In the US, not turning on the water heater would be an invitation to having bacteria grow in it. And houses must have adequate heat and ventilation or they will get moldy. The house I grew up in was cold and damp and our shoes would mildew if we left the closet door closed.
Very good video with examples of different ways to be frugal!!! We all know this type of people. To avoid being uncomfortable in these cases, I apply a very French rule: welcome and give with the same degree of generosity as this person. For example, for the cheap ones who don’t offer anything in their home, I don’t make an invitation but we see each other occasionally a walk only. For people who have a selfish frugality, I do the same thing because I don’t want to make them uncomfortable by being more generous. We love a simple and comfortable life that meets our needs, without waste and without egoism either.
You are correct Jane, that is Stingy with a capital S. Not a good partner. When i was a child we went to visit my Dad's widowed Aunt every summer for a week. When we arrived we immediately went to the grocery store and my Dad bought a huge haul of groceries to feed us all for the week, and staples for her for a month. He knew she was on a limited income and wanted to contribute while we all visited. That is how you visit an elderly relative.
Thanks, the friend who i mentioned could afford to buy food for his girlfriend when she came to visit. He's super frugal with food for himself and will happily eat up everything he's offered by others.
I have no frugal friends at all. And I don't have any poor friends either. I am a bit the odd one out by being relatively frugal. But I will always have money to pay for what needs to be done and to be generous toward others. And that makes me happy. It is also necessary because I don't have anybody to fall back on (parents, etc.). I sometimes find it a shame I can't 'talk frugality' with anyone, but then I watch some YT videos to scratch that itch! 😉
This is a very thought provoking video. Thank you. * I am a giver. I know people like you described. I don't understand that level of selfishness, and they are quite often vocal about how much more they have (bragging on their income) compared to the rest of us. Those are the people who take but do not give. They really see nothing wrong with their self-centeredness. I try to identify and let those people go pretty soon. I have found they do not change over time, and will use our resources without contributing, and even complain about what they take. I have found those who have the least are more willing to share than those who consider themselves wealthy and "above" the crowd.
The not bathing to save money made me giggle. In the 50s we lived in a cold water flat with very sparse heating. My mother would nightly heat kettles of water, toss me into the freezing iron tub and scrub me with brown soap pouring warm water over me, rinsing with cold from the tap. All the while muttering how we were poor, but dammit we would NOT be dirty!! I am very frugal but take short, hot showers daily because dammit i need to stretch funds, but will not be dirty!!
Love this, Jane. I think there many different ways to be frugal…I love to cook from scratch and I can/put up as much food as I am able from our small garden. I also forage for berries etc. My parents think I’m nuts…my mom saw me drying out clean eggshells to put in next year’s garden and sent me a crying emoji as it was “so much work for me”. I felt just the opposite, I was happy with what I’m doing. But I acknowledge that some of my loved ones think I’ve gone too far. I love them but they aren’t the stewards of my money. To each their own! -all the best from the Pacific Northwest
We have a family we know where the Dad insists on working only part time, that live in an absolutely tiny (and I mean TINY as in bedrooms like Harry Potter under the stairs tiny), hardly ever spend money on going out on day trips with the kids, barely make the food budget work, but ALWAYS all have the newest gear from Apple (watches, Ipads etc) and replace the old with the newest model every time it comes out. They only go on holiday every 3-5 years because they only go when they can afford a 2500 Euro a week luxury house next to the seaside…we spent all our extra money this past year on good quality camping gear and getting ourselves nice and comfy with the kids in a big tent including nice big camping kitchen (so we don‘t have to eat out much) really nice table and chairs etc…home away from home is the goal…we see that as an investment because from now on we can go on holiday every year, or several times a year, for peanuts. And it‘s def. „glamping“ at this stage 😂 Many people cannot understand how we can invest that much money into camping, but it will pay off within the first trip or two of not needing an air bnb or hotel for 5 people for 2-3 weeks. We do believe in the idea of buying good quality and saving on other stuff, like buying most things second hand. So we always have some money we can throw at stuff we will enjoy for longer. We are very frugal when it comes to food (all home cooked) and clothing (all second hand or home sewn, using good cotton thrifted bedsheets for my girls and my dresses as materials etc and no, we don’t look like we are wearing bedsheets 😂 -> tailoring is everything!). I am learning more and more about sewing clothing, it’s the only way to own decently made nice quality clothes that last nowadays sadly..). We are great with utilities and in general stay well within our budget overall..Also don’t buy much in the way of toys (more stuff to declutter), but I will spend money on family fun and making memories, also on good food..That’s important to us. My British grandmother was careful and wise with money but never cheap or ungenerous..She told me once „in the end you cannot take it with you“. So when we visited Britain, as a little girl I always got a beautiful heavy pound coin or two (pirate gold it felt like to me!) from her to spend. And there was always excellent food on her table, all home cooked, naturally. 🥰😄 It‘s all a balance in the end. I think although you can fall off both sides of the horse, in our day we have def. been brainwashed into consuming way more than we need. I‘m on a journey towards being more careful with my money, but I always want to be able to be generous and I also don‘t want my family to feel deprived and just hear no, no, no all the time. ❤
I don't have any friends who are very frugal, some are more careful than others but mainly overspenders. However back in London my friend was a housekeeper of the lady that was a millionaire and still asked only of 3 inches of water in her bath just like during the wartime. The thing that makes my blood boil as a daughter of the single mother, is those relationships you mentioned where a woman is "taking care" of her man (that they don't share a household with" and the guy is taking advantage of her, its not only grocery shopping but cleaning, trips etc. I'm so sad to see many of grown women so desperate to be with somebody to accept loosers like that and compromise their own financial future over a lowlife like this.
It saddens me. If I got invited to stay and the host couldn't even stump up a loaf of bread, some milk and jar of jam, I wouldn't want to go again and certainly wouldn't be taking them shopping
There are many varieties of frugality and there are some people who push it to the edge of cheapness!! I don't do depravation either but make choices to reflect that. That's why I say I live well on less! Great video, found myself nodding and agreeing a lot!! 🙂
I remember an event from my childhood similar to this. For various and sundry reasons, I lived with my Grandmother, who survived, but never recovered from the Depression. We lived in the big family house and heated with wood and stayed downstairs in a couple of rooms for the winter months to conserve fuel. Nevertheless the expanded family would gather there for holidays and family pot lucks. I did not realize it at the time that one cousin, call her Maria, was not frugal, she was cheap. I had no concept of it at the time, but I figured out this from the memory that I do have. It was Easter and one of the cousins brought this amazing locally smoked ham and "Maria" asked for the ham bone from the left overs. My very sharp Grandmother asked her point blank what she would do with such a large ham bone. She replied "Cassoulet, of course." (Did I mention that we are French Canadian?) Grandmother, the Matriarch of the family got everyone's attention immediately. She said, "Marvelous, Maria, shall we all assemble at your house this Wednesday for Cassoulet? I'll bake bread." She stammered her way out of this, and the cousin who had brought the ham asked Grandmother to make something with the ham bone, since he was not much of a cook. I remember that at least 3 of our closely related families came back the following Saturday for lunch and it was not until I was much older that I realized just what had happened. Not much ever got past Grandmother.
Oh boy, what a subject in our household, we have a huge backyard gazebo, BBQ, decking with seating for 20, a huge pool, sun beds galore !! do you get the picture ? all summer we have people over when the temp gets to 32 degrees, have we ever gone to someone else's house for snacks, drinks etc.....guess. We love having them over and using all my towels but it would be nice to get a invite back once in a while. We don't go on holiday because we can have all the sun and drinks at home.
I know that dilemma too well. We also have a great set up to have people over and their presence is a great contribution to enjoy what we have. M’y father use to say that you have to give without expecting in return. I think it was great advice. It is a privilege to be able to be the one able to give.
I agree with your comment on foods. We knew someone who would eat miserly at home but eat to the point of being stuffed when visiting and take all leftovers home. It was very off putting, dare I saw rude.
@@Larissa-iw5wy i dont mind feeding people, I like to. I definitely think they can eat better instead of going on lots of trips but i respect their choices
@ yes, we love to host people and feed them well. For me, it was the lack of reciprocity and other interactions. I respect frugality and try to be myself however this particular situation/person in our world went beyond.
I know many elderly who dont take full bath/shower everyday. They clean themselves everyday as you described. Nurses in Assisted living homes give clients a shower 3 times a week
Jane, great conversation. For me, as a recent newcomer to Frugality Mentality I have focused on less waste, food, water, electricity, gasoline, etc. Small steps reminding myself daily what my goal is, it's not a cruise or a trip to the Grand Canyon, its having money (not credit) to fall back on when things go off the rails. January saw a need for a new dishwasher and three unexpected trips to the vet for our German Shepherd. (He's fine now that rascal.) I really thought twice and thrice before ordering the dishwasher, I could live without one but I am 68 and share a home with my Mother (90) and Sister.(61) so I shopped and shopped, got the best deal I could afford and don't regret the expense. This is what I'm learning from your channel.
the meal of the condemned man!!😆😆 I love your sense of humor. I see a huge difference between frugality and stinginess. I am very frugal and also generous. I once had a friend who's frugality and 'using' of other people's and business' resources crossed into dubious moral territory.
This brought up so many memories of my in-laws uneven frugality. Rows of designer shoes but wouldn’t buy a proper washing machine. We could barely afford to eat crackers but by god we had sterling silver to eat with because they made sure we could live an elegant life. It was a shock to my system.
I don't have a single frugal friend. Nor do I have a family member who who thinks about their spending habits. Some are a little better than others though. We are retired now and planned for that years ago. Clean clothes, dishes, and a shower are a must have daily here at home. 😊
My family is not very frugal (meaning siblings and their spouses), but they have all complemented me on my ability to make my small budget work. And I am so fortunate that they are all very generous. I am generous with them but in other ways. I will happily babysit their kids or bake breads and treats for them bc that is what I can afford. They know I love them to bits, but I have to plan for my financial future like Jane and Mike 😊. I am retired, too. I think I live a great life, also. I guess we are your tribe on this channel.
Great video. I grew up with parents who worked very hard and we did not lots of luxuries but we always had great nutritious food and as much as we wanted of it and heating etc. People were invited to our house for a lovely meal and even surprise visitors were always offered coffee and biscuits. If we visited someone at their house we always brought cake my mom made or some veggies from the garden etc. we learned about being hospitable and gracious and generous with those less unfortunate. I am doing the same. Frugality for me is being intentional with how you use your money and resources for what you want to do but it’s not being stingy or cheap . I would rather do without than being uncomfortably cold during our long Cdn winters or unclean or so stingy that I cannot help someone who needs a helping hand. For the readers don’t be stingy with you time and let the adverts run so we can get more videos!
I have a family member who we call "5 Star". When she travels by car she will absolutely not stop at fast food places. She prefers to sit in a restaurant or diner, taking her time, and having a full meal. Nevermind being on a tight schedule and traveling 500 miles or more a day. While fast food isn't the best, I consider the time lost sitting in a restaurant on a long trip a waste of time. I actually prefer to pack my own meals, at least for part of the trip. So money and time-wise I am more frugal, although I admit I could do a better job and not stop for any food at all. The "5 Star" is for her choice of hotel accommodations when traveling - the very best, even if she is not going to use all of the hotel amenities.
When we travel to a National Park or Provincial Park here in Canada, we rent a cabin and take all our own food. We perhaps eat out once a month (date) and it is usually brunch as it is the least expensive meal to eat out. We do celebrate our Anniversary and my birthday by going out for a meal, which we have budgeted and saved for. I probably do lots of frugal things that others would glance sideways at me, but as you say everyone does frugality differently.
I haven’t any frugal friends.. they think I’m different because I cook at home/ bake our bread, etc and never eat out, buy coffee, buy haircuts, no manicures, etc. I’ve always done those things well for our family (4sons). But, I do love nice handbags that they say they can’t afford( as they eat out 4x a week and drive long distances quite often, get their hair and nails done, have massages, etc) I easily sell the bags I tire of to fund anything ‘extra’ I want and most purchases are pre loved and if clothes are needed they are bought second hand or I sew them myself. I love quilting also but quite a bit of the fabric is second hand linen or clothing of good quality fabric that I cut up.. It surely helps to be a creative person who enjoys making things and getting creative!
I never get anything to drink if I go out to eat. I also cook from scratch a lot. I buy mostly all my clothes and accessories at thrift stores and garage sales. I am careful with my money but I do buy some things on vacations and for my grandkids.
We don't have any frugal friends or family. We're the odd ones out. People have come to my house and asked if my dryer is broken because my clothes were drying on a clothes horse (drying rack)!!😂😂
years ago after moving to the country and retired, we invited the neighbors over for a dinner about twice a year and treated them to what I would say, quite a good array of food and snacks. We in turn thought these neighbors would have us to their homes but NO never did receive an invitation even tho these people seemed to enjoy themselves at our home and they had equal to nicer homes so that wasn’t the problem. After doing these dinners half a dozen times I gave up finally. When seeing these neighbors we are friendly as they and we engage in lengthy conversations ending in (we must get together sometime). HA!
We don't visit restaurants often. But for us a nice warm house is important. That is during the day on 19 degrees and in the evening 20 degrees celsius. Friends choose to have the house colder. We also did that in the past, but not anymore. Because it feels too uncomfortable and the house becomes moist.
I'm usually the one who's doing things nobody else would consider doing to be frugal. I have no choice, though, as my income is low. And I'm fine with all I do to be frugal. It seems normal to me, not extreme.😁
My late Father was sadly too frugal to the point of alienating himself. He had disposal income but expected alot from me personally with little return.... I find it sad he chose to treat his family that way. ... for me? I found it the ultimate in selfishness which cost him quality in authentic relationships 💙
There are people like your father who actually have systemic relationship difficulties and rely on "pseudo frugality" to establish connections. In this case, frugality is not a choice. The result is sad for them and their families. My cousin is the same and I broke this impossible relationship with regret and with great sorrow. I stopped hurting myself, since there was nothing else I could do for her.
I was helping with catering at a wedding. There was homemade punch, about 40 liters worth. Ran out very early and I had to run out for more ingredients. Turns out people were filling up baby bottles, sippy cups, and water bottles to take home. They even had the catering staff pack up trays for them. Crazy thing is it was in a church right after service so it likely that some were not even guests!
My husband and I have always seen high quality food and hot water and soap as investments in our health. I don’t compromise on good food, but there’s little money left after that and health insurance. I’d be mortified to not offer visitors food, or a drink.
I agree with all of your points. Unfortunately, my mom is one of those people who will come over and eat 5 bags of chips, or whatever cookies we have. I don't mind sharing, but if we have something special for our family, I hide it, and put out something else for her, because it's not fair to my husband or kids if she wipes out something that is a rare treat. I wouldn't hide things if my dad or stepmom were visiting, because they only take a normal amount.
Really interesting. Thank you x The thing is there will be others who see the same in our frugality - they'd see it as totally miserable. I'm so happy being frugal, I love buying special offers, I love getting a bargain. But I have friends who would never waste their valuable time bargain hunting. So, it is one to ponder. What I absolutely do agree with is those who take and don't give (like your bbq example).
Thank you. I had to leave some of my craft groups, the expectations were not frugal at all, they said, you must do it this way regardless of price. Most of groups had husbands who supported them. Sorry, but I had to leave. Thank you you ,so much for this.
I would never invite people to my house and not offer them something to eat or drink! Usually, they are quite grateful. Especially if they have traveled a distance to visit me.
I am with you 100% on your frugal journey. I do much the same you do to save money. Some people push it too far(there are some in my family) for my taste.
I cant abide washing myself in cold water, its utterly miserable, nothing enjoyable about washing your bits in cold water on a cold morning. My boiler refused to work for a month during one of the coldest November's on recorda bout 2 years ago now it wasnt fun washing in cold water at all My son until he recently moved out takes cold showers every day it sounds torcherous 😅 now he lives by the sea and goes cold swimming a few times a week can't see the point in that either.
Cool video! Argh the once a week bath…. My old boss in the UK would have a bath once a week… and she was third in line for the water after husband and teenage son!
I couldnt be frugal to the point I was living a life of deprivation to fund an expensive trip away, especially compromising on food which is vital for good health, even more so as you enter your later years, I'd rather have a decent quality of life for the other 50 weeks of the year. We havent had a trip abroad in 10 years, and only have just renewed our passports as my 60th birthday trip will be somewhere away from the UK, just havent decided where, and wherever will be within the budget allocated.
We take picnics for various reasons, we have been so happy on more than one occasion when there have been airport strikes and we have had lunch, while the queue has been round the block. 😅
We have very good friends that always invite themselves to our house for lunch and never bring anything with them. Her excuse is you’re such a good cook you’ll get nothing edible if you come to us. He is vegan and she is gluten free. I always have to cook 2 different things because my husband is a fussy vegetable eater. I can’t repeat what my husband says I should tell them!
Goodness me , talk about Dickensian misery that some people resort to. It’s actually very sad that some people choose to live like this. Personally I couldn’t do it. My frugality never affects other people. I knew someone who took the bulb out of the fridge to save electricity. That’s sad! My grandmother was a very wealthy lady yet she used to dumpster dive and reuse teabags 😂 Not sure what we call dumpster diving over here ! Again thank you both for a most entertaining and helpful video. Love the one about drying laundry at work. Unreal!
I don’t generally have opinions on how other people spend their money as long as it’s not at anyone else’s expense. The one thing I absolutely can’t stand is people who eat out and don’t tip. Obviously, I don’t mean when they’re in a country where that is not the custom. Here it is and servers rely on tips for their basic income. If you don’t agree with that system and don’t want to tip, you should stay home or order takeout.
Wow i never realized it before, but i don't think my husband and i know of anyone in our friends or family circle who live frugally. My hubby and i live intentionally, but very comfortably with the best quality food. Like you, we buy great quality items, mostly new but second hand. Being intentional with our spending allows us the luxuries we never thought we'd have. There's a fine balance between frugality, intentionality, and generosity, but we can't take the money with us - we need to live our best lives, otherwise what's the point x
You hit the nail on the head with this one! My brother in-law and his wife will come for a bbq with 2 sausages but she is always the first one up when the food is ready having performed the miracle of converting her sausage into steak, chicken and everything else. Hoover's desert like a starving person. This also happens to be the only time her backside leaves her seat. Never helps with any cleanup.
I call that behavior not only stingy, selfish but rude! If you entertain you should be providing an expierence tp please your guests. Don’t entertain if you don’t want to consider the joy of your guests. My thoughts are more your saving money is no more important than mine. My question to that couple would be what is the partner doing in the relationship to compensate for an empty refrigerator! I am frugal with my entertaining by preparing food that the ingredients are prepared in advance. Basics. Recipes that are delicious but can be prepared early even a week before and stored in the freezer or frig and assembled the day of. Preparing freezer meals or meal starters to help. Frugality to me is being prepared.
I am very frugal with our money but I have to draw the line at using cloth toilet paper and washing it instead of buying tp at the grocery store. Who wants to wash that? Or pay the electricity/water bill to wash it? Yuck!!!
Frugality means different things to us all but I cannot subscribe to the behaviour where people thinking something is free want to take all of it for themselves. I worked with someone who made entire fruit salads/ desserts from fruit they took from the office fruit bowl. Mind you not because otherwise the fruit would have gone to waste. It was never enough to go around. Similarly when people use the office milk (purchased for tea and coffee) and they make entire breakfasts (porridge etc) and some have several bowls of cereal during the day using that milk instead of bringing in a sandwich. I am talking about an office where everyone was paid above average and could afford to buy their own lunch. In their head milk was ‘free’ but actually it was not. If we ran out they never thought of replenishing it and once the weekly amount was gone it was gone. It’s okey to enjoy office perks. But taking more than your fair share is not frugality in my opinion.
In my life, I choose to be both frugal and generous within my means.
So do we
@@connietroxell1575 I'm with you on that.
In the US, not turning on the water heater would be an invitation to having bacteria grow in it. And houses must have adequate heat and ventilation or they will get moldy. The house I grew up in was cold and damp and our shoes would mildew if we left the closet door closed.
Very good video with examples of different ways to be frugal!!! We all know this type of people. To avoid being uncomfortable in these cases, I apply a very French rule: welcome and give with the same degree of generosity as this person. For example, for the cheap ones who don’t offer anything in their home, I don’t make an invitation but we see each other occasionally a walk only. For people who have a selfish frugality, I do the same thing because I don’t want to make them uncomfortable by being more generous. We love a simple and comfortable life that meets our needs, without waste and without egoism either.
Good points. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
You are correct Jane, that is Stingy with a capital S. Not a good partner.
When i was a child we went to visit my Dad's widowed Aunt every summer for a week. When we arrived we immediately went to the grocery store and my Dad bought a huge haul of groceries to feed us all for the week, and staples for her for a month. He knew she was on a limited income and wanted to contribute while we all visited. That is how you visit an elderly relative.
Thanks, the friend who i mentioned could afford to buy food for his girlfriend when she came to visit. He's super frugal with food for himself and will happily eat up everything he's offered by others.
@FrugalQueeninFrance she could do better than him.
I agree. Be as generous as you can with friends and family without busting your budget.
I have no frugal friends at all. And I don't have any poor friends either. I am a bit the odd one out by being relatively frugal. But I will always have money to pay for what needs to be done and to be generous toward others. And that makes me happy. It is also necessary because I don't have anybody to fall back on (parents, etc.). I sometimes find it a shame I can't 'talk frugality' with anyone, but then I watch some YT videos to scratch that itch! 😉
You can talk to me. I'll listen to
❤ follow your beliefs! We are all here for you!
This is a very thought provoking video. Thank you. * I am a giver. I know people like you described. I don't understand that level of selfishness, and they are quite often vocal about how much more they have (bragging on their income) compared to the rest of us. Those are the people who take but do not give. They really see nothing wrong with their self-centeredness. I try to identify and let those people go pretty soon. I have found they do not change over time, and will use our resources without contributing, and even complain about what they take. I have found those who have the least are more willing to share than those who consider themselves wealthy and "above" the crowd.
Glad you think so!
The not bathing to save money made me giggle.
In the 50s we lived in a cold water flat with very sparse heating. My mother would nightly heat kettles of water, toss me into the freezing iron tub and scrub me with brown soap pouring warm water over me, rinsing with cold from the tap. All the while muttering how we were poor, but dammit we would NOT be dirty!!
I am very frugal but take short, hot showers daily because dammit i need to stretch funds, but will not be dirty!!
I know people who genuinely believe we don't need to shower daily
I do as well. But 40 years of commuting on rush hour crowded buses and subways cars convinced me otherwise.😊
Love this, Jane. I think there many different ways to be frugal…I love to cook from scratch and I can/put up as much food as I am able from our small garden. I also forage for berries etc. My parents think I’m nuts…my mom saw me drying out clean eggshells to put in next year’s garden and sent me a crying emoji as it was “so much work for me”. I felt just the opposite, I was happy with what I’m doing. But I acknowledge that some of my loved ones think I’ve gone too far. I love them but they aren’t the stewards of my money. To each their own! -all the best from the Pacific Northwest
@@simonefeaster5131 well said
I love “they aren’t the stewards of my money”!
We have a family we know where the Dad insists on working only part time, that live in an absolutely tiny (and I mean TINY as in bedrooms like Harry Potter under the stairs tiny), hardly ever spend money on going out on day trips with the kids, barely make the food budget work, but ALWAYS all have the newest gear from Apple (watches, Ipads etc) and replace the old with the newest model every time it comes out. They only go on holiday every 3-5 years because they only go when they can afford a 2500 Euro a week luxury house next to the seaside…we spent all our extra money this past year on good quality camping gear and getting ourselves nice and comfy with the kids in a big tent including nice big camping kitchen (so we don‘t have to eat out much) really nice table and chairs etc…home away from home is the goal…we see that as an investment because from now on we can go on holiday every year, or several times a year, for peanuts. And it‘s def. „glamping“ at this stage 😂 Many people cannot understand how we can invest that much money into camping, but it will pay off within the first trip or two of not needing an air bnb or hotel for 5 people for 2-3 weeks. We do believe in the idea of buying good quality and saving on other stuff, like buying most things second hand. So we always have some money we can throw at stuff we will enjoy for longer. We are very frugal when it comes to food (all home cooked) and clothing (all second hand or home sewn, using good cotton thrifted bedsheets for my girls and my dresses as materials etc and no, we don’t look like we are wearing bedsheets 😂 -> tailoring is everything!). I am learning more and more about sewing clothing, it’s the only way to own decently made nice quality clothes that last nowadays sadly..). We are great with utilities and in general stay well within our budget overall..Also don’t buy much in the way of toys (more stuff to declutter), but I will spend money on family fun and making memories, also on good food..That’s important to us. My British grandmother was careful and wise with money but never cheap or ungenerous..She told me once „in the end you cannot take it with you“. So when we visited Britain, as a little girl I always got a beautiful heavy pound coin or two (pirate gold it felt like to me!) from her to spend. And there was always excellent food on her table, all home cooked, naturally. 🥰😄 It‘s all a balance in the end. I think although you can fall off both sides of the horse, in our day we have def. been brainwashed into consuming way more than we need. I‘m on a journey towards being more careful with my money, but I always want to be able to be generous and I also don‘t want my family to feel deprived and just hear no, no, no all the time. ❤
@@angelikaberber3860 thanks for sharing your experience
I don't have any friends who are very frugal, some are more careful than others but mainly overspenders. However back in London my friend was a housekeeper of the lady that was a millionaire and still asked only of 3 inches of water in her bath just like during the wartime. The thing that makes my blood boil as a daughter of the single mother, is those relationships you mentioned where a woman is "taking care" of her man (that they don't share a household with" and the guy is taking advantage of her, its not only grocery shopping but cleaning, trips etc. I'm so sad to see many of grown women so desperate to be with somebody to accept loosers like that and compromise their own financial future over a lowlife like this.
It saddens me. If I got invited to stay and the host couldn't even stump up a loaf of bread, some milk and jar of jam, I wouldn't want to go again and certainly wouldn't be taking them shopping
There are many varieties of frugality and there are some people who push it to the edge of cheapness!! I don't do depravation either but make choices to reflect that. That's why I say I live well on less! Great video, found myself nodding and agreeing a lot!! 🙂
@@aliliveswellonless Thanks Ali and for taking the time to comment.
I remember an event from my childhood similar to this. For various and sundry reasons, I lived with my Grandmother, who survived, but never recovered from the Depression. We lived in the big family house and heated with wood and stayed downstairs in a couple of rooms for the winter months to conserve fuel. Nevertheless the expanded family would gather there for holidays and family pot lucks. I did not realize it at the time that one cousin, call her Maria, was not frugal, she was cheap. I had no concept of it at the time, but I figured out this from the memory that I do have. It was Easter and one of the cousins brought this amazing locally smoked ham and "Maria" asked for the ham bone from the left overs. My very sharp Grandmother asked her point blank what she would do with such a large ham bone. She replied "Cassoulet, of course." (Did I mention that we are French Canadian?)
Grandmother, the Matriarch of the family got everyone's attention immediately. She said, "Marvelous, Maria, shall we all assemble at your house this Wednesday for Cassoulet? I'll bake bread." She stammered her way out of this, and the cousin who had brought the ham asked Grandmother to make something with the ham bone, since he was not much of a cook. I remember that at least 3 of our closely related families came back the following Saturday for lunch and it was not until I was much older that I realized just what had happened. Not much ever got past Grandmother.
Oh boy, what a subject in our household, we have a huge backyard gazebo, BBQ, decking with seating for 20, a huge pool, sun beds galore !! do you get the picture ? all summer we have people over when the temp gets to 32 degrees, have we ever gone to someone else's house for snacks, drinks etc.....guess. We love having them over and using all my towels but it would be nice to get a invite back once in a while. We don't go on holiday because we can have all the sun and drinks at home.
I understand. However, I'm not mean so I continue to share our home.
I know that dilemma too well. We also have a great set up to have people over and their presence is a great contribution to enjoy what we have. M’y father use to say that you have to give without expecting in return. I think it was great advice. It is a privilege to be able to be the one able to give.
Great video Jane! I totally agree. There is frugal and there is stingy/cheap. Love love your videos which has helped us so much.
I agree with your comment on foods. We knew someone who would eat miserly at home but eat to the point of being stuffed when visiting and take all leftovers home. It was very off putting, dare I saw rude.
@@Larissa-iw5wy i dont mind feeding people, I like to. I definitely think they can eat better instead of going on lots of trips but i respect their choices
@ yes, we love to host people and feed them well. For me, it was the lack of reciprocity and other interactions. I respect frugality and try to be myself however this particular situation/person in our world went beyond.
I know many elderly who dont take full bath/shower everyday. They clean themselves everyday as you described. Nurses in Assisted living homes give clients a shower 3 times a week
Great show! I agree with you 😊
Jane, great conversation. For me, as a recent newcomer to Frugality Mentality I have focused on less waste, food, water, electricity, gasoline, etc. Small steps reminding myself daily what my goal is, it's not a cruise or a trip to the Grand Canyon, its having money (not credit) to fall back on when things go off the rails. January saw a need for a new dishwasher and three unexpected trips to the vet for our German Shepherd. (He's fine now that rascal.) I really thought twice and thrice before ordering the dishwasher, I could live without one but I am 68 and share a home with my Mother (90) and Sister.(61) so I shopped and shopped, got the best deal I could afford and don't regret the expense. This is what I'm learning from your channel.
You did well. I love all dogs.
the meal of the condemned man!!😆😆 I love your sense of humor.
I see a huge difference between frugality and stinginess. I am very frugal and also generous. I once had a friend who's frugality and 'using' of other people's and business' resources crossed into dubious moral territory.
I agree. Taking the p***!
This brought up so many memories of my in-laws uneven frugality. Rows of designer shoes but wouldn’t buy a proper washing machine. We could barely afford to eat crackers but by god we had sterling silver to eat with because they made sure we could live an elegant life. It was a shock to my system.
I respect the choices of others, I just don't share them.
I don't have a single frugal friend. Nor do I have a family member who who thinks about their spending habits. Some are a little better than others though. We are retired now and planned for that years ago. Clean clothes, dishes, and a shower are a must have daily here at home. 😊
Thanks Cheryl. I agree with you. We too have non frugal friends.
My family is not very frugal (meaning siblings and their spouses), but they have all complemented me on my ability to make my small budget work. And I am so fortunate that they are all very generous. I am generous with them but in other ways. I will happily babysit their kids or bake breads and treats for them bc that is what I can afford. They know I love them to bits, but I have to plan for my financial future like Jane and Mike 😊. I am retired, too. I think I live a great life, also. I guess we are your tribe on this channel.
Great video. I grew up with parents who worked very hard and we did not lots of luxuries but we always had great nutritious food and as much as we wanted of it and heating etc. People were invited to our house for a lovely meal and even surprise visitors were always offered coffee and biscuits. If we visited someone at their house we always brought cake my mom made or some veggies from the garden etc. we learned about being hospitable and gracious and generous with those less unfortunate. I am doing the same. Frugality for me is being intentional with how you use your money and resources for what you want to do but it’s not being stingy or cheap . I would rather do without than being uncomfortably cold during our long Cdn winters or unclean or so stingy that I cannot help someone who needs a helping hand. For the readers don’t be stingy with you time and let the adverts run so we can get more videos!
Absolutely agree.
I have a family member who we call "5 Star". When she travels by car she will absolutely not stop at fast food places. She prefers to sit in a restaurant or diner, taking her time, and having a full meal. Nevermind being on a tight schedule and traveling 500 miles or more a day. While fast food isn't the best, I consider the time lost sitting in a restaurant on a long trip a waste of time. I actually prefer to pack my own meals, at least for part of the trip. So money and time-wise I am more frugal, although I admit I could do a better job and not stop for any food at all. The "5 Star" is for her choice of hotel accommodations when traveling - the very best, even if she is not going to use all of the hotel amenities.
When we travel to a National Park or Provincial Park here in Canada, we rent a cabin and take all our own food. We perhaps eat out once a month (date) and it is usually brunch as it is the least expensive meal to eat out. We do celebrate our Anniversary and my birthday by going out for a meal, which we have budgeted and saved for. I probably do lots of frugal things that others would glance sideways at me, but as you say everyone does frugality differently.
I haven’t any frugal friends.. they think I’m different because I cook at home/ bake our bread, etc and never eat out, buy coffee, buy haircuts, no manicures, etc. I’ve always done those things well for our family (4sons). But, I do love nice handbags that they say they can’t afford( as they eat out 4x a week and drive long distances quite often, get their hair and nails done, have massages, etc) I easily sell the bags I tire of to fund anything ‘extra’ I want and most purchases are pre loved and if clothes are needed they are bought second hand or I sew them myself. I love quilting also but quite a bit of the fabric is second hand linen or clothing of good quality fabric that I cut up.. It surely helps to be a creative person who enjoys making things and getting creative!
I never get anything to drink if I go out to eat. I also cook from scratch a lot. I buy mostly all my clothes and accessories at thrift stores and garage sales. I am careful with my money but I do buy some things on vacations and for my grandkids.
My friends are opposite, they buys new cars,travelling etc. Im the fugal. 😊
Glad to hear it too
We don't have any frugal friends or family. We're the odd ones out. People have come to my house and asked if my dryer is broken because my clothes were drying on a clothes horse (drying rack)!!😂😂
years ago after moving to the country and retired, we invited the neighbors over for a dinner about twice a year and treated them to what I would say, quite a good array of food and snacks. We in turn thought these neighbors would have us to their homes but NO never did receive an invitation even tho these people seemed to enjoy themselves at our home and they had equal to nicer homes so that wasn’t the problem. After doing these dinners half a dozen times I gave up finally. When seeing these neighbors we are friendly as they and we engage in lengthy conversations ending in (we must get together sometime). HA!
I agree there is a point where you just have to stop giving.
We totally agree Jane
Thank you
We don't visit restaurants often. But for us a nice warm house is important. That is during the day on 19 degrees and in the evening 20 degrees celsius. Friends choose to have the house colder. We also did that in the past, but not anymore. Because it feels too uncomfortable and the house becomes moist.
I have friends with cold houses but eat weekly in restaurants. They prefer to spend their money going out than on heating
I'm usually the one who's doing things nobody else would consider doing to be frugal. I have no choice, though, as my income is low. And I'm fine with all I do to be frugal. It seems normal to me, not extreme.😁
None of my friend are frugal so they think I'm a bit weird :)
A full bath costs €2.50 here. I couldn't afford that everyday x.
Our electricity bill is 3€ a day. We have a 3 minute shower each every day.
My late Father was sadly too frugal to the point of alienating himself.
He had disposal income but expected alot from me personally with little return....
I find it sad he chose to treat his family that way. ... for me?
I found it the ultimate in selfishness which cost him quality in authentic relationships 💙
That's really sad. I equally have people close to me who are very similar.
There are people like your father who actually have systemic relationship difficulties and rely on "pseudo frugality" to establish connections. In this case, frugality is not a choice. The result is sad for them and their families. My cousin is the same and I broke this impossible relationship with regret and with great sorrow. I stopped hurting myself, since there was nothing else I could do for her.
@@FrugalQueeninFrance 💜
I was helping with catering at a wedding. There was homemade punch, about 40 liters worth. Ran out very early and I had to run out for more ingredients. Turns out people were filling up baby bottles, sippy cups, and water bottles to take home. They even had the catering staff pack up trays for them. Crazy thing is it was in a church right after service so it likely that some were not even guests!
Goodness! That must be some kind of punch! 😂 Do you mind sharing the recipe?
@ sure. It was orange sherbet with ginger ale poured over. Rainbow sherbet also is good.
Hallo from Austria. You are a great inspiration 🎉
My husband and I have always seen high quality food and hot water and soap as investments in our health. I don’t compromise on good food, but there’s little money left after that and health insurance. I’d be mortified to not offer visitors food, or a drink.
Thanks, for the great ideas!❤
Can't add to that, but I will do my bit for the algorithm.
I agree with all of your points. Unfortunately, my mom is one of those people who will come over and eat 5 bags of chips, or whatever cookies we have. I don't mind sharing, but if we have something special for our family, I hide it, and put out something else for her, because it's not fair to my husband or kids if she wipes out something that is a rare treat. I wouldn't hide things if my dad or stepmom were visiting, because they only take a normal amount.
Oh no
I give you a hug because it is difficult for your heart that must maintain a balance between its mother and her husband and children.
Really interesting. Thank you x
The thing is there will be others who see the same in our frugality - they'd see it as totally miserable. I'm so happy being frugal, I love buying special offers, I love getting a bargain. But I have friends who would never waste their valuable time bargain hunting. So, it is one to ponder. What I absolutely do agree with is those who take and don't give (like your bbq example).
Thanks for watching
Thank you. I had to leave some of my craft groups, the expectations were not frugal at all, they said, you must do it this way regardless of price. Most of groups had husbands who supported them. Sorry, but I had to leave. Thank you you ,so much for this.
I'm sorry that happened to you
I am frugal (and comfortable) in most areas, so I can travel without acquiring debt.
I consider myself frugal but, like you, I will always be comfortable.
👍👍👍
I agree!
I would never invite people to my house and not offer them something to eat or drink! Usually, they are quite grateful. Especially if they have traveled a distance to visit me.
I am with you 100% on your frugal journey. I do much the same you do to save money. Some people push it too far(there are some in my family) for my taste.
Thanks for sharing!!
I cant abide washing myself in cold water, its utterly miserable, nothing enjoyable about washing your bits in cold water on a cold morning. My boiler refused to work for a month during one of the coldest November's on recorda bout 2 years ago now it wasnt fun washing in cold water at all My son until he recently moved out takes cold showers every day it sounds torcherous 😅 now he lives by the sea and goes cold swimming a few times a week can't see the point in that either.
Thanks for sharing
The cold showers and swimming in cold water are supposedly very good for you. I much prefer a warm bath! 😊
@ I always finish my shower with a cold blast.
Cool video! Argh the once a week bath…. My old boss in the UK would have a bath once a week… and she was third in line for the water after husband and teenage son!
We shared bath water as children! Then all week boiled the kettle to fill the bathroom sink and wash with a cloth.
Many of our friends are mindful of their finances. No one that we know is miserly .
That's great.
I couldnt be frugal to the point I was living a life of deprivation to fund an expensive trip away, especially compromising on food which is vital for good health, even more so as you enter your later years, I'd rather have a decent quality of life for the other 50 weeks of the year. We havent had a trip abroad in 10 years, and only have just renewed our passports as my 60th birthday trip will be somewhere away from the UK, just havent decided where, and wherever will be within the budget allocated.
We take trips, eat picnics when we get there are take food with us. I'd rather do that personally than a Caribbean cruise. I respect their choices
Totally agree I knew someone who was a multimillionaire who had a black and white TV wouldn't spend anything was like that till he passed away.
We take picnics for various reasons, we have been so happy on more than one occasion when there have been airport strikes and we have had lunch, while the queue has been round the block. 😅
We have very good friends that always invite themselves to our house for lunch and never bring anything with them. Her excuse is you’re such a good cook you’ll get nothing edible if you come to us. He is vegan and she is gluten free. I always have to cook 2 different things because my husband is a fussy vegetable eater. I can’t repeat what my husband says I should tell them!
It's tricky. I'll always be generous but I now invite friends like that for coffee.
@ that’s a really good idea thank you 😊
Goodness me , talk about Dickensian misery that some people resort to. It’s actually very sad that some people choose to live like this. Personally I couldn’t do it. My frugality never affects other people.
I knew someone who took the bulb out of the fridge to save electricity. That’s sad! My grandmother was a very wealthy lady yet she used to dumpster dive and reuse teabags 😂
Not sure what we call dumpster diving over here !
Again thank you both for a most entertaining and helpful video. Love the one about drying laundry at work. Unreal!
Especially with their choices to not eat well when they're saving for a brand new car or cruise
Gosh this is funnier the more I watch! A woman actually brought in clothes to dry today😂
It happens
I don’t generally have opinions on how other people spend their money as long as it’s not at anyone else’s expense. The one thing I absolutely can’t stand is people who eat out and don’t tip. Obviously, I don’t mean when they’re in a country where that is not the custom. Here it is and servers rely on tips for their basic income. If you don’t agree with that system and don’t want to tip, you should stay home or order takeout.
Thanks for sharing
Wow i never realized it before, but i don't think my husband and i know of anyone in our friends or family circle who live frugally. My hubby and i live intentionally, but very comfortably with the best quality food. Like you, we buy great quality items, mostly new but second hand. Being intentional with our spending allows us the luxuries we never thought we'd have.
There's a fine balance between frugality, intentionality, and generosity, but we can't take the money with us - we need to live our best lives, otherwise what's the point x
I could never be stingy to friends, I certainly would never invite people to stay and not feed them.
@FrugalQueeninFrance Just awful, extremely thoughtless and bad mannered...x
Each to their own
I agree
Great video ❤
@@marshagaravaglia8149 thank you
You hit the nail on the head with this one! My brother in-law and his wife will come for a bbq with 2 sausages but she is always the first one up when the food is ready having performed the miracle of converting her sausage into steak, chicken and everything else. Hoover's desert like a starving person. This also happens to be the only time her backside leaves her seat. Never helps with any cleanup.
I'm glad we all know these people
differnt strokes fo different folks and so on and so on and scooby dooby doo (sly and the family stone)
I call that behavior not only stingy, selfish but rude! If you entertain you should be providing an expierence tp please your guests. Don’t entertain if you don’t want to consider the joy of your guests. My thoughts are more your saving money is no more important than mine. My question to that couple would be what is the partner doing in the relationship to compensate for an empty refrigerator! I am frugal with my entertaining by preparing food that the ingredients are prepared in advance. Basics. Recipes that are delicious but can be prepared early even a week before and stored in the freezer or frig and assembled the day of. Preparing freezer meals or meal starters to help. Frugality to me is being prepared.
I am very frugal with our money but I have to draw the line at using cloth toilet paper and washing it instead of buying tp at the grocery store. Who wants to wash that? Or pay the electricity/water bill to wash it? Yuck!!!
Half of these things, I would be embarrassed to do.
I could not dry my laundry at work on their radiators!
@ That would way too embarrassing.
Frugality means different things to us all but I cannot subscribe to the behaviour where people thinking something is free want to take all of it for themselves. I worked with someone who made entire fruit salads/ desserts from fruit they took from the office fruit bowl. Mind you not because otherwise the fruit would have gone to waste. It was never enough to go around. Similarly when people use the office milk (purchased for tea and coffee) and they make entire breakfasts (porridge etc) and some have several bowls of cereal during the day using that milk instead of bringing in a sandwich. I am talking about an office where everyone was paid above average and could afford to buy their own lunch. In their head milk was ‘free’ but actually it was not. If we ran out they never thought of replenishing it and once the weekly amount was gone it was gone. It’s okey to enjoy office perks. But taking more than your fair share is not frugality in my opinion.
😊💜
neither would I Jane
You’re becoming sanctimonious. Hated this video.
I had a guest , without permission, take an entire tray of cold meat home from a function I hosted. I never invited her to another.
That's a shame
@@FrugalQueeninFrance Yes it was, she even kept my tray.
A lot of judgment here and that never feels good.
@@jennjenn0316 every example had me saying that i respect the choice of others, I just don't share their methods, not theirs with mine