Anticipatory Anxiety Explained: With Martin Seif & Sally Winston (Podcast Ep 247)
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- Опубликовано: 21 фев 2023
- Anticipatory anxiety - the anxiety you feel when you have an event or challenge coming up that you know will make you anxious and therefore fear - is a common type of anxiety that many struggle with. This week on the podcast two giants in the anxiety community, Martin Seif and Sally Winston joined me to explain in the ins-and-outs of anticipatory anxiety, worry, and what they call fear of fear of fear.
This is a GREAT episode full of amazing information so check it out.
Show notes for this episode:
theanxioustruth.com/247
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These two people saved my life in August 2021. Reading their overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts, and needing to know for sure books helped me so much. I was told after my first therapy appointment that there wasn’t any available appointments until two months, and those two books got me through that time. Forever thankful ❤
They really are SOOOO good at explaining this stuff!
@@TheAnxiousTruthHello. I’m reading their book now - it’s just worse because I’ve been on Xanax for 13 years and it makes my anticipatory anxiety worse. I take Xanax every day. I didn’t see much in the book, but that nervous people take it before an event - I’m on it every day and that’s just to feel normal - anxiety is still there - and in the last month I get nervous over stupid stuff. Xanax stages off withdrawals - but I still have muscular-skeletal pain from anticipatory anxiety. 😢
I am anticipating, my anticipation of anticipatory anxiety… and that is how I have been living my life !
That's how many anxious people live. You're definitely not alone in that.
Loving this. No jargon, no overcomplicated theory, delivered in simple terms which really suits a bit of a thickie like me! Thanks for this great episode Drew.
Glad it was helpful! This is one of the reasons why I am such a huge fan of the work they do. It's really accessible.
Mine is knowing I HAVE to be somewhere at a certain time. Job, hangout, appointment whatever it doesn’t matter. When I’m actually there I’m completely fine it’s just my stomach doesn’t like when I know I have to be somewhere. It goes into fight or flight.
So all day it’s all I can think about. Just having to be somewhere. Whereas if I choose to go at any time I’d like, zero anxiety.
Being FORCED to do a thing is very different than choosing to do a thing, isn't it? When we can go any time we want to go, we often choose to go only when we feel "good" or we think we're ready. I think many many members of this community would totally relate to what you're saying here. I know I had the same problem for sure. xx
@@TheAnxiousTruth Yes it's unfortunate as every day before work, my stomach goes into flight mode and I end up having to use the washroom a lot. The gut and the mind are insanely connected. Any physical pain I've had that comes and goes is always related to my anxiety/stress.
Drew: "I know everybody's gonna dig this." Yup you're right. I dig it so much I've watched it multiple times. I've only been follow you a short time, but this along with one other of your podcasts has already helped me more than several years in cognitive behavioral therapy. Thanks so much for this GREAT healing work. Namaste.
Thanks so much for the kind words! I'm glad you found this one helpful. :-)
Great podcast. Probably won't remember the acronym D A N C E with regards to what it stands for but like it 😊. Basically don't engage, accept, let it be and commit to the action. Think its always easier said than done and can only come with practice. For me personally, after suffering from anxiety for more than 30 years with much history, unfortunately l have found that when l do have anticipatory anxiety before an event or action, in most cases, it actually hasn't been a false predictor. For me. The high levels of anxiety/panic have influenced the experience very negatively. When l haven't experienced anticipatory anxiety with such volume, the experience has actually been more positive. So that is quite a mind trap because my mind thinks its knows what is going to happen. It has solid evidence. It could be the real problem is not surrendering to the distressing sensations. Which is behind all of this at the end of the day.
Great 👍
Glad you found it helpful! :-)
@@TheAnxiousTruthWhy did you delete my question/comment?
I have two of these books.
This one and needing to know for sure . So helpful and yet so difficult for me. Have been a worrier all my life.
Love the new music. ❤️
Really interesting podcast
Loved listening to your guests. Thank you
You're welcome! I'm glad you found it helpful in some way. :-)
I love these two.
Right? Me too! :-)
I just bought their book and am reading it on Kindle, it's pretty good so far. Also it blows my mind to learn/remember a lot of people don't have anticipatory anxiety most lot of the time. I guess that's as hard for to understand them having having a hard time understanding why I just can't get over it.
If you could just "get over it" you would have done that already. Logic cannot override that threat detection and response mechanism so do not beat yourself up over this. Only action - that feels quite illogical - can get that job done and that takes time and repetition and a willingness to embrace the paradoxical nature of the work.
Im in this as ive got a dental extraction needed in a few weeks and m living in that dread and anxiety in thoughts and feelings now which i know isnt helping but trying to be grounded today is hard
Hey Sal! What a quality entry level electrical guitar?
I want to start playing and grow those Neuro pathways 👍.
wow so i have known for 20 years i have social anxiety i remember in kindergarden not wanting to talk to anyone and staying in the classroom at recess because of it but at that time everyone just thought i was odd what kid doesn't want to play right...and it just never went away. then after high school i guess i developed the anticipatory anxiety but had no idea there was such a thing till a year or so ago. i will make myself literally sick thinking about upcoming meetings or the thought of having to talk to anyone. i look at others that can and it amazes me how they do it. my mom is like that she can meet a stranger and talk for an hour me id be having a full blown anxiety attack and her being that way she doesn't understand me at all and says its all in my head. damn i wish it was only in my head then i could deal with it alot easier but its inside of me. for instance i have a meeting on tuesday and have been having anxiety about it since i heard about it 3 weeks ago and the closer it gets the worse it gets. then usually when its all done i think to myself next time im not going to freak out because look this was short easy and now done...but i know that won;t happen...its so bad most times i won't even answer a phone which thats relatively new i used to all the time. i am perfectly fine just staying in my house and not seeing the outside world...
The fear you feel is NOT "in your head". That is REAL fear in every sense of the word. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. BUT ... the fear is an exaggerated and distorted fear. That's an important principle we rely on in recovery. Two things here. The more we avoid "triggers" generally the smaller our lives get and the "worse" the anxiety gets. And everyone gets to pick their own path, including choosing to stay in a "safe place" and not recover. That is an individual choice that we all get to make and even someone like me has to respect that choice if you were to make it. So that last line you wrote is important. It's hard to change things if you feel that you are OK and happy with the way things are, which you very well may be. 💜
How do you respond to the thinking about thinking?
"Oh, I'm thinking" is a great response. Then let it be. Not because the thoughts go away, but because that's a way to start making them less important. What else can you do while thinking about thinking? That's a good question to ask. The goal in general is to learn that you can back away from those thoughts even while they're happening, and still be OK. Most times people get into this cycle and dig in even deeper to try to actively manage that process, which is almost impossible. Make something else important while you're thinking.
Hi Drew. I live on Long Island and it is hard to find a therapist that takes my insurance. Do you have any recommendations on how to get help with a limited budget? I desperately need exposure therapy. I think you live on Long Island too, so might know where to steer me. I am agoraphobic and housebound because of panic attacks and anxiety.
Hey, my insurance is absolutely useless. I called around and asked how much it would cost if I “self paid” and the cost was significantly less than using my garbage insurance. I pay 70 bucks a visit. Also, some have a “sliding scale price” that’s based off income. Call around and ask for these prices and I’m sure you’ll pay significantly less money. With my insurance I would have to pay 150 a visit, and with self pay it’s only 70, that’s worth asking for. Goodluck
@@slipjointguy Thanks for your helpful reply. I already tried that. The cheapest price the therapists across Long Island would go down to was $180-$190 a session. Here they all charge an average of $225-$300 a session. My insurance only pays them around $65-$70 and I am not allowed to go out of network, but it is zero deductible.
All the local therapists are like nope, show me the money. They all want cash payments here and most are not taking insurance anymore.
The only time I found a low cost clinic that my insurance would cover, the therapist they assigned to me would not give me his last name. It made me suspicious. When I did some sleuthing, I found out I was talking to a level 3 sex offender who is on the lifetime sex registry list for possessing child porn and luring underage boys for sex. He did time in jail for it. When I spoke to the clinic director she claimed his background check came back clean. I am not kidding. This really happened to me.
@@FuturesPast1 wow, that’s wild.
My next suggestion would be (and I’m not sure if this would even work or is possible) try to find a doc out of state that can do over the phone practice with FaceTime or zoom. I did this with my doc during Covid so I know it’s possible to do, just not sure about being out of state or not.
@@slipjointguy I could try to give it a try. I do know the provider has to be in the same state for my insurance to cover though. Maybe they will be much cheaper out of pocket? The most I can afford out of pocket is $40-$50 a session, not many that are experts in anxiety will probably want to take so little but, I'll check into it. Thanks.
His last video covered this exact topic....
Meditation
I cant meditate for shit
My anticipatory anxiety makes me very suicidal. Its not about real events. Its more like if i lose my job, i cant pay the mortgage, i cant pay son’s tuition. Nobody will hire me. Im tired of this. Boom…suicidal thoughts are my answers to solve the fear/disaster.
Active suicidal ideation - where we feel like taking that action might be a viable option and begin to even plan for it - means getting in person help sooner rather than later. There is also fear of suicidal thoughts that you don't actually want and have no intention of acting upon. That's quite common in our community and is something I've spoken about in various episodes. Please take care of yourself and keep yourself safe if you have to. Its OK to ask for that kind of help. 💜