I think a lot of us 'hold back' in a way because we don't want to be annoying. And if both people think that way it's very unlikely that a friendship will form.
For me, I find the hardest part in making friends is putting yourself out there. It feels so vulnerable to be like, "Hey, I like you. You're cool. Let's be friends and coffee, maybe?" And then put the ball in their court and they have to decide if they like you too. And we are so self-centered beings sometimes that I start thinking, "They should ask ME out to coffee." And that never ends well.
Same I just always feel like that I can’t ask because maybe they will say no and might not want to go with me or something. I always expect people to ask me instead of the other way around. I really need to work on that if not then I won’t get anywhere
I'm introverted and bad at small talk. Noone likes rejection. I invited a girl from work (who is a friend on Facebook and we have gone out to eat once) to get together to talk more about first time homebuying as she just bought a duplex as a single mom. I congratulated her, I'm always positive and build woman up. She thanked me for congratulating her but ignored my invitation to go out. Never heard from her since. We had a great time the time we did go out, even though she mostly spoke about herself and about a guy she liked online. I'm a good friend and I don't get why its difficult to make friends.
My advice is: GO WHERE YOUR PEOPLE ARE! In high school I had very few friends, I felt very anxious putting myself out there, afraid of judgment, etc. That was because I felt everyone was different than me, we didn't share interests and goals and passions, and I really wasn't even interested in forming a friendship with them. Now that I go to University, to study what is my biggest passion, I can put myself out there in the span of three days because I'm not afraid anymore and because I actually like a lot the people who are there!!! I love talking to them and hearing what they have to say, we just vibe. And of course, we all have in common our biggest passion!!! And a shared mindset. If you love art, go take an art course. If you love photography go take a photography course. If you love sewing, go take a sewing course. If you are an athletic person try to meet people at your gym. If you love rock-climbing go to a wall-climbing gym and try to make friends there. Etcetera. Making friends if you go to a club or a pub or whatever is far more difficult, as you'll find people of many different kinds, most of them will share no interest or passion with you. You have to restrict the circle and go to places where you already know you have at least one thing in common. Just go where your people are.
Yes. I found a lot of good people through a band I like & fans will send each other gifts because it's a nice thing to do. A few of us did it at first & it inspired other people to do it as well, the generosity became infectious. But I will add a small warning to this: sometimes hobby friends are just that: only there when you're sharing the interest or passion you're both invested in. That's ok. Friends don't have to stretch across all aspects of your life.
@@44BlueFoxes Giving gifts to each other is such a nice and beautiful thing. Rn I'm really trying to implement it in my life. I totally agree with the second part, too. That is just a handy way of finding new friends, but not a necessity. Never shun away opportunities because of that. Actually, my best friend is someone I share no major interest with, but we see the world eye to eye and we work so well together. The bad thing about that is that there's nothing you can do to find those people on purpose, you just have to go out there and hope you're lucky enough to find one. My advice is: go to a place where everyone shares one interest with you, and try to find a person that shares TWO interests with you (so another one on top of the first one). But, in the meantime, keep your eyes open for opportunities, life may surprise you when you least expect it!! :D
This is literally me rn. I’m a senior in hs rn I feel like I cannot connect truly with anyone in my grade. I had a few friends through out high school (most have graduated now) and I am in need of new friendships. I feel lonely sometimes :/ and I wish I had a group of friends to go out and have fun with or even just to talk about the things that we’re all interested in.
I'm so sick of one-sided friendships. I'm always the person calling, texting, scheduling plans. Pretty sure if I stopped reaching out, I wouldn't hear from any of the so-called 'friends' in my life. I deserve better. I deserve friends who will actually reach out to ME.
I recently had a "break up" with a friend and honestly it felt worse than a romantic relationship breakup. It makes me sad that a friendship I valued wasn't seen the same by the other person.😥
My best friend “broke up” with me around the same time my ex did. While both events were incredibly tough to process, getting over the lost friendship took me a lot longer.
This video is God Sent. I am currently struggling to make friends. And not just friends, I mean real, loyal, loving and caring, honest friends. I feel so alone and could really use a trustworthy reliable real friends.
This video pairs really nicely with self love and self care work. You can find a playlist of self love videos that I've created here - ruclips.net/video/QoWarDkn80s/видео.html&ab_channel=muchelleb A thought I didn't mention: Just because you don't have a big friend group - doesn't mean that there's anything wrong or invalid about your friendships! One on one friends are amazing and a small handful of friends is just as valid as a group of 20 people and having only 5 or so people within that 20 that you're really close with. Also - quality matters far more than quantity (as in - according to studies, it's much more impactful of your wellbeing to have a handful of quality friends than a bunch of so so / conflict filled / etc friends). I appreciate you xoxo
I have a question. I have wanted to be the "asker", but I don't know how to go about it. Like all those small step in the beginning, introducing myself n so on. I just don't know what to say. My main issue is that I'm surrounded by people who are not my race and are at a high status than mine. So I do struggle with what is acceptable in their society when making friends. Please do share your thoughts with me. That would really be helpful and I would appreciate it very much.
I feel I struggle to make friends because I'm quite shy and introverted. Also quite selective with the people I choose to be friends with.. big/loud personality types tend to put me right off
People who have big/loud personalities tend to be insecure inside. Just my personal experience. Give them a chance. Also not everyone can be loud 24/7. you don’t have to marry them but give them a chance and don’t label them. Maybe they are loud in certain situations and usually quiet
@@cheekycheeks2190 I'm well aware I don't have to marry them, or even be their best friend. Thanks for sharing your personal experience, however in mine, big or loud personality types tend to exhibit attention seeking behaviours (which is generally what puts me off). Im not saying they are bad or this is bad, it's just not what i vibe with.
@@M0r32Lyfe Girl same. I can't stand those behavioral types! I don't know why it irks me so much, but it does haha. I know you can't judge a person's entire being and personality on these traits/behaviours, but it is a big turn off for me. I just curl up inside and turn the other way. It might be because I don't like attention on myself and if I'm around a person and they act on that "loud" personality trait or act a certain way to cause attention on them, I'd shy away. I'd hate eyes on me and to feel like I'm under a microscope - that's just my personal opinion.
@@wonderlust1308 I 100% hands down agree with/can relate to everything you said. As soon as too much attention is on me I feel feel myself go bright red and my brain just freezes haha. Anyway, I guess even if I steer clear of 'loud' personality types, I guess I can see a place for them in this diverse society we live in :)
I have always struggled to make friends. A few years ago I found I was the one always trying and going to these “friends” events and no one came to mine. So I let those few go. When I moved almost 2 years ago I decided I was going to put effort in to get out and meet people. But didn’t really work. Now I’m just at peace with myself and my family.
Just to say that I love your style ! And oh, it's kind of difficult for me too. I moved in Paris, I thought it would be easier to make friends, surprise ! It's not. People seem to be busy, arrogant, and make you feel like sh*t haha. Now I'm just focusing on myself. I never thought it would be so difficult, as a young adult, to make friends in a big city.
Aly Kidd thank you!🙂 I know I sorry it’s so hard for you but yes focus on you and everything will fall into place👌🏻 people will come into your life if they are meant you! 💛
@@alisonc6573 Hello I know sometimes Parisian can be weird but keep trying and if you are in a school try to speak to people or go to event and speak to people who are also alone there I hope this help
Also, don't be afraid to reconnect with old friends! If you think it's too late and they don't care about you, chances are, they are thinking that too and it's the only thing stopping you both from reaching out. One text is all it takes for you to see if you can rekindle your old friendship.
I need this :( i used to have many friends but now at my small college i do NOT fit in and i have no friends, only some acquaintances that i dont even like that much. Just the existence of this video in itself makes me happy and helps me feel less weird
Vertigo i made a friend during online classes! You could try having a group chat for assignments and just start some small conversations. I started asking someone how to do certain questions and slowly some questions about life outside of school! I dont guarantee it’ll work everytime as it depends on the other person but its a way to start :)
I have to say that I haven’t had much difficulties making friends as an adult. I think I’m actually better at it now than I was as a teenager. What really helped me was traveling alone (starting when I was 22) and staying in hostels where you’re almost forced to meet new people. The first time I was incredibly shy and thought you couldn’t just go up to people and start a conversation without coming of as a weirdo. But I quickly discovered that you actually can do that and form “temporary” friendships. Because of these experiences that I kept pushing myself in I can now say that I’m quite confident approaching new people and most times (not always of course) it’s received in a positive way by the other person. The past few years I’ve lived in a few different places because of circumstances and I always ended up making new friends that I got to hang out with. If I hadn’t pushed myself, I would have still been the shy girl that doesn’t approach anyone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still an introvert most of the time and I LOVE spending time just by myself, but it’s nice to also be able to be social when I want to.
Oh yeah travelling alone helps you develop a rare level of social bravery. I'm still not very good at the approaching other people thing, but I'm less scared when they approach me. :-D
I’m autistic and I’m pretty sure this plays a part in my discomfort with small talk which is inevitable if you want to meet new people. I’m pretty decent at keeping friends but it’s just the damn small talk that I can’t get over. I’m good at it, but I think people can tell I’m not interested which puts them off, which is fair.
I’ve always made friends easily, and I’m in agreement that I treat everyone like a friend until they give me good reasons not to. I love my friends and they’re the most important parts of my life. It is more difficult during pregnancies and babies and all the chaos that comes with mommies. But if you stick it out, you get to be an honorary auntie and godmother. And it is fun seeing your besties’ babies turn into mini versions of my BFFs.
Some really good tips -- even for those of us who are no longer in our 20s. I can attest that after you've raised your kids and they've left home, you can be in the same situation when starting your new empty nester life.
Michelle, this is exactly the video I needed today. I moved to Sydney 18 months ago, by myself, and my mental health has been awful since. I have never felt this alone or depressed, and making friends here has been a huge struggle. I definitely worry about bothering people who already have established friendships and lives here by being 'needy'. This is my very measured kick in the butt to put myself out there more and stop making silly excuses ('my job is so social!') for not making the effort to make friends. Thank you!
I need this. All of my friends are gone now, whether it be from me leaving situations that hurt me, them misunderstanding my situation, etc. All of my friend group now consists of my boyfriend and that’s it. I’m thankful for this video.
Oh my gosh the last few sentences! So true. You don’t need to love yourself for others to love you. People will find worth in you way before you can see and if you allow it. Thank you for the video I am in such need for new friends :(
With the pandemic and lockdown in my city it's literally impossible to make friends in real life. The very few friends I do have I can't see because were forbidden to see each other 😢
Making new friends it’s, without a doubt, important. It’s also definitely not easy for everyone to do. From a self love content creator to another- what a great topic Muchelle!! I love it! ❤️
Ironically, this video appeared when I became down lately about not having a lot of people in my personal circle. I’ve let go of my toxic-friendships. It hurt greatly. I loved them like family. This was refreshing. Totally adding this video to my self-development playlist to revisit. Thank you!
I am just now learning to leave toxic friends no matter how long we’ve known each other. I am definitely in a better place. Now I just Ned to get back out there and find more friends.
I just met the man of my dreams. I feel so lucky. Everything I could have ever asked for and more. Never thought he existed but he did. Just took traveling the world and a global pandemic to bring us together! Ha! As for friends, it is SO tough as you get older especially when you travel and move around as much as I have. Thank you for this. Really needed it!
Yessss I love this. Something else I'll add to treating people like they're already you're friend and letting them know you like them is something I wrote as a way to live out my life map value of "connection": "compliment strangers with your whole heart." This can apply to strangers or people you know who you want to be better friends with. If you like something about someone, LET THEM KNOW WHAT IT IS!! Don't be a kiss ass. Just be real about what you appreciate about them!
Hi. I wanted to ask, how do you tell them that you like them? Do you upfront say, " hey I like you and would really like us to be friends if you're interested?" from the get go. Or do you first get to know them? This is really confusing for me.
Oh my gosh THANKYOU! I am sick of people telling me I need to learn to love myself first! a) I do, I just don't always like myself and b) why wouldn't someone appreciating me be helpful for that?! Thanks for this video, I've already messaged someone who I'd lost touched with!
Genius. I'd say that I have all the frienships I can handle, and it's exactly because of what you said. I stopped hesitating to wait for people to reach out to me, and started being the person to acknowledge the other by simple means. Just nodding at someone, asking a question, or giving a compliment can go a long way. I really, really appreciate and notice when someone reaches out to me for that reason, cos it's usually me :D
This Video is so relevant to me right now! I often feel that I put all my attention into a couple of people at a time, and when they move on (move away, change jobs, life, ect) I feel like I am starting from scratch again. -- time to get n touch with some old friends and put myself out there :) OMG its really is like dating!
I feel the same. Like I sometimes "obsess" with one or two friends and then when they leave/can't go out/have other things to do I feel lonely, but the only one to blame is me. I should open to more people and build stronger relationships. And yeah, the dating thing suprised me too! Never thought about it in that way.
Omg you're not alone!!! I feel like having more than a few close friends is a bit intimidating so I invest time in a few friends at a time and when something happens I'm like uh-oh. Should def break the habit
Thanks for this video! This is actually how I built all my close friendships. The only problem is that I'm always the first one to write to everyone. They are all happy to meet when I initiate it but they hardly ever ask me out themselves. I mean, it's not that they don't like me cause we have amazing time together, it's just that I'm the only one to create contact. And although I'm grateful for having them all, sometimes I feel sad and unwanted.
Making friends as a migrant can be so hard. It's also easier to be friends with other expats but they tend to leave more often. It takes a lot of time but it's completely posible and quality over quantity 💖
I can 100% relate, I‘ve lived abroad for 10 years now and as you said, befriending other expats is easier but can often be frustrating because the marjority of them don‘t tend to stay for long. My entire friends group from my first few years abroad have all moved back to their home countries again. It requires a lot of effort, patience and openness to continuously find and make new friends.
Miss VIRGO!!! this all resonates with me. We arent inherantly social signs, we are more inclined to wait for others to approach us, and only approach those who make us feel secure first. These are habits we have to break! Love this.
Are you for real that this is a virgo thing?!?! That sounds like the most me thing ever hahaha, more and more I start to accept the fact that I really do embody the typical traits of a virgo.
This is a very simplistic perspective and it doesn't address the actual REASON someone is not "open to friendship" or is not "putting themselves out there". Usually this is due to a lack of self confidence and a fear of getting hurt. If, you've been let down and screwed over by almost every significant relationship you've had, you're going to start to think something is wrong with you. You think everybody hates you and you start to put up walls to protect yourself.
When I keep taking the initiative to hang out but it’s rarely reciprocated, I feel like I keep on giving and the friendship is only based on me trying to keep it up... I’m never sure where to draw the line then. You’re lucky it worked for you and your friend ❤️
Finding opportunities to meet people with the same values as yourself is such an amazing way to find good friends! I went on a three-day course for young women in environmental careers and I met two gals who are some of my best friends after just spending three days with them. We regularly message and chat and we get on so well because we share the same core values that brought us to the course in the first place. I would say I'm almost as close to them as I am my friends from school who I've known for nearly 10 years!
I’ve always struggled with making friends. I get too scared to open up to people due to past negative experiences as well as my severe social anxiety and BPD. i always assume most people won’t like me so I don’t even try because friendship rejection hurts 100x more than romantic rejection...
Throughout my whole schooling, I would find few good friends, we would probably become really close, and than fall apart. Every single time. I always think that's it, this is perfect friendship, it'll last my whole life. Even when I had friends I tried to meet their friends, but they would never be interested in hanging out with me. Now, I have no one because my best friend was jealous of my relationship and it's so awful...
I always struggled with having healthy friendships and used to everyone leaving and never staying . Having one sideded friendships is the worst for me and sick of them and tired of toxic people. Thanks so much for this video.
This is a video I've needed for a long time. I'm shy but I've let that be a excuse for so long that now I look around and see less people in my life than I would like. This is a video I think I will come back to many times and I will learn something new every time.
Even just smiling is enough. I met a friend and she was very shy (now that we know each other more she is very confident around me with strong opinions). The only reason I started a conversation and took initiative was because she was kind and smiling when I met her. It reassured me because at the beginning I was talking 90% 😅 And that way you kinda feel like having a monologue and that the person in front of you is not interested in you 😅 now we talk equally much and I only see her shyness when we meet other people (she becomes super quiet)
There also a lot of Facebook groups to join. I am apart of a few , and have been pushing myself to go to events and stuff to meet new people. It’s hard ☺️ as I am an introvert, but last week I went to an event and met some great people. I’m going to another one this week. ❤️❤️❤️
I'm an introvert too and since the first year of college I've been trying to make friends but I find it really hard and exhausting especially when they are extroverts and know lots of people I still find myself alone at the end
I feel like I grew up not knowing how to make and maintain friendships... it used to bother me in high school and I tried harder to reach out during the beginning of college, but now I’m content with my own company and my cats. :)
That’s so true that there’s not much out there for making friends as an adult. And this video is perfect timing, I recently made a new friend from work and it’s been a lot of fun!
Small talk goes a long way. People underestimate the power of small talk. A simple "Hi, how are you doing?" [and a smile -- pre-COVID] to an acquaintance goes a long way. People will remember that you took the time to talk (even if it's for a few minutes). I used to be extremely shy and kept to myself but I realized that when you put effort in trying to know people, you can try to help each other. I try to get out of my head and be present whenever I talk to friends and acquaintances.
I get so much anxiety talking to new people, it’s the worse . I guess I got kind of used to staying by myself now . But it gets very lonely sometimes , even with my husband being around it’s just not the same
thank you for talking about this! ive been told to be more social with people because i am quiet and keep to myself but its kinda hard to make friends especially during these times were you can't really meet new people.
Thank you so much for addressing this in your video. After high school or college, so many adults find it hard to make and keep friends. It is so much more difficult to keep friends because of the nature of adulthood.
Back in the early 2010s my post college friends and I always joked it was basically impossible to make friends our own age. We worked at companies with older employees, and there just weren’t as many interactions in our daily lives as in school, it really is a shock you don’t think about at that time. That being said, it’s so exciting to when you meet someone and you feel like you’re a kid again, you do the whole “omg I hope they don’t think I’m weird asking to hang out” then “omg they wanna hang out too!” And then “omg they’re so cool I’m so excited to see them more” it’s an awesome feeling, even if it’s harder to do than when we were younger. I always thought back then a version of tinder or e harmony specifically for making friends in the same phase of life as you would’ve been awesome
The reason why people have lots of friends and easily connect with others is because their brains work perfectly and they can talk for hours my brain literally only processes a few words so that’s out of my control which stops me from making friends literally can’t think of anything to say at Times hard to open up
My advice for making friends is... go out. Go on bars, or make class about any topic you like, go follow the friends you already have when they go in a new places or seeing friends of them. Don't be afraid of going somewhere even though you're not sure if you will like it. Maybe you won't (and you learned something), but maybe you will. And maybe you won't like the place or activity but meet someone there. A lot of people I know that don't make friends just turn off a lot of the invitations I sent them for going somewhere. Or don't take opportunities of this kind. *Just think about anything as an opportunity.* (Oh, just saw the beginning of the video 😅 I'm kind of redundant here..) But the point is then to create those opportunities by any means possible. Like if you see a bar that looks cool, just go buy a drink there alone if needed, if you see a festival that you like, etc. I think anyway that the more extrovert you can become, the easier it would be too.
Love this!! Thank you! I think just knowing you're not the only person who feels alone or friendless or struggling to make friends is half the barrier. I've been working on putting myself out there more this year through social platforms to ease with the feelings of isolation and this video has motivated me to start making more opportunities with repeated exposure! Thanks girl!!! I also loved that you welcomed peoples tips, such a beautiful way to turn nasty comments or disengagement into community and support.
😯 Another Talisa! This is so rare! Hahaha! Sending love and encouragement from one Talisa to another. I've gone through similar and you're definitely on the right track with repeated exposure and increasing the opportunity to meet like-minded people. Good luck with your journey!
Can I just say, that as someone with a developmental disorder that affects my social life in extremely negative ways (especially right now), you simply addressing that it exists made me feel so seen that I started crying.
Making friends is so freaking hard. We homeschool so I don't even see Moms at the bus stop or anything like that on a regular basis. I have made a couple of friends through regular activities, but even that is hard. I know it's super hard for moms that have really little ones too, because getting out of the house is exhausting. Let alone make regular play dates and that sort of thing. I think you're totally right about the environment being a big part. And when you're tied to your kid's schedule changing that environment is really hard. Especially right now.
I agree that it is much harder to build friendships as an adult. It is so refreshing to hear you discuss this topic! It is definitely not talked about enough. Repeated exposure is so necessary and it can be hard to make time for all the people you care about (especially if you are naturally introverted like me hehe). BUT it is so necessary and we are not meant to be all alone. Literally, loneliness can make your killer cells less effective in fighting off invasive bacteria and other diseases!! Great video
Im 12 yrs old, and i dont feel good in life. My best friend is like now in the popular group and she doesnt have time for me, i feel so sad, and cry myself to sleep, thank u
Sorry kiddo! That’s rough. I promise you’ll find more and better friends in the future!! Maybe for now to get your mind off it you can enjoy time with your family or other friends :)
This video made me reach out to a colleague that I worked with for three days this summer! We had so much fun and have kept in contact, so I sent her this as video :)
Glad to hear I’m not the only one who thinks ‘what if they don’t like me enough to hang out,’! I’ve meet lots of people through Instagram because you can meet people with the same interests you might never run into in the ‘real world’ and it’s easy to meet initially because we already have a bunch of stuff we want to talk about
I very thankful for your channel, I’ve been dealing with very crippling depression for many years and didn’t have a life at all I just existed, I finally got the right therapist and the right meds and I finally feel “normal” now so now I’m trying to get my life together and figure out who I am now if that makes sense. Now you have a loyal subscriber lol.
I got married, moved cities and has a child in a very short space of time and suddenly found myself without friends. Making friends in my 30’s is so much more difficult and with child. But my goal for 2021 is going to be to have three new friends
The true key to creating and making new friends is easy as 1, 2 & 3. But it is hard for us adults, and this video really helps me because I lost one of my girlfriends due to health reasons. So I am interested in making new friends that way I can be able to create new experiences with other people. So Thank You for this video😀😀😀😀
A friend to all is a friend to none, said a wise girl once upon a time and never have I felt it more than recently. Having more friends doesn’t mean they all are high quality friends. It’s I,Postamt to know who really cares. Loved this video. Can you make a video on how to identify who your true friends are?
Awesome video, again, I got alot out of it. Since I've been living in recovery, a sober lifestyle its quite difficult for me to find friends that don't drink or use. There people in the anonomous rooms that I see regularly and know really well and deep but not necissarily friends as besides recovery not much more in common. To keep myself safe I have learnt to keep people at a distance. But I do feel lonely and wish I had friends to spend time with and do safe activities. I am being gentle on myself and getting more involved with finess activies and who knows, I may meet people as friends along the way. Gym is awkward to meet people to make friends, but Maybe surfing may work. I bought myself a motorcycle so finding friends to do a trip with. I'm putting myself out there but still challenging. All my friends I grew up with live in different parts of the world. We still have a whatsapp group and old friends are the best! Thanks for your videos, I watch them all and get great value from them, Thank you!!!
Your video is really helpful. I just moved and don't know anyone yet. During the pandemic, I find it hard to get to know people because I don't want to go out. Maybe in 2021.
I’ve got severe social anxiety which makes it very hard to make new friends. I try to be nice to everyone, ask questions ect. but people seem to be able to sense that Im not really open. It always feels like there is a imaginary wall between me and the other person. Maybe they feel like Im a bit fake. I don’t know. I do have some really close friends, but since my social anxiety got worse, connecting with them has been more difficult too. Thank you for this video. It makes me feel less alone
Thank you so much. I honestly don't use social media and unfortunately it hinders my opportunity a lot along with health issues. But I'm motivated. This has answered questions I have about why narcissits and such that treat people like junk and don't respect others ....end up having a lot of friends. (Besides being fake and being ok lying....) They assume everyone loves them. Lol 😂 That makes so much sense that that's where their success comes from. That confidence. I feel that a lot of this has changed in the past decades overall....I know when I was younger I was very naive and "oh I like you why wouldn't you like me?" Optimistic kind of actions but it had the opposite effect. Ironically it was about being so "hard" to not be a victim. Now Ieet so many people that are all about talking about personal problems immediately. I think it's because I somehow come off a bit too "mothering" instead of just being me. I'm used to trying to help others. Back in the day; If you acted too friendly people would frequently call you a freak and turn you down. The 90s for me and many people I know...say the same..that being cold and stand-offish was the way to be accepted socially. You had to play the game of saying you like some THING about someone...something impersonal like a clothing item etc then act like you don't care. Lol Then maybe they will hang out until you feel trusting enough.
Thank you so much for talking about this! I don't know why this isn't talked about enough if it's such a universal feeling. I only have a few friends and they are high quality - the problem though is that they're always busy and have a hard time making time to hang out. I try to keep myself busy too so I don't feel like I'm just moping around but it is so hard. I'm trying to make new friends though.
How about you do stuff together that you need to do anyway (breakfast on weekend, dinner during weekday, planning the week session once a week (if you’re an organization freak and want to motivate each other), doing groceries together, go to the hairdresser or nailsalon...
This is such a good topic not a lot people talk about it. And I can relate so much. For me I had a hard time to make friends. It was the lack of exposure. I wasnt in places of Meeting New people. I didnt put myself out there and was wondering why i wouldnt make friends. Now I have a good handful of friends and I couldnt be more grateful.
I needed this. Have been thinking of kindling friendships, new and old. Perfect timing Michelle! Good idea about the list for coffee. 💕 being the asker and following your friends advice to treat them as a close friend is GOLD. I know this may be a hard conversation to have, very glad you made the video for us, cuz it’s real.
I literally just finished doing the 80/20 analysis and was just thinking about how hard it is for me to develop friends and making it a priority going forward. Thank you for this ❤️
Glad it's not just me! I moved in w my boyfriend 3 years ago and haven't made any friends since being here. We're sort of mates with upstairs but neither of us have actually set a date for having that catch up. The main thing I always struggle with is "are they not getting in touch with me bc they're bad at communicating or bc they don't like me?" Like... There's someone at work I chatted with just before lockdown and I've messaged her a few times here and there but she's never gone out of her way to get in touch with me, so idk if that's a subtle sign for me to leave her alone or if she's bad at getting back to people? But hey, if I assume people like me (which I never do) then... most of it is other people not being big at texting back. Which tbh... that's not such a hard thing to overcome :) (Although probably not socially aware at all, I'm a big oversharer and I ramble and then I realise I'm rambling and shut up and it gets awkward real fast 👍 fml)
Girl I literally just moved to South Carolina 3 days ago. I was feeling so lonely today and anxious about this. Perfect timing of you to post this. Love your content!!
I know I'm quite late here but what you said between sort of like 3:37 and 4:00, is EXACTLY what I needed to hear, I constantly say to my partner that I want to click with someone immediately and be best friends immediately
You are so amazingly well-spoken! Thank you so much for this video. It touched on a lot of problems without being too time-consuming or hard to process. Many thanks ❤
Had my induction day for college today and it was the most nerve racking thing ever: having to put yourself out there every lesson to new people just hoping they like you. It’s so difficult if the people you’re sat with are also introverts 😭
I just graduated high school and i dont plan on going to uni and im a stay at home mom now, i have no clue how to make friends and i really need some right now.
When I was a drinker, no problems making friends. New friends every week. So many people to travel and go on adventures with. When no longer drinking alcohol....? Hmm.
i don’t have friends to sit with in lunchtime at school, as an introvert i’m actually okay with that but people keep asking “where are your friends”, “are you okay?”. i do have one friend (not very close) that i sit with in lessons, i may ask to sit with her.
I loved this video! I think it's one of the best you've ever made and usually the productivity and planning stuff is why I'm here :D But I love how you try to analyse the problem even though it's clear that this is not something you struggle with right now. You do it in such a respectful way, but at the same time very honest and direct without being brutal. Love love love love it. Keep going, you're an awesome human being! Thanks for sharing your mind with the world.
I’m an introvert and treasure and need my alone time. However, I wish it was easier to make friends. I’ve found it’s especially harder as you get older and don’t have as many life “milestones” (going to school, having kids, etc). Also, obviously COVID has made making and nurturing friendships more difficult. Over the years I’ve discovered work friends are for the most part just that...work friends. Change your job (I’m 52, so I’ve done this a few times) and notice who chooses to stay in touch despite you putting in effort. It can be sad and frustrating. I’ve heard this is also true with friends you’ve made through your children and have witnessed it with my husband (I’m a stepmom).
I feel like it’s hard to make connections. A lot of people don’t think in the same way as you. Some people are too loud and inconsiderate, and some are too quiet and set in their ways. And I’d like to have a friend that can, you know, actually support me when I need it because I would do the same, and they’re empathetic and can reassure you when you’re stressed, because I overthink a lot and I’m always stressed. I also want to know someone who can take a joke, who gets my sense of humor and have inside jokes with me. And it would be fun to know someone who can memorize all of the trivia to their favorite show or smth cause I think that’s fun. I’m not saying these are ‘requirements’ because no one’s perfect but these are just some traits I would prefer in a friend. The friends I have now only have first-world problems (at least it seems like it) and they don’t really say much when I tell them about what I’m going through. My little sis is the best sister I could ever ask for. We have dozens of inside jokes, ranging from those clean iconic vines to a quote from a show. And we’re going through the same thing so we can understand each other sort of. She doesn’t have the best memory and she doesn’t really open up about her feelings but I still love her. We are each others’ only best friend and I love her so much. But I would still like to make friends that are around my age and stuff.
1. "I treat everyone like they are a close friend unless they give me a reason not to." 2. "If you're in a process of trying to make more friends, make it really clear that you like them." 3. "Become 'the asker'."
Friendships take time, energy, & MONEY 💰 doing things for fun costs $. People will be lying if they said otherwise. Going for coffee, lunch, movies, club all costs money. Yes there’s free stuff like hiking, beach, and the park but that will get repetitive over time.
Great video! It’s a great reminder that everyone can take charge and change parts of their life that they aren’t happy with including platonic friendships! I love your channel and I am always interested in your tips.
I had gone through periods of that in the past. Once I got rid of the depression and anxiety once and for all, I was able to enjoy the richness and dynamic quality life takes on when you have many friends.
I'm gonna rant for a sec... So. I am 23 next month. I live at home while attending school - to save money and because of anxiety - and it's a church college that I am going to simply because it's basically a family thing to go there. I have met some people and made some friends, but because of COVID and because a lot of classes have gone online, my closest friends are doing online and are at home this semester. And because of COVID and as an introvert with social anxiety, my anxiety has really grown. It's hard to meet people and make friends when you live at home. It's still possible of course. But so far, I have to rely on my friendships from my last two semesters - before COVID. And I'm doing strictly remote classes this semester because I prefer school online and also because of my growing anxiety. I have yet to go to any of the church activities - I've been sick (not COVID) or out of town like last week for example. But I did go to half-hour church the Sunday before the semester started. And sat alone by myself. I didn't mind. But I do mind the feeling of anxiety, anxiety, anxiety. I've become more and more paranoid. All eyes on me and people talking about me when it isn't real. Everywhere I go as soon as I leave the house. Maybe it's not so much the lack of new friends this semester - I mean, I have plans and friendships with people I met before COVID - but maybe it's more about the social anxiety... that is just continuously getting worse. Anyway, that was a rant.
You have heard the gospel from your church activity, but are you ready to take it to heart and act? Having true faith friendships is the best. God comforts those who invite Him to be their Saviour.
mate, although my story is completely different we suffer from the same thing: anxiety. there is nothing wrong with you, I'm an introvert too but the "what does people think about me" is literally part of your mental illness. anxiety is a real disease, call your doctor about that.
Thank you for this video. Just knowing that there are more people struggling making friends is very reassuring. And a couple of these tips seem very helpful. So thank you. 😇
A good video. I struggle to make friends. It's hard for me to trust people. I actually never really learned what a friend meant until later. I'm trying to learn more.
I think a lot of us 'hold back' in a way because we don't want to be annoying. And if both people think that way it's very unlikely that a friendship will form.
This is actually so true!
So true
I agree with you very much. I am single .I am looking for a serious love relationship
Would u like to be my friend 🥺 ?
@@TheLegend-rx8yu online friends arent consistent, trust me
It's sad that I now have how to make friends in my search history.
It's not sad. I am proud of you to look for ways to help yourself.
It's sad that my mom was the one to make me to search how to make friends.
u aint alone
I feel this..
@@gcreates8894 don't worry, your mother love you, and care about you
For me, I find the hardest part in making friends is putting yourself out there. It feels so vulnerable to be like, "Hey, I like you. You're cool. Let's be friends and coffee, maybe?" And then put the ball in their court and they have to decide if they like you too. And we are so self-centered beings sometimes that I start thinking, "They should ask ME out to coffee." And that never ends well.
I need to work more on putting myself out there. That is a big step for me
Same I just always feel like that I can’t ask because maybe they will say no and might not want to go with me or something. I always expect people to ask me instead of the other way around. I really need to work on that if not then I won’t get anywhere
I'm introverted and bad at small talk. Noone likes rejection. I invited a girl from work (who is a friend on Facebook and we have gone out to eat once) to get together to talk more about first time homebuying as she just bought a duplex as a single mom. I congratulated her, I'm always positive and build woman up. She thanked me for congratulating her but ignored my invitation to go out. Never heard from her since. We had a great time the time we did go out, even though she mostly spoke about herself and about a guy she liked online. I'm a good friend and I don't get why its difficult to make friends.
My advice is: GO WHERE YOUR PEOPLE ARE!
In high school I had very few friends, I felt very anxious putting myself out there, afraid of judgment, etc.
That was because I felt everyone was different than me, we didn't share interests and goals and passions, and I really wasn't even interested in forming a friendship with them.
Now that I go to University, to study what is my biggest passion, I can put myself out there in the span of three days because I'm not afraid anymore and because I actually like a lot the people who are there!!! I love talking to them and hearing what they have to say, we just vibe. And of course, we all have in common our biggest passion!!! And a shared mindset.
If you love art, go take an art course. If you love photography go take a photography course. If you love sewing, go take a sewing course. If you are an athletic person try to meet people at your gym. If you love rock-climbing go to a wall-climbing gym and try to make friends there. Etcetera.
Making friends if you go to a club or a pub or whatever is far more difficult, as you'll find people of many different kinds, most of them will share no interest or passion with you. You have to restrict the circle and go to places where you already know you have at least one thing in common.
Just go where your people are.
thank you:)
Yes. I found a lot of good people through a band I like & fans will send each other gifts because it's a nice thing to do. A few of us did it at first & it inspired other people to do it as well, the generosity became infectious. But I will add a small warning to this: sometimes hobby friends are just that: only there when you're sharing the interest or passion you're both invested in. That's ok. Friends don't have to stretch across all aspects of your life.
@@44BlueFoxes Giving gifts to each other is such a nice and beautiful thing. Rn I'm really trying to implement it in my life.
I totally agree with the second part, too. That is just a handy way of finding new friends, but not a necessity. Never shun away opportunities because of that. Actually, my best friend is someone I share no major interest with, but we see the world eye to eye and we work so well together. The bad thing about that is that there's nothing you can do to find those people on purpose, you just have to go out there and hope you're lucky enough to find one.
My advice is: go to a place where everyone shares one interest with you, and try to find a person that shares TWO interests with you (so another one on top of the first one). But, in the meantime, keep your eyes open for opportunities, life may surprise you when you least expect it!! :D
This is literally me rn. I’m a senior in hs rn I feel like I cannot connect truly with anyone in my grade. I had a few friends through out high school (most have graduated now) and I am in need of new friendships. I feel lonely sometimes :/ and I wish I had a group of friends to go out and have fun with or even just to talk about the things that we’re all interested in.
Thank you for this! I am currently finding new friends for the upcoming semester.♡
I'm so sick of one-sided friendships. I'm always the person calling, texting, scheduling plans. Pretty sure if I stopped reaching out, I wouldn't hear from any of the so-called 'friends' in my life. I deserve better. I deserve friends who will actually reach out to ME.
@Krystal wanna be online friends?
@@marissa__nope Yeah sure,your socials?
I called them Fairweather friends
I want a friend toO
I know exactly how you feel. I'm in the same boat. But hey just keep at it and stay optimistic I guess is the best approach
I recently had a "break up" with a friend and honestly it felt worse than a romantic relationship breakup. It makes me sad that a friendship I valued wasn't seen the same by the other person.😥
Me too😥
I am deciding now whether I should cut it off with a friend. I have forgiven them too many times
I had this happen to me as well. It really hurts but in the end it's usually for the best.
Sending lots of love x
My best friend “broke up” with me around the same time my ex did. While both events were incredibly tough to process, getting over the lost friendship took me a lot longer.
This video is God Sent. I am currently struggling to make friends. And not just friends, I mean real, loyal, loving and caring, honest friends.
I feel so alone and could really use a trustworthy reliable real friends.
relatable
Hi Lolita🙋🏽♀️
I can be your friend
Same with me 🙁
Samee
This video pairs really nicely with self love and self care work. You can find a playlist of self love videos that I've created here - ruclips.net/video/QoWarDkn80s/видео.html&ab_channel=muchelleb
A thought I didn't mention: Just because you don't have a big friend group - doesn't mean that there's anything wrong or invalid about your friendships! One on one friends are amazing and a small handful of friends is just as valid as a group of 20 people and having only 5 or so people within that 20 that you're really close with. Also - quality matters far more than quantity (as in - according to studies, it's much more impactful of your wellbeing to have a handful of quality friends than a bunch of so so / conflict filled / etc friends). I appreciate you xoxo
I have a question. I have wanted to be the "asker", but I don't know how to go about it. Like all those small step in the beginning, introducing myself n so on. I just don't know what to say. My main issue is that I'm surrounded by people who are not my race and are at a high status than mine. So I do struggle with what is acceptable in their society when making friends. Please do share your thoughts with me. That would really be helpful and I would appreciate it very much.
this is seriously just what i needed right now, two of my best friends are moving away
Same! Just cut off my toxic friends, time to make new ones!!!
my best friend is moving too. it’s kinda scary.
Omg same
Both my best friends are moving. And I’m also moving, I’m gonna still be friends with them but I also need new ones
It's the opposite for me. I'm moving away from my best friends.😭
I feel I struggle to make friends because I'm quite shy and introverted. Also quite selective with the people I choose to be friends with.. big/loud personality types tend to put me right off
People who have big/loud personalities tend to be insecure inside. Just my personal experience. Give them a chance. Also not everyone can be loud 24/7. you don’t have to marry them but give them a chance and don’t label them. Maybe they are loud in certain situations and usually quiet
@@cheekycheeks2190 I'm well aware I don't have to marry them, or even be their best friend. Thanks for sharing your personal experience, however in mine, big or loud personality types tend to exhibit attention seeking behaviours (which is generally what puts me off). Im not saying they are bad or this is bad, it's just not what i vibe with.
@@M0r32Lyfe Girl same. I can't stand those behavioral types! I don't know why it irks me so much, but it does haha. I know you can't judge a person's entire being and personality on these traits/behaviours, but it is a big turn off for me. I just curl up inside and turn the other way. It might be because I don't like attention on myself and if I'm around a person and they act on that "loud" personality trait or act a certain way to cause attention on them, I'd shy away. I'd hate eyes on me and to feel like I'm under a microscope - that's just my personal opinion.
@@wonderlust1308 I 100% hands down agree with/can relate to everything you said. As soon as too much attention is on me I feel feel myself go bright red and my brain just freezes haha. Anyway, I guess even if I steer clear of 'loud' personality types, I guess I can see a place for them in this diverse society we live in :)
Yes, I’m very picky but I would like to have many acquaintances other than my close friends just so I’m never bored, you know?
I have always struggled to make friends. A few years ago I found I was the one always trying and going to these “friends” events and no one came to mine. So I let those few go. When I moved almost 2 years ago I decided I was going to put effort in to get out and meet people. But didn’t really work. Now I’m just at peace with myself and my family.
Only I hope you still opened into new people that maybe wanna come closer
Matías Aguilar sure I’m open to it but only if they actually want to put in the effort too. Not wasting my energy if not.
Just to say that I love your style ! And oh, it's kind of difficult for me too. I moved in Paris, I thought it would be easier to make friends, surprise ! It's not. People seem to be busy, arrogant, and make you feel like sh*t haha. Now I'm just focusing on myself. I never thought it would be so difficult, as a young adult, to make friends in a big city.
Aly Kidd thank you!🙂
I know I sorry it’s so hard for you but yes focus on you and everything will fall into place👌🏻 people will come into your life if they are meant you! 💛
@@alisonc6573 Hello I know sometimes Parisian can be weird but keep trying and if you are in a school try to speak to people or go to event and speak to people who are also alone there I hope this help
Also, don't be afraid to reconnect with old friends! If you think it's too late and they don't care about you, chances are, they are thinking that too and it's the only thing stopping you both from reaching out. One text is all it takes for you to see if you can rekindle your old friendship.
i try this and they're not interested tho. even they were the one who wrong me. i give them chances but they didnt want those i guess
I need this :( i used to have many friends but now at my small college i do NOT fit in and i have no friends, only some acquaintances that i dont even like that much. Just the existence of this video in itself makes me happy and helps me feel less weird
Pam Cas I feel the same! I had to move to a different city for university.
Same here lol
same with me! before quarantine I haven't found any friends in uni, and now it's really hard because all the courses are online :|
Vertigo i made a friend during online classes! You could try having a group chat for assignments and just start some small conversations. I started asking someone how to do certain questions and slowly some questions about life outside of school! I dont guarantee it’ll work everytime as it depends on the other person but its a way to start :)
@@animeshizune98 Thank you! My semester will start soon, so I'll try this! :)
I have to say that I haven’t had much difficulties making friends as an adult. I think I’m actually better at it now than I was as a teenager.
What really helped me was traveling alone (starting when I was 22) and staying in hostels where you’re almost forced to meet new people. The first time I was incredibly shy and thought you couldn’t just go up to people and start a conversation without coming of as a weirdo. But I quickly discovered that you actually can do that and form “temporary” friendships.
Because of these experiences that I kept pushing myself in I can now say that I’m quite confident approaching new people and most times (not always of course) it’s received in a positive way by the other person.
The past few years I’ve lived in a few different places because of circumstances and I always ended up making new friends that I got to hang out with.
If I hadn’t pushed myself, I would have still been the shy girl that doesn’t approach anyone. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still an introvert most of the time and I LOVE spending time just by myself, but it’s nice to also be able to be social when I want to.
Oh yeah travelling alone helps you develop a rare level of social bravery. I'm still not very good at the approaching other people thing, but I'm less scared when they approach me. :-D
same, im good at meeting new ppl and making friends but its kinda hard to deepen those "friendships". idk how
I’m autistic and I’m pretty sure this plays a part in my discomfort with small talk which is inevitable if you want to meet new people.
I’m pretty decent at keeping friends but it’s just the damn small talk that I can’t get over. I’m good at it, but I think people can tell I’m not interested which puts them off, which is fair.
I’ve always made friends easily, and I’m in agreement that I treat everyone like a friend until they give me good reasons not to. I love my friends and they’re the most important parts of my life. It is more difficult during pregnancies and babies and all the chaos that comes with mommies. But if you stick it out, you get to be an honorary auntie and godmother. And it is fun seeing your besties’ babies turn into mini versions of my BFFs.
Some really good tips -- even for those of us who are no longer in our 20s. I can attest that after you've raised your kids and they've left home, you can be in the same situation when starting your new empty nester life.
Michelle, this is exactly the video I needed today. I moved to Sydney 18 months ago, by myself, and my mental health has been awful since. I have never felt this alone or depressed, and making friends here has been a huge struggle. I definitely worry about bothering people who already have established friendships and lives here by being 'needy'. This is my very measured kick in the butt to put myself out there more and stop making silly excuses ('my job is so social!') for not making the effort to make friends. Thank you!
I need this. All of my friends are gone now, whether it be from me leaving situations that hurt me, them misunderstanding my situation, etc. All of my friend group now consists of my boyfriend and that’s it. I’m thankful for this video.
Hi
Hello I am definitely in the same situation
Me too. My husband and my animals are all I have.
Oh my gosh the last few sentences! So true. You don’t need to love yourself for others to love you. People will find worth in you way before you can see and if you allow it. Thank you for the video I am in such need for new friends :(
With the pandemic and lockdown in my city it's literally impossible to make friends in real life. The very few friends I do have I can't see because were forbidden to see each other 😢
Yea, I was using meetup.com prior to the pandemic. I was starting to go out a little and make a littlw connections. Now I'm back to zero
Making new friends it’s, without a doubt, important. It’s also definitely not easy for everyone to do.
From a self love content creator to another- what a great topic Muchelle!! I love it! ❤️
Dubai UAE pop Definitely not easy.
Ironically, this video appeared when I became down lately about not having a lot of people in my personal circle. I’ve let go of my toxic-friendships. It hurt greatly. I loved them like family.
This was refreshing. Totally adding this video to my self-development playlist to revisit. Thank you!
I am just now learning to leave toxic friends no matter how long we’ve known each other. I am definitely in a better place. Now I just Ned to get back out there and find more friends.
I just met the man of my dreams. I feel so lucky. Everything I could have ever asked for and more. Never thought he existed but he did. Just took traveling the world and a global pandemic to bring us together! Ha! As for friends, it is SO tough as you get older especially when you travel and move around as much as I have. Thank you for this. Really needed it!
Yessss I love this. Something else I'll add to treating people like they're already you're friend and letting them know you like them is something I wrote as a way to live out my life map value of "connection": "compliment strangers with your whole heart." This can apply to strangers or people you know who you want to be better friends with. If you like something about someone, LET THEM KNOW WHAT IT IS!! Don't be a kiss ass. Just be real about what you appreciate about them!
This advice coming from someone who is now good friends with almost every barista I come into contact with lol
Hi. I wanted to ask, how do you tell them that you like them? Do you upfront say, " hey I like you and would really like us to be friends if you're interested?" from the get go. Or do you first get to know them? This is really confusing for me.
Oh my gosh THANKYOU! I am sick of people telling me I need to learn to love myself first! a) I do, I just don't always like myself and b) why wouldn't someone appreciating me be helpful for that?! Thanks for this video, I've already messaged someone who I'd lost touched with!
Would u like to be my friend 🥺 ?
Genius. I'd say that I have all the frienships I can handle, and it's exactly because of what you said. I stopped hesitating to wait for people to reach out to me, and started being the person to acknowledge the other by simple means. Just nodding at someone, asking a question, or giving a compliment can go a long way. I really, really appreciate and notice when someone reaches out to me for that reason, cos it's usually me :D
This Video is so relevant to me right now! I often feel that I put all my attention into a couple of people at a time, and when they move on (move away, change jobs, life, ect) I feel like I am starting from scratch again. -- time to get n touch with some old friends and put myself out there :) OMG its really is like dating!
I feel the same. Like I sometimes "obsess" with one or two friends and then when they leave/can't go out/have other things to do I feel lonely, but the only one to blame is me. I should open to more people and build stronger relationships. And yeah, the dating thing suprised me too! Never thought about it in that way.
Omg you're not alone!!! I feel like having more than a few close friends is a bit intimidating so I invest time in a few friends at a time and when something happens I'm like uh-oh. Should def break the habit
Thanks for this video! This is actually how I built all my close friendships. The only problem is that I'm always the first one to write to everyone. They are all happy to meet when I initiate it but they hardly ever ask me out themselves. I mean, it's not that they don't like me cause we have amazing time together, it's just that I'm the only one to create contact. And although I'm grateful for having them all, sometimes I feel sad and unwanted.
Would u like to be my friend 🥺 ?
Making friends as a migrant can be so hard. It's also easier to be friends with other expats but they tend to leave more often. It takes a lot of time but it's completely posible and quality over quantity 💖
OMg so relatable I find it so heartbreaking when you meet someone you really connect with and then they move after a year
I can 100% relate, I‘ve lived abroad for 10 years now and as you said, befriending other expats is easier but can often be frustrating because the marjority of them don‘t tend to stay for long. My entire friends group from my first few years abroad have all moved back to their home countries again. It requires a lot of effort, patience and openness to continuously find and make new friends.
Miss VIRGO!!! this all resonates with me. We arent inherantly social signs, we are more inclined to wait for others to approach us, and only approach those who make us feel secure first. These are habits we have to break! Love this.
Are you for real that this is a virgo thing?!?! That sounds like the most me thing ever hahaha, more and more I start to accept the fact that I really do embody the typical traits of a virgo.
This is a very simplistic perspective and it doesn't address the actual REASON someone is not "open to friendship" or is not "putting themselves out there". Usually this is due to a lack of self confidence and a fear of getting hurt. If, you've been let down and screwed over by almost every significant relationship you've had, you're going to start to think something is wrong with you. You think everybody hates you and you start to put up walls to protect yourself.
Unfortunately the root cause of a problem is rarely addressed in "how to" videos.
When I keep taking the initiative to hang out but it’s rarely reciprocated, I feel like I keep on giving and the friendship is only based on me trying to keep it up... I’m never sure where to draw the line then.
You’re lucky it worked for you and your friend ❤️
Same
Finding opportunities to meet people with the same values as yourself is such an amazing way to find good friends! I went on a three-day course for young women in environmental careers and I met two gals who are some of my best friends after just spending three days with them. We regularly message and chat and we get on so well because we share the same core values that brought us to the course in the first place. I would say I'm almost as close to them as I am my friends from school who I've known for nearly 10 years!
I’ve always struggled with making friends. I get too scared to open up to people due to past negative experiences as well as my severe social anxiety and BPD. i always assume most people won’t like me so I don’t even try because friendship rejection hurts 100x more than romantic rejection...
What's BPD?
@@nyebetancourt4466 borderline personality disorder, i assume
Throughout my whole schooling, I would find few good friends, we would probably become really close, and than fall apart. Every single time. I always think that's it, this is perfect friendship, it'll last my whole life. Even when I had friends I tried to meet their friends, but they would never be interested in hanging out with me. Now, I have no one because my best friend was jealous of my relationship and it's so awful...
Exactly the video I've been needing! If you want to become friends, I'm here!
Would u like to be my friend 🥺 ?
@@TheLegend-rx8yu yess!!
Btw are u guys active on discord or somethin where we can talk? Or let's make a group?
@@SM-fj4kz oh that's great.. Meet u there broo ✌ that's my id -- Tanmay#6042
i also need friend
I always struggled with having healthy friendships and used to everyone leaving and never staying . Having one sideded friendships is the worst for me and sick of them and tired of toxic people. Thanks so much for this video.
This is a video I've needed for a long time. I'm shy but I've let that be a excuse for so long that now I look around and see less people in my life than I would like. This is a video I think I will come back to many times and I will learn something new every time.
Even just smiling is enough. I met a friend and she was very shy (now that we know each other more she is very confident around me with strong opinions). The only reason I started a conversation and took initiative was because she was kind and smiling when I met her. It reassured me because at the beginning I was talking 90% 😅 And that way you kinda feel like having a monologue and that the person in front of you is not interested in you 😅 now we talk equally much and I only see her shyness when we meet other people (she becomes super quiet)
There also a lot of Facebook groups to join. I am apart of a few , and have been pushing myself to go to events and stuff to meet new people. It’s hard ☺️ as I am an introvert, but last week I went to an event and met some great people. I’m going to another one this week. ❤️❤️❤️
I'm an introvert too and since the first year of college I've been trying to make friends but I find it really hard and exhausting especially when they are extroverts and know lots of people I still find myself alone at the end
Would u like to be my friend 🥺 ?
@@TheLegend-rx8yu I would love to
I feel like I grew up not knowing how to make and maintain friendships... it used to bother me in high school and I tried harder to reach out during the beginning of college, but now I’m content with my own company and my cats. :)
It’s great you are already happy. However studies show that in order to be happy we meet friends (Harvard study ted talk) Don’t give up!
Cheeky Cheeks thank you for your support 🥺💞
Would u like to be my friend 🥺 ?
@@TheLegend-rx8yu 😂 yes, hi friend!!
@@meeps9164 oh great!! Are you there on discord or somethin where we can communicate..? (If you are comfortable)
That’s so true that there’s not much out there for making friends as an adult. And this video is perfect timing, I recently made a new friend from work and it’s been a lot of fun!
I love that someone could speak about this, thank you
Small talk goes a long way. People underestimate the power of small talk. A simple "Hi, how are you doing?" [and a smile -- pre-COVID] to an acquaintance goes a long way. People will remember that you took the time to talk (even if it's for a few minutes). I used to be extremely shy and kept to myself but I realized that when you put effort in trying to know people, you can try to help each other. I try to get out of my head and be present whenever I talk to friends and acquaintances.
I get so much anxiety talking to new people, it’s the worse . I guess I got kind of used to staying by myself now . But it gets very lonely sometimes , even with my husband being around it’s just not the same
thank you for talking about this! ive been told to be more social with people because i am quiet and keep to myself but its kinda hard to make friends especially during these times were you can't really meet new people.
Thank you so much for addressing this in your video. After high school or college, so many adults find it hard to make and keep friends. It is so much more difficult to keep friends because of the nature of adulthood.
Back in the early 2010s my post college friends and I always joked it was basically impossible to make friends our own age. We worked at companies with older employees, and there just weren’t as many interactions in our daily lives as in school, it really is a shock you don’t think about at that time.
That being said, it’s so exciting to when you meet someone and you feel like you’re a kid again, you do the whole “omg I hope they don’t think I’m weird asking to hang out” then “omg they wanna hang out too!” And then “omg they’re so cool I’m so excited to see them more” it’s an awesome feeling, even if it’s harder to do than when we were younger.
I always thought back then a version of tinder or e harmony specifically for making friends in the same phase of life as you would’ve been awesome
The reason why people have lots of friends and easily connect with others is because their brains work perfectly and they can talk for hours my brain literally only processes a few words so that’s out of my control which stops me from making friends literally can’t think of anything to say at Times hard to open up
My advice for making friends is... go out. Go on bars, or make class about any topic you like, go follow the friends you already have when they go in a new places or seeing friends of them.
Don't be afraid of going somewhere even though you're not sure if you will like it. Maybe you won't (and you learned something), but maybe you will. And maybe you won't like the place or activity but meet someone there.
A lot of people I know that don't make friends just turn off a lot of the invitations I sent them for going somewhere. Or don't take opportunities of this kind. *Just think about anything as an opportunity.*
(Oh, just saw the beginning of the video 😅 I'm kind of redundant here..)
But the point is then to create those opportunities by any means possible. Like if you see a bar that looks cool, just go buy a drink there alone if needed, if you see a festival that you like, etc. I think anyway that the more extrovert you can become, the easier it would be too.
Love this!! Thank you! I think just knowing you're not the only person who feels alone or friendless or struggling to make friends is half the barrier. I've been working on putting myself out there more this year through social platforms to ease with the feelings of isolation and this video has motivated me to start making more opportunities with repeated exposure! Thanks girl!!! I also loved that you welcomed peoples tips, such a beautiful way to turn nasty comments or disengagement into community and support.
😯 Another Talisa! This is so rare! Hahaha! Sending love and encouragement from one Talisa to another. I've gone through similar and you're definitely on the right track with repeated exposure and increasing the opportunity to meet like-minded people. Good luck with your journey!
Can I just say, that as someone with a developmental disorder that affects my social life in extremely negative ways (especially right now), you simply addressing that it exists made me feel so seen that I started crying.
Making friends is so freaking hard. We homeschool so I don't even see Moms at the bus stop or anything like that on a regular basis. I have made a couple of friends through regular activities, but even that is hard. I know it's super hard for moms that have really little ones too, because getting out of the house is exhausting. Let alone make regular play dates and that sort of thing.
I think you're totally right about the environment being a big part. And when you're tied to your kid's schedule changing that environment is really hard. Especially right now.
Maybe an online book club (a small one) meeting online?
This (and you) is so comforting. I've really been struggling. Thank you 💕
I agree that it is much harder to build friendships as an adult. It is so refreshing to hear you discuss this topic! It is definitely not talked about enough. Repeated exposure is so necessary and it can be hard to make time for all the people you care about (especially if you are naturally introverted like me hehe). BUT it is so necessary and we are not meant to be all alone. Literally, loneliness can make your killer cells less effective in fighting off invasive bacteria and other diseases!! Great video
Im 12 yrs old, and i dont feel good in life. My best friend is like now in the popular group and she doesnt have time for me, i feel so sad, and cry myself to sleep, thank u
randomneeds 96 thank you so much. I will surely tell her
That’s not a true friend sweet girl. You are worth so much more!!
Sorry kiddo! That’s rough. I promise you’ll find more and better friends in the future!! Maybe for now to get your mind off it you can enjoy time with your family or other friends :)
Hanna P thank u this is so reassuring.
Has anything improved for you Nandini? I hope so.
This video made me reach out to a colleague that I worked with for three days this summer! We had so much fun and have kept in contact, so I sent her this as video :)
Glad to hear I’m not the only one who thinks ‘what if they don’t like me enough to hang out,’! I’ve meet lots of people through Instagram because you can meet people with the same interests you might never run into in the ‘real world’ and it’s easy to meet initially because we already have a bunch of stuff we want to talk about
I would love to see a video on how to get past the specific personality traits at the end that you talked about
I very thankful for your channel, I’ve been dealing with very crippling depression for many years and didn’t have a life at all I just existed, I finally got the right therapist and the right meds and I finally feel “normal” now so now I’m trying to get my life together and figure out who I am now if that makes sense. Now you have a loyal subscriber lol.
How’s it going 7 months later
Great vídeo, I love how much thoughtful you are when using certain words that might be controversial. That kind of little details means a lot.
I got married, moved cities and has a child in a very short space of time and suddenly found myself without friends. Making friends in my 30’s is so much more difficult and with child. But my goal for 2021 is going to be to have three new friends
How did it go
The true key to creating and making new friends is easy as 1, 2 & 3. But it is hard for us adults, and this video really helps me because I lost one of my girlfriends due to health reasons. So I am interested in making new friends that way I can be able to create new experiences with other people. So Thank You for this video😀😀😀😀
A friend to all is a friend to none, said a wise girl once upon a time and never have I felt it more than recently. Having more friends doesn’t mean they all are high quality friends. It’s I,Postamt to know who really cares. Loved this video. Can you make a video on how to identify who your true friends are?
Awesome video, again, I got alot out of it. Since I've been living in recovery, a sober lifestyle its quite difficult for me to find friends that don't drink or use. There people in the anonomous rooms that I see regularly and know really well and deep but not necissarily friends as besides recovery not much more in common.
To keep myself safe I have learnt to keep people at a distance. But I do feel lonely and wish I had friends to spend time with and do safe activities. I am being gentle on myself and getting more involved with finess activies and who knows, I may meet people as friends along the way. Gym is awkward to meet people to make friends, but Maybe surfing may work. I bought myself a motorcycle so finding friends to do a trip with.
I'm putting myself out there but still challenging. All my friends I grew up with live in different parts of the world. We still have a whatsapp group and old friends are the best!
Thanks for your videos, I watch them all and get great value from them, Thank you!!!
Your video is really helpful. I just moved and don't know anyone yet. During the pandemic, I find it hard to get to know people because I don't want to go out. Maybe in 2021.
I’ve got severe social anxiety which makes it very hard to make new friends. I try to be nice to everyone, ask questions ect. but people seem to be able to sense that Im not really open. It always feels like there is a imaginary wall between me and the other person. Maybe they feel like Im a bit fake. I don’t know. I do have some really close friends, but since my social anxiety got worse, connecting with them has been more difficult too.
Thank you for this video. It makes me feel less alone
Anki J 😔❤️
I which you to overcome that 💪🏾🌼
Thank you so much. I honestly don't use social media and unfortunately it hinders my opportunity a lot along with health issues. But I'm motivated. This has answered questions I have about why narcissits and such that treat people like junk and don't respect others ....end up having a lot of friends. (Besides being fake and being ok lying....) They assume everyone loves them. Lol 😂 That makes so much sense that that's where their success comes from. That confidence.
I feel that a lot of this has changed in the past decades overall....I know when I was younger I was very naive and "oh I like you why wouldn't you like me?" Optimistic kind of actions but it had the opposite effect. Ironically it was about being so "hard" to not be a victim. Now Ieet so many people that are all about talking about personal problems immediately. I think it's because I somehow come off a bit too "mothering" instead of just being me. I'm used to trying to help others.
Back in the day; If you acted too friendly people would frequently call you a freak and turn you down. The 90s for me and many people I know...say the same..that being cold and stand-offish was the way to be accepted socially. You had to play the game of saying you like some THING about someone...something impersonal like a clothing item etc then act like you don't care. Lol Then maybe they will hang out until you feel trusting enough.
Thank you so much for talking about this! I don't know why this isn't talked about enough if it's such a universal feeling. I only have a few friends and they are high quality - the problem though is that they're always busy and have a hard time making time to hang out. I try to keep myself busy too so I don't feel like I'm just moping around but it is so hard. I'm trying to make new friends though.
How about you do stuff together that you need to do anyway (breakfast on weekend, dinner during weekday, planning the week session once a week (if you’re an organization freak and want to motivate each other), doing groceries together, go to the hairdresser or nailsalon...
i've met nice people in guestmatch, everyone seems friendly so far
This is such a good topic not a lot people talk about it. And I can relate so much. For me I had a hard time to make friends. It was the lack of exposure. I wasnt in places of Meeting New people. I didnt put myself out there and was wondering why i wouldnt make friends. Now I have a good handful of friends and I couldnt be more grateful.
I needed this. Have been thinking of kindling friendships, new and old. Perfect timing Michelle! Good idea about the list for coffee. 💕 being the asker and following your friends advice to treat them as a close friend is GOLD. I know this may be a hard conversation to have, very glad you made the video for us, cuz it’s real.
I literally just finished doing the 80/20 analysis and was just thinking about how hard it is for me to develop friends and making it a priority going forward. Thank you for this ❤️
I really watched this again since I am currently in my Second Semester at my university. I really love learning about the tips!♡
Glad it's not just me! I moved in w my boyfriend 3 years ago and haven't made any friends since being here. We're sort of mates with upstairs but neither of us have actually set a date for having that catch up.
The main thing I always struggle with is "are they not getting in touch with me bc they're bad at communicating or bc they don't like me?" Like... There's someone at work I chatted with just before lockdown and I've messaged her a few times here and there but she's never gone out of her way to get in touch with me, so idk if that's a subtle sign for me to leave her alone or if she's bad at getting back to people?
But hey, if I assume people like me (which I never do) then... most of it is other people not being big at texting back. Which tbh... that's not such a hard thing to overcome :)
(Although probably not socially aware at all, I'm a big oversharer and I ramble and then I realise I'm rambling and shut up and it gets awkward real fast 👍 fml)
Girl I literally just moved to South Carolina 3 days ago. I was feeling so lonely today and anxious about this. Perfect timing of you to post this. Love your content!!
I know I'm quite late here but what you said between sort of like 3:37 and 4:00, is EXACTLY what I needed to hear, I constantly say to my partner that I want to click with someone immediately and be best friends immediately
You are so amazingly well-spoken! Thank you so much for this video. It touched on a lot of problems without being too time-consuming or hard to process. Many thanks ❤
Thank you for this. I think the key is to be open and vulnerable.
Had my induction day for college today and it was the most nerve racking thing ever: having to put yourself out there every lesson to new people just hoping they like you. It’s so difficult if the people you’re sat with are also introverts 😭
How did it went, nevertheless?
I was feeling so anxious, i watched this and i now i see theres hope, thank you, seriously!
I just graduated high school and i dont plan on going to uni and im a stay at home mom now, i have no clue how to make friends and i really need some right now.
When I was a drinker, no problems making friends. New friends every week. So many people to travel and go on adventures with. When no longer drinking alcohol....? Hmm.
I don't believe in that saying either! Sometimes loving other people is what actually helps you learn to love yourself more
i don’t have friends to sit with in lunchtime at school, as an introvert i’m actually okay with that but people keep asking “where are your friends”, “are you okay?”. i do have one friend (not very close) that i sit with in lessons, i may ask to sit with her.
I loved this video! I think it's one of the best you've ever made and usually the productivity and planning stuff is why I'm here :D But I love how you try to analyse the problem even though it's clear that this is not something you struggle with right now. You do it in such a respectful way, but at the same time very honest and direct without being brutal. Love love love love it. Keep going, you're an awesome human being! Thanks for sharing your mind with the world.
I’m an introvert and treasure and need my alone time. However, I wish it was easier to make friends. I’ve found it’s especially harder as you get older and don’t have as many life “milestones” (going to school, having kids, etc). Also, obviously COVID has made making and nurturing friendships more difficult. Over the years I’ve discovered work friends are for the most part just that...work friends. Change your job (I’m 52, so I’ve done this a few times) and notice who chooses to stay in touch despite you putting in effort. It can be sad and frustrating. I’ve heard this is also true with friends you’ve made through your children and have witnessed it with my husband (I’m a stepmom).
i can be your friend if you want
I feel like it’s hard to make connections. A lot of people don’t think in the same way as you. Some people are too loud and inconsiderate, and some are too quiet and set in their ways. And I’d like to have a friend that can, you know, actually support me when I need it because I would do the same, and they’re empathetic and can reassure you when you’re stressed, because I overthink a lot and I’m always stressed. I also want to know someone who can take a joke, who gets my sense of humor and have inside jokes with me. And it would be fun to know someone who can memorize all of the trivia to their favorite show or smth cause I think that’s fun. I’m not saying these are ‘requirements’ because no one’s perfect but these are just some traits I would prefer in a friend. The friends I have now only have first-world problems (at least it seems like it) and they don’t really say much when I tell them about what I’m going through. My little sis is the best sister I could ever ask for. We have dozens of inside jokes, ranging from those clean iconic vines to a quote from a show. And we’re going through the same thing so we can understand each other sort of. She doesn’t have the best memory and she doesn’t really open up about her feelings but I still love her. We are each others’ only best friend and I love her so much. But I would still like to make friends that are around my age and stuff.
1. "I treat everyone like they are a close friend unless they give me a reason not to."
2. "If you're in a process of trying to make more friends, make it really clear that you like them."
3. "Become 'the asker'."
I love my youtube recommendations rn it has videos for what all i need, im gonna go to a new school next month, and im so nervous
I can’t wait to watch when I get home, making friends has always been a struggle for me!! 😇💜
Friendships take time, energy, & MONEY 💰 doing things for fun costs $. People will be lying if they said otherwise. Going for coffee, lunch, movies, club all costs money. Yes there’s free stuff like hiking, beach, and the park but that will get repetitive over time.
Great video! It’s a great reminder that everyone can take charge and change parts of their life that they aren’t happy with including platonic friendships! I love your channel and I am always interested in your tips.
I have zero friends, mostly by choice. After a while, you get used to it and it no longer means to you what it once did.
Totally agree
I had gone through periods of that in the past. Once I got rid of the depression and anxiety once and for all, I was able to enjoy the richness and dynamic quality life takes on when you have many friends.
But what about when it’s ur bday? Who u invite
I'm gonna rant for a sec...
So. I am 23 next month. I live at home while attending school - to save money and because of anxiety - and it's a church college that I am going to simply because it's basically a family thing to go there. I have met some people and made some friends, but because of COVID and because a lot of classes have gone online, my closest friends are doing online and are at home this semester. And because of COVID and as an introvert with social anxiety, my anxiety has really grown. It's hard to meet people and make friends when you live at home. It's still possible of course. But so far, I have to rely on my friendships from my last two semesters - before COVID. And I'm doing strictly remote classes this semester because I prefer school online and also because of my growing anxiety. I have yet to go to any of the church activities - I've been sick (not COVID) or out of town like last week for example. But I did go to half-hour church the Sunday before the semester started. And sat alone by myself. I didn't mind. But I do mind the feeling of anxiety, anxiety, anxiety. I've become more and more paranoid. All eyes on me and people talking about me when it isn't real. Everywhere I go as soon as I leave the house. Maybe it's not so much the lack of new friends this semester - I mean, I have plans and friendships with people I met before COVID - but maybe it's more about the social anxiety... that is just continuously getting worse.
Anyway, that was a rant.
You have heard the gospel from your church activity, but are you ready to take it to heart and act? Having true faith friendships is the best. God comforts those who invite Him to be their Saviour.
mate, although my story is completely different we suffer from the same thing: anxiety. there is nothing wrong with you, I'm an introvert too but the "what does people think about me" is literally part of your mental illness. anxiety is a real disease, call your doctor about that.
Thank you for this video. Just knowing that there are more people struggling making friends is very reassuring. And a couple of these tips seem very helpful. So thank you. 😇
I have no friends and no one wants to play with me or bully’s me and I’m depressed and this guid will probably help me
I only just discovered you but I wish I had found you months ago. I feel like this is gonna be great help for me thank you
A good video. I struggle to make friends. It's hard for me to trust people. I actually never really learned what a friend meant until later. I'm trying to learn more.
I just moved to vienna for a semester and I know no one really, so this video came at the perfect timing! :)
Hey!! I’m living in Vienna, wanna hang out sometimes? 😊
@@patriciamarkova8617 that sounds great! what's your Instagram? we can talk over there ☺️
Fiona Lilly @patrishatheserpent Aaaah that’s really exciting! ☺️✨
Could we be friends???