**triggering content** We have the same hometown, I had to leave wallaceburg too. I actually ended up finishing high school in sarnia and now living in the tri-cities because it was so horrible. One of the many things that were a huge factor in me leaving, When I was in grade nine, this town has an annual event called WAMBO, during that weekend I went to a house party with some friends and ended up having some drinks, long story short I ended up blacking out (I'm not sure if this was due to my drinking or some other factor) the last thing I remember was falling over and hitting the floor. The next thing that I remember is being carried over someone's shoulder and now at this point have no pants on, no undergarments and my tube top I was wearing pulled down as a makeshift skirt and the vest I was wearing messily buttoned up. My friends then come out of the house screaming because they were not able to find me for hours. My body was in so much pain, and not just the type a hangover would give. It hurt to move my legs it was very uncomfortable to even move my torso what so ever. 4 days later I had started getting a terrible shooting pain in my vagina. It was so bad that I couldn't even sit down. It felt as if something was inside of me pressing against everything, I used my fingers and felt what was going on. I had found a tampon shoved so far up my vaginal canal it was literally smushed when I pulled it out. I immediately went to the emergency room because I was scared about toxic shock, luckily I did not have it unfortunately due to this situation I am unable to have children, I did indeed have a type of infection (no sti/stds thankfully). When I went to my friends about this every one of them had told me it was my fault, it was my fault I had so much to drink if I could control my alcohol better this would have never happened. I obviously wanted to have sex with this guy even if I couldn't remember. Except that was how I lost my virginity. I had always promised myself that I would save myself for someone I was truly in love with. I didn't even know this boys name. Eventually I did blame myself, I was told so often it was my wrong doing, I chose for this to happen to me. I wanted it. From there rumours started I was now the biggest slut in town, it even got so bad I would walk down the halls and have multiple items thrown at me, from papers to hot drinks to just garbage in general. I wasn't able to walk anywhere without people yelling incredibly inappropriate things at me from the school halls to when I was the grocery store with any member of my family. Wallaceburg is toxic and sucks so much because it could be a great community especially because so many people know each other. Instead it is a very closed minded town, you're exactly right it is like a bubble. Thank you for giving me the courage to speak about this, years of therapy later and I no longer blame myself for what happened. You are an incredible inspiring women. Watching you on here honestly gives me so much hope for my future. I couldn't thank you enough for the content you make. I may not be transgender but watching you has made me so much more comfortable in my own skin. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
shelby benn I'm shocked by your story. What happened to you is terrible... and it makes me angry and sad at the same time. It's totally not your fault in any way. I hope you can see that too. I think you're brave telling your story and I hope you will find peace somehow. This person took your virginity and your ability to have children. I hope someday they'll understand what they did to you and the impact it has on your life. For you, I wish a bright future. Take care
shelby benn Shelby I am so so sorry that this happened to you.Sending you hugs and love,please know that you can message me anytime that you need to talk or even just vent. You are so strong!
shelby benn This is honestly so disgusting, how can someone be so mentally ill and hurt someone like that. When someone gets raped/sexually assaulted ITS NEVER THE VICTIMS FAULT. I wish you the best, and please never ever blame yourself
It's not mental illness that "causes" people to commit these horrific attacks, it's a lack of morality. It's so often the survivor who is left traumatized and at a high risk of developing mental illness: I.e. PTSD. Blaming mental illness is lazy and can further stigmatise survivors!
i've lived in a small town my entire life. through middle school, i was "popular" and had a group of friends that perpetuated hate. i loved them and felt like they were my family, and thought that whatever they though, i thought. it was a group mentality brought to an extreme. there was a girl i had gone to school with since kindergarten, who my female best friend at the time accused of trying to kiss and touch her in her sleep. her story didn't make sense, but she was like my sister and i believed her. i loathed myself for who i was and how i treated people, and this self loathing only made me treat people worse. i would taunt this person online, asking why she was gay, why she was a perv, etc. it is so hard for me to type this because of how disgusted in myself i was and still am for that period of my life. in my freshman year of high school, one of the most homophobic boys in my school came out. it was a moment of pure epiphany for me. all this time i had spent hiding myself behind my small town bigotry, because i was exactly what everyone hated. i was gay, i had always been gay, and it had taken me my entire young life to figure it out. i still found safety in my same group of friend but began to see the malicious side of them, and slowly distanced myself. i continued to be best friends with only one of them, who id been inseperable from since third grade. this was the same friend who accused the girl of touching her in her sleep. it had been so long ago that i'd forgotten about the whole thing, but people would still taunt her. i was never there to witness it, but i was still under the influence of so much fear that i think i still wouldn't have stood up to help her if i had been there. by the next year, id met pretty much all new people, accepting people (albeit stoners, but you take what you can get) who all knew i was lgbt. i had simply been extremely open, not even bothering to hide it, and these people still accepted me. i still had my best friend, but we were both so busy with academics that we only hung out outside of school. to this day i'm not sure wether she was ignorant enough to not know, or if she just chose to ignore it. but it came to the point where everyone in my life knew who i was besides the most important person in it. when i came put to her, it took me, no exaggeration, about an hour to get the words out. it was like coming out to an unaccepting sister, and hoping she loved me enough to stick around. she didn't; she stopped talking to me that day, and only over text had she still adamantly denied that it wasn't because i was gay. (it was because i was gay). for about two years i was completely alone and isolated. i had my stoner buddies at school, but i couldn't talk to them too much. my good old pal clinical depression had been through all of this with me, but at this time, my anxiety skyrocketed, and i could barely stay in class, or socialize, work, or do assignments. i was catatonic. basically a robot, all of my emotions shut down, i suppressed so many memories, most of which were from my bullying times in middle school and early high school. it got to the point where i could barely even associate myself with who i was when i was younger. even now, i still see us as almost completely separate people. through a lot of therapy i've come to realize that this may be my only way of forgiving myself, and it's taken a lot for me to find the strength to take responsibility for the actions of my younger self, but i'm getting there. late in junior year, it was coming to a point were if i didn't pull myself together, i would not graduate on time. this was a bit of a wake up call for me, and i had some accommodations made so that i could attend school as much as my mental state would allow me. i started online classes, off campus tutoring, etc., so that i only had to attend school for three classes and still get enough credits to graduate. one of these classes was wind ensemble (band). music was one of the only things that i was still passionate about, and i made an effort to attend every class. in the course of only a few months, i grew very fond of a little freshman boy. he was one of the only people that could make me laugh, and having this one drop of socialization opened me up a tiny bit to talking and having friends again. guess who his best friend was ? yeah, the girl id harassed in middle school. five or six years is a long time, especially when you're a teenager, and i had pretty much blocked most of middle school. wether she had forgotten too or she was just the most open hearted, accepting human to ever exist i'm not sure, but we were immediate friends. i'm in the middle of my senior year right now, and i have two close friends who are kind and fun as fuck. i'm on track to graduating on time, and my anxiety is on a reaaaally long vacation right now. my depression is still hanging around but he's very quiet recently. life isn't amazing but it's good, which i never thought it would be. my friend and i haven't talked about how i used to treat her until very recently, and it causes no strain to our friendship, which i'm so grateful for. i've apologized profusely and she forgave me. she says that without the bullying she experienced, she wouldn't have accepted herself as soon as she has. there was always an lgbt club at our school, but the seniors that had run or graduated two years ago. me and a few other kids run it now, and we have over twenty kids in it (which is a lot, our school is tiny). i write an equality page in the school newspaper, and have not experienced any bullying for it. why i wanted to write this down is this; no matter how large hate can feel in your life, you can escape it. you can find love and hope, and it might take time, and it might hurt so much, but you can find light in the smallest and darkest of places. And if you feel like you're too far in to be able to be a change-maker, if it seems like you're too weak or not good enough, or you feel like you're part of the problem, you can turn it around, you can become part of the solution, you can make change. like Stef said, anyone, anywhere, can be a change-maker.
I am so glad you have managed to turn your life around & are being the honest you. Your message it true, people have more power & control over their lives than they realize, you can always find a way to improve a poor situation; you are a perfect example. Thank you for sharing your story.
I'm an extremely masculine (butch lol) lesbian, and I'm honestly sobbing right now because of how much I empathize with your story. I'm so terrified to come out to my best friend for the same reason as you. I'm a junior and I've only come out to 2 people, and I've only had one girlfriend. I relate to what you've shared on such a literal level (even down to the academic decline and bullying due to a lack of self acceptance) it really hit me like a truck. I guess I just really want to say thank you, I'm shit at heart warming emotional stuff, but honestly I needed this. Thank you again for sharing such a personal experience and for the message at the end. I really needed this.
I honestly cried while watching this, the part where you said if you see something wrong make sure they don't get emotionally hurt. I'm dealing with bullying right now, I can't even get out of my house without start shaking and wanting to pass out. You're so strong, you are a big inspiration to me, I love you so much Stef ❤
Stef, I started crying when you talked about someone did to your mom's car. I'm so sorry you've had to go through things like this. Thank you for sharing your life and helping so many people.
semisweetchild it broke my heart when this happened. I could no longer enjoy that vehicle even after it was repaired,I had to get rid of it because it made me so aware that Stef was not safe.
That's so fucked up. She kept to herself and isolated herself so who is so horrible of a person they would actually invade her personal space and trespass on her property to destroy and vandalize their vehicle? That's just beyond fucked up. Why would someone have SUCH a big issue about her sexuality/gender that they felt the need to do that? I could NOT fathom the thought of doing something to someone so terrible who was different yet kept to themselves and who I never had an issue with? Ugh disgusting
Kali_Dash I could not enjoy my vehicle after it was vandalized .I had to get rid of it as it reminded me of that day every time I drove it. I was so afraid for Stef's safety.
Catherine peloza You're a wonderful mother!, I'm so happy that Stef has that kind of love and support in her life. Thank you for all you're doing to educate people, I think it's really important for everyone in the LGBT+ community. Seriously, thank you ❤
the journalist wrote this well and stefs wording was beautiful. im so sorry that this happened to you growing up. im so proud that now you are able to be confident. love you babes!!
I live in Wallaceburg and if I hadn't found your RUclips I wouldn't have ever knew I was trans thank you so much stef. You should come to the high school to talk about being trans and stuff I think it would help a lot of people
I would love to come back to talk to the school! I'm not sure they'd let me, but I would love to impact my hometown in that way, to teach the people there face to face. I hope I can do that one day, we'll see, I'm in the area a few times a year!
Stef I feel you so hard about the isolating yourself in high school I would be terrified when I passed anyone my age even after high school I associated people my age with danger that they would pick on me and say nasty things like school was. You are such an inspiration I'm sharing this video so people know the truth. You are changing the world girl. Love you.
The whole thing about isolating yourself and not making yourself visible for bullying and harassment is my whole childhood. I stayed in the library during school and didn't go out, as a defence mechanism for avoiding bullying, just because I was a bit different that everyone else. I am even afraid today about having attention drawn to myself and get worried about getting up to get a tissue or whatever due to the small amount of attention drawn to me for a few seconds
this made me cry. you are such a strong, caring, amazing person. so few people really understand that when people act that way they are acting out because of their own "stuff". for you to stay because you felt you could handle it where as someone else may not shows what an amazing person you are and I know that I can honestly say I LOVE YOU.
Just wanted to say I adore you, I support you and proud of you. I also suffered severe social anxiety and depression (wanted to quit school, suicide-by-proxy was on the table, I was a mess) growing up. Slowly once I graduated, I started coming out of my shell and today I don't hold back. I'm sure this YT channel has also helped you in this area. HUGS!
Steph, thank you for sharing your struggles and staying so positive. your attitude helps me feel like im okay. I don't know if that makes any sense but thank you!
I grew up in a small town and I remember how people can get into your head and torment you. Though I've never experienced anything near what you have in that sense, I know how it feels to criticise your reflection every day, simply because of the way other people perceive you. Thank you for standing up for people who don't exactly fit the mold. You are beautiful inside and out. ❤
It's amazing that a great content creator like you is from Canada. I live here in Alberta so it feels like I have a deeper understanding and sense of relatability in a sense. Anyways, I just wanted to say how cool it is that you come from Canada.
I so highly respect and admire your decision not to change in the boy's room in 7th grade.I am not transgender,but went on strike in gym class against disrobing in front of my classmamtes as a requirement to pass school and receive an education.I failed too and had to attend summer school to receive the credit.You are one of the only people in the world I have heard these same sentiments from for different reasoning.You are an inspiration to ALL people,keep doing exactly what you are doing.Never change your heart for anyone.Much love!!
Can I just say for some reason I cried like a baby during this!! I'm sorry the world has ever made you feel unwanted!! I look up to you and even tho our journies are different they are the same. You definitely give me the push I need to stay clean and away from drugs. So thank YOU for just being you!
BEST VIDEO I'VE EVER WATCHED. I experienced this mentally, emotionally, smiled and laughed, cried, thought and processed, saw AND felt the light at the end of the tunnel for so many kids struggling to simply "fit in". Stef is changing the world, and is a bloody great way at that.
I can't believe you're only 20! you have so much wisdom (more than I had at 20) you're a real inspiration and a great example of how fantastic humanity can be :) xx
"I can't schpeak " lol omg I love you! Thank you for uploading this, it's really nice that your educating and bringing entertainment too. I've learnt a lot from you. Love you!
i love your channel stef! i came across it about two years ago and i'm constantly using your videos as a source of information. as cis girl who was ignorant to everything about the gender spectrum you helped me learn a lot and inspired me to do better. Hesitant to ask trans people about their experiences i found channels like yours helpful because i could listen without crossing boundaries. Hearing personal experiences made me realize that I must use my cis privilege to help ALL my fellow sisters out in order to bring down the patriarchy. in order for us to gain equality, we have to make sure we're fighting for everyone's freedom from oppression; thanks for being one of those voices to help me see that! I'm proud of how far you've come!!
I am so glad this happened for you. I've suffered with depression most of my life, and I know struggling with mental health is so crippling. every video your healing looks better and better it is so exciting to see your new features progress.
I'm a bisexual underage woman living in a small town in an extremely hateful country (Poland). My parents are pretty religious, but not in a good way. That leads them to be really homophobic. Nobody, except one friend of mine (she's still homophobic, but less than other people I guess?) knows I'm not straight. During the period of time when I was dating a girl I became isolated from my parents and """friends""". I call them that because they'd leave me the minute I told them. Also, there's no separation between religion and government/schools and all that so they could basically even encourage bullying non straight students. So yeah. Yikes. Also, there's no point in even trying to change their mentality. They treat it like a "leftist propaganda". I need good vibes, I'm stuck here for the next couple of years
Ela Lamu girl, I know how you feel. I am from eastern Europe as well (Latvia). Although I have a pretty nice group of friends and I am very out going, it wasn't always like that. I was living in small town (around 7k people) and I never gave anyone any clue about that I am bisexual because it was considered as "very wrong and disturbing". Then I moved to the capital city- and oh boy, I am now so open about who I am and I have so supportive people around me, I even can't believe. But obviously, it's easier for me than for you, because my country is not very religious and they don't mess up laws and rulles with stuff from religion or church. Best wishes for you girl, I believe that after a few years you will be able to go somewhere else where people are much more open-minded and nicer towards you!
I had a similar issue growing up in a small town. I was bullied everyday for the duration of public school, juniors high school and high school as well. my school wouldn't do anything about it and said it was just hazing. eventually it lead to me being attacked on my way home from the library and that mentally stopped me from transitioning till my 5 year of university. It sucked still having anxiety about transitioning till the last year. I totally get how much growing up in a small town sucks. I am glad you got an opportunity to share your expierence's with people in your small town. :) also thank you Steff for being an insperation.
So beautiful. I really hope that your town as well as other small towns read this and take what was said to heart. The world will be such a better place if things like this are taken to heart. Love you girl stay strong ma'ma
Thank you, thank you, thank you. You've helped me accept myself and love myself to a point I never have before. I'm scared all the time in my small town and you give me hope. I know how dark those dark places are and you've helped make it a little bit brighter. Thank you!!!! A million times over 😭😭😭😍😍😍
BREADMOMMA YOU SAVED ME. im so glad you brought up PTSD because i was bringing this up to one of my counselors and they were baffled as if i was making something up or that PTSD is only for War Vets. There truly is such thing and after having a traumatic childhood of harrasment and intimidation for acting a bit feminine, i am not gay i am straight and sort of metrosexual anyway. Often things are said that almost trigger me and bring me back to when i was unhappy and paranoid. BasicallyThanks for everything babe please respond back with some feedback
Stef, I really appreciate you and your channel. I've always thought of myself as open minded and understanding, but I've learned so much from you about the fact that sometimes the things I say are not the most sensitive or don't acknowledge people for who they truly are. I would never want to unknowingly be in the wrong or say or feel anything to anybody that minimalized who they are as a person. I'm from a small town too (far smaller than your home town, trust me!) and there's a lot of small mindedness and brain washing that has affected the opinions I've had as an adult. I want to thank you for putting yourself out there and helping out people like me. You are so articulate and have a way of expressing things that really open up my way of thinking and help me become a more rounded and understanding person. I admire you for all of this that you do and really enjoy learning from your life and experiences on this channel. 💜💜💙
Thank you so much Stef for sharing your story. Everytime I see your videos it helps me more and more each day to step out. I am working on little things and taking it 1 day at a time. I am realizing that my journey is going to be difficult but it will also be rewarding because I am being true to myself and NOT being someone that I was told I had to be since birth!
I'm so glad you left Wallaceberg (sp?) and were able to blossom into the wonderful and inspiring woman that you are. You are the kind of role model I'd want for my kids whether they were trans or not. Hell you're a role model to me now and I have a decade on you. Living your truth, whatever that is, can be very scary.
Telling the world everything is never necessary. But you have tackled your health and your identity like a beast. You have faced every fear and you have stepped through that shadow. So so proud of you.
This is so relevant to me right now. I moved home a few months ago because my mother passed away. I figured it was right for me to be around people that know me and love me. But I'm not out as trans at home, so people still call me by my male name and pronouns. It's quite frustrating, but most of them don't know I'm trans. Some people in the town know, and I'm fortunate to have some friends and neighbours who are pretty supportive. However, my dad and brothers don't fully accept it yet. They've known for years. I'm slowly getting there, but being in a small town where the majority of people know you/your family, makes it difficult. I think I'm strong enough to deal with it, I just wish my family could be more supportive. I was lucky enough to have my mother tell me she supported me a few weeks before she passed. But I'll always feel the loss of never having that "mother/daughter" relationship I've always wanted. Even though we were pretty much always like a mother and daughter.
Bread mom, you've done so much in your life. You're a go-getter. You wanted the surgery, you worked hard, you sought support, and you did it. As a fellow 20 year old, I look up to you for inspiration, I wish I was as hardworking and ambitious as you. I've been following you for months and months now. I'm so glad you feel happier. I wish you the best! I'm so glad you survived the small town bullshit!
I am a cis woman, but I have a story that I will never forget; I live in a town with a similar mindset, though it is considerably larger. It's a rural city known for its Dairy and Fruit farms, so it's full of very conservative, very old fashioned people. Which is basically my nice way of saying it's full of assholes. I used to work in a popular store in town and the people I worked with were toxic af; one day one of them came to me saying something about some customer out on the floor wearing short shorts and wig and having a laugh - pretending that I was actually listening, I just grunted in response but when I walked out onto the floor I saw who they were talking about. It was a trans girl, and I was suddenly so proud of this person I'd never met, for expressing herself as she knew herself to be regardless of what the people around her thought. My heart also broke though, when I noticed that she would walk around everywhere with her head down and get her mother to speak for her if she needed to talk to someone. I made it my mission to help her feel more comfortable, knowing that this was a bad town to be 'different' in. I made a point of remembering her name and the types of things she was into, I went above and beyond trying to get a DVD in mint condition for her and every single time I saw her I smiled and greeted her like an old friend. That's honestly all it took. Now, when I see her, she's walking around with her head held high, holding her boyfriend's hand, and she's recently told me that she's working on some graphic novels that'll help break stigma around the LGBTQ community. Sorry, long comment, but meeting this beautiful girl and loving her for who she is was one of the happiest moments of my life. If I died today, I'd know that I made someone's life a little easier.
Can I just say that I adore you? I found your videos completely by accident one day and you have become one of my favourite human beings on this planet in a very short period of time. You're so brave and inspirational, and such a beautiful soul.
my hometown is the same. so much ignorance. i'm trying to do my best with my kids. my 5 year old asked me once if boys can have babies, and i told her that some boys are born with bodies that look like a girl's so they have a uterus and can have their own babies. she hasn't asked about MTF but i hope i come up with the right words when she does. thanks for keeping the masses informed - not to mention being gorgeous and fun ;)
You look amazing Stef. I've been following you on my other account and admittedly I haven't kept up with your journey (I stepped away from RUclips) but upon coming back here and seeing how far you've come, I'm blown away and so proud.
I grew up in a VERY small town. My graduating class consisted of 70 people and we refer to our school system as "the bubble". One of my best friends from middle school began transitioning from female to male during high school and at first very few people were accepting of him. Thankfully his family supported him from the start and he had a few close friends, myself included, as well as a teacher who stood by him 100%. When he first told people he would prefer to be called a different name many people still referred to him as the name he was given at birth. There were also many instances where people would call him "it" or "he/she" when talking about him to each other. I did my best to correct them whenever I heard this, and honestly I still find myself correcting people on occasion despite the fact that it's been almost 5 years. Thankfully as time went on more and more people began to accept him. He was no longer forced to change in the girl's locker room for gym, he started dating a beautiful girl and they're still together, and the school guidance counselor even changed his name and gender on all of the school records despite the fact that he hadn't done so legally at the time yet. At graduation he wore a gray cap and gown with the rest of the guys and when he received his diploma they announced his name and you could tell how happy he was. Since graduation he has started testosterone and he's growing a pretty nice beard and I've never seen him happier! He was the first trans person ever at our school and while many people weren't accepting at first, through educating them and just being himself he was able to open the eyes of a lot of people and I'm very proud of him!
i love that you did the interview. this will help so many people. as a kid who grew up in the boonies outside of chatham i know i was so sheltered. this video is so helpful for small towns. i used to get bullied and beat up for being a girl with a moustache and a girl who liked girls and boys. it took me years to understand that it is okay for me to be attracted to men and women. i didnt even know bisexual existed for a long time. but it was so relieving to be able to understand who i am and accept my body the way it is. i cannot imagine dealing with what you did in wallaceburg. i got made fun of in wallaceburg for having dreadlocks. so again this is great and i am going to send this video to my friends kid who is a boy but dubbed "girl" at birth. he is from chatham and very lost and i really think your channel will help him feel less isolated. youre awesome. keep shining.
Do you think that people who are gay should know from a young age? :o because I believe I'm gay now, but my mom keeps saying that if I was I would have known since I was 5.. but to be honest, I don't really think that any 5 year old should be thinking about who they're attracted to, because they don't understand what sexual attraction is. So I feel like questioning your sexuality would happen when you actually think of other people sexually??
It's different for everyone. There's no specific age to know! Some know very young, some don't realize until after experiences of trying to seem straight. If you believe you're gay then you're probably gay!
Wolf Maiden Seeing as homosexuality deals with sexual attraction, a five-year-old would not know if they were gay or not. Realistically, one would probably know or figure it out around the time they start experiencing sexual attraction. So around puberty or even after, since everyone's a bit different in that regard. It's different from someone being trans, which pretty much comes into play as soon as you're capable of categorism (sp?) and distinguishing "male" and "female".
i'm either a lesbian or bi (not sure which lmao) but i didn't know i liked girls until i was 14. some people know they're gay from a very young age and some people don't know until their 40's, everyone is different. there's no magical age where you suddenly know. good luck
Well, I started questioning when I read info about asexuality, not really when I began thinking about people sexually (or non-sexually in my case ofc xD) So I think there are more ways to figure it out. I think what your mom is referring to happens a lot (kids thinking "hmm I'm different" and later figuring out they're gay and that's what made them feel different) but hey I think you're never too old (or too young) to figure out your sexual orientation isn't what you thought it was (and I think it's not uncommon either) and that you will always be able to start identifying with another sexuality that fits better (if someone thinks they're gay but a few years later thinks "...maybe bi would fit better" or if someone identifies as asexual but then experiences sexual attraction and thinks "maybe I'm graysexual" - that's kinda what I mean)
For her to say "you would have known when you were 5", I'd just say "were you sexually attracted to anything at the age of 5?" So, yes, you're right that most people usually only start to question it when they go through puberty and start having those hormone-driven feelings. The only way people ever find out anything about themselves that they're questioning is experimentation, and you never really have that opportunity until you're older. I think I read somewhere that most people don't realize their sexuality as "non-straight" until they're between 18 and somewhere around 26. I know I personally didn't start questioning my gender and sexuality until I was in Junior year of high school when I realized I had a massive crush on one of my girl friends. And then awhile later I had a massive "wait, I don't feel like I'm 100% a woman like I've been told I was". Luckily my immediate family and my mom's mom is supper supportive (they always say "No matter what, I love you. To the moon and back") and I was able to figure out that I'm mostly just androgynous and genderfluid. I sometimes am feminine, other times masculine, but I'm always ME.
"...there is nothing wrong with my body, I am not changing into another body or another person. I am alleviating mental heath issues with a treatment that is this surgery." I absolutely love that.
I've been following on RUclips and Instagram and snapchat and I'm so so so so so proud of you Stef (even though you don't know me and I've never met you 😂) you look so amazing (I'm mean even before surgery you looked great (you're just generally really attractive)) and I feel so happy for you ❤❤❤❤❤ I can't even express my love for you, thank you for helping me through everything❤
Stef you are the most amazing person and give me so much hope. Thank you so much for existence. My small town is the same way. I get so much harassment daily for being different but watching your videos makes me feel better every day.
Even though I am a cis gendered woman I can relate to this article. I have social anxiety or agoraphobia... because of the bullying, the slander the.... The everything. I feel for you.
What people don't understand is you're not broken or different, you're human. Just like the rest of us. Everyone feels, speak, look, believe, and think uniquely that doesn't mean they are less than anyone else. We are not the same for a reason.
She put words to it! I tried to explain the whole "always knowing/feeling but not knowing what it was" thing to my mom (but about being bisexual), but once i actually had to say and explain it, i realized how hard it was to convey, especially to someone so cis and unlearning as my republican mom... Luckily she didn't become hostile, but the whole time she kept making counter arguments like "but you like boys" and THEN (oh boy this pissed me off...) She decided to say "I just don't want you to hurt [your boyfriend]." And I??? Oh boy i was trying so hard to not just scream, and then i had to go through the whole "It's no different than how you feel attraction to men, I just happen to feel attraction to both. You don't feel attraction to every guy you see, right?" and just... Oh god, I'm getting worked up. But thank you Stef, you've kind of been my inspiration. Though we have 2 different kinds of "problems" i find that i often sympathize and connect with you. Thank you for being you
The way you say "thats how I thought all people felt" is spot on with mental distress. Ive had OCD my whole life and only in high school I realized this is not normal for every person and it was crazy to believe. Mental disorders and disease (and dysphoria) is so personal and connected to individuals as children that throughout life you don't realize anything else, you don't know any other thoughts besides your mind's. Im not sure if I described that correctly but basically I know what you mean when you say you thought it was normal to feel atypical, because atypical is all you've ever known you just get used to it.
I'm truly happy that you're finally free to be whomever you want to be - everyone deserves that freedom and don't deserve to feel like a prisoner in their own home.. I'm so happy that you got to escape from all that and are now amazingly happy, your beautiful inside and out and it sucks how people judge before even sitting down and getting the knowledge that they need to understand or even thinking of someone else's feelings.. you are a diamond amongst the stones.. lots of love and support from Chatham, Ontario. ♡♡
i saw the article about you earlier today! it was really well done. it might sound harsh, but i'm glad that the town that fucked you over so bad gave you the opportunity to educate the community on a subject that they are inevitably so very ignorant about. i would love if my paper did the same.
Hey Stef. I live in a small town close to your hometown. I found you RUclips Link from that article that you read. it was under a suggested post on Facebook. I have been watching your videos and absolutely enjoy them. the FFS videos were very interesting and glad you were able to share them. keep posting and lots of love your way!
I think you did an incredible job answering Aaron's questions in your interview. The things you said resonated with me so much even though I grew up in Windsor and was completely closeted until I moved to Toronto for college. So much of what you talked said just really gets to the heart of the trans experience. I could never explain it as well as you did.
OMG I notice the difference so much now!!! You look awesome. You were beautiful before but it's different now. Your beauty shines brighter now that you are closer to aligning yourself to your authentic self.
Your face is healing so quickly and beautifully! You look really great. At first, right after the surgery it was difficult to see the difference, but giiiirl, there is SUCH a difference. I hope you are happy with how it came out. Good luck!
I came from a super small town, Bancroft Ontario- pop 3500! That place definitely had the "small town mentality" just closed minded, dead set on their ways- type of ppl. Ur 100% right, ppl need to step in, the moment they sense an individual is in trouble! Mentally or physically! I always stuck up for others....becuz there'd been times I could've used a bystanders help and didn't!
Hello, I have family in Bancroft and lived there for a few months. I found it very difficult to live there being a queer/trans person. Are there any resources for LGBTQ+ people and youth who live in the Hastings Highlands area ?
No way, what a small world! As far as I know there is nothing for the LBGTQ community- it's sad!! I know of many gays that waited until college to come out! It's heartbreaking they felt they couldn't be themselves growing up in that town and had to wait u til they were 18+ to live an authentic life. I know of one trans girl that says, had she not moved to a big city (away from Bancroft) ...she would've most likely committed suicide. It's gut wrenching to think that a town can have that much power over your life!
Stef!! It's so great to see you back in your own home! 💕 the article was brilliant, coming from a small town myself I know what it can be like ☺ you're changing lives and changing the world 💕
Girl, you look good in those glasses! Kudos for giving this interview, that's incredibly brave. Even though my mental scars are completely different from yours, I don't think I could do what you did. To be this open in my hometown? Damn, girl. That's strength right there. I hope recovery is going well for you. Much love to you!
Stef Sanjati I'm from wallaceburg and I know what you mean. the people there aren't the best, I got bullied all the time. (also whenever my mom saw you walk to school she always yelled how she loved your shoes😂)
You are a ray of light Steph, please keep it up. I didn't have a name for the feelings I was feeling either and it took me a lot longer to run into being a trans woman. :) Also, as big a ray of light as you are, I am blown away by your mother, that in a town like that, had the ferocity to be there for you no matter what. She rocks. :)
My town has about 1,500 people and I went to school with the same 60 kids up until 8th grade. I was bullied constantly mostly for be short (like growth hormone deficient short) and for being smart (wtf?) even in high school with more people who didn't know everything about me, life was hard. It definitely had an impact on my mental health, which wasn't exactly great to begin with. I absolutely agree with you that getting out into the world and meeting new people can help heal you. I found my people when I went away to school and was able to really like myself as a person. Thank you for sharing your experience!
![[4K] Watch SpaceX Catch A Starship Rocket From Space!!! #IFT5](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/pIKI7y3DTXk/mqdefault.jpg)
Take a shot every time I say "you know what I mean?" if you wanna have a good time
Stef Sanjati lol
Stef Sanjati I love you so much
yassss gurl! i cant wait 4 my ffs .. yass educate these peoples. preach gurll..;)
stej sanfati
Stef Sanjati Read the instructions correctly now i'm fucking hanmered
**triggering content**
We have the same hometown, I had to leave wallaceburg too. I actually ended up finishing high school in sarnia and now living in the tri-cities because it was so horrible. One of the many things that were a huge factor in me leaving, When I was in grade nine, this town has an annual event called WAMBO, during that weekend I went to a house party with some friends and ended up having some drinks, long story short I ended up blacking out (I'm not sure if this was due to my drinking or some other factor) the last thing I remember was falling over and hitting the floor. The next thing that I remember is being carried over someone's shoulder and now at this point have no pants on, no undergarments and my tube top I was wearing pulled down as a makeshift skirt and the vest I was wearing messily buttoned up. My friends then come out of the house screaming because they were not able to find me for hours. My body was in so much pain, and not just the type a hangover would give. It hurt to move my legs it was very uncomfortable to even move my torso what so ever. 4 days later I had started getting a terrible shooting pain in my vagina. It was so bad that I couldn't even sit down. It felt as if something was inside of me pressing against everything, I used my fingers and felt what was going on. I had found a tampon shoved so far up my vaginal canal it was literally smushed when I pulled it out. I immediately went to the emergency room because I was scared about toxic shock, luckily I did not have it unfortunately due to this situation I am unable to have children, I did indeed have a type of infection (no sti/stds thankfully). When I went to my friends about this every one of them had told me it was my fault, it was my fault I had so much to drink if I could control my alcohol better this would have never happened. I obviously wanted to have sex with this guy even if I couldn't remember. Except that was how I lost my virginity. I had always promised myself that I would save myself for someone I was truly in love with. I didn't even know this boys name. Eventually I did blame myself, I was told so often it was my wrong doing, I chose for this to happen to me. I wanted it. From there rumours started I was now the biggest slut in town, it even got so bad I would walk down the halls and have multiple items thrown at me, from papers to hot drinks to just garbage in general. I wasn't able to walk anywhere without people yelling incredibly inappropriate things at me from the school halls to when I was the grocery store with any member of my family. Wallaceburg is toxic and sucks so much because it could be a great community especially because so many people know each other. Instead it is a very closed minded town, you're exactly right it is like a bubble. Thank you for giving me the courage to speak about this, years of therapy later and I no longer blame myself for what happened. You are an incredible inspiring women. Watching you on here honestly gives me so much hope for my future. I couldn't thank you enough for the content you make. I may not be transgender but watching you has made me so much more comfortable in my own skin. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
shelby benn I'm shocked by your story. What happened to you is terrible... and it makes me angry and sad at the same time. It's totally not your fault in any way. I hope you can see that too. I think you're brave telling your story and I hope you will find peace somehow. This person took your virginity and your ability to have children. I hope someday they'll understand what they did to you and the impact it has on your life. For you, I wish a bright future. Take care
shelby benn Shelby I am so so sorry that this happened to you.Sending you hugs and love,please know that you can message me anytime that you need to talk or even just vent. You are so strong!
shelby benn This is honestly so disgusting, how can someone be so mentally ill and hurt someone like that. When someone gets raped/sexually assaulted ITS NEVER THE VICTIMS FAULT. I wish you the best, and please never ever blame yourself
It's not mental illness that "causes" people to commit these horrific attacks, it's a lack of morality. It's so often the survivor who is left traumatized and at a high risk of developing mental illness: I.e. PTSD. Blaming mental illness is lazy and can further stigmatise survivors!
I have no words. I'm so sorry this happened to you Shelby Benn.
Sending you positive energy with love
Stef looks like a trendy mom that everyone wants to have.... is that mean? She looks SNATCHED yaaas queen
Gabs no, it's quite nice to be see as that one cool mom.
Gabs I love your comment so much 😂😂👌
Gabs truuu I feel like I see her collect her kids in her cute vintage car and everyone is like damn why isn't she my mom
Um she is - she is Breadmom after all! 💖💖💖
omg lmao this comment gives me life. YASS
YOU'RE ONLY 20?!!!! DAMN! You are so mature and well-spoken. i enjoy watching your videos!
The best form of revenge is success.
May Athena so true!
i've lived in a small town my entire life. through middle school, i was "popular" and had a group of friends that perpetuated hate. i loved them and felt like they were my family, and thought that whatever they though, i thought. it was a group mentality brought to an extreme. there was a girl i had gone to school with since kindergarten, who my female best friend at the time accused of trying to kiss and touch her in her sleep. her story didn't make sense, but she was like my sister and i believed her. i loathed myself for who i was and how i treated people, and this self loathing only made me treat people worse. i would taunt this person online, asking why she was gay, why she was a perv, etc. it is so hard for me to type this because of how disgusted in myself i was and still am for that period of my life. in my freshman year of high school, one of the most homophobic boys in my school came out. it was a moment of pure epiphany for me. all this time i had spent hiding myself behind my small town bigotry, because i was exactly what everyone hated. i was gay, i had always been gay, and it had taken me my entire young life to figure it out. i still found safety in my same group of friend but began to see the malicious side of them, and slowly distanced myself. i continued to be best friends with only one of them, who id been inseperable from since third grade. this was the same friend who accused the girl of touching her in her sleep. it had been so long ago that i'd forgotten about the whole thing, but people would still taunt her. i was never there to witness it, but i was still under the influence of so much fear that i think i still wouldn't have stood up to help her if i had been there. by the next year, id met pretty much all new people, accepting people (albeit stoners, but you take what you can get) who all knew i was lgbt. i had simply been extremely open, not even bothering to hide it, and these people still accepted me. i still had my best friend, but we were both so busy with academics that we only hung out outside of school. to this day i'm not sure wether she was ignorant enough to not know, or if she just chose to ignore it. but it came to the point where everyone in my life knew who i was besides the most important person in it. when i came put to her, it took me, no exaggeration, about an hour to get the words out. it was like coming out to an unaccepting sister, and hoping she loved me enough to stick around. she didn't; she stopped talking to me that day, and only over text had she still adamantly denied that it wasn't because i was gay. (it was because i was gay). for about two years i was completely alone and isolated. i had my stoner buddies at school, but i couldn't talk to them too much. my good old pal clinical depression had been through all of this with me, but at this time, my anxiety skyrocketed, and i could barely stay in class, or socialize, work, or do assignments. i was catatonic. basically a robot, all of my emotions shut down, i suppressed so many memories, most of which were from my bullying times in middle school and early high school. it got to the point where i could barely even associate myself with who i was when i was younger. even now, i still see us as almost completely separate people. through a lot of therapy i've come to realize that this may be my only way of forgiving myself, and it's taken a lot for me to find the strength to take responsibility for the actions of my younger self, but i'm getting there. late in junior year, it was coming to a point were if i didn't pull myself together, i would not graduate on time. this was a bit of a wake up call for me, and i had some accommodations made so that i could attend school as much as my mental state would allow me. i started online classes, off campus tutoring, etc., so that i only had to attend school for three classes and still get enough credits to graduate. one of these classes was wind ensemble (band). music was one of the only things that i was still passionate about, and i made an effort to attend every class. in the course of only a few months, i grew very fond of a little freshman boy. he was one of the only people that could make me laugh, and having this one drop of socialization opened me up a tiny bit to talking and having friends again. guess who his best friend was ? yeah, the girl id harassed in middle school. five or six years is a long time, especially when you're a teenager, and i had pretty much blocked most of middle school. wether she had forgotten too or she was just the most open hearted, accepting human to ever exist i'm not sure, but we were immediate friends. i'm in the middle of my senior year right now, and i have two close friends who are kind and fun as fuck. i'm on track to graduating on time, and my anxiety is on a reaaaally long vacation right now. my depression is still hanging around but he's very quiet recently. life isn't amazing but it's good, which i never thought it would be. my friend and i haven't talked about how i used to treat her until very recently, and it causes no strain to our friendship, which i'm so grateful for. i've apologized profusely and she forgave me. she says that without the bullying she experienced, she wouldn't have accepted herself as soon as she has. there was always an lgbt club at our school, but the seniors that had run or graduated two years ago. me and a few other kids run it now, and we have over twenty kids in it (which is a lot, our school is tiny). i write an equality page in the school newspaper, and have not experienced any bullying for it. why i wanted to write this down is this; no matter how large hate can feel in your life, you can escape it. you can find love and hope, and it might take time, and it might hurt so much, but you can find light in the smallest and darkest of places. And if you feel like you're too far in to be able to be a change-maker, if it seems like you're too weak or not good enough, or you feel like you're part of the problem, you can turn it around, you can become part of the solution, you can make change. like Stef said, anyone, anywhere, can be a change-maker.
clisle l Thank you
I am so glad you have managed to turn your life around & are being the honest you. Your message it true, people have more power & control over their lives than they realize, you can always find a way to improve a poor situation; you are a perfect example. Thank you for sharing your story.
clisle l what a heart-warming story 💕 i'm so glad you've evolved to this person you are now. Amazing
I'm an extremely masculine (butch lol) lesbian, and I'm honestly sobbing right now because of how much I empathize with your story. I'm so terrified to come out to my best friend for the same reason as you. I'm a junior and I've only come out to 2 people, and I've only had one girlfriend. I relate to what you've shared on such a literal level (even down to the academic decline and bullying due to a lack of self acceptance) it really hit me like a truck. I guess I just really want to say thank you, I'm shit at heart warming emotional stuff, but honestly I needed this. Thank you again for sharing such a personal experience and for the message at the end. I really needed this.
.................................................................
you look so ethereal. that light is so pretty!
right? I really want to know what light she uses
The title has be shook omg I hope you're ok I love you so much bread mom
RooFooChoo omg hey girl!
Chanel Diamonds HEY BISH
RooFooChoo thank you for your service sir have a wonderful rest of your life
I honestly cried while watching this, the part where you said if you see something wrong make sure they don't get emotionally hurt. I'm dealing with bullying right now, I can't even get out of my house without start shaking and wanting to pass out. You're so strong, you are a big inspiration to me, I love you so much Stef ❤
Lau Milk sending you hugs sweetie
Stef, I started crying when you talked about someone did to your mom's car. I'm so sorry you've had to go through things like this. Thank you for sharing your life and helping so many people.
semisweetchild it broke my heart when this happened. I could no longer enjoy that vehicle even after it was repaired,I had to get rid of it because it made me so aware that Stef was not safe.
That's so fucked up. She kept to herself and isolated herself so who is so horrible of a person they would actually invade her personal space and trespass on her property to destroy and vandalize their vehicle? That's just beyond fucked up. Why would someone have SUCH a big issue about her sexuality/gender that they felt the need to do that? I could NOT fathom the thought of doing something to someone so terrible who was different yet kept to themselves and who I never had an issue with? Ugh disgusting
Kali_Dash I could not enjoy my vehicle after it was vandalized .I had to get rid of it as it reminded me of that day every time I drove it. I was so afraid for Stef's safety.
Catherine peloza You're a wonderful mother!, I'm so happy that Stef has that kind of love and support in her life.
Thank you for all you're doing to educate people, I think it's really important for everyone in the LGBT+ community. Seriously, thank you ❤
Zweet thank you!
Stef you sound so educated and articulate.
ZeldaFoxEars because she is! 💗
I have never been so proud of the impact anyone on RUclips has ever had, until you, being a gigantic input across an entire town. ❤❤
This article needs to be published EVERYWHERE. Brought tears to my soul.
jeepers238 please share this video
it always makes me so happy to see Stef
the journalist wrote this well and stefs wording was beautiful. im so sorry that this happened to you growing up. im so proud that now you are able to be confident. love you babes!!
I live in Wallaceburg and if I hadn't found your RUclips I wouldn't have ever knew I was trans thank you so much stef. You should come to the high school to talk about being trans and stuff I think it would help a lot of people
I would love to come back to talk to the school! I'm not sure they'd let me, but I would love to impact my hometown in that way, to teach the people there face to face. I hope I can do that one day, we'll see, I'm in the area a few times a year!
I could ask the principal if we could have you come and speak once second semester starts if you want :)
Percy Knowles who is your current principal?
We got a new one, Mr. Lee retired. The new one's name is Murray Hunt
Percy Knowles you should ask your new principal if he would be comfortable with Stef coming to speak? Is there a GSA in the school now?
I'm so proud of what youre doing for the community. Youre such a genuine and sweet person thats really making a difference.
Stef I feel you so hard about the isolating yourself in high school I would be terrified when I passed anyone my age even after high school I associated people my age with danger that they would pick on me and say nasty things like school was. You are such an inspiration I'm sharing this video so people know the truth. You are changing the world girl. Love you.
The whole thing about isolating yourself and not making yourself visible for bullying and harassment is my whole childhood. I stayed in the library during school and didn't go out, as a defence mechanism for avoiding bullying, just because I was a bit different that everyone else. I am even afraid today about having attention drawn to myself and get worried about getting up to get a tissue or whatever due to the small amount of attention drawn to me for a few seconds
I'm sorry that you had go through all of that in your home town. You're such a strong and wonderful person. And happy looks good on you :)
this made me cry. you are such a strong, caring, amazing person. so few people really understand that when people act that way they are acting out because of their own "stuff". for you to stay because you felt you could handle it where as someone else may not shows what an amazing person you are and I know that I can honestly say I LOVE YOU.
"Sanjati" means "to dream" in my language! Love you Bread mom! ❤
Robert Meredith Croatian? Sanjati means dream in Croatian ☆彡
Texan Tannies Beaver Nuggets Hahaha yeeees!
"Stef To Dream". Sounds lovely, doesn't it?
Yep that's where she got the name! (that's not her real last name)
Robert Meredith Are you from Croatia? Because I am! ❤
Just wanted to say I adore you, I support you and proud of you. I also suffered severe social anxiety and depression (wanted to quit school, suicide-by-proxy was on the table, I was a mess) growing up. Slowly once I graduated, I started coming out of my shell and today I don't hold back. I'm sure this YT channel has also helped you in this area. HUGS!
I see so much strength, courage and positivity in your videos. Keep up the good work on educating people!
Steph, thank you for sharing your struggles and staying so positive. your attitude helps me feel like im okay. I don't know if that makes any sense but thank you!
That Dalaran reference though lol. I'm literally about to go play WoW after I watch this
I grew up in a small town and I remember how people can get into your head and torment you. Though I've never experienced anything near what you have in that sense, I know how it feels to criticise your reflection every day, simply because of the way other people perceive you. Thank you for standing up for people who don't exactly fit the mold. You are beautiful inside and out. ❤
It's so weird to think how far we've come. I remember your first oestrogen update. Crazy!
It's amazing that a great content creator like you is from Canada. I live here in Alberta so it feels like I have a deeper understanding and sense of relatability in a sense. Anyways, I just wanted to say how cool it is that you come from Canada.
I so highly respect and admire your decision not to change in the boy's room in 7th grade.I am not transgender,but went on strike in gym class against disrobing in front of my classmamtes as a requirement to pass school and receive an education.I failed too and had to attend summer school to receive the credit.You are one of the only people in the world I have heard these same sentiments from for different reasoning.You are an inspiration to ALL people,keep doing exactly what you are doing.Never change your heart for anyone.Much love!!
Can I just say for some reason I cried like a baby during this!! I'm sorry the world has ever made you feel unwanted!! I look up to you and even tho our journies are different they are the same. You definitely give me the push I need to stay clean and away from drugs. So thank YOU for just being you!
"I. Can't. SCHPEAK." Lol
BEST VIDEO I'VE EVER WATCHED. I experienced this mentally, emotionally, smiled and laughed, cried, thought and processed, saw AND felt the light at the end of the tunnel for so many kids struggling to simply "fit in". Stef is changing the world, and is a bloody great way at that.
I can't believe you're only 20! you have so much wisdom (more than I had at 20) you're a real inspiration and a great example of how fantastic humanity can be :) xx
"I can't schpeak " lol omg I love you! Thank you for uploading this, it's really nice that your educating and bringing entertainment too. I've learnt a lot from you. Love you!
i love your channel stef! i came across it about two years ago and i'm constantly using your videos as a source of information. as cis girl who was ignorant to everything about the gender spectrum you helped me learn a lot and inspired me to do better. Hesitant to ask trans people about their experiences i found channels like yours helpful because i could listen without crossing boundaries. Hearing personal experiences made me realize that I must use my cis privilege to help ALL my fellow sisters out in order to bring down the patriarchy. in order for us to gain equality, we have to make sure we're fighting for everyone's freedom from oppression; thanks for being one of those voices to help me see that! I'm proud of how far you've come!!
I am so glad this happened for you. I've suffered with depression most of my life, and I know struggling with mental health is so crippling. every video your healing looks better and better it is so exciting to see your new features progress.
I'm a bisexual underage woman living in a small town in an extremely hateful country (Poland). My parents are pretty religious, but not in a good way. That leads them to be really homophobic. Nobody, except one friend of mine (she's still homophobic, but less than other people I guess?) knows I'm not straight. During the period of time when I was dating a girl I became isolated from my parents and """friends""". I call them that because they'd leave me the minute I told them. Also, there's no separation between religion and government/schools and all that so they could basically even encourage bullying non straight students. So yeah. Yikes. Also, there's no point in even trying to change their mentality. They treat it like a "leftist propaganda". I need good vibes, I'm stuck here for the next couple of years
Ela Lamu sending you hugs
+Catherine peloza thanks!!!!
Ela Lamu girl, I know how you feel. I am from eastern Europe as well (Latvia). Although I have a pretty nice group of friends and I am very out going, it wasn't always like that. I was living in small town (around 7k people) and I never gave anyone any clue about that I am bisexual because it was considered as "very wrong and disturbing". Then I moved to the capital city- and oh boy, I am now so open about who I am and I have so supportive people around me, I even can't believe. But obviously, it's easier for me than for you, because my country is not very religious and they don't mess up laws and rulles with stuff from religion or church. Best wishes for you girl, I believe that after a few years you will be able to go somewhere else where people are much more open-minded and nicer towards you!
+MasterNikola thank you so much!! I hope so too
Trzymaj się kochana!
I had a similar issue growing up in a small town. I was bullied everyday for the duration of public school, juniors high school and high school as well. my school wouldn't do anything about it and said it was just hazing. eventually it lead to me being attacked on my way home from the library and that mentally stopped me from transitioning till my 5 year of university. It sucked still having anxiety about transitioning till the last year. I totally get how much growing up in a small town sucks. I am glad you got an opportunity to share your expierence's with people in your small town. :) also thank you Steff for being an insperation.
My grandfather is transphobic so I hope the article smacked some sense into him
So beautiful. I really hope that your town as well as other small towns read this and take what was said to heart. The world will be such a better place if things like this are taken to heart. Love you girl stay strong ma'ma
It's easier to set a broken bone than it is to repair a broken mind or heart 💔
Thank you, thank you, thank you. You've helped me accept myself and love myself to a point I never have before. I'm scared all the time in my small town and you give me hope. I know how dark those dark places are and you've helped make it a little bit brighter. Thank you!!!! A million times over 😭😭😭😍😍😍
I think you are an absolute doll! Love that you are feeling happy and this makes me happy. I will share. 💗💗💗
Stef you are seriously making a change in this world! You are so inspiring
Ok, I must admit. I clicked faster than the speed of light. //and I'm still late dammit//
same boo same
y0o0ongi
You're such a beautiful, well spoken and thoughtful person. Thank you for making videos. I'm glad you're so happy!!
BREADMOMMA YOU SAVED ME. im so glad you brought up PTSD because i was bringing this up to one of my counselors and they were baffled as if i was making something up or that PTSD is only for War Vets. There truly is such thing and after having a traumatic childhood of harrasment and intimidation for acting a bit feminine, i am not gay i am straight and sort of metrosexual anyway. Often things are said that almost trigger me and bring me back to when i was unhappy and paranoid. BasicallyThanks for everything babe please respond back with some feedback
Stef, I really appreciate you and your channel. I've always thought of myself as open minded and understanding, but I've learned so much from you about the fact that sometimes the things I say are not the most sensitive or don't acknowledge people for who they truly are. I would never want to unknowingly be in the wrong or say or feel anything to anybody that minimalized who they are as a person. I'm from a small town too (far smaller than your home town, trust me!) and there's a lot of small mindedness and brain washing that has affected the opinions I've had as an adult. I want to thank you for putting yourself out there and helping out people like me. You are so articulate and have a way of expressing things that really open up my way of thinking and help me become a more rounded and understanding person. I admire you for all of this that you do and really enjoy learning from your life and experiences on this channel. 💜💜💙
Yessss uploading a late night video, I live for these ❤️💓💕😩
Stef is an angel. Watching these videos really helps me deal with my own life.
Danielle Sutton sending love & support ❤
ily Stef ❤ I'm truly happy you're finally free to be whomever you want to be - everyone deserves that freedom
Thank you so much Stef for sharing your story. Everytime I see your videos it helps me more and more each day to step out. I am working on little things and taking it 1 day at a time. I am realizing that my journey is going to be difficult but it will also be rewarding because I am being true to myself and NOT being someone that I was told I had to be since birth!
I'm so glad you left Wallaceberg (sp?) and were able to blossom into the wonderful and inspiring woman that you are. You are the kind of role model I'd want for my kids whether they were trans or not. Hell you're a role model to me now and I have a decade on you. Living your truth, whatever that is, can be very scary.
Telling the world everything is never necessary. But you have tackled your health and your identity like a beast. You have faced every fear and you have stepped through that shadow. So so proud of you.
This is so relevant to me right now. I moved home a few months ago because my mother passed away. I figured it was right for me to be around people that know me and love me. But I'm not out as trans at home, so people still call me by my male name and pronouns. It's quite frustrating, but most of them don't know I'm trans. Some people in the town know, and I'm fortunate to have some friends and neighbours who are pretty supportive. However, my dad and brothers don't fully accept it yet. They've known for years. I'm slowly getting there, but being in a small town where the majority of people know you/your family, makes it difficult. I think I'm strong enough to deal with it, I just wish my family could be more supportive. I was lucky enough to have my mother tell me she supported me a few weeks before she passed. But I'll always feel the loss of never having that "mother/daughter" relationship I've always wanted. Even though we were pretty much always like a mother and daughter.
IrishRose. Maybe you could share this video with your family
You should try showing them the article. It's linked in the description.
Bread mom, you've done so much in your life. You're a go-getter. You wanted the surgery, you worked hard, you sought support, and you did it. As a fellow 20 year old, I look up to you for inspiration, I wish I was as hardworking and ambitious as you.
I've been following you for months and months now. I'm so glad you feel happier. I wish you the best! I'm so glad you survived the small town bullshit!
I am a cis woman, but I have a story that I will never forget; I live in a town with a similar mindset, though it is considerably larger. It's a rural city known for its Dairy and Fruit farms, so it's full of very conservative, very old fashioned people. Which is basically my nice way of saying it's full of assholes.
I used to work in a popular store in town and the people I worked with were toxic af; one day one of them came to me saying something about some customer out on the floor wearing short shorts and wig and having a laugh - pretending that I was actually listening, I just grunted in response but when I walked out onto the floor I saw who they were talking about.
It was a trans girl, and I was suddenly so proud of this person I'd never met, for expressing herself as she knew herself to be regardless of what the people around her thought. My heart also broke though, when I noticed that she would walk around everywhere with her head down and get her mother to speak for her if she needed to talk to someone.
I made it my mission to help her feel more comfortable, knowing that this was a bad town to be 'different' in. I made a point of remembering her name and the types of things she was into, I went above and beyond trying to get a DVD in mint condition for her and every single time I saw her I smiled and greeted her like an old friend. That's honestly all it took. Now, when I see her, she's walking around with her head held high, holding her boyfriend's hand, and she's recently told me that she's working on some graphic novels that'll help break stigma around the LGBTQ community.
Sorry, long comment, but meeting this beautiful girl and loving her for who she is was one of the happiest moments of my life. If I died today, I'd know that I made someone's life a little easier.
marianamor THANK YOU SO MUCH
Catherine peloza
thank you thank you thank you 💖
marianamor thank you for the support! It means really a lot to us.. and even more to the woman you mentioned. ❤
Thank you for being such a good person 💖
Can I just say that I adore you? I found your videos completely by accident one day and you have become one of my favourite human beings on this planet in a very short period of time. You're so brave and inspirational, and such a beautiful soul.
my hometown is the same. so much ignorance. i'm trying to do my best with my kids. my 5 year old asked me once if boys can have babies, and i told her that some boys are born with bodies that look like a girl's so they have a uterus and can have their own babies. she hasn't asked about MTF but i hope i come up with the right words when she does. thanks for keeping the masses informed - not to mention being gorgeous and fun ;)
You look amazing Stef. I've been following you on my other account and admittedly I haven't kept up with your journey (I stepped away from RUclips) but upon coming back here and seeing how far you've come, I'm blown away and so proud.
I grew up in a VERY small town. My graduating class consisted of 70 people and we refer to our school system as "the bubble". One of my best friends from middle school began transitioning from female to male during high school and at first very few people were accepting of him. Thankfully his family supported him from the start and he had a few close friends, myself included, as well as a teacher who stood by him 100%. When he first told people he would prefer to be called a different name many people still referred to him as the name he was given at birth. There were also many instances where people would call him "it" or "he/she" when talking about him to each other. I did my best to correct them whenever I heard this, and honestly I still find myself correcting people on occasion despite the fact that it's been almost 5 years. Thankfully as time went on more and more people began to accept him. He was no longer forced to change in the girl's locker room for gym, he started dating a beautiful girl and they're still together, and the school guidance counselor even changed his name and gender on all of the school records despite the fact that he hadn't done so legally at the time yet. At graduation he wore a gray cap and gown with the rest of the guys and when he received his diploma they announced his name and you could tell how happy he was.
Since graduation he has started testosterone and he's growing a pretty nice beard and I've never seen him happier!
He was the first trans person ever at our school and while many people weren't accepting at first, through educating them and just being himself he was able to open the eyes of a lot of people and I'm very proud of him!
i love that you did the interview. this will help so many people. as a kid who grew up in the boonies outside of chatham i know i was so sheltered. this video is so helpful for small towns. i used to get bullied and beat up for being a girl with a moustache and a girl who liked girls and boys. it took me years to understand that it is okay for me to be attracted to men and women. i didnt even know bisexual existed for a long time. but it was so relieving to be able to understand who i am and accept my body the way it is. i cannot imagine dealing with what you did in wallaceburg. i got made fun of in wallaceburg for having dreadlocks. so again this is great and i am going to send this video to my friends kid who is a boy but dubbed "girl" at birth. he is from chatham and very lost and i really think your channel will help him feel less isolated.
youre awesome. keep shining.
Do you think that people who are gay should know from a young age? :o because I believe I'm gay now, but my mom keeps saying that if I was I would have known since I was 5.. but to be honest, I don't really think that any 5 year old should be thinking about who they're attracted to, because they don't understand what sexual attraction is. So I feel like questioning your sexuality would happen when you actually think of other people sexually??
It's different for everyone. There's no specific age to know! Some know very young, some don't realize until after experiences of trying to seem straight. If you believe you're gay then you're probably gay!
Wolf Maiden Seeing as homosexuality deals with sexual attraction, a five-year-old would not know if they were gay or not. Realistically, one would probably know or figure it out around the time they start experiencing sexual attraction. So around puberty or even after, since everyone's a bit different in that regard. It's different from someone being trans, which pretty much comes into play as soon as you're capable of categorism (sp?) and distinguishing "male" and "female".
i'm either a lesbian or bi (not sure which lmao) but i didn't know i liked girls until i was 14. some people know they're gay from a very young age and some people don't know until their 40's, everyone is different. there's no magical age where you suddenly know. good luck
Well, I started questioning when I read info about asexuality, not really when I began thinking about people sexually (or non-sexually in my case ofc xD) So I think there are more ways to figure it out.
I think what your mom is referring to happens a lot (kids thinking "hmm I'm different" and later figuring out they're gay and that's what made them feel different) but hey I think you're never too old (or too young) to figure out your sexual orientation isn't what you thought it was (and I think it's not uncommon either) and that you will always be able to start identifying with another sexuality that fits better (if someone thinks they're gay but a few years later thinks "...maybe bi would fit better" or if someone identifies as asexual but then experiences sexual attraction and thinks "maybe I'm graysexual" - that's kinda what I mean)
For her to say "you would have known when you were 5", I'd just say "were you sexually attracted to anything at the age of 5?" So, yes, you're right that most people usually only start to question it when they go through puberty and start having those hormone-driven feelings. The only way people ever find out anything about themselves that they're questioning is experimentation, and you never really have that opportunity until you're older. I think I read somewhere that most people don't realize their sexuality as "non-straight" until they're between 18 and somewhere around 26.
I know I personally didn't start questioning my gender and sexuality until I was in Junior year of high school when I realized I had a massive crush on one of my girl friends. And then awhile later I had a massive "wait, I don't feel like I'm 100% a woman like I've been told I was". Luckily my immediate family and my mom's mom is supper supportive (they always say "No matter what, I love you. To the moon and back") and I was able to figure out that I'm mostly just androgynous and genderfluid. I sometimes am feminine, other times masculine, but I'm always ME.
I had very similar experiences with bullying and PTSD. I isolated for years. I also had problems with addiction.
"...there is nothing wrong with my body, I am not changing into another body or another person. I am alleviating mental heath issues with a treatment that is this surgery." I absolutely love that.
So glad you got of there and sorted out the rest. You know who you are. That is all that matters.
I've been following on RUclips and Instagram and snapchat and I'm so so so so so proud of you Stef (even though you don't know me and I've never met you 😂) you look so amazing (I'm mean even before surgery you looked great (you're just generally really attractive)) and I feel so happy for you ❤❤❤❤❤ I can't even express my love for you, thank you for helping me through everything❤
Stef you are the most amazing person and give me so much hope. Thank you so much for existence. My small town is the same way. I get so much harassment daily for being different but watching your videos makes me feel better every day.
Even though I am a cis gendered woman I can relate to this article. I have social anxiety or agoraphobia... because of the bullying, the slander the.... The everything. I feel for you.
Sending strength and love to you.
It makes me so sick that you went through such horrors in your home town and were treated so cruelly, as a fellow Canadian, I feel so ashamed
You are gorgeous all over. Inside and out. Welcome back home!
You articulate your thoughts & feelings so clearly. I know I'll be sharing this video/article with friends 💖 Well done Breadmom!
I'm so lucky to live in a small town, in the middle of a conservative state, that one one of the few Indiana areas and has an openly gay mayor. YAY!
I'm so happy that you are this happy and confortable with yourself ❤
What people don't understand is you're not broken or different, you're human. Just like the rest of us. Everyone feels, speak, look, believe, and think uniquely that doesn't mean they are less than anyone else. We are not the same for a reason.
You speak so eloquently and clearly about your story, it's really inspiring! You also look flawless in this video:)
She put words to it! I tried to explain the whole "always knowing/feeling but not knowing what it was" thing to my mom (but about being bisexual), but once i actually had to say and explain it, i realized how hard it was to convey, especially to someone so cis and unlearning as my republican mom... Luckily she didn't become hostile, but the whole time she kept making counter arguments like "but you like boys" and THEN (oh boy this pissed me off...) She decided to say "I just don't want you to hurt [your boyfriend]." And I??? Oh boy i was trying so hard to not just scream, and then i had to go through the whole "It's no different than how you feel attraction to men, I just happen to feel attraction to both. You don't feel attraction to every guy you see, right?" and just... Oh god, I'm getting worked up. But thank you Stef, you've kind of been my inspiration. Though we have 2 different kinds of "problems" i find that i often sympathize and connect with you.
Thank you for being you
The way you say "thats how I thought all people felt" is spot on with mental distress. Ive had OCD my whole life and only in high school I realized this is not normal for every person and it was crazy to believe. Mental disorders and disease (and dysphoria) is so personal and connected to individuals as children that throughout life you don't realize anything else, you don't know any other thoughts besides your mind's. Im not sure if I described that correctly but basically I know what you mean when you say you thought it was normal to feel atypical, because atypical is all you've ever known you just get used to it.
Gosh you made me cry :'( I hope you'll never have to live that again...
I'm truly happy that you're finally free to be whomever you want to be - everyone deserves that freedom and don't deserve to feel like a prisoner in their own home.. I'm so happy that you got to escape from all that and are now amazingly happy, your beautiful inside and out and it sucks how people judge before even sitting down and getting the knowledge that they need to understand or even thinking of someone else's feelings.. you are a diamond amongst the stones.. lots of love and support from Chatham, Ontario. ♡♡
i saw the article about you earlier today! it was really well done. it might sound harsh, but i'm glad that the town that fucked you over so bad gave you the opportunity to educate the community on a subject that they are inevitably so very ignorant about. i would love if my paper did the same.
Thank you for being so awesome all the time Steph.
Your so cute, I love how you talk or word things or your voice, or maybe all the above, so relaxing.
You look really refreshed, Stef! I'm glad you got to rest a little bit even if some surgery and recovery was involved.
I haven't even watched the video but I love you Stef
Hey Stef. I live in a small town close to your hometown. I found you RUclips Link from that article that you read. it was under a suggested post on Facebook. I have been watching your videos and absolutely enjoy them. the FFS videos were very interesting and glad you were able to share them. keep posting and lots of love your way!
Fuck, girl! You look amazing!!!
I think you did an incredible job answering Aaron's questions in your interview. The things you said resonated with me so much even though I grew up in Windsor and was completely closeted until I moved to Toronto for college. So much of what you talked said just really gets to the heart of the trans experience. I could never explain it as well as you did.
OMG I notice the difference so much now!!! You look awesome. You were beautiful before but it's different now. Your beauty shines brighter now that you are closer to aligning yourself to your authentic self.
Your face is healing so quickly and beautifully! You look really great. At first, right after the surgery it was difficult to see the difference, but giiiirl, there is SUCH a difference. I hope you are happy with how it came out. Good luck!
I came from a super small town, Bancroft Ontario- pop 3500! That place definitely had the "small town mentality" just closed minded, dead set on their ways- type of ppl. Ur 100% right, ppl need to step in, the moment they sense an individual is in trouble! Mentally or physically! I always stuck up for others....becuz there'd been times I could've used a bystanders help and didn't!
Hello, I have family in Bancroft and lived there for a few months. I found it very difficult to live there being a queer/trans person. Are there any resources for LGBTQ+ people and youth who live in the Hastings Highlands area ?
No way, what a small world! As far as I know there is nothing for the LBGTQ community- it's sad!! I know of many gays that waited until college to come out! It's heartbreaking they felt they couldn't be themselves growing up in that town and had to wait u til they were 18+ to live an authentic life.
I know of one trans girl that says, had she not moved to a big city (away from Bancroft) ...she would've most likely committed suicide. It's gut wrenching to think that a town can have that much power over your life!
Stef!! It's so great to see you back in your own home! 💕 the article was brilliant, coming from a small town myself I know what it can be like ☺ you're changing lives and changing the world 💕
Girl, you look good in those glasses!
Kudos for giving this interview, that's incredibly brave. Even though my mental scars are completely different from yours, I don't think I could do what you did. To be this open in my hometown? Damn, girl. That's strength right there.
I hope recovery is going well for you. Much love to you!
oh my goodness wallaceberg is so nice!!! my grandfather lives there and it's where my dad was raised.
Wallaceburg is nice if you're a cis het white christian person of dutch descent.
Stef Sanjati daaaaamn momma
I honestly wish I had more fond memories of Wallaceburg. I just have never felt comfortable going back.
You are only 20, give a place time, it's not the place, the people that forge your memories. Let time passand perhaps things will change.
Stef Sanjati I'm from wallaceburg and I know what you mean. the people there aren't the best, I got bullied all the time. (also whenever my mom saw you walk to school she always yelled how she loved your shoes😂)
"I'm sorry I just, I got, just alright 😊" lmfao I love you stef
You are a ray of light Steph, please keep it up. I didn't have a name for the feelings I was feeling either and it took me a lot longer to run into being a trans woman. :) Also, as big a ray of light as you are, I am blown away by your mother, that in a town like that, had the ferocity to be there for you no matter what. She rocks. :)
My town has about 1,500 people and I went to school with the same 60 kids up until 8th grade. I was bullied constantly mostly for be short (like growth hormone deficient short) and for being smart (wtf?) even in high school with more people who didn't know everything about me, life was hard. It definitely had an impact on my mental health, which wasn't exactly great to begin with. I absolutely agree with you that getting out into the world and meeting new people can help heal you. I found my people when I went away to school and was able to really like myself as a person. Thank you for sharing your experience!