A 4-part series on the issue of age-gap relationships between older Expat men and younger Filipina women in the Philippines. This section discusses: Misconceptions.
I agree. That is what I am doing. I visited my boyfriend for 4 months between October last year and February this. He lives in Dumaguete. We will start living together in Bacong when I arrive back from the UK in a few weeks' time. I am looking forward to this new life.
+LifeBeyondTheSea - Philippines here's an age gap relationship in the USA where the woman is older and the man is younger by 30 years. And would you believe it the guy's first name happens to be Henry? "A St. Louis couple with a 30-year age gap found love when a text message sent to the wrong number sparked a relationship.Kasey Bergh, then 53, mistakenly contacted Henry Glendening in 2012 when she was stuck in Denver with work. When the then-23-year-old courteously replied, their love story started, according to The St. Louis Post-Dispatch."www.nydailynews.com/news/national/st-louis-couple-wed-thanks-errant-text-message-article-1.2380954
Me and my filapina wife are 24 years apart ....I have more in common with her than I did with my previous wife of 20 years being married and 9 months apart .....
I would say the older man/younger woman relationship stands a far better chance of survival than the equal-age one. The equal-age one is based to a large degree on the notion of shared cultural experience (We both grew up listening to Bon Jovi and both had spring break in Cancun....kind of thing). None of that will apply with a Filippa woman.
thank you so much for making wonderful and very informative videos. well its not all ways good sometimes have misunderstanding to but we can talk about it. thumbs up for you.
Great prospective, "A Foreigner living in the Philippines" has a 39 year age gap. Lester is 60 and Chatmaine is 21, and they are both having their first child together.
It was truly great to come across this video. I'm 21 and my husband is 50, and my God the things that has been said to us would make anyone go crazy. Thank you for bringing up so many valid points.
Hi Kelli,I was wondering if you wouldn't mind dropping a few lines about what it was like with your hubby,y'know the age gap thing..your family's reactions,etc,etc I'm 57 now and currently chatting with a long lady from PI (she's 22).So I'm just trying to get a grip on some of this.thanks much. my Email asus57@gmx.com
Henry, I can only say that you are 100% correct in how you analyze and observe relationships, especially when you discuss the online dating in America and that compatibility on paper means nothing and how you emphasize the definition of marriage as what matters as opposed to how many similarity-boxes one can check off in an online dating website and think lots of similarities lead to a great relationship. I love your videos, not just because you focus on the Philippines but because your observations are so true.
you are very perceptive I have had a 25 year marriage that was happy till the end and my wife was 3 years younger now I am 70 and hanging out with younger woman sometimes in the 30's and there is no question I get lots of looks comments and sneers ha ha ha its very funny since I could not care less what people think you are right about the dating sites one of the worst is plenty of fish they try to stop any one who they think is not age appropriate from contacted each other for the most part age has nothing to do with how well your relationship goes Richard in the tropics
LOL I love this. I agree with the first part of misconceptions. We see how our ( americans) idea of what a " good marrying age difference" is. My last wife was 8 years younger. It lasted 15 years before she stepped out on me. My first marriage we were 2 years apart. That didn't work. My present wife is 28 years younger than me, and we are doing GREAT. I believe it is the culture she was raised in, and her morals. We both have the same goals and interests. I had dated ALOT online before I met her, and that was terrible. Just keep your head about you, and don't pick with your little "friend".
yup have to agree, one of the best girls I ever dated was 29 while I was 50, and wow did we have a good time together. But boy was she so over jealous. yes.. pinay.
Very good video, Americans do have a strange fixation on marrying someone who is very close to their age. Age is nothing but a number. There is NOTHING wrong with dating or marrying a woman who is a lot younger than you are. Middle aged woman in America are jealous when they see a middle aged guy dating or married to a woman who is a lot younger than he is. Some middle aged guys are jealous too, when they meet a guy who is their age and is dating or married to a much younger woman.
This age has to be close ideal is not even 100 years old, before that anywhere in the World age was of no importance. It's really not anybody's business what 2 people choose too be together because those 2 people are the ones who have to live with each other. You know what, I can actually give at least 3 times more reasons why a woman should be much younger than her husband, and why that will work better, than they can give me for us being within a few years in age. The more videos I watch on the Philippines, the more I think that is probably where I belong, because I just don't belong here anymore. I was born in the wrong time, or at least in the wrong Country.
My bf and I are chatting for 1year then he decided to come here in phils. to see me and be with me.. he was 56 and I am 24 turning 25 this 15th of May. I was freaking jelous sometimes and we argue because I saw him chatting with filipina ladies who is older than me like 30 plus or something I really love him and I dont care what others people think of me because I'm with the guy who is older than me. but I dont know what to do. I'm thinking that maybe he is not serious with me because I'm very young and he wants a 35 or 40 years old filipina lady..
It's ironic because even in NY where we currently live, there are so many people who claim to be open and "liberal" but seem to be the first to make ignorant comments. The two of us have the same goals in the sense of where we want our life and marriage to go, we balance each other out, yin and yang. Of course we have some things in common, but we have just as many differences. It's true that superficial agreements in things like food, music, etc, become sort of meaningless when you look the big picture.
Age means nothing. Both my grandparents had large age differences: 20 years and 14 years. They were both married for life. My longest relationship was with someone that I had little in common with, except for respect and love for each other. Americans are clueless to be so obsessed with age.
F...ing A Henry, My vote for best youtube video's of the year. Really got to have a face to face when I get there. Should be an interesting conversation.
Well on the age factor my filipina wife is 14yrs younger than me I'm mid sixty's.she's very happy karaoke queen.laughs jokes.works every night on her job. 13 years so far.but very warm humourus person.we are stateside now but have purchased land in batangus.for retirement.
It makes sense to find someone "compatible". I was on a dating site and found a girl who was like my exact double. And when we dated it was immediately noticeable that we were completely wrong for each other! We were both bored...
If two people get married for the purpose of starting a family, it's best if they're younger than 35, and closer in age, the idea being that they need to be there to support the children until the kids are old enough to take care of themselves.
This support can be there even if the woman is pregnant in her 39-45 And also a man has to be not older than 55 as if he is older than his kids won't have his dad long enough.
Yes, yes, yes,... Oh wait, you might have been a bit low on your percentage of divorce in America. But everything else you said sounded like it was coming right out of my mouth. Even the part about studying relationships. As a 50 year old man I have dated as young as 18 and as old as 71. Age doesn't matter! I will watch the next three parts to this subject and I hope you do talk about sex. After all it is one of the three primary reasons for divorce! Without a good healthy sex life in a relationship the two become room mates. If one of the partners has needs not being met at home they will find it some place else. Doing so will more than likely lead to divorce. Talking about such topics is hard for many to hear due to our Puritan background and the fact that the truth sometimes hurts. But you have a way of being so tactful with touchy topics. Keep up the great work!
Another great post Henry : ) Love the comment regarding the replica woman of yourself..reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry finds himself meeting a woman who is a mirror of personality as his own. Hilarious!
I am 1 of the few people who have gotten it both ways. My ex. is 8 yrs. older than me, when we were first married, we got flack over that. When I came here to be with Ne who is 22 yes, younger than me, I have gotten the robbing the cradle thing. I have had ex-pats here say I don't believe in the age gap. She is my son's age. Just because I don't want to date a 20-something doesn't mean I care if anyone else does.
thanks for all the great info, i have been in contact with a great young lady that is employed about 29 of 31 days of a month for the past 3 years(thats how long we have been communicating) i think for over there that is the norm, i really appreciate the video's and the info, i really need to come visit there
HI HENRY, I had lived up and down from the 93 in Thayland and there the people don't care about gaps they care just about love and money :) thanks for you videos all the best
I had a long-term friendship, almost a relationship, with a man 39 years my senior. I still miss him -- he died. But when he remarried, I withdrew politely. Good video! Uprated. (He liked that people thought I was his young mistress. He found that amusing, and I didn't mind.)
I have a Filipina friend like that. She is 29 years younger than me, but we've been good, platonic friends for almost 2 years now. I enjoy her company whenever we can hang out together. People think she's my g/f at times, but we know we're just friends. For me, it's nice knowing I can be with her and not have the same issues/politics that come with a sexual relationship. Just a good friend I can be with.
I have been married close to 25 years. yes it is true that you don't need to have everything in common. You do need to have many things in common or you will have issues. If you like to travel and your wife doesn't then you have an issue. You need to share the same dreams. Then both of you can work as a team to realize those dreams.
You just have to agree that you do not agree with each other... - Happy with the emotional circus that life offers since 1993 with my Philippina. Best regards from Stockholm Sweden
I come from a broken family unit and at times its hard to understand about family unity family unity is real not fake i guess im like this because of our backgrounds and i dont get the unity here i want so badly my own family with my wife but it is beautiful here i come to love it here maybe ill retire later on in life once we have our kids.. I love my wife eternally.
Good video. I'm well aware of the age difference attitude there in the Phillipines. Even though I've been friends with Filipina women on FB I still have a hard time believing why they would wanna be with me. Even if I AM old enough to be their father. LOL.
+cjjaxxon yes, many younger women do want a mature man who is stable emotionally and financially. but it's their motive (love or money) that makes all the difference.
Reekay's LifeBeyondTheSea how can you tell . To me this is the biggest question. I think my 27 yr old GF cares about me & were getting to know each other better . I’m 62 which is 35 yrs older & id never dream such a thing I’d even be considering having a relationship with her. But she says she’s happy & I think I am . Just some more time to learn more & hopefully we’ll be together. I’m in good health financially secure, never married & no children. I just may go for it! ✌️ another great video Reeky
Wonderful video Henry..... it made me laugh so much! The best relationships I've had is with women I adored and didn't understand at all! Vive l'amour! Mind you I don't pretend to understand myself! :)
One thing I would say on the big age difference relationships ... you have a FAR greater chance of making that work as an ex-pat then you do if you take her back to the States. You take a very young woman to the states (and by young I mean under 30 ... a May December where she is 30 and he is 55 or 60 is two fully-formed adults and not likely to change so much) and she is going to be immersed in things that will likely develop her into someone who is totally different than what he starts with. My Filipina wife and I (we are only a couple months apart - she's older) have watched a bunch of Fil-Ams couple go thru the whole mess ... all too often it seems obvious that what he wanted was someone who was very beautiful AND more controllable than the American women who'd made his life Hell in the past and she was bedazzled by the mature guy who'd help her family, had a house, job, a fully built lifestyle, and security. When the honeymoon wears off and she sees her husband in a real light ... a combination of boredom, loneliness, homesickness, a sense of being imprisoned by someone who often would NOT do anything to let her off a tight leash, maybe a lack of equal "energy" by her older husband for adventure in and out of the bedroom or with taking care of their household, and sometimes being introduced to bad-influence Filipina friends ... almost invariably leads to real strife and often divorce. We've seen a lot of hard times come to people. In fact, the only May December we know that really seems to be working is with a couple where you'd never guess his age (he looks, thinks, and acts a lot younger than his years) and she is very mature for her age ... and both are religiously extreme and pretty focused on their mutual crusades. The one real problem they had was in losing their first child to cancer ... and that kind of grief often destroys the strongest marriages. They seem to be okay now, though.
MrBabylonandon One thing I am real happy about - after 14 years, my bride doesn't do Tampo any more. She gets mad and the second we are out of earshot of other people, she lets me have it with both barrels. No shyness or refusal to argue there at all.
MrBabylonandon i absolutely agree.. the dynamics change drastically (for the worse) when a man takes his filipina bride to his home country. in the ph, the dynamics encourage they stay together, her family reminds her to be a good wife. and while the man is the "desired commodity", he's older and hopefully has set aside his wild ways. but expecting a young, beautiful filipina to be the center of attention in a new land and stay faithful while feeling either bored, lonely and/or homesick.. it's just not in the cards most of the time. many exceptions, i'll grant that. but it's despite the situation, not because of it. in my view, much better to marry a filipina and live in the PH. that puts the odds in favor of sustaining a happy marriage.
@@Lifebeyondthesea Thank you both for your input and insight. Until I read this reply just now I had been "racking" my brain to figure out what I had done wrong to cause my wife of three months to become indifferent toward me. We live in southern Illinois which is not heavily populated. At the small malls and grocery stores, I have noticed her uneasiness to be with at times. I was too naive to see that it was the prejudice of others towards us--I'm 68 and she is 29. She arrived here on a K-1 visa at the end of September 2018. She was so excited to come here and find work to support her family back home. She had been working for the past ten years in mostly Manila and before that in Pangasinan Province where she grew up. The words: "bored, lonely, and homesick" leaped out at me in this reply. It is exactly what my wife is experiencing now. Family and friends from California and Nevada have hosted her during November and December. Now, she is in CA, again, with my blessing, to try to find work there. She may work at Jollibee soon and possibly at a bank there. Honestly, her indifference toward me unless she wants to check on our finances or she needs something sucks. It was like that somewhat before she visited her uncle in CA in November, but it was worse after she returned from NEV on December 27th. From December 6th to January 6th,. No sex after having it every day (with exception of it at motel on December 27th). We hardly talk with one another (for at lleast the last month) and that does not seem to bother her at all. I appreciate any input that you all would have N
In the longer term they will hang with each other because of the sentiment of getting together for years. That is if that young woman will not wonder what happened to her years with the old man. And she will start to look for a younger man like her age, because marriage after all is all about money and security. There is still that romantic perceptions playing in the mind of the younger one whch the older one might not be able to serve. That is only the danger part there.
+Rebecca Malfroy this is where a person's character shows. given the opportunity to abuse the situation, will they or not? will they love that person for the duration, end it soon.. or just play a charade to get what they want. while it is a prime situation with age-gap relationships, it can happen in any relationship without regard to age difference.
The two groups that seem to be the most adverse to older men having relations with younger women are older women and young males. I wonder if their own vanity and insecurities cause this angst? Do these same people carry as much fervor against same sex marriage or do they feel more threatened on a personal level?
Those two groups, older Western women and younger Western men, are the most vocal against age-gap relationships. The younger men feel they can "offer her more" and have no qualms about becoming a home-wrecker. The older women are jealous their feminism can't compete with real love, plus they hate her youth and beauty. It's really sad, but prejudice didn't die with the end of slavery. Some people just have too much hatred for someone else's happiness to mind their own business.
The judging of others will always be a futile detractor for people who struggle with their own unhappiness. Have you ever met a person that was truly happy care about someone else's business when it caused no harm? Our technology, as much as I appreciate it, is fueling prejudice more than I think it is enlightening the masses. Regardless if overseas age-gap relationships work more than they fail, doesn't this migration prove that there is something wrong in Western Society?
There is no age limit in the Philippines I have mentioned this before I have seen an 18-year-old with a 85-year-old man in Cebu and I’ve been in a lot of other parts of the Philippines usually the girls are all around 18 to 25 and the men are usually between 50 to 70
what was you line of work before you moved to the philippines? Seems like you were some type of successful professional... clinical psychologist? therapist?
Matthew Murray i was an engineering tech for medical devices for 21 years. while i'm an analytical person, my lifelong interest has always been in why people do what they do. :)
Like most people, I had no intention of remarrying, only marrying once. However the first time I married was at age 19 with my 19 year old girlfriend. We stuck it out for 10 years but in the end, it did not work out.
Henry, the question I have is are these young Filipina wives physically attracted to their older (50-70+) husbands, or is physical attraction not high on their list of requirements?
I'll give you my short thoughts on it. Speaking (in general).. most women from any country tends to fall in love with the personality of a Man first, and his looks second. Men are the reverse.. they are attracted to a Woman's appearance first, and her personality second. I've seen facebook postings by many filipinas along the lines of, "love is not the outside, but the heart inside". They aren't looking for a handsome man as first priority, like young western women are. They value the maturity and stability first, then his looks.
LifeBeyondTheSea - Philippines Well said Henry, and I also think Western women really don't know what their looking for in many cases. I think they would like to believe they want a very attractive man, but generally women are attracted to character in a man-whether it be intelligence or strength of mind, or whatever. Because of this, there are so many single women in the Western world that are single, and really looking for something that's just not there. Men are hugely different, as they have to be attracted physically first. A wealthy man of higher socio economic status will marry a beautiful looking waitress, way beneath his status in society, if he believes she will be a good companion. Women will not go with a man, unless she believes he is equal to her, or has a higher socio economic level than she has--"this is the major difference between man and woman"- IMO.
E CABen that is true. Some men do look good in their fifties. Nevertheless, I feel that it is unfair for a sixty year old to even consider/look in the sexual way at a twenty something year old woman. These women haven't lived yet and they need to feel passion and love that a grandfather age men can not provide. Maybe there are some exceptions to that thought, but that is how I feel.
I really think there's a lot to be said of "opposite's attract". Example I would love it if I could find a woman who could play guitar and sing, which I cannot do at all. That would intrigue me. Maybe also a woman that was scientific and had a great knowledge of the biology of mankind, of which I only know the basics--it would be good to learn from her. There are many differences that can fascinate you about the other person and keep you interested, and you can learn a lot from her. If your so much alike, I don't think it's a formula for success as Henry says. Personally I would like to find a woman that has character traits in some areas that are quite different from mine. I admire people that have talent in areas that I don't have, and that can make life interesting. Look at all the dating companies making millions these days, trying to match people ??? There has never been a time in the history of mankind where there are so many single people-it's a crisis.
Love the sound of the roster...I'm planning to visit Dumaguete in a year and rent a house near the water along with my small dog. What beach near the City would you recommend? Salamat po.
I'm turning 16 this December. And he's 27. I like him. And he said he likes me too. He love me and I love him too. But do you think we should care on what other people will say about us? Do think it is the right thing to do not to continue this relationship because our relationship will be like you and me against the world? He said that we should not continue this because he doesn't want me to get hurt. And he said that this is also for me. Because he doesn't want me to hear a lot of negative things. Do you think he can still wait for me? What should I do? We still communicate but I need to wait for 2 years so that atleast my looks will be a bit matured. But do you think a guy like him can still wait for me? What we should do?
franchellamicu no matter what.. definitely wait until you are over 18 to even begin thinking of a relationship with him or anyone else. finish your schooling and give yourself a chance to see what you'd like to do in life. frankly, i could be more understanding of an older man spending time with an 18 year old but i have to question why this 27 year old is seeking out time with a 16 year old. all in all, take the next two years to yourself and then make your bigger decisions whether to date him or not. remember, he isn't the only man around. plenty more will be available when you are 18.
Absolutely it is illegal under Philippines law to have any kind of sexual relations with anyone under the age of 18. It is even illegal to to be with - whether in public or private - a minor, unless the minor is accompanied by a parent or legal guardian. The law is enforced much more strictly against foreigners than it is with Filipinos. Many Westerners have found themselves in a world of trouble because of it. It doesn't matter if the girl (or boy) says they are over 18 and even produces a birth certificate or other ID to 'prove' it (lots of fake and borrowed documents in the Philippines - very, very easy to get). If she or he is underage, you WILL be prosecuted and jailed. Parental consent is also not a defence. Filipino parents are not legally permitted to pimp out their underage children for any kind of sexual activity, whether for money or not. Any Westerner who gets involved with a minor in the Philippines is foolish in the extreme, and deserves all the grief they will surely get. A final note. Some countries (specifically USA, UK and Australia, but there are several others) have also now made it illegal to travel outside your own country to have sex with minors under 18. This is regardless of what local laws may say about the age of consent. So when the Filipino authorities eventually finish with you, you could well find yourself dragged home and prosecuted there, too.
Henry you impressed me everyday with your thinking ....i am waiting for your videos everyday ...thanks so much ...how i can send you email i just register in your website but i still do not know how send privet email to you.
First and foremost, you need to understand WHERE these attitudes had their origins. In the 19th century US, the age of consent was 10-12, depending on the state. Men were, as always, out and about earning their fortune so that they COULD (responsibly) provide for a family. They were typically well into their late 40s to late 50s. And as always, when looking to marry, who wants beef from a cow when you can instead FEAST on Veal from a Calf!?! Hence, these men would marry (much) YOUNGER females, leaving the OLDER "cows" behind. As such, the cows began to stampede to the homes of lawmakers to get the age of consent raised... first to 13, then 16, and finally 18. And there may have been a few other "state-by-state", rather than federal age limits in there somewhere. So, that's where it comes from... WAH! The oldies didn't like being passed up by the "gravy train", and did something about it. Don't believe me? WHO do you think started the whole Prohibition movement in the US? Same group. Just more of the same, but by a different name during a different time.
I disagree with your assertions about older western women not venturing abroad for younger men. Post-menopausal western women are treated like the goddesses they aspire to be here in the Arab gulf countries. I know several western women over 50 who have married Sri Lankan guys in their early 20s Others go to places like Bali for hookups with the local surfer dudes And if you really want a laugh Google: Kenya gigolos
I agree, there are 'some' older women out there looking for a boy-toy they can control due to age and purse-strings. But how many young men will enjoy being submissive over the years? It's not in a man's nature to 'follow' a woman's lead, imo. I've seen maybe less than a dozen older (white) women in the PH looking for a young filipino to have around. And of those, some were lesbians with a young filipina.
In my agaenda age dwosent matter i have 5 years with my wife here in Hagonoy the secret money money talks the rests walks once you have the green here youre king here im lucky i found a one in a million girl ahea a homebody person very sweet and kind very smart and educated lets say im shrek and shes the princess .
This problematic and not just for the obvious social reasons. Like here in Mexico older guys with money have younger women on the side, in addition to their wives. It is an open secret. But Mexicans are not so cool with Americans being with young Mexican women, and you don't see it much. There is truth to the compatibility argument, but as you say the American women are ouright age fascists and that does not guarantee anythin. Any ages can work is up to the two people.
A 4-part series on the issue of age-gap relationships between older Expat men and younger Filipina women in the Philippines. This section discusses: Misconceptions.
Sounds like an excuse :)
Its youre life and you only live once. Go for it if you feel both comfortable and happy.Thats the important thing in life.
I agree. That is what I am doing. I visited my boyfriend for 4 months between October last year and February this. He lives in Dumaguete. We will start living together in Bacong when I arrive back from the UK in a few weeks' time. I am looking forward to this new life.
+LifeBeyondTheSea - Philippines here's an age gap relationship in the USA where the woman is older and the man is younger by 30 years. And would you believe it the guy's first name happens to be Henry?
"A St. Louis couple with a 30-year age gap found love when a text message sent to the wrong number sparked a relationship.Kasey Bergh, then 53, mistakenly contacted Henry Glendening in 2012 when she was stuck in Denver with work. When the then-23-year-old courteously replied, their love story started, according to The St. Louis Post-Dispatch."www.nydailynews.com/news/national/st-louis-couple-wed-thanks-errant-text-message-article-1.2380954
Me and my filapina wife are 24 years apart ....I have more in common with her than I did with my previous wife of 20 years being married and 9 months apart .....
I would say the older man/younger woman relationship stands a far better chance of survival than the equal-age one. The equal-age one is based to a large degree on the notion of shared cultural experience (We both grew up listening to Bon Jovi and both had spring break in Cancun....kind of thing). None of that will apply with a Filippa woman.
im 33 and my fiancé is on his 50.i agree to you.we both have the same goal wanting to start our own family.
So glad to hear that. :) Continue on, always remembering your first few months together as the years move forward.
thank you so much for making wonderful and very informative videos. well its not all ways good sometimes have misunderstanding to but we can talk about it. thumbs up for you.
Great prospective, "A Foreigner living in the Philippines" has a 39 year age gap. Lester is 60 and Chatmaine is 21, and they are both having their first child together.
It was truly great to come across this video. I'm 21 and my husband is 50, and my God the things that has been said to us would make anyone go crazy. Thank you for bringing up so many valid points.
Hi Kelli,I was wondering if you wouldn't mind dropping a few lines about what it was like with your hubby,y'know the age gap thing..your family's reactions,etc,etc I'm 57 now and currently chatting with a long lady from PI (she's 22).So I'm just trying to get a grip on some of this.thanks much. my Email asus57@gmx.com
Henry, I can only say that you are 100% correct in how you analyze and observe relationships, especially when you discuss the online dating in America and that compatibility on paper means nothing and how you emphasize the definition of marriage as what matters as opposed to how many similarity-boxes one can check off in an online dating website and think lots of similarities lead to a great relationship. I love your videos, not just because you focus on the Philippines but because your observations are so true.
You are 100% Correct , if they do not have the same definition of Marriage between the two of them it will NEVER work . Fantastic Video . Thank you .
you are very perceptive I have had a 25 year marriage that was happy till the end and my wife was 3 years younger
now I am 70 and hanging out with younger woman sometimes in the 30's and there is no question I get lots of looks comments and sneers ha ha ha its very funny since I could not care less what people think
you are right about the dating sites one of the worst is plenty of fish they try to stop any one who they think is not age appropriate from contacted each other
for the most part age has nothing to do with how well your relationship goes
Richard in the tropics
Yes i believe you cant message anyone on that site over 14 year age gap.Cant messege the younger ones
LOL I love this. I agree with the first part of misconceptions. We see how our ( americans) idea of what a " good marrying age difference" is. My last wife was 8 years younger. It lasted 15 years before she stepped out on me. My first marriage we were 2 years apart. That didn't work. My present wife is 28 years younger than me, and we are doing GREAT. I believe it is the culture she was raised in, and her morals. We both have the same goals and interests. I had dated ALOT online before I met her, and that was terrible. Just keep your head about you, and don't pick with your little "friend".
yup have to agree, one of the best girls I ever dated was 29 while I was 50, and wow did we have a good time together. But boy was she so over jealous. yes.. pinay.
William Dean it's the ying/yang of relationship with younger pinay. :)
My most recent ex was 33 years younger than I was. Age was not a factor in our breakup.
Very good video, Americans do have a strange fixation on marrying someone who is very close to their age. Age is nothing but a number. There is NOTHING wrong with dating or marrying a woman who is a lot younger than you are. Middle aged woman in America are jealous when they see a middle aged guy dating or married to a woman who is a lot younger than he is. Some middle aged guys are jealous too, when they meet a guy who is their age and is dating or married to a much younger woman.
This age has to be close ideal is not even 100 years old, before that anywhere in the World age was of no importance. It's really not anybody's business what 2 people choose too be together because those 2 people are the ones who have to live with each other.
You know what, I can actually give at least 3 times more reasons why a woman should be much younger than her husband, and why that will work better, than they can give me for us being within a few years in age.
The more videos I watch on the Philippines, the more I think that is probably where I belong, because I just don't belong here anymore. I was born in the wrong time, or at least in the wrong Country.
My bf and I are chatting for 1year then he decided to come here in phils. to see me and be with me.. he was 56 and I am 24 turning 25 this 15th of May. I was freaking jelous sometimes and we argue because I saw him chatting with filipina ladies who is older than me like 30 plus or something I really love him and I dont care what others people think of me because I'm with the guy who is older than me. but I dont know what to do. I'm thinking that maybe he is not serious with me because I'm very young and he wants a 35 or 40 years old filipina lady..
Jenny Garzon So did it work out?
It's ironic because even in NY where we currently live, there are so many people who claim to be open and "liberal" but seem to be the first to make ignorant comments. The two of us have the same goals in the sense of where we want our life and marriage to go, we balance each other out, yin and yang. Of course we have some things in common, but we have just as many differences. It's true that superficial agreements in things like food, music, etc, become sort of meaningless when you look the big picture.
Thanks very much for your information ,I personal lake your videos .
That's a great way of looking at relationships!
Age means nothing. Both my grandparents had large age differences: 20 years and 14 years. They were both married for life. My longest relationship was with someone that I had little in common with, except for respect and love for each other. Americans are clueless to be so obsessed with age.
F...ing A Henry, My vote for best youtube video's of the year. Really got to have a face to face when I get there. Should be an interesting conversation.
Be sure to let me know when you arrive. Thanks for the kudos. :)
Once again Henry Thank you 👍👍
Well on the age factor my filipina wife is 14yrs younger than me I'm mid sixty's.she's very happy karaoke queen.laughs jokes.works every night on her job. 13 years so far.but very warm humourus person.we are stateside now but have purchased land in batangus.for retirement.
It makes sense to find someone "compatible". I was on a dating site and found a girl who was like my exact double. And when we dated it was immediately noticeable that we were completely wrong for each other! We were both bored...
..same definition of marriage and following the same path.....yes, I agree with you.
If two people get married for the purpose of starting a family, it's best if they're younger than 35, and closer in age, the idea being that they need to be there to support the children until the kids are old enough to take care of themselves.
This support can be there even if the woman is pregnant in her 39-45
And also a man has to be not older than 55 as if he is older than his kids won't have his dad long enough.
Yes, yes, yes,... Oh wait, you might have been a bit low on your percentage of divorce in America. But everything else you said sounded like it was coming right out of my mouth. Even the part about studying relationships. As a 50 year old man I have dated as young as 18 and as old as 71. Age doesn't matter!
I will watch the next three parts to this subject and I hope you do talk about sex. After all it is one of the three primary reasons for divorce! Without a good healthy sex life in a relationship the two become room mates. If one of the partners has needs not being met at home they will find it some place else. Doing so will more than likely lead to divorce. Talking about such topics is hard for many to hear due to our Puritan background and the fact that the truth sometimes hurts. But you have a way of being so tactful with touchy topics. Keep up the great work!
I can relate... most of my relationships my partner was most commonly 10- 20 yrs older
Another great post Henry : )
Love the comment regarding the replica woman
of yourself..reminds me of the Seinfeld episode
where Jerry finds himself meeting a woman
who is a mirror of personality as his own.
Hilarious!
Love your channel. You give great advice about dating and women in general
I appreciate that!
Just watched this + part 2, mind blown.....
I am 1 of the few people who have gotten it both ways. My ex. is 8 yrs. older than me, when we were first married, we got flack over that. When I came here to be with Ne who is 22 yes, younger than me, I have gotten the robbing the cradle thing. I have had ex-pats here say I don't believe in the age gap. She is my son's age. Just because I don't want to date a 20-something doesn't mean I care if anyone else does.
The one thing with dating or married to someone 20 to 30 years age gap is they are going to change.
i am not the same as i was at 20 years old.
steve o true, and most likely you are a better version of yourself now than 'back then'. people do change, for better or worse, over the years.
thanks for all the great info, i have been in contact with a great young lady that is employed about 29 of 31 days of a month for the past 3 years(thats how long we have been communicating) i think for over there that is the norm, i really appreciate the video's and the info, i really need to come visit there
you speak my mind.
HI HENRY,
I had lived up and down from the 93 in Thayland and there the people don't care about gaps they care just about love and money :)
thanks for you videos all the best
I had a long-term friendship, almost a relationship, with a man 39 years my senior. I still miss him -- he died. But when he remarried, I withdrew politely. Good video! Uprated. (He liked that people thought I was his young mistress. He found that amusing, and I didn't mind.)
I have a Filipina friend like that. She is 29 years younger than me, but we've been good, platonic friends for almost 2 years now. I enjoy her company whenever we can hang out together. People think she's my g/f at times, but we know we're just friends. For me, it's nice knowing I can be with her and not have the same issues/politics that come with a sexual relationship. Just a good friend I can be with.
This is where the message of " Opposites -Attract " ... Ones weakness is supported by the others STRENGHT ..That is what I think anyway...
I have been married close to 25 years. yes it is true that you don't need to have everything in common. You do need to have many things in common or you will have issues. If you like to travel and your wife doesn't then you have an issue. You need to share the same dreams. Then both of you can work as a team to realize those dreams.
You just have to agree that you do not agree with each other... - Happy with the emotional circus that life offers since 1993 with my Philippina. Best regards from Stockholm Sweden
I come from a broken family unit and at times its hard to understand about family unity family unity is real not fake i guess im like this because of our backgrounds and i dont get the unity here i want so badly my own family with my wife but it is beautiful here i come to love it here maybe ill retire later on in life once we have our kids.. I love my wife eternally.
Good video. I'm well aware of the age difference attitude there in the Phillipines. Even though I've been friends with Filipina women on FB I still have a hard time believing why they would wanna be with me. Even if I AM old enough to be their father. LOL.
+cjjaxxon yes, many younger women do want a mature man who is stable emotionally and financially. but it's their motive (love or money) that makes all the difference.
Reekay's LifeBeyondTheSea how can you tell . To me this is the biggest question. I think my 27 yr old GF cares about me & were getting to know each other better . I’m 62 which is 35 yrs older & id never dream such a thing I’d even be considering having a relationship with her. But she says she’s happy & I think I am . Just some more time to learn more & hopefully we’ll be together. I’m in good health financially secure, never married & no children. I just may go for it! ✌️ another great video Reeky
What about when your junior no longer stand up when the young wife wants to play the Star Spangled Banner? Now that's a problem.
Thank goodness for Cialis. :)
Wonderful video Henry..... it made me laugh so much! The best relationships I've had is with women I adored and didn't understand at all! Vive l'amour! Mind you I don't pretend to understand myself! :)
I think, nobody could say it better, thanks
One thing I would say on the big age difference relationships ... you have a FAR greater chance of making that work as an ex-pat then you do if you take her back to the States. You take a very young woman to the states (and by young I mean under 30 ... a May December where she is 30 and he is 55 or 60 is two fully-formed adults and not likely to change so much) and she is going to be immersed in things that will likely develop her into someone who is totally different than what he starts with.
My Filipina wife and I (we are only a couple months apart - she's older) have watched a bunch of Fil-Ams couple go thru the whole mess ... all too often it seems obvious that what he wanted was someone who was very beautiful AND more controllable than the American women who'd made his life Hell in the past and she was bedazzled by the mature guy who'd help her family, had a house, job, a fully built lifestyle, and security.
When the honeymoon wears off and she sees her husband in a real light ... a combination of boredom, loneliness, homesickness, a sense of being imprisoned by someone who often would NOT do anything to let her off a tight leash, maybe a lack of equal "energy" by her older husband for adventure in and out of the bedroom or with taking care of their household, and sometimes being introduced to bad-influence Filipina friends ... almost invariably leads to real strife and often divorce. We've seen a lot of hard times come to people.
In fact, the only May December we know that really seems to be working is with a couple where you'd never guess his age (he looks, thinks, and acts a lot younger than his years) and she is very mature for her age ... and both are religiously extreme and pretty focused on their mutual crusades. The one real problem they had was in losing their first child to cancer ... and that kind of grief often destroys the strongest marriages. They seem to be okay now, though.
MrBabylonandon One thing I am real happy about - after 14 years, my bride doesn't do Tampo any more. She gets mad and the second we are out of earshot of other people, she lets me have it with both barrels. No shyness or refusal to argue there at all.
MrBabylonandon i absolutely agree.. the dynamics change drastically (for the worse) when a man takes his filipina bride to his home country. in the ph, the dynamics encourage they stay together, her family reminds her to be a good wife. and while the man is the "desired commodity", he's older and hopefully has set aside his wild ways. but expecting a young, beautiful filipina to be the center of attention in a new land and stay faithful while feeling either bored, lonely and/or homesick.. it's just not in the cards most of the time. many exceptions, i'll grant that. but it's despite the situation, not because of it. in my view, much better to marry a filipina and live in the PH. that puts the odds in favor of sustaining a happy marriage.
@@Lifebeyondthesea Thank you both for your input and insight. Until I read this reply just now I had been "racking" my brain to figure out what I had done wrong to cause my wife of three months to become indifferent toward me. We live in southern Illinois which is not heavily populated. At the small malls and grocery stores, I have noticed her uneasiness to be with at times. I was too naive to see that it was the prejudice of others towards us--I'm 68 and she is 29. She arrived here on a K-1 visa at the end of September 2018. She was so excited to come here and find work to support her family back home. She had been working for the past ten years in mostly Manila and before that in Pangasinan Province where she grew up.
The words: "bored, lonely, and homesick" leaped out at me in this reply. It is exactly what my wife is experiencing now. Family and friends from California and Nevada have hosted her during November and December. Now, she is in CA, again, with my blessing, to try to find work there. She may work at Jollibee soon and possibly at a bank there.
Honestly, her indifference toward me unless she wants to check on our finances or she needs something sucks. It was like that somewhat before she visited her uncle in CA in November, but it was worse after she returned from NEV on December 27th. From December 6th to January 6th,. No sex after having it every day (with exception of it at motel on December 27th).
We hardly talk with one another (for at lleast the last month) and that does not seem to bother her at all.
I appreciate any input that you all would have
N
but me im girl had age gap 12 years younger to me
In the longer term they will hang with each other because of the sentiment of getting together for years. That is if that young woman will not wonder what happened to her years with the old man. And she will start to look for a younger man like her age, because marriage after all is all about money and security. There is still that romantic perceptions playing in the mind of the younger one whch the older one might not be able to serve. That is only the danger part there.
+Rebecca Malfroy this is where a person's character shows. given the opportunity to abuse the situation, will they or not? will they love that person for the duration, end it soon.. or just play a charade to get what they want. while it is a prime situation with age-gap relationships, it can happen in any relationship without regard to age difference.
I know what u are saying.
The two groups that seem to be the most adverse to older men having relations with younger women are older women and young males. I wonder if their own vanity and insecurities cause this angst? Do these same people carry as much fervor against same sex marriage or do they feel more threatened on a personal level?
Those two groups, older Western women and younger Western men, are the most vocal against age-gap relationships. The younger men feel they can "offer her more" and have no qualms about becoming a home-wrecker. The older women are jealous their feminism can't compete with real love, plus they hate her youth and beauty. It's really sad, but prejudice didn't die with the end of slavery. Some people just have too much hatred for someone else's happiness to mind their own business.
The judging of others will always be a futile detractor for people who struggle with their own unhappiness. Have you ever met a person that was truly happy care about someone else's business when it caused no harm? Our technology, as much as I appreciate it, is fueling prejudice more than I think it is enlightening the masses. Regardless if overseas age-gap relationships work more than they fail, doesn't this migration prove that there is something wrong in Western Society?
There is no age limit in the Philippines I have mentioned this before I have seen an 18-year-old with a 85-year-old man in Cebu and I’ve been in a lot of other parts of the Philippines usually the girls are all around 18 to 25 and the men are usually between 50 to 70
what was you line of work before you moved to the philippines? Seems like you were some type of successful professional... clinical psychologist? therapist?
Matthew Murray i was an engineering tech for medical devices for 21 years. while i'm an analytical person, my lifelong interest has always been in why people do what they do. :)
Thank you
Why get married a few times? Why is it so hard for you to figure out who you should marry? Ridiculous.
Like most people, I had no intention of remarrying, only marrying once. However the first time I married was at age 19 with my 19 year old girlfriend. We stuck it out for 10 years but in the end, it did not work out.
don't judge loh1110, life does not always go how you want it to go.
Henry, the question I have is are these young Filipina wives physically attracted to their older (50-70+) husbands, or is physical attraction not high on their list of requirements?
I'll give you my short thoughts on it. Speaking (in general).. most women from any country tends to fall in love with the personality of a Man first, and his looks second. Men are the reverse.. they are attracted to a Woman's appearance first, and her personality second. I've seen facebook postings by many filipinas along the lines of, "love is not the outside, but the heart inside". They aren't looking for a handsome man as first priority, like young western women are. They value the maturity and stability first, then his looks.
LifeBeyondTheSea - Philippines
Well said Henry, and I also think Western women really don't know what
their looking for in many cases. I think they would like to believe they
want a very attractive man, but generally women are attracted to character
in a man-whether it be intelligence or strength of mind, or whatever. Because
of this, there are so many single women in the Western world that are single,
and really looking for something that's just not there. Men are hugely different,
as they have to be attracted physically first. A wealthy man of higher socio
economic status will marry a beautiful looking waitress, way beneath his
status in society, if he believes she will be a good companion. Women will
not go with a man, unless she believes he is equal to her, or has a higher
socio economic level than she has--"this is the major difference between
man and woman"- IMO.
E CABen that is true. Some men do look good in their fifties. Nevertheless, I feel that it is unfair for a sixty year old to even consider/look in the sexual way at a twenty something year old woman. These women haven't lived yet and they need to feel passion and love that a grandfather age men can not provide. Maybe there are some exceptions to that thought, but that is how I feel.
Great Post.. good job
I really think there's a lot to be said of "opposite's attract". Example
I would love it if I could find a woman who could play guitar and sing,
which I cannot do at all. That would intrigue me. Maybe also a woman
that was scientific and had a great knowledge of the biology of mankind,
of which I only know the basics--it would be good to learn from her. There
are many differences that can fascinate you about the other person and
keep you interested, and you can learn a lot from her. If your so much alike,
I don't think it's a formula for success as Henry says. Personally I would
like to find a woman that has character traits in some areas that are quite
different from mine. I admire people that have talent in areas that I don't have,
and that can make life interesting. Look at all the dating companies making
millions these days, trying to match people ??? There has never been a time
in the history of mankind where there are so many single people-it's a crisis.
very good points,.
Love the sound of the roster...I'm planning to visit Dumaguete in a year and rent a house near the water along with my small dog. What beach near the City would you recommend? Salamat po.
I'm turning 16 this December. And he's 27. I like him. And he said he likes me too. He love me and I love him too. But do you think we should care on what other people will say about us? Do think it is the right thing to do not to continue this relationship because our relationship will be like you and me against the world? He said that we should not continue this because he doesn't want me to get hurt. And he said that this is also for me. Because he doesn't want me to hear a lot of negative things. Do you think he can still wait for me? What should I do? We still communicate but I need to wait for 2 years so that atleast my looks will be a bit matured. But do you think a guy like him can still wait for me? What we should do?
franchellamicu no matter what.. definitely wait until you are over 18 to even begin thinking of a relationship with him or anyone else. finish your schooling and give yourself a chance to see what you'd like to do in life. frankly, i could be more understanding of an older man spending time with an 18 year old but i have to question why this 27 year old is seeking out time with a 16 year old. all in all, take the next two years to yourself and then make your bigger decisions whether to date him or not. remember, he isn't the only man around. plenty more will be available when you are 18.
is it illegal?
Is it illegal to be with a 15 year old if you are 27?
Absolutely it is illegal under Philippines law to have any kind of sexual relations with anyone under the age of 18. It is even illegal to to be with - whether in public or private - a minor, unless the minor is accompanied by a parent or legal guardian. The law is enforced much more strictly against foreigners than it is with Filipinos. Many Westerners have found themselves in a world of trouble because of it.
It doesn't matter if the girl (or boy) says they are over 18 and even produces a birth certificate or other ID to 'prove' it (lots of fake and borrowed documents in the Philippines - very, very easy to get). If she or he is underage, you WILL be prosecuted and jailed. Parental consent is also not a defence. Filipino parents are not legally permitted to pimp out their underage children for any kind of sexual activity, whether for money or not.
Any Westerner who gets involved with a minor in the Philippines is foolish in the extreme, and deserves all the grief they will surely get.
A final note. Some countries (specifically USA, UK and Australia, but there are several others) have also now made it illegal to travel outside your own country to have sex with minors under 18. This is regardless of what local laws may say about the age of consent. So when the Filipino authorities eventually finish with you, you could well find yourself dragged home and prosecuted there, too.
Henry you impressed me everyday with your thinking ....i am waiting for your videos everyday ...thanks so much ...how i can send you email i just register in your website but i still do not know how send privet email to you.
I rarely check email, so the best way to reach me is facebook. Search and add me at; 'Reekay'. You will see my icon there.
First and foremost, you need to understand WHERE these attitudes had their origins. In the 19th century US, the age of consent was 10-12, depending on the state. Men were, as always, out and about earning their fortune so that they COULD (responsibly) provide for a family. They were typically well into their late 40s to late 50s. And as always, when looking to marry, who wants beef from a cow when you can instead FEAST on Veal from a Calf!?! Hence, these men would marry (much) YOUNGER females, leaving the OLDER "cows" behind. As such, the cows began to stampede to the homes of lawmakers to get the age of consent raised... first to 13, then 16, and finally 18. And there may have been a few other "state-by-state", rather than federal age limits in there somewhere.
So, that's where it comes from... WAH! The oldies didn't like being passed up by the "gravy train", and did something about it. Don't believe me? WHO do you think started the whole Prohibition movement in the US? Same group. Just more of the same, but by a different name during a different time.
NUTZ 40,50 or even 60 yrs old starting a new family!
+maxpolaris99 for many people, the very idea of moving to a foreign country is "nutz". or skydiving. it's all a matter of perspective.
I disagree with your assertions about older western women not venturing abroad for younger men.
Post-menopausal western women are treated like the goddesses they aspire to be here in the Arab gulf countries.
I know several western women over 50 who have married Sri Lankan guys in their early 20s
Others go to places like Bali for hookups with the local surfer dudes
And if you really want a laugh
Google: Kenya gigolos
I agree, there are 'some' older women out there looking for a boy-toy they can control due to age and purse-strings. But how many young men will enjoy being submissive over the years? It's not in a man's nature to 'follow' a woman's lead, imo. I've seen maybe less than a dozen older (white) women in the PH looking for a young filipino to have around. And of those, some were lesbians with a young filipina.
In my agaenda age dwosent matter i have 5 years with my wife here in Hagonoy the secret money money talks the rests walks once you have the green here youre king here im lucky i found a one in a million girl ahea a homebody person very sweet and kind very smart and educated lets say im shrek and shes the princess .
You coloring and features look Filipino but i guess you are Mexican. some of your observations are true but what's in it for you?
Not sure what your question is in reference to.
This problematic and not just for the obvious social reasons. Like here in Mexico older guys with money have younger women on the side, in addition to their wives. It is an open secret. But Mexicans are not so cool with Americans being with young Mexican women, and you don't see it much. There is truth to the compatibility argument, but as you say the American women are ouright age fascists and that does not guarantee anythin. Any ages can work is up to the two people.
Hm! Am I the only male ex-pat in the Philippines married to a Filipina older than me?