I struggle with accepting the fact that that there is a whole group of people in this world (narcs) that we just have to write off, no amount of prayer or therapy will help. That fact alone makes me feel unsafe in general. Especially high functioning narcs. It's just hard to accept that they can change from being one way in front of others and another way at home. Logically, that makes no sense to me that they don't have the ability to change. Because obviously, they change when they want to. Like when they are in the public or are in a new relationship. I believe they can change, they just don't want to. It's easier to find a new victim than to work on bettering themselves.
This is going to be an uphill battle, co-parenting with the narcissist. I'm at the beginning stages and I'm already over it. Thank you for your tips, though. I will not react. I will plan ahead and love my kid unconditionally. I believe that one day, she'll see through all the lies.
I do the same thing. I don't make plans until after he has picked up the kids. Especially with a girlfriend in the picture now he picks up the kids less and less. I actually love the weekends he comes up with an excuse to not pick up the kids because I get more quality time with my kids to do fun things.
As a grandparent with a narcissist daughter, her daughter is her weapon, my granddaughter is so torn, so hurt, so confused and manipulated I cry for her. Thank you for helping to "depersonalize" the attacks.
kool cat You are so right. i just had 2 children in the last 2 years and im just finding this stuff out about my husband being a psychopathic narcissist. i couldn't pinpoint what was really going on throughout the years with him being abusive. i hate that i ended up here. now i have a 7 month old boy and 2 year old boy & just finding out that Ive been with a life sucking vampire. i don't want to raise children alone, it was my worse fear. but eventually soon im going to have to leave the spiritless narcissist to gain my spirit back into my body
Yes moving is a option depending on the level of abuse, what is he like with the children, I have just moved into new house close by so I can monitor, the relationship because he loves his dad, the narc is gud dad to my son . On one level but I'm very aware of who and what he is ,believe me, has he physically hit you, do you have support, every situation is different, the degree of narcissistic abuse is different, but abuse is abuse .... leaving the country is always a option,,
Thank you, my father is a narcissists and he always puts me down. He usually does it when his friends are there. He has hurt me so bad. when I was a little child I remember when everytime my father would go to work I would stare outside the window because I would admire him. Now he is happy putting me down all the time.
thank you so much. my ex is always on my back,which is even worse. I just want the baby to be okay, spiritually, emotionally,and mentally. I need major desperate help.
Finding your videos has brought so much into the light. She is really an open book now and being codependent with some narcissistic traits, usually shows up with anger or sadness. But chasing her no more. And it's so easy. Just dnt react. But know that there is consequences, because she is like you said finding new ways to hurt me. I've seen your videos on how to deal and it's like riding a bike now. She's now keeping the daughter from me. Cant contact my daughter because the only way is through her phone and unless I play her games it gets ignored if she's mad. 15 years and 2 months separated and iam done. And educated thanks to you. 🙏
Everything you said is true. They lick their wounds, ignore u cut u off emotionally, I lost my job bc his mom came into my work and told my boss bunch of lies that I stole money from her son etc.
its all a waste of time. all you can do is tick off the days until the last kid is 18. from there, you continue as if they are dead and if you see them at family gatherings you just tell yourself that you are grateful you didnt come with them and you are eternally grateful you don't have to go home with them just remember narcs use family events not to support and cherish the event but to showboat their whatever or whomever can upstage whatever you have or don't have. its not by chance they show up with the big booby blonde whom is taller than him. its all for show. and yes its all directed at you. the ex. soooo, just look deeper at their cracks in the facade. they are there. and you my dear, channel your inner audrey hepburn and glow with glee how it is all soooo transparent.😀
Thank you for the little bit of hope and advice in this video. I have 3 beautiful children for 16 years with a bad guy. I am doing all these things you say and all I can do is survive. I stayed to be the bufffer until he made a smear campaign, stole my journals, and tried to kill me. Horrible abuse. He is trying to take my kids from me. Nightmare is not a big enough word and no law can stop the hurt to my children, because these people are so manipulate and sick. In the middle of a horrid divorce. I just want this part of my life over. You can not negotiate with a psychotic bully.
Thank you for your comment on making sure that I keep things light & positive around the kids. I however sometimes struggle when I hear my eldest making excuses for my ex... Though I think it's good when he doesn't show up when he said he would, it really bugs me when it absolves him of any responsibility for his bad behaviour.
I cant believe no one gave u a thumbs up . I DID YOU DESERVE IT .. what u said was spot on .. my narc ex says that our kids have to call him and he wont call them he supplies no chid support at all expects me to pay for everything. .i do csuse i love the kids ..my kids are 13-14 boy n girl....he calls me a bitch witch anything he can come up with in front of the kids all the time ..and they have neva lived with him ..so when he upsets them i have to deal with it all the time... anyway .. well done .. thumbs up 👍
So much appreciation for this message and your Channel. Beginning my journey of separation and these are the words I needed to hear In This Moment. Thank you
Thank you. Amazing video, realistic. It will help me to to reaffirm my steps in my personal journey. This video reminds me of the soothing techniques am doing already with my kid, in regards dealing with a narcissist father. Thank you again.
How do you go parent with one that ignores you all the time. Won't tell me if the kids are ok when he has them. Won't ever answer phone etc. I've had to send the police to ck on kids recently. Super frustrating.
thank you for this video, your video is like a new mirror it helps me to see that I have a slight part of me that categorized as narcissistic mother, I'm not trying to minimizing myself but at least in the scale of 10 the highest I can rate myself is at level 3, however I of course realized no matter how small-talk it is about negative things about the ex it does hurt the child, so I tried applied what "thumper" said in the movie Bambi.."if you can't say anything good don't say anything at all". I just realized also my husband is a narcissistic dad but in a worse kind. "Narcissistic" is the perfect word to describe him and also in a highest level.
Everything u said about a narcissist is very very true and on point! I'm actually dealing with my x and I have a baby from him , he used to beat me and yell at me call me names and embarrass me on social media and in front of his friends. He beats his new girlfriend and I dont let him take my baby to his house 100 miles away. Sometimes I think I'm doing wrong by that but then i think of her well being.
Here is how you co parent with a narcissist... You can’t and they destroy the kids! Also their family is toxic too. The whole paternal extended family stopped being in my daughters life. You will be driven crazy by these idiots! Pray they move away ! I did and he moved away! I had to pray for over 7 years because when he was close by he was cruel and even cut our daughters hair off because he was mad.
Hi Lisa Thanks for taking the time to share this. Could you please do a video about how to support your children once they come home after you've had to hand them over to the situation you describe with your ex, as I'm in that predicament currently. Even when we are in the same space I don't really know how to buffer them probably? Thank you xo
Oooooooooh it is unbelievable how to hand over the children once you know it was all pre-meditated and the court system and lawyers are are just as narcisstic too...it is was a triple whammy on me and my sons, I maintained my intergity and my faith in God, yes I had reactions and I am glad I expressed them....I had to be the mother to my sons and I just did the best that I knew how....I love my sons
Our children, regardless of their parent's relationship status, want just five things: love, acknowledgment, inclusion, joy, & opportunities. Should it really be that hard to get out of our feelings to let them feel like their life matters too? After divorce, nothing tells our kids they are still important like truly great co-parenting.
And what do you do if the abusive cluster b ex asserts over and over that *you're* the narcissist, when, quite factually, you are not? Do people involved in deciding custody fall for this?
Mine took them. And locked me out. Its been torture. I try to get contact and they destroy me over and over and over again. Because I just can't walk away. Every birthday every Christmas. It's me and my drama. There using shame on the children. My children are ashamed of me. I do react. Because I do care. I had to put down a boundary and the children are on the other side
Hi, I'm co parenting and I'm currently in court for full custody of my daughter who is three years old. She was approached sexually by her brother who is five years old, he also use something to cut her hair. On the other hand I'm dealing with a Narcissistic ex- girlfriend, now that I'm married she has gotten worst. The court will deal with all of the above as it relates to my daughter. However my issue with dealing the mother is real. When covid was announced I spoke to my daughters mom and she agreed for me to keep her as she works daily still while me and my wife work from home. Now all of a sudden she wants to argue with me over my daughter. At the moment where I'm living based on the covid report I have 21% of contrating it if I go interact with people while on the other side my has a 54% chance of contracting covid, so I'm stuck between giving up my daughter and keeping my daughter. Would love to get your advice on how to act.
How do you deal with an X that is difficult & a Narcissist but controls with no response to you and makes comments via the children and teaches your children that his behavior is good and right and totally dismisses their mother. ?
My granddaughter s dad raises her. I worry about her because he s severely codependent and selfish. He s reactive and can't cooperate w other adults. I hope she doesn't learn to be a CD too. As a grandmother, it's very painful to see.
Please please please talk about this: my ex narcissistic husband knows how much I love love love my children. He has discovered that the best way to hurt me is to wait until my children become teenagers and offer them total freedom from rules by leaving the mother who has taken care of them even when the father went years without seeing the kids at all. My son who is now 18 and moved in with his father when he was 16 because he didn't want to follow normal rules.. I have 2 more children. He has stated that he will get the other 2 as well. He is using alienating tactics. Any ideas????
Any advice please? I was disgarded two months ago and have 2 small children.. Im currently attemting coparenting with a narcissist.I have been sticking to logistics but he argues,gas lights, etc.For the sake of my healing i decided no contact.I blocked him from texts, and told him to only email me. then too avoid contact I have my sister-in-law reading the emails. I will not read them and she will be helping as a third party to help me respond. this is the only plan I can come up with to protect myself. I make it available so that the kids can call him whenever they want and he can call them but I do not speak with him on the phone either. I have been doing alot of inner work, studying narcissistic abuse and working on being healed and complete again.When he calls texts or emails i feel tense,upset,heart races,scared...it feels like i went 10 steps back....so i really need to use "no contact" Do you think im on the right track with my plan of letting a third party be involved ? ...and I just want to say thank you so much for all of your amazing wisdom.
I am digging so deep to truly learn how to speak to my narc ex. We share a baby and you know how the challenge goes. I want to be fluent in speaking to my ex with full confidence. Any books to reccomend?
I have a question for you Lisa, if all your husband did was just react to everything then WHY can they control their reactions to the outside world....but not at home?????
Sun66 Flower bec they know on some level to be calmer in public, but they're still ruled by their emotions. Also, they want to appear in the best light. My humble opinion.
Is their away to sit down and have a two-way talk with you - I am still really....struggling to get my head around the situation I have been in - my own actions and what seem to be going on. I feel like in a stalemate - even though......Is there any way to have a session with you? Even I live cross oceans and skies away.
this is gold, you are fighting the evil in the world with your love and light, with unending gratitude, I thank you!
I struggle with accepting the fact that that there is a whole group of people in this world (narcs) that we just have to write off, no amount of prayer or therapy will help. That fact alone makes me feel unsafe in general. Especially high functioning narcs. It's just hard to accept that they can change from being one way in front of others and another way at home. Logically, that makes no sense to me that they don't have the ability to change. Because obviously, they change when they want to. Like when they are in the public or are in a new relationship. I believe they can change, they just don't want to. It's easier to find a new victim than to work on bettering themselves.
This is going to be an uphill battle, co-parenting with the narcissist. I'm at the beginning stages and I'm already over it. Thank you for your tips, though. I will not react. I will plan ahead and love my kid unconditionally. I believe that one day, she'll see through all the lies.
That's so truth but the law need to get with the time against Narcs
"You have to be careful about what you say about what you say about the other half of them in front of them". Deep!!
Scheduling time off and holidays seems like a battle with him every single time.
My little baby is 10 weeks old and I'm currently leaving her Father who is a narcissist. I am so fearful of the future. He has already yelled at her.
I do the same thing. I don't make plans until after he has picked up the kids. Especially with a girlfriend in the picture now he picks up the kids less and less. I actually love the weekends he comes up with an excuse to not pick up the kids because I get more quality time with my kids to do fun things.
When does trying to remain flexible for the sake of the kids turn into not having strong enough boundaries?
As a grandparent with a narcissist daughter, her daughter is her weapon, my granddaughter is so torn, so hurt, so confused and manipulated I cry for her. Thank you for helping to "depersonalize" the attacks.
how did your kids turn out, or how much damage, did they occur, young women need to be educated on who not to breed with...
kool cat You are so right. i just had 2 children in the last 2 years and im just finding this stuff out about my husband being a psychopathic narcissist. i couldn't pinpoint what was really going on throughout the years with him being abusive. i hate that i ended up here. now i have a 7 month old boy and 2 year old boy & just finding out that Ive been with a life sucking vampire. i don't want to raise children alone, it was my worse fear. but eventually soon im going to have to leave the spiritless narcissist to gain my spirit back into my body
Yes moving is a option depending on the level of abuse, what is he like with the children, I have just moved into new house close by so I can monitor, the relationship because he loves his dad, the narc is gud dad to my son . On one level but I'm very aware of who and what he is ,believe me, has he physically hit you, do you have support, every situation is different, the degree of narcissistic abuse is different, but abuse is abuse .... leaving the country is always a option,,
Thank you, my father is a narcissists and he always puts me down. He usually does it when his friends are there. He has hurt me so bad. when I was a little child I remember when everytime my father would go to work I would stare outside the window because I would admire him. Now he is happy putting me down all the time.
thank you so much. my ex is always on my back,which is even worse. I just want the baby to be okay, spiritually, emotionally,and mentally. I need major desperate help.
Finding your videos has brought so much into the light. She is really an open book now and being codependent with some narcissistic traits, usually shows up with anger or sadness. But chasing her no more. And it's so easy. Just dnt react. But know that there is consequences, because she is like you said finding new ways to hurt me. I've seen your videos on how to deal and it's like riding a bike now. She's now keeping the daughter from me. Cant contact my daughter because the only way is through her phone and unless I play her games it gets ignored if she's mad. 15 years and 2 months separated and iam done. And educated thanks to you. 🙏
Everything you said is true. They lick their wounds, ignore u cut u off emotionally, I lost my job bc his mom came into my work and told my boss bunch of lies that I stole money from her son etc.
I lost most of our mutual friends bc of his charming ways with others
its all a waste of time. all you can do is tick off the days until the last kid is 18.
from there, you continue as if they are dead and if you see them at family gatherings you just tell yourself that you are grateful you didnt come with them and you are eternally grateful you don't have to go home with them just remember narcs use family events not to support and cherish the event but to showboat their whatever or whomever can upstage whatever you have or don't have. its not by chance they show up with the big booby blonde whom is taller than him. its all for show. and yes its all directed at you. the ex.
soooo, just look deeper at their cracks in the facade. they are there. and you my dear, channel your inner audrey hepburn and glow with glee how it is all soooo transparent.😀
Thank you for this video. I am about to start a custody battle with my son's father. This is exactly what I've feared :/
Thank you for the little bit of hope and advice in this video. I have 3 beautiful children for 16 years with a bad guy. I am doing all these things you say and all I can do is survive. I stayed to be the bufffer until he made a smear campaign, stole my journals, and tried to kill me. Horrible abuse. He is trying to take my kids from me. Nightmare is not a big enough word and no law can stop the hurt to my children, because these people are so manipulate and sick. In the middle of a horrid divorce. I just want this part of my life over. You can not negotiate with a psychotic bully.
Thank you so much for your help over the last 18 months Lisa x
this was extremely helpful and you were entirely relatable and I live that this was not a hostile or angry or biased video again thank you
Thank you for your comment on making sure that I keep things light & positive around the kids. I however sometimes struggle when I hear my eldest making excuses for my ex... Though I think it's good when he doesn't show up when he said he would, it really bugs me when it absolves him of any responsibility for his bad behaviour.
I cant believe no one gave u a thumbs up .
I DID
YOU DESERVE IT ..
what u said was spot on ..
my narc ex says that our kids have to call him and he wont call them he supplies no chid support at all expects me to pay for everything. .i do csuse i love the kids ..my kids are 13-14 boy n girl....he calls me a bitch witch anything he can come up with in front of the kids all the time ..and they have neva lived with him ..so when he upsets them i have to deal with it all the time...
anyway ..
well done ..
thumbs up 👍
This is exactly what I needed tonight! 😪😪😪
WOW! i typed into youtube - co-parenting tips and this video came up. and i am in a relationship with a nasc. thank you for this video.
So much appreciation for this message and your Channel. Beginning my journey of separation and these are the words I needed to hear In This Moment. Thank you
wow im goin through this exact thing as we speak
Thank you.
Amazing video, realistic.
It will help me to to reaffirm my steps in my personal journey.
This video reminds me of the soothing techniques am doing already with my kid, in regards dealing with a narcissist father.
Thank you again.
How do you go parent with one that ignores you all the time. Won't tell me if the kids are ok when he has them. Won't ever answer phone etc. I've had to send the police to ck on kids recently. Super frustrating.
thank you for this video, your video is like a new mirror it helps me to see that I have a slight part of me that categorized as narcissistic mother, I'm not trying to minimizing myself but at least in the scale of 10 the highest I can rate myself is at level 3, however I of course realized no matter how small-talk it is about negative things about the ex it does hurt the child, so I tried applied what "thumper" said in the movie Bambi.."if you can't say anything good don't say anything at all". I just realized also my husband is a narcissistic dad but in a worse kind. "Narcissistic" is the perfect word to describe him and also in a highest level.
Everything u said about a narcissist is very very true and on point! I'm actually dealing with my x and I have a baby from him , he used to beat me and yell at me call me names and embarrass me on social media and in front of his friends. He beats his new girlfriend and I dont let him take my baby to his house 100 miles away. Sometimes I think I'm doing wrong by that but then i think of her well being.
His entire family except a few cousins cut me and the kids of. They have no grandparents from that side bc of this foolishness.
Would you happen to know if the courts take domestic violence into consideration when coming up with a parenting plan?
grace under fire
that's all you need to show them and thats all you need to be from here on out.
Here is how you co parent with a narcissist... You can’t and they destroy the kids! Also their family is toxic too. The whole paternal extended family stopped being in my daughters life. You will be driven crazy by these idiots! Pray they move away ! I did and he moved away! I had to pray for over 7 years because when he was close by he was cruel and even cut our daughters hair off because he was mad.
Hi Lisa
Thanks for taking the time to share this.
Could you please do a video about how to support your children once they come home after you've had to hand them over to the situation you describe with your ex, as I'm in that predicament currently. Even when we are in the same space I don't really know how to buffer them probably?
Thank you xo
Oooooooooh it is unbelievable how to hand over the children once you know it was all pre-meditated and the court system and lawyers are are just as narcisstic too...it is was a triple whammy on me and my sons, I maintained my intergity and my faith in God, yes I had reactions and I am glad I expressed them....I had to be the mother to my sons and I just did the best that I knew how....I love my sons
This was great advice! Thank you!
Thank you for sharing this! This is great information.
Our children, regardless of their parent's relationship status, want just five things: love, acknowledgment, inclusion, joy, & opportunities. Should it really be that hard to get out of our feelings to let them feel like their life matters too? After divorce, nothing tells our kids they are still important like truly great co-parenting.
What about when they start false complaints time after time and no one will let you press charges? When they try coaching the child to do allegations.
And what do you do if the abusive cluster b ex asserts over and over that *you're* the narcissist, when, quite factually, you are not? Do people involved in deciding custody fall for this?
I am not in this situation, but of course learned something from it.
this women is very smart
I reacted , but did not realize that it doesnt do anything
I am planning on going no contact . I know the laws make it hard but we gotta keep fighting .
Why even expose your child to that shit
I needed this🖤 thank you
Mine took them. And locked me out. Its been torture. I try to get contact and they destroy me over and over and over again. Because I just can't walk away. Every birthday every Christmas. It's me and my drama. There using shame on the children. My children are ashamed of me. I do react. Because I do care. I had to put down a boundary and the children are on the other side
Hi, I'm co parenting and I'm currently in court for full custody of my daughter who is three years old. She was approached sexually by her brother who is five years old, he also use something to cut her hair. On the other hand I'm dealing with a Narcissistic ex- girlfriend, now that I'm married she has gotten worst.
The court will deal with all of the above as it relates to my daughter.
However my issue with dealing the mother is real.
When covid was announced I spoke to my daughters mom and she agreed for me to keep her as she works daily still while me and my wife work from home. Now all of a sudden she wants to argue with me over my daughter. At the moment where I'm living based on the covid report I have 21% of contrating it if I go interact with people while on the other side my has a 54% chance of contracting covid, so I'm stuck between giving up my daughter and keeping my daughter.
Would love to get your advice on how to act.
Thank u sooo much, my son is a month old & im n the process nw of leaving & being level headed 1
Still awesome content, thanks!
thankyou Lisa
I ordered your book Co-dependent Now What I am dealing with a narcissist father he good with the child immature toward me
How do you deal with an X that is difficult & a Narcissist but controls with no response to you and makes comments via the children and teaches your children that his behavior is good and right and totally dismisses their mother. ?
Fingers like machine guns....oh man, you hit the nail right on the head! Exactly what happens! It's crazy making!
thanks for this.
My granddaughter s dad raises her. I worry about her because he s severely codependent and selfish. He s reactive and can't cooperate w other adults. I hope she doesn't learn to be a CD too. As a grandmother, it's very painful to see.
Please please please talk about this: my ex narcissistic husband knows how much I love love love my children. He has discovered that the best way to hurt me is to wait until my children become teenagers and offer them total freedom from rules by leaving the mother who has taken care of them even when the father went years without seeing the kids at all. My son who is now 18 and moved in with his father when he was 16 because he didn't want to follow normal rules.. I have 2 more children. He has stated that he will get the other 2 as well. He is using alienating tactics. Any ideas????
A question I have is do you let the kids know that dad is supposed to call or pick them up? Or do I not even let them know to avoid disappointment? ❤️
Thank you!!!
they are the walking dead.....😱😈😨👹👽👾👈
do you suggest moving countrys, seriously thinking about it, it would be a lot easier..
kool cat Im thinking of that myself!
awesome video
Any advice please?
I was disgarded two months ago and have 2 small children..
Im currently attemting coparenting with a narcissist.I have been sticking to logistics but he argues,gas lights, etc.For the sake of my healing i decided no contact.I blocked him from texts, and told him to only email me. then too avoid contact I have my sister-in-law reading the emails. I will not read them and she will be helping as a third party to help me respond. this is the only plan I can come up with to protect myself. I make it available so that the kids can call him whenever they want and he can call them but I do not speak with him on the phone either. I have been doing alot of inner work, studying narcissistic abuse and working on being healed and complete again.When he calls texts or emails i feel tense,upset,heart races,scared...it feels like i went 10 steps back....so i really need to use "no contact" Do you think im on the right track with my plan of letting a third party be involved ? ...and I just want to say thank you so much for all of your amazing wisdom.
I am digging so deep to truly learn how to speak to my narc ex. We share a baby and you know how the challenge goes. I want to be fluent in speaking to my ex with full confidence. Any books to reccomend?
thank you. this describes my sister's ex to the T. he is such an awful human being. What do you suggest when he is trying to brainwash the children?
🙏 new subscriber.. thank you
They're pure evil
At what age should a baby stop over at the dads house?
Thank you so much for this!!
Can I email you?
Namaste🙏
Their opinon of me is none of my buiness
I have a question for you Lisa, if all your husband did was just react to everything then WHY can they control their reactions to the outside world....but not at home?????
Sun66 Flower bec they know on some level to be calmer in public, but they're still ruled by their emotions. Also, they want to appear in the best light. My humble opinion.
Is their away to sit down and have a two-way talk with you - I am still really....struggling to get my head around the situation I have been in - my own actions and what seem to be going on. I feel like in a stalemate - even though......Is there any way to have a session with you? Even I live cross oceans and skies away.
+On the Path To a Path hello Dear One, please refer to my website www.lisaaromano.com for more info on sessions... Namaste...
💯
thank you mum xx lol
Parenting plan