I got so sucked into the needs of my parents, society pressure to be formatted, then husband, kids, career so-to-speak... that after leaving the abusive spouse, I was so estranged from myself that it took me 2 years to start shopping food for my own needs, for example. For I lost myself in that abyss of being a mother Teresa.
My parents passed away already 20 years ago (I was their caretaker for decades); my husband suddenly died a few years ago . I’m in my 60’s & just beginning to discover what I like-food, colors, styles, activities-I didn’t even know that I didn’t know almost anything about myself! Extremely embarrassed but grateful for the opportunity!
My Rheumatoid Arthritis (which I was diagnosed with at 30) was the cure. It was my body metaphorically trying to tell me something. I am 32 and off all medications. I sometimes take a low dose of prednisone every once in awhile but I don’t make a big deal anymore about a minor flare up. I just think, “what stresses did I let into my life without standing up for my own needs” and I move on. I’m getting better at that everyday with practice. My rheumatologist is perplexed and annoyed by me. You’d think he’d be happy for me. Same with my primary care physician.
Most of the more severe illnesses happen to people by an upsetting event happening in their lives that takes them by surprise, unexpectedly, impacting first in the brain, then in the corresponding organ which that part of the brain controls. The end of WWI had absolutely everything to do with the Flu and lung TB outbreak that occurred killing millions. In nature, the biological conflict linked with a territorial fear (just what it means-a fear in your territory, your home, your community, etc.) is a widening of the bronchia (tissue loss). Your body attempts to widen your bronchia in order to allow more air into your lungs to give you more strength and energy to fight to keep your territory safe. Stay with me.......The biological conflict linked with a death fright impacts the lungs. The lungs attempt to grow larger in order to allow more air in because breath equals life, as we all know. No breath equals death. Why are so many people across the world suddenly having their appendix removed? The appendix is associated with “being in fear for one’s life”. The HEALING phase is the rupture/inflammation.
While you are in the fear or death fright conflict, you notice no symptoms of “disease”, except you have cold hands, cold feet, you can’t sleep, you awaken at 3 AM every night, you have little appetite. During the war, millions of people were in fear of the bombing of their homes and cities where the war was most active. Fearing for their lives, their loved ones in the war, their ability to survive. The food in the stores was sparse due to shortages. This lasted for 4 long years! The longer the conflict, the worse the healing phase. Within 2 weeks of the German Chancellor announcing the end of WWI, these millions of people ALL went into the healing phase all at the same time. It is during the healing phase that you experience symptoms of illness! What is the healing phase of the bronchia widening? Severe bronchitis, pneumonia. The body attempts to refill this lost tissue and you experience inflammation, fever, coughing, body aches, fatigue, etc. What is the healing phase of the extra lung tissue that grew? Decomposing of the tissue by TB bacteria and fungi. The symptoms of this healing phase are: severe coughing up of blood and tissue, fever, inflammation, severe mucous, body aches, fatigue. During this decomposing of the extra tissue (tumor), the body expels a lot of protein, and without replenishment, severe protein loss can result in death. Antibiotics did not exist yet. If TB bacteria does not exist in a person or they have been vaccinated against TB (big mistake), then the tumor will simply encapsulate and become dormant and not harm you. Who died during the Spanish Flu? Mainly the poor who could not afford to buy meat and proper nourishment, and the people who were directly impacted by the bombings and destruction of their homes.
Millions of people suffered fear and death frights during the fighting of WWI, and millions of people all went into healing at the end of it. Not everyone was affected because not everyone suffered the same way.
It’s not a “flu”, it’s not something you “catch”. It’s biological, meaningful, and unavoidable. One hundred years later, a Fear Campaign begins, using the media to spread it......
@@questioneverything7582 That was actually very insightful. Thank you for sharing that. Honestly. As far as the fear campaigns being in bad faith or just out of straight up ignorance, we'll never really know but I definitely lean on the side of what my own experiences have shown me with my own health and that is, the body is trying to speak up for you. It's trying to say something. It's trying to keep you alive and if you listen closely, you can learn a lot about what it actually needs and how it can actually stay healthy. For me, it was becoming hyper aware of chronic stress and trauma triggers that make me feel in conflict or in fight or flight. Staying out of the fight or flight or away from anything that triggers it as best I can within the boundaries of my financial limitations has helped me tremendously. Its not always easy to say no to coming into work on a day I didn't want to come in when I am struggling financially but I have definitely gotten better at setting boundaries and making sure I get what I need to do my job without compromise. Things are getting better because of it. Also just becoming aware of where all these traumas and coping styles originated from so that I can get better at going against them when they let in so much stress.
I find this to be absolutely true. I spent the majority of my life being a people pleaser and my health suffered greatly. It wasn’t until I entered my thirties and finally learned to set boundaries and leave every toxic relation behind, that my health started flourishing. Especially after leaving my last relationship of 4+ years where I’d started suffering from anxiety after being traumatized by the person’s actions. My blood pressure was high despite eating super healthy. Sleep was terrible. Crying at night. My face broke out constantly. Migraines started becoming frequent (never suffered from that before) sudden ear/hearing problems that no doctors could explain. My period went haywire. Lots of physical symptoms. A month after I left and went no contact with this person all of those symptoms disappeared. ALL OF THEM! AFTER 1 MONTH!! That’s when I learned the true meaning of the word ‘toxic’ when it comes to human interactions. Choose your company CAREFULLY!!
Our families sometimes are the cause of most our sufferings and we .. never blame them . We are wiser.. we are more compassionate and we suffer . I’m so grateful for having meditation .. yoga .. the intellect to see exactly what I need to do , for my adult peace . Generation breakers have the toughest times but we can prevail if we change our minds ! It’s never to late to be better , to keep trying and to want more !
WORD. I am dealing with hoarding issues. I no longer say, "I have hoarding disorder" because I don't want to give "it" that power over me. I also no longer hate myself for the hoarding issues. They are a coping mechanism that enabled me to survive childhood trauma. And now my Inner Adult is working on helping my Inner Child heal 🙏😌💕✨
And this is why I cannot and will not ever accept people being labelled. How about plain old acceptance and compassion for fellow human beings, with no agenda. Bill Hicks said stop putting a price on everything, I say that includes a ‘label’ 🙏❤️
Gabor is soo on point. My mother has MS and I observed she had no self esteem and put other people needs before herself. I repeated the cycle which was also wrapped in child trauma of needed to tend my parents needs to keep myself safe. My nervous system was soo deregulated I spent years in fight mode then to freeze and collapse. I have many symptoms that align with an auto immune disease. It’s a minute by minute process to put myself and my needs first. I’m reformed people pleaser and in a way the symptoms that I experience are a gift and stop me from doing to much and not living from an authentic place. I have found yoga particularly restorative , meditation, IFS, reiki, sound healing vagus nerve activation, compassion practices, talk therapy, somatic experiencing, building community connection with other women that is heart based. I know it possible to heal and I am soo grateful to Gabor for he’s incredible work.
Big Thanks!, Dr. Maté. I am almost 71 years old and recently I realized, without having watched your excellent videos, that I was lacking authenticity. I was doing everything possible and silencing myself to please my sons, big men now. I had to "cut" -"my" attachments - being a single parent since they were 6 & 7. It was not easy, but I am living in tranquility, cleaned all expectations about calls -never arrived-, a moment to see them -for what I was telling mistakenly myself that I was just breathing to have one single minute to see them again. I am free now, and probably, I have freed them as well. I am not a child, I moved to another place, and I have peace-health, hopefully in my body as in my mind. Big Thanks!, again. You are helping me to see that I made the right decision, one of the most important and tough of my life. Love 💓
For me, I was totally alone as a child, having been bullied at school. As an adult, the only way I found some connection with other people was if I was helping them. Just this week, my face reacted by swelling, becoming red and painful, and I am feeling overwhelmed at not taking care of my own self. I must listen to my feelings and put myself first.
This was so me and I developed severe chronic fatigue and CPTSD because I wasn’t looking at it, my body basically shut down, it’s been a 9 year journey slowly healing the suffering I’ve held for others and slowly trying to believe I deserve to look after myself on all levels. It’s still difficult.
Who taught you to deny your own needs cause those needs made someone uncomfortable ? Your needs are valid too you are a human being. I hope you can get well soon.
I understand your life I also gave cfs and was groomed by a narcissist mother didn’t realise how people pleasing and suppressing my true feelings still working through bulling with my adult narcissist sister and her toxic family but like yourself it’s a process blessings to you also
@@lynnglass575 It's so hard to truly see what was normal for all of our lives actually was not healthy behaviour. It takes time to unpack and recognise in different situations. Before I had realised this I unknowingly went back to my toxic family to try to help them with their conflicts among each other. Seems so crazy today and I'm still paying the price for this choice health wise and in my own partnership. Had to go no contact with some of them to regain a sense of stability, even after moving away. Wishing you all the best for your healing journey.
I'm a child cancer survivor, I was 8 years old and the tumour was supposed to take 20 years to grow. I'm also autistic - interestingly enough, autistic people tend not to say that they "have" autism, rather than it's an inextricable part of us! I didn't thought about my other diseases that way before now. I was bullied and micro-managed all my childhood and in early adulthood as well. My parents are the "nice guys" and I come from a family of people exactly like you describes. Despite my mom being into natural remedies and alternative medicine quite heavily, she keeps on radically denying any connection between body and mind and refuses to look into any implication of her actions and that of my dad on me as a child. It's been now many years and I'm tired, I've been living with chronic pain numerous conditions. The last one of them is asthma from unknown causes, I stopped breathing and I would've been dead if I was alone at home like most time. After this much time I feel like I finally have a proper answer. Thank you so much Dr!
Anger is a boundary defense. YES. It is healthy when acting as a protection system against being invaded. THANKS. What a nice way of putting it. Great. 👍🏻😉🚀
Louise Hay talked about this in her book "You can heal your life" there is a section in the book with an alphabetical list of diseases and their metaphysical causes.
Jesus tells his people, “DO NOT be afraid”, 365 times in the Bible. Fear is the “bottom level” to stress. I love what you are helping people understand. Thank you.❤😊
How we collectively needed this man to find the strength and courage to live authentically and then share that wisdom so generously with us. Thank you doctor for leading the way. SO much respect for Dr Gabor Mate- and so much more gratitude.
The human species has always baffled me, since I was old enough to perceive people’s thoughts and actions. Here is a man explaining to the world, finally, the mechanism of cancer in the human body, and there’s 22 comments.
The Bible command is to love others as we love ourselves! So we need to love ourselves before we can love other people - that how we know how to be loving.
This realisation came to me after having flown in aircraft umpteen times and hearing the instruction to put on your own O2 mask before helping anyone else, even your child. Of course! If you don’t grab your mask and put it on, instead putting a mask on anyone else, you black out! And your usefulness ends right there. So, care for your own needs so that you be of use to others.
I adhere and gravitate to this genius… he talks such wisdom and logic. I’ve had stress in my adult life from 31- 60 . I’m left with high cholesterol, gum Disease and type two diabetes… I’m actively working on repairing myself with diabetes meds . I’m not surprised of my health issues… as a child I was constantly trying to gain love and respect..as an adult I craved love and took the wrong choices . I was widowed and pregnant at age 35 ..my entire life has been a struggle..independently.
God will stand by you and send Yelp your way IJN Amen. You are here today after all the stressful journey you've been through, you will come out on top after all said and done. I feel same too. But I try to take a day at a time...not bothering about tomorrow cos it usually stresses me the more. I'm getting better praise God 🙏
Perhaps all your health issues are due to high cortisol or cortisol resistance. I've been learning about this recently... From abusive childhood I went from one to another to another abusive relationship not knowing any better. Focusing on being the best wife, mother, daughter, friend, I didn't have a clue what my needs have been. I'm 47 and I'm learning this now. I feel like a kid, but I suppose it's never too late! ;) All my life I felt alone and in highly stressed state. Where it got me now are these two components, to bring back my cortisol to normal level (there are good videos out there on affects of chronic stress and high cortisol linked to soo many health problems) and learning about myself and taking care of my Self the way we were meant to. ❤
Thank you Dr. Mate for helping me understand that taking care of my own needs is not just something I ought to try out or some new age trend. It is my biggest duty and highest priority to take care of my own needs in order to stay healthy, well balanced and able to care for others in a better way.
100%!!! If we don’t care for ourselves our loved ones will end up caring the weight!!! Only when we stand up strong can we be someone’s shoulder to lean on.
I get angry and act out if my needs are not met. Definitely taking a break from the delusional type people. I've stopped keeping my mouth shut and enabling or just stay away. Lol. Just yesterday I heard one of my clients refer to me as 'nice' yeah I'm nice to a point -just don't use me as a doormat or entertain dullusions ( anymore).
Yep. 🤍 I discovered him two years ago, or so. Interestingly, he reminds me of my deceased father, who died after two bouts of cancer and was downed by a stroke too soon; his aura, wisdom, and vocal style, and the gift that is him, are healing in ways too profound to express. Gabor is a gift to humanity, and in his advancing age, something almost ethereally essential. I hope others can find him. He is doing so much outreach and speaking in his advancing age, I do worry about his health. I hope we have him for quite a while longer. 🤍
So glad Maté is getting his truly proper due. Started watching him 4 years ago in the midst of a family member's cancer journey. As an observer, I saw exactly what he was saying.😔😔😔😔
This guy is great- I’m health professional and been in thousands of homes one day I said there’s a pattern to people with certain conditions and their root was emotional- I also had a child disease I write about it like Gabor but people resist making the connection his truths expressed r wide and far reaching ❤
That's an interesting point! Since I began studying health seriously 20 years ago, I have also noticed that certain conditions "show themselves" in certain ways in people. For example, I have noticed that heart conditions and high blood pressure show up on many people in the face. They tend to look "a bit puffy". If there is truth to physical conditions being caused by chronic emotional states, then there is great hope for healing by changing the emotional state! Think of the implications for people you may know.
I had arthritis in both knees, elbows, fingers, and a toe. I knew as the dr was telling me what pills to take and how to keep moving through the pain. That I would Never live with this!!! I fasted and went to a healing room a month later, some strangers prayed for me in Jesus name. I had to forgive someone as well. I walked out 30 minutes later without arthritis and have never had it again. It was a decision I made in faith, I believed in miracles. It wasn't going to be diet thing, it was going to be a completely healed thing.
It’s so sad the fact that I’ve been like that unconsciously trying to please everybody not to lose connection, go out of my way to take care of others in the expense of my own, o thought that’s the only way I can be loved, after all autoimmune disorders, lots of health problems, loneliness-and friends and family doesn’t need you anymore, they got used to benefit from you and now not only they can’t benefit but also I’m in a state of need, emotional, physical, financial
When I was 17 a Dr. Labeled me with an arthritic auto-immume disease. I argued with him and other Dr.'s that that is not the problem. I'd bitch at them and ask why aren't you doing your homework, research, etc. Instead they suggested I should go to therapy. Every visit to the Dr. was just them looking at my physical symptoms incompetently with other interns or residency staff. I stopped going to the Dr. and carried my debilitating pain on my own (more trauma from a form of neglect). Later in life I recognized a pattern of my health directly linked to my emotional state overall. When I take actions that lead to personal health and happiness my health improves and vice versa. Today this awareness is scientifically proven to be the best way to resolve many health issues. It is not easy to change one's state of mind & emotion, but 1. Such is yours alone and can only be changed by the choices you make. 2. Honesty and Integrity are important to cultivate to maintain an inner alignment. 3. Being cognizant of what you allow in through your senses is a responsibility that supports authenticity. 4. You are never without the freedom to choose; especially with and how you think, believe (accept) and feel. Being authentic can be a lonely place, because so few people are. Today I literally can see the inauthenticity immediately in people. Health-wise, I have to stay on top of honesty and Integrity as a model of behavior, because when I don't my pain returns, and that especially includes my choice of inner dialog - how I think and talk to myself. It is true that when we change the way we look at things the things we look at change. That is the power we all have.
Needed to hear it’s healthy to have that boundary with anger sometimes. Thank you. Was feeling guilty about exercising a healthy boundary and then it was violated so this message is medication. Healing.
Set a program where you congratulate yourself for even a small amount of anger and externalization of indignation or discomfort in any given situation, esp in front of others. Imagine yourself as a child that needs this exact reaffirmation.. do it for as long as it takes to heal yourself 🩵😊
I went into a mental health crisis chronic anxiety at the age of 38 constantly taking care of others the stress of it and demand of it was consuming it's still a struggle
One point I disagree on, while I do agree trauma is a big component, I think Gabor is missing the mart by not acknowledging how the food supply has heavily been degraded over time and full of chemicals, I don’t think all this chronic disease is only emotional stuff, it’s not like traumas are higher now than in previous times.
Both guys have wonderful gifts and both continue to contribute to our wellbeing. Jordan Peterson and his family have had much suffering and he hasn’t become bitter. He certainly expresses himself and the pronouns situation was a call for us all regarding free speech. It’s become a big issue in UK. Do watch Rowan Atkinson on issues of free speech. Gabor is helping us all in a deep way. My life has changed dramatically thanks to him and Jordan.
This CD has three separate relaxation/meditation sessions on it ruclips.net/user/postUgkxzpa8CIfZcihW4Z0F_ja0QF3W9KIatrsq guided by a very pleasant and direct male voice. Unlike so many other products of its type, this CD does not have bad synthesizer music, does not feature a phony or affected style of narration, and does not make any bogus claims to be subliminal or to re-train the brain or any of that balderdash. What you get is 1. a guided meditation for getting into a pleasantly relaxed state of body awareness while taking a stroll (superb for those easing back into a fitness routine slowly after an illness or injury) 2. A nice long breath-awareness relaxation session that if followed diligently can put you into very deep states of full-body relaxation and mental calmness, and 3. a buddhist-inspired meditation session designed to help you develop and maintain feelings of loving kindness toward not just yourself and your friends, but toward people you don't even like. The CD makes no claims to be designed for advanced meditators or for buddhists or hindus/yoga practitioners looking for very deep and esoteric stuff. It is geared more toward the average person who just wants to develop the habit of relaxation and stress relief through natural, healthy means. him, if you happen to be reading this, keep up the good work fella, and I love your accent. I would also like to note that I have never fallen asleep while listening to this product. I would like to kindly suggest to the reviewer who said this CD makes him fall asleep, that he might want to get checked to see if he has a sleep disorder, or if he is simply not setting aside ample time for restful sleep at night. A healthy person getting adequate rest at night should be able to go into deep states of mental relaxation without dozing off, if not all the time, then most of the time.
Lucky me to have learned it so EARLY! I believe in doing good in life, and getting closer to the spirit world has helped me. I drop anything that is bad. Pretty fast. I get up and go.
I understand that feeling. About 20 years ago that realization hit me when I was totally exhausted from trying to keep up with what I perceived everyone wanted of me. I wanted to curl up in a corner and just quit. It was a junction and I decided to try to dig my way out. I gradually started doing more positive things and setting some boundaries. It was hard but worth the journey. I have just recently read Dr. Mate’s books and what I have learned has given a deeper meaning to my journey. So, I encourage you not to give up. Baby steps - walks, healthy nutrition, daily steps forward in taking care of yourself make a difference. Please don’t give up. This could be your turning point❤️
Proven: Wim Hof method to help heal depression & anxiety. It’s a deep breathing practice & cold exposure. His wife committed suicide because she had a “mental illness” and he had to care for his kids. He then discovered what is now the WIM HOF method. He holds records for cold exposure & was studied by scientist as to how he was able to be “superhuman”. It has definitely worked for me. Hope this works for you. 🙏🏽
I hope you find a way out, start small and build. Just listened to Jordan Peterson/John Delony podcast yesterday, it covered lots of different aspects of life, found it really interesting and positive so recommend. Wish you lots of luck and hope in your journey, don’t give up!
Simonwinberg, this is a major turning point, at first each step you need to take will seem like a heavy feat..it will take abit of time at first but this is necessary for you to practise kmowing how to lead yourself to new True being of you which is healthy and stable, practise each morning and night talking lovingly and supportively to yourself when you are lying in bed and your body is supported and then have a few supportive phrases you feel help you. This will calm you. Trust the process and repeat a bit daily. Eventually the daily will become 3 times, or every 3hours or hour or every 15 minutes that you will sustain this new 'muscle'. Each small thing you incorporate 'as a habit,' or have different ones so if you don't do one you can pick from other ones, Focus on educating on healthy eating, applying it, walks to move and breathe and process thoughts constructively or just enjoy the feeling of it, sleep and hygien. You will see the changes and it will feel great. Now, only share your new found well being with anyone you can trust. No one else, and keep going. Sending you a hug. LA
The question at the start of this video was "..how does that happen!" With reference to people who are over helpful. I found that psychologist Dr Laurence Heller's NARM model answered this question for me in terms of survival strategies. This is a compassionate way of summarising behaviour patterns that's free from labelling and pathologizing and consequently judgements and stigma. So for example if you were disempowered through trauma as a child then giving your power away to make other people happy is a perfectly legitimate short term survival strategy. It can become a problem as you get older and are unaware that you can behave any differently. My understanding is that Gabor Mate's Compassionate Inquiry approach and NARM are essentially different versions of the same thing.
Most of the more severe illnesses happen to people by an upsetting event happening in their lives that takes them by surprise, unexpectedly, impacting first in the brain, then in the corresponding organ which that part of the brain controls. The end of WWI had absolutely everything to do with the Flu and lung TB outbreak that occurred killing millions. In nature, the biological conflict linked with a territorial fear (just what it means-a fear in your territory, your home, your community, etc.) is a widening of the bronchia (tissue loss). Your body attempts to widen your bronchia in order to allow more air into your lungs to give you more strength and energy to fight to keep your territory safe. Stay with me.......The biological conflict linked with a death fright impacts the lungs. The lungs attempt to grow larger in order to allow more air in because breath equals life, as we all know. No breath equals death. Why are so many people across the world suddenly having their appendix removed? The appendix is associated with “being in fear for one’s life”. The HEALING phase is the rupture/inflammation.
While you are in the fear or death fright conflict, you notice no symptoms of “disease”, except you have cold hands, cold feet, you can’t sleep, you awaken at 3 AM every night, you have little appetite. During the war, millions of people were in fear of the bombing of their homes and cities where the war was most active. Fearing for their lives, their loved ones in the war, their ability to survive. The food in the stores was sparse due to shortages. This lasted for 4 long years! The longer the conflict, the worse the healing phase. Within 2 weeks of the German Chancellor announcing the end of WWI, these millions of people ALL went into the healing phase all at the same time. It is during the healing phase that you experience symptoms of illness! What is the healing phase of the bronchia widening? Severe bronchitis, pneumonia. The body attempts to refill this lost tissue and you experience inflammation, fever, coughing, body aches, fatigue, etc. What is the healing phase of the extra lung tissue that grew? Decomposing of the tissue by TB bacteria and fungi. The symptoms of this healing phase are: severe coughing up of blood and tissue, fever, inflammation, severe mucous, body aches, fatigue. During this decomposing of the extra tissue (tumor), the body expels a lot of protein, and without replenishment, severe protein loss can result in death. Antibiotics did not exist yet. If TB bacteria does not exist in a person or they have been vaccinated against TB (big mistake), then the tumor will simply encapsulate and become dormant and not harm you. Who died during the Spanish Flu? Mainly the poor who could not afford to buy meat and proper nourishment, and the people who were directly impacted by the bombings and destruction of their homes.
Millions of people suffered fear and death frights during the fighting of WWI, and millions of people all went into healing at the end of it. Not everyone was affected because not everyone suffered the same way.
It’s not a “flu”, it’s not something you “catch”. It’s biological, meaningful, and unavoidable. One hundred years later, a Fear Campaign begins, using the media to spread it......
@@questioneverything7582I'm very sympathetic to your point but I think you will find some of the epidemiology of the spanish flu victims more complex than the gloss you have provided, and so people who are critical of your views may unfairly dismiss you generally because of this. As I understand it, the spanish flu affected and killed younger more robust people more quickly and more often than the rest, and it did so because it operated on parts of the body associated with better lung function. Just fyi as I was reading through, I'm happy to be corrected by more knowledgeable people
True, many working in the medical model system don't really get how powerful the mind/body connection is. Often times, don't address the emotions at all. This happens all the time.
I look at it like they use bad coping mechanics to deal with the emotions Deal with the needs be authentic Disease is I'll at ease with things What things I resolved the things I had in my life loved and love me Met my needs all things changed All things change if you look after yourself
Sometimes we forget that the majority of bad things that happens to us is because the level of love we think we deserve, so , instead of blame others I think would be helpful to take responsibility for everything we allow others to do to us, stopping being victims we can recover our power!. 💥
I was just like that. I’d feel so sorry for other’s problems that I put my own happiness and family second. It was so hard to say no. I’ve learned a lot and can say no much easier now. I learned the hard way.
Uncovering the conditions we have experienced from day one ,with compassion, can lead us to awareness and change of how and what we do and believe about life and ourselves. That cannot be done without some loving and compassionate support as we learn to walk without crutches and eventually learn who we are on all levels. What is your "racket" to cover up the deep hurt? Is it really "me"? We all need help to come awake to who we are and then can love and care for our selves/needs.
I’m sorry to say, but people pleasing behaviour has nothing to do with loving others; it has all to do with yourself, with you being liked for being a ‘good person’. All roads points towards yourself, and even though the act - externally - is pointed towards others, there is no motivation to be authentically nice to others, but only to be acknowledged and appreciated. In other words, the pleasing or act of being ‘nice’ is directly dependant on being rewarded (as you may see when they turn on you for not duplicating their ‘niceness’). This doesn’t mean you should be tough on yourself for being like that - I myself am like that. But it’s important not to cover it up like you are this amazing person who just wants the best for all others.
This is all true. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease in my thirties. I am thankful because self care is now my number one priority. Our minds can convince us to keep moving forward in spite of everything but our bodies never lie to us. I grew up in a family dynamic that encouraged me to suppress my feelings and this continued into adulthood. I have no doubt this is the cause of my Hashimoto’s. I have done a lot of inner work and meditate every day. After a demanding career and having a family I can now step into part time work and take time for myself.
hello, emotions are essential, but toxins, lifestyle and just the sugar and nonfood foods that we eat, are the other causes. Electronics, disconnection to the magnetic force of the earth with plastic soled shoes. For sure, I got sick from long-term trauma~but then I got well.
As a Reiki practitioner working with cancer patients, another common trait I notice is a "fixed" personality, inflexible, stubborn and balks at self-change to the point they wont regardless of outcome. Sad to watch knowing they can heal themselves with a (simple) change of mental state as Dr Mate explains here...something many people are unable to.
Wow! You should work in the hospital!! 'Knowing they can heal themselves'?? O.M.G. Tell me where your beautiful, simple planet lies, I'm flying right over! Just wondering what your own healing strategy would be the day you get cancer and being a flexible person doesn't do the trick.
My dear colleague, you are a blessing; i have just discovered your videos and love the way you explain things so that even lay people can understand! Thank you for sharing your knowledge and expertise!
This is the type of stuff that annoys many of us. This isnt new. As a matter of fact its ancient info. It was taught as science. Many of us dont need to hear this. Just need the ones leading by force to step back or leave.
We can also do the opposite which is narccistic, obsessed with self, self improvement, etc even if not in a grandiose way. Learning non aggressive assertiveness is important.
Dr Gabor is one of its kind🙌🏻🙌🏻 yet just thinking out loud ..if we have so many cancers (epidemics of it) but environment is toxic ..does one doesn't rule out the other?
In a way our environment is a reflection of our state of minds as humanity.. we now know the whole world is an interconnected ecosystem, this can be observed in biology, physics, chemistry and quantum physics.
Not sure the theory fits the higher autoimmunity rates in western cultures where women are far freer to look after own needs compared to some other regions with more traditional cultures. The Hygiene hypothesis might fit better. But I do believe in some contribution from emotional state/stress in some cases.
Exactly 💯 My breakdown, chronic fatigue syndrome and mental illnesses were virtually inevitable! I didn't stand a chance from conception! And yes I have now taken responsibility for myself because I finally recognised the problem... But it seems to be too late! I can't correct things anymore! 😭
It's never too late. A big set of problems takes a big effort and a lot of time to sort out, but the answer is always to take the smallest manageable steps at a time.
Dr GABER MATE Domination Lack of Respect and Responsibility to the Fellow human being in family members of society and the institutions and honesty not hypocrisy
Learning to say No to my past Sociel and Sociely imposed ways of choosing to be a yes ppl pleasing and all that entails yes the mother roll is a reality that leads our female children and or male s to get stuck in robbing us of our humanity Awarness of ourselves is totally nessasary for our physical emotional mental health 🥁🥁🥁
I got bullied a lot as a teenager and young adult, but I was taught that it was sinful and inappropriate to express anger over the abuse. I've now been struggling with debilitating depression and burn-out for decades. I hate and loath myself: It's as if I've internalised the world's hatred and rejection of myself. What is the way out?
This resonates with me. Also the conflicting message of being a saintly, giving person in society and not being selfish is hard for me to balance at times. (Not that I'm single by any means! Just the idea of being a Mother Teresa type, having compassion and love and giving to others ..)
Apparently i was a smart kid...was aware of my needs and tried to fill them as best as i could in my killing environment. This made me selfish and self preserved and unable to be a parent.
Please..I blame myself for my 2 yr old daughters alopecia. Out of what I considered necessity moved my 3 children to my home state to keep them from abuse of my ex husband. Now I pray for a way to help her. I've never experienced this as a parent of 14yrs. It's only been a few months but how can I help her immune system stop attacking her hair follicles? Did I do this to her which doesn't even matter? Can I find a cure by simply appreciating her existence? I feel so helpless which also does not matter. This thing.. it's not her fault.
You didn't do it to her, that's victim blaming yourself, and you have taken her to safety too. Hopefully you can top up your own inner calm & that will have a positive effect on either her immunity or her way of coping x
@@emilyb5557 thank you. My Dr thinks it was her getting COVID that triggered her immune system months later. He started her on modére pure hoping for hair growth. Very kind and wise reply. I appreciate it. Afraid it might get worse cuz I'm about to go to battle with him in court. Hoping the judge sees my heart and concern in the situation.
It's a bit late to be talking about this subject, society is doomed to fail because greedy people have exploited those at the bottom far too much, for the last 20 years caring people have been expected to destroy themselves for the benefit of society.
He’s skewed in his view of women being the ones most suppressing things. My guess is that this has more to do with older women. Men seem to be suppressing quite a lot. Men also don’t live as long and have much higher rates of suicide. If a person commits suicide, they often don’t live long enough to slowly develop cancer...Everyone is suppressed to some, unhealthy extent.
Hi I am having trouble hearing this talk as I have a hearing loss. If you leave the captioning function when you record it, I would be able to access it. Can you please consider making sure the caption function is on when making any new RUclips videos thank you.
I got so sucked into the needs of my parents, society pressure to be formatted, then husband, kids, career so-to-speak... that after leaving the abusive spouse, I was so estranged from myself that it took me 2 years to start shopping food for my own needs, for example. For I lost myself in that abyss of being a mother Teresa.
🙏🏽
Good to have you back!😊
I am not Mother Teresa but I was on my way being ONE
My parents passed away already 20 years ago (I was their caretaker for decades); my husband suddenly died a few years ago . I’m in my 60’s & just beginning to discover what I like-food, colors, styles, activities-I didn’t even know that I didn’t know almost anything about myself! Extremely embarrassed but grateful for the opportunity!
I feel dead now. Like a zombie. No life. No family. No friends. No community. Not one thing left .
My Rheumatoid Arthritis (which I was diagnosed with at 30) was the cure. It was my body metaphorically trying to tell me something. I am 32 and off all medications. I sometimes take a low dose of prednisone every once in awhile but I don’t make a big deal anymore about a minor flare up. I just think, “what stresses did I let into my life without standing up for my own needs” and I move on. I’m getting better at that everyday with practice. My rheumatologist is perplexed and annoyed by me. You’d think he’d be happy for me. Same with my primary care physician.
Pharma doesn’t make money off fit and healthy people, or people with a mindset like yours 💪
Most of the more severe illnesses happen to people by an upsetting event happening in their lives that takes them by surprise, unexpectedly, impacting first in the brain, then in the corresponding organ which that part of the brain controls. The end of WWI had absolutely everything to do with the Flu and lung TB outbreak that occurred killing millions. In nature, the biological conflict linked with a territorial fear (just what it means-a fear in your territory, your home, your community, etc.) is a widening of the bronchia (tissue loss). Your body attempts to widen your bronchia in order to allow more air into your lungs to give you more strength and energy to fight to keep your territory safe. Stay with me.......The biological conflict linked with a death fright impacts the lungs. The lungs attempt to grow larger in order to allow more air in because breath equals life, as we all know. No breath equals death. Why are so many people across the world suddenly having their appendix removed? The appendix is associated with “being in fear for one’s life”. The HEALING phase is the rupture/inflammation.
While you are in the fear or death fright conflict, you notice no symptoms of “disease”, except you have cold hands, cold feet, you can’t sleep, you awaken at 3 AM every night, you have little appetite. During the war, millions of people were in fear of the bombing of their homes and cities where the war was most active. Fearing for their lives, their loved ones in the war, their ability to survive. The food in the stores was sparse due to shortages. This lasted for 4 long years! The longer the conflict, the worse the healing phase. Within 2 weeks of the German Chancellor announcing the end of WWI, these millions of people ALL went into the healing phase all at the same time. It is during the healing phase that you experience symptoms of illness! What is the healing phase of the bronchia widening? Severe bronchitis, pneumonia. The body attempts to refill this lost tissue and you experience inflammation, fever, coughing, body aches, fatigue, etc. What is the healing phase of the extra lung tissue that grew? Decomposing of the tissue by TB bacteria and fungi. The symptoms of this healing phase are: severe coughing up of blood and tissue, fever, inflammation, severe mucous, body aches, fatigue. During this decomposing of the extra tissue (tumor), the body expels a lot of protein, and without replenishment, severe protein loss can result in death. Antibiotics did not exist yet. If TB bacteria does not exist in a person or they have been vaccinated against TB (big mistake), then the tumor will simply encapsulate and become dormant and not harm you. Who died during the Spanish Flu? Mainly the poor who could not afford to buy meat and proper nourishment, and the people who were directly impacted by the bombings and destruction of their homes.
Millions of people suffered fear and death frights during the fighting of WWI, and millions of people all went into healing at the end of it. Not everyone was affected because not everyone suffered the same way.
It’s not a “flu”, it’s not something you “catch”. It’s biological, meaningful, and unavoidable. One hundred years later, a Fear Campaign begins, using the media to spread it......
You go Chad! What a great story, thank you for sharing. As we all start following our gut again we will all heal!
@@questioneverything7582 That was actually very insightful. Thank you for sharing that. Honestly. As far as the fear campaigns being in bad faith or just out of straight up ignorance, we'll never really know but I definitely lean on the side of what my own experiences have shown me with my own health and that is, the body is trying to speak up for you.
It's trying to say something. It's trying to keep you alive and if you listen closely, you can learn a lot about what it actually needs and how it can actually stay healthy. For me, it was becoming hyper aware of chronic stress and trauma triggers that make me feel in conflict or in fight or flight. Staying out of the fight or flight or away from anything that triggers it as best I can within the boundaries of my financial limitations has helped me tremendously.
Its not always easy to say no to coming into work on a day I didn't want to come in when I am struggling financially but I have definitely gotten better at setting boundaries and making sure I get what I need to do my job without compromise. Things are getting better because of it. Also just becoming aware of where all these traumas and coping styles originated from so that I can get better at going against them when they let in so much stress.
@@cherylbailey4803 Thank you for your support.
I find this to be absolutely true. I spent the majority of my life being a people pleaser and my health suffered greatly. It wasn’t until I entered my thirties and finally learned to set boundaries and leave every toxic relation behind, that my health started flourishing.
Especially after leaving my last relationship of 4+ years where I’d started suffering from anxiety after being traumatized by the person’s actions. My blood pressure was high despite eating super healthy. Sleep was terrible. Crying at night. My face broke out constantly. Migraines started becoming frequent (never suffered from that before) sudden ear/hearing problems that no doctors could explain. My period went haywire. Lots of physical symptoms.
A month after I left and went no contact with this person all of those symptoms disappeared. ALL OF THEM! AFTER 1 MONTH!! That’s when I learned the true meaning of the word ‘toxic’ when it comes to human interactions. Choose your company CAREFULLY!!
Lucky you to have learned it so EARLY on! No irony.
@@ColargolPL Thank you. I wish I had learned earlier, but here we are! Lots of lessons learned, lots of inner work and change of environment.
Our families sometimes are the cause of most our sufferings and we .. never blame them . We are wiser.. we are more compassionate and we suffer . I’m so grateful for having meditation .. yoga .. the intellect to see exactly what I need to do , for my adult peace . Generation breakers have the toughest times but we can prevail if we change our minds ! It’s never to late to be better , to keep trying and to want more !
😢😢😢
Yes I’m the generational breaker, healing many generations of martyrdom and being responsible for self not others……
I love the term you used, “generation breakers”!
I'm also a generational breaker, but I wanted a bit of peace.
🙏❤️❤️
WORD. I am dealing with hoarding issues. I no longer say, "I have hoarding disorder" because I don't want to give "it" that power over me. I also no longer hate myself for the hoarding issues. They are a coping mechanism that enabled me to survive childhood trauma. And now my Inner Adult is working on helping my Inner Child heal 🙏😌💕✨
I belief you will be successfull
May you heal .....fast🌿♥️🌿
Check out the course for Holistic Life Navigation. It’s been a game changer for me.
@@tracasavadogo3992 Thank you for sharing that... I'll check it out!
@@Changeworld408 Thank you so much!
And this is why I cannot and will not ever accept people being labelled. How about plain old acceptance and compassion for fellow human beings, with no agenda. Bill Hicks said stop putting a price on everything, I say that includes a ‘label’ 🙏❤️
Gabor is soo on point. My mother has MS and I observed she had no self esteem and put other people needs before herself. I repeated the cycle which was also wrapped in child trauma of needed to tend my parents needs to keep myself safe. My nervous system was soo deregulated I spent years in fight mode then to freeze and collapse. I have many symptoms that align with an auto immune disease. It’s a minute by minute process to put myself and my needs first. I’m reformed people pleaser and in a way the symptoms that I experience are a gift and stop me from doing to much and not living from an authentic place. I have found yoga particularly restorative , meditation, IFS, reiki, sound healing vagus nerve activation, compassion practices, talk therapy, somatic experiencing, building community connection with other women that is heart based. I know it possible to heal and I am soo grateful to Gabor for he’s incredible work.
❤️
Yes IFS! It works!
I can strongly relate to this, people pleasing destroyed my life
Big Thanks!, Dr. Maté. I am almost 71 years old and recently I realized, without having watched your excellent videos, that I was lacking authenticity. I was doing everything possible and silencing myself to please my sons, big men now. I had to "cut" -"my" attachments - being a single parent since they were 6 & 7. It was not easy, but I am living in tranquility, cleaned all expectations about calls -never arrived-, a moment to see them -for what I was telling mistakenly myself that I was just breathing to have one single minute to see them again.
I am free now, and probably, I have freed them as well. I am not a child, I moved to another place, and I have peace-health, hopefully in my body as in my mind.
Big Thanks!, again. You are helping me to see that I made the right decision, one of the most important and tough of my life. Love 💓
For me, I was totally alone as a child, having been bullied at school. As an adult, the only way I found some connection with other people was if I was helping them. Just this week, my face reacted by swelling, becoming red and painful, and I am feeling overwhelmed at not taking care of my own self. I must listen to my feelings and put myself first.
This was so me and I developed severe chronic fatigue and CPTSD because I wasn’t looking at it, my body basically shut down, it’s been a 9 year journey slowly healing the suffering I’ve held for others and slowly trying to believe I deserve to look after myself on all levels. It’s still difficult.
Who taught you to deny your own needs cause those needs made someone uncomfortable ? Your needs are valid too you are a human being. I hope you can get well soon.
Similar experience for different reasons.
I understand your life I also gave cfs and was groomed by a narcissist mother didn’t realise how people pleasing and suppressing my true feelings still working through bulling with my adult narcissist sister and her toxic family but like yourself it’s a process blessings to you also
@@lynnglass575 It's so hard to truly see what was normal for all of our lives actually was not healthy behaviour. It takes time to unpack and recognise in different situations. Before I had realised this I unknowingly went back to my toxic family to try to help them with their conflicts among each other. Seems so crazy today and I'm still paying the price for this choice health wise and in my own partnership. Had to go no contact with some of them to regain a sense of stability, even after moving away. Wishing you all the best for your healing journey.
I'm a child cancer survivor, I was 8 years old and the tumour was supposed to take 20 years to grow. I'm also autistic - interestingly enough, autistic people tend not to say that they "have" autism, rather than it's an inextricable part of us! I didn't thought about my other diseases that way before now. I was bullied and micro-managed all my childhood and in early adulthood as well. My parents are the "nice guys" and I come from a family of people exactly like you describes. Despite my mom being into natural remedies and alternative medicine quite heavily, she keeps on radically denying any connection between body and mind and refuses to look into any implication of her actions and that of my dad on me as a child. It's been now many years and I'm tired, I've been living with chronic pain numerous conditions. The last one of them is asthma from unknown causes, I stopped breathing and I would've been dead if I was alone at home like most time.
After this much time I feel like I finally have a proper answer. Thank you so much Dr!
Hello fellow Aspie! Take care of yourself, you are worth it!
♥️
Sending you love and blessings. There's nothing wrong with you, you are a child of God , beautifully made . You are whole! ❤
Anger is a boundary defense. YES. It is healthy when acting as a protection system against being invaded. THANKS. What a nice way of putting it. Great. 👍🏻😉🚀
Louise Hay talked about this in her book "You can heal your life" there is a section in the book with an alphabetical list of diseases and their metaphysical causes.
That list is one person's opinion, not based in science, so utilize with objectivity!
You can't give what you don't have.
Jesus tells his people, “DO NOT be afraid”, 365 times in the Bible. Fear is the “bottom level” to stress. I love what you are helping people understand. Thank you.❤😊
How we collectively needed this man to find the strength and courage to live authentically and then share that wisdom so generously with us. Thank you doctor for leading the way. SO much respect for Dr Gabor Mate- and so much more gratitude.
The human species has always baffled me, since I was old enough to perceive people’s thoughts and actions. Here is a man explaining to the world, finally, the mechanism of cancer in the human body, and there’s 22 comments.
The mind grapples with simple information, that’s why the human suffering.
The Bible command is to love others as we love ourselves! So we need to love ourselves before we can love other people - that how we know how to be loving.
dr. mate has the most soothing voice
Doesn’t he though. I love to listen to him.
This realisation came to me after having flown in aircraft umpteen times and hearing the instruction to put on your own O2 mask before helping anyone else, even your child.
Of course! If you don’t grab your mask and put it on, instead putting a mask on anyone else, you black out! And your usefulness ends right there.
So, care for your own needs so that you be of use to others.
I adhere and gravitate to this genius… he talks such wisdom and logic. I’ve had stress in my adult life from 31- 60 . I’m left with high cholesterol, gum Disease and type two diabetes… I’m actively working on repairing myself with diabetes meds . I’m not surprised of my health issues… as a child I was constantly trying to gain love and respect..as an adult I craved love and took the wrong choices . I was widowed and pregnant at age 35 ..my entire life has been a struggle..independently.
God will stand by you and send Yelp your way IJN Amen.
You are here today after all the stressful journey you've been through, you will come out on top after all said and done.
I feel same too. But I try to take a day at a time...not bothering about tomorrow cos it usually stresses me the more.
I'm getting better praise God 🙏
Perhaps all your health issues are due to high cortisol or cortisol resistance. I've been learning about this recently...
From abusive childhood I went from one to another to another abusive relationship not knowing any better. Focusing on being the best wife, mother, daughter, friend, I didn't have a clue what my needs have been. I'm 47 and I'm learning this now. I feel like a kid, but I suppose it's never too late! ;) All my life I felt alone and in highly stressed state. Where it got me now are these two components, to bring back my cortisol to normal level (there are good videos out there on affects of chronic stress and high cortisol linked to soo many health problems) and learning about myself and taking care of my Self the way we were meant to. ❤
Legend Mr mate. This man needs to be heard..
Yes, yes and yes
It’s so easy to get sucked into your job and become a slave to it
Forever !
Let go and take more vacations , visit family , find a hobby, etc ❤
Thank you Dr. Mate for helping me understand that taking care of my own needs is not just something I ought to try out or some new age trend. It is my biggest duty and highest priority to take care of my own needs in order to stay healthy, well balanced and able to care for others in a better way.
100%!!! If we don’t care for ourselves our loved ones will end up caring the weight!!! Only when we stand up strong can we be someone’s shoulder to lean on.
When I’m being my authentic self people think I’m angry when I’m not just expressing my needs more
I get angry and act out if my needs are not met. Definitely taking a break from the delusional type people. I've stopped keeping my mouth shut and enabling or just stay away. Lol. Just yesterday I heard one of my clients refer to me as 'nice' yeah I'm nice to a point -just don't use me as a doormat or entertain dullusions ( anymore).
I am addicted to Gabor Mate
Me toooooo 😍
Here, Here
Yep. 🤍 I discovered him two years ago, or so. Interestingly, he reminds me of my deceased father, who died after two bouts of cancer and was downed by a stroke too soon; his aura, wisdom, and vocal style, and the gift that is him, are healing in ways too profound to express. Gabor is a gift to humanity, and in his advancing age, something almost ethereally essential. I hope others can find him. He is doing so much outreach and speaking in his advancing age, I do worry about his health. I hope we have him for quite a while longer. 🤍
@@TishLiddell oh yes, thank you
So glad Maté is getting his truly proper due. Started watching him 4 years ago in the midst of a family member's cancer journey. As an observer, I saw exactly what he was saying.😔😔😔😔
This guy is great- I’m health professional and been in thousands of homes one day I said there’s a pattern to people with certain conditions and their root was emotional- I also had a child disease I write about it like Gabor but people resist making the connection his truths expressed r wide and far reaching ❤
Isn't German New Medicine about this sort of concept?
@@gethelp6271 I don’t know but myself was a path of self discovery and u have to be prepared to be courageous brave to admit to yourself
That's an interesting point! Since I began studying health seriously 20 years ago, I have also noticed that certain conditions "show themselves" in certain ways in people. For example, I have noticed that heart conditions and high blood pressure show up on many people in the face. They tend to look "a bit puffy". If there is truth to physical conditions being caused by chronic emotional states, then there is great hope for healing by changing the emotional state! Think of the implications for people you may know.
I had arthritis in both knees, elbows, fingers, and a toe. I knew as the dr was telling me what pills to take and how to keep moving through the pain. That I would Never live with this!!! I fasted and went to a healing room a month later, some strangers prayed for me in Jesus name. I had to forgive someone as well. I walked out 30 minutes later without arthritis and have never had it again. It was a decision I made in faith, I believed in miracles. It wasn't going to be diet thing, it was going to be a completely healed thing.
It’s so sad the fact that I’ve been like that unconsciously trying to please everybody not to lose connection, go out of my way to take care of others in the expense of my own, o thought that’s the only way I can be loved, after all autoimmune disorders, lots of health problems, loneliness-and friends and family doesn’t need you anymore, they got used to benefit from you and now not only they can’t benefit but also I’m in a state of need, emotional, physical, financial
I feel the same way completely ❤
When I was 17 a Dr. Labeled me with an arthritic auto-immume disease. I argued with him and other Dr.'s that that is not the problem. I'd bitch at them and ask why aren't you doing your homework, research, etc. Instead they suggested I should go to therapy. Every visit to the Dr. was just them looking at my physical symptoms incompetently with other interns or residency staff.
I stopped going to the Dr. and carried my debilitating pain on my own (more trauma from a form of neglect). Later in life I recognized a pattern of my health directly linked to my emotional state overall. When I take actions that lead to personal health and happiness my health improves and vice versa. Today this awareness is scientifically proven to be the best way to resolve many health issues. It is not easy to change one's state of mind & emotion, but 1. Such is yours alone and can only be changed by the choices you make. 2. Honesty and Integrity are important to cultivate to maintain an inner alignment. 3. Being cognizant of what you allow in through your senses is a responsibility that supports authenticity. 4. You are never without the freedom to choose; especially with and how you think, believe (accept) and feel.
Being authentic can be a lonely place, because so few people are. Today I literally can see the inauthenticity immediately in people. Health-wise, I have to stay on top of honesty and Integrity as a model of behavior, because when I don't my pain returns, and that especially includes my choice of inner dialog - how I think and talk to myself.
It is true that when we change the way we look at things the things we look at change. That is the power we all have.
I hope his message is heard by as many as possible
Needed to hear it’s healthy to have that boundary with anger sometimes. Thank you. Was feeling guilty about exercising a healthy boundary and then it was violated so this message is medication. Healing.
Set a program where you congratulate yourself for even a small amount of anger and externalization of indignation or discomfort in any given situation, esp in front of others. Imagine yourself as a child that needs this exact reaffirmation.. do it for as long as it takes to heal yourself 🩵😊
@@yvonneshanson1525 thank you. Never considered it before - mind opening.
@Chelsea Peterson happy i coiuld help a fellow survivor 😊! ..our inner child deserves her emotions to be honored to the fullest.. wishing u the best 💚
Thank you for enlightenment.
I have a high regard for Gabor Mate’s teaching. I often wonder whether he has happiness, or contentment, in his life. I wish that it be true.
He is one of the ❤gift for mankind
Dr. Gabor Mate is a real gift❤️
I went into a mental health crisis chronic anxiety at the age of 38 constantly taking care of others the stress of it and demand of it was consuming it's still a struggle
i could listen to this man for hours so much knowledge and compassion
There is a fine line between needs and desires. Our minds should be able to detect the differences.
One point I disagree on, while I do agree trauma is a big component, I think Gabor is missing the mart by not acknowledging how the food supply has heavily been degraded over time and full of chemicals, I don’t think all this chronic disease is only emotional stuff, it’s not like traumas are higher now than in previous times.
So sad that so many people choose to worship Jordy Peterson over this guy.
Why worship anyone. This guy has questionable beliefs too. Not as bad as Peterson.
Both guys have wonderful gifts and both continue to contribute to our wellbeing. Jordan Peterson and his family have had much suffering and he hasn’t become bitter. He certainly expresses himself and the pronouns situation was a call for us all regarding free speech. It’s become a big issue in UK. Do watch Rowan Atkinson on issues of free speech. Gabor is helping us all in a deep way. My life has changed dramatically thanks to him and Jordan.
This CD has three separate relaxation/meditation sessions on it ruclips.net/user/postUgkxzpa8CIfZcihW4Z0F_ja0QF3W9KIatrsq guided by a very pleasant and direct male voice. Unlike so many other products of its type, this CD does not have bad synthesizer music, does not feature a phony or affected style of narration, and does not make any bogus claims to be subliminal or to re-train the brain or any of that balderdash. What you get is 1. a guided meditation for getting into a pleasantly relaxed state of body awareness while taking a stroll (superb for those easing back into a fitness routine slowly after an illness or injury) 2. A nice long breath-awareness relaxation session that if followed diligently can put you into very deep states of full-body relaxation and mental calmness, and 3. a buddhist-inspired meditation session designed to help you develop and maintain feelings of loving kindness toward not just yourself and your friends, but toward people you don't even like. The CD makes no claims to be designed for advanced meditators or for buddhists or hindus/yoga practitioners looking for very deep and esoteric stuff. It is geared more toward the average person who just wants to develop the habit of relaxation and stress relief through natural, healthy means. him, if you happen to be reading this, keep up the good work fella, and I love your accent. I would also like to note that I have never fallen asleep while listening to this product. I would like to kindly suggest to the reviewer who said this CD makes him fall asleep, that he might want to get checked to see if he has a sleep disorder, or if he is simply not setting aside ample time for restful sleep at night. A healthy person getting adequate rest at night should be able to go into deep states of mental relaxation without dozing off, if not all the time, then most of the time.
Lucky me to have learned it so EARLY! I believe in doing good in life, and getting closer to the spirit world has helped me. I drop anything that is bad. Pretty fast. I get up and go.
This is my life
If i dont heal myself next year it will be the end of me. Been severly depressed my whole adult life.
check marisa peers videos on youtube
I understand that feeling. About 20 years ago that realization hit me when I was totally exhausted from trying to keep up with what I perceived everyone wanted of me. I wanted to curl up in a corner and just quit. It was a junction and I decided to try to dig my way out. I gradually started doing more positive things and setting some boundaries. It was hard but worth the journey. I have just recently read Dr. Mate’s books and what I have learned has given a deeper meaning to my journey. So, I encourage you not to give up. Baby steps - walks, healthy nutrition, daily steps forward in taking care of yourself make a difference. Please don’t give up. This could be your turning point❤️
Proven: Wim Hof method to help heal depression & anxiety. It’s a deep breathing practice & cold exposure. His wife committed suicide because she had a “mental illness” and he had to care for his kids. He then discovered what is now the WIM HOF method. He holds records for cold exposure & was studied by scientist as to how he was able to be “superhuman”. It has definitely worked for me. Hope this works for you. 🙏🏽
I hope you find a way out, start small and build. Just listened to Jordan Peterson/John Delony podcast yesterday, it covered lots of different aspects of life, found it really interesting and positive so recommend. Wish you lots of luck and hope in your journey, don’t give up!
Simonwinberg, this is a major turning point, at first each step you need to take will seem like a heavy feat..it will take abit of time at first but this is necessary for you to practise kmowing how to lead yourself to new True being of you which is healthy and stable, practise each morning and night talking lovingly and supportively to yourself when you are lying in bed and your body is supported and then have a few supportive phrases you feel help you. This will calm you. Trust the process and repeat a bit daily. Eventually the daily will become 3 times, or every 3hours or hour or every 15 minutes that you will sustain this new 'muscle'. Each small thing you incorporate 'as a habit,' or have different ones so if you don't do one you can pick from other ones, Focus on educating on healthy eating, applying it, walks to move and breathe and process thoughts constructively or just enjoy the feeling of it, sleep and hygien. You will see the changes and it will feel great. Now, only share your new found well being with anyone you can trust. No one else, and keep going. Sending you a hug. LA
I naturally always put others before myself and I’ve got cancer !!
Yea this is called wounded healer - attempting to help others in order to avoid yourself’s basic needs
Holy moly!this must be one of the most insightful talks I've ever watched....oooor the most insightful at all
The question at the start of this video was "..how does that happen!" With reference to people who are over helpful. I found that psychologist Dr Laurence Heller's NARM model answered this question for me in terms of survival strategies. This is a compassionate way of summarising behaviour patterns that's free from labelling and pathologizing and consequently judgements and stigma. So for example if you were disempowered through trauma as a child then giving your power away to make other people happy is a perfectly legitimate short term survival strategy. It can become a problem as you get older and are unaware that you can behave any differently.
My understanding is that Gabor Mate's Compassionate Inquiry approach and NARM are essentially different versions of the same thing.
Most of the more severe illnesses happen to people by an upsetting event happening in their lives that takes them by surprise, unexpectedly, impacting first in the brain, then in the corresponding organ which that part of the brain controls. The end of WWI had absolutely everything to do with the Flu and lung TB outbreak that occurred killing millions. In nature, the biological conflict linked with a territorial fear (just what it means-a fear in your territory, your home, your community, etc.) is a widening of the bronchia (tissue loss). Your body attempts to widen your bronchia in order to allow more air into your lungs to give you more strength and energy to fight to keep your territory safe. Stay with me.......The biological conflict linked with a death fright impacts the lungs. The lungs attempt to grow larger in order to allow more air in because breath equals life, as we all know. No breath equals death. Why are so many people across the world suddenly having their appendix removed? The appendix is associated with “being in fear for one’s life”. The HEALING phase is the rupture/inflammation.
While you are in the fear or death fright conflict, you notice no symptoms of “disease”, except you have cold hands, cold feet, you can’t sleep, you awaken at 3 AM every night, you have little appetite. During the war, millions of people were in fear of the bombing of their homes and cities where the war was most active. Fearing for their lives, their loved ones in the war, their ability to survive. The food in the stores was sparse due to shortages. This lasted for 4 long years! The longer the conflict, the worse the healing phase. Within 2 weeks of the German Chancellor announcing the end of WWI, these millions of people ALL went into the healing phase all at the same time. It is during the healing phase that you experience symptoms of illness! What is the healing phase of the bronchia widening? Severe bronchitis, pneumonia. The body attempts to refill this lost tissue and you experience inflammation, fever, coughing, body aches, fatigue, etc. What is the healing phase of the extra lung tissue that grew? Decomposing of the tissue by TB bacteria and fungi. The symptoms of this healing phase are: severe coughing up of blood and tissue, fever, inflammation, severe mucous, body aches, fatigue. During this decomposing of the extra tissue (tumor), the body expels a lot of protein, and without replenishment, severe protein loss can result in death. Antibiotics did not exist yet. If TB bacteria does not exist in a person or they have been vaccinated against TB (big mistake), then the tumor will simply encapsulate and become dormant and not harm you. Who died during the Spanish Flu? Mainly the poor who could not afford to buy meat and proper nourishment, and the people who were directly impacted by the bombings and destruction of their homes.
Millions of people suffered fear and death frights during the fighting of WWI, and millions of people all went into healing at the end of it. Not everyone was affected because not everyone suffered the same way.
It’s not a “flu”, it’s not something you “catch”. It’s biological, meaningful, and unavoidable. One hundred years later, a Fear Campaign begins, using the media to spread it......
Excellent explanation, thank you.
@@questioneverything7582I'm very sympathetic to your point but I think you will find some of the epidemiology of the spanish flu victims more complex than the gloss you have provided, and so people who are critical of your views may unfairly dismiss you generally because of this. As I understand it, the spanish flu affected and killed younger more robust people more quickly and more often than the rest, and it did so because it operated on parts of the body associated with better lung function. Just fyi as I was reading through, I'm happy to be corrected by more knowledgeable people
I love Gabor! His work has changed my life. What an awakening! Thank you from my whole heart!
Yes my to,Its wunderful.! Amazing whats happend whit me when Ise this .
True, many working in the medical model system don't really get how powerful the mind/body connection is. Often times, don't address the emotions at all. This happens all the time.
I look at it like they use bad coping mechanics to deal with the emotions
Deal with the needs be authentic
Disease is I'll at ease with things
What things
I resolved the things I had in my life loved and love me
Met my needs all things changed
All things change if you look after yourself
I’ve been helpful to all of the friends and family and at this stage of life it has destroyed everything I had hoped for.
Sometimes we forget that the majority of bad things that happens to us is because the level of love we think we deserve, so , instead of blame others I think would be helpful to take responsibility for everything we allow others to do to us, stopping being victims we can recover our power!. 💥
I was just like that. I’d feel so sorry for other’s problems that I put my own happiness and family second. It was so hard to say no. I’ve learned a lot and can say no much easier now. I learned the hard way.
we are so lucky to have him
Uncovering the conditions we have experienced from day one ,with compassion, can lead us to awareness and change of how and what we do and believe about life and ourselves. That cannot be done without some loving and compassionate support as we learn to walk without crutches and eventually learn who we are on all levels. What is your "racket" to cover up the deep hurt? Is it really "me"? We all need help to come awake to who we are and then can love and care for our selves/needs.
I dont even know what I need. I was taught to be selfless. Give give give is all I know.
This lecture is blowing my mind
I’m sorry to say, but people pleasing behaviour has nothing to do with loving others; it has all to do with yourself, with you being liked for being a ‘good person’. All roads points towards yourself, and even though the act - externally - is pointed towards others, there is no motivation to be authentically nice to others, but only to be acknowledged and appreciated. In other words, the pleasing or act of being ‘nice’ is directly dependant on being rewarded (as you may see when they turn on you for not duplicating their ‘niceness’).
This doesn’t mean you should be tough on yourself for being like that - I myself am like that. But it’s important not to cover it up like you are this amazing person who just wants the best for all others.
This is all true. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease in my thirties. I am thankful because self care is now my number one priority. Our minds can convince us to keep moving forward in spite of everything but our bodies never lie to us. I grew up in a family dynamic that encouraged me to suppress my feelings and this continued into adulthood. I have no doubt this is the cause of my Hashimoto’s. I have done a lot of inner work and meditate every day. After a demanding career and having a family I can now step into part time work and take time for myself.
hello, emotions are essential, but toxins, lifestyle and just the sugar and nonfood foods that we eat, are the other causes. Electronics, disconnection to the magnetic force of the earth with plastic soled shoes. For sure, I got sick from long-term trauma~but then I got well.
Exactly!!!
Everything is energy…. Everything
Thoughts, emotions, actions, sounds,…. Everything… Spell-Ing
Thank you for ❤ALL that you said Mr. Mate
As a Reiki practitioner working with cancer patients, another common trait I notice is a "fixed" personality, inflexible, stubborn and balks at self-change to the point they wont regardless of outcome. Sad to watch knowing they can heal themselves with a (simple) change of mental state as Dr Mate explains here...something many people are unable to.
Wow! You should work in the hospital!! 'Knowing they can heal themselves'?? O.M.G. Tell me where your beautiful, simple planet lies, I'm flying right over!
Just wondering what your own healing strategy would be the day you get cancer and being a flexible person doesn't do the trick.
My dear colleague, you are a blessing; i have just discovered your videos and love the way you explain things so that even lay people can understand! Thank you for sharing your knowledge and expertise!
This is the type of stuff that annoys many of us.
This isnt new. As a matter of fact its ancient info. It was taught as science. Many of us dont need to hear this. Just need the ones leading by force to step back or leave.
We can also do the opposite which is narccistic, obsessed with self, self improvement, etc even if not in a grandiose way.
Learning non aggressive assertiveness is important.
Dr Gabor is one of its kind🙌🏻🙌🏻 yet just thinking out loud ..if we have so many cancers (epidemics of it) but environment is toxic ..does one doesn't rule out the other?
In a way our environment is a reflection of our state of minds as humanity.. we now know the whole world is an interconnected ecosystem, this can be observed in biology, physics, chemistry and quantum physics.
Love to see the research though showing selfish people don’t get cancer and chronic pain/illness
Haha they do what they want and don't give shit what others think
Not sure the theory fits the higher autoimmunity rates in western cultures where women are far freer to look after own needs compared to some other regions with more traditional cultures. The Hygiene hypothesis might fit better. But I do believe in some contribution from emotional state/stress in some cases.
Exactly 💯
My breakdown, chronic fatigue syndrome and mental illnesses were virtually inevitable!
I didn't stand a chance from conception!
And yes I have now taken responsibility for myself because I finally recognised the problem...
But it seems to be too late! I can't correct things anymore! 😭
It's never too late. A big set of problems takes a big effort and a lot of time to sort out, but the answer is always to take the smallest manageable steps at a time.
Dr GABER MATE Domination Lack of Respect and Responsibility to the Fellow human being in family members of society and the institutions and honesty not hypocrisy
Amazing Dr Gabor💚✨🌎🌈🕊️🌱🙏🏻
Learning to say No to my past Sociel and Sociely imposed ways of choosing to be a yes ppl pleasing and all that entails yes the mother roll is a reality that leads our female children and or male s to get stuck in robbing us of our humanity Awarness of ourselves is totally nessasary for our physical emotional mental health 🥁🥁🥁
Suppressed emotion..
.... suppresses the immune system
Mind & body are inseparable. Hate to say it, but right after a 25-minute yoga session, my depressive symptoms have alleviated
I have heard that research has shows that pepole who say and Think “i have depression” producer better results than thinking “i am depressed”
We need to stop eating suffering animals for one thing, what happens to them is shockingingly cruel
FINNALYYYYYYY!
Gabor is awesome
I got bullied a lot as a teenager and young adult, but I was taught that it was sinful and inappropriate to express anger over the abuse. I've now been struggling with debilitating depression and burn-out for decades. I hate and loath myself: It's as if I've internalised the world's hatred and rejection of myself. What is the way out?
I can’t find or go back to my authentic me. I feel lost, uncertain, helpless
I understand....🥀
This resonates with me. Also the conflicting message of being a saintly, giving person in society and not being selfish is hard for me to balance at times. (Not that I'm single by any means! Just the idea of being a Mother Teresa type, having compassion and love and giving to others ..)
Thank you very much
Here's a thought
Why do we not perceive the mind and body as one entity?
Because it is the false dichotomy we have been taught (Culturally etc.)
Do you constantly perceive that your lungs breathe air?
What a gift ❤
Great information! Thank you for this… 🙏🏽
Apparently i was a smart kid...was aware of my needs and tried to fill them as best as i could in my killing environment. This made me selfish and self preserved and unable to be a parent.
Thank you ❣️ yes, big true 🙏
Jesus Keeps me Safe and Free And Gives me Love and Peace 😇 Believe Jesus!
I had a stroke from that n anger! After having a stroke i cut alot of people my life 2022.
Please..I blame myself for my 2 yr old daughters alopecia. Out of what I considered necessity moved my 3 children to my home state to keep them from abuse of my ex husband. Now I pray for a way to help her. I've never experienced this as a parent of 14yrs. It's only been a few months but how can I help her immune system stop attacking her hair follicles? Did I do this to her which doesn't even matter? Can I find a cure by simply appreciating her existence? I feel so helpless which also does not matter. This thing.. it's not her fault.
You didn't do it to her, that's victim blaming yourself, and you have taken her to safety too. Hopefully you can top up your own inner calm & that will have a positive effect on either her immunity or her way of coping x
@@emilyb5557 thank you. My Dr thinks it was her getting COVID that triggered her immune system months later. He started her on modére pure hoping for hair growth. Very kind and wise reply. I appreciate it. Afraid it might get worse cuz I'm about to go to battle with him in court. Hoping the judge sees my heart and concern in the situation.
It's a bit late to be talking about this subject, society is doomed to fail because greedy people have exploited those at the bottom far too much, for the last 20 years caring people have been expected to destroy themselves for the benefit of society.
If yu actually stop & think about what he is saying it makes so much sense.
I agree absolutely
Disease = dis ease
He’s skewed in his view of women being the ones most suppressing things. My guess is that this has more to do with older women. Men seem to be suppressing quite a lot. Men also don’t live as long and have much higher rates of suicide. If a person commits suicide, they often don’t live long enough to slowly develop cancer...Everyone is suppressed to some, unhealthy extent.
You are so kind towards women. What a contrast with Jordan perterson .
JP is a misogynist who only loves his mother = narcissist
@@yvonneshanson1525 narcissists love and hate their moms. That’s why they hate all women.
Gabor is a physician. When u encounter people suffering frm disease u learn to be compassionate.
Spoken like someone who has only watched cherry picked out-of-context snippets of Peterson 🤣
@@lewisbracken5520 nah, I’ve watched many of his videos, it is a theme that he wants to control, suppress and use women as objects for men’s benefit.
Hi
I am having trouble hearing this talk as I have a hearing loss. If you leave the captioning function when you record it, I would be able to access it. Can you please consider making sure the caption function is on when making any new RUclips videos thank you.
Thank you❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏☺️