"To fall in love with someone is to fall in love with the idea of what your life will be with that person as your partner. The values that cause you to fall for them are directly correlated with the unmet needs that you have in your life. Having a healthy approach to love means acknowledging and studying those needs of yours -- where they come from -- and trying to address them as healthily as possible both within and without any real or prospective relationships." WOW. That was deep.
@@speedwagon1824 That’s not what that means unless I misunderstand what “dating” means. Basically it is offering an explanation for why we fall in love with some people and not others.
As a black woman, your analysis on Laura’s (and ultimately everyone’s) fetishization of AD was spot on. It made me sick to my stomach knowing that these are the type of people who would’ve gone to see Sarah baartman and other black women on display at the zoo back in the day. I’ve faced it before myself, it’s humiliating and objectifying.
and on that note Ice Spice and Afro Latina gives me this exact vibes like they are exploiting both her blackness and Latina features as an object to mostly white Americans and even black ones that have never seen Afro or Asian Latinos before. Because as Latinas we don’t exist in mainstream America unless we are fetishized and demeaned. Truly a lot of Latinos look like ice spice but we aren’t overly sexualized for it the way Americans do when they find a new race to exploit
it was embarassing to watch as a white woman, i don’t know why this wasn’t touched on more in the show/reunion. if i were AD i’d be so embarrassed, but it was sad to see she was almost used to it in a way :-/ yes she’s a beautiful woman but no one deserves to be fetishized like that. i’m sorry you’ve gone through it as well.
@@ColoradoFalls when you have a figure like that every outfit is going to appear to put them on display lol. what was she supposed to do, wear turtlenecks while everyone was swimming😂
The wedding dress as well? Tacky and VERY inappropriate. A few truths can be try at once. Just because she is a black woman doesn't giver her a pass and HOW DARE YALL COMPARE HER TO SARAH B. This is a reality show in America . OF COURSE THEY ARE GOING TO go off on her body. ID SHE WAS PRETTY OR CUTE they would have talked about her face . HAd a white girl been stacked like that they would have done the same. NOT defending yte parasites at all however when yall argue these REACHING statements it dilutes the message @@gracex3217
love under capitalism is “necessarily love of ‘clout’” -- that’s so true! it’s using your marriage/partner to convey something about yourself to others, especially when marriage is seen as like the final boss of maturity. it’s a way of signaling status, like wearing certain clothes to convey professionalism. it’s about the performance and utility, not really about the “love” to begin with, depending on one’s definition. but i think part of that comes from the fact that we often don’t (re)define love for ourselves; we just grow up and become indoctrinated into what capitalism’s love looks like, which is heavily entangled with and normalizes essentializing gender, essentializing marriage/romantic coupling, unequal labor in the home, commodification of your partner, entitlement to sex, etc. -- things that women (in a “traditional” hetero coupling) end up taking the burden of, as you already touch on in the video. it also makes anyone who wants love in unconventional, maybe more egalitarian ways feel like they’re strange or that what they want isn’t even achievable. (and none of this even gets into how this love under capitalism as “love” of a commodity extends to how children are viewed, but that’s a whooole other thing 😭) but yeah overall it was interesting hearing some of your thoughts on love and love is blind, which i never thought would be a thing i’d see on this channel but i’m loving it. a fun little vid!
Is there a way to signal honest love, clear head affection,..., or at least good faith desires for the other and it being enough?...hmm I'd say for people used to doing introspections and welcoming honest criticisms (possibly better %) ...but then when signaling with underlying bad faith desires, it's easier to be louder than going at it with honesty/transparency Status signaling rimes with wants of attention & self worth (~pride?)...how we want to be seen in relation to others and to a point it's (can) healthy because it helps maintain social & cultural stability (And provide a semblance of happiness (not eudamonia)) ...where the socks hurt is the main theme feeding it's essence (consumerism & capitalism yeah...but I'd argue also liberalism...(The liberty to be selfish, exploitative, to the extent the laws allow))
We define love in a non-directed way; by watching couples close to us, television, reading books/articles But we don't talk about it when we start to grasp the idea of it...when we're young, like in community cultural centres(too risqué for schools)
I know that I want a relationship mostly to take some of the sorrow of living in this society away, not really make me happy but just alleviate some of the pain? Make me feel a little less alone and like I have someone else on my side. Which now that I think about it it doesn't seem super healthy, which is sort of like you said in the video. It's hard for I to come from a healthy place rn
I think it's healthy, because when you heal, you can heal the other one as well, and when you are both well, you can have a better life with a better worldview that can heal instead of kill the world, because in reality being loveless can make you bitter and hateful, very cynical about everything. It's a paradox - those that mostly need love are actually the hardest to love, all because they never got love, because needing love is seen as very repulsive
Its okay to want a relationship for any reason. Don't listen to other who tell you its not a good idea. At the end of the day you just need to communicate your intention. If you find someone that is willing to accept that, then great. Do what works best for you, not what others tell you is best for you
Don’t listen to everything on RUclips sweetie. It’s totally normal to want someone to alleviate some of the pain. “It is not good for (hu)man to be alone” We were made in pairs. Life is hard as it is, we’re suppose to have someone to share the load with. The problem is people aren’t sharing the load with someone authentically, it’s not coming from a place of love and respect but from a place of survival and desperation. It’s all about intentions!
one of the biggest problems with "love" I see is the idea that you cannot possibly find love with someone else or have a relationship until you can love yourself. but how can you love yourself sitting alone in a room with nothing but your thoughts and nobody supporting you? it's a VERY individualistic mindset, which is also a capitalistic mindset. they keep us going in the direction they want by convincing us relying on others is "codependency" which is a term that nobody uses right. we are social beings, we need each other, and there is nothing wrong with healing WITH a companion by your side. we cannot be expected to possibly heal everything all by ourselves. but because of this, trauma builds up, distrust of everyone happens, and most will become either runners or chasers. I really see shows like this feeding into those fears and traumas, while feeling like "tea" why does it feel like that? why is there such a pull to drama and people horribly mistreating each other? what does that do to us? to our minds and how we perceive relationships?
An alternate take on love for self and others is the Christian Bible which says to love God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself. Loving yourself happens at the same time as you put other people ahead of yourself in importance. You don't have to follow the christian religion, but that was what people did in the past in western Europe and N.America did to build the society that we do have. You can have your ideas, and past people did too. Maybe they are worth hearing out?
Exactly. How can i” love myself” (which ultimately means love my life, cause self isn’t really the issue here) in survival mode? How can I love my life as it is without my needs met? Many of us seek love as one source of happiness because everything else has been taken from us. Access to shelter, and community relies on nothing but labor and suffering right now under capitalism.
I love the hard work my FBI agent has been doing in recommending me videos with a literal title of what’s been in my head for the past couple months. As an early 20s in the dating scene I realized people can no longer afford to date someone without steady income especially if you tell them you’re a creative. people rarely can afford to date at all since everyone’s gotta work 50 hours a week to afford the cheapest apartment in their town. let’s all put our hands up and enjoy the roller coaster sheer drop into late stage capitalism while our parents tell us we’re just not working hard enough.
As a man, part of the reason I'm afraid of getting into a long term relationship is this subconscious feeling that I'd be taking on even more pressure to conform to social norms and capitalism. It's harder to resist and stick to your own egalitarian values and individualism, for both men and especially for women, when it's your own significant other putting that pressure on you to meet social expectations and fulfill ridiculous gender roles. Suddenly, love just becomes an extension of capitalistic oppression and exploitation; the hyper commodified "holiday" of Valentine's Day is a perfect microcosm of this.
Find someone that thinks like you My wife and I live off less than 1000€ in Germany, neither of us works full time. We don't buy luxury goods or clothes, or anything else that's not required to live in society We don't fit into traditional gender roles and generally don't comply with social expectations You don't have to be a capitalist drone, you can just opt out of the grindset. Punks have been around for decades
You complain about capitalism, but you want to have a partner and just do your own thing without any care about what they want? Seems like you want a commodity to use and consume, and not a loving partner... or you want a loving partner, but only them loving you. Love means commitment, understanding and sacrifice at times. I feel like 90% of people confuse love with attraction, like, want and lust.. please don't be that guy
@@P.Aether They never said to never compromise or consider other people's feelings in relationships. You and your partner/s are separate people with your own goals, interests, and values, and that if you live your life trying to please others through forcing yourself to be 'normal' (whatever that means, whether it's 'doing being a man correctly' or masking my autism for instance) you will be pretty damn miserable.
you too!!! loved this video, learned so much.. now I know what bean dip means 🫶 ((jk this is great I’d watch 9 more vids like this)) the amount of sociological analysis i’ve done with friends while watching love island… reality tv is such an interesting medium to see all these dynamics laid bare lmao
@@johnweselyThey own most of the land property, and many stores participate in anti-homelessness where they restrict bathrooms from anyone who isn't a customer, reduce places for people to sit or lounge, and often lobby to ease restrictions on what properties they can buy and turn everything into strip-malls at the expense of publicly owned spaces. they also lobby for anti-vagrancy laws which basically make it illegal for homeless people to exist anywhere. those laws that make it hard for the homeless to exist in public also create spaces where people **must** spend money and have no where to stand or sit and talk with one another without being accused of loitering and harassed by police officers for staying too long. Third places have a few requirements to be considered: The space is safe and neutral and no one is obligated to be there. Don't cost money to be there. Have at least a few regulars who frequent. Ie, stair steps, A library, a park with benches, a community center.
@@speedwagon1824 you do understand not all regulations are bad right? if there were less regulations around environmental pollution, you’d have smog outside your house and lung cancer right?
I think the want for a relationship is being conflated with love in the comments. People may want a relationship to feel better in this society, but you can love someone and want to be with them divorced from capitalistic wants. I’m skeptical of the idea that love comes out of need. A lot of this discourse seems to be driven by hurt, or should be solely aimed at performative romance. Romantic love is not any less genuine than platonic love, it’s just different, the Greeks had different words for types of love for a reason.
Realizing I’m aromantic makes me realize how precarious my life will have to be because of how much life is built to accommodate the double income nuclear family. I sure hope I can amass enough money to take care of myself or I am goner.
I have been beating this drum for a hot minute, especially in an argument where I was mad that someone kept bringing up money when I asked them not to (just a former friend, not an ex). They didn't understand why I didn't want to discuss money at the very moment, and I had experienced great connections fizzling over money.
@jessie6600 Not particularly nor did we ever share our money. They were talking about people ask for a raise at their job which they manage and demeaning them for having the audacity to ask for more than minimum wage.
I have found platonic love to be more genuine. This video could’ve went in a lot of different directions, but I’m always curious to learn about different forms of oppression under capitalism.
Yeah I mean this is simply because romantic feelings influence your judgment more than platonic feelings do. A platonic friendship even a deep and meaningful one is more conditional than the opposite, not to mention the decreased social expectation on not breaking those types of relationships up.
It’s bc cultures have always valued marriage and romantic unions above anything else for many centuries. I don’t see that ever changing but to those that can’t and rather just have platonic friends will have to seek that out themselves.
@@kafelematavouidk, I think it’s kinda hard to really know if romantic feelings would be more genuine or not when we’re living under a system that affects relationships deeply between each other, platonic relationships are also affected by capitalism after all but because they’re not as valuable as a commodity on this system as romantic relationships are is easy to overlook how they’re also being affected
thank you for breaking down the bean dip comment. since watching it something about the entire situation and Laura infuriated me. you did an excellent job of articulating the root of my rage 💀
I can't watch love is blind or most dating shows because it's either: super misogynistic, subtly but also not subtly racist, or depressing 😭 like when I hear about the happenings of these shows, there are just so many layers. Why do people prioritize looks when dating (specifically unrealistic or super duper specific looks)? Why do people have dating standards that have absolutely nothing to do with who someone is as a person? Why is a show called love is blind not able to find people who actually want to experience that? Why do people go on reality tv to pursue marriage?? Why do men do the things they do to women in the way they do it??? 😭😭😭 Every time a season comes out, I just feel bad for everyone and worried. I swear the last season had a literal abusive situation happen and everyone was just worried the whole time. Why is this entertainment??? It's stressful and it reflects the stress of the reality of dating under capitalism and white supremacy because the values portrayed by these shows feel so wrong all the time 😭 reality tv should be studied 100 percent, but it's super stressful to observe these experiences be made into a show 😭
@@rena_sukii there is a difference between needing to be attracted to your partner and holding everyone you date to an unrealistic beauty standard. Expecting your partner to look like a model and being disgusted by anything else is problematic and misogynistic. It's also weird to go on a show that isn't about looks or is about finding true love and not even trying because of how someone looks.
I would like to push back against the tiktok used that claimed “average looking” people used to be on our television screens I don’t believe that I think at that time period that they were considered “exceptionally beautiful” and what we/this generation view/s as “exceptionally beautiful” has changed over time
Lmaooo I feel like I started listening to this song again about 2-3 weeks ago and I’ve been seeing this everywhere since. It has no reason to be such a banger tho.
OOOOOOH~ OKAY~ So when YOU wear Yeezy Slides with socks or Black Foam RNNRs with white socks, or FOOKIN CROCS, you're a hero. But I wanna wear my Gucci loafers with no socks and SUDDENLY I'M THE BAD GUY!
Maybe that TikTok was talking about reality tv only, but I find it to be a strange claim that the beauty standard floor only recently shifted. I’m not a 90s kid but I remember watching some older shows with my parents and many men and women were incredibly homogenous looking. I think it’s true that things started with “above average looking people” but it has to have been super early on when movies were still in black and white. Unobtainable beauty standards have always sold well under capitalism and I doubt execs only just found this out. I just think the standards were different back then and the styles from back then don’t hit the same anymore
The beauty standard inflation commentary reminds me of what Jessica DeFino writes about in the Unpublishable - definitely recommend it to anyone interested!
As a disabled person, I find the dating trends very frustrating. I have to think about income and accessibility because I cannot get basic needs without money, I have to worry about getting medicine, and a place to live that works for me. I hate that I have to think about that at all, and not just "Do I love this person, and could we work together in a shared living space?" Money and status being apart of it is frustrating, and I wish I didn't have to consider it for my own survival. Edit: Yes I would always consider if a living area would be accessible (tho luckily I do not require a wheelchair), but I mean more so here that I hate that I have to tell partners I need certain accessibilities and dump the financial bomb on them that if we were together, my finances would be less because I have to have those, and that if we ended up sharing accounts it would affect them. I would love to be independant, but with what medicine costs and current pay rates? That's not really possible. Part of why I hope to move abroad to lower those costs from US prices to something more reasonable.
That's exactly the problem. And a lot of the time the condition of that love is whether or not I am "too disabled" for someone to be able to live with me even if they do love me. @@ecxstasy347
For real. I've only just been able to maybe work part time, not sure yet. And even then the outlook is bleak. My financial ability and opportunities should not determine if I can have a partner. @@nicksyoutubeaccount
Man so true - TV and movies are just filled with beautiful beautiful people. I have trouble watching modern romcoms because wow ok cool beautiful people lol
I married a man just out of the Army with no job and no place to live, out of my race and of a different religion and worse, a city boy!! Why? Love. More than 30 years later, still love.
I was thinking the other day that Love is Blind should really cast a larger variety of people because every single member of the cast is conventionally attractive.
I think youre conflating capitalism with living in a society at certain points. So long as humans organize, there will be concerns over status; over appearances; over validation; over social advancement. Capitalism may accentuate these desires with hyperindividualism, but everything you've discussed has predated and will likely continue after capitalism.
I had always actively avoided reality TV and then my roommate started watching Love is Blind and Vanderpump Rules and I found myself getting sucked in with the drama of it all. The Ultimatum was another one that gets messy. Anyway, enjoyed the video!
12:44 and this mentality is also exactly why i’ve personally noticed light or dark why we’re not seen as “woman enough” in the same way as white women are seen as “woman enough” by some people. i am as much of a woman as anyyyy women
@@nymphetteevangeline2637 I don't think they were saying anything is wrong with bell hooks. but more so we hear so much of her content (which is great) from her and she's not the only one we should quote.
A very important read in this topic is All About Love by bell hooks. It is incredibly difficult to have loving and caring relationships in a social structure that is oppressive and violent, which gets reproduced in every interaction we have. I think bell hooks manages to bring insights that are essentials to 1) at least try to have relationships that differ from that dynamic and 2) imagining a new society based in principles of solidarity, peace and justice!
If anyone wants to do a deeper dive on love and its degeneration under capitalism, bell hooks has a trilogy of books exploring the topic in great detail. "all about love," "Salvation," and "communion" (in that order) are must reads if you are at all interested.
Under communism, at least in Cuba where I'm from, it's very different. Arranged marriage is common and it often involves minors. I was subjected to rape and beatings from age 13 with all my family cheering my abuser on. I wasn't able to pick and give myself to a man to enhance my quality of life, I was a commodity owned, traded and abused by the patriarchy for their benefits.
I don't know about you but I personally find that most of things this guy and almost everyone in these comments blames on 'capitalism"(god forbid people make economic decisions for themselves), are CULTURAL problems. The problem, to me it seems, is not that corporations are greedy and that ruins everything but that nobody actually cares to preserve and grow values of interpersonal connection, tight-knit and supportive local community, and cultivation of traditions which intern promote and foster a group identity for said community. It's way easier said than done but I think that focusing on culture is infinitely more helpful and impactful than scapegoating everything on what is ultimately, a pretty damn good economic system that CAN place power in hands of a local community. But only if they are united and interact the greater system, and their own, intelligently. Socialism wouldn't fix any of our problems, not in a way that really matters. It would just take what autonomy we could have and crush it. Free trade is a much more fluid and dynamic system that certainly can fuck us over but can also help us regain control of our lives.
You touched on a framework floating around in the asexual and aromantic communities that does encompass a lot of what you discussed here, which is amatonormativity, or the normalization, commodification, and privileging of, romantic love as THE capitalist unit of (re)production. It thus functions similarly to heteronormativity in an economic context, the point of which is to continue to create future workforces for capitalists, and also to ensure consumerisim within increasingly isolated and individualist family units. As someone on the aromantic spectrum myself, it really spoke to me when you said that "to fall in love with someone is to fall in love with the idea of what your life will be with that person as your partner. The values that cause you to fall for them are directly correlated with the unmet needs that you have in your life." Like, YES, THIS, EXACTLY, the unmet needs that CAPITALISM CREATES. This is why romantic love/attraction always confused the shit out of me for most of my life, because to me, it's the desire for capitalistically/societally defined wants, not, yaknow, real love which is community love which is the desire for total liberation! Anyways, fantastic video as always
insights i’ve read from ace and aro people on the subject came to my mind while watching this too! (hope you don’t mind me gently placing a book rec here but) _refusing compulsory sexuality_ by sherronda j. brown, in chapter 4 “productivity,” dives a little deeper into the capitalistic function of the family unit and sex. (i haven’t finished the book yet but so far highly recommend!)
@@sailorpsyop OH MY GOSH YES I LOVE THAT BOOK SM, it's actually the first book specifically about asexuality that I read and it was so good!! It was so refreshing to FINALLY see someone place asexuality especially within the Black community in conversation with the history of enslavement and gender/race essentialism and racial capitalism rather than just another watered down (eg whitewashed) manual on "what is asexuality?"
This definition of love is so foreign to me ( but I must say I am someone who is alloromantic), I am still in love with all the people I have ever loved because for me love never stops once it began, even when there is no possibility or will to be together ever. Its about seeing a good in people that are special to you in ways that you dont see in others; wanting those people to be happy and actively doing what you can to ensure they are living the best lives they can with or without you as a priority. And community love as the same downfalls as any kind of relationship with people, the relationship issues of being not understood, rejected, betrayed, the drama, even violence, are still present and can take forms that are as harsh as monogamous or polyamorous relationships. I would even say that the capitalistic societally defined expectations of needs that are unmet of what a community should be is a vision a lot of people who "love" their communities apply, its not much about the target of the love than the way you express it. My definition of love, as flawed as it can be, is unconditional, because if its conditional its desire, control and formating to expectations. In the end you dont choose love even for your community, there are communities I am a part of that I despise or that I feel othered by, some I love despite that fact and some not and those are not interdependant, some I prioritize in activism and direct action and some less. Relationships are just social complex links with complex people no matter they be friendship, romantic, sexual or community based, its just a big pile of human unknown and whats best for each of us varies a lot. I think believing that any one way of connecting with people is the best way to do so is absurd, and people tend to do this analysis based on their own way of percieving the world, all biased and incomplete, mine too, but there is no truth to be found its not a science. That being said I agree that the vision of love pushed by capitalism through media, dating apps, political discourse etc is inherantly consumeristic and individualistic, just like sex is often and works in similar ways to any other form of norm created by capitalism to enforce itself.
I think that's the reason they do2let us polyamorous people marry more than one person. Because then they can't control what legally counts as a "family" if you can connect more than two families together. Or something, definitely more deep than that but I'm on my way to my Green Infrastructure class and can't expand on it at this time lol Also haven't looked at the article I'm thinking of in quite some time.
i dont want the other person in my relationships to fulfill something i don't have. i want the other person in my relationship to be around just because life is better with them in it. not because they have something i want.
you are so right.. i have so many thoughts i would love to share. i will just say that this is like the tip of the iceberg. i think that capitalism creates neglect in many facets of life and what you are talking about with looking for people to meet needs, when you start considering factors of trauma and generational trauma it gets even messier.
I was feeling guilty about getting sucked into love is blind, but im so excited to see videos like this cause im a sucker for trashy reality tv, but I loooove social political commentary videos so this is my two worlds colliding in the best way ❤
The AD situation and the history of this kind of exploitation reminds me of several pop culture references. The first one I can think of is Lolita when Charlotte suggested that she and Humbert get a maid that they would share. I was always deeply confused why this was a thing because I personally have never thought to seek out someone that I could seggsualy exploit with a partner. It’s sick to me. But right now there is a push for throuples and “unicorns”. Oddly enough I have gotten vibes and offers like this in situations that had absolutely nothing to do with seggs (I’m a black woman) and was totally dumbfounded as to where this came from and who has the audacity to ask this from me. This explanation makes total sense to me…
I think it is also worthy to mention under-representation of Asians in reality TV and how they are usually portrayed as boring and not very attractive and are eliminated in first few episodes.
I really liked what the video was starting to get at, but the ending was not very strong an undermined it a lot of your points. Always enjoy how thought provoking your videos are though!🎉
A fun and disgusting bit of history from my own folks in Louisiana: The Tignon Laws during Spanish rule in Louisiana made it illegal for Black and/or Creole women to go outside without their hair covered. This is because white women were under the assumption that us having our hair exposed would somehow ‘entice’ their husbands. In petty response to this, a lot of black women in the time period started wearing fancier and more extravagant head wraps to highlight their beauty. I always think about this whenever we have conversations about the policing of black women’s bodies and violence against us. The so-called defence/ protection of white women is always involved in projects to further dehumanise black women. Both Chelsea and Laura act in ways that reinforce that historical legacy. Love your content ! New subscriber✨
As a disabled person, love is interesting and I love to watch reality TV to feel better about where I am in life, lol. A lot of it can be staged, and I do legitimately hate the exploitation that occurs within these networks (so I only watch mostly staged or long over shows and like to analyze them to death), I just kinda watch at times and am grateful I am not doing that atm. Having stuff like that broadcast would be so bad for me and I think I am doing okay if I am not having to do that for money or validation. That said, if I could I would love to go on a reality show to troll the trolls. Hope that makes sense, lol.
Came across a book title today called "Capitalist Patriarchy and the Case for Socialism" and it made me think of you. I didn't get a chance to crack the book, so I can't vouch for it. But its on my list to check out from my library.
To a capitalistic society, love (particularly romantic/sexual love, for healthy platonic and familial relationships to be treated equally to the romantic ones would be one of few ways human-civilization could ever actually hope to heal and grow again in spite of Capitalism needing us to be miserable and in a constant state of "needing more") is just another thing to exploit to allow some people to be put down or rise others to the top even though true love was never meant to be a power-struggle or transaction but something reciprocal and unconditional.
Umm yes.. i think people are very confused i just came from a video about weaponized incompetence and the lady talked about how the wife raise the babies does all the house work and the man just works.. this is a traditional marriage type person too. Look at any movie in the past 20 years and i guarantee you the husband does none of that stuff. Thats literally exactly what traditional marriage means what did you expect?! RUclips is gonna give me a aneurysm.
Patriarchy came first and has been abusing/destroying love before any other system of oppression. We need to deconstruct patriarchal capitalistic logic, not go along with it.
Love in general confuses me because I have never gotten it kind of. I feel like I don't know what it is and often times feel like I can't feel it. To me everyone just has a leveled degree of how much I enjoy spending time with them. If I want to spend time with you all the time then I probably love you. But it messes me up a lot because if a woman does something that seemingly is very out of the way. I think they like me and I try to spend time with them. We may hang out a lot and then I think maybe they like me as much as I like them because they actually seem to like to be around me and I want that in a partner. It's really the only thing I want, for someone to genuinely admire me. Then I ask them out in a normal way but express my romantic interest in them for the occasion. They never liked me it turns out. So i really cannot tell what is love.
But on a different note, romance has to be made up, in a sense that I am someone who thinks most relationships of all kinds are inherently romantic. Connecting romance to specifically long term, sexual/sensual relationships is messed up and it messes up how we value people in our lives. Romance to me is a measure the amount of love, passion, and understanding shared between people. If I am comfortable with you, then that's romantic. If I feel understood by you, that's romantic. Making it into something specific and unachievable, like a goal or a spot on a checklist, is the most capitalist coded thing ever. Love is a feeling and an experience, it's not step 25 in the checklist of "things to do before dying" and it's not unattainable. I think our idea of romance contributes to the amount of loneliness people experience. If everyone thinks there is only one way for love to exist, and it happens to be with money, a certain personality, and a certain look, then many people feel overwhelmed and cut off from even being open to experiencing it.
Personally I see romance and love as seperate. Romance I see as merely a *performance* of love - and one that can easily be faked or withheld. And I think calling all love "romance" has some...weird implications when it comes to family or pets.
@@MacZephyrZ I think it's only weird depending on how you think of the performance. Giving gifts is a performance, you don't have to do it. Giving your dog a gift is showing you love them and that is romantic. Cooking a meal for your mom out of love and kindness is a performance, and it's not weird to do that to show you care. It's not that weird to me even by your definition of romance, but that's just how I think.
The funniest part about this video is that when I went on my first date with my boyfriend we'd walk around the city shoreline, looking far out in the horizon and start having a philosophical conversation about romance under a capitalist society. That's when I knew he was the one LMAO
Wow, my girl is gonna be devastated when she learns I’m only interested in her as a luxury commodity. Hell, I’m still reeling from this revelation myself!
Great video!! And I love Abaetol’s videos on this subject. As a biracial woman I resonated so much with how she analyzed how women of color are objectified and how other women betray us.
Also, I have questioned myself if what I experienced in the past was limerence. And Oh boy I'm sure I get trapped so many times. Is really confusing to be on a roller coaster of emotions and now I need understanding about love and myself like you said, it is required to have the knowledge to be in a healthy relationship.
I feel like this video isn't about capitalism. Sexism changed form during the Victorian period, shifting women from medieval seductresses to paragons of virtue. Racism transformed as the US adopted capitalism *after* the civil war. Black folks were taken as happy productive members of the southern family beforehand (which wasn't true) and were ghettoized and feared afterwards, disparaged as lazy, etc (which isn't true)
There's a whole story about Taylor Bybee of Coaster Studios where even in his late teens and starting college people asked when he was going to get a girlfriend. However, when he does get a girlfriend, named Sarah Anderson, her narcissistic personality ruins his and his channel's image for many people and led to increased restrictions on the IAPPA-which is a major theme park expo held in Orlando every November...and they still got to go back somehow. Be careful what you wish for I guess
I don't know what I want out of a relationship. I mean I can't picture what my life would be with someone else. That's probably why I've never sought out a relationship, and why those that came to me didn't last long.
![Lethal Company Music Video 🎵 "Follow The Orders" [VERSION A]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/QeooZB4Z7RA/mqdefault.jpg)
"To fall in love with someone is to fall in love with the idea of what your life will be with that person as your partner. The values that cause you to fall for them are directly correlated with the unmet needs that you have in your life. Having a healthy approach to love means acknowledging and studying those needs of yours -- where they come from -- and trying to address them as healthily as possible both within and without any real or prospective relationships."
WOW. That was deep.
yess, profound! i paused to write it downnn!! ty for typing it out
that was BASIC.
That was not deep lol, that's literally just a long worded way to say "loving is dating"
@@speedwagon1824 That’s not what that means unless I misunderstand what “dating” means. Basically it is offering an explanation for why we fall in love with some people and not others.
As a black woman, your analysis on Laura’s (and ultimately everyone’s) fetishization of AD was spot on. It made me sick to my stomach knowing that these are the type of people who would’ve gone to see Sarah baartman and other black women on display at the zoo back in the day. I’ve faced it before myself, it’s humiliating and objectifying.
and on that note Ice Spice and Afro Latina gives me this exact vibes like they are exploiting both her blackness and Latina features as an object to mostly white Americans and even black ones that have never seen Afro or Asian Latinos before. Because as Latinas we don’t exist in mainstream America unless we are fetishized and demeaned. Truly a lot of Latinos look like ice spice but we aren’t overly sexualized for it the way Americans do when they find a new race to exploit
it was embarassing to watch as a white woman, i don’t know why this wasn’t touched on more in the show/reunion. if i were AD i’d be so embarrassed, but it was sad to see she was almost used to it in a way :-/ yes she’s a beautiful woman but no one deserves to be fetishized like that. i’m sorry you’ve gone through it as well.
It was disgusting yet AD knowing that her body AND NOT HER FACE was her asset's placed them on display
@@ColoradoFalls when you have a figure like that every outfit is going to appear to put them on display lol. what was she supposed to do, wear turtlenecks while everyone was swimming😂
The wedding dress as well? Tacky and VERY inappropriate. A few truths can be try at once. Just because she is a black woman doesn't giver her a pass and HOW DARE YALL COMPARE HER TO SARAH B. This is a reality show in America . OF COURSE THEY ARE GOING TO go off on her body. ID SHE WAS PRETTY OR CUTE they would have talked about her face . HAd a white girl been stacked like that they would have done the same. NOT defending yte parasites at all however when yall argue these REACHING statements it dilutes the message @@gracex3217
love under capitalism is “necessarily love of ‘clout’” -- that’s so true! it’s using your marriage/partner to convey something about yourself to others, especially when marriage is seen as like the final boss of maturity. it’s a way of signaling status, like wearing certain clothes to convey professionalism. it’s about the performance and utility, not really about the “love” to begin with, depending on one’s definition.
but i think part of that comes from the fact that we often don’t (re)define love for ourselves; we just grow up and become indoctrinated into what capitalism’s love looks like, which is heavily entangled with and normalizes essentializing gender, essentializing marriage/romantic coupling, unequal labor in the home, commodification of your partner, entitlement to sex, etc. -- things that women (in a “traditional” hetero coupling) end up taking the burden of, as you already touch on in the video. it also makes anyone who wants love in unconventional, maybe more egalitarian ways feel like they’re strange or that what they want isn’t even achievable.
(and none of this even gets into how this love under capitalism as “love” of a commodity extends to how children are viewed, but that’s a whooole other thing 😭)
but yeah overall it was interesting hearing some of your thoughts on love and love is blind, which i never thought would be a thing i’d see on this channel but i’m loving it. a fun little vid!
Y'all have weird marriages
I see marriage as the final boss of socializing which is why I don't have talk to people anymore 😎
Cool pfp
Is there a way to signal honest love, clear head affection,..., or at least good faith desires for the other and it being enough?...hmm I'd say for people used to doing introspections and welcoming honest criticisms (possibly better %)
...but then when signaling with underlying bad faith desires, it's easier to be louder than going at it with honesty/transparency
Status signaling rimes with wants of attention & self worth (~pride?)...how we want to be seen in relation to others and to a point it's (can) healthy because it helps maintain social & cultural stability
(And provide a semblance of happiness (not eudamonia))
...where the socks hurt is the main theme feeding it's essence (consumerism & capitalism yeah...but I'd argue also liberalism...(The liberty to be selfish, exploitative, to the extent the laws allow))
We define love in a non-directed way; by watching couples close to us, television, reading books/articles
But we don't talk about it when we start to grasp the idea of it...when we're young, like in community cultural centres(too risqué for schools)
"He later cheats on her" with the abrupt ad cut off 😭
I know that I want a relationship mostly to take some of the sorrow of living in this society away, not really make me happy but just alleviate some of the pain? Make me feel a little less alone and like I have someone else on my side. Which now that I think about it it doesn't seem super healthy, which is sort of like you said in the video. It's hard for I to come from a healthy place rn
I think it's healthy, because when you heal, you can heal the other one as well, and when you are both well, you can have a better life with a better worldview that can heal instead of kill the world, because in reality being loveless can make you bitter and hateful, very cynical about everything. It's a paradox - those that mostly need love are actually the hardest to love, all because they never got love, because needing love is seen as very repulsive
Thats wont solve it. Dont be srlfish
Its okay to want a relationship for any reason. Don't listen to other who tell you its not a good idea. At the end of the day you just need to communicate your intention. If you find someone that is willing to accept that, then great. Do what works best for you, not what others tell you is best for you
@@ChronicDreamer Love is bad, comradeship is the only moral way to go about this
Don’t listen to everything on RUclips sweetie. It’s totally normal to want someone to alleviate some of the pain. “It is not good for (hu)man to be alone” We were made in pairs. Life is hard as it is, we’re suppose to have someone to share the load with. The problem is people aren’t sharing the load with someone authentically, it’s not coming from a place of love and respect but from a place of survival and desperation. It’s all about intentions!
🎶... Baby don't huuuuurt me...🎶
No more….😔
@@LacyMufasa What is love? 🥺
Too late
@@mxar2074whoaaaoaoaoooaoaoooaoaoo whoaoaoa
Liked for the outstanding username 👌🏾
your hair looks so good it’s insane
Literally the same hairstyle I desire to have one day
The moustache tho...
one of the biggest problems with "love" I see is the idea that you cannot possibly find love with someone else or have a relationship until you can love yourself. but how can you love yourself sitting alone in a room with nothing but your thoughts and nobody supporting you? it's a VERY individualistic mindset, which is also a capitalistic mindset. they keep us going in the direction they want by convincing us relying on others is "codependency" which is a term that nobody uses right. we are social beings, we need each other, and there is nothing wrong with healing WITH a companion by your side. we cannot be expected to possibly heal everything all by ourselves. but because of this, trauma builds up, distrust of everyone happens, and most will become either runners or chasers. I really see shows like this feeding into those fears and traumas, while feeling like "tea" why does it feel like that? why is there such a pull to drama and people horribly mistreating each other? what does that do to us? to our minds and how we perceive relationships?
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽this
Thissss
An alternate take on love for self and others is the Christian Bible which says to love God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself. Loving yourself happens at the same time as you put other people ahead of yourself in importance. You don't have to follow the christian religion, but that was what people did in the past in western Europe and N.America did to build the society that we do have. You can have your ideas, and past people did too. Maybe they are worth hearing out?
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💀
Exactly. How can i” love myself” (which ultimately means love my life, cause self isn’t really the issue here) in survival mode? How can I love my life as it is without my needs met? Many of us seek love as one source of happiness because everything else has been taken from us. Access to shelter, and community relies on nothing but labor and suffering right now under capitalism.
I love the hard work my FBI agent has been doing in recommending me videos with a literal title of what’s been in my head for the past couple months. As an early 20s in the dating scene I realized people can no longer afford to date someone without steady income especially if you tell them you’re a creative. people rarely can afford to date at all since everyone’s gotta work 50 hours a week to afford the cheapest apartment in their town. let’s all put our hands up and enjoy the roller coaster sheer drop into late stage capitalism while our parents tell us we’re just not working hard enough.
I did not expect to run into quotes from Dr. Eric Williams (read by a Trini speaker) in a video about reality tv dating shows, but I love to see it 🇹🇹
We are everywhere. 🇯🇲
Is this a bad place to say I love your art 😅
Glad Im not the only one here who came to make this comment . How Eric reach 😅🇹🇹
The guy from the youtube channel "Andrewism" is the one that did the voice-over
As a man, part of the reason I'm afraid of getting into a long term relationship is this subconscious feeling that I'd be taking on even more pressure to conform to social norms and capitalism. It's harder to resist and stick to your own egalitarian values and individualism, for both men and especially for women, when it's your own significant other putting that pressure on you to meet social expectations and fulfill ridiculous gender roles.
Suddenly, love just becomes an extension of capitalistic oppression and exploitation; the hyper commodified "holiday" of Valentine's Day is a perfect microcosm of this.
Find someone that thinks like you
My wife and I live off less than 1000€ in Germany, neither of us works full time. We don't buy luxury goods or clothes, or anything else that's not required to live in society
We don't fit into traditional gender roles and generally don't comply with social expectations
You don't have to be a capitalist drone, you can just opt out of the grindset. Punks have been around for decades
Damn, I understand how you feel🤧
You complain about capitalism, but you want to have a partner and just do your own thing without any care about what they want? Seems like you want a commodity to use and consume, and not a loving partner... or you want a loving partner, but only them loving you. Love means commitment, understanding and sacrifice at times. I feel like 90% of people confuse love with attraction, like, want and lust.. please don't be that guy
@@P.Aetherare you illiterate or just uncharitable? That is not at all what they said.
@@P.Aether They never said to never compromise or consider other people's feelings in relationships. You and your partner/s are separate people with your own goals, interests, and values, and that if you live your life trying to please others through forcing yourself to be 'normal' (whatever that means, whether it's 'doing being a man correctly' or masking my autism for instance) you will be pretty damn miserable.
sociological and political deconstructions of reality tv are my favourite thing in the world let’s gooooooo
good to see ya elle thanks for the encouragement! maybe i’ll do another one 🤓
you too!!! loved this video, learned so much.. now I know what bean dip means 🫶 ((jk this is great I’d watch 9 more vids like this)) the amount of sociological analysis i’ve done with friends while watching love island… reality tv is such an interesting medium to see all these dynamics laid bare lmao
Right! I was sooooo excited to see this video !!!!
Captalism vs love
-lack of met economic needs
-overwork
-lack of third spaces due to corporations
-“market” mindset on dating
In what way are corporations responsible for the decline of third spaces?
@@johnweselyThey own most of the land property, and many stores participate in anti-homelessness where they restrict bathrooms from anyone who isn't a customer, reduce places for people to sit or lounge, and often lobby to ease restrictions on what properties they can buy and turn everything into strip-malls at the expense of publicly owned spaces. they also lobby for anti-vagrancy laws which basically make it illegal for homeless people to exist anywhere.
those laws that make it hard for the homeless to exist in public also create spaces where people **must** spend money and have no where to stand or sit and talk with one another without being accused of loitering and harassed by police officers for staying too long.
Third places have a few requirements to be considered:
The space is safe and neutral and no one is obligated to be there.
Don't cost money to be there.
Have at least a few regulars who frequent.
Ie, stair steps, A library, a park with benches, a community center.
The policies that cause lack of third spaces have long been championed by socialist parties. Less regulation on housing would mean more third spaces.
@@speedwagon1824 you do understand not all regulations are bad right? if there were less regulations around environmental pollution, you’d have smog outside your house and lung cancer right?
Fuck I'm crying
Love is solidarity
I think the want for a relationship is being conflated with love in the comments.
People may want a relationship to feel better in this society, but you can love someone and want to be with them divorced from capitalistic wants.
I’m skeptical of the idea that love comes out of need. A lot of this discourse seems to be driven by hurt, or should be solely aimed at performative romance. Romantic love is not any less genuine than platonic love, it’s just different, the Greeks had different words for types of love for a reason.
💯
"the values that cause you to fall for them are directly correlated with the unmet needs you have in your life"
damn, you didn't hurt me like that
damn, you didn't hurt her like that
you did us all dirty with this one smh 😭
This is absolutely it. There’s sincere truth in “love yourself before you try to love another.”
@@goober479 Now this is why I know I don't love anyone.
Basically meaningless
@@goober479there isn't, and this wouldn't even mean that if it was true
Realizing I’m aromantic makes me realize how precarious my life will have to be because of how much life is built to accommodate the double income nuclear family. I sure hope I can amass enough money to take care of myself or I am goner.
You could try and find another aromantic to cohabitate with?
I have been beating this drum for a hot minute, especially in an argument where I was mad that someone kept bringing up money when I asked them not to (just a former friend, not an ex).
They didn't understand why I didn't want to discuss money at the very moment, and I had experienced great connections fizzling over money.
@jessie6600 Not particularly nor did we ever share our money. They were talking about people ask for a raise at their job which they manage and demeaning them for having the audacity to ask for more than minimum wage.
I have found platonic love to be more genuine.
This video could’ve went in a lot of different directions, but I’m always curious to learn about different forms of oppression under capitalism.
absolutely, this doesn’t come across well but personally romance seemed to always tarnish relationships (platonic and other)
Yeah I mean this is simply because romantic feelings influence your judgment more than platonic feelings do. A platonic friendship even a deep and meaningful one is more conditional than the opposite, not to mention the decreased social expectation on not breaking those types of relationships up.
It’s bc cultures have always valued marriage and romantic unions above anything else for many centuries. I don’t see that ever changing but to those that can’t and rather just have platonic friends will have to seek that out themselves.
@@kafelematavouidk, I think it’s kinda hard to really know if romantic feelings would be more genuine or not when we’re living under a system that affects relationships deeply between each other, platonic relationships are also affected by capitalism after all but because they’re not as valuable as a commodity on this system as romantic relationships are is easy to overlook how they’re also being affected
Thank you, Elliot, for speaking about the correlation between capitalism and racism
thank you for breaking down the bean dip comment. since watching it something about the entire situation and Laura infuriated me. you did an excellent job of articulating the root of my rage 💀
I can't watch love is blind or most dating shows because it's either: super misogynistic, subtly but also not subtly racist, or depressing 😭 like when I hear about the happenings of these shows, there are just so many layers.
Why do people prioritize looks when dating (specifically unrealistic or super duper specific looks)? Why do people have dating standards that have absolutely nothing to do with who someone is as a person? Why is a show called love is blind not able to find people who actually want to experience that? Why do people go on reality tv to pursue marriage?? Why do men do the things they do to women in the way they do it??? 😭😭😭
Every time a season comes out, I just feel bad for everyone and worried. I swear the last season had a literal abusive situation happen and everyone was just worried the whole time. Why is this entertainment??? It's stressful and it reflects the stress of the reality of dating under capitalism and white supremacy because the values portrayed by these shows feel so wrong all the time 😭 reality tv should be studied 100 percent, but it's super stressful to observe these experiences be made into a show 😭
Why is it seen as a sin to prioritize looks in relationships? I can't afford to invest my live with someone I don't deem attractive
@@rena_sukii there is a difference between needing to be attracted to your partner and holding everyone you date to an unrealistic beauty standard. Expecting your partner to look like a model and being disgusted by anything else is problematic and misogynistic. It's also weird to go on a show that isn't about looks or is about finding true love and not even trying because of how someone looks.
@@Molly-iw1rc define "unrealistic" standards
Please read Frantz Fanon. He writes about whether love is possible in a racist world amongst many other important decolonial ideas
where does he write this in? currently reading wretched of the earth and would love to read more of fanon’s work
@@sopha4089black skin white masks. Been awhile since I read it.
@@kamanijefferson638 ty!
I would like to push back against the tiktok used that claimed “average looking” people used to be on our television screens I don’t believe that I think at that time period that they were considered “exceptionally beautiful” and what we/this generation view/s as “exceptionally beautiful” has changed over time
I think it’s more like more people have more access to looking like hollywood aesthetic bc of the internet
So called free thinkers when they see "What is love?" Baby don't hurt me!..
Who am I kidding, I love doing the bit.
DON'T HURT ME!!! NO MORE!!!!
Lmaooo I feel like I started listening to this song again about 2-3 weeks ago and I’ve been seeing this everywhere since. It has no reason to be such a banger tho.
Men who wear loafers with no socks 💀
literally 1984
That SENT me 😂
Eh wear what you want. Its literally if you wear an extra layer of cloth on your feet or not. People wear hella crazier shit.
😂
OOOOOOH~ OKAY~
So when YOU wear Yeezy Slides with socks or Black Foam RNNRs with white socks, or FOOKIN CROCS, you're a hero.
But I wanna wear my Gucci loafers with no socks and SUDDENLY I'M THE BAD GUY!
Maybe that TikTok was talking about reality tv only, but I find it to be a strange claim that the beauty standard floor only recently shifted. I’m not a 90s kid but I remember watching some older shows with my parents and many men and women were incredibly homogenous looking. I think it’s true that things started with “above average looking people” but it has to have been super early on when movies were still in black and white. Unobtainable beauty standards have always sold well under capitalism and I doubt execs only just found this out. I just think the standards were different back then and the styles from back then don’t hit the same anymore
I recommend the book "Why women have better sex under socialism"
Picked that up last week👍
Women don't have better sex under socialism, because it can't exist
I LOVE YOU FOR SPEAKING ON THIS WITH SO MUCH DEPTH, INTENTION, AND CULTURAL AWARENESS 🎉🎉🎉
The beauty standard inflation commentary reminds me of what Jessica DeFino writes about in the Unpublishable - definitely recommend it to anyone interested!
As a disabled person, I find the dating trends very frustrating. I have to think about income and accessibility because I cannot get basic needs without money, I have to worry about getting medicine, and a place to live that works for me. I hate that I have to think about that at all, and not just "Do I love this person, and could we work together in a shared living space?" Money and status being apart of it is frustrating, and I wish I didn't have to consider it for my own survival.
Edit: Yes I would always consider if a living area would be accessible (tho luckily I do not require a wheelchair), but I mean more so here that I hate that I have to tell partners I need certain accessibilities and dump the financial bomb on them that if we were together, my finances would be less because I have to have those, and that if we ended up sharing accounts it would affect them. I would love to be independant, but with what medicine costs and current pay rates? That's not really possible. Part of why I hope to move abroad to lower those costs from US prices to something more reasonable.
This just sounds like you are realizing that love is conditional
That's exactly the problem. And a lot of the time the condition of that love is whether or not I am "too disabled" for someone to be able to live with me even if they do love me. @@ecxstasy347
Same. I'm a disabled man and I cannot work. It severely reduces my chances of getting a long-term mate. It's depressing.
For real. I've only just been able to maybe work part time, not sure yet. And even then the outlook is bleak. My financial ability and opportunities should not determine if I can have a partner. @@nicksyoutubeaccount
Man so true - TV and movies are just filled with beautiful beautiful people. I have trouble watching modern romcoms because wow ok cool beautiful people lol
I married a man just out of the Army with no job and no place to live, out of my race and of a different religion and worse, a city boy!!
Why?
Love.
More than 30 years later, still love.
That's beautiful 😊
I was thinking the other day that Love is Blind should really cast a larger variety of people because every single member of the cast is conventionally attractive.
I think youre conflating capitalism with living in a society at certain points. So long as humans organize, there will be concerns over status; over appearances; over validation; over social advancement. Capitalism may accentuate these desires with hyperindividualism, but everything you've discussed has predated and will likely continue after capitalism.
I had always actively avoided reality TV and then my roommate started watching Love is Blind and Vanderpump Rules and I found myself getting sucked in with the drama of it all. The Ultimatum was another one that gets messy.
Anyway, enjoyed the video!
5:13 ZOE BEE NARRATION AAAAAAH
Her content is a chefs kiss
also Andrewism! i love how this community interacts and supports one another
12:44 and this mentality is also exactly why i’ve personally noticed light or dark why we’re not seen as “woman enough” in the same way as white women are seen as “woman enough” by some people. i am as much of a woman as anyyyy women
absolutely majestic hair ‼️
16:30 BRAZIL MENTIONED !!!!!
🇧🇷🇧🇷🇧🇷
Come to Brazil
A video about love that doesn't fall back primarily on bell hooks? Wow, this is actually an intellectual achievement.
whats wrong with bell hooks tho?
@@nymphetteevangeline2637 Wondering the same thing. bell hooks is gold.
@@nymphetteevangeline2637 I don't think they were saying anything is wrong with bell hooks. but more so we hear so much of her content (which is great) from her and she's not the only one we should quote.
@@animelvr99 oh yeah, that makes sense! thxx
A very important read in this topic is All About Love by bell hooks. It is incredibly difficult to have loving and caring relationships in a social structure that is oppressive and violent, which gets reproduced in every interaction we have. I think bell hooks manages to bring insights that are essentials to 1) at least try to have relationships that differ from that dynamic and 2) imagining a new society based in principles of solidarity, peace and justice!
If anyone wants to do a deeper dive on love and its degeneration under capitalism, bell hooks has a trilogy of books exploring the topic in great detail. "all about love," "Salvation," and "communion" (in that order) are must reads if you are at all interested.
You would probably like Kidology's recent video about love and the state of dating apps
Loafers with no socks 😂😂😂 I’m dead🤣🤣🤣
Under communism, at least in Cuba where I'm from, it's very different. Arranged marriage is common and it often involves minors. I was subjected to rape and beatings from age 13 with all my family cheering my abuser on. I wasn't able to pick and give myself to a man to enhance my quality of life, I was a commodity owned, traded and abused by the patriarchy for their benefits.
I don't know about you but I personally find that most of things this guy and almost everyone in these comments blames on 'capitalism"(god forbid people make economic decisions for themselves), are CULTURAL problems. The problem, to me it seems, is not that corporations are greedy and that ruins everything but that nobody actually cares to preserve and grow values of interpersonal connection, tight-knit and supportive local community, and cultivation of traditions which intern promote and foster a group identity for said community. It's way easier said than done but I think that focusing on culture is infinitely more helpful and impactful than scapegoating everything on what is ultimately, a pretty damn good economic system that CAN place power in hands of a local community. But only if they are united and interact the greater system, and their own, intelligently. Socialism wouldn't fix any of our problems, not in a way that really matters. It would just take what autonomy we could have and crush it. Free trade is a much more fluid and dynamic system that certainly can fuck us over but can also help us regain control of our lives.
The exact thing you are describing happens in all economic structures, infamously under capitalism as well.
another comprehensive video banger from Mr. Sang
lmao when she said meg ryan was "above average, but not frighteningly so" smh I'm scared personally
You touched on a framework floating around in the asexual and aromantic communities that does encompass a lot of what you discussed here, which is amatonormativity, or the normalization, commodification, and privileging of, romantic love as THE capitalist unit of (re)production. It thus functions similarly to heteronormativity in an economic context, the point of which is to continue to create future workforces for capitalists, and also to ensure consumerisim within increasingly isolated and individualist family units. As someone on the aromantic spectrum myself, it really spoke to me when you said that "to fall in love with someone is to fall in love with the idea of what your life will be with that person as your partner. The values that cause you to fall for them are directly correlated with the unmet needs that you have in your life." Like, YES, THIS, EXACTLY, the unmet needs that CAPITALISM CREATES. This is why romantic love/attraction always confused the shit out of me for most of my life, because to me, it's the desire for capitalistically/societally defined wants, not, yaknow, real love which is community love which is the desire for total liberation! Anyways, fantastic video as always
insights i’ve read from ace and aro people on the subject came to my mind while watching this too! (hope you don’t mind me gently placing a book rec here but) _refusing compulsory sexuality_ by sherronda j. brown, in chapter 4 “productivity,” dives a little deeper into the capitalistic function of the family unit and sex. (i haven’t finished the book yet but so far highly recommend!)
@@sailorpsyop OH MY GOSH YES I LOVE THAT BOOK SM, it's actually the first book specifically about asexuality that I read and it was so good!! It was so refreshing to FINALLY see someone place asexuality especially within the Black community in conversation with the history of enslavement and gender/race essentialism and racial capitalism rather than just another watered down (eg whitewashed) manual on "what is asexuality?"
That was beautifully written “real love is community love”. I agree wholeheartedly with that.
This definition of love is so foreign to me ( but I must say I am someone who is alloromantic), I am still in love with all the people I have ever loved because for me love never stops once it began, even when there is no possibility or will to be together ever. Its about seeing a good in people that are special to you in ways that you dont see in others; wanting those people to be happy and actively doing what you can to ensure they are living the best lives they can with or without you as a priority. And community love as the same downfalls as any kind of relationship with people, the relationship issues of being not understood, rejected, betrayed, the drama, even violence, are still present and can take forms that are as harsh as monogamous or polyamorous relationships. I would even say that the capitalistic societally defined expectations of needs that are unmet of what a community should be is a vision a lot of people who "love" their communities apply, its not much about the target of the love than the way you express it. My definition of love, as flawed as it can be, is unconditional, because if its conditional its desire, control and formating to expectations. In the end you dont choose love even for your community, there are communities I am a part of that I despise or that I feel othered by, some I love despite that fact and some not and those are not interdependant, some I prioritize in activism and direct action and some less. Relationships are just social complex links with complex people no matter they be friendship, romantic, sexual or community based, its just a big pile of human unknown and whats best for each of us varies a lot. I think believing that any one way of connecting with people is the best way to do so is absurd, and people tend to do this analysis based on their own way of percieving the world, all biased and incomplete, mine too, but there is no truth to be found its not a science.
That being said I agree that the vision of love pushed by capitalism through media, dating apps, political discourse etc is inherantly consumeristic and individualistic, just like sex is often and works in similar ways to any other form of norm created by capitalism to enforce itself.
I think that's the reason they do2let us polyamorous people marry more than one person. Because then they can't control what legally counts as a "family" if you can connect more than two families together.
Or something, definitely more deep than that but I'm on my way to my Green Infrastructure class and can't expand on it at this time lol
Also haven't looked at the article I'm thinking of in quite some time.
i dont want the other person in my relationships to fulfill something i don't have. i want the other person in my relationship to be around just because life is better with them in it. not because they have something i want.
you are so right.. i have so many thoughts i would love to share. i will just say that this is like the tip of the iceberg. i think that capitalism creates neglect in many facets of life and what you are talking about with looking for people to meet needs, when you start considering factors of trauma and generational trauma it gets even messier.
I love the very casual and non-performative outro
I was feeling guilty about getting sucked into love is blind, but im so excited to see videos like this cause im a sucker for trashy reality tv, but I loooove social political commentary videos so this is my two worlds colliding in the best way ❤
this was great !
As a brazilian, I felt so happy when you quoted Paulo Freire
Garota, eu tbm!
omg the loafers comment got me rolling
Yeah I got unmet needs, it's called a severe lack of hugs and cuddles.
The AD situation and the history of this kind of exploitation reminds me of several pop culture references. The first one I can think of is Lolita when Charlotte suggested that she and Humbert get a maid that they would share. I was always deeply confused why this was a thing because I personally have never thought to seek out someone that I could seggsualy exploit with a partner. It’s sick to me. But right now there is a push for throuples and “unicorns”. Oddly enough I have gotten vibes and offers like this in situations that had absolutely nothing to do with seggs (I’m a black woman) and was totally dumbfounded as to where this came from and who has the audacity to ask this from me. This explanation makes total sense to me…
I think it is also worthy to mention under-representation of Asians in reality TV and how they are usually portrayed as boring and not very attractive and are eliminated in first few episodes.
I really liked what the video was starting to get at, but the ending was not very strong an undermined it a lot of your points. Always enjoy how thought provoking your videos are though!🎉
Great video. Also, the youtubers Yugopnik and daniel torres both made a video regarding love under capitalism
A fun and disgusting bit of history from my own folks in Louisiana: The Tignon Laws during Spanish rule in Louisiana made it illegal for Black and/or Creole women to go outside without their hair covered. This is because white women were under the assumption that us having our hair exposed would somehow ‘entice’ their husbands. In petty response to this, a lot of black women in the time period started wearing fancier and more extravagant head wraps to highlight their beauty.
I always think about this whenever we have conversations about the policing of black women’s bodies and violence against us. The so-called defence/ protection of white women is always involved in projects to further dehumanise black women. Both Chelsea and Laura act in ways that reinforce that historical legacy.
Love your content ! New subscriber✨
Broey Deschanel’s video on Reality TV and Surveillance is supplemental viewing
"and that's why I watch reality TV"
And that's why we watch you. Great video as always!
I got hyped up when you mentioned Eric Williams, I read c&s this week for school :)
As a disabled person, love is interesting and I love to watch reality TV to feel better about where I am in life, lol. A lot of it can be staged, and I do legitimately hate the exploitation that occurs within these networks (so I only watch mostly staged or long over shows and like to analyze them to death), I just kinda watch at times and am grateful I am not doing that atm. Having stuff like that broadcast would be so bad for me and I think I am doing okay if I am not having to do that for money or validation.
That said, if I could I would love to go on a reality show to troll the trolls. Hope that makes sense, lol.
Came across a book title today called "Capitalist Patriarchy and the Case for Socialism" and it made me think of you. I didn't get a chance to crack the book, so I can't vouch for it. But its on my list to check out from my library.
To a capitalistic society, love (particularly romantic/sexual love, for healthy platonic and familial relationships to be treated equally to the romantic ones would be one of few ways human-civilization could ever actually hope to heal and grow again in spite of Capitalism needing us to be miserable and in a constant state of "needing more") is just another thing to exploit to allow some people to be put down or rise others to the top even though true love was never meant to be a power-struggle or transaction but something reciprocal and unconditional.
Why was love not meant to be that?
Umm yes.. i think people are very confused i just came from a video about weaponized incompetence and the lady talked about how the wife raise the babies does all the house work and the man just works.. this is a traditional marriage type person too. Look at any movie in the past 20 years and i guarantee you the husband does none of that stuff. Thats literally exactly what traditional marriage means what did you expect?! RUclips is gonna give me a aneurysm.
Patriarchy came first and has been abusing/destroying love before any other system of oppression.
We need to deconstruct patriarchal capitalistic logic, not go along with it.
Yayyy Andrewism feature! Yall should collab
Love in general confuses me because I have never gotten it kind of. I feel like I don't know what it is and often times feel like I can't feel it. To me everyone just has a leveled degree of how much I enjoy spending time with them. If I want to spend time with you all the time then I probably love you.
But it messes me up a lot because if a woman does something that seemingly is very out of the way. I think they like me and I try to spend time with them. We may hang out a lot and then I think maybe they like me as much as I like them because they actually seem to like to be around me and I want that in a partner. It's really the only thing I want, for someone to genuinely admire me.
Then I ask them out in a normal way but express my romantic interest in them for the occasion. They never liked me it turns out. So i really cannot tell what is love.
loved the Paulo Freire in the end 🇧🇷
But on a different note, romance has to be made up, in a sense that I am someone who thinks most relationships of all kinds are inherently romantic. Connecting romance to specifically long term, sexual/sensual relationships is messed up and it messes up how we value people in our lives. Romance to me is a measure the amount of love, passion, and understanding shared between people. If I am comfortable with you, then that's romantic. If I feel understood by you, that's romantic. Making it into something specific and unachievable, like a goal or a spot on a checklist, is the most capitalist coded thing ever.
Love is a feeling and an experience, it's not step 25 in the checklist of "things to do before dying" and it's not unattainable. I think our idea of romance contributes to the amount of loneliness people experience. If everyone thinks there is only one way for love to exist, and it happens to be with money, a certain personality, and a certain look, then many people feel overwhelmed and cut off from even being open to experiencing it.
Personally I see romance and love as seperate. Romance I see as merely a *performance* of love - and one that can easily be faked or withheld.
And I think calling all love "romance" has some...weird implications when it comes to family or pets.
@@MacZephyrZ I think it's only weird depending on how you think of the performance. Giving gifts is a performance, you don't have to do it. Giving your dog a gift is showing you love them and that is romantic. Cooking a meal for your mom out of love and kindness is a performance, and it's not weird to do that to show you care. It's not that weird to me even by your definition of romance, but that's just how I think.
The funniest part about this video is that when I went on my first date with my boyfriend we'd walk around the city shoreline, looking far out in the horizon and start having a philosophical conversation about romance under a capitalist society. That's when I knew he was the one LMAO
Wow, my girl is gonna be devastated when she learns I’m only interested in her as a luxury commodity. Hell, I’m still reeling from this revelation myself!
I cheer everytime you quote Paulo Freire, the bestest Brazilian
Bro that knitted jumper is 🔥
OF ALL THING...OF ALL THINGS I DIDN'T EXPECT THE SONIC SNAPCUBE FANDUB TO SHOW UP IN THIS VIDEO WHAT-
it's actually one of Jehtt's videos, though I do love the Snapcube fandubs! lmao
- The video editor
Listen to I Love You, Honeybear. Watch The Holy Mountain. Love is possible and worth fighting for. Even in this hour of despair
True love is solidarity! Sweet slogan. 🇸🇩 (I searched for a generic red flag, but noticed the Palestinian flag, so ill just use that.)
That’s the Sudanese flag 🇸🇩 this is Palestine 🇵🇸
lmao the sonic cameo
This is the kinda hot take I have been waiting for. YES 🙌🏽❤️🔥
Finally! Someone talking sense. I ❤ Paulo Freire. Thanks for this
Great video!! And I love Abaetol’s videos on this subject. As a biracial woman I resonated so much with how she analyzed how women of color are objectified and how other women betray us.
silvia federici mentioned ❗️
Off topic but oh my god that sweater looks so comfy I want it
Also, I have questioned myself if what I experienced in the past was limerence. And Oh boy I'm sure I get trapped so many times. Is really confusing to be on a roller coaster of emotions and now I need understanding about love and myself like you said, it is required to have the knowledge to be in a healthy relationship.
I really needed this. Thank you.
I feel like this video isn't about capitalism.
Sexism changed form during the Victorian period, shifting women from medieval seductresses to paragons of virtue.
Racism transformed as the US adopted capitalism *after* the civil war. Black folks were taken as happy productive members of the southern family beforehand (which wasn't true) and were ghettoized and feared afterwards, disparaged as lazy, etc (which isn't true)
what a thought teaser, thank you
True love can exist even under the circumstances of capitalism. To deny that is to deny many people’s beautiful connections
TRUE LOVE IS POSSIBLE ONLY IN THE NEXT WORLD -- FOR NEW PEOPLE IT IS TOO LATE FOR US
WREAK HAVOC ON THE MIDDLE CLASS.
Disco Elysium mentioned!
Lame ass video game mentioned
I've never heard the tearm "bean dipping" and I've got yo say...WTF?!
elliot ur a gem keep doin ur thing forever ❤️
you look better and better everytime I see your videos
The love of money power and fame is alive under capitalism
Even more alive under attempted socialism
There's a whole story about Taylor Bybee of Coaster Studios where even in his late teens and starting college people asked when he was going to get a girlfriend. However, when he does get a girlfriend, named Sarah Anderson, her narcissistic personality ruins his and his channel's image for many people and led to increased restrictions on the IAPPA-which is a major theme park expo held in Orlando every November...and they still got to go back somehow. Be careful what you wish for I guess
I don't know what I want out of a relationship. I mean I can't picture what my life would be with someone else. That's probably why I've never sought out a relationship, and why those that came to me didn't last long.
As for the why, at least in the UK it's seen as one of the only ways to get a job in television if you aren't posh.