@@sueg2286 Well this is a rude comment, she is just being herself and has the guts to put her mug out here on the internet, and speak for yourself about the "credibility" thing. Reading this comment you lost YOUR credibility for sure, but of course you don't have the guts to put yourself out here other than with a rude comment.
As a domestic violence survivor, I will tell you that we don't want to go to court because we are TERRIFIED. I don't care if he's in custody or not because I don't trust the police or the system to protect me. When you are terrorized like that, no place or situation is safe from that man. My abuser did twelve years without my testimony because I was afraid he'd get off and come after me if I did. I didn't dare leave him before he went to prison because I knew, deep my heart, that given the right circumstances, he could kill me. My intuition was to outsmart him and manipulate his behavior to keep him calm until they could lock him up. I did. I'm alive today. After he went to prison, I ran hard and fast. I hid. I'd have crawled into a hole in Antarctica to survive. Never been so scared of someone in my life.
I once thought I was becoming paranoid. I encountered a young kid at work who literally made me break out in goosebumps, and take an involuntary step back. I went to a friend, who happened to be a psychiatrist who had been in charge of psychiatry for a state prison system. I told him I was afraid that I was suffering from paranoia. We talked, and he asked me lots of questions, some surprising ones, about the encounter. He then told me that he didn’t feel I was being paranoid. The other thing that he told me, has stuck with me for 25 years: Always trust that inner voice. Never second guess when you get a physical reaction to a person or situation. As humans, evolution has honed that survival instinct since people came to be, and it will NEVER lead you astray.
In some cases it will have been trained to be silent, in which case you'll have to listen very very hard at first to start hearing it again, or you will have been sensitized to certain triggers that are not actually red flags, but honestly better safe than sorry still applies. And a reaction strong enough to cause physical symptoms is a pretty major warning. In the case of people like me who are autistic, training myself to recognize the red flags (which I would not originally have noticed) has been extremely helpful.
@@awalls8122 Ah - but it makes me much more easy going! It's ridiculous how much it submerges my general level of anxiety. Maybe, don't get stoned if there's a chance of other people appearing! Alcohol, in my experience, is much more dangerous in terms of getting the person into bad situations. The vast majority of my bad decisions - alcohol was involved.
So true. Unfortunately my mind & gut were very often disconnected .......I did not realise people caused physical reactions in me. Like you did, I thought it was me 😢
Some years ago, I was shopping alone at a 24 hour Walmart. I paid for my purchases and walked out the door into the deserted parking lot. Suddenly, this strange man comes towards me, asking if he can use my phone, his car is broken down. To this day, I dont know what made me react like this, it was out of character. I stood up straight and yelled at him, "NO! YOU CANT! YOU CAN GO INSIDE! YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO APPROACH A WOMAN 8N A PARKING LOT AFTER DARK! SHAME ON YOU! SHAME!" The guy looked shocked, and hurried away to a car across the parking lot. I unlocked my car and put my bags inside, keeping one eye on him, so I saw when he started his car, turned on the headlights, and came screeching towards me. I drove out of the lot quickly, but this man in his "broken down" car was chasing me down the road. He kept trying to ram the back of my car, I was going at least 100mph, praying for a police officer, but no such luck. He chased me at breakneck speed across town, until I finally pulled into the downtown police station. I ran inside, he kept going. A nice officer inside asked me what was wrong, but the man had gone by then. I waited there for several hours, until I felt I could safely return home. I had a policeman follow me, and and never saw that man again. Gut instinct saved my life that night. If I hadnt screamed at him aggressively in the parking lot, I shudder to think what would have happened.
Try not to put yourself/ourselves in 24 hour Walmarts/Venues…there’s a saying that nothing good happens after midnight, it’s dark and harder to see clearly, Glad you are safe! Thanks for sharing
Crime occurs at all hours Your safety is your responsibility. The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Henry Cloud Boundaries by Henry Cloud I Hear You by Michael Sorenson Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter Without Conscience by Robert D Hare Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid has informative podcasts on attachment styles. 5 Boundaries You Must Set With Men - Jonathon Aslay podcast Sam Vaknin has educational podcasts on Cluster B disorders. Sam Vaknin and David Tian have educational podcasts on The Red Pill and Alpha Males.
20 years ago, Wally World used to have outside security guys driving around all night. Used to is the key word ,that was back when the old man Walton was in charge,I guess his kids don't want to spend the money helping the customers feel safe
The serial killer Israel Keyes was known for this approach and for chasing with his car and ramming into the car he was chasing.Google his picture please
One thing my Mother told me, I think was very valuable. When you first meet a man and he asks you out, always take your own car and meet him somewhere until you think you know him well enough to trust him. He doesn’t even have the need to know where you live exactly.
I had a friend who would take a picture of the car license plate of a date and send it to family. A really serious situation would have fake plates (been there). Putting their face in the frame with their knowledge might be a deterrent in that situation.
@@NatHemstreetTooNOBODY GETS YOUR HOME ADDRESS FOR THE FIRST 2 DATES PERIOD. THAT PICTURE WILL DO NOTHING TO SAVE YOU WHEN HE IS STABBING YOU AT 4am 🔥💀🔥
YES!! And I have to say something that many will not agree with: MOST of the time meeting online is a mistake!! You have know them in 'real life!' In this day so many just meet online. People can do all kinds of evil and lying online. Meeting on dating apps is pretty hopeless. It is.
There are also victimizers who target assertive women because they have a deep need to “put the woman in her place.” Those guys are so scary and violent.
My brother is one of those men. The more scary part is he is now claiming he is Trans. I have known him his entire life - I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is doing it to gain access to female only spaces. he WANTS to trigger women and then claim they are discriminating. I am certain he will get violent. He always does. I have endured his torture, and I know what he is capable of and there is nothing I can do about it, because he found the loophole in the law and is now exploiting it. I do not think he is the only man to be exploiting this loophole too.
@@staceylynn7749maybe report your concerns about your brother to police so at least there is a record somewhere. Or ask non-emergency police if you can do so.
@amadeagottlieb OMG You set down a BOUNDARY with a man that made it very clear he was a SADIST...??!!?? Girl you should have just DISAPPEARED from HIS LIFE FAST as you could RUN......!! You are a VERY VERY LUCKY lady he disappeared from your life instead. But 🙏 be careful bcos those types come around again when they get bored and NO SETTING BOUNDARIES WITH a SADIST is ever acceptable... you just NEED to RUN 🏃♂️ 🏃♀️ the other way if he does ever thknk of teying again. Bxos next time he will be SMARTER & he'll.... LIE TO YOU... but hell still be the same sadist that likes being cruel to cars and children. Have standards. You dont set boundaries ever wifh dangerous men.... bcos they are incapable of keeping boundaries.. at least behind your back...and one daynyou will be the TARGET foe the CRUELITY... WHICH IS WHY HE RAN...!! NO BOUNDARIWS. JUST DISAPPEARED OUT OFNHIS LIFE AND TELL PEOPLE close to you so they can protect you. Honey... YOU dodged a bullet even thos you haven't realised it. God was protecting you from him.
I once drove off and thankfully we'd taken my car to a movie. He would'nt take " No" for an answer about sex, and this was a first date. Thank God his work truck was parked 12 miles away in mynparents driveway. I got him off me long enough to ask him to go buy me some popcorn and a drink. As soon as hecwas out of sight I took off, and got the heck back to home. When I walked in sobearly, my Dad asked why I was home less than an hour after we left. I told him what happened. He went out, took pictures of the guys truck & tags( just in case). The next morning his truck was gone. All over our front steps, (and there were 28 of them) were bludgened huge bullfrogs. Blood, guts ...he had thrown them so many of them, at the steps that it was horrifying. My Dad called the Police, and sat there withva shotgun over his lap 10 feet inside our front door the next 2 nights. When the cops found the guy, it was vecause he'd raped another young woman. They called my Dad to let him know he could sleep at night. My Dad was an Executive and put in for a transfer halfway across the Country as soon as he could. I felt horribly guilty, but my Dad made it a point to tell me how proud he was of me for thinking quickly, taking action, and getting away from the guy.
Spot on. This is why I advocate for an incorruptible digital and open judicial system. So that single people do not get too much power at single court yards / districts / cases anymore and that the possibilities of corruption and bias shrink to a bare minimum.
@@ccdm515still better to resist. Look for Oprah programme she did on it years ago. She warned people that the second location even if it's in the backroom of a building you aren't.. the second location..egneven that back room is where they will murder or rape you. Better to fight cajole or tey run. You'll most likely die in the 2nd location anyway so might as well try fight for your life where there are people
I had an encounter with Ted Bundy in 1974 I live in Idaho.. I will never forget It was two days before my 18th birthday I was with a ( boy) who was just a friend at a little hole in the wall bar that allowed minors to come in to play pool. In the middle of our pool game a man walks in the door everybody turns to see who it was, he made eye contact with me and it made my blood run cold!!! I had no idea why but I immediately told my friend to put his stick away we were leaving. He said why we''re right in the middle of the game I said we are leaving let's go Now!! We just got outside walking to my car I heard the door open behind us, I knew it was that man before I even turned around to look. He walked up to me asked me if I belonged to someone in the bar! I thought it was a weird question I answered him guardedly I said no I don't belong to anyone in the bar! He said he was going to st Louis Missouri that night and wanted me to go with him!! I said I'm not going anywhere with you, he said it again then a third time he said he was TAKING me with him, and again I said I'm not going anywhere with you!! He mumbled you'll regret your decision while walking off. We got in the car my friend said who was that!! I said I don't know I've never seen him before in my life!! I was so scared I could barely hold the clutch in in my car my legs were shaking so bad!! It was his eyes that scared me I felt something evil I never ever felt before! It wasn't until 3 or 4 years later I saw his picture on TV I knew then why I reacted so strongly to his presence!! I never saw him again but a man did call at 11:00 pm right before we got home and my mother answered the phone she wanted to know who this older man was calling me late at night . I said didn't know any older men who would call me late at night especially! I'm pretty sure it was him. We had a party line on our phone he could've asked any of the other kids at the bar who were on the same party line and they could have easily given him my number!! That was the end of it but man that was some scary stuff!!!!!
Also, under every Ted Bundy video, you see couple of comments which tells how women met Ted and so had a close encounter with death. That man was everywhere...His number of victims must been much higher than what he confessed into. He was constantly on the prawl for a new victims 😱
She mentioned one of the signs to look out for in narcissists is talking about themselves and I strongly disagree, in my experience with them it's been fully the opposite- they ask you questions and get you to tell them as much as possible to learn everything they can about you while divulging as little as possible about themselves and remain quiet to then later mirror you and your values and become your "perfect" person so you believe you met your soulmate only to later realize it was all fake and just a predator stalking their prey. The big bad wolf doesn't want you to look so hard that you notice their disguise- they want to make you feel comfortable and loved and to think they're just a gentle harmless meek grandmother..
I have known both, the covert narcissict and the grandiose. The grandiose loves to brag about themselves and the covert secretly wants admiration but both are like evil children that dont grow up, but hate is the only emotion they have.
The boy next door that I grew up with… when we were teenagers, we kinda started liking each other. He wanted to go to a secluded woodsy area nearby. I suddenly got terrified and refused. A few years later he wrote to me from prison. He got 5 years for rape.
@@RoyalPineapple-dk2vg that was nearly 30 years ago. I was in college. I hadn’t seen him in a few years. He wrote to me at my mom’s address. Oh, and he lied about the reason he was in prison.
@@RoyalPineapple-dk2vg as for why… I think he was lonely and wanted a pen pal, and it kinda seemed like he wanted to see if I was still interested in him. I was not.
Women and girls, you don’t need to “politely” excuse yourself from a man who is giving you bad vibes. Feel free to just walk off, or be rude to get away from him if you need to. Women have been trained to always ‘be nice’, ‘be sweet’. You don’t need to be nice to a strange man who approaches you or even a man you know who makes you feel uncomfortable.
The only caveat I have: that could be super triggering for someone who has already targeted you. Making sure you are physically safe is the answer, including sliding locks for doors and windows, wi-fi cameras with SD cards (wi-fi jammers are used by more and more criminals), battery alarms at any possible entry point, etc
So true. I used to be nice in my younger adult years to rude, gropy, controlling men I'd meet. Now I couldn't care less, if my skin crawls, chill up my spine, goosebumps or anything that gives me the creepy feeling I'm OUT.
When I was 15 years old, I was walking in one of the nicer neighborhoods of San Francisco. A handsome, well-dressed, 30 something year old business man in a BMW stopped and wanted me to get in his car. He was charming but I had a vision of myself at the bottom of the SF bay if I got in his car, so I stayed on the sidewalk and headed back towards people I knew. I’m so glad I had these instincts when I was young. It was the 70’s and we were all aware of the rapists and killers around then.
I hate to say it but women need to learn to be alone for a good healty stretch. Be independent emotionally and financially. Once you're comfortable being alone you will sharpen your skills at identifying a creep. You will also learn it's ok to hold out until you find the right person.
Fully agree!! A couple of other good reasons are; if you're eventually a stay at home mom while the kids are young you'll take your husband's efforts for granted less because you've experienced the grind yourself- and if anything ever happens to your husband you won't be clueless on how to fend for yourself. On the flip side of the coin, its ideal for men to live with friends or family who have small children for a stretch before settling down. This helps them identify who'll make a good mom and teach them how to be proper team players and not take thier wife's efforts and grind for granted.
You might as well learn to stay single for the rest of your life. As my mother already told me: The 5 percent of relatable men are already from the market in their twenties. And the older I get the more I realize she was right.
@amerubix185 I will be alone the rest of my life. I was married for 17 years but my husband passed away in 2018. I really haven't had any desire to find anyone else and honestly I couldn't care less about sex.
Halloween 1990 I lived in San Diego in an apartment. I was young. I was giving candy to young kids prior. Next, a young man comes to my apartment door wanting candy. I got bad vibes from him. Dark energy, I could see it in his eyes. I immediately tried to slam the door but he tried to break in. It took all the strength I had to shut, close and lock that door. He got spooked by other people in the neighborhood. That night in the neighborhood there was a rape reported incident. I don’t open doors for anyone. Unless I know it’s a package or I know a friend is coming over. I’ve trained my kids the same.
I remember getting wigged about going out with someone and told him on the phone, "No, I can't go after all." He came over and talked through the door...he said, "I really need to use the bathroom, can I come in for a minute?" I told him to get lost. I heard him cursing me out as he left. I had my brother come over to my apartment, he said the guy had been lurking.
@@lotstodo Close call. You handled that well. Recognized the manipulation. We have the right who we allow into our lives and into our homes. The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Henry Cloud Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft Boundaries by Henry Cloud I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix- Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz The Language Of Emotions by Karla McLaren The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Volk
Mine put his hand up to my face and said, "A hand is for love. Not to hurt." It was so random, and I felt so uncomfortable. That hand broke my jaw a few weeks later.
I suspect someone tried to teach/model good behavior. Could have also been an abuser. They have so many ‘tells’, don’t they? We get fooled because we aren’t like them.
I was a domestic violence victim and still trying to recover, i came forward after thankfully escaping with my two kids and pets lived in a car for a year the only punishment he got was going to jail for one day and the restrainer order was off a few months ago.. i can’t till now live in peace without looking over my shoulder every day. No support from the system, none and that’s why many don’t come forward. But, please if this happen to you and you feel on danger don’t think twice on get just and save you life and those who you love, ones they start, it’s a ticking bomb, things you can rebuild not your life.
One problem is that so many women go back over and over and over again that the system then has less trust in their judgement. So many also want to retrieve the accusations bc they don't want to get the boyfriend in trouble. The system is not all at fault. I had one of these women as friends, i finally told her to stop getting other ppl., including the police to play her deadly games. She broke up about 13 times in a 6mo. period and went to police not to put restraining order on him but to make sure she "flagged him". Then 2 months later turns out she was dating him again. WT... I stopped being her friend. Didn't want to get caught in her turmoil.
@@mayc8674 that was not my case, I left with the first beating and never came back.. the system is broken, doesn’t work. You have no idea cause you have not being in that situation.
@@alera520 I am talking about the women that play games with the system. There are many. Your situation is yours, i know women that play the system while going back on their own accord, in no way being forced by the perpetrator. As a matter of fact, my friend's boyfriend wanted to not be around her. She chased him too even after going to the police.
@@mayc8674 you should read about what’s trauma bond and cognitive dizziness, many are condition to be like this by family broken systems maybe you should inform yourself a little bet more before judging it’s not something simple also some of this woman have monetary restrictions cause the other person controls the finances, in my case I lost it all.. I took a big chance to get out but, it’s easy to judge when you are in your home have a place to stay and the problem is not yours.. open your eyes, I’m sure there’s some that crap in the stick but, this is not a reason to not support the victims when they need it and the system doesn’t always do what they are supposed to do.
@@mayc8674 sounds like that friend was not right psychologically, cluster B personality disorders. She sounds like a few female psychopaths that I know.
I remember the Dating Game killer. The woman picked him as the winner. After the show, when she met him--she felt something wasn't right. Wouldn't go out with him. He had killed before--and killed after. By following her instincts she probably saved her own life.
The gut feeling: As a young woman I thought I had a bad picker - hence I didn't trust the very strong "predator- turn around!" feeling that I got ( shivers down my upper spine) the first time I met a date that turned into a long time narcissistic relationship with lots of trauma and abuse. I had too low self esteem back then to quit it on the spot . ALWAYS trust the gut/ shivers.
YES!!! I only experinced it in one relationship, but that's all I needed. I have a coworker, who is also female, and I have the same feeling about her. I immediately cut off all communication with her and boy was she pissed. That confirmed everything.
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Henry Cloud Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Volk. 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships
To your point about people not believing the terrifying rage and behaviour of my son. I finally found a family lawyer and was totally honest about the things he did and raged about. Found a pshcologist who specialist in narcissism. Both had the same diagnosis and told me to call the police as he needed to know someone in power was watching him. I emailed him a list of boundaries and that if he broke any of them I was to call the police rigjt away and they would pick him up immediately. This is a grown man who terrorized me for at least 20 years and I totally feared for my life. End of problem for me except I finally had to let my baby go. He is very intelligent, good looking, funny and extremely charming and makes a lot of money! I finally feel safe for the first time in my life in over 20 years. Finally there are professionals that understand these extreme behaviors.
As the mother of a non violent narcissistic son; I know exactly what you’re talking about, and how much pain you’re going through. They will always be our sons, and there is no greater pain in the world than having to walk away from them. My son is also smart, good looking, personable, and everyone else thinks he’s great. But; the way he treated me was horrible, and severely cruel. There was no physical abuse; but his distain for me was palpable! My heart goes out to you, because I personally know how painful the loss of your son is, no matter what he’s done. It’s perpetual mourning that we can never overcome; because unlike the finality of someone dying, we know they’re out there. We mentally know that the odds of them changing are nil; but, our maternal instincts always leave us feeling like we wish for a future where they might. Take care of yourself. You are not alone ❣️❤️😥
@@u4iadreamsyou must be a teenager. Victim shaming and victim blaming is childish. Is every bad thing you ever did and poor choice you ever made your parents fault? If you answer yes…you my dear are the narcissist in your story. 😂 good luck with your kids. Hope they don’t turn out to be serial killers 😂
Wanted to share the "gut feeling story". I got cornered in my kindergarten's cleaning room when I was 5 by my teacher's son (he was 16-18). He kissed me and then he went to lock the door, saying: "Just don't move, I'll be back in a sec". My heart was beating through my brain and I was saying to myself: "I'm 5, now what do I do?!?!". And I literally heard the voice in my head say: "RUN!!!". It was a man's voice, very loud, clear and authoritative. And I ran and that dude was chasing me and calling me a "B***". Then I knew this was serious. I ran to someone else's house, so that he wouldn't know where I lived and waited for about an hour. Never told my mom about this, because I didn't want to destroy her happiness. But I'm scared to think that that guy, being teacher's son and gaving access to a lot of kids must have done a lot of harm.
I had an abusive stepfather. It toughened me up as a child. When I left home I got my own place and job. Never lived with a man to support me. Always had my own place so I was in control. I met several men who turned out to be abusive and I ended it quick. I finally met the perfect man I married. All love and contentment. Im a widow now and living alone but I don't take any BS or rude treatment. I have walked out in the middle of dates and block their phone number. I never give my address till after the 4th or 5th date so they don't know where i live.
@@christinewimer5523 Wise indeed. 👍 However a background check with your phone number will reveal your location. Truth Finder is one site. The dating market is a mess. We are swimming in a sea of dysfunction with hookup culture. The Paradox Of Choice Ted Talk Dating was safer and easier years ago prior to the Internet technology and date sites.
Dating requires detective skills. In this world verify everything. Discernment Fact check. A background check is essential. Trust requires proof. Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future-Sam Vaknin podcast. Never doubt patterns. AKA the track record Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid clinician has informative podcasts on attachment styles.
Some people overcome generational trauma and break the chain, and are amazing people. Sadly, most don’t, it seems, but don’t judge everyone by their parents. Some people become truly self-actualized individuals. Take the writer, Charles Bukowski. He didn’t have mentally healthy parents, and he had problems, too, but he overcame them through his work and helped countless people in hopeless situations to never give up. He became the opposite of them. There are plenty of stories like that.
@@annacroix all i meant is that a guy can appear to be a good guy by saying he loves his mother, she's the greatest etc. In reality, he doesn't feel that way about her. He may even be in denial and not know on a conscious level that he is angry with his mother and hates her. Additionally, the mother could be a good hearted person who made mistakes parenting. Emotions are severely repressed in some people. That's why some people have fits of anger and rage and they have no idea why or they attribute it to some problem at work etc. They don't acknowledge their feelings. If they don't get help, you don't need to stick around to help them. Some people will never change.
Yes! These folks are really dangerous too! Mine was, what I believe in hindsight to be a vulnerable/covert narcissist and me, being empathic and co-dependent, (I came from poverty, abuse and neglect) swooped in to rescue and uplift and comfort him. 🤦 Almost ended myself over that abusive piece of crap. 🤬
@@RebeccaOre Oh yeah, a friend's daughter heard " you make me a better person" my friend answered "it's not her JOB to make you a better person!!!" Go mom! 🙂👍
Though I didn't know, both my parents and sister have personality disorders. The worst part was having my grandmother, whom I loved dearly, acting like an enabler of those behaviors. Made me second guess myself so much, it was like I was the one being wrong, not them. She was a good person. I'm autistic, too trusting and danger isn't my first thought (PTSD made me aware of many things). She was like that too. Unfortunately, life's circumstances were less benevolent with me than with her, and I gave a lot of opportunities for predators to approach me just because I was told I ought to be a nice person.
It's called fawning. It is required in most sensrios. But the problem is the world only see abuse when they see a physical attack other wise the women is lying, attention seeking etc.
@@cathleenwoodul8836 The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker. "Women and men live in two different worlds when it comes to safety" "Niceness does not equal goodness" " No is a complete sentence" " Charm is a verb. It is not a character trait" Safe People by Henry Cloud Boundaries by Henry Cloud Without Conscience by Robert D Hare Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood I Hear You by Michael Sorenson Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix- IMAGO Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin ( attachment styles) The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Kolk
Lisa, Thank you for interviewing Ann Burgess. She is a legend, icon, hero & National Treasure who paved the way for women to be taken seriously in the FBI. She created & revolutionized profiling, saving countless lives. The world is a safer place thanks to her tireless work. She is a personal hero of mine. 💕 THANK YOU ANN! 💕
I was stalked back in 2021 and this lady is spot on! I was an administrative assistant at a hardware store and a regular customer started coming in and harassing me. It was just obnoxious at first, he’d yell across the counter trying to get me to talk to him and he’d always have minor negative things to say, trying to put me down yet at the same time get my attention. I started noticing that I’d see him often at other places like the grocery store, etc. after I got off work- far too often than just randomly running into someone. Then one day he came in to my work and quoted something specific I had posted to my social media about 2 weeks prior, to make me aware that he was following me on social media. We banned him from the store and told him if he came back we were calling the police. I am not a nervous person but this had me in an emotional state.
All I can say is "Ewww" It's obvious that social media is too dangerous I don't even use my LinkedIn account anymore because of an ex. Never turn my Location app on any more - automatically turns on for calls to emergency services
@TheKrispyfort I use _"fake names"_ for my Facebook and LinkedIn accounts that are a combination of initials and other letters and numbers. I am only _"friends"_ with people I either know personally or I have sent the invite.
@@amg9163 a lot of people use pseudonyms on social media now, though older people, such as myself who remember the operator at the telephone exchange, changing out typewriter ribbon, and using only cash, didn't think a professional networking tool such as LinkedIn would require an individual to still need to employ pseudonyms for personal safety. But, here we are. A Here where nothing is sacred and nowhere is safe. It remains an eternal truth - Predators go to where the Prey is
@@MarciaMatthews No is a complete sentence GDB. The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Henry Cloud Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft Without Conscience by Robert D Hare I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson Boundaries by Henry Cloud 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships It clarifies. Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix- Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Volk Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid clinician has informative podcasts on attachment styles.
David Tian and Sam Vaknin have educational podcasts on The Red Pill Sam Vaknin has educational podcasts on Cluster B disorders. 5 Shocking Behaviors You Should Never Tolerate In A Man by Jonathon Aslay podcast 5 Boundaries You Must Set With Men by Jonathon Aslay podcast
A really good sign of who the person is, if you happen to be having a heated discussion between you, a neighbor signals him and he turns into the nicest, most helpful human on earth. Goes instantly back to your hot topic when the neighbor moves on. That change from friendly to demonic is obvious, and UNDENIABLY IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE. NO matter how much you adhere to "their ways" they will add on more and more.
@@user-qi4ff5in9z my "mother" is the psycho. She can be so very "nice" to other people in public but the demon comes out when she is around me, her daughter.
You just described my ex fiance. He was SO kind to others and so HIDEOUS to me. His friends would blame ME. Only his own ex women knew the 'truth' about him. He was always doing kind things for others and so awful to me.
The offender would hang out on our street corner staring at our house. I didn't notice, a neighbor did. When he saw my husband and daughter leaving the house without me....he came in the back. I had barely noticed him before. He'd said hello...awkwardly. There is a mental health halfway house near us. (He wasn't from there) so this isn't actually unusual. I didn't even make a note of him until I saw him standing over me naked in my bedroom. (I was victim number five. The police were already looking for him. I'm still alive. He is in prison for life.) Now I notice people. Even if they don't look at me. I actually stand and stare at someone if they're just.....lingering. Rural...absolutely no excuse to be here accidentally. We KNOW our neighbors. YOU stand out. I'll remember that. (oh, yeah, when they arrested him he claimed to be the king of our city. He had a birthright. He was very full of....himself. Turns out his mom told him he'd get diseases from the girls around him. So he focused on married, middle aged white women with kids.) I still introduce myself and say hello to anyone who looks homeless. What is your name? Where are you from? Half actual concern, half cautionary research. Stalkers don't like questions. People who are there doing things they are not supposed to be doing will LEAVE. Don't ignore people. Look DIRECTLY INTO THEIR EYES. Don't be coy, don't look away to be polite. If you are not familiar to me and are trying to interact with my neighbor's children...I'll be there.
😮WOW!! Thank you for posting this comment. Very eye opening. THANK GOD, YOU are ALIVE and SAFE.. and you are so brave now.. gos bless you Im in awe at you strength 💪 ❤️ 🙏 🤲
My god, what a bloody nightmare for you. Such a horrible ordeal. I was very lucky when I was 17.I got away, but it was friggen frightening and I had to remain cool when I was dying inside, I escaped, but I still get flashbacks. I hope to god you've had some help, I never got any and it fu(ked me up for a long time. Much love going to you.❤❤❤
I don't know if I've met psychopaths but i know something: any man that doesn't have empathy or kindness is a dangerous man. Any man that doesn't respect your boundaries from the simplest things to the intimate ones. I experienced being with a guy that ised to did everything i told him no and i was r@p3d by him. Another man once we were in a shooting game and there were guns there and he told me: this is what I'll use to murd3r you. And that was so weird, we didn't continue dating, he was selfish and yes, he abused me too during intimacy. So ladies, i repeat, any man that does not respect your boundaries, is too aggressive during intercourse (hurting you) and any man that doesn't possess kindness is dangerous. Be careful
@@DisciplineToSuccess101 you're kidding? The person above "experienced being with a guy that ised to did everything i told him no and i was r@p3d by him." Was raped by him.....the rapist is a psychopath!
Often women don't want to be called a "prude", so they will keep silent after or when a man treats her harshly during or after s*x. This is a red flag that's not readily spoken about on media forums. However, such behavior is, in my opinion, the absolute biggest sign of an abusive, problematic man! These types of men certainly will never care about your feelings and boundaries and will endlessly treat you badly and blame you for their actions!
@@DisciplineToSuccess101 sounds like sarcasm. Either way, I'm alive. Men are terrible. That's why standards need to be really high. And the sad part is, many women in some point of their lives experience something like this with a man, their partners
Perps don't take "no" for an answer. Simple test: take half a step back during conversation. If they step forward in response -- you just learned something about them
Something to know is that many "dating coaches" for men teach methods that are exactly what she describes there, like take the woman to a second location and separate her from her friends. That really caught my attention.
@@wwondertwin Utube, and society is teaching men many toxic behaviors. However the dating market is a mess. We are swimming in a sea of dysfunction of hookup culture. The Paradox Of Choice Ted Talk David Tian and Sam Vaknin have educational podcasts on The Red Pill and Alpha Males.
I LOVE Ann Burgess. As a Survivor of a kidnapping, and assault, and came real close to being left for dead, after reading her book, I realized when approached later in life and tried to coerce me into doing what was out of my comfort zone, when I didn't really know them ? I now listen to my gut EVERY time. Without guilt.
Living through the seventies as a young woman I was almost raped. We were all out as a group and my girlfriend was in the bedroom with her boyfriend. This guy had tagged along with us at the club and after . He said he was leaving so I fell asleep on the couch only to be woken up by him trying to get my jeans off and my shirt and bra lifted up. I started screaming and my girlfriend’s boyfriend chased him out and down the street. Turns out no one knew him! Everyone thought everyone else did. I told this story to my daughter. Don’t trust anyone. Don’t assume he’s a nice guy because he is with a group of your friends. Don’t take rides. I always drove my daughter or put money in her shoe for a taxi. Being young in that era of sexist creeps was something else.
So true. Just came to realize that one of my own family members isn't that much of a good person at all despite her charm always led me to the misconception she was such a nice, devout and caring person. Little did I know that the devil comes in disguise.
I dont think "charm" is the right word. Bundy had a fake cast, Green River was a pathetic little balding guy in glasses. I think they just often try to appear super ordinary or weak to get people to feel sorry and let their guard down.
Without Conscience by Robert D Hare Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter Boundaries by Henry Cloud Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz The Language Of Emotions by Karla McLaren Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix- Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Volk Ken Reid clinician has informative podcasts on attachment styles. Know yourself and your attachment style. Attachment is fluid and fluctuates.
She missed one big reason women won't report or testify: they aren't believed, they're ripped to shreds by defending counsel, and judges and juries let the perpetrators go. I testified in and sat through an order of protection hearing where, after hearing multiple incidents of abuse, the judge said, "There's no abuse here," and vacated the order of protection. The man now has 50% custody of his children and is abusing them every time he has them. The judge was/is an utter moron, the attorneys were despicable, and way too many "professionals" are too cowardly to say, "Yes, this man is abusive." They are way too quick to believe the narcissist. Women don't come forward because, in our culture, they become the targets of everyone in the "justice" system and often all their friends and family when they do. They can, and do, even become the target of things like CPS when the vindictive narcissist starts retaliating after being set free. Don't even get me started on how badly my church -- I'm LDS -- has behaved. It's great we're catching things like serial killers and shooters, but there are so many men terrorizing their wives and children and getting away with it. Especially if there aren't massive, visible bruises, bleeding wounds, or broken bones. No one believes abuse and victimization take any other form.
Not always, many of these women have a history, long one, of going back for more. I have had friends who do this. Hard to believe they want to be taken seriously. Unfortunately the real victims pay for their behavior.
@@mayc8674 you need to get educated. It takes an average of 7 times for a victim to be able to leave and up to 30 times for a victim who is financially disadvantaged.
My advice is trust 100 percent the “flight or fight” response in your body around certain men. If you feel it, avoid them at all cost. The subconscious knows evil.
@@user-wi9hv2pb2q Judged? ... Called a "Karen"? Is the prospect of being insulted for being creeped out by an 8th Grade boy masquerading as a fully developed adult male an effective deterrent against asserting Your Self-Respect ... and possibly Your Self-Preservation? And I can confidently tell You that You're dealing with an 8th-Grader because You Yourself described him as the type to call You a Karen for not complying with his agenda, which he definitely has if he is the type to call You a "Karen" for not wanting to go to a hotel (or wherever) with someone whom You don't really know, and is now giving You the creeps ... which is perfectly appropriate in that situation. In fact, it would be matter concern if You weren't creeped out. But, then I was once directly called a "Prude" ... once. And I've been around for a while. Quite a while. I'm no Prude, but I was quite bothered by the remark anyway, ... just not in the way in which it was intended. It didn't affect the way I see my Self. Nor should being called a "Karen" affect the way You see Your Self. Just look at the source and understand that the insult was about them and what they just revealed about themselves.
Women need to learn what it looks/feels like when "something is wrong" instead of being scared of literally EVERY guy. Sadly, the latter seems to be the default setting these days.
Not wanting to testify has nothing to do with embarrassment ma'am, it has to do with fear of retaliation because our system is so broken that they let the criminal out in a few months, or they don't go to prison at all and the victim is left vulnerable to further attacks from their abuser. When you're dealing with sociopath or psychopaths that are dangerous and violent,your whole life becomes you trying to keep their temper at bay.
This a 1,090 times as soon as many are soooo out of touch!! They are not in the war zone!!!! They don’t see how it’s easier to stay to protect the children or your own life!!!!
General anger and contempt for women is a huge red flag. Some mothers unfortunately have led their sons to believe they are above women. Most often unconsciously
@@AnantyaV they certainly do. And there are cultures to this day where any boy's opinion is gonna be the correct one against his mother's or any other women's. I was shocked to watch such conversations among children and teenegars and mothers aunties even this summer. Mind you this is in England, UK
Feminism has led women into behaving like that to men - if the mother is a feminist, then the daughter will be alienated from men by her own anger because she has been taught to hate all men, and to use them. Misandry is something women practice every day. You just have to sit down with women to experience this hatred. I worry about what these women are doing to the little boys under their control. Feminism is a curse in the modern world. Marxist techniques will always separate people from one another using cults, organizations, educational facilities, and now, even governments. Women are infantilized useful idiots now. Too many crazy women are in unearned positions of power in our politics - that's the problem.
@@El-bz1tq Indeed👍 Children learn from parental role modeling. Toxic Parents by Susan Forward The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft Without Conscience by Robert D Hare Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood Safe People by Henry Cloud Boundaries by Henry Cloud Codependent No More by Melanie Beattie I Hear You by Michael Sorenson Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix- Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin ( attachment styles) Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman The Language Of Emotions by Karla McLaren 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Kolk Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid clinician has informative podcasts on attachment styles.
If you start dating someone and learn he was addicted to porn before ever forming a love bond, get out! There are a lot of psychologically ruined men out there. Fathers and mothers please Keep your poor son’s away from porn.
There are blockers/ filters. If that doesn’t work they don’t need electronics to live at home. Better to have an unhappy son in the home than a man messed up for life. Parents are responsible to teach the difference between right and wrong and protect their children while they live at home.
@@misslovely967from my understanding is it shapes their thoughts around intimacy to be something it isn't. Men addicted to porn often expect their girlfriends or wives to perform like porn stars and depending on what kind they watch, they might even have dangerous power play kinks or fetishes too.
I wish I’d been told honestly how many batsht crazy men there are in this world… I would have just stayed single and focused on money lol… they truly are not worth the trouble.
Yep, that's what another expert on the topic says. As far as I remember right she states that every sixth guy shows traits of the dark triad. So not too difficult to stumble upon one of those. And all that talking about healing your childhood trauma to break the cycle is nothing else than victim blaming. Decent guys do not abuse you because of unhealed childhood trauma. And if every sixth guy is toxic then also every sixth woman would have to stay single even with the most healed childhood trauma.
My diagnosed psychopathic NPD ex husband always told me that if we ever divorced, I would end up with someone else just like him. I thought that will never happen 🫤. I do clearly recognize men with overt personality disorders, but there are plenty who are covert. I stopped trying when every 'nice' guy turned out to be married. I had two 6mth relationships with men who turned out to have wives/families in other cities. I do not trust any of them, now. One of my lifetime male friends told me that the only single guys our age are messed up. EDIT: You cannot always know when someone is deliberately lying to you. The family of the last married man that I saw for 6mths were aware of his actions. He frequently spoke with his mother openly in front of me. She knew who I was. We stayed in his sister's home while visiting NYC, but NY is big enough that he could keep me away from his wife while visiting.
In highschool, I had a friend who used to love to show people his family picture of his birthday when he was still a baby in a high chair. The clown in the photo with his hand on my friend’s head smiling for the photo was John Wayne Gacy. Point is, you very well may run into one of these evil people. Unfortunately, it’s not bad advice to stay aware in this world🙁
She says something really important... lots of psychiatrists are not trauma informed and will invalidate what you are going through and by doing this, they will not treat your kid and he will become worse and worse, mine is 23 now and he is in a psych ward because they didn't listen to me when they should have and I really feel a lot of anger towards the mental health "specialists". I am sorry but most of them don't know what they are talking about. If they would listens to mothers, they might learn something about psychopathy, autism, etc.. not all of them knows the reality of being a psychopath's mother. By the way, it is genetic, if the father was violent, chances are your son will be :( no matter how you try to educate them.
@@RawOlympia Absolutely, psychiatrists perceive you as sick regardless of whether you are actually sane. Strangely, they will believe the lies of someone who is clearly ill. You know why? Because they relate to narcissists, as they themselves exhibit narcissistic traits, even psychopathy traits. However, when dealing with a normal, empathetic person, they struggle to relate so they think you are lying. A mental health specialist tends to see you through their own lens, which is why they can sometimes be the most dangerous individuals on Earth.
Well said, Cass The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Henry Cloud Boundaries by Henry Cloud Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Volk 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis
Beware also that now that psychopaths know ppl are starting to learn about them, they are resorting to pretend that they are neurodivergent or autistic in some degree. That confusion made me give my abuser ex the venefit of the doubt longer than I should’ve
I watched an interview of 2 psychologists specialized on autism. They said that people who are autistic AND are narcissits at the same time are the most dangerous people on earth. They are usually killers. Often the mass murders/school shooters are both.
I have seen persons on the AUTISM SPECTRUM TARGETED by predators as they NEED predictable patterns & can be naive. This is important for family members to know .
I'm autistic, and I agree. I was targeted by what turned out to be a sadistic and narcissistic psychopath, and I will never again say about a woman "Why didn't she just leave?" By the time I was able to see what was happening and get the strength to extricate myself, he had traumatized me for almost eight years. I've been out for two and a half years, and am just starting to feel like myself, but I will never be the same. I couldn't agree more about leaving the moment something doesn't feel right.
@@kimrobinson6285 I hear you & am glad to know you are better off now. I am ASD & gone through similar. The effects that remain can really be subconsciously embedded. I found a great little sight gives free " course" called fortress self protection. (Mental / emotional/ social self protection) It helps rebuilding our trust of being safe , aware & boundaried . Guy who does it is Richard Grannon . ( PS not a sales thing, just know it helped me. )
I am autistic too. I comfirm I also have experienced many times abusive and manipulative relationships. They target you if they understand you are "naive", literal and trusting. Now watch alot about psychology and true crime just to learn how to protrct myself
@@Sil7531 sorry to hear that , but I get it . Yes I too list online to psychology info to learn . A guy I follow has a cool sight called fortress self protection website...it's just free ways to structure.. safe boundaried interaction with others . His name is Richard Grannon
Let's not call it love. Love feels good. Love isn't destructive. It's hate, rage, fear, control, & power. It's about selfishly satisfying the wants and needs of the self. Love is selfless. It's about objectification and ownership. It's not love.
That stood out to me too, and I yelled at the screen, why are you calling it love?? On the woman's side, it's much more likely terror, financial dependence, and not seeing a way out.
Yeah, I cringed a bit when she said that, but women in that situation often say that line.."but I LOVE him!" having a distorted definition of what love is, probably coming from their own background of abuse. They have to actually be deprogrammed from being brainwashed to believe abuse IS love..it's sick & bizarre for normal people to understand.....I'm speaking from my own perspective of course, everyone's different. ♥️
19 дней назад+4
These men can be found anywhere, not just in bars! The man I married was the church chorister and also held other influential positions in our church. I was not believed about the abuse and told he and his family of origin were "from the right side of the tracks". I was labelled a liar! I finally got out and took my kids with me. Financially, it was devastating. Most people in my church turned against me. I went through hell. I was told the only way he would sign the divorce is if I took a life insurance policy with his name as the beneficiary. Luckily, I had a lawyer and I am still here today!
One young man would spend 4 hours at a small business that I worked in every Saturday. I was by myself and just knew that he was up to no good. Was he planning a robbery or an assault/murder? After a few weeks of this I got on the phone behind the counter and pretended to be talking to a friend. I told my "friend" that I had finished my Concealed Carry Weapons Class and was so excited to be able to carry a gun. He left and I never saw him again.
Recently, I had a homeless man aggressively panhandling me (I didn't know there was a homeless camp behind my physical therapist's back parking lot) and I pretended to be 'reaching,' and he got away from me. Needlessly to say, I never used that physical therapist again!
The cycle of violence is AWFUL. I have been in it for 31 years with different partners. You break out of one and the next comes along til you adress your childhood wounds and end the cycle. The shame these psychopaths put on you is..Unbearable. I've seen happy healthy women being so brokened down they start doing drugs. I refuse to end up there and am attending therapy. This shall be brokened.
Is it really about breaking the cycle? Not too sure about it. There is simple a pretty bunch of toxic people out there. Not too much of a bingo to run into one of them.
❤🙏 The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Henry Cloud Boundaries by Henry Cloud Without Conscience by Robert D Hare Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Volk 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters The Language Of Emotions by Karla McLaren The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix- Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Seemingly healthy women on the outside with good jobs can also be taken in. A woman I met who was on our third marriage this time to a much younger guy she married after knowing him about a month. She had a good job retirement and yet she marries this loser after a month.
Men need to be aware too. Just look at the case of rapist Reynhard Sinaga in the U.K. He likely has well over 100 male victims. Men need to be aware they can be victims too.
Psychopaths try to make women feel guilty for being suspicious. It's a plan to have you do something you don't feel comfortable with because you're suspicious.
Women choose where they’re going and where to hang out. Never let a stranger tell you where to go or where to hang out. It may be all they need to get you. Most importantly, stay visible.
Years ago, when I lived in Phoenix and I was at Saint Joseph's Hospital my son and I were being watched by a man across the street. Every time I would look up, he'd look away. He looked like a homeless person. Eventually, he ran across the street with his cart, and something said to watch him. He started digging around his basket. Then something said to stand and prepare to fight. I put my son down, stood on my tippytoes, dug in my bag, which was holding his feeding tube machine, and gave him the meanest look like "Bring it." I noticed that he was pulling a gun out of his basket. I then said a prayer, "Guardian angels, forces of light, we need your protection right now." Just then, a lady and her kid were walking towards the sidewalk from between the buildings. They had interrupted him, and we were on Thomas Road, which is very busy. He put the gun back in his basket and looked at me. He had a shirt on his head, but I could see he had just had a haircut. His clothes were clean and ironed, but he pretended to be homeless. It was the Baseline Rapist Serial Killer. I would see him almost every Tuesday near Saint Joseph's Hospital. Eventually, I'd call, they'd check it out, and it was him. I would call the hotline, and they would patch me through to the sergeant in charge. I could see this guy no matter what disguise he wore, and even when I could not see him, I could feel him. Maricopa County Sheriff's Office was closely watching us for a moment. I was relieved when they caught him.......living near Saint Joseph's Hospital in Phoenix.
How terrifying! I had an extended relationship with someone who tirned out to be a sadistic, narcissistic psychopath, and after I left him, I could feel him thinking about me. It is the absolute weirdest, creepiest, thing.
The intro with: “What did they get you to say or do that you wouldn’t normally say or do”. Whoa. Thank you! 🙏 - if it seems off, for any reason, cut off immediate contact This might give you the option to can check it out with yourself and decide if you feel comfortable going forward. Take the time to check in with yourself. Your safety is worth it. If you try to cut off contact or leave the area or make a choice of your own volition and the suspicious person gives you a guilt trip or blocks your exit physically, those are RED FLAGS that they don’t respect your autonomy or ability to make decisions for yourself. That they are after control over you rather than pleasant or polite times together.
A high school friend of mine had a boyfriend who shoved her. She was considering marrying him. I warned her that if she married him, that was the beginning of even worse. He later threatened me with a switchblade in the empty hallway of our high school.
Blocking your way out is a dead give-away. I have a neighbor with a criminal background who, for a while, kept on trying to talk to me at length. Early on, he kept extending intense eye-gazes toward me to convey "interest" and draw me in. One day, he waylayed me, talking interminably about himself, as I was coming home from work. I stood there for a minute and then said, "Don't block me, dude", in a firm, loud voice so neighbors could hear, and walked waaaay around him. One early evening he was walking his dog and he saw me coming home from a walk. He kept asking me, "Are you all right?" I said, "Yeah," in a short, abrupt tone. He pressed, "Are you sure?" He was trying to sound "concerned", but I knew he was trying to draw me into a conversation and made no further reply; unlocked my gate, went in fast and locked it behind me. He also would tell me how he had tried to protect the property I live on, trying to create a feeling of trust and obligation toward him. Now I completely avoid him. I've encountered other men who've tried to feign a cheap "concern" or extend unwanted favors. I don't acknowledge the gestures or say thank you. It seems to make them nervous. It's rather satisfying to make a predator uncomfortable. I also let people know about my experiences with that person, anyone who shares the same circle; neighbors, co-workers. Nine times out of 10 people will say they've had similar experiences regarding the guy, and I'm glad I said something. I won't cover for these creeps. The old saying is true--sunlight is the best disinfectant.
I'm currently reading the book Ted Bundy's longtime girlfriend wrote. She said the first night they met, it was at a bar, she was drinking and she drove him to her house tipsy, they picked up her kid, a toddler, and she let Ted (a complete stranger) hold her kid in his lap while the kid was asleep. They got to her house and she, the woman who would become his girlfriend, passed out from drinking. Ted stayed that whole night. How crazy is that???! 😅
I agree. Animals, especially dogs, have a sense of who not to trust. It’s almost as if they see an energy. Now, if an animal sees that in everyone (like some anxious dogs react to all strangers) then it’s not as telling. But if an animal is usually balanced but reacts to a person, then take that to heart. My parents had a dachshund, Scarlet. We had hospice for my mom at home for the last 4 days of her life, as she was passing away from cancer. They had my mother on morphine, to help her pass away without pain. Scarlet had no issue with the caregivers administering the morphine. But one day, one of the “managers “barged into the house, and went up to and started whispering aggressively at one of the caregivers. I could tell the caregiver was uncomfortable as well. My mom was literally 10 feet away and the woman never even looked at her. It was Scarlet, who reacted very strongly to the woman, barking nonstop at her feet, like she was trying to protect the people in the house, including my mom. The woman looked irritated by Scarlet. The woman left without saying much - and definitely didn’t register the sensitivity of the situation enough to even fake caring. Shortly thereafter, an hour later maybe, my mom’s lips started turning blue. I asked the caregiver how much morphine they were giving her now. I remember saying I understand that my mom is passing away, but I don’t want her suffocated to death by turning off her respiratory system with the morphine, if that was what was going on. The caregiver nodded, and did not disagree. She said she had to make a phone call urgently- based on what I was saying. In the phone call, I could tell she was talking to the woman who had been there earlier. After that, the caregiver did something - I don’t know what - and my mom’s lips stopped turning blue. To this day, I don’t know what that woman who came in the house in told the caregiver to do to my mom. Maybe she was trying to get my mom to pass away faster by giving her a lethal dosage of morphine her to meet some sort of schedule. But I’ll never forget that Scarlett, the dachshund, knew that woman was pure evil as soon as she had walked in the house earlier.
I appreciate the conversation. Always helpful to hear tips and guidance. It is also imperative that we change the language. For instance, we need to stop saying ‘women get raped’ and instead say ‘the man raped’…. Women are not idiots going around to get raped. Men are the criminals going around and raping.
Yes. The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Henry Cloud Without Conscience by Robert D Hare Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter Boundaries by Henry Cloud
My ex roommate kept telling me he had feelings for me. I told him I appreciated his honesty but that I’d rather be single. He’d go from hot to cold from that point. Constantly asking me how I felt. I told him “for the 100th time I don’t want to date, this is the last and final answer”. Not long after that he told me during an argument that if he “didn’t see me ask a strong woman” (I assume meaning I’d fight for my life) that he would have “taken it” implying.. well I’m sure y’all can put that together. I called him a monster because only a monster would say something like that. He became enraged and told me “I’ll show you a monster” and picks up his pit bull and starts strangling her (I had never even seen him lift a finger at her before, up until that point he basically worshiped that dog) I had to fight him off of her. He begged me not to go to the police and honestly there would have been no hard evidence aside from my word but I wasn’t bruised up I’d basically have no case against him. Things got really bad when he refused to make a copy of the key. I had to rely on him to get in and out of the house. That was the final straw, I knew he was hell bent on gaining control over me if I wouldn’t give him what he wanted willingly. He’d keep me up for hours on end, begging me to help him. He said he didn’t want to be that type of guy, we’d be ok. He was like Jekyll and Hyde because he’d throw any and all effort out the window as soon as he lulled me into thinking he was ok. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to live with a man again.
I had a roommate like that and I ended up kidnapped and raped by him for 8 months. Nearly lost my life. I was only 23. I was young and just trying to survive while in college. He was an older man that offered me a “free room”. It came at a great price.
Always make a police report, no matter how little evidence you have. The trail of reports will stack up as evidence that could someday save someone else’s life.
The power of love is never the source of murder. It is important to distinguish between obsession and love. Love never wants more than the well-being of the beloved. It does not seek vengeance. It is not jealous or self-centered. It is never cruel or unkind.
Need a book of questions to ask. It’s very scary. I got entangled with a narcissist before I knew what that was. Completely devastated my life. And destroyed my trust.
That’s exactly their job … get stronger and move from the victim thing, otherwise is not possible to get through. it !!!!! Make a very valuable lesson from your experience, and cause a SUPER NOVA to be born from your aches ❤ … It is not easy, it takes time, but if you manage to do this, you will later understand how valuable the whole thing was !!!! Best ❤
I thought we'd get tips & tricks from this video, but it turned out to be all about her work. Still interesting though, just not what I expected from the title.
That gut feeling is crazy: once i was at a restaurant eating and a group of men were getting their trays of food. One of them looked at me really hard/in such a way that my heart dropped and i immediately started shaking and i had to get my knife out of my purse just to have it in my hand and feel safer, even though I was with my dad and the restaurant was fully crowded! It was wild! And its never happened ever since, just that one time.
The opening of the door reminds me of something people used to say years ago, probably decades ago. Mostly men might say to a complete stranger woman or girl “Smile”…. As in “you look really unhappy”….and it made me soooo angry. I guess never understood why it angered me until now. It’s manipulative and pretends to be kind while it’s not a compliment.
Be careful of anyone who brags alot and has high charisma. They know how to fool people and get their way. Fool me once shame on you - fool me twice shame on me. I will never again in my life disregard a red flag. Narcissists know how to reflect you back to you while all along wearing a mask and hiding their shadow. And when they get you alone, they will take the mask off and it won’t be pretty.
True that! They very well know how to play their game...They know the right words, they make themselves like angels but in reality they are devil in disguise
@@tdesq.2463 💯 The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft Safe People by Henry Cloud Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter Boundaries by Henry Cloud 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Volk Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix- Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters Ken Reid has informative podcasts on attachment styles. Know yourself and your attachment style.
It has very little to do with the absent father but a lot to do with the sort of present mother. After the war in Europe there were millions of families without a father or any other father figure but they managed very well . That generation built up Europe again.
Don't LET THEM ASK YOU "20 Questions. They are not that interested without interacting back they are gathering info as artillery when the decide to turn the ABUSE ON. It can happen AFTER MARRIAGE ALSO, all abuse is at his will, with you hidden away. Verbal, psychological abuse is also the silent abuser
AFTER MARRIAGE… ON POINT. THE MASK CAME OFF I WAS ALREADY PREGNANT WHEN THAT HAPPENED. I was so confused and heartbroken. I was like what happened to the man I knew the week before. The month before. !!???? Only to later learn that man I knew him to be was non existent. That hurts as bad as the abuse.
Yes. This is exactly what happened to me during the "lovebomb" stage. All of a sudden, he just started asking questions rapidly for almost an hour straight. It should have been a huge Red Flag for me, but in the moment, I just thought he wanted to get to know me better.
I was at a goth bar with my bf and sitting at a bar. My bf struck up a conversation with a young guy and introduced him to me. When I saw the guy he reminded me of the Night Stalker killer. Instantly he looked like him I couldn’t believe it. Then he shook my hand and for a young guy he was very confident and dominant the way he was talking to me and my bf. Then my bf walks off and the guy comes to me and says,”So is that your man?” In an odd tone almost condescending. The look in his eyes gave me the creeps and his face matched the murderer I saw on the news in the 80’s as a child. His energy was so strong I believe there was something evil about this young guy I felt a chill down my back I remember and I could not shake it even after coming home that night. In the morning I warned my bf to ignore that guy’s call and text messages if he reaches out. My bf was drunk and didn’t remember very much. I never felt that way after meeting anyone but I knew I had to listen to my intuition.
As far as sibling order goes, I think when you’re the first you usually get the “worst” of your parents because they’ve never done the parenting before. They make all their mistakes on the first born then do better with the kids as they go on…sometimes the first child comes from a different father the mother doesn’t like or you’re “the mistake baby.” also there’s a lot of pressure being the older child sometimes. You’re often parentified.
A man once said to a friend,, of me ," If I can just get her to my house, She'll never be able to leave" ‼️.... Turned out he was a dangerous Narcissistic Sociopath , & Still avoiding/ hiding from him 16 yrs later ...as statute of limitations has run out.
As women, we're often taught from a young age not to be impolite, or make other people uncomfortable, not to rock the boat. But something ive always taught my girls is that it's OK to risk embarrassing or to be rude to a bad person.
There is this very scary man who lives across the street from me. He screams at his two beautiful dogs. He goes into absolute rages of screaming and swearing. Then he comes out of his house, and tries to talk to neighbours and me. I completely ignore him. I look the other way -- no eye contact. His guy really scares me.
During the Bundy period, most women didn’t report rape. There are several reasons. One is the instant quilt for getting in that situation and the second was that the attorneys representing the dirtbag would put the woman in the light as though she asked for it. “Well what were you wearing?” “ How many past relationships did you have?” She would be drug through the mud, which is the last thing she needs.
I believe what helped my Son as a teen, since I was a single mom and worked a lot, was the Boys club he went to at the high School. They had games and social contacts, but clear rules. Also, he had his Grandpa there intermittently. By the way, occasionally I meet people with some anger issues (the fly off the handle due to very little provocation). Most of them tend to be male adults(at work). Scary. They have a huge need for control.
They DO NOT have empathy but can fake it! Every conversation is ALL about them, however they may act interested in you during love bombing and to gather info to use against you later.😊
❤my bf is like that, he can't even remember my middle name after 3 yrs. He avoids me, makes me chase him, wasn't present when I had 2 babies- both his but he was "too emotional" to even send a text 😞 he was on tinder... What kind of person is that?
People can forget birthdays and anniversaries. It doesn't mean they don't love you. What you want to look for are signs that they are consistently respectful. That's a little different from being forgetful once in awhile. Especially important: they should apologize for forgetting your birthday, they should take some action to remediate. And they should show you next year that they remembered. If that's important to you, they will respect that. Now. Maybe that's what you meant, but I don't remember half my friend's birthdays. If they're in the hospital, I'm immediately by their side.
@pazizatezeros9377 Wow, that's a problem relationship, if you can call it that. While I don't believe in giving or accepting *_"social media comments advice",_* I would like to offer a thought that I hope you will find a guy who will respect and love you. The idea of you feeling like you have to *_chase_* the father of your kids is a sad one. Men usually are the ones who *_chase_* in most societies, even today. Hopefully you will have a future when you are head over heels in love and happy, or single and independent and happy. Good luck!
Andrea Yates' husband insisted she home school her children. She was with them 24/7. She was terrorized by her husband using religious belief to control her. That woman was abused and not given an ounce of help. Of course it was horrible. But as a mother that suffered postpartum depression, I can tell you it is awful. She should be in therapy and on antidepressants. Not a drop of blame was placed on her tyrannical spouse. I have zero faith in our so called justice system.
The court of public opinion definitely put blame on Yates’ husband. I remember talking about the case when it happened and many women I spoke to blamed him. He was just never punished and I’m sure he thinks of himself as a victim.
@@joycewright5386 yes my mistake but it’s for criminally insane. So behind bars. Her ex deserved punishment for what he did to her knowingly. He was told by her doctor not to continue.
As of July 2024, investigators believe there are multiple serial killer truck drivers at large, even though 25 long-haul truckers are already in prison for serial murder. The FBI's Highway Serial Killings Initiative has linked over 850 murders to long-haul truck drivers over the past few decades, and is currently investigating over 450 suspects in 200 unsolved cases. The FBI's initiative has been running for about 20 years, but they are investigating highway killings that go back to the late 1980s. Some suspects include long-haul truckers who have been looked at for murders that are as many as 30 or 40 years old, as well as suspects in murders that have taken place just in the last decade.
In my case, I didn’t testify because the DA didn’t offer me protection. So… during pretrial - even with a RESTRAINING ORDER, the perp contacted me by proxy and from blocked numbers. I was alone.
I’ve been in a few situations where something didn’t feel right and left. I never felt bad about being overly paranoid or hurting someone’s feelings over my need to feel safe. I was abused as a child so I learned very early on not to trust anyone, including family.
Wow. FINALLY someone who is NOT BLAMING THE VICTIM!!! Thank you. For those who do, you are defending predators and hurting innocent people. Discussing victim behaviours is evil. Discuss predator behaviour! This lady is wonderful.
Both are wrong and both are at fault. I'm a victim and an abuser. You need to take accountability for both. Victims don't have a pass as they contribute to the problem as well.
I was a target, and I eventually married the guy. I had known him for several years, and he was watching me on social media. He made our friendship out to be more close than it really was. He tried the pity play with me. Superficial charm, and lots of FLATTERY! When someone who really doesn't know you tries to give you pretty deep and widesweeping complements (like about your character), that's a sure sign. This person doesn't even know you- so how can they comment on your character. Not all psychopaths are impulsive serial killers. Some are predatory and play the long game. There were no red flags that I or anyone could detect, but after I got married it's like a switch was flipped. He only wanted to extract resources from me. He didn't care about me, but was excellent at deceiving my friends and family that he did. This man had a lot of resources already, so I didn't think I would be a target. But the first born, distant and litigious relationship with father, had a drinking problem, and charm- check, check, check, check! He was angry as f*ck- and scary. He had a grudge against his father, and the lawyer of his previous wife. He would talk about them all the time. This obsession with the lawyer was strange, and was from 10+ years ago. That should have been a red flag. But I met all his friends and family and they were normal and nice to me so they gave me a false sense of safety.
Why wouldn't someone show up at a trial of someone that hurt them? She didn't mention fear. I probably wouldn't show up. What if the attacker gets off, or there's a mistrial, or his prison time is short? He could even arrange payback while he's incarcerated. There has to be total protection for a victim if the victim needs to show up at trial. Virtual appearances are better. Then change your location to far away and change your name .
@@forgiven5919 Also, court proceedings often go on for years. And - at least in these regions - he would have access to every place you move in all those years just because of judicial bureaucracy. Apart from the fact, that also in these regions, your address can be tracked down anyway and a name change is bound to strict criteria and also costs a bunch. I am exactly in that position where I would wish to change my name but it makes no sense as long as I have to state it in the court papers - together with my address, of course.
Many women don't cooperate with law enforcement for fear of retaliation. The stakes are too high to testify against someone who gets a slap on the wrist and out in a few short months... Especially if he's a "first time offender" because he got away with it so long with no record.
My son (now 28) was in grade 1 (5 yrs old in Australia) and there was a boy in his class who would punch, kick, pencil stab etc the kids and us parents went to the headmaster/mistress in this case, to complain and she said there was nothing she could do to rectify the situation and couldn't even confirm my son would not be in his class the following year - so I changed schools the following year. But, I often wonder what happened to him - perfect case to early antisocial behaviours.
@angelroar883 That is terrible! You could probably find arrest records on the guy, if he has lived this long. Good thing you changed schools before it got even worse.
I had a similar issue with another female child and my daughter at the same age. We were rural at the time, and I couldn't get her into a new school until we moved 18 months later. Her mother was a manipulator too.
That happened to my son at an older age. The kid had been moved around the room because he wouldn't leave anyone alone. The last straw was placing him next to my son as the teacher didn't think he would take it. My son defended himself and gave it back. They called the police and us. Yep, our son got in trouble and suspended.
Something interesting that the expert said, the problem with hormones of young men in the U.S. and the anger these young men absorb. Society has to address to work on these issues and raise awareness, and help these young people not to fall into crime, and receive help.
In older societies it was channelled. For example moaris had tests. Swim the menai strait. Catch a big fish. Maybe thafsvwhars missing. Traditional male rites.
@user traditional male rights that go beyond “get a wife, get her pregnant and be the head of the household.” You can’t be the head of anything nor deserve it just because you’re born male. You have to work hard.
After not wanting to hurt him by defending myself* I realised something that I share with others "Fight back and you might die. Don't fight back and you'll wish you had" * and my mother's loving advice of "just let them get it over and done with", and "just float out of your body and on to the ceiling" - seriously, who teaches that to a 5yo? 😡 And people wonder why I have issues 😤
Thank God l never had children or got married. Life is tough enough. I no longer date as the crasies out their are well hidden. I was very naive and trusted people. I met some one who really freaked me out. I discovered he was BPD. No one told me. But my gut and body fell ill. It was telling me to run. And l did. I am still healing from the shock. Of meeting a demon.
I needed this. I felt bad for not getting married again, not having children nor dating. I sometimes miss the in love thing, the courtship and marriage but not enough to want it since I've gone through a lot. Thank you. ❤
@user-hr4rv8rf1w borderline personality disorder. it's a personality disorder of mental health and yes it can make people the worst partners but at the end of the day it is a person with mental health issues, not a demon.
Dr. Burgess, you are a gem. Thanks for the questions. They can be great date questions, and give us warning signs to watch out for. Also, thank you for all you have done for women in general, and female victims in particular.
This briliant lady is so wise. I was engaged to a very abusive ex who self described HIMSELF as a "master manipulator." I thought it was just 'bravado.' No, it was very early in the relationship and he was 'showing me who he honestly was.' He wound up beating me severely at the end. He was showing me exactly who he was. He was very handsome and that is why he'd gotten away with the way he is all these years. Handsome facade a vile person at heart. VILE. *And I really played the fool because other former partners had accused him of abuse and he'd gone to jail! I marvel at my own stupidity! He had a long song and dance excuse for how they were 'bad,' they were 'cheaters, liars, so on and so forth.' IF he has a criminal history: RUN.*
One problem with women is not listening to other women. I used to watch women on Usenet get manipulated by the same guy, and believing they were the unique one who wasn't like the others.
When you go on a date with somebody, you don’t know well take their picture and a picture of their license plate send it to a friend and if they don’t want you to, and don’t date them
Thank you so very much for posting this. Recently, I dodged a bullet with a narcissistic sociopath (based on the really bad things I know he's done) who was also a DL/undercover, and in denial homosexual. My one saving grace is that I didn't sleep with him! I did get what I called "banged up & bruised" mentally and emotionally, and have learned 'some' about why and how I fell prey to him. I'd known him for years and knew he wasn't a good man, nor was he right for me, but I was always intrigued by him. After 7 years he caught me at a vulnerable time...But, I KNEW not to go to bed with him, lol!! Your video is EXACTLY what I need to learn CONCRETELY what to look for in the future. A debt of tremendous gratitude to you (the FBI Agent) for sharing your years of experience and this LIFE-SAVING knowledge! This is truly a GIFT for me and really, all women for the times we are living in...Thank you for your service! 🇺🇸
That’s it right there. When we don’t sleep with them quickly, we are likely to figure them out. I had similar experience. He tried to rape me in front of my Boy. Imagine the repercussions on my Child’s life. I know it was God’s hand that pull me away from him. The desire to be with someone opens us to Devil’s prey. He was about to destroy me and affect my Boy’s life to irreparable damage. When I think of it I feel sick. It took lots of therapy and the call of unto God for self forgiveness and deliverance From that day on, I gave myself to God. I thought 💭 this life was to dangerous to navigate it alone. Jesus is now my best friend; directing my every step. I am so spirit filled that I can now see them from a far My Lord, my Saviour Jesus has saved me from the hands of the enemy 🙇♀️ 🙌🏾
WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!
@@sueg2286 I don’t think so..the dialogue is what’s important..
@@sueg2286 Well this is a rude comment, she is just being herself and has the guts to put her mug out here on the internet, and speak for yourself about the "credibility" thing. Reading this comment you lost YOUR credibility for sure, but of course you don't have the guts to put yourself out here other than with a rude comment.
As a domestic violence survivor, I will tell you that we don't want to go to court because we are TERRIFIED. I don't care if he's in custody or not because I don't trust the police or the system to protect me. When you are terrorized like that, no place or situation is safe from that man. My abuser did twelve years without my testimony because I was afraid he'd get off and come after me if I did. I didn't dare leave him before he went to prison because I knew, deep my heart, that given the right circumstances, he could kill me. My intuition was to outsmart him and manipulate his behavior to keep him calm until they could lock him up. I did. I'm alive today. After he went to prison, I ran hard and fast. I hid. I'd have crawled into a hole in Antarctica to survive. Never been so scared of someone in my life.
I had a gut instinct when I was in my late teens but ignored it
@@sueg2286just stop.... listen.
I once thought I was becoming paranoid. I encountered a young kid at work who literally made me break out in goosebumps, and take an involuntary step back. I went to a friend, who happened to be a psychiatrist who had been in charge of psychiatry for a state prison system. I told him I was afraid that I was suffering from paranoia. We talked, and he asked me lots of questions, some surprising ones, about the encounter. He then told me that he didn’t feel I was being paranoid. The other thing that he told me, has stuck with me for 25 years: Always trust that inner voice. Never second guess when you get a physical reaction to a person or situation. As humans, evolution has honed that survival instinct since people came to be, and it will NEVER lead you astray.
In some cases it will have been trained to be silent, in which case you'll have to listen very very hard at first to start hearing it again, or you will have been sensitized to certain triggers that are not actually red flags, but honestly better safe than sorry still applies. And a reaction strong enough to cause physical symptoms is a pretty major warning. In the case of people like me who are autistic, training myself to recognize the red flags (which I would not originally have noticed) has been extremely helpful.
Except when you’re really really stoned you should question your paranoia.
Yes don't get stoned.
@@awalls8122 Ah - but it makes me much more easy going! It's ridiculous how much it submerges my general level of anxiety. Maybe, don't get stoned if there's a chance of other people appearing! Alcohol, in my experience, is much more dangerous in terms of getting the person into bad situations. The vast majority of my bad decisions - alcohol was involved.
So true. Unfortunately my mind & gut were very often disconnected .......I did not realise people caused physical reactions in me. Like you did, I thought it was me 😢
Some years ago, I was shopping alone at a 24 hour Walmart. I paid for my purchases and walked out the door into the deserted parking lot. Suddenly, this strange man comes towards me, asking if he can use my phone, his car is broken down. To this day, I dont know what made me react like this, it was out of character. I stood up straight and yelled at him, "NO! YOU CANT! YOU CAN GO INSIDE! YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO APPROACH A WOMAN 8N A PARKING LOT AFTER DARK! SHAME ON YOU! SHAME!" The guy looked shocked, and hurried away to a car across the parking lot. I unlocked my car and put my bags inside, keeping one eye on him, so I saw when he started his car, turned on the headlights, and came screeching towards me. I drove out of the lot quickly, but this man in his "broken down" car was chasing me down the road. He kept trying to ram the back of my car, I was going at least 100mph, praying for a police officer, but no such luck. He chased me at breakneck speed across town, until I finally pulled into the downtown police station. I ran inside, he kept going. A nice officer inside asked me what was wrong, but the man had gone by then. I waited there for several hours, until I felt I could safely return home. I had a policeman follow me, and and never saw that man again. Gut instinct saved my life that night. If I hadnt screamed at him aggressively in the parking lot, I shudder to think what would have happened.
Thank God you got away! Definitely would have turned out bad, since the guy still followed until the police station. Wow.
Try not to put yourself/ourselves in 24 hour Walmarts/Venues…there’s a saying that nothing good happens after midnight, it’s dark and harder to see clearly, Glad you are safe! Thanks for sharing
Crime occurs at all hours
Your safety is your responsibility.
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Boundaries by Henry Cloud
I Hear You by Michael Sorenson
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter
Without Conscience by Robert D Hare
Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid has informative podcasts on attachment styles.
5 Boundaries You Must Set With Men - Jonathon Aslay podcast
Sam Vaknin has educational podcasts on Cluster B disorders.
Sam Vaknin and David Tian have educational podcasts on The Red Pill and Alpha Males.
20 years ago, Wally World used to have outside security guys driving around all night. Used to is the key word ,that was back when the old man Walton was in charge,I guess his kids don't want to spend the money helping the customers feel safe
The serial killer Israel Keyes was known for this approach and for chasing with his car and ramming into the car he was chasing.Google his picture please
One thing my Mother told me, I think was very valuable. When you first meet a man and he asks you out, always take your own car and meet him somewhere until you think you know him well enough to trust him. He doesn’t even have the need to know where you live exactly.
I had a friend who would take a picture of the car license plate of a date and send it to family. A really serious situation would have fake plates (been there). Putting their face in the frame with their knowledge might be a deterrent in that situation.
YES!!!
Advice I got living in the West Indies: ONCE YOU TELL SOMEONE WHERE YOU LIVE…. YOU CANNOT UNTELL THEM. YOU WILL LITERALLY HAVE TO MOVE. 🔥💀🔥
@@NatHemstreetTooNOBODY GETS YOUR HOME ADDRESS FOR THE FIRST 2 DATES PERIOD. THAT PICTURE WILL DO NOTHING TO SAVE YOU WHEN HE IS STABBING YOU AT 4am 🔥💀🔥
YES!! And I have to say something that many will not agree with: MOST of the time meeting online is a mistake!! You have know them in 'real life!' In this day so many just meet online. People can do all kinds of evil and lying online. Meeting on dating apps is pretty hopeless. It is.
There are also victimizers who target assertive women because they have a deep need to “put the woman in her place.” Those guys are so scary and violent.
My brother is one of those men. The more scary part is he is now claiming he is Trans. I have known him his entire life - I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is doing it to gain access to female only spaces. he WANTS to trigger women and then claim they are discriminating. I am certain he will get violent. He always does. I have endured his torture, and I know what he is capable of and there is nothing I can do about it, because he found the loophole in the law and is now exploiting it. I do not think he is the only man to be exploiting this loophole too.
@@staceylynn7749 I'm sorry you had to deal and are still dealing with that. This world is truly falling into chaos.
Totally!
@@staceylynn7749maybe report your concerns about your brother to police so at least there is a record somewhere. Or ask non-emergency police if you can do so.
@@staceylynn7749scary stuff
They test you with a tiny bit of unacceptable behaviour and if you accept it, they will target you
yes.
And women are naturally more patient and socialized to be.
Compliance testing
@amadeagottlieb OMG You set down a BOUNDARY with a man that made it very clear he was a SADIST...??!!??
Girl you should have just DISAPPEARED from HIS LIFE FAST as you could RUN......!! You are a VERY VERY LUCKY lady he disappeared from your life instead. But 🙏 be careful bcos those types come around again when they get bored and NO SETTING BOUNDARIES WITH a SADIST is ever acceptable... you just NEED to RUN 🏃♂️ 🏃♀️
the other way if he does ever thknk of teying again. Bxos next time he will be SMARTER & he'll.... LIE TO YOU... but hell still be the same sadist that likes being cruel to cars and children. Have standards. You dont set boundaries ever wifh dangerous men.... bcos they are incapable of keeping boundaries.. at least behind your back...and one daynyou will be the TARGET foe the CRUELITY... WHICH IS WHY HE RAN...!!
NO BOUNDARIWS. JUST DISAPPEARED OUT OFNHIS LIFE AND TELL PEOPLE close to you so they can protect you.
Honey... YOU dodged a bullet even thos you haven't realised it. God was protecting you from him.
@amadeagottlieb You dodged a bullet with that one. Don't grieve the loss, you're grieving for what never was nor could be. You are LUCKY!
That’s when sh… hits the fan! Their stupid behavior!
I once drove off and thankfully we'd taken my car to a movie. He would'nt take " No" for an answer about sex, and this was a first date. Thank God his work truck was parked 12 miles away in mynparents driveway. I got him off me long enough to ask him to go buy me some popcorn and a drink. As soon as hecwas out of sight I took off, and got the heck back to home. When I walked in sobearly, my Dad asked why I was home less than an hour after we left. I told him what happened. He went out, took pictures of the guys truck & tags( just in case). The next morning his truck was gone. All over our front steps, (and there were 28 of them) were bludgened huge bullfrogs. Blood, guts ...he had thrown them so many of them, at the steps that it was horrifying. My Dad called the Police, and sat there withva shotgun over his lap 10 feet inside our front door the next 2 nights. When the cops found the guy, it was vecause he'd raped another young woman. They called my Dad to let him know he could sleep at night. My Dad was an Executive and put in for a transfer halfway across the Country as soon as he could. I felt horribly guilty, but my Dad made it a point to tell me how proud he was of me for thinking quickly, taking action, and getting away from the guy.
Your dad is a wonderful person. He took care of you, your family by reducing the chances of this person ever coming after you again. God bless him. ❤
@reneet5858 What a horrific experience. Your dad is very strong and protective - important positive qualities.
One of your parents believed you? That's fantastic.
Wow what an awesome dad!
Best Dad 🏆 Trophy ⭐💖🙏💙💛🤍💚❤🎉
What’s really scary is when these people occupy positions of power, such as law enforcement or politics.
On point, it’s precisely why the world is a mess , because they weaved us in a psychopathic matrix since ancient times and it just gets worse
Oh god, tell me about it. I know a psychopathic lawyer who is frankly scarier than Bundy to me. And he's planning on becoming a judge 😵💫
managers and supervisors too
Spot on. This is why I advocate for an incorruptible digital and open judicial system. So that single people do not get too much power at single court yards / districts / cases anymore and that the possibilities of corruption and bias shrink to a bare minimum.
@@AD-eg9cw And I know lawyers who quit the judicial system because they couldn't cope with all those guys anymore.
DO NOT be taken to a second location.
Should go without saying. But I'm glad you said it.
It’s hard to not do what someone says when they have a weapon pointed at you though.
@@ccdm515 What!!!
The 2nd location is where they murder you 😢
@@ccdm515still better to resist. Look for Oprah programme she did on it years ago. She warned people that the second location even if it's in the backroom of a building you aren't.. the second location..egneven that back room is where they will murder or rape you. Better to fight cajole or tey run. You'll most likely die in the 2nd location anyway so might as well try fight for your life where there are people
I had an encounter with Ted Bundy in 1974
I live in Idaho.. I will never forget It was two days before my 18th birthday I was with a ( boy) who was just a friend at a little hole in the wall bar that allowed minors to come in to play pool.
In the middle of our pool game a man walks in the door everybody turns to see who it was, he made eye contact with me and it made my blood run cold!!! I had no idea why but I immediately told my friend to put his stick away we were leaving. He said why we''re right in the middle of the game
I said we are leaving let's go Now!! We just got outside walking to my car I heard the door open behind us, I knew it was that man before I even turned around to look. He walked up to me asked me if I belonged to someone in the bar! I thought it was a weird question
I answered him guardedly I said no I don't belong to anyone in the bar! He said he was going to st Louis Missouri that night and wanted me to go with him!! I said I'm not going anywhere with you, he said it again then a third time he said he was TAKING me with him, and again I said I'm not going anywhere with you!!
He mumbled you'll regret your decision while walking off. We got in the car my friend said who was that!! I said I don't know I've never seen him before in my life!! I was so scared I could barely hold the clutch in in my car my legs were shaking so bad!! It was his eyes that scared me I felt something evil I never ever felt before!
It wasn't until 3 or 4 years later I saw his picture on TV I knew then why I reacted so strongly to his presence!! I never saw him again but a man did call at 11:00 pm right before we got home and my mother answered the phone she wanted to know who this older man was calling me late at night . I said didn't know any older men who would call me late at night especially! I'm pretty sure it was him. We had a party line on our phone he could've asked any of the other kids at the bar who were on the same party line and they could have easily given him my number!! That was the end of it but man that was some scary stuff!!!!!
❤ I think your guardian angels saved you ❤
Wow! How excellent instincts you have! Superb!
You saved yourself! And had a much luck and angels around you too!!! ❤❤❤
Also, under every Ted Bundy video, you see couple of comments which tells how women met Ted and so had a close encounter with death.
That man was everywhere...His number of victims must been much higher than what he confessed into. He was constantly on the prawl for a new victims 😱
That's terrifying. Yes I've heard others tell similar experience. Wow he was brazen.
Yikes!
She mentioned one of the signs to look out for in narcissists is talking about themselves and I strongly disagree, in my experience with them it's been fully the opposite- they ask you questions and get you to tell them as much as possible to learn everything they can about you while divulging as little as possible about themselves and remain quiet to then later mirror you and your values and become your "perfect" person so you believe you met your soulmate only to later realize it was all fake and just a predator stalking their prey.
The big bad wolf doesn't want you to look so hard that you notice their disguise- they want to make you feel comfortable and loved and to think they're just a gentle harmless meek grandmother..
That sounds more like a psychopath or a malignant narcissist
Exactly
In my experience, I've found the covert narcissists don't talk about themselves, but the grandiose ones do.
I have known both, the covert narcissict and the grandiose. The grandiose loves to brag about themselves and the covert secretly wants admiration but both are like evil children that dont grow up, but hate is the only emotion they have.
my husband does this
The boy next door that I grew up with… when we were teenagers, we kinda started liking each other. He wanted to go to a secluded woodsy area nearby. I suddenly got terrified and refused. A few years later he wrote to me from prison. He got 5 years for rape.
@triciabrown1462 yikes. Good instincts.
Why would he write you from prison? Lose his number, move away, stay safe
@@RoyalPineapple-dk2vg that was nearly 30 years ago. I was in college. I hadn’t seen him in a few years. He wrote to me at my mom’s address. Oh, and he lied about the reason he was in prison.
@@RoyalPineapple-dk2vg as for why… I think he was lonely and wanted a pen pal, and it kinda seemed like he wanted to see if I was still interested in him. I was not.
@@triciabrown1462 Stay safe…he’s got many red flags, I know, you are truly a kind person.
Women and girls, you don’t need to “politely” excuse yourself from a man who is giving you bad vibes. Feel free to just walk off, or be rude to get away from him if you need to. Women have been trained to always ‘be nice’, ‘be sweet’. You don’t need to be nice to a strange man who approaches you or even a man you know who makes you feel uncomfortable.
Not everyone deserves your kindness and courtesy.
You've got that right! Yep
Exactly. You don’t owe anyone anything
The only caveat I have: that could be super triggering for someone who has already targeted you. Making sure you are physically safe is the answer, including sliding locks for doors and windows, wi-fi cameras with SD cards (wi-fi jammers are used by more and more criminals), battery alarms at any possible entry point, etc
So true. I used to be nice in my younger adult years to rude, gropy, controlling men I'd meet. Now I couldn't care less, if my skin crawls, chill up my spine, goosebumps or anything that gives me the creepy feeling I'm OUT.
When I was 15 years old, I was walking in one of the nicer neighborhoods of San Francisco. A handsome, well-dressed, 30 something year old business man in a BMW stopped and wanted me to get in his car. He was charming but I had a vision of myself at the bottom of the SF bay if I got in his car, so I stayed on the sidewalk and headed back towards people I knew. I’m so glad I had these instincts when I was young. It was the 70’s and we were all aware of the rapists and killers around then.
C creeps and trashy ass people come out of high places as well as low…
They're still around.
I’ve had men do the same to me. Like, who gets in a car wuth a strange man?
I’m thinking that was Ted Bundy. He approached me the same way. He used to borrow his friends fancy cars.
I hate to say it but women need to learn to be alone for a good healty stretch. Be independent emotionally and financially. Once you're comfortable being alone you will sharpen your skills at identifying a creep. You will also learn it's ok to hold out until you find the right person.
❤❤❤so true
Fully agree!! A couple of other good reasons are; if you're eventually a stay at home mom while the kids are young you'll take your husband's efforts for granted less because you've experienced the grind yourself- and if anything ever happens to your husband you won't be clueless on how to fend for yourself.
On the flip side of the coin, its ideal for men to live with friends or family who have small children for a stretch before settling down. This helps them identify who'll make a good mom and teach them how to be proper team players and not take thier wife's efforts and grind for granted.
You might as well learn to stay single for the rest of your life. As my mother already told me: The 5 percent of relatable men are already from the market in their twenties. And the older I get the more I realize she was right.
@amerubix185 I will be alone the rest of my life. I was married for 17 years but my husband passed away in 2018. I really haven't had any desire to find anyone else and honestly I couldn't care less about sex.
@@tracieday8661 That's the point where I am at, too.
Halloween 1990 I lived in San Diego in an apartment. I was young. I was giving candy to young kids prior. Next, a young man comes to my apartment door wanting candy. I got bad vibes from him. Dark energy, I could see it in his eyes. I immediately tried to slam the door but he tried to break in. It took all the strength I had to shut, close and lock that door. He got spooked by other people in the neighborhood. That night in the neighborhood there was a rape reported incident. I don’t open doors for anyone. Unless I know it’s a package or I know a friend is coming over. I’ve trained my kids the same.
Yikes he sounds like Richard Ramirez
Get them to leave the package outside. 😮😢
A package can be left on the porch unless it needs a signature and you can even call up there and sign online now
Did you report him to help cops?
Didn't you ring the police ? As it could have prevented the rape latter on in the night
I remember getting wigged about going out with someone and told him on the phone, "No, I can't go after all." He came over and talked through the door...he said, "I really need to use the bathroom, can I come in for a minute?" I told him to get lost. I heard him cursing me out as he left. I had my brother come over to my apartment, he said the guy had been lurking.
@@lotstodo Close call.
You handled that well. Recognized the manipulation.
We have the right who we allow into our lives and into our homes.
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Boundaries by Henry Cloud
I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix-
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
The Language Of Emotions by Karla McLaren
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Volk
@@lotstodo Jeez, it's not easy being a woman in this world.
@mandyinseattle It certainly has its moments! We have to always be careful.
Mine put his hand up to my face and said, "A hand is for love. Not to hurt." It was so random, and I felt so uncomfortable. That hand broke my jaw a few weeks later.
@fluttergirl75 Omg, terrible! I hope you are in a safe place now and healing.
@@amg9163 thank you. I am safe.
@@fluttergirl75 I am glad to hear that! Thank you for posting and do take care!
I suspect someone tried to teach/model good behavior. Could have also been an abuser. They have so many ‘tells’, don’t they? We get fooled because we aren’t like them.
😊Thank goodness you are safe! Ugh
I was a domestic violence victim and still trying to recover, i came forward after thankfully escaping with my two kids and pets lived in a car for a year the only punishment he got was going to jail for one day and the restrainer order was off a few months ago.. i can’t till now live in peace without looking over my shoulder every day. No support from the system, none and that’s why many don’t come forward. But, please if this happen to you and you feel on danger don’t think twice on get just and save you life and those who you love, ones they start, it’s a ticking bomb, things you can rebuild not your life.
One problem is that so many women go back over and over and over again that the system then has less trust in their judgement. So many also want to retrieve the accusations bc they don't want to get the boyfriend in trouble. The system is not all at fault. I had one of these women as friends, i finally told her to stop getting other ppl., including the police to play her deadly games. She broke up about 13 times in a 6mo. period and went to police not to put restraining order on him but to make sure she "flagged him". Then 2 months later turns out she was dating him again. WT... I stopped being her friend. Didn't want to get caught in her turmoil.
@@mayc8674 that was not my case, I left with the first beating and never came back.. the system is broken, doesn’t work. You have no idea cause you have not being in that situation.
@@alera520 I am talking about the women that play games with the system. There are many. Your situation is yours, i know women that play the system while going back on their own accord, in no way being forced by the perpetrator. As a matter of fact, my friend's boyfriend wanted to not be around her. She chased him too even after going to the police.
@@mayc8674 you should read about what’s trauma bond and cognitive dizziness, many are condition to be like this by family broken systems maybe you should inform yourself a little bet more before judging it’s not something simple also some of this woman have monetary restrictions cause the other person controls the finances, in my case I lost it all.. I took a big chance to get out but, it’s easy to judge when you are in your home have a place to stay and the problem is not yours.. open your eyes, I’m sure there’s some that crap in the stick but, this is not a reason to not support the victims when they need it and the system doesn’t always do what they are supposed to do.
@@mayc8674 sounds like that friend was not right psychologically, cluster B personality disorders. She sounds like a few female psychopaths that I know.
I remember the Dating Game killer. The woman picked him as the winner. After the show, when she met him--she felt something wasn't right. Wouldn't go out with him. He had killed before--and killed after. By following her instincts she probably saved her own life.
That's so bold to go on the Dating Game.
Rodney Acala
She stated he was " creepy"
Without Conscience by Robert D Hare
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Didn't that happened in Chile? 👀
@@lupo987 He travelled and relocated like many prolific offenders. The Dating Game was an American television show.
The gut feeling: As a young woman I thought I had a bad picker - hence I didn't trust the very strong "predator- turn around!" feeling that I got ( shivers down my upper spine) the first time I met a date that turned into a long time narcissistic relationship with lots of trauma and abuse. I had too low self esteem back then to quit it on the spot . ALWAYS trust the gut/ shivers.
@@lisamar6386
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Same. That gut instinct us screaming at you get as far away as possible. Get as far away from The person as possible
YES!!! I only experinced it in one relationship, but that's all I needed. I have a coworker, who is also female, and I have the same feeling about her. I immediately cut off all communication with her and boy was she pissed. That confirmed everything.
@@goseemekah 👍
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Volk.
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships
To your point about people not believing the terrifying rage and behaviour of my son.
I finally found a family lawyer and was totally honest about the things he did and raged about. Found a pshcologist who specialist in narcissism. Both had the same diagnosis and told me to call the police as he needed to know someone in power was watching him. I emailed him a list of boundaries and that if he broke any of them I was to call the police rigjt away and they would pick him up immediately.
This is a grown man who terrorized me for at least 20 years and I totally feared for my life. End of problem for me except I finally had to let my baby go. He is very intelligent, good looking, funny and extremely charming and makes a lot of money! I finally feel safe for the first time in my life in over 20 years. Finally there are professionals that understand these extreme behaviors.
😢 😭 😿 💔 💔 it hits harder if it's feom a son. God bless you 🙏 ❤️ 🙌
As the mother of a non violent narcissistic son; I know exactly what you’re talking about, and how much pain you’re going through. They will always be our sons, and there is no greater pain in the world than having to walk away from them. My son is also smart, good looking, personable, and everyone else thinks he’s great. But; the way he treated me was horrible, and severely cruel. There was no physical abuse; but his distain for me was palpable!
My heart goes out to you, because I personally know how painful the loss of your son is, no matter what he’s done.
It’s perpetual mourning that we can never overcome; because unlike the finality of someone dying, we know they’re out there. We mentally know that the odds of them changing are nil; but, our maternal instincts always leave us feeling like we wish for a future where they might.
Take care of yourself. You are not alone ❣️❤️😥
WRONG HES A DANGER TO THE NEXT WOMAN OR MASS SHOOTER OR S KILLER
Wow. If only there was someone who could've raised him better.
@@u4iadreamsyou must be a teenager. Victim shaming and victim blaming is childish. Is every bad thing you ever did and poor choice you ever made your parents fault? If you answer yes…you my dear are the narcissist in your story. 😂 good luck with your kids. Hope they don’t turn out to be serial killers 😂
Wanted to share the "gut feeling story". I got cornered in my kindergarten's cleaning room when I was 5 by my teacher's son (he was 16-18). He kissed me and then he went to lock the door, saying: "Just don't move, I'll be back in a sec". My heart was beating through my brain and I was saying to myself: "I'm 5, now what do I do?!?!". And I literally heard the voice in my head say: "RUN!!!". It was a man's voice, very loud, clear and authoritative. And I ran and that dude was chasing me and calling me a "B***". Then I knew this was serious. I ran to someone else's house, so that he wouldn't know where I lived and waited for about an hour. Never told my mom about this, because I didn't want to destroy her happiness. But I'm scared to think that that guy, being teacher's son and gaving access to a lot of kids must have done a lot of harm.
😢
That was the voice of God saving you ❤
@rebeccaj7164 not God, ascended masters/saints usually. Not even angels get personally involved in 99.99 percent of cases anymore.
Sad you couldn't go to your mother and tell what happend.
Horrified to be one to tell you that this is not an uncommon occurrence 😢
I had an abusive stepfather. It toughened me up as a child. When I left home I got my own place and job. Never lived with a man to support me. Always had my own place so I was in control. I met several men who turned out to be abusive and I ended it quick. I finally met the perfect man I married. All love and contentment. Im a widow now and living alone but I don't take any BS or rude treatment. I have walked out in the middle of dates and block their phone number. I never give my address till after the 4th or 5th date so they don't know where i live.
@@christinewimer5523
Wise indeed. 👍
However a background check with your phone number will reveal your location. Truth Finder is one site.
The dating market is a mess. We are swimming in a sea of dysfunction with hookup culture.
The Paradox Of Choice Ted Talk
Dating was safer and easier years ago prior to the Internet technology and date sites.
Dating requires detective skills. In this world verify everything. Discernment
Fact check. A background check is essential. Trust requires proof.
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future-Sam Vaknin podcast.
Never doubt patterns. AKA the track record
Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid clinician has informative podcasts on attachment styles.
It's always important to find out how a man feels about his mother.
They can easily lie
@@goldbrick2563 The truth always reveals itself.
This is brilliant! So on the mark.
Some people overcome generational trauma and break the chain, and are amazing people. Sadly, most don’t, it seems, but don’t judge everyone by their parents. Some people become truly self-actualized individuals. Take the writer, Charles Bukowski. He didn’t have mentally healthy parents, and he had problems, too, but he overcame them through his work and helped countless people in hopeless situations to never give up. He became the opposite of them. There are plenty of stories like that.
@@annacroix all i meant is that a guy can appear to be a good guy by saying he loves his mother, she's the greatest etc. In reality, he doesn't feel that way about her. He may even be in denial and not know on a conscious level that he is angry with his mother and hates her. Additionally, the mother could be a good hearted person who made mistakes parenting. Emotions are severely repressed in some people. That's why some people have fits of anger and rage and they have no idea why or they attribute it to some problem at work etc. They don't acknowledge their feelings. If they don't get help, you don't need to stick around to help them. Some people will never change.
My ex said he had social anxiety. I thought he was a nice, quiet guy. I am lucky to have gotten out with my life…
Yes! These folks are really dangerous too! Mine was, what I believe in hindsight to be a vulnerable/covert narcissist and me, being empathic and co-dependent, (I came from poverty, abuse and neglect) swooped in to rescue and uplift and comfort him. 🤦
Almost ended myself over that abusive piece of crap. 🤬
Psychopath have that!!! that’s scary
Yes the narc will tell big lies with a poker face to draw you in.
@@sharonthompson672 And you have men who will claim that giving a scary guy love will save lives. Nope. Nope.
@@RebeccaOre Oh yeah, a friend's daughter heard " you make me a better person" my friend answered "it's not her JOB to make you a better person!!!" Go mom! 🙂👍
Traditionally women have been taught to be nice no matter the situation. Women need to learn that being nice is not necessarily a survival strategy.
Though I didn't know, both my parents and sister have personality disorders. The worst part was having my grandmother, whom I loved dearly, acting like an enabler of those behaviors. Made me second guess myself so much, it was like I was the one being wrong, not them. She was a good person. I'm autistic, too trusting and danger isn't my first thought (PTSD made me aware of many things). She was like that too. Unfortunately, life's circumstances were less benevolent with me than with her, and I gave a lot of opportunities for predators to approach me just because I was told I ought to be a nice person.
@@10000_depth_wormF*ck nice. Safety is a girl's best friend.
It's called fawning. It is required in most sensrios. But the problem is the world only see abuse when they see a physical attack other wise the women is lying, attention seeking etc.
@@cathleenwoodul8836
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker. "Women and men live in two different worlds when it comes to safety"
"Niceness does not equal goodness" " No is a complete sentence" " Charm is a verb. It is not a character trait"
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Boundaries by Henry Cloud
Without Conscience by Robert D Hare
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
I Hear You by Michael Sorenson
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix- IMAGO
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin ( attachment styles)
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Kolk
@@cathleenwoodul8836
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Lisa, Thank you for interviewing Ann Burgess. She is a legend, icon, hero & National Treasure who paved the way for women to be taken seriously in the FBI. She created & revolutionized profiling, saving countless lives. The world is a safer place thanks to her tireless work. She is a personal hero of mine.
💕 THANK YOU ANN! 💕
@@loreleiesmond8725
#HIGHLIGHTINGTHIS!
WORD
Yeah she is a gem🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️
Shes very interesting. Astute.
Thanks to both Lisa and Ann for this valuable information. And to Ann for your determination and expertise, and educating the FBI.
I was stalked back in 2021 and this lady is spot on! I was an administrative assistant at a hardware store and a regular customer started coming in and harassing me. It was just obnoxious at first, he’d yell across the counter trying to get me to talk to him and he’d always have minor negative things to say, trying to put me down yet at the same time get my attention. I started noticing that I’d see him often at other places like the grocery store, etc. after I got off work- far too often than just randomly running into someone. Then one day he came in to my work and quoted something specific I had posted to my social media about 2 weeks prior, to make me aware that he was following me on social media. We banned him from the store and told him if he came back we were calling the police. I am not a nervous person but this had me in an emotional state.
All I can say is "Ewww"
It's obvious that social media is too dangerous
I don't even use my LinkedIn account anymore because of an ex.
Never turn my Location app on any more - automatically turns on for calls to emergency services
@TheKrispyfort I use _"fake names"_ for my Facebook and LinkedIn accounts that are a combination of initials and other letters and numbers. I am only _"friends"_ with people I either know personally or I have sent the invite.
so on social media you put your real name?
@@amg9163 a lot of people use pseudonyms on social media now, though older people, such as myself who remember the operator at the telephone exchange, changing out typewriter ribbon, and using only cash, didn't think a professional networking tool such as LinkedIn would require an individual to still need to employ pseudonyms for personal safety.
But, here we are.
A Here where nothing is sacred and nowhere is safe.
It remains an eternal truth - Predators go to where the Prey is
Sorry. If you're are bring stalked usually means there is something fundamentally wrong with you. Please get help
Feel free to be rude, say No, refuse to go with him.
While you still are free to do so ... Yes.
And understand it's not rude to say no.
@@MarciaMatthews
No is a complete sentence GDB. The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Without Conscience by Robert D Hare
I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson
Boundaries by Henry Cloud
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships It clarifies.
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix-
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman
Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It by Kamal Ravikant
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Volk
Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid clinician has informative podcasts on attachment styles.
Like as if that would make it better. It's already enough women love provoking men and being childishly disrespectful and manipulative....
David Tian and Sam Vaknin have educational podcasts on The Red Pill
Sam Vaknin has educational podcasts on Cluster B disorders.
5 Shocking Behaviors You Should Never Tolerate In A Man by Jonathon Aslay podcast
5 Boundaries You Must Set With Men by Jonathon Aslay podcast
A really good sign of who the person is, if you happen to be having a heated discussion between you, a neighbor signals him and he turns into the nicest, most helpful human on earth. Goes instantly back to your hot topic when the neighbor moves on. That change from friendly to demonic is obvious, and UNDENIABLY IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE. NO matter how much you adhere to "their ways" they will add on more and more.
You are so right. I never thought about it, but my bio father was just like that, and he was a misogynist, abusive, psycho.
So so true!
So true! So scary
@@user-qi4ff5in9z my "mother" is the psycho. She can be so very "nice" to other people in public but the demon comes out when she is around me, her daughter.
You just described my ex fiance. He was SO kind to others and so HIDEOUS to me. His friends would blame ME. Only his own ex women knew the 'truth' about him. He was always doing kind things for others and so awful to me.
The offender would hang out on our street corner staring at our house. I didn't notice, a neighbor did. When he saw my husband and daughter leaving the house without me....he came in the back. I had barely noticed him before. He'd said hello...awkwardly. There is a mental health halfway house near us. (He wasn't from there) so this isn't actually unusual. I didn't even make a note of him until I saw him standing over me naked in my bedroom. (I was victim number five. The police were already looking for him. I'm still alive. He is in prison for life.) Now I notice people. Even if they don't look at me. I actually stand and stare at someone if they're just.....lingering. Rural...absolutely no excuse to be here accidentally. We KNOW our neighbors. YOU stand out. I'll remember that. (oh, yeah, when they arrested him he claimed to be the king of our city. He had a birthright. He was very full of....himself. Turns out his mom told him he'd get diseases from the girls around him. So he focused on married, middle aged white women with kids.) I still introduce myself and say hello to anyone who looks homeless. What is your name? Where are you from? Half actual concern, half cautionary research. Stalkers don't like questions. People who are there doing things they are not supposed to be doing will LEAVE. Don't ignore people. Look DIRECTLY INTO THEIR EYES. Don't be coy, don't look away to be polite. If you are not familiar to me and are trying to interact with my neighbor's children...I'll be there.
😮WOW!! Thank you for posting this comment. Very eye opening. THANK GOD, YOU are ALIVE and SAFE.. and you are so brave now.. gos bless you Im in awe at you strength 💪 ❤️ 🙏 🤲
You introduce to any homeless? Wtf? Youll end up stabbed as well...sounds like you didnt learned a thing....
My god, what a bloody nightmare for you. Such a horrible ordeal. I was very lucky when I was 17.I got away, but it was friggen frightening and I had to remain cool when I was dying inside, I escaped, but I still get flashbacks. I hope to god you've had some help, I never got any and it fu(ked me up for a long time. Much love going to you.❤❤❤
God bless you and thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom. 🙏🏼 ❤
Praying 🤲🙏 for you and all recovering victims and for all Mort ☠️💀🙏😭 victims, of ALL time, 💐 who do 🚫 not get to tell their story. 😔💔✝️🩸🛐✨🕊️🕯️🌹❤️
I don't know if I've met psychopaths but i know something: any man that doesn't have empathy or kindness is a dangerous man.
Any man that doesn't respect your boundaries from the simplest things to the intimate ones. I experienced being with a guy that ised to did everything i told him no and i was r@p3d by him.
Another man once we were in a shooting game and there were guns there and he told me: this is what I'll use to murd3r you. And that was so weird, we didn't continue dating, he was selfish and yes, he abused me too during intimacy.
So ladies, i repeat, any man that does not respect your boundaries, is too aggressive during intercourse (hurting you) and any man that doesn't possess kindness is dangerous. Be careful
Thank the Lord you haven’t met a psychopath.
@@DisciplineToSuccess101 you're kidding? The person above "experienced being with a guy that ised to did everything i told him no and i was r@p3d by him." Was raped by him.....the rapist is a psychopath!
Often women don't want to be called a "prude", so they will keep silent after or when a man treats her harshly during or after s*x. This is a red flag that's not readily spoken about on media forums. However, such behavior is, in my opinion, the absolute biggest sign of an abusive, problematic man! These types of men certainly will never care about your feelings and boundaries and will endlessly treat you badly and blame you for their actions!
@@DisciplineToSuccess101 sounds like sarcasm. Either way, I'm alive. Men are terrible. That's why standards need to be really high. And the sad part is, many women in some point of their lives experience something like this with a man, their partners
Perps don't take "no" for an answer.
Simple test: take half a step back during conversation. If they step forward in response -- you just learned something about them
Something to know is that many "dating coaches" for men teach methods that are exactly what she describes there, like take the woman to a second location and separate her from her friends. That really caught my attention.
@@wwondertwin
Utube, and society is teaching men many toxic behaviors.
However the dating market is a mess. We are swimming in a sea of dysfunction of hookup culture.
The Paradox Of Choice Ted Talk
David Tian and Sam Vaknin have educational podcasts on The Red Pill and Alpha Males.
Yes, they teach many toxic behaviors.
Indeed.
I LOVE Ann Burgess. As a Survivor of a kidnapping, and assault, and came real close to being left for dead, after reading her book, I realized when approached later in life and tried to coerce me into doing what was out of my comfort zone, when I didn't really know them ? I now listen to my gut EVERY time. Without guilt.
Living through the seventies as a young woman I was almost raped. We were all out as a group and my girlfriend was in the bedroom with her boyfriend. This guy had tagged along with us at the club and after . He said he was leaving so I fell asleep on the couch only to be woken up by him trying to get my jeans off and my shirt and bra lifted up. I started screaming and my girlfriend’s boyfriend chased him out and down the street. Turns out no one knew him! Everyone thought everyone else did. I told this story to my daughter. Don’t trust anyone. Don’t assume he’s a nice guy because he is with a group of your friends. Don’t take rides. I always drove my daughter or put money in her shoe for a taxi. Being young in that era of sexist creeps was something else.
The charm isn’t ‘just who they are’. They deliberately use charm because they know it deceives people and brings their guard down.
So true. Just came to realize that one of my own family members isn't that much of a good person at all despite her charm always led me to the misconception she was such a nice, devout and caring person. Little did I know that the devil comes in disguise.
Exactly 100%
I dont think "charm" is the right word. Bundy had a fake cast, Green River was a pathetic little balding guy in glasses. I think they just often try to appear super ordinary or weak to get people to feel sorry and let their guard down.
@@SherriFlemmingyep!
Without Conscience by Robert D Hare
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter
Boundaries by Henry Cloud
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
The Language Of Emotions by Karla McLaren
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix-
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Volk
Ken Reid clinician has informative podcasts on attachment styles. Know yourself and your attachment style. Attachment is fluid and fluctuates.
She missed one big reason women won't report or testify: they aren't believed, they're ripped to shreds by defending counsel, and judges and juries let the perpetrators go. I testified in and sat through an order of protection hearing where, after hearing multiple incidents of abuse, the judge said, "There's no abuse here," and vacated the order of protection. The man now has 50% custody of his children and is abusing them every time he has them. The judge was/is an utter moron, the attorneys were despicable, and way too many "professionals" are too cowardly to say, "Yes, this man is abusive." They are way too quick to believe the narcissist. Women don't come forward because, in our culture, they become the targets of everyone in the "justice" system and often all their friends and family when they do. They can, and do, even become the target of things like CPS when the vindictive narcissist starts retaliating after being set free. Don't even get me started on how badly my church -- I'm LDS -- has behaved.
It's great we're catching things like serial killers and shooters, but there are so many men terrorizing their wives and children and getting away with it. Especially if there aren't massive, visible bruises, bleeding wounds, or broken bones. No one believes abuse and victimization take any other form.
Cowardice is never an excuse
Spot on.
Also, for me, when I called the police, after he stole my car and other items, they just said it was marital property and would not make a report.
Not always, many of these women have a history, long one, of going back for more. I have had friends who do this. Hard to believe they want to be taken seriously. Unfortunately the real victims pay for their behavior.
@@mayc8674 you need to get educated. It takes an average of 7 times for a victim to be able to leave and up to 30 times for a victim who is financially disadvantaged.
My advice is trust 100 percent the “flight or fight” response in your body around certain men. If you feel it, avoid them at all cost. The subconscious knows evil.
Women must learn to be not polite when they feel something is wrong !
Agreed!
but then you're "a karen" or "judging" If they catch you it was "your fault" or "consensual"...
@@user-wi9hv2pb2q Judged? ... Called a "Karen"? Is the prospect of being insulted for being creeped out by an 8th Grade boy masquerading as a fully developed adult male an effective deterrent against asserting Your Self-Respect ... and possibly Your Self-Preservation? And I can confidently tell You that You're dealing with an 8th-Grader because You Yourself described him as the type to call You a Karen for not complying with his agenda, which he definitely has if he is the type to call You a "Karen" for not wanting to go to a hotel (or wherever) with someone whom You don't really know, and is now giving You the creeps ... which is perfectly appropriate in that situation. In fact, it would be matter concern if You weren't creeped out. But, then I was once directly called a "Prude" ... once. And I've been around for a while. Quite a while. I'm no Prude, but I was quite bothered by the remark anyway, ... just not in the way in which it was intended. It didn't affect the way I see my Self. Nor should being called a "Karen" affect the way You see Your Self. Just look at the source and understand that the insult was about them and what they just revealed about themselves.
It's messed up how black women get called mean, aggressive, or masculine for not being afraid to keep themselves safe.
Women need to learn what it looks/feels like when "something is wrong" instead of being scared of literally EVERY guy.
Sadly, the latter seems to be the default setting these days.
Not wanting to testify has nothing to do with embarrassment ma'am, it has to do with fear of retaliation because our system is so broken that they let the criminal out in a few months, or they don't go to prison at all and the victim is left vulnerable to further attacks from their abuser. When you're dealing with sociopath or psychopaths that are dangerous and violent,your whole life becomes you trying to keep their temper at bay.
100% True statement. I'm going tru that for YEARSSS!
YOU NAILED IT!! FEAR OF HOW THEY GO AFTER THE CHILDREN AND EVEN OUT OWN FAILY NEMBERS!!
This a 1,090 times as soon as many are soooo out of touch!! They are not in the war zone!!!! They don’t see how it’s easier to stay to protect the children or your own life!!!!
Yep
General anger and contempt for women is a huge red flag. Some mothers unfortunately have led their sons to believe they are above women. Most often unconsciously
You've met my MIL, I see
My own mother is a practitioner of misandry.
I guess ours was a marriage doomed from the start
Why mothers? Don't guys learn how to act around women from their fathers and other men?
@@AnantyaV they certainly do. And there are cultures to this day where any boy's opinion is gonna be the correct one against his mother's or any other women's.
I was shocked to watch such conversations among children and teenegars and mothers aunties even this summer. Mind you this is in England, UK
Feminism has led women into behaving like that to men - if the mother is a feminist, then the daughter will be alienated from men by her own anger because she has been taught to hate all men, and to use them. Misandry is something women practice every day. You just have to sit down with women to experience this hatred. I worry about what these women are doing to the little boys under their control.
Feminism is a curse in the modern world.
Marxist techniques will always separate people from one another using cults, organizations, educational facilities, and now, even governments. Women are infantilized useful idiots now. Too many crazy women are in unearned positions of power in our politics - that's the problem.
@@El-bz1tq Indeed👍
Children learn from parental role modeling.
Toxic Parents by Susan Forward
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Without Conscience by Robert D Hare
Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Boundaries by Henry Cloud
Codependent No More by Melanie Beattie
I Hear You by Michael Sorenson
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix-
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin ( attachment styles)
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman
The Language Of Emotions by Karla McLaren
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Kolk
Know yourself and your attachment style. Ken Reid clinician has informative podcasts on attachment styles.
If you start dating someone and learn he was addicted to porn before ever forming a love bond, get out! There are a lot of psychologically ruined men out there. Fathers and mothers please Keep your poor son’s away from porn.
Good point. My sex abuser liked hard core porn
There are blockers/ filters. If that doesn’t work they don’t need electronics to live at home. Better to have an unhappy son in the home than a man messed up for life. Parents are responsible to teach the difference between right and wrong and protect their children while they live at home.
Genuinely asking what's so bad about it -- as a young woman who grew up with porn around
@@misslovely967from my understanding is it shapes their thoughts around intimacy to be something it isn't. Men addicted to porn often expect their girlfriends or wives to perform like porn stars and depending on what kind they watch, they might even have dangerous power play kinks or fetishes too.
@simplycaspar makes sense, I guess I wonder about women who watch it but aren't addicted
I wish I’d been told honestly how many batsht crazy men there are in this world… I would have just stayed single and focused on money lol… they truly are not worth the trouble.
Yep, that's what another expert on the topic says. As far as I remember right she states that every sixth guy shows traits of the dark triad. So not too difficult to stumble upon one of those. And all that talking about healing your childhood trauma to break the cycle is nothing else than victim blaming. Decent guys do not abuse you because of unhealed childhood trauma. And if every sixth guy is toxic then also every sixth woman would have to stay single even with the most healed childhood trauma.
Girls truly are supposed to be told.
My diagnosed psychopathic NPD ex husband always told me that if we ever divorced, I would end up with someone else just like him. I thought that will never happen 🫤. I do clearly recognize men with overt personality disorders, but there are plenty who are covert. I stopped trying when every 'nice' guy turned out to be married. I had two 6mth relationships with men who turned out to have wives/families in other cities. I do not trust any of them, now. One of my lifetime male friends told me that the only single guys our age are messed up. EDIT: You cannot always know when someone is deliberately lying to you. The family of the last married man that I saw for 6mths were aware of his actions. He frequently spoke with his mother openly in front of me. She knew who I was. We stayed in his sister's home while visiting NYC, but NY is big enough that he could keep me away from his wife while visiting.
Exactly!!! They are definitely not worth it
Me too!
In highschool, I had a friend who used to love to show people his family picture of his birthday when he was still a baby in a high chair. The clown in the photo with his hand on my friend’s head smiling for the photo was John Wayne Gacy. Point is, you very well may run into one of these evil people. Unfortunately, it’s not bad advice to stay aware in this world🙁
That's freaky! At what point did he find out it was Gacy? Like, how many years later?
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Without Conscience by Robert D Hare
That would be terrifying. Did he actually enjoy showing people the photo!
She says something really important... lots of psychiatrists are not trauma informed and will invalidate what you are going through and by doing this, they will not treat your kid and he will become worse and worse, mine is 23 now and he is in a psych ward because they didn't listen to me when they should have and I really feel a lot of anger towards the mental health "specialists". I am sorry but most of them don't know what they are talking about. If they would listens to mothers, they might learn something about psychopathy, autism, etc.. not all of them knows the reality of being a psychopath's mother.
By the way, it is genetic, if the father was violent, chances are your son will be :( no matter how you try to educate them.
Psychiatry is a hoax, it’ll sooner or later be widely understood
Son of Sam said they were the easiest to fool. He made up the whole dog story because he was bored and no one believed him except - the shrinks!
@@RawOlympia Absolutely, psychiatrists perceive you as sick regardless of whether you are actually sane. Strangely, they will believe the lies of someone who is clearly ill. You know why? Because they relate to narcissists, as they themselves exhibit narcissistic traits, even psychopathy traits. However, when dealing with a normal, empathetic person, they struggle to relate so they think you are lying. A mental health specialist tends to see you through their own lens, which is why they can sometimes be the most dangerous individuals on Earth.
Well said, Cass
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Boundaries by Henry Cloud
Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter
I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Volk
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis
What advice would you have for a mother concerned about this sort of thing?
Beware also that now that psychopaths know ppl are starting to learn about them, they are resorting to pretend that they are neurodivergent or autistic in some degree. That confusion made me give my abuser ex the venefit of the doubt longer than I should’ve
I watched an interview of 2 psychologists specialized on autism. They said that people who are autistic AND are narcissits at the same time are the most dangerous people on earth. They are usually killers. Often the mass murders/school shooters are both.
I've had an autistic student and have a net friend who's autistic. They were not at all like the guys who creeped me out.
No benefit of the doubt. Never
It's a predator-prey arms race.
And as a person on The Spectrum, I am not flattered by the imitation
@Julz-t2r the hatred and rage.
Good timing.
I needed the reminder as to why I avoid The Ex
I have seen persons on the AUTISM SPECTRUM TARGETED by predators as they NEED predictable patterns & can be naive. This is important for family members to know .
Yes, I agree.
I'm autistic, and I agree. I was targeted by what turned out to be a sadistic and narcissistic psychopath, and I will never again say about a woman "Why didn't she just leave?"
By the time I was able to see what was happening and get the strength to extricate myself, he had traumatized me for almost eight years.
I've been out for two and a half years, and am just starting to feel like myself, but I will never be the same.
I couldn't agree more about leaving the moment something doesn't feel right.
@@kimrobinson6285 I hear you & am glad to know you are better off now. I am ASD & gone through similar. The effects that remain can really be subconsciously embedded. I found a great little sight gives free " course" called fortress self protection. (Mental / emotional/ social self protection) It helps rebuilding our trust of being safe , aware & boundaried . Guy who does it is Richard Grannon . ( PS not a sales thing, just know it helped me. )
I am autistic too. I comfirm I also have experienced many times abusive and manipulative relationships. They target you if they understand you are "naive", literal and trusting.
Now watch alot about psychology and true crime just to learn how to protrct myself
@@Sil7531 sorry to hear that , but I get it . Yes I too list online to psychology info to learn . A guy I follow has a cool sight called fortress self protection website...it's just free ways to structure.. safe boundaried interaction with others . His name is Richard Grannon
Let's not call it love. Love feels good. Love isn't destructive. It's hate, rage, fear, control, & power. It's about selfishly satisfying the wants and needs of the self. Love is selfless. It's about objectification and ownership. It's not love.
Spot on.
100 percent agree . the only love is for themselves
That stood out to me too, and I yelled at the screen, why are you calling it love?? On the woman's side, it's much more likely terror, financial dependence, and not seeing a way out.
Yeah, I cringed a bit when she said that, but women in that situation often say that line.."but I LOVE him!" having a distorted definition of what love is, probably coming from their own background of abuse. They have to actually be deprogrammed from being brainwashed to believe abuse IS love..it's sick & bizarre for normal people to understand.....I'm speaking from my own perspective of course, everyone's different. ♥️
These men can be found anywhere, not just in bars! The man I married was the church chorister and also held other influential positions in our church. I was not believed about the abuse and told he and his family of origin were "from the right side of the tracks". I was labelled a liar! I finally got out and took my kids with me. Financially, it was devastating. Most people in my church turned against me. I went through hell. I was told the only way he would sign the divorce is if I took a life insurance policy with his name as the beneficiary. Luckily, I had a lawyer and I am still here today!
One young man would spend 4 hours at a small business that I worked in every Saturday. I was by myself and just knew that he was up to no good. Was he planning a robbery or an assault/murder? After a few weeks of this I got on the phone behind the counter and pretended to be talking to a friend. I told my "friend" that I had finished my Concealed Carry Weapons Class and was so excited to be able to carry a gun. He left and I never saw him again.
Classic!
Recently, I had a homeless man aggressively panhandling me (I didn't know there was a homeless camp behind my physical therapist's back parking lot) and I pretended to be 'reaching,' and he got away from me. Needlessly to say, I never used that physical therapist again!
The cycle of violence is AWFUL. I have been in it for 31 years with different partners. You break out of one and the next comes along til you adress your childhood wounds and end the cycle. The shame these psychopaths put on you is..Unbearable. I've seen happy healthy women being so brokened down they start doing drugs. I refuse to end up there and am attending therapy. This shall be brokened.
Wow, breaking the cycle is massive. You are very strong to try to work towards that.
Is it really about breaking the cycle? Not too sure about it. There is simple a pretty bunch of toxic people out there. Not too much of a bingo to run into one of them.
💯
❤🙏
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Boundaries by Henry Cloud
Without Conscience by Robert D Hare
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Volk
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis
I Hear You by Micheal Sorenson
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goldman
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
The Language Of Emotions by Karla McLaren
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix-
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Seemingly healthy women on the outside with good jobs can also be taken in. A woman I met who was on our third marriage this time to a much younger guy she married after knowing him about a month. She had a good job retirement and yet she marries this loser after a month.
As a man I’ve felt this feeling myself around certain people. I always trust my instincts.
Men need to be aware too. Just look at the case of rapist Reynhard Sinaga in the U.K. He likely has well over 100 male victims. Men need to be aware they can be victims too.
Psychopaths try to make women feel guilty for being suspicious. It's a plan to have you do something you don't feel comfortable with because you're suspicious.
Humiliation is always one of their weapons/objectives. It's one way to gain more control.
yes rapist mentality is always put victim at disadvantage
Women choose where they’re going and where to hang out. Never let a stranger tell you where to go or where to hang out. It may be all they need to get you. Most importantly, stay visible.
Ell said! I also choose carefully who and where I hang out!!
Years ago, when I lived in Phoenix and I was at Saint Joseph's Hospital my son and I were being watched by a man across the street. Every time I would look up, he'd look away. He looked like a homeless person. Eventually, he ran across the street with his cart, and something said to watch him. He started digging around his basket. Then something said to stand and prepare to fight. I put my son down, stood on my tippytoes, dug in my bag, which was holding his feeding tube machine, and gave him the meanest look like "Bring it." I noticed that he was pulling a gun out of his basket. I then said a prayer, "Guardian angels, forces of light, we need your protection right now." Just then, a lady and her kid were walking towards the sidewalk from between the buildings. They had interrupted him, and we were on Thomas Road, which is very busy. He put the gun back in his basket and looked at me. He had a shirt on his head, but I could see he had just had a haircut. His clothes were clean and ironed, but he pretended to be homeless. It was the Baseline Rapist Serial Killer. I would see him almost every Tuesday near Saint Joseph's Hospital. Eventually, I'd call, they'd check it out, and it was him. I would call the hotline, and they would patch me through to the sergeant in charge. I could see this guy no matter what disguise he wore, and even when I could not see him, I could feel him. Maricopa County Sheriff's Office was closely watching us for a moment. I was relieved when they caught him.......living near Saint Joseph's Hospital in Phoenix.
How terrifying! I had an extended relationship with someone who tirned out to be a sadistic, narcissistic psychopath, and after I left him, I could feel him thinking about me. It is the absolute weirdest, creepiest, thing.
The intro with:
“What did they get you to say or do that you wouldn’t normally say or do”.
Whoa.
Thank you! 🙏
- if it seems off, for any reason, cut off immediate contact
This might give you the option to can check it out with yourself and decide if you feel comfortable going forward.
Take the time to check in with yourself. Your safety is worth it.
If you try to cut off contact or leave the area or make a choice of your own volition and the suspicious person gives you a guilt trip or blocks your exit physically, those are RED FLAGS that they don’t respect your autonomy or ability to make decisions for yourself. That they are after control over you rather than pleasant or polite times together.
Never let them guess you are packing to go.
Just. Go.
A high school friend of mine had a boyfriend who shoved her. She was considering marrying him. I warned her that if she married him, that was the beginning of even worse. He later threatened me with a switchblade in the empty hallway of our high school.
Blocking your way out is a dead give-away. I have a neighbor with a criminal background who, for a while, kept on trying to talk to me at length. Early on, he kept extending intense eye-gazes toward me to convey "interest" and draw me in. One day, he waylayed me, talking interminably about himself, as I was coming home from work. I stood there for a minute and then said, "Don't block me, dude", in a firm, loud voice so neighbors could hear, and walked waaaay around him. One early evening he was walking his dog and he saw me coming home from a walk. He kept asking me, "Are you all right?" I said, "Yeah," in a short, abrupt tone. He pressed, "Are you sure?" He was trying to sound "concerned", but I knew he was trying to draw me into a conversation and made no further reply; unlocked my gate, went in fast and locked it behind me. He also would tell me how he had tried to protect the property I live on, trying to create a feeling of trust and obligation toward him. Now I completely avoid him. I've encountered other men who've tried to feign a cheap "concern" or extend unwanted favors. I don't acknowledge the gestures or say thank you. It seems to make them nervous. It's rather satisfying to make a predator uncomfortable.
I also let people know about my experiences with that person, anyone who shares the same circle; neighbors, co-workers. Nine times out of 10 people will say they've had similar experiences regarding the guy, and I'm glad I said something. I won't cover for these creeps. The old saying is true--sunlight is the best disinfectant.
I'm currently reading the book Ted Bundy's longtime girlfriend wrote. She said the first night they met, it was at a bar, she was drinking and she drove him to her house tipsy, they picked up her kid, a toddler, and she let Ted (a complete stranger) hold her kid in his lap while the kid was asleep. They got to her house and she, the woman who would become his girlfriend, passed out from drinking. Ted stayed that whole night. How crazy is that???! 😅
That’s insane.
I saw this at work in my German Shepherd. It was like he sensed evil in people and he was never wrong. We need to trust our instincts too.
I agree. Animals, especially dogs, have a sense of who not to trust. It’s almost as if they see an energy. Now, if an animal sees that in everyone (like some anxious dogs react to all strangers) then it’s not as telling. But if an animal is usually balanced but reacts to a person, then take that to heart.
My parents had a dachshund, Scarlet. We had hospice for my mom at home for the last 4 days of her life, as she was passing away from cancer. They had my mother on morphine, to help her pass away without pain. Scarlet had no issue with the caregivers administering the morphine. But one day, one of the “managers “barged into the house, and went up to and started whispering aggressively at one of the caregivers. I could tell the caregiver was uncomfortable as well. My mom was literally 10 feet away and the woman never even looked at her. It was Scarlet, who reacted very strongly to the woman, barking nonstop at her feet, like she was trying to protect the people in the house, including my mom. The woman looked irritated by Scarlet. The woman left without saying much - and definitely didn’t register the sensitivity of the situation enough to even fake caring.
Shortly thereafter, an hour later maybe, my mom’s lips started turning blue. I asked the caregiver how much morphine they were giving her now. I remember saying I understand that my mom is passing away, but I don’t want her suffocated to death by turning off her respiratory system with the morphine, if that was what was going on. The caregiver nodded, and did not disagree. She said she had to make a phone call urgently- based on what I was saying. In the phone call, I could tell she was talking to the woman who had been there earlier. After that, the caregiver did something - I don’t know what - and my mom’s lips stopped turning blue.
To this day, I don’t know what that woman who came in the house in told the caregiver to do to my mom. Maybe she was trying to get my mom to pass away faster by giving her a lethal dosage of morphine her to meet some sort of schedule.
But I’ll never forget that Scarlett, the dachshund, knew that woman was pure evil as soon as she had walked in the house earlier.
I love Gavin de Becker & his book The Gift of Fear. He says our intuition is always on point.
Brilliant book. I recommend it all the time!
Safe People by Henry Cloud is another one
@@SherriFlemming Yes! Henry Cloud is brilliant!
@@SherriFlemminglove Dr Cloud
@@godzillamanstreb524 👍
I can't recommend Gavin DeBecker's book, ,The Gift of Fear," enough!
I appreciate the conversation. Always helpful to hear tips and guidance.
It is also imperative that we change the language. For instance, we need to stop saying ‘women get raped’ and instead say ‘the man raped’….
Women are not idiots going around to get raped. Men are the criminals going around and raping.
Yes.
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Without Conscience by Robert D Hare
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter
Boundaries by Henry Cloud
My ex roommate kept telling me he had feelings for me. I told him I appreciated his honesty but that I’d rather be single. He’d go from hot to cold from that point. Constantly asking me how I felt. I told him “for the 100th time I don’t want to date, this is the last and final answer”. Not long after that he told me during an argument that if he “didn’t see me ask a strong woman” (I assume meaning I’d fight for my life) that he would have “taken it” implying.. well I’m sure y’all can put that together. I called him a monster because only a monster would say something like that. He became enraged and told me “I’ll show you a monster” and picks up his pit bull and starts strangling her (I had never even seen him lift a finger at her before, up until that point he basically worshiped that dog) I had to fight him off of her. He begged me not to go to the police and honestly there would have been no hard evidence aside from my word but I wasn’t bruised up I’d basically have no case against him. Things got really bad when he refused to make a copy of the key. I had to rely on him to get in and out of the house. That was the final straw, I knew he was hell bent on gaining control over me if I wouldn’t give him what he wanted willingly. He’d keep me up for hours on end, begging me to help him. He said he didn’t want to be that type of guy, we’d be ok. He was like Jekyll and Hyde because he’d throw any and all effort out the window as soon as he lulled me into thinking he was ok. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to live with a man again.
I had a roommate like that and I ended up kidnapped and raped by him for 8 months. Nearly lost my life. I was only 23. I was young and just trying to survive while in college. He was an older man that offered me a “free room”. It came at a great price.
Never live alone with a man you are not in a deep committed relationship with
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That is so scary! :(
Always make a police report, no matter how little evidence you have. The trail of reports will stack up as evidence that could someday save someone else’s life.
The power of love is never the source of murder. It is important to distinguish between obsession and love. Love never wants more than the well-being of the beloved. It does not seek vengeance. It is not jealous or self-centered. It is never cruel or unkind.
Need a book of questions to ask. It’s very scary. I got entangled with a narcissist before I knew what that was. Completely devastated my life. And destroyed my trust.
That’s exactly their job … get stronger and move from the victim thing, otherwise is not possible to get through. it !!!!! Make a very valuable lesson from your experience, and cause a SUPER NOVA to be born from your aches ❤ … It is not easy, it takes time, but if you manage to do this, you will later understand how valuable the whole thing was !!!! Best ❤
I thought we'd get tips & tricks from this video, but it turned out to be all about her work. Still interesting though, just not what I expected from the title.
Me too. Mine almost murdered me. Roved me and much more also.
There are lots of Narcissist Experts on RUclips. Dr. Ramani, Richard Grannon, Sam Vaknin.
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That gut feeling is crazy: once i was at a restaurant eating and a group of men were getting their trays of food. One of them looked at me really hard/in such a way that my heart dropped and i immediately started shaking and i had to get my knife out of my purse just to have it in my hand and feel safer, even though I was with my dad and the restaurant was fully crowded! It was wild! And its never happened ever since, just that one time.
The opening of the door reminds me of something people used to say years ago, probably decades ago.
Mostly men might say to a complete stranger woman or girl “Smile”….
As in “you look really unhappy”….and it made me soooo angry. I guess never understood why it angered me until now. It’s manipulative and pretends to be kind while it’s not a compliment.
I hate the word smile it’s so very condescending!
It's a test to see how compliant you are.
I am told this on every picture I post on Social Media. I now tell them smiling is extra
@@lynnebucher6537 that’s a test I don’t want to pass lol! 😂
Be careful of anyone who brags alot and has high charisma. They know how to fool people and get their way. Fool me once shame on you - fool me twice shame on me. I will never again in my life disregard a red flag. Narcissists know how to reflect you back to you while all along wearing a mask and hiding their shadow. And when they get you alone, they will take the mask off and it won’t be pretty.
Very good advice
That was triggering for me. That's how accurate your statement is.
Jesus
True that! They very well know how to play their game...They know the right words, they make themselves like angels but in reality they are devil in disguise
@@tdesq.2463
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The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Men That Can't Love by Stephen A Carter
Boundaries by Henry Cloud
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman defines the blueprint of healthy relationships
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara De Angelis
The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And The Healing Of Trauma-Bessel Van Der Volk
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix-
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
Ken Reid has informative podcasts on attachment styles. Know yourself and your attachment style.
Finally! Someone calls out the absent father! Thank you.
It can also happen with an absent mother. 😢
@@beaglemawm1517it can be with overbearing mothers too
The guy who attacked me came from an intact family.
It has very little to do with the absent father but a lot to do with the sort of present mother.
After the war in Europe there were millions of families without a father or any other father figure but they managed very well .
That generation built up Europe again.
@@Celisar1 I’d guess they were mostly good mothers.
Don't LET THEM ASK YOU "20 Questions. They are not that interested without interacting back they are gathering info as artillery when the decide to turn the ABUSE ON. It can happen AFTER MARRIAGE ALSO, all abuse is at his will, with you hidden away. Verbal, psychological abuse is also the silent abuser
Exactly
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AFTER MARRIAGE… ON POINT. THE MASK CAME OFF I WAS ALREADY PREGNANT WHEN THAT HAPPENED. I was so confused and heartbroken. I was like what happened to the man I knew the week before. The month before. !!????
Only to later learn that man I knew him to be was non existent. That hurts as bad as the abuse.
"Everything you say can and will be used against you".
Yes. This is exactly what happened to me during the "lovebomb" stage. All of a sudden, he just started asking questions rapidly for almost an hour straight.
It should have been a huge Red Flag for me, but in the moment, I just thought he wanted to get to know me better.
I was at a goth bar with my bf and sitting at a bar. My bf struck up a conversation with a young guy and introduced him to me. When I saw the guy he reminded me of the Night Stalker killer. Instantly he looked like him I couldn’t believe it. Then he shook my hand and for a young guy he was very confident and dominant the way he was talking to me and my bf. Then my bf walks off and the guy comes to me and says,”So is that your man?” In an odd tone almost condescending. The look in his eyes gave me the creeps and his face matched the murderer I saw on the news in the 80’s as a child. His energy was so strong I believe there was something evil about this young guy I felt a chill down my back I remember and I could not shake it even after coming home that night. In the morning I warned my bf to ignore that guy’s call and text messages if he reaches out. My bf was drunk and didn’t remember very much. I never felt that way after meeting anyone but I knew I had to listen to my intuition.
As far as sibling order goes, I think when you’re the first you usually get the “worst” of your parents because they’ve never done the parenting before. They make all their mistakes on the first born then do better with the kids as they go on…sometimes the first child comes from a different father the mother doesn’t like or you’re “the mistake baby.” also there’s a lot of pressure being the older child sometimes. You’re often parentified.
A man once said to a friend,, of me ," If I can just get her to my house, She'll never be able to leave" ‼️.... Turned out he was a dangerous Narcissistic Sociopath , & Still avoiding/ hiding from him 16 yrs later ...as statute of limitations has run out.
My hair is standing up. You are talking about a former husband. Prince Charming turned into a beast
Mine alternated between nice guy and beast but was always plotting how to take money
"Charming" people repel me. At the very least, they want to sell you something.
As women, we're often taught from a young age not to be impolite, or make other people uncomfortable, not to rock the boat. But something ive always taught my girls is that it's OK to risk embarrassing or to be rude to a bad person.
Because girls are socialised to be kind and compassionate, we are more likely to see someone as sad or mad than bad
The truth is you camt spot these people off the bat but the biggest thing to look for to avoid grief is lack of empathy..
Never ever leave your location is what my best friends parents who were ex police detectives from Detroit.
There is this very scary man who lives across the street from me. He screams at his two beautiful dogs. He goes into absolute rages of screaming and swearing. Then he comes out of his house, and tries to talk to neighbours and me. I completely ignore him. I look the other way -- no eye contact. His guy really scares me.
Oh
My GOD this is sooo heartbreaking!!!! Can you film him if he abuses them? Call ASPCA or police?
During the Bundy period, most women didn’t report rape. There are several reasons. One is the instant quilt for getting in that situation and the second was that the attorneys representing the dirtbag would put the woman in the light as though she asked for it. “Well what were you wearing?” “ How many past relationships did you have?” She would be drug through the mud, which is the last thing she needs.
MOST women today also do not report rape, abuse, etc. Many reasons they have...
Sometimes lawyers ask what the woman is wearing to determine whether the accused was capable of doing things as described
I've seen and heard a North Carolina male white judge ask the young black woman making a rape complaint, "You have long legs. Why didn't you run?"
@@RebeccaOre Oh, dear lort. Sadly, it tracks with what I know.
This stills happens in Muslim countries
Source: I live there
Traditionally, the woman was not believed or supported in domestic violence cases
I believe what helped my Son as a teen, since I was a single mom and worked a lot, was the Boys club he went to at the high School. They had games and social contacts, but clear rules. Also, he had his Grandpa there intermittently. By the way, occasionally I meet people with some anger issues (the fly off the handle due to very little provocation). Most of them tend to be male adults(at work). Scary. They have a huge need for control.
They DO NOT have empathy but can fake it! Every conversation is ALL about them, however they may act interested in you during love bombing and to gather info to use against you later.😊
If they never ask you questions about yourself, if something bad happens in your life and they don’t care if they forget your birthday run
Absolutely
Both violent men I dated asked me a lot of questions and seemed very empathetic
❤my bf is like that, he can't even remember my middle name after 3 yrs. He avoids me, makes me chase him, wasn't present when I had 2 babies- both his but he was "too emotional" to even send a text 😞 he was on tinder... What kind of person is that?
People can forget birthdays and anniversaries. It doesn't mean they don't love you. What you want to look for are signs that they are consistently respectful. That's a little different from being forgetful once in awhile. Especially important: they should apologize for forgetting your birthday, they should take some action to remediate. And they should show you next year that they remembered. If that's important to you, they will respect that. Now. Maybe that's what you meant, but I don't remember half my friend's birthdays. If they're in the hospital, I'm immediately by their side.
@pazizatezeros9377 Wow, that's a problem relationship, if you can call it that. While I don't believe in giving or accepting *_"social media comments advice",_* I would like to offer a thought that I hope you will find a guy who will respect and love you. The idea of you feeling like you have to *_chase_* the father of your kids is a sad one. Men usually are the ones who *_chase_* in most societies, even today. Hopefully you will have a future when you are head over heels in love and happy, or single and independent and happy. Good luck!
Andrea Yates' husband insisted she home school her children. She was with them 24/7. She was terrorized by her husband using religious belief to control her. That woman was abused and not given an ounce of help. Of course it was horrible. But as a mother that suffered postpartum depression, I can tell you it is awful. She should be in therapy and on antidepressants. Not a drop of blame was placed on her tyrannical spouse. I have zero faith in our so called justice system.
The court of public opinion definitely put blame on Yates’ husband. I remember talking about the case when it happened and many women I spoke to blamed him. He was just never punished and I’m sure he thinks of himself as a victim.
For all we know, he may have forced himself on Andrea to get her pregnant with babies she didn't want
Now she is refusing to leave prison. She doesn’t feel safe in the outside world. She was definitely abused in many ways.
@@GeorgiaJakes7I read she is in a psychiatric hospital, not prison.
@@joycewright5386 yes my mistake but it’s for criminally insane. So behind bars. Her ex deserved punishment for what he did to her knowingly. He was told by her doctor not to continue.
Fbi says there are approx 450 semi truck driver serial killers in the USA currently.
As of July 2024, investigators believe there are multiple serial killer truck drivers at large, even though 25 long-haul truckers are already in prison for serial murder. The FBI's Highway Serial Killings Initiative has linked over 850 murders to long-haul truck drivers over the past few decades, and is currently investigating over 450 suspects in 200 unsolved cases. The FBI's initiative has been running for about 20 years, but they are investigating highway killings that go back to the late 1980s. Some suspects include long-haul truckers who have been looked at for murders that are as many as 30 or 40 years old, as well as suspects in murders that have taken place just in the last decade.
Wow that’s horrible. And they wonder why women are having second thoughts on marriage and having children. Scary times
In my case, I didn’t testify because the DA didn’t offer me protection. So… during pretrial - even with a RESTRAINING ORDER, the perp contacted me by proxy and from blocked numbers. I was alone.
I’ve been in a few situations where something didn’t feel right and left. I never felt bad about being overly paranoid or hurting someone’s feelings over my need to feel safe.
I was abused as a child so I learned very early on not to trust anyone, including family.
Wow. FINALLY someone who is NOT BLAMING THE VICTIM!!! Thank you. For those who do, you are defending predators and hurting innocent people. Discussing victim behaviours is evil. Discuss predator behaviour! This lady is wonderful.
Both are wrong and both are at fault. I'm a victim and an abuser. You need to take accountability for both. Victims don't have a pass as they contribute to the problem as well.
i have read enough serial killer books to be vigilent about locking doors, windows, in car/home, and aware of my surroundings
I was a target, and I eventually married the guy. I had known him for several years, and he was watching me on social media. He made our friendship out to be more close than it really was. He tried the pity play with me. Superficial charm, and lots of FLATTERY! When someone who really doesn't know you tries to give you pretty deep and widesweeping complements (like about your character), that's a sure sign. This person doesn't even know you- so how can they comment on your character. Not all psychopaths are impulsive serial killers. Some are predatory and play the long game. There were no red flags that I or anyone could detect, but after I got married it's like a switch was flipped. He only wanted to extract resources from me. He didn't care about me, but was excellent at deceiving my friends and family that he did. This man had a lot of resources already, so I didn't think I would be a target. But the first born, distant and litigious relationship with father, had a drinking problem, and charm- check, check, check, check! He was angry as f*ck- and scary. He had a grudge against his father, and the lawyer of his previous wife. He would talk about them all the time. This obsession with the lawyer was strange, and was from 10+ years ago. That should have been a red flag. But I met all his friends and family and they were normal and nice to me so they gave me a false sense of safety.
Why wouldn't someone show up at a trial of someone that hurt them? She didn't mention fear. I probably wouldn't show up. What if the attacker gets off, or there's a mistrial, or his prison time is short? He could even arrange payback while he's incarcerated. There has to be total protection for a victim if the victim needs to show up at trial. Virtual appearances are better. Then change your location to far away and change your name .
Good idea to relocate but many women dont have the money for this option.
@@forgiven5919 Also, court proceedings often go on for years. And - at least in these regions - he would have access to every place you move in all those years just because of judicial bureaucracy. Apart from the fact, that also in these regions, your address can be tracked down anyway and a name change is bound to strict criteria and also costs a bunch. I am exactly in that position where I would wish to change my name but it makes no sense as long as I have to state it in the court papers - together with my address, of course.
Many women don't cooperate with law enforcement for fear of retaliation. The stakes are too high to testify against someone who gets a slap on the wrist and out in a few short months...
Especially if he's a "first time offender" because he got away with it so long with no record.
My son (now 28) was in grade 1 (5 yrs old in Australia) and there was a boy in his class who would punch, kick, pencil stab etc the kids and us parents went to the headmaster/mistress in this case, to complain and she said there was nothing she could do to rectify the situation and couldn't even confirm my son would not be in his class the following year - so I changed schools the following year. But, I often wonder what happened to him - perfect case to early antisocial behaviours.
@angelroar883 That is terrible! You could probably find arrest records on the guy, if he has lived this long. Good thing you changed schools before it got even worse.
I had a similar issue with another female child and my daughter at the same age. We were rural at the time, and I couldn't get her into a new school until we moved 18 months later. Her mother was a manipulator too.
That happened to my son at an older age. The kid had been moved around the room because he wouldn't leave anyone alone. The last straw was placing him next to my son as the teacher didn't think he would take it. My son defended himself and gave it back. They called the police and us. Yep, our son got in trouble and suspended.
Something interesting that the expert said, the problem with hormones of young men in the U.S. and the anger these young men absorb. Society has to address to work on these issues and raise awareness, and help these young people not to fall into crime, and receive help.
In older societies it was channelled. For example moaris had tests. Swim the menai strait. Catch a big fish.
Maybe thafsvwhars missing. Traditional male rites.
@user traditional male rights that go beyond “get a wife, get her pregnant and be the head of the household.” You can’t be the head of anything nor deserve it just because you’re born male. You have to work hard.
Exactly! And video gaming doesn’t count.
After not wanting to hurt him by defending myself* I realised something that I share with others
"Fight back and you might die.
Don't fight back and you'll wish you had"
* and my mother's loving advice of "just let them get it over and done with", and "just float out of your body and on to the ceiling" - seriously, who teaches that to a 5yo? 😡
And people wonder why I have issues 😤
My mom said to not give them mercy ,because they wont show you mercy.
Thank God l never had children or got married. Life is tough enough. I no longer date as the crasies out their are well hidden. I was very naive and trusted people. I met some one who really freaked me out. I discovered he was BPD. No one told me. But my gut and body fell ill. It was telling me to run. And l did. I am still healing from the shock. Of meeting a demon.
I needed this. I felt bad for not getting married again, not having children nor dating. I sometimes miss the in love thing, the courtship and marriage but not enough to want it since I've gone through a lot. Thank you. ❤
What’s bpd?
Bipolar disorder @@user-hr4rv8rf1w
@user-hr4rv8rf1w borderline personality disorder. it's a personality disorder of mental health and yes it can make people the worst partners but at the end of the day it is a person with mental health issues, not a demon.
@@user-hr4rv8rf1wborderline personality disorder
Dr. Burgess, you are a gem. Thanks for the questions. They can be great date questions, and give us warning signs to watch out for. Also, thank you for all you have done for women in general, and female victims in particular.
❤
This briliant lady is so wise. I was engaged to a very abusive ex who self described HIMSELF as a "master manipulator." I thought it was just 'bravado.' No, it was very early in the relationship and he was 'showing me who he honestly was.' He wound up beating me severely at the end. He was showing me exactly who he was. He was very handsome and that is why he'd gotten away with the way he is all these years. Handsome facade a vile person at heart. VILE. *And I really played the fool because other former partners had accused him of abuse and he'd gone to jail! I marvel at my own stupidity! He had a long song and dance excuse for how they were 'bad,' they were 'cheaters, liars, so on and so forth.' IF he has a criminal history: RUN.*
One problem with women is not listening to other women. I used to watch women on Usenet get manipulated by the same guy, and believing they were the unique one who wasn't like the others.
When you go on a date with somebody, you don’t know well take their picture and a picture of their license plate send it to a friend and if they don’t want you to, and don’t date them
Thank you so very much for posting this. Recently, I dodged a bullet with a narcissistic sociopath (based on the really bad things I know he's done) who was also a DL/undercover, and in denial homosexual. My one saving grace is that I didn't sleep with him! I did get what I called "banged up & bruised" mentally and emotionally, and have learned 'some' about why and how I fell prey to him. I'd known him for years and knew he wasn't a good man, nor was he right for me, but I was always intrigued by him. After 7 years he caught me at a vulnerable time...But, I KNEW not to go to bed with him, lol!! Your video is EXACTLY what I need to learn CONCRETELY what to look for in the future. A debt of tremendous gratitude to you (the FBI Agent) for sharing your years of experience and this LIFE-SAVING knowledge! This is truly a GIFT for me and really, all women for the times we are living in...Thank you for your service! 🇺🇸
That’s it right there. When we don’t sleep with them quickly, we are likely to figure them out. I had similar experience. He tried to rape me in front of my Boy. Imagine the repercussions on my Child’s life. I know it was God’s hand that pull me away from him.
The desire to be with someone opens us to Devil’s prey. He was about to destroy me and affect my Boy’s life to irreparable damage. When I think of it I feel sick. It took lots of therapy and the call of unto God for self forgiveness and deliverance
From that day on, I gave myself to God. I thought 💭 this life was to dangerous to navigate it alone. Jesus is now my best friend; directing my every step. I am so spirit filled that I can now see them from a far
My Lord, my Saviour Jesus has saved me from the hands of the enemy
🙇♀️ 🙌🏾
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What is a DL/undercover?
The DL part I don't understand?
@@sarahmurphy-nf4ylDown Low. Meaning these guys are secretly gay/bi.
@@sarahmurphy-nf4yl Gay man on the downlow