watch as much as she wants. I don't interfere in her affairs.
Your filial piety is just superficial, I said. Basically you don’t know what your mother is thinking. When you were in elementary school, your father died, right? Yes. Your mother has raised you since you were in elementary school. She cared about her sons with all her heart.
7:00
It doesn't matter if you have father, because she would care him too. But your father died, and she became a widow and cared her sons with all her heart.

[@PureLotusPond]

Subtitles:
Now that you're married, you couple are in love, but your mom is left alone. When eating, this piece of dish is for her son, and that piece was also for the son. The mother feel sad. It’s not proper to say jealousy, the mother feels lonely. My son give one to the grandson, also the 2nd one, As an elder, I've got nothing. She doesn't fell well.
I've been to your brother's home. Though he is not well off, at least, when any food is ready, he'd serve his mother first,
8:00
saying, Mom, eat this when it's hot. Although, it may not be a delicious meal, your mom feels respected and comfortable. Though you are a filial son, providing 3 delicious meals, your mother are actually depressed. That's why your mom wouldn't stay long.
Also, if you're a decent son, it's okay to go to the movies, but you can say hello like this: Mom, do you want to go to the movies with us? If your mom say no, you may say, please take care the house, you can watch TV if you like, we will come back soon. When the movie is over, the elder has few teeth, it depends on what she likes, buy a cake or something else as a gift,
9:00
saying, Mom, you didn't go to the movie, I bought a snack for you by the way, and you mom will feel warm and delighted. When you are going to work, remember to say goodbye to your mother, it's bad to say goodbye to your wife and kids but forget the mother. When you are back, you greet your loving wife, but your mom is sitting lonely in the living room with big eyes open. Think of it, your sons are also your mother's grandsons. Did they call grandma after school? No. Your brother's kids call grandma this and that after school. Your mom feels warm. So you don't know the rationale of filial piety. Oh sir, thanks.
10:00
He is clear about rationale, and he can preach. Thanks, I didn't know how unfilial I was until you explained it clearly. Well, I will bring my mother over tomorrow, and you may come and chat with her. In the past, I used to travel for a long time, I usually stayed in Kaohsiung for a few months. The next day he really went north, persuading his mother, and brought her over.
What did his mother say afterward? Speaking of my younger son, he is very dutiful. My elder son hardly makes ends meet, The younger son is very sensible and helps him with money. I shouldn't live in his home, which adds to his burden, I would rather live with the younger son.
Is there a difference now? Really, many worldly people are unfilial and they don't know.
11:00
As said in The Analects of Confucius: Nowadays, filial people are considered capable of nurturing their parents. As for dogs and horses, they are also raised. If a person is disrespectful to parents, what difference does it make? You should keep that in mind. Therefore, people should be considerate of their parents.
However, I'd remind you one thing, be careful while learning filial piety from others. Why do you say not to learn filial piety from others? Surely, everybody's family environment is different. Everyone’s parents have different personalities. Therefore, when you follow other people's filial piety, sometimes it does not work. Why doesn't it work? I will give you an example. In the twenty four stories of filial piety in China, there is a man named Wu, Meng.
12:00
In order to let parents sleep well, there were many mosquitos in the summer，Wu lay on his father's bed and let the mosquitoes bite him until the mosquitoes became fat before letting his father go to sleep. If you learn from it, you will be greatly unfilial. He is one of the 24 filial piety. Why am I unfilial? Environments are different. There was no mosquito incense before. Besides, he was too poor to afford a mosquito net. Right, it's not now. Now the mosquito incense is less than 1 yuan. Light a stick of incense at dusk and there will be no mosquitoes at night. The current hygiene is better, there are few mosquitoes. The hygiene in the past is worse, there are more mosquitoes.
13:00
If you learn from Wu, lying on the bed and let the mosquitoes bite you. Thus, what if you contract of disease? You are done, and you parents will be anxious. If so, are you filial? You shouldn't do that. These examples are for your reference only, and you should not copy them exactly.
There was an example: Guo, Ju buried son, that's also one of the 24 filial piety. His mother was old, he was filial and served her with better meals. If he bought a bit of meat, he would serve her. His mother pampered her son and would give him the meat.
14:00
Guo Ju said: It's over, we are poor, we are frugal so that can only buy a piece of meat. Pick up the meat to mom, but she pick up it to my son. Then mom has nothing to heat. We have no spare money to buy more. Well, I have no choice but to sacrifice the child. He caught the child to the veggie garden, dug a hole and buried him. He figured that if there was no such a grandson, nobody would compete the meat with her.
As a result, he dug out a pot filled with gold. Where did the gold come from? Heaven grants him. Um, How could such a good thing happen? Heaven doesn't grant now. It's a coincidence. In the past, people liked to bury gold. There are two reasons to bury gold. One is that descendants are unfilial. As parents, they worry about their children getting into trouble and bury gold and silver in the ground, once their children lose money, they can dig out the gold and silver and use it.
15:00
If they suddenly had a stroke and died without leaving any last words, no one would know about those gold and silver. Later, I sell this land to you, you sell this land to him, and it belongs to others. If you don’t dig it, no one will know.
Another situation is when bandits go to rob. After the robbery, they were chased by police, so they dig a hole and bury it. As a result, they were seized by the police and beheaded, and nobody know where the gold is buried. Then the blessed people dug them out. It's a gift from Heaven. If I don't tell you, you don't know why gold is buried in the dirt. Surprisingly, Guo dug out a pot of gold and became well off.
Now you learn from him and bury your son when he competes with your mother for food. If you do this, you will be arrested and thrown in jail. I'm not lying to you. Don't be stupid like this. Besides, if your son is buried, your parents will be annoyed, right? Times are different and the environment is different.
16:00
Therefore, filial piety can't be learn completely, I tell you, it's for your reference. First, you must understand your environment and think carefully about it. There is a lecturer of Moral Association in Luodong. His father likes to smoke very much. He said, Dad, it's bad for health to smoke too much. His dad said, It's does not matter. Then he dared not say anymore.
Later, he was so smart that he prompted his son to sleep with grandpa. The grandpa was warmhearted to sleep with his grandson, and he directed his son not to sleep with grandpa. If I don't sleep with grandpa, he will keep calling me. Listen, you say, Grandpa, you smell like smoke and I don't like sleeping with you. Your grandpa pampers grandson, and he will quit smoking. Then, the grandson wouldn't sleep with grandpa.
17:00
Then, the grandson really wouldn't sleep with grandpa. The grandpa was devastated, questioning his grandson: Grandson, I wants to sleep with you. Why not? The grandson said, No, you smell like smoke and stink. After being rebuffed by his grandson, he was abashed. Since then, he quit smoking. This is also filial piety. He was not abusing his father but was caring for his health. His father keeps coughing when he smokes. So, there are many perspectives on filial piety, you need to research your parents’ personalities yourself.
Some parents are short-tempered, some are weak, and some are choosy. You can look at filial piety from many angles through various things.
18:00
Therefore, the Book of Rites told us: If he nourishes his parents, you should observe his obedience. You need to understand them before you are obedient. Otherwise, head-on confrontation will not work.